#help mom im spiraling again
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SIMPLE COMMISSIONS OPEN
Ok, i cant find any other job nor other way to make some money rn. I still have to pay 450 for credit card, that we used to buy groceries, 450 for electricity and at least mom's phone. Ideally, 700 that we owe for the apartment payments, but we can keep pretending it doesnt matter as much.
So, opening sketch and whump comms bc i cant bring myself to do more than that rn. I can barely bring myself to draw at all. I could even toss some notion of nsfw for an extra 10 bucks.
Prices, how-to's and more info >>here<<
Im relatively desperate, bc even tho i managed to pay the internet bill, it doesnt matter if electricity is cut down, specially as we're having heat waves of about 40C for the last week with no end in sight.
(I listed the amount i need in brazilian real, so it would be around 250usd. 400usd if we count the apartment things that im ignoring.)
#emergency commissions#commissions#help an artist#thankfully my aunt decided to buy us some groceries but it wont last much#paid a few bills with money my friends gave me as a christmas present but im still very embarassed by the need#even more so that i didnt manage to make it last more than a month#also my dad being home is becoming a problem#me and mom are trying to eat less so we can keep having food for longer#and he spends the whole day eating everything he sees#its been hard and i dont want to ask for help but i dont know what else to do#no one else will help bc we have a capable man at the house and why cant he go back to the job HE ACTUALLY HAS to keep us afloat#but he doesnt want to so now i have to take care of the bills myself#doesnt matter that i was fired bc the computer can do the same work i did#im very tired and trying to not spiral into depression yet again
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going through a sexuality crisis was not on my 2024 bingo card
#am i a lesbian#am i bisexual#i dont fucking know#someone help#sexuality crisis#yall i thought i was bi but#the mere thought of a penis sends me into a spiral#but like i don't think i would mind a boyfriend if we like only kissed#idk if im making sense#also i don't know if im just in denial bc my dad is THE homophobe#cuz if im bi there's a chance i end with man and ill see him again but if im lesbian i will not#and maybe i won't ever see my mom again either#idk man#daddy issues hitting hard#tell me what you think
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the irony that is me loving my parents and still them being the two people i am the least honest to and feel the least safe with my secrets
#today was shit#i pray that tomorrow is better#he knows. he understands. he makes me forget. he probably doesnt even know how seen i feel and how much of a breath of air he is to me#he makes me forget when he's nearby even when he's doing nothing and i feel so so safe that he knows#and he's so kind and is so warm-hearted#he is so tender inside and i have seen him cry more than a few times because of things i dont want to mention#and he doesnt push even when he addresses the elephant in the room and i never feel judged#and i only see him thrice a year for a week each time#and those weeks are the highlights of my year#so bizarre how i feel more cared for by someone i barely see rather than the people who raised me#relapsed awfully aggressively when i was months clean and i feel horrible i kept praying for forgiveness. i feel disgusting#mom would it have killed you to just help me#it's been four hours ever since and since then i was distracted by things i had to do but now#then i had to hang the laundry and not having any distractions and being left with my own thoughts made me spiral again#good lord#i just#i wonder if everyone else feels like dying every day like me. she always says that she struggled too and that she stayed up late manytimes#and i know she had it difficult too but our lives have been so different that our childhoods simply can never be compared and i want to#scream and destroy everything but i cant so i can only destroy my own body and im so helpless idk what to do#tw: mental health#i feel so spiteful and i want to show her everything and scream that she did this to me and that it's all her fault#but i love her too much to hurt her like that. it would kill her.#and ig it's all my fault for being a horrible being and for being a failure and turning out ill like this. i just dont know anymore#i think i had an episode of psychotic rage again. everywhere hurts but i still cant get the ugly feeling in me go away
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i get a therapist (HELL YEAH AWESOME, THIS IS GOOD !)
she tells me to apologize to my mom (HORRIBLE, I AM CONSIDERING MURDER)
#smudgy.txt#.vent#at first i was like yknow what that sounds like a reasonable adult thing to do ! ill do it! :]#then once the call was over i suddenly remembered 1) the details of what happened 2) my mom isnt a reasonable adult#& will most likely not take it in a way that wont trigger me more#i fucking hate when ppls first thought is to believe that the parents are in the right when their kid talks abt some shit that happened#when they dont know the full fucking story#& now im worry if i Try to explain more she either wont believe me#or say i'm too much for her to handle & drop me#& now im spiraling again#& i want to spend the weekend trying to get out of it but that won't be possible bc The World Does Not Stop#so i'm just going to have to deal w this shit all over again#how do i explain to these fuckers that i am a danger to myself BECAUSE of my family & i dont need to Be A Better Child#i need to get the fuck out of here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#i need support!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#the only person who seems to understand this is my pcp but she cant do anything abt it bc the system is bullshit + its just not her job#& my sister is offering to help me but im terrified it'll cause even more drama in this family#bc my parents are incapable of handling anything like adults#i feel like im being torn apart in a million directions. i want to rest
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#.txt#so i was kinda spiraling again today#and i decided to call my dad (bc my mom wasn't available lol)#and we had an almost 2 hour call :'))#it was very much necessary tho to get me out of my bad headspace#and he did make some good points and good advice#but there were also a few annoying things about it#like constantly talking over me#and over simplifying things#like giving an example from how he approaches things at work#and that i said multiple times that i get where he's coming from but that it just doesn't work like that for my situation#but its all okay because i know he was just trying his best to help me :')#thats just dads i guess!#and it did help#mostly just having a chance to get it all out but still#i just really appreciate him trying to help me through it eventhough not everything he said was useful and that okay#(except for the talking over me part i need to call him out more on that)#anyways i needed to get this off my chest somewhere because It Really Was Something#and now im exhausted lol#idk what it is.#like im good and then after a few weeks everything just comes crashing down on me#i talk it out or whatever and then im good again and then it just repeats#what#(also i hate that i know the neighbours can hear me cry bc i can also hear them when they're talking. its so embarrassing i hate it here)
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all american bitch -- ls2
After a successful concert in Miami, your twin sister is caught having a little moment with her boyfriend outside a club. Most people jump to conclusions, but you have a way to shut everyone up (and give half of the F1 community a heart attack in the process)
logan sargeant x singer!reader
warnings/notes: cheating allegations, cursing, so many sexual innuendos, sexual lyrics, terribly written lyrics should count as a warning... also I wrote this to celebrate logan 2024 <3
fc: gracie abrams
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04 MAY, INSTAGRAM
urusername made a new post!
liked by logansargeant, oscarpiastri, sistersacc, and 450k others
urusername: miami!! u were ELECTRIC!! a great finish to the first leg of the tour. oh and thank u to both @ logansargeant and @ sistersacc for joining me in miami tn ahead of the gp <3
tagged: sistersacc, logansargeant, williamsracing
lilymhe: LAST PIC??
urusername: people keep sending logan text posts to me and its amazing
user1: girl explain what u were doing last night
user2: patiently waiting on her downfall fr
user3: MOTHER IS MOTHERING!!!
logansargeant: I LOVE YOU BITCH ASS
urusername: I LOVE YOU TOO FUCK HEAD !!! 💙💙
williamsracing: y/n. ur electric.
urusername: im leaving logan for u williams admin
logansargeant: dude what the fuck :(
user4: so we're gonna act like no one saw her cheating?
sistersacc: AAAA SO MUCH FUN THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE U MAD <333
alexalbon: thank u again for inviting me and lily i cannot express the joy of finally meeting the woman logan never shuts up about
user7: not everyone jumping to conclusions jfc
logansargeant made a new post
logansargeant: thank u williams for the incredible season and for trusting this american guy and taking a chance on me. thank u @ urusername for being my rock. see u all next yr 💙
USER HAS LIMITED COMMENTS ON THIS POST.
urusername: so so so proud of u baby <3 u did incredible
logansargeant: thank u <3
alexalbon: see u in a few weeks
oscarpiastri: great job man u did amazing
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EXTRATV made a new post!
liked by 456k others...
extratv: While rumors are spiraling of potential cheating allegations against Y/n L/n, she was spotted with Taylor Swift at a local park in Miami after day two of her residency in the Kaseya Center. Has the checkered flag waved for the American 'It Couple' of F1?
user1: bro its so over for us.
user2: NOOO Y/N SARGEANT PLS </3
user3: people see taylor and think its an immediate break up. taylor literally helped y/n start music bc their moms are besties idk what y'all are on.
user4: reputation era real
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"Do you see this shit?" You turn to look at Logan behind you, who currently has his face smushed into what was previously your pillow as he attempts to recover sleep from his season of traveling just about everywhere. You would be in the same boat as him if you weren't being hounded over doing your skincare and such everyday for tour. Because of that hounding, you had to take off all the makeup you had put on for dinner as soon as you got home. The dinner was with all your family and friends to celebrate the end of a season and the end of the first leg of your tour.
"No?" Logan blinks open his eyes and you cross the room from your shared bathroom, he lifts the blanket so you can slide in next to him in the bed as the fleeting Florida sun nips warmth into your skin before his warmth envelops you in the comfortable blankets you have across the bed as the fan above rotates on high.
You flip your phone, showing him the pictures of your sister people were using to say you cheated on Logan.
"Oh be so serious." He groans into your side as he looks at the photos, arm draped lazily over you before he plucks the device out of your hands and drags you fully under the blankets with them.
"Don't worry," He murmurs, sleep in his voice, "It'll blow over if we just ignore it."
"Logan they're trying to cancel me on Twitter." You deadpan, rolling into his embrace and snuggling against him.
"Write a song about it like everyone thinks you're doing with Taylor, play it on tour or something.'' He mumbles into the skin of your neck before giving you a soft kiss.
You hate how enticing the idea is.
"You're gonna have to review the lyrics before I post it, because I might make it absolutely filthy." You warn and Logan's eyes widen as he perks up from where he's cuddled into your side.
"Oh please, please, do." His little shit eating grin makes you burst into laughter as you nod, pulling out your notebook from your bedside table and a pen as Logan adjusts so he can watch you scribble down ideas.
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urusername made a new post!
liked by logansargeant, oscarpiastri, lilymhe, and 215k others...
urusername: im so sorry to @ williamsracing in advance. my new single miami burn comes out tmrw 💙
lilymhe: get em girl.
logansargeant: i apologize in advance to my pr team
williamsracing: logan please.
oscarpiastri: some times i wonder about u two. and then i hear about you and it makes me wish i never asked.
logansargeant: wow love u too man
landonorris: no i heard the demo im with oscar on this
arthurleclerc: prayers to ur pr team !
williamsracing: well now im scared.
#f1 fanfic#f1 smau#f1 x reader#f1 imagine#f1 instagram au#f1 x you#logan sargeant x y/n#logan sargeant x you#logan sargeant imagine#logan sargeant x reader#logan sargeant smau
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in general im like 10x as emotional as most other people so like something relatievly small will make me tear up n cry a tiny bit but after like 20 minutes im fine but . being on ur period just absoultley shatters my emotional stability and i will Start Crying over the dumbest shit but then i try not to make myself cry which just makes me lightheaded and ijust hhhjd hf kd bdhbhjd f mbd dmfg dfhbmhbdgcbvc
#im just like <:(#hopeuflly listening to the same song over and over again for the next 2 hosru will help#but right now im just siting here like hhgggh#but also god what am i saying i dont have emotional stability i will cry over the dumbest shit . i cannot help it#emotions are hard 2 control because i start getting upset over something small which then spirals into#my brain being like 'oh ur sad ??? here lets think about this other ting You Dont Like Thinking About!#because ur sad so Now's A Good Time to Remember This Bad Thing That Happened To You Several Years Ago!'#n its not like stuf happens that reminds me of bad things its just#brain gets sad . so i start thinking bad thoughts n then WHOPOPS im remembering thoughts that im trying not to Remembr#i am not very good at distracting myeslf i dont think#because i try to distact myself with positive thoughs abt other things but then its just#the negative thoguhts are overwhelming!!!!!! im oevrwhelmed!!!!!!!!! i cant stop thinking!!!!!!!!!!! help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#sory it sjust . hggb bjhbhj Long Distance Is Hard and i very much wish i was Not Here rn and was with my gf that is all#n i keep being like 'oh well maybe we'll visit during the summer maybe during winter break' but its just . it is hard#bc parents. n i have 0 proble m going over to see her but id have to have my mom come with me and we woudlnt have anyone to#watch kitty and so id prefer either going there by myself or having her jus com see me but even then its like#yeah she can come see me thats not a problem (i dont think) but. 1 problem#she will have no where to Sleep . my bed is barely big enough for Me. so theres no way someone who's generally bigger than me#is going to fit on that bed. even by herself she wouldnt Fit#n hell no im not gona fuckin have her sleep on the couch which is rly the only other option so its just . hhjhjfgbjhbfg#n we cant move cause a simple 2 bedorom house is going for like twice as much as we pay here so ists just hjhbf#i wish things were easier!!!! i wanna go see her so bad n i keep holding out hope that maybe by some fuckin miracle ill be able to see her#like next summer or this witner break or just something . Anything. like i can deal going anothr coupl years before we move in its not like#seeing each other is a necessity (i mean it is but to me i can absolutely wait if its for sure impossible for us to meet considering the#circumstances) but. still. itd be nice to just do Something. hell even if its not for a full 2 weeks like we planned n its just a week or#few days. i am desperate JSDKJLKLJG#sory i just think about that a lot its hard not to think about sometimes n i end up making myuself super upset over it#ghgouhg
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That what if when ms. moon already has a family but has to leave because of him is so HEARTBREAKING. Imagine moving on from a tramatic situation, meeting the love of your life, having a wonderful kid for all that to just get squashed in a instant. That literally had me about to tear up but imagine her kid was a bit older lets say like 10 (i know the math doesnt add up well with the timeline but its a what if)and then she just has to leave, that alone would greatly negatively impact the kid, just leaving a lasting mark. Maybe the kid would remember gojo’s face and resent him for the rest of their life.
The husband thing is equally as sad because I imagine ms.moon as shes about to leave crying and whispering how much she loves him and that shes so sorry. (Bonus heartbreak points they all breakdown as shes about to leave and she cant even hug or kiss them goodbye because shes being watched). After this incident ms.moon’s pervious family completes spiral down the drain and moon’s mental state goes down the drain with it
In conclusion amazing story but that shit was sad as fuck but I still eat it up with silverware and all
(merging multiple SEM asks cuz i feel so guilty for clogging up ppls dashes lmao)
ughhhh anytime kids are involved it just gets way more depressing, right? It think age 8-10 is like the worst time for this to this to happen because the kid can understand little, but not enough to get the whole picture.
The kid knows that their mom is leaving, but they aren't seeing the wavering tears in Ms.moon's eyes, the shaky hands, as you hug them for the last time. All that they can see is the fancy new car your new lover sits in. The grand ring that sits on your finger. Yeah, your kid will hate gojo for ripping apart your family.
But they'll hate you more, considering you're running off with a man who has more money than their father.
I think the only upside is that gojo might not bat an eye if you send money back to your family, keeping them comfortable. With enough pleading, he might pull a few string to get your kid into a good school. With your indirect help, your kid will have the best education and prosperity. Them resenting you is a pretty small price to pay, right?
in the fic, the case took about three weeks, so it took three weeks for gojo to just snap.
He would definetly try to toy with ms.moon for as long as he can. Despite claiming that he forgave ms.moon, he does carry a tiny bit of resentment. It's kind of a punishment, in that sense.
And honestly the moment he figures out you who are, I doubt you'd have a chance to run anymore. The reason why Ms.moon was able to 'get away' the first time was because gojo was still a teenager, hier of the gojo conglomerate, but still not powerful yet. Now, he has tons of resources available for him. You're not getting away lmao, I think that's why he's so much at ease this time around.
I never really considered the family's response. their reactions is something I'm not really interested in exploring. i don't think they got any characterization other than 'housewife mom' and 'dad who works'. I don't really think ms.moon would even mention gojo's torment to them. It'd be embarrassing, knowing that some kid the same age as you is just lording over your life, right? I did mention that Gojo confronts your family in EKM, but I don't like that addition now, so I'm retconning it. I feel like they'd find out just like everyone else did: From the media. Everyone in your little town knew who the Gojo was, but the fact that their kid is getting married to one of them has so be surprising.
But then again, not something im interested in exploring
If Gojo had managed to find Ms. Moon before, things would certainly have been much different. The gojo now has 'cooled down' and is far less volatile. If they had met again, if they were in their early twenties....things would not be much different from his high school counterpart.
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journal entry, may 30th 2024
i feel myself rotting from the inside. nothing brings the same joy it once did. ‘once’ being a time i can't even remember.
when i was a kid, i was free. i was alive. i know its common for trans women, we all lose something of ourselves growing up, probably. but the isolation took too much from me. it took my soul.
i used to be so cheerful, so outgoing. so uncaring of what others thought of me, so emotional. being forced into that room, a constant terror, i had nothing to leave the house for, no friends, no hope. i remember sitting on the dining room table, the only place wifi worked, from the moment i woke up to the moment my father came home, talking constantly to the only people i had, my discord ldrs, people who thought i was 16 when i was 13, people who loved me for the face i put on and who would listen to at least some of my cries.
i wish i fucking killed him. i shouldve taken that fucking knife and stabbed him over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over. why was i so fucking stupid, to think me going to jail would change my life at all? everyone i know’s lives would be further improved by my utter absence of it. if i could be struck by a device that erased me from everyones memories, my friends would only be happier. mom would be happier without that breakdown. mutt would've been. all of them would. the only one who wouldnt is knives, and ive accepted that evil (selfishness) of my desire to die
it isnt some attempt at self depreciation, it is an acknowledgement of my place in this world. it may not inherently be better with my absence, but many people’s worlds would be.
its fucking stupid, really, what started this all on. my envy of those with more, my desire for a dad which i knew would never come to fruition, my desire for a family in general, my gradual loss of friendliness with my irl isolation alongside all of it, my failed attempts to make myself message mutuals like dadsmell or femboytorturer (especially stupid, i barely know her, but still. the point was in my general failure of not speaking.) then it all . spiraled. when i felt the cold that first time i was so happy that i might die. the guilt i was wracked with when i lived was so much worse than the terror i felt before it. so i hid, and tried again, and hid, until i had no choice, until i broke, talked to suffer, until i was brought to azriels.
that moment gave me an ounce of hope, hearing that i would have a friend in this city who wanted to hang out with me often and help me some too. its a shame i was a bit rude that one time in the depths of it. and its a shame he used that moment to tell people i attacked him days prior when i hadnt. i missed the show right after, the first show i was ever gonna be able to go to. we were sposed to go together. but. i dont really get to have fun like the other girls. all ive wanted for so long is to go to a show and dance, ive never danced, really. im too scared. it wouldve made so much better. idk why he. why that. had to happen, i actually felt good and tried for a day or two, until that happened.
ever since then its been worse and worse. i remember that nice puppygirl mutual who sent me puppy hugging gifs in my asks when i was sad, i remember miyoria checking in on me, after the cold of not talking for so long, after that server left me to rot. i remember getting to talk to soxy for the first time in so long. i remember trianon almost visiting, i remember us calling. i remember finally getting to dm w piper, and a lot of my favourite mutuals. i remember feeling good from all of that. the little bit of good i could. and now they're gone. the dying girls strife is too much to bear for so long- i already gave mom the worst breakdown, i wouldnt be surprised if i hurt more like this too. and yet i still love them. i guess its my fault, for letting myself fall like this. for killing myself.
when knives came, and helped me with my passport. its presence was so fucking good. but even if the passport goes through, i now have no one i care about who would even take me in, unlike before, when the offers were common. now i am rotten in the eyes of the beasts. this carcass is no good. i guess knives leaving was the nail in the coffin. that it doesn't get better. everyone forgets you, no matter what you do. youre hopeless, girl, all that you could've been is gone now. im sorry i couldnt have been a person . i rlly wanted to be and to try.
allure, you poor poor rotten girl. you were built to die, and nothing more. you were meant to be killed and feasted on. you were right when you said that this would make everything worse, you were right when you said that the world is not yours, and most sadly, you were right when you screamed out, with nothingness in your voice. was “allure” ever even real in the first place. was i? was she? you won't answer, i know you won't.
ive gained at least 200 followers on tumblr since this started. and i havent felt so alone in a long time. my attempts were less lonely than this. the few people who are left, i can barely even message often because of the crippling murderous cloud in my head, brought on by everything prior. i wish i couldve gotten a fucking chance.
i used to be, at least somewhat liked. people liked my little kink posts, i got some mutuals i could comnect w and who i thought were cool, who i rlly wanted to connect with. people thought i was cute, some people even wanted to play games w me, (thanks margo, love her) but now theres fucking. nothing. when i post online with an attempt at talking again i am left utterly hopeless.
and still, this has mostly just been my online strife. not to fucking mention the physical life, the way i have been left stranded every time ive been at a hangout, the way tgirls only think of me as ‘cute’ instead of anything actually tangibly good. not to mention the fucking uselessness of my soul and the rotten pit in my mind. im mentally ill, but in all the ways that make you a faker and an idiot and unloveable and imfuckingpossible, non existent. not real.
i miss you, my life. i miss you. i miss the little things i had, even thought i know that that isolation wouldve still killed me. a girl can only handle having all her interaction being vcing in a server of ppl who willfully ignore her for the more attractive and ‘good autistic’ ppl for so long before something snaps.
i miss you, my friends, the friends who will probably never talk to me again, the friends i havent heard from since this all began, i still miss and love. because i am ruined. god i miss them so bad. i wish i had a chance to have a life irl, hell i wish i had a chance to have a life even just on tumblr right now, but im being killed.
i cant write more. my throat has been torn and my hands have been assaulted. and my head is still dying of fog.
but i hate that im alive right now, i hate that i couldnt die yesterday. i hate that i am even here to write this, disappointing all, especially myself, especially her. fuck i miss her. all i can do now is keep trying whenever i can and let everyone give up so i will fade from memory even faster. its all i have, when no one is present.
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Unplanned Sleepovers
pairing: mom!reader x Henry Lasso & Ted Lasso x fem!reader
word count: 1.5k
warnings: crying
summary: Henry finds you crying and insists on spending the night with you, while also finding a new nickname for you. Ted comes home and joins the action.
a/n: hi guys, I wrote this really quick after work so it is def not proofread. can you guys tell im a crier?? also I LOVE DAD!TED. DAD!TED SUPERIOIRTY
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It had been a long week. Work was stressful, the time had changed so it was colder and darker earlier, and the holidays were coming up. This was a stressful time of year for you, and more often than not you found yourself feeling “down”. Your life was great; you had a stable job that fulfilled you, a wonderful fiance, a great step-son that you had a very close relationship with. Still, some days you found that it took everything in you to get out of bed. When you were on your own, that didn’t really affect anyone but you. When you lived with Ted, he was gentle, kind, and so understanding. But now, Henry had moved in with the two of you, and you didn’t want him to think any less of you for any reason at all.
Ted was gone at an away match, they ended up having to stay two extra nights due to snow and icy roads. You thoroughly embraced this quality time with Henry. After you picked him up from school, you two went by the shops to get groceries for the next few things, and the young Lasso boy was extremely enthusiastic to help you cook dinner.
With Christmas music playing softly in the background, you and Henry cooked together while he told you all about his week at school. The two of you shared many laughs, but after a few slower, more melancholic Christmas songs you felt that familiar feeling again. Like something was sitting on your chest. You thought you’d done a decent job playing it off. It was Henry’s night to pick the movie, so the two of you ate on the couch while laughing over his choice. Ted typically insisted on eating at the table together, so the nights the two of you shared dinner on the couch held a special place in Henry’s heart.
You’d successfully tucked Henry in and gotten yourself ready for bed. Ted and the team had walked to a nearby pub for a night out, so you hadn’t heard much from him. Although, you trusted the team to keep him safe, and knew that if something went sideways you’d be a;erted by Rebecca, Keely, or any one of the numerous friends you’d made of Ted’s coworkers. Typically when you felt this way, you would open up to Ted about your feelings. Not only was he your partner, he was your best friend, and more often than not he was there when you felt like this.
After crawling in bed and sending Ted a quick goodnight text, you turned on your favorite sitcom. Usually you’d be laughing yourself to tears over this show, but tonight you found yourself staring off into space, unable to concentrate. Your mind was running with unrealistic thoughts.
Will Henry be happy with his Christmas with you and Ted?
If he isn’t, will he want to move home?
Would he wish Ted found someone else?
Is Ted happy with your Christmas as a new family?
Would he leave you if this Christmas wasn’t everything he was hoping for?
Your spiraling thoughts quickly brought tears to your eyes, and your heart clenched as a soft sob left your mouth. All you’d wanted was a family, and that was what you’d found with Ted and Henry. They were your boys, and the thought of a holiday season after this one without them broke your heart. No matter how fast you wiped your tears, they wouldn’t stop coming. A part of you felt silly, but you knew sometimes it was best to cry it out.
Before you crying had ceased, the handle to you and Ted’s bedroom turned, and the door slowly crept open to reveal Henry in his pajamas, eyes wide, and brow furrowed. He looked exactly like his father, something you loved beyond words.
“Mama Y/N? What’s wrong?”, the nickname made you smile softly. Embarrassed, you quickly wiped your tears away and willed them to finally stop.
“I’m okay, Henry Bug.”
“But you’re crying”, He came to stand on the side of the bed beside where you were sitting, and immediately crawled up beside you without a second thought.
Deciding the best route was honesty, you responded, “Yeah, I was, buddy.”
“Did something happen? Are you okay?”, again, Ted’s mini-me. Always worried about your safety and well-being.
“No no, Hen. Just a long day, that’s all. Feelin’ a little extra tired tonight.”, you did your best to muster up a smile, but you could tell the boy wasn’t completely sold.
“Hmm”, he pondered your answer for a moment. “I feel like that too sometimes, especially if I don’t sleep good the night before”.
You knew the feelings he was talking about were different, but you knew it wasn’t the time, place, or situation to try and explain your adult feelings to him.
“Yeah, Hen. Maybe we can both get some good sleep tonight, yeah? I think your dad should be home in the morning.”, he nodded and smiled wide at the mention of the mustached-man you both loved.
“Maybe we can all make some waffles tomorrow for lunch? Have a lil’ brunch situation?”
Henry nodded even faster at this suggestion, and his cuteness made you smile. By now, you had stopped crying. Although you hadn’t truly explained your adult feelings to Henry, you felt comforted by his presence and were so happy to have him there.
“Can I stay in here tonight, Y/N? Your bed is soooo comfy”, Henry let out the cutest giggle.
You smiled widely at his question and let out a fake sigh, “Fine, I guess I can make room for my Henry Bug.”
Your sarcasm made him laugh and as you held up the duvet for him, he settled in on Ted’s side of the bed. As you lied down on your back, he snuggled into your side, and you wrapped a protective arm around him. You had begun to close your eyes and were on the verge of sleep when Henry whispered, “Can we watch Shrek please?”
His request made you laugh and he mirrored your laughter before questioning, “What?” through a fit of giggles.
“Nothing, Hen. Just happy you’re here. I love you, buddy.”
“I love you too, Y/N. You’re basically like my mom now. Can I just call you mom?”, the recent disputes with Michelle made you wonder if this was coming. Although nothing could’ve prepared you for the love you’d feel in the moment. With tear-filled eyes you chuckled, “Absolutely, Henry. I’d love that.”. You squeezed him close in a warm hug while putting “Shrek” on the TV.
Henry settled back into your side and the two of you slowly drifted off. Before you completely fell asleep you pressed a soft kiss to the top of Henry’s head and whispered, “Sleep good, sweetheart. I love you.”
And tears pricked your eyes again when he whispered, “Love you too, mom. G’night.”
—---------------------
Ted’s heart constricted at the sight as he walked in the next morning. You were asleep on your side, hair a mess and lips slightly parted with your arm stretched out to his side. Henry had stayed by your side all night, and had tucked himself into the bend of your arm.
His face mirrored yours as the two of you finally caught up on some sleep. There was enough room for him to crawl in beside Henry, so after slipping off his jacket and shoes, he did. The movement woke you up, “Ted?”
“Shhh, go back to sleep, darlin’. Didn’t mean to wake you.”
You closed your eyes again, fully intent on falling back asleep, “S’okay”
Henry stirred at the noise and snuggled closer to you. Unbeknownst to the two of you, Ted’s eyes were filled with all the love in the world as he watched his two favorite people sleep. He draped a strong arm over Henry, and rested his hand against you as he joined the two of you in sleep. With the two of you in bed, he felt the most in love as he’d ever had before.
And later, while you three made waffles, he couldn’t even find words as Henry asked, “Can you hand me a paper towel, Mom? I spilled some”. He couldn’t even join you two in laughter as Henry looked at you with a sheepish smile and sent you both in a fit of laughter. All he could manage was a warm, loving, teary smile while he watched his two favorite people make breakfast together.
Thanks for reading!
#henry lasso#ted lasso#ted lasso x reader#ted lasso angst#ted lasso fluff#mom!reader x henry lasso#dad!ted superiority#dad!ted#ted lasso imagine#my writing
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mom screamed in my face for telling her not to smoke and then called my sister to say i was a "fat bastard loser" and that she hopes i die. awesome. that's a lot even for her. for context, she was in the hospital last month with severe breathing issues and was essentially put on palliative care because they couldn't get a proper diagnosis before she ended up recovering. she would've died if i hadn't put my foot down and taken her there. and that's like, the fifth or sixth time i've basically saved her life. i've genuinely lost count by this point. but asking her not to smoke a cigarette is a step too far i guess!
im just so exhausted that this is all happening again. she spirals and she improves and then she spirals again and none of the systems in place that should be able to help us can do anything without more money than we can afford. my sister called me afterwards to know what the hell was going on and i just broke down. as comforting as she tries to be she's still quick to remind me that i shouldn't hate mom because she's mentally ill and she's a victim in all this too. i've tried so, so hard over the years to stay compassionate and empathetic towards my mother and i know she doesn't "actually mean" most of the things she says in this state, but when am i allowed to just say i don't care anymore? even when she's stable and receiving treatment, she downplays the impact it has on all of us and refuses to self reflect beyond a few measly "sorrys"
it's so dehumanizing to take care of someone for over 15 years, sacrificing so much of your time and energy and life just to still be treated this way. like im shit on the bottom of her shoe for daring to question her for HER benefit. i can never get those years back. i am so much less of the person i could've been because of everything i've had to do and give in the hopes that maybe this time, she'll really get better.
i will be okay. we're already putting things in motion to get her care again, and maybe by some miracle, find somewhere she can stay and get help long term this time. i will not hurt myself (and i never have before), and i will not shut down and disappear for two months without a word like last year. i still hate that i did that. i don't want to worry anybody, and i don't even want to be making this post. my new therapist has been great and so incredibly helpful already and i'll get into all this with her later in the week, but i just had to get this out of my system for today.
<3
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Shit i think i might be a narcissist what do i do
I’ve been told my whole life being a narcissist is bad and my bro and mom are both diagnosed narcissists but they’re also abusive n i was told its bc of their npd but im trying to get away from that mentality
heyo! first of all, take a deep breath, you're going to be okay. a lot of people can tend to panic or spiral when they first find out they have NPD because of society's stigma surrounding it, but please remind yourself that NPD is not a death sentence and having it says nothing about if you're a good or bad person. having a disorder is not a moral statement, it's something out of your control.
similarly, you and your abusers sharing a disorder in common does not mean you're automatically going to turn out abusive as well. a lot of abuse victims in general tend to worry that they're going to turn out like their abusers, but rest assured that doesn't have to be the case and acknowledging your disorder + getting the help you need when/if you can makes it even less likely that will be the case.
in reality, your mother having NPD and you + your brother also developing NPD most likely means you were genetically predisposed to it. PDs in general develop from a mix of environmental and genetic factors, meaning some people are more likely to develop them when exposed to traumatic events in childhood.
for example, both my parents are most likely cluster b (my father having NPD and my mother having BPD) so when i experienced trauma in childhood, i was more likely to develop those disorders and similar ones. none of this means you or me are automatically going to turn out to be abusive like them, having the disorder is once again something completely out of our control.
there is nothing inherently wrong with having NPD or any disorder for that matter. it doesn't make you bad, or morally wrong, or inherently abusive. undoing internalized ableism and stigma you've learned can be hard, but it's important and you will get there eventually. attempt to be patient and kind with yourself through that process. again, you're going to be okay and you're doing great.
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kai! got a question, could you possibly share more of your headcanons or ideas about characters (any fandom you want :P)? because every time i see one of yours post about stuff like that, i just go 'whoa he makes really good headcanons' i don't really know where im going with this but,,, yea :P (im extremely tired im so sorry lol)
I'm in an Agent Curt Mega mood (bcs I'm drawing him atm and he looks really sad and angsty but I'm also feeling very sad and angsty sooo)
I just love him, I think he's fascinating. Also I'm glad you like my headcanons! I care about them a lot, idk these characters mean something to me at this point, for better or worse
Since I'm feeling sad and angsty I'm gonna make him sad and angsty
So I don't think that he was with anyone after Owen fell. I think he stayed single out of guilt. After he kills Owen the second time he spirals, never able to really keep a relationship. He's miserable. And he's just like that for the rest of his life as he plots to take down Chimera but also having a really shitty work/life balance and now nothing in his life is consistent. With Owen he could hope they'd end up on another mission together, he could hope Owen wasn't going to die. He had something to look forward to that wasn't just a next mission. After Owen dies, for either time, he really just has nothing. He's sad, he's alone, he probably only talks to his mom but even that's rarely and post staircase scene he has Tati and Barb but I don't think either of them will be too helpful in the long run.
Gah this guy just seems so lonely to me. I don't know, he doesn't seem like the type of guy to just have friends
I feel like I'm digging too deep into how much Curt cared about their relationship. I think pre fall he'd be with other guys because he didn't feel as if his relationship with Owen was really that real. Sure, Owen was one of the few who understood his experience, but I don't think he realized until after the fall how much Owen actually meant to him. This is probably what really started his downward spiral. He lost the most important person to him, someone he had taken for granted for years and then killed him (or thought he did). I don't know if someone can really come back from that, even after Curt goes back to spying he still needs Owen, he has flashbacks to him, telling him, whispering in his ear. Owen's haunting him in the worst way possible and the worst part is that Owen is alive and not only that now he hates Curt.
Post fall I don't think Curt ever recovers. I think that after killing your lover twice you can't come back from that. Again, the man probably died alone. Probably alcohol poisoning, if I had to guess.
Sorry this one is really sad
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finally caving and rambling about my au vanessa<333
-after her mom..um..left, she started to get very good at drawing and would practice everyday (because she would try to draw her mom and not forget what she looks like)
-her older brother is phone dude and he knew practically EVERYTHING about freddys and fazbear entertainment. so naturally, older brother's interests = coolest thing in the whole world
-when she was around 16, PD opened fazbear frights and vanessa would help around with decorating and doing sfx :33
-unfortunately, the fire happened and everything spiraled from down there. she ran away from home and eventually got taken in by michael afton and jeremy fitzgerald (:333)
-she is very comfortable with the two, until shes about 17-18 and michael goes through the events of pizza sim. you can guess what jeremy and vanessa thought after michael didn't come home that day
flash foward to when shes about 20, jeremy and vanessa get jobs at silver parasol games (jeremy got roped into it because of the whole fazbear mess, vanessa got the job of her own will)
-things..do not go well for them there when The Anomaly first starts appearing. it gets ahold of jeremy, and then y'know what happens. vanessa is sadly never aware of his death because the anomaly immediately goes after her
-it promises her that it would help her find michael. he'd return home and be there for her forever and ever. and she gives in.
-throughout malhare's possession, she can really only remember bits and pieces (trying to reach out through the computer searches, the therapy sessions, getting moved to the pizzaplex and becoming head of security, etc)
-shes around 23 when she gets the job at the pizzaplex. slowly but surely, shes getting some more free will and starts to reach out to the employees. but malhare isnt having that so he takes control, makes the vanny suit, and informs all the employees about the all staff meeting
-vanessa is now the only security guard. she doesn't know why.
-flashing foward to the events of sb, before the intro she is full vanny and chasing after gregory (in my au ggy will be canon, so her goal is to either get him re-possessed or just finish him off). he gets away and hides in freddy's chest, yadayada, but THIS time vanessa is fully willing to help gregory because hello. hes like 10. she is an ally like freddy and can open security offices for you and help you to take different paths. but like freddy, she does have a limit. maybe this is the scrapped vanny meter or whatever
-ok im skipping most of security breach gregory finally plays the last princess quest game and frees her. she soon learns that gregory doesn't really have a home to go to, so she immediately takes him under her wing and boom 3 star fam wins!!!!
i was just really thinking about her tonight<333 cant promise i'll do this again but alas.
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https://x.com/postdisclosure?s=21
Do u think aliens exist? I saw this profile on twitter and i thought maybe aliens were spreading non dualism to make us go crazy or spiral out of control 😭😭😭
You promise your not some malevolent alien???
Im only 13 and shifting realities has ruined my life and taken away my innocence. I just keep going down rabbit hole after rabbit hole. Im insatiable right now. I just wanna know whats real. 😭😭
Literally from "no concepts," to loa, to shifting, astral projection, alien, conspiracy theories, demons, alchemy, angels, folk spiritual practices, witchcraft....ever since I was 11 and came across shiftok I dove deep into all these esoteric studies
And while "no concepts" feels the best, when you chnaged your pfp I got scared 😭😭😭 because it happened when I came across this community of people that think aliens are gonna come for disclosure and theyre not sure if theyre good or bad, but that humanity needs to know. It was such a stupid synchronicity...maybe i dreamed up this way...because im so scared of all this crazy esoteric knowledge i know now. All my friends think im crazy, but they also think its cool, but also dont have the mental fortitude to dive as deeply as i did 😭😭😭 im all alone
Theres these beings that esoteric people on 4chan talk about, theyre called mantids and they can control your brains😭😭😭 theyre partially aliens
Idk what to believe, but again, i even tried witchcraft and spell work, and astrology. EVERYTHING over these past two years to find out the truth of reality. I have over a terabyte of files worth of esoteric knowledge. And i still don't know!!! I wish i never came across tiktok and did this deep dive into the unknown. I wish I had just been a normal middle schooler
I wish i just found loa and non dualism first
Do you have any advice? I know, I think u might be an alien. But ur probs not lol.
My parents and grandparents cant even help...all they care about is work and keeping our lives organized. My mom and dad told me im just going down rabbit holes for no reason. My family laughs that im into all this esoteric stuff. I actually think they think its a cool quirk in the family. So shallow😭😭😭😭😭😭 im too young for this mental illness
But its too late, I know too much...
Any other no concepts people, please say anything to this post
Ur guys words have been the thing that makes the most sense. But this awakening/noticing is intense and nobody around me is going through this 💔❤️🩹😭🫶🏻
jesus christ???????
1. Anon with all due respect, your first question.. if you know i'm an AV/" " account, where does the belief in aliens fit in?
2. In a slightly concerning tone, don't you see how out of touch all of this sounds?
3. At your young age of 13 you might want to stay away from social media for a bit because.. this does not sound healthy anymore😬 over a terabyte of files worth esoteric knowledge.. jesus christ
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