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#he has some good ass lyrics tho not my fault

bradenthompson · 1 year

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Rating the Christmas songs on Tidal's Christmas Classics playlist

I only have some shame saying that I like most Christmas music, even when I was working in retail, so understand this is not written by someone going "ooooh grr Christmas music sucks." But I noticed Tidal's Christmas playlist is packing a few deep cuts, and I thought We'd have a little fun and give em some ratings (going until failure--there are a lot of these)

Mariah Carey - All I Want For Christmas Is You: 7/10 Is it safe to say this song is about as ubiquitous as any Christmas song ever written? It has the benefit of the singer not being dead, which must go some way towards its popularity. Any potential overplay disregarded, there are things about this song that work. I like the bells at the top, the backup vocals are funny, Mariah's got some pipes. I'm never itching to throw it on, but it's rare I skip it.

Brenda Lee - Rockin' Around The Christmas Tree: 5/10 I respect the retro vibes, I do, but this song has never done much for me. It's best moment is referencing a better Christmas song. Rockin' is a load-bearing word here, and I think it has some people thinking this song is more fun than it is. Saxophone is fun.

The Temptations - Silent Night: 6/10 Most of the points are coming from just how much this song is doing. Not a standard cover of Silent Night at all. Very chill atmosphere, everyone sounds dead on. Don't think I need it to be the six minutes that it is.

Bobby Helms - Jingle Bell Rock: 4/10 This is another song people trying giving a pass for having some snazz to it, but folks, I do not understand it. It's so boring. That's All I got

Nat King Cole - The Christmas Song: 9/10 I'm compelled to give every Nat Christmas song a 10, and it only loses a point for being The Christmas Song. Not a big favorite of mine. I do appreciate how loose it is, but lyrically it really does feel like going through the motions. Nat is always packing a punch, tho, so it ranks.

Wham! - Last Christmas: 4/10 I'm sorry, Wham!. No one would love to have a Whammer rank than I, but the hook is so boring. The synths are very clean, honestly the instrumental does the heavy lifting, this one.

Bing Crosby - The Little Drummer Boy: 3/10 Again. Bing, this hurts me more than it hurts you. Not your fault. It's The Little Drummer Boy. There are no depths to which this song blows ass. He's such a great voice that he probably has the best version possible, but still. 3.

The Pogues - Fairytale of New York: 9/10 Pleasant surprise. Never heard of this song before now, or The Pogues. This vocalist is so boozy sounding, it's great. Piano is very whatever sounding and then the FUCKING accordion busts in the tempo jumps, Kristy MacColl joins the battle, and shit ramps up so fast. Halfway through the song I was ready for a 5 and my tune thoroughly changed. Have to respect it.

Donny Hathaway - This Christmas: 8/10 Didn't know this song was this old. I'm a fan, and this incarnation ranks with the best ones. Drums are so good, Donny sells it. If you like fucking on Christmas, I'm just saying you have options.

Boys II Men - Let It Snow: 6/10 Points for originality, but I've never really been a Boyz II Men boy/man. This is another one that feels a lot longer than it is. Christmas R&B has a hell of a time coming up with things to sing about other than Christmas activities with your special friend. "god must have sent you down from heeeeeeaaaaaaaven" is a good moment.

Frank Sinatra - Let It Snow: 7/10 I will always rank Bing over Frank, I'm afraid, but I'll give it up for him. He does as good as you can do with this job, the backing vocals halfway through make for a fun, unique moment. Most Christmas covers fall on their face when they try to add anything new, which I cannot say for this one. Part where Frank says "that fire is mmmmm delightful" gives me the heebie jeebies.

Elton John - Step Into Christmas: 7/10 MMMMMM. It pains me to only go as high as 7. I want to go higher. Come on. It's Elton. The hook is so fucking crisp. His pants on the album art. The la la la la la's. The RIFF mmmm. But I can't escape the feeling that there's one too many things going on in the composition. Especially if you're listening with headphones, and I suppose fuck me for doing that bc who listens to these songs alone. It's close to an 8, I'll say that.

Darlene Love - Christmas (Baby Please Come Home): 9/10 Powerful statement from a Christmas song with one of the less inspired hooks. But the instrumentation is everything to this song. And Darlene's got a serious voice. Oscar goes to the drums. This is an ideal song for hollering and Darlene was right to go for it.

The Jackson 5 - Santa Claus Is Coming To Town: 4/10 Here's where I delegitimize this entire list, bc I can't say I love any of the Jackson 5 Christmas efforts. Like, I already don't care for this specific song at the best of times and no I don't think the "sAAAAnta Claus" so many artists go for saves it. Sorry, Tito, Jackson 5 member I've selected at random.

Eartha Kitt - Santa Baby: 10/10 Yeah, you heard me. I do not understand thinking the hate in the slightest, apart from the awful Bublé cover. Eartha has one of the best voices of this era and she never gets the credit I think she deserves. Best Christmas song where a woman asks a very rich stupid man to buy her a platinum mine. "Come and trim my Christmas tree/with some decorations bought at Tiffany's." So good.

John Lennon/Yoko Ono - Happy Xmas (War Is Over): 5/10 idk, man. I didn't expect these two to do something generally appealing, in a way I applaud them for writing a Christmas ballad with a lil bit of sass to it. "Yes, Happy Christmas... to some people hmmhhmhmhmhmhmm." Why the Silent Hill strings.

Destiny's Child - 8 Days of Christmas: 8/10 "You know Christmas?" Great first line. Special place in my heart for all Christmas songs that are about and only about getting swagged out. Also for Christmas songs that feel incidentally about the holiday. Fun one.

Band Aid - Do They Know It's Christmas?: 0/10 Awful. Shit's for the birds. Deplorable pond scum. Might be my least favorite Christmas song ever. Breaks into being one of the worst Christmas songs ever, so fucking cloying and boneless. This song pats you on the head like you're a child. Get it out of here.

Bing Crosby - White Christmas: 10/10 Bing! Biiiiiiiiiiiing! It's Biiiiiiiiiiing! He's from Spokane! I'm from Spokane! Biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing! Biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

Vince Guaraldi - Linus and Lucy: 10/10 All time rager for the ages, though I may somewhat object to it being a Christmas song. I welcome it, don't get me wrong, look at the score, it's just odd. There are most Christmas-leaning Peanuts songs on this very album. Alas. Great tune.

Justin Bieber - Mistletoe: 5/10 Oh, what? I'm supposed to give Biebs a zero on principle or something? I'll have you know he's got some earworms. Except I'm not so convinced this is one of them. idk, I feel like as far as subject matter goes, mistletoe as a tradition is low-hanging. Too easy. Try harder. Regardless, "the wise men follow the star/the way I follow my heart" is uh--its good. It's a good line.

Michael Bublé - I'll Be Home For Christmas: 6/10 inoffensive. That's what I got. Buble can lay it down when he wants, but almost all of his Christmas diddies are just going through the motions. Rarely does he make it his own, and when he does we wish he didn't (google Santa Buddy). Eh.

The Ronettes - I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus: 5/10 Tempo is fun, and Ronettes are always a treat. This is another case of a song just being really hard to make fun. Not a favorite of mine, but I don't totally hate it.

Elvis Presley - Blue Christmas: 9/10 Apologies in advance, I really fuck with this one. Never a skip for me. If you already don't like him, this one song will not change your mind. My grandpa could do a mean rendition of this one; honestly might be what I'm thinking about with this rating.

John Williams - Home Alone Theme: 7/10 Good on Tidal for tossing this one in. Good Christmas playlist has a variety of pulls. Can't say I love it, John always did have a "sound" for any film involving children and it's not my favorite type of work from him. Still, nice to see it here.

The Temptations - Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer: 3/10 Sorry, lame song removed from Rankin-Bass. Temptations are really going for it, but they don't melt my chilly heart.

Judy Garland - Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas: 8/10 Before embarking on this, I actually didn't know Judy Garland had done any Christmas music, let alone a whole Christmas album. I'm into it. Anyone else ever think the title of this song sounds a bit facetious?

Gene Autry - Frosty The Snowman: 6/10 Can't get too mad at this one. Combination of the album art and how goofy this version is. Saying it's bad feels like telling a six year old they're acting cringe. Good for Gene, he knew what this song is supposed to sound like. If nothing else. And I think there's literally nothing else.

The Jackson 5 - I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus: 2/10 Man, I was about to rate this one seriously, then the kiss sfx played two seconds in and i winced so hard my hand slipped and I hit the 2 key. Crazy. But seriously, I can't do this one. Michael's performance borders on his worst ever, but I'll give him credit for just how long he holds the note at the end. Also funny how the implication of the outro is a large group of people attempting to silence him. S/O to whichever one tells him to shut up, lmao.

The Supremes - My Favorite Things: 9/10 I'm not the arbiter of what is and is not a Christmas song, but this song's on thin ice. That said, I like this version a lot. Maybe more than the original. The oooooOOOOOoooo's are fun. The big band feel does a lot for this one.

RUN-DMC - Christmas In Hollis: 10/10 Heeeeeellllllll yeah. You gotta hand it to them. Not a request. Hand it to them right now. Rocks so hard. Turning them in a spotless peer review.

Paul McCartney - Wonderful Christmastime: 3/10 Okay. I'm aware opinion on this song is split. For some, this is a Christmas diamond in the rough. Some people cannot stand it. I'll tell you what, the synths do create a mood of sorts, annoying as they get. That and I don't love the jingle bells that start and simply do not stop. Also feels like the songs runs out of things to do like a quarter of the way in. Can't say I hate it, but I'm far from liking it.

Wizzard - Wish It Could Be Christmas Every Day: 2/10 This sounds like a Christmas song written as a tax write-off. Not an original bone in its body, I forgot this one as soon as it was over. Poor effort.

Chuck Berry - Run Rudolph Run: 6/10 Very eh on this one. This isn't a sound criticism, but it just sounds like everything else Chuck was doing at the time. This is another song I forget exists until the holiday season. Chuck's done better.

The Jackson 5 - Up On The House Top: 4/10 Just learning of this song right now. I mean, this version. They still aren't getting to me, sad to say. It's a little fun, but hmmmmm. Not stunning me.

Johnny Mathis - Sleigh Ride: 9/10 I'll be real. I rank Sleigh Ride. One of my preferred tenured Christmas songs. Johnny perfectly executes, too. Some versions are doing way too much, this one does just enough. These wonderful things are the things we remember all through our lives...

Alvin and the Chipmunks - The Christmas Song: 10/10 WOOOOOOOOOOOO. Love this one, I don't care who knows. Total earworm, I am a child again. You get basically all the Chipmunks lore in like twenty seconds total. Marvel of worldbuilding. I STILL WANT A HULA HOOOOOOOP (starting to feel the strain of writing all of these)

Will update this when I got the energy back

#meme #christmas #christmas music

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miekasa · 3 years

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NICE.

+ pairings: eren yeager + (fem) reader

+ genres: rich kid au, college au, friends to lovers au, fluff, light-ish angst, smut/nsfw content (everybody gets a piece)!

+ warnings: mentions of depression/anxiety, mentions and use of drugs and alcohol, some of the smut happens under the influence so be cautious if that’s something you don’t like, i swear this is all more idiots in love than angst tho i just wanna disclose everything fairly

+ notes: this is alternatively titled super rich kids and you can probably figure out why. some of this is based off of real life, some of it is straight out of gossip girl and i challenge you to separate the facts from the fiction :’) anyways, i hope we all remember the lyrics to in my feelings

+ more notes: one quick reference for ages in this fic—all the vets are older but not by that much, think various stages of grad school. armin, connie, sasha, annie, and bertholdt are all college sophomores. eren, the reader, and pretty much everybody else are college seniors, so they’re about a year or two older. also here is a playlist for your reading pleasures, shoutout to ryn for letting me mooch of their spotify account :’)

+ word count: 19k. i’m sorry.

+ summary: fuck you, fuck you, you’re cool, fuck you.; or the story of notorious rich kid and self-proclaimed bad boy eren yeager, and his not so goody two-shoes best friend.

“So you’re saying that you don’t love me? That you’re not riding? That you’ll actually leave from beside me?”

“I’m saying that it’s ass o’clock in the morning and I’m not driving in the rain to Brooklyn to pick your sorry ass up.”

“But… but I want you, and I need you, and I’m down for you.”

You check the time on your phone screen and groan. 3:57am. Far too early to be dealing with the likes of Eren Jaeger. “Just get an Uber or something. I don’t know what you and your idiot friends were up to this time, but I don’t want any part of it.”

“First, they’re our idiot friends. Second, I don’t think they let you take Ubers from jail, and even if they did, it’s, like, four in the morning, so I don’t think there are any Ubers driving around, so could you pretty please come pick me up? I promise I’ll make it up to—”

“From where?” you cut him off, slowly sitting upright in your bed. You hold your phone closer to your ear, ready to listen again; because, certainly, you must have misheard him the first time. You wait, but the line is silent, save for Eren’s awkward chuckling. “Eren Asher Jaeger, tell me that that was another stupid lyric from that stupid song, and that you are not in prison right now.”

Eren makes a sad attempt at laughing. “Technically, it’s a holding cell, not really prison… and I would leave, but they suspended my license for a month, and Min can’t drive yet, so we kind of need you,” he explains, “Uh, no pun intended.”

“Min?” you pull your eyebrows together at the mention of the younger’s name, “Is Armin with you?”

“Uh, yeah.”

With a frown and a heavy sigh, you push yourself out of bed, wedging your phone between your shoulder and your ear as you grab the nearest pair of sweatpants.

“Why did you get him caught up in whatever stupid shit you were doing tonight?” you complain, scanning your dark bedroom for a shirt to wear, “Erwin’s going to castrate you when he finds out.”

You curse as you stub your toe against the edge of your bed on your way out of the room. Given the time, weather, and the fact that you have several exams to start studying for, hanging up and leaving Eren in the middle of god knows where Brooklyn doesn’t seem like such a bad idea, but you couldn’t go back to sleep knowing that Armin would have to suffer with him.

“Relax,” Eren breathes in a tone all too nonchalant for the situation at hand, “He didn’t get charged with anything, and nothing’s going on his record.”

“You don’t know that,” you retort, sliding your raincoat over your free arm, as you paddle down the stairs of your apartment, “The NYPD suck.”

“True,” he hums, “But I paid off the cop, so it’ll be fine.”

You pause in your steps, but really, you shouldn’t be surprised. “Of course you did,” you mumble, moving again and grabbing your car keys off of the kitchen island.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” he questions. His tone is actually genuine and it tempts you to roll your eyes.

“What it always means, Eren,” you sigh, stepping into the elevator, “I’ll be there in thirty minutes.”

“Thank you, baby. I love you.”

“Eren?”

“Yeah?”

“Get off my line.”

He doesn’t have time to throw in another pitiful “I love you” before the line goes dead and he’s met with static silence. He hangs up the station telephone with a silent chuckle, turning around to face Armin and Officer Hannes.

“Someone’s coming to pick us up,” he says, trying to focus on Armin’s sigh of relief and not the warmth creeping up his neck and into his cheeks, “I’ll, uh, call a tow for the car in the morning.”

The cop, too tired to care, only shrugs, and pays them no further attention. He hands Eren a plastic bag with his car keys and newly suspended license, escorts him back into the cell, and returns to his desk. Eren gives Hannes the finger while his back is turned.

Beside him, Armin is still quivering; bouncing his leg up and down, fiddling with his fingers, gnawing on his bottom lip. Eren frowns, a heavy wave of guilt washing over him as he takes in the younger’s anxiety ridden state. It wasn’t fair that Armin could have potentially suffered legal consequences because of his stupidity.

Eren’s lucky that Hannes was sleazy enough to accept his bribe and let him off with minimal punishment. With that they were doing, things could have ended up far worse for the both of them tonight.

“I’m sorry, man,” he apologizes, hands stuffed in his front pockets, “About tonight, I mean. We—I shouldn’t have done that, not with you there.”

Armin looks up at him with sparkling, doe eyes and Eren wants to punch himself in the gut for making him go through all of this, even if it didn’t amount to an actual arrest. “You couldn’t have known this was going to happen.”

“I could have prevented it,” he says. Because it’s what you would have said, too.

“It’s not your fault, I wanted to come, remember?” Armin tells him, redirecting his gaze to the grey floor of the precinct cell. He takes a deep breath, almost calming down completely when a sudden thought reignites his nervous ticks, “You… they’re not gonna tell my parents, right?”

“No, no—of course not.”

Armin was legally an adult; he, nor Eren, nor the police had to tell his parents anything. Sure, Hannes could rat them out, but honestly that sounded like way more work than he was cut out for; not to mention he’d be bound to reveal that he let them off easy for a couple thousand bucks.

Armin nods, “And… that wasn’t Erwin on the phone, right?”

“Are you kidding me? He’d murder me on the spot,” Eren says. He pauses before tacking on, “I, uh… I called (_____).”

“Oh,” the younger gapes, “She’ll kill you, too.”

“Yeah,” Eren sighs, scratching the back of his neck in nervous anticipation, “Trust me, I know.”

“You have your access card on you, right, Armin?” you ask. He nods sheepishly, hand on the car door handle.

“Thanks again for coming to get us,” he says meekly, “I’m sorry about waking you up and everything.”

You offer him a warm smile through the rear view mirror, “Don’t worry about it, I’m just glad you’re safe. Text me when you get up tomorrow, okay? We can get brunch, my treat.”

His face lights up at the prospect of free food, and he nods once more, enthusiastically, but his expression falls again when he speaks, “Okay, and I’ll, um, pay you back for the tickets and stuff as soon as I can—”

“It’s fine, really, don’t worry about it,” you repeat.

“It was almost three thou—”

“You forget who you’re friends with,” you cut him off with a smile, “Don’t worry about it, okay? It wasn’t your fault.”

Armin’s eyes dart to Eren quickly, before clearing his throat, a light pink tint to his cheeks. You know that the prospect of money can be a sensitive subject for Armin, one easily triggered by his very environment, but this wasn’t negotiable on your end. You know that Armin doesn’t like the feeling of owing anyone anything, but he knows he won’t get you to budge; so, he quietly nods, appreciative of your generosity, before bidding you and Eren a final goodnight and sprinting towards the dorm. Once you see that he’s safely inside, you wave one last time, and wait for the door to shut behind him.

Slowly, Eren turns to the driver’s seat to look at you. You were eerily calm when you came to pick him and Armin up from the station. You didn’t yell, cuss, or punch him in the face like he expected. You politely talked to the officer, thanked him for his service, paid their fees, and up until now, you’ve shown no signs of being angry with him at all.

The two of you drive back to your shared apartment in complete silence, Eren too confused, and borderline scared, of initiating a conversation. He wonders if you’re too tired, or if you really don’t give a damn anymore, but when you pull into the underground lot of your building and put the car in park, he finds out the silence was simply the calm before the storm.

You take your hand off of the gear shift and turn towards him. It’s a quiet stare down for nearly a full minute before you break the mime act with a slap to his thigh.

“Drag racing? Are you out of your fucking mind? Of all the stupid shit you’ve done—and you’ve done a lot of stupid shit—this has got to take the cake. Just what the actual fuck were you thinking?”

“Ouch!” he inhales sharply, rubbing over where you’d hit him, “We were just having fun! Then these other guys showed up and started talking shit so—”

“Having fun?” you echo, “You couldn’t think of anything fun to do that’s not illegal in every borough of New York City?”

Eren feels his cheek flush, but he only huffs with the illusion of disinterest, “I don’t know why you’re freaking out so bad. I’m a good driver, it was those other squids that got us into shit, I’m telling you. They showed up looking for a fight, then ran like a bunch of pussies when the cops came.”

You exhale slowly, shaking your head in disbelief. You seem to have no other words to say to him, choosing to step out of the car and slam the door behind you. Eren quickly follows, slamming his door equally as hard, and hot on your trail as you march towards the elevator.

“(_____), come on, enough with the silent treatment,” he whines when you stick yourself in a corner of the elevator after pushing the button to the penthouse, “I told you I didn’t start shit, Armin and I got ratted on.”

“I couldn’t give a rat’s ass about whether or not they started it, Eren. You’re still the problem here.”

“Me? How am I the problem?” he pulls back, eyebrows drawn together in genuine confusion, “I just told you I didn’t do shit.”

You scoff, crossing your arms and shifting your left leg, “I’m not doing this with you right now.”

“Doing what with me?” he presses, tone growing icy.

“This, Eren!” you reiterate, “I’m too tired to hear your bullshit right now.”

The elevator dings and opens into your apartment. You push past him, continuing your deliberate strides through the living area, and to the stairs, but Eren catches you with a hand on your wrist before you can go any further.

“Will you fucking stop that,” he growls, “If you’ve got something to say, then stop running away from me, and just say it.”

“Funny,” you sneer, pulling your wrist away from him and settling both your feet on the bottom step, “You’re one to talk about running away from things.”

He takes a step back, standing just a notch below you, perfectly frozen in place. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means your little drag racing episode was not only dangerous and immature, it was you running away from your problems like a spoiled child, yet again.”

Eren’s features narrow at your accusations; eyes fading into hooded slits, lips curving downwards, and voice bobbing low, “I’m not running away from anything.”

“Oh, please, Eren,” you roll your eyes, arms retreating to their crossed position in front of your chest, “Cut the bullshit.”

“I don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about.” But he bets that even in the dim lighting of the apartment, you can see the tips of his ears growing red, just like they always do when he’s lying.

“Oh, really?” you ask, eyes widening in mock surprise, “You don’t think I don’t know this whole thing has something to do with the fact that your mom came home on Friday?”

Another pause. “Who told you that?” He asks, but it comes out more like a statement.

“Nobody had to,” you snap, “Jean said he caught you with a sack of coke over the weekend, and I knew something was up.”

“It wasn’t mine, I was—”

“I said cut the shit, Eren. If I went up into your room right now I bet your ass I’d find more than enough of it in a shoebox somewhere.”

He retreats, almost bashful, but unapologetic all the same. “Fine, whatever, I did a few lines. Big deal.”

“The big deal is that you think this is fucking normal, and now you’ve upgraded from coke to getting yourself arrested! It’d be one thing if you were acting like a misfit on your own, but to drag Armin into it because you—”

“Drag him into it?” he echoes with the snare of sarcasm dripping from each syllable, “You talk about Armin like he’s six. I don’t know why you think he’s some helpless little baby, but you have no goddamn responsibility over him. He’s not your fucking charity case.”

“I never fucking said he’s my charity case—don’t you ever fucking say that,” you say, “Having some basic respect and concern for my friends isn’t charity.”

“Wake the fuck up! You baby Armin when he’s a grown ass man. I didn’t force him into the fucking car to get sympathy points from you.”

“Grown? Armin is barely nineteen, disowned by his parents, is on a full fucking ride to an insanely expensive university, and you got him arrested tonight! Do you know what could happen if NYU found out? They could fucking kick him out, take his scholarship away—and then what, huh? Or were you just gonna buy off the headmaster, too?”

“You’re acting like I fucking planned for it!”

He’s screaming now, voice bellowing throughout the apartment, face red—and he doesn’t mean to, he doesn’t mean it at all; but it’s late, and he’s tired, and those shouldn’t be excuses, but he’s too prideful to back down.

“Of course you didn’t! You didn’t plan for anything, you were just being a reckless, irresponsible asshole like always,” you tell him, too blind-sighted by anger and the need to chide him that you miss the teary undertones in his words.

“And what’s it matter to you?”

“It fucking matters to me when you call at some godforsaken hour asking me to pick you up from prison!”

He takes a step forward, right leg elevated by the same step that both your feet rest on. “Well, what else am I supposed to fucking do!” He shouts even though he’s mere inches from your face, “Tell me just what the fuck I’m supposed to do instead!”

“You’re supposed to act like an adult and fucking talk to someone!”

“Who the hell am I supposed to talk to, huh?” he presses, taking a step forward and forcing you to retreat backwards, and up a step, “My mother who’s never home or her bastard boyfriend?”—another step forward for him, another step backwards for you—“The step-brother I can’t get in contact with?”—one step forward; one step backwards—“Or maybe the dad I never had, right?”

“Me, Eren!” you yell back with equal vigor, throwing your hands up at your sides, and planting your feet firmly. “Armin, Mikasa, Jean—anyone! You have people who fucking care about you! Stop treating us like correction officers, we’re your fucking friends!”

There’s silence for a while, just you and Eren staring at each other, heavy breathing, waiting for the other to make the next move. He opens his mouth, but when he tries to speak, his resolve washes away, his throat tightens and the words get sucked back in.

It would be easy to keep yelling, screaming, blaming you for blowing up on him. He used to think the scolding he got from you after pulling some stupid stunt was the worst part; but now, he thinks it might be his favorite part. He hates to hear you scream, and it hurts to see you cry, but if you’re yelling, you’re angry that he hurt himself; you care that he’s okay.

“I—” he stutters, words quiet and broken, “I’m sorry. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean for it to get like this tonight, it was an accident I—”

“You never mean for any of it to happen, yet it always does,” you interrupt, voice soft yet strained, “I know you have your own shit to deal with, but so does everybody else.”

“(_____), please, you’re right, okay? I should have said something before,” he admits, mouth small as he voices his confessions, “I should have talked to you or one of the boys, but I—I don’t know what else you want me to say.”

He’s groveling now. Mouth in pout, eyes wide, voice small, and honestly, he thinks he might cry. At this point he doesn’t care if he does.

“I want you to mean it,” you finally say, and when he looks up, he hates the look he sees in your eyes. It’s something between sad and hurt and empty and it’s awful. Someone like you shouldn’t feel that way. He shouldn’t make you feel that way.

“I—”

“When you’re ready to tell me exactly what’s going on with you—what’s happening that made you think going to jail would be better than facing your issues—I’ll be here to talk,” you continue, eyes watering, “But until then, goodnight, Eren.”

Eren winces when you turn around and ascend up the remaining stairs. He flirts with the idea of following you, going to your room to finish talking, but you’re probably angry enough to have it locked. His room is up there, too, but he opts for part of the sectional, laying down with the palms of his hands kneading against his closed eyelids.

For as long as he can remember, you’ve been there for him. Your friendship, at times, was like a game of tag—Eren always on the run with you loyally chasing after him; he’d always run amuck, and you’d always be there to catch him in the act. Now, it’s five in the morning, there’s no more yelling, no more chasing, no more racing, but he’s still running.

The following morning, you take Armin out to brunch, as promised. Jean tags along too, something about hanging out with the two of you being infinitely more entertaining than his genetics lecture. It doesn’t seem like Jean knows anything about Armin and Eren’s late night antics, so you don’t bring it up yourself.

Oblivious, Jean chats your ears off as if nothing is awry. Whether he knows it or not, he does a great job of distracting Armin from his own thoughts. They both eat to their heart’s content when you remind them you’ll foot the bill; and you don’t bat an eye when Jean convinces Armin to order his third round of pancakes. He deserves it.

Afterwards, Jean convinces the three of you to go window shopping with him in SoHo, claiming that he needed inspiration for his latest fashion assignment (you don’t question why he’s taking a fashion class as a biology major, but you suspect it has something to do with Mikasa). Window shopping soon turns into actual shopping, so almost completely unprompted, and with little effort on his part, Armin gets a few pieces of clothing on your behalf, while you try to ignore Eren’s words itching at the back of your mind.

Armin’s not a baby, but he certainly is a kid with a rough past and rough relationship with his parents at a time in his life where he arguably needs them the most. A little extra support from his friends wouldn’t harm him.

It’s nearing six when the three of you are wedged in a small booth inside a café, indulging in overpriced hot chocolate. Three sips into his second cup, Jean excuses himself to the bathroom, leaving you sitting across from Armin.

“You know, you don’t have to keep buying me stuff to make up for Eren,” Armin says, a small smile playing on his lips.

“I’m not trying to make up for him,” you sputter, careful not to spill your drink over your lap, “You had a rough night. Just accept my gifts, don’t be a brat.”

“I do accept them. Erwin’s been eyeing that Off White sweater for, like, three weeks now. He’s gonna have a hissy fit when he sees me wearing it.” You chuckle, and he continues, “But you know, as much I love spending time with you, you can’t use me to avoid Eren forever.”

“I’m not avoiding him,” you frown.

“You said you were going to take us to brunch, and then spent the whole day with us.”

“Funny, I recall you saying something about how much you love my company about thirty seconds ago.”

“He’s called you at least ten times today.”

“I was spending the day with my favorite NYU student… and Jean,” you bat your lashes, “I see you maybe once a week. I live with Eren, I have to see him every day.”

Armin calls your name with a pout, “He’s sorry, you know.”

“Not sorry enough,” you mumble. Armin opens his mouth to say something again, but then Jean’s sliding back into the booth, chatting about how he’s finally come up with the perfect anniversary date for Mikasa.

Armin doesn’t notice your sigh of relief, but he does take note of the way you wipe away your notifications when a text rings through. If Eren could spend his days running away from his problems, then you could, too.

Despite being arguably the greediest of you all, Jean loves company, so he doesn’t hesitate to say yes when you ask to crash at his place after your shopping escapades. You expect to be welcomed with sounds of screaming, laughter, and loud music, but to your surprise his apartment is completely silent upon your entering.

“Bertholdt has class and Marco has a meeting,” he prompts, as if he could read your thoughts. He shimmies his coat off his shoulders and tosses it over the bar in the foyer.

Their apartment has the same amount of rooms as yours and Eren’s, but is all stretched along a single floor. It’s more of a maze, really, with intricate turns, and hallways, that all more or less open up into the expanse of the foyer and bar. Their living room is your favorite part. A dark, brown leather sectional wraps around the back three walls and an oversized flatscreen encased in an ebony frame takes center stage. A collection of vinyl records litters the walls above the couch; each of the boys contributing their favorite discs as décor.

“If he has class, shouldn’t you have class?” you question, fingers dragging over the ridges of the closest record.

“I’ve had class all day, but that doesn’t mean I go,” Jean shrugs, walking up behind you and taking your jacket off your shoulders and your bag from your hand, “Besides, Bertholdt will probably cut half-way to go see Reiner, if he can even stay awake that long. Going with him is just as productive as staying home.”

“You’re all a mess,” you scoff, turning around as a cheesy grin grows on Jean’s lips. His smile is infectious, and soon you catch yourself grinning just because.

“You want something to drink?” he offers, throwing your coat over his elbow and tilting his head in the direction of the bar.

“You’re bad at mixing drinks,” you remind him, but follow him anyway.

Jean laughs, not bothering to deny the jab. He doesn’t try his hand at anything mixed or complicated this time; simply offering you a glass of your favorite red, and pouring himself a smaller amount.

He puts the album you were gawking at earlier on the record player, the two of you sinking into the couch as lovely melodies radiate throughout the apartment.

He spends the first hour bitching about how Marco’s supposed to become a CEO in less than a year, yet has the attention span of a squirrel; but the playful lilt in the brunette’s voice, and the begrudging smile on his face lets you know that it’s all love. He gushes about Mikasa for a good half hour, cramming you with stories about his girlfriend’s talent for sewing and fashion. You also learn that Bertholdt’s been busier than usual these days, and Jean suspects it has something to do with a secret lover.

You pinch your eyebrows at his hunch. Bertholdt’s never been one for dating. He’s had many friends with benefits in the past, but they weren’t relationships, nor were they secrets. In fact, you don’t think that he could keep a secret to save his life.

“Why would he be hiding it if he were seeing someone?” you question, swirling your newly refilled glass.

“Dunno,” Jean shrugs, “But it’s sus, I’m telling you. He’s been oddly busy for someone with a 2.3 GPA. Either way, I’ll pry it out of him eventually.”

“You’re so fucking nosey,” you chuckle, watching the mischievous, satisfied grin settle onto his features.

“I kinda think it’s Armin,” Jean says after a while, downing the remaining wine in his cup, while you choke on your own drink.

“Why on Earth do you think if Bertholdt had a secret lover that it’d be Armin?”

“Because he was in love with him for, like, two years in high school,” Jean says, as if the information should be painfully obvious.

“Yeah, and Bert also hooked up with a million different people in high school.”

“That doesn’t mean he wasn’t still in love with Armin.”

“I don’t think Armin’s kissed another human, let alone is in a secret relationship with one.”

“Hm, true. I forget he’s still a virgin.”

“Hey—there’s nothing wrong with Armin being a virgin, leave him be.”

“I know there’s nothing wrong with it,” Jean whines, “But it’s so—he doesn’t have to be. Armin’s cute! And very attractive—dare I even say sexy. He could go outside and get laid right now if he just tried.”

“Stay humble, Jean boy. If I remember correctly, you only started breaking hearts a year ago,” you tut. Jean’s nose goes pink as he shoves you away when you continue, “But, if you’re so concerned with Armin’s virginity, why don’t you go help him out with it.”

“Actually, if I remember correctly, I think that’s more your gig,” he shoots back, a smug smile tugging on his lips. “Not to mention, I’m not trying to get beat up by Annie. Though, I wonder how much longer it’ll take before she finally snaps. Hey, maybe the both of you can tag team him, I’m sure Annie wouldn’t mind, and it might even make Armin less nervous to have you—”

It’s your turn to shove him now, throwing in an extra punch when his head bobs back with laughter. You’re very certain Annie would mind; you would mind if someone inserted themself in your kind of, sort of, not really relationship, and ruined your four years of pining.

“Speaking of lovers,” Jean prompts, once his laughter dies down, bending his knee and turning closer to you. “Why are you and lover boy fighting? Trouble in paradise?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” you hum, sipping your drink in between words. Jean’s eyes pinch together. “Marco and I would never fight.”

“My god, will you let your Marco fantasies go already? You’ve already caused him one sexuality crisis,” Jean groans, “You know I mean Eren.”

You sigh, lowering your glass and reaching forward to pinch his cheek. “It’s nothing you have to worry your pretty little head over.”

“Please,” he scoffs, flicking your offending hand back, “He’s been texting us nonstop since this morning at, like, nine. I didn’t even know he was capable of waking up before noon.”

It’s your turn to roll your eyes, but Jean continues, “Why he would ask us for advice on you is beyond me. He knows you better than all of us combined.”

“And why you’re saying all of this is beyond me.”

“Oh, come on, what’d he do,” Jean pushes, borderline whines, as he puts his empty glass down in a cup holder embedded in the couch. He’s always been the most prone to gossip, but you forget that wine makes him even more of a nosey prick. “Must have been pretty bad. Or stupid.”

“Try both,” you mumble, “Well—I don’t know, it wasn’t… the worst thing anyone could do, but it was really fucking reckless—and why he did it, I couldn’t even tell you. I don’t know what goes through his mind half the time, but I swear he must have been on crack last night.”

“He probably was. On crack, I mean. I told you, I took an ounce from him over the weekend, but that was after Eren and Ymir did, like, five lines.”

“Do they really do that regularly?” you nearly cry, a hand massaging your temple, “Fucking Christ, if he really was high while driving, I’ll kill him myself.”

“Well, I don’t know if regular is the right word,” Jean ponders, “Maybe for Ymir, but god knows what she’s on half the time, anyways. Besides, coke isn’t the worst thing they could do.”

“You sound like you speak from personal experience.”

“Maybe,” he shrugs, pausing when you shoot him a disapproving look, “Oh, come on! You’re no angel, either—if memory serves, you were high as shit at Moblit’s birthday party, and kept singing the star spangled banner all night.”

“Yeah, on weed! One time! It was on a rooftop and the stars were out and it has the same rhythm as the happy birthday song, cut me some slack!”

He finds laughing at your expense to be much more fun, however, as he continues to chuckle while you throw a fit. He’s also not one to let a topic of gossip go undiscussed, and has no problem bringing the conversation back to Eren.

“It’s because you two don’t talk, you know,” Jean tuts, “That’s why you fight like this.”

For the second time, the younger’s words have your eyebrows growing close together. “I mean, I guess—but it’s more than that. Eren and I live together, we obviously talk, but—”

“I know, I know, but just hear me out, okay? You and Eren talk about a lot of things, yeah, but you also… don’t. And sometimes you don’t have to, because you guys, like… get each other.”

“Wow. What a way with words you have, Jean Kirstein. You should write a self-help book.”

“What I mean,” he sneers, unhappy with the sarcasm being thrown his way, “Is that you guys understand each other in weird ways. It’s actually kind of cute—sometimes a little freaky, in all honesty. It’s why you don’t always have to talk about serious things. But you take it for granted and let shit bottle up, and then get in denial about it until you blow up in each other’s faces.”

“Please, you barely passed one philosophy class and now you think you’re Plato.”

“You’re doing the in denial thing right now!” he taunts, “Come one, when you two fight like this, what’s it usually about?”

You sigh, sinking back into the plush leather of the couch, and wrapping your hands around a fluffy throw pillow. Thinking about arguing with Eren isn’t particularly something you like to do, and truthfully, you don’t really get pissed at each other that often. Not to the point of ignoring each other, at least.

“I don’t know,” you drawl, “Drugs, me forgetting things, him doing stupid shit, him thinking Mikasa could do better than you, school, drinking, the fact that he leaves his big ass shoes at the top of the stairs for me to trip over and fall to my death every morning, when—”

“His parents?” Jean cuts you off.

“I—we don’t really… it’s not so much fighting over his parents, it’s all the stuff he does to deal with his parents. He never gives his mom’s boyfriends a chance, and he never really talks about why, either. I know he’s secretly just angry and insecure about his dad, but… I don’t know. That doesn’t really make it better.”

“True,” he nods, “See—he doesn’t talk about it.”

“I know, and I told him that last night, too, but… it’s a sensitive subject for him—his dad, I mean,” you sigh, “And you’re right, he shouldn’t bottle his feelings up, but, on the other hand he’s watched his mom get married five times. I don’t always blame him for not wanting to talk about it.”

“Yeah, but just because it’s hard to talk about doesn’t mean he shouldn’t,” Jean lolls, “Wouldn’t you have rather he said something than have done whatever stupid shit he did to make you want to sleep here tonight?”

“Okay, Socrates, I get it,” you lighten up, “I’ll talk to him—or get him to talk to me. Are you happy?”

“Quite,” he says, annoyingly chipper as he rises from the couch. “I hate seeing my favorite power couple fighting.”

Jean knows his words would elicit a slap to his arm, so he takes off just before you can reach him, prompting you to chase him out of the living room and down the hall. The brunette cackles ridiculously loudly as you scream his name with profanities sprinkled in-between. You catch a hold of the bottom of his shirt and pull him back, finally flicking him on the forehead.

He accepts his punishment with pride, offering you a signature smile in return while you both catch your breaths. It’s a sweet moment, the two of you looking at each other with stupid smiles on your face, exhalations tickling your cheeks.

Jean’s eyes break the gaze first, as he looks down the remainder of your face, and back up to your eyes again. His words could get caught in his throat, but he doesn’t let them—he shakes his head, and swiftly turns around, beckoning for you to follow him.

“Come on, we can steal Marco’s clothes for your pajamas this time.”

Jean spends all of three minutes pulling apart Marco’s dresser before swiping a t-shirt and Christmas themed pajama bottoms from his room. He tosses them in your direction before leading you back down the hall and to the left, opening the door to the guest bedroom for you, before leaving you to change.

They have more than one guest bedroom, but this one is unofficially yours. Little pieces of you can be found littered throughout the room, from spare jewelry to mismatched makeup. You spot a single, gold, teardrop shaped earring on the vanity and sigh as you run your fingers over it.

You swear you’d lost it a few months ago. Trust Jean to put it away for safekeeping without telling you he’d found it. The boy in question returns moments later, knocking while walking through the door with your purse in hand.

“How’d you know I was about to ask you to get that?” you question, a smile on your face as you retrieve the small bag from his hands.

Jean offers you a cocky grin, “Cause I’m the best.”

“Don’t go getting a big head, now,” you tease, “Or, well, an even bigger head.”

Jean ignores your insult, as you take a seat at the edge of the bed, fishing through your bag for your phone to plug it in for the night. He’s about to turn around and bid you goodnight, when the flash of something orange peeping out of your purse prompts his next thought.

“Hey, you picked up your refill, right?” he asks innocently, “It should have been ready last Thursday.”

You sigh, head falling slightly when you close your bag and place it on the vanity. “Uh… no.”

Jean’s mouth is already open, ready with equally friendly and scolding words, but you cut him off before he can talk. “I was going to on Thursday, but I had class late, and then I forgot on Friday and I haven’t really had time since then. But I have a few left-overs from the last two months, so I’ve been taking those!”

Jean’s mouth closes, but his eyes narrow as he begins to walk towards you. You know he’s putting two and two together, so you speak ahead of him again.

“I know, I know, I shouldn’t have any left over, but it’s only five, I promise! I’ve been really good, lately.”

Jean’s eyes remain in concentrated slits, but his resolve is waning when he reads over your expression. His facade fades as he takes the final steps towards you to stand directly in front of your body.

“Okay,” he says, voice soft through his smile, “I’ll go with you to pick them up tomorrow before I drop you home, yeah?”

It elates him more than it should to see the smile you flash his way. Unfortunately, it’s short-lived, as his next question leaves your face twisted with guilt.

“Have you… told Eren yet?”

You consider lying and saying yes, but something tells you Jean won’t buy it. Your silence seems to speak loud enough, as his shoulders drop with a quiet sigh.

“I want to, I just… well I’m mad at him right now, and even when I’m not… I don’t know why it’s so hard,” you confess.

“He’d wanna know, you know,” Jean says, and it’s not the first time he’s said it to you, either. “You know he wouldn’t judge you or anything.”

“I know that. But, truthfully, if I had things my way, not even you would know, Jean.”

It was an accident that Jean found out that you’d been taking anxiety medication.

It was at somebody’s house party where the majority of your friends and their guests had gotten piss drunk. Reiner’s date had suggested mixing their alcohol with molly she’d supposedly had in her bag. In her drunken stupor, she’d mistaken your purse for her own, but luckily, a not so drunk Jean had noticed the label didn’t match her name, and snagged the bottle before the worst could happen.

They ended up not finding her molly, anyway, but it’s a moot point. Jean had cornered you about the bottle later in the week with honest intentions; he’d been concerned that might be another kind of drug disguised by a prescription veil. However, you’d assured him that it was indeed your prescribed Lexapro, and not a shady mixture of black market substances.

And, he’d been more than understanding in the aftermath. Quite frankly, he had somewhat made it his business to ensure that you got and took your medication on time and felt comfortable getting to and from your therapy appointments.

It’s endearing in a way that made you pause and count your blessings sometimes. Jean had been nothing but unequivocally supportive in his understanding about anxiety and had gone the extra mile to comfort you where need be. It made you wonder why you hesitated to tell Eren on several occasions.

It was probably the very nature of anxiety itself that had you doubting your trust in Eren. You wanted to tell him—of course you did—but, you couldn’t. You know that Eren would do everything in his power to make it better, even if that was just being. You know that he’d want to know and he’d kill to understand. But you couldn’t possibly burden him with your problems, not when he has a million of his own.

The one person in the world you wanted to tell, you were terrified of talking to. And you know it’s irrational to be afraid of him, but you can’t seem to control those thoughts. It’s a tiring, consuming, endless cycle.

Jean watches the way your gaze lowers to the floor. He knows exactly what you’re thinking, and, god, he swears if he could take that train of thought away from you, he’d do it in a heartbeat.

With a heavy heart and tired eyes, he takes a final step forward and wraps his arms around your body. He counts three, four seconds before you hug him back. He raises a hand to the back to your head, cradling your face into his shoulder and squeezing you tightly.

“Hey, I’m proud of you, you know that,” he speaks, just a notch above a whisper, “I know you’ll tell him when you’re ready.”

“I will,” you murmur into the fabric of his shirt. You hug him back a little tighter and close your eyes, “Thank you, Jean.”

And Jean holds on, and hopes you know that he wouldn’t let you go, “You’re welcome, (_____).”

You come home to find your entire apartment littered with flowers; in the hallway, on the sectional, atop the counter, up the stairs.

There are several boxes of your favorite macarons stacked in a small pyramid on the kitchen island, and you wouldn’t be surprised if you checked the labels to find that they were shipped straight from the south of France this morning. There’s too many bottles of Ace on the coffee table, sparkling next to a basket of what looks like your regular skincare products. A pretty, gold bow rests atop an even prettier pair of red-bottomed heels, and if you’re not mistaken, that’s a limited edition, vintage YSL clutch on the sectional, resting against your favorite throw pillow.

You sigh, making your way to the couch to pick up the orange envelope sticking out of the handbag. Just as you’re about to open it, you hear footsteps, and a voice that follows.

“You’re back,” Eren chirps from mid-way on the staircase, “I, uh, there’s catering coming from Butter coming soon. I know it’s your favorite,” he continues as he descends the stairs.

He has his hand on the back of his neck and there’s a faint, pink tint to his cheeks as he slowly makes his way towards you. You cross your arms, looking him up and down when he stands in front of you.

He’s wearing dark jeans and a tweed sweater with patches at the elbow. His hair is split down the middle, longer than usual, so the ends of sweep over his eyelashes; and there are telltale signs that he’d been toying with it.

“Eren, what is all of this?” you finally ask, shifting your weight to your right leg.

“Part one of my apology and explanation,” he replies, a hopeful timbre to his voice. You roll your eyes, but he continues anyway, “Actually, part two is in that envelope.”

Skeptical, you unfold your arms and open the envelope. You don’t know what you were expecting—a card, maybe tickets to a musical or something; but what you definitely weren’t expecting were two tickets to Paris.

“France?” you look up, tickets in hand, “You don’t get it do you? You can’t just buy all of this shit, jet us off to Europe and expect everything to be okay.”

“No, no it’s not like that—I swear!” he interjects, hands moving sporadically, “It’s just, well… Can we sit? Then I can explain everything.”

Eren looks at you with those big green eyes and that sad pout to his lips, and you find yourself sighing and taking a seat on the couch against your better judgement. There’s a small smile to his lips when you do—a little victory—and he sits next to you, your knees resting against each other as you face him.

He’s shaking, and your resolve to punish him with whatever solid exterior and half-assed silent treatment dissolves as you take his left hand in your right, and recall your conversation with Jean. “Hey, it’s okay. It’s me, Eren. You can talk to me.”

When he feels your smaller hand envelop his, the shaking stops, and for a moment, it feels like he can do this, like everything is okay. He smiles, and takes a deep breath.

“The other night, you were right, about my mom and her boyfriend coming home,” he starts, words slow and heavy, “I didn’t even know she was coming—I knew she was visiting this month, but she didn’t tell me when, and I thought it was going to be just her, you know? But then she showed up with him, and, well, I don’t know. I was upset. She’s been home for a week now, and we haven’t even gone to dinner or anything.”

He pauses, and you squeeze his hand for reassurance, “We were supposed to get lunch on Thursday, but she cancelled. Had some meeting or something, I don’t know, I don’t care. Friday comes and she says she wants to have dinner, right?”

You nod, he continues. “I thought it was just going to be us, but he was there. That’s when she told me that… that they’re…” he squeezes his eyes shut, “They’re engaged.”

Your mouth falls into a small o-shape. Everything made perfect sense now.

It’s not that Eren didn’t love his mother, quite the opposite actually. He’s a mama’s boy through and through; she’s his role model, his everything, he adores her. Her career as a designer often takes her on long business trips, most frequently as prolonged stays in Paris, so much so that she relocated her primary office there shortly after Eren graduated high school.

Now, she only visits home for one or two weeks at a time, sometimes only for the weekend. Upon her decision to permanently relocate, she planned to leave Eren under the unofficial supervision of Mikasa. Instead, Eren bought Mikasa her own three-bedroom apartment in Midtown (according to his logic, it was better for her to have her own place than to move in with Jean), and a shared two-story penthouse for the both of you that overlooks Central Park.

Eren misses her more than he cares to admit, but he puts on the same facade every time she comes home because he hates the company she brings.

Paris is where she met her newest boyfriend, Mitchell, and Eren swears he hates that man with every fiber of his being. It’s not saying much, though, not when Eren’s hated every single one of his mother’s past romantic partners, right down to his own father.

“Is… is that why you—”

“Rented a brand new Corvette and went drag racing at one in the morning?” he chuckles, “Yeah. It was stupid, I know, but I was just angry, I guess. I dunno what I was feeling, but it wasn’t good.”

You nod, wrapping both of your hands around his now and offering him a warm smile. He smiles back, just for a moment. “That’s what the tickets are for, actually. The wedding.”

“They’re getting married in France?” you question, to which he nods, “On the first? Isn’t that a little short notice to plan a wedding?”

“I think you’re underestimating the power of Carla Jaeger,” he chuckles, “Apparently, it’s been in the works for a few months now. He proposed with fireworks or some shit. Said she wanted to tell me in person, though.”

“This ticket is for next week,” you say, rereading the dates on the papers. “The wedding is three weeks from now.”

“Well, I kind of figured we could take a little vacation before then,” he grins, “I texted most of the boys earlier, and they can probably come to the wedding, but I want to spend some time with you before it gets hectic, you know? Consider it an end of the semester present.”

Your eyes flicker down to your hand, still wrapped around Eren’s, when he starts to trace circles into your skin, “I thought I just told you, you can’t jet us off to Europe to fix things.”

“You did,” he hums, “And I know I can’t—I’m not trying to, I just… Truthfully, I reserved the plane and the hotel a few weeks back and it really was just going to be a surprise for us—well, more like a gift for you because I know you’ve been busting your ass in chem—but then… everything else happened, and I think a break sounds perfect before I watch my mom get married for the sixth time.”

You watch him continue to toy with your hands for a while, processing your conversation. It was typical of Eren to surprise you like this, so you can’t figure out why this particular present leaves you feeling warmer than usual.

“You sure you don’t need a break from me?”

Eren beams and takes the opportunity to lace your fingers together. “Nah, you’re annoying, but not Jean level annoying.”

You scoff, “I’m telling him you said that.”

“It’ll sound better coming from you, anyway,” he shrugs, “Besides, I might just murder Mitchell if you’re not there with me.”

You chuckle, on the verge of accepting his proposal, but the mention of Jean prompts another thought to cross through your mind. “I’d love to, but I… I don’t know. I don’t want Armin to spend the first few weeks of winter break here all alone.”

This Christmas would mark one year since Armin had seen, or even talked to, any of his immediate family members, with the exception of Erwin.

Last year, you all tried to salvage the damage by sticking around so, at the very least, he didn’t have to feel alone. You and your friends decided that Armin ought to be celebrated, not ostracized for any aspect of himself, so you all chipped in for a cute, impromptu trip to the Catskills so that everyone could be together and close to home.

This year, however, there seemed to be quite a few conflicts of interest. Even if Armin was one of the boys who was planning on attending the wedding, you doubt he had plans leading up to it. You know that Marco, Bertholdt, Mikasa, and Jean had invited him to go to Aspen with them, but Armin declined the offer. Similarly, Connie, Sasha, Annie, Reiner, and Ymir would be off to Dubai as soon as classes ended; an invitation Armin had also turned down.

You weren’t sure what Erwin’s plans were, though you’re certain they involved his own friends in some way or another. At the very least, it was unlikely that he would leave his younger brother completely stranded over the break; but you didn’t want to make plans without knowing Armin wouldn’t be alone.

“He won’t, actually he’ll be closer than you think,” Eren reassures you, “Hange and Moblit wanted to go skiing anyways, so Erwin is taking all of them to the Alps instead of Aspen. Armin doesn’t know yet, but he’s going with them.”

“Shouldn’t Erwin spend his break campaigning, and not skiing? Last I checked, he wasn’t too popular in Queens”

“Ah, you know Erwin,” Eren shrugs, “He has a way of making people devote themselves to him. He’ll win the election with or without campaigning, trust me—the point is, that little baby Armin will be safe and sound under Erwin’s protection, and you don’t have to worry about him.”

“How come you get to call him a baby?”

“Because I’m a hypocritical asshole who doesn’t deserve you, but is hoping you’ll come with me anyway.”

Eren smirks, but there’s a genuine undertone to his words as he moves his fingers to toy with the ring around your pointer finger. The same one he gave to you two Christmases ago. Well, kind of.

The ring he originally gifted you was a Harry Winston piece, with an encrusted band that wrapped into two sunflowers, both made of classic, white diamonds with emeralds sparkling in the center. After seeing the design, and the price tag, you demanded that he take it back, or at the very least, get it sized to fit on your index finger or thumb so that people didn’t get the wrong idea.

Instead, he came back with a simple, silver chain for the original ring to hang from, and the current ring on your finger; a rose gold band with tiny diamonds studded around it. Likely equally as expensive, but more appropriate according to you.

“Fine. But you have to be on your best behavior,” you agree, paying no mind to Eren’s thumb twirling your jewelry, “Do you promise me no drag racing or antics of any sort while we’re there?”

Eren shakes his head at the memory, eyeing the first ring that sits against your chest.

He smiles. “I do.”

The afternoon after your last exam, you bid the remainder of your friends goodbye, grab your bags, and hop on a plane with Eren. It arrives in Paris, but you’re rerouted off to Nice before you can so much as blink at the Eiffel tower; you’d be staying there for the two and half weeks leading up to the wedding, in a small villa.

You had to hand it to him, Eren really outdid himself. It’s dark and nearing three in the morning when you arrive, but even in your sleepy stupor you can admire your accommodations. The villa is secluded, the perfect distance from the water, and decorated lavishly almost to your exact liking. You wouldn’t be surprised if Eren sprung it on you that he’d bought the place, and wasn’t merely renting it for this vacation.

Every day after that, Eren proves he was honest in his intentions of this being a getaway gift to you. He’s planned every activity under the sun—from hot air balloon rides, to helicopter tours, to jet-skiing. The days are certainly fun and filled with beautiful memories, but there’s something special about Nice at sunset; something about the sound of gentle waves brushing up against the beach, and the spotlights carved from sun-cast shadows on the buildings.

It’s just after dinner time, bordering on your eighth night here, when you and Eren are walking along the cobblestone streets that border the beach, the length of your sundress flowing every which way with the breeze, and the tail of Eren’s blazer flailing like a cape behind him.

He looks nice tonight, but, truthfully, he always does. He claimed he hadn’t put on the casual green suit because of your outfit, but you swear he was wearing khakis before he saw your dress. The tips of his ears go red when you tease him about it at dinner, but it doesn’t really matter to you; he would have looked good, regardless. Those suits are made for him, after all; tailored to fit perfectly, and designed by his own mother.

The streets tend to settle down after six, locals and tourists retreating indoors or heading to the beach to relax and draw in the evening. Tonight, however, there’s much more commotion than usual on your route.

“Maybe we should take the long way,” you suggest. On the tips of your toes, you realize that there’s some kind of special event happening in the square, filled with lights and music that grows louder with every step you take.

But the crowd and the lights and the smell of food only piques Eren’s interest. “No way—let’s check it out!”

You don’t have the time to refute before his long legs surpass your own stride, headfirst into the sea of people. You can only follow with a smile and a shake of your head. The soft green of his suit jacket serves as your guide as he navigates through the crowd, but the closer you get to the center, the more people there are.

You can feel palms of your hands growing uncomfortably warm as you become hyperaware of just how many people there are. You clutch the end of your dress in your hand, for both practicality and as a sort of comfort mechanism, as you try your best to calm the anxious wave threatening to crash against you.

With a deep breath, you begin to walk again, unaware of Eren’s actions until you physically walk into his hand, long fingers poking at your belly. You hadn’t realized he stopped walking, or that you’d caught up with him, and your eyebrows crinkle when you look down to see Eren’s left hand extended behind him and towards you, palm facing upwards.

He doesn’t say anything, or look back at you at all. Only wraps his larger fingers around yours when he feels the weight of your hand in his, and continues to guide you through the crowd, his pace slower, and hand firm around yours.

The mass of people becomes more spread out when you approach what appears to be the center of the event; and it looks like a party, maybe a wedding of some sort. There’s food and champagne galore, and more than enough happy guests dancing along to upbeat music in the streets.

Eren’s eyes light up as he takes in the scene, “You wanna dance?”

“What—Eren, no!” you refuse, “We cannot crash these people’s party!”

“Why not?” he counters, without a care in the world, “Seems like an open invitation to me! Come on!”

And for the second time that evening, you find yourself being pulled into his schemes; this time in the direction of the open space dubbed dance floor.

You’re both terrible and ostentatious and people start to watch, but it doesn’t matter because you’re smiling too wide and laughing too hard to care. Eren has a way of moving both with and against the music, forcing your body to follow his lead.

He shouts something over the noise, but you don’t have time to register his words before he laces your right hand with his left, and places his right hand on your waist. There’s a blink of confusion for a moment before you’re being swept off your feet and into a dramatic dip. You don’t have time to secure yourself against his shoulders, but Eren does a fine job of supporting you with a single arm against your back.

From what you can tell the song is far from over and the dramatic pose is completely unwarranted, but you and the crowd alike are victim to his charm. You indulge yourself, looking up at him with eyes too fond to memorize every feature of his face in this moment; the way he’s laughing with that big, dumb, wide smile of his that makes his nose crinkle and his eyes light up.

You’re too busy looking at him to hear Eren’s voice calling out to you, or even realize that he’s moved you from your pose to standing back upright. He’s equal parts amused and concerned at the glazed over look in your eyes.

“Hello? Anybody home up there?” he teases, elongating the vowels and squeezing your waist to alert you.

The reminder of his hands on your hips pulls you back to reality, your eyes fluttering down to his arms, then back to his face. It feels stuffy suddenly, too close to function.

“Yea—yeah! Do you wanna get a drink? Yeah, let’s get a drink!” you exclaim, haphazardly pointing and walking towards the food.

You don’t see it, but Eren looks on with glittering eyes, his verbal agreement heard only by himself as you veer towards the buffet. He can still feel your body in his grip, still see the specks of gold in your pupils as he lingers on the back of your silhouette lovingly. And before you can realize, he snaps himself out of it—an out of body experience similar to yours a few moments ago—before catching up with you.

You end up socializing for much longer than intended. Eren makes friends with everyone, to no surprise, and, uncharacteristically, you feel influenced by his actions, and converse with a few people yourself. You let him take the lead, though. Partially because he’s better at it, and partially because you just like listening to him speak French.

“Hey, we should probably get out of here,” he whispers into your ear after waving goodbye to a lovely couple you’d just met, “Before the host of this party realizes we’re miles better than his actual guests.”

You nod with a smile, more than happy to play by his rules for the evening. He offers you his hand again, that same, dopey smile on his face when you take it.

He leads you out of the crowd and back on to the path to your villa, the smell of warm food and sounds of vibrant music growing dull as you venture further from the celebration. It’s much darker than it was when you began your trek back from the restaurant, but beautiful all the same.

Your sandals pad against the wooden dock that leads up the villa, and Eren unlocks the door silently, ushering you inside before entering behind you.

“I know I said I wanted to leave, but I’m not really tired yet,” Eren confesses, pulling his blazer off of his shoulders.

“Me neither,” you say, placing your small wristlet on the table with a shrug, “What do you wanna do though, I’m not—”

“Great!” he cuts you off, smile too big. You narrow your own in suspicion. That tone of voice with that look on his face usually meant something mischievous, at best. “Remember when you said the first time you’d smoke would be with me, and then pranced away and took a bowl from Hange and got high as shit at Moblit’s party?”

“Why does everyone remember Moblit’s party but me!”

“Don’t worry about it,” he chuckles, waving the topic away, “Anyway… Do you wanna smoke now?”

You blink. “I… did you… smuggle weed all the way to France?”

“No, of course not!” he refutes, “…I got it here.”

You scoff, but don’t have the time to question him further before Eren’s tugging on your wrist and pulling you into the bedroom. You take to sitting on your bed while he rummages through his suitcase to retrieve a small, clear jar with several rolled joints inside and a lighter to match.

He shuffles next to you in the bed, mindlessly handing you the lighter while he unscrews the top off the jar. He takes out two of the joints, places one next to the jar on the nightstand, and tucks the other between his teeth. He asks you to hand him the lighter, and you do so wordlessly, distracted by the sight of Eren’s gaze and the blunt poking out his mouth.

“This’ll be fun, yeah?” He reassures you, “Technically, you let Hange take your weed virginity, but I’ll be better.”

“Can you not phrase it like that,” you roll your eyes, “You already took my virginity virginity, don’t be bitter.”

An all too smug grin settles on his features as he recounts the fact. “Besides,” you tack on, “I’ve never done it like this before. So, it’s still a first, kind of.”

Eren cups one hand around the joint, sparking the lighter with the other until it catches fire. He inhales, slow and deliberate, as if he were putting on a show, or a lesson, of sorts, taking the smoke into his lungs and out through his mouth.

You’d gravely miscalculated how attractive Eren would look doing this. Sure, he’s hot, you knew that, but the pronunciation of his jawline when he exhales, and the confidence with which he drags on the blunt is a stark reminder to you. He takes a few more hits, just as slow and sensual as the first, and the room begins to feel warmer.

“Come closer,” be beckons, smoke rolling off of his tongue with every syllable.

You snap yourself out of the haze of your imagination and scoot closer to him. He silently hands you the joint, and it feels heavy between your fingers. At the distance, you take in the smell—pungent and off-putting, but too familiar.

Eventually, you bring it to your lips, careful not to let your tongue press against the tip, and inhale slowly, like you’d seen Eren do before. You do your best to hold the smoke in your lungs for a bit, but seeing as the last time you did this you were amped up on adrenaline and drunk off your ass, the task proves to be much more difficult. It tickles before becoming uncomfortable and you exhale ungracefully, puffs of smoke punctuating your coughs.

Eren watches with a grin, amused at the sight of you fanning the excess smoke away with your nose scrunched in distaste. “You should have warned me you were gonna cough like a bitch.”

“Oh, fuck off,” you whine, trying to hide the hint of a smile creeping onto your face. You hand the blunt back to him, “You’re supposed to teach me, not tease me, asshole.”

Eren pauses his laughter, unsure of what to make of your tone; rushed, a bit embarrassed, but testy. It’s quiet while he stares at you, trying not to let the implication of your words run wild in his mind; but it’s futile when you’re pouting like that, the room is growing foggier, and he’s been semi-hard since you accepted his offer.

“Fine. Watch and learn,” he breathes, words coming out more jagged than he’d intended.

This time, he completely exaggerates every motion; he inhales at a tantalizing pace and flutters his eyes closed while he lets the smoke swish in his mouth, down his throat, and expand into his lungs. He cranes his neck upwards, and purses his lips to let the clouds exit in the streamline that follows the slope of his jaw.

Maybe it’s the drugs getting to you, but your mind is filled with nothing but sheer clouds that aren’t thick enough to block out thoughts of Eren. The weed is unattractive, potent in smell, and all kinds of wrong; yet, everything about him is soft, sultry, and pulls you in.

“Wanna try again, or do you need another lesson?”

You faintly mutter a profanity under your breath. His words end with giggles, a sign the drugs have already begun to take their effect on him, his expression is still smug. You forget Eren knows just how attractive he is. Motherfucker.

“Actually,” he cuts your train of thought, “I have a better idea, come ‘ere.”

Eren beckons you forward again, closing the gap between your legs so that your knees graze each other under the fabric of your clothing while you’re sat next to each other. He leans over, far too close into your personal space, as if to test something; he freezes when his nose is mere inches from your face, a dissatisfied scrunch taking over his features.

He reinstates his hold on your wrist, motioning your body backwards until your back is against the frame of the bed. He hums in approval, positioning himself next to you again, equally as close, but far more comfortable for what he has planned next.

“I’m—I’m gonna try somethin’, okay?” he stutters, the first word mistakenly coming out in broken German, “Just, don’t freak out on me. It’ll be good, promise.”

You nod, unsure of what you’ve just signed off on, but you don’t have time to ask questions. Eren takes another hit, then passes the blunt to his non-dominant hand. He turns to face you, leans forward, and places his free hand on the back of your neck to pull you closer; the expanse of his palm leaving room for his thumb to venture over the bottom half of your cheek.

Eren pulls you in until your lips are millimeters apart, and he can see the pattern of your eyes in beautiful detail. He shifts his hand now so that the majority of it covers your face, the pad of his thumb running across your bottom lip. He applies the perfect amount of pressure to pry your willing mouth open, and then, finally, exhales.

This time, you can taste it. It’s woodsy, and bitter, but the sweet undertones dance on your tongue. This time, there’s more to think about than just the smoke in your lungs; like the burn of Eren’s hand on your neck; the pressure of his thumb against your bottom lip; the proximity of his lips to yours; the look in his eyes.

“Feel good?” he doesn’t bother to pull away before asking, and the words ghost over your lips with the remaining smoke. You nod; he smiles. “Wanna try again?”

You let out a breathy note of affirmation, and then he’s inhaling and exhaling into you, and you welcome him with pried lips and a heavy thumping in your chest. The confidence with which he maneuvers his body and the drugs is nerve-wracking, yet comforting at the same time; he has an expertise and power that intimidates, but compels you to follow.

Together, you finish the first blunt, and Eren lights the second without missing a beat. His hands are more demanding this around; they guide you into submission, and he’s pleased to find that you’re willing to listen.

After the third exhale, you stop focusing on his hands, and more on his lips. After the fourth, you think you might be high—not to the stars as you infamously were during Moblit’s party—but with a comfortable, dull buzz in your head. Everything feels a little fuzzy, out of touch, but you host a burning want for something more, something tangible.

You don’t know it, but Eren feels the same.

After the fifth exhale, Eren pulls away, the blunt a simple stub as he flicks it away onto the night stand, and you miss him being too close. You miss his hands, you miss his warmth, you crave his touch.

“Eren,” you call, unable to think of or see anything but him in the haze. He answers with a strained, “Yeah?” keening towards the sound of your voice, wide eyes flitting all over your face.

It’s too much, too close, too hot. That’s when you cup his jaw, pull him forward, and meld your lips together.

Kissing Eren is painfully familiar, and unnervingly satisfying. It’s certainly not your first kiss with him; and, yet he has a way of making you feel like it is while reminding you of your history. His lips are soft, and they taste like smoke and the chapstick you swear by because he refuses to buy or test out his own.

You pull away too soon, gauging his reaction with blown-out eyes, before dipping forward to have him against you again. Then again, and again, and again, until Eren is tired of your leaving, and his hands are back on your neck.

This kiss is deeper, Eren searching to satisfy the hunger aching inside of him, and you’re happy to comply when his thumb is pressing at your lower lip again. You open your mouth for him and he doesn’t waste a moment, brushing his tongue against yours experimentally, and then flush into your mouth.

He groans when you rake your fingers into his hair, and pulls back with a hissing noise when you scratch at his nape. Large hands move to grip at your waist, and he pulls you into his lap with a concentrated gaze—a brief second for him to admire the sight of you on top of him, before he resumes kissing you. He sucks on your tongue, rolls his past your teeth, and bites on your bottom lip.

You know he relishes in the sounds he elicits from you, and under any normal circumstance, you’re willing to put up a fight with him, but not now. Now, you let him unzip the back of your dress and snake his hands beneath the fabric. The rubbing motions of his hands turn into gripping, gripping into grinding, and eventually, an unfiltered moan slips past your lips when you feel Eren’s erection roll against you.

“Fuck,” he pulls back with a suck of your swollen lip, “You’re so hot.”

Eren quickly switches your positions so that he’s hovering over you. You chuckle lightly underneath him, taking the opportunity to run both your hands through his hair and cradle his head in your hold, “Haven’t done anything yet.”

“I know,” Eren murmurs, dipping his head down to press kisses into your neck, “Still so sexy. So pretty, always.”

Eren bites a hickey into your collar bone, and everywhere he can touch; your neck, your ears, your cheeks, your lips. Your moaning serves as the spark to keep him going, but he’s barely coherent himself the way you keep pulling at his hair and grinding yourself against him. Even through his clothes, you can feel how painfully hard he is.

He barely catches your tongue between his lips when you moan again, sucking harshly before bruising his lips over yours again. His hands are grabby again, finally pulling your dress completely off of your body, leaving it to form a puddle on the ground. They’re back on your as soon as possible, massaging over your tits, and running his index finger over your nipples.

“Eren... Eren, please,” you whimper, chest heaving as you look down at him. He rolls his index finger over your right nipple, with his left hand teasing the other with his thumb. You can’t tell if the look in his eyes is a product of the weed, or just his glassy, borderline predatory stare, but it makes you shiver with pleasure when he wraps his mouth around your nipple and sucks.

“I want you.”

“Want you, too,” Eren hums, pulling back with a thin trail of spit from your breast, before moving to give your left nipple the same treatment, “More than you know.”

You keen to him when he teases his teeth against you, finally having had enough you force him off of you with a tug of his hair. “Then take off your clothes.”

Eren blinks, wide-eyed but glazed all the same. He chuckles lightly, a blush spreading over his cheeks as he nods. He sits back on his knees, pulling his shirt over his head, forgoing undoing the buttons, and pauses briefly with his hands over the zipper of his pants.

“Please tell me you’re not that gone that you forgot how to undo your zipper,” you tease him, chest still heaving from his previous ministrations. Eren smiles, doe-eyed and hazy, and shakes his head.

“No,” he reassures you, finally undoing his zipper and shimmying his pants off his legs, “Was trying to remember what underwear I was wearing. Didn't want it to be embarrassing.”

His honesty makes you laugh, and Eren pauses for a moment to soak it in. Even like this, even with him stumbling over the steps to undress himself, and you almost completely naked in front of him, he can make you smile. There’s something equally sexy and endearing about your giggles; a juxtaposition that makes him want to hug you or kiss you or something in between. And you—you like the look in his eyes even through your giggling; the way he smiles back and blushes and tells you exactly what he’s thinking.

“It’s okay,” you tell him, “Don’t think mine are particularly sexy either.”

Eren hums, shuffling back on to the bed so that he’s between your legs, and leans forward to kiss you again. He still can’t seem to keep his hands off of you, his fingers immediately flying to your underwear and peeling them off your legs, pulling you closer despite the lack of space between your bodies.

“Yeah, doesn’t matter,” Eren echos, tossing the offending item to the side, before cupping your face in his hands, “I’d still wanna fuck you in your granny panties.”

“You wanna fuck me?” you question, eyes sparkling and hopeful.

“Yeah, I do,” Eren can’t help but to smile again, happy and high and drunk on you, too, “Will you let me?”

Your feverish nodding is all it takes for Eren’s mind to go hazy again; clouded with you, you, you. You pull him into a kiss, arching your body into his, and running your hands down the sides of his back. He moans at the feeling, punishing you by nipping at your lower lip and pressing your stomach back to the mattress with his palm.

Your eyes meet his as Eren lines himself up with your cunt, teasing your folds with the head; but it doesn’t take long before he finally pushes in, sheathing himself inside you completely without movement. He waits a minute, whether it’s to make you comfortable, or to gather his own bearings, you’re not sure; but when he’s ready, he flashes you a smile and waits for one in return, before he starts thrusting.

You know Eren’s not gentle; rough whether or not he intends to be by virtue of his size in comparison to you, but you seem to have forgotten just how capable he is of making you lose your senses. He has you gasping, grasping at him at him unintelligibly, feeling full with his cock inside of you.

Eren groans, borderline growls, when he feels you clench around him, when he sees you shaking beneath him. He could do this all; could watch you all day.

“So pretty, the prettiest. Prettiest girl, my favorite girl,” Eren praises, eyes raking up and down your thrashing body, “My favorite fucking girl.”

“You—you, too.”

“Yeah? I’m your favorite, too?” Eren coos, reaching out to guide your arms over your head, the force of his body pinning your hands down; you can hardly gasp before he lacess your fingers together, and gives you a reassuring squeeze.

“Promised you, didn’t I? That I’d be good to you, be on my best behavior,” Eren reminds you, leaning forward.

He eyes your necklace—eyes glued to ring around it—bouncing with your body. He bends his head down to kiss it, bites at the skin near it; a possessive streak overcoming him as the diamonds shine against you. “I said I’d treat you good, always. Meant it.”

He stutters, when you squeeze him back; fingers tightening around his hold, your pussy clenching around his cock. Your whining is insistent, and mixes with Eren’s low moans and guttural noises. Eren doesn’t let up his pace, fucking you fast and deep, and it’s only a matter of time before you feel a knot twisting in your belly.

You attempt to move your arms, searching for a release of the feeling building up inside of you but Eren is strong; stronger than you, and he keeps you in your place. Keeps your arms pinned above you, keeps his palms pressed into yours, keeps his lips hovering above yours, just out of reach.

“Eren,” you call his name through shaky moans.

“Yeah? What, baby?”

“Kiss me.”

And so he does, his lips needy and hungry over yours. Eren fucks you and kisses you through your orgasm, tasting your moans on his tongue in timing with him cumming inside of you. You don’t let up; kissing him lewdly while you both come down from your highs.

“So good,” Eren croons against your lips, down your jaw, into your skin, “So good for me.”

You both moan in chorus when he finally pulls out, Eren’s head laying on your collar, nose nuzzling into your neck. He lets your hands free, and immediately you wrap them around his back, holding him close as you both attempt to catch your breaths.

You don’t know how long you lay there like that, with Eren on top of you, and your thumb rubbing circles into his cheek while he sleeps soundly. Maybe an hour, maybe more, maybe less; but the euphoria of your sex doesn’t quiet seem to fade.

It might last all night, maybe even for the rest of your trip but you don’t mind. You think back to earlier in the evening, when you’d caught his gaze after your dance. The feeling isn’t all that different; warm, and fuzzy, and too much and not enough all at once. It feels good, it feels like Eren.

You hum softly to yourself, careful not to wake up the sleeping boy on your chest, when you realize exactly what these two moments have in common: a rare event in which Eren is still in front of you, steady and stagnant, no running or chasing; and you don’t want to let him go.

Sometimes Eren thinks you act oblivious on purpose just to fuck with him, because there’s absolutely no way you—or any human with a functioning nervous system and social cues—can’t tell that he’s completely, stupidly, and embarrassingly in love with you.

Long gone are his days of trying to deny it or get over it. He realized that sophomore year of high school—almost eight years ago—that no matter where he went, what kind of drug he inhaled, or how hard he tried, you’d be permanently etched into his heart. That doesn’t make it any less exhausting, and, in fact, only makes it more astounding that you haven’t caught on yet. Honestly, Eren’s considered hiring a private psychiatrist just to make nothing’s wrong with you.

Amazingly, the remainder of your vacation continues just like the former half. The only exception being that now you’re in Paris. And that he’s shamelessly coerced you into letting him fuck your brains out on several occasions. But besides that, everything’s chill.

Just two best friends traveling through France together and stopping to fuck in any semi-private location they can find. Just two peas in a pod walking along the Champs Elysées at damn near midnight. Just two best buds with linked arms tasting (see: feeding each other) every macaron flavor they come across while violinists play stupidly romantic, classical music in the background.

He knows he should probably talk to you about it, but for some reason he can’t. Like telling you would make it all too real, and give it a meaning that could so easily be taken away from him; give you a reason to want to leave him. Right now, it’s just a fantasy, and he’s free to keep dreaming, believing that he’s special and worth enough for the affection you’ve shown him.

He doesn’t want to be one in a list of your boyfriends, or fiances, or husbands; he wants to be your only one, and if he can’t be, then he’d rather be stuck to your side as your best friend. At least that way, in someway, he could remain special to you; not a forgotten, ordinary ex of your past.

Though, a best friend who he’s sleeping with regularly and he’s in love with and will always be in love with is starting to sound a lot like a husband to him. At least, the kind of husband he would like to be to you.

You call his name, asking him if he wants to try another sweet. Eren rolls his eyes. What he wants is to fuck you, and marry you, and have you bless his stupid little existence with two runts for kids that look like him but act like you so his life savings don’t run out by the time they’re twelve. But sure, he’ll settle for having you feed him another macaron in the meantime.

“This one tastes just like the coconut one,” he mumbles, chewing his way through the pastry you’d stuffed into his mouth whole.

It’s the seventh bakery you’ve stopped at tonight, and even though Eren’s growing pretty sick of the sugary treats, he’ll walk with you to every damn bakery in Paris tonight if that’s what you want.

He blinks at the thought. He’s so lovesick it’s disgusting. And he wouldn’t do a damn thing to change it.

“That’s probably because it’s almond and coconut flavored,” you say, wiping the stickiness from your fingers onto a napkin.

“I didn’t taste any almonds.”

“I don’t even think you could spell almond, much less tell me what they taste like.”

Eren simply pouts in refute, leaving you giggling at his expression. He doesn’t know if it’s possible, but you seem even prettier in Paris than in Nice. But, that’s probably his rose-colored glasses speaking.

“You think there’ll be macarons at the reception?” you question, biting into yet another pistachio flavored treat, “And if not, would it be rude to bring my own?”

He chuckles. “Yes, babe, I’m sure there will be macarons there.”

He’s always loved Paris, even when his mom moved away here and left him in New York, and he’d always loved it more when you’re with him. He feared that having to attend another, what he considered to be wasteful, wedding in arguably one of his favorite places in the world would leave a bitter taste in his mouth; but, thankfully, he’s only fallen deeper in love since being here.

“You sure you won’t be sick of them by tomorrow?” he asks, watching you debate between taste testing another variation of vanilla bean or rosé.

“How could I get sick of them?” you answer offhandedly, not sparing him a glance away as you choose the pink snack. How could he get sick of you.

“By the time we get back to New York you’ll have forgotten all about them,” he scoffs.

“Don’t worry I’ll quit it soon. I’ll have to eat something solid if I wanna take my meds and go to bed,” you spew with a smile, unaware of what you’ve actually just said, “But they are delicious and I have no regrets.”

Eren pauses. Then so do you, mouth stuffed with sickly sweet.

“I mean—”

“I know, you know,” he cuts you off, “About the meds and stuff.”

You look like you could pass out, or scream, or cry, or everything in between. Eren figures saying more is better than saying less, so he continues.

“I saw a bottle in the bathroom a few months ago,” he admits shyly, but careful about his tone, “Didn’t understand half the words on the label, but it had your name on it so I just, uh… Googled it.”

Of course he knows. Eren’s always kind of known, just never had the words to express it. He imagines that’s what you’re feeling right now.

“Oh,” you finally gape, “Why didn’t you, um… you know, like, say… anything?”

“It seemed like your secret to tell,” Eren shrugs, features softening out, “Besides, I figured you’d tell me when you wanted to.”

Eren’s always been better at showing than saying, anyway. He hopes that his actions, small as they may seem, might have provided you with any sort of comfort in the past few months. Maybe even before that, too.

“Oh,” you repeat, continually blinking at him, “That’s… that’s it? You’re cool with it?”

Now it’s Eren’s turn to blink. “What do you mean am I cool with it? They’re your meds.”

“Yeah, but like… you’re not mad I didn’t tell—”

“Of course I’m not mad,” he cuts you off with a soft smile, “It’s not really my business. I mean, like, you’re my business because I care about you, but you have your own private stuff, too, which is cool. Besides, when I was, uh, researching it, I learned that it can be hard to tell people stuff like that even if—”

Eren shuts up when he feels your weight against him and your arms wrapped around him. Shell shocked, he takes a moment to hug you back, and slowly comes to rest his chin atop your head after leaving a flurry of kisses.

“You didn’t have to look it up or do any kind of research, you know,” you mumble softly into his jacket. Eren borderline chortles, but only hugs you more tightly.

“Of course I did. If not for you, then for myself, because I meant it when I said I’d never seen half the words on the prescription before in my life,” he replies, heart glowing at the sound of your small chuckles.

He’s expecting an equally witty response, but you surprise him when you pull back just enough to face him, a hazy smile on your face. “You’re amazing, Eren.”

Don’t blush, fool. Don’t blush, fool. Don’t blush—fucking idiot.

“Yeah, I’m pretty great,” he boasts, leaning back into the coolest pose he could muster up while ignoring the growing heat creeping up his neck. It’s all in vain as you reach over to playfully tug at one of his ears.

He thinks you’re pretty like this. All the time, but most notably when he has you in his arms. So pretty, that he has to lean forward to kiss you; you don’t seem to mind, if the way you smile into the kiss is any indication of your feelings. Eren finds himself mirroring your grin; moving his arms from around your waist to the sides of your face.

The workers in this poor little café probably hate the two of you, but he doesn’t fucking care. He’s got his favorite girl in his arms right now, and you taste like almonds and coconuts and like the love of his life.

And he should tell you. Eren wants to tell you, and he finds himself wondering if those same intrusive, fearful thoughts were part of the driving force behind your own reason to keep your secrets from him.

You pull away from him, hands lightly draped around his neck, and you smile like you’re shy—like he hasn’t known you your whole life. Still, Eren finds himself smiling back; and thinks that if you were brave enough to tell him how you were feeling, then he should do the same.

“(_____), I… I gotta tell you something,” he starts, voice soft as his fingers curl around your waist a little more tightly, “Though, I’m kind of hoping you already know.”

You blink at him, almost innocently. Eren bites the inside of his jaw; you’re going to have to stop doing that before he jumps you again.

Better now than never, he supposes. He tries to shake his nerves when he takes your hands in his, completely covering them with his palms, and closes his eyes. Despite that, you try to offer him comfort, squeezing his fingers as best you can; and Eren takes that moment to thank his lucky stars for whoever decided to put you in his life. Because he knows that no matter what, even if he royally fucks this up, you’ll find some way to be there for him.

He slowly blinks his eyes open again, gaze resting on the ring around your neck. A faded chuckle escapes his lips when looks at it. The only one who got the wrong idea about his gift was you. But, he supposes that’s his fault; he never did explain it, after all.

“It’s nothing… It’s just that, I’m in—”

But Eren’s startled by a voice that makes him freeze. He almost wants to believe he misheard it, but he can hear the telltale clacking of vintage heels on the floor of the bakery and he knows that he didn’t mishear a thing.

Eren turns his head, and sure enough, there is his mother, in all her five foot glory, adorned in designer clothing from her beret to her shoes. With a fucking street urchin on her arm.

“Well, well, well, what a lovely surprise,” Carla beams, red lipstick perfectly in place even after a long day of wear.

Eren’s eyebrows draw together, as he takes in his mother and her fiancé standing in front of him. He can just barely register you calling out towards her, carefully maneuvering yourself off of his lap, and into the neighboring chair; but still keeping your right hand wrapped around his left. He can feel you squeeze it—whether to give him comfort, or warning, he’s not sure yet; probably both.

“It’s so good to see you!” you beam, excitedly offering her and Mitchell a seat across from the two of you at the table. Eren opens his mouth to refute, but you squeeze his hand again; a warning.

Carla leans forward to encase you in a hug, exchanging cheek kisses, and leaving Eren to stare at the street rat across from him. Mitchell seems to know better than to make eye contact with him, irises scattering from Carla’s back to the décor of the bakery while the two girls catch up.

“We missed you at the rehearsal dinner on Sunday,” Carla recounts, eyes fluttering to Eren’s briefly. One look into her son’s eyes, and she understands why; one look into his mother’s eyes, and Eren knows she has him all figured out. “I was worried you might not show at all.”

Eren strategically averts your gaze when you turn your head towards him, choosing to look at his mother instead.

“I didn’t even know there was a rehearsal dinner,” you tell her, tone polite, but Eren can hear the clear jab directed towards him, “I’m sorry, I—we would have gone, otherwise.”

“No need to apologize, darling,” Carla smiles, “I’m sure you two were very busy.”

“We were,” Eren cuts in, words definite. He sees a hint of surprise flash in his mother’s eyes briefly, expertly covered up with her sweet demeanor. She only nods in understanding, sitting back a bit to wrap her arm around Mitchell’s.

“What are you even doing here, Ma?” Eren questions, even as you do the same with his hands under the table, “Isn’t it bad luck to see the groom before the wedding.”

“After the third or fourth wedding, you grow tired of pleasantries and superstitions, my love,” she replies, “This place makes Mitchell’s favorite macarons, we thought we’d share a few before the big day. Maybe get some tea as a pre-celebration.”

The topic of sweets has you speaking up once again, engaging both his mother and Mitchell in a discussion about them, and your other findings from bakery hopping earlier. If Eren didn’t love you to pieces, he would have left the table a long time ago.

It carries on much longer than he can bear to endure; almost an hour of you, and his mother, and Mitchell making pleasant conversation while he tries his best not to brood beside you, but it’s futile. He feels like a little kid again. Stuck at the dinner table with his mother and a man he was being forced to get to know, only for him to become a stranger to him in a matter of months.

Eren grinds his teeth into each other when you laugh at something Mitchell says. He’s not going to sit through his any longer; or ever again.

“Well, this has been fun,” Eren says, voice blatantly monotonous as his cuts through the conversation, “But we should all probably head back go to bed. Big day tomorrow.”

“Eren, we should—” but, he stands up quickly, hand wrapping around yours to force you upwards too.

He doesn’t care to look at you, knowing the dissatisfied expression he’ll be met with. He fishes for his wallet and pulls out too many Euros, neatly tucking them under an unused knife to pay for the meal.

Eren’s steps out from between his chair and the table. “We’ll see you guys tomorr—” But is stopped before he can take three steps away.

His mother’s hand wrapped around his wrist. She stands, significantly shorter than Eren’s full height. “Actually, Eren, could I borrow you for a bit?”

And he doesn’t want to, because he knows exactly the conversation waiting for him. But he looks down at her, lets his eyes flicker to you, and back to her, and he knows he doesn’t have the heart to walk away. Not even if he tried.

He sighs with a shallow nod. He can feel your hand on his shoulder, the proud smile on your lips when you tell him that you’ll meet him back at your hotel. Mitchell ensures him and Carla that he’ll make sure you get back safely, and Eren still can’t stand the guy, but he’s grateful that he can at least be of use for something.

Eren kisses you on the forehead briefly, a promise to you and himself that he’ll finish his confession later. After all, he probably should come to terms with the woman who taught him what love is before he vowed to love you for the rest of his life.

The walk to his mother’s hotel is silent, Eren choosing to keep to himself, hands stuffed in his pockets to prevent his mom from holding them. He’s probably acting like a child, but isn’t that what he is to her; isn’t that she treats him as.

“Look, Ma, you don’t need my approval to marry him,” Eren grumbles, when they finally exit the elevator into the hotel room, “It doesn’t matter to me.”

“Of course I don’t,” Carla offers him a small grin, even if he won’t look at her directly, “But it matters to me.”

“Why does it matter now? It didn’t matter with Keith, or Henry, or Henri with an I, or any of the others,” Eren mumbles, reluctantly taking a seat on the stool opposite the vanity.

His mother tracks his movements with soft eyes and an amused grin as Eren absentmindedly bends a knee and begins to fiddle with the hem of his pants. Just like he used to when he was upset as a child.

“It mattered then, too, Eren,” she tells him, sitting on the stool and facing him.

He’s surprised by her words, his wide eyes giving him away even if he attempts to act unfazed. “It didn’t seem like it.”

Carla opens her mouth to speak, but closes it, words stuck in her throat. She watches Eren’s hunched figure, her tall son not even bothering to look her in the eyes. She exhales slowly; if he were five feet smaller, he’d have tucked himself under her arm, still refusing to look at her, but he’d have snuggled his head into her side while he pouted anyway.

“I suppose it didn’t,” she admits, “In the end, the love wasn’t enough to make it last, then.”

Eren is quiet for a bit at that, pulling at his pants leg. “And… and you love him enough, now?”

“It’s more than love, Eren. It’s... happiness—for yourself and another person—it’s being okay with somebody knowing you now, and forever. Whichever version of you that is.”

“Then why did you marry them before?” Eren asks, “If you knew it wasn’t enough, if you knew it was just going to end up as another big mistake.”

“Maybe the marriages were a mistake, and some of what came with them, but I don’t think the feelings were,” Carla muses, “Love is never wasted.”

“How can you say that?” Eren questions, disbelief and exasperation painted on his face, “Of course it is—you wasted your time, and your money, and your—your everything on those people who couldn’t care less about you now!”

“Eren—”

“You let them into our house,” Eren speaks over her, “You let them into your life, and they left. They always left—”

“Eren—”

“—And you even let some of them come back! Everyone, you let everyone have another chance, another anniversary, another wedding,” He’s ranting, crying, hot, irrational tears streaming down his face; hiccups interrupting his speech, “So—so, so if it’s not wasted and everyone gets another chance and another chance and another chance—why didn’t he come back, huh? For his?”

Eren’s standing now, arms flailing every which way during his breakdown, but his mother doesn’t try to stop him. She lets him continue, hears him out.

“If it’s love—if it’s not wasted, and it’s real—then why didn’t he come back? Why didn’t he want to? Why—why didn’t he want me? Why did I end up the bastard?”

Eren looks his mother in the eyes for the first time in the duration of their conversation with that final question; with his vision blurry, and chest heaving, and cheeks wet. Carla has no words to say; can only carefully open her arms, and wait for her son to come crashing into them. And he does; and it rains and pours, and Eren holds onto his mother for dear life, and onto the pieces of her breaking heart.

“Am I not good enough to have that kind of love?” Eren asks through tears, “Am I not special enough to want to know?”

“Eren,” she finally speaks, moving to cradle his head in her hands, “You don’t have to be special or good, to be known or loved. It’s enough that you were born. That’s enough to make you deserving of love.”

She doesn’t mind the tears against her palms or the hiccups of Eren’s breathing, “And you already have it.”

And Eren looks at her with eyes wide and wild like a child, staring at the first person to have ever loved someone as messed up, and plain, and ordinary as him; and he can feel more tears bubbling at his eyes.

“Ma, I’m—I’m so sorry,” he chokes out, wrapping his arms around her even tighter, chin resting on her shoulder while his shake through his tears, “I’m so fucking sorry.”

Carla hugs her son as close as she can, like he’s five years old and the apple of her eye and she can take all his pain away. “You don’t have to be. You’re my son, and I’ll love you always.”

It feels like they have all the time in the world like that, to hug and cry and apologize; but Carla hopes Eren knows that he was always forgiven; that he never had anything to apologize for in the first place.

“She loves you, too, baby,” she coos, holding Eren as tight as possible, “But you have to let her know that. That you accept it.”

“Do you think she knows?” Eren asks, words muffled into the fabric of her clothing, “That I love her, too?”

“I do,” Carla confirms, pulling away to look at Eren in the eyes; his beautiful, shining, green eyes, “But I don’t think that either of you really realized it. I mean, you did give her an engagement ring, darling.”

Eren huffs at the memory, “She thought it was a gift.”

“Because you gave it to her as a gift.”

“I thought it was pretty obvious.”

“Love has a way of making people blind,” Carla muses, “Especially two lovesick semi-adults with too much money on their hands.”

Eren’s cheeks grow pink at the accusation, “It’s your money!”

“Yes, and I’m very happy to have it,” Carla chuckles, motioning for Eren to stand up. He does, and she looks up at him with glimmering, proud eyes. “Now, go, shoo. You have a girl to propose to, don’t you? There might be two Jaeger weddings this weekend.”

Eren nods, certain of himself for the first time in a while. He turns on his heel with a vigor igniting his footsteps, but pauses when he reaches the elevator. He makes a sharp turn, running back to his mom one last time, and squeezing her suddenly, and tightly against him.

“I love you, mom,” he says; the words too foreign on his tongue, and he vows to not let them be a stranger to his vocabulary from here on out.

“I love, you, too, Eren,” Carla calmly wraps her arms around her son one last time, “And I always will.”

You half-expected your walk back to your hotel with Mitchell to be painfully awkward, but he proves to be a pleasant conversationalist, even in Carla’s absence.

You know that Eren isn’t fond of him, but you wish that he would at least give him a chance. There’s no way to know if a marriage—if any relationship—will last forever, but, sometimes, you think it’s not about knowing about forever; but, rather about wanting it to make it there; about willing to go the distance with that person.

You can see that want, that willingness that works alongside love in Mitchell and Carla’s relationship, that stands out from her past marriages. You get the feeling they’re going to last; and that, most importantly, they both want it to, too.

It’s quiet out as you both walk the streets of Paris, Mitchell taking the time to point out small notes in architecture that interest you. You readjust your jacket as a gust of wind washes over you, careful to make sure your necklace doesn’t snag against your clothing.

“That’s a beautiful ring,” he calls to you gently.

“Thank you,” Surprised, you quickly let out an embarrassed cough, looking down to your left hand resting atop the uppermost button on your coat. “It was a gift.”

“I meant that one,” Mitchell corrects, carefully gesturing to his own neck to indicate that he was talking about the ring on your necklace, and not the one on your finger.

“Oh, thank you,” you repeat, “That one was actually a gift, too.”

The older man hums, continuing your walk to your hotel. “Must have been one hell of a gift. I don’t know many people who give out engagement rings as presents.”

“Oh, no, no, no, it wasn’t—it’s not an engagement ring,” you tell him, feeling a warmth creep up your cheeks even in the chilly atmosphere of the night, “Eren gave it to me, actually, a few years ago—it was a Christmas gift.”

“Eren, huh?” Mitchell smiles fondly, “That makes sense. Carla tells me how much he cares about you.”

“You—she does?” you stutter. Mitchell nods. “I—I mean, I care about him, too.”

“Enough to accept an engagement ring from him, it seems,” Mitchell taunts, “I’m no specialist, but I know a Harry Winston piece when I see it. They’re not cheap.”

“Trust me, I know,” you scoff, “I almost killed him when I saw how much he spent on it.”

“And you took it, anyway?”

“Well, he—he was supposed to return it,” you defend yourself, “Because I didn’t want anyone to get the wrong idea! But he just, well, he gave me the other one instead, so I wear that one on my hand.”

Mitchell pauses, just as you both stand to the entrance of your hotel. “And what was the wrong idea you didn’t want people getting.”

“That... that...,” you pause, thinking back to that Christmas day.

Even though Eren is known for spending ludacris amounts of money, the ring came as a genuine surprise to you. A couple thousand on shoes, sure—you’re victim to that yourself; a couple hundred thousand on a lavish vacation wasn’t out of the ordinary, either; but a million, maybe even more, on a ring that you could have only ever asked of him in your dreams was another thing completely.

And, sure, even a few million didn’t mean much to you or Eren at the end of the day, but it wasn’t just the price; it was the object of the money, too. To accept a house, or a car, or a jet for that amount is something you could rationalize; but a ring seemed foreign, and far out of your league.

Then there was the display and value it held beyond money. It’s beautiful, gorgeous, but more than that, it’s tailored to your exact liking. The synthesis of your aesthetic and everything you could ask for, garnished with the memory of Eren in the very design; the diamonds you love, the flowers that remind him of you, and the way they stems wrap around each other and the petals meet in the middle.

A small gasp leaves your lips and instinctively, you reach to clutch the ring in your hold. There was no way this was an engagement ring... Eren hadn’t proposed to you when he gave it to you—in fact, he was so casual about it, that it had you stunned that he hadn’t thought to consider that other people might think it meant something more than what he intended it to be.

But, looking back, it seems like you’re the only one who didn’t understand what was going on. Because Eren told you, even then, that he’d wanted you forever; you didn’t know how to hear him. It was all right there—not just in the ring, but in all his gifts, in the entirety of your friendship.

Eren loves you, more than you could ever know.

“It’s an engagement ring,” you say aloud, but more to yourself than to Mitchell, “Oh my god, it’s an engagement ring.”

Mitchell can’t do anything but smile at your revelation. You’re practically bouncing off the walls, connecting the puzzle pieces of your relationship in the middle of the street at damn near midnight, but you don’t care; because it finally feels right, and it finally, finally all makes sense.

“He, but he never pro—oh my fucking god, I’m going to kill him.”

You feel elated and confused and happy and murderous all at once. Eren wanted to marry you; Eren loved you. He wants you for the rest of his life, and you’ve been too blind to see it this entire time.

Still, you think that maybe a verbal proposal might have helped to open your eyes a bit.

“Mitchell, I have to—”

You’re cut off by the echo of your name coming from the opposite end of the street, and you can just barely make out of Eren’s figure in the faded lights of the street lamps. His name falls from your lips like a whisper, and you hardly register Mitchell’s amused, soft laughter from beside you.

“I think that’s my cue,” he says, patting you on the shoulder, “I better get back to Carla. Something tells me you two have a bit to talk about.”

You can barely nod at him, eye still wide and stunned, but a smile on your face even in your fearful anticipation. You don’t have time to thank him before he turns away, bidding you goodnight; and then you have something else to focus on, as Eren’s footsteps grow louder, and his silhouette grows sharper the closer he gets to you.

He practically crashes into you, chest heaving, hair wind-swept and wild from his running. He puts his hands on your shoulders, to steady himself physically and mentally, labored breaths ghosting over the top of your head.

“Hi,” he finally squeaks; and that stupid, big, dopey grin is on his face.

It’s ridiculous, so utterly ridiculous that you can’t help but greet him back. The two of you stand there, smiling like fools for god knows how long, before the realization strikes you for a second time.

Eren opens his mouth to finally speak, but a pained squeal leaves his lips instead as he feels the back of your hand slap his chest. “Ouch—hey, what was that for!”

“What the hell do you think you were doing proposing to me without telling me?” you screech, packing another punch to his chest for good measure, but it’s a poor barrier and does nothing to stop your tears from falling, “You’re an idiot, I should kill you for this, you know that, Eren Jaeger?”

Eren laughs softly, only to be heard by you in close proximity. He takes your offending hand in his, and reaches for your other, pulling both of them between your bodies. He can feel tears welling in his own eyes, as he looks down at the necklace, glimmering perfectly under the moonlight.

“In my defense, the first thing you told me to do when I gave it to you was to return it.”

“I might not have said that if you told me what it meant,” you can hardly choke out a laugh through your tears; and Eren can’t stop his from falling either, “It’s insane, you know. This whole thing—to ask me to marry you at 19. For me to not realize until we’re 21.”

“I know,” Eren agrees, inching closer even though there’s barely any room between you, “I know. But I know I love you, every version of you. I always have, I always will.”

You close your eyes as Eren’s hands move to your face, gingerly sweeping your tears away from your cheeks. He feels too close, it feels like too much; but you don’t want him to move.

“You know... if you had asked me, then,” you start, blinking your eyes open with a sniffle; you’re met with Eren’s emerald greens one with far too much hope and love glimmering in them, “I—I don’t even know what I would have said.”

“And if I asked you now?”

You pull your bottom lip between your teeth, slowly raising your hands to wrap around Eren’s wrist, and lower them to your neck, before looking at him again, “Ask me.”

Eren blinks, carefully trailing his hands up and around your neck, nimble fingers undoing the clasp of your necklace. He hardly lets the chain pool into his hand before it’s tossed aside, and the ring is still between his thumbs and index fingers as he lowers himself on to one knee.

“You are the love of my life, and there’s not a single version of life—a single version of you, or me—where I don’t want to be with you forever,” Eren says, “And you know how shit I am with my words, but I fucking mean it. I swear to you, that I’ll do my best every day to show you how much you mean to me; marry me, and I’ll prove it to you, I swear, I will.”

Your lips are wobbling at Eren’s confession below you, and you can just barely beckon him upwards in your state. He’s hardly back on two feet before you’re pulling him against you, ghosting the word “yes” on his lips before you kiss him.

You both melt into the kiss, Eren’s hands skillfully cupping your cheeks, while he keeps the ring in his hold and bruises your lips together.

“You don’t have to prove it to me, Eren,” you assure him, hand shaking when you pull apart and let him slip the ring onto your finger—where it belongs, “You already have.”

For his first birthday as a married man, Eren requested something intimate. He wanted just a small celebration with all of your mutual friends, some good food, alcohol, and lots of fun.

Supposedly simple and intimate for him entailed renting out the top floor of the Whitney, which was currently encasing an exhibit portraying some kind of abstract modern art that allowed for a very drunk Eren and Armin have to entertain themselves by trying their best to recreate the paintings using very flawed couples aerial yoga.

The art, paired with the dimmed lighting, Jean’s choice selection of overtly sexual music, and Eren’s pick of overpriced champagne also meant that Marco, Bertholdt, Connie, and Sasha found everything ten times funnier than they were—which meant they were a million times louder than usual.

Jean stands next to you by the bar, watching as Eren attempts to hold Armin above his head by holding on to just his waist. They’re unsuccessful, of course, resulting in both boys toppling onto the ground as the majority of their older friends laugh along.

“Lucky me, I get to take him home at the end of the night,” you drawl, turning to the bartender to order another drink.

She smiles, easily preparing your martini and sliding it you with an inquiry. “That’s your boyfriend? The tall one with the brown hair?”

“No,” you sigh, eyes closed for a moment before taking the glass between your fingers. “That’s my husband, unfortunately.”

× even more notes: this fic. is my baby. it’s been a draft of mine for over two years at this point. it’s gone through various fandoms but i’ve never quite been able to complete and post it, so i’m very happy that it’s finally here! i hope you all enjoyed, and i just wanted to say that i’m glad to finally have been able to share this with you all!

#attack on titan #aot x reader #snk x reader #eren x reader #aot imagines #snk imagines #eren smut #eren fluff #levi x reader #I DONT WANNA TALK ABOUT IT

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katsuflossy · 3 years

Text

BeatBox/Junebugg Challenge

Pairings: Shouto Todoroki x reader, Kastuki Bakugou x reader, Izuku Midoriya x reader, Eijirou Kirishima x reader, Hanta Sero x reader, Denki Kaminari x reader, Hitoshi Shinsou x reader, Tenya Iida x reader.

TW: just the regular obscenities

A/n: IK y’all may not know this trend but it’s funny af so this is the beatbox/junebugg challenge (sound by SpotemGottem) and yeah I hope y’all like my lil hc of the s/o doing it with the boys 💖💖

Taglist: @eharmonythotbot @lilsparkyswife @teddybearrx @angiebug101 @sesshomaruwaifu @blackweebtrash @minajkatsuki @cyans-bliss @myhoodacademia @mypimpademia @melanimed @peach-child @zombie-kun @xx-opaqued-xx @sunshineszn @prettybitch-ki @tsukkisukkii

🧊 He has the most aesthetically pleasing tiktok

🧊 There’s slime videos, drawing videos with lofi music in the back, your basic encouraging quotes

🧊 Who needs therapy when you got Shouto’s fyp? /j

🧊 He may be a lil...offbeat in your dance videos but he still tries. Thankfully this was an easy one to learn.

🧊 He out here thinking he got it until you buck at him.

🧊 You think he finna take that shit? He’s gonna buck TF back, on reflex, and scare the fuck out of you.

🧊 Immediately goes into protective boyfriend mode after seeing you flinch hard. You should expect a tight hug; he’s rubbing your back while the whole clip rolling.

🧊 “Love, I’m sorry but why did you move to hit me? I didn’t mean to scare you I’m sorry.”

🧊 “Baby, It’s okay that was the challenge.”

🧊 “Yes, but you looked so scared and it was my fault,” he wraps his arms tighter around you so you’re snuggled safely into his chest.

🧊 Post it with captions of what he said during the video and see all the comments talm bout “⚠️‼️WARNING‼️HAPPY COUPLE⚠️”

💥 It’s known Bakugou knows no fucking challenge on that app.

💥 Except for that buss it challenge. He’s keeping tabs on yo ass.

💥 His fyp is comprised of prisontok (thank mtha for this), mortalkombat edits, and recommendations for shoujo mangas DC comics.

💥 He already knows the drill, you teach him the dance, he does it with no care, you post it.

💥 This one is fairly easy… until you attempt to press him

💥 He runs up on you, chest puffed up, arms tense and hanging straight. That intimidation stance.

💥 “What you tryna do? We can tussle right now wassup.” Now you gotta deal with him pressing you as you finish the dance.

💥 When he realizes you’re laughing, he just sucks his teeth before lightly pushing you.

💥 “Why am I even dating you?”

💥 The biggest tsundere simp on the earth.

💥 He loves you so much but you always test him.

🥦 Umm All Might edits runs his fyp.

🥦 The occasional analytic reports on recent and past villain attacks are there too.

🥦 Only gets a smidge of alt tiktok so it ain’t that boring.

🥦 Doesn’t know the dance either but he’ll do it just for you <3

🥦 Never expects you to fucking buck at him tho.

🥦 Mans flinch mad hard omg.

🥦 He removes his hands from his face when he hears you laugh and continue the dance.

🥦 Now he stopped, looking at you with the saddest puppy eyes.

🥦 “Why did you flinch at me baby?” He’s just standing in the frame all pouty and shit.

🥦 “Prince(ss), please don’t do that again. You honestly scared me.” He walks off in the middle of the video, his fluffy duck house slippers squeaking with every step.

🥦 Go say you’re sorry right now 🧍🏽‍♀️

⛑ Crimson Riot edits duhh

⛑ But it’s a mixture of Bakugou’s and Todoroki’s with a sprinkle of popular dances down his stream.

⛑ Has Ski Mask edits as well

⛑ Still, he doesn’t know the dance at all

⛑ Baby boy is so sweet cause the second you buck at him...he just plants one straight on your lips thinking you went in for a kiss.

⛑ Shocked, bamboozled, frozen, he really kissed you as you tried to buck him?

⛑ Mans continued the dance like you’re not wide-mouthed behind him.

⛑ “Bro, I know you did not just kiss me when I tried to buck you.” The whole badman vibes just dissipate from the air, he smiling at you like it was cool.

⛑ “Babe,” he whined. “I thought you just wanted a smooch.”

⛑ Seeing you mad, he just grabs you up and launches more kisses on your face.

⛑ You tried to look hard for the video only for him to soften you up quickly.

⛑ At least you got cuddles after.

🩹 His tiktok is filled with funny ass videos

🩹 They always come up on his fyp before going famous. Hence why his comments be having 30k likes (they funny as well)

🩹 Has the best cooking tutorials in his favorites that he makes to impress you.

🩹 Already knows the dance so you don’t need to teach him.

🩹 Y’all both tried to press each other with giant smiles on your faces before starting a round of play fighting.

🩹 “Can’t fuck with you no mo.” He turns to you before continuing the dance.

🩹 Alternating lyrics and shii...being the baddest couple to step in the game.

🩹 He wraps his arms around you before throwing peace signs to the camera at the end.

🩹 The coolest boyfriend award goes to this king.

⚡️ How...how is he in every part of tiktok

⚡️ Straightok, alt tiktok, beantok, frogtok. You describe to him the video and he either knows it or he can find it in seconds.

⚡️ If Pandora’s Box opened and escaped into somebody’s account, it would most likely be Denki’s.

⚡️ He did the challenge with Bakugou before but it ended in flames...but he won’t decline to do it wit you

⚡️ Why y’all buck each other and ended up hitting your foreheads?

⚡️ Spent the rest of the video rubbing your forehead while Denki laughing.

⚡️ “Why tf your shit so hard? Built like damn cement” you glared at him as he laughed even harder.

⚡️ “I shock my own brain everyday. I think my skull hardened as a result”

⚡️ The next day, you’re seen walking around with your forehead on swole.

⚡️ On the bright side, you get forehead kisses every 5 minutes.

🔮 There ain’t no Eraserhead edits so he makes them himself.

🔮 All his fyp got some led light show going on. Every. Fucking. Video.

🔮 But they’re all good vibes, great music, and nice ass comment section

🔮 Occasional gaming videos come up because he follows some twitch streamers on there

🔮 Doesn’t know the beatbox/junebugg challenge. You woke him out of bed to do it.

🔮 You’re vibing in the video before you buck at him.

🔮 He didn’t budge. He stopped doing the dance altogether to stand up and just glare you down.

🔮 He out here in his cow print moo moo pants and you do this shit to him?

🔮 Now you’re nervous, flickering your eyes to him as you continued the video dancing.

🔮 The minute the sound ends he stalks off back to bed. Using all the sheets to cover him.

🔮 Have fun sleeping in the cold. Just kidding, he can’t sleep without cuddling you but just remember he is mad.

👓 ...you think he knows tiktok?

👓 Thought it was slang for the actual clock app.

👓 Got it to see what the hype was about but doesn’t even bother to make an actual account.

👓 It’s really just the generic shit on there.

👓 So he’s excited to do a dance with you even though he only knows the tinman.

👓 Umm...failed to do the actual dance. It gives 60-year-old white man on a tropical cruise.

👓 And then you buck at him.

👓 All movements stop. He justs staring at you, his glasses hiding his actual eyes.

👓 The air around you feels real cold. Your premonition telling you to electric slide out of the room but nah, you continue to dance. The man, who tried to commit murder at the age of 16, just staring at you stoned face.

👓 The second he opened his mouth, you DIPPED out of the room, leaving your phone running and Iida just standing confused.

👓 Turns out, he wasn’t trying to end your bloodline, he was just confused if that was a dance step he missed.

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goodguydotmp3 · 4 years

Note

two questions: why don’t you like harry and do you really think harry villanized the weed video or do you think that was the people attempting to court him (azoffs)

Whew, this is a long one folx!

Why don’t you like Harry [Styles]?

Let me preface this response by saying that I’m a pretty new “fan” if one can still call me that. I got into the One Direction fandom in the summer of last year, and much of my opinions of the boys where shaped by fan reactions. After gathering more and more information however, I realized that the fandom and I were wrong about some things, and over hyping others.

Still, it wasn’t until this year that I actually broke out of the Harry-centric bubble to realize that the shady goings on where much worse than I originally thought. Add to this my realization that Harry’s music really doesn’t withstand the test of time, and that his persona is pretty Stagnant, and I’ve come to feel rather bamboozled.

Of course I know that the entire point of his PR team is to sway public opinion of him one way, and if I ate it up that was part of the plan. That doesn’t mean I have to like it. It also doesn’t mean I feel any less hurt about it. It also doesn’t mean that I like when other people fawn over him, as quite a lot of what I’m going to say has been public knowledge, and some of it before I was even a fan.

A. Music

Actually getting to a big part of the problem here, his music isn’t good. Well, not long term like I said in the preface. He doesn’t really have much of a vocal range despite being a singer for more than ten years. He does not care and acts like he does, often leading to him sounding like he’s screaming instead of singing. He’s lyrics are boring and flat, and his melodies are fine, they just don’t make up for his unmemorable lyrics. I personally think that the cause is him more heavily relying on song writers to fill in more in more, but that’s mostly because I don’t want to believe that the same person who wrote Happily and Olivia also wrote At the Dining Table and Treat People With Kindness, because that would just mean he’s getting worse or putting forth less effort.

Of course one could argue that I’m not a professional, I don’t have the necessary Jargon to correctly critique, and I’m no longer a singer so I can’t even do what he does. But to that I say fuck off. I know what sounds good! I know what I like!

Even more than that though, If you bought a product (non food), and you could only use that product for the first two weeks you bought it, you’d say it was a shit product! You’d scream from the rooftops that no one should ever buy this product because it’s crap! Well guess what? I pre-ordered Fine Line just to listen for two weeks and never pick it up again except for golden, she’s a funky tune every couple months.

Besides the test of time, there is still the subject of actual talent/listenability if you will. I feel there’s four main categories when I listen to music that makes it worth listening to

1.Amazing voice

2.Awesome lyrics

3.Funky/ cool ass melody/Beat

4.Catchy as hell

Now, a song doesn’t need to be all four, however the more they have the more likely I am to like the song. Also, I’ve said “main categories” because I’ve definitely had songs were I just through the beat drop was cool, or maybe the bridge was sick as hell, or maybe I just liked the pacing or the way the singer/singers stressed a note. Alternatively there is a sweet spot for me of super depressing lyrics but a melody/ that makes you want to dance. See: most of After Laughter by Paramore, Lola By Mika. But in general, those four usually make me love a song long term.

If it’s an album, it usually Just has to sound like it belongs on the same album/ tell a story. Like I really don’t like albums that sound like it’s just a playlist of songs personally. I should be able to listen to a song and go “oh yeah, that’s off --- album” or I didn’t like the album as a whole. An album is a bit like an outfit to me. It’s not going to be all tops, nor does it need to be monochromatic, but it does need to go together

For Example, I love Four as an album. I thought it was amazing. I still hate Spaces and Illusion. I hate both of their melodies, I don’t like the Illusion intro, I’m not to keen on those lyrics, and they’re definitely not catchy, I skip every time.

So taking that logic to Harry’s music, I think HS1 works very well as an album, almost all of the songs sound like they’re supposed to be there. And I hate every song but Kiwi. The lyrics are boring/don’t make a ton of sense, the melodies definitely don’t make up for that, he doesn’t have the range, and none of them are catchy! And then you get to Kiwi and she’s got that vibe you know? She’s a pop punk bop and I cannot fucking believe that Harry has one pop punk bop among unmemorable pop rock album.

Going to Fine line, It’s not as great as an album. There are some songs that don’t really feel like they fit? Like just going through the album, cherry doesn’t have any business being there? Like the lyrics fit sure, but what is that weird intro and outro? It probably would have been fine If the song didn’t have those two, but having them there upset the pace a bit I felt. And then there was Treat People With Kindness, which was really Jarring and doesn’t feel like it belongs on the album at all? It actually feels like it’s trying to be Kiwi - it’s loud and garish, and the lyrics are trying to be carefree, but! It just doesn’t work! TPWK sounds like Hippie music! Kiwi sounds like Brendon Urie could sing it and people would be like “good ol Panic!”. And then the album goes back down into Fine line the song, which again is Jarring because you’ve had this TPWK monstrosity right before it.

Then, looking at the overarching theme of his music, It’s whiny piss baby music He hates to take responsibility for his actions! It’s all in his lyrics! And don’t get me wrong, I love Honest lyrics, but not if the person is an asshole! LIke I fucking hate confessions by Usher specifically becasue he’s talking about how much he’s a piece of shit in the most whiny and piss baby way, making it all about him and no the people he hurt. I also really hate that one song that Zayn did with Usher and Chris Brown, because you have these awful men completely misunderstanding what it means to write a love song, and then you have Zayn at the very end all like “actually I really am in love tho…” Esp Chris browns verse! It boils down to “Hey I know I was a asshole seven billion times but I miss you tho :(“ GIRL BYE!

Harry sounds the exact same though, Except he can’t even blame himself for his own mistakes, and just wades through self pity about how the object of his affection won’t love him even though he didn’t even do anything except it wasn’t his fault and why are you still mad it wasn’t even his fault and he was young and reckless and drunk and horny. Like??? WRITE A NEW SONG TAYLOR SWIFT 2.0! There’s only so much you can repackage the same narrative before it becomes stale no Cinderella does not count keep that shit coming. And It really jumps out in his writing, even through 1d, although I will say there were some catchy beats, and awesome lines to keep him afloat back then. Although wtf was Walking in the Wind??? Choke!

Then there are the melodies I’m talking post wondee here which often give this 70’s pop rock vibe. Which fine I guess, it’s his brand, but that doesn’t make it interesting. Or new. Or fresh. Or an interesting take.

Now I completely understand relying on nostalgia to boost people’s opinion, but you could at leas have the decency to actually have good music. For Example, Miss you by Louis Tomlinson has a very distinctive pop rock feel, but it’s also an amazing song. Great lyrics, amazing voice, catchy liddle diddy that happens to be reminiscent of that 2005- 2010 punk pop/emo pop feel. Sour diesel has that like,,,basey 90s pop feel, and it fucking works with the lyrics, and of course his voice is beautiful. When Walls dropped and Lou put out that playlist of songs that were an inspiration, you can hear the influences when you listen to the album, but they’re also really good songs in their own right, with amazing lyrics, and Louis’ distinctive voice. Comparing that to Harry, it seems like he’s mostly relying on people’s nostalgia rather than actually good music.

Okay so this last point I’m making on music is a little petty but it’s been like a week and I’m still pissed about it so I’m saying it now. Someone said that Harry Styles is the best pop rock artist right now???? Just admit that you don’t listen to pop rock tf. Louis Tomlinson is right there. Brendon Urie is right there. Mika is right there. Haley Williams is right there. Janell Monae is right there. I don’t listen to a lot of pop rock lol but i feel my point has been made

B. Public Persona

He get’s so much clout! SO MUCH CLOUT! For doing the bare minimum (this is not specifically about the fandom, that’s for later)! People will write all these glowing reviews of him for him??? Being polite??? Like okay and? Just because a person is polite doesn’t mean they’re fucking Jesus??? There’s a million and one stories so i’m not fucking looking them up but there’s the pizza story and the fish story and the plane story and the snl story and the Stormzy story and the WS story on and on and on! Stop giving this man brownie points for basic human decency. “I didn’t expect him to be like that!” okay is that because of their perception of what a rock star is supposed to be like? Because in that case we need to start holding people accountable for being assholes. Or is it because he seems like an asshole. Cause valid.

I also don’t like him leaning so heavily on the queer image thing. Like! If that’s how he likes to express himself, Fine, But so much of it is just...so manufactured! And I Know I’ve heard people say oh well he wore the one rainbow on his lapel that one time or he wore the shirt or he wore the Keith Harring.

1. That Rainbow pin is sus as hell I don’t care what ya’ll say It absolutely screams set up, if he wanted to not be seen he would have not been seen

2. That goes for literally every other time. I can’t believe it’s not a set up to push a queer image. (that he profits from!)

3. If he actually did his homework on Keith Harring he’d know that the man was a predator, and he wouldn’t have worn those shirts. It seems so performative! To add to that, does he know now? If so, why isn’t he using his platform to correct his mistake? Why didn’t he come out and let people know not to buy Harring’s stuff??? He knows the pull he has! He absolutely could have been like “I’ve made a mistake, if you are looking for queer artists to support, here’s some” But he fucking doesn’t

4. To add on to that last part, It is actually sus that he gets to profit off of this queer image, and yet the only queer voices that he’s propping up are white gays. And then not even directly? Not a “queer artists, esp queer artists of color are important and need their voices boosted because they are the back bone of society” but this wink nod type of deal, where again, he mainly boosts white gays.like??? One queer black woman that doesn’t work for the Azoffs, and then a bunch of white gays. Like?? That’s not racist to anyone else???????Just me? okay.

Now from a professional point of view, it’s even worse. I’m not saying that artists can’t be campy or blurr gender lines, or imply that they ‘re queer subtly. But I think it’s fucking disrespectful to play both ends. Like, he profits off of using the queer image, all while Dancing around the subject, but then on the back end he never says that Homophobes/Transphobes aren’t allowed in his fandom. He gives this empty ass tpwk and then washes his hands of it.

Don’t get me wrong, I am always upset when people who have lots of queerphobes in their fandom bullying and harassing the actual queer people never say anything to let queerphobes know they’re unwelcome (clearly money is better than morals) but for me it’s an extra kick to the gut for it to literally profit Harry to seem queer. Look at that time that gay company sold out shirts in less than an hour,because harry was wearing it and tell me people aren’t throwing money at him because they feel he’s queer.

C. Fashion

This one is a really rough one for me because this is partially what drew me into Harry in the first place. But he’s really not all that in terms of fashion. He’s expensive certainly, but sometimes, the things that are more expensive are worse. Even When He’s not looking like a grandparent out on the town, his style is very dated, and yet he gets paraded around like he’s the freshest new thing?? Like who is his team paying of for him to get that many articles about how he’s fashion’s biggest star. And the thing is, his style is even dated for the mainstream. There’s already a post about how he copies prominent pop/pop rock stars of the 70s, which means that his style is 50 years old for the mainstream. Now don’t get me wrong, I think it’s totally fine if you’re addicted to seventies wear. I don’t think he should be heralded as this huge fashion star if his wardrobe is this dated

Even more than that. Gucci???? The Gucci with a history of Racism?? The Gucci with the child labor??? The Gucci with the 14 hour days Gucci??? Ugly ass Gucci????? Soulja Boy don’t even fuck with Gucci no more and he fuck with Gucci since like 2007. (although that was because of the racism, not cause it’s ugly)

I think that bothers me the most though. Like it’s not enough to exploit people, you also have to be tacky ugly and expensive???? For what??? @Gucci cease to exist please.

If Harry wants to be tacky ugly and expensive, that’s of course his rights to do so! But don’t act like he’s at the very pinnacle of fashion every time he does.

I’m actually always very conflicted about that. I personally prefer a style that’s very loud and campy and avant garde but like,,,,that ain’t it. Maybe it’s something you got it or ya don’t??? Like for example Billy Porter could wear a trashbag and make it work. The expensive sweaters and the slacks? The suits? Not a good look on one Harry Styles. Maybe it’s because they’re expensive sweaters and slacks and expensive suits. What are you, Ted from accounting??? Grow up.

D. Treat People With Kindness

Ugh this is the thing that pisses me off like the second to most. This phrase is so fucking empty. You could not have made up a more corporate mandated phrase if you fucking tried. It stands for nothing! Just like him!

Let’s break it down. “Treat people with kindness” is, at face value, a call to action. It’s asking you to do something. But it doesn’t actually tell you what to do!! So it’s pretty inoffensive! You don’t actually have to change your behavior in anyway for two main reasons:

1. What the hell is Kindness??? This phrase never actually says what it is??? It’s just this short little punchy thing that assumes you know what kindness is! What if you didn’t actually know? What if you have differing ideals of what is considered kindness? I mean to my mother, Misgendering me is kindness, but I don’t think that’s kindness. To my father, not letting his children have autonomy is kindness, but I don’t find that kind. And yet they could both use that phrase and feel confident that they go around treating people with kindness. After all they cooked dinner didn’t they? They smiled at Janice from public relations didn’t they? That’s kindness right?

2. It also assumes you know what “people” are. Queer people are people. Queerphobes don’t consider queer people, people. Racists aren’t going to consider some people, people. So they can continue their harassment and dehumanization of them and still be treating people with kindness, because they never harmed actual people (to them)

E. Harry bots

Bitch?? Corporate spies?? Tf ??? That’s not weird to ya’ll ?? I think the thing that shocked me more than someone from Colombia records admitting that he manufactures the hype around people signed to Colombia, is the fact that the Fandom been knew!!!! Ya’ll been knew and ya’ll wasn’t gon tell me???????? I just found out last week wtf????????

Another thing I don’t like about them Harry bots, is it’s one thing to hype up Harry, but why tf do they need to shit on the other boys??? Is it because they’re more talented, good looking, and charming??? How about you get good!!!! I esp hate that it’s usually Louis. What is Corporate’s obsession with putting Louis down like? What a bunch of fucking weirdos?? It’s not enough to be a Harry fan and live up his ass, I gotta hate Louis too?? You lost yo damn mind. If you reading this and you a spy? Die.

F. Capitalism

Honestly that should be the end of it but here the fuck we go I guess. Now I get that there is going to be some capitalism involved when you get music, especially mainstream music, there are tones of articles out there with people who used to be in the industry telling you about how fucking awful it is, all in the pursuit of money. (Which isn’t fucking real by the way! We made it up! People out here getting traumatized! Belittled! Bullied! Married off! So some corporation can make all the money! The Imaginary Credits! That we made up! I hate it here!)

But it’s another fucking thing to participate in a capitalist system? He invested into that one sleep app, even going to do one of the voice sessions (So you could have Harry Styles themed sleep paralysis) and you pay for that! He makes money off that! It’s not enough that you buy his mediocre music or his ugly ass merch, you also have to give him money through the sleep paralysis app.

Then there was that Google Camp for Rich People Only! I don’t even want to fucking hear that it was on Climate Change oh wow all the rich people took helicopters and Yachts to a resort with manicured lawns??? To talk about how they treat the environment? That’s not at all Counter intuitive! Not at all for show! Fucking disgusting.

Oh and the Covid Shirt! Really bitch??? You need to Profit off a deadly pandemic? Are you profiting off of AIDS next you fucking bastard. And he can of course get a tax write of for his “ charitable donation” fuck off.

G. Racism

This! This is the thing that gets me the most! YA’LL CAN EXCUSE RACISM???

No, I’m not talking about the Native American Headdress thing, that was plenty despicable on it’s own, No I’m talking about the on going racism. The whole, using black people for clout and then dropping them and never returning the favor when they sing his praises thing. Specifically I’m thinking of Sis the activist, Stormzy, and Lizzo.

The Lizzo thing pisses me off the most actually. I think it’s very fucking convenient that Harry started taking interest in Lizzo after there was uproar from black fans noting his hypocrisy of performing for Pepsi (Notoriously racist) and Having BLM sticker on his guitar. So he shows up at one of her concerts dressed like a senior citizen that got lost on the way to the retirement home bathroom. She looked fucking amazing and he couldn’t put forth the effort to at least not look senile. Then there was the covering of her songs, and then there was the cuddling up with her at the awards show. Funny how I haven’t seen any interaction after the fact! And Of course everyone forgot about the Pepsi concert! Fuck all the way off!!

Also! Are we just never going to talk about the fact that he didn’t comment on the blm protests earlier this year until his team could gauge whether or not it would be profitable to do so by DATA MINING HIS FAN BASE???? And then when he actually did he got the most praise for it, truly fucking hate it here. Also when he marched with those protesters he made sure we knew it was him. There were posts flouting around everywhere on how to best cover up to make yourself completely unrecognizable should you wind up on camera or fucking worse, get attacked by the police. Funny how Close Sprouse could follow the advice and not Harry? Also supper funny how he got the hell out of dodge before things got super bad and I have not heard anything on the matter since. Guess what Harry??? We’re still out here fighting for the rights to exist! Still wanna have a photo op while our own government tries to squash us with force????? This is like that Jenner Pepsi ad but with sunglasses and a pandemic.

H. Fandom

I think I would hate him less if I didn’t have to hear about him every hour of everyday. Stop Hyping this man so much. Even after unfollowing and blocking a bunch of Harries and Larries he’s all across my dash. And twitter. And insta. KURTIS CONNER FUCKING LIKES HIM I JUST WANTED CRACK CONTENT AND NOW LOOK.

I. Conclusion.

After writing all this I think the running theme is that Harry Styles isn’t even a person, he’s a brand. I do not like or trust brands! And I definitely don’t like being advertised to! Just like It’s fake as fuck when Absolut is all about queer rights, it’s fake as fuck when Harry does it too. Just like I know Target doesn’t actually care about Black lives, I know Harry doesn’t either. People are always like “oh he’s so nice!” no! He’s polite! There’s a difference. Zayn Is a truly kind person. Liam is a truly kind person. Louis is a truly kind person. It shines though so brightly all the time, and yet people are really out here worshiping the Brand Harry Styles.

Do I think It was Harry or The Azoffs throwing Zouis under the bus.

Truly doesn’t matter! Whichever one did it, Harry was totally fine with it! Which tells me that he doesn’t give a shit about anyone but himself. He’ll go along with anything as long as it gets him to the top, and that’s fucked up on one million and one levels

#hazza curly mchazzerson #This is like 4 thousand words #Have fun #Harry Styles

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disney-rapunzel-merida-vanellope · 4 years

Text

Over the moon very messy review (spoilers)

I wasn’t really planning on watching it today but it was so praised on my pot early on that i just had too

And..... I’m confused...

It has some VERY good scenes, plot points, characters, songs, sceneries and some VERY bad scenes, plot points, characters, songs, lyrics and sceneries

I wanted to start by being positive but this whole thing got mixed up

So here’s my thoughts:

- loved chang’e (i gotta google this cause i thought it was chungha like.... chungha the idol). Love her design, love her voice, love her attitude. Best character, never boring. Tall as fuck goddess. She’s right there with eris from sinbad. Muah kisses the chef. Her hair, makeup, outfits, facial expressions. Idk if the voice actress is the same for speaking and singing but the singer from Hamilton is so so good, she made me not mind the godawful lyrics. I wanted more screen time for her cause she honestly saved the movie

- the protagonist girl fei fei is a bit of a positive and negative of the movie. She’s cute but very cliche. There’s 273648 characters like her. Her problems are very real and relatable but u cant just help sigh and think of her as a dramatic teenager u know? I do feel bad and see my teenage self in her cause i do understand but.... shes super dramatic still. I mean.... she went to the fucking moon to avoid her father getting married shes crazy. She went to all that trouble to learn how to make a rocket just to avoid him remarrying... i understand the frustration one might feel, it never happened to me but if it did id probably have very mixed and selfish feelings about it too, but her and the father really should have just talked. A simple conversation would have let her know that he’s lonely but never ever would forget the mother. And the father had time, he just didnt do it so the fault is not all on her. But i guess there would be no movie if they talked, would there?

- the motivations in this movie dont make sense or are just weak.... fei fei wants to build a rocket to the moon to avoid her father from remarrying? Dumb. She wants a pic as proof? Dumb. The brother wants the pic to help the sister? Ok... but he’s literally an 8 year old, they dont give a shit about none of that specially one that just met u. Chang’e wants the gift which is understandable but... why the potion?? Literally just to give the bunnies a love plot thats dumb af. Also, did she really took both immortal pills or whatever it was? It was implied multiple times that she was selfish but idk if she cleared that out

-i loved the Chinese town. Super cozy and friendly. Love how the river is so integral to it like in real life i assume. It’s just so different from the ocident i love it. Please more movies featured in Asia cause they have many gorgeous cultures. I love the sense of community and family, the little details and the food aspect of it. I love how Asian countries combine modern with old so much so that atsome point i didnt really know what year the movie was supposed to be set in.

- the “pre meeting step mother” part of the movie was the best along with chang’e’s scenes. I almost cried even tho the moment the mother fell i knew she was gonna die. I’m getting very emotional with these scenes as i get older even tho both my parents are still alive but i guess those scenes just make me think about when the worse will happen and i dont wanna think of it of course. But the mother was so great and kind. I really felt their bond and love between mother and daughter. And father but u know.

- the bunny was so fucking cute!!!! Until...... it gained super powers and decided to stay with the ugly green love interest?? Wtf... like wtf that was so unnecessary??? A love plot for the bunnies?? Why??? Whyyyyyyyyyyy

- the moon city wasn’t anything special... apart from shiny it was very bland. I wish they had kept more of Chinese culture in it but i did see something on chang’e’s room i think

- every single comic refiro in this movie was BEYOND THE MOON ANNOYING!!!!!!! I understand, even tho i dont aprove it, the existence of the annoying ass 8 year old brother.... BUT THE GREEN DOG TOO???? WHYWHYWHYWHY AND HE SINGS??? NO SHUT UP SHUT UP!!!!!! He had a cute design but everytime he was there and opened his mouth i just wanted to shoot him I’m not kidding i hate him! NOT TO MENTION that he basically did the relationship development between the siblings in the brothers place!!!! Why does the dog exist????? Fei fei should have bounded in the adventure with the brother!!!! Oh i hated that so much..... I’m so mad.... without the green dog the movie wouldn’t have these weak as hell points

- the ending where the lover fades was ok but just ok. I feel like it was either too rushed and he was disappearing before i even noticed and before he even said anything meaningful or it should have been like the one in onward. It just had little impact imo

- the songs have GREAT VOCALS, the singers are definitely the best part, catchy instrumentals, even tho I’m starting to agree that these movies rely too much on pop songs and not actually musical worthy songs, and the lyrics are bad, really bad.... corny too. So basically about the songs: great vocals, ok instrumentals, bad lyrics. But I’m sure ill rewatch chang’e’s songs cause i love her. Maybe the songs will grow on me with time who knows

- the humor is very modern and i just dont think it fits these kind of movies... the same happened with Moana. It just doesn’t fit the epic adventure with gods vibe i think? It’s also just bad. The comic reliefs were annoying, there’s really no other word, but even the humor from other characters or scenes didnt work

- there’s some very inventive animation here, i loved how they used 2d art even tho i wanted more of it. I love glen keane and how his art style translated. I feel like we can see a bit of him on his disney work but here it just really looked like his art u know? Really good

- i dont like the “the movie had a good message so its good” kind of thought cause many terrible movies have great messages and many great movies have repetitive messages. I thought the message in this movie was a bit repetitive but what made it different for me was that both characters were grieving the loss of different loves, motherly and romantic, and yet they were feeling the same and had to help each other and move on. I dread the day that comes for me. It was nice for fei fei to feel she wasn’t the only one with that pain even tho she just had to move on if she was.

Ok so i think thats it

I think this review i came out too negative but I’m just really torn. There’s some parts of this movie that I couldn’t get enough of and, unfortunately, other parts that were making me wanna turn it off.... i could have ignored the cliches but the 2 very annoying comic characters were too damn much

But i think the positives outweigh the negatives even so

I think I’ll give it a 6/10 or 6.5

Klaus is still my fave animated Netflix movie

#over the moon #Netflix #movie review #review #over the moon Netflix #glen keane

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excvlsior · 4 years

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👫 lana leo

Send a 👫 and I’ll write four headcanons I have about our muse’s relationship

its not a secret tht leo is like. protective to a fault........ ppl have spat in his face before n he’s been like ‘awwww does baby need his bottle? 😋’ jst absolutely not taking anything srsly but the second tht they look wrong at someone he’s rly close to it’s on sight. before him n lana were even properly close he was fully ready to kill felix in the middle of campus in front of a giant crowd he truly has no chill when it comes to anger n needing to protect the ppl he loves. n i kno in his n lana’s earlier days when they first hooked up properly it was after being flirty at a bar n wht not n i jst imagine tht became like Their Place where they went to drink quite a lot...... n i jst picture near the end of their university life after leo probs dropped/flunked out n he went a bit unhinged someone probs wasnt even bad to lana one night just....... probs merely rolled his eyes just thought she was a chatter box bt leo caught it n went ballistic. knowing him it wasnt the first bar fight he got into there too..... probs his third tht year or something n now his pictures hung up behind the bar top under a giant ‘DO NOT SERVE’ sign..... he’d b pissed at himself fr getting banned from his fav bar n its his fav bc of lana bt knowing her she’d find them a better more fun place n pretend tht tht was where everything Started between them years ago......

even tho he usually sticks to bass n drums leo’s pretty musically inclined in a few areas tbh, he can play guitar and piano too due to Forced Lessons when he was younger n has a wee bit of a Voice on him. i jst imagine he loved to write half-assed goofy songs abt his friends and family n what not....... has probs even performed them from time to time as a joke at open mic nights at school or local cafe’s, n he’s def written A Lot of them abt lana. before they were dating, during, after, all just as bad as the last cuz bless his heart but he’s still a dumbass..... lyrics get as good as ‘thats my lana, wish i was her man-a’ even tho they were fully together at the time. got booed off stage once because he performed like 5 in a row and they all got more and more graphic, one of them went into specific detail abt their sex life n their fav sex position so hes probs banned from the cafe he used to perform those at too LKDHGLHSDLGKHSKLDGHSDG bt it was worth it..........

usually marj is the one thts rly keen on leo’s friends bt i think steve wld actually find lana a hoot............ marj wld still love her ofc bt. lana n steve’s humour is both so similar n they’re jst ridiculous. leo probs had to ask lana to come over a lot fr dinner maybe even more than after they broke up cuz steve wanted to make sure lana knew she was always welcome as if she wasn’t still best friends w leo maybe a mere week after they broke up..... sometimes he’ll show up at home after a shift n steve n lana r jst laughing to themselves in the kitchen n when leo asks abt it steve jst says . u had to b there. like he’s started some exclusive club w lana tht u have to fit the criteria to fit in for. LKSHDGKLHSDLGKHSDLGKSDG i kno thts not so much abt leo bt. it’d make him rly happy...... he’d sometimes dawdle after work jst so steve n lana can hang out a bit longer jst the two of them. steve’s a lot more interior w his emotions n leo’s always worried tht he doesnt hv a good outlet after finn passed so it wld jst b a nice reassurance....... n jst b nice seeing him so happy all the time again

even tho hes definitely not supposed to i think leo wld take so many bouquets to lana after shifts........ he wldnt even think much abt it or the insinuation behind it tbh its like such an obvious romantic move bt he jst thought lana wld like it n he wanted to try new flower combinations and figure out wht her favourite ones were......like i think it’d start fr special events n wht not like bdays or bringing some fr thanksgiving/xmas etc. n then one time he’d jst bring a bouquet randomly bc lana always seemed to love it n he didnt want some to go to waste n he figured she could nurture anything to full health. then it’d become a weekly thing n then suddenly lana’s getting 5 new bouquets a week...... her house wld b like a fkin greenhouse leo wldnt even get the hint tht hes being barbaric w it n bringing over so fkin many n knowing lana she wld never say anything n tell him to stop KLHSDKGLHSKLDHGKLSDD

#strvwberryblcnde #meme #muse | leo fowler.#leo fowler | lana jameson.#i didnt proof read this >_>

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honeyjaez · 5 years

Text

Now that 2018 is coming to a close it’s time to look back at my Top 10 (11) albums of the year

Not that y’all care. But I’m doing it anyways because this was fun! 😂

10.Kim Sungkyu- 10 Stories

This whole album is just gorgeous in every aspect. Sungkyu has one of most beautiful voices in K-POP and this album really showcases that. He did such an amazing job on this

9. EXO-Countdown

EXO’s countdown which yes was their Japanese album is also to this day my favorite EXO album. It’s what got me into EXO and they just pop off in it! I know a lot of their songs on here were originally in Korean, but I don’t give a flying fok. Its all around such a bop!

8. NCT 2018- Empathy

When SM labeled them as NCT 2018, they really meant it. NCT is not my ult group, nor are they in my top 3, but you cant deny that 2018 was their year. So many releases, so many good bops. I loved this album, especially because it was my first NCT album and what got me into them!

7. Seventeen-You Make My Day

It hurts my heart to put Seventeen so low on here (Because they are my ult group) but that doesn't make this album bad at all! It was the summer album we needed and that Seventeen gave to us! Its such a classic Seventeen album with light hearted, loving life songs and it just makes me smile every time I hear it.

6. iKON-Return

Ahhhhh iKON. Honestly, me and iKON have a weird relationship. Its weird in the fact that Im not a hard core fan. Honestly I would barley consider me a soft core stan. But this album.....this album....WOOOW. Just Wow. They did an amazing job on this album that has hard going bops like Sinosijak to sad ballads like Dont Forget and to light hearted bops like Love Sceanrio. Amazing Amazing Job, honestly should win Album of the year in my mind.

5. ATEEZ-Treasure EP.1: All To Zero

(These explanations are slowly getting longer the farther down I get)

Out of all the groups I got into in 2018, ATEEZ is one of my favorites. I say one because 2018 I got into a lot of groups like Pentagon, NCT, and Infinite. But after those 3 its ATEEZ haha. The newest addition to my list of groups! This album blew me away! Like holy shit. I was so impressed by all of it. The song writing, the producing, the rapping, the vocals, the rude ass bitches. ATEEZ after Stray Kids is my new favorite Rookie group and they are going places man. Im so whipped and its this albums fault.

Where is my Stray KidsXATEEZ collab?

4 SF9-Sensuous

Awww Ye. My SF9 babies! Needless to say, I love SF9. And this whole album......Oh man... I wanna frame it. I don’t wanna say I was shocked when listening to it for the first time because that makes it sound like I didn’t expect them to just slay me. I totally understand their talent and how good they are. But.... I.LOVE.EVERY.SINGLE.SONG. Like most albums I always have like 1 or 2 songs that Im like “Oh man....its good....but I like ____ more” Nope, not with this album. Every single song is a certified bop and yall need to stop sleeping on SF9.

3. BTOB- Hour Moment

I LOVE THIS ALBUM SO MUCH. BtoB is also another group I got into this year, and even tho this is their first album as a 6 member group (soon to be 5) it is on repeat for me. Ballads are my weakness, so a ballad group like BtoB makes me wonder why I didnt get into them earlier????

(Also Climax is my favorite song of 2018)

2. Monsta X-The Connect

ALL HAIL MONSTA KINGS.

Like how are some of you still sleeping on them????

But anyways, this album....man oh man. I will say while Jealousy was my least favorite title track song out of theirs the album as a whole is so fucking strong. Monsta X is that type of group that with every album they get so much better, so much stronger, so much.....UGH. This album is just one example of that. Jooheon and I.M’s rapping? Find me another group with that level of rapping talent. Kihyuns vocals? Dude. So unique. If you like hard core bops that make you just wanna bang your head, then this is your album (and your group)

1.Infinite- Top Seed, Stray Kids- I am NOT

Leave it to me to cheat the system. But sorry, nope, cant choose between these 2. 2018 was the year I got into Infinite, and is my top group that I got into this year. I LOVE them. Their vocals...oh man...next to BtoB they have the best vocals in kpop. Just how the mesh together and everything, but anyways the album Sarah the album. .They really show what a veteran group can do and all the songs make me wanna either laugh or cry, or both. The album in itself got to showcase all their individual talents in solo songs and I was NOT disappointed See what I did there? I was NOT? I am NOT? (Okay sarah stop the cringe is real)

Do I even need to explain this last one? For those that don’t know, even tho my tumblr name and icon are Monsta X related and my ULT group is Seventeen, I am 100000% whipped for the 9 member rookie group Stray Kids. I truly believe they are going to be the next big thing, or at least they are going to be their version of the next best big thing. They are trying to step out of the normal world of kpop and push their boundaries. I’ve been following them since their survival show and so when their debut album came out I definitely was not disappointed. Every single song showcases what they are about, their lyrics...so deep ...deeper then what I expect a rookie group of mostly Teenagers to write about....man....3RACHA outdo themselves. This deserves my #1 spot.

Well that was fun! 2018 was such an amazing year for kpop. So many AMAZING albums it was so hard to pick just 11 haha. I can’t wait to see what 2019 has in store for us in the Kpop world.

If anyone would like to do this as well id love to see what yours are!

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personagf-moved · 5 years

Text

alphabet & soft questions ✨

I was tagged by my bb’s @prksjmiin (alphabet ask) and @joonieblossoms (soft ask) and i didn’t want to make two separate posts so im gonna apologize in advance bc i decided to stick both posts together :’) dkdkkdkd yall aint gotta read everything but if u do ily and im sorry i write novels on novels dlfksdkf

i’ll tag @koyasdad, @1ovegf, @joonlit, @sleepyyyoongs, @constellationstars and @capgi 💘

honestly feel free to do either one or both or none if u want dkkdkdkd i just wanted to tag u guys bc ily

Alphabet ask:

a // age: 21

b // birthplace: new jersey!

c // current time: 1:17 am

d // drink you had last: coffee

e // easiest person to talk to: my brother when he isnt being an absolute fool

f // favorite songs:

aint it fun - paramore

trivia love

honey - kehlani

abbey - mitski

moonlight - ariana grande

g // grossest memory: i was in the city one time and a bird shit on my forehead. i think about it at least twice a week

h // horror yes or horror no: H O R R O R Y E S B A B E E E Y Y Y Y Y Y Y im the absolute worst person i’ll dead ass watch a scary movie/video or read horror stories by myself just bc.

i // in love: with my whole ass soulmate namjoon. i luv u string bean man

j // jealous of people: im not even gonna try to lie i am a very jealous person and i am so sorry about it but i really cant help it lmfao. blame my scorpio venus i guess

k // kids of your own someday: when i say i have been thinking about this everyday.........! i wanna have it all i want the kids the white picket fence the dream house everything. i cant wait to be a mommy one day and love n support my bb’s :’)

l // love at first sight or should i walk by again: we a whole ass fool on main and believe in love at first sight!!!! i really do believe soulmates are a true thing and if a love is destined to be across an infinite span of lifetimes and universes then it will always find its way back. when you know, you know, and i genuinely believe that.

m // middle name: padilla

n // number of siblings: 1 older brother, 1 half brother (older), and 1 half sister (older)

o // one wish: to find true love

p // person you last called: my manager bc i had a work question lol

q // question you’re always asked: “why are you like this” (usually friends @ me when i wild out...which is like everyday), “are you mad?”, “how old are you REALLY?”, “how’s your brother?” (bc he ghosts all family n i have to speak on his behalf like always fsdfjksdf)

r // random fact about you: i once used a horrible bootleg copy of the force awakens to make a star wars crack video dubbing the part in shrek when he first meets donkey over the scene when rey first met bb-8 and it went viral and has like 200,000 notes and even had articles written about it. also i had a weird fascination with jar jar binks and danny devito when i was in high school and i had a habit of making either one of them my icon on school accounts so i could make people laugh when they emailed me or saw me in a word document skfkkkfkf

s // song you last sang: “abbey” by mitski :’(

t // time you woke up: exactly 10 this morning and it was weird bc i picked up my phone and it had JUST turned 10 when i looked i was so shook lol

u // underwear colour: she be black

v // vacation destination: paris bc im a basic bitch :’) also japan/all asian countries. i wanna connect with my roots more :/

w // worst habit: yeeting the fuck outta people’s lives when i think they’re getting too close/when i get overwhelmed. im sorry im a flighty bitch @ anyone i’ve ever ghosted :( i love anyone who’s ever tried to talk to me and its never ur fault, i just get the urge to escape sometimes and i’m trying to fix it

x // x-rays: omg @ tori dead ass me too tho, i had x-rays when i broke my arm when i was around 6 :o

y // your favorite food: my mom’s spaghetti! and sushi. also i love any and all filipino food but specifically i like nilaga and kare-kare oooo baby

z // zodiac sign: we’re a proud libra sun

Soft ask:

What’s the smell of your shampoo?

we got them fruity scents up in here we keep that shit smellin like a goddamn strawberry field take a fuckin whiff babes

What’s your aesthetic?

the moon and stars, soft pink and purple sunsets with a burning red on the horizon, sunrises as well, paintings and generally all art revolving around flowers and the celestial, pretty pastel pink and yellow, the sound and smell of rain falling against the window while being curled up in bed uwu

What’s your favorite time of the day and why?

lately it’s been night time. i generally get more creative and feel more at home during the night. i miss being a morning person tho.

What do you most like about the beach?

not a lot fklsjdjfkslkdflksdlkf i usually only go to get a tan and walk the boardwalk with my friends, but if i had it my way i would never step foot in the ocean for the rest of my life sdjdjdjdjsj we dont trust her!!!!!!!!!

What do you worry about constantly?

when i’m gonna figure out what i wanna do with my life lol. i took a year off to think about it but all i ended up doing was working myself to exhaustion and getting comfy in a work only mindset and now i’m only even more confused about what i want to pursue. i’m just glad im going to chicago next week because i feel like a change of setting for even just a week could give me a much needed reset on my mindset going into the next year. i worry about the future but the problem is i worry about the present too lol. oh well, we’ll figure it out!

What is a song you’ve cried to before?

oh boy...

trivia love

moonchild

first love

she used to be mine - waitress soundtrack

20 something - sza

26 - paramore

the letter - kehlani

landslide - fleetwood mac

when you see my friends - mayday parade

and many........many many more...... skskskks music is my main emotional outlet so naturally im gonna cry over anything that reflects my heart

What are some relaxing tips for your followers?

as The World’s Number One Most Stressed Out Human Being™️ i am definitely in no way fit to give advice on how to relax LMFAO

but i guess something that always works for me is putting on music i KNOW will make me sing a long or make me happy to distract me from the nerves i’m feeling. also putting on my favorite comfort movies to make me feel better (they’re big fish, scott pilgrim vs the world, and spirited away btw lol)

What are some things that make you tear up?

the ending of coco, seeing my mom cry, or anyone i love cry tbh, when children are neglected/abused, thinking about the world i’ll have to bring my future children into and how i’m going to be able to teach them to stay strong and bright in the face of it, lyrics that hit too close to home, absolutely anything tbh i cry easy

What is your favorite from each sense?

sight - the view of my cherry blossom tree against a pink sunset in the spring of my childhood home, a person’s eyes and how they light up when they smile, especially when they crinkle as they laugh

smell - the earth after rain, a forest in autumn

taste - my mom’s cooking, good coffee on an early morning

sound - beautiful melodies and harmonies to accompany them, a baby cooing, birds chirping at sunrise

touch - my pillow when its nice and cool, a cat’s tummy, a baby’s cheeks, fingers running through my hair

What is an alternative reality you’d like to live in?

one where im married to namjoon n we have a lot of smart musical prodigy babies who have his dopey smile and i live comfortably in our big ass home in korea where i raise our babies n get that good pipe down every night like i should

jk i wanna live in a reality where magic is real and i can cast spells and live my best life as the true witch that i am

What are some troubles you face on a daily basis?

for starters im ugly as shit so theres one

if we mean practically then i have really bad knees and i recently busted them again so its been really hard getting up and down stairs lately and bending over

but idk theres not really much. emotionally i just tend to get withdrawn and timid in public so it can be hard for me to speak up when i go out

What is one scene from a book that makes you really sad?

unfortunately i haven’t read as many books lately as i did when i was younger...so a lot of my memories are from books that i read like as a kid lol......THAT BEING SAID i think rue and finnick’s death in the hunger games was truly heartbreaking to read, the spine of my copies of both books have cracks on those pages bc i had to read it several times just to really believe it. also i thought it was written so heart wrenchingly well that i had to go back. also in looking for alaska when pudge, a man who loved to know people’s last words, realized that he would never know alaska’s last words. im also really thankful for that book bc it introduced me to wh auden’s poetry and to this day he’s still one of my favorite poets of all time.

Say something to your followers:

thank you thank you thank you thank you THANK YOU for following me and for some reason deciding to stay after how many times i act up on the daily. all jokes aside i really appreciate every single one of you no matter the number and i sincerely hope that you always have love and joy in your heart and that 2019 treats you well. i HONESTLY mean it when i say that i am always here if you guys want to talk or send me things or roast me or talk shit seriously i wanna hear it all and talk about it all i think all of you are so interesting and so beautiful and i’d love to get to know more about you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE YOU GUYS! yeet!

#this is soooo long im so sorry oh my god

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notafraidof · 5 years

Text

my takes on icarus falls

probably not gonna be Super Fresh Hot takes since i’m five feet up his ass, but what’re you gonna do

“let me” - ★★★✩✩ - the melody is a bop and a half, but i can’t stop rolling my eyes at “for the rest of my life” bc………… nobody can promise that lmao. also… is he still with gigi?? who he singin to. the falsetto won me over tho

“natural” - ★★★½✩ - issa tune i can groove to, but the lyrics are a teeeeny bit lackluster (my expectations are sky-high though lmao). like why did he repeat “like the bluest ocean”…… no need for it. and could he not think of other forces of nature than a hurricane?? bruh i can think of six off the top of my head. also the “come together right now” bit makes me wanna say “over me”

“back to life” - ★★★✩✩ - not a whole lot to say about this one? i liked it but it didn’t feel Life Changing y’know? also my gay ass was sad about all the “she”s

“common” - ★★★★✩ - the melody is SO GOOD. my naïve person-lover isn’t a big fan of calling other couples gray and common, but honestly he said i’m fuckin beautiful so

“imprint” - ★★★✩✩ - a Smooth Bop, i love the line “if the planets all faded away” and the CORNY ASS “jumpin’ like mario…don’t lose a life” A CUTE NERD WHO I LOVE!! i just think most of the sentiments have been said a hundred times in other (more iconic) R&B songs. also again with the “girl” shit, i wanna insert myself into the song, zaniel !!!!!

“stand still” - ★★★★✩ - i don’t entirely understand the metaphors… but everything sounds pretty and like if elton john tried R&B and i’m into it

“tonight” - ★★✩✩✩ - i’ve heard this exact shit a million tiiiiiiimes zayn, it’s not original, dude. 1D fuckin did it with lwwy in 2012 my guy. can’t fault him for the vocal run though, he always sounds good (& i do think of him when i feel myself)

“flight of the stars” - ★★★½✩ - melody line is FRESH and i love it. kinda sad it sounds like it’s just about a relationship? bruh a song about a girl who’s literally following stars could be So Much More

“if i got you” - ★★★★½ - SPACE ZAYN #CONFIRMED -- ALSO, ZAYN’S CALLIN ME BABE I LOVE IT

“talk to me” - ★★★✩✩ - not gonna ngl i know this is Yet Another Sex Song but. my heart does the pitter pat imagining it I NEVER CLAIMED THIS WAS UNBIASED

“there you are” - ★★★½✩ - Powerful Vocals and sweet sentiments!! “i’m drunk and i need you” has been driven right into the ground, but he sounds so genuine and i love him

“i don’t mind” - ★★★★✩ - for a sec i thought this was his “i won’t mind” cover lmao oops. THE LQ PIANO IS SO NICE!!!!! more acoustic instruments please zayn!! boy said “it’s lit” which made me SNORT. he has the voice of an angel and i melt at his falsetto so 4/5

“icarus interlude” - ★★★✩✩ - boy’s good at interludes, but like. that corny-ass yves saint laurent flex. and again w “girl” and Everything Has to Be About Love

“good guy” - ★★✩✩✩ - first of all: HARDCORE rolling my eyes. baby you are fooling exactly Nobody w this hardcore bradford bad boy front. u are a giggly nerd and it’s just amusing how much you think you’re not …and also the lyrics just. don’t make sense? extinct creatures don’t work on instinct… they’re dead. wwwwhat is a “slide bleacher”? why would streetlamps try to teach you anything??

“you wish you knew” - ★★½✩✩ - this kinda bops like a rihanna song!! (that’s a good thing) idk i’m just not really vibin with this song right now, maybe it’ll grow on me. i mean… i do wish i knew him lmao

“sour diesel” - ★★★★✩ - A True Jam!!! honestly crushin on the girl he’s singing about. still don’t know what a sour diesel is though

“satisfaction” - ★★★✩✩ - kinda thought this was gonna be a rolling stone cover whoops. boy sounds so sad and lovely!!! although i’m skeptical of him not getting any satisfaction w/o an SO. if you really think that, you gotta have more fun when you masturbate dude

“scripted” - ★★★½✩ - this is so fuckin obscure but he sounds like art garfunkel circa 1980s!! and i love it!! also PIANO AGAIN PLEASE MORE OF THAT. it was neat to hear like… him talking over the phone during the song, that was fun. and zayn, honey, the men in black reference just cements my opinion that you’re a huge nerd.

“entertainer” - ★★★★✩ - I THOUGHT THIS WAS A BILLY JOEL COVER QUIT FUCKING WITH MY HEAD MALIK. amazing vocals like always, and he looks like a whole-ass MEAL in the music video. i’m just sad that someone played him like that, he deserves more than fake love

“all that” - ★★★½✩ - OPTIMUS PRIME?????? HOW CAN YOU EVEN PRETEND THAT YOU’RE EDGY AND DANGEROUS YOU ABSOLUTE DWEEB

“good years” - ★★★★½ - i’m so upset!! does he actually think like this?? honey you’re TWENTY-FIVE you don’t have to worry about that!!! and it also makes me sad bc… are you regretting your time in 1D? you said you’d never do that ;; this song makes my heart hurt in the best way his voice is 👌🏻

“fresh air” - ★★★✩✩ - uh… who is he talking to?? like holy shit dude.

“rainberry” - ★★★★½ - this 👏🏻 is 👏🏻 A 👏🏻 BOP 👏🏻 the falsetto, the word choices, the bumpin bass line, everything is dope as FUCK. only thing is… idk what he’s talking about?? i googled “rainberry” and the only thing that came up was the gatorade flavor??? my guy are you singing about someone drinking gatorade

“insomnia” - ★★★★✩ - this is some quality shit!!! not much else to say honestly, sorry

“no candle no light” - ★★★★★ - MY MOTHER AND MY SON!!!!! they sound SO GOOD TOGETHER and the song fuckin SLAPS. the literal Only Complaint i have is that i wanted nicki to fuckin spit some bars!! her four lines at the end Do Not Count. also, guys, i’d like an mv if you’re up for it

“fingers” - ★★★½✩ - i can definitely groove to this, and “my fingers ain’t workin’ but my heart is” is such a neat phrase to use in a song.

“too much” - ★★★✩✩ - is good! i don’t get the juxtaposition of “i just want love and lust” and “you just can’t love enough” but the falsetto is lovely and timbaland sounds like he’s havin a good time, and that’s all that matters

the album overall is ★★★½✩ !! i love my son and ZM2 is a fuckening bop

#icarus falls #zm #shut up zane #blease read my review

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zesbian · 6 years

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How was she emotionally and sexually manipulative to him? I’m not doubting it or saying you’re a liar, I’m just wondering since I’m a new fan.

its sorta hard to explain cause its a loooooong story. but just using the lyrics alone (theres other sources too but i dont have any on me sry), u can look at the lyrics of Its You (p obvious what that’s about), Pillowtalk (MAYBE!!!), She Dont Love Me (BIIIG ONE), part of Blue, Fool For You, and probably Rear View. he basically tells a story over the album about a girl who only stayed with him cause the sex was good, pretended to love him because of that, and used his love for her against him.

some p telling lines are literally all of Its You (esp “she got Her own reasons For talking to me And she don't, she don't, she don't Give a fuck About what I need”), and in She Dont Love Me, “I think I know she don't love me, That's why I fuck her right” which sorta confirms the fan speculation that she only pretended to love him cause the dick was good (she also confirmed in an interview that she never really loved him, i have 0 idea of the source for this tho im sry). Pillowtalk miiiight just be a sex song about Gigi lol, but it feels like there’s a deeper meaning of the concept again that after they fucked there wasnt much else to talk about even though he wanted to be close to the person. and the whole concept of Blue (partially, again) and Fool For You, being that he sort of was getting the validation from his relationship but the girl was not rly reciprocating those feelings (Blue specifically “She knows I need her loving She knows I need her touching She plays with my heart and emotion I give her my love and devotion She gave me her thought and a notion”). in Rear View, i’ve heard multiple theories on this one. i personally think he’s sort of like talking to himself about all the shit he’s been through, so idk if all of it is about P*rrie, but some of it i rly believe is, for example “As long as you look me in the eyes I'll go wherever you are I'll follow behind”, which i mean........ does that not sound like someone who was manipulated to you? the whole song just sorta sounds like someone mourning them losing trust in people over failed relationships. (of course many argue that it’s about 1d and about his struggle with his mental health, which i also think it might be about, but hey its all up to interpretation).

zayn’s also a pretty emotional guy, and seems to love hard, and P*rrie is known for being pretty immature. there’s a couple of (GOSSIP) articles out there that a lot of her exs have run for the hills after dating her. there’s even one out there that said one of her past exs said that he “should have listened to zayn about her” (or something to that effect).

now, about P*rrie’s immaturity lmao, in several of LM’s songs, there’s a lot of......really disgusting and alarming lyrics about him. i go back to the entirety of the humiliation of zayn press tour they did, and the songs they dropped (You Gotta Not, Shout Out To My Ex, and a few others) that just sorta oozed “hey im a toxic bitter ex!” to me (esp the fat-shaming line in YGN, riiiiight after zayn opened up about his disordered eating/self harm thing, and he would have been in the worst of it while they were engaged too. fishy huh? just sayin).

oh also lol zayn’s family seems to rly have a big dislike for her, and they’re all sweethearts so *raises eyebrow*. P*rrie has also dramatically and drastically changed the story of their breakup multiple times, and the few times zayn has commented on it his story has stayed the same.

of course, all of this is just using lyrics, but i know there’s a lot more information and (albeit loose) proof out there. i’m just saying, where there’s smoke, there’s fire. and i’m aware that its a bit of a serious accusation, but like..........idk. we know for a fact that it was a toxic relationship, and hey maybe zayn was a shitty boyfriend, who knows! but it certainly seems like P*rrie was the one at fault here, even if she was obviously upset about the breakup as well (for example, crying during a show, and writing an entire album about him just to be a petty bitch).

yeah this is just my opinion on the matter, but i used to be an LM stan back in the day, and her behavior towards him after the breakup made me drop them as a band all together.

(if anyone has those sources i’d love it if u added them, i dont wanna seem like i’m just pulling info out of my ass here lol)

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felicityb-reviews · 6 years

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Review Roundup - Week 2 January 2018

Hello loves!! My name is Jace (aka Felicity B), and this is your Review Roundup for the second week of January 2018!! I can't really tell if I liked this week in music better than I did last week. There's a better variety songs, at least.

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Beware (Stray Kids)

I really wanna like these kids, because it's obvious af that JYP does not.

But.

Nothing they've released has really been up my alley. Beware (I realize that the actual name of the song is GRRR Total Law of Madness, but sis...) sounds like a better produced version of Wolf, and you'd think that was a good thing because Wolf was a poorly produced mess. But this song takes itself so fucking seriously. It's not terrible, but it's not something I really want to listen to again.

I don't get JYP's angle with this group. First, there was the survival show that wasn't really a survival show (which I'm glad, because I fucking hate actual survival shows). And before that was Hellevator, another overly serious song that makes me roll my eyes. And now this. I really don't wanna be a dick because this is their second release and they're teenagers, but I'm not a fan of being growled at by a bunch of high schoolers and then having my ears assaulted by nasal singing (because, of course, their vocalists sound like they're trained by the same people who trained JB). It's not a fun experience.

Do betta, JYP.

Rating - 1/5

Going Going (Jang Wooyoung)

Oh look, it's another JYP act with a bad song!!

Okay, the song isn't that bad, but there's not enough positives for me to overlook the negatives. Of which there are many.

Firstly, this an uptempo that drags; I literally could not wait for the new section to begin, because I was ready for the last one to end. And this is New Jack Swing, baby. My black ass fucking loves New Jack Swing (yes, even The Boys). But I could give you an entire playlist of K-Pop songs in the style of NJS that are W A Y better than this.

Secondly, Wooyoung doesn't sound particularly good singing on top of it. The rap bits were the best parts of the song, for me. Which is about 90% not his fault, because whoever was on vocal production duties was slacking. His voice sounds like dude dropped them on the beat, adjusted the levels a lil bit, added some reverb to sound like he actually did his job, and went tf home.

Tragique.

Thirdly, the arrangement of this song is weird af. What do I mean by that?!?! There are two choruses. Yes honey, you read that correctly - two choruses. The song starts out with a section you'd assume is the chorus, but when you get to the second chorus, it's something completely different. In fact, you don't hear this first "chorus" till the end of the song again (which, in hindsight, I'm glad you only hear it twice, because the lyrics make me roll my eyes so hard and the vocal melody has the weirdest rhythm pattern). I guess that's not too weird when I write it out, but it majorly throws you off when you hear it play out in the song. For me, anyway. Which is surprising, because Red Light and I Got A Boy are All Time Faves™ of mine (with Oh! being a runner up). But I guess I just don't like it here.

#PickyBitch

And since we're on the subject of the arrangement... WHY ARE THESE TRANSITIONS SO FUCKING LONG?!?!?!!?! SIS, THE TRANSITIONS BETWEEN SECTIONS DON'T NEED TO BE 10 FUCKING SECONDS LONG!!! THAT IS UNACCEPTABLE!!

Once again - Do betta, JYP.

Rating - 2/5

Don't Leaves (Block B)

And here come the ballads!! We're not mad at it, tho.

We all knew what kind of ballad Don't Leave Me was gonna be. More of a midtempo than an actual ballad, Don't Leave Me sounds a bit like a B1A4 or Seventeen song, but with Block B's track record as of late, we're not gonna dock points for that. Don't Leave Me starts out with a filtered percussion section that they unfilter for about 2.75 seconds before getting into the verse, almost as if they're reassuring us that they haven't gonna completely left of center with this ballad. Which is nice, because it creates a nice transition (not the word I'm working for, but you get what I mean) into the verse. And from there, they layer in more elements to create a nice backdrop for Block B's vocalists to actually show us what they can do.

Because God knows Shall We Dance was literally Zico and the boys. It was fucking ridiculous.

From the teasers, I thought I was gonna hate this (or be extremely apathetic to it ) but I should've known better. These B1A4 style/YG template ballads always get me, sooner or later (*WINN4R cackling as Fool plays in the background*). This isn't something I'm gonna put into Heavy Rotation (because God only knows my hyperempathetic ass doesn't need another reason to randomly be thrust into a depressive episode), but I wouldn't relegate this to Shuffle Bait.

Especially with Zico and P.O sounding as good as they do here. Granted, Zico sings half his verse and P.O doesn't rap at all, but you gotta take those small victories where you can find them. And they have really nice singing voices, too.

Rating - 4/5

The girl from back then (LONG:D)

This, however, is a ballad that's going right into Shuffle Bait. If I even download it, at all.

Where is the LONG:D that gave me All Night, sis?!?!?! The intro literally sounds like the Sad Piano Music™ that Youtubers download en masse from those royalty free music sites. Like, I was literally tempted to skip this release all together, but I rather like the way LONG:D's vocalist sounds (if Baekhyun was a properly trained and a baritone who actually needed all that chestiness in his mix, with a dash of Kang Seung Yoon's rasp).

The girl from back then sounds like a more generic version of Seventeen's Campfire. It's not what I'd consider a classical ballad (has too much going on), but it's just as boring as one. On repeat listens, the Gospel influences (however faint they are) did grow on me, but I can't even see myself wanting to listen to this when I'm in the mood for downtempo ballads. LONG:D's voice puts this into Shuffle Bait, but just barely.

It's too anybody of a ballad, sis.

Rating - 2.5/5

Tell Me (INFINITE)

Dongwoo's demonic ass starting this song with a whispered "Anywhere, Anytime" should have prepared me for how catchy this fucking song was gonna be.

Tell Me, like Wooyoung's Going Going, starts off with the chorus. But instead of giving us two different choruses when no one needed that in their life, it makes a very typical pop song sound a lot more interesting than it actually is.

Now... What Tell Me's composers/producers did isn't original by any stretch of the imagination. I know it seems a little counterproductive to mention this before I explain what they did (and why it's so cool), but I just know someone is going to try me on this.

So.

Tell Me (after Dongwoo terrorizes us with the raspiness in his voice) starts with the chorus, but a very stripped back and simplistic version of it. If you're not paying attention (which I might not have been the first time I listened), you could easily mistake it for the verse. That surprised me, because composers/producers don't usually start out their songs with the chorus being sung, if they have the chorus first; they usually play the chorus melody using some kind of instrument that sounds important (like Orange Caremel's Magic Girl, for example). Tthey'll also usually have it going at full intensity, so when it switches to the verse it's very obvious that what you just experienced was the chorus (since that's usually the most important aspect of the song in pop music).

So yeah, nothing too left field, just an interesting twist on an oft used formula.

Outside of that, this song is a very typical INFINITE title track. Very intensity, much dramas. Which I don't hate, because they're one of three groups in K-Pop who can do a song like this, and not bore me to death.

Rating - 4.5/5

Secret Garden (Oh My Girl)

Secret Garden is Orchestral Pop. It's not just typical, it's cliche af. Even IU, circa 2010, wouldn't have touched this with a 10ft pole.

But God save us all, I really like this song. And it's not even that I'm OMG trash (their anti-South Asian foolery during Windy Day era, combined with my general disinterest with anything they've done since then, stopped that right in it's track), but that chorus melody, sis. It's just so G O O D!! That, combined with the sweet, almost milk chocolatey texture of the instrumentation makes me feel like I'm floating. And you know what, 2018 is all about me livin my best Gife™ (Gay Life), but it's also about me being self-indulgant and liking what I like, no guilt attached.

I will say that I wish that this song had more live instrumentation in it. Those strings are definitely synth generated, and it's kind of distractingly obvious. The percussion is also too heavy for this type of song. It feels like I'm listening to a demo that OMG's company decided to send to a mastering house and release, cause they couldn't be fucked to work on the song anymore. It doesn't ruin it for me, but I can't help but notice these things.

Rating - 3/5

Glow (Choi Jaemin featuring EZ KIM)

Glow is a Sad™ song for Sad Days™. This is a song that throws down a blanket of it's angst and just revels in it. And while that isn't something I'm trying to listen to On The Daily™, I can save this for for those really bad days I just need to cry out those ugly emotions.

Contrary to what I said about Secret Garden, Glow is a song I felt like could have been beefed up by some electronic elements. The bass could have been thickened up in post, because it feels too limp for a song like this. Hell, they could added a low af ass sine bass to sumplement the bassist, and I wouldn't have minded. Overall, the production of this song is very loose. And I get that super tight production in an emotive song like this would have bleached out all the emotion, but more could have been done to tighten up how the elements don't really blend together. Especially the vocalists. They don't really fit together like they should, and I guess that kind of enhances the experience since this song feels like one long ass disonant chord, but still.

Teenage me would have played this song to death. Which makes me glad that I'm not that person anymore.

Rating - 3/5

Lonely (Jo Kwon)

See... I wanted to be petty, and just post his dance videos with Lia Kim, but we're trying to be a better person in 2018.

This is a really nice ballad. Not something I'd put on Heavy Rotation (i feel like a fucking broken record), but if he H A D to do a classical ballad, it wasn't as bad as it could have been. I'd have preferred a ballad like his duet with Gain, Q&A, but it was nice of Mr Kwon to remind us plebians that while he is a Dancing Diva™, he did get his start as a ballad singer.

I'm gonna need him to throw it back to his Animal days for the next release, tho. This was nice and all, but I need to see him featuring in Hyuna's next comeback with those shiny red boots and a trope of male dancers.

Also in red heels.

Rating - 3/5

Candy Pop! (TWICE)

Firstly, can I just say that TWICE's Japanese team are R E AL L Y giving these girls the push to be huge, because this video is ridiculously high budget. That is the best animation I've seen in a J-Pop music video. And I used to be a huge J-Pop stan before I got into K-Pop.

Secondly, whoever put that pink monstrosity on my girl, Sana, needs to be fired. I just can't, sis.

Do betta, JYP.

Lots of people are not a fan of Candy Pop, and I can't lie - that's partially why I like it so much. I will admit that I'm a sucker for cutesy pop tracks like these, but I'm also a petty bitch who's no stranger to loudly stanning TWICE because people want to talk shit out the side of their mouths about their supposed lack of talent.

News flash Marleigh/Zeno - the concept of talent in K-Pop literally doesn't fucking matter, because your level of talent does not dictate the kind of music you produce. Groups like SPICA and Mamawhomst Mamamoo have songs that vary wildly in quality, because some of the people they've worked with get lazy af when they work with vocal groups.

Anyway, Candy Pop will do just fine in Japan, because TWICE already have a sizable following there and it fits within the sonic landscape. It also has some pretty cool musical twists, like a halftime break for a post-chorus refrain. I definitely like One More Time better (Candy Pop can get aurally tiring pretty quickly because of that chorus, which is why that post-chorus breakdown is appreciated), but Candy Pop is pretty great, too.

Rating - 4/5

Spotlight (MONSTA X)

Monsta X may have revisited their debut sound, but I don't want to stab them all for it. It's a Christmas miracle!!

Spotlight is Monsta X doin' what Monsta X does best - intense trapstep uptempos with choreography to match. The difference between something like this and Trespass (*shudder*) is that they're taking themselves W A Y less seriously. They look like they're having fun ruining our lives with how hot they are, and even though Spotlight isn't something I'd describe as ~fun~, that still translates to the music.

Spotlight was quite the surprise for me when Universal Japan dropped the video on us. Mostly because it was a Japanese release with a full MV on Youtube (don't look at me like that, Japanese companies are allergic to digital releases actually making sense), but also because I had no idea MX was in Japan.

Spotlight is a banger. It brings me joy to see MX showing their sons how to make music like this and not be absolutely boring or pretentious af. This song is definitely going on Heavy Rotation.

Rating - 4.5/5

Stagger (Cheetah)

This song makes me extremely uncomfortable.

And I get that that was the point, with the video featuring Cheetah in various states of intoxication, but... God, I just feel so fucking unsettled anytime I listen to this song. It feels Wrong™. I get the concept (it's actually pretty cool), but you can't just be outchea makin' songs that no one wants to listen to more than once. That makes no sense, sis.

How does one even describe this song?!?!?! First, there's that horn (I think) sample that has been manipulated to all fuck. There's no way in hell they just copy n pasted that from somewhere with it sounding like that. That's like the base of the song. And then you've got that stilted drum machine patterns, combined with parts of the song playing in reverse. Cheetah almost doesn't fit in this song with how sharp her rapping is, but it works (I guess), because it adds to the disonant atmosphere of the track.

I'm here for artistry and experimentation in popular music circles, but can we make songs that people can actually, you know... LISTEN TO?!?!?!?!?!?

I will say that I'm here for the preview she showed at the end of the video, tho. Ma'am outchea givin us High Fashion Butch™ with a tropical beat, and my wig was instantly in tatters.

Rating - 1/5

20th Century (V.E.I.L)

Idk who V.E.I.L is, but I love this song.

The quickest way to get me into your band is to give me New Wave. Or NuDisco. Or Deep House. Or Lo Fi Electronica (like 20th Century). To be honest, you could give me any number of throwbacks to the '80s or '90s, and I'd fucking love you.

But that's neither here nor there.

20th Century is a fun af song, and I wonder when this became such an oddity in K-Pop. Companies these days (as well as stans) are obsessed with perfection in their groups, at the cost of personality. And granted, it's always kind of been this way, but it's at an all time high these days. Every group performs like a well oiled machine. Which is great. But they look like robots. And with the music these agencies give their groups, it's not a pleasant experience. Very rarely is a terrible one, but at least when it's bad, it registers a reaction.

Anyway, 20th Century sounds like something I'd expect from the Polysics (now that's a throwback to my weeb days, if I've ever seen one), but more on the electronic side. It's got that same Lo Fi/'90s feel to it, but it's dressed up in '80s synthpop. Which is never a bad thing. A part of me almost wonders what this song would be like if an idol group promoted it, but she quickly hushes up when my logical side reminds her an idol group would never promote anything with production this Lo Fi.

I mean, there's TAHITI's Tonight, but sis... Let's not kick 9muses 2.0 while they're down.

Rating - 4/5

Butterfly (Weki Meki)

Fascinating how Weki Meki had to have their comeback delayed because of trouble with a shareholder, but they were able to push out this song for the Winter Olympics.

But I'm sleep, tho.

Weki Meki's Butterfly is a cover of the 2009 OST for the film Take Off, originally by Loveholics. Weki Meki's cover was released in honour of the 2018 Winter Olympic Games.

Um... I like Weki Meki's cover more than the original.

Weki Meki's cover is in the style of synthpop, and that fits the chord progressions and song structure a lot more than the pop/rock arrangement of the original. It also brings out the nostalgic vibes of the song, because these types of chord progressions were used very heavily in the '80s/'90s. After listening to Weki Meki's cover, the original just sounds flat and poorly produced. Which I mean, K-Pop didn't really have good production till about 2013/2014.

So.

The video linked above doesn't feature the full song, so here's a lyrics video that does.

Rating - 4/5

Electric Kiss (EXO)

Yes, I do realize this song has been floating around the EXOnet since around November, but I haven't seen an official release featuring the full song till this dance practice. And I've been wanting to cover this forever.

You guys, tell me why I thought EXO was really about to throw some 5th Harmony/BO$$ type shit down with that intro?!!?! I really thought I was about to get EXO outchea, flexin' on these heauxs, but maybe we aren't ready for alladat. Lordt knows the way EXO L reacted to Lotto shows it.

But that's neither here nor there, sis. What matters is how amazing Electric Kiss is. She starts out strong with heavy brass stabs and an even heavier drum beat, and only builds from there. Miss Kiss is not playin' games with us, ladies. She might not have been the BO$$ style flex that I thought she was gonna be, but that doesn't mean she's a slouch, neither.

When teasers for a Japanese EXO album turned up on SM's YT channel (which makes no fucking sense, but okay, girl), I was iffy. With singles out like Love Me Right ~romantic universe~ (as if adding a subtitle would make that song any better) and Coming Home, I was not hopeful. But Electric Kiss bangs harder than anything EXO has released since Call Me Baby. I never would have expected a Japanese EXO campaign to net me music this good with how bad their Japanese singles have are, but I really should've known better. EXO has always thrown down when it comes to the music, and Electric Kiss is a certified B A N G E R!!

I was tempted to put this in the Fabulous Five, but the songs there deserve to be, so...

Rating - 4.5/5

Refresh (TSUN featuring YUMADA)

So I see y'all just gon' hit me with the a sexier version of Blah!??!?!?! We really doin' that, sis?!?!?!

Alright, sis... Don't be mad when you see these rough ass body rolls.

Refresh, like I mentioned above, is a sexier version of Planetarium's Blah. It's the same kind Tropic/RnB hybrid arrangement, but the instrumentation is more Tropical than RnB. Miss TSUN's singing definitely gives Refresh an RnB vibe, tho. The production here is a little loose, but it's not too glaring obvious.

Rating - 3.5/5

The Fabulous Five

5. Timeless (Jaehyun, Doyoung, and Taeil of NCT U)

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Firstly, I need someone to tell me what song this sounds like, because it's been bothering me since release. These chords sound vaguely familar to me, I just can't tell what song Timeless shares them with.

Moving on.

When SM annouced that the NCT U Trio were making a comeback with a ballad for SM Station, I was not pleased. Station ballads are notorious for being lackluster af, and I was annoyed that SM really wanted this to be the song that followed Lower.

This is me eating my words.

I'm a little blown away at how amazing this turned out. NCT is a "group" (if you can even call them that) that has always come as more machine than man, so a ballad release (especially a Station ballad release) is the opposite of what I wanted from them. But they sound so raw and vulnerable here, it's a little heartbreaking.

Doyoung, Taeil, and Jaehyun are all very nice vocalists, but it is clear that Taeil is the main vocal of this unit, sis. Like... A bitch really started tearing up during his parts!! Doyoung and Jaehyun have the technical skill, but Taeil was really outchea singin' for his life!! And his belts are so nice?!?!? Fuck... He's really giving Taeyong a run for his money as my NCT bias, and I don't need this.

I can see why they wanted to do a live video here - K-Pop producers have a tendency to overdo the vocal production when doing studio recordings. And while that results in perfect vocals, it comes at the cost of any emotion or integrity in the vocal performance. And for an artform like K-Pop where the ability to emote isn't high up on the list of requirements for idols, that's a big fucking deal. Especially when ballads are usually used as more of a way to show off vocal ability than what they're supposed to. Which is kind of ironic, considering most main/lead vocalists have shit technique, and are usually picked for their ability to belt really powerfully (read - holler real loud).

I definitely would not have liked this if it was studio recorded. Yes, they're recording this *in* a studio (them vocals is too clean, sis), but... Y'all know what the fuck I mean!!

Rating - 5/5

4. Full Moon (Dreamcatcher)

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Dreamcatcher said in a recent interview that they do enjoy their sound, and most of the members (literally everyone except one; and even then, she just wanted to branch out a lil) would like if they could go darker. So I guess this is their agency honoring that.

Full Moon is a very typical Dreamcatcher song (which makes sense, since this is their anniversary release) with symphonic elements mixed within a heavy rock backdrop, which gives off the vibe of heavier J-rock and VISUAL KEI songs. And you wouldn't think that would make for a very pop friendly song, but their composers/producers use very pop-friendly chord progressions and song arrangements. Add in the members of Dreamcatcher (who have voices that are very suited to pop music), and you have a formula that shouldn't work. But it does.

It works, oh so well.

The video linked above doesn't feature the full song (I'm guessing they're gonna release the full video with their March comeback, because the song is already out in full), so here's their performance at their fan meeting that does.

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Rating - 5/5

3. I'm all ears (Kim Taeyeon)

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I'm all ears is a song from Taeyeon's Christmas album (which I might have downloaded, but never listened to). I'm guessing the video release is a gift to the fans type dealio, because she's not promoting it.

I find it interesting that I'm all ears was included on a Christmas themed album, because it feels springy. In fact, this song almost feels like Taeyeon heard Jessica's Because It's Spring, and decided that she wanted to make her own version. Which I'm cool with, because I like I'm all ears better. I like when Taeyeon gives us light and airy. Beltyeon is annoying, because her belts sound pinched and nasal. And Taeyeon relies on them far too much to cover up the fact that she can't emote very well with her voice.

But this is good.

I'm definitely putting this song on Heavy Rotation. I know, #Shocking. But if anyone peeped how I was fawned over Twenty Something from last week's list, it really shouldn't be that surprising.

Rating - 5/5

2. Love You (Eom Ji Hee)

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Now this is a real throwback to my youth days (don't ask, I'm not about to become That Kind™ of blog).

There's something so... Nice™ about hearing something this raw and unmastered, especially since we're so used to hearing such high production values in K-Pop. And I know I've clocked other songs on these lists for having loose production, but the difference is that this is SUPPOSED to be low production; this is literally a girl singing with her backing band with a camera on. I could point out all the things "wrong" here, but they don't really take away from the performance. The songs I've clocked for being low production, however, were studio recorded affairs that missed the mark. And granted, not everyone can afford to send their shit to a professional mastering house, but it's not hard to get harmonies to sit nicely in the mix.

Anyway, this is another song that sounds real familiar (I'm pretty sure this is a cover, because even the vocal melody sounded familar, and that's a big fuckin no no), but it sounded real nice. This is musics I'm trynna listen to on good days when I can't sleep. The video is even perfect for it, with it's starry projection on the band!!

Rating - 5/5

1. Diamond Girl (MxM BRANDNEWBOYS)

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Remember how I said you could give me any kind of throwback to the '80s and/or '90s, and I'd be happy?!?!?!

Diamond Girl is exactly what I'm talking about.

Diamond Girl is a funky n (most importantly) fun throwback to the '90s (with a little bit of '80s synth work thrown on top for good measure). The bass work is a highlight for me, and that damn "my diamond girl" hook won't leave me the fuck alone. That, and the "treat you like a gentlemen, like a gentlemen" (which is literally the same rhythmic pattern and interval as Chuu's "you attack my heart, you attack my heart" in Heart Attack) refrain are certified ear worms. Even the biggest pop haters couldn't resist those lines getting stuck in their head.

Like... I really don't know how to describe what I like about this song. Sure, I picked some stuff out, but that's just the tip of the iceburg. This song is balls to the walls A M A Z I N G!!!

2018 is the year of groups with lackluster debuts making amazing comebacks, I guess.

Rating - 5/5

Alright, babies, that's it for this week!! Don't forget to tune in on Friday for the next installment in my Jonghyun tribute with the first SHINee Feature Spotlight at 6pm EST, and next week at 6pm EST for this week's Review Roundup. Love you, guys!!

#Dreamcatcher #NCT U #Taeyeon #MxM #Eom Ji Hee #Doyoung #Taeil #Jaehyun #SNSD #Felicity B #Review Roundup #Review

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dachi-chan25 · 7 years

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IT (1986)

What is it about? The Losers Club, a group of 7 kids that in different ways are outsiders among the other children in the little town of Derry must come back 27 years after defeating their worst fears embodied in a evil alien entity that has preyed on this small Maine town and its recidents since the dawn of time. Thoughts: - I have read this book a gazillion times and it’s my favorite Stephen King book of all time (though that may change once I finish this challenge, but only time will tell) everytime I read through its pages is like reuniting with an old dear friend, because most of the characters (read: the Losers Club) are just that for me, I read this book for the first time when I was 15 after growing up with the 90’s miniseries, and I loved it, that feeling hasn’t changed with the years and well I want to elaborate a bit on what I love about this book. - Derry’s history: One of the reasons this book is so damn big is that it delves on the history of this little town called Derry, of course this is to help the reader understand just for how long and how big is IT’s influence on the town, but I just found it so fascinating, I’ve always loved history, and this book just reaaaally fullfiled my needs in that aspect, the town’s history is full of gruesome events but it’s very intresting and through all the same. -Loser’s Club: I love this kids, we are introduced to them little by little through different POV’s and god, I just really like the diversity and complexity in them: a kid with a stutter, an asthmatic that is really a kid heavily manipulated by his overprotective mother, an overweight, a jewish with OCD, a girl victim of physical/emotional parental abuse, the class clown that most likely has ADHD, the only black boy in town… And what I love the most is that they are NOT defined by that, sure,that is how the world sees them but they are so much more than that and together they find their true identities: Stuttering Bill be comes the Leader, Asthmatic Eddie becomes the Compass, Fat Ben becomes the Constructor, Jewish Stan becomes the Logic, Poor Beverly becomes the Shooter, Trashmouth Richie becomes the Weapon (his voces physically hurt IT), Black Mike becomes the Historian. As well as the belonging and friendship they had never had before, their relationship is strong and beautiful, as a reader you will most often find some of yourself in them and even if you don’t you love them all the same for their flaws and virtues. -IT: I read somewhere that a story is only as great as its villian and in IT’s case that I think is only fitting, thus my love for is evil entity, because IT is really a big represantation of violence not necessarily(The Bradley Gang Shooting was afterall motivated by the Derry townsfolk rightgeousness) but mostly evil, IT transforms into awfull gruesome monsters yet his most terrifying act is the influence it helds on the people inhabiting Derry, on taking the violent nature of some people (Derry’s White Decency League, Eddie Corcoran stepfather’s, Alvin Marsh, Butch and Henry Bowers…) and exploit it for its own gain, IT is scary for it’s power, for the fact that one can really comprehend it’s magitude, and when we finally get to get inside it’s head we find something more akin to a beast, hungry and vengeful, he had turned lazy because he already had in Derry a comfortable feeding place and now wants to kill the Loser’s Club because for the first time in its long existance IT feels fear! and how wonderful is that? a group of scared isolated kids find strenght in each other to rid their Town and follow kids of this entity, even if they are afraid themselves, and they succeed in frightening a creature that literally feeds of fear. -The portrayal of the timelines and gruesome subjects: The 1950 are not usted only for aesthetics or praised as the “good old times” King shows a very gritty reality showcasing the racism (very prominent in Mike’s storyline), sexism, homophobia, domestic violence, anti-semitism,and it goes further yet showing that 27 years later these things haven’t changed and IT uses them for it’s benefit. The book doesn’t shy away from any of these things and often it is very hard to read through them but as well I think is important to read them to gain concience,they are not presented as good or romantiziced in any from or way, nor should they ever be (dude the anti-semitism in Patricia Uris’s POV is something that will open your eyes in many ways if you are not jewish, and the Black Spot story will horrify you but also help you understand it was not only the South of USA and the KKK that spread hate and horror for PoC people) this things are meant to horrify you thus I feel it would be a disservice not to read them (though I can understand if anyone simply can’t). -The bittersweet ending: Really heart breaking that after reuniting with the people they could really be themselves with the Loser’s Club are meant to not remember each other ( SPOILERS AHEAD DO NOT READ IF YOU DON’T WANNA SPOIL PART OF THE ENDING OF THE BOOK: as a side note and I do not mean this as hate to the ship or anything but a real doubt I have can anyone explain to me why is everyone saying/asuming Ben and Beverly did end up together?, I mean going by the 90’s miniseries sure, but in the book Mike only says she is going to Nebraska with Ben and then back to Chicago with Kay and that he thinks they are/will be having sex, but also later we find that even if they are in the same Town Mike and Bill have begun to forget each other and it’s heavily implied the same will happen with them all? and that is a very Stephen King thing to do I mean most of the book couples I’ve read from him have similar bittersweet endings so… Pls someone explain) I just always about cry about the End and you know the THING that happens with two of the losers. But also I am a ho for this kind of bittersweet stuff so of course I love it. -Richie and Beverly’s friendship: Listen I LIVE for them, of course I just about adore every Loser’s friendship (Bill/Eddie, Richie/Stan, Richie/Eddie, Richie/Bill, Mike/Ben, Stan/Bev duuuude everyone is amazing) but this two just about make me crazy about them, tbh I kinda lowkey ship them in a platonic kinda way, and I was endlessly frustrated by the lack of scenes between them in the 90’s miniseries after I read the book cuz booooy, the yo-yo scene is so goddamned amazing, Richie being the first POV in which Bev is mentioned and he reminds her through the lyric of a song, his Humphrey Bogart voice he does when speaking with her, how much he respects her, also Miss Sca'lett!!!, not to mention that sweet ass scene they have in the book “22/11/63” where Bev is teaching Richie how to swing for a school talent show, ahhhh Imma stop right there cuz I am fangirling waaaay to much and probably y'all think I am wierd for liking such an unpopular thing. -There is just one thing I always felt was completely unecessary to add and was gross to read (you already know what I am talking about and if not I’m not gonna spoil you/gross you out), I have read of course why SK did it but I still think he should have looked for another way to make the Losers enter adulthood : / Movie/TV Adaptations: There are 2: The ABC’s 1990 miniseries “IT” and the 2017 movie by Andy Muschietti “IT (chapter 1)” of course it has been already confirmed there is going to be another movie for the Second part but I will not to go too much into it now. 1990: The opinions on this one are very polarized, some love it with a passion, some hate it… I actually love it, and by that I do not mean is a perfect adaptation, but it was such an integral part of my childhood and family life that it would be impossible for me to hate it, and I feel most people are terribly unfair with it, because it is not a Bad adaptation like let’s say Kubrick’s Shining (yaa I’m going there) it had a lot of limitations in budget and technology and still managed to capture some of the best parts of the book (the Loser’s friendship mainly, it was beautiful) of course it wasn’t gorey or violent but in it’s time it was scary as hell, which beings me to Tim Curry’s performance as Pennywise that became so iconic people automatically recognize the clown’s design, for fuck’s sake Pennywise became one of the most iconic monsters of that time and terrorized an entire generation of kids and adults alike, of course it has it’s faults (the adult’s part wasn’t great, tho the scene with Bev in Mrs. Kersh house was great, and the ending was bound to be confusing af to people that didn’t read the book) but overall it was a good atempt and it already has a place in pop culture and the hearts of many horror fans. 2017: Oh boy I was really looking forward to this one since they anounced it was going to be a thing (ahhh remember the time Will Poulter and Cary Fukunaga were our only hope?) and just had the chance to see it today, because a lot of awful things happened in my country (I am mexican btw) and yeah, so I left the theater with a very pleasant sensation IT 2017 is a great movie and I LOVED it, the acting was GREAT everyone did amazing, Georgie’s death scene was simply amazing and so sad, the projector scene was wow, lots of winks to book readers like the turtle and Eddie Corcoran’s missing pamphlet, Bev’s bathroom scene, the rock fight!!!,Eddie changing Loser to Lover is iconic, some of Richie’s one-liners were amazing, Pennywise dance pfffftt, Ben was adorable with his crush and love of New Kids on the Block, the Losers,“they’re Gazebos they’re bullshit!” iconic, mainly I feel it captured the general feeling of the book however that does not mean I didn’t had some issues with it as well, first thing that bothered me a LOT is the treatment to Mike Hanlon, excuse the fuck out of me but no, they took his thing (history of Derry) and gave it to Ben (also Ben not constructing things like ??? Could have been a perfect chance to have him build lego stuff but k) where is my beautiful spring loving child?? I just couldn’t find any single trait on his character apart from the wierd sheep thing and his parents, which takes me to another issue why is every adult on Derry so shitty? Like yeah there was a lot of shady awful stuff in the book but there were also ok people namely Mrs. Starret (the librarian, that is so unnecesarily creppy? Wierd? In the movie), Richie’s parents (his dad is hillarious), Mike’s parents they are the best tbh, Mr Keene (ok this one is a sarcastic asshole but he did try to help Eddie instead of letting him keep on believing he was sick to keep selling stuff, and also was never a wierd pervert), Mr. Nell (dude I would have killed to hear Richie doing the Irish Cop voice), the Tracker Brothers (boy Eddie looking longingly at the baseball diamond would have been 10/10, my boy loved sports)… thing is the Losers did love Derry and some parts of their childhood in it and that’s were the nostalgia hits on part two, Stan well I loved they delved more onto his jewishness (a thing not much touched in the book because Stan’s family is not very strictly religious) but was very side lined as well ( in my opinion that part about Richie being scared shitless and Bill punches him would have fit Stan better, also almost all of the Losers got closure (Bev rebelled against her father, Ben kissed Beverly and she got to find out he was the one who wrote the haiku, Bill got to talk with Georgie kind of?, Mike stepped up against Henry, Eddie confronted his mother,Richie let go of his fear to kill the fucking clown…) yet Stan doesn’t I just think it would have been nice to have him iniciate the pact as he did on the book and also his bird book????, the slut shaming and over sexualization of Beverly (I won’t even go into how much it broke my heart to see/hear Richie saying all that stuff about her like no, he respected her a lot thx) just why change the white trash problem to a slut shaming thing???(also while his dad did not beat her in this movie he was so much more GROSS than in the 90’s) I am however not bothered by the ‘Kiss of Life’ trope nor do I think she was reduced to a damsel in distress if anything she was the bravest of them all, also some things not really bothered me but made me wonder what will happen in Chapter 2 namely wft is gonna happen with Henry is he alive?? Same for Bev’s dad what happened there? Is he alive? Is he dead? Though of course we will get answers in chapter 2 I was just like wow how is this gonna pan out. Basically an amazing movie I was not disappointed at all and I would love to watch it again but as an adaptation I think I would still love to see a longish miniseries covering more of Derry’s history and the kid’s personalities/misadventures (of course I do not want THAT scene to be in any adaptation ever) but generally covering more book stuff. but hey all this is just my humble opinion and I admit I adore the book, though I am not closed off to changes just those things kinda made me go hmmmmmm…. Quotes: Stan: “Every- thing’s a lot tougher when it’s for real. That’s when you choke. When it’s for real.” “He wanted to tell them that those dead boys who had lurched and shambled their way down the spiral staircase had done something worse than frighten him: they had offended him.” Bill: “If fiction and politics ever really do become interchangeable, I’m going to kill myself, because I won’t know what else to do. You see, politics always change. Stories never do” “Silver flew and Stuttering Bill Denbrough flew with him; their gantry-like shadow fled behind them. They raced down Up-Mile Hill together; the playing cards roared. Bill’s feet found the pedals again and he began to pump, wanting to go even faster, wanting to reach some hypothetical speed — not of sound but of memory — and crash through the pain barrier.” Richie:“Now he had to go back to being himself, and that was hard — it got harder to do that every year. It was easier to be brave when you were someone else.” “He knew a great deal of the Bible already, and he knew the Bible believed in all sorts of weird stuff. According to the Bible, God Himself was at least one-third Ghost, and that was just the beginning. You could tell the Bible believed in demons, because Jesus threw a bunch of them out of this guy. Real chuckalicious ones, too. When Jesus asked the guy who had them what his name was, the demons answered and told Him to go join the Foreign Legion. Or something like that” (#make chuckalicious happen 2k17) Ben: “Maybe that’s why God made us kids first and built us close to the ground, because He knows you got to fall down a lot and bleed a lot before you learn that one simple lesson. You pay for what you get, you own what you pay for … and sooner or later whatever you own comes back home to you.” “A child blind from birth doesn’t even know he’s blind until someone tells him. Even then he has only the most academic idea of what blindness is; only the formerly sighted have a real grip on the thing. Ben Hanscom had no sense of being lonely because he had never been anything but. If the condition had been new, or more localized, he might have understood, but loneliness both encompassed his life and overreached it. It simply was.” Eddie: “Sometimes home is where the heart is, Eddie thought randomly, I believe that. Old Bobby Frost said home’s the place where, when you go there they have to take you in. Unfortunately, it’s also the place where, once you’re in there, they don’t ever want to let you out.” “Maybe, he thought, there aren’t any such things as good friends or bad friends - maybe there are just friends, people who stand by you when you’re hurt and who help you feel not so lonely. Maybe they’re always worth being scared for, and hoping for, and living for. Maybe worth dying for too, if that’s what has to be. No good friends. No bad friends. Only people you want, need to be with; people who build their houses in your heart.” Mike: “Haunted, haunting, haunt.Often visited by ghosts or spirits, as in the pipes under the sink; to appear or recur often, as every twenty-five, twenty-six, or twenty-seven years; a feeding place for animals, as in the cases of George Denbrough, Adrian Mellon, Betty Ripsom, the Albrecht girl, the Johnson boy.A feeding place for animals. Yes, that’s the one that haunts me.” “But Mike enjoyed most of the places in Derry his father sent or took him to, and by the time Mike was ten Will had succeeded in conveying his own interest in the layers of Derry’s history to his son. Sometimes, as when he had been trailing his fingers over the slightly pebbled surface of the stand in which the Memorial Park birdbath was set, or when he had squatted down to look more closely at the trolley tracks which grooved Mont Street in the Old Cape, he would be struck by a profound sense of time … time as something real, as something that had unseen weight” Bev: “oh shapes of men, sometimes seen as day closed down, sometimes seen across Watertower Square in the noonlight of a clear windy autumn day, shapes of men, rules of men, desires of men: or Tom, so like her father when he took off his shirt and stood slightly slumped in front of the bathroom mirror to shave. Shapes of men.” ‘Is it because I’m a girl?’[…] she exploded.‘Well, fuck you!’ She whirled around to look at the others, and they flinched from her gaze,so hot it was nearly radioactive. 'Fuck all of you if you think the same thing!’ She turned back to Bill and began to talk fast, rapping him with words. 'This is something more than some diddlyshit kid’s game like tag or guns or hide-and-go-seek, and you know it, Bill. We’re supposed to do this. That’s part of it. And you’re not going to cut me out just because I’m a girl.“ Adding this one cuz I love how stupidly cute it is and cuz that Richie is such a charmer XD (wot-wot?) ”[…]'Oh dear, am I being asked out on a date?’ For a moment Richie was uncharacteristically flustered. He actually felt a blush rising in his cheeks. He had made the offer in a perfectly natural way, just as he had made it to Ben … except hadn’t he said something to Ben about owesies? Yes. But he hadn’t said anything about owesies to Beverly. Richie suddenly felt a bit weird. He had dropped his eyes, retreating from her amused glance, and realized now that her skirt had ridden up a bit when she shifted forward to drop the ice-cream cone in the litter barrel, and he could see her knees. He raised his eyes but that was no help; now he was looking at the beginning swells of her bosoms. Richie, as he usually did in such moments of confusion, took refuge in absurdity. 'Yes! A date!’ he screamed, throwing himself on his knees before her and holding his clasped hands up. 'Please come! Please come! I shall ruddy kill meself if you say no, ay-wot? Wot-wot?’ 'Oh, Richie, you’re such a fuzzbrain,’ she said, giggling again … but weren’t her cheeks also a trifle flushed? If so, it made her look prettier than ever. 'Get up before you get arrested.’“

Next Book: “The Eyes of the Dragon”

#IT #Stephen King's IT #IT 2017 #Stephen King #Stephen King's challenge #booklr #dachi reads stuff #dachi rambles

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e-skah-pay · 7 years

Text

WTNV ep 109 live reactions

So yup i guess I'm doing this.

reference to the previous A Story About’s. nice.

wait THIS is huntokar????

the... the MUD womb...?

SHIT

IT’S BEEN LIKE A MINUTE WTF

ok how could she be the woman from italy before italy existed?

ALL HAIL

huntokar is officially the Mom Friend

oh shit she’s talking about cecil now is cecil her Chosen One or something

“it is also a story about you and them” sick reference again

OH MAN SO MANY CECILS

wait did she create night vale???

SHE DIDDDDDDD

are we getting an explanation for night vale weirdness now???

WE ARRRRREEEEE

why do i feel like this is low-key Finknor talking about night vale as their creation

give me the faceless old woman backstory!!!! I want it!!!

“that beagle” please stop

1983 1983 1983 1983

HOO BOY THIS IS IT

HUNTOKAR WHATCHA GONNA DO

shit the planet! it’s here! it’s close! death is coming for ya!

“I am the Saviour” ok there Emma Swan

“you should not forgive me just because I had love in my heart” that’s a Fink line if I’ve ever heard one

that’s a lot of broken night vales

*bangs fists on table* give me the floating night vale au!!!

Cecil is super important to Huntokar why

OH SHIT SHE DESTROYED THEM ALL???

ok weather time

this sounds like 80′s pop-rock. very fitting.

Ok continuing my previous thought: why is cecil so important to her?? I get that he’s the Voice and has existed in all versions of Night Vale, plus he’s like the main character or whatever, but still. Knowing this show, there’s a very specific reason she’s talking about him so much.

“you’re so alive you think you’d rather be dead” what a good lyric dude

that ending scream tho. V representative of how the fandom feels right now.

“some fell completely into others” like under the bowling alley? hmmm

“denial was key” That... explains a lot actually

ANGELS

the awful men and their awful crates.... WHAT WERE THEIR INTERESTS AND HOW WERE THEY FURTHERED I AM STILL INSANELY CURIOUS ABOUT THAT

i miss cecil not gonna lie

i feel like this is very very close to the end of the show as a whole

ok his life lies on the fault line that’s why she likes him so much

Huntokar ur not a monster i promise

PLANET

is the planet the original god that created all these others, and it’s coming like “kid u better come home right now or I’m gonna beat ur ass”

DON’T TOUCH IT HUNTOKAR

“Goodnight MY night vale” I'm crying

and we’re done. what.

there was no “the voice of night vale was Cecil Baldwin” i feel robbed

also we didn’t get an intro “welcome to night vale” and theme song??? ROBBED

i’ve been listening to too much penumbra because that proverb is literally peter nureyev wow

byeeeeeee

#wtnv spoilers #a story about huntokar

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empireofvultures · 6 years

Text

2017

played my first wedding. Played my first funeral. A year of losses A friend at work overdosed and died Two of my heroes killed themselves A friend said he wanted to be my manager, and he’d help get me set up with gigs, and he had a guy doing a video for me, only to bail and ghost.. 3 successful musician friends of mine ghosted when i asked for advice on a publicist Two months of sinus infections, 2 weeks of good health, and now I’m a week into the worst sinus infection ever. Haven’t been able to sing/work on anything important cus of a constant migraine. I think about death daily, usually something like “I can’t fucking live like this.” Half the people at work hated me most of the year. Because I told them a few of them to do their fucking jobs. And called a homophobic, racist, misogynistic bully out on his shit every time until one morning, he yelled at me that everyone loves him, and everyone hates me and talks shit about me behind my back. In recent weeks, everyone has come around to my side on the laziness, and racism being a problem side, but it is too late, and most of the year’s shifts held a feeling of isolation and condemnation. I’ve gained about 20 lbs from being sick unable to exercise. A couple of my favourite bands put out shit happy dancey albums to try and cheer us up from how shitty our side of the world is getting. I don’t want to be cheered up! You’re not fucking bob marley. Give me heavy goddamnit.

On the plus side I moved out. My car broke down while I was moving with all my stuff inside of it, which was a fucking catastrophe, but I handled it like a champ, all on my own with no tears.. Longest exclusive relationship in a long time. Wrote a lot of songs. A lot of bad songs. A ton of good songs, and a handful of great ones. Enough to put out an album that if I had a good producer would be my best album ever, and one that I’d like more than 90% of the local music that gets played around. My last two albums sounded like shit through no fault of my own tho, and I got ripped off and didn’t realize it (despite my friends trying to tell me.) So I’m kinda discouraged from that whole recording in a real studio thing that used to be my favourite part of life. I sang a lot. Usually 4 gigs a week. I feel a lot more control now in my tone. Bought some legit gear. I hurt a lot less people this year. I didn’t seriously think about killing myself once. No therapy. I met Mark Lanegan, and got his autograph. That show seriously inspired me. Duke Garwood filled out the place with just one huge ass guitar and his voice. Lots of awesome music was made this year. https://itunes.apple.com/ca/playlist/tims-best-of-2017/pl.u-11zBvGys8pgxVp I think I smoked weed twice this year. Injected steroids a few times for a photo shoot. And one last night to try and alleviate the inflammation in my sinuses (apparently sometimes doctors prescribe it for the condition..) Oh I did acid once.. All in all it was the least annual portion of drugs since I was a boy. Tomek, the drummer from my old band who bailed on me a month before our recording time was booked, has forgiven me (for kissing a girl that he had a crush on...) and is back into my life now and we’re jamming. The jams are amazing and fun.. I was just doing it for fun, and he said we should get recording and playing gigs, and was really into my riffs/songs. It felt great after a year and a bit of playing on my own with no drums. The electronic project I’m working on with a new friend is coming along. He tries to be radiohead a bit too much tho. And I try to be bluesy too much.. We balance each other out.

Finally, I think I wrote some good poems/lyrics. I’ll probably delete this post later cus of how long it is, and I wanna try to keep this blog about lyrics. But it felt good to write. Happy new years whoever you are. You’re beautiful more than you know.

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