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peach-the-owl · 3 years

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with valentine's day coming, think Jester, Beau and Yasha help child reader with their valentine?

Ahh, Valentine's Day, a day of gettting free chocolates from people… oh and love too I guess 😆

I took the basics of the ask, but also changed it around a bit… So I’m not sure how this’ll turn out, Valentine’s Day has always been a little different for me. This is gonna be interesting… Sorry if this ends up turning out badly 😖

Sweet Valentine

Child of the Nein (Jester, Beau, Yasha & Child!Reader)

Jester

"Hey, mama?" You say, making your way over to Jester with an important question in mind. Jester looks over at you, still getting used to the idea that you now refer to her sometimes as mama. She kneels down to match your height.

"What can I do for you?" She asks with a smile and boops your nose getting a giggle out of you.

"Ummm… what do you think would be fun to do with a valentine?" You ask, while swinging your arms from side to side. Jester taps on her chin in thought for a moment.

"Well, getting sweets would be a nice start, oh and looking at their favourite shops or maybe get them a gift they really like…" she starts rambling off different ideas, it eventually turned to really weird stuff that sounded like it was more from a storybook. "… and then he’d take you in his arms and carries you across a field and it’s so romantic. Oh Oskar~." Jester stares off in her little daydream.

"Oskar? That's the character from the book you say I’m too little to read yet, right?" You ask, having gotten lost along the way, this breaks Jester out of her daydream and she gives a faint blush while scratching the back of her neck apologetically.

"That’s right, so maybe don’t do all that, but giving someone treats or little gifts to show you care is always good. Who is your valentine anyways?" Jester gives you a curious look.

"That’s my little secret, but I don’t even know if they can or want to be." You fiddle with your fingers a little.

"Awww," Jester places her hands on your cheeks and lifts your head up so you can look at her. "Whoever you ask is going to be very luck, and as long as you have lots of fun that’s what really matters." You smile at her and nod in understanding. "I have to go now, my valentine promised a walk around town. You have fun and don’t get lost." Jester parts ways with you with a smile and a wave.

After a moment or two you got everything together that you needed and bow your head in prayer hoping this works, the sense of a second presents makes you open your eyes and you look over at the cloaked figure that now stood in the room with you.

"What can I do for you?" The Traveler asks simply.

"Will you be my valentine?" You ask excitedly holding up your handmade card to him. He goes stiff for a moment but slowly, carefully takes the card from your hands noticing the small mistake of it saying Happy Valentime rather then Valentine. He stays silent and just stares from you to the card.

"I- that’s not really how this works?" He says slowly, trying to think through each of his words. Your smile drops a little.

"Oh…" You sigh. "I get it, you already have a lot of people who adore you and probably are really busy, I’m sorry. I just wanted to spend some time with you like Jester has." You turn to leave.

"Wait." You pause and look back at him. "I didn’t say no." Once again he speaks slowly, working out each word individually as if to convince himself of something. You don’t really notice as your eyes light up again in excitment.

"Really! So you will?!" You bounce on your feet in anticipation. He balls his hand into a fist and brings it close to his lips in an unsure gesture, again you being too excited to really take notice of it.

"On two conditions." He finally says. You stop bouncing in place and stare at him. "Firstly, you cannot tell another soul about this." He places a finger to his lips with a quiet shushing sound you repeat the action with an eager nod in agreement, while trying to hold in a giggle. "Secondly," he pauses a moment and you see a devious smirk cross his features. "I go, if there’s promise of delightful mischief." Again you give an eager nod. "Perfect, now I need you to close your eyes for a moment." You quickly slap your hands over your face to cover your eyes, there’s a faint whooshing sound and when you remove your hands you see a man with wild red hair and bright green eyes in place of the Traveler.

"Whoa!" You stare in amazement. "You look really cool Traveler." He gives a small chuckle.

"We can’t have you calling me that outside, remember this is just between you and me. So for today and today only you may refer to me as Artagan." You give a small happy squeal and practically drag the man along with you.

The day went by very well, the two of you pulling various pranks on different couples in the streets, the added fact that you had your deity helping you cause chaos wherever you went was a delightful bonus. It wasn’t like you were causing major harm, some of your pranks even managed to bring a few couples closer together. Eventually you had to return to the inn you were staying at, having to sneak around as to not get caught by any anger couples or towns guard.

"That was so much fun! Did you see the look on that one couples face when they discovered their chocolate was spicy?" You laugh at the memory.

"Or the fellow who thought our fake wall was real." Artagan recalled. "Ah, best fun I’ve had in a while."

"I’m glad you agreed to be my valentine, this was great." You give him a large smile, he hums in responce.

"Well, I should take my leave, there’s a lot I have to do." He says a bit apprehensively, and in just a blink of an eye he’s gone before you can give a quick farewell. A moment later Jester enters the room.

"Sooo… did you have a good day?" She asks you. You smile and nod explaining some of the things you did, making sure not to reveal too much like you'd promised. "That sounds like a fun day to me, I’m sure the Traveler would be proud."

If only she knew.

Beau

You march into the tavern and sit down at one of the tables in a small huff, Beau taking quick notice takes a seat next to you.

"What’s wrong?" She gives you a curious side look.

"Is it normal for someone to be mean to the person they like?" You ask. Beau stares at you then gives a sigh.

"I want to say no, but there are people out there who are like that. But that doesn’t mean that they should."

"Ok, I wasn’t sure, because I ran into someone I know from my hometown and they were being a total jerk to me." You look away from her sheepishly.

"Alright tell me what happened." She says, a bit of a protective tone in her voice. You begin your tale…

While everyone else was busy doing their own thing or spending time with their valentine you took a walk around the town, you actually knew the area decently enough because it wasn’t too far from where you used to live, a day and a half's journey if everything went smoothly.

"Hey! I know you!" You hear an awfully familiar voice shout in your direction making your eye twich but for some reason you feel frozen in place. The kid was about your age, maybe a year older at most. Their snarky, judgemental gaze used to make you feel like you were powerless against them and while deep down you knew you weren’t anymore that stare made you revert back to thinking you were. They give you a smirk. "I knew I recognized a nerd when I saw one. You remember me!?"

"Hi… Layn (tried to make it gender neutral, idk)." You greet through gritted teeth.

"Man it’s been a while since I saw your gross face, and it looks even worse now." They laugh pointing at the smudges of dirt you had yet to clean off.

"Yeah it has been a while hasn’t it. I’m not the same kid you think you can just push around anymore." You huff crossing your arms. They give you a teasing look and start to aggressively jab at you, you use your reflexes to block most of them all while telling them to stop, they don’t. You get fed up to the point that you grab their arm and throw them over your shoulder slamming them to the ground and give them a hard look. They stare up at you in shock.

"Why did you do that?" They seemed genuinely upset and curious.

"Because you wouldn’t stop, I told you I’m not the same kid you can just tease anymore!" You fume.

"How else was I supposed to get your attention." You stare at them confused. They carefully pick themselves off the ground. "You always had your face in a book or something when our parents met with each other, I didn’t know how else to get your attention."

"You could’ve tried talking to me." You say matter-of-factly.

"And risk the cooties? No way!" You just stare at them. "Anyways, since no one else will be asking you… I was wondering if you’d like to be my valentine?" They give you and expectant look…

"So what did you do?" Beau raises an eyebrow in curiosity.

"You remember what you once told me about dealing with jerks?" Beau nods, she'd used another word to describe it but you weren’t sure if you could say it aloud yourself.

"Yeah, I told you if they absolutely deserve it, to sock 'em in the face… wait." She turns to face you fully, you give an embarrassed smile along with a light blush.

"I think I broke their nose." You say, scratching the back of your neck. Beau snorts a bit, trying not to burst into laughter, her fist banging against the table. It takes her a bit to finally calm herself down and clears her throat.

"So first you throw them, then you actually punch them. It’s probably good their parents weren’t around to see that."

"Its just that they’ve always been so rude to me, before I knew you I never knew what to do or how to defend myself. Now they suddenly say they like me and expect me to forgive everything they’ve done just like that?! Not happening! I don’t care if they like me, they should’ve treated me nicer then." You rant a bit, getting yourself worked up again. Beau places a hand on your shoulder making you look at her.

"You know what? You’re absolutely correct. People shouldn’t treat you like shiii– poorly if they like you, that’s basically abuse. Now while I’m not sure if punching them will solve the problem entirely, though I’m sure it would’ve been hilarious to see, I think you still made the right choice. I’m proud of you." She gives you a smile and you return one of your own.

Yasha

You sit deep in thought about what to do today, you weren’t sure how you were going to find someone to love and spend the whole day with so you decided to ask Yasha, she might know the answer.

"How do I find love?" You get straight to the point once you see her, Yasha nearly chokes on her drink at your question.

"What?" She looks at you shocked.

"You know a valentine or something, how do I find one of those?" She blinks a bit then give a small chuckle.

"That uhhh, isn’t really how it works."

"Then how does it work?" Yasha goes quiet, now having to figure out how she can explain this to you.

"Ummm… well it’s not just about… hmm… a valentine is someone you want to show you really care about and appreciate them, it doesn’t just have to be about holding hands or kisses." Yasha explains as best she can (I feel that).

"Oh! Okay, I think I get it." You nod. Yasha gives you a smile and pats your head before heading off elsewhere, probably with her own valentine, who knows. You once again go deep into thought trying to figure out who you wanted to show your appreciation to, an idea comes to mind and you begin your search. You stand in front of a door and give a soft knock.

"You can come in." You hear their muffled voice through the door. You open and shuffle through the door suddenly feeling a bit nervous and embarrassed.

"Hey Caduceus, I was, uhhh, wondering if you’d like to be my, ummm… my valentine today?" He looks at you, raising a questioning eyebrow. "Yasha told me that valentines could be people who we appreciate a lot and I, umm, I really appreciate everything you do for us. So I, uhh, I thought maybe you’d like to be my valentine and we could do something nice?" Each word you spoke made your face turn more and more red out of embarrassment. Caduceus just gives you a calm smile and a small chuckle.

"I see no harm in that, it sounds nice. What did you have in mind?" You stare at him a moment, slightly surprised he agreed.

"Oh! Well I saw this little shop that sells tea and biscuits, if you like that is… sorry I’m not very good at this." You scratch at your head and look away a little sheepishly.

"There’s no need to be sorry, I think that's a good idea." You give him a small smile and the two of you head out to the little shop. You did your best to make this a nice little day, but for you everything never really seemed to work out properly, Caduceus having to purchase the treats from the shop as you didn’t really have any money of your own. The streets were a little crowded today too, making you come to realize you may have slight claustrophobia as the large number of people made you very uncomfortable and nervous.

"I’m sorry, I can’t do this! I’ve ruined everything!" You run off crying back to the inn and hole yourself up in your assigned room. There’s a soft knocking at the door after a while. You don’t say anything, you already knew it was Caduceus who was knocking so you try to squeeze yourself into a ball and disappear. The door creaks open after a minute of you staying silent, the bed dipping a little from the new weight on it. He doesn’t say anything, just sits there with you in a calm silence. Eventually you uncurl yourself from a ball and look up at him, he gives you a kind smile. "I’m really sorry, I wanted to let you have a nice day to show my appreciation for you, but instead I ruined it and you still did everything." You pout.

"I don’t think you ruined anything, I enjoyed myself actually. The very idea that you wanted to do something nice I think is appreciation enough for me." You wipe your eyes and look back at him again, a small smile starting to form.

"Is it really?" You ask curiously, he gives you a nod in responce. "Ok… well since we still have a bag of treats, can we share them here? I don’t really want to go outside right now."

"Sure thing." He pulls out the purchased sweets and the two of you happily share them. Come the evening Yasha finally comes back from wherever she had disappeared to.

"Did you have a good day?" She asks. You nod and retell her the events of your day, she smiles as you finish your story. "I’m glad it worked out for you in the end."

"Me too. So how was your day?" It was your turn to ask and listen as Yasha tells you about what she did.

Bonus: (Bad pickup lines I made up for each kid)

Jester: I'd be your partner in crime any time Valentine

Nott: I can’t give you my heart Valentine… because you already stole it

Caleb: Let’s dance together Valentine, better then any colour ever could

Caduceus: I'd make a thousand flower crowns for you or with you Valentine

Fjord: I’ll be your knight whenever you need me Valentine

Beau: If anyone treats you badly Valentine, just tell me where to hit them

Yasha: If I could, I’d fly with you to a beautiful field, but they wouldn’t be as beautiful as you Valentine

Molly: Let me serenade you with any song you like Valentine, anytime, anywhere

Again I’m very sorry if this was bad 😣

#critical role #critical role & reader #mighty nein #the mighty nein #mighty nein & reader #jester lavorre #jester & reader #beauregard lionett #beauregard & reader #yasha nydoorin #yasha & reader #nothing romantic here

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moonelf19 · 3 years

Text

C2E122

Widofjord Highlight Masterlist

While Lucien is asking what everyones goals are

Lucien: What about you?

Caleb: I’m not there, but only Lucien hears in his ear-

Travis, looking worried: Only Lucien?

Caleb: Yeah through the wire

Travis: Oh, ok, good good...

When the Nein return to the dome after talking with Lucien

Fjord: Y’know the last time we shared something we shared a vial of our blood and that did NO favors for us

Caleb: You know you don’t have to stand outside of the dome you can come inside of the dome

Fjord: Oh yeah, it’s uh, white colored...

Jester: Hey Caleb. Here’s your cat.

Caduceus: Here’s your ... shit

Caleb: *takes the mug* what.. is this?

Jester: Chewy shit!

Fjord: *haltingly* So... so good...

Sam: *pulls out his flask with a picture of Matt lookin evil on a carousel combined with travis to create travis’ mustachioed character from a project?*

The table: *various reactions of delight and confusion*

Liam: That’s just MATH!

Travis: mm.. Mmmhmm.

Right before the Nein go to bed

Beau: It’s easier to hate someone the less you know about them

Fjord: Facts

Caleb: You want to fax somebody?

Fjord: Yes *pretends to think really hard*

After Lucien shows Caleb and Beau the book for a few minutes

Matt: For the first time Caleb, even with your keen mind, you are having a hard time remembering what you just read

Fjord/Travis: *exasperated/horrified movement as he removes his hat and rubs his eyes in worry*

A little bit after that

Lucien: I’ve shown you something precious to me... now at least show me you still have it

Jester: Caleb, show him your wang

Caleb, without batting an eye: Fjord, show him my wang

Fjord, also without batting an eye: Yeah alright... I reach and pull out... from the bag of holding the amber

Lucien: *holds his hand out for it*

Fjord: *looks to Caleb for confirmation*

Caleb: *nods assent*

Fjord: *hands over the amber*

Lucien: Now why shouldn’t I just take this right now?

Caleb: If you hold onto it you won’t be able to stay in my tower tonight

Fjord: It is so warm in there :)

Jester: Lots of good food...

After Lucien gets them lost and they lose a day

Lucien: Alright we camp out for the night!

Jester: Do you want a tower?

Lucien, pointing at Caleb: If you don’t mind...

Caleb: Ja that is why we are friends

Fjord: *just grins cheekily at Caleb*

When they enter the tower

Fjord: Ahhh I prefer this so much mo- UP!!!

After leaving the Tomb Takers in their rooms, Caleb takes the Nein to the 8th floor

Caleb: You don’t have to say up, you can just...

Fjord: Don’t we? *smarmy look at Caleb*

Caleb: Well you have to

Fjord: UP!

Liam: Caleb makes a mental note that central chamber DOES NOT work for Fjord unless he says UP

Travis: *laughs hysterically* That’ll never be a problem

Liam: Everyone else is fine!

Caleb: As we float up to the 8th floor we come into a central nine sided chamber and there are nine doors. Numbered. Pick three.

Jester: How much do you think it’s weirding Lucien out that everything is 9 9 9 9 9

Caleb: A whole lot

Veth: Pick three?

Caleb: Yeah

Fjord: Three doors?

Veth: I’m going to pick door four

Beau: *quickly after Veth* Door nine.

Fjord: *also quickly trying to get his choice in* One.

Caleb shows them Astrids room behind door 4, then takes them to door 9 and describes the Nestled Nook

Fjord: *narrowed eyes as he realizes what might be behind door 1*

Caleb: Yeah so it’s almost dinner, and you said you wanted to see door number one...

Fjord: *stays silent*

Caleb: *pushes open door one*

Caduceus: Oh...

Caleb: *stands outside the door for a long moment*

Jester: *apprehensive* What is it...?

Caduceus: Home

Beau: Is it your childhood home?

Jester: Why did you put all of this at the top of your tower?

Caleb: Wherever I go.... they are with me

Jester: They are

Fjord: *soft voice* It’s so funny, they say you can never go home, but you’ve created an ingenious way to do just that.

Beau: But this is your first time being in this room

Jester: This would still be here, even if you didn’t make the rooms

Caleb: *uncomfortable* It’s just my way.... It’s just my way

Fjord: Was your room upstairs?

Caleb: *turns to give Fjord a tight smile and nod*

Fjord: Would you mind if I... *points up

Caleb: *smiles at Fjord again* Sure

Liam: Caleb goes to the steps, pauses, skips to the second step which creaks. Smiles a little bit. Then goes up.

Fjord/Travis: *short little amused laugh*

Liam: The loft is just a window, a small bed that would fit a teenager, and a little circle of rags

Fjord: All to yourself?

Caleb: Almost. *bamfs Frumpkin into the circle of rags*

Fjord: *smiles, then sees that Caleb is struggling with something and frowns*

Caleb: I’ve thought about it so much... I’ve thought about it so much. It probably isn’t a good idea to have this, but it’s just my way. I don’t think I’m allowed to forget it.

Caduceus: I don’t think you do, I don’t think this room will change that. I don’t want to speak to how smart you are but, it’s not that you’re doing it wrong you’re just not using it the right way.

Fjord: *confused*

Jester: It feels less like a memory and more like a punishment for yourself Caleb

Caleb: *distraught* If it exists here, it exists. It exists somewhere.

Caduceus: Even without here it would exist somewhere. What you’ve done here is beautiful, I hope you know that.

Fjord: *nods along in agreement*

Caleb: It is, it is, I have those memories, I have them, and I’ve struggled with it for a very long time. My feelings, about these things. There are good memories.

Caduceus: It only takes one bad one.

Caleb: I can’t help... *looks around at the others but lands on Fjord and stays there* ...wanting more.

Fjord: *nods gently*

Veth: Do you still wish to go back... and undo it?

Caleb: Of course.

Caduceus: Do you think Lucien has one of these rooms? Is that what’s happening? ... I don’t know. Maybe.

Caleb: Well... I understand that you all care for me very much. And I am very grateful for it. There is a part of me that will not- *cuts himself off*

Beau: Will not?

Caleb: So the tour is almost over, you wanted to see the ninth floor as well? Come along.

Veth: If that’s alright with you?

Caleb: Ja ja, it’s beautiful.

Beau: *stays behind and holds eye contact with Fjord for a long moment after the others leave*

Caleb calls for desert to be brought in

Caleb: One of the cats has a tray of cut fruit, and the other has a basin and a fountain of chocolate

Fjord: Holyyyyyy shit

After reminiscing about the cults they’ve dismantled

Fjord: Are we... relatively alone? Should we go somewhere else- another level, to avoid prying ears?

Caleb: We can distance ourselves but I’m assuming at any given moment we are more likely than not, he’s overhearing us

Fjord: I was going to ask if your tower offered any protection from prying ears, but also we should contact Essek and see where he’s stationed since it seems like we are closing in on Aeor

They discuss using the cats to hide what they are saying

Veth: To the Salon!

Fjord: UP

Caleb: It’s actually a floor down, so...

Fjord: Shit- DOWN!

Fjord: Ok so is this place battle ready? Can we trap them, or can it be damaged and they escape?

Caleb: Don’t worry about destroying anything, it will be reset to my liking.

Fjord: I meant more like can we trap them on a floor, keep them from leaving, restricting an entrance in and out of a room?

Jester: Anything that happens I mean he can cancel this tower...

Caleb: Right now there is not, but tomorrow there will be... if we imagine it

Fjord: *nods along: That’s what I meant... just a thought

Fjord uses his sword and notices they are being scried on

Fjord: Admittedly they have been kind of... nice? I figured they would have tried something by now but perhaps all of our... *casts around for the word and talks at Caleb* judgements were misplace?

Caleb: *eye contact with Fjord*

Veth: You view them as allies now, do you Fjord?

Fjord: I don’t know about that, but they seem to be at least participating in their half of the deal

Caleb: Well, they’ve been listening to us shit-talk them quite a bit on multiple nights, so... I don’t think there’s a lot of illusions here. *still talking to Fjord* It’s an uncomfortable alliance at best. But we are curious *now to the scrying eye* to see the end of the road. *to the cats* You can cut it. Cut it.

Travis: One prima donna cat is just *mimes singing dramatically*

They figure out the orb is following Yasha, then appears over Fjord

Caleb: I walk over to Fjord, and look up at where the scrying eye is, and kind of stand in front of [Fjord] so I can get in it’s view, and say what are we going to do here? We’re working together, you don’t really trust us, we don’t really trust you. You have some idea what you want to do to us. Are you having fun at least?

Matt: The orb disappears

Fjord: You’re actually looking a little off, but, it’s fine

Caleb: I was messing with it

Discussing how to fold Essek into the plan

Caleb: He’s told us to our face he bears more allegiance to us than any nation- whether that’s true or not...

Fjord: *sassy mmHMMM sound like he doesn’t believe it*

Caduceus trances to ask the wildmother questions and finds out Lucien doesn’t need them all alive

Fjord: Not ALL of us... angel-blood

Caleb: We’ve seen angel blood before *mimes tear tracks in reference to when they found the creepy ass weeping angel statues*

Fjord: *brain explosion as he realizes what Caleb means*

Back to discussing strategy which was like.... most of this episode. Waffling on decisions

Fjord: I’m a big fan of the home-field advantage, that’s the only reason I’m pushing to kick it off

Caleb: For those of us interested in getting our friend back- we don’t have a method. Our hope is to get to Aeor and find something there

Fjord: Ah

Caleb: Seems pretty thin

Fjord: *shakes head*

Matt: At this point Fjord notices the orb appear again

Fjord: *pretends to have an allergic reaction to alert the others*

Caleb: Several cats do now approach you at my telepathic bidding

Fjord: no no NO. NO!. No.

After Jester leaves to have cat adventures with Lucien

Caleb: Are we done for the night? Ja? Ok, I tell frumpkin telepathically to clog the arteries on five. Fjord, cover your eyes.

Fjord: *covers his eyes*

Caleb: Cat after cat after cat start vomiting up from the bottom-

Fjord/Travis: *plugs his ears as well*

Caleb: not in the room we are in! *holds out hand to Fjord* not in our room! in the central chamber it starts to fill with spectral cats

Caleb and Beau share a nightmare and shoot upright awake at the same time

Fjord: *points at the two, looking concerned* That’s... rare.

Beau: *grabs her notebook and starts scribbling*

Fjord: *stops pointing at her but keeps his hand up at Caleb, who rubs his eyes* What, what are you doing?

Beau: Shut-- just shut up, shh.. shhh sh sh

Caleb: *looks at Beau*

Beau: That’s not good.

Matt: Caleb, perception check

Caleb: I was also asking if anything I saw made any more sense... 18

Matt: As she’s sketching, you see on the back of her hand... a single red eye

The table: *loses their shit to varying degrees*

Travis: OH! OH! *looks angry and upset*

Beau: *unaware, continues sketching*

Caleb: St... Stop

Beau: What?

Caleb: *takes her hand and twists so its on top of his to show her*

Caleb: *checks the back of her neck but finds no other eyes*

Beau: *checks the back of his neck, nothing*

Beau: His arms- he had one on his arm

Liam: *to Travis* Check the gooch?

Travis: *breaks severity to laugh at Liam*

Liam: That’s the last place we’ll look

Caleb: *pulls off his shirt so he’s bare chest and arms to see if he has any eyes*

Fjord: *Nodding along and inspecting*

Matt: On his right shoulder you see an eye

Fjord/Travis: *leans back in exasperation and fear*

#critical role #widofjord #widofjord highlights #what a spicy episode

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officialjakotsu · 4 years

Text

Fun with Fallacies!!

IMPORTANT NOTE BEFORE WE START. THIS IS MY OFFICIAL REBUTTAL. THIS POST IS FOR FUN BUT THE REBUTTAL IS THE ONE I WANT THE DISCUSSION TO BE ABOUT. LETS GO MY DUDES.

So, many of you who are hip with the officialinuyasha discourse probably know about this post. Now I wanted to pick it apart at the time but the coward blocked me. I have also posted my official rebuttal, but lets have a little fun too, and count the amount of logical fallacies.

Firstly, for those of you who don’t know what a fallacy is, it’s a type of argument that is either illegitimate or lacks relevance to what is actually being argued. For example, if I argue that chocolate ice cream is bad, and you say I’m wrong and people shouldn’t trust me because I once burned down a bank and made off with $20,000 USD (theoretically, of course uwu I would never do that). That’s a fallacy because it doesn’t argue my point, it just makes me look bad. Fallacies weaken your overall argument because even if your point is correct, it is not one that should be made in this context. So leave your fallacies out. Anyway, I’m here today to list off the fallacies in Mr. Takahashi’s post and explain why his argument is, frankly, bullshit in this regard and why it did not make me feel roasted in any way. Not even a little scalded. Ice cream is spicier than his takes.

Fallacy 1: continuum fallacy. “‘American’ consists of every race. So saying that doesn’t mean much. I’m physically Caucasian.” The anon had very clearly implied he was a white American which everyone else seemed to understand. He was nitpicking and attacked the imprecision of the wording, which was irrelevant as everyone else understood the meaning.

Fallacy 2: Red herring. “I heard there is a chance... and Blackfoot.” Your race does not matter in this argument if it is not Japanese.

Fallacy 3/4: red herring. “Why does my race matter when I cosplay....you can cosplay any character” this argument has nothing to do with my original point. I was not talking about cosplaying and my beliefs of who can cosplay what are irrelevant (but I believe you can cosplay whatever as long as you don’t wear something of cultural significance (I.e cultural tattoos) or change your features to look like a different race). This was also a subtle attempt to poison the well to imply I don’t think “black, short, big, or trans” people should cosplay characters outside what they physically resemble. (Also dude I’m short and trans)

Fallacy 5/6/7/8/9: false authority, appeal to authority, false attribution, faulty generalization, and red herring. “My wife is Persian.... that are eastern have no problems with us.” Japanese people living in Japan are not who you should speak to on this matter as they do not face cultural appropriation and people who are friends with you also do not prove that most Japanese people are supportive of you (I am including diaspora). Your wife being Persian and a Shinto priestess has no bearing on my point either.

Fallacy 10: false equivalence. Kyle Killian is not the name of a character. I googled it.

Fallacy 11: poisoning the well. It wasn’t a doxxing attempt but you sure want it to be (however I am sorry for posting what could’ve been where you live. At the time I was thinking it didn’t matter as much because it’s a bigger city. I do take full responsibility and have made sure to not post more like this.)

Fallacy 12/13/14/15/16/17: poisoning the well, appeal to motive, false equivalence, appeal to spite, judgmental language, and tone policing. “You do seem hateful... fictional characters”. None of these are good arguments and none of them even actually apply to me. It also assumes I am likely cisgender and that I “spread hate etc”. These are clear attacks on my person and motives and my anger rather than an argument.

Fallacy 18/19/20/21/22/23: poisoning the well, false authority, appeal to authority, false attribution, faulty generalization, circumstantial ad hominem, courtiers reply. “I doubt you are a part.... “American only means white”. Again, assumptions are made about me. There is also, again, the same exact things I mentioned from these fallacies before. Also my circumstances do not prevent me from calling you out.

Fallacy 24/25/26/27: again. False authority, appeal to authority, false attribution, faulty generalization. This is for the video section. I don’t need to explain this again. Listen to diaspora.

Fallacy 28: false equivalence. “My friend Malay.... say she’s “whitefacing” not too?” This isn’t the same situation, as foreign folk use English names to make life easier for English speakers. Also English =/= white. Asian diaspora also often have asian names. Krystal Jung, who was born in California and is Korean, has the Korean name Jung Sooyeon. This just isn’t the same situation and this does not belong in the conversation.

Fallacy 29/30/31/32: false equivalence, appeal to authority, false authority, false attribution. “Just like when SJWs.... LOVE SPEEDY GONZALES.” A more accurate example would be Mexicans speaking about something like the bastardization of Día De Los Muertos among those who don’t celebrate it. Something with more cultural significance. Also Mexicans have no standing in who can use Japanese names.

Fallacy 33/34/35: appeal to authority, false authority, and false attribution. Your family is one family and does not speak for all of Mexico. Also this argument still doesn’t belong here.

Fallacy 36: appeal to emotion, red herring, special pleading, and I would also argue an etymological fallacy though not in the usual sense. “Before you judge.... Yasha means “to live”.” Cute story but it has no relevance as we all know you named yourself Inuyasha specifically because of the show, as seen by your last name, and your wife’s name having been changed to Kagome. It also has no relevance because, again, you changed your name to a Japanese name on purpose and we all know this.

Also, a couple bonuses! Kettle logic (using multiple, inconsistent arguments to defend a position), faulty generalization (accident; an exception to a generalization is ignored. I realized how many this fit but I don’t want to go back and recount everything AGAIN), appeal to pity (this whole thing), ipse dixit (you consistently imply you’re an expert because of everyone you know or whatever), and straw man fallacy (you broadened my argument to something it wasn’t and then argued that instead).

That leaves us at a grand total of..... 41 fallacies!!!!

Congrats Mr. Takahashi, that’s gotta be a record!

#officialinuyasha

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s-bitty-place · 5 years

Text

Long on mobile, adopting more

Draceana had filled out the paperwork, smiling wide and happily as Erratic the Inky began talking to the Dream about home and how there were some new bitties in the making. It would be Frisk, Chara and a Sans variant of an AU that connects monsters with their soulmates but it’s a fell variant of it (although the actions would be similar to a Swap universe). Dracaena wanted to take a walk, so Tam and Erratic could tell them about the hyperactive household that held mostly Sans-type bitties.

“Who’s Major?” Teeth asks so innocently when Erratic talks about the other skeleton.

“He’s mom’s friend, like a brother but he’s a swap and fell child. He’s like a handy-man.” Tam, the Tol Paperjam told the first Papyri type, knowing the others will fuss and spoil him for a while.

“How long is her place from the shop?”the Mumcher asks and Tam smiles at the motherly Toriel version. It might be tough for her since most Inky bitties were childish and loud but the ones that were a bit calmer would be helpful to keep her sanity.

“You can call me any polite name, I’m Dracaena but I also go by S. As for my place, I normally teleport to other adoption centers when adopting. I just want Tam and Erratic to explain the basics of each bitty we have.” Dracaena chuckles and the Dream looks at her in thought.

“Miss, what are our names?” The Dream asks and Dracaena chuckles.

“Mom lets us name ourselves, says it’s more polite to let us choose our names.” Erratic tells his new siblings. Immediately Tam saw the mischievous grins from the Horror and Nightmare, obviously coming up with a joke name.

“How about Banana?”the Horror chuckles and Dracaena smiles,amused as she knew that they will help with pranks now.

“Theres a dirty joke there darling, are you sure you want your name to be that? I’ll let you look up names when we get home.” Dracaena sighs and the Horror shakes his head, amused at her mindset. The Mumcher was happy about finding a name for herself,now to think.

“That would be lovely!”the Teeth chirps. Dracaena decided it had been long enough of a walk and decided to open a portal, just right outside of the home/ adoption center. Major was outside, uprooting any week before realizing his bond sister was back.

“Welcome home sis, Wildflower and Blue Smoke have been helping me out.” Major greeted, coming over with a Wyvern Snas and a Faun bitty flying beside him. Both noticed the new family member.

“Welcome home Mama, Yasha’s asleep in the nest and Koga’s playing with Bam to keep him company.” Wildflower told her, Smoke timid with new bitties but landed in Dracaena’s horns as that was the normal place for landing of the flying types. Unfortunately for him, he landed on the side the Nightmare was on.

“Why are you scared?” The Nightmare asks Smoke who whimpers at being called out.

“He’s a Wyvern Snas, they’re timid with new people and even if Ma has relaxed him enough for new bitties that everyone has agreed to, the experience is different to each creature.” Wildflower answers, sitting beside his friend as he explained. The Nightmare nodded, understanding that the species are naturally timid now that it’s explained. The Teeth was excited as Dracaena and Major went in, all of the Inky bitties asleep, making Dracaena suspicious.

“Fandom gave them some camomile tea and it knocked them all out luckily. Sugar Cube,Hope and Floss should be near Bam and Xee is watching the bitty babies.” Major informed, Dracaena nodding in relief before going through the back door because she just wanted to check on the adoption house before walking to the main home where they went in the front door to see the open kitchen on left, ladders up to cabinets and an open cabinet door showing that there was some implemented into the cabinets. On the right was a small space for relaxation and in front of the relaxation space was a living room that was open. Between the kitchen and living room was a normal table with two seats near each other and a 5” wall around the edges other than the two spots for the two monsters to eat.

“What happened there?”the Dream asks and Major chuckles at the wall.

“Floss and Sugar Cube we’re nodding off in the middle of dinner one night and fell off- Yasha and Koga caught them luckily, so sis decided to put walls into the table as well as install ladders because someone thought it would be okay to get a snack in the middle of the night.” Major answers, Erratic flushing a violent rainbow at the mention of the snack. The Nightmare looked at Erratic in curiosity.

“Did you get hurt?”Nightmare asked and Dracaena chuckles.

“He fell of the counter and went back into an ink form. Instead of dying like normal monsters from a height that normally kills, his sub-species actually just goes back to ink and absorb the magic back once they’re safe.” Dracaena tells the goopy bitty who nods and looks at the other with a curious eye.

“Your back!” Was a squeak from Bam who had just came down in a rope and pulley-like an elevator system(that Major had installed)- before Tam was poking to be let down. It was customary for the first two of the adopted to hug and talk if they had been away for the day. Dracaena decided to go to the couch to let the others down. They got up and slid down her arm, the Nightmare holding onto the Dream to keep the other safe. Soon enough, the others came to the couch, the three children in awe of the Mumcher and combining her hair with their phalanges, making her feel happy as Hope(the Flamester Papyrus) was talking about daily life. Yasha was still tired but greeted the new family members, it wasn’t time for him to patrol the grounds but Dracaena brought new bitties home and he wanted to be polite.

“The baby bitties are asleep for a little. They can’t wait to be shown.” Xee told Dracaena who chuckles and nods, Teeth getting spoiled by Fandom as the latter showed different kinds of food that was for bitties- homemade because Fandom liked cooking right now and Dracaena was picky if she got any food at the store for them, often cooking meals for them as equals.

“Have you guys figured out your names?” Bam asks, seeing that the Dream he was talking to’s brother was talking to Tam.

“I’m still unsure.”Dream says and Dracaena gets out the phone she got specifically for the bitties because of reasons and put it at the end of the couch, up against the armchair.

“I was actually thinking Tart.” Teeth said and Dracaena cooed at the dessert name.

“It’s nice.””You have a wonderful sTart there.” Was the outpour and with a couple of name puns, the newly named Tart was giggling with the others.

“Do my teeth not scare you?” Tart asks, now remembering one of his fears.

“It’s just uneven fangs, Xee has fangs and we seen the generic picture of a Teeth when Ma told us which ones she most likely will adopt.” A small voice came, it surprised the newcomers but at least Blue Smoke was opening up quicker with them, getting a bit braver once with some others for a while. The Teeth was shocked but seeing the others smile and the younger ones just smiled at him in amazement.

“Thank you.” Tart said, deciding to sit down beside Koga who had Yasha curled up on his lap. Tart’s brother decided to let Tart have some space to talk to others. Major had decided to start dinner a while ago as to get a good meal into the bitties before bed. Normally it was dinner,bath then bed for the day-time bitties which the only nocturnal bitty was Yasha in which case would get breakfast and dinner with the family, Dracaena bathing him before tucking him into the basket with the nest for him and Koga.

“No need to thank us, have any of you thought of names?” Xee says, scarf kinda muffling his voice as the Dream and Nightmare pair were looking at twin related names.

“For dessert, should we do Ambrosia or chocolate sundaes with some exceptions?” Major asked and Dracaena chuckles.

“Why not both? I’m sure Hija will not mind going to the store if we’re short on something.” Dracaena answered, all new bitties looking curious.”Hija’s my hatchmate, my biological brother.” She answers their questions that were thought.

“Really?” The Mumcher asks and Dracaena nods.

“He mated to a human friend of mine-she rehabs bitties and works in our old home. She normally takes a-ok bitties back to their adoption centers if she can but if not, she asks me to foster them in the meantime. They stay in the bitty shop normally. If there’s a physical or mental problem then she does all she can to help them and keep them at the rehab station.” Dracaena told the HorrorTale Toriel that smiles at the people Dracaena has surrounded herself with.

“Dinners almost done, we’re having some chicken alfredo and dessert is a choose.” Major informed, coming in to get some bitties so Dracaena doesn’t need to worry about bitties on her tail or head. Erratic smiles as he, Tam, Bam, the twins of Dreamtale and Xee took Dracaena’s shoulders, the Horror and Tart taking her hands. Major took the others, the fae bitties being a bit too lazy right now but still being loved on. Once at the table,they were dropped off(not literally dropped) onto the table, very carefully with the new bitties.

“What’s chicken alfredo?” the Mumcher asks the elder bitties who smile softly.

“It’s spaghetti noodles with tiny bits of chicken and alfredo sauce instead of tomato paste.” Tam explains and Tart looked happy at the dinner that was coming. Once it was on plates for all, the two monsters returned to the table and put it in front of all of them. The Paperjam bitties took their food and sat near Dracaena while the others spaced out on the table. The five new bitties stayed near each other and talked, the Horror and Nightmare watching as they ate.

“My brother and I found an ethnic group that sees twins as two halves of a whole. They’re called the Yoruba and we decided Kehinde would be me and Taiwo would be my brother! Even if it’s a little different.”the newly named Kehinde tells Dracaena who nods in listening, Taiwo watching as he ate. The Horror bitty beside him was a messy eater, luckily Tart was a bit better at being clean as he ate. Mumcher had been listening to the others’ day and Xee had been talking about the baby bitties with her. Essentially they were just formed a few days ago and the bitties were so excited to be seen, reference sheets taking a bit longer than Dracaena likes to admit.

Once dinner was done(after giving some of the bitties a second serving) Major brought out the Ambrosia and sundaes, giving some to all of the bitties. The Horror took a bite of Ambrosia and purred, Dracaena surprised but also amused because Major was great at making desserts,tacos and mustard from the mustard plants. Must be the benefits of having an Underswap Sans and an Underfell Sans as parents.

“Soo good!” The Horror moans in delight at the dessert. Major flushes but the compliment is taken fairly well. Dracaena snorted, making Taiwo and the Horror look at the monsters before smirking at Majors flush.

“Something wrong Major?” Taiwo asked, Major sighing as he figured the playful picking on would have been eventual.

“Got nothing Major to say huh? Like da dessert though.” the Horror picks on and Major sighs, silently cursing his Underfell parent for the name yet again. The other bitties were giggling as they finished their sweets.

“Alright, bathtime.” Dracaena says, the fae bitties going on excitedly. Taiwo looked like he was about to say something but Bam went over to him.

“Us PJ’s have the same design of liquid cleaning, so Mama puts us in charge of toweling and lifeguard duty.” Bam told Taiwo who nodded as they went with the two monsters for a bath. The Horror was talking avidly with Major about the next project on Majors list, making a functional bitty mansion that will be able to go into the house pipes and so everyone had a room-not like the houses he had made for them- and was able to talk about things without worrying about Dracaena hearing or him. Once at the bathroom, there was a regular bath/shower combo and beside it was a foot by foot square of a bathtub for group bitty bathing. The new ones were flushing at what they noticed, the fae, beside Yasha who had began patrol after dessert, were getting a hottish side of lukewarm water in the tub with varying heights due to the highest a bitty could be in the tub was 5”, so Tart had to use the monster/human sized bathtub.

“Hey Miss! I think I know what to name myself!” The Horror bitty called, Taiwo, and the PJ’s away from the water, especially the couple inches that were ready for Tart.

“What is it dear?” Dracaena chirps, making a note to find soft fabric for clothes.

“I want to be called Ambrosia.” The newly dubbed Ambrosia told S who nods and hums. The Mumcher hadn’t said anything about what her name would be, but it’s okay, Dracaena would wait-it took Blue Smoke a couple days to tell her.

“Ambrosia, the nectar of the gods.” Dracaena jokes, Ambrosia smiling wide at the joke.

“We normally take a group bath, are you guys gonna be comfortable?” Wildflower asks, S nodding as she looked at the new bitties. Tart didn’t really mind, it was a family bath, the Mumcher helping the kids but the other two were flushed because it was different.

“You don’t have to take one with the others. I did one on one for a while but kept loosing track of who was next so Wildflower and Xee didn’t have a couple of baths so I implemented family baths.” Dracaena told the two softly, making sure they understood it was for both health and familial reasons. They nodded, stripping to their underwear and go in, Dracaena not bothering them if they wished to bathe with underwear, however the plushie Ambrosia had since they adopted him had to stay on the side. It was within his arms reach if he became panicked, which the others wouldn’t quite understand, only knowing it was part of his species and knowing that it was a good thing to have.

“Mama, is it okay if we call her Mummy?” Hope asked Dracaena who chuckled and nodded.

“As long as she’s fine with it, I don’t mind.” Dracaena told the child, already knowing that most of the bitties(soon Inky’s and the new bitties) were under her charge, lightening the load a little.

“I’m okay with it, are you sure you want to share the title?” The Mumcher asks and Dracaena nods.

“I’m sure you’ll help her out a lot.” Major chuckles and S huffs, already knowing that Major was thinking about the Mumcher adopting her.

“Okay, well I like the name Demeter, Kehinde showed me the name earlier and I was thinking of something like that.” The Mumcher told Dracaena who nods.

“Thank you for telling me your name, if you don’t like it, for whatever reason, I have the rule that you can change it and nobody will not question it little Demeter.” Dracaena told Demeter who nodded in happiness.

Once bath was over, Dracaena used different cloths for different bitties to dry off, using a soft black washcloth to help Kehinde dry off while using a soft violet washcloth to dry Ambrosia off. She made sure to clean the bashed part of the skull to prevent further infection or just to keep it clean, either way, it seemed relaxing to Ambrosia and he fell asleep quickly at the cleaning. Due to not having little homes for them yet, Dracaena had already used part of her closet to set up a safe space for the five at the bottom with comfortable beds,and a couple hammocks. She had to leave the crib(she had found an old wooden crib that was low to the ground in the attic somehow) outside of the closet for Tart.

“Can brother sleep with me?”Tart asks and she smiles softly while nodding; having to get the underwear off of Ambrosia and put on some clothes that the others found-mainly some hoodies that were for some Inky’s (though they never really use them) and a couple of doll nightgowns. It was one of the only things that they had on short notice ( since Dracaena can be a bit impulsive with bitties) and they would have the clothes cleaned and dried sometime in the morning. At each window in the room, they had installed a door for Yasha when he returned. Major had said night before going to his house that he also used as a shed that was across from the main home.

Once all tucked in, they went to sleep. Dracaena barely dreams and if she does, it’s either because of a stressful day or Major decided to tranquilize her( she got insomniac sometimes and that was the best way to get her to sleep).

As the morning rose, Wildflower, Kehinde and Dracaena rose to the sunlight, Yasha tiredly coming in and letting S feed him before getting his bath. After his bath,Fandom came downstairs as Koga took his mate to the hanging nest. Afterwards, Dracaena finished laundry for the new bitties and thought she saw Taiwo in the corner of her eye in the shadows in the laundry room.

“I’ll take the clothes to them, Ambrosia and Tart will wake up any time now.” Taiwo says and the skele-dragon nods as she let him get the clothes. After a little while, all home bitties were up, Erratic talking about the Inky bitties in the shop and how it works with Kehinde.

“So, you guys come from ink and magic?” Kehinde asks.

“Not just any magic, art block magic. Like when an artist, a writer, song person or anything that’s art comes up, but that’s rare to find an Inky that was formed like that. Normal Inky bitties come from Ma’s experimental magic with inkwells, making it a bit more difficult for others to manipulate into an Inky like myself.”Erratic explains and Dracaena shrugs as the newbies look at her.

“The shop’s gonna get busy with Inky bitties being little spaz-nuggets, so I need to take you all with me.” Dracaena told them and they nod. Demeter drew in a crowd since Inky bitties could tell a motherly aura in an instant, others were looking at the new bitties in rapt fascination as some studied them,making Taiwo and Ambrosia a little uncomfortable until the attention was turned on their siblings, some of the younger Inky’s just listening to the two. At least Kehinde and Tart would be great playmates and their siblings would be great watchers/ protectors, seeing that it was focused on how much trouble one of the Inky’s could get in trouble easily. Demeter had already won the younger bitties with her magic and how she listened to them.

Dracaena liked having a schedule with her bitties and so far, the newest members did not have a problem with it.

Taiwo(Nightmare!Bitty)

Kehinde(Dream!Bitty)

Tart(Teeth!Bitty)

Ambrosia(Horrortale!Sans Bitty)

Mumcher(Horrortale!Toriel Bitty)

by @dotchi13

Xee(Xee Bitty)

By @theamazingfey

Blue-Smoke(Wyvern!Snas Bitty)

By @moonsbittybabies

Hope(Flamester Papyrus!Bitty)

By @sansbyandson

Koga(Sweatie!Bitty)

Yasha(Dreamy!Bitty)

Wildflower(Faun!Bitty)

Fandom(Sing-Song!Bitty)

by @ajadeideidy

Sugar-Cube and Floss(Jiggy!Bitty)

by @shyeevee66

Tam/Tapper and Bam(PJ!Bitties)

by @7goodangel

Erratic(Inky!Bitty)

by myself

#Dotchi13 #Dreamtale twin bitties #Horrortale bros #fae bitties #Ajadeidey #shyevee66 #Jiggy boys #Flamester Papyrus bitty #bittybones #bittybone #inky bitty #Wyvern Snas #Xee bitty #storytime #story

3 notes · View notes

sockablock · 6 years

Text

Something New for Me and You

• (start) (AO3) (prev) (next) •

Ch. 4: Vanilla, Cream, and Chocolate Shavings

Caleb opened his eyes, and rolled over in bed, and waited for his brain to catch up and tell him what time it was. When the tired answer of “7AM” finally crept through the fog of exhaustion, he sighed to himself, slipped off his covers, and trudged into the bathroom. It was only as he just finished brushing his teeth over the chipped sink in front of the water-stained mirror did he remember that he did not have work today.

Or, rather, that he should have had work today.

He spat out his toothpaste and rinsed his mouth. He silently watched the suds swirl down the drain. He continued to stare long after the basin had dried. Then he put his toothbrush back on the ledge next to the green, untouched and very dusty child’s toothbrush that always rested there, and walked back to his bed.

He laid down and stared at the ceiling.

After about an hour, he shot up and marched out into the kitchen.

•

Around this time, Yasha awoke. The sound of pedestrians out on the street and the rush of cars passing by welcomed her brightly, as it did every morning. She rubbed at her eyes, yawned, and stretched.

•

“What’s all this for?” Not asked as she climbed onto the dinner table with a strip of jerky in her hands.

Caleb looked up from the massive pile of newspapers spread out before him, and gently tugged free a page that Nott had taken a seat on. Then he gestured at the nearest advert, which read:

Waiter Wanted—apply at the Meal Hearth, front counter.

“I’m job-hunting,” Caleb sighed. “We need a steadier stream of income than three days at a library and whatever you can steal.”

Nott raised an eyebrow. “Do you even know how to be a waiter?” she asked.

“Well, no,” he admitted, “but I suppose I will have to learn.”

“Maybe I could find a job too?” she suggested. “That way you wouldn’t be the only one caught in the cogs of our terrible capitalist society. And anyways, isn’t it good for you to have some free time?”

Caleb blinked a few times as he tried to process that statement. Then he sighed and said, “As nice as that would be, I do not think it is possible. You aren’t exactly…what, er, what most employers are looking for.”

“That’s true,” Nott agreed, and chewed a bite of jerky. “I’m also not technically a citizen, so that could make things complicated, right?”

“Right. Maybe you should just focus on just having sticky fingers for now. And speaking of sticky fingers, it is time to head out to Oglen’s soon, ja?”

Nott shook her head and waved the jerky in front of his face. “Actually,” she said, “I should head out to Oglen’s soon. You should be getting ready for your date.”

Caleb blinked. “My date? I don’t have a…oh. You mean coffee with Mollymauk?”

Nott pulled out her phone and beamed. “That’s the one,” she said. “He wants to meet up at ten, which is in…two hours. This is the address,” she added, flipping the screen around. “You’ll remember it, right?”

“Ja, of course,” Caleb said, though now suddenly overwhelmed. “But I do not understand why I would need two hours to get ready. Especially for a casual meet-up between acquaintances.”

Nott sighed. “The first time you met each other, it was at a crazy-fancy restaurant and you were in a dinner jacket that Jester custom-ordered for you. He’s going to have expectations.”

“But he was here for movies just two nights ago,” Caleb protested. “I was not dressed so nicely then.”

“That’s different,” Nott said, shaking her head. “There were a bunch of people around then, so it doesn’t matter so much. But when it’s just the two of you, the stakes are higher. You’ve got to be presentable. Come on, Caleb, even I know this, and I’m a goblin.”

He ran a hand through his hair. “Sorry, sorry,” he sighed. “It has been a while since I’ve needed to bother with this sort of thing. Are you sure this level of effort is required for when two people who barely know each other go to a café?”

“I wouldn’t say he barely knows you,” Nott said, “but yes. It’s even more important if you aren’t familiar, because his impression of you isn’t finished yet. I know these things.”

“Yes, and how do you know these things?”

She shrugged. “Jester let me borrow her magazines.”

“…what are these magazines called?”

“Iva’s Secrets. They’re by some lady who runs a bookstore for ‘young wimmen’ and ‘lonely gents,’ according to the back page.”

Caleb was quiet for a moment. Then he sighed and rubbed his temples. “I am not sure you should be reading these, but I suppose I am not one to stop you from pursuing the written word—”

“—damn straight.”

“—so I will just shut up and…and…prepare for this casual meet-up, then.”

“Great!” Nott grinned and slid off the table. Then she passed Caleb her phone and added, “Here. I’ll leave this with you in case you need to call Molly while I’m gone. Oh, I’m so excited to see what’s in the store today. There are so many shiny trinkets and flashy baubles, and Oglen doesn’t even notice when I take stuff from him to re-sell.”

•

“I’m just saying,” Beau said as she slowly lowered the last of the kettlebells. “You’re going to need a lot of pantry space. Jester eats like…well, like a demon. Or a teenage boy.”

Fjord wiped a towel across his brow. “But pastries don’t even last that long,” he said. “And it’s not like you’re supposed to put them into a cupboard, right?”

Beau shook her head. “The point is that she’s going to try to. And when she realizes that they went stale, like they always do, then she’s going to buy sugary snacks and candy to make up for it. And if you aren’t prepared, it’ll be heaps and heaps of bags everywhere, and you’ll go crazy. Believe me, I’ve been her roommate for like…three years now.”

“And I always commend you for that sacrifice, Beau.”

“Thanks.” She tossed him a water bottle. “Now it’s your turn.”

Fjord took a seat on the bench and sighed. “Moving in together is a real big deal, you know? I just want to make sure everything works out right.”

Beau plopped down next to him and put a hand on his shoulder. “Relax, Fjord, relax. She’s head-over-heels for you. It’ll be fine.”

“But what if it isn’t?” he pressed. “What if she ends up hating how much I snore, or she gets sick of me kicking in bed all the time, or what if I have a million little habits that it turns out she can’t stand? I mean, sometimes I leave clothes out, and maybe I forget to put the cap back on the toothpaste, what if that bothers her but she’s too nice to tell me, and it all ends up just…festerin’ until she hates me?”

Beau shook her head. “First of all, if she doesn’t like something she’ll definitely let you know. Nothing gets held back for her, that’s Jester 101. Secondly, if you already know you do these things, then warn her! Set some fuckin’ boundaries! You two need to sit down and have a chat about this shit, right? That’s what we did on day one.”

Fjord nodded, and gave her a weak smile. “Thanks, Beau. That’s…pretty smart.”

“You’re welcome,” she said. “I’m an educated motherfucker, alright? Even if I ran away from school, I still know some shit.”

“I don’t really think they teach you that stuff in sch—”

Beau waved a hand dismissively. “You know what I mean. Don’t push it.”

He snorted. “Alright, alright, you got it.”

“Great. Now, it’s almost nine. Get your ass to class. If you fail, you can’t sneak me into the college gym anymore and our entire friendship will fall apart. Hop to it."

•

Mollymauk Tealeaf, standing out on the sidewalk in front of the large windows of the café, checked his phone. Then he examined his reflection the glass, adjusted his jewelry, and checked his phone again.

It was…okay to arrive this early, right? It was the proper thing to do, right? Even if was only 8:45AM and they were supposed to meet at ten, right?

After a few more moments of deliberation, he brushed off his jacket and decided to take another lap around the block. Then he’d definitely go inside and scout out the perfect place to sit.

He could also use that time to decide what to order. Yes. Good. Now he had a plan.

•

“Are you kidding me?” Nott shook her head. “That ring’s got to be worth at least forty. Do you see that? Those little flowers? That’s ornamental, that is. Sophisticated, that is.”

Oglen squinted through the lens of his spectacles. “Flowers? What, the squiggles? Eh…I’ll go thirty, but no higher than that.”

“Come on, come on, that’s genuine bronze, there! Caleb checked it, and you know how smart he is. We’re returning customers too, regulars even. Doesn’t that count for anything?”

Oglen seemed to consider this for a moment, then sighed and lowered his glasses. “Alright, Nott. Thirty-five.”

“Thirty-seven.”

“Thirty-six.”

“Deal.”

He nodded, and added the ring to a growing pile of random jewelry and knick-knacks resting on the wooden countertop between them. Then he made a small note at the bottom of a slip of paper and turned back to Nott.

“Okay,” he said. “What else have you got?”

She reached into her pouch and produced a set of earrings. “Now, don’t try to sell me short again, Oglen. These have got gemstones, alright? They’ll be worth more than a pretty penny to any lady coming here to buy from you.”

The wizened old gnome pushed up his spectacles.

“Bring ‘em closer,” he said. “I’ll be the judge of that.

•

Caleb finally managed to dig out a knit cardigan from the very back of his not-so-large closet, and breathed a sigh of relief. It was old, probably from a thrift store, and unsurprisingly a shade of light brown, but all the buttons were still there and the collar wasn’t too bulky and really, it was the best he could do.

He pushed aside the wrinkled t-shirts and occasional hoodie that had swamped his bed and lay the cardigan down gently on the covers. Then he nodded to himself and walked into the bathroom.

He stared at his reflection for a few moments, taking in the dark circles under his eyes, the pale tone of his face, the overall sunken nature of his features. He ran a hand through his beard, freshly-washed but rather messy and tangled, especially for its short length.

He put his forehead against the mirror. He stared into the sink. He reached a hand into his pocket, pulled out Nott’s cell, and dialed a number.

The phone rang a few times before the person on the other end picked up.

“Hello? Nott?”

“Er, actually,” he said, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly, “actually, this is Caleb. How are you, Yasha?”

There was a brief pause on the end of the line.

“Caleb? Are you okay?”

He gave a nervous laugh. “No, no, nothing is the matter. I cannot just call one of my few friends for a chat? No such thing as pleasant conversation, anymore?”

“You don’t even have a phone you use, Caleb. Try again.”

He sighed.

“Yasha, you have known this group longer than I have. And you are used to dealing with many individuals from your work at the bar. I, on the other hand…I am an odd duck and this group is very large for me. I’ve only had Nott and Frumpkin for a year, you know? Then suddenly I met Jester and you and Beau, which has been wonderful, but now we are adding Molly and Fjord after barely having time to get to know the rest of you, and Beau and I have only just made up over the ‘bowl incident,’ and now today Molly and I are supposed to meet one-on-one, and…and I would like to make a good impression. I would like some advice.”

There was another, much longer pause. Yasha seemed to be trying to think of a response.

“Er, well…” she said, “...well, I mean...I am awkward too, Caleb, but...er...I suppose, if he tries to talk to you, you should respond, and, er...and you should be nice, and…and chew with your mouth closed, and wash your hands…”

And then they were both silent, for a while.

“I am confused,” Caleb said eventually. “Do you…have advice, or—”

Yasha sighed deeply. “Yes, yes, I do, I think, I am…not very good at this. Just, well, just be clean? It helps to be clean. How do you do that, anyway, stay dirty all the time?”

There was another pause.

“I did not mean that to sound so accusatory,” Yasha said quietly. “I apologize—”

“Nein, no, it is alright,” Caleb said quickly, “I got it. I just…er…well, this is a big city. And if you want to go unnoticed, the best way is to, as you said, ‘stay dirty,’ and people tend not to pay attention to you."

“I understand that,” Yasha said immediately. “I like to evade notice too, but I am…hard to miss. Not, you know, not hard to miss in the sense that, ‘woo, I am so pretty, I am so hard to miss,’ but more like…like…”

“Like you are built like a barn.”

“Exactly.”

“You know what I miss?” Caleb sighed, and pulled back to look at his reflection.

“What?”

He ran a hand through his beard. “I miss shaving. Feeling clean.”

There was another pause. Then Yasha spoke:

“I could…er…I could shave you, if you like?”

He blinked. “Was? Really? Have you…done that sort of thing before?”

“Yes, I have. Molly or Jester can tell you. Hang on, hang on, are you at home? I can be there in ten minutes.”

Caleb blinked again. “Oh, er, Yasha, it is alright, I do not think—”

The line went dead. He lowered the phone and stared at the blank screen for a few moments. Then he sighed, and went to go sink his face into a pillow.

•

“Jester,” Fjord whispered to hunched shape sitting next to him. “Jester, do you understand what Anders is goin’ on about?”

She glanced up from her notebook, covered in scribbled doodles and tiny comments in the margins. She glanced around the lecture hall, to the whiteboard, and then back at Fjord.

“Are…uh…are we still on chapter seven?”

“Yeah.”

“Oh, good,” she grinned. “In that case, yes, I do know what he’s talking about.”

“Thank the gods. D’you think you could give me a hand, later on today? I’m lost.”

Jester reached over and gave him a pat on the hand. “Of course, Fjord. But really, I think maybe you should just get a tutor. It’s nothing to be ashamed of, and Caleb would probably love more business, you know?”

He nodded sheepishly. “I think that’s probably a good idea. Otherwise I might have to kiss goin’ to Soltryce goodbye.”

She gave him another pat. “I can ask him for you later,” she whispered. “Now hush, I am in the middle of telling the Traveler what happened in The Courting of the Crick last night.”

•

“Yasha, is that a sword?”

“Yes? Why?”

Caleb rubbed his temples, and considered the wicked black pommel sticking out from behind Yasha’s imposing frame. The rest of the blade, wrapped in canvas, hung a foot off the ground. All in all, the weapon was probably almost as tall as its owner, which was saying something.

He sighed and waved a hand. “Come in, come in, I guess. You can put your coat on the rack, and…Yasha why do you have a sword?”

She took her boots off and hung her jacket up and followed him into the living room-area of the apartment.

“I don’t know,” she said, “for protection? You never know when you need a good sword.”

“Do…do you need a permit for that, or…?”

She shrugged. “Nobody has approached me about it so far.”

Caleb stared at her, took in her rock-hard biceps and sharp face paint and dead-eyed, cold-faced stare. She was probably a good foot-and-a-half taller than him, and twice as wide.

“I can’t imagine why,” he said. “Anyways, er…what am I supposed to do? Should I lie down?”

Yasha seemed to think about this for a moment. “Yes,” she said, “that might be best. Here, er…on the floor should work.”

He looked down at the wooden floorboards, and then watched as she casually unsheathed the sword. He quickly got down.

“Do you…always use such a large blade for these things?” he asked.

“No,” Yasha admitted. “Usually a dagger, or a razor, or something.”

“So why did you bring that?”

“It’s the only thing I have. Why, do you have a razor?”

Caleb considered this for a moment, weighing the options between having to actually go out and spend money on a pack of razors, versus putting his faith in Yasha.

He sighed. “Is this…is this going to hurt me? I know you are very strong, but is dexterity—”

“I have done this many times before,” she said. “I like having smooth arms, you know, and Molly likes having—”

“Okay, okay, okay.” Caleb squeezed his eyes shut. Then he opened them again and met her gaze. “I am glad we are friends,” he added quietly.

She cracked a smile at that. “I am glad also.”

“Oh. Oh, good.”

And then he closed his eyes and held his breath and steeled himself and waited.

•

“Oglen, it has been a pleasure doing business with you as always,” Nott grinned as the gnome grudgingly took her hand. “I admire your bartering skills, but know that on this day, you have been bested by Nott the Brave!”

He huffed. “You’re lucky I like you,” he said. “Not many others would be so nice about dealing with goblins. I hope you remember that next time you try and bargain the price up that high.”

“I hope you remember that I know what health code standards look like, and I know that the city isn’t so kind to merchants trading in illegal magical artifacts.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Oglen said. “It has been a pleasure. Come back any time.”

And with that, Nott shoved the bills into her pocket and cheerfully skipped out of the store.

•

Caleb turned back to a rather satisfied-looking Yasha standing in the doorway to his bathroom.

“Well?” she asked. “What do you think?”

He ran a finger along his jawline and over his chin, smooth for the first time in over a year. There was an occasional stubby patch, but nothing too obvious for those that didn’t know where to look.

“It’s…it’s fantastic, Yasha,” he said quietly. “Really. Thank you.”

She nodded. “You are welcome. Pay me back with Frumpkin?”

He chuckled at that. “Of course, Engel. I need to dress quickly now, but he will be in the kitchen. Stay as long as you please.”

Yasha's multicolored eyes glimmered. “Have fun on your date,” she said. “I will go find the cat.”

And before Caleb could correct her—it’s not a date, seriously—she darted out of the room with surprising speed, and he was alone in the bedroom.

He sighed, gave one last glance at his reflection, and started getting ready.

•

Molly, still out on the sidewalk, finally nodded to himself, slung a long, plastic garment bag over his shoulder, and strode into the café.

•

“Jester, why do you keep checking your phone?” Fjord whispered as the lesson continued. “It’s not polite.”

“It’s not any ruder than doodling,” she hissed back, “which is what I would be doing. Anyways, I’m checking to see if Molly’s sent me any texts. He and Caleb are going on that date today, remember?”

“Oh,” Fjord nodded. “Is that why Molly was so frantic this mornin’ about what to wear?”

“Probably,” Jester shrugged. “You know, you really shouldn’t have to ask me for information about his personal life. He’s your roommate.”

Fjord sighed. “Molly is an enigma to me, Jes. Give me Beau any day, I at least understand her. She’s a straight shooter. Well, not a straight shooter—”

Jester giggled. “Definitely not. Don’t worry, Oskar, I will keep giving you romantic updates. Even when you don’t want them, I will keep doing so.”

He sighed again. “Thank you, I think?”

“You’re welcome. Now hush, I am trying to focus. Go back to learning, or whatever you were doing before.”

•

A tiny bell over the door jingled softly as Caleb stepped inside. The Candleglow Café—its name scrawled proudly outside the large glass windows in curling script—was a small establishment with a warmly-lit interior. The ceiling sported a canopy of hanging plants, tiny yellow and scarlet flowers peeking through broad green leaves in wicker baskets. The hardwood floors gleamed from sunlight filtering in, and the afternoon crowd’s idle chatter created a soft blanket of quiet sound. Two figures stood at the wooden counter to the left, its surface piled high with platters of pastries. A chalkboard behind them listed drink offerings and announced that peppermint lattes were the season’s specialty. The smell of brewing espresso warmed the air.

Glancing around, Caleb could see that the clientele not only included the standard humans, halflings and such, but also a handful of more colorful folks. Their groupings varied; a tiefling sat across from a dwarf and a pair of sun elves shared drinks with two humans, and so on. None of the chairs they sat in matched either—some were painted with flowers, others sported cushions, a few metal, at the back were just sofas thrown in for fun. But instead of feeling haphazard and random, the atmosphere seemed strangely homey, weirdly honest. It was the very definition of snug. It said: we might not be organized, or coherent, or make any sense, but it works. And we serve damn good coffee.

As Caleb made one final sweep of the café, his eyes landed on a splash of purple lounging behind one of the small circular tables to his right, by the windows. It wore a maroon varsity jacket absolutely wrecked with embroidery, and had a pair of curling horns sporting silver and gold jewelry.

It was Mollymauk. Who looked over, saw Caleb, and immediately sat up and waved.

“Over here, dear!”

Caleb restrained himself from nervously combing through his hair, smiled weakly instead, and walked over.

“I hope I am not late,” he said, taking the seat across from Molly. “I was, er…shaving.”

He did not notice over his mounting panic, but Molly took a moment to respond and stumbled slightly as he did.

“You look dear, great—I mean, ah, you look quite nice.” He cleared his throat and turned around, revealing a long plastic bag draped over the back of his chair. He grabbed it and passed it over to Caleb.

“It’s your jacket,” he explained. “That you let me borrow. I had it cleaned for you, I hope that’s alright?”

“What?” Caleb blinked. “Oh, ja, er, that is very nice of you, Mollymauk. Thank you.”

“Yes, well. I figured it was the least I could do. You kept me from getting hypothermia that night, so I’d better make sure your clothes stay clean, right?”

“Ah…yes. Right.”

There was a pause, filled with background chatter and rustling as Caleb settled the bag over his own chair. Then he faced Molly again, and they stared at each other wordlessly for a few moments. Caleb scrambled frantically for something to fill the silence, and unknown to him, Molly did as well.

“So, do you—”

“Any preference for—”

Another pause.

“You first,” they both said at exactly the same time.

A final pause, which Caleb broke by laughing awkwardly.

“You go,” he said. “What were you saying?”

“Well, nothing too dramatic,” Molly grinned, and then tried not to wonder why he said that. He cleared his throat and continued. “I was just going to ask if there was a drink you’d like. I did promise to treat you, right?”

“Oh,” said Caleb. “Oh, yes. Ah…I usually just get black coffee,” and balked when he saw the offended expression on Molly’s face. “Er…is that bad?” he asked.

“My dear sir,” Molly said, pressing a hand over his heart, “that is a crime. Come on, the Candleglow has plenty to offer. Name any flavor combination you’d like, and I’m sure they can make it.”

Caleb seemed to consider this for a moment. “Anything?” he asked.

“Anything your heart desires, dear. Come on, is there anything you’ve always wanted to try before, or a drink you used to love? I bet there is.”

Caleb hesitated. Then he rubbed his chin. “You are going to think this is silly,” he said. “I had it mostly as a joke the first time.”

Molly’s eyes glittered and he leaned across the table. “Oh, dear. Now you’ve got my interest. Lay it on me.”

Caleb nodded. “It was something I had a long time ago, traveling with…with classmates. It was called a Rüdesheimer Kaffee. I think perhaps it is too early for anything alcoholic, but it was a very strong coffee drink, and then they added brandy, and whipped cream, and chocolate. And vanilla, I think, somewhere in there.”

He looked at Molly sheepishly. “A bit too fancy, though, ja?”

“It’s brilliant,” Molly said. “Gods, I want one right now.”

Caleb chuckled. “I do not know if they serve that sort of thing so far south, where we are,” he said. “And I would rather not have brandy before noon.”

“But vanilla and chocolate?” Molly asked, raising an eyebrow. “Now that sounds like much more fun than a black coffee, my dear. Hang on,” he said, and stood up. “I’m going to have a word with Thaddeus. I’ll be right back.”

And before Caleb could say a word, Molly had run off and was in deep discussion with a halfling—Thaddeus—behind the counter. He watched them go back and forth for a few moments, Molly pointing at various jars and nodding excitedly as two cups were brought out and filled and adorned to his satisfaction.

He returned and placed their drinks on the tabletop, pushing one towards Caleb.

Whatever coffee was inside had been absolutely buried under a large swirl of whipped cream, topped with little shavings of chocolate. It smelled like vanilla.

“To friends who help you stay warm,” Molly beamed, and lifted his own cup.

Caleb managed a smile at that. “Ja, alright,” he agreed. “And to warm cafés.”

When the drink hit his lips, Caleb’s eyes went wide, He lowered the cup and blinked. There was a line of white foam on his upper lip. “Scheiss,” he said, “this is much sweeter than what I remember.”

Molly wore an immense grin. “Just the way I like it,” he said, then chuckled. “Are you alright, Mister Caleb? Is it too sugary?”

Caleb shook his head and cleared his throat quietly. “No, no,” he said, “not at all. I am just unused to…to that taste. Give me a moment, do not worry.”

“Is it close to the…the rude drink, you mentioned before?”

Caleb actually snorted at that. “Rüdesheimer Kaffee,” he corrected teasingly. “And it was not too bad. Of course, I appreciate the lack of alcohol—”

“A shame, but you’re welcome.”

“—and the taste it not exactly the same, but it is quite nice. Quite nice indeed. Thank you.”

Molly beamed. “No problem, dear. Now, I assume we should talk about ourselves, yes? Especially since Jester and Fjord aren’t here to interrupt.”

“Ja, I suppose so. What do you propose?”

“I know virtually nothing about you dear.” Molly leaned back in his chair. “And I don’t remember talking that much about myself, so why don’t we do a trade? I’ll ask you a question, and you ask me one in return.”

Caleb raised an eyebrow and nodded. “Okay,” he agreed. “That sounds like a good start. Er…go ahead?”

Molly laughed. “Hmm…how about…do you like your job? I seem to recall Jester saying you work at the library.”

“That would be correct,” Caleb sighed. “It is nice, all in all. Easy work, very quiet, and usually I am left to my own reading. The only problem, I would say, is that they do not give me more hours.”

“Well, that must be their loss, dear. You seem like the library type, you know.”

“Do I?”

“All you need are glasses, and you’d be perfect. It’s a, ah, a good look on you.”

“Oh. Er…thank you.” Caleb fidgeted with the handle of his mug for a few moments before speaking. “So, do you like your job? Being such a fancy singer at the Moondrop, and all?”

Molly grinned. “I’m definitely lucky to work somewhere so fun,” he conceded. “Though, and I think I’ve mentioned this before, I could stand to get into a little less trouble with the clientele.”

“Actually,” Caleb said, “I have been wondering about that. How is it that you are not swarmed on the streets? How is it that presses do not harass you, and all that? If you are so famed as Jester and Fjord said.” Then he balked and added, “That came out a bit, er…confrontational. Sorry.”

Molly waved a hand dismissively. “Don’t worry, Mister Caleb, I got it. I think it’s mostly that…when I’m up on stage, I’m somebody else. I feel…like I was born to be the center of attention, in a weird way. And when I’m on the arm of some celebrity, or when I have a famous person on mine, I then for the rest of the world, I’m flashy and interesting. But when I’m alone…or in a quiet café out of the way like this…I don’t think I’m quite so interesting anymore. And not as recognizable. With someone famous, I’m exotic. I’m glamorous. Alone, I’m a random tiefling wandering through the streets of a very big city. Does that make sense?”

Caleb nodded slowly, and took another sip. “I think…I think that does.”

“Plus, I just have one of those faces that’s easy to mistake, you know?”

He scoffed. “Is that so?”

“Absolutely, dear. Now, my turn to ask. Hmm…can you tell me about how you and Nott met? She made…quite the impression on me during movie night a few days ago.”

Caleb smiled, and here there was no trace of strain or anxiety. “Ja, that is Nott in a nutshell, isn’t it? And, well, we actually met in…not the most elegant of locations.”

“Please, do go on.”

Caleb carefully met Molly’s gaze. “Tell me, Mollymauk, how…acquainted are you with things that are not always the most…legally up to standard?”

Those red eyes glittered. “I work at a bar, dear. Downstairs we run a club so popular we had to install more soundproofing than you can imagine. The mother of one of my dearest friends,” he continued quietly, “is a high-profile courtesan. And let’s just say tipping isn’t the only way to get coin from the pockets of patrons that wouldn’t miss it. What was your question, again?”

Caleb nodded, satisfied. “We met in a prison in a smaller township to the north. Both of us for stealing.”

Molly gave him a wicked grin. “And how did you get out?”

Caleb leaned back into his chair and examined his fingernails. For just a second, for a moment so short that Molly barely caught it, a lighter-sized flame burst from Caleb’s thumb and went out.

It sent shivers down Molly’s spine. He wasn’t exactly sure what kind.

“Of course, nobody got hurt,” Caleb added. “I…would not have done well if somebody had.”

Molly laughed. “Glad to see there’s a bleeding heart under the mysterious magical criminal, then. Now, ask me a question.”

Caleb tapped his chin, and then brightened up. “Jester mentioned you had your own magic to me once, I think? Is that true?”

Molly hesitated, and Caleb almost apologized. But then the tiefling smiled faintly and nodded. “I do, yes,” he said. “It’s probably not the same as yours, though. Actually, I think I can almost guarantee that it isn’t.”

“Is it innate, then?” he asked. “Like some of Jester’s abilities?”

Molly shrugged. “Maybe?” he said. “I don’t know, I’ve been able to do it as long as I can remember,” he added lightly. “Now, what is your favorite book?”

Caleb blinked, the sudden shift in conversation catching him off-guard. “My favorite book?” he asked. “Er, why?”

“It’s my turn to ask a question, right? Sorry, did you want to stop, or—”

“Oh no, no,” Caleb said hastily. “No, it is alright. Er…favorite book, favorite book…there was a novel I read once before called Before the River’s Dawn, about the creation myth of Wildemount. It is quite good, if you ever feel in the mood for history. And then there is The Mountain Range of Gold, that one was also excellent, and is a three-part fictional series. Actually, the second book is widely regarded as the best in the trilogy but the author believes the last was her most praiseworthy work, even though I really believe the first volume…”

And as Caleb continued rambling, Molly couldn’t help but feel relieved that the other man so easily dropped the subject of magic. It had been a pleasure, really, to watch Caleb’s usually-stoic mask crumble under the weight of sugary coffee and now light up animatedly at the opportunity to discuss his favorite novels. And most importantly, Molly was relieved that no sensitive topics would need airing out on a first date like this.

•

Nott cracked open the kitchen window of the apartment and crawled through, as she always did. It wasn’t until she had made her way across the counter and hopped cheerfully onto the white-tiled floor did she see a large figure crawling on the ground in front of her.

She screamed, which was understandable, and Yasha looked up in panic.

“What the fu—oh my gods.” Nott sighed, and rubbed her eyes. “Why are you in our house?”

Yasha stood up, dusting her sweatpants off as she did. “Caleb invited me over,” she said. “I helped him get ready for his date, and he said I could play with Frumpkin while he was gone.”

Nott only needed a second to go from terror to complacency. “Okay,” she sighed again. “Sure. Just…just warn a girl next time, alright? I thought there was a wolf in the living room.”

Yasha nodded immediately. “Sorry,” she said. “I can see why that would be startling.”

“Yeah, you think? And anyway, why were you on the floor?”

Yasha pointed at the couch. “Frumpkin ran underneath,” she said. “I was trying to get him out.”

Nott considered this for a moment. Then she unhooked her pouch from her belt, rolled up her sleeves, and marched towards the living room. “Hang on,” she said. “I’ll get ‘im for you.”

•

“Is Beau coming this time?” Jester asked as she and Fjord exited the Sutan Learning Hall and walked onto the street. “She mentioned that she might this morning, did she say anything to you while you were at the gym?”

Fjord nodded. “She said she’d meet us at the address. You know, I never expected her to be the type to enjoy apartment-hunting so much. Especially when she isn’t even the one hunting.”

Jester grinned. “She likes shaking up landlords. I think it comes from being a rich guy’s daughter. It’s probably therapeutic, or something.”

“Well," he chuckled, "I’m not one to get in the way of someone working out their personal problems. Shall we head over now?”

Jester giggled and held out her elbow. “I think we shall, sir Fjord. I’m actually super-excited to see this one. It’s pet-friendly and everything.”

•

By now, the morning mob had melted away into a rather bustling lunch crowd, that soon faded into the last stragglers of the late-afternoon. Molly, among other things, had learned about Caleb’s asshole of an apartment super, about Frumpkin the definitely-a-real-cat, and more about the underground smutty novel trade than he ever could have expected. Caleb, in turn, had learned about a number of the tiefling’s more riveting romantic entanglements, about Yasha and his friendship, and about life as a serial performer.

And as the empty cups of makeshift Rüdesheimer Kaffee slowly grew stone-cold, Molly began to see glimmers of somebody else swimming under the surface of the scruffy wizard in front of him. Somebody who, though perhaps he himself didn’t remember, not only knew what it was like to be the center of attention, but also had thrived there. And Caleb, plastic laundry bag pressed against his back, eventually began to notice a kindness and desperation for nothing but friendship, real friendship, lurking within in the man across the table, whose entire life was seemingly an act.

And just as Molly was wrapping up the story of how Ornna and Gustav nearly launched the Moondrop into a civil war over a simple spat—never underestimate that woman, Mister Caleb, she can be very persuasive when she wants to be—Molly’s phone started buzzing from its place on the tabletop.

They both glanced down. The screen read:

2:30PM

YOU HAVE REHEARSAL AT 3. DO NOT FORGET OR YASHA WILL KILL YOU

Molly sighed and silenced the alarm.

“Sorry, dear,” he said with an apologetic expression. “I should probably head out now. It…it truly has been lovely though. We should definitely do this again.”

Caleb smiled back. “I agree. I had a nice time also. You are…fun, Mollymauk Tealeaf.”

Molly grinned. “Really? Well, that is quite a high compliment coming from you. Oh!” he added, and hit himself in the forehead dramatically. “Before I forget, are you doing anything this Saturday?”

“This Saturday?” Caleb echoed. “Oh, uh…I do not believe I am. Why?”

“Well, the Moondrop is having a big celebration for its 25th anniversary. I was wondering if, ah, perhaps you’d like to come?” he fished around in his pocket and produced a small white card, trimmed with gold. “Here’s an invitation,” he said, and passed it across the table to Caleb. “We’ll all be there, Beau and Fjord and Yasha and I, plus Jester is coming too. You’re welcome to bring Nott along also. If you’re…interested?”

Caleb blinked a few times, and studied the card in his hands. “Ah,” he said. “Is it…a party, then?”

Molly quickly shook his head. “Not at all, dear. It’s a show. From all the singers and dancers, including yours truly. Limited social interaction, and I’m sure Jester would love to cover for you if anyone actually tried to mingle. She was going to ask you to go originally but, well, I wanted to. I thought it might be a good step in our friendship if I did. It would…mean a lot to me, if you would come and see me perform?”

Caleb nodded slowly to himself. Then he glanced back up at Molly and gave him a tentative grin. “That sounds…like a very good step indeed. I will…think it over, if that is alright?”

“Excellent!” Molly said, and gave Caleb a clap on the shoulder. “Perfect. I’ll send Nott the details if you decide to come? It starts at seven in the evening, so there’s plenty of time to get ready and all.” Molly stood up. “Er…see you later, then?”

Caleb nodded again, this time much faster. His smile grew only the smallest bit, but it was enough to make Molly’s heart soar with relief.

“See you later, Mister Mollymauk.”

“Wonderful, Mister Caleb. Tell Nott I said hello.”

And with that, the tiefling gave Caleb one more pat on the arm, and headed out the door.

•

Today 2:42 PM

Molly Tealeaf: Jester your idea worked theyre probably in Jester Lavore: of course it did! and I assume the date was good too? Molly Tealeaf: it was wonderful dear Molly Tealeaf: now you just gotta help them get ready and navigate fancy people during the event Molly Tealeaf: does that sound alright? Jester Lavore: molly are you kidding Jester Lavore: i would want nothing more than to do that Jester Lavore: oh my gods im going to put nott in a dress Jester Lavore: thank you for this gift Molly Tealeaf: go easy on them please I only just met em Jester Lavore: ive known them months Jester Lavore: im unleashing hell Jester Lavore: okay bye gotta go fjord says this apartment might be perfect and beau is gonna start haggling now k bye Molly Tealeaf: have fun dear make sure she doesn’t kill anybody

•

Hard as he tried, Caleb’s heart refused to calm down as he rounded the hallway and made his way up the stairs to his apartment. He felt light-headed, and he wasn’t sure if that was good or bad. He felt anxious, as if he were expecting the clear skies overhead to suddenly turn grey, or as if he were about to get back scores from an exam he hadn’t aced after all.

And more than anything, he felt guilty.

He had enjoyed himself, at the Candleglow, with this strange man that had suddenly catapulted his way into Caleb’s life. This technicolor whirlwind that would go from high-energy to soft and thoughtful at a moment’s notice. This odd newcomer that made Caleb laugh, that bought him a drink that reminded him of home, that had managed to carefully coax him into opening up about his life where most could never get a word out. After all, Jester had been trying for months.

But Caleb shouldn’t have had fun. He wasn’t supposed to. He didn’t deserve that kind of happiness, and he had left it all behind.

Worst of all, up until now, the feelings now bubbling dangerously in his chest had unswervingly belonged to somebody else. And after it had become clear that they would never be needed ever again, Caleb had locked them up in a box and pushed them down, deep down, so far down that he thought they would never see sunlight again.

Until, apparently, now.

He sighed as he unlocked the front door. Then he yelped in surprise and backed up. Three pairs of eyes instantly trained on him from down on the living room floor.

Frumpkin—in Yasha’s hands, being scratched by Nott—meowed.

“Hey, Caleb!” Nott said cheerily. “Did the date go well?”

“Did Molly like your shave?” Yasha chimed in immediately. “Was it alright?”

He blinked a few times. Then he rubbed his face and sighed. “Have you been in my house since I left?” he asked.

Yasha glanced at Nott, who shrugged, and then back to Caleb.

“Yes?”

He nodded and took his coat off. “Don’t you have rehearsal, or something now?”

Yasha’s face suddenly looked stricken. “Shoot,” she said, and stood up. “I forgot.”

She handed a mildly disgruntled-looking cat to Nott, and quickly started to gather her things. She draped her large shawl around her shoulders, strapped the sword to her back, and gave Caleb a clap on the arm. “See you later. Thank you for letting me stay.”

“Er…no problem?”

And then she squeezed past, and bolted out the door.

“So anyways,” Nott said after Caleb had taken his shoes off and joined her on the floor. “Did the date go well?”

He nodded, and pulled Frumpkin into his lap. “I think it so,” he said, “though again, it was not a date. Mollymauk asked me to meet up once more, later this week.”

“Really?” Nott’s face lit up. “That’s great! Where?”

Caleb gave her a small smile. “At the Moondrop,” he said. “And you’re invited as well. How do you feel like being part of high society for a night?”

Nott raised an eyebrow. “Is that safe?” she asked.

Caleb considered the strange feeling of guilt weighing in his stomach. The dread he felt at having to interact with the upper crust. The terror of the past catching up to him.

And then he thought about the way Molly’s eyes had softened when he asked if Caleb would come see him perform. He thought about the distant glimmer of city lights at night as they stood up on the balcony together in the light snow. He thought about the way his mouth still tasted, ever-so-slightly, like vanilla and cream and chocolate shavings.

“It’s safe,” he said slowly. “And you know, I think the two of us need to just live once in a while. Ja?”

Nott’s eyes glittered. “Ja,” she echoed, and then grinned. “Yeah, absolutely.”

•

☕ ☕ 💚

#critical role #fic #fanfic #fanfiction #text #cr2 #widomauk #jay writes #caleb widogast #mollymauk tealeaf #fjord #jester #yasha #nott #beauregard #long post #longfic #something new for me and you

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missanthropicrn · 7 years

Text

After Practice

Garbage Saionji/Nanami fanfic challenge incoming!!!

Warnings? None. They’re underage, so there’s no sex. Or sexiness. Or sexual connotations. I struggled to write this, ask Yasha.

________

“Oh, are we babysitting again?” Saionji glanced briefly at their approach, unwilling to interrupt the rhythmic whooshing of his shinai as he practiced.

“I don’t mind it. Besides, she asked if she could join us.” Touga set a hand idly on top of Nanami’s head. Her eyebrows drew together, but she made no protest, satisfied that he wasn’t mussing her hair anymore.

“I’m going to watch. I want to learn how to fight.”

Saionji glanced sharply in Touga’s direction, a question and an accusation in his eyes. Touga smiled, and then shook his head. Saionji abandoned his stance, letting his shinai rest on his shoulder. “What on earth are you getting into fights for?”

“My brother is going to be the president.”

Touga rested an arm across Nanami’s shoulders, pulling her into something resembling a hug. “Yes, darling. And I will be very busy, won’t I?”

Nanami nodded in somber agreement, her arms folded in front of her. “Someone will have to keep the losers away from my brother. And no one will do it better than me.”

Saionji laughed, a full throated sound he’d only recently started making, now that he was a safe year or two from it potentially cracking. “No, no one will. I almost feel sorry for him. But…what about me? Will I be allowed access to his highness today?”

“Of course! You’re not some bug creeping around my brother, trying to get his attention. You’re special.”

Saionji cocked an eyebrow and glanced toward his friend, who had already started stretching. “Did you hear that? She says I’m special.”

“I couldn’t ask for a better manager. Although,” Touga turned to Nanami, capturing her full attention with barely a shift in his tone. “I would rather you avoid fights. I won’t stay Student Council President long if I’m bailing you out of trouble every week.”

Nanami blanched. “Never. I have friends to use for those kinds of things…lots of them. And who cares about bailing them out. But I still want to learn how to fight. Not everyone will listen when I tell them to keep away from my brother.”

Saionji pursed his lips, his good humor suddenly muted as he turned to his friend. “I guess I should be flattered you don’t think you need several of me.”

Touga smiled, but it wasn’t entirely friendly. “Why would I? Like the young lady said…you’re special.”

Saionji dulled the sting of his friend’s mockery by focusing instead on Nanami. She had laid out a blanket, and was carefully disassembling a large bento box. Rice and broiled fish, fresh pickles, a traditional meal he knew would end with untraditional western sweets. Touga rarely partook of dessert, which usually meant more cookies, cake, or brownies for Nanami and him. This arrangement suited them well, and when he saw the substantial pile of chocolate and macadamia nut cookies, he grinned, and his voice warmed with affection.

“Nanami. You can’t learn kendo by watching. You know that.”

“Kyouichi!”

“And, you can’t very well walk around the school with a sword. You need to learn to fight some other way.”

“So teach me something else!” Nanami paused, her face reddening. “You’re better at fighting than my brother is.”

Touga laughed as he held his hands behind him, stretching his shoulders. “She has me there, it’s true. I’m no good at brawling.”

Saionji bounced the shinai against his shoulder, seeming lost in thought before abruptly resuming a kata. “After practice.”

Nanami grinned and sat down, looking rather unsurprised to be getting her way.

Touga was content to watch from a safe distance as the blanket Nanami brought for the picnic was wrapped tightly around a nearby tree trunk. Nanami, having gleaned some of Saionji’s intent by now, was unsuccessfully trying to crack her knuckles. Saionji prodded at the makeshift punching bag, testing, before landing a fist on it, a loud thud that drew Nanami’s attention from her warmup. He flexed his fingers, looking satisfied.

“Now, I’ve seen enough catfights to know everyone goes for the hair, but you’re not going to do that.”

“Why not? It works really well.”

“Because it’s crude, and I’ll have taught you better.” Saionji folded his arms, affecting the look of an authority figure, if a bit of a haughty one. “Also, fights are never won with hair pulling. They’re won with punches.”

Nanami nodded. He gestured her over, and with a brotherly nudge at her shoulder, directed her to their punching bag.

“Imagine…this tree is one of those losers you mentioned. A pest you want to keep away from your brother. Some rude thing that keeps asking for his phone number, or for you to arrange a meeting. They just won’t go away, and you’re out of peaceful options.”

Nanami tested the softness of the blanket against hard wood as he spoke. “It’s a shame I can’t just use bug spray.”

“Well that would be killing them. But what can you do, if words aren’t working?”

“Punch them?” Nanami pouted.

“That’s right. Now show me.”

“KYAAAH!” Nanami swung high, her balled up knuckles taking the brunt of the impact. Her arm jerked back, and she grasped her fist in her other hand. Her lower lip quivered for a moment before a stubborn set of her jaw took over and she grinned.

“Very good! I wouldn’t want to get into a fight with you.” Saionji crouched down to high-five her, knowing she’d try to use her dominant hand. It appeared fine; she didn’t avoid using it at least.

“Now, next time don’t let the impact fall on your knuckles. That’s why it hurt. You use the flat part, like this.”

He demonstrated, leading her fist into a smaller, better aimed strike. She grinned, nodding enthusiastically before doing it again. “That doesn’t hurt at all!”

“Well, it will if you do it hard enough. Listen. This is important. Don’t throw your fist like it’s a baseball. Think of it like the tip of a sword, so you’re thrusting forward. Here…” He grabbed a smooth rock, weighing it in his hand before passing it to her. “Practice with this for a bit, don’t punch the tree, just the air. Get used to that weight and always pretend it’s there.”

“This feels too easy.” Nanami bounced the rock in her hand, seeming unimpressed with its weight.

Saionji smiled indulgently, content to let her see how heavy it would feel over time. He sent her off with a push and she started punching away at the space ahead of her as she moved in circles she no doubt imagined were now kata. Eventually of her own accord she began punching the blanket tied to the tree. By this time Saionji had tucked into the bento, his bites only occasionally interrupted by an encouraging comment or bit of advice.

A good while passed before she seemed to be getting exhausted, her punches becoming slower and lower aimed. She switched arms for a time before finally stopping, a sheen of sweat on her forehead.

“Kyouichi! Should I use the rock to punch people? I think it would help.”

“God, no. That’s just for practicing. The fist will be enough to mean business.”

“I guess you’re right. But I think it would end the fight faster.” She threw her rock at the pond nearby, but it fell a few feet short of it, disturbing a pigeon rather than the water. Saionji suppressed a laugh.

“It would, but it would probably injure your opponent.” He glanced at Touga, who was pouring himself a glass of tea, sitting on the sloping ground nearby. “Also punching in a fight might get your wrist slapped, but if you take a rock to someone’s face, it’s assault. You’ll get in a lot more trouble. Trouble Touga can’t get you out of.”

“Oh… I see.” Nanami ran her fingers through her hair, as if to distract from the confused look on her face. Trouble she couldn’t get out of seemed impossible. Or tempting. Maybe the only reason no one got out of this kind of trouble was because she hadn’t tried yet. Though she tried to hide it, Saionji read her deliberations and shook his head, resting a hand on her shoulder until her attention was drawn back to him.

“Listen. If…if you’re in danger, if someone really is trying to hurt you, or…touch you in a way you don’t like, you use rocks. You pull hair. You try to stick your thumbs in their eyes. You fight as dirty as you need to to protect yourself. Ok?”

Saionji’s sudden lack of humor gave Nanami pause. She felt a smart remark bubbling in her thoughts, about how she was supposed to tell the difference, but he seemed to read it as well before she finished thinking it, shaking his head and adding, “Nanami, you’ll know the difference. If it ever happens. You’ll know.”

Nanami’s eyes widened, and for a moment she seemed even younger than she was, oblivious to hardship and unable to imagine ever needing to defend herself this way. It was bittersweet, and it took Saionji a moment to shake off the weight his words had brought to bear on the conversation. Touga said nothing, but Saionji didn’t need to look to know the practiced indifference he’d see.

“I understand, Kyouichi.”

Saionji wasn’t entirely convinced this was true, but he moved on anyway, kneeling down to match her height.

“Good. Then we’ll get back to the fights that will be your fault. Now that you’re a little worn down, we’ll practice aim. You need to be able to track moving targets.” He raised his open palms, and she took his meaning well enough, landing a first punch with more eagerness than precision. He winced and shied away, as if caught off guard, and Touga laughed in silence where Nanami couldn’t see him.

Saionji coaxed her through a battery of different strikes, teaching her to aim high only if she had to, or low if there was an advantage there. Sometimes his hand gave when she struck, and other times it held fast. He seemed serious at first, but over time began to express fear, concern at being the target of her increasingly exhausted aggression. He’d wince, beg a moment’s break, and rub his hands. Between his pretense of fear and her strikes turning flippantly playful, their practice devolved into a play fight, with Saionji trying to catch her fists before she could withdraw, pulling her off balance when he caught them, but never seeming to successfully make her fall. A forceless kick driven by laughter more than intent finally bowled Saionji over onto the grass, and he held his hands up, declaring utter defeat.

“Enough! I’m no match for you!”

“Oh fine. You can rest now. I think I practiced enough.” Nanami spoke in quick breaths, and then collapsed onto the ground next to him, resting her head on his outstretched arm. He moved to muss up her hair, but found himself pausing midway. His hand dropped to the grass, and he glanced over at Touga.

“She’s growing up too fast.”

“Aren’t we all?”

#utena #nanami #nanami kiryuu #saionji #kyouichi saionji #the great green and yellow garbage fire challenge #touga #touga kiryuu #sku #rgu #shoujo kakumei utena #revolutionary girl utena

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charactersadvocatechimata · 7 years

Text

Law of Life: Redheads are Absolute 6

“When were you going to tell me? I’ve been calling you Winter Wolf like your some twelve-year-olds power fantasy character in World of Warcraft.”

“It didn’t matter.”

“Of course, it matters. It’s your freaking identity. What about your friends and family?”

“They’re dead.”

“Howard is alive. So is Aunt Pegs and Uncle Dummy.” Winter, he insisted he still be called that and Howard wasn’t going to argue, Anthony was doing enough for the both of them, rolled his eyes. He could have told Winter that was a mistake and to backpedal quickly, but he didn’t. Partly not to lose any brownie points with Anthony and partly because Howard was a dick. “What about Steve?” The scary girl, Natalie or Natasha, was frowning slightly and the circus kid, Clark-no Clint, was scowling fiercely. Maybe, they understood something he didn’t.

Winter tries to hold his poker face, but trepidation is shining brightly in his eyes. “What about Stevie?” Mistake number two by the way Clint’s scowl deepens.

(Beware the read more cut.)

“Oh, I don’t know. I’d be living our life together completely ignorant of who you really are, Barnes, and Steve Rogers would just show up one day asking for his Bucky.” Anthony sneers the word ‘Bucky’ and Winter flinches. “And we’d be over, just like that, while you and Captain America head off into the sunset. But I’m just the Omega, right? Keep your bed warm until the real thing shows up.”

“No!”

“No?”

“No. Because Bucky is dead-”

“Until Captain America comes back.”

“No, he is dead. Rogers or no Rogers. I will not abandon you Antoshka.”

“Liar,” Anthony hisses. “I’ve seen those goddamn movies, and I know what people have said too.” The younger man shakes his head and holds himself close. “Why’d you have to give me hope? I was fine on my own.” He runs off, and Winter quickly follows after him. Leaving Howard with the two children.

Anthony don’t abandon me with them. I can’t handle children. Howard screams internally as he tries to smile reassuringly at Natasha and Clint. “Are they always like that?”

“Они очень страстны.” Nat spoke. Howard learned quickly that the girl refused to speak English, even though she seemed to understand the language fine. Maybe, it was just around him. Makes sense with the whole doesn’t trust anyone vibe she gave off.

He turns to Clint, but the young Beta shrugs a shoulder and then huffs an annoyed sigh. “Yeah. Tones has a lot of issues so what happens most of the time is he’ll dramatical question Yasha’s dedication, and Yasha will vow his everlasting love to Tony. It’s all very romantic and really annoying.”

“Ah. I see.” And so the long awkward pause begins and stretches for far longer than Howard is comfortable with. What is he supposed to do here? Anthony had told him about their interest, maybe start a conversation with the boy. The boy at least speaks English. “Anthony told me you like archery, Clint. That’s an unusual hobby.”

“Yeah.” That’s it. Doesn’t he at least earn a sentence for trying? He’s trying. Wait, questions! Interviewers are always asking questions to get the conversation moving along.

“Why did you pick archery?”

“It was my act in the circus.” Circus? Did kids actually run away to the circus? Howard always figured that was an urban legend or something. Whatever. At least he got a full sentence out of the child this time. It’s a win.

“But you’re not there anymore. Why keep it up?” Clint stares incredulously at Howard. Was Howard not supposed to ask that? Potts often gave interviewers a list of questions not to ask, but Anthony hadn’t given him anything like that. Curses.

“I like arrows.” The boy says it all forcefully like he thinks Howard would object or something. Why would he? As hobbies go archery sound pretty healthy compared to Howard’s hobbies when he was young. Drugs are bad and make you stupid. Archery is probably good for cardio or some such shit his quake was always squawking about. “And it’s something I’m good at.”

“Find a way to turn it into a job, and you’ll be set for life.”

“Is that what you did?”

“Nope, I had to be all sensible and responsible and use my powers for good instead of greed like I originally planned.”

“You have money.”

“Yes, I do. But greed isn’t just about money. Sometimes it’s about lust and power.”

“Я хочу, чтобы власть. Много власти.”

“What?”

“Nat said she wants lots of power.” Well, that’s not creepy at all. What kind of little kid wants power? Aren’t they usually satisfied with chocolate or robots? Anthony, at least, never seemed interested in power.

“Okay. There two ways to gain power legally; money and politics, technically, you can do that illegally too. Please, don’t. Do illegal shit. Or at least don’t get caught. Anthony will probably give you the money, he’s soft like that.”

The redhead blinks and nods. “Да. Он мягок. Но он силен. Это редкое сочетание, и я восхищаюсь о нем.” Anthony was completely right. Howard should have learned Russian years ago. Like when Vanko went to the red side. But mostly he wants to understand this little girl. She reminds him of Pegs and Peggy was always worth listening too.

“Clint, please.”

“I am not a human google translate.”

“The first translators were human, so. . .”

“You’re kind of a dick.”

“No ‘kind of’ about it, kid. I am a dick.”

“Yeah, well.” Clint splutters.

“You need to work on your zingers kid.”

“You’re a weird adult. You don’t mind I like arrows, and you take Nat’s word seriously.”

“Kid. If I’ve learned anything from all my fucking mistakes, it’s not to sweat the stupid stuff, and you always take women like Nat seriously. No matter the age. That is a basic survival skill 101, my friend.”

“You are far more shrewd than many would believe, aren’t you,” Nat says. The redhead spoke English. Ha! Howard has no idea what he did right. Luck. He’s betting on luck. He’s always had good luck. Maria would be proud. “I could learn much from you.”

“I’ll take that as a compliment, young lady.”

“Really? Aren’t adults supposed to be moral and stuff? Not definitely encouraging a young conqueror to take over the world.”

Howard and Natalie face each other then return to face Clint. “I’ll be a fair and understanding dictator.”

Clint snaps his fingers, his face lighting up. “Ha! You like the shadows. No way you’re serious.”

“She can just have a puppet ruler to do the whole people in the light thing.”

“What?”

“Yes, I choose Clint.”

“No! Clint is having a job with arrows and highly productive laziness. Rulers can’t be lazy! Or people will riot. I would not survive the rebellion, Nat.”

“Sure, you will. Nat will ensure it.” Nat smiles sweetly, and Howard laughs at Clint horrified expression.

“Natalie will ensure what exactly?”

“Tones! Nat is trying to make me the puppet ruler of the world.”

“Mimmo, you are fully capable of finding a willing puppet. Don’t torture your brother.”

“Yeah! No torture. Torture ain't cool. Wait. You don’t want to say anything about the whole world conquering thing.”

Tony shifts Natalie, right Natalie got to remember that, on his lap. “No starting a war with Pepper.”

“Understood.”

“There you go Clint, everything is taken care off.”

“Haha. I hate you all.”

“What happened to Winter?” Anthony glares, and Howard knows that maybe it wasn’t the right time to ask. He just wants his baby to be happy.

“What does it matter? Sooner or later he’ll walk out on us.”

“Anthony, Winter isn’t me, and you are not Maria.”

“No, of course not. Because if Captain America was found, maybe I get a Father who wasn’t drunk and lived in this century, not the last.” Nothing he said is a lie. And really, what is Howard supposed to say? All of this is on him.

“Don’t you think he’ll pick you over Steve?”

“No. Who would?”

“Winter Wolf.”

“That name is still stupid.”

“But you picked it.”

“I like alliteration!” Anthony rubs his nose, and Howard has to stifle a laugh. Because the gesture is just, so Jarvis and the mumbling under the breath is Pegs all the way down. “I am going to prove you all wrong.”

“What?”

“I’ll find Captain America when Barnes leaves me for Capsicle I’ll prove to all that I was right.”

“That is one of the dumbest things you have ever said.” Flying fucks! Did Barnes have to materialize out of the air like a goddamn spector? He was a real person again he should fucking act like it. Natalie is smirking at Howard, and he just knows she is going to make a game out of it. The evil little fey. “But I also find it adorable.”

“You are not allowed to say anything like that until I find Cap and prove myself right.”

“So I can’t call you my adorable котенок or doll until I’ve apparently run away with Rogers?”

“Yes.”

“Я люблю тебя, Антошка.” Anthony scowled hard.

“What did he say?”

“I love you,” Nat translates.

“That’s sweet.”

“No, it isn’t.”

“Anyway, Anthony. Do you have a plan for finding a man I haven’t found for decades?”

He rolls his eyes. Howard often wonders where he picked up the particular gesture from, not from him. Certainly, not Jarvis or Carter. “I’ll just find his heat signature.”

Now it’s Howard’s turn to frown and frown he does with the full force of his goddamn age. “There isn’t anything powerful enough to scan all that ice.”

“True. But there will be when I build it.”

“If I can’t-”

“Tones can. He’s a genius.” Clint smiles up proudly, and well Maria always said there was no point in arguing with a child. Probably should heed the advice now that she can’t impart her wisdom no more.

And maybe Anthony can build it. “I’ll have it done in two weeks.” Impossible.

“If I don’t leave you for Rogers will you finally agree to be my mate?”

“Ha! I’ll take that bet.”

“Sure, doll. Whatever you say.” Eh, it will probably work out. Winter looks loving, rather than annoyed, at Anthony's antics. It's a good sign. Maria had definitely loved him for his more chotic side.

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#tony stark #howard stark #Winter Solider #winteriron #KidFic #clint barton #natasha romanoff #Bucky Barnes #tony/bucky #LL:RA

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