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marigold-doms · 3 years

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hi! can i request dom!johnny and doyoung where they suprised the reader by being so dominant and cocky when they were doing 'it' because the reader thought they were innocent , hihi sorry if its too much 😅

Us? Innocent? || DoJohn ||

Pairing: dom!johnny x fem!reader x dom!doyoung

Word Count: ~1.1K

Genre: smut, pwp

Warnings: threesome, dirty talk, degrading, choking, power play, haRDdom!doyoung, not-as-hard-as-doyoung-dom!johnny

Admin Mika🌻: Don’t worry love, it’s just enough! Thank you for being specific about what you’d like! I also want to apologize for taking a million years to put this request out! I was so caught up in doing other requests that I never fully focused on this one until now!! But besides the point... Happy reading~ leave a comment!

“Are your sure about this, (y/n)?” Doyoung asks you one more time before he locks the door. Taking a glance at Johnny, who’s currently occupied with taking off his heavy wrist watch. Consent was key and they didn’t want you to feel pressured into doing it.

You nod. Knowing exactly what you agreed to. It was just 3 friends trying out something new.

They figured since no one was in a committed relationship it wouldn’t really matter much. No one was dating anyone, everyone felt okay about it, and frankly, you were attracted to both of your classmates enough to want to have sex with them.

You were young. So... why not? It’s not like they didn’t have sex appeal. You like to think that you might even have a little more experience than them. It was endearing to you.

For the two men on the other hand, they were not expecting such confidence to come to you. It was rather unexpected considering the fact that you’ve only really shown them two of the past men you’ve been with. They had a couple things up their sleeve in terms of what to do and how to do them.

You plop yourself onto the bed.

It was Doyoung’s bed but you felt a bit more awkward now that you start thinking about what you’re about to partake—considering your current situation.

Looking back up, you catch the two guys smirking at each other. “What?”

Doyoung chuckles, taking off his shirt to reveal his slim body, then glancing at Johnny.

The silence was slowly making you anxious as the atmosphere suddenly changes from you being in control of the situtation to having no idea what’s going on.

“You asked for this, hun.” Johnny answers for Doyoung, placing his knee up onto the bed to crawl towards you in two big strides. When Johnny reaches you, his fingers find the back of your neck and he pulls you into one of the most passionate kisses that you’ve ever received from anyone. HE hums against your lips when he hears your breathing pick up.

From a short kiss, you were already panting. Your legs rubbing together and the heat rising in the room as Doyoung watches intently, palming the growing bulge in his boxers.

“Hold her arms for me.” Doyoung joins. You’re still in a minor haze when they switch positions. Johnny taking his place behind you as he allows your body to rest on his torso and Doyoung sinking himself between your legs.

“My pleasure~” You try to resist, twisting your arms away from him in hopes to gain back some control. “You’re too weak, baby.”

“I’m not, you’re just too strong.” You crane your head to look at Johnny and he chuckles at you. “Now, let go.”

“He’ll let go when he wants to.” Doyoung’s voice authoritatively takes the lead and his demeanor is nothing short of surprising. “You focus on trying not to make a single noise... I don’t want to have to shut you up myself.”

His dominance throws you off. Tonight you thought that you would have the upper hand. These boys were usually so laid back and carefree. Dominance was the last thing that you expected to be hit with tonight. You began questioning if your need for dominance was strong in this situtation. Maybe you could fight back. Degrade them a bit... There was no time to think. Doyoung’s hands are quick in sliding off everything covering your bottoms. The cool air hits your core and immediately your legs clamp shut.

“Ah ah ah.” Johnny coos into your neck. Distracting you with harsh sucks to the skin.

Doyoung doesn’t say a word and instead he acts. Prying your legs apart and placing his face right between your thighs. Placing a long stripe over your folds with his tongue. You hiss in response and doyoung watches as your knees spread away from his head. “Not so resistant now, are we?”

You want to pretend like you didn’t just cooperate with him but you can’t deny the way that your core was craving to be filled with something. His tongue, his fingers—oh, his dick. You were beginning to get dizzy from the thought of them inserting anything into you at this point. It was increasingly getting harder and hard to resist the two men. But in the same sense that you were too stubborn let someone win, you also refused to just submit to these two men.

You were dizzy. The way Johnny is kissing the side of your face is making you stomach do backflips. It was so addicting that you found yourself pressing your back closer to him. All while Doyoung devours you. Slurping and taking fast and slow licks to your folds. Your clit was swollen from simply flexing against Doyoung’s wet tongue.

It's hard to focus on one thing because when Doyoung stops moving Johnny stimulates your skin and when Johnny pauses to readjust, Doyoung starts finding new places to suck on. His long but rough fingers find your eager opening. Curling them to a spot where your toes curled and your throat throws a moan out into the air.

“Look at her. Already so wet and impatient.” You hear Doyoung chuckle a bit while talking over you like you didn’t understand what they were saying—as if you were less than them... “So cute... ”

“I’m right here.” You tried to hide the tremble in your voice but your effort just brings a smile to Doyoung’s face as he lights his wrist. Your lower body rolling into his hand.

“Of course you are, y/n. But are you in control?”Johnny presses. His hands guiding your legs further and further apart.

“No she isn’t.”Doyoung dips down and his lips meet with your swollen clit. When he begins to hollow his cheeks and suck on it, you near lose your mind. You fingers grabbing Johnny’s limbs and the sheets underneath you. “Fuck, you’re dripping all over me, needy little slut.”

Doyoung’s words hit your harder than you expect but in the best way possible. He hurdles you into a massive orgasm and Johnny has to hold onto your squirming body. Giving you less room to freely express the wave of pleasure ripping though you.

“I’m fucking that gorgeous mouth of hers.” Doyoung adjusts to your head and johnny takes on the bigger role. Stroking his length between your legs as he watches Doyoung shove his tip into your drooling lips.

“Good girl... taking our cocks so well...”Johnny hisses as he slides himself into you. Earning a muffled moan from your throat as Doyoung picks up the pace. Johnny hears music as he starts fucking you into his climax. He knows good pussy when he feels it and yours was beyond delicious that he was a bit disappointed in himself for going at such a fast pace. But things like this meant that if every one enjoyed it enough that it wouldn’t become a one time thing. Johnny wanted to fuck you more and more.

The wet noises of their skin slapping yours and the harsh slaps to your cheeks hollowing to take Doyoung’s dick, fill the room with their lewd noises. More cuss words flow out of their mouths and before you can even understand the amount of overstimulation your body has to process. The two men are painting you in their cum.

Breathing hard. Mind blank and empty. Doyoung shifts and presses his lips against your ear. “Next time you want to get wrecked by us. Know that we fuck harder than whatever image you have of us in that fucked out brain of yours.”

You try to breathe but another wave of pleasure flows through you as Johnny leans down to suck on your swollen clit. He releases you bud with a loud pop sound before kissing up your thighs. “I want more...”

Doyoung flashes a smile at Johnny and they both turn back to you. Eyes filled with tears and face flushed with red and their cum.

“So do I.” Doyoung adds.

A whine leaves your lips but your body convulses in response, earning eager grins from your dominant friends.

[end]

#mika’s works #nct smut #nct 127 smut #Doyoung smut #johnny smut #requests #nct masterlist #masterlist #dom!doyoung #dom!johnny #smut #nct #doyoung #johnny #kim doyoung #johnny suh #nct 127

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anythingonlife · 3 years

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Reasons for Job Change

Reasons For Job Change

As we know life is a movement of changes and it is this change that defines and shapes our life constantly. This same movement of change has seeped into our professional aspect of life (jobs) thereby making this field of life more challenging and exciting.

Job Changes or changing are what make a profession retain its spice and lusture because it opens the door to new opportunities and enables an individual to reach his/her full potential in this ever-evolving field.

There can be many reasons for job changes and it varies from individual to individual but after looking and studying some common patterns we have tried to put some burning and yet constant reasons for a change in jobs.

10 Core Reasons For Job change:

While salary could be viewed as the most important reason for a job change, it is just the tip of the iceberg. Man is not a machine he/she has an emotional aspect too and whatever we may say but the psychological environment he /she works in plays a crucial role in determining whether he stays there or decides to leave.

That being said now let us look at some of the key reasons for job change without beating around the bush and see if we can try and organize the Key Reasons:

- Overwork-

Organizations are always looking for very hardworking people and those who meet deadlines at any cost. These two are great attributes to have for an employee but as we know sometimes blessings can be tricky especially if you are working in a private organization.

However hardworking you may be but a human mind has its physical limits and it will breakdown after a certain amount of time under constant pressure. This is exactly what happens with an individual who is overstuffed with assignments and projects and has no breathing space.

Slowly this overwork starts to take a toll on his emotional as well as physical well-being, his relationships with people around him start to get affected and in that case, the individual has no choice but to give up no matter how lucrative the perks are.

Don’t believe me? Talk to an MBA finance employee.

Underworked:

This is one of the most under looked of reasons for job change.

While overwork can be mentally exhausting underwork can be mentally frustrating and dissatisfying. While people generally go to a job for its financial benefits, they may also want to work because it provides them an opportunity to reach their full potential by defining goals in life and working towards it or it could just serve as an escape from the monotonicity of daily life.

Surely if these expectations are not met then he/she is bound to change his job.

Limited opportunity:

The human mind is always on the look for expanding his knowledge and experience which can only happen when opportunities are abundant.

Opportunities in the job provide fresh motivation to employees and it keeps the work culture of an individual intact thereby providing him with a sense of belonging.

People want to cultivate more skills and knowledge and want to test themselves in the best of situations and challenges, and if a job doesn't provide them with these opportunities they are surely going to try and find a better option for them. Such is human nature.

Poor Man Management

Recently I was reading a survey result online that showed that bad management is one of the top 2 key reasons for a job change.

I have seen many companies promoting their employees to the post of manager as if it were a position where only experience counts and not the required skill set. This leads to great insecurity and distrust among junior employees.

I have seen many managers just shouting upon their co-workers to get a job done instead of guiding and directing them cordially. This is because they lack the proper training and expertise to get the job done. Also, unclear expectations generally leave employees frustrated and wanting to leave their job.

Employees are also unwilling to confide their problems (both personal and professional) with such managers, as a result, there is always a lack of proper and free communication between them. This leads to more insecurity among workers which eventually leads to people wanting to change their jobs.

When Hard work is not Awarded but flattery is:

When some people realize that no matter how hard they work they are not getting the deserved promotions and someone who underperforms but can flatter his boss and colleagues is progressing leaps and bounds, then you can be rest assured that they do not need any other reason for job change (especially if they are someone who believes in hard work and not flattery).

Hardworking people generally have very high self-esteem and they are not willing to sacrifice it no matter what. And if an organization threatens their beliefs and principle then there is no looking back for them.

Better Salary offers:

Now comes the most obvious reason for job change i.e. financial security. It is but obvious that money is the most important motivation factor when it comes to a job and it is no surprise that an individual will incline towards an organization that out pays his previous organization.

We all want a bank amount that is stuffed with money for the obvious reason that it makes our life smooth and gives us a sense of security and settlement both physically and psychologically.

This has to be the most obvious reason for job change.

Lack of holidays

This might sound out of context but timely holidays do play a massive role in the rejuvenation and rehabilitation of employees and if disallowed can prove to be one of prominent reasons for job change. After all, the brain needs rest every once in a while, to get its mojo back and can’t just go on like a machine in the same pattern for years.

If you look closely and try to relate you will see why European companies do so well. It is because they maintain a great balance between work and holidays.

It is one of the key reasons why most of the employees who join a European organization are willing to work there almost all through their life.

Work culture issues:

Individuals who work in an organization are different and they need to be treated and managed differently. An organization where people are judged by the way they look, what they wear, how they talk etc. (especially in the modern era where some companies promote casual wear, have recreation rooms, encourage their employees to be more open about their insecurities) is bound to collapse

I heard this somewhere online an employee quit his job because he wasn’t allowed to carry his headphones to work.

Work ethics and culture are changing so should organizations.

Culture is related indirectly to emotions, which plays a key role in one of reasons for job change.

Great changes in your lifestyle or life itself

Suppose you marry someone who works in another state, or your spouse gets a tremendously good job offer that needs you to maneuver immediately. Or maybe you're about to have a child, or an aging parent is about to shift in with you. You want to spend longer together with your family, and your current job situation might not provide the leverage or that kind of shift in your priorities.

In some cases, your employer might even be willing to help you find a new job, cultivating a long-term relationship in case you're able to return in the future.

However, if this is not the case and you are facing resistance from your employer then it might just be the reason that you need to start looking elsewhere for a job change.

You can surely put this under the category of one of the strange reasons job change

Suddenly you have discovered that you want to do something else

How many of us have heard or have experienced that once they embark upon our career and as we gain financial security in our lives suddenly, we discover our hidden gifts and talents and realize what we actually want to do. something that could actually give us that sense of satisfaction and add meaning to our life and work.

In such a scenario individual who don’t just believe in having a big bank account as a means to satisfaction will surely listen to their inner calling and switch to another career or organization.

This factor has gained momentum recently in becoming one of top reasons for job change.

The job is not based on your strengths

Perhaps you started your current job under the impression that it would allow you to use your unique strengths to do the work. When you began work and began learning the ins and outs of your job, you realized rather than playing to your strengths, the position requires skills, strengths or a disposition that isn't in line with who you are and to a certain extent exposes your weakness.

If you're in a position that plays more to your weaknesses than your strengths, then there may be an option to tilt the balance in your favor. Perhaps you’ll learn new skills that cause you to better fitted to -- and more satisfied in -- the work. Maybe there's another position within the company that suits your interests, and you can find a way to smooth the transition. If the difference between what you would like to do and what you want to do is severe, however, you may gain from talking with your supervisor.

Be honest with your boss: Explain that the job doesn't capitalize on your strengths, and you feel it's best to find an opportunity that serves you the best. If you've presented your case well, your boss could also be willing to figure with you and adapt your position or assist you to enter an edge within the corporate that better suits your strengths. This isn't always possible, but giving your boss the prospect to assist you before you quit will ensure that you're respected as a genuine employee if you ever get to come back to your boss for a reference.

Why job change might be a good thing for you.

Whatever be the reason for job change, as everything in universe it has its own benefits

Job changes however hectic and demanding they might be do provide a sense of new role and challenge to your life.

As you switch jobs you mix with different people and sometimes different cultures. This helps in removing that barrier between people and in turn, makes you only more inclusive and a broad-minded person.

As you meet new people and share their experiences and see that most of them go through the same daily life challenges and insecurities as you do, the sense of isolation within you starts to disappear and this, in turn, makes you a more confident person and enhances your leadership skills.

Whatever might be the reason for job change, one thing is for sure it does look good on your portfolio because the employers realize that you have the required skill sets to work in different organizations. It also makes them realize that they just can’t take you for granted because you are in demand and have the ability to switch anytime they make you feel uncomfortable.

Often the above factors play a crucial role in landing you a fat pay check when you do switch.

Job changes allow an individual to reach his potential, explore new opportunities, new skill sets and provide you opportunities to continuously challenge yourself in the most competitive of environments.

However, you must be careful in not switching jobs too quickly because it might present your employers with a negative sketch of your character (someone who is too fickle and restless and lacks consistency and commitment)

Now let’s look at the other side of job change

4 reasons why you don’t want a job change

You don’t want to upset your current employer:

Maybe, you have a great relationship with your boss or your manager. He has guided you throughout the initial stages of your career and maybe even helped you financially sometime or the other.

Such a nice boss would surely be hard to leave, considering the fact that you don’t know what kind of a boss would you be having when you do make the switch. Also, your current boss is very polite to you.

This raises expectations in your mind about the ideal boss behavior and the mind starts to seek security in this person (almost like a family) and it gets harder by the day to leave such a friendly environment.

Give your best until the very last minute of your employment there, but slowly let them know that there might be better opportunities for you that present themselves. Also, let them know that how wonderful an experience it has been working with them and if the opportunities present themselves again you would surely be willing to work with them.

This way you would sound like a true professional and they will respect your decision.

You are comfortable doing what you do

In your current company, you have a particular kind of role and you are expected to do certain tasks that you have been doing daily. This has made the mind comfortable in a particular pattern and you have become almost smugly satisfied.

However, switching job might require you to learn new skills and techniques that might push you out of your comfort zone and this can be a very uncomfortable task especially when you have spent years doing a particular thing in a particular way.

Try to reignite the passion in your work by realizing that life is a movement of change and those who don’t change become like stagnant water. Give yourself opportunities to explore new talents and skills, who knows you might uncover your hidden gifts.

You are afraid that you may not make it

Self-doubts can be a tough one to deal with. This is where you really start to fall into the trap of self-pity and its vicious cycle. Self-doubt can make you go through many sleepless nights, even the best accept this fact.

You may think that you don’t have the necessary skills to crack the job or even if you do you might question your communication skills.

In these situations, the key thing to realize is that “you are not alone”. You are not the first one to have it and you won’t be the last.

However, once you realize what is holding you back, then it is time to work upon yourself by making short-term goals and trying to get better each day.

Remember once you start exploring yourself and start working then there is no limit to what you can reach.

Know more herehttps://recruitingdaily.com/7-big-reasons-people-change-jobs/

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feelingfredly · 5 years

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The Fox Guards the Wolf

Chapter 20--Killing Two Birds with One Stone

Ichigo had been slogging away all afternoon. His eyes burned and his fingers were considering committing mutiny, but he had to get to the end of this scene. Coming back deal with a dead body was a bitch after you’d gotten past the high of killing them off. Or at least it was when you were writing it. He’d have to ask Kisuke if he wanted first-hand information.

He tried to imagine the look on the blond’s face as he answered. Would this be one of the answer-without-even-slowing-down questions, or one of the-just-how-much-can-I-actually-explain-without-making-this-weird questions? How long would they need to have been dating for him to start that conversation? Three months? Would they even get to three months?

Ichigo shook his head and forced away that train of thought. One day at a time, Kurosaki, he told himself. You have to survive this mess with Okura before you start freaking out over relationship stuff.

Plus, he needed to focus on the very real need of getting his manuscript finished. He’d had very little time to work on it lately, but the radio silence with Kisuke was driving him crazy and work was clearly his best escape, otherwise he’d just end up pacing the apartment trying to convince himself that waiting wasn’t a waste of time.

Kisuke was trained to deal with situations like this, or at least with people like Okura, and Ichigo knew his experiences dealing with low-level thugs didn’t qualify him for anything more than an occasional street fight; he’d long pushed past his skill parameters.

He kept telling Ichigo to wait, to stay safe, that he'd let him know when it was time to make the next move. Maybe Ichigo had gotten to be too much of a handicap. His position at the Onmi had never been anything but a joke to Kisuke, and now that they knew that the Director’s plan was to take the blond out of the equation one way or another, saddling him with a civilian ‘bodyguard’ was clearly meant to hobble him. Ichigo was supposed to be a distraction at best, and cannon fodder at worst. Kawasaki probably thought Kisuke’s bizarre knight-in-shining-bucket-hat routine would make him more vulnerable if he had to divide his attention between taking on Okura and protecting Ichigo. The fucker didn’t know what he’d done, though, because protecting the people he cared about was what Ichigo did. The fact that the Director didn’t mean for it to be real meant exactly nothing. Ichigo was going to protect Kisuke, damn it. Nothing was going to hurt him or anyone else as long as he was in the picture.

He was going to… knock, knock, knock. A quietly insistent rapping at the door broke into his mental diatribe.

He was going to answer the door, apparently.

His new apartment was technically in the same complex as the one he’d had with Renji, but it was an older building on the other side of the development, and they hadn’t gotten around to putting in much security. Kisuke had made up for that which was good because with his family still out of town there was no one who should be visiting him. Ichigo reached up and pressed the tiny receiver button hidden in the shaggy edges of his hair.

One set of life signs in the hallway. Female. Does not match any friends or family on file. Running facial recognition subroutine.

The stripped-down version of the security AI Kisuke developed couldn’t do nearly as much as the original, but it was better than a peephole or a hackable video doorbell.

Facial recognition hit. Maki Hideko.

Ichigo wrestled with the name for a moment before placing it as belonging to the woman he’d met at Okura’s office building. His shitsuji.

“Just a minute!” Ichigo closed down his computer and disconnected it from the wifi. He wasn’t exactly paranoid, but he didn’t want to run any unnecessary risks.

Once the humming stopped, he stood up from the desk, grimacing as his body groaned and popped in complaint at having been stuck in one position too long.

“If you’re from the NHK, I don’t even have a TV. And I’m unemployed right now.” He grinned to himself at the absurdity of it, but there was no reason to let the butler know she’d been made, right? He snagged his button-down from the back of the couch as he passed, slinging it around his shoulders as he opened the door.

“I told you,” he started, sticking with the pretense, and was gratified to see the look of consternation on the woman’s face. “Oh!” He dropped a careless bow. “My apologies… ah… Maki-san…? I wasn’t expecting anyone.”

She was just as beautiful as Ichigo remembered, but something about the way she was dressed implied that this might be a less formal visit than their last had been.

“Please forgive me, Kurosaki-san.” Maki bowed much deeper than Ichigo had. “I hope I am not intruding. It’s just that…” she turned her head to one side and lowered her lashes in a move that Yuzu had categorized as totally harmless look, number 3, and actually managed to blush. “Well, it’s just that Okura-dono has been worried about how things have been going for you. He was going to send someone over to check on you to make sure that you were settling in okay and that no one at the Onmi was giving you any trouble, so I volunteered.” She gave a little shrug, “You did say you were curious about shitsuji, and I thought I could kill two birds with one stone.”

Ichigo shifted his weight slightly on his feet. Well, this was unexpected. On the one hand, dealing with anyone sent by Okura was a gamble, but on the other...

“Oh, that is very kind of you to offer!” He bowed again, this time a little lower and with a smile instead of his typical scowl. “As you can see, I’m fine, and everyone at the Onmi has respected my resignation, so Okura-san needn’t worry. But I really would like to ask you some questions about your training and experiences. Could we go somewhere? Maybe talk over a cup of coffee?”

Maki gave him a slow smile—ah yes… Gotcha, look number 2. Thank you, Yuzu!—and said, “Make it tea, and you’ve got a deal.”

Tea it was, then.

***

“Yes, and then Okura-dono tripped over the tray that I left and ended up on the floor. I was so afraid that he was going to fire me. I mean, that is exactly what a good shitsuji is supposed to prevent from happening. You’re supposed to know what your master needs before he knows. Provide everything before their request can even be formed into words.”

Ichigo laughed at the image of Okura Kagetaka falling ass-over-teakettle but couldn’t help but notice that the stories being spun for him had been carefully crafted to make Okura a sympathetic character. Kisuke might play the buffoon at times, but he would never simply stumble over an inanimate object. Actually, he’d managed to navigate Ichigo’s bedroom—a room he’d never even seen—backwards, in the dark, and with Ichigo’s mouth all over him without bumping into a single piece of furniture or tripping over the books on the floor or the cords stretched from the wall to the bed where his tech was charging. It was unlikely that Okura had that much less situational awareness; Kisuke would have taught him better than that.

Good thing no one expected Maki Hideko to be a reliable narrator in this story.

“So, do most people think of you as an assistant? A servant? A member of the family? You hear so many conflicting stories, it’s hard to know what’s realistic.”

Maki sipped her tea and looked thoughtful for a moment.

“They are all realistic in their way. You see, there are as many roles for shitsuji as there are masters. Every employer has a different set of needs and it is the duty of the shitsuji to fill those needs. I joined my first master when he was very young. He had inherited a fortune and a position within his family’s company but was lacking in the administrative skills necessary to run a household. For him I was everything from an administrative assistant to a proxy hostess, making sure that gatherings went smoothly, and guests were happy. I left his employ when he married because his wife had a long-term family retainer who filled that place for her, and she was more comfortable running things without my assistance.”

Ichigo could put two and two together. The wife hadn’t wanted someone around who would make her look bad in comparison. It was hard to blame her. Maki Hideko would be hard to compete with.

“Then, I worked as an assistant to the shitsuji of a family whose head was a member of the Diet. One butler was not nearly enough to fulfill the needs of that family, but when I was offered the opportunity to move on to assist one of his associates, I jumped at the chance to run a household on my own again. That’s how I ended up with Okura-dono.”

So, Okura was an associate to a member of the Diet. That was a little heavier than Ichigo had expected, but honestly, politicians were politicians no matter how high on the food chain. Okura had money and leverage, two things that politicians needed more than blood or oxygen.

“The hardest part about switching employers is where you have to completely reprogram your responses to things. You might have a master who is a stickler about your being silent until you are spoken to. It isn’t unusual, honestly—there are lots of masters who prefer to think of their shitsuji simply as tools, efficient and always at hand, and they pay well for the privilege—but then your next station could require that you handle correspondence proactively, or handle telephone calls and invitations without running everything past your master first. It can be difficult to change gears like that.”

“I’m assuming that Okura Kagetaka isn’t one of the don’t-speak-until-spoken-to masters?” Ichigo asked.

Maki gripped her teacup tighter, and Ichigo noted that her fingernails were short and well-manicured, probably so they wouldn’t interfere with her work. Or her fighting.

“No. Okura-dono isn’t like that. He is very… progressive in his expectations. Not many women become shitsuji, and I must admit that a few have very misguided notions of how we are to behave. It has been refreshing to have a master that respects my skills and allows me to take on new responsibilities.”

Ichigo had wondered about the whole female butler thing. The Butler Café fad sweeping through the city had to affect people who wanted to be taken seriously in the role, especially women.

“He seemed like a very talented guy.” Ichigo tried to sound sincere but perplexed. “I still don’t understand why he’s so invested in this whole situation with me and the Onmi, but I’m not going to ignore kindness when I see it.”

Maki sat back in her chair a little and looked at him over her tea. “A very wise decision, Kurosaki-san. Kindness is a rarity in this world.”

Ichigo nodded. “Still it almost always comes at a price.”

They sat like that in silence for a few moments before Maki set her cup on the table and turned her full attention on him. Her eyes were dark and lovely and if Ichigo hadn’t recently developed a thing for gray eyes they might have made an impact.

“Kurosaki-san,” she said, gingerly stretching her fingers across the table’s surface towards him, never being forward enough to actually touch him, but the suggestion of it was clear. “I know that Okuro-dono is very powerful and it must feel strange to have earned his consideration, but he wants you to trust him, to rely on him as a mentor, even. He sees so much potential in you and feels very strongly that it is his responsibility to keep watch over you. He has known Urahara Kisuke for more than a decade; knows how dangerous he can be. Believe me, he will do whatever he can to keep you from Urahara’s clutches.”

Clutches? Ichigo had to smother a laugh and hide his face in his tea. Hopefully he just looked overwhelmed by the attentions of a pretty girl.

She was really good at this, he admitted. Nothing she said was untrue; Okura would do whatever he could to keep Ichigo from Kisuke. It was his motivation that was suspect.

“I don’t know what to say,” he dipped his head a little. “I started out just trying to help a stranger, and now I’m in the middle of something that I wouldn’t even put in my novel it seems so farfetched.”

Maki shifted and suddenly her chair was a little closer. “I’ve been wanting to ask—I hope it isn’t too forward of me—but how does someone who selflessly helps a stranger in a coffee shop have the connections that you do to the Yakuza?”

Ichigo thought about how he should explain.

“I don’t, really,” he said, and could see the disbelief settle on her face. “I mean, they’re from the neighborhood, and I’ve known a lot of them since primary school. The guy with me the other day? His little brother and I were in the same class.”

“My dad was a cop, so I knew better than to run with them, and my mom… well, she died because of a turf war when I was a kid. Total case of wrong place/wrong time plus a healthy dose of it can’t happen to me. But, between those things I ended up being the guy the local gang wanted to recruit but couldn’t. They tried to beat it out of me a couple of times, but I just learned how to fight back, and after a while… well, it was almost like I’d earned enough respect that they let me be.”

“But Masuda…” Maki stopped the name short, clearly trying not to call attention to the fact that she knew his name when there was no reason for her to, “the man you were with the other day. He called you boss.”

Ichigo let her play it off. “Yeah, Masuda calls everyone boss, except his boss. He calls Mamushi kumichō-dono.”

That seemed to satisfy her on some level.

“I thought it was strange,” she started, and then started again. “Okura-dono doesn’t approve of Yakuza, so it seemed a little odd…”

Ichigo smiled. “Why would a nice guy like him help out a bad guy like me? Yeah… not with the Yakuza. I mean, I’ve had more than my fair share of dealings with them—you can’t ignore them—but your boss isn’t sullying his hands by helping me.”

Two pink spots appeared on Maki’s cheeks and Ichigo thought she might actually be embarrassed. “I didn’t mean anything like that, Kurosaki-san. I apologize most humbly if it came across that way.”

Ichigo nodded. “I understand. Believe me. I know what I look like. You should see how they react to me when I’m working in the wards at the hospital. *gasp* That’s my doctor? No!”

He held his hands up to his chest in a dramatic motion of denial, and a tiny smile quirked Maki’s lip.

“Surely not, Kurosaki-san. I am convinced that you have the patients eating out of your hands.”

Ichigo sipped his tea and gave a mournful look. “Oh, if only, Maki-san. It would have made my decision to be a writer instead of a doctor much harder if that had been the case.”

“A writer,” she looked suitably doubtful, like every other person he’d ever told that to, “and how does that work?”

At this point he had no idea why they were still talking, but why not.

“Well, when I was working at the Onmi it was easy. I basically camped out in the corner of the room and wrote all day while other people did their stuff. Before that I had to carve out whatever time I could between class and the hospital and family time. I spent a lot of time in coffee shops, which is what got me into this mess in the first place.”

He thought back to that day and shook his head. “Feels like forever ago. Weird that it’s only been what? A month and a half?”

“Seven weeks.” The words were out of her mouth so quickly she couldn’t stop them. “Ah, that’s what Okura-dono…” she looked like she was trying not to swallow her tongue.

Ichigo nodded, “Yeah. That’s about right. Time flies.”

And if that didn’t make it clear that he’d been on Okura’s radar the whole time, he was a natural brunet.

Maki sat up even straighter and smiled, all seriousness banished and her almost-flirtatious edge back. “Hopefully, because you’re having fun.”

Well, Ichigo thought as he watched her change gears, a little flirtation never hurt anyone, and returned the smile.

“Good company makes everything more fun.”

***

Good company, indeed, Kagetaka thought, as he adjusted the sound on the receiver a little.

He quickly skimmed through the notes he’d taken, pleased with the groundwork Maki’d laid. He’d told her to take it slow because Kurosaki wasn’t as easily led as his father, but he was clearly not immune to the pretty girl’s charms. She already had him talking about Kisuke’s work at the Onmi.

“Yeah,” the redhead was talking again, “he was always working on it, and talking to it. He called it Yoruichi. I guess he named it after a friend. Maybe an old partner? I don’t know.”

Maki made a disapproving noise and Kagetaka could just imagine the delicate purse of her lips. “I don’t recognize the name, but it sounds like the program that was that was stolen from Okura-dono. The man has even less honor than I’ve been told.”

Yoruichi. Kagetaka’s lips twisted in a smile. That had to be the activation code that he needed. It was so obvious… he should have guessed. Kisuke had an enormous soft spot for the woman—but now he knew, and it didn’t matter. With the code he’d be able to activate the main routine as soon as he’d pried it out of Kisuke’s servers. Even better, his last message from Kawasaki said that the Shihoin woman’s partner was being set on a path to intercept any trouble with Mamushi. It was going to be a lovely irony to use her partner against her. He could sow a tale of domestic troubles that would muddy the waters even more when he finally made his move.

The microphone picked up a faint noise, maybe Kurosaki doing something with his cup, and Okura waited until he started talking again.

“This whole situation is so strange.” He sounded almost defeated. Good. “After I met your boss, I went straight to Urahara and asked if what I’d been told was true. I expected denials and explanations, but he didn’t deny it at all. He admitted straight out that he destroyed a project Okura had been working on. Said that it was too dangerous for a private business, and that Okura should know better. But if he didn’t destroy it. If he kept it….” Kurosaki’s voice drifted away and Kagetaka wished he had more than just audio on the scene. It would be nice to be able to gauge the redhead’s reactions better.

“Too dangerous? That’s ridiculous. Okura-dono’s projects are all for the good of the people. He wants to keep them safe.” Maki sounded so righteous when she was defending him. He’d clearly chosen the right person for this job. “The only people who want to stop him are the ones who lurk in the shadows and are afraid of his light. The Yakuza is afraid of him because he will expose their secrets, and Urahara hates him because he couldn’t control him or make him into a carbon-copy killer. You are lucky to have gotten away when you did, Kurosaki-san. The man is a menace.”

Kurosaki sighed and shifted noisily again. “And here I thought I’d gotten better at judging people. Maybe that’s why I like writing better than reality. With stories I can just make things work the way I want them to.”

Kagetaka smirked. He didn’t need to resort to fiction to have things the way he wanted them. All he needed was time for the plans he’d put in motion would come to fruition, and Urahara Kisuke would be no more.

He picked up the phone.

“Chiaki-san,” he spoke crisply, “let Director Kawasaki know that I’ve gotten the information that he requested. He can visit me in my office whenever he’s available, the sooner the better.”

He glanced at the clock and texted Maki-san. Appointment scheduled. Please adjust the calendar accordingly.

The mic crackled a little and Kagetaka heard the message notification on Maki’s phone ping.

“Oh, Kurosaki-kun,” she said, “this has been most enjoyable, but it seems my free time has come to an end.”

He could hear the shuffling as the two of them rose to their feet.

“No rest for the wicked, hmm?” Kurosaki teased and murmured something to their server. “Thank you, then, for spending your valuable free time satisfying my curiosity.”

There was a minor scuffle as Kurosaki insisted on paying the bill, but Maki gave in with good grace.

Good girl, he thought. Keep him on the hook a little longer. It would be wise to keep tabs on the young man, even if he was just a pawn in the game.

“It was my pleasure, Kurosaki-san,” she said. Her bow was almost silent, only the sound of her hands whispering along the material of her slacks giving it away. “Perhaps you will be able to use some of the information I provided in your stories.”

That was greeted with a short laugh and Kagetaka could hear the warmth in Kurosaki’s tone as he responded. “If there wasn’t a place for it already, I would make one. It will be very useful. Thank you.”

Kagetaka turned off the receiver and nodded. Very useful indeed.

#Bleach #UraIchi

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secondgame00-blog · 5 years

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How I felt after having James

I knew full well that my life would change dramatically when James came into it, and this year, at 33, I was up for it. I wanted nothing more than to care for and give all my love to our baby boy. I prepared in every way I could. I read books on sleep and childhood development. I watched YouTube videos to get a sense of what to expect during and after labor, read parenting blogs, listened to parenting podcasts, and spent hours at night reading forums for new moms. They said it was hard, of course. They said it would change my life, in good and challenging ways. They mentioned the little to no sleep I’d get—many times in fact. And still nothing, and I mean nothing—not a single thing in the whole wide world—could have prepared me for the reality of having a newborn baby.

I braced myself for one hell of a challenge. I could live without being able to get up and go on a whim—to restaurants, the movies, to grab a coffee. In time, I could learn to adapt to the change in how much and when and where and IF I slept. As hard as it would be to essentially upend our life, I wanted it.

And as someone who has struggled with depression off and on for many years, I was aware that I might be inclined to struggle with postpartum depression. The possibility of it didn’t scare me or fill me with dread. I talked openly about it with my doctor before giving birth. Daniel and I talked about it many times, kind of marveling at how good my pregnancy had gone, how good I’d felt mentally the whole time, even after tapering off of my antidepressant in the second trimester. But who knew what would happen when my hormones changed again after I gave birth?

The moment James was born, I felt this intense rush of love and excitement wash over me. Here he was finally. I kissed him and snuggled him and wept through a thousand I love yous. I was so relieved he was out after the grueling labor we’d had.

But in the days that followed, that warm, cozy love feeling stayed and the excitement began to wear off. As happy as I was to have my baby boy, I was realizing that life with a newborn was so hard—harder than anything I had ever done.

The first night home from the hospital, James was utterly inconsolable, unable to be put down anywhere for longer than a minute. The second night was the same, only he wanted to nurse constantly, which I understood. He’d just spent nine months in my womb; it made sense that he’d want closeness and comfort. I did the very best I could, which meant staying up all night every night and sleeping for an hour or two in the day while Daniel held him. Those nights were so lonely. Daniel would attempt to stay up with me, but it just seemed crazy to me to keep him up, when I was the only one who could feed James.

The trouble was, I wasn’t so sure I even was feeding James. He struggled with latching then unlatching and seemingly forgetting how to feed at all. For hours and hours, he’d find his latch, push away, then struggle to remember how he latched in the first place. He’d scream the whole time, too, which left me confused and feeling desperate. I was so scared that something was wrong, that maybe he’d never settle down at all, or that he wasn’t getting enough to eat—a feeling that had plagued me since the night we began nursing. It was impossible to know how much colostrum he was getting since it’s such a small amount that your body makes overall (the nurses at the hospital told me time and again when I looked to them, worried that he wasn’t getting anything, that his stomach was only the size of a cherry. He didn’t need much, they said). I couldn’t shake the feeling that something wasn’t right.

And yet, I didn’t want to give up on breastfeeding. My nipples were raw, cracked, and crusted with blood but that was fine, as long as he was fine. I told myself that I’d eventually get used to the pain and that my nipples would desensitize and adjust. This is what all breastfeeding mothers go through, I reminded myself over and over. But there was something about the way he cried, the way he thrashed, the sort of desperation in his latch. My gut said he wasn’t getting what he needed. We went to the pediatrician three days in a row that first week, hoping that he’d begin pooping and regaining the weight he’d lost after birth. We were told to keep coming back until he’d made some progress. I met with a second lactation consultant, who encouraged me to keep on keeping on. And I did. I tried pumping, as she’d suggested, and didn’t produce more than a few drops.

I felt isolated, all on my own with this perfect, precious newborn I loved so much, who didn’t sleep at night and only cat-napped during the day, who I could barely breastfeed, who couldn’t tell me what he needed when he wailed. Of course I had Daniel, who’d do anything for me, and that relieved me some. But I was James’ mother. I was the one he knew. I was the source of his comfort, the one who could feed him. And maybe that role wouldn’t have felt quite as daunting IF I felt confident that I was indeed feeding him, but breastfeeding was a war, and I was losing.

Friends and family came and went, visiting us and meeting James, and I remember how incredibly alone I felt. I remember looking at them, feeling desperate, wanting so badly to cry out, help me please!, and then shooting myself down. But what could they really do? Could they feed him? Get him to sleep?

I cried. Every day, at least once, for a week and a half. I lived with a constant feeling that at any moment all the tears in my eyes would come spilling out. One half of me was filled with this potent, profound love for my baby boy, and the other was filled with something I couldn’t even define—some murky mix of fear, isolation, and at its worst, a hopelessness that it would always be this way.

What plagued me was the endlessness of it all. It was so hard to believe that it would get better, so hard to take comfort in reading about how much easier newborn life would be by the time James was six weeks old because we were living minute to minute, crawling our way through one day at a time. Six weeks might as well have been a hundred years away.

But look at how lucky you are! I told myself over and over. I couldn’t help but acknowledge that the circumstances of my life were overwhelmingly positive. I had a husband I adored, who was eager and available to help me in any way. We lived in a safe home, in a place we loved, with family 8 minutes away. My baby was healthy, for God’s sake! I had it good, I repeated, like a mantra. It only deepened my shame.

Ten days in, I looked at Daniel with tears pooling, lip quivering, and revealed my worst, most shameful fear: What if—what if maybe we…what if we made a mistake having a baby? It was a gutting thought to have, even worse to say aloud. I didn’t want to wonder it much less say it. All I wanted in the whole world was to be a good mother, a whole-hearted mother, and here I was on day 10, failing.

Daniel reached over, took my hand in both of his. Of course he understood. He was having just as hard a time adjusting, he said. He told me he’d had the same awful, frightening thought, and it was the first time I felt anything but alone since James was born. I didn’t want either of us to feel like we were drowning in parenthood, but sharing our struggle divided the pain by half.

I started taking my antidepressant that day.

Daniel and I worked out a schedule of sorts (more of a shift system) and divided up our tasks. I felt supported and bolstered and he felt good being able to help. He grew even closer to James. We both got more sleep.

Daniel called his sister, and asked for help. She began coming over once a week to spend the night. She got up with James overnight while we got a full night’s sleep. It saved us both.

I came to terms, finally, with the reality that I just wasn’t able to breastfeed. I couldn’t will my milk to come in, no matter how I tried. James was still rooting constantly. I was terrified he was hungry when I heard his stomach growling, despite having nursed pretty much all night long, so we decided to give him 10ml of formula (the amount we tried in the hospital when I insisted he was hungry). After he ate, it was as if we had witnessed a switch flip inside him. He stopped crying, allowed himself to look around and “play” without constantly searching for my nipple, and even slept in his bassinet for two whole, uninterrupted hours.

Once we began giving him formula, his behavior, his temperament, everything—changed overnight. He went from not sleeping at all to sleeping peacefully. And when he was awake, he was calm. I no longer had to hold him around the clock. At long last, I slept.

I surrendered. I asked for help. I couldn’t be the hero mom I wished I was in my mind, who didn’t need rest and didn’t complain. I was just a mom.

I look back and realize that so much of the suffering we all endured in that first part of James’ life was due to him being hungry, desperately trying to feed at all hours with nothing to eat. It breaks my heart to think about that now.

___________________

When mothers describe new motherhood as hard, they never leave it there. They’re quick to add a “but it’s the best, most rewarding thing in the world.” “Savor every second,” they tell you. “I miss it,” they say to you, as you’re dying. How can I savor this time, you wonder, when I’m barely surviving? You question whether or not they ever had a newborn.

For the first two weeks of James’ life, I thought other moms had kept the truth from me, about how devastatingly trying it is. “Hard” doesn’t even do it justice. “Do they just not remember?” I asked Daniel. “Is it like how women can completely forget the pain of labor in order to do it again?”

Today, James is 10 weeks old and I understand. I understand because with every single day that goes by, I love him exponentially more. Just being with him brings me enough joy for three lifetimes. Those mothers had perspective, something you can’t always know without time and distance. Their memories of sleepless nights and wailing babies had softened and faded into nostalgia. They could reminisce because they know their children were worth every single struggle that raising them entailed. I understand that now.

With my brain no longer functioning on fumes and hormone surges, I feel really good. Sometimes I wonder if it really was postpartum depression that I experienced in those first two and a half weeks, or if I was just grieving. Grieving breastfeeding, grieving my own expectations of the way I’d feel and the mother I thought I should be. It doesn’t matter, I suppose. I’m already beginning to feel a little wistful for those early days. I can even imagine doing it all again, something I truly never thought I’d say two months ago when Daniel and I were in the thick fog of having a newborn.

This is motherhood.

Source: http://www.andiemitchell.com/how-i-felt-after-having-james/

#read more #see more #check it out #interesting #learn more

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neuxue · 7 years

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Wheel of Time liveblogging: The Gathering Storm ch 12

In which no one expects Egwene to be made of awesome. Their loss. Or gain, depending how you look at it...

Chapter 12: Unexpected Encounters

I’m glad we’re seeing more of Egwene this book.

The poor Red sisters assigned to babysit her know all too well what they’re getting themselves into and they don’t like it.

It had been well over a month since Siuan had conveyed her disturbing news in Tel’aran’rhiod

Wait, really? A month? The frequent POV-switching is definitely giving this book a faster pace, but it’s wreaking havoc on my ability to keep the timelines straight. That’s never been a strong suit for me in the first place, frustratingly. The Cleansing was a nice catch-up point, but after that…even last book I felt like I was losing track a bit. Ah well. It’ll all converge eventually, right?

The events were a reminder that the world was coming apart. This was a time when the White Tower should have been a source of stability. Instead, it divided against itself while Rand al’Thor’s men bonded sisters. How could Rand have allowed such a thing?

Well…he didn’t. Except he sort of did, by basically ignoring the Black Tower and more or less everything that was going on there. But then, he also didn’t have anything to do with this directly. Except, that’s part of the problem. So in conclusion, it’s complicated.

I do think she sees the bonding as a bigger problem than it actually is, but it’s not hard to see why she reacts this way. Even in context, to a reader with far more information than Egwene herself has, the bonding of the Aes Sedai is a moral and ethical mess of a minefield. It’s a perfect example of how two wrongs don’t make a right, but the do make a right clusterfuck of things.

That’s with context. Egwene has a fair bit of the information connected with it, but she doesn’t have everything. Nor is she getting it from an unbiased source – and she herself is far from an unbiased observer. And at this point, she really doesn’t have a way of knowing what Rand is thinking, or how exactly he reacted to this or what he would and wouldn’t do. I also am fairly sure she doesn’t know that Rand was bonded unwillingly. It’s been a very long time since they’ve seen each other, especially in terms of how much has happened in that time. So it’s frustrating to see her thinking this, but it’s also not at all unrealistic. So much depends on perspective, and what information is available. And Egwene is Aes Sedai, and her entire focus right now is on the White Tower. So anything that interferes with that is going to get a strong response, and perhaps sometimes a disproportionate one.

There was obviously little left of the youth with whom she’d grown up. Of course, there was little of the youthful Egwene left either.

I like the balance in this, and the sense of acknowledgment that the blame doesn’t necessarily lie with one of them alone.

I’ve no doubt said before that one of the things I enjoy most is watching characters move along the friends/enemies ‘axis’. Rand and Egwene are a rather fascinating example, because they’re certainly not enemies, but they’re very nearly antagonists at this point. Yet there is still an underlying fondness, and an underlying familiarity. They think about how they don’t know each other anymore, but they did once, and that still comes through. Neither wants to hurt the other; the antagonism comes more from a difference of position and perspective and perception. They’ve essentially inherited opposing roles, and the more they come to embody those roles, the more strained their previous relationship becomes.

But that previous relationship is what makes this so interesting; it would play very differently if a random young Amyrlin were chosen, who had never met Rand al’Thor. Then there’d maybe be a sense of tension in watching them both, and wondering what would happen when they finally met or confronted one another. But the fact that Rand and Egwene do know each other – whether or not the Amyrlin and the Dragon Reborn do – and Egwene once tried to help Rand learn to channel and Rand once stayed to fight in a town full of Seanchan because he could not live with himself if he didn’t try to help free Egwene, and they once loved each other and in some way probably still do, and they’ve each had parallel but distinct and entirely excellent arcs in the interim, makes it all so much better.

Plus, I just like watching characters become enemies or friends or allies or antagonists out of circumstance, when it’s not what their original inclinations were. It’s one of my favourite things. (It’s why I just about died when Moridin saved Rand’s life in Shadar Logoth and then they reflexively fought Mashadar together while holding hands). All variations. Give them to me.

That, oddly, led her to thinking of Gawyn.

This is more disappointing to me than any of her thoughts about Rand, by a very long margin. You could do SO MUCH BETTER, Egwene. Like not having a romance subplot at all! Sigh.

Gawyn could look after himself; he’d done a competent job of that in the past. Too competent, in some cases.

Er. I mean, I don’t even hate Gawyn, but I think you’re giving him a bit too much credit there. The guy is a mess.

Siuan and the others would deal with the Asha’man matter. The other news was far more disturbing.

Okay, so maybe she’s not putting as much emphasis on it as it seemed. I am also rather amused at how both she and Rand have had their moments of outrage related to this whole deal, and then both delegated it to other people to sort out.

All in all, it’s probably best that they do delegate. The Asha’man and Aes Sedai are going to have to eventually learn to work together, and being able to carry out civil negotiations is not a terrible first step. At least in theory. In practice, given how the last book ended, it might be a bit more of…a mess.

But if it’s Dragon and Amyrlin calling all the shots there, it could end up being more complicated later, especially if one or both of them…isn’t around anymore. If there’s a way to establish actual working relationships between the two Towers (heh), that’d be ideal.

Egwene’s more disturbed by the fact that Halima was one of the Forsaken. Which, yeah, fair.

Egwene’s backside hurt, but the pain was growing increasingly irrelevant to her. Sometimes she laughed when beaten, sometimes not. The greater pain – what had been done to Tar Valon – was far more demanding.

A greater and more important focus, that makes other pain irrelevant and easy to…well, in her case, not ignore so much as accept without issue. I will spare you yet another rambling essay on how Egwene and Rand cope with pain, but suffice it to say the various similarities and especially differences of method and circumstance continue to fascinate me.

It wsa going to be a full day, with her appointments with sisters, her scheduled beatings, and her regular novice load of scrubbing floors or other chores.

And I thought my schedule was bad.

Bennae has asked for a repeat lesson with Egwene, which is apparently unusual. Eventually the Tower is going to run out of sisters to teach her, if they’re all only willing to do it once.

Egwene cleared off a stool, placing the dusty skeleton of a rat on the floor bewteen two stacks of books about the reign of Artur Hawkwing.

I was going to say this seems like an unrealistic caricature of an academic – those are very different fields of study, after all – but then I glanced over at my own bookshelf. Considering that I’m not even in acadaemia, nor am I nearly as old as Bennae…yeah, fine, I’ll concede this one.

“Let’s see…” Bennae mused. “Suppose that you were in a situation where you were in conflict with some members of your own Ajah. You have happened upon information you weren’t supposed to know, and your Ajah’s leaders are quite upset with you. Suddenly, you find yourself beign sentenced to some most unpleasant duties, as if they are trying to sweep you under the rug and forget about you. Tell me, in this situation, how would you react?”

Subtle as a brick, Bennae.

Egwene seems to share that sentiment, but does an admirable job of playing along and offering decent advice, rather than laughing or getting up to hit her head repeatedly against the nearest wall.

I suppose her time with the rebel Hall did give her rather a lot of practice in maintaining a front of polite patience. It’s a useful skill to have.

“Likely, she’s being ‘punished’ to keep her out of the way while the Ajah leaders search for a traitor. When they know there isn’t one, they’ll be more likely to look at the fallen sister’s situation with empathy – particularly after she’s offered them a solution.”

“Solution?” Bennae asked. Her teacup sat in her fingers, as if forgotten. “And which solution would you offer?”

“The best one: competence. Obviously some people among the Ajah know these secrets. Well, if this sister were to prove her trustworthiness and her capability, perhaps the leaders of her Ajah would realise the best place for her is as one of the caretakers of the secrets. An easy solution, if you consider it.”

So this is clearly the ‘next step’ in showing how the perception of Egwene within the Tower is shifting – her story last book ended with her having solidly won over the novices and with some of the Aes Sedai looking at her a bit differently. Now, she has a sister actually asking her for advice, in a manner that could only generously be called indirect. She is winning this part of her battle, winning the Tower over to her from within.

Still, I can’t help but find this particular conversation a bit…I don’t know. Too easy?

It’s not that it doesn’t reflect well on Egwene, because it does. The solution she proposes is very neat, and she presents it straightforwardly, without any veiled threats or demands. It’s not a ‘I will solve your problems but only if you make me Amyrlin’. She’s simply demonstrating her own competence, much as she is telling Bennae to do. Proving her trustworthiness and her capability, and offering a solution to the problems that plague the Tower, by showing that she is willing and able to help an individual sister.

No, the part that makes me sort of raise an eyebrow is that Bennae has to ask for help in the first place. Bennae is well over a hundred years old, and as an Aes Sedai she should be no stranger to manipulation. Or to thinking her way through things.

That said, Bennae does seem to be presented as not the brightest of the bunch, and I think part of the issue overall is that while Aes Sedai are very good at manipulating people and circumstances, many of them seem less good at dealing with change and uncertainty. The Tower is in crisis, and for the most part they’re not equipped to deal with that. And then along comes this girl who doesn’t fit anywhere – doesn’t fit into the rigid power structures and heirarchies and complicated webs of authority and position that the Aes Sedai put so much store by – to throw everything further into chaos. Except that instead of acting like a wild card, she walks calmly through the halls and gives advice to novices and refuses to break or even be visibly shaken by what is being done to her, and what is happening in the Tower and the entire world around her.

So she’s become something of a beacon of stability in a time of uncertainty. Not to mention, oddly enough, a point of unity in an increasingly divided Tower, wherein Ajahs and even individual sisters are more and more isolated. So from that angle I can definitely see how she’s drawing this kind of attention from not just novices and Accepted, now, but a sister who doesn’t know how to deal with a sudden change in circumstances, when so much is not how it used to be. When the old ways aren’t working and the rules aren’t as solid as the once seemed, and those unable to adapt or to push against the prevailing currents of chaos are struggling.

“Unjust punishments sometimes cannot be avoided, but it is best never to let others forget that it is unjust. If she simply accepts the way people treat her, then it won’t be long before they assume she deserves the position they’ve placed her in.”

Egwene’s turn to be about as subtle as Perrin’s hammer to the face.

But it’s a truth that perhaps needs to be hammered in, a bit.

And actually, this helps further explain why a sister with far more experience might be looking to someone like Egwene for advice. Aes Sedai carry their air of calm superiority easily when around ordinary people, be they commoners or kings. But amongst Aes Sedai, it’s rather more complicated. There is a strict heirarchy, and the various points of etiquette and authority and submission are thoroughly drilled into them, and so no matter how confident a sister might be outside the Tower, put her in a group of other Aes Sedai and she may find herself struggling to assert any kind of position whatsoever. So to even think of fighting against what’s happening in the Tower, or of standing up for herself to Ajah leaders, is probably close to unthinkable for your average Aes Sedai.

Egwene, though, was never even raised to Aes Sedai by the ordinary methods. She was brought in and raised for the sole purpose of being a puppet. She was supposed to fit neatly into her incredibly limited place. From the beginning, she was supposed to accept the way people treated her.

And from the beginning, she refused to. She defied those unspoken rules and manipulations, at first by outmanoeuvring them or appearing to submit to them, and eventually by showing them all too clearly that no, she would not be the puppet they wanted her to be. She refused to accept the way they treated her, and in the end she showed them that she did deserve the position they placed her in…but not at all in the way they expected.

She has never been an Aes Sedai in the Tower, subject to all the pressures and complexities of the heirarchy. It never had time to work its way into the core of who she is, making her unable to fight against it where necessary. Instead, she jumped in right at the point where everything was thrown into chaos, and she fought for her place from the word go.

To most other Aes Sedai, especially those who have spent a long time in the Tower, in this ingrained system, that’s something of an alien concept. And not one readily adopted. So to then see this girl not just fight the status quo but instead regard it calmly and then proceed as if it didn’t exist…perhaps it’s not so surprising at all that an Aes Sedai suddenly ‘demoted’ in some way would look at Egwene and wonder how she does it. Wonder if maybe she could help. Because she’s been demoted farther than anyone, and she appears to give exactly no fucks.

“I am always willing to help, Bennae,” Egwene said in a softer voice, turning back to her tea. “In, of course, hypothetical situations.”

It’s such a stark difference to Elaida – and a crucial one, especially in terms of appearances. Elaida is largely isolated, and takes a domineering position with regards to Sitters, much less individual Aes Sedai. She rules by edict and fear at this point. Whereas Egwene does not threaten, does not demand, does not even campaign, here. She just responds to a question, and offers her advice willingly – and makes it very clear that she is willing to give advice. She makes it clear that she still believes herself Amyrlin, but she also doesn’t set herself so untouchably far above the rest as to alienate them completely. She is Amyrlin, and the duty of the Amyrlin is to serve.

She could so easily fall into an image of desperate overconfidence or deluded arrogance, in her insistence that she is the Amyrlin Seat. Instead, she projects calm confidence, and combines it with a form of humility that only serves to highlight that confidence.

Turns out Bennae isn’t the only sister summoning her for advice, now. Things are changing. It’s time for the next step, whatever that is.

So a Brown praises her reasoning, a White praises her logic…

And now Suana is trying to recruit her to the Yellow. I see what you’re doing, there. Of all Ajahs and of none…

“Being of the Yellow isn’t about skill, child,” Suana said. “It’s about passion. If you love to make things well, to fix that which is broken, there would be a purpose for you here.”

And that, Egwene does have. She may not be a healer in the traditional sense, but she has taken on the task of healing the White Tower. In order to heal what the oncoming end of the world may bring. And she also has sought to find ways to unite all women who can channel, to close rifts there.

Nynaeve said of Egwene, early on, that “Egwene has the desire to heal, the need to.” And…she wasn’t entirely wrong, as it turns out. Just…Towers and maybe worlds, rather than people.

“My thanks,” Egwene said. “But the Amyrlin has no Ajah.”

This really is one of my favourite aspects about the exact manner in which Egwene was raised. There’s an echo of the ‘chosen one’ idea, almost, as ‘of all Ajahs and of none’ takes on a hint of prophecy. Except it isn’t prophecy, it’s just Egwene and choices. So it’s a nice interplay.

And I’m liking this hinting of how Egwene fits or can be perceived to fit aspects of each Ajah. Especially as they are increasingly divided and set against each other, she stands as someone who can unite and embody all of them.

It was a shocking conversation. Suana obviously didn’t consider Egwene the Amyrlin, but the mere fact that she was recruiting Egwene to her Ajah said something. It meant she accepted Egwene’s legitimacy, at last to some degree, as a sister.

I’m getting the nagging feeling, now, that things are going too well. In the ‘something disastrous is about to happen’ kind of way. Things are going her way, she’s winning over sisters rather than just novices, the perception of her is shifting…when an arc hits this point of everything smoothing out, that’s when things tend to catch on fire.

“have the Sitters spoken of what to do about the tensions between the Ajahs?” “I don’t see what can be done,” Suana replied.

Well challenge fucking accepted, said Egwene.

Once she left the Yellow sector of the Tower and collected her Red Ajah attendants, she realised something. She’d gone through all three meetings without being assigned a single punishment!

Yep, definitely time for something to explode.

There is the looming threat of the Seanchan attack Egwene dreamed, hanging over their heads…also there’s Mesaana still in the Tower, and Aran’gar off somewhere…and the ominous way Tarna’s delegation to the Black Tower ended last book…and of course there’s always Elaida. So really, no shortage of places from which total disaster could strike. Excellent.

They were coming to accept her. Unfortunately, that was only a small part of the battle. The larger part was making certain the White Tower survived the strains Elaida was placing upon it.

But even in getting them to accept her, she’s working towards that. She’s providing them with a rallying point, and now with hints and pieces of encouragement dropped to reach out to one another across the walls that have gone up. And she’s giving them a point of stability around which to gather, when the Tower’s foundations shake. The more they accept her, and the more they listen to her, the stronger that position will be.

Now time to pay a visit to Meidani, who has quite an impressive collection of souvenirs. Cool.

“Besides, I’m still not certain how I regard you.”

“I don’t care how you regard me,” Egwene said evenly, seating herself on an oversized oak chair, bearing a plaque that identified it as a gift from a moneylender in Tear. “And Amyrlin needs not the regard of those who follow her, so long as she is obeyed.”

“You’ve been captured and overthrown.”

Egwene raised an eyebrow, meeting Meidani’s gaze. “Captured, true.”

*whistles softly* damn.

“The Hall among the rebels will have chosen a new Amyrlin by now.” “I happen to know that they have not.”

Man, Egwene is on a roll here. It’s been a while since she got to drop a solid one-liner on the Hall; she must have been getting bored.

Poor Meidani never even saw her take on the Hall, and thus is entirely unprepared.

“Even if that is true, you must know that they picked you to be a figurehead. A puppet to be manipulated.”

Egwene held the woman’s gaze.

“You have no real authority,” Meidani said, voice wavering slightly.

Egwene did not look away. Meidani studied her, brow wrinkling slowly,s tep by step, furrows appearing across her smooth, ageless Aes Sedai face. She searched Egwene’s eyes, like a mason searching a piece of stone for flaws before setting it in place. What she found seemed to confuse her further. “Now,” Egwene said, as if she had not just been questioned, “you will tell me precisely why you have not fled the Tower.”

Beautiful.

Never underestimate the power of silence and unwavering eye contact.

Also never underestimate Egwene al’Vere. Really. People have tried. Now they have regrets.

“Why not leave?”

“I…cannot say,” Meidani said, glancing away.

“I’m commanding you as your Amyrlin.”

“I still cannot say.” Meidani looked down at the floor, as if ashamed.

Curious, Egwene thought, hiding her frustration.

OH. IS SHE…if she can follow this, or put the pieces together, and figure out that there are Aes Sedai in the Tower working together to track down the Black Ajah…if she can join them and make it actually work…talk about healing the Tower.

So Egwene can get other information out of Meidani – that she’s not a traitor, that she’s trying to renew a relationship with Elaida on the orders of ‘the others’, etc. Which is enough to indicate that there is a stronger reason for her to not be able to speak of her reasons for not leaving. Come on, Egwene, find a way to get the answer to this one. That would be a major step forward, potentially.

“We will mend the damage that Elaida has done, and I will sit in my rightful place as Amyrlin. But we have work to do.”

“I can’t��”

“Yes,” Egwene said. “You can’t tell me what is wrong. I suspect that the Three Oaths are involved, though Light knows how.”

Not three, Egwene. But she’s getting there, and I also like how she stopped herself from just pushing Meidani the way Elaida would have done. She’s firm, but she’s presenting this instead as a problem for them both to approach. And also giving Meidani some indication of why, rather than just trying to force information out of her.

“You can’t tell me why you’ve remained in the Tower. But can you show me?”

YES. HELL YES. LET’S DO THIS.

Meidani’s not certain but Egwene’s already on to the next issue, which is how to get out of Meidani’s rooms without running into spies from other Ajahs. Because the Tower is fucked.

Oh. Okay. That’s one way to do it.

“What is that?” Meidani asked.

“It’s called a gateway,” Egwene said. “Used for Travelling.”

“Travelling is impossible!” Meidani said immediately. “The ability has been lost for…” She trailed off, eyes opening more widely.

Meidani is getting in about ten minutes what the rebel Hall got over the course of weeks. I almost pity her.

I like how the first person in the Tower Egwene has shown Travelling to is the woman who clearly has a lifelong love of travelling. It’s a nice touch.

“Yes, Mother,” Meidani said

Well that didn’t take very long. Just some well-placed silences, a steady glare or two, and a demonstration of trust in the form of a weave that, to Meidani, would be a true gift. Not to mention solid evidence of Egwene’s ability to casually do the impossible.

“I must warn you, however, that you may be surprised at what you are stepping into. It could be dangerous.”

Meidani. Please. Have you met Egwene? I can barely remember the last time she did something that wasn’t dangerous. Her introduction to the story was basically ‘I’m going to join you as you flee the Two Rivers in the middle of the night’ and she hasn’t slowed down since.

And HERE WE ARE. Four Sitters in a room, all of different Ajahs, not at all expecting to have Egwene al’Vere unleashed upon them.

“The al’Vere girl.” Ah. Right, well. This will be interesting.

So they’re berating Meidani for what they see as a breach of her Oath, and completely ignoring Egwene. We’ll see how long they can keep that up. I’m betting a page.

Oaths Egwene didn’t know about, meetings away from the upper corridors, a Warder guarding the door…were these women of four Ajahs, or of one?

Ha. So close, and yet so very, very far.

And just like that, Egwene’s figured it out. Part of it, anyway.

“You gave her a fourth oath, didn’t you?” Egwene interrupted. “What under the Light were you thinking?”

Yukiri glanced at her, and Egwene felt another swish of Air. “You were not given leave to speak.”

“The Amyrlin needs no leave to speak,” Egwene said, staring the women down.

Not even a full page. And so the fun begins.

“Has this entire Tower gone as insane as Elaida?”

Well someone needed to say it.

“It was only done out of necessity. This one couldn’t be trusted, not after siding with the rebels.”

Already explaining themselves, even if it is with a tone of dismissive authority. Still, that’s a far cry from just ignoring Egwene. And if they’re trying to justify their actions to her, she’s already won half the battle, as far as this conversation goes.

“Do not think we’re unwaware of your own involvement with that group, Egwene al’Vere,” Yukiri said. […] “If we have our way, you will not be treated with such coddling as Elaida has shown you.”

Egwene gestured indifferently. “Still me, execute me or beat me, Yukiri, and the Tower will yet be in shambles.”

She has somehow turned a situation in which everything is at stake into one where she has nothing to lose. She has made herself untouchable; there is absolutely nothing they can do to her, short of destroying the Tower itself. Because she has made herself into a symbol of a higher cause, and has dedicated herself to that cause: healing the Tower, and uniting the Aes Sedai to face Tarmon Gai’don.

So she can say things like this with absolute conviction, because she believes them now. She can sit here with these women and ignore their threats and stare them down, because what can they do to her? Nothing has worked so far, after all. And it throws them completely off-balance, because they have no idea how to deal with her. She’s outside their ‘system’, and refuses to be pulled into it. Yet she’s not working against them, either. She’s on their side, and she’s working for the Tower itself, and so long as they are doing the same, there is absolutely nothing they can do to her.

“Sometimes, difficult decisions must be made. We cannot have Darkfriends among the Aes Sedai, and measures have been taken to search them out.”

Little do they know that Egwene was one of the very first ones assigned to search out the Black Ajah, long before these Sitters even acknowledged its existence. It’s a nice way to weave that thread back in, after so long.

And the fact that Seaine has even told her this much shows that their attempts at ignoring her – and ignoring her authority – are already falling apart. You don’t waste your time justifying your actions to someone who doesn’t matter. You especially don’t do so if it involves divulging highly sensitive information.

So these women were using the Oath Rod to search out Black sisters. If you took each sister, removed her oaths and made her reswear them, you could ask her if she were Black. A desperate method, but –Egwene decided – a legitimate one, considering the times.

The question then becomes, how do they make it a widespread requirement? Not the fourth oath, of course, but the unswearing and re-swearing? Because if there were a way to do that, to implement it throughout the Tower…then perhaps we could end up with something like what Egwene ‘remembered’ in her Accepted test. Something that destroyed the Black Ajah.

“But swearing this woman to a new oath is unnecessary!” “And if the woman is known to have other loyalties?” Saerin demanded.

Oh, it’s well and truly over for them, now. The argument, I mean. It was as soon as they acknowledged her enough to start explaining, but now that they’re trying to argue back? I’m going to go ahead and call this one for Egwene.

Though she’s willing to put aside the issue of the fourth oath for now, perhaps because she knows she’s gained something of an upper hand. Or at least a position of equality, even if they don’t see it yet. So she’s going to press them for as much as she can get, because this is a rare opportunity: four Sitters, each of different Ajahs, who are also involved in something that could greatly benefit the Tower.

“What of Elaida herself? Have you determined if she is of the Black? Who gave you this charge, and how did your cabal form?”

“Bah! Why are we speaking with her?” Yukiri demanded, standing up and putting her hands on her hips. “We should be deciding what to do with her, not answering her questions!”

It’s a bit late for that, Yukiri.

“If I am to help in your work,” Egwene said, “then I need to be aware of the facts.”

Framing it as a given that she is going to help – she’s not asking their permission, she’s moving directly on to step two. It’s a very useful trick.

They’re still trying to shut her down. That’s cute.

“One more word, and I shall see you taking penance until you run out of tears to weep.”

“I doubt you can order me to any more of it than I already have, Yukiri,” Egwene said calmly. “Unless I am to be in the Mistress of Novices’ study all day each day. Besides, if you sent me to her, what would I tell her? That you personally gave me penance? She’d know that I wasn’t scheduled to see you today. That might start raising questions.”

“We could just have Meidani order you to penance,” said Seaine the White.

“She won’t do such a thing,” Egwene said. “She accepts my authority as Amyrlin.”

Every part of this scene is beautiful and I love it.

“That’s meaningless. “We’ll just order her to send you to penance.” “Will you?” Egwene said. “I thought that you told me that the fourth oath was meant to restore unity, to keep her from fleeing to Elaida with your secrets. Now you would use that oath like a cudgel, forcing her to become your tool?”

They handed her that one on a silver platter. But then, of course they did. They’re still thinking of her as a novice, or as a rebel, as someone they don’t need to take seriously. They’re still underestimating her, and she’s had far too much practice with using that against those who try.

Besides, they’re Sitters. They’re not used to having to justify themselves or explain themselves, especially to a girl in novice white. So they are stepping right into these traps without realising that Egwene can and will make full use of every misstep.

“No woman should have this much power over another. What you have done to these others is only one step shy of Compulsion. I’m still trying to decide if this abomination is in any way justified; the way you treat Meidani and the others will likely sway that decision.”

It’s not really shy of Compulsion at all. And yeah, okay, there is a reason for it. Whether or not that reason is acceptable, though, depends on where you’re standing. Much like the way in which the Asha’man bonded sisters – because that’s actually not far short of Compulsion either, and is justified from one angle but less so from another. It all gets messy fast.

Yukiri’s still trying to get the others to ignore Egwene, but that train has long since left the station. Meanwhile Saerin still thinks they can treat her like a child.

“You cannot continue this charade of being the Amyrlin Seat. We all know how often you take penance, and we all know what little good it is doing. So let me try something that I assume nobody else has tried with you: reason.”

“You may speak your mind,” Egwene said.

I LOVE IT. I also actually like that Saerin is taking this approach here, because she’s not that far wrong, really. Few have tried anything resembling reason with Egwene. They’ve just tried to force her back into what they think her place should be, despite that failing spectacularly at every turn.

But the very fact that Saerin is taking this approach means Egwene has taken control of the situation. They haven’t recognised it yet, but she has turned the focus of the room onto her, rather than letting them proceed with ignoring her. They’re addressing her now, and very much on her terms.

“All right. For one thing, you can’t be Amyrlin. With that forkroot, you can barely channel!”

Oh come on, you call that reason? That’s such a weak argument it actually starts slightly detracting from the scene. Not in a major way, but…she can’t possibly have thought opening with such an easily countered statement would work.

“You’ve been demoted to novice.”

“Only Elaida is foolish enough to assume one can remove an Aes Sedai’s rank.” Egwene said. “She should never have been allowed to assume she had that power in the first place.”

“If she didn’t assume it,” Saerin said, “then you would be dead, girl.”

Now that’s a far better point, because as Saerin sees it, Egwene’s caught by that one. Except…what she’s failed to understand is that Egwene actually has accepted that.

Egwene met Saerin’s eyes again. “Sometimes, I feel it would be better to be dead than to see what Elaida has done to the women of this Tower.”

Egwene isn’t fighting for herself, or for her position. She’s doing both as a way of fighting for the Tower itself.

And if I weren’t already convinced she was going to die, the honesty with which she embraces this would probably have done the trick.

“I must say,” Seaine said quietly, “your claims are completely irrational. Elaida is the Amyrlin because she was raised properly by the Hall. Therefore, you can’t be Amyrlin.”

Egwene shook her head. “She was ‘raised’ after a shameful and unorthodox removal of Siuan Sanche from the seat. How can you call Elaida’s position ‘proper’ in the face of that?” Something occurred to her, a gamble, but it felt right. “Tell me this. Have you interrogated any women who are currently Sitters? Have you found any Blacks among them?”

OH.

“Now tell me this. Were any of these Black Sitters among those who raised Elaida? Did any of them stand to depose Siuan?”

HERE IT IS.

There was silence.

“Answer me,” Egwene said.

“We found a Black among the Sitters,” Doesine finally said.

‘Answer me,’ Egwene commands, and one of them obeys. Full round to Egwene.

But more importantly…Egwene has now managed to create a moment not unlike some of those she’s pulled on the rebel Hall.

“Siuan was deposed by the bare minimum number of Sitters required,” Egwene said. “One of them was Black, making her vote invalid. You stilled and deposed your Amyrlin, murdering her Warder, and you did it unlawfully.”

“By the Light,” Seaine whispered. “She’s right.”

Boom.

I love these moments, and Egwene is so wonderfully good at delivering them.

And okay, by that same logic, I suppose you could say Egwene’s entire war vote was also unlawful, as it was decided by the minimum number and if I remember correctly, Delana was among them, and potentially other Black sisters as well. But Egwene was raised by a full Hall, and the declaration of war and seizing of the war powers was more a way of making them acknowledge the authority they elected to give her but then tried to withhold.

Besides, the technicalities don’t actually matter here. They only matter in the sense that Egwene needs to find something that will make them see her as Amyrlin. This, it turns out, is such a thing. Seaine chose to argue with her on the basis of legality, Egwene countered with truth, and Seaine at least has acknowledged it as legitimate grounds for her claim.

Now it’s time to cement it.

She had to remain in control. She had to.

Part of the reason she’s so good at landing these moments is because she sees them through. Not only that, but she knows how to pick her battles. She knows when to push, and when not to. And she knows that when she does press for advantage, she has to follow through.

“You call us false, Yukiri? Which Amyrlin would you rather follow? The one who has been amking novices and Accepted out of Aes Sedai, banishing an entire Ajah, and causing divisions in the Tower more dangerous than any army that ever assaulted it? A woman who was raised partially through the help of the Black Ajah? Or would you rather serve the Amyrlin who is trying to undo all of that?”

Well when you put it like that…

And she’s finally in a place where she can put it to them that directly. She isn’t dropping hints here, or giving advice. She is facing four Sitters, and she has just shaken their view of Elaida’s legitimacy, and so she is making them face the choice: her, or Elaida. Making them see that it is a choice, and that it’s one they can’t just ignore.

“Surely you’re not saying that you think we served the Black in raising Elaida,” Doesine said.

“I think we all are serving the interests of the Shadow,” Egwene said sharply, “so long as we allow ourselves to remain divided.”

Yes.

There’s really not much to even say to that, except that it is true even beyond the Tower. So long as the Light remains divided, chaos reigns and the Shadow triumphs.

And it’s such a great statement, because it does reframe the whole thing as so much bigger than a power struggle or a petty argument. The ‘we’ also frames it not as an accusation but as something they must all combat.

“As admirable as I find your work to discover the Black Ajah, I am far more encouraged by your willingness to work together to do it. In the current Tower, cooperation between Ajahs is rare. I challenge you to take that as your main goal, bringing unity to the White Tower.”

An interesting place to take the conversation, but actually a very good one. Because they really are pretty much the only multi-Ajah group functioning at the moment, and therefore they are a starting point. It also further emphasises that Egwene is not fighting them. She is working with them; they are all on the same side, here. The side of the Tower itself.

She stood up, and she half-expected a sister to rebuke her, but they almost seemed to have forgotten that they were speaking with a ‘novice’ and a rebel.

Funny, that. It’s okay, you get used to her. Sort of.

“Do you have the Oath Rod here?”

“No,” Yukiri said. “It’s difficult to sneak away. We can only take it on occasion.”

And now even Yukiri, who argued the longest against even engaging with Egwene, is answering her questions with full explanations.

“A pity,” Egwene said. “I’d have liked to take the Oaths.”

Huh. I would have thought saying that would just highlight the fact that she isn’t exactly Aes Sedai by the normal ‘rules’, but I suppose the statement itself also emphasises her commitment, and her complete confidence that she is Aes Sedai.

But I don’t think that, if Egwene swears the Three Oaths, it’ll be done in a hidden-away room in the basement of the Tower, with only five sisters as witnesses.

“Regardless, you will promptly take it and release Meidani from the fourth oath.”

“We’ll consider it,” Saerin said.

It’s not a full statement of obedience, but all things considered it’s really not that far off. That Saerin is even saying they’ll consider her order is more about saving face than anything else, at this point.

“Know that once the White Tower is whole again, the Hall will learn of this action you have taken. I would like to be able to inform them that you were being careful, rather than seeking unwarranted power. If you need me in the next few days, you may send for me – but kindly find a way to deal with the two Red sisters who are watching me. I’d rather not use Travelling within the Tower again, lest I unwittingly reveal too much to those who would be better left ignorant.”

She left that statement hanging before walking to the door.

Beautiful. I just love the chance to watch a character come in and own a room like that.

They were not expecting her, and what they got was not what they would have expected if they were. And, like the Hall after the war vote, they’re going to be seeing her very differently now.

Meidani is stunned, but Meidani hasn’t seen Egwene work before.

“You really are the Amyrlin,” she finally said.

Indeed.

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#this entire arc is a gift #Wheel of Time #neuxue liveblogs WoT #The Gathering Storm

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