#he’s basically another John mulaney | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

glittertomb · 7 months

Text

Very personal but important question(s?) regarding chronic health issues and disability

So I’ve had fibromyalgia and Gastroparesis for about a decade now, and I try my best to self-manage these issues (in addition to the expensive meds they give me that don’t really provide relief), but it becomes severely difficult for me to work a full schedule, particularly when my job drains me physically, mentally, and emotionally. I spend my days off in complete recovery mode, absolutely bed-ridden, afraid to do anything social or physical, because I risk going into a total Fibro meltdown. Which is a nightmare, but I’ll spare you the details.

I’ve been considering applying for partial disability because I think working 3 or 4 days instead of 5 or 6 would be much better for most humans, honestly, but particular for someone like me who deals with chronic nausea, discomfort, and pain on the daily. I’ve been putting it off for ages though because I know that disability can be very difficult to get and a horrible process and I can’t work myself up to it or afford a disability lawyer to help me. I tried being a little more aggressive this past summer and collected “documentation” on my fibromyalgia in the hope of preparing to submit it, and literally all of my documentation says “fibromyalgia?” because apparently none of my doctors believe me after years of testing and thousands of dollars of office visits trying to get this diagnosis. To be honest, using fibromyalgia as my reasoning for disability needs was a dead end anyway because lots of doctors still don’t believe it exists, so I doubt the government would find that a good reason either. And I really doubt they would take the Gastroparesis seriously either, even though both of these conditions are dehabilitating at times.

So one of my friends recommended I go through the avenue of my mental health issues. At different points of my life I’ve been diagnosed with depression, anxiety, bipolar, ocd, adhd, etc, and who knows what the real answer is, but she’s a mess. I’ve been realizing over the past couple years that I’m very likely autistic, and that would actually explain a lot of these things, but the past 6 months have been crazy, and even though I’ve been working a bunch, I’m poorer than ever because of the rising cost of everything, so I cannot afford to get a formal diagnosis yet. But I know that I told my most recent psychiatrist all these horror stories about my anxiety, so I decided to get done documentation for her too, and guess what? Generalized depression and mild anxiety. Girl, huh? (Tw: blood and dermatillomania coming up) I showed her evidence of scars on my hands from picking my hands every night til I bleed everywhere, I described how I get overwhelmed and cry at work several times a week and often fight back panic attacks at work and in my private life, I told her than I struggled to fall asleep and stay asleep and only got collectively about a few hours every night, I told her that I literally could not socialize without using alcohol as a crutch but I can no longer do that because of my digestive issues so I self-isolate, I told her that I struggle to maintain eye contact and panic when people give me eye contact… so many stories like these. Mild anxiety smdh

So that comes to my first question cause I guess I decided while writing this that I have a couple:

1) How do you, as a female-presenting person, get a diagnosis for severe anxiety? How wild do my stories have to be without accidentally committing myself?! I have an ex, amab, who basically pulled a john Mulaney and was like, “I get nervous on planes sometimes” and he legit got a prescription for Xanax or one of those other big ones, and another who is on a dose of gabapentin 5x the strength of mine because he gets social anxiety sometimes, so this is especially frustrating that I can’t even get a dang proper diagnosis on anything after ten+ years of therapy, doctors, tests, everything.

2) What is the process like for getting an autism diagnosis and are there cheaper routes you can go that would still be credible? I’ve exhausted my expenses from years of jobs not paying my worth combined with money poured down the drain trying to get any sort of help with my kaleidoscope of issues, and at this point I’m too broke and demotivated and burnt out to figure out a way forward.

3. Has anyone been able to get partial or full disability who would be willing to hold my hand through the steps and keep me motivated? I know it’s a huge ask but I honestly get so anxious even thinking about the process that I completely shut down. At the very least, maybe you could explain what worked for you or how you would approach it better next time? I just moved far away from my support group so I’m feeling alone and even a word of caution or encouragement would help.

I know I’m not really as connected to this community as I used to be, but I’m hoping someone will get to the end of this and even a kind word or a smidge of sympathy/empathy would be nice. And please do reach out if you have fibro because I don’t meet many and it would be nice to have friends who can relate. Thank you for listening! 💜💜💜

12 notes · View notes

kineticpenguin · 10 months

Text

It's weird seeing what's become of John Mulaney now. So he's clearly on the rebound tour but it's all basically like. "Here are my sorta-jokes about rehab. My wacky adventures in rehab. My wacky adventures getting drugs. Isn't it funny how ineffective my methods were at stopping myself? I'm on a podcast with another guy and we're exchanging wacky stories about buying drugs from our quirky dealers"

3 notes · View notes

ericvilas · 1 year

Text

It's okay to enjoy something because it meant a lot to you as a kid. Even if you "shouldn't", or you "shouldn't show it" or you "shouldn't talk about it". And I wish people would let others be. And I wish I didn't have to worry about how a friend would react to another friend talking about a game and having to constantly be on alert as to whether the friend enjoys and disenjoys the correct bits of the game so as to publicly signal to the other friend if they're being a good person. Because that's horrible. That's fucking horrible. Please stop doing that. Please stop just PLEASE. I don't care what it's with, please stop creating an environment that makes people worried that their enjoyment of a thing is something to be ashamed of I DON'T CARE WHAT IT IS PLEASE STOP

I don't care if BBC Sherlock or Big Bang Theory are bad in a million different ways, but 20-year-old me got REALLY FUCKING HURT by everyone shitting on it. I don't give a shit whether the MCU was bland or copaganda or whatever the fuck, I still wanna enjoy it. The McElroys were the best thing since sliced bread right up until everyone and their mother started despising Travis and every single time I listen to a TAZ episode a part of my brain is telling me how pointless it is because you're gonna enjoy it alone and with your friends giving you weird stares and that's basically the same as not enjoying it because you shouldn't. Everyone loved B99 until people started saying it was copaganda and then POOF gone. And now I can't watch it cause watching it will feel like betraying my Tumblr siblings. If someone still enjoys John Mulaney I will fucking feel a visceral reaction of mob hatred towards them, like how DARE they, haven't they heard the news that he supports Dave Chapelle and must therefore be shunned from his core audience of Tumblr? LIKE YES I AM NOT FUCKING IMMUNE TO IT OF COURSE I'M NOT THAT'S A MASSIVE REASON WHY I HATE IT! PEOPLE SHOULD BE ALLOWED TO LIKE JOHN FUCKING MULANEY! And people should be allowed to like Dave Chapelle, too, for that matter! Or ANY media that has shitty parts!

So yeah. I feel a ton of fucking empathy towards people who wanna play wizardgame and actually enjoy it even though I couldn't give a shit about it myself.

#I spiralled on main again #fuck my life #this is about problematic media in case you wanna know before opening the readmore #gonna hit post because I already wrote the damn thing so might as well

4 notes · View notes

queenbabyqueenbaby · 4 months

Text

126

At the weekend I watch Jo Koy bomb so badly during his opening monologue at the golden globes that it actually makes me a little nauseous. I watch Katt Williams claim to read 3,000 books a year. I watch two episodes of The Curse, which I once looked forward to every week but inexplicably lost interest in. I watch John Mulaney host the Governor’s Awards despite having no idea what they are. I like his opening line: for those of you who don’t know me from the Tuesday night AA in the Palisades, I’m John Mulaney. I watch Joe Rogan explain how on-the-fence he is about alien abductions. I watch two crack addicts, a man and a woman, scurry towards a phone booth near my studio. They are what comedian Matt McCusker calls the opposite of a power couple. I share a picture of a 20th ceramic dish with compartments for different snacks shaped like a woman. Someone replies to the story: FREE GAZA. I watch Gaza being bombed, then I watch the opposite of Gaza being bombed which is the pilot of Gilmore Girls. I watch four Billie Eilish music videos, and one Dua Lipa one. That song she did for the Barbie movie has Ronson all over it - mindlessly generic disco. Real string section or not, it sounds like every other offering that has paid Ronson’s mortgage over the years. It’s how I know I could never have paid his mortgage. I keep thinking about Dua Lipa being a rumoured bulimic. T sends me a photo of his new baby lying underneath the hanging plush sea creatures on the activity gym I bought. He’s transfixed, T says. But I read somewhere that babies this young are basically blind. They only want breasts and sleep, like my favourite comedians. I am deflated and lonely after my birthday, but I am also irritated by the social occasions on the horizon. A few vegetables have become repulsive to me after the antibiotics - bell peppers, cauliflower and kale. I find 24 small cans of expensive tuna in my studio that I must’ve bought from an Italian supplier online months ago. I take to the cold plunge on Saturday evening to feel like I accomplished something physiological, and to see if it upsets my stomach. The January temperature is not what early December was. I bite down on my tongue so hard when I get in that I taste blood, my feet spasm. When my phone timer allows me to emerge, I am gasping. It’s good. Cocaine good it is not. Falling in love good, not even close. But it will have to do. I finish a song, and try to rearrange another older one with no luck. Someone with a +91 number tries to call me on WhatsApp, the profile picture is a page of Hindi lettering. I block. God only knows how many scammers have my number. “I’m showing my pussy on my website”, says an Instagram message. Tongue emoji, water emoji. Imagine showing your pussy on a website

0 notes

marlowe1-blog · 4 months

Text

"Three Stories" (The Stories of John Cheever)

There's a fine line between clever and stupid.

So these are barely stories. More like sketches. And in almost all of them you feel like Cheever is going "aren't I cute?" Two of the stories are "clever" in a way that just feels cloying while the middle story is mysterious in a way that can be intriguing or irritating depending on your bias.

I. The first story is told from the perspective of a stomach. It's basically a fat guy talking to himself. Only, it's the stomach trying to push its agenda. The stomach is happy to have grown but then went through an irritating time when the man try to get it to shrink.

Basically, you get older and you get fat and unless you want to be obsessive and insane about your weight loss, you might as well just give up and let your waist size get bigger. Sure, you have to buy new pants, but do you really want to NOT eat all the good food?

II. This one is mysterious since it's about a woman who is married to a man who dies in a car accident. A few years later, she marries another man who ALSO dies in a car accident. There's a great deal of scenes where the town is trying to expand the highway and then trying to save a woman's home.

And people keep dying on the highway. Only someone is shooting the truckers. So is it the woman? Or is it someone else? The woman seems to be pretty blase about the fact that she keeps getting married to guys who die on that highway, but there was no talk about bullets in the first couple of accidents. Either way, she moves away and gets married again and....I don't know?

III. This one has a twist ending. You think that it's going one place but it's going another place. From the beginning you think it's about an irritating guy who is trying to flirt with a woman who isn't interested. Like she's really not interested. Seriously dude, shut up.

He asks her what she's reading and she won't say. He's telling her pleasant dreams when she falls asleep but she rolls her eyes. Everything he says is a source of annoyance and yet he won't stop.

Twist ending - they are married. So what looks like a creepy dude trying to hit on a woman is actually a husband trying to talk to his wife. Only his wife is treating him like a stranger who won't shut up.

The twist would be more interesting if this wasn't another story in an endless series of stories about husbands and wives who hate each other. Like the entirety of 20th century marriage humor seemed to be "fuck my wife" (or take my wife...please) and there's a reason why fans felt so betrayed when John Mulaney left his wife. He wrote a lot of jokes about how much he loved her and was crazy about her so it was refreshing not to have the standard borscht belt jokes about shrew wives.

So here, our sympathy is to the woman who has to put up with this guy until Cheever outright tells us that she married him. Then we are supposed to think that she's a shrew and he's just a sad sack. Whatever.

#John Cheever #Stupid #3 tales #3 stories #guts #stomahc #murder #highway murder #sharpshooter #pickup #failed pick up #marriage is evil #Tim Lieder #bad romance #widows

0 notes

brave-little-star · 2 years

Text

Chip N Dale

look I’ve been thinking about this movie all night. and I’m about to spoil and give my honest opinion on it, it’s not pretty. so turn back if you don’t want to be spoiled

under the gif are the spoilers

and my rating of this movie

basically, the plot chip and Dale aren’t brothers in this version and they met in school and become BFFs’ go-to holiday to be stars. they land their own tv show “rescue rangers” and are happy. Dale gets another role to star in his own tv show without telling Chip and they break up and end their friendship / the show was canceled. years later Dale is still trying to relive his past of being in rescue rangers and does conventions. with all the old characters from our past (MINUS THAT ABOBANATION THAT IS UGLY SONIC))

Chip ends up working in insurance and has a cute dog

Dale when not at conventions works at a Strip club.... not kidding then they both get a call from their friend Motte (( the mouse from their old tv show what his name lol)) they go over and learn he’s addicted to the “Cheese” (( since it’s a Disney movie they can’t say drugs lol)) and owns this sleazy guy A LOT of money. before they could do anyone chip storms out cause he’s annoyed he was blindsided by DAle showing up. Eventually, Dale calls saying Mottes has been kidnapped. and then we learn about the Big bad guy ( honestly I forgot his fake name but it turns out to be Peter pan all grown up lol) Peters’s organization takes people to put them into a machine too look like a slightly different version of themselves and then forces them oversea to flim bootleg movies of their movies.

afterward Chip and Dale basically work with a police officer “Elle” who is a huge fan of their show. and eventually, they save the day.

there are SO many cameos I didn’t catch them all, every second it felt like a new cameo appearance, from Ugly sonic, the Dad from south park, Lumiere, and coke cola polar bear. it’s Insane!

Also, the female mouse from the show ended up marrying the fly.. and having 42 children which.. is strange lol

from the moment they described what the villain was doing... I won’t lie I was stunned and I had to check out the rating lol I’m still stunned.

I could easily get over the “cheese” being referenced as drugs. okay, sure it’s Disney slightly feels weird it’s being used as such but sure. I can get passed that

the plot is about peter pan taking people, (i know in his movie he does that with children but they aren’t forced into labor and his heart was in the right place he didn’t want anyone to grow old) changing his captures the physical appearance and sending over “overseas” to work in shitty bootleg movies. so.. human trafficking this movie is about Chip N Dale stopping peter pan from human trafficking. won’t lie this set me off pretty hard.

won’t lie I wasn’t expecting this from a kid movie that used cameo appearances every 3 seconds to cover that fact up./ the dumpster fire of the beast of HELL Ugly sonic!! that guy is the REASON for nightmares. IDC what or why ppl say. he should have stayed in hell. lol

for the movie to be called “Chip n Dale rescue rangers” IDK I guess I expected the rest of them to be in it more.

I’m assuming since turning red is about not being ashamed about periods and this movie is now bringing more ‘real-life” situations into lightweight for kids. I’m guessing Disney is turning to a new age of “realism” for kids which. honestly IDK if I’m happy about that. turning red Sure. I get. but this movie? Idk.. for a movie that is rated pg. I guess. IDK I wasn’t expecting mentioning of drugs, ( even those who used the term cheese it’s drugs) and the entire plot to be about human trafficking. IDK it felt too mature to be pg. that’s my take.

seeing the new animation mixed with the old classics, however, was cool it gave a “who done it Mister Rogers” vibe throughout the entire movie. which was cool.

I LOVED Chip aka ( john Mulaney) if it weren’t for him I probably would have clicked off sooner

I HATED DALE! (Andy Samberg) he was so “theme girl” and annoying OH SO ANNOYING!

I get this is a kid tv movie but honestly. IDK how I feel about it. I get Peter doesn’t really ‘send them oversea” all the stolen characters are in a warehouse in LA. But the similarities strangely made me uneasy.

however the cameo appearances alone were great, the Seth logan scene with all his animated characters was the best scene ever lol

to me, this movie felt more mature than PG. and I get my thoughts on the HT is going to be offensive. maybe it’s just me. maybe I’m overthinking it. IDK. but this is just my opinion, go watch the movie some scenes are cute and others Not so much. but personally, if I had it my way I wouldn’t watch it again. but I know my cousin who is OBSESSED with Sonic will make me watch this movie again.

my rating is 3/10 no amount of cameo appearance can make it better

#chip n dale rescue rangers #chip n dale #disney plus

0 notes

bubblewrapjunkie · 3 years

Text

i swore i wasn’t gonna do this but this whole website is full of confused clowns who has never had a grown up relationship in their life so here we go.

the majority of the posts about john mulaney and olivia munn expecting a child fall into a very weird pattern. the tone is basically “oh so your parasocial crush john mulaney disappointed you boohoo what have we learned now?”, the moral of the story being that you shouldn’t idealize famous people. fair enough, that’s a a reasonable point to make on its own. the problem arise when you apply that particular lesson to this particular situation because here’s the kicker: he hasn’t done anything wrong.

“but he left his wife!! he said he was in love with her and then he left and he got a new girlfriend and now they’re having a kid even though he said he didn’t want kids!!”. none of this is morally wrong. if he wasn’t in love with his wife anymore, he did the right thing by divorcing her. if he fell in love with another person and wanted to be with her, he did the right thing by doing so. it’s that easy.

sometimes tumblr seems to operate under the assumption that whenever another person is hurt, it must mean that someone else did something wrong, something vicious and most importantly, with mailce. that’s not how interpersonal relationships work. people fall in love, fall out of love, divorce, want different things in life with different people without ever being morally wrong. that means things can get messy and people can get hurt and hearts can be broken without villains, without ill intent. we are human beings with human feelings and it is impossible to live a life in which you’ll never hurt anyone else.

the problem isn’t (for now) that people put john mulaney on a pedestal - the problem is that people seem to genuinely think that getting a divorce is reason enough for someone to fall from said pedestal?? i don’t want to make this about purity culture, but i find it somewhat telling that the same website that was ready to fully cancel jeff goldblum for marrying a very much grown up woman (31) simply because of an age gap also seems to have “trouble” with john’s “choices”. not to be all go out and touch some grass on main, but please believe me when i say that you can fall out of love with someone and feel bad about it and still leave them in the end because that’s simply how life works.

#john mulaney

13K notes · View notes

lesbianroland · 1 year

Text

I posted 5,841 times in 2022

2,600 posts created (45%)

3,241 posts reblogged (55%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@transtaglias LOL ME

@vang0bus

@kreideprinceps

@starswallowingsea

@peach-pot

I tagged 5,554 of my posts in 2022

Only 5% of my posts had no tags

#r - 2,323 posts

#julian.txt - 1,589 posts

#th.txt - 1,530 posts

#genshin impact - 810 posts

#asks - 437 posts

#genshin art - 203 posts

#art - 137 posts

#personal - 98 posts

#ayatoposting - 76 posts

#ittoposting - 48 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#im not a big fan of microlabels but i guess quoiromantic. im just there somewhere okay we're there. we're on it. this is the area we are in

My Top Posts in 2022:

offering a meme that works both if you see lumine as the traveler and as the abyss princess

835 notes - Posted September 16, 2022

"porygon porygon z porygon2 ribombee" is such a raw ass line on the same level as the ones written by shakespeare and i cant believe it actually comes from a fanmade pokerap song

1,045 notes - Posted March 17, 2022

when i go on the rollercoasters the employee measures my height and when they see that im shorter than 5'6 they shout MINOR CODED and a sniper from 150mt away shoots me dead

5,100 notes - Posted March 21, 2022

babe wake up new AU just dropped

7,118 notes - Posted May 8, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

ive already seen stuff about this so i want to make it clear. i hope people realize that john mulaney relapsing, having to go to rehab, divorcing his wife and then immediately after dating someone else and having a kid with her is one thing, it's a series of things that happened to him and that are none of our business, they don't impact anybody else's lives except john's and the people directly involved, that's why people were defending him back then and talking about not putting him on a pedestal because he's not perfect etc

john mulaney platforming a transhomophobe without a warning, and cheering him on and clapping and hugging him etc is a completely different thing. dude that HURTS people, that's a direct attack towards his vastly queer online audience. it involves all of us

so here's my point. "stop putting celebrities on a pedestal" worked for the first part, john was considered this untouchable being, and then he did something that was kinda ehhhhhhh and we know what happened

but THIS IS DIFFERENT. the pedestal is on the ground. we are ground fucking floor baby! the standard is literally "don't be a bigot" AND HE DID THAT. there is no pedestal girl it's basic common sense

one thing is elevating someone to godhood, giving them the untouchable perfect person status, and being disappointed when they do one thing that makes them less perfect. another is expecting the bare fucking minimum (not being a bigot) and being met with bigotry.

please. PLEASE for the love of everything that is holy and unholy on this earth, learn the goddamn difference and understand that this is nowhere near comparable as the previous shit that happened

17,347 notes - Posted May 23, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review

5 notes · View notes

miiracleboys · 2 years

Text

fic recs 3

In Another Castle by thehoyden | E | 19K

kuroken move in together after they both graduate. domestic and sweet; They Are In Love.

Richer than milk, sweeter than honey by redroseinsanity | T | 3.6K

kuroken, fae au. kuroo bargains with kenma for the first time as a child and then keeps going back as time passes. some light horror elements, but by virtue of being them, they love each other a lot. straight up Vibes.

how to win at speed dating by Mooifyourecows | T | 7.2K

daisuga. daichi loses a bet with oikawa, and as punishment he has to take part in a speed-dating event, where he ends up meeting suga. i laughed out loud here a few times. the back-and-forth banter here is fantastic and daisuga’s dynamic is so good.

eggceeding eggspectstions by asyncrhony | G | 1.9K

the msby 4 and the schweiden adlers trio have an egg-eating contest. short and silly and maintains really fun character dynamics.

Three Stories by bumblebeesknees | G | 4.9K

iwaoi. oikawa gets a confession from one of the kids he works with and it spurs him on to make a confession of his own to iwaizumi. very soft and with lovely aftermath.

This Is for Your Own Good by metisket | T | 6.3K

daiyuisuga, sort of a suga character study featuring a michimiya-suga friendship and kagehina Causing Problems. funny and actually everything i’ve ever wanted in a daiyuisuga fic.

we happy few by owlinaminor | T | 1.3K

shiratorizawa-centric; a series of snapshots from shiratorizawa’s time together compiled by tendou. the bookmark note i left on this one was “WEEPS INTO MY HANDS” and. yeah. Yeah. this one is also illustrated!

the art of reaping what you sow by trapavoid | G | 5.4K

tsukkiyama and kagehina. tsukishima gets invested in kagehina’s bizarre will-they-won’t-they for reasons that are Definitely Not Projection and in doing so comes to Realizations about his feelings about yamaguchi. his voice in this is fantastic and the whole fic is really funny.

Your Money And/Or Your Life by suspiciousflashlight | T | 11K

suga pov. daisuga are basically married and play it up to benefit financially, [john mulaney voice] no other reason. their dynamic and characterizations here are absolute gold. lots of humor and wonderfully domestic. also features tanakiyo :)

Ask A Stupid Question by darkmagicalgirl | G | 2K

ennofuta. ennoshita, yahaba, shirabu, and futakuchi, as captains of their respective teams, are interviewed on tv and futakuchi decides to be a menace about it, partially for the sake of it, partially to get a reaction out of ennoshita. this one made me laugh!

better days to find by addandsubtract | T | 6.6K

ushiten. tendou is a witch and the fic explores, to an extent, his relationship with his magic and how he has to keep it under wraps while he continues to support ushijima as a friend and as a pro athlete. this fic is just. cozy. love is stored in the casual intimacy and homemade meals :)

Watermelon Sugar by Hihoneyimdead | T | 4.3K

sakuatsu fantasy au. sakusa is an assassin hired to kill the crown prince of inarizaki, but atsumu is unfortunately both clever and charming and sakusa finds himself, despite his best (?) efforts, charmed. their dynamic here is really fun. features side sunaosa.

a long unbroken light by brella | G | 2.2K

karasuno-centric. ukai watches the crows learn to fly across three summers. ;-;

pointing at the moon by amillionsmiles | G | 3.7K

tsukishima character study and a relationship study with his brother as they grow up, apart, and back together again. the writing is gorgeous and i want to ugly cry every time i read it.

383 notes · View notes

storiesforallfandoms · 3 years

Text

backstage ~ pete davidson

word count: 1960

request?: yes!

“Can you do a Pete Davidson smut on the set of SNL”

description: in which a backstage tour turns into something a little more

pairing: pete davidson x female!reader

warnings: swearing, smut

masterlist (one, two)

“And this is the writer’s room,” Pete said as he led me into a room with a large desk surrounded by multiple chairs. “This is where we come up with the skits and the jokes. There’s John, being the loner he is.”

“You say that like it’s a joke but you’re my best friend so what does that say about you?” John asked, not looking up from his laptop.

Pete chuckled and wrapped an arm around my waist. “Moving on - ”

“Hold on!” I cut him off. “We are not just sweeping past John Mulaney like that. You know how much I love him.”

This made the older comedian look up from his laptop and smile at me. “Oh, I like this girl. She’s got good taste.”

Pete rolled his eyes at the two of us. “You can come back and talk to John before we start filming. This is a big set and I told you I’d show you all of it.”

I playfully pouted at him before waving goodbye to John and continuing to follow Pete through the unfamiliar building.

Pete had been dying to give me a tour of the SNL backstage basically since we had started dating. Our schedules never lined up enough to be able to, but I had finally managed to get a full weekend off and Pete decided to take advantage of that.

The set was much larger than I thought, with every castmate having their own dressing rooms, plus special rooms for the hosts and musical guests. So many rooms for writing and editing, and the massive set where everything was filmed, usually in front of an audience. I didn’t understand how Pete didn’t get lost every day, even if he was familiar with the place.

“And finally,” he said once we neared the end of his tour, “my home away from home.”

He pushed open the door with his name written on a wooden plaque. The room definitely screamed “Pete”. Besides the smell of weed smoke that seemed to linger no matter how long Pete wasn’t there, the room was also littered with little things he liked to have with him at all times: pictures of his dad, his mom, the two of us, little gifts I had always given him for every season premiere, little things from his other friends.

There was a comfortable looking couch along the wall that was begging for me to lay down on it. I sighed in relief the moment my back touched the couch, my legs and feet aching from the heels I decided to wear.

Pete chuckled at my reaction. “I told you to wear something comfortable.”

“And I told you I wanted to make a good impression on your co-stars, which includes a nice outfit.”

I had decided on a long sleeved white shirt and a short, plaid skirt to wear on set, with a pair of black booties that were nice when I put them on, but now that I had been walking around in them for almost an hour I was regretting my wardrobe choices.

Pete smiled and came to lay down on the couch on top of me, his legs between mine and his hands on either side of my head. “Baby, you could wear a garbage bag and everyone here would still be impressed by you.”

“Well, I’ll do that next time then.”

He chuckled and lowered himself so he was kissing me. It was a quick kiss on my lips before he dipped his head to kiss my neck. I giggled as the slight stubble he was starting to grow tickled my neck, followed by a moan as he found the spot on my neck that always drove me wild.

“The skirt does give me some easy access, though,” he mumbled against my neck as one of his hands traced up my bare leg and dipped under my skirt. I gasped as he ran a finger over my clothed clit - or, just barley clothed as I was wearing a G-string. “God, baby, I’ve barley touched you and you’re already soaking wet.”

I moaned as his finger slipped under my G-string and inside of me. He was quick to cover my mouth, a cheeky grin on his face at my reaction.

“You have to be quiet, baby,” he said. “Anyone could come catch us at any time.”

I bit my lip to try and keep quiet as his finger slid in and out of me, first at a slow pace. My moans came out as squeaks and whimpers of pleasure as his pace began to pick up and he slipped another finger into me. I was basically writhing underneath him, which I could tell he was taking a lot of pleasure in.

With two of his fingers in me, he pressed his thumb against my clit and began to rub painfully slow circles, causing my body to arch against him. It was becoming harder to hold back my moans and I had to cover my own mouth with my hand.

“God, this is so fucking dirty,” Pete commented. “Finger fucking my beautiful girl on the couch of my dressing room? Where all my co-workers come in and hang out with me? Man, I’ll never be able to look at this couch the same.”

“It’ll be a nice memory of me,” I said, trying my best to smile up at him but another whimper being let out instead.

“I’ll never not think of you when I’m in this room again,” he confirmed, lowering himself to kiss my neck again.

I was already nearing my climax when Pete’s fingers were removed from my wet core. I looked up at him with puppy dog eyes and my lips pouting. He brought his wet fingers to his lips and took them in his mouth.

“Fuck,” I breathed. I didn’t think it were possible, but I managed to become even more wet at the sight.

“Flip over on your hands and knees baby,” he told me.

I excitedly did as he told me, spinning to be back on to him on my hands and knees. I started reaching for my panties to take them off, but his hand caught hold of my wrists before I could.

“Leave them on,” he said. “I think it’ll be extra hot to fuck you with your skirt and panties still on.”

I nodded excitedly and got back into my position. Pete stood for just a moment, long enough to undo his jeans and let them, and his underwear, fall to the floor. My heart was racing as I felt the couch dip behind me again and Pete pulling my panties to the side as he lined his head up with my entrance.

As he pushed himself inside of me ever so slowly, his other hand came to rest on my back, pushing me down till my head was buried in the couch cushions.

“Best way to keep you quiet,” he said. “I don’t intend to go easy on you.”

“I don’t want you to go easy on me,” I responded.

I looked over my shoulder to see the smile on Pete’s face. He took hold of my waist with both hands and started to thrust slow at first, making sure I was comfortable and fully stretched around him. Once he was sure I was okay, his thrusts gradually got quicker and rougher until he was pounding me so hard that the only sounds in the room were that of skin slapping against skin.

I buried my face in the couch again, trying my best the muffle the moans that were basically turning to screams of pleasure. However this process was basically moot as the sound of our skin slapping against each other and Pete’s own moans and groans of pleasure would definitely alert any passersby of our activities.

Being adventurous with our sex was definitely nothing new to Pete and I. Whenever one of us was in the mood, we’d initiate it wherever we wanted. In bathrooms, fitting rooms, in the back of his car, wherever we could get some form of privacy while also being a little too out in public.

But there was just something different about having him rail me in his dressing room mere minutes before he was set to go live. At any moment someone could walk past, or one of the producers could come knock on the door. Or, heaven forbid if he didn’t lock the door, someone could just walk in and catch the two of us. All of that just made our secret rendezvous a little more naughty and sexy. While I didn’t want to be caught by any means, the thought that it would be so easy to be caught drove me wild.

Pete’s thrusts became so rough that I could hear the couch legs scraping across the floor as it moved. My legs were already feeling like jelly and I had a feeling I was going to have trouble walking to set with Pete when this was over.

His hand ran up my back and through my hair before giving my head a rough tug back. I yelped at the sudden pain that I felt in my head before it dissolved into a moan. Pete pulled me back till my back was against his chest and leaned in close to my ear.

“You feel so good,” he breathed into my ear. “God, even after all this time, you’re still so tight around me.”

“You keep talking like that and I’ll cum around your cock in no time.”

The hand in my hair crept around my front to grab me by the throat. “You say that as if it’s not what I wanted.”

His other hand slipped between my legs and began rubbing at my clit, causing all sorts of pleasure to run through me. My body started to tremble as I felt myself nearing my climax. The hand around my throat squeezed slightly as I let out a cry of pleasure, my walls tightening around him.

Pete grunted in my ear a few more times before I felt him filling me up as well. I took a deep breath in when he let go of my throat, although my head was still spinning.

Pete pulled out of me just in time for a knock to come on his door. “Give me a second!”

He quickly pulled his pants and boxers back on as I adjusted my skirt and panties. Although I was sure whoever was at the door wouldn’t notice the wet spot that had suddenly appeared on the couch, I still decided to cover it with a pillow just in case.

One of the producers was stood at the door. “Hey, I just wanted to let you know that we’re starting in roughly five minutes!”

“Thanks, I’ll be there soon,” Pete responded. He shut the door and looked back at me. His eyes travelled down to my legs as an amused look crossed his face. “You got something on your leg there hun.”

I looked down to see a single string of warm liquid running down my inner thigh. “Oh fuck.”

I reached for a tissue but Pete stopped me. “Wait, don’t clean it yet. I’d love to know you’re in the audience watching me with my cum running down your legs.”

“Okay, that’s hot, but I don’t want your co-workers thinking I peed myself or something.”

“I’ll tell them the truth if you want.”

I rolled my eyes and shoved him towards the door. “Go to set! Let me clean up. I’m sure there’s more there that can fulfil this fantasy you have.”

Pete smiled down and gave me one last kiss before rushing to set.

#pete davidson #pete davidson imagine #peter parker x reader #pete davidson smut #imagine #one shot #request #smut #fanfiction #fanfic #fandom

2K notes · View notes

bee-s-honey · 2 years

Note

I loved the yandere Chrollo stuff omg it was so good!! It was so detailed and good! I have a few more questions if you don’t mind, if you’re done with answering chrollo ones then you can delete this hehe

1. Do you think yandere Chrollo would see through reader if she slowly starts giving in to get more freedom and eventually gain his trust to escape? So she basically does this very slowly to make him think its all genuine, perhaps over the span of 6 months and doing it in a very subtle way to make him think its genuine?

2. Now perhaps if reader actually does get manipulated by Chrollo and she believes the only way to get her normal life back (based on what she’s observed with him) is to play the role of a wife. So if she strikes a deal with him, that she’ll be his wife (lets assume in her culture marrying someone is when you fully commit and like divorce doesn’t exist for them) would Chrollo actually grant her the freedom (proper one letting her go out as she wishes) if she does this? Because after this theres no way she can ever leave him right?

3. Another question that popped up in my mind really, how would yandere Chrollo approach the pregnancy situation. Would he be pleased (reader won’t leave him without the kid) or displeased (reader has someone who she can give her love to so Chrollo won’t get the love he wanted) also one thing i’ve always thought about him is that since he’s so fascinated by humans, wouldn’t he be fascinated by his child? To see how they develop a personality and how they come to terms with certain things. Wouldn’t the child be the ultimate form of a test subject for him?

I am never done with Chrollo ones ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Event link ☜

1 a lot about this first one is me seeing how good I am at playing mind games and trying to live vicariously through the reader to feed my own ego, but anyway-

It really depends on how good you can act natural. If he says that he'll grant you more freedom the more you love him, then you can't instantly start anything, even if it's small. So, when he tells you this, say something like "Oh great, makes sense to make someone hate you and then tell them they can only be happy if they love you." Because not only does it show that you didn't instantly start faking, but it sets up the idea that it's impossible for you to force yourself to love him, that if you could make yourself do it you would've already. Then from there, make it the small things. This is a really intricate game, considering Chrollo is a master of minds, analysis, and knowledge on everything about you.

I think that the next step should be taking note of your own smaller behaviors and using them to show a shift in affection; by this I mean that you should involve Chrollo in your life on purpose, but in a way that makes it seem subconscious. If you want something to eat, ask him if he can go get you something, and when he brings it back you can even make it better by saying a quiet 'thank you' then looking shocked at yourself as if you didn't mean to. You should also follow him without him having to tell you. If you woke up, and he gets up to do something, then get up and silently follow him with a blank look on your face. He'll most likely ask why, so look *slightly* taken aback and tell him he always wanted you with him anyway, so you thought...that it was normal. Maybe even ask if he didn't want you to go with, and ask what he's doing. Obviously it's something simple like getting water, a book, ect ect, but he'll be stumped; forced to answer a question of yours for once because he doesn't want you to be weirded out- I mean, why did he question your following of him?- *John Mulaney voice* now you've somehow thrown him off his rhythm. Also, he'll notice that you've "gotten used" to the many behaviors and habits that this act signifies. I could go on and on about small things like this to do, but I'll get to the meat of my point before I lose myself.

Anyway, I think the reader could be very smart and intelligent with it, and in that case then he won't catch on- he may be highly smart but he's not the smartest man in the world. There's always a possibility for mistake though, and unless you have nearly as much will and ability to play a long and thought out game, you won't slip by him that easily.

But now there's two issues for both sides. One, he won't just let you by if you can't manage the manipulation. Two, escaping is far different from gaining freedom, and you most likely won't be able to do either way.

First of all, if he sees through what you're trying to do he'll let it go for a while just so he can get this affection from you and make you think you're actually doing it all right until the end when he'll tell you he knows you're a faker and you started faking right when you came to the conclusion that this would allow you the ability to escape. He wants to get your hopes about your abilities to lie to and trick him just to crush them in the end to show you'll never be able to win in a battle of minds. Afterwards, there will probably be a few small punishments now that he's allowed to let you know that the entire time you weren't actually successful.

However, let's say you actually are successful, it's not like there's a lot of rewards for it as far as freedom goes. Of course Chrollo will be more patient with you if he thinks you love him, but it's not like you're suddenly allowed to go out in the city on your own, or like the locks on the doors will be taken off. The most you'll get that'll really give you higher opportunity is that he won't be on edge about anything, and you'll have his unsuspecting attitude to grant you leniency. Still, if you somehow manage to run away during the night, or put in the forest/public, or while he's away, he will find you. Realistically, you wouldn't just be able to get out of the country as soon as you leave, and however many months or years you have to spend waiting will end up useless as he manages to catch you just as he always said he would.

Well, yes and no, but mainly just no. Chrollo would absolutely hate it if you told him something like "being married basically gave away my freedom anyway so you should just let me roam around/go outside/be on my own/be free." This is mainly because the reason he got married wasn't to actually give you your end of the deal, just to make it harder if you did try to fully escape. But being married (which let's say allows him access to all your money and personal information, and also makes it illegal for you to cross state or country boarders without him or buy a house without him) isn't enough to keep you as close as he wants. He wants you in the house at all times unless he or someone of the troupe is with you, which doesn't necessarily take away your outside time, just keeps you "safe" and monitored. Not only this, but he obviously needs some affection, some love, and he needs to be able to mooch it off you until you grow to give it willingly.

So, Chrollo might loosen his reigns a little after you're legally binded, but not much considering you could still be away from him in some capacity if he didn't keep you the way he did and only used the marriage as a capture. He might find a way to make a back yard that you can't escape from so you can be outside even when he's not home (thought that sounds impossibly hard without a nen ability like some sort of forcefield), and he would let you be more present in public- as in he just sits back and allows you to interact with others more often as long as you're in earshot, and you won't have to be glued to his side, you'll be allowed to frollic around.

Oh god this is a hard one. I have a child fic with Chrollo from my Nature Prompt list, and I find yandere Chro really endearing with a child, but also I really don't think he would like one. It's a tough call. I guess it depends on several situational aspects.

No matter what he wouldn't actually want to have a kid if you aren't already pregnant- as in he wouldn't think of it if it wasn't a half-accident already- unless you were getting a little older. Maybe, maybe if you're in your mid-late thirties and he wanted something new then he'd decide you've had enough time being a lone couple. But otherwise he wouldn't tell you he wants a baby unless it's just some breeding-kink dirty talk.

One of my personal favorite AUs is when you actually do escape, but your pregnant, and he didn't know you were pregnant until you left. Maybe you left him a note, or he found a test, or something or other- maybe he's stalking the web to find you and finds out you've been traveling with a child he never knew about. I don't know why, but this scenario makes me think he would love it. He'd find you of course, and would just love the fact he has a child now. One reason is that he can manipulate you into acting like a loving s/o so your kid can grow up with a healthy-ish family.

With that said, I don't think Chrollo would in any way hide what he and the troupe is from the kid, but he'd just want them to live a life of love still. You have to love Chrollo, and you have to love the child, and you have to be happy enough to give good energy to your child. That's what Chrollo values when you're raising your kid.

Another scenario to cover is just if one day you both find out that he got you pregnant while you're still captured. For this one, I don't know. He might think that you two haven't had enough years as a free, grown up, irresponsible couple so he doesn't want a kid to take care of. He might also just respect that you may not want one to grow up in a situation like what was happening. However, you're right in thinking that Chrollo might want to use it to manipulate you and have you divinely close to him.

I don't think Chrollo would view the child as some "test subject". Although he might experiment a little bit, he's not becoming the fucking Zoldyck family over here. He'd teach his child to be ultimately smart, and strong enough to be in the troupe, but I don't see him forcing them to be in the troupe when they grow up if they don't want to.

#hxh #anime #hunter x hunter #hxh headcanons #hunter x hunter headcanon #chrollo #chrollo x reader #yandere #yandere chrollo

51 notes · View notes

insipid-drivel · 2 years

Text

This is a reminder that parasocial relationships are bad.

Okay, I’m speaking out here because for some reason my feed has abruptly been blasted by grumpy social media users demanding the cancellation of John Mulaney over various reasons, ranging from his recent relapse into drug addiction and subsequent self-admission to a rehab facility, to his divorce of his wife, to whispers that he’s been dating or has started dating another woman. You can google it if it matters to you, but it shouldn’t. If it does, welcome to having a parasocial relationship! Please go to therapy!

What is a parasocial relationship? Basically anything that involves an audience or fan imposing their presupposed beliefs and hopes of an actor or performer’s nature and personality and subsequently punishing them for not behaving following your telepathic transcript of an instructional guide for how that individual you have absolutely no relationship with or connection to should behave. Parasocial relationships give you the feeling that a celebrity or other individual in the public eye is part of your social circle, and blinds and trips you into thinking that you can hold a celebrity or performing artist to the same stringent standards as someone you directly socialize with.

In other words, it’s a potentially dangerous delusional condition that can sometimes lead into a much more dangerous condition called Erotomania, where the delusion that a celebrity or person of a higher social class isn’t just part of your life, but secretly returns your feelings and yearns for you to approach them. It’s happened multiple times throughout history and has gotten people murdered.

But this person is turning out to be a huge moral/ethical disappointment! And? Okay, so let’s say you’re mad at John Mulaney for getting a divorce like 50% of all heterosexual couples do and making his now ex-wife sad as he did the responsible thing, admitted he was relapsing and had a problem that he didn’t know when or how he would ultimately resolve, and checked himself in to a rehab facility voluntarily and for the sake of the wellbeing of himself and his loved ones. He also has some manner of interest in another woman and that interest may have had an influential effect on his choice to file for divorce, or otherwise revealed to him that he wasn’t happy and wasn’t capable of continuing to put the same amount of love and effort into his marriage as he was able to before. He publicly admitted that the lockdowns and the pandemic were causing him a lot of negative psychological issues, and you know what past addicts do when they have a problem they need to cope with and can’t? They start using again. When and if he and his ex-wife reconcile is a decision that has nothing to do with dragging him on twitter and trying to shove your feelings about his personality into the mix. He isn’t your friend. He is a performer you like and have hinged your morals and ethics upon like your personal standard-bearer that must be beheaded if he misrepresents you. Welcome to being obsessed with the life choices of someone who doesn’t know you exist.

#john mulaney #tw: drug addiction #parasocial relationships

55 notes · View notes

officialqueer · 3 years

Note

There’s warring John mulaney subreddits?? If u can’t post anything in hobby drama yet can you tell us about it cause I’m confused but interested

Oh boy CAN I EVER

I actually got way out of hand and wrote a very long write-up about it but it was honestly confusing without knowing like, all the background, so I'm just going to give the cliffnotes and if you want to know more then I can expand on it.

Basically, there is one main Mulaney sub, r/JohnMulaney, which was always super casual and mostly memes. It was really only people who were big fans of him talking about specific bits/his latest appearances/whatever. Of course there's been occasional talk of the eventful last year of his life but usually it tends to be "we don't really know what happened/it's not our business/this seems worrisome." Like, skeptical but giving the benefit of the doubt.

When his life started to get kind of messy, a lot of people from celeb gossip subreddits (mainly r/Deuxmoi) came over and weren't really into that vibe. They kind of had a holier-than-thou attitude about the whole thing, like, "oh you liked a celeb and they turned out to have issues? Wow how embarrassing that you bought into that image."

Many of the sub's regular users weren't enthused abt it but for a while they just kind of overran the place until they got tired of people having different opinions/views on the situation, and made another subreddit, r/JohnMulaneyIRL which honestly reads a bit like comedy Qanon.

I'm weirdly struggling with how to explain this, but like, the view there is that John Mulaney is a "sociopath" (their words) and anyone who doesn't hate him is either willfully blind or too dumb to realize he's actually like, a monster or something. There's lot of examples I could give of the batshit crazy stuff people post on there but like Jason Sudeikis is hosting SNL tonight and I want to enjoy that so I'm forcing myself to stop for now.

Sorry this wasn't actually informative. It's such a weird, hyperspecific issue that has nothing to do with any of actual importance but like captures my unyielding gaze like a slow motion car crash.

#Anonymous #Repent Your Sins

71 notes · View notes