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siilvan · 9 months

Text

bloodsport – IV

prologue | one | two | three | next

characters: vladimir makarov

summary: your first time back in the field is a whirlwind of emotions, especially after being forced to rely on yet another enemy. new information is revealed, and you realize that a drastic action may be the only way to fix this mess.

genre: angst, slowburn, enemies to ?, fem!reader (callsign: petra)

warnings: semi-proofread, cursing, canon-typical violence, descriptions of blood/injuries, poorly written spec-ops, allusions to trauma and stress, reader has a bit of a breakdown, graves lol

word count: 6k

note: giving a quick PSA here— please be mindful about what y'all write. i know this fic is about a very controversial and problematic character, but i try to be mindful about how i portray him and his actions. don't romanticize things that should not be romanticized, and be respectful to people. COD as a whole is problematic, but that doesn't mean we need to be a shitty community. support real victims, don't spread hate. easy peasy.

also, yes, i changed my formatting. the little text is too hard to read without my glasses, so... yeah. hope it's not ugly now :)

you spend the rest of the night tossing and turning, trying but failing to will yourself to fall asleep. soap texts you shortly before the sun comes up - a picture of himself and the rest of the team, posing for the camera. they're covered in dirt and ash, exhaustion apparent in their eyes, but the image is enough to make you crack a smile.

you give them a few hours, pulling yourself out of bed after sunrise and occupying yourself with mundane tasks around the house, before picking up the phone and calling price.

"hey, captain. sorry for calling so early." you chuckle, leaning against the arm of the couch.

"don't worry about it," price clears his throat, hoarse from fatigue, and you wonder for a second if he was asleep before you called. "was just finishing some paperwork. what d'you need?"

a low sigh escapes from you. "i know it's only been a day, but... can i come back? i really want to get back to work."

you can hear papers shuffling from his end. "i know you want to work, but we just can't take the risk—"

"there isn't going to be any risk," you assert, raising your voice slightly and interrupting him. you pause and wet your lips, speaking in a softer tone again. "please, captain, i know i can handle it. i just want to get back to normal already."

the line is quiet for a long moment, with price silently deliberating over your request. you shift nervously, gripping the phone tighter as you wait impatiently for a response.

finally, after you shift for the umpteenth time, he exhales deeply.

"i'll see if i can convince laswell, okay?" he concedes. you can hear his chair creaking as he leans back - you're assuming, at least. "pack your bags. i'll send a transport helicopter in an hour."

⋆⋆⋆

that's how you ended up at base again, with the team welcoming you back with open arms. laswell initially rejected the idea, stating the same concerns as before, but price managed to sway her after some discussion.

so, now you're in a meeting room, gathered around a table with lists, blueprints, names, pictures— any and all of the intel that the task force has gotten their hands on, scattered across the surface. you blink when price raps his knuckles against the tabletop, drawing your attention.

it's laswell who talks, shooting a glance around the table to address the group. "as you're all aware, shadow company has been a target of the konni group in recent times," she starts, sending you a cursory look, asking you for confirmation. you nod, and she continues. "not only have they been fighting the group head-on in al-mazrah, but there's been several incidents with undercover konni operatives in their ranks."

"good, let 'em fuckin' deal with it." soap remarks, earning noises of agreement from gaz, ghost, and yourself. price and laswell aren't as entertained by it.

"general shepherd, commander graves, and their men betrayed us." laswell pauses before letting out a heavy sigh. "i know none of you were happy about the ceasefire, and i know that you were furious when graves resurfaced. but, besides farah's forces, shadow company is our strongest ally."

"—and the only one capable of making any strong moves without risking an all-out war." price adds, shaking his head. everyone's displeased with the situation, that much is obvious.

"where are you goin' with this?" ghost asks. a tense silence fills the room for a long moment, making you shift awkwardly.

laswell motions towards the door on the far side of the room with her head. you cast your gaze in the same direction, watching as the door is pushed open.

as if on cue, the very man that should've been buried in flames in las almas walks into the room. the shadow himself. philip graves.

"oh, fuck off." soap growls at the man, looking ready to lunge at him from across the table. ghost steps forward and, if you didn't know any better, you'd think he was reaching for his sidearm. gaz and price are eerily quiet while glaring daggers at him, and you immediately feel the blood rush to your ears as every nerve commands you to shoot him yourself.

"i know this isn't ideal," laswell attempts to placate all of you, though the cold stare she regards him with betrays her calm demeanor. "but, for now, we're allies. we have a bigger threat to worry about."

"yeah, those konni guys are, uh..." graves perks up, languidly sauntering up to the table. he purses his lips for a second, thinking, before clicking his tongue. "real troublesome. i've lost a lot of good men thanks to them."

"good." ghost mutters, straightening himself next to soap.

price cuts through the tension with a wave of his hand. "alright, none of us want this, but we've got no other options." he grumbles. "konni's moving towards urzikstan. if we want to stop 'em, then we need to cooperate."

you eye graves from your peripherals, recalling the information that makarov gave you a couple weeks ago. graves isn't in on shepherd's plan, but he's likely the only person who knows the general's whereabouts. you need to say something while you still can. how will he take the news, though? he's betrayed you before, he'll do it again if it benefits him.

"petra, you listening?" laswell's voice abruptly interrupts your thoughts. you divert your attention back to her and notice that everyone's focus is on you.

"i have something i need to say," you blurt out. you need to bring up the general before he potentially ropes graves in.

you receive a collection of interested stares, urging you to go on.

"when i was captured, i managed to get some information," you drop your gaze, narrowing your eyes at the documents laid out. "we're not just fighting konni and al-qatala. some of the forces occupying al-mazrah are under shepherd's command."

the silence that falls over the room is almost deafening. the group balks at you with shock and confusion written on their expressions, until graves huffs out a laugh.

"general shepherd's 'forces' are my men. i can assure you, petra, that none of my shadows are workin' with konni." he says with a lopsided smile, confident as ever.

you turn to face graves fully, grimacing. "i'm not talking about your shadows. shepherd has another group under his command."

"what group?" price asks.

"cia operatives. ex-soldiers, specifically." you turn back, eyes flitting between price and laswell. "he's sending men undercover. the unmarked mercenaries that we keep encountering? that's them."

laswell shakes her head and crosses her arms over her chest. "where did you get this information?"

you freeze. your mouth opens to say makarov's name, but for some reason, you hesitate. with a deep inhale, you blink away the odd feeling and force the words past your lips.

"makarov. i'm not sure why, but he told me about it."

yet another unbearable tension befalls the group; you're getting close to ripping your hair out over it. as if reading your thoughts, gaz speaks up.

"you know about this?" he says, directed at graves. he's tight-lipped, glowering at him.

graves doesn't respond, letting the question hang in the air. he looks just as surprised as the rest of you - makarov was telling the truth, then. shadow company isn't in on the plan. shepherd has effectively betrayed his strongest ally, to your knowledge.

"i'm sure there's an explanation," graves utters, chuckling to himself. "war's a dirty business. there's good reason to send men undercover."

"he's got part of the special activities division in his pocket." laswell says.

"isn't that where you pulled alex from?" price hums, earning a nod in reply. it's a bad situation, to say the least.

you regain everyone's attention and continue. "i don't know the full plan, but makarov suspected that shepherd's doing this to put himself back on top. start a war, get himself marked as a hero, reap the rewards."

graves raises a brow at you, amusement written on his face. "and, we should trust the judgement of a terrorist?" he says while searching the room for support.

price keeps his gaze on you, though the distant look in his eye tells you that his mind is elsewhere. "i'd trust this one's judgement." he mutters, jaw clenching.

"well, there's no point in standin' around, is there?" graves seems to bounce back quickly, shrugging off the news. "we've got a job to do and a terrorist to catch. let's focus on that."

"i'll contact farah and see if alex knows anything about the men under shepherd's command." laswell says as you all break away from the table and start to file out of the room.

"keep us updated," price nods to her before turning to the rest of you. "wheels up in thirty. we'll debrief on the way."

you breathe out a relieved sigh once everyone breaks off, heading off to finish any last minute preparations before takeoff. you linger in the corridor, running a hand down your face and groaning into the palm of your hand. of course, you have no choice but to work with an enemy whilst relying on intel from yet another. at least you can be open with your team about this one.

shepherd and makarov are your targets. graves comes after. take down all three, and your headaches are gone. no more doubting yourself, no more questions, no more nights spent looking at lists of crimes that make you feel sick. you can resume your not-so-peaceful life with the rest of the task force and celebrate the world being a somewhat safer place.

your phone buzzes in your pocket, distracting you from your pondering and pulling you back to the present. you frown at the name on the caller id.

it's a single letter: 'v.'

after your conversation - if you can even call it that - with makarov last night, you saved his number. putting his name in your phone is basically shooting yourself in the foot, so you saved it under a name that gives you deniability in the event someone sees it.

you duck into an empty rec room nearby and accept the call, keeping an eye on the door as you lift the phone to your ear.

"you actually picked up the phone this time." makarov remarks upon you answering. your frown deepens, brows furrowing.

"if you don't have anything important to say, i'm hanging up."

he chuckles, far too casual for your liking. "i have an update. something that i'm sure you'll be interested in."

you shift, leaning against the back of one of the couches. "what is it?"

"in case you're planning to return to al-mazrah, just know that shepherd's men have been given strict orders to target and eliminate members of the one-four-one."

a chill creeps up the back of your spine. it's an unsurprising order, but you still rack your brain as to why he gave it. does shepherd somehow know that you know about his plans? it shouldn't be possible— until the meeting that finished just minutes ago, the only people privy to the knowledge were makarov and yourself.

of course, shepherd's allies are aware of it, but the only ally of his that you've contacted is graves. you doubt that he's talked to the general in the short amount of time since, which eliminates graves as a possibility just as quickly as you suspected him.

there has to be another source. someone feeding him information, keeping the one-four-one under watch.

"shepherd's got a mole in our group." you reply, pinching the bridge of your nose. "fucking hell. he knows that we're onto him."

"'we,' lieutenant?" he comments with an amused lilt in his tone.

"my team, asshole. he's got men undercover in your group and in my squad. he's watching all of his enemies."

makarov hums, voice dropping a little. "you have a keen eye, petra. have you asked the shadow about shepherd's whereabouts, yet?" he asks, brushing past your frustration.

"haven't had the chance," you mutter. "based on his reaction to the news, i doubt he'll give it away, though. we might have to get the location ourselves."

he exhales, audible through the phone. "it would be more convenient if you could convince him to tell you."

you roll your eyes. "yeah, of course it would. just don't expect any miracles. aren't you the one with all the mysterious ways of gathering information, anyway?" you grumble sarcastically and move away from the couch, starting to pace around the room while keeping your gaze on the door.

"i can get his location if necessary, but that would eliminate your usefulness in this operation, wouldn't it?"

he's right, and you hate him for it. "you still need me to kill him." you counter bluntly.

"i can do that, too. your team wants revenge for his betrayal. this is me being charitable - don't disappoint."

makarov ends the call before you have the chance to argue, leaving you to huff to yourself in the empty room. a moment later, a head pokes around the doorway, startling you and nearly making you drop your phone when you jump.

gaz is regarding you with a sly grin as he fully reveals himself and steps into the room. your palms immediately moisten with sweat as worry floods your mind - how much did he just hear?

"so, who you talkin' to?" gaz cocks his head to the side, teasing. he's relaxed, standing in front of you with his hands shoved in his pockets.

you pocket your phone and flash a calm smile. "that depends. you have any guesses?"

he chuckles, lifting one of his hands to playfully stroke at his chin as he thinks. "let's see... i know you weren't home for long, but—" his grin morphs into a lopsided smirk as he eyes you suspiciously. "y'got a boyfriend?"

dear god, no.

you resist the urge to gag at the thought and shake your head. "nope, it's just a... friend of mine."

gaz leans forward, an inquisitive 'ah' tumbling from his lips. "a friend, eh? they got a name?" he asks.

"he, uh... just goes by 'v.'"

"'v?' like the letter?"

you answer with an affirmative "mhm," patting gaz on the shoulder as you brush past him. "it's a nickname i gave him. don't worry about it."

gaz groans in exasperation as you stroll towards the door, trying to ignore the way your heart races. lying is a normal part of the job, but lying to your team? generally not recommended.

"most 'just friends' don't have exclusive nicknames, you know!" gaz calls out from behind as you round the corner and start down the hall, leaving him alone.

a sick part of you finds the sentiment - makarov, being anything more than an enemy - entertaining, but your better judgement steers you back on track. you've got a mission to prepare for, and the likelihood of something going wrong is as high as ever. you need to focus on the mission and getting graves to give up shepherd.

⋆⋆⋆

shadow company's gunship is a familiar sight as you climb aboard, slipping past the groups of shadows and finding your teammates gathered around what you can only describe as the command center. graves is standing close by, though the tension is palpable as you approach.

after the aircraft lifts off is when graves talks, addressing the soldiers lining the seats of the craft.

"alright, now i know we've had our problems in the past," he starts, briefly acknowledging your group before turning back to his men. "however, none of that matters right now. the one-four-one is our ally on this mission; treat 'em like your own. copy that, shadows?"

johnny snorts from next to you. "where have we heard this before?" he mumbles.

there's a resounding "yep-yep" from his men, accompanied by several nods and looks in your direction. graves pats one of the soldiers on the shoulder and looks to price.

"think you can lay out the rest, captain."

price starts down the middle row, his voice booming even over the sounds of people checking their weapons, gear, and anxiously shifting in their seats. he moves slowly, practically stalking down the length of the gunship.

"the mission is simple: konni and al-qatala have set up bases across the city. they're using gas, heavy artillery, and stolen weapons to protect themselves." price stops for a moment and lets his gaze drag over the soldiers staring back at him. "i don't think i need to remind you shadows of what konni's done to your brothers in arms. we're going to break off into strike teams - eight men - and destroy these bases. alpha team will take the nerve center in the heart of the city. you already know your assignments."

graves speaks again once price goes quiet. "the commanders are not likely going to be in any of these field bases. but, if they are, then each and every single one of you has execute authority." he announces. "first man to bag an HVT gets a reward." he adds with a smirk, earning light laughter from several of his men.

when the speeches conclude, you settle back in your seat.

alpha team includes yourself, price, graves, and five of the shadows that graves handpicked. ghost, soap, and gaz are leading the bravo team, charged with the largest and best-guarded of the field bases. the commanding chain within shadow company are leading the other groups tasked with the bases scattered around the city.

you fish your phone out of one of your vest pockets when it buzzes, reading the notification on the screen.

there's an agent in your group 11:06 am

not a shadow. special forces. 11:06 am

you frown, angling the screen back and quickly scanning the group. everyone seems to be engrossed in conversation, giving you a chance to respond.

do you have a name? 11:07 am

not yet. he's a rookie. 11:07 am

he's stationed at the base you're staying at 11:07 am

check the files. should have transferred recently. 11:08 am

thank you. 11:08 am

don't mention it. 11:09 am

you're quick to tuck your phone away again, jolting when gaz suddenly addresses you.

"texting your boyfriend, eh?" he laughs, catching everyone's attention.

soap snorts and turns to you. "since when did you start dating?"

you wave them off, sitting up again as all eyes fall on you - even ghost, who is usually horribly uninterested in gossip.

"what are you two, schoolchildren?" you ask, earning playful noises of offense. "he's just a friend. not even a close one."

you're getting yourself caught up in a lie. a shitty one, at that. all it's doing is making people more interested in who you're talking to. at this rate, you'll get caught by the end of the day.

"bullshit— no one in this job talks to a person this much if they're not special." gaz counters, pointing an accusatory finger at you.

price chuckles. "c'mon, gaz. come off it," he lightly scolds the sergeant before looking at you. "just make sure he treats you nice, yeah?" he adds, both teasing and sincere at the same time.

"he's not my— yeah, okay. i'll remember that." you concede, slumping back in your seat.

the topic is dropped not long after, leaving you to relax as people talk around you. after a couple minutes, you can feel your eyelids start to droop, reminding you of how restless last night was. the trip's going to take a while, you might as well get some sleep while you still can.

⋆⋆⋆

everything is so hot. the sun, the ground, your clothes, the air— you.

you don't have any protective gear on, your sidearm secured in your loose grip as you stumble through the ruins where a city once stood.

that's right, you think. the city was destroyed in all the fighting. reduced to nothing more than rubble. you remember when there used to be buildings here; half-toppled and abandoned, but they stood as evidence of life nonetheless.

you falter, landing on your knee and hissing as it hits the solid ground below you. your vision starts to blur as your eyes water, forcing you to rub at them with your free hand in a desperate attempt to clear them.

when you blink rapidly, trying to force back the disorientation and bleariness, you notice a figure directly ahead of you.

an ally. a friend. someone that can help.

you force yourself to your feet and stagger towards them, sucking in a hopeful breath when they start to rush to meet you. the harsh sun— fuck, it's so hot— makes you squint, preventing you from making out a face until they're already pulling you into their embrace, strong arms holding you close to their chest.

"it's okay." their voice— his voice, reassures you softly, one of his hands coming to rest on the back of your head, cradling you impossibly closer. "i took care of it, my dear. you're safe now."

hot tears streak down your cheeks, dirty with sand, dust, and ash, as you wrap your arms around his middle. you try to speak, but all that comes out is a hiccup and a pathetic sob, so you resolve to burying your face in his shoulder to muffle your cries.

you're tired. exhausted, actually. for once in this career, you want to be selfish. you want to be the protected one. fighting, losing allies, killing— it never ends.

he shushes you, but even in your state, you can tell the action is unnatural. gentleness, empathy, tender care... it isn't who he is.

you manage to lift your head enough to look at him, eyes glassy with tears.

makarov stares back at you, his callous gaze betraying the way he holds you. it makes you pause, confused, as you slowly recall why you're even here.

you were fighting konni operatives. there was a missile— no, something bigger. something that decimated the city and would have taken you along with it, had you not ducked into a shelter at the very last second. when you emerged, shaken and dazed in the aftershock, you encountered al-qatala and konni mercenaries alike.

bodies scattered in the streets, men wheezing for air despite blood displacing the oxygen in their lungs and leaking from every orifice, some still trying to fight even as they collapse in heaps of pure agony, writhing on the ground alongside their brothers in arms.

you wince when his fingers trace along the edge of your jaw, his forefinger hooking under your chin and forcing you to look into his eyes after your gaze drifts away.

"their lives mean nothing," makarov whispers, barely audible over the sound of your heart pounding against your ribcage. "not compared to you. you're better, stronger, than them. you will serve me well. you will help me usher in a new age."

he runs the pad of his thumb across your bottom lip, slightly chapped from the dry heat. on instinct, you part your lips, and he moves his hand to cup your face before leaning in to capture your lips in a searing kiss.

it's wrong. this is wrong.

you shouldn't be here. you shouldn't be doing this.

the kiss is a distraction, keeping you occupied as his other hand falls from its spot on your hip. you don't even notice the change until a gunshot rings out, and pain equally as burning as the kiss courses through your veins.

you can't even muster a proper cry as you pull back, one of your own hands flying to the epicenter of the pain, right in the middle of your stomach. your fingers brush against the spot, and you whimper when you lift them back up to your face. dark red stains your skin, dripping down your wrist.

"i just need to fix you first. under my guidance... you will be perfect, my dear." makarov mutters, catching you and holding you up when you crumple against him. he coos at you, sympathetic yet mocking, as he scoops you up in his arms, the world around you going dark.

⋆⋆⋆

you wake up with a start, shifting to the edge of your seat as you frantically rub at your eyes. there's an ache deep in the pit of your stomach, making you press your palm against the same spot as your dream.

this time, when you look down at your hand, you see nothing. a shaky sigh escapes from you at the sight - or, rather, the lack thereof.

"y'all right?" ghost asks, eyeing you from the seat across from you.

"yeah, yeah—" you respond, shaking off the lingering effects of the dream. "we almost there?"

price comes over, having been talking with graves some feet away, and pats your shoulder in acknowledgement. "about to touch down, actually. let's go."

you disembark alongside the rest of alpha team, taking up formation with price and graves, with the few shadow company operatives behind the three of you. reaching the building isn't a difficult task despite the many mercenaries standing between it and your team; as much as you hate to admit it, the shadows are skilled in the field, even with their misgivings.

the building is another high rise, like the one you infiltrated weeks ago, half-crumpled from the effects of the fighting in the city. price leads the group as you all enter it through a sizeable hole in the wall, clearing out the first floor with trained precision.

the group of shadows form a perimeter just outside as you investigate the interior with price and graves, finding it... empty?

"thought you said this was the nerve center," you mutter, turning to the men as they search around, equally as perplexed as you. "there's nothing here."

price shakes his head, standing up from where he was crouched over some rubble. "there was something here. they must've moved."

"they knew we were comin'." graves says with a frustrated huff. "probably just protecting it to keep up the charade. the real control center could be anywhere in the city."

the two start for the exit with you in tow. "could be outside of it for all we know. we need to contact the other squads." price replies before pausing at the threshold and angling his head upwards. you stop several feet back and send him a confused look, before a low rumbling echoes throughout the building, sending dust and small debris falling from the floors above.

the rumbling stops for a second, until a louder, harsher one follows. larger pieces of wreckage start to loosen and threaten to fall, small bits clattering against the ground.

"shit, the building's too unstable— it's gonna collapse—!" price shouts as a metal beam crashes into the ground less than twenty feet away from you.

while price and graves are able to duck out amidst the falling debris, you're forced to dive backwards after a piece of the floor above falls right into your path. you search for a way around it, but as the violent shaking increases and sends more collapsing down all around you, you realize that cover might be your only option.

you scan the room quickly and dive under a pile of slabs and beams, sturdy enough to not collapse under the weight of falling wreckage, but with just enough room for you to squeeze in underneath.

it's only seconds after you find cover that the thundering sounds of heavy rubble crashing down all around you fills your ears, forcing you to cover them with your hands as each crash makes you flinch.

the worst of the destruction is short-lived. a couple minutes pass by before you're willing to move, the occasional piece of the upper floors still collapsing around you every now and then. you let out a trembling breath once you emerge, pure adrenaline coursing through your veins.

the exit. you hastily search for it, but all hope drains from you when you find it and see that it's completely blocked by the wreckage.

"petra? can you hear me?" price's voice crackles through your radio.

you go to respond, coughing harshly due to all the dirt and dust floating in the air. "i hear you— i'm all right," you tear your eyes from the exit and look for another path. it's a big building, surely you can find something. "just stuck in here." you grumble into the radio.

"we're gonna try to find another way in, see if you can meet us somewhere." he says. you can hear graves barking orders at his men in the background. "be careful." price adds in a rushed tone.

you drop your hand from your radio and clutch your gun close as you carefully traverse the field of debris, mentally thanking whatever higher power that the building only partially collapsed on top of you, instead of crushing you completely.

every movement out the corner of your eyes makes you stop and aim your weapon at it; it's highly unlikely - but not impossible - that you're not alone. anyone could've snuck in after the collapse, or hidden themselves like you did. al-qatala, konni, shepherd's men— you have a lot of enemies and very few allies in the area.

you spin around at the sound of something shifting, but only see a few pieces of wood hitting the ground. you're getting too paranoid. you try to steel yourself, breathing deeply, before a smooth voice makes you choke on the air that gets caught in your throat.

"you are very unlucky, aren't you?"

you turn again, gun drawn and finger on the trigger, but stop short upon seeing a friendly...

well, you see makarov standing across the room. it's an enemy that doesn't seem all-too interested in killing you - for now, at least.

"how did you..." you trail off, lowering your weapon.

apparently understanding your question, he vaguely motions behind himself. "there's a breach." he says, glancing over the destruction as he approaches you.

you squint at him as he draws closer, briefly tightening your grip on your gun. he stops several feet away, though, so you allow yourself to relax just a bit, lowering your weapon.

"i figured you'd be staying far away from al-mazrah, it's an active war zone after all." you comment, earning a dismissive look.

"i don't mind getting my hands dirty," makarov utters with a lofty grin tugging at his lips. "besides, we need to talk."

you cock your head to the side, curious. "and, you couldn't call or text me about this? that's been working out so far." you chuckle softly.

he steps closer again, standing a little over an arm's length away. "i happened to be close by." he responds. "this is also something better discussed in person."

you nod, hesitantly slinging your gun over your shoulder to cross your arms over your chest.

"after our last exchange, i managed to gather more information from my... source." he punctuates the last word with a half-assed attempt at a conciliatory smile. "the mole planted within your group reported to shepherd recently; he's aware of our communication." he continues, before you interrupt him.

"wait, no one knows about this, not even my squad." you assert, taking another step closer to him. you're just under an arm's length away, now.

"there was an agent within the group assigned to your care when you were captured. one of the two men that accompanied us on the first day - he listened in on our conversation and delivered the details to the general." makarov speaks in a hushed tone, one you can just barely hear over rubble crumbling somewhere nearby. "the agent on your end tracked you after you reunited with your squad. something of yours was bugged, they heard us that night."

how could he... most of your belongings were clothes, which you know for certain weren't bugged. the only other item that traveled home with you is your cellphone—

"shit," you mumble, practically tearing your vest pocket open and grabbing your phone. there's nothing obviously wrong with it at first glance, but once you pop the case off and check inside, your suspicions are confirmed.

there's a small tracking device flashing red at you, mocking you, and you rip it out before tossing it on the ground and stomping on it.

"he's heard everything," you say, twisting your boot to scatter the broken pieces. "fuck, if this gets out— i can explain this to my team and make do with the judgement, but if shepherd tells any of his friends in their cushy government positions, i'm dead."

makarov shifts, looking past you, but you don't even notice the action thanks to the adrenaline reflooding your system. "that would be an issue," he mutters, reaching for the holster at his hip. "i suppose i could protect you."

you snort, dragging your gaze from your boot to his face. "i'm not joining your side, even for this."

a thin string of red light shines from the darkness behind you, aimed at the back of your skull. makarov follows it to its source, all but ignoring your rejection, as his fingers wrap around the handle of his desert eagle.

a loud gunshot rings out, echoing against the walls. you instinctively reach for your stomach, preparing yourself for the pain you felt in that dream, body tensing up as it flies into survival mode.

the pain never comes. a heavy thump makes you turn, however, watching as a soldier collapses to the ground. unmarked uniform. one of the general’s men.

"shepherd has not earned your blood. if anyone is going to kill you, it will be me." makarov lowers his gun and meets your muddled gaze. "i suggest you reconsider my offer, petra, and give me a call when you make up your mind."

you’re left in that state as he sidesteps and saunters past you, seemingly disappearing into the darkness himself. you’re sure there’s another exit that you missed, one he’s taking to avoid running into your squad.

his offer. joining him for protection.

you'll never follow makarov or his ideals, much less join him for such a selfish reason. if you can kill shepherd, then you can destroy any evidence and get yourself out of this mess. with graves' cooperation and your team to help, that possibility is well within your reach. the only crime you'll have to answer for is severely disappointing your teammates, but they'll understand.

except, there's no guarantee that graves will help, and the rules of engagement prevent you from taking effective action against shepherd. he may be on the run, but he's an american general - killing him could land the one-four-one in hot water with the government.

that'll only lead to more restrictions, more eyes on you, more questions— there's nothing you can do to stop it.

you need someone without limits. someone the government doesn't have their hands on.

you need makarov.

a series of heavy footsteps alert you to a new presence, snapping you out of your trance. you lift your head in time to see price, graves, and the shadows appear from around a large pile of debris in the same direction that makarov originally approached you from.

"petra!" price calls out, jogging ahead of the group and stopping just in front of you. "you broken?" he asks, placing a firm hand on your shoulder and dragging his gaze across your form, searching for any injuries.

"no, i'm fine. nothing major." you mumble, struggling to find your voice all of a sudden. "just, uh..." you lose it again, your tongue darting out to nervously wet your dry lips.

"something wrong?" he murmurs, quiet enough that graves and his men can't hear from their positions farther away.

you can feel every beat of your heart, rapidly thumping against your ribs to the point of making your chest ache. only price can give you approval to do something so risky, so stupid. he'll understand. he knows the job isn't perfect, but you do what you have to do—

"i have something to confess, captain."

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#call of duty #cod #cod mw2 #mw2 #call of duty x reader #cod x reader #mw2 x reader #makarov x reader #vladimir makarov x reader #cod makarov #vladimir makarov #sylph.writes

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gallyl · 4 months

Text

NBC Hannibal: Dogs and Dinners

There is a tv trope "adopt the dog", which helps us like a character and see their good side. Will's character exposition is clear: he saves a dog and cares for a big family of strays. The dogs manifest his good sides, humanity. However, we are also hinted at Will's repressed dark instincts, because domestic dogs are still animals that hunt and kill. They are pack hunters too, and Will's fighting pose in the finale is "on fours", "a wild dog". The domestic and the wild co-exist.

It would be unfair not to demonstrate a humane side of Hannibal during his introduction. We see him working as a psychiatrist. His job almost mirrors Will's job: Will is an empath who analyses psychopaths to put them in jail, and Hannibal is a psychopath who analyses normal people to help them fix their lives. But not all of his patients are actually recovering, and his approach is unorthodox. I don't think his job is a true reflection of his humane side. As in the case with Will, we should look into his house and see the his own character exposition, just as intimate, instinctual and double-sided.

It's his cooking. At first sight it's merely a depiction of his darkness. But if we break down the idea of cooking to the basic instincts (like with Will's dogs), we will feel Hannibal's humanity. For him, cooking is not only eating. It's feeding. And Hannibal likes to feed. Feeding is a paternal instinct, a social, protective behavior. And we have seen many times in the show that Hannibal has paternal instincts, likes socialising and can be protective not only on his behalf. Hannibal uses feeding for manipulation as well, yes, but even in those cases feeding people is his idea of creating connection and affection.

Here are a few examples. After Jack asks Hannibal in the first episode to be gentle with Will, Hannibal, the stag that he is, does the opposite: invades Will's hotel room uninvited and puts him on his antlers with compliments and home-made breakfast that fits Will's simple tastes. When Hannibal tries make Abigail attached to him, he cooks her "breakfast for dinner" and mushroom tea. He makes coffee for Will, when he's in hospital, makes soups to Will, when he's unwell. He likes when someone helps him in the kitchen.

Hannibal doesn't invite people for dinner only when encessary. He does it at every opportinity. He has many "friends" in cultural circles that he loves to entertain. And he feeds them human meat, which is rare and risky to get. There's cynicism in that behaviour but also a need to share and connect at a high cost. Hannibal is generous and hospitable.

Hannibal "likes to eat in a company" and yet it's never simply that. Extended cooking scenes, exquisite dishes and lavish dinners - too lavish even for a small gathering… He’s obsessed with cooking. It's a manifestation of his darkness... and aching humanity. Eating and feeding co-exist.

There may be some evidence to this in canon. In the book/movie “Hannibal rising” (both written/scripted by the original author of "Hannibal") little Lecter starved with Mischa during the war. Mischa was his first beloved human, and he became her parental figure after premature death of their parents. A special emphasis is made in the movie on Hannibal feeding her. His experience of hunger was not only about misery but also love and caring for another person and putting their needs above your own.

Will: Have you ever been a father?

Hannibal: I was to my sister. She was not my child, but she was my charge. She taught me so much about myself. Her name was Mischa.

Before the finale Bedelia says her famous line:

"Could he daily feel a stab of hunger for you and find nourishment at the very sight of you? Yes."

This line is a big box to unpack, but a big idea is that Hannibal is harmless now. He no longer needs to eat Will - or indulge into cannibalism with him - to connect. His love overpowers trauma and killer instincts. In the finale he does exactly what Bedelia predicted: he finds nourishment at the very sight of Will in his house, only sharing wine like in the good old days, and Will feels safe and protected in his presence. And this is a really nice touch to Hannibal's character development.

#hannibal is my favourite cooking show #obsession elevated to art #hannibal lector #nbc hannibal #will graham #hannibal meta #gally meta #hannibal

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simpingland · 2 years

Text

Masterlist

House of the dragon

Harwin Strong

❤️‍🔥 "A proper back"

Ser Harwin finds himself protecting the younger sister of Princess Rhaenyra, Daenerys, a lonely girl who dedicates to get into trouble.

❤️‍🔥 "The Queen's horse with no name"

As the future Queen of Westeros, Elaena goes to the royal camp with the heavy crown no one wants her to carry in the future. Harwin may be the only true support of the Princess.

❤️‍🔥 "Into the Dragonpit"

Part 2 of The Queen's horse with no name. Ser Harwin is dragged into a simple mission. But dragons are scary and Breakbones need her princess to save the day. He ends the day holding a baby, and I know you all live for that...

❤️‍🔥"Queen of love, Queen of Beauty"

The tournament is happening and Ela can't help but feel anxious for his now, obvious and undeniable crush, Ser Harwin Breakbones Strong. But the man needs to be the first making the moves, doesn't he?

❤️‍🔥"The start of a dream"

Ela and Harwin hear wedding bells but things get complicated, good thing they love eachother.

❤️‍🔥"A beautiful reality"

Ela is pregnant, but starting a family is a complicated thing, thank the gods, Harwin will always be by her side, like he swore to, for his Queen.

❤️‍🔥 "Crown of soap"

Ser Harwin only wants to crown his wife as the Queen of Love and Beauty. And the problem is not that Daemon is his opponent, but that his wife does not want Harwin to win the tournament.

❤️‍🔥 Harwin being your secret lover headcannons. (Male!reader smut)

❤️‍🔥"How to fix an aching nose." (Smut)

Harwin cant believe his luck, married to a targaryan princess, being completely in love with her, her being madly in love with him...Not many believe his luck neither. Only his wife can prove him that its all real.

Aemond Targaryen

🥓 "Too young for war, too beautiful for battles"

Being Daemon's daughters wasn't easy, and Aemond knows that. But it's even harder to see your only friend denying his love for you. If only Alyssa knew that the prince was as much of a simp for her as she was for him...

🥓 "Wolfs and dragons, both have claws and teeth"

A Lannister forever bonded with her Stark mother, Evanna founds her traumas arise when she gets pregnant with his husband Aemond's first child. The Prince, in the other hand...well, he's quite cute about it.

🥓 "To conquer as dragons"

Saera is kept as a ward of the Queen when the King dies. She is left surrounded by her mother's enemies, but Aemond was never one of them. In the search of Aegon, confessions are made on the daylight and arranges are made in the afternoon.

🥓"Today was a win"

Saera and Aemond arrive at Dragonstone, after he decided on choosing Team Black out of her love for her. But Aemond is not welcome and Saera has to prove his good-will. Part 2 of To conquer as dragons but many can't read it, hope it makes sense still reading it as a stand alone.

🥓"A wound willing to heal"

After kneeling for Queen Rhaenyra, Aemond and Saera struggle to win the confidence of the family. An incident during training makes Luke change his way of seeing his uncle. Part 3 of "Today was a win" and the part 1 doesn't show in tumble but check out my AO3.

🥓"My one true King" Male!oc

Alys Dayne is the secret love of Aemonds life, the only one he could trust with his feelings after coming back from Storm's Ends. Would he think of him as a monster? Would he destroy the boy's life?

🥓"Come and rest"

Storms are Bryanne's biggest fears, aside from many other things. In the night, Aemond invite her to his chambers, promising to protect her from the storm and many other things.

🥓"Alliance of flowers and wings"

When Aemond offers Lyassandre Tyrell a visit to Highgarden, she doesn't expect the gentlemen he really his, little does she know, Aemond wants something out of the smartest lady on court.

🥓 "Taste of Wine and Smell of Lavender"

At that very intense dinner with the "Velaryon" boys, Ashara Dayne, betrothed with Prince Aemond wants to know why is he so stuck in the past. Meanwhile, Aemond is surprised by her true character and charisma.

🥓"Zālagon and Vhagar" Male!reader

You are the heir of a powerful valyrian House in Pentos. But the only thing you wished for was to fly day and night with your dragon. Only the lonely Prince Aemond can make the future look promising. Part 1

🥓"The Duty to Protect" Male!reader

After years as lovers in Essos, the peace is ended when they call for war. Aemond is left with the task of staying in the castle while he has to see the love of his life leave for battle. Angst +fluff. Part 2

🥓"The Rumors"

Aemond is forced to marry a woman he was more than happy to ignore. But her sarcasm, brain skills and a knee injury makes him feel a bit too passionate for her.

🥓"To dance only with you"

When Aemond goes to war, his wife is left in sorrow, pregnant and angry. When she visits him to apologise, she founds him with the famous Alys. Things fall apart in a minute but Aemond is determinated to fix it.

🥓"To imagine" (smut, modern AU)

Reader has been nothing but the the moon and Sun for Aemond, so when she breaks down for the first time in front of him, he just can't help but confess all she makes him feel.

🥓 "Hidden door to your bed" (smut)

Aemond and you have spend several years looking for each other's company, each other's touch. But the waiting has to come to an end, even if it means that Aemond has to look for the secret path to your room.

🌜"Flirting and sleeping" (Ewan Mitchell x fem!actress)

Playing Aemond's love interest have the perks of giving you a flirty partner during promotion and a comfortable shoulder to sleep on set.

Aegon Targaryen

🍷 "Love is Patient"

Moments before the coronation, Aegon's wife recalls her first memories with the Prince. Patience was key on this journey to make things right. And this patience let love to grow easily between them.

🍷"Honesty" (neutral reader)

Life is hard for Prince Aegon. Only when a servant appears to care just enough for him, Aegon seeks this company,not knowing it's a reciprocate feeling.

Jacaerys Velaryon

⚜️"Black and purple"

Gia and Jace have been bethroated since children, but the Targaryen boy feels to good to be true by a simple lady like Gia, that dinner in King's Landing make the naive boy see things more clearly.

⚜️"Giants and other tiny things"

When an invitation arrives from Casterly Rock, Jace will need the help of Daemon's ward. The lady, much more sociable and simple, will accept, despite (or precisely because) she is in love with him.

⚜️"The Punch and the Car" (smut)

Modern Au! Jacaerys Strong never liked the girl his mother adopted, and made his life's mission to let her know that. But years past and reader can't handle that much hate from someone as intense as him. Baela and Rhaena have an idea. Maybe there's part 2.

⚜️"Never Pretending"

Gaella Targaryen (Alicent's kid) and Jace Velaryon were friends long before they understood what green and black meant. When they meet again six years later, they realise that there was always something more to both the court and their own friendship.

⚜️"The guide and the companion"

Gaella runs from the greens, hoping to be welcomed by the Blacks and more specifically the Prince Jacaerys. The feelings are strong but even in the same side, both of them find themselves way to separated by the past.

⚜️"Nightmare"

The tour in search of allies start, and the tension between Gaella and Jace must stop for the same cause. But the first stop is avit more difficult for reasons they never imagined.

Lucerys Velaryon

🌊 "Alone together"

Y/N Celtigar and Luke have been betrothed for years, but the reader is having a hard time finding true friendship on Dragonstone. Some tutoring makes Luke change his mind about his wife to be.

🌊"Trust"

Luke is enchanted by a new young Knight. He is so desperate to impress his crush that he put himself in embarrasing situations.

🌊"Touch and Protection" (Male!reader)

Reader has spend more than six years in love with Lucerys. But only when the times get difficult, one has to protect the things we love the most.

Rhaenyra Targaryen

🖤"Combing her hair" (fem!reader)

Reader is too concentrated in the idea of being favored by Rhaenyra to notice that the Princess is actually, way too fond of her.

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

The Last Kingdom

Osferth

✝️"The little lights"

Osferth has many reasons to keep his love for you a secret. But there is a limit to everything, and if can't marry you, then he will make his bows during a secret handfasting ceremony by the river.

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

Ted Lasso

Jamie Tartt

⚡️"Who is Higgings?"

Being new at Richmond is always complicated no matter how many times you have been there. One lonely Jamie Tartts grows font of Rebecca's new assistant.

PEACE AFTER THE STORM

A Lucemond Fanfic.

An apology is hidding under the belt of Lucerys Velaryion, prepared to be speak out loud in front of Aemond Targaryen. But the instant hate his uncle shows him makes him hide his feelings once more.

Violence keeps occurring between both boys and they will have to figure out how to go home after Aemond's chasing in the skies of Storm's End. This adventure puts on hold the Dance of the Dragons as the Princes are lost with nothing but eachothers company.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Feel free to let me know about a character you want me to write about. Yes, i put a fried becon to Aemond, soz. I don't do "x reader" but i can try it. I can also write about many other shows. Xx <3

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thestrangestthing89 · 1 year

Text

Part 1 of 2:

Jonathan lying isn't just about Nancy which is why I don't think it's going to ruin that relationship when it's revealed. He's also lying to his family and at the moment, Argyle is the only one who knows what's going on with him and why. He doesn't want to leave his family and makes a comparison to his father abandoning them when he talks about this with Argyle. From the start of the series it's made clear that Jonathan is protective of Will in a way that their father never was. He takes care of him and gives him good advice and is mainly the reason why Will is so kind-hearted despite having gone through so much trauma. He has Jonathan to talk to and Jonathan is always emotionally available to him. He plays a role in Will's life that blends older brother with father figure. He had to grow up too fast and help take care of him and pay the bills because their own father left and couldn't handle it.

So when Will goes missing and Jonathan realizes that he never checked on him the night before he feels guilty. And we see this through a scene with Joyce and Jonathan when they are putting a Missing ad together for Will. He's upset and blames himself. Realistically it wouldn't have made a difference of course. If Jonathan had noticed the night before Will still would have been in the upside-down. The most this would have done was start a search a few hours earlier but since we know of the supernatural element, that may not have made much of a difference. We see Jonathan is clearly feeling guilty about this - he's upset and he apologizes to Will when they find him. Which leads to season 2 and his annoyance about Bob. Bob is taking the role of father here that Jonathan has had for years. While we don't see too much interaction between the three of them, we do see that Will is more accepting of Bob in their lives where Jonathan is just tolerant. Will accepts a ride to school and listens to his advice and he sticks up for Bob when him and Jonathan are talking. Now it's important to note here that Bobs advice isn't good and it ends up unintentionally harming Will, but this is mainly because Bob doesn't have all the information about what's going on with Will. We see Jonathan give Will good advice again when he tells him about Zombie Boy and all the bullying. Jonathan is the one who takes care of Will the way he needs to be taken care of. Jonathans isn't getting replaced - Will still needs him. At the end of the season we see more guilt from Jonathan. When they are back at the Byers house after they escape the lab. Will is unconscious and Jonathan is apologizing for not having been there for him. Even though Joyce, Hopper, Mike and Bob were there for Will, he still feels guilty for not having been there himself. So of course when they are talking to Will in the shed it's Jonathan, Joyce, and Mike talking to him and telling him stories - they are the people who know him best. But it's important to note here that it's Mike who first gets through to Will and not Jonathan. Mike's story about meeting Will is kindergarten is the thing that gets Will communicating to them in morse code and it's Mike who realizes that Will is trying to sacrifice himself and it's Mike who comes up with a plan to fix it. Not Jonathan (this is important in part 2). In the scene at the end where they are de-possessing Will, it is clear that Jonathan is distraught over watching Will be in pain. It's so awful for him he can't even watch. It's been made very clear through all of this that Jonathan loves Will and will do anything to protect him. He feels responsible for him. Season 3 is the first time we don't see interaction between the two without the whole group around them. Will is distracted by his problems with Mike and Jonathan is distracted by his job and fighting with Nancy. This fight with Nancy is significant because they both are correct and only part of it gets resolved. It's still a loose thread. Because while Nancy is discussing how it's humiliating to work in a place like that, Jonathan is trying to explain to her that he can't afford to complain about it because he has to help pay the bills. It's a problem many working class women face and a problem Nancy can't relate to - complaining about getting harassed at work is a privilege. Plenty of working class women have to grin and bear the abuse at work because they have bills to pay. There is no way Joyce hasn't experienced this. So while Jonathan can't relate to the way that Nancy's treated - he immediately gains respect by being male - Nancy can't understand why he doesn't say anything and it's because his family depends on him. Nancy is upper middle class and had that job for the experience not for money. She still relies on her father for that and can. Jonathan later apologizes to Nancy but it's not for this fight. It's because he doubted that she was right about the rats and the case.

This fight is still unresolved and it's why Jonathan doesn't tell her about college. Now the reason he doesn't apply to college is about Will, but him not telling Nancy is because of this fight. They usually communicate well with each other but here is the first time they aren't on the same page and it's because they can't relate to each other. They have different experiences and they don't know how to explain it to each other. This doesn't have to be a big deal. Most couples aren't going to have the same exact upbringing and experiences, but they are young and don't know how to discuss it. So we have season 4 and Jonathan emotionally checking out for the first time. He's not there for Will when Will is struggling with his identity and he's avoiding his family. He can't tell them he won't go to college because he feels like he's abandoning them which will then lead to them feeling guilty. It's another difficult conversation he's avoiding. He does apologize to Will for not being there at the end of the season and it's clear Will still needs him. But after all the drama of season 4 - the shoot out at the house, the burying the dead agent, helping find El and escaping, and trying to help her help Max - Jonathan has to be feeling even more reluctant to leave. Because what would have happened to Will and Mike in the house when they were attacked if Jonathan wasn't there? Nancy even thanks him for being there because she knows he is the reason they got to Hawkins safely. They all need Jonathan and rely on him.

More in Part 2

#jonathan byers #nancy wheeler #jancy #will byers #mike wheeler #byler

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fan-mans · 1 year

Note

Any Kaiser hcs yet?

Tea time!!!!

Despite what his contender intro suggests, Kiaser is quite fond of kids. Outside of boxing he's a boxing teacher for elementary and middle school aged kids. He's an excellent teacher and most of his students are stronger than him (Mostly cause he teaches them stuff he doesn't follow lmao)

Two of the boys shown in his contender intro are his adopted sons!

Alfreid (Left) is slightly older than Viktor (Right) but both are 8 as of the game's events. Kaiser only intended on fostering them but fell in love and decided to raise them as his own. The boys are well and healthy under his care and even a little bit spoiled, lol. (I have more on them too)

Before his kids, Kaiser frequently fostered older 'unadoptable kids' and helped many of them work on their personal issues and trauma through boxing. Many of his former foster kids keep in touch and plenty are boxers now themselves!

Kaiser grew up in a frankly hellish household. Him and his brother (Wilfreid), a year younger, lost their mother after Wilfreid's birth and their father took every ounce of grief and anger he had out on them. Kaiser did everything he could to protect his brother growing up and the two left the house when Kaiser turned 18. (I have a lot more on this so feel free to ask for elaboration!!)

Kaiser and his brother still live together! Wilfreid takes care of Kaiser's kids during the summer while he's in New York boxing. During the year, his brother does skiing and snowboarding competitions worldwide.

His kids don't like being away from their dad, but they can't be removed from the country without some serious paperwork, so it's best if Kaiser leaves them in Germany.

Kaiser's apartment in new york is incredibly sad- it only has basic furnishings and is very small and completely devoid of anything fun or nice. His house back in Germany is quite the opposite- brightly colored with toys, games, stickers, and knick-knacks eveywhere.

He has 2 dogs, a pitbull and a doberman. Both are trained guard animals to protect his sons and are extremely loyal companions and very very good girls.

Kaiser has tourettes and autism, while his brother has some brain damage and Dystonia. Both have mild scoliosis and PTSD.

Despite his rude, blunt, and overall intimidating nature, Kaiser can be quite sweet. Beneath his layers of introvertedness and trauma, he's a real ball of sunshine. He may be very oblivious to how people feel most of the time, but he is sincerely a good guy.

He's quite fond of being touched and sharing a bed with people he trusts, all he needs is some prior warning.

The only alcoholic thing he'll drink is beer.

Has a huge love of mechanichs and is quite handy- pretty much everyone in the wvba has had him fix their car, plumbing, or an electrical problem at least once. If he hadn't found boxing, he would've been an engineer.

In his spare time, he restores old gadgets and fixes clocks. He's quite fond of turn-of-the-century machinery and cuckoo clocks.

A fan of camping and fishing, even though bugs are his worst enemy.

#von kaiser #punch out #punch out wii #headcanons #ask game #my hcs

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edoro · 2 years

Note

For the WIP ask game-

I'd love to see more about

[8) Belord - Ford Interrupts Uncle-Nephew Bonding Time] and [13) hunter suicide attempt fic] !!

I also loved hearing about the other WIPs people have already asked about- genuinely I love reading anything from you

-Hunter suicide attempt fic

this is an au from s2e9 - after Eclipse Lake, Hunter gets put on lockdown in the castle and not allowed out. this makes everything so much worse, because now he doesn't even have the outlet of missions or the possibility of proving himself, he's just stuck in the castle with Belos.

eventually he sneaks out, and he intends to just go for a little fly/walk around town to clear his head, but ends up going a lot farther and being afraid/reluctant to go back, and at some point he finds himself out in the wilderness and ends up making an extremely impulsive decision to jump off a cliff or something like that.

he has Flapjack with him, who goes and gets help - your classic "Flapjack gets Luz and/or Eda and leads them to injured Hunter, and they take him back to the Owl House and care for him" scenario

except as he heals up it becomes more and more clear that whatever happened to him wasn't an accident or a mission gone wrong or Belos's fault

and it just kind of would have been like, probably Eda figuring it out and trying to talk to him about it and uncovering his Trauma(TM), possibly him attempting again bc now not only did he disobey and let his uncle down but at this point he's probably considered a runaway traitor, so he has nothing to go back to anyway

that one wasn't very well fleshed out, it was pretty much just "what if Eda intercepted Hunter post-suicide attempt and gradually she and Luz both figured out that's what happened" because oh boy is this kid fucked up

next one under a cut for csa + incest (you may be sensing a theme here lmao)

-Belord - Ford Interrupts Uncle-Nephew Bonding Time

so, Ford's been there for a few months and Belos is quite taken with his new human boyfriend, and he has basically been ignoring Hunter entirely, which is becoming increasingly intolerable

at one point Ford gets really caught up in a research project and ends up neglecting Belos for a few days, which Belos is sulking about mightily, and Hunter sees a chance

he comes in one day after a patrol, goes up to his room and dresses down in some cute and casual clothes, and makes his way downstairs to coincidentally run into the Emperor as he's leaving the throne room for the evening and start talking to him about something, following Belos back to his chambers

Belos knows what he's doing, but he finds the attempt at subterfuge cute, so he indulges it to see where Hunter goes with this

in his chambers he has Hunter help him with changing out of the imperial regalia, and Hunter takes the opportunity to try to be as suave and flirty as an isolated 16 year old child soldier trying to seduce his abusive uncle can be

which Belos also thinks is cute, and, in fact, unfortunately for Hunter what Belos is internalizing about this whole experience is that if he ignores Hunter for long enough, Hunter will come throw himself at him, and he's already planning to play with this in the future and see how far he can push it -

anyway, though, he indulges Hunter's flirtations because it has been a while since he had any time with his favorite nephew, and he is feeling very abandoned by Ford

so things are progressing and Hunter is not exactly enjoying himself but feels much more secure in his status now, because he hasn't been replaced, he's still good for this -

and then out in the front room the door opens and Ford comes in crowing about whatever discovery he's just made

Hunter just stares up at Belos, whispers to him to Tell Him To Go Away; Belos just pats his cheek, tells him quietly to fix his clothes and go, then sits up and says in a conversational tone of voice pitched to carry to Ford in the front room, "you need to go to bed now, Hunter, you have to be up early tomorrow"

goes out to talk to Ford and give Hunter time to get dressed. Hunter does the absolute shittiest possible job of rearranging his clothing and comes out flushed, rumpled, his buttons done up wrong and his shirt untucked, giving Ford the worst death glare he can muster, and sulks off to his room to fantasize about For Real Murdering This Man.

(Ford meanwhile is too caught up in the euphoria of sharing a new project to really notice this, but his subconscious is going to pick up on some details that are going in the growing mental subfolder entitled Something Seems Odd About Philip's Relationship With His Nephew and eventually, eventually there's going to be enough in there that a little mental alarm starts going off...)

#asks #wip game

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himbos-hotline · 1 year

Note

*drops in here*

You're into 9-1-1 too?!

(also I feel you on the memory issue my brain is currently fried)

*picks you up cuz ya shouldnt just be dropped thats MEAN! who dropped my friend?!*

I LOVE 9-1-1- !! Where dya think I got the name Evan from! I used to use Buck as a shorterning of the name Buckley for,,,,reasons. Now its Buck short for Buckshot, But evan is one of my favourite names that I use! The new series has already made me cry and we're only two episodes in. I keep seeing everyone getting really upset about coma!Buck and I dont understand it, I think it was done correctly and so personally. People really focus on love like its a one-sided romantic thing and 9-1-1 taking the twist on that to focus on the fact that Buck saved Bobby because in all honesty, Buck showed Bobby what it was like to love again and not only love himself again but to love a child who never had that father figure.

Buck figuring out to be happy. He just has to be buck. and Buck will always BE ENOUGH BECAUSE HE IS HIM! Is so fucking important. Being told something youre entire life/something that alters you entire life, like how buck was nothing but spare parts that screwed up, has so affect on a person. Buck started to believe that, the villian of his coma dream being his own anxiousness/inability to accept that he's enough and that he doesnt have to fix everything and that he didnt fail his brother or his family, he was just a child.

I have to rewatch the episode to get like a GOOD grasp on it because I spent half the time sobbing over it. But I am kinda glad we didnt get Buddie this episode. We got the fire fam mourning someone who now is such an intergral part of it, it doesn't feel whole. Sure eddie was the one who outwardly mourned the most [not counting bobby here because god I have never wanted to just cry more] Maube ill do a breakdown on the episode and see the hate fill my inbox because Im happy that they focused on fathers and on familys and on moving on.

The entire theme of closure in that episode and closure not being like a one and done thing- its omething that takes time and is gonna hurt and youre gonna feel like youre pulling teeth and its gonna feel hopeless and useless and terrified but at the same time its gonna be so rewarding at least a little bit, small things like bucks mother measuring the floor for a counch so her son is comfortable NOT so his house looks complete mean so much to people who have had parents/caregivers not care or not outwardly show them love. Chim lettign his father stay a few more days because he knows that the relationship the two of them have is shattered, he doesnt wanna pass that onto Jee. He may be her father but that doesn't mean that she has to get his rage in her bloodstream. Trauma shouldnt be passed down through generations, but it is. But its also possible to stop that cycle.

as someone whose had a relationship with his mother much like chim and his father. Seeing the "I dont forgive you but im not going to make my daughter hate you the way I do. She isn't me, I am not her." is so heartbreakingly calming. Moving on isn't always accceptance. Sometimes its just, getting used to their presence again.

#9 1 1 spoilers #mouse has pals #basil the evil cowboy #basil the wife giver

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beomglocks · 3 years

Text

better ; c.yj

summary : you deserve better

pairing : ex-boyfriend/mafia leader!yeonjun x reader

warnings & other : angst, mention of trauma, stalking and kidnapping, yeonjun breaks into your house, refer to picture for visual, i saw this edit on ig and now my mind has fuel, listen to better by WOOGIE.

w/c : ???

---

the sunlight peeks through your shades and onto your face, causing you to stir in your sleep. you squeeze your eyes tightly shut hoping your brain can trick itself into sleeping for just a couple more hours longer.

it works for a couple of seconds. closing your eyes tight may have tricked your brain into thinking it was still dark enough to indulge in more sleep.

you sigh peacefully, hoping to get back to your previous dream but you're cut off by the sound of a door being slammed shut.

you open your eyes but remain in bed. it had to be around 7am at least which means no one should be in your house. well, no one should be in your house period. if it was a robber, they sure do work early.

you get out of bed, not caring about your lack of proper clothes because if you were gonna die, what's the point? you take careful steps toward your kitchen to make sure you don't alert whoever may be in there.

the sound of things being moved around and frustrated groans grows louder the closer you get to the room. you grab your nearby safety bat from a corner in your hallway and bring it above your head to swing.

when you come into the line of sight of the intruder in your house you halt yourself from swinging and bring the bat down to your side, the person not realizing yet that you're there.

anger bubbles inside of you at the sight of the sleeve of tattoos and dark head of hair that you recognize all too well.

"what the fuck are you doing in my house yeonjun?"

the boy in question seemingly pays no mind to your question and simply continues rummaging through your fridge and cupboards. "where the hell do you keep your peanut butter?"

you cross your arms at him. "i asked you a question."

"so did i," he retorts. you roll your eyes at him. "you're in my house ass hole, in case you forgot."

he subtly rolls his eyes away from your line of sight and stands up from the fridge. now that he's seen you, his eyes linger on your body for longer than you're ok with. he leans back on your counter with a smile, a visible change in his demeanor, "good morning."

"answer my question," you frown. he sighs, "we got busted and i needed a place to crash."

"yeonjun!" you exasperate. "what? i slept on the couch out of respect for you," he raises his eyebrow, taking a bite out of his slice of dry bread.

"what the fuck do you want me to do, thank you? i told you not to involve me in your mafia gang whatever shit anymore and you go and do this," you gesture to the mess on your countertop.

"yeonjun you're the only other person here! what's with all this shit on my table?!" he continues eating nonchalantly as you scold him and try to clean up as best as you can.

"can you calm down," he sighs. he takes another bite of bread before placing the plate on top of a random box of pizza. "no one saw me come here, you'll be fine."

you continue cleaning, without saying a word to him. you feel like if you open your mouth you'll explode. you clench your teeth as you watch him look through your fridge again out of the corner of your eye.

it's been months since you last saw him and this is the first thing he does. from the counter, you have a pretty good view of his back as he looks through the fridge.

even though you hate him, your mind wanders back in time when that same back would be littered with your marks and scratches. the neck tattoo that would be colored with hickeys he would proudly wear is now bare and untouched.

your eyes go up to his head which thankfully is still turned away from you. the pink mullet he used to rock is now a dark undercut with hints of red. it looks good on him, you have to admit. his ears have more piercings than you remember and you hold back a smile thinking about the time when you would play with his ears and he would tell you to stop.

"you're awfully quiet, what're you thinking about?" he asks, still facing the fridge. you have to remember your relationship with the mafia leader ended months ago, whatever feelings that were present right now were most likely your heart missing human interaction.

"thinking about how i want you out of my house," you mumble, picking up a half empty cup of ramen. he sighs, standing up and fixing his messy hair.

"i said i was sorry," he leans back on the fridge, watching you clean. you bite your tongue, picking up the empty pizza box and tossing it in the trash. "sorry doesn't make up for trauma yeonjun, that's what you don't understand," you say quietly.

"if i knew that would happen to you i wouldn't have left you alone, you know i would've had soobin or taehyun be around you 24/7!" he reasons.

"well you didn't," you breathe out. you give him a tight lipped smile and for the first time in months he's reminded of the pain he saw in you eyes when they brought you back.

"you decided drugs and money were more important than your fucking girlfriend that you love "oh-so-much" getting stalked and kidnapped."

“that’s not tr-“ “that’s what it felt like!” you place an empty soda bottle on the table. he blinks at your outburst. in all the time you’ve spent together, you were never one to lash out even when he annoyed you to no end.

he stares at you for a moment before closing his eyes and biting the inside of his cheek in frustration. "y/n," he sighs angrily.

"even after i killed them all? it wasn't enough for you! you still left me," he steps closer to you and you unconsciously step back. you recognized this tone on yeonjun but he never used it on you. it's gravely and deep and on the rare occasion that you did hear it, the outcome was never good.

"yeonjun..."

"no, look- i know what happened to you was fucked up but i tried my best! it still wasn't enough- you still left and didn't even tell me.." he chuckles at this. "do you know how long it took to find this fucking place?"

you look down, suddenly feeling small. any bravery you had has now dissipated. it's like your mind and body were so used to yeonjun that you just knew when to submit.

"you were my only sense of normalcy in that place," he mumbles. "sure i've got the boys but they're not you.."

his head is hung low, making his hair cover his eyes. your first instinct would've been to run into his arms and pepper him in kisses. endless strings of 'i love you' to reassure both of you that what happened wasn't either of your faults.

you bite your lip, "is that why all this food is like this..."

he doesn't move from his spot. "im sorry, i miss you." you almost feel your heart break. you hate seeing yeonjun so messed up about something that he just eats to forget because it's his only other form of happiness, well apart from you.

you walk up to him, bringing your arms around his slim frame. at first, he doesn't hug you back since he wasn't expecting that but soon enough he engulfs you as if he's been touch starved for ages.

"im sorry, please come back to me? i'll do better, i promise you won't get hurt anymore hm?" he sounds hopeful and it makes you close your eyes.

"you need to leave," you say quietly. you feel him hug you tighter as he places his chin on your head. "please let me stay with you," he pleads.

you force yourself to step away from him which takes a lot more effort than you thought. you look up at his face and he looks so broken. it’s rare to see a mafia leader look this vulnerable but yeonjun opens himself up to you like this at times and you feel lucky, in a weird way.

he watches you expectantly, waiting for your answer. “yeonjun i just- i don’t feel safe around you anymore.”

you swear you see his heart shatter right in front of your face.

you want to hit yourself but it’s true. where you once felt peace you only feel fear. maybe once upon a time yeonjun was like your savior but now he brings pain, especially with the type of work he does.

he looks down, biting his lip. you can tell he's trying to act like what you said didn't just tear a hole straight through his heart. "you know i'll still watch over you and keep you safe," he promises.

you smile lightly at him, glad that he hasn't completely given up. "i know." he wastes no time stealing a kiss on your forehead, quickly moving away before you can complain or push him away.

"you still fucked up my kitchen though," you say when he starts walking away to your door. he only shrugs as you watch him walk out your door and out onto the streets.

you can only sigh, hoping he'll be safe until he can get his base back.

#yeonjun imagines #yeonjun reactions #yeonjun drabbles #yeonjun angst #yeonjun drabble #txt imagines #drabble #tomorrow x together imagines #txt headcannons #yeonjun headcannons #txt reactions #txt scenarios #yeonjun timestamps #yeonjun fic #yeonjun x reader #angst

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pilvimarja · 2 years

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i have such a strong (and maybe unpopular?) opinion that i need to share and you were the first blog i saw! anyways, i confess to not fully enjoying daniel's character in cobra kai. personally, i feel like the writers turned him into a pretentious, elitist person all because he's rich and has nice things...don't get me wrong, seeing him develop from a low-class teenager to a hardworking adult with a successful lifestyle is great and i'm happy that he got that arc, but i feel as though he's not even a sliver of the down-to-earth, appreciative, eager person he was in the movies. it seemed like in the show, okinawa was the only place we really saw the true lovable, humble, rough-around-the-edges jersey punk that we all know and love from the films. i could be totally wrong...sorry for rambling! let me know what you think. 😅

I don't know if your opinion is that unpopular. I've seen plenty of people in and outside of the fandom criticize Daniel's writing 😅

I'm not great at character analysis, these are just my personal thoughts, but I actually like the show's (and Ralph's) portrayal of older Daniel, for the most part. I admit that I never imagined Daniel LaRusso from the movies living the life of Daniel LaRusso from Cobra Kai, but then again, I don't know how I'd picture his life going. The writers clearly wanted to "flip the script" with Johnny living the underdog life in Reseda, but I still suspect that specific parts of Daniel's early characterization were influenced by the show's sponsors. And now that they have Netflix's much bigger budget they dropped the luxury car salesman part of Daniel's character almost completely. We only got a handful of scenes at LaRusso Auto in s4 and Daniel spent most of them out of his awful suits, helping Miguel fix his mom's car.

Growing up is rarely a straightforward, pre-determined path and people change a lot on the way. We know so little about Daniel's life between TKK3 and the pilot of Cobra Kai, so it's hard to say how he got to where he is, but I suspect he hasn't been living the Encino lifestyle for more than a few years, maybe a decade? And I have a feeling that even adult Daniel doesn't always recognize himself when he looks in the mirror. I think he does pretend and play a role, to some extent. (I mean, who doesn't?) He may have the big house in the Hills and I'm sure he enjoys the success he's had, but I think Daniel himself says that he'll always be an outsider in the circles he runs in as an adult.

Cobra Kai makes a point of avoiding the black and white "good vs bad" narrative that was popular in the 80s and no one on the show is truly good or truly bad. And I think existing "in the shades of grey" is one of the show's strengths. I see Cobra Kai era Daniel as someone who's kind of lost with himself. On the surface, his life is almost picture perfect, but inside, everything is increasingly off-balance. I have a feeling that it's been getting worse ever since Mr. Miyagi's death, and the return of Cobra Kai, Kreese and especially Terry Silver have made him feel truly lost. Even his marriage with Amanda seemed super solid in the early episodes, but it didn't take a lot to make it start to unravel.

I suspect the events of the three movies had a much bigger impact on Daniel than he ever realized. He probably tried to put it all behind himself until that Cobra Kai logo above Johnny's dojo brought it all back. I don't think he's ever really dealt with the emotional trauma of the vicious bullying he suffered first from Johnny and the Cobras, then Chozen and then Mike and his gang of goons - and worst of all, two adult men who, to be honest, shouldn't be allowed anywhere near children. And now he's finally dealing with it all at once in his 50s, poorly.

So Daniel's been making bad decisions over the course of the four seasons and "acting out-of-character" as Amanda has pointed out, and what's really tragic to me is how his attempts to love and honor Mr. Miyagi's legacy have kind of held him back as a teacher and even damaged his relationship with his own daughter. In season 4, a big part of Daniel's character arc was him going from someone who just parroted Mr. Miyagi's teachings to his own students (including Johnny) exactly how he remembered Mr. Miyagi doing it, almost like Miyagi's teachings were some kind of safe space for him, to finally remembering one of Mr. Miyagi's most important lessons: you have to choose your own way. So I don't know what season 5 will bring, but I do think we'll see a Daniel who's finally found some inner balance.

Haha, sorry this got kind of long! Daniel is my favorite character, so I have a lot of feelings about him. And he can definitely be stubborn and has a tendency to suffer from serious tunnel vision, and his flaws are often more pronounced when the narrative shifts to Johnny's corner (but we also have to remember that Johnny is an unreliable narrator, at least in the early seasons), but I personally don't see it as evidence that the creators of Cobra Kai hate him. I'm guessing you disagree with me about many of the things I brought up in this post, as do some other people in the fandom, many of whom are my friends, and that's okay, as long as we all stay polite and respect each other's views 🙂

#asks

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i-love-hobbies · 3 years

Text

The biggest criticism Lilith's redemption arc gets and Eda's biggest strength

(ft. me getting completely side tracked and wanting a Hooty redemption arc)

Ok, so firstly I wanna talk about real life and then say how it was done in the owl house.

I hate the words "Everyone should get what they deserve." Cause firstly this never happens, secondly, the words are very vague and it opens a window of miscommunication and thirdly, cause in Lilith's case they are focused at, she needs to be hurt in order to change.

There are even people that have said that they are looking forward to watching Lilith suffer (I don't know if I've said it on the internet but I was one of them.)

Revenge has been proven to not make people feel better. And a lot of therapists usually say you need to forgive people. That doesn't mean fix the relationship, it means try to stop wishing they get hurt. Cause the feeling is only hurting you.

Also it's a normal human feeling to be angry, so no I'm not calling people monsters for this. And forgiveness is a hard process that takes a lot of work, but it usually isn't helped by hurting others.

The words people usually use to defend this sentence are:

"Consequences change people's minds or at the very least make them scared of doing it again."

Ok so how about we use this sentence instead, it's short enough and the main mission now is keeping ourselves safe Instead of it being hurting someone, you're still wishing it but it's not the main goal, it's a secondary one.

Well, cause it immediately shows two issues both statements have.

Firstly a friendship with someone that wants to hurt you but is scared of doing so is not a healthy one, cause they'll just try to be sneaky. You can only do it with people that aren't close to you like how the authorities do it towards criminals.

Secondly punishments rarely change people's minds. They've never worked on me, especially when you attack my identity, cause this way you make it even worse. And expecting that you can change someone usually means you're about to fail.

"But we can't get rid of punishments, people will hurt us."

I'm not saying we should. I'm saying our main goal should be our safety and hurting them may happen but it shouldn't be important.

Or better yet:

"Building healthy boundaries to the point where you're not getting hurt anymore, but not going overboard."

Examples:

- You have a friend you see Wednesday, Saturday and Sunday. But on Wednesdays, after work, they usually are very ignorant of your feelings and sometimes joke at your expense. So you stop going out at Wednesdays.

They might never ask why you did it and that's ok, cause you're not getting hurt anymore.

But usually they do ask why? You explain to them the issue with respect, don't call them names.

Some people will change after this and you can get rid of the boundary later on.

Other people may acknowledge this and say it's a good idea, cause they are overwhelmed, but never change.

Other other people may start hurting you even more. You build the boundaries even more, sometimes to the point you cut them out of your life, even if they weren't hurting you intentionally.

Which is completely ok if you can't maintain contact without being hurt.

- Eda's handling of Gwendolyn's cures is another good one. She never called her names or anything. She just made sure that Gwen can't hurt her anymore. Cause it wasn't only the cures. Eda's feelings were always getting ignored. She literally couldn't talk with her about anything other than the curse. Her emotions were getting neglected.

- Eda's handling of Tibbles is also an interesting example.

At first after the scamming she just left him. She couldn't see how he could hurt her.

And in episode 14 she killed him. Cause he showed that he would do anything to murder her dump kids and knew their address. Almost same story with Adegast.

Yes murder in this extreme cases can be a healthy boundary.

Lilith's relationships with the owl fam

King:

King didn't know Lilith was living with them and knows about her neglect.

Luz:

Luz would only stand up for others never for herself which is very unhealthy. I don't know if she forgave Lilith, but I can see her not mentioning it if she hasn't and playing along as a teacher.

"The real mystery is how she can be both so smart and yet so wrong at the same time. Academics, am I right?"

The closest one to her she has roasted like this, is her mentor, who firstly makes people feel safe.

"EDA, You're embarrassing me Infront of my crew." - Raine, after thirty years of not seeing her.

Secondly, she was being a jerk, she was teaching Luz about cards while she was begging for magic lessons and was not getting it for weeks.

"Cards, the paper rectangles that old people think are fun."

Heck, she might even be scared of Lilith. She almost got killed.

So far I don't have a reason to think she likes her. She hasn't really talked with her or about her much.

Eda:

Eda has already shown that she can handle conflicts in relationships. Like in episode 9, where she got Luz into Hexside and everything I already said.

I made an entire post about Eda being too emotional and I still stand by it, but serious situations that have to do with relationships, she usually is very rational and good at handling them. Probably because of the curse making her afraid of her anger and countless people attacking her.

At the beginning of the series Eda probably was expecting that the worst case scenario would be for Lilith to catch her and if Lilith isn't given the time to realise what she did, she'd be killed and best case scenario Lilith changes.

Episode 5, where Lilith burned down her wanted posters, episode 8 where Lilith was gonna get her straight in the coven instead of arresting her, episode 11, where Lilith said she wanted for Eda to join on her own and episode 17, where they played grudgby.

Proved to her even more that Lilith cares a lot for her and maybe she will change.

Then episode 18 happened and King wanting hugs and Luz's "Let me die!" Suddenly the worst case scenario became not her dieing but her dieing and the trauma the kids will experience. The fact that they won't have her in their lifes.

Lilith says "Then why were you so easy to curse?!?" This does not sound like "I accidentally did this and I'm sorry." No, Eda thought Lilith did this on purpose. And now her kids might get killed by her own sister cause she was too naive to trust her.

From now on I don't think she was trying to kill her cause Lilith isn't dangerous without raw power like Adegast and Tibbles, but to disable her is a possibility.

To add to this Eda wasn't rational almost throughout the entire finale. She probably didn't pick up on the line "If you would just let me explain." Just like she didn't question why Lilith was thrown in a cage.

Then she learns that Lilith commited treason together with her kids and started feeling like she doesn't know the full story, but Lilith is still a caring person. So she jumps Infront of the beam to save both Lilith and King.

Afterwards Lilith shares the curse and has nowhere to go if she gets kicked out so there is no reason to believe that she would hurt them physically.

I know in a post I said I don't think she fully processed the situation with Lilith. But now I think I was only half right.

She didn't fully process how much she was hurt but she understood Lilith's situation. Forgave her as soon as possible, not immediately. But that doesn't mean she rebuilded the relationship as soon as she forgave her.

First of, the forgiveness part happened after episode 1. The entire episode she was guilt tripping her, which I don't think was helping the situation. It makes Lilith more emotional which then makes it harder for her to face reality.

I'm not calling Eda a bad person for this but I do think it was a mistake.

What wasn't a mistake but a good thing is Eda wasn't the one to listen to her problems, it was Hooty. Cause her emotional health matters too and standing in one room with her sister is challenging.

And now I'm wondering does Eda know about how Lilith was treated by both the coven and their parents.

Eda calling Lilith a tool, seems to me more of them competing with each other rather than the recent events. Also Lilith forcing her rules without saying why they are there.

I'm glad the episode ended with them switching roles, where Lilith is now more powerful. Though I'm pretty sure the roles are getting switched again.

So what about the rebuilding of the relationship or should I say trust.

Well they didn't show us much, but I think the trust isn't fully back.

Cause she has only been proving that she can be physically trusted like when she saved King's life.

Eda never opens up, which is unhealthy. But in this case it's a healthy boundary, cause King did it and he got Lilith projecting onto him.

Lilith isn't good at being mentally supportive and still has bad habits.

Lulu and Hootsifer

Hooty helping Lilith was something, she really needed and didn't take for granted, cause the only one to ever even consider this is Eda.

They are buddies that look out for each other. I wouldn't say they talk a lot about feelings as they have no idea how to do that, but there are examples where they do.

Like "What kind of a witch am I?" and Hooty's letter.

Her letter for Hooty, was supportive, but ignored the issue of Hooty always being in people's personal space.

Which led to Hooty drugging Eda, kidnapping three children and almost killing said kids when his plans didn't work the way he wanted. He also ate the letter for King.

I want a Hooty redemption arc, now!

#toh #the owl house #eda clawthorne #toh eda #eda the owl lady #edalyn clawthorne #the owl lady #lilith clawthorne #toh lilith #toh Luz #luz noceda #toh king #king clawthorne #hooty #toh hooty #lulu and hootsifer

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theresthesnitch · 2 years

Note

22, 23, & 24 from the end of year asks!!

22. events you participated in this year

Oh boy. Here we go. There’s a lot.

Shirtless James Potter May:

Shirts vs. Skins

Pretty enough for the both of us

July Jilychallenge - Three Strikes ‘til your out (Which has been nominated for Jily awards! Nominated for Favorite Smut, Favorite AU Favorite Multichapter, and Fic of the year)

Harry and Ginuary Bingo Event - There was a contest called B-I-N-G-O

August Jilychallenge - A Guide to Proper Hair Maintenance (Also nominated for Jily awards! For Best Characterization of James) - This one was also a Shirtless Lily fic.

@efkgirldetective’s Summer of Jily prompts:

Prompt 5: Just a little kiss

Prompt 7: Chill Out

Jilytober:

31 Prompts: Briefly falling

Bittersweet event: Rescue Me

Summer prompt: She’s a Wildflower (Also nominated for Jily awards! For Favorite AU) (this was also one of the summer of Jily prompts, but I posted it in October - oops!)

Non-fest: The Last Diary of Lily Potter (Also nominated for Jily award! For Favorite Angst and Favorite Canon)

Trope writing challenge:

Teacher AU

The Big Damn Kiss

Pregnancy fic (I never posted this one because I never finished it, lol)

I’m also working on a fic for Harry and Ginuary’s Big Bang Event that I (hopefully) will finish before Jan 1, and I’ve entered the December Jilychallenge

24. favorite fic you read this year

I… don’t know how to pick this. Favorite? Like, of all of them? I… I don’t… don’t make me pick one. I can’t. All of them. There’s so many good fics. I can’t even figure out how to vote for Jily awards, don’t make me do it again!

Actually, I think this might change each time I answer the questions, lol.

23. fics you wanted to write but didn’t

Okay, I save this one for last for a *reason*.

I started drafting a multichapter fic that I never got around to posting that was Slytherin!Sirius - Basically, if he had never chosen to be in Gryffindor, or was too beaten down by his family to end up in Gryffindor. The goal was a lovely Prongsfoot friendship fic. I don’t know that I’ll ever pick it back up, but here’s the prologue for it.

TW for some implied abuse, panic, and a trauma response.

***

A small, wiry boy stands in the crowd of other new students, nervously picking at the nail bed of his left thumb under the sleeve of his robes. They stood in the entrance hall, waiting to be called into the Great Hall to be sorted. His robes are perfectly pressed. His tie, still devoid of color, is neatly tied. His face was a stony mask that was the product of years of discipline and practice.

Sirius Black was the perfect picture of the pure blooded heir.

He knows what to expect with the sorting. It's been drilled into him since he got his letter. He will place the hat on his head. He will think, "I am the heir to the Black dynasty. You will place me in Slytherin." He will do so because a Black chooses where they go, they are not placed. He will do so because no other Black has ever been in any other house. He will do so because it is what is expected of the oldest Black boy.

Sirius will do so because not to do so will result in punishment, and he doesn't want to be punished any more.

They are led into the Great Hall in one great group. He keeps his chin up, not looking around, even though he really wants to see the ceiling. He remembers reading that it is enchanted to look like the night sky, and he wants to see the stars. However, he doesn't look up. He doesn't look left or right. He doesn't whisper with the other students. He wears the mask that he has kept fixed on his face since he was a small child.

It is not becoming for a Black to do anything less.

He knows, sitting at one of the tables nearby, are all of his cousins. He thinks of Bellatrix, now a 7th year, observing him and taking notes to report back to his parents. He knows she has been given permission to keep him in line. Andromeda, 5th year, and Narcissus, 4th year, will be watching as well, but they have both always been kind to him. Well, kinder. He hopes that his posture and demeanor are enough to keep Bella happy. He fears her wand almost as much as he fears his mother’s.

Sirius maintains his mask of indifference when the hat is brought out and it begins to sing. He would probably be as impressed as his peers - no, not peers. A Black doesn’t have peers. He would probably be as impressed as the children around him were, if he wasn’t so lost in his own thoughts.

When he was a child, Sirius was wild, or so he was told. Aunt Lucretia said that he had a fire under his ass for no good reason. Sirius had never thought that the things he did were that horrible. He had this nasty habit of wanting to know why. Why were muggles beneath them? Why shouldn’t mudbloods get to learn magic if they had magical powers? Why was blood purity so important? There was a time when Sirius would ask these questions.

Sirius learned quickly not to ask.

The hat’s song was now over, and the sorting began. He watched as students were sorted. It began with “Abbott, Julie” followed by “Avery, Stephen.” It was not long before his name was called, one of the natural consequences of his name.

“Black, Sirius.”

He calmly walked forward, maintaining his mask of indifference. A Black should never show emotion, never make a scene. He walks up the steps to the stool, careful to place his feet so he doesn’t trip. A Black should never show weakness. He sits calmly on the chair, feels the hat land on his head, and then the room disappears as it falls over his eyes.

Well, well, well. What do we have here?

The voice in his head surprises him. He didn’t know the hat would have a voice. He thought he just told it what he wanted.

You can talk? he thinks.

I can, young Mister Black. I can also see inside your head.

Oh no. What can this hat see? What will he know?

I can see everything in your head, Mr. Black. Everything you want me to, and everything that you don’t.

I am the heir to the Black dynasty. You will pl-

Yes, I could place you in Slytherin. There’s plenty of evidence here that it will go well. But you don’t have to be in Slytherin, Mr. Black.

I… don’t?

No. You may do very well in Gryffindor. I can see a whole different path for you, if you will allow it.

I -

I - I can’t. Sirius almost feels like weeping. He doesn’t have a choice. He is a Black. He is the heir to the Black dynasty. He doesn’t have a choice.

You could have a choice, Mr. Black. If you -

I am the heir to the Black Dynasty. You will place me in Slytherin.

Well, don’t you have a fire under you. Very well. Make it… “SLYTHERIN!”

Sirius’s stomach dropped at the same time the hat was swept off his head. A fire under him? Panic flooded his body, and he froze. Had he messed up? Did he do something wrong?

He felt a hand on his back, urging him off the stool. He mentally shook the fog out of his head. He realized that a great roar of cheers was coming from one of the tables in the hall, and he made his way in that direction. He saw that the students there were all wearing green. He looked down, and his tie and robes had adjusted to the same green. He had done it. He was in Slytherin.

Just like the good little Black heir he was.

Sirius began walking down the bench when he saw Bella. Her face was split by a large smile, but the happiness of it didn’t quite meet her eyes. Bella always made him feel slightly uneasy. She slid over so that a spot next to her was available for him. With a gnawing pit in his stomach, he sat down beside her.

“You’ve done well, Sirius.” She turned back to watch the sorting, leaving Sirius to brood in his seat.

Had he done well? He was in Slytherin. He had not tripped. He did not show emotion. He did everything he could think of to be the good Black son.

But the hat. Well, don’t you have a fire under you.

No, he must put out the fire. He must, before someone put it out for him.

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