On todays episode of who gives a crap, I was struck with the agonizing thoughts of my chronic pain and what it’s taken away from me. On a day i had dreamt of having since I could remember now not achievable the way I wanted it to. Instead of getting to go to uni with my childhood friends i got to lay in bed depressed. Who knew the little things mattered until you didn’t get to achieve it with them. To cope with the shame, agoraphobia and guilt that comes with staying in bed I’ve decided to draw little clowns again.

I've realised that the thing I love most about the new popular queer media (and for this I'll use as an example wwdits, good omens and ofmd), is the fact that the difficulties these characters are dealing with aren't connected to their sexuality. The problems don't stem from their queer sexuality. They are not being punished for being queer.

Crowley and Aziraphale's relationship isn't forbidden because they aren't a cishet couple. It's forbidden because they are both victims of an opressive and unjust system (heaven) who's afraid of their combined power which is a direct result of their love for one another.

Guillermo and Nandor's relationship is so nuanced and complicated. There's lots of things to unpack that have been piled up for more than a decade, but again their queer sexualities aren't the problem. Same goes for the rest of the vampires, who are also queer.

Sure, in Stede's case he has to deal with queer trauma, toxic masculinity and the realisation that he's gay, and therefore doesn't conform to the ideal archetype of the straight, masculine man with the heterosexual family. But after realising that and coming out to Mary, the show isn't really about ‘oh, look how difficult it is to be queer, poor guys'. Like Con O'Neil said in a panel, the obstacle here isn't that we have two men who are in love. The difficult thing is to let yourself be in love and become vulnerable.

Both Stede and Ed are dealing with their own trauma, which has affected how they see themselves and by extension their relationships with other people. They are dealing with self doubt, even self loathing, and the belief that they aren't good enough or that they don't deserve love. However, none of that is because they are queer. Being queer sure isn't easy (especially then) but it's not the source of their pain and I fucking love that.

I'm all about the exploration of sexuality, dealing with internalised homophobia and transphobia, coming out etc, and that's why we have series like Heartstopper. But it's still so fucking refreshing to see queerness not being depicted as a ‘big deal’, but rather one of the many aspects of one's self.

That being said, I love being queer and fucking love my insane little queer characters.

Can’t wait for season 2

“you’re a monster. a plague. you defile beautiful things.”

im so sorry for what happened to you! I hope you're safe and i hope something good happens to you today

It was really rough but it’s cool now. It’s somewhat of a culture shock between where I live in Canada and California. There have been a few more instances but at this point I have a “it do be like that” mentality, which honestly sucks if I stop and think about it more. Like Disneyland isn’t really as accessible as they like to portray, honestly I’ve had a better experience with Knotts Berry farm when it came to things. Disney has impossible ramps that I can’t get up without someone in my party pushing and even that’s rough for them. And don’t get me started on all of the too high of bumps on things that my wheels have gotten stuck and I’ve seen others got stuck on it as well. I honestly don’t know if I could go to the park alone and get around on my last day so that’s stressing me out.

Sorry for the rant. It’s just been pissing me off.

season 3 predictions

yes this is just a "moon's haunted" joke what about it

blank versions bc i like the backgrounds

On today’s episode of j’s beautifully tantalizing world, I was harassed for using a disability stall and when I tried to explain that I needed it because I need the hand rails to get up and down the person got angry and started to yell more that I look fine and young.

To that person I just want to say a big FUCK you! My wheelchair is outside with my mother because I hate germs and I’m able to somewhat walk. Listen I get I look fine but I’m on nerve blockers and my body is buzzing with pain. The only reason I’m not decking you is because I don’t need to get kicked out of the park and my therapist wouldn’t like it.

In 0.5 seconds and without saying a single word, Michael Sheen changed lives.

This was the bitchiest bitch moment Aziraphale had in all 2 seasons. Thank you for your service, respectfully, I am deceased.

"you're faking your disability for attention"

why would I spend a bunch of money on mobility aids just for attention?

I could spend that money on an onlyfans model and get much more attention.

I may print these out and frame it

I made my own pain and fatigue scale charts. Because I'm so adept at overcoming my symptoms the normal pain scale doesn't really work for me. I adjusted my numbers so that I could change the number into something I could tell a doctor when they inevitably ask me to rate my pain.

[Image Description: Pain Scale Chart with rainbow gradient background for each row, starting at red and ending at blue. Row 1: Mine Drs Pain Scale Description Row 2: 10 X I am not leaving my bedroom or bathroom, someone needs to bring me food and I need something to dull the pain or the pain will cause tears. Row 3: 9 X I am not leaving my bedroom and bathroom for anything other than food. Row 4: 8 10 Speaking is difficult. It is no longer practical to do activities outside of the bathroom or bedroom, but they can be done with assistance. Row 5: 7 9 Necessary care activities are sacrificed. Academic activities and social activities can no longer be tolerated. Row 6: 6 8 My pain is tiring. Paying attention is difficult. All activities require pacing and extra effort. Row 7: 5 7 My pain is so distracting it is making me tired. It is hard to think. Necessary care activities are no longer all doable. Row 8: 4 6 My pain is so distracting it is making me tired. It is harder to think. Necessary care activities are starting to be limited. Row 9: 3 5 I can continue to do most activities Row 10: 2 4 My pain bothers me but I can ignore it most of the time Row 11: 1 3 My pain bothers me, but I can ignore it most of the time. Row 12: 0 2 I am aware of my pain only when I pay attention to it Row 13: X 1 My pain is hardly noticeable Row 14: X 0 I have no pain. END Image Description]

[Image Description:

Fatigue Scale Chart with rainbow gradient background for each row, starting at red and ending at blue. Row 1: Mine Drs Fatigue Scale Description Row 2: 10 X Can barely sit up, needs assistance to get out of bed. Holding conversations is impossible. Laying down for most of the day is necessary. It is difficult to eat. Focusing is strenuous. Row 3: 9 X Able to walk and stand for short distances. Holding conversations is difficult. Laying down for most of the day is necessary. It is difficult to eat. Focusing is strenuous. Row 4: 8 10 Able to walk and stand for short distances. Holding conversations is difficult. Sitting for long Periods of time is difficult. It is difficult to eat. Focusing is strenuous. Preparing a meal isn’t possible. Row 5: 7 9 Holding conversations is difficult. Sitting or standing for long Periods of time is difficult. It is difficult to eat. Focusing is strenuous. Row 6: 6 8 Sitting or standing for long Periods of time is difficult. It is difficult to eat. Focusing is difficult. Preparing a meal is difficult. Row 7: 5 7 Standing or walking for long periods is difficult. It is difficult to eat. Focusing is difficult. Row 8: 4 6 Standing or walking for long periods is difficult. Focusing is difficult. Row 9: 3 5 Cooking for longer than 15 minutes is extremely challenging. Row 10: 2 4 Not everything can be done in the day. Activities are slowed down. Difficult mental challenges are sacrificed. Row 11: 1 3 Tiredness makes it difficult to enjoy fun activities. Row 12: 0 2 Things take more effort than usual, but everything is still doable. Row 13: X 1 Slightly tired but still able to carry on as normal Row 14: X 0 Not tired at all END Image Description.]

Feel free to use them yourself if you like them!

Disabled people deserve government assistance and benefits. Even if they have incomes. Even if their spouses have incomes. Even if both they and their spouses have incomes.

Because being disabled is fucking expensive, even with affordable healthcare, even under the best circumstances and in the most accessible situations.

If you are technically capable of going out or doing something during a chronic illness flare-up, that doesn’t mean it isn’t debilitating. You shouldn’t have to push yourself through pain, and it's okay to say "I could but I shouldn't. I could but I don't want to."

The more I sit with Good Omens, and I have to watch it again from the beginning of series one, the more the ending makes sense

Yes I believe that Aziraphale is being manipulated and being deliberately separated from Crowley because they are too powerful together

Yes I think what he said and how he said it was cruel

BUT

Of course Aziraphale is going to take this chance

Aziraphale is always going to do what he thinks is right even if he has to do it alone

1. He gives away his sword in the garden before he even meets Crowley again

2. He was fully ready and willing to save Job's children himself and then walk straight into hell with his head held high

3. When the original plan to stop the apocalypse went tits up and Crowley said "let's run away together" he said no. Not because he was just going to go along with the war but because he was going to keep trying

This is what he does

That's what made Crowley fall for him in the first place!

Aziraphale stays and he tries to do what he personally believes is right and if he fails he's willing to accept the consequences no matter how dire

And I think even if he had known what Gabriel said at "his" execution he still would have helped him

Because that's the right thing to do

And I hate how he went about it and I hate how he hurt Crowley

But of course he made the choices he did

If he made any other choice he wouldn't be the Angel Crowley fell in love with

God fucking damnit

Me, Good Omens theory/speculation posting while I’ve still only consumed s2 through tumblr osmosis? More likely than you think

Anyway I hear bunches of y’all talking about Aziraphale getting into some sort of trouble with heaven next season - which I agree is very likely - but then it’s followed by ‘and I want Crowley to save him (again)’

No! We’ve seen 2 seasons of that already! We gotta flip the script in the final act!

I want - I desperately want - for Aziraphale to realize Crowley is in danger and go absolutely fucking feral. I want Aziraphale to be racing to save his love while “I Need A Hero” blares in the background!

and I need Crowley to witness Aziraphale rescuing him. I need Aziraphale showing up in the 11th hour, disheveled and out of breath - maybe even injured - backlit with a halo of light behind him, and the only thing he can manage to say is a desperate ‘are you okay?’

Please

unpopular opinion maybe but i want crowley and aziraphale to get outwardly mad at each other. like they're pissed now but it's all passive aggression and snarky comments. i want these bitches to scream at each other and be so incredibly honest and direct about their feelings just so they will finally communicate.

On today’s episode recap of J’s Beautifully Tantalizing World, we start with having a flare up that lasted all day. Excruciating to a point of needing my crutches.

had an appointment with the new team of mental health professionals sometime today and got absolutely nothing figured out.

Doc basically went “ADHD no more, those hyper focused times where you refused to sleep is looking closer to mania. Surprise we are now looking into Bipolar disorder. The ADHD thing is something we will visit after your vacation”

And we close with the fact that I haven’t slept in 30 hours and I’m leaving for a 20 day road trip vacation in under 5 hours.