#guys don't judge me i love gross old dudes OKAY.... | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

shares-a-vest · 1 year

Text

@steddie-week Day Five: Together/Established Relationship/Hold the Line by Toto

Steve and Eddie being in a relationship might be the worst thing that has ever happened to Dustin.

Demagorgons, evil Russians, Vecna, undead bats and dogs, government conspiracies and his cat being eaten have all been bliss compared to the sickly sweet, ooey-gooey, puppy-love, lovesick, utter grossness bullshit of Steve and Eddie actually being together.

Of course, he is okay with it in terms of them being two dudes. His mother taught him never to judge people like that.

Nope, that isn't the problem.

It's awful and just plain annoying because they are inseparable.

Attached at the hip. Practically living together in Steve's parentless house. Going everywhere together... Making everything about the other all the damn time... Talking on the phone when they can't be in the same vicinity... Eddie being granted a lifetime riding shotgun pass in the Beemer... Steve declaring that Eddie is his best friend...

And it is all impacting Dustin's life a little too much at this point.

He barges into Steve's house, not bothering to wait at the door after his knocking remains unanswered. As were his phone calls hours ago It's 11am on a goddamn Saturday morning and neither of the guys has work.

They were supposed to meet him at the arcade two hours ago.

Inseparable. But also selfish and forgetful.

He walks into the living room to find Steve and Eddie cuddled up on the couch (barf) and tucked under a blanket. Both are still dressed in pyjamas, a disgusting matching set Eddie had bought at the beginning of last Winter as a joke that they now wear unironically all the goddamn time.

Eddie (as usual) has his hands in Steve's hair, petting him like he's an overly furry house cat. And Steve (as usual) is on the precipice of sleep.

"You were supposed to meet me at the arcade!" he blurts out.

He probably should have thought of something better to announce his presence - something that would make them feel oh so very bad for abandoning him. But he is too distracted by the realisation that this relationship has also turned his best friends into senior citizen-homebody-couch potatoes. If only Steve was wearing the dorky old man spectacles he needs for the computer at work...

The pair startle a little but barely move. If anything, they look annoyed that he is even in their presence. They don't even look guilty or caught out! Have some sort of reaction - assholes!

"We're watching TV," Steve mumbles through a yawn, completely blowing over the plans they had made and now missed.

"Yeah," Eddie drawls, eyes glued to the screen, "MTV time, go away."

He punctuates his lame explanation with a hiss that makes Steve (now the chief of egging him on) snicker into his chest.

Yuck.

Dustin groans at the sounds of Toto crooning from the TV, whining when he catches Eddie of all people, mouthing along to the words.

Maybe he should just get it over and done with and call Hellfire for an emergency talk about their (decidedly no longer 'metal') Dungeon Master. They were already talking about it. Even Gareth, Jeff and George were willing to overthrow Eddie and replace him with Will if it meant some consistent campaigns without a fawning Steve lingering around asking silly questions - all an excuse to lamely flirt and grab Eddie's already-waning attention.

Although, it might be more effective at this point to simply disable Steve's cable access...

"What!" he screeches at the sight of Robin shuffling in from the kitchen, slurping away at some cereal.

She stops mid-spoonful, gawking. A Cheerio slops onto her chin before dripping down onto her sweater without her noticing.

"Hey," she mumbles through a mouthful nonchalantly.

She squishes past the lovebirds to sit in the empty spot next to Steve - which is basically three-quarters of the couch considering his proximity to Eddie.

"Why are you here?"

Robin shrugs, "Kid, this is the only way I can spend time with Steve that doesn't involve being at work."

"Are you fucking kidding me!"

Steve grumbles, "I'm not going with you, dude."

"But we made these plans a week ago."

"No, I don't wanna."

"Henderson," Eddie pipes up, overly stern alongside Steve's baby-whining ass, "We just want some peace and quiet."

"Can't we just chill out, Dustin?" Steve begs as if they aren't like this all the time these days.

Before Dustin can express his utter disappointment, Steve retreats into Eddie's chest and pulls their blanket up to cover himself completely. Eddie just continues petting the mass glued to his side as Dustin scrubs a hand over his own face, resigning himself to an arcade session alone.

Robin whines, likely annoyed that their communal blanket is now being hogged by a total traitor of a friend. She reaches forward to deposit her cereal bowl on the coffee table with a pointed thud. Clearly 'spending time with Steve' just means being a rickety third wheel that eventually topples off the proverbial clown car entirely.

"I'll come with you to the arcade," she says, jumping up and rushing towards him.

She rolls her eyes in the direction of the cocooned duo on the couch.

"Really?" he can't help but beam and as Robin nods, a toothy, even guilty smile creeps across her face.

"But I don't have any money," she admits, chewing her bottom lip.

Fuck it, he'll take it.

Dustin grabs her arm and begins leading them to the door, grumbling as Robin's socks slip on Mrs Harrington's shiny floorboards.

He calls over his shoulder, "Don't worry, I'll just find a new older friend. I hate you two."

"Fine," Eddie chimes, matching his mocking singsong tone.

Steve just grunts something Dustin doesn't catch, he's too busy listening to Robin launching into a series of complaints about the prospect of walking back to the town centre from Loch Nora.

Robin stops mid-rant as she tries to spin at the same time she hops into one of her boots, almost falling straight into the coat rack.

She frowns, "Did you just imply we weren't friends, Little Dude?"

Dustin pinches his nose, "Are you coming, or not?"

Eddie watches, craning his neck to peek over to the front door. When he hears it click shut, he flicks the blanket away and begins pulling on Steve's pyjama sleeve.

"Now that Rob is gone, you wanna get back in bed, Stevie-Bear?"

He is practically on his feet before he finishes talking, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively. Steve leaps up and wraps his arms around his middle, already setting about waddling them as one cozy blob towards the stairs.

"Duh."

#i saw the prompt 'established relationship' and thought: you mean steddie being an insufferable annoyance to everyone around them #dustin being annoyed at a mild inconvenience? he gets it from his dads #steddie #steve harrington #eddie munson #robin buckley #dustin henderson #henderdads #steddie ficlet #steddieweek2023

138 notes · View notes

blog-name-idk · 2 years

Text

Everything Falls (Into Place) | 03

**Banner by the incredible @bangtansmauyeondan

Pairing: OT7 x Fem Reader

Genre: College!AU, Roommate!AU, Fluff, Humor, Smut

Summary: Your new roommates are unbearably nice and unbearably hot. Good thing you're an adult who is fully capable of platonic friendships with the opposite sex, right?

Word Count: 1683

~~~~~

"I still can't believe the whole situation," Mina said in awe as you finished packing the scant belongings you had taken to her place. You would be collecting the rest of your things from your old apartment later that day, and Namjoon and Jin had kindly volunteered to go with you.

"I kind of still don't believe it either," you admitted with a laugh. "It seems like an intro to a bad porno but they're nice guys. And my brother would never even have mentioned them if he didn't also think they were good people."

"That's true, Jackson is a good judge of character," Mina agreed dreamily, before hastily adding, "and so are you!" You snorted and rolled your eyes.

"Mina. You like my brother. That's okay. I've told you this before. I legitimately don't care "

"No I don't!" She protested shrilly, turning bright red. "A-and even if I did, that would be against girl code!"

You sighed and put down your bag, and put your hands on her shoulders.

"Mina. My dude. I will only say this one more time. Go for it. Nothing would make me happier than having the two people I love most in the world make each other happy too."

"R-really?" She asked, eyes suddenly watery, and you smiled reassuringly at her before you grabbed your bag again.

"Really," you confirmed, opening the door to leave. "Besides, he thinks you're hot," you added nonchalantly before stepping outside. As the door closed behind you, you heard a shriek.

"Wait, what?"

~~~~~

"Hey, thanks for coming. I really appreciate this," you said gratefully as Jin pulled into the parking lot of your old apartment. He and Namjoon smiled at you before you all made to leave the car.

"No problem, roomie," Namjoon said with his horribly cute dimpled smile.

"Help me with dinner sometimes and we're even," Jin added, eyes twinkling.

"Done," you agreed with a laugh as you climbed the stairs to your unit. You cautiously unlocked the door and peered inside, and sighed in disappointment when you saw your roommate was home.

"Geez, took you long enough, you done with drama now?" You felt your eye twitch as she began spewing her bullshit before you could even step fully into the apartment.

"Not quite, actually," you replied evenly as Jin and Namjoon followed you inside with empty boxes. You watched her jaw drop as she drank in the sight of the two glorious men behind you, and a petty part of you wanted to stick out your tongue and waggle your fingers at her. Yeah, keep my ex, you asshole.

"My room's this way, guys," you said instead, regretfully letting the adult in you win out. It took less than an hour to shove your clothes, textbooks, and other knick knacks into the boxes you had brought, even with Namjoon relegated to standing in the corner after he accidentally broke one of your figurines. After taking everything to Jin's car you gave the room one final once over to make sure you hadn't forgotten anything.

"Are you sure you're fine leaving this?" Asked Namjoon, gesturing to the bed he and Jin were sitting on. You grimaced.

"Considering I have no idea how many times my roommate and ex fucked on that mattress, definitely not. And the desk was cheap, too much hassle."

Namjoon blanched at your reply, and he and Jin both quickly stood up with grossed out facial expressions. Before he could say anything else, an unwelcome guest appeared in your doorway.

"[Y/n]!" You almost facepalmed at your ex's dramatic entrance, complete with a cliche-ass bouquet of red roses. "I can explain!"

"No thank you," you said coldly, crossing your arms. "You're blocking the door."

"Please! You can't just throw away all our time together! I-I love you!" You just stared at him for a moment, complete nonplussed. Really? His thought this was the appropriate time to drop the L bomb? And that it would work? What exactly had you seen in this dumbass again? Instead of winning you back, he had instead successfully dissipated any remaining feelings you had for him. They were instead replaced by irritation and even a bit of amusement as you heard a muffled snort that had to have come from one of the guys behind you.

"I'm good, actually," you just barely managed not to laugh at how ridiculous this scene must look to Jin and Namjoon, who were conveniently hidden from view by your bedroom door. Some of your good humor must have still peeked through, however, and he took it as an invitation to step forward.

"Let me prove it to you," he insisted, reaching for you, and you recoiled in disgust.

"Hey babe, this guy bothering you?"

Apparently the change in your expression had been enough for the boys to realize it was time to step in, and Jin appeared next to you, casually draping an arm over your shoulder.

"What the fuck?" Your ex gasped, staring up at the very broad, tall, sexy man looming over him.

"Thanks for showing me that I deserve better than someone who disrespects me," you said sweetly, before turning to gaze up at Jin adoringly. The cocky smirk he was aiming at your gobsmacked ex made your brain to mouth filter temporarily malfunction.

"I deserve someone who disrespects me and has a huge dick."

You had to give credit to Jin's acting skills, as his only reaction was to smirk wider. You did notice that his ears had gone bright red, which was absolutely adorable.

Namjoon did not share the same acting chops, however, and gave away his presence by choking at your bold declaration.

"Two huge dicks, even," you said nonchalantly, doubling down and pushing the door further open to reveal Namjoon looking like a deer in the headlights. Your ex's eyes widened further and you took advantage of his shock to push past him.

"Now excuse us, we have to go. So many dicks, so little time. I'm sure you of all people understand. Let's go, boys."

Jin and Namjoon, both resembling strawberries at this point, meekly followed you as you marched out of the apartment. You said nothing as you tossed your old keys to your speechless roommate, worried that if you opened your mouth you would burst out laughing. You manage to get into the backseat before you let the dam break, and the boys weren't far after you.

"Oh my god, I'm so sorry," you choked out, trying to catch your breath. You were releasing unattractive snorts through your nose, but you were too full of mirth to care.

"I can't believe you said all that," Namjoon gasped from the passenger's seat, still bright red, before succumbing to boisterous laughter.

"His face," Jin wheezed with squeaky giggles. You felt your heart swell with affection for these two men you had just met.

"Guys, I think this is the start of a beautiful friendship."

~~~~~

To celebrate your first night at the house, Jin had made dinner. And, it being a celebration, it was accompanied by copious amounts of wine "because we're being fancy" - Jimin's words.

"What the fuck," you groaned as you took a bite, the wine you had already imbibed loosening your tongue. "What is wrong with you?"

"Excuse me?" Asked Jin, mildly offended.

"There's no way you can be handsome, nice, funny, and an amazing cook. It's just not fair," you ranted before diving back into your meal. You were so focused on the delicious flavors assaulting your tongue that you missed the way the redness sped up his ears straight to the rest of his face.

"[Y/n], aren't I handsome too?" Jimin pouted at you and you snickered, marveling at how comfortable you already felt with everyone.

"Obviously," you scoffed, and he beamed.

"Honestly, you guys are like, the best looking people I've ever seen. Including girls."

Your unabashed honesty was met with mixed reactions. Yoongi just ignored everyone and took a large gulp of wine. Jimin and Tae waggled their eyebrows at you. Hobi, Jungkook, and Jin tried to hide their blushes by shoving food into their mouths. Namjoon silently prayed for deliverance from the vengeful god bearing your brother's face.

"Actually, that reminds me," you declared, steeling yourself before inevitable embarrassment. "I just want to put out there that there will be no sexual activity between myself and any member of this house."

Several of the boys began choking on either food or wine, and they all openly stared at you as you gazed determinedly at your plate, cheeks bright pink. It was borderline humiliating to be saying this so openly, but you felt that this was the best time to set boundaries - when you were buzzed enough to be blunt, but sober enough not to make a complete idiot out of yourself. Well, you did tend to manage to do that without alcohol, but still.

"I know it's unlikely anyone is or would even want to or consider it," you added quickly, suddenly insecure and realizing it was extremely presumptuous to even assume you might be in the same league as these guys. "I just wanted to get that out there just in case. Uh… sorry for making this awkward " you finished lamely, still staring at your food and determinedly not meeting the eyes of any of your new roommates.

"You're good," Namjoon assured you gently. "Honestly you're probably right. We've never lived with a girl before, so I think it's smart to address any potential complications." You looked up at him and felt reassured by his sincere smile.

"Plus," he added, clearly trying to lighten the mood. "Your brother scares the shit out of me."

You nodded sagely, knowing how overprotective he could be, but Jungkook looked unconvinced.

"Jackson-hyung? But he's so nice," he said, throwing a skeptical look at Namjoon.

"So's Hobi," Yoongi pointed out, and Jungkook shut up. You raised your eyebrows, glancing at the man in question, who was currently engaged making silly faces with Taehyung. Well, it was always the ones you'd least expect.

~~~~~

Tags: @singukieee

Next | Masterlist

#bts fanfic #bts x reader #bts fluff #bts ot7 x reader #kim namjoon x reader #kim seokjin x reader #park jimin x reader #jeon jungkook x reader #min yoongi x reader #kim taehyung x reader #jung hoseok x reader

296 notes · View notes

aceinthehellhole · 2 years

Text

So, bad news. I'm not suspended.

Dean Crowely told me that I need to "be more aware" of what I post online because I'm "representing the school" now that I'm a student here.

Bullshit. I bet he has a private twitter where he thirsts over... Madonna or something. He looks like the type.

My point is, I get the feeling that he let me off easy. Which is TERRIBLE.

I tried begging him for just a little suspension, something I could tell my mom so she'd be disappointed in me and send me to- wait no fuck,, I don't wanna go to military school either.

I guess... I'm just fucked either way. Might as well be able to tweet about it freely without fear of "ruining" the military's reputation.

Speaking of getting fucked, my roommates are the worst.

Obviously everyone saw the tweet.

Jack was like "maybe you just need to get laid".

AS IF HE KNOWS EVERYTHING.

Stupid Jack with his stupid muscles and stupid neck veins.

So I turned to him and was like "dude the absolute LAST thing I need is to have your huge sweaty meat stick shoved up my ass, okay?"

And then he had the AUDACITY to look offended by what I said. As if he wasn't the one being vulgar in the first place. Psh.

Jack isn't even the worst of them.

Deuce is the most annoying person I've ever met. He's at my side 24/7, following me around like a lost duckling, always asking me if I'm okay, and he even holds my hand sometimes. Gross.

What do I look like? A mama duck?

Okay, yes, I did cry to him about how unfair life is and may have fallen asleep on his chest, but that was ONE TIME. That doesn't mean we're automatically fused at the hip now. What is his deal??

And then there's Epel. That guy is so fucking weird. He barely speaks, and when he does, it's to make some backhanded comment about how I'm "pushing people away" and "ignoring the people who care about me".

AS IF anyone in this godforsaken school cares about ME.

Who is he to judge me like that anyway?? Rich coming from the guy who has no friends and refuses to talk to anyone. Sheesh.

The last guy in our dorm is Sebek. He's some kinda exchange student and he's almost as obnoxious as Jack. I get that they're dancers or whatever but do the have to be so RIPPED??

It's hard to focus on basically anything in our dorm when all I can hear is one or both of them grunting and huffing and getting all sweaty while they work out.

The only cool person in this entire school is - I KID YOU NOT - Yuu the janitor. I met them shortly after joining when I (definitely by accident) spilled 6 cans of spaghetti-os in the hallway. Don't ask.

I expected the janitor of this place to be A. some crotchety old man and B. the type to blow up in my face over spilled pasta. But Yuu was neither! They showed up with a mop and bucket on wheels, their pudgy black cat Grim perched lazily on their shoulder. While they started cleaning up the mess, all they said was. "Man, you must really like your o's."

And that was that. We instantly became allies in this cruel and rigorous hellhole of an academic setting, bonded over our shared love of cheap canned food.

Yuu has some kinda scholarship or something where they get free housing and food in exchange for cleaning up, which sounds like a pretty sweet deal to me. If the position wasn't already filled, I would have begged Crowley to let me do that instead of "expressing myself" for a grade.

Speaking of which, I gotta get to something called a "movement class". Ugh. Pray for me.

#twst #twst rp #ace trappola #// feel free to send in asks for this au it's been giving me brainrot OTL

0 notes

redxblueihateloveyou · 3 years

Note

This is a personal opinion but from where I see it the Given movie and the anime itself definitely was... something that I would question because somethings just.. didn't make sense to me. The development of the Characters were either super fast or super slow and it made the pacing really really weird for me idk. But I do think that a huge reason so many people love the Given movie is because of the fact that when you compare Given to OTHER JP BL animes, there's very very slight improvement in terms of the story itself of Given. Is the story poorly executed? Fucking hell, who the hell is going to say no here. But is it better then some of the JP BLs out there? That's depended on how you view BL to be. For a lot of people things like Super Lovers or Hitorijime My Hero are super unbearable to watch because it's "problematic" (which honestly okay, you do you BB) which then leads them to look for BL animes that DON'T have such "themes." Leading them to actually liking things poorly executed but just "not problematic", Given for example.

Given is “not problematic”? Debatable.

Their first kiss was right after Mafuyu finally had a courage to sing a song about his ex who commited a suicide. ???

Problematic doesn’t only mean stuff like “he’s underage”. What about using someone to get over your grief or getting into a relationship with someone who is still not over his ex death and is vulnerable at the moment? Is this suddenly “not problematic” bc they’re same age and he haven’t pushed him into a wall in throws of passion?

To me it’s not even about the fact if it’s problematic or not (it’s rarely not tho, no matter what ppl think), it’s about whether its believable and feels genuine or not. It depends on many factors: situation, characters past, traumas, etc, etc. It depends on the story and how you write it.

Change some stuff and it’s gonna be a completely different thing. Make it like Uenoyama only hugged Mafuyu after the song, even tho he wanted to kiss him, but knows that it’s not the right moment. Make Mafuyu heal first, make Uenoyama be in his own angst that he loves Mafuyu so much for example, but cares about him recover more, so he doesn’t expect for it to go somewhere, then he tries to date someone and Mafuyu first starts getting out there, when he feels like he can start trying again. Someday he gets sick and Uenoyama cancels his date to take care of him even tho it’s nothing serious and then the realization comes. Make Mafuyu kiss him first and take the first step. This would’ve changed everything so much. He should’ve made the first step when he was ready, this would’ve felt so right. Uenoyama kissing him after that song is just.. it feels, I was like ehhhmmm.. weird?

Seeing someone saying that Given is a masterpiece is hilarious to me. The fact that it includes heavy themes like suicide, doesn’t make it a masterpiece, esp when it’s handled this badly. Once again, if you pick such thing as a base for a love story, do it right then, not in a “bibbidi bobbidi boo” kind of thing.

BL or not BL, any relationships, it depends on whether you watch it and it feels plausable or not.

For example, if Yuu says that he can’t live with Mika, my tongue won’t even twist to call it “unhealthy” or be like “dude why”. But if some high schooler in slice of life anime who has a caring family tried to end himself bc his two weeks friend left him, I would’ve yelled “bitch go see a doctor”.

Depending on the story you can sell some feelings or not.

Nezumi and Shion are also problematic according to ppl’s logic these days. But I 100% believe they’re each other’s true loves. Only 11 episodes and it’s sold.

In Given I didn’t believe it. Bc it’s ridiculous, ok? It wasn’t the right place or time to start this relationship. It is not a new love story, it’s just a sad story.

Given movie is slightly better compared to other japanese BL? Why would you offend Sekaiichi Hatsukoi, Uragiri wa boku no namae, No.6 and many others?

Also better where? They kept the same old “’stop, i don’t want to’, but he did it anyway” stuff AND on top of that the story sucks.

The way he used him knowing very well that he was unrequitedly in love with him for so long is so disgusting that it leaves a much grosser feeling than many yaois combined. You’re saying “it’s slightly better” bc they’re of age or don’t have an age difference? I don’t get it. It somehow makes everything better?

No, thanks. I’d rather watch Onodera sleep with Takano in high school with them being genuinely into each other and it going great than whatever happened in the Given movie. I don’t care if they’re both 18 there, it made me feel bad.

I didn’t feel bad, when Wei Wuxian thought “why the fuck didn't I have sex with Lan Zhan back when I was 15? I've really pissed away all my days, haven't I?”. I wonder why is that.

Like what you’re saying here is that their opinion on BL is so low that they automatically would give it 10 out of 10 bc it’s slightly better than smth that they find “unbearable” to watch? What kind of evaluation is that exactly? Maybe also let’s compare each anime to “boku no pico”, then everything will look like a masterpiece.

Like excuse me for the fact that when I watch some shonen-ai and yaoi, I judge it the same way I judge any other genre and any other relationships (hetero or gay) in animes. On a scale whether I care or don’t care, whether I believe that they love each other or don’t, whether it’s a good story or not. I don’t get what it means “it’s good for yaoi”. It’s just not good. This movie is trash, I mean, the relationship in it is trash. Who the fuck cares gay or not gay. Trash relationships are trash. Bad story is a bad story. Whether it’s a bad gay story or a bad hetero story, I don’t give a shit.

The reason I’m more into boy on boy ships is because I love the relationships there more than relationships in most heterosexual couples. My fav hetero ships are either “from hate/attraction to love” stories like “gone with the wind”, “anastasia” or “pride and prejudice” or stuff like “equals without pink goo, who only see each other and don’t need no one else and would die for each other, epic soulmates” like Richard and Kahlan. In anime 99% of those fit bromances, not romances. Like I don’t find Midoriya/Uraraka appealing at all for a reason that “she said ‘hi’, he blushed as a tomato, now they’re supposed to be each other’s romantic interests” is not what I find romantic. I find romantic the fact that Todoroki is forever devoted to Midoriya bc he knows he’s amazing and is not afraid to say it; and he’ll always be there for him when he needs him, no matter what it is, him just sitting there crying, some villain trying to kill him or if he’s too late out ther grossery shopping. Uraraka most of the times doesn’t even care where he is.

Most hetero romantic animes, I just find ridiculous, too cheesy and unrealistic and I’m not ready to watch 50 episodes for them to hold hands. I’m not in that age and I also never found things like this romantic before either. Stuff like Kisa/Yukine, when you meet someone, find him attractive, wanna fuck him, then fall in love accidentally.. yeah, that’s understandable to me. Stuff like Takano/Onodera “I was an naive idiot in high school, but now life made me a sassy bitch and I can’t open up to people as easily” also yes, relatable.

When you’re turning into a tomato bc someone said “penis” and think holding hands will take your virginity or smth, that’s not my thing.

So when I watch BL, I expect more, not less. So if it’s bad, I just say it’s bad, I’m not gonna be like “hmm... unproblematic... then 10/10″ like what?

1stly, even “little mermaid” and “cinderella” are problematic.

2ndly everyone is so focused on purity these days, like storyline don’t matter at all. It’s like any great love story is automatically trash if they have age difference. Any trash love story is great, if they don’t?

Let’s then also rate “Dororo” as 1, bc it’s like 24 episodes of them falling for each other while she’s 11 and he’s 16. Wow, such gross relationships they have during the whole story. Doesn’t matter that she grew up at the end of the last episode, the whole anime she’s a child. And let’s rate Noragami 0, bc 2000 years old perverted Yato is into 15 year olds.

No one has to fuck asap (heck even in the same hella problematic “Super Lovers” you talk about, Haru refused to fuck Ren even tho he was 17 in s2 and wanted to fuck another guy) and the rule “you can only fall in love after 18″ doesn’t exist. Also underage is not BL thing, it’s all anime thing. It’s time to shut it already. There are zillions of age gap couples out there who are great. Hyakkimaru waited for Dororo to grow up, it’s fine, seriously, they love each other in the right way, he didn’t want to fuck her when she was 11, okay? They did love each other tho already then. Pls excuse them for that.

3rdly, some relationship that ppl here call unproblematic are 20 times more problematic, than what they call problematic.

4tly, why the heck it’s like couples who have an amazing character and relationship progression, who love each other to death and will do anything for each other, ppl go: “wow, at the very beginning, he grabbed his wrist, he needs to go to jail”. Meanwhile a relationship who has no base, no story, no logical progression, no anything are “yes, best love story in the world”. Yeah... who cares if it feels like it’s all been pulled out of an ass and doesn’t make sense, very healthy tho.

It sounds lately like if most ppl here had two stories in front of them and one would be about two men who just met and the next day one proposed and they lived happily ever after and 2nd would be some complicated incredible story with a natural progression of the relationship, but they yelled at each other once, they’d be like “1st is better”. Well, not to me, no.

#answered #anonymous #anime

8 notes · View notes

the-mf-bread-babies · 4 years

Text

loneliness </\///\|/3

a fic by rocco wulfram north, m.d.

(found that name on hardcore baby names)

–chmapter jop–

before the tríp

It was a normal day for the Skullsmashers: go to somewhere, kill people, be gay, sleep, get brunch. Right now was the first part of their daily routine, and they were getting ready for it.

“holy fuck nova could you hurry the shit up i have to brush my fucking teeth you bitch” Ace hissed, knocking repeatedly on the bathroom door. “Fuck You. I'm Going To Go To Hell Itself” Nova gargled back, mouth full of mouthwash. More banging was heard; the door had seen better days.

Several feet away was Jake, all dressed up and ready to go, waiting for the others to get ready. He sat on the couch gayly in the living room down the hall, scrolling through Apocalypse Twitter. ‘every day i throw down an unpeeled boiled egg from the rooftop to simulate fear and unreadiness’ he read, a tweet from Orc's account. What the fuck. Classic Orc.

“ah fuck !! am i late !!” Jake turned around to see Damon panicking and counting the daggers in his pockets. “no no not at all. i just get ready really quickly to throw everyone into a state of disarray” Jake replied in an honest, monotone voice. “come sit down”

Damon sat down nervously next to his captain, knowing he'll ask him for Bambi on the PS2 now. “look. look at them those dumbshits” Jake uttered, pointing to Ace and Nova arguing. “those little bastards are completely unaware that ive put a fake cockroach puppet in the mirror. watch now” he added, pulling out a cheap remote control and pressing a button.

*sound of glass breaking* Jake sighed. “okay maybe that wasn't really the best idea” Nova screamed, running out of the bathroom and confusing Ace. “Fucking Roach!!!!!!!!!!!!!” she yelled, already too far away from them to be heard clearly. “huh. well okay then!” Ace grinned, going into the bathroom.

“i'll guard. you do your thing okay? :-)” Damon said to Jake, smiling mischievously. Jake's heart skipped a beat as he was suddenly flustered by the killer's action. «oh god, shit's just gonna get more complicated from here» he thought, staring into nothingness.

Damon braced himself against the bathroom door, eager to hear Ace's chaotic screaming. “ready ??” Damon asked, sending Jake back to the real world. “hhuh??????? oh yea right” he mumbled before beginning to control the cockroach with the remote. “this shit cost me like 200 bucks so it better be worth it”

HOLY MOTHER OF

F U C K

JAKE JESUS FUCKING CHRIST

WHAT THE S H IT DUDE

ace will remember this.

Jake cackled loudly, rolling on the floor and hitting the table with his fist. “LMAOOOOK FUCK YOUUU” he yelled, angering Ace even more. “I WILL GODDAMN SKIN UOUR FUCKIGN ISTINEDSTINES OLD MAN I SWEAR TKC FUCKF” they yelled back, pushing the door repeatedly. “IM GOIND TO FUCKIGN DIR HERE YOU BITCH”

“ah . ace ? could you move a little please ? i'm trying to get in ?” Damon said annoyingly kindly, making Ace jab a fake knife through the space between the door and the doorway. “THIS IS THE BEST FUCKIGN KNIFE I HAVE ON ME RIGT NOW BUT PLEADR JSUT FUCK O F F”

“hm ... i'll have to check in with the blacksmith today to know what this one's worth... possibly rusted here, though.... could also just be dirt tho.....” Damon mumbled, examining the knife. “FUCKING HEL P” Ace yelled in distress, his breath seeping through the door. “ace. brush your fucking teeth that's disgusting.”

“IM FUCKIF D TRYINF THERES JUST A FUCKGIFN ROSCH HEREERF” Ace explained fearfully, trying their best to get some pity from the other. “a what ?? don't think we have those here” “A FUCKIFN COKROSKC” “corrosion ???? how bad” “FUCK YOU A GODDMAND COKCROACH” “girls?? what?? are they milfs??” “HOW THEE DFUCKDB DID YEOU HEAR FTHAY WHATS DUCUNESKRHI”

Jake's hand slapped against Damon's shoulder as a way of saying thanks. “good work out there soldier. us skullsmashers really need someone like you damon” He said confidently, disguising his flirting as a compliment. “cool !! you too man !!” The shorter man replied, completely unaware of the flirting and continuing to yearn for the mutual love between him and Jake. fuckin idiots lmao

“alrighty fuckers, let's move!”

Rachel's voice sent Ace and Nova into a panic, making them scram to look for their weapons and equipment. “Got everything ya need? W'ain't makin' any stops; tryin'a save fuel.” Shaw asked, leaning against the wall at the entrance menacingly. “When the fuck did you even come here.” Dennis asked in surprise, carrying suitcases. “Hmph. Man never tells his secrets, young man.” She replied, tilting her cowboy hat. “What…”

Aaron was sitting peacefully in the trunk of a pickup truck they had, only to be met by a large backpack to the face. “ah!!!!!!!! very sorry!!!!!!! we'll be going in separate vehicles, and trunk space is very much needed!!!!!!!!” Whitney said, apologizing. “Ah. Well. O-okay then.” Aaron stuttered out, holding back tears from the painful impact the backpack had. Pretty sure he'll get a bruise from that.

Henderson and Rachel were waiting in the front seats of yet another pickup truck. To pass the time, they took very cringey pictures of each other pretending to be on Cowboy TikTok™. “Do one where you're pregnant with the truck's baby!” Henderson suggested, making Rachel flip the bird at her but begrudgingly agreeing with her stupid idea. “i literally would skin you alive.” She spat out, putting a pumpkin inside her shirt. “That's… literally so sexy, babe.” Henderson replied back, taking more pictures.

Meanwhile, Andre was busy explaining to Cyprus, who was in a small glass jar, that forcibly entering Damon's bloodstream and mutilating his entire body was not very nice, with Orc and Sarah judging. “YES BUT UNLIMITED POWER COULD BE RIGHT IN OUR HANDS ANDRE” “That'd very mean of you to do, and could actually probably kill you too in the process.” he explained to deaf ears. Well, technically no ears. Yet. “CYPRUS I KNOW IT SOUNDS STUPID BUT YOU COULD LITERALLY DO THE SAME BUT LIKE IN AN ELEPHANTS BODY DUDE” Orc suggested, only to be ignored. “cmon cyprus just pleaaaaase dont kill ppl ok”

Jake looked outside, then back at Damon. “well guess its time to move!” “yea ... but at what cost.” Damon replied confusingly, making a sad face. “did you know today is…” he started, then regretted saying anything. “nvm…” He turned away from the punk, sniffling and walking to Dennis and Aaron.

“damon” “??” Jake asked quietly, craning his neck a little before making the decision to leave the new recruit alone. Instead, he joined Henderson and Rachel in their odd activities.

“hey guys. i fucking miss sans.” Damon confessed, taking a seat next to Dennis. “My nose is bleeding.” Aaron pointed out. “ok. today's sunday. and you Know what That Means… Meant,” The boy continued, facing the ground. “Kanye West he…” Dennis began (begun???? idk). “… liked.” Aaron continued, also affected emotionally by the departure of not only Sans, but Komaeda too.

Jake stared longingly at the family, wishing he was a part of it too. He truly felt Ariel Little Mermaid's desire to become human. Seven Vagánias… that was a risk he was willing to take for him. He would shave his eyebrows off for that man, and he just might do it right now.

“Jake? Don't do that. Please don't fucking do that.” Henderson suddenly interrupted, surprising Jake. “do what” Henderson squinted her eyes, giving Jake a suspicious look. “That's the face you make when you want to do silly things…” She pointed out.

“You had that when you almost electrocuted yourself at that stable, you had that when you threw the dart at Scoran, you had that when you glued Marcus and Reese–” “OKAY OKAY I GET IT IM A DUMMY SILLY LITTLE BITCH BOY OK”

Rachel put the pumpkin back on the ground and went to the two friends, curious to know what the quarrel was about. “what's poppin gayboy!” She loudly asked, slapping Jake's forearm strongly. “i am in peril and shaking and crying” “daddy issues” “yget?” He explained, gesturing towards the Russells.

“ah. please clarify what kind.” Rachel said, knowing Jake has a very questionable taste for fictional middle-aged men, such as Sigma Overwatch and the guy from the cowboy game. “the fuckin. family one rachel” “look at em just vibing and simply being gay”

Rachel and Henderson gave eachother a look that questioned whether Damon and Jake were going to be a thing or not, since Jake's technically still with Andre. “Considering the fact that they adopted Damon, they could probably also adopt you if you wanted to.” Henderson suggested, knowing Jake wouldn't like this and would stupidly unknowingly accidentally confess his love for Damon to them both right then and there.

“what?????” “ew no thatd be fuckin incest or some shit what the fuck” Jake said, being grossed out. “what would be the incestuous part, jacon. we did not say or hint at anything related to incest.” Rachel asked, making Jake's hair stand up in panic. “fuCKIN NOTHING DUH” “BUT LIKE YKNOW I GET CRUSHES REALLY EASILY YEA??????” Jake explained weirdly.

“So there's a new one right now, huh…” Henderson asked… feeling like she was in Ace Attorney. “no!!!! no wait” “well yea– no.. but i–” “fuck You but yes” Jake grumbled. “ah no, we won't tell, obviously. it was just getting way too obvious, so we just wanted to hear it from both sides.” “WH” Rachel said mysteriously, getting into the driver's seat of the pickup truck. “okay guys let's go!!” She yelled out, starting the engine. “THE FUCK IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN??????” “BOTH SIDES???”

chapter dos

two four trucks

The journey to god knows fuckin where idk didn't plan i guess a fuckin cabin or smth idk was long and torturous, especially when Rachel said that cryptic-ass thing before going. What the fuck was that supposed to mean, bro.

sudden interlude for seating arrangements !!

truck 1: Henderson, rachel, whitney, CYPRUS

truck 2: jake, damon, marge, Andre, Aaron

truck 3: ace, Nova, Dennis

truck 4: sarah, ORC, Shaw, viper

truck two.

Jake awkwardly patted Marge's head in the backseat of the truck, avoiding eye contact with Damon and Andre. Of course he had to go on a three-day trip in the same car with his ex, his crush, AND his crush's father. God, he was pretty sure this was the lab rats' doing.

“cows.” Damon pointed outside, earning Andre's attention. “Holy– what are those?” He asked, taking his sunglasses off to admire the beautiful little cows. “Cows… we drink their milk and wear their skin as jackets…” Aaron explained, his eyes drifting from the road momentarily. “They can have best friends and stuff. Really nice guys. Also, they're expensive as hell.”

“Y–You do what. Their skin??” Andre asked, his voice a pitch higher than usual. “yeah and we rate them based on which layer it is. also, like their meat, expensive as hell. but still very cool.” Damon said, confusing Andre even more. “they also give us cheese and ice cream and whipped cream and stuff. underrated little babies. they deserve better.” “they also have nose rings which are punk as hell–”

“Wait, why the nose– cheese?! Cheese?! AND ice cream??!” Andre asked again, his mind attempting to comprehend the greatness that cows are. “Oh man, you are not ready to hear about pigs.” Aaron said jokingly. “What the fuck are pigs???” “Sausages, ham slices, bacon, lard, leather too, rotisserie–” “aaron please i'm gonna throw up.” “Oh, right. Sorry,”

Jake sat quietly in his seat, just now realising how much of his world Andre's missing. Sure, his world was much cooler, but do they have sheep? Palm trees? Penguins? Thought not, bitch. “andre do you know what a kangaroo is” He asked, breaking his silence like that one YouTuber.

“A what?” “kangaroo. some of them are buff as shit and they move by hopping. they cant hop backwards and they also keep their babies in little pouches attached to them and their bones and guts are exposed on the inside of said pouch. baby kangaroos are about the size of a jellybean, and the adults can box you”

“They what” “yea they're weird as fuck.” “its from australia so” “That sounds fake.” “oh man. wombats bro. quokkas. fuckin drop bears and flying foxes. PLATYPUSES!!!” “wombats poop in cubes and quokkas are always smiling” “Koala bears hold onto tree branches and eat their mom's shit, which is the leaves of said tree branches.” “Please stop what the fuck” “ohoho fucking GEESE” “GET IM JAKE MY NEIGHBOR HAD FUCKIN THREE OF THOSE BITCHES”

truck three.

The three sat silently, with the exception of Dennis, who was swearing at random times. “You call that a fuckin’ turn, old man?! HUH?!!” Ace's shoulders jumped, the sudden exclamations preventing them from sleeping through the trip. “This Is Probably The Last Time We'll See Each Other Alive.” Nova stated calmly. “i slept for like two minutes last night… didn't even get to wear conditioner today. unrelated but just sharing my struggles with you.” Ace said, shifting into a more comfortable sleeping position.

Dennis overheard the two talking, and opted to stay quiet for the rest of the trip, before stumbling across a strange sight. “FROG!!!” he yelled, waking up the duo. “he said fuck! he said the f” Ace yelled out while rubbing their eyes. “Are We Aliven't” Nova asked, stretching. “Sadly, no, but the good news is, I found a frog!” Dennis excitedly said, opening the car door.

“WHAT” “THAT SHITS GONNA POISON US WHAT THE FUCK” Nova yelled out, unfortunately not loud enough for Dennis to hear it. The man kept walking towards the creature that was technically an alien to them, and picked it up with watery hands. “DENNIS YOU'RE GONNA FUCKING KILL US ALL!!!!!!! DENNIS!!!!!!”

“So, you kids know how to handle a frog?” Dennis asked in a wholesome tone, alerting the two even more. “KILL IT KILL IT FUCKING KILL IT” “Oh, are you guys allergic to this little guy? Sorry, I'll put it in the dashboard instead.” “GET ITBOUT WHAT THE FUCK DENNID JESUS” “… Huh?” “POSIOJ DART FOGR” Nova shouted, hiding behind the passenger seat and being pushed by Ace, who was also going to hide there. “BITCH”

Dennis and the frog stared at them in confusion, hearing their horrified screams. “This is… a wood frog… not a poison dart… that one would probably die in this climate…” he explained plainly, his hands gently cupping the newfound friend. “oh. ok” Ace muttered quietly, while Nova maintained an awkward silence. “You can… pat them very softly if you want.” Dennis suggested. “Or spray the shit outta them. That could work too.”

Nova nervously held out her hand to pat the frog, then smiled in succeeding to do so. “Death Quivers Before Me” She said, proceeding to pat it even more. “can i do the spray thing.” Ace asked, their voice quiet as a whisper. “Yeah, sure. Go right ahead.”

*the frog was going to die so technically they didnt like fuck up the ecosystem or smth. do not attempt this irl.

truck four.

“What jolly tunes d'ya have on this here truck. Fellas.” Shaw asked, observing the radio. “uh, really, i don't think it'll be necessary!!!!!” Viper nervously said, only to be ignored. “NONSENSE! ONE'S TASTE IN SHANTIES PROVES TO BE A WINDOW INTO THEIR LIVES.” Orc said wisely, patting them on the shoulder. “i guess that's good advice, but really–”

TWO TRUCKS HAVING SEX. TWO TRUCKS HAVING SEX. MY MUSCLES. MY MUSCLES. INVOLUNTARILY FLEX.

“I SEE. A MATING SONG FOR YOUR SPECIES?” “my truck f### playlist,.,.,.” Viper tried to mute the speaker to no avail as most of the buttons on the control panel were very much broken. “I'm. Very sorry for this, pardner. But this doesn't sound so bad. I could put this in a jukebox…” Shaw consoled, only making them panic more. “im so f#ckig sorry” They said, before smashing the radio with a briefcase.

They all paused for a moment, unsure of what to do. “i have spotify…” Sarah croaked, holding up her phone. “they have lemon demon too, if you want…” She muttered, scrolling through the song choices. “does anyone want to listen to wet a–” “no.” “okay.”

The truck grew even quieter for a while, until Shaw gave a suggestion to pass the time. “Wanna play 20 questions?” “I'll start: how many folks have y'all killed?” Viper gave the assassin a horrified look, confusing her. “I think mine's around 150. No… 145…” She confessed, rubbing her chin. “Wait, or was it 160?”

“like six. do you like girls, and, follow up question, do you also coincidentally like short girls with long hair.” Sarah said without hesitation, stopping Orc from answering the first question. “Yes! I literally have a wife!” Shaw shouted happily, rolling up her sleeves to show Sarah her tattoos. “This one is her setting herself on fire and me getting inspired–” “ah, yes–” “That one was a total cover-up! Previously, it was the names of my exes, all thirteen of them, but now, it's my cat!”

After some time of receiving a bit too much RexShaw lore, Sarah finally got the answer she so desperately needed from Viper. This was the verdict that determines whether she could make a move or not. This answer could change– “i am gay and do not get attracted to women. thank you.” Ah. Back to more hunting. “I am a lesbian! High-five!” Shaw exclaimed.

And finally, the first truck.

truck one.

Loud country music blared in the truck as they drove by the snowy mountains of uhh. Winsnow. Like winter and snow. They had all chosen separate routes in order to cover more land and see if there were any new developments in the area.

“BRANDY!!! FETCH ANOTHER ROUNF!!!!!!” Rachel screeched as she drummed on the dashboard. “AND SHE FJSJS” Henderson kept driving, searching every inch of land for a rest stop to stretch her legs and also listen to something else.

“hendy.” Rachel said, getting her girlfriend's attention. “do you wanna buy that slime that cleans cars and stuff?” Henderson stared into the distance, pondering. “Hm. There's always the possibility of the slime disappearing under mysterious circumstances and turning up in the trash can the next day covered in saliva, so.” Whitney looked away, feeling attacked.

“yeah, that's a problem.” Rachel muttered, her hand instinctually moving to Henderson's. “Please don't crash the car.” She begged, looking sadly at her. “is there a domino's nearby. i heard they have that new peanut butter chocolate lava cake.” Rachel asked, cupping Henderson's face gently.

“Rachel. There's fucking mountains.” Henderson pointed out, gesturing towards their surroundings. “That shit will freeze.” Rachel put her head down in disappointment. “yeah. damn.” “MORE FLESH!!! MORE FLESH!!! MORE FUCKING FLESH!!!”

Oh yeah, Cyprus was here the whole time. “why does the metal say fuck?????” And Whitney too! “MIND YOUR OWN GODDAMN BUSINESS. FLESH NEEDED!” Cyprus yelled out, resembling a hungry toddler on a road trip.

“do you want like a burger or something......” Whitney asked, judging the spirit. “FLESH” “like are you more of a kfc or a mcdonalds guy” “NEED FLESH” She gave the couple a look, one that was kind of undecipherable due to her lack of normal face details like eyebrows, visible pupils, etc.

“So, three peanut butter lava cakes and one meat lover's… what else?” “ah!!!!!! no lava cake for me, i'm on a diet!!!!!! dirt and dirt only!!!!!!!!!!! also fish bones as a treat” Whitney corrected, her eyes searching for a nearby body of water. “Or, we could get Cyprus the fish meat, and Whitney the bones.” “sounds good to me!!!!!!!!” “FLESH”

…

“welcome to domino's! can i get your order?”

“three peanut butter lava cakes, please. that's all. thank you.” Rachel said, her seat switched with Henderson's, who was too nervous to order. “okay but they each take like three hours to make” “what.” “yea you can stop by like the grocery store up ahead” “fuck you for ordering this” “i–” “fuck off”

the grocewy stowe

The truck stopped by the front of the building, Rachel telling them to go in first while she searches for a good parking spot. Much to Henderson's disappointment.

“My lover…” Henderson said with fear in her voice. “it's okay… go along… i… i have to do this for you…” “for you all… i won't forget the good that you've done to me and everyone i've ever known…” “Rach, please don't go, I lo–” “you all are the kindest people… heaven may wait eagerly for you, but as for me, the ground trembles for its latest meal. fresh from the oven, i will enter the furnace…” “why the fuck would they cook you again” “because i'm TOAST!!” “haha”

“Kill Ronald Reagan while you're at it… I forgot which one he is but I'm pretty sure he's a total bitch…” “i will meet you doomguy” “heeeeeeeh” Rachel whined weakly as she slowly drove over to the spot she wanted.

MOTHERFUCKER.

A silver Honda Civic quickly made its way into there, angering the scientist. “not on my watch, fucker.” Rachel muttered, sliding the pickup truck across the road. She slammed her palm onto the car horn, which terrified even a murder of crows.

“huh wonder who that is” “hm anyway which fish do u like ???? :-)”

A woman who seemed to be in her late 40s exited the Honda Civic, throwing a rather large and flashy boa around her neck. “Jesús, ít's cold in hère,” The lady commented, putting on a pair of expensive-looking sunglasses. “Márie, come along, ma cheghhy!” (i forgot how to spell it)

oh, son of a B I T C H .

it's the french lady who smells weird.

Of course, seeing your enemy in any circumstance that wasn't planned was clearly a little scary and will probably be your last day alive, but bumping into them at a Target was kinda… awkward.

Both the hazelnut and the dolphin were less armed and armoured than usual, and there weren't any bodyguards or security. Usually, if a top leader goes anywhere, the standard protocol was to do thirty separate background checks on the location and have it guarded up somewhere in the three months before their arrival.

So, obviously, someone in Top 50 driving around town in a decades-old car buying groceries isn't very safe, or probably even legal. Hell, she hasn't even seen them wear anything this ridiculous ever. Could this be a distraction? Or is it an opportunity?

Ah, wait, they're both wearing their stupid little marriage bracelets.

It's the middle of October.

This is their anniversary vacation.

Shit.

in the store

Henderson strolled through the aisles with Whitney at her side, hugging Cyprus's jar. She examined the cereal boxes to make sure they didn't contain any food colouring that could potentially kill her.

Whitney, on the other hand, zoomed over to the meat section, licking her lips at the sight of a raw cod. “cyprus…… do you feel that? the need to devour a being???? the uncontrollable desire for energy that it transcends all laws and regulations placed on mankind?????? the growing hunger for power, one that's so strong it controls your every need????

a natural, primal instinct to become such a brutal being that no one, not even you, recognise yourself anymore. you look at yourself in the mirror and you feel like you want to destroy that, to put yourself onto the pedestal you belong on, to wreak havoc on the cosmos of all beings, living and dead, real and mythical, walking and extinct.

you know that you're the only who understands this instinct, the only one who follows it to this distance. everyone else may underestimate you, but in the end, you'll rise above them all. man's natural instinct is to become the ruler of all.”

“What the fuck, Whitney. Anyway, I talked to the deli guy and he said he could pay you to eat up some scraps if you want. You down?” Henderson asked, her trolley already full of snacks. “yea fuck it man” Whitney replied, walking over to the ‘staff only’ door. “im hungy as fuck”

parking lot.

Despite the growing need to kill the woman, Rachel was managing to control herself. Even though this was the perfect opportunity to eliminate one of them, she knows she'll be replaced by someone much crueler. So for now, she'll just stick to watching this lady consider which can of tomato sauce is better than the other.

Rachel parked the truck near the entrance and the Honda Civic. She kept an eye on the couple as she quietly made her way inside through the back door.

“So thàt's when Í saìd, ‘that's not a cactùs, that's a lámp!” Karén playfully said, her hand entwined with her wife's. Rachel was unsure whether to stalk the two or join her friends in shopping.

WELL, FIND THAT OUT IN THE NEXT PART,

B I T C H !! !! !!

0 notes