Things I've seen tumblr memeing about James Somerton doing à la "How did no one see how bigoted he was!" as if those things haven't been a significant part of tumblr culture for over a decade :
Presenting untrue and bordering on conspiratorial versions of (queer or otherwise marginalised) history without any sources
Completely disregarding and disrespecting any expertise on socio-cultural topics/humanities and distrusting academics and historians (incl. acting as if no academics or historians could be queer or marginalised)
Downplaying the role misogyny played in the historical oppression of queer women and concluding that queer men must have been more oppressed than queer women
Bi women are, at best, not as queer as "real" queer ppl, and at worst, simply equivalent to straight women
Despite nominal trans inclusivity, transmasculine ppl are functionally women when convenient (combined with the above, bi transmascs are functionally straight women)
Despite nominal trans inclusivity (bis), shamelessly attacking, threatening and actively endangering any trans woman who questions them or smth they find important (often by unfairly presenting her as violent or as a threat)
Having absolutely fucking wild and reductive takes about ace ppl, the oppression they face and their place in the queer community
Stating that marriage equality is an assimilationist fight while completely ignoring its direct roots in the horrifying consequences of the AIDS crisis for partners of ppl who died of AIDS
Praising western media creators from the past for queer coding even under censure and in the same breath condemning current non western media creators for being homophobic bc their representation isn't explicit enough
Blaming China for all existing homophobic censoring in western media
Assuming all queer media would be better told by western creators and by western standards
Only out queer ppl get to tell queer stories
Heavily criticising almost all queer media created by women or ppl they see as such (see above points about trans ppl) or involving/starring a significant amount of women for any perceived or real amount of "problematicness", but fawning over and praising and negating criticism of queer media created by and starring mostly or even functionally exclusively men (even when it could be argued that, you know, not involving/seriously sidelining women is a pretty clear example of misogyny which should probably be considered "problematic")
And I'm probably forgetting stuff or there's stuff I have internalised myself and don't recognise as an issue
Like idk but I feel like the takeaway from Hbomberguy and Toddintheshadow's videos should maybe be "be aware of such patterns in your communities bc they definitely exist" and not "this guy is uniquely awful" and I feel like a lot of the discussion I've seen surrounding this has been severely failing at that. Most ppl who've spent any significant amount of time on tumblr prob either have internalised at least one of those thought patterns, have had to de-internalise them, or have had to be extremely vigilant to not internalise them (which is done by, you know, seeking out other sources, which also seemed like an important takeaway from the videos)
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Battle Log for Chapter 37/38 of Perfect Slaughter!
**Warning! Spoilers for ch37 and 38 ahead!**
If you guys haven't noticed yet what a total nerd I am, this will make it abundantly clear. I showed Cazador's monster stats a couple months ago that I homebrewed/crossed from BG3 and our classic D&D vampire, but I hope you didn't think I stopped there. If you like battle logs and getting into the nitty gritty of D&D mechanics, please enjoy this breakdown below the cut!
First, if you want to reach peak nerd about it with me, take a look at all the details for our main three! (*Note: I did mix Astarion and Tyrus's BG3 stats with a vampire spawn's ability scores, considering it's canon that Astarion lost a lot of things like strength and healing ability after being tadpoled)
Monster Stats: Cazador Szarr
Tyrus Aman'del's Character Sheet
Astarion Ancunin's Character Sheet
Or otherwise, as you look over the battle log, just keep in mind a few things:
"Legendary Actions" are special actions available to powerful monsters in 5e combat, such as vampires. Besides his normal actions, Cazador can take three legendary actions between turns, but only at the end of another creature’s turn.
Cazador has "Legendary Resistance" as well, which is simple but quite powerful: when he fails a saving throw, he can choose to succeed instead, three times per long rest.
At the top of each round, Cazador receives 10 temporary HP per ritual source.
Thanks to Magic Circle, all of Cazador's attacks are rolled with disadvantage.
In his diseased condition, Tyrus rolls with disadvantage on attacks and saving throws, and his movement speed is reduced by half.
Pre-Round
Cazador: 270 HP
Tyrus: 100 HP
Astarion: 115 HP
Ghouls: 35 HP each (four)
Skeletons: 27 HP each (thirteen)
Chatterteeth: 74 HP
Godey: 74 HP
Cazador steps onto trap and speaks the words to trigger it ("Ecce Dominus!")
All at once:
Glyph of Warding (7th level) - 43 fire damage (succeeded saving throw, only takes 21 damage)
Glyph of Warding: Magic Circle
Glyph of Warding: Silence
Glyph of Warding: Sunbeam - 38 radiant damage
*Cazador spends his first legendary resistance to succeed saving throw, only takes 19 damage)
Glyph of Warding: Phantasmal Killer (7th level) - 49 psychic damage
Round 1
Cazador: 181 HP +70 temp HP
Tyrus: 100 HP
Astarion: 115 HP
Ghouls: 35 HP each
Skeletons: 27 HP each
Chatterteeth: 74 HP
Godey: 74 HP
Ritual Circle: 29 radiant damage on Cazador from Sunbeam ray
Cazador: Two unarmed strikes, 5 bludgeoning damage on second hit
*Takes 20 radiant damage at start of turn because of Sunbeam
**Fails save for Phantasmal Killer again so spends his second legendary resistance to succeed it
Tyrus: Dash to Astarion
*Cazador Legendary Action at the end of his turn, Bite attack for 18 total damage on ghoul
Astarion: Paralyzed
Ghouls collective hits: 26 slashing damage on Cazador (resistant; takes 13)
Skeletons: Dash into range of battle
*Cazador Legendary Action, Move without opportunity attacks
Godey: 13 slashing damage on Cazador (resistant; takes 6)
Chatterteeth: Casts Eyebite: Frightened on Cazador
Round 2
Cazador: 183 HP +70 temp HP
Tyrus: 100 HP
Astarion: 115 HP
Ghouls: three have 35 HP, one has 13 HP
Skeletons: 27 HP each
Chatterteeth: 74 HP
Godey: 74 HP
Ritual Circle: 30 radiant damage on Cazador from Sunbeam ray (succeeds saving throw; takes 15)
Cazador: Calls three swarms of rats (arrive in 4 rounds)
*Takes 20 radiant damage at start of turn because of Sunbeam
Tyrus: Help action to rescue Astarion
*Cazador Legendary Action, Vampiric Bat Swarm!! All take either 21 piercing damage or if they succeed the dex saving throw 10 piercing damage; Cazador heals 21 HP
Astarion: Casts Expeditious Retreat and pulls Tyrus out of radius
Ghouls collective hits: 21 slashing damage on Cazador(resistant; takes 10)
Skeleton collective hits: 44 piercing damage on Cazador(resistant; takes 22)
Godey: 16 slashing damage on Cazador (resistant; takes 8)
*Cazador Legendary Action, fails to Bite Godey
Chatterteeth: Casts Chill Touch for 13 necrotic damage on Cazador (resistant; takes 6), Cazador can't regain hit points until the start of her next turn
Round 3
Cazador: 193 HP +60 temp HP
Tyrus: 79 HP
Astarion: 105 HP
Ghouls: three have 25 HP (one dead)
Skeletons: ten have 17 HP, three have 6 HP
Chatterteeth: 53 HP
Godey: 64 HP
Ritual Circle: 23 radiant damage on Cazador from Sunbeam ray
Cazador: One failed unarmed attack, one failed bite
*Takes 20 radiant damage at start of turn because of Sunbeam
Tyrus: Removes the glyphs from the nearest spawn/ritual source
*Regains 10 HP at the start of his turn due to vampiric regeneration
Astarion: Removes the glyphs from another spawn/ritual source
*Regains 10 HP at the start of his turn due to vampiric regeneration
*Cazador Legendary Action, Vampiric Bat Swarm!! All take either 16 piercing damage or if they succeed the dex saving throw, 8 piercing damage; Cazador does not heal
Ghouls collective hits: 14 slashing damage on Cazador (resistant; takes 7)
*Cazador Legendary Action, fails to Bite a ghoul
Skeleton collective hits: 34 piercing damage on Cazador (resistant; takes 17)
Godey: 15 slashing damage on Cazador (resistant; takes 7)
Chatterteeth: Casts Chill Touch for 21 necrotic damage on Cazador (resistant; takes 10), Cazador can't regain hit points until the start of her next turn
Round 4
Cazador: 169 HP +40 temp HP
Tyrus: 73 HP
Astarion: 107 HP
Ghouls: four have 17 HP, one has 9 HP (one dead)
Skeletons: three have 9 HP, seven have 1 HP (three dead)
Chatterteeth: 45 HP
Godey: 56 HP
Ritual Circle: 26 radiant damage on Cazador from Sunbeam ray
Cazador: Two unarmed strikes, 5 bludgeoning damage on second hit
*Takes 20 radiant damage at start of turn because of Sunbeam
Tyrus: Removes the glyphs from another spawn/ritual source
*Regains 10 HP at the start of his turn due to vampiric regeneration
*Cazador Legendary Action, Vampiric Bat Swarm!! All take either 20 piercing damage or if they succeed the dex saving throw, 10 piercing damage; Cazador does not heal
Astarion: Removes the glyphs from another spawn/ritual source
*Regains 10 HP at the start of his turn due to vampiric regeneration
*Cazador Legendary Action, Vampiric Bat Swarm!! All take either 10 piercing damage or if they succeed the dex saving throw, 5 piercing damage; Cazador does not heal
Ghouls collective hits: 0 slashing damage
Skeleton collective hits: (dead)
Godey: 15 slashing damage on Cazador (resistant; takes 7)
Chatterteeth: Casts Chill Touch (crit!) for 29 necrotic damage on Cazador (resistant; takes 14), Cazador can't regain hit points until the start of her next turn
Round 5
Cazador: 142 HP +20 temp HP
Tyrus: 53 HP
Astarion: 92 HP
Ghouls: one has 2 HP (three dead)
Skeletons: (all dead)
Chatterteeth: 25 HP
Godey: 36 HP
Ritual Circle: 21 radiant damage on Cazador from Sunbeam ray (succeeds saving throw; takes 10)
Cazador: Hits magic circle barrier for 0 damage
*Takes 20 radiant damage at start of turn because of Sunbeam
Tyrus: Removes the glyphs from another spawn/ritual source
*Regains 10 HP at the start of his turn due to vampiric regeneration
*Bonus action takes a healing potion at Astarion’s insistence (13 HP)
*Cazador Legendary Action, Vampiric Bat Swarm!! All take either 18 piercing damage or if they succeed the dex saving throw, 9 piercing damage; Cazador does not heal
Astarion: Removes the last glyphs from another spawn/ritual source
*Regains 10 HP at the start of his turn due to vampiric regeneration
Ghouls collective hits: 8 slashing damage (resistant; takes 4)
*Cazador Legendary Action, Bites last ghoul for a total 14 damage
Godey: Fails to hit
Chatterteeth: Fails to hit with Chill Touch
Round 6
Cazador: 128 HP + 10 temp HP
Tyrus: 57 HP
Astarion: 92 HP
Chatterteeth: 25 HP
Godey: 36 HP
Ritual Circle: 24 radiant damage on Cazador from Sunbeam ray
Cazador: Hits magic circle barrier for 0 damage
*Takes 20 radiant damage at start of turn because of Sunbeam
Rat swarm 1: Fail to bite Chatterteeth
Rat swarm 2: Fail to bite Astarion
Rat swarm 3: Bite Tyrus for 8 piercing damage
Tyrus: Casts Message and speaks to Chatterteeth
*Regains 10 HP at the start of his turn due to vampiric regeneration
*Cazador Legendary Action, Vampiric Bat Swarm!! All take either 18 piercing damage or if they succeed the dex saving throw, 9 piercing damage; Cazador heals 18 HP
Astarion: Kills rat swarm 3 with 31 total damage, bonus action Bite for 7 HP healing
*Regains 10 HP at the start of his turn due to vampiric regeneration
*Cazador Legendary Action, Vampiric Bat Swarm!! All take either 6 piercing damage or if they succeed the dex saving throw, 3 piercing damage; Cazador heals 6 HP
Godey: 12 slashing damage on Cazador (resistant; takes 6)
Chatterteeth: Casts Chill Touch for 17 necrotic damage on Cazador (resistant, takes 8), Cazador can't regain hit points until the start of her next turn
Round 7
Cazador: 104 HP
Rat swarm: two have 24 HP (one dead)
Tyrus: 42 HP
Astarion: 81 HP
Chatterteeth: 1 HP
Godey: 36 HP
Ritual Circle: 24 radiant damage from Sunbeam ray
Cazador: Arcana Check to find Sunbeam rune in the ritual circle
*Takes 20 radiant damage at start of turn because of Sunbeam
Rat swarm 1: Fail to bite Chatterteeth
Rat swarm 2: Fail to bite Astarion
Tyrus: Reanimates all thirteen skeletons with Animate Dead, 7th level
*Regains 10 HP at the start of his turn due to vampiric regeneration
*Cazador Legendary Action, Vampiric Bat Swarm!! All take either 14 piercing damage or if they succeed the dex saving throw, 7 piercing damage; Cazador does not heal
Astarion: Kills rat swarm 2 with 28 total damage
*Regains 10 HP at the start of his turn due to vampiric regeneration
Skeleton collective hits: 33 piercing damage (resistant; takes 16)*Cazador Legendary Action, Vampiric Bat Swarm!! All take either 21 piercing damage or if they succeed the dex saving throw, 10 piercing damage; Cazador does not heal
Godey: 0 slashing damage
Chatterteeth: (dead)
Round 8
Cazador: 44 HP
Rat swarm: one has 24 HP (two dead)
Tyrus: 14 HP
Skeletons: four have 10 HP, two have 3 HP (six dead)
Astarion: 74 HP
Godey: 36 HP
Ritual Circle: 22 radiant damage on Cazador from Sunbeam ray
Cazador: Successfully finds Sunbeam rune in the ritual circle and removes it
*Takes 20 radiant damage at start of turn because of Sunbeam
Rat swarm 1: Bite Astarion for 3 piercing damage
Tyrus: Reanimates six skeletons with Animate Dead, 4th level
*Cazador Legendary Action, Vampiric Bat Swarm!! All take either 14 piercing damage or if they succeed the dex saving throw, 7 piercing damage; Cazador heals 14 HP (Three skeletons go down, Tyrus goes unconscious and gets thrown off the edge of the platform)
Astarion: Grabs Tyrus's hands before he's too out of reach, lifts him back up from the platform
*Regains 10 HP at the start of his turn due to vampiric regeneration
Skeleton collective hits: 33 piercing damage on Cazador(resistant; takes 16)
*Cazador drops to 0 hit points, which activates Misty Escape to his coffin
Bonus Round
Astarion: Throws Cazador out of coffin
Tyrus: Uses class feature "Command Undead" on Cazador(see Tyrus character sheet or necromancy subclass for details)
*Cazador fails the saving throw, but spends his last legendary resistance to succeed)
--after a bit of angsty dialogue and commands--
Tyrus: Uses class feature "Command Undead" on Astarion
*Astarion does not resist/chooses to automatic fail on saving throw
Astarion: Slashy slashy dagger dagger!!! (All it took was 1 point of damage, Cazador had not healed yet)
Tyrus & Astarion: Hug 🩵🩵🩵
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The Tromsø Pearl Pendant Tiara
Also called the Tromsø Halo tiara, this tiara is one of the newest acquisitions in the Carrington Royal Family's vaults and one of the oldest created, this tiara was once owned by Queen Anna of Tromsø (1834-1914, pictured above), who in turn, is an ancestress of Elissa, the Queen Dowager and the rest of the Wilkes family and their descendants.
The tiara was constructed in 1863 to mark Anna's husband, Henrik's, accession to the Tromsø throne as King Henrik III. The tiara is constructed of over 1,000 brilliantly cut diamonds and 21 teardrop pearls, most of which Anna brought with her when she married Henrik at 16.
Anna wore the tiara frequently throughout her time as Queen, and it was said to have been one of her favorites. Indeed, it must be so, as it was one of the tiaras she smuggled with her into the Akershus Fortress in 1872 after Anna spoke up against Henrik for invading her home country, Ålesund, and trying to execute her younger half-brother, King Mikael of Ålesund.
Anna smuggled the tiara out of the fort again in 1875 due to both rousing suspicion against her loyalties to her husband and to give as a wedding present to her eldest daughter, Princess Elsje, who was engaged to marry Bjørn, the Viscount Wilkes.
Elsje kept the tiara in her family's collection on multiple occasions and her granddaughter-in-law, Helena Malen, wore the tiara to the coronation of Queen Theresa-Marie of Carrington in 1928.
Later in the 20th century, the tiara was considered to be missing, as it did not appear on Victoria, the Duchess of Wilkes at the coronation of King Kristof VI in 1975 nor on Clara, the Viscountess Wilkes at the coronation of King Louis in 1984. The former master of the jewels for the Duke of Wilkes stated in 1993 that the tiara was too delicate and fragile to wear without the proper precautions.
When Clara's daughter, Elissa, began dating then Crown Prince Richard in the early 2000s, many in the royal circles expressed a hope that a reappearance of the tiara was imminent and when their engaged was announced, the tiara was one of the ones that many hoped to see on her at her wedding.
Elissa has worn the tiara on a handful of occasions, most of those overseas to represent the Royal Family and most of the appearances occurred while she was still Crown Princess. Her first appearance wearing the tiara was to the wedding of Prince Carl-Philip of Sweden and Sofia Hellqvist (as seen above) in 2015.
Since then, the tiara has made infrequent appearances on Queen Anastasia and the Countess of Betancourt, who wore the tiara to the coronation of Queen Anastasia, the first coronation it had attended in 120 years. Other female members of the Royal Family have not been loaned the tiara by the Queen or Queen Dowager, including Princess Katherine and the Duchess of Asbury.
Some reports after Elissa wore the tiara for the first time indicated that it was a wedding present gifted to her by her grandmother, Victoria, the then Dowager Duchess of Wilkes, and that it was never intended to be loaned out to other members of the Royal Family besides Elissa and her female descendants. The tiara has not yet been loaned to either Princess Alice, Elissa's youngest daughter, nor Thalia, the Duchess of Exeter, Elissa's only daughter-in-law (the wife of her eldest son Michael), at the time of writing.
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