#having to keep this body & brain running?
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Some (late) holiday photos of the boye~!
#cats#holiday#OUGHH....... barely could even get these edited and posted... my mysterious sickness flare up has been sooo bad the past few#days.. I didn't even go to the usual obligatory family christmas I was supposed to attend (!!! health issue/medical mention in tags below)#My stomach issues basically put me in a constant state of uncontrollable shivering/body shaking + nausea + sometimes rapid heart#rate. and when it happens at night that makes it like.. nearly impossible to sleep when you're violently shaking + you can feel your heart#so strong + you keep having to run to the bathroom every 5 minute to cough and gag#and throw up and so on and so forth. etc. So I went like 40 hours without any sleep almost for christmas eve and all of christmas day#last night I finally got maybe 2 hours of sleep in between the nausea and shaking and stuff. and then today I was able to get a few#hours of sleep in the afternoon. Today I tried taking an anxiety mediciation a doctor gave me in case it was anxiety related (it's apparent#ly used to relax people and works in the moment. rather than like Anxiety Mediciation that you have to take for weeks to see any effect#because I think this isn't actually acting on your brain chemistry it's judt like..a mild sedative or something.) but all that did was make#me dizzy and sweaty lol. I;m glad I slept a little but I'm just still frustrated that I don't feel normal. I started having these#'episodes' (with the stomach issues + shaking + heartrate + nausea etc.) like at the end of october. And usually it will happen for like a#few hours at a time. or i'll lose sleep one day and then be fine the next. but this has been like nearly 3 days of feeling weird. so is#getting kind of annoying... It's funny too because I was so so productive like.. literally the few days before. I was feeling much better#and I was working on my game and blah blah. But then.. random issue flare up out of nowhere of course.. yaayy.... happy holidays to meee lo#I did at least see two random ducks outside of my window in the yard area for christmas. and havent seen them since. So it's like.. hrmm..#pacing around my room nauseous and shakings and etc. but at least... hello.. two little ducks placed there just for me :3c#Now I get anxiety every night which I'm sure doesn't help/could exacerbate whatever underlying genuinely physical issues exist. But after#like 2 nights of 'I spend the night sleepless and incredibly uncomfortable just sitting in the dark sick' then bedtime is like.. dread...#I even was trying slapping myself in the face in desperation to see if somehow that could shock my body out of whatever the hell it was#doing lol.. up at 3am holding ice cubes in my hand and hitting myself in the head and crying from exhaustion and thowing up.. literally#ridiculous cartoon character feeling... AAANYWAY!!! At least I have baby boy pictures. and I have lots of doctors appointments so hopefully#whatever the issue is can be sorted out at some point. I don't know much about ibs but hopefully maybe something like that that I could pos#ibly take medication for and not something more seirous or anything. Maybe there's a food I'm secretly intolerant to or whatever.#And I did at least post a sims holday video actually timed for the holidays so that's something. I havent been productive really latrely#though obviously.. I can't even play games or small tasks when in that state since I'm just SO physically uncomfortable. Nausea and heart#stuff are THE hardest physical sensations to ignore.. BUT yeah... hoping I shall sleep at all tonight. hopeing to get like 3 productive#things done.. at some point... at least SOMETHING... lol..... *** *** ***
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if you draw enough monster ocs, when you go back to drawing a human character, it feels like "sameface syndrome" everytime, by virtue of their face being. human.
#toy txt post#or maybe i am just sameface syndrome#but also different face syndrome#two characters will have the same face but then the next time i draw those characters its a different face than they had last time!#i know part of it is being out of practice but also there is definitely an element of feeling constrained by human facial structure lmao#the monsters have Their Own Problems but like. no one has a face like bokrae no matter how inconsistent i am about drawing her#her features are iconic enough to her that you can tell everytime#birdie???? i faceclaimed eartha kitt for her and im still struggling cos i feel weird about faceclaiming as a concept#but even then 😭 one time i was trying to give headloose a face and someone was like wow he looks like birdie!#me 😭😭😭😭😭 what!!!!!! hes not supposed to!!!!!!!!!!!!!#i need to practice. features#you know the worst part about coming up w a bunch of fuckin Scenarios in my brain for ocs is that i have even fucking Drawn them yet#to give them like. iconic staple features and figure out what their faces look like. which feels like it would really help to have that#knowledge and muscle memory before i jump into trying to draw intense scenes with difficult poses!!#not to mention. listen. i can do the monster faces. somewhat. the bodies??????????? well for one. theyre too big everytime#im convinced i could be trying to draw bokrae on like a full ass wall size paper like a mural thing and run out of room. it just keeps#happening. i have no sense of scale for them either. by which i mean i struggle w scale already and also cant decide what i want it to be#and ive tried to handwave it away by being like ohhh uh. birdie casts spells on them to change their sizes for convenience but also#no. perhaps that explanation works for other ppl. @ myself tho its not good enough i Know Better!!!!!!#agh!!!!!!! i really need to figure out bokrae's Teeth also. like i dont. i coukd get away with it. but i should. and i want to.#anyway all this to say that i need to give these characters faces and body designs (actually the body designs for humanoid ocs is the easy#part. the faces are whats stumping me? well. i need more practice w all the body types again but like i Know what im Going For at least.#for the most part anyway. havent fully figured out heights. struggling w characters that i want to make short but give imposing tall energy#on occasion? birdie can be short all day long no problem. I want Alasdair to be short enough that he has a bunch of short boyfriends that#feel tall around him? bytte was going to be like 6ft max but then i thought about making her taller and like. what if i made her taller#headloose is not that /short/ but he is Not Tall and prolly pretty lean? twink build for sure#and of course all these short /tall distinctions come with a bias of relativity to my own height which i categorize as medium height#but short ppl call me tall and insist its not average and tall ppl call me short. (5'6) and then i have to factor in how the gender changes#the dynamic of a height like my height is Short For A Man but medium to tall for a Woman. which id argue is medium height bc mens heights#are socially held to high standards (hehe) and also i know ethnicity/race is also a factor? but im out of tags. rip. bye
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Poll adventure (paventure? lol) Day 4: read the small story tidbit below the poll for more details, OR just vote based on initial impression
(✦ see past poll results + further information HERE (link) ✦)
The winning option of yesterday's poll was that the adventurer should offer the Well Creature some bread and soup ….
"Completely unsure how to even begin to interact with the strange creature from the well, The Adventurer recalls reading in a book once that 'food is a universal language', or uh.. something like that.. thus, some hearty soup and bread would surely bridge any communication barriers... probably. He serves the little cannister of broth cold, straight from his bag just dumped into a wooden bowl, mostly because he's far too nervous to try and start a fire with someone watching.. hopefully they won't mind the food not being warmed..
After gently placing a single bread roll next to the soup, he steps back, gesturing towards the meal with an uncertain smile. The creature pauses, sniffs around, then promptly disappears back into the darkness. Just as The Adventurer begins to sulk over his apparent rejection, something stirs behind him... With a rush of creaking and plopping noises, the creature resurfaces, revealing it's massive serpent-like body as it hoists itself over the crumbled stone of the well's edge with it's many arms. It cracks open it's mighty jaw just far enough for a tiny blue tongue to slither out, then politely slurps at the soup, delicate enough not to spill any.
Stumbling backwards in shock, The Adventurer simply sits there staring the entire time whilst the creature happily (and rather quickly) enjoys their meal... Seemingly appreciative of his kind offerings, another strange slinking arm creeps up from the depths of the well, daintily opening a velvet sack with it's claws and laying out a small assortment of items onto the grass. Still a bit shaken, but also never one to turn down a free gift, The Adventurer senses that the creature intends for him to take any single item of his choosing... but, which one?"
#paventure posting#polls#choose your own adventure#what can I say.. I like the trope of a smaller creature actaully being a much larger scarier creature which you just dont see because the#creature is in a place/position where most of it's body is obscured lol#sometimes a little guy is actually secretly a much bigger guy of mysterious origins that spans the length of an entire#underground cave system obscured by the facade of a simple well#AND MOST important of all.. the cat is scared.. :( bapy...#also I hate writing for these it's so impossible for me to be short and simple with writing. I always want to make it#extremely detailed and 500 paragraphs long. Giving myself a limit of like 3 paragraphs and a time limit of 20 minutes#is actually impossible for my brain gjhbjhbhj#but I have to post it anyway otherwise I'd spend forever on it and never actually get these done but..hhhh#Just know I am going into my evil vampire library to collapse onto the fainting chair in anguish each time after I hit post#Telling a chronically longwinded details obsessive rambler to ''keep it short'' is like telling a cat not to meow. not to run around the#house at 3am. not to be round and perfect. It is simply against nature#ANYWAY. These items might be useful later. As he continues on his journey - he does indeed have an inventory in my mind#like he can lose and aquire things. has a limited amount of money. Can change his outfit or etc. depending on the choices#people make in the polls. These may not have an immediate purpose (though some can) they'll be factored in down the road
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your physical body and your mental body being radically different gives you such specific ass dysphoria i hate it. why can't real life also have incredibly complex customising screens that allow you to always have the exact appearance you're after
#martinaposting#gender dysphoria#body dysmorphia#aldernic#this is an issue my brain keeps running into. it interprets me as a tall and skinny sk8er boy kinda deal with small hips#and every time I put on clothing that's not a bigger size than what my parents want me to be wearing#my brain has a violent realisation that my physical body is not the way it envisioned it for me#is there such a thing as body masculinisation surgery? one of my biggest sources of distress on my body is my hips#and I'd kill for a physique my partner used to have. tall skinny and narrow hips#I don't want these stupid hips I want them to be narrow. just like how my brain thinks I do#and it also wants my clothes to fit me like it fits a guy with a body like the above#and it gets angry when it realises time and time again that even loose clothing still fits me like it fits a curvy woman#complicated stuff. I don't like it
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Bloody Pig
cw: gore, body horror, animal death, cannibalism
Author note: Getting back into writing after eons and dipping my toe into horror.
A peaceful slumber ruefully disrupted when a hand grasped the young man's shoulder and harshly shook him. "Wake up!" his old mother yelled in a whisper, hearing him groan, his eyes tried to adjust and focus as the lantern swings over him. Moving his arm to shield the eyes from its annoying light. Mother carefully set the lantern down by his bed as she moved towards the window. "I think someone is here; I think they're in the barn." Her voice wavering as her eyes frantically searched out in the darkness.
"How do you know that? We don't have neighbors and it's a half a day trip to the nearest village. Father must have been mumbling in his sleep again and woke you up." he mumbled, propping himself up into a sitting position.
"It's not your father's mumbling that woke me up!" She responded with agitation, keeping her voice low. "I heard the sow screamin-"
"The sow pregnant and probably giving birth, mother please, ther-"
"Silence Jiahao!" Quickly snapping as she moved from the window to the bed, pressing a boney finger upon Jiahao's chest. "Something isn't right. Go out there and check. Now." Yanking his half-awake body from his bed. Sluggishly, Jiahao complies, picking up the lantern as she herded him towards outside. If checking the barn and easing her worries will let him go back to sleep, then so be it. "Go check the barn and I'll wake your father to join you." She said hastily and shoved her son out the door. The sound of her footsteps retreating leaving Jiahao alone outside. It was quiet for a summer's night.
A shiver ran through your spine, perhaps mother was right that something wasn't right. Critters and other nocturnal singers sing their songs during the summer, but not tonight. The only sounds to be heard are the pregnant sow's whines. Lifting the lantern up, the light showed just enough to make the outline of the barn. No lights were shown from the inside. To be expected from poor farmers, not wanting to attract bandits and deserters to their homes. A price they didn’t pay, but forced upon them and others like them by those of higher stations over a chance of taking the emperor’s throne.
Slowly, you walked from the safety of the house to the barn. Mindful not to make noise as you draw near. With each step creeping closer, whines of the sow could be heard along with others sounds behind the barn's doors. Gently, but hesitantly, you placed your hand on the door. A nostalgic smell, like iron, seeps through the barn's doors. The unexpected smell reminded you of when you and father killed a grower to sell its meat to the village.
The whines were growing weak with each heartbeat. But the other sounds, previously drowned out by the sow's whine became clear, wet, sloshing, grunting, and growling. Sounds of someone ripping and tearing flesh as they feverishly eat. Slurping and moaning like a starved man eating for the first time in such a long time.
You don’t want to open the door but now you can’t turn back empty handed. Mother would scold you and call you a coward without checking. She did mention waking your father, that piece of knowledge did comfort you, any second, he will be joining you. Maybe announcing you're not alone will cause the intruder to freeze up or even flee through the window. With that thought in mind, you slowly push the door open and hold the lantern high. Ready to call out with confidence as the door swings open.
Any comfort or confidence dies, along with your voice, at what's inside. Laying on the ground was the sow, on her side, with the lantern's sight you clasp a hand over your mouth. Her midsection ripped open and her intestines moving and slithering in a pool of blood and mud. Like eels moving and alive, trying to escape. Can’t bear to look any longer, you move to lantern's light to find her piglets.
Her offspring didn't fare better as their mangled corpses sprawled out across the barn interior, half eaten and tossed to the side. Eyes watery and suppressing the scream in your throat, you frantically search for the culprit. No human would commit such cruelty, not even a starved one, this has to be the work of something else. Realizing you are too afraid to step in, you stood there unmoving until movement in the darkness caught your attention.
A lone survivor, a piglet steps into the light. Covered in the blood of its kin with pieces of torn flesh hanging off its jaw. Its body rippling and morphing as it grows. The thing groans as its body goes through the stages of life, infancy to adulthood. The monster hungrily stares at the sow, licking and curling its lips. Rows of teeth reflect off the lantern's light; some needle-like a newborn piglet, others sharp fangs, and uncanny like human teeth. The sow's whines ceased as its child, now monster, moved to feast on her disemboweled body. Its front hooves cracking and splintering to resemble human hands. All the better to grip and scoop the flesh into its maw. Effortlessly tearing the sow's leg with one arm, the other arm tears the sow's rib bones with an audible crack. The monster eats with frenzy, mixing sounds of flesh and bone crumbling under it's might.
You can't, couldn't bear the sight anymore, the hand over your mouth dug deeply into your skin as you breath rapidly through your nose. The demon hasn’t noticed you yet and with remaining wits, you slowly back away. You need to get your parents and leave. Get far away from here while this monster is distracted with fattening itself up with its kin.
"There you are! I'm guessing everything is fine!" Father shouted loudly with a smile. Almost bumping into Jiahao's back.
You turn to stare at your father with horror and slowly twist your head to see the monster, now staring at you licking its bloody lips.
#cw: gore#cw cannibalism#cw body horror#cw animal death#horror#horror story#zhu bajie#journey to the west#jttw#I actually don't like how i ended it there but I'm running on fumes trying to find a better ending than that#My beta reader suggested having the ending turn to Zhu Bajie point of view in first person#however im conflicted that will be too much jumping into different POVs since i already doing two#originally it was going to be one POV but i changed it after given/encouraged to add another#I may go back and rewrite the ending but for now I wanted to post this#and encourage others to write! the best way to keep fandom alive is being active in it. Whether through art#writing or anything else!#Oh and the true horror is every time I was writing this my brain decided to play Careless Whisper on loop#EVERY TIME AND IT KILLS THE MOOD OF MY WRITING#my writing
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Heyo!! :D uhh I was just thinking about prompts!! I have two that I've just been thinking of! You can do one or the other, I don't mind ^^ Yuno with Blanket (if you havent done that yet :o) and Muu and Yuno with Honesty :D
Thank you so much :D!! Your writing is so funky I love reading it, it's like my daily newspaper abejfncjcn
Hi Mug :D thank you so much aah!! I really loved these combos, that's so sweet for both of them ;-; Here's Yuno and Blanket -- something lighthearted from the beginning of t1, with a bit of her unfortunate people-pleasing habits.
“Requests are in!” Mikoto’s voice sang from down the corridor. The prisoners perked up from where they’d been lazing about. One would have thought he'd announced a jailbreak with the amount of energy that rippled through the room. Yuno leapt to her feet.
"You seem excited," Kazui chuckled as he stood. "What are you getting?"
She suddenly felt a twinge of shame for her reaction. Things weren’t bad in Milgram by any means, but the atmosphere was beginning to creep under her skin now and then. There was an old comfort she’d been dreaming of the past few weeks. It felt embarrassing to say to someone as concerned with his maturity as Kazui.
"Oh, nothing much,” she said. “Just something that reminds me of home, like the cigarettes you ordered." She didn’t know him well enough to say so, but she was secretly grateful for his request. The smell of smoke was familiar to her as well. "But mostly it's something new around here -- isn't the whole thing exciting?"
It was the first time they’d received a delivery, and everyone was eager to see if they got what they ordered. Though Yuno found the system surprising, it made sense. Milgram allowed more unique freedoms than a normal prison, given it also inflicted more unique restraints.
She joined the group heading down the hall, all chattering in anticipation.
"Yuno!" Mahiru waved her over. The woman had talked about the products and creams she'd requested, in the hope of keeping up her skincare routine. Yuno would be following suit soon, though she wanted those things to keep herself feeling refreshed rather than looking a certain way. There was no one here to impress. With her looks, that was.
Mahiru’s eyes gleamed. "What did you order?"
Yuno knew she wouldn't satisfy her appetite for gossip as much as Shidou testing his luck with medical supplies or Amane’s taste in high-level study materials had.
"Something real cute~" was all she needed to say to get her giggling.
Es instructed them to line up in front of their room to distribute everything. Yuno found her place behind Haruka.
"Hey, hey! What are you getting?" She wasn't immune from that same gossipy curiosity…
His cheeks immediately reddened. "Uh, well, I h-hope I can get some c-candy. It -- I mean, it's kiddish, I know."
"Don't worry, some might think my request is childish, haha! Plus, I think Muu ordered sweets, too."
This seemed to calm him a bit as he walked ahead. Fuuta nudged her from behind.
"Oi, what did you ask for?"
She'd overheard him and Kotoko discussing what would likely be caught as a tool to escape, and knew her answer would disappoint him.
The bright smile she’d given Haruka angled into a more jaded smirk. "Eh, just something to get me through the night, you know? A practical comfort."
Fuuta grunted, respecting the choice.
Her attention returned to the front of the line, where Haruka was returning with loose treats spilling from his hands. She took his place in Es' doorway.
"Prisoner 002," Es scanned a piece of paper. "For you… ah,” They read it again. “Just a blanket? Was that all?"
She beamed. "Yup! Just a blanket."
“You strike me as the kind to ask for a lot…”
“Mmm, you’ve read me well, Warden! Not this time, though. Gotta start small, then see what I can weasel out of you!” She winked. As usual, Es pretended to be unimpressed. Yuno knew she was wearing them down, bit by bit.
She offered a bouncy bow as Es handed it over. She hadn’t given many specifications, but it certainly looked as big and fluffy as she had hoped. Milgram had gone with pink -- the same shade as some of her uniform accents.
"Thanks!"
The prisoners' excitement died down fairly quickly afterwards. Amane began reading in silence. Kazui retreated to the smoking room alone, though Shidou and Mikoto promised to join him after the next round of requests. Haruka had nearly finished eating all of his candy by nightfall. Kotoko sat by herself to jot things down in her new notebook. Yuno’s good mood lasted much later.
Once the bell had rung and silence fell onto the prison, she could feel the usual chill start to creep into her cell. It had gripped her with fear the first few nights -- that unshakable coldness that reminded her why she was here in the first place. Sometimes, when her body jolted her awake with the feeling of falling, she'd blame it on the temperature rather than a universal human experience. It brought up too many painful memories to be something so ordinary, after all.
But not tonight.
Tonight there would be no falling, and no chill. No stepping into bed with enough skin showing to make her shiver. No more crafted conversations or flashing certain expressions.
A goofy grin spread across her cheeks. Yuno unfolded the blanket with a flourish. She swept it around her body, then flopped down on her bedding. With nothing more to worry about, she sank into the cushy blob.
‘Just a blanket’ her ass. This was the warmest she’d felt in a very long time.
#milgram#yuno kashiki#and others but shes the focus#thanks pal!! this made me so happy :))) it was so fun!#sorry if the tone is all over the place -- ive stared at it too long this weekend and i cant tell RIP#i wanted it to be cute and have some chill t1 vibes#and when youre homesick or just really going through it even the smallest physical comforts can be a huge deal#but also shes So Deep in the habit of changing herself to please others while also goin through it ;--;#i wanted to include my hc that when she gets that body-falling feeling its even more stressful because... well...#i hope you enjoy!!#ill be posting the honesty one soon -- i wanted to today but work completely fried my brain into scrampled egg -_-#i know i can do one or the other but i always get so imspired by both asdfsdfs#i have an idea and definitely want to keep running with it!#a liar and someone whos a bit too honest...#oh and i forgot to mention that the smell of smoke thing was mentioned in one of the timeline conversations!#she likes it but she never elaborates on why#im projecting because i really like the smell of cigarette smoke because it reminds me of my grandfather so i think itd make her think of#home/family :')#i couldn't remember if it was an interrogation question or timeline but im almost positive it was the latter#drabbles
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what do u think modern revalink would wear!! me personally I think link is either plain tshirt + cargo shorts every day of the week or crop tops and backless shirts and layers of jewelry, no in between 💀 and revali definitely thrifts bc he thinks it makes him look cool, he probably has 100 pinterest boards of outfits he wants to try, honestly if he wasn't so interested in pursuing flight school he might go into fashion 😭 OH he definitely owns a pair of aviator sunglasses, also I just get fur coat vibes from him
CARGO SHORTS HAHAHHA THAT'S VERY LINK VIBES FOR SURE!!!! like link either dresses like a dad or he's showing so much skin pastors everywhere are sweating. casually, link wears the most random graphic tee + sweatpants or old PE shorts from high school LMFAOKJDHFJKD and also flip flops. if he's feeling a little fancy he has the most beat-up pair of white airforce 1s. i lowkey think he has a pair of black af1s that he keeps in mint condition and wears on ~special occasions~ but i Love love LOVE the idea of link wearing crop tops, backless shirts, and jewelry omg 😭🤍 he only wears stuff like that also for special occasions like the usual job interview or date night with revali <3 u know that meme that's like. Steal the Look! $2,450 and it will be like Shirt -$30, Pants - $45, Shoes - $80, Lingerie Set - $2,325 because that's totally link. tell me he's not wearing the sexiest lingerie under his date night outfit like COME ON NOW! but i also believe in link wearing a lot of oversized hoodies, big shirts, and baggy jeans etc he's very stylish and in with the trends
I AGREE WITH REVALI THRIFTING he believes in sustainable clothing and Only wears clothes he's thrifted or are from sustainable and environmentally friendly companies. he actively despises those tiktok girlies who thrift and resell on fucking depop for like 100x the price like he calls them out and roasts them in an 45 min long youtube video 😭 it's so humiliating for them that some of the tiktok girlies be deleting their accounts...... i love the pinterest board stuff too, i have one of just clothes and outfits i think are neat and want, but revali has like 20 different boards for outfit ideas based on 20 different and specific vibes. revali believes in always looking his best before he leaves the house and regularly dresses like wisdom kaye or, i specifically thought of these concept photos of taehyung from proof since you mentioned fur coat? revali makes link match with him for a date night so link ends up wearing jungkook's outfit from the same concept photos. god these men r fine asf WHEWWW! revali is just as broke as the rest of us but he LOOKS rich with the way he pairs clothing together
yes to revali's aviator glasses but link makes fun of him for wearing them inside and revali's is like IT'S FOR THE AESTHETIC!!!!!!!! link wears bucket hats because i said so. idc argue with the wall for this one he would look so cute in a bucket hat and revali thinks so too. he has so many pictures of link in a bucket hat on his phone. they both have platform doc martens, link has the boots and revali also has boots but also the oxfords.
revali has a bomber jacket from his grandfather who was a pilot. link likes to steal it sometimes because it's oversized and smells like revali <3
link learned how to crochet for funsies and made revali a bright blue scarf as a gift, and revali was so touched he centered every single outfit he wore for the next two weeks around the scarf (dw he washed it, he's a clean freak). like revali cherishes it so much he has it displayed in their house 😭
last one for now and i'm gonna project even more onto link, but he luvs jewelry. he looks especially good in gold, but he rocks any piece he wears. he has so much jewelry, revali built him a whole vanity with multiple drawers and storage space for all of the jewelry. revali randomly gets him jewelry as gifts every now and then, and he always gets it custom-crafted by a jeweler who's a friend of urbosa. link almost always wears the first necklace that revali ever gifted him for his birthday and it's beautiful sapphire wrapped in gold. also link wears a body chain under his crop tops sometimes and revali is obsessed with it he cannot keep his hands off of link's waist or his eyes away from the way the chain glints against link's tummy :)
#revalink#loz#botw#loz botw#legend of zelda#amihan's revalinkverse#amihan's headcanons#ask#cryiling#i'm obsessed with this ask this is so fun#revali lost his fucking mind when he saw link wearing a body chain for the first time#link and revali have matching bracelets with each other's initials on it#revali likes to do outfits where they're coordinated to each other#like still exemplifying their own styles but related to each other's outfits and colors and stuff ykwim?#revali keeps up with the fashion world for sure#you would think he owns mostly luxury or designer brands but he actually hates name brands and capitalism#if he has a luxury brand item he thrifted it and he makes sure everyone knows it's thrifted and he would never put money in their hands#revali wants to create a luxury brain that's sustainable and environmentally friendly one day#link likes to come with revali on his thrift runs :)#link is like revali's personal mannequin#since link doesn't care That much about looking good all the time#(because he's already effortlessly beautiful according to revali)#he lets revali style him if revali insists and he enjoys it a lot bc it makes revali happy :>
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Heya, Luce! I just wanted to say how much I admire you and your ability to create so many fantastic things and hold so many big brain thoughts in that pretty head of yours! I love seeing your art/answered asks/fics crossing my dash. Your humor never falls to make me laugh! You're so passionate and I love how much that shows in all you do! You're wonderful, babe ❤️
[ID: Pixel art of a yellow emoji face looking down with a blush and touching the index fingers together. On its head sits a smiling, pastel green frog. /END ID]
Naff please please I have been looking at your ask and melting into a puddle for the entire morning now and I still don't have any smart reply
I'm absolutely floored to be part of a fandom that makes it so much fun to share ideas, and though the devil gets to me sometimes, I've never enjoyed sharing my ideas as much as here 💜
#answer let luce#naff asks#makes me have more ideas than ever before too#dont like when the body cant keep up with the brain and i gotta remember to take it slow#one step at a time#nothings running away#including any of the new ideas i had today hfdjs
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I feel so, so old but also so, so young and it’s starting to freak me out
#Not to get too existential but.#32 is hitting me harder than 30 for some reason?#(the reason being work being awful and feeling like everything I fought for was. fruitless? So what now?)#and time keeps running out and I keep losing things and people#my brain keeps yelling TOO SLOW TOO LATE TOO NOTHING all the time#they took my drive away from me and broke my spirit a little bit and now I’m just. scared and sad and angry all the time#and I don’t even have the faith in myself to go apply somewhere else because I’m convinced I can’t. they really fucking broke me#and if I don’t have work.#what do I have#it was the (1) thing I thought was going well and now that isn’t so what the fuck else do I have#I can’t buy a house I’ve never had a relationship my whole body is fucked#I still didn’t write a book#I can’t keep up with my coworkers I can’t keep up with my same age/older friends I keep just. walking with blocks on my legs while everyone#else is running marathons and finishing them#not to be a stereotypical ambitious workaholic Capricorn bitch but#what the fuck else am I#you know?
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yeah i dont really consider myself that socially anxious anymore [<- speaks on the phone about grownup things for 15 minutes and my fingertips start to sweat]
#I LOVE HAVING A BODY#särmäs sermons#good news everyboy i have acquired a summer job :) now if i only figured out what im gonna do once autumn rolls around....#.... that everyboy was a typo that i dont wanna fix actually#i still have to apply to schooling . tho im not sure if i HAVE to do it or if its just advised or whatever. i do want to its just that#i still dont know what the hell i wanna do. i had a little expedition at a woodworking/carpenter school#~vocational school~ that is. and im running outta time to apply so i could start in august.#seemed pretty fun seemed like the sorta thing i might WANT to do#but ive been noticing this. Thing. in my brain where nothing is fucking sticking to it#i dont know how to learn and also to keep that knowledge. cant see myself learning how to use all those big scary machines.#its really fucking with my confidence to even applyyyy even tho all the people there were so nice and confident that anyone could learnnnnn#oh well. these are my problems. there are others but i'll spiral about them once theyre more timely and relevant lmao#DO WE THINK I SHOULD TRY GETTING MY ASS TO SPEAK WITH A PROFESSIONAL
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deleted youtube off my phone again, maybe it will stick this time. started duolingo japanese again, maybe it will stick this time. started doing math problems to relearn calc and physics, maybe it will stick this time. am going to the gym in the morning (psyched myself out this morning worried about time so I didn't go today), maybe it will stick this time. been working on keeping a clean kitchen, maybe it will stick this time. tried to get healthy(er) groceries yesterday, maybe it will stick this time. have actually read multiple books this year, maybe it will stick this time.... this isn't just a me problem right??? I feel like I am constantly spiraling around the things I want to do and never actually sticking to them. It's kind of exhausting.
#i am sitting at work daydreaming about running off to another country or making these huge wild changes and becoming my ideal dream self#but the thing is so much of that person is just 'does the things i say i am going to do'#or 'doesn't procrastinate on life' or other similar things#ACTUALLY writing that out I paused to make a car appointment I've needed to make for like 2 months so I am trying ya know#I gave myself a sticker for it next to the appointment note in my planner cause I have the same reward system as a 3 year old lol#but like... I could have gotten rid of all the stress and had this over and done with three months ago if I had done it then!!#instead it haunted me for Months....#and literally everything I want to do to become that dream self is all achievable stuff!! nothing I have listed is outrageous or crazy#it's just don't procrastinate. work on my brain and body. don't spend 8 hours a day on my phone. (if you break it all down)#THATS NOT HARD STUFF WHY DO I KEEP FAILING AT IT
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had a locked tomb dream in which one of gideons lowkey-only-bc-she-glosses-over-it-in-her-narration powers was teleportation as in she fucking kept teleporting and didnt seem to notice or think it was weird and when people called her on it she was like ‘yeah its called flash-stepping i read about it in some ancient-ass comic books i dug up in a back corner of the library on the ninth’ and everyone is like ‘???’ bc she says its not a necromantic technique bc everyone who did in it the ‘comic books’ (only the sixth know what manga is) she read was a warrior and most of them used swords so clearly its a secret advanced cav technique. and, she says, its not like it uses any spooky necro stuff, its ‘just a matter of honing yourself until you can move really fast’ so it might look like ‘teleportation’ to all of them but clearly that just shows that she got really good at it and is better than all of their fancy smancy ‘properly trained’ cavs. anyway, it turns out that using flashstep as the framework is the only reason why its been short line-of-sight bursts for her until now, once the penny drops she can straight up pop between planets. also she at one point mentions how ‘the wind’ roars really loudly in her ears while doing it and it turns out thats the sounds of the feral river ghosts bc she is, and i cannot stress this enough, constantly taking brief dips into the river.
#also this time canaan house was derailed by a teleportation accident and they all ended up in bayou country#which in my brain was only at like. somewhat apocalyptic levels of having rotted and been reclaimed by nature rather than 10k years worth#i assume my brain drew some l4d connection here bc gideon ended up stealing a white suit from a dusty wedding store which didnt quite#achieve the full tower prince look but which did passably reach 'nick l4d cosplay' a#also yes the rest of the planet was still pretty haunted. not canaan house mad science lab levels of haunted but it was definitely#more active of a haunting by which i mean there were zombies and creatures and ghosts and during the first of the regular possession checks#that the canaan house crew ended up instituting after a few incidents it was discovered that gideon and harrow#were both possessed at least a little by wake and alecto respectively and possibly counted as being lyctors bc like. gideon just by existin#had ended up tying wakes soul to the conglomerate pile of earth-ghost souls that constituted johns lyctorhood with alecto and that by#maing a connection to harrow like she did alecto also tied harrow into the same. when john showed up towards the end he defended his#sabotage of other attempts at lyctorhood outside the technique defined and oushed at canaan house as being bc it gets 'way too complicated#and messy (both necromanticly & in terms of personal drama & trying to keep track of who is where) to allow multiple bodies running around#as part of the same soul network#also to escape the first gids had to take everyone one by one to the ninth#bc its the only other planet shes been on and thus knows how to get to#and 1) everyone is like damn yall live like this? 2) the secrets of the ninth are exposed to the whole canaan crew by this 3) everyone is#severely adversely affected by going through the river like this and gideon is mostly like 'dont be a baby lmao just walk it off'#4) yes its still cytheria and yes she is having the time of her goddamn life. whatever the fuck is going on with *gestures at the ninth* is#both something shes possibly the only one equipped to fully understand how insane it is and also revealing to her so much about potential#ways to kill john that she is just rolling with it despite the fact that dulcie latched ontoher when gideon took her through the river and#is fully attempting to possess her with the full support of the sixth
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bweh no thoughts head empty what even is being a person
#why did i say that?#that doesn't sound like myself#am i even a real person right now?#why am i smiling i dont feel happy#vent art#yesterday i felt like i was two different people#it was like my body was moving on its own without my say so running a script of a person whos doing alright#i was not alright#i guess i just didn't want to be a burden but my brain was so fried and tired that the solution was to idk separate the two#one part keeps up the appearance and the other panics and catastrophizez and berates me on the inside#felt like i was dreaming#it was super uncomfortable#and today i have so much anxiety its likely to repeat#i havent been having a good time irl#bleh top few tags are supposed to be dialog tagged as in thoughts i was having but idk how to make them stay
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#it is so hard being scared of my own body#like everyone thinks the problem with migraines is the pain#and at least for me it’s really not#pain’s pain it sucks but you cope#I’m not scared of things hurting I’m scared of losing function#I can’t walk up stairs I can’t say words right I can’t drive I can’t think I can’t balance#that’s what scares me shitless#losing the ability to do what I need or want to do#and my migraines are getting worse and worse#and if they keep getting worse I don’t know what I’ll do#I’m running out of options and I’m not a teenager anymore#and I had almost four fucking years with this mostly under control so I know what I’m losing now#and I just thought the word remission for the first time and god fuck no#I can’t do this but I have to#fuck fuck fuck fuck#and I’m scared because like#we never found out the cause before there was nothing wrong in my brain#but this is getting worse and worse and what changed#is there something now???#god it feels like I’ve just had four years of intense effort at management flushed down the drain#drugs and lifestyle changes and generally reshaping my whole life#and it’s not working anymore.
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cloudy rainy day internet is shit images won’t load what a horrible fate. should just be reading my book instead obviously. should be planting seedlings while the earth is damp. sleepy. had a huge meltdown yesterday over nothing and i feel bad cuz it was my grandparents anniversary and i forgot i didn’t even realise it was wednesday till it was just about over. …. need to be building my little home in the mud..
#need to wake up earlier and get stuff done and shower more than once every fortnight lol….. need to msg people back need to try and spend t#time with my father. need to call that driving instructor still. and make doctors appointment STILL. i’m the worst#so sorry past and future selves you deserve so much more than this#still really struggling to eat anything at all during the day </3 disordered eating tw but i can’t help but fast all day and then binge eat#all night till 1am. i’m insane. what kind of eating habit is that#i know i never have enough energy stored in my body to keep me sustained thru all the things i do and i know that’s why my brain#short circuits and freaks out or turns off once i run out of what little stored energy i have. anyway anyway whatever#sometimes it’s very hard to do human things when u feel like anything but. just a parasite steering an unfamiliar body#personal#lol…
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ah
#argh oof oh no i am. hitting a wall. :/#metaphysical wall that is. the wall of ‘body doesn’t want to do anything and brain is not spiteful enough to make it run anyways’#which i CANNOT have bc there’s at least 2 things i still NEED to get done#*smack smack at my brain* there is still juice left in you I KNOW THERE IS#I’m still gonna do the tumblr scroll bc i at least have the energy to keep up with that but otherwise. we will see.#if you’ve read these tags all the way. hello. i hope u have a nice friday <3
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