#grieving my dreams
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On todays episode of who gives a crap, I was struck with the agonizing thoughts of my chronic pain and what it’s taken away from me. On a day i had dreamt of having since I could remember now not achievable the way I wanted it to. Instead of getting to go to uni with my childhood friends i got to lay in bed depressed. Who knew the little things mattered until you didn’t get to achieve it with them. To cope with the shame, agoraphobia and guilt that comes with staying in bed I’ve decided to draw little clowns again.
#beautifully tantalizing diary#chronic pain#crps#vent#cripple punk#personal rant#i’m tired#grieving my dreams#damn depression took everything#i’m trying#beautifully tantalizing art
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If I lay here ... would you lie with me and just forget the world?
I was sad one night and wanted to watch something fun and colorful, so I tried Fionna and Cake and really liked it! Adopting Prismo as my surrogate blorbo he is such a pal (everyone's pal, for that matter)
I've been enjoying getting to explore some new fics, which is what this was inspired by (primarily this one), and then it went kinda off-the-rails and got experimental hahaha but that's okay, I was having fun!
#digital art#fan art#adventure time#fionna and cake#prismo#scarab the god auditor#prohibitedwish#more or less#could be platonic if you want!#man i couldn't really get into adventure time#nothing wrong with it just not for me (the love and creativity is amazing tho i have tons of respect for it)#i liked f&c's more matured and serialized approach a lot more#so i just watched every AT episode with prismo lmfao#he's the first choice for my dream blunt rotation tbh#also trapped in a cube (apartment) doing nothing but writing fanfics and not taking care of my body while grieving unhealthily so#he's just like me fr#excited for season 2!
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“You okay Darius?”
This is the scene I was talking about in my previous post btw. A good chunk of JP fans I’ve seen think of it as really silly.
Music used in the BG: Jurassic Park 3 Soundtrack: Plane Ride/Alan’s Nightmare. At around the 1:30 mark
Transcript undercut
Transcript:
[Darius relaxing in the passenger seat of Ben’s van. Large footsteps approach causing the Dino ornament on the rear view mirror to bounce. Darius looks in the rear view mirror to see a glimpse of something]
[Darius turns to the driver side to see he’s alone]
Darius: Ben?!
[The footsteps stop and a shadow falls on the passenger window. Darius turns round in his seat and is met with an Allosaurus]
Allosaurus, in Brooklynn’s voice: Darius.
[Darius is frozen as the van disappears from under him, leaving him on the ground. Defenseless]
Allosaurus, still in Brooklynn’s voice: You said you’d be here.
[Darius unable to speak, sits in terror at the theropod circling him. Until the Allosaurus roars, mixed with Brooklynn’s screams, lunging at him. Darius throws his hands up in a useless effort to protect himself.]
Unknown Voice: Darius!
[Darius is shaken away by Ben, who is keeping his eyes on the road while driving. The grip on his shoulder is firm and almost painful, but grounds him from his night terror.]
Ben: You good, bud? You were having a bad dream.
[The screen changes to black with text meant to be read as Darius]
Darius, off screen: Yea… I’ll be fine.
#chaos theory#jurassic world chaos theory#chaos theory spoilers#jurassic world chaos theory spoilers#jwct spoilers#Other artists: *drawing sad grieving Darius and the other camp fam*#Me making this: I’m about to be hilarious#Darius my beloved son. You are so traumatized. Where’s your therapist?#I had to trace the allosaurus skull I drew for my Yoshiki drawing for one of the frames lol#I loved JP3 as a kid. So of course I had thought of a dream scene for Darius. Like he hasn’t suffered enough already#I DIDNT REALIZE HOW MEAN THIS WAS UNTIL I GOT THE AUDIO PART. WTF AM I TRYING MAKE MYSELF CRY????#INFLICTING DAMAGE ON MYSELF PSYCHOLOGICALLY WITH THIS DAMN.
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Okay but do you guys actually want to see Beta Raeda art or nah?
#rip to those who actually looked forward to me drawing those toh fan kids#they took a back seat#i had dream last night where an adult married huntlow were trying to have a baby#and grieving because they found out they couldn't use magic to have a baby because hunters a grimwalker#which makes no sense#cause in my dream lumity used magic to have a baby#but hunter has a long sad talk with darius about it#then decides to carve out a baby another grimwalker#timothy green like#anyways idk if thats a sign or not
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... The poem may be an elegy for childhood losses.
(On Dream Song 29, Thomas Travisano)
#myart#hollyleaf#power of three#warrior cats#MY MAGNUM OPUS!!!#AUGHHHHHRHGHHHHHHH#GUYS. DREAM SONG 29. DO YOU EVEN UNDERSTANDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD#okay here are all the details: ‘if he had a hundred years’ with the mountains is supposed to bring to mind the ancients#everyone is supposed to be faceless except for holly. on the second pace the bottom 3 silhouettes are leaf crow and squirrel#and their eyes are white with colored iris to look even MORE uncanny. the fire cuts across holly’s throat foreshadowing her death#the entire second page with the fire is showing how this once event has completly collapsed her life it’s everywhere she can’t escape it#lightning on 3rd page also represents the storm. and the fact that holly was scared of storms after the fire with is so :(#i also imagine holly used to be a lot lighter gray as a kit/paw with tabby markings. just personal hc#ashfur killing scene again you don’t see the action you don’t even see her face just the aftermath. she wasnt there it didnt happen. etc#the leaf has the tufts of her fur that were in his claws from the fight the only ‘evidence’ of it happening.#and the last two shots show her alone in the tunnel dreaming of her family (squirrel bramble fire sand leaf and lion and jay)#vs lion and jay. and the prophecy. who don’t even stop to grieve her because they’ve found the 3rd cat. nobody is ever missing
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Kind of obsessed with my clangen medicine cat who never once received word from starclan despite nearly every other clan member receiving visions/dreams and had no friends or loved ones. Tough break, girl
#voletuft#clangen#warrior cats clangen#warriors#warrior cats oc#warriors art#cat#warriors oc#wc oc#shes kind of my blorbo now.#the herbs are celandine poppy + feverfew btw :)#my art#she never took an apprentice so she was constantly overworked + then died in a fire saving someone and no one grieved her at all#she would get so upset every time someone approached her about visions/dreams that no herbs would be gathered on patrols#this happened every patrol btw. obsessed#hashtag women who fail
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wwaaaah. new overdramatic oc art guys auugh
#mayor doidles#mayors ocs#asc xane#the mommy issues are nuclear here thats all i wanna indulge#digital art#cell shaded#anyway this quite literally came to me in a dream#ive been writing more of my oc story lately and like all of my symbols involving my ocs#i sorta tripped over one involving space and stars and how it relates to my oc grieving over lost loved ones#i know thats vague but sorry im just being a little cringe rn#so i wanted to make a compliment to my underwater piece which was done in a similar style#fun fact this uses the same color palette as my robin jojolion redraw hehe#oc#ocart#original character#art#artists on tumblr
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Okay I haven't seen anybody talk about this glowing flower. Is it a piece of azure lion left behind or something related to mk? What are your thoughts??
Currently that flower remains an enigma to me, but I will say this: blue is never a good color in this show.
Though, let's figure out a general timeline of when this thang shows up!
So, at the end of 4x13 we see Azure explode and tear apart Monkey King's house:
There's no flower yet, which is to be expected.
BUT THEN DURING 4x14, AS AZURE IS FADING AWAY WE SEE THIS:
There is a flower and vine! However, it's not glowing that ominous blue yet.
It's not until after Azure is dead and the Jade Emperor's power is sealed that we see the flower again, this time glowing blue:
I think at this point it's safe to assume that the flower is indeed somehow related to Azure!
#it is weird that if the flower is meant to be a last remnant of Azure or whatever#That it's colored straight blue rather than the teal and yellow Azure's magic is associated with#That Lady Bone Demon blue flower. It frightens me#Physical manifestation of MK's s5 guilt maybe??? I am praying???#The dream is getting a scene where MK grieves Azure/feels guilt over Azure's death while standing next to that flower#Or at least it's *my* dream#Still thinking about ''Murder kid''#asks#lmk#lego monkie kid#monkie kid#lmk theory
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Three months after everything, Hunter picks up a carving knife.
He knows exactly what palisman he's going to carve for himself, a new staff that will allow him to use magic again, beyond a flashstep that doesn't even work anymore. But time keeps turning on, and trees keep growing, and The Collector keeps annoying him, and there the palistrom wood sits, untouched.
One day, Hunter tells himself, I'm going to have to move on.
But for some reason, he just can't seem to.
(On losing your best friend: how Hunter and Waffles met.)
i love you so much owl house. thank you for such a great show. here’s what i have to offer you.
#the owl house#toh#toh spoilers#hunter toh#luz noceda#the collector#watching and dreaming#i write#waffles my love waffles so silly#13.7k words on grieving your best friend#and hunter and luz being siblings#and the collector being adopted by the owl house family#what more could you ever want in a fanned fiction
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lol lmao
#webweave centering on grieving Dream SMP with 6.9k notes just crossed my dash#meanwhile me literally just vibing here:
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had a dream my cat wasn't dead and he was just hiding in this little space between the wall and a garden pot. i held him in my arms and i knew in the dream that i had to say goodbye to him and that he was ready to go. so i held him one last time. buried my face in his soft tummy again. and i told him how much i loved him. how he was my best friend for 20 whole years and how i wished he could be there longer but that i understood he had to go and i was grateful to have grown up with him. and i didnt cry in my dream. it still hurt, but it was peaceful. it was time and i finally got to say goodbye and know it was coming. i miss him. he was the silliest sweetest little guy. i love him so so much and i always will :)
#grieving#grief#pet loss#loss#death#my mom is a shaman#so she gets to hear him in her bed at night#and i was mad because she gets to still be with him but i dont have her abilities#so i thought i wouldnt get the chance#but i think my dream was him visiting me#and that even though my abilities are nowhere near as strong as my sister and moms abilities#if i listen#i can also hear the universe speaking to me#cat loss#pet death#i miss him
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for those who knew the utmv codeswitch, i’m so sad it’s pretty much wiped from existence aughhhhhhh 😭😞‼️
#shhhh im grieving#i really enjoyed the au while it lasted 😞💕#the entirely of the hopeless dreams & the nebulas#dusk my beloved#i wish i saved some parts of it#codeswitch au#levenxa says#i might do a kind of redesign/rewrite of it in my freetime :(#this is so important i’m posting really early in my timezone—CODESWITCH ‼️‼️‼️
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i’ve really just been in love with the same person for close to ten years and after almost five years of being broken up i still dream of him i still cry about him i still compare every single man i’ll ever encounter to him i think about his dog and how old she is now and want to blow my brains out and like…. not knowing when that’ll stop is getting to be very depressing. sometimes i’ll read forums about people experiencing similar things and people always say the same stuff and it normally ends with them being like “yea i found someone new and they’re wonderful and great but unfortunately i still think about my lost love every single day and nothing will compare to that level of intimacy but oh well! you just learn to live with it!” !!!!!!!? i don’t want to do that bro that’s absolutely INSANE to me i don’t want to spend my life with someone while i’m thinking about someone else, that’s madness, not to mention totally unfair to my partner. and godalmighty is it not fair to me :(
#this feels very vulnerable to post even in the void space of tumblr dot com but i feel weighed down by it#it just feels so awful to wake up from a vivid dream where him and i are really close again and it feels so good and happy#and then having to like call my actual bf and chat with him as if it doesn’t feel like i’m literally grieving
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today i had this Vivid memory flash through my mind of kissing my ex boyfriend (this was like 2018) and i felt so viscerally fucking revolted and I gotta say. it is truly impressive that I didn’t realise I’m a lesbian sooner than fucking half a year ago
#z talks#like the misidentifying as ace was Inevitable i think. that was due to repression that realising i didnt like men would not have fixed#(context: id’d as bi ace like. i wanna say 2016/17-2021/22 sometime and then went into ace and Questioning)#remember the time i really solidly settled on being aro because ‘romance has never not felt like a chore and putting on a facade’#babe no thats because your most recent and also singular long term relationship was with a Man#and thats the only one youre looking back on#its so funny how i dated a guy and it was so thoroughly Meh that i just didnt feel like pursuing anything romantic for a very long time#(A REACTION I HAD NOT HAD AFTER MY PREVIOUS RELATIONSHIPS WITH GIRLS)#And DIDN’T somehow consider that maybe I just Didn’t Like Guys#its nothing i grieve or feel sad about dw its honestly mostly funny to look back on#no wrongs were committed and i dont hold a grudge against the guy it was just me being confused and compheted#(…which is also a weird word to apply because at the time i identified and was out to my friends as a trans guy Binary.#This Was Also Wrong.)#was a weird time man. a truly weird time#anyway. all is well i have now been on 2 dates with a really cute girl and she gave me tulips <3#as part of a Care Delivery bc i had a Migraine and No Painkillers Or Snacks#get well flowers <333333#and now i dream of kissing her under the moonlight#With the uh. Hornetposting lately it May seem unlikely but yes I DO interact with real women! Romantically!#They coexist Wonderfully <3#Anyway. I’m gonna go to bed#Realising that im a lesbian solved all my identity problems including my fucking gender which is just fantastic#I am very happy and whenever I think of being a lesbian it grounds me to reality a little bit stronger and i go yeah. Yeah.
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its a doing nothing but looking up the cost of trailer homes in maine kinda day
#messages from the ouija board#ive been applying for jobs the past week mostly in coastal maine#none of them pay much better than im making now but a dollar goes a lot further there than in boston#feels like it goes further anywhere else except nyc#anyway i wanna work at a historical society and buy a trailer thats the new dream for the rest of my 20s#i had a good talk/grieving at breakfast and now im trying not to think about it
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Broke: the dreams about my three cats that have died this year are bad dreams that make me really sad
Woke: my kitties loved me very much and are visiting me in my dreams to let me know they're okay now
#followers and moots may ignore if they wish#im just trying to grieve rn#2024 has taken three of my fur babies away from me and it hurts so much because i know i couldn't have done anything to prevent it#three little paw print shaped holes in my heart that are so very bloody and tender#the past three nights ive had dreams about the one that ran off coming back and i feel so happy that even in-dream me#has to remind myself its not real#tw pet death#it hurts so so badly
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