#guns n fuckin roses
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I have SEVERAL very sexual and inappropriate things to say
#duff mckagan#guns n roses#duff gnr#gnr#80s bands#rock#duff#McKagan#guns n fuckin roses#jane’s addiction#duff mckagan loaded#velvet revolver#I WANT HIM#I ACTUALLY WANT DUFF SO BAD HOLY SHIT#LOOK AT HIM#DUFF PLEASE#ONE CHANCE#I WILL LITERALLY MAKE YOU SO HAPPY#ON MY KNEES#🙏🙏#duff 🙏🙏#DUFFY#SERIOUSLY HOW CAN HE BE SO FINE#holy shit I’m down bad#BUT I SAID WHAT I SAID DUFF IS HOT#ARGUE WITH THE WALL#DUFF I LOVE YOU#ily duff#💋#anyways if you have any other hot duff pics please send 🙏
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i am unwell
#JESUS AXL PLEASE#axl rose#gnr#guns n’ roses#guns n fuckin roses#gnfr#axl rose gnr#axl gnr#current axl rose#current axl#there he is :)
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youtube
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argenthill to me is like bromance with the b slowly disappearing off into the sunset
#[borealis.hsr]#argenthill#guns n roses#u get what i mean?#they travel the galaxies bro. they meet up as coincides and they hit it right off the bat#bros for life#then you found urself fixing ur bros arm cus the bullet chamber jammed and he needed ur help so u did#found urself polishing ur bros armor cause he passed out after fighting a fuckin space worm#u found urself staring at ir bros neck wondering how shiny it looks with some polishing#found urself wondering how ur bros hair feels between ur human fingers instead of ur metallic one#and suddenly ur kissing ur bro. its fineeeee knights and cowboys kisses their bros too its nothing.#UNTIL ITS NOT NOTHING WOHOOOO YEEHAAAAWWWWWWWW#anyway
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"I knew the storm was getting closer
And all my friends said I was high
But everything we've ever known's here
I never wanted it to die" 🎵🎶🖤
#estranged#guns n' roses#makin' fuckin' videos#trilogy#the 90s#gnr#gunners#best song ever#axl rose#slash#duff mckagan#izzy stradlin#matt sorum#dizzy reed
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It's just me and my crippling woman crush on Lea Jaffe against the world
#Lea Jaffe#<- really good singer#dazey and the scouts#(?)#it's a riot grrrl band that has like one album#but it still fuckin slaps#love that band.#I love a lot of bands.#I should clarify..but this one is special.#this one goes in a gold picture frame#Next to Guns N' Roses.
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Everybody let's join axl rose supremacy cult 😩
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Whenever I see this photo of Izzy it makes me cackle (in a good way, dw)
He’s so real for this though
#80s bands#guns n roses#rock#izzy stradlin#gnr#Izzy#Stradlin#Izzy Stradlin and the Juju Hounds#we love Izzy though#BUT SERIOUSLY THIS PIC MAKES ME LAUGH#LIKE YOU HAVE A WHOLE ASS PHOTOSHOOT#AND HES SIPPING OUT OF A FUCKIN CUP#LMAOOOO#guns n fuckin roses#guns and roses#bands
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GnR ask: 1, 10, 12
Ahhh, thank you!!!
1. Slash with or without the hat?
I really really want to say without because I love how he’s just a soft boy without it but it’s also just so iconic
10. What GNR member do you think is the most underrated?
Steven, Steven, Steven, Steven. Literally there’s no other answer because he’s literally so precious and should be protected at all times I love him so much
12. What song should have a movie based off of it?
My first thought is Estranged and then November Rain but maybe that’s too obvious considering the music videos make them obvious. So after much much more consideration I’ve decided these songs would deserve it too: My Michelle, Coma and Paradise City (because how fucking cool does that seem as a movie for real)
#thank you again for sending these!!!#I could literally talk about gnr all day#so if anyone wants to just hear me ramble about them…..I’m ready :)#answered#thedeviousdevilxx#gnr asks#guns n roses#gnr#gnfr#guns n’ roses#guns n fuckin roses#steven adler#tagging him bc I confessed my love for him in this one
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guns n' roses
"heavy metal love of mine."
tw: he fucks you with his gun 😭, smut (mdni), degradation + praise
dividers not mine!! @/kimjiho1 takes all the credit <3
at first, you were reluctant. shocked, even.
who would let their boyfriend fuck them with a gun?
you shook your head vigorously once he asked you. "that's not the best idea, bucky," you tell him. to which he landed a hand on your face to cradle it gently, reassuring you that it wouldn't hurt. if anything, it'd feel so good.
"c'mon, sweetheart. you know i'd never hurt my pretty girl."
after a couple minutes of convincing, you finally slid your panties to the floor as you made yourself comfortable on his lap. "there's my girl," he praises as he pulls his pistol out in all of its glory. thick, a dark shade of gray, and slightly cracked in a couple of places; it must've been an older one. quickly, without even giving you a second to think, he rubbed it over your pussy; the cold, hard surface of the pistol hitting your clit just right.
you jolt in pleasure, your eyes rolling up to the ceiling as he swiftly switches its position to your slit, teasing you a couple of seconds before he shoves the clip in.
"uh-huh," he says, cradling your face gently. "feels good, doesn't it?"
you don't even know how to describe how fucking good it feels. at least not in words, only in moans and whimpers to show your appreciation. suddenly, you groan in disappointment when he pulls it out of you. then, you're left missing the feeling of the cold, scratchy surface of the gun inside of you.
"aww, you really do like it, huh?" he condescendingly asks. "fuckin' whore. i could kill you right now if i wanted to, you know that? lettin' me fuck you with my gun, do you have any respect for yourself?" truth was, he'd never do a thing to hurt you, but the thought of you taking his gun and loving it was...intoxicating.
suddenly, you feel something insert itself into your pussy. something similar; it's cold, hard, but longer. you tilt your head back in pleasure as your pussy hugs it, welcoming it inside of you.
"knew you'd like that part. that's the barrel, sweetheart. the part where i could pull the trigger and kill you."
he softly cradles your jawline, tipping it ever so slightly to get a good look at your facial expressions: weak, head tilted back, and lips parted with a blush infiltrated in your cheeks. he presses his lips to yours softly, drowning out your noises as he feels you clench around the gun.
#bucky barnes x you#bucky barnes smut#bucky barnes x reader#bucky barnes imagine#bucky barnes#the winter soldier#artemis' fandoms: marvel <3#mcu#mcu x you#mcu x reader#marvel#marvel cinematic universe#sebastian stan#this is so ass omfg#also shout-out to my friend for helping me figure out the parts of a gun😭#“WHICH PART???” “DAWG IDK LIKE A MILLION PEOPLE HAVE DONE THIS ALREADY”
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Faster n Harder- Matt Sturniolo
I can't fucking stand him. the constant eye fucking me through the window is driving me insane, how does he get to do this to me? he doesn't even know me! it's infuriating!
*FLASHBACK*
"Y/N! WE HAVE NEW NEIGHBOURS!" my roommate, Sabrina, yells to me. "and that's my business, how?" i retort, in all honesty I couldn't give two shits about the new neighbours, for all i care, they can suck my dick, "girl, they're triplets! and ones gay, he can join girls night!" Sabrina squeals, why's she so happy about this? "no thanks, I'm antisocial" i state before throwing myself onto my bed "now disappear, I'm tryna watch my beautiful self in Cobra Kai" i say as I wave her off "Y/N, girl, you might wanna close those curtains of yours, Matt, the middle triplet, he's gonna be in the room opposite your window, and we ALL know how you walk around your room in literally just a bra and mini shorts" she giggles at me before skipping out of my room. "BECAUSE IT'S HOT OUT!" i yell before reluctantly getting off of my bed, accidentally making eye contact with the boy next door, he types on his phone before holding it up to the window 'Cute bra, the bow really adds detail' I read from the screen "WEIRDO!" i yell before closing the curtains
*PRESENT DAY*
"Y/N, IM INVITING PEOPLE OVER!" Sabrina yells, it's muffled for me, I'm listening to straight bangers, 6arelyhuman please wife me up.
"So I party like a rockstar, look like a pornstar!" i sing along to the song , my hands running up and down my body as i dance around my bedroom, 80s rock bands (such as, Mötley Crüe, Guns n Roses, Metallica etc etc) tapestrys and posters littered across the walls, before settling down at my vanity and reapplying a couple layers of black lipstick, "Cause I go faster and harder, faster and harder" the lyrics echo through my room, I toss the lipstick back into my makeup bag before walking over to my closet "black, black, black, white, black, black, pink? when did that get there?" i mumble to myself as I flick through articles of clothing "aha! finally" i squeal as I grab a 'Sex Pistols: The Filth and The Fury' tank top, pairing it with some denim mini shorts and neutral grey Air Jordan 1's
"p-p-p-p-party like a rockstar, look like a pornstar, everyday i go hard riding in my sports car" i sing along to the song as I pull the outfit on.
{MATTS POV}
the neighbour, Sabrina I think her name is, just invited me and my brother's over, i already know her roommates here because I can hear her fucking music, she has this thing where it's never loud enough, normally I wouldn't care, but it's always sexual songs, yesterday it was 'Yummy- Ayesha Erotica' and 'Or Nah- The Weeknd' and now? 'Faster n Harder' I don't even know who it's by, but it's driving me insane, she's always dancing along to it too, how do I know? because her curtains are always open, no matter what, it's like she wants me to stare...
"Matt, kid, you good?" my brother, nick, asks me, snapping me out of my thoughts, "yeah, uh, where's the bathroom at? I've gotta fuckin piss" i ask Sabrina, she points upstairs and tells me it's the first door on the right, as I walk up the stairs the music gets louder, should I go in? no that's fucking weird Matt don't be a freak.....
"party like a rockstar, look like a pornstar!" her voice echoes
...fuck it
{Y/N POV}
the vibe is fucking ruined the second my door opens, Matt? what the fucks he doing here "ew perv! get out of my room, what are you doing here! actually don't answer that I don't give a fuck! get out!" i say as I shove him out, only resulting in him pinning me against the wall, my hands above my head as he holds them there, 'whys this hot at fuck?' ew gross, don't think that
"ever since I moved next door you have been constantly teasing me, and now? now I'm gonna do something about it" he says as he stares into my eyes, his pupils blown, the look of lust covering his face "oh yeah? what're you gonna do? huh?" i taunt "well first, I'm gonna rip those pretty little shorts off of you, then I'm gonna tear that shirt off, and then I'm gonna bend you over and fuck that perfect little pussy of yours" he says, and holy fuck I am drenched.
his hands reach the button of my shorts, frantically undoing the zipper and unbuttoning them before shoving them down my legs "arms up" Matt commands, his voice rough and eager, I do as he says, i want this, scratch that, need this, he pulls my shirt off and tosses it across my room before shoving me onto the bed "you were right.. you do look like a pornstar" he says as his eyes scan my body "turn around, face down ass up" I comply, rolling onto my stomach and arching my back, *slap* his hand connects with my ass, the pain mixing with pleaser causing me to whimper "shhh pretty girl, don't want anyone hearing us do we?" he says, lowly "please" i beg "please what? Y/N, what do you want? you want me to fuck you?" he coos in a condescending manner "shut up, I'm not fucking saying it" i say as i roll my eyes "only time your eyes are gonna be rolling is when im fucking you, is that clear?" matt growls as he unbuckles his belt and kicks the door shut "whatever" i scoff before his belt connects with my ass "careful, or I'm gonna fuck that attitude out of you" he warns. "do it pussy, you won't" i challenge, gasping as I feel his tip rub against my soaked panties "I'm gonna fucking ruin you" he whispers into my ear before tearing my panties off of me and slamming into me, giving me no time to adjust "aye dios mio!" i cry out "shut the fuck up, we don't need everyone knowing how much of a whore you are for me" Matt mutters as he covers my mouth, his hips slapping against my ass as he plunges in and out of me. "f-fuck Matt, fucking me so good" i moan, my voice muffled by his hand "yeah? you like me fucking you like the slut you are?" he asks as he snakes his hand around my waist and down to my clit, rubbing at it with a slow pace, before increasing it by an insane amount, my cunt clenching around his cock as a warm sensation bubbles up in my lower stomach "oh my god" i whimper "not god, me" matt says as he pounds into me, hitting my G-spot perfectly "fuck! Matt I'm so close" i moan, he slaps my ass again "hold it." he demands as he takes his hand off of my mouth and wraps it around my neck "open your eyes sweetheart, want you to watch yourself in the mirror while I fuck you" he groans as he presses wet kisses to my neck, i look into the mirror, immediately making eye contact with him as he grabs my hair and yanks me up, my back pressing against his chest as he repeatedly fucks into me faster and harder "Matt im begging you, please let me cum, i need to cum, i cant hold it anymore" i plead, tears of pleasure rolling down my face "let go for me pretty girl, give me all you got" Matt groans as he somehow thrusts into me faster.
I let out an almost pornographic moan as I cum over his cock, my legs shaking and my eyes rolling back, i feel him twitch inside of me, "where do you want it?" he asks, his voice low and breathy, "inside, please, need it inside of me" I blabber, that's all Matt needs to hear as his warm seed shoots into me, ropes and ropes of hot sticky cum coating my walls as he moans into the nape of my neck, thrusting into me a couple more times before pulling out "fuck, i should've done that sooner" he chuckles lowly as he presses a soft kiss to my head "lay down, beautiful, I'll clean you up" Matt whispers as he walks into the bathroom grabbing a cloth and turning the warm water on, coating the cloth with it before making his way back to me "feelin' okay?" Matt asks as he presses soft kisses to my inner thighs before gently wiping the towel over my sensitive pussy "yeah" i whisper "c'mon, we can cuddle and watch some shitty movie" Matt says as he lays beside me, pulling my black silk sheets over us and wrapping his arm around my waist...
thank god sabrina invited them over today
the outfit I described because the link is being a cunt:
TAGLIST !!
@nedsmarie44 @hoesformatt @muwapsturniolo @guccifrog @thenickgirl @mattslolita @ssqra @mattsivy @luverboychris
#matt sturniolo#matt sturniolo smut#matt sturniolo x reader#sturniolo fanfic#matt sturniolo fanfic#chris sturniolo x reader#matthew sturniolo#smut#Spotify
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★ CONCEPT: rockstar!au
⋆.˚✮ rockstar!leo valdez x fem!reader (masterlist)
| LEO VALDEZ MASTERLIST | MAIN MASTERLIST |
general content: rockstar!leo valdez x reader (sometimes he can change his role within the band)
general warnings: language, angst, cheesiness, I read probably being an idiot at times, sexual innuendos (if there is anything nsfw I'll put it directly next to the title)
a/n: surprise, surpsie! This is something that I have been wanting to do for a long time, so welcome to this section where this boy is a rockstar and there will be varied stories and NOT necessarily serialized
seneak peek
— oh, honey — he said, strumming the guitar repeatedly without a specific rhythm. His eyes were shining but hooded, almost hiding the lovesick look he was giving you.
you looked at him, tilting your head slightly with a confusion that he could barely notice, you left the paperback book on the seat next to you while you watched your boyfriend approach the edge of the stage. Leo got excited looking at your eyes on him and started bouncing on his toes. — Just look at you! — he said as jumped high and knelt down dramatic— you look like...
he shook his head back moving his fingers along the strings and you recognized that fragment of that solo, because your father was a fan and he loved guns n' roses. sweet child o' mine. and it was only halfway through the solo that he jumped off the stage to kiss you. — you look like this fuckin solo, so fuckin stunnin, so fuckin perfect, so fuckin everything.
⋆.˚✮
| FICS |
★ my american boy (soon…)
#pjo hoo toa#leo valdez#leo valdez x you#leo valdez x reader#leo valdez x y/n#heroes of olympus#pjo#percy jackson#leo valdez fic#leo valdez imagines#leo valdez fanfic#rockstar!leo valdez x reader#rockstar!leo valdez#rockstar! leo valdez x reader#leo valdez hoo#hoo x reader#maría's vault *:✧
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Guns N Fuckin' Roses
#gunsnfuckinroses#guns and roses#slash guns n roses#guns n roses#gnr#classic rock#axl gnr#axl rose#duff gnr#duff mckagan#steven adler#steven gnr#izzy gnr#izzy stradlin#slash fanfiction#slash#slash gnr#saul hudson#hair metal#80s hair metal#80s hair#80s glam metal#80s rockstars#80s rockstar#80s rock#80s glam#80s metal#80s music#90s rock#90s glam
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god i fuckin love this song
#guns n roses#hard rock#axl rose#duff mckagan#izzy stradlin#slash#80s#steven adler#nickys thoughts#Spotify
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Lavender - Ch. 29
Getting out of Boston with the Fireflies doesn't go as planned. A continuation of Lavender Ch. 1-28, found on Tumblr here.
Pairing: Joel Miller x Reader
Warnings: Canon typical violence. No use of Y/N. Minors DNI, 18+ only.
Length: 5.5k
You stuck close to Ellie as you made your way to the building Joel and Tess used to stash things for smuggling, just on the outskirts of the QZ. It was pouring rain, the chill of the coming fall already setting in.
When the seasons changed the first time after the outbreak, it had caught you off guard. Logically, of course, you knew that the Earth was still turning, still making its annual orbit. The sun still rose and set, clouds still burst, fruit still turned rotten on the vine. But when the leaves started turning around you as you neared what would become the QZ for the first time, it was disorienting. Everything else had stopped, everything else had come to an end. Why would the seasons still change?
It was a similar feeling now. The already shifting world made you unsteady, like things should have been frozen when Ellie showed up at your door. Her unchanging self was monumental. It felt as though things should stay the same while humanity reckoned with it.
Tess went into the building first and jerked her head toward a corner and you grabbed Ellie, bringing her there with you while Tess and Joel checked the small building.
“We’re clear,” Joel said before going and settling in the main room.
“Try to stick behind me,” you whispered to Ellie. She glanced up at you. “It’ll be OK, they won’t hurt you but…”
“How well do you know these people?” She asked, her eyebrows drawn together.
You weren’t quite sure how to answer that.
“We’ve saved each others’ lives more than once,” you said. She just nodded and followed you into the main room.
Your eyes automatically drifted to the place were Joel had been on the floor when you’d pushed his bones back into his body and pierced his chest so he could breathe. You stood opposite Joel and Tess, Ellie’s small body partially behind you, partially beside you. You glanced at her but she glared back. Of course she wasn’t going to listen, not fully.
“Look kid,” Tess looked at Ellie. “I don’t have time to fucking coddle you so we’re going to talk like you’re an adult.”
“Fuckin’ fine by me,” she snapped. You ground your teeth.
“What the fuck do the Fireflies want with an infected girl,” Tess said, adjusting the grip on her gun. Your muscles tensed.
“I told you,” Ellie snapped. “I got bit three weeks ago, haven’t turned. No one lasts that long.”
“So?” Tess said, looking to you.
“They think she’s immune,” you replied. “That’s why they’re moving her - us. They think she’s immune and with her they can can reverse engineer a cure.”
“Can they?” Joel asked, looking at you.
You sighed.
It’s not like you’d gone to actual college for this. You knew how to run experiments, how to recreate work that had already been done and make adjustments to try to learn something new. You’d never formally learned how to develop a vaccine or invent a medication. If you’d been actually trained on how to do this shit, developing the treatment you had probably wouldn’t have taken you more than a decade. But then, there was a very good chance that no one who knew how to actual develop stuff like this had survived.
“I don’t know,” you said eventually. “But having a starting point… That makes a big difference.”
“Tommy talked about this shit for years,” Joel shook his head, looking at you. “You didn’t fuckin’ buy it then.”
“Not sure I buy it now,” you shrugged. “This isn’t my area of expertise, Joel. If you recall, I wanted to go into pediatrics and then all my training revolved around keeping people alive. I never learned much about developing vaccines or medications before the outbreak and sure as hell didn’t have much of a chance to learn about it after.”
“Fireflies are always on this shit,” he muttered. “Should just go back…”
“So you’re ready to just give up on Tommy then?” Tess asked him, brows raised. “Because who gives a shit what the Fireflies believe or don’t believe, if they’re willing to give us what we need if we bring her across Boston then fuck it, let ‘em.”
Joel looked between you and Ellie before he sighed.
“She so much as twitches…”
Ellie made a choking sound that made you whip your head around only to see her hand outstretched, head cocked, eyes rolled back, all exaggerated mocking. You glared at her until she stopped.
“Alright, geez,” she put her hands up. “No one here wants to have any fun, got it…”
You raised your eyebrows at her and she just mirrored your expression, almost a taunt. You resisted the urge to sigh.
“We should rest,” Tess said. “Get underway first thing.”
“I’ll keep watch,” Joel said, still looking uncertain as he went toward the front room.
Tess just nodded before stretching out on the ground. You turned to Ellie.
“I’ll be right back,” you said.
“But…” she frowned.
“You’ll be OK,” you smiled a little, grabbing your bag and following Joel.
He glanced up when you came in, already having settled on top of a box in the corner where he was well hidden from someone glancing inside the building but had a good view of the entry points.
“Need to check your hand,” you said, nodding to his battered knuckles.
“’S fine,” he muttered, looking away from you.
“Joel,” you said quietly. “I know what you do to yourself when you beat someone to death. Let me take care of your hand.”
He glared at you for a second before he sighed.
“Fine.”
You went and set your bag beside him before you knelt at his feet, tucking your flashlight between your cheek and your shoulder as you looked him over. His knuckles were bloody but he hadn’t broken through to the bone this time. You delicately traced the bones of hid hands, the structure of him below his skin and veins. You wrapped your smaller hands around his large one, lining your fingers up where you thought the damage might be worse.
“Open and close your hand for me,” you said. He obeyed. You felt the fracture and nodded.
“You’ve had worse,” you said, releasing his hand and going into the pack. “But if you’re about to head to wherever the hell it is Tommy ended up, you should probably start the trip in as close to one piece as possible.”
You got out the medical kit, part of you uneasy about having to dip into your supplies so early. The Fireflies should have plenty of gear but it still bothered you, your stomach twisting. Like it was an omen.
You used alcohol wipes on his cuts, followed by antibacterial ointment, looking his hand over one last time before getting out a wrap. You set the light down for this, able to do it fine by touch.
“I wanted to apologize,” you said after working up the courage to do it.
“For what,” he replied. Not really asking.
“For what I said when Andrew got hurt,” you started wrapping his hand, trying not to think about the way you knew how it felt when he skimmed it over your skin, tracing your shape in the dark. “It wasn’t your fault, I know you wouldn’t have let something happen to him. He’s a grown man, he made his own choices. It’s just sometimes hard for me to remember that he’s not still the kid I picked up on my way to the QZ, that he doesn’t need me to protect him. I was just… I was so fucking scared and I took it out on you and that wasn’t fair.”
He was quiet for a moment.
“Did you mean it?” He asked.
“No,” you said. You didn’t need to think about it. “At least, not all of it. Sometimes I wish you’d never called me that night. Seems like it would have been a lot easier for a lot of people if I’d never known what was going on. I would have just gone back into the house, Nan would have been there, that would have been the end of it. Simple.”
You could feel him stiffen.
“What about Andrew.”
“He’s why it’s sometimes and not all the time,” you said absently, picking up the flashlight to check your work. It was oddly easy to be honest with Joel. He was just a habit you fell back into, for better or for worse. “Otherwise… no. I didn’t mean it.”
You repacked your bag before standing up.
“Anyway,” you shrugged. “Since I’ll probably never see you again after tomorrow I just… wanted you to know that. I’m going to go try to sleep while I can. I’m fucking exhausted, Fireflies don’t care much about rest, as it happens…”
“Why’d you go to Marlene?” He asked.
You frowned, tuning back to him.
“What?”
“Marlene,” he repeated. “Why’d you go to her. Tommy?”
“I didn’t go to her,” your frown deepened. “I haven’t talked to Tommy in weeks and I trust Marlene about as much as I trust a snake oil salesman…”
“How’d the Fireflies find you then?” He frowned, too.
“Not sure,” you shrugged. “Ellie showed up at my door, I tried to take her to the clinic but we were intercepted. My guess is Marlene was following Ellie but I don’t know why. She knew about the bite and put a gun to my head…”
“Literally?” Joel asked, on his feet, voice sharp.
“Yeah,” you looked at him, confused. Why would he care? Why would he be surprised? “But it’s the Fireflies, that’s how they operate, isn’t it? She put me at gunpoint and leveraged Ellie to get us to go along with them…”
“That…” he stood, tense for a moment before shaking his head and sitting down again.
“In her defense, you did point a gun at me earlier today,” you said dryly.
“Yeah and you knew I wasn’t going to fuckin’ use it,” he muttered.
“Did I?” You asked. He just looked at you, face hard. You frowned. “Actually, speaking of Marlene… Earlier today, you blamed her for Tommy leaving.”
He nodded once.
“That’s not what you told me.” He just looked at you, as though staring you down would make you stop asking. “Joel, come on. We’ve been… whatever this is for, what, 24 years? After tomorrow, it’s over. Don’t lie to me now. What’s the point of it?”
He looked at you for a moment before he sighed.
“The explosion,” he said, his eyes still on you. “The one where you got hurt… I saw Tommy there. Confronted him. He helped set it, plan it. Told him he had two choices, he could either leave the fuckin’ Fireflies and turn them in or he could get the fuck away from you. Wasn’t about to let him get you killed for his stupid fuckin’ cause, knew he’d try to drag you down, too.”
“Tommy…” you managed. Joel just nodded once, hardened look still on his face. Your stomach twisted. Part of you wanted to believe he was lying but you knew he wasn’t. You knew him too well, you couldn’t trick yourself into it.
You just nodded once.
“Should’ve told you,” he said, looking outside. “But you were friends… He didn’t have many of those, didn’t want to ruin it.”
You tried to stop your hand from shaking. You swallowed the bile in your throat.
“Since I doubt we’ll be alone together again,” you said, voice surprisingly steady even though it felt like someone had cracked open your chest and was reaching into your blood and your marrow to try to pull him out of you. It wasn’t working. It just hurt. “It’s been… good to know you. I hope you take care of yourself.”
You didn’t wait for a response. Instead, you went to lie down on the ground near Ellie, relieved that both she and Tess seemed to be asleep so neither of them would hear you cry.
***
Joel wished he could remember exactly when Boston became such a fucking shit show to maneuver through. He wasn’t sure now if it was a gradual decline - not that it had ever been an easy thing to do - or if, suddenly, the infected and the raiders became especially bad.
Today, the issue was infected.
There were swarms of them it seemed. The four of you had managed to stay off their radar so far but it would be a delicate balance getting you and the kid to the old statehouse without setting them off.
He let Tess decide the route. He was too distracted, too busy thinking about your conversation with him the night before.
He hadn’t expected an apology from you. He still wasn’t sure he deserved one, not after what he’d said and done to you over the last 15 years. Anyone watching him would have thought he was some kind of fucking sadist, that he enjoyed hurting you. The curse of you - of knowing you, loving you - was knowing exactly how to rip you open and get you to stay away from him. It took a lot to trigger your sense of self preservation. He’d finally pushed you there without intending to and he hadn’t expected you to ever forgive him for it, let alone apologize.
And then you said you didn’t think you’d see him again and his blood went cold. It wasn’t that you hadn’t made that obvious before. You said you were leaving, that you didn’t think you were coming back to Boston. He’d understood that, superficially, but there was part of him that was so deeply in denial about what that meant he hadn’t even begun to piece it together. You would be gone. He would never hear your laugh or touch your skin or press his nose into your hair and breathe you in again.
He knew then that he’d never really thought of things with you as over. Even as he tried to shove you as far away as he could manage, even as you railed against him, part of him held out hope that he’d find his way back to you. Once he was able to repair the broken parts of him, once he was capable of it, once he could convince you to forgive him, you would be there smelling like lavender and leaving your goddamn hair in his shower.
That wouldn’t be possible if you were a country away. How was he supposed to just let you go a whole fucking country away?
He watched you in the morning, out of the corner of his eye. He watched you braid your hair again. You pulled ribbons out of your bag and tied them on the ends. You checked on the girl. You went into your bag and pulled out a blister pack of pills, handing them to her.
“What’s this?” The girl frowned, turning the pack over in her fingers.
“Birth control pills,” you replied, taking one from a blister pack of your own. “You should start taking them now. Make sure you do it daily and at the same time every day. It’s a good idea to keep them on your person so if you get separated from your stuff, you’ve still got them…”
The girl looked at you, incredulous.
“You think I’m looking for a fuckin’ boyfriend out here?” She held the pills back out to you. You looked down at them but you didn’t take them.
“Look,” you glanced toward Tess and Joel and lowered your voice, Joel turning his head slightly so his good ear was closer to you. “I’ve been out here before. Sometimes it’s not up to you. I will do everything I can to keep you safe but if that happens, it’s a lot better if you don’t have to worry about pregnancy. Trust me.”
His stomach twisted. The girl’s face turned serious. She took the pill.
You and Tess both tried to lighten things for her after that, the two of you answering whatever questions Ellie seemed to have, you sometimes teasing her.
“Be careful you gremlin,” you said as she walked along the edge of a crater left by a bomb. “I’m not climbing in after you.”
“Psh,” she scoffed. “Yes you would.”
You just smiled a little. You didn’t deny her.
He and Tess led the four of you up to plot a route, locating the swarm of infected in town.
“Jesus,” you breathed. Tess glanced over at you. “Sorry, haven’t been out in a while I guess.”
“Keeps getting worse,” she said before looking to Ellie. “And they’re all connected. You step on one piece of fungus in one part of the city, the whole pack of ‘em are on you.”
The girl swallowed hard.
“This applies to you, too,” she said. “Infected don’t just bite. They can and will rip you to pieces if they have the chance. Immune or not.”
“Should cut through the museum,” Joel said. “We can stay up high, keep it a straighter shot.”
No one fought him on it and, at first, it seemed like the right call. The fungus leading inside the building was dried and dead.
“That’s a good sign,” you said, looking at Joel. “Right?”
Tess looked at him. They both got out their guns. You followed suit.
“Ellie,” you said quickly. “In there, you do whatever they tell you the second they tell you…”
“Oh come on,” she rolled her eyes.
“I mean it,” you said. “It’s life or death shit, they know what they’re doing…”
“We’re not going to let you get hurt if we can help it, kid,” Tess said. “But you need to listen to us.”
“Well then can I have a gun?” She asked, turning back to you. “Because if it’s that dangerous…”
All three adults spoke in unison.
“No.”
“Can’t be that bad then,” she muttered, tightening her grip on her flashlight.
Joel and Tess shared a look.
“Stay behind us,” Joel said, looking at you and the kid. “The both of you.”
For a minute, Joel thought they might have gotten lucky. Everything pointed to the place being abandoned by infected. The tendrils of fungus had started to rot, there were no inhuman sounds.
Then you spotted the body.
You let out a small gasp and tucked your gun into the waistband of your jeans, rushing to check the man’s pulse. Joel didn’t need to wait for your look of disappointment, he knew the man was dead.
“Maybe he came in here to get away from them,” Tess whispered quickly, looking from Joel to you. “This doesn’t mean…”
“This doesn’t mean what?” Ellie asked when Tess didn’t finish her sentence. “Was that people or infected? Guys?”
You got back up, pulling your gun back out and standing so close to the girl that you were pressed against her back. Your eyes were wide, looking at Joel.
He tried to set aside his fear for a moment. The clawing, vicious thought of watching you die. The knowledge of what failure now would mean.
“From here on out, we are silent,” he whispered. “Not quiet, silent.”
Ellie opened her mouth to argue and you clamped a hand over her mouth while Joel put a finger to his lips. He mouthed the word ‘silent’ at the girl and she nodded against your hand.
Joel and Tess took the lead, moving slowly, silently. Ellie was in the middle and you brought up the rear.
The clicking began when you were in one of the gallery rooms. Joel put his arm out, directing the three of you back into a nook around a display, hopefully enough to protect from the clicker’s version of vision.
You had an arm across the girl but she was still leaning around Tess, trying to see, her eyes wide. Joel was reminded, for half a moment, of Sarah.
Not of the violence of her death. Not even of anything sorrowful. Just of her, him and you at a museum. It had been busy that day, it was hard to get to the signs on the displays to properly read them. She kept leaning around people, trying find new vantage points, eyes wide and desperately curious. That yearning to understand why, to know things.
‘Blind,’ he mouthed at the girl, gesturing to his eyes. She nodded, leaning back into you.
A clicker passed the door. Joel gestured quickly, sending Tess one way and you and the girl another. If one of you made a sound, at least it wouldn’t lead them to everyone.
He kept watching you. You kept Ellie close, the gun in your hand. He could tell you were trying to force yourself not to panic, could see you counting your breaths.
The clicking came into the room. Your eyes met his. There was desperation there but an almost quiet acceptance. As though you understood that your life was over but wanted to press on anyway.
Joel used his flashlight to point to where to go next, guiding the four of you through the maze of exhibitions and beyond the infected. He went first, moving carefully,
Not carefully enough.
He felt it half a second before he heard it, the crunch of glass below his feet.
His eyes instinctively looked to you. Your eyes had somehow gotten wider. He wasn’t sure he’d ever seen you look quite so terrified.
The clicker shrieked and knocked him prone and before he got a chance to press his weapon to its chest to fire, the sound of a gunshot split the air, blood spilling onto him. The infected on top of him shrieked and ran for you. He watched it happen almost in slow motion. The clicker moving for you, you trying to fire the gun and nothing happening, the trigger not moving.
Your gun had jammed.
You threw the girl away from you.
Your eyes met his again for a split second before the clicker was on top of you, a soft yelp coming from you as you tried to hold it back. Ellie jumped on the infected, trying to hold it back from you, blocking any hope Joel had for a shot at it.
Joel scrambled to reach you but Tess beat him to it, tackling the clicker, the three of you tangled together with the infected until he heard the clicker shriek a last, gasping shriek before falling silent, Tess’ knife in its throat.
Two more scrambled into the room and Joel was ready for them this time, not worrying about keeping quiet. They’d been loud enough that anything in the building was already on its way there if they weren’t there already.
It only took three shots each to fell the other two.
The room was almost eerily quiet then. He looked to the three of you.
“Everyone OK?” He asked, breathless.
You shakily lifted a sleeve, testing your arm before you nodded.
“Twisted ankle,” Tess said. “Had worse.”
“Well shit,” Ellie muttered. He looked to her as she examined a shallow bite on her forearm. You rushed her, taking her arm in your hands as you looked her over. “It’s fine. If it had to happen to one of us…”
You sighed.
“Should have stayed out of that one, Gremlin,” you brushed her hair back before you looked to Tess. “When we’re in the light I can splint your ankle.”
“Then let’s get the fuck out of here,” Tess said, limping toward the exit.
The second all of you were outside, Joel shut the window tight and you dropped your bag down, Tess sitting down and stretching her leg out.
“Keep going with her,” you said, getting out your medical supplies. “Rather you put some distance between her and this fucking place. We won’t be long.”
Joel ground his teeth, not liking the idea of leaving you here.
“Joel,” Tess said, imploring him.
“C’mon kid,” he jerked his head toward the wood board between buildings. He pulled a scrap of fabric from his pocket and handed it to her. “Cover that, before Doc gets a chance to work on you.”
“Thanks,” she said, looking across the board.
“I know it’s high and looks bad…” he tried to remember how to sound reassuring. How he used to talk to…
“Not bad,” she said, climbing on top of the plank and plowing across. Joel looked over his shoulder at you wrapping Tess’s ankle. He followed the girl.
“So where are you going when you get the car?” She asked, her hands looped through her backpack straps.
“None of your business,” he muttered.
“Fine, damn,” she rolled her eyes before lowering her voice. “Long as it’s not with me and Doc…”
“What’d you say?” He snapped.
“Nothing,” she glared at him.
“Sounded like somethin’.”
“Just something that goes along with what Doc said about you earlier,” she walked ahead of him. He paused before trying to catch up with her.
“What’d she say?” He asked.
“That you’re an asshole,” she looked up at him, smirking. “But in a mostly harmless way.”
He glanced back in your direction again.
“Yeah, I don’t want to know anything about whatever that is,” she muttered.
Joel didn’t ask what she meant by it.
He was relieved when you and Tess caught up with them before they reached the statehouse.
“Which of us do you think they’re least likely to shoot?” Tess muttered as the group got closer.
“I don’t think they’ve got a reason to hate me quite yet,” you sighed. “I can do the talking at least to start. Then you can make your demands and we can be done.”
He looked at you on instinct at the last part.
He still wasn’t sure what he was going to do. He needed to find Tommy. Needed to make sure he was OK, that he stayed safe. He needed to protect you and know that you were safe. He needed for this to not be the last time he saw you.
What if he forgot what you looked like? He’d left the photo he had of you in the QZ. It was the only one he had, what if he didn’t go back and you faded? Even if he made it back, that photo was black and white. What if he forgot the precise shade of your eyes?
“Something’s wrong,” Tess frowned, running up to the truck outside the statehouse.
“Tess,” Joel followed her quickly.
She pulled the doors open, ducked below the truck, tore open the back. The gas tank on the truck had been shot out.
“Where the fuck are they?” She looked to you, to the girl. You just stood there. “Where the fuck are they, Doc!”
“Inside,” Ellie pointed to a trail of blood going up the stairs. “I think they’re inside.”
You took the stairs two at a time and Joel ran to keep up with you.
By the time he caught you, you were inside, down on your knee at the body closest to the door, checking for a pulse.
“Shit,” Tess said, coming in behind him with the girl in tow.
“He’s cold,” you said quietly. “This happened at least half a day ago, maybe longer. They may have been dead before we even left the QZ.”
“Fuck!” Tess yelled. Joel frowned, following after her.
“Tess,” he said, trying to keep his voice calm.
“There must be a map or a radio or some kind of fucking plan somewhere besides one of these idiots’ heads,” she ripped papers off a table, looking for something.
“What happened?” Ellie asked, looking up at Joel.
He took a cursory glance.
“Some of them got infected,” he nodded to one. “Ended up fighting the ones who weren’t. All killed each other.”
“Fuck,” Ellie muttered. You came up behind her.
“Doc,” Tess went to you, her eyes wide and desperate. “Marlene had to tell you something, where was she sending you…”
“I don’t know,” you said quietly. “West, that’s all she said….”
“Tommy?” She asked. You were quiet. “Come on, the man you were fucking didn’t tell you where the fuck he was going?”
“Just west,” you shook your head. “We can try to go to where we last heard from him, it can’t be that far from there, see if anyone knows anything…”
“Let’s just go home,” Joel said, an odd haze of relief passing through him at the idea. This was simple. Go home. With you. Neither of you would be across the country. He wouldn’t need to rely on his memory to keep you close, it would all be OK.
“No,” Tess shook her head, storming to another pile of supplies in the corner. “No, we have to do this…”
“Tess,” he said again.
“I’m not going back there!” She yelled, panting for breath, her hands shaking, papers clutched tight. “Even if I fucking could I wouldn’t want to, I’m so fucking tired of pretending like that’s a life in there, Joel! Aren’t you?”
“What do you mean even if you could?” He asked quietly.
She shook her head, smiling darkly. His stomach sank.
“It was bound to happen eventually,” she said. “The shit we do.”
She pulled her shirt to the side, exposing her neck. The bite there was vicious, the tendrils of cordyceps already stretching and reaching up toward her brain. Joel stepped back on instinct. She laughed once.
“Tess…” you breathed, going for her, but she held up her hand, keeping you back.
“You have to get them there, Joel,” she said, releasing the shirt.
“No,” he shook his head.
“Yes,” she said. “Yes you do. They’re sitting ducks without you. Get them to Bill and Frank. They already know Doc, they’ll take them, they can figure it out from there…”
“Tess,” he said again, his voice cracking.
“I haven’t asked you for much Joel but I’m asking you for this,” she said. She looked to Ellie. “Show him your arm.”
The girl looked to you for a second before obeying. Her wound was different from Tess’, less angry. As though she’d gotten a cut on the playground, not been attacked by an inhuman monster.
“She’s real,” Tess said. “She’s real and Doc can help do something with her and you can help make this world something worth fucking living in again, Joel. Get them there.”
Out of the corner of his eye, Joel saw something slinking across the floor. Strands of fungus, connecting to others. He looked back to Tess. She saw it too.
He ran for the door and threw it open, a swarm of infected on the horizon. He closed it again.
“How many?” Tess asked.
“All of ‘em,” he said. “Fuckin’ all of ‘em we’ve got a minute at best.”
You were going for your bag.
“I’ve got a euth kit,” your voice was wet. “I can administer it and you can go upstairs. Stay out of sight, it’ll only take a few minutes, it’ll be peaceful and easy…”
Tess ignored you. She shoved a barrel of gasoline on its side.
“What the fuck?” Ellie backed away from her, watching the fuel spill at her feet.
“Won’t need the kit, Doc,” she said, going to the next barrel and knocking it over, too. “If I’m going down, I’m taking them down, too…”
Joel swallowed back bile. Tess, why did it have to be Tess? The one fucking constant thing in his life for the past 15 years, the person who came the closest to accepting him for what he’d become without asking why. She had become family, the only person now who knew what he was and he’d failed her, too….
“Joel!” She yelled at him, snapping him out of his own mind. “You have to do this. You can do this. Save who you can save.”
He looked at her for a moment, let himself recognize what he was about to lose, before he turned and all but ran for you and the girl.
“NO!” Ellie shrieked as he grabbed her. “We can’t just leave her! We can’t just let her die like that!”
He looked over his shoulder to make sure you were following as he dragged the kicking, screaming girl. You were walking backwards, looking at Tess as she looked back at you, something unspoken passing between you, like a secret you both held.
At the last moment you turned and grabbed Ellie’s hand, pulling her along with Joel, running to put as much distance between yourselves and the building as you could.
When the explosion shook the earth, you stopped with him, both of you looking back as the building burned, the screams of infected on the air.
A/N: And so four becomes three and our core group are heading on their adventure. Gonna be some ANGST next chapter!
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Thank you for reading and being patient with me posting this soooo much later than I wanted to. I so appreciate you all and hope you're still having fun reading this piece! Love you!
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