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twig-tea · 2 months

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TsukuTabe S2 Is Perfection

I’ve been waffling about what to write about Tsukuritai Onna to Tabetai Onna s2, which completed last week (and which we have access to at all thanks to the hard work of @furritsubs). I have had to just give up on getting across how much this show means to me; there's no way I'll be able to communicate these feelings with words. Season 1 was excellent but Season 2 was everything I wanted and more that I didn't know I needed. This is going to be more disjointed than usual because I don't know how to be coherent about this show (and because tumblr ate my first two attempts).

At its core, Tsukuritai Onna to Tabtetai Onna asks what if we were all just a little bit more conscientious and kind to one another? What if women were given space to be themselves and to make the choices that were best for them? This is the world of TsukuTabe, and I'm so grateful to have had the chance to inhabit it over these last four weeks.

I have so much love for the way Nomoto and Kasuga develop their relationship in conjunction with their relationships with the other women in their lives. Nagumo, Sayama, and Yako are integral to the success of Nomoto and Kasuga’s relationship, and they're also important relationships for the happiness of Nomoto and Kasuga in their own right. The found family vibes are immaculate.

The conflict between Kasuga and Nomoto this season was so perfectly them; the way they struggled with the transition from friends to lovers and being two people who are kind and giving in a relationship together and how that requires honesty and trust were both familiar conflicts that hit me hard in the feels.

Kasuga's conflict with her family also hit me really hard. I once did the wrong thing and showed up to support my family in caring for someone who abused me, and it was a horrible experience that was ruinous to my mental health and took years to get over (and in the end they had to find a different solution anyway, which they could have done in the first place). Watching Kasuga refuse to make a similar decision, standing strong in the face of the social pressures of her parents and her aunt was so healing for me. And then to have her decision affirmed by someone of her parent's age? I sobbed in those scenes.

I also loved the way this season handled Nagumo’s anxiety issues and how she was given space to decide to get professional help on her own time and terms. The way her parents tried to help was also very familiar to me and realistic, and it was just a little heartbreaking how they tried and didn't understand how their attempts at helping added pressure in a way that wasn't helpful.

The way this show covers this important beats in a person's life through these small, everyday moments, and in such a gentle way, is what I love so much about it. The show itself makes a safe space so that these subjects can come up and not feel overwhelming.

And it's also really important to me that all of the characters get to have these moments. Sakae not only reflects on her insensitivity and the unfairness of Japan not having marriage equality, but she also reflects on the pressures on her to marry and whether she actually wants that for herself. Fujita not only helps Kasuga gain proxy acceptance for her choices but gets the same back for herself around her decision to divorce. All of these women live in ways that invoke social stigma, and the way this show gives explicit permission to these women to live their best lives is both cathartic and critical.

I can't end this disjointed ramble without talking about the character I most identified with this season, Yako. Yako is an older, self-actualized asexual lesbian who makes friends with Nomoto on the Internet, recommends lesbian films to her, and mostly listens and affirms as Nomoto goes through her own process of discovering herself. I ran a GSA and have been on the Internet a long time, I've been in Yako’s position a lot (though I can only aspire to be as kind and wise). She is so patient and so genuinely happy for Nomoto when she and Kasuga get together, and she seems so quietly thrilled to have more wonderful people in her life willing to indulge her random party ideas. Her sharing a connection to a LGBTQ+-friendly real estate agency while being angry on their behalf that she even has to was perfection.

It's so important that these characters say the things they say aloud. I want to inscribe every sentence of this show into everyone's brains. This show is perfect, and lovely, and a warm bath, and a hug, and a cup of your favourite warm beverage perfectly fixed to your liking all in one. If you haven't done yourself the favour of watching yet, I highly recommend that you do so immediately.

[not an ID: Real footage of the entire audience's satisfaction and catharsis after watching TsukuTabe S2. Actual ID in alt text].

#tsukuritai onna to tabetai onna #she loves to cook and she loves to eat #tsukutabe #gl meta #sapphic media #typed so that I can stop thinking it

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hydesjackiespuddinpop · 2 months

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Thinking…and in a way, I guess I can say that I do ship Neia in a way. But it’s not in the conventional way with them riding off into the sunset or being a happy loving couple.

I think Nate and Leia should happen at some point, but as a lesson for both characters. They’d learn that just because they want the same things, that doesn’t automatically make them a good match.

Nate would realize that he does want that soulmate connection, but that he doesn’t have it with Leia. But when he finds that person, they’d teach him that going in and thinking you’ll last forever is not a healthy mindset. Not if you don’t work for it.

Leia would realize that she already has that connection with Jay and Gwen. Someone she’s comfortable with, someone she can talk to, But that forever connection, won’t come easy by just wanting it. It has to be worked for. And I wholeheartedly believe that while Jay was being realistic, he was also scared. Because for most of DDB, Jay was confident in making a long distance relationship with Leia work.

#that 90s show #t9s meta #my meta #nl meta #jl meta #gl meta #nate runck #leia forman #anti neia #not really???#just to be safe

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liyazaki · 1 year

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love breaks the wheel

GAP THE SERIES | EP. 11 [2022-2023]

#gap the series #freenbecky #becky armstrong #freen sarocha #monsam #i needed these for some meta but for anyone who just wants the visuals #sammon #mon x sam #sam x mon #gl drama #wlw #userkit #mjtag #userspicy #userjap #asiandramanet #asiandramasource #asianlgbtqdramas #mor gifs gap

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gelpensoncomics · 9 months

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Guy Gardner: A Study of Heroes and Head Trauma

SO! It's July, which is disability pride month here in the United States where I live! I figured it would be appropriate to kick things off by talking about a character who has a mixed reputation, to say the least: Guy Gardner, Green Lantern. He's been around since the Silver Age of comics, and his characterization has been through some serious ups and downs over the years! But what if I told you that it's not inconsistent writing? What if I told you there is a lens with which to view his shifting behavioral patterns and at times abrasive and offensive personality that makes it all come into focus and make perfect sense, and it's all already there on the page? I'm here to give you that lens, and it's viewing Guy Gardner as a man who has suffered multiple traumatic brain injuries and managed to heal over time. Buckle up, this is probably going to be a long one, and it's pretty image heavy as I try to back up as much as I am claiming that I can.

So the first thing I will start with is establishing Guy's former baseline. This is not the post where I will go incredibly in-depth on Guy's full family history and his education, I'll save that for another time. Here, I simply aim to sum up. Guy Gardner met Hal Jordan for the first time in the 1991 title Green Lantern: Emerald Dawn, a volume that served as an updated backstory for the Silver Age hero after Crisis on Infinite Earths. Hal was in prison to serve a 90 day sentence for drunk driving. Guy Gardner was Hal Jordan's caseworker.

"What? Huh? That's Guy Gardner?" You, the hypothetical reader ask. What happened to him?!

A lot. A lot happened to him, and it took him from a man who gave the advice to "Use your rage! Don't let it use you!" to a man who is known as the rude angry ginger lantern. First off, he got hit by a bus. No, I'm not being metaphorical or making a joke. See, he quit his job as a prison case worker because he didn't like how the job made him feel, especially after he was caught up in a prison riot and threatened with death at the hands of a prisoner there. So he put his second degree to use and he became a teacher. Specifically, he became a physical education teacher for disabled children.And then there was an earthquake, and he was hit by a bus while attempting to rescue one of the students on a field trip he was running, nearly dying in the process.

Now, I will say: he got better. This time. See, no sooner had he recovered from this incident, as he was filling in for Hal as Green Lantern he was exploded in the line of duty and sent to a parallel dimension. In that parallel dimension he was tortured, and Sinestro used a dangerous and severe form of mind control that, when it was finally broken, left Guy... well, the comics call him comatose, but he is conscious, he is just not responsive to the environment around him or able to care for himself.

For years, he remained in this state, with his care at a top-notch hospital paid for by fellow superheros. And then, during the Crisis on Infinite Earths event, a miracle happened. Guy regained consciousness.

But the Guy who came out of that vegetative state wasn't the same man who fell into it. Or at least, not exactly. He was angrier. His fuse was shorter. Perhaps most upsetting of all, one of the first actions he took upon regaining consciousness was attempted grave robbery.

"Gelpens, what the fuck," you ask me. I know. It's a lot. Bear with me here. See, he didn't wake up on his own. The Guardians of Oa woke him up, using their tremendous cosmic powers to attempt to heal his brain damage so they could deploy him to help during the Crisis.

Sure, Guy got his strength back. He was able to function as a Green Lantern. But he still wasn't the same as he was before his coma. He stayed angry, and confrontational, and was frequently known to make inappropriate comments that failed to fit the setting he was in or the bounds of good taste. He had a constant chip on his shoulder, very different from the man who was concerned about controlling his anger so it couldn't use him.

This all came to a head in a series of events that is frankly infamous in comics circles. Almost every fan I know of who knows Guy Gardner knows about the time Batman got fed up with his confrontational rude attitude and laid him out with a single punch to the face.

The thing people don't remember about that punch is that, seeing as it was the 90s, and comics writers had learned a few things about the brain, they decided to use it to make... let's call it a running joke. See, after Guy regained consciousness, he was much more like the guy he was before all that head trauma. He was polite, cared about being a team player and not trying to prove himself, he didn't go for lethal force!

Of course, this didn't last. No, the whole 'joke' here was that Batman punched him hard enough to rattle his brain, and he would occasionally jump from being a sweet, friendly team player to, in the words of the narration box the first time he got hit on the head again, his new old "thoroughly rotten" self (I know). Slowly but surely though, Guy did get better, and start to stay better. His mood stabilized, he gained more self-control, he started making better plans and he was much less angry as a default. And it's kept going! This train keeps chugging along! He isn't so angry anymore! He has it under control!

And honestly? This moment, right here? This is the crowning jewel in my thesis, I think.

Guy has a Red Lantern ring and a Star Sapphire ring. For those of you less familiar with the extended Green Lantern lore, the Red Lanterns run off rage. The Star Sapphires are powered by love. Outside of willpower, the emotions that are the most powerful within him are his rage and anger, and his love for his friends. And what does he fuel them with, when it comes down to the wire? When willpower alone isn't enough? The thing he hates most is being filled with rage. The thing he loves the most is his friends.

So. I don't think Guy was ever just an angry, sexist, rude asshole at his core. Is he the same as he was before the injury, before all that happened to him? Of course not. Nobody goes through life completely unchanged by what happens to them.

I think he injured his brain and lost his ability to regulate his emotions and impulses for a while. The road to recovery was far from smooth. It just took him some time to heal and be in a place to act like the man he wanted to be all along. But in my opinion? I think he's there now.

#guy gardner #dc comics #green lantern #disability #dc #gl #meta

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tinnchan · 2 years

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Engfa Waraha and Charlotte Austin in Show Me Love - แค่อยากบอกรัก (2023) - Teaser

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ratedc · 10 months

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i don’t believe that everything in genloss just happened to be the way it was through just bad luck and innocent mistakes. i don’t believe that charlie would leave behind the axe if he actually had autonomy in that moment (and did you see the way he was holding that axe and spinning it around and shit? he was comfortable holding it. he knew damn well how useful it could have been). i don’t believe that ranboo totally could have escaped in time if he didn’t stop for charlie in the food court. there were too many close calls for it to all be coincidence and simple bad luck.

it was all part of the show. every single moment and every single decision. i think showfall meticulously planned all of these potential escapes because they knew damn well we, the audience, would love it. showfall knows how attached we’ve become to their characters after watching them for so long. they know that we would find the ending so much more compelling if we believed it was possible for ranboo to escape if only they had left charlie behind, if only they had brought the axe, if only they left before hetch told them everyone was still alive, if only.

#genloss #generation loss #gl!ranboo #showfall media #technically this is actually true anyway #real life ranboo did in fact make all of these decisions so the story would be more compelling #whether it's true in-universe or not #and what is generation loss if not a metaphor for the real world?#is showfall not (at least partially) representing the things that content creators do to themselves in order to please the audience?#do content creators not make themselves suffer in order to put on a good show for us?#genloss meta is my favourite i love it so much #rated rambles

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hallowpen · 2 months

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This is not meant as a call out post or to single anyone out in particular. It's more of a plea of sorts...

If you are not Thai or if you've never lived in Thailand, please do not make generalized assumptions about our country or our culture. And if you have reached out to speak with someone who is Thai in order to back up your statements please please please remember: like a lot of places, we are a diverse community and one person's lived experience does not hold true for all of us.

There is just a lot of meta/commentary going around, in reference to opinions about the content of Thai QL series, that has me concerned. Just please be mindful of how you word things and be clear about the perspective it is being written from. That's all.

Thank you ❤️❤️❤️

#thailand #thai bl #thai gl #thai media #thai ql meta #thai culture

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douqi7s · 1 year

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About

I translate and subtitle things from Chinese to English (mainly baihe/GL), write original fiction, and make the occasional fanvid (do people still say fanvid).

This post will be regularly updated with things I've perpetrated done.

Where Else You Can Find Me

Twitter: douqi7s

Wordpress (translations, original fiction, random bits and pieces): douqi.blog

YouTube (subtitles for webdramas, short films and audio dramas): douqi7s

Translations

Purely by Accident, a baihe novel by Leng Qian Shan (ongoing)

Couple of Mirrors, a (mostly) text translation of the manhua based on the drama of the same name (complete)

Couple of Mirrors Novel Extra, a translation of the extra written for the Couple of Mirrors novelisation (complete)

For smaller translation projects, see this page.

Subtitling Projects

Purely by Accident, a baihe audio drama based on the novel of the same name (ongoing)

Legend of Yunqian, a GL xianxia mini webdrama (complete)

Legend of Yunze (Season 1, Season 2 and Special), a GL xianxia mini webdrama (complete)

Led Astray by Love, a GL historical/transmigration mini webdrama (complete)

The Vampires, a GL vampire-themed mini webdrama (complete)

A Practical Guide to Being a Superstar's Assistant, a GL entertainment industry mini webdrama (complete)

Ye-Mu (aka Wicked Wealthy Women), a soap opera-style mini webdrama (complete)

Ye-Mu 2, a soap opera-style mini webdrama (complete)

A Flower for Three Lifetimes, a xianxia mini webdrama (complete)

Nü Er Hong, a wuxia mini webdrama (complete)

The Calabash Siblings, a mini webdrama based on the animated series of the same title (complete)

Various GL MVs

Various GL short films

Original Fiction

What If They Had a War, and Nobody Came?, a GL wuxia/historical short story

Editorial Work

I have provided or am currently providing editorial support for the following projects:

Reading the Remnants, a translation of the baihe novel Wen Guan by Qi Xiao Huang Shu (ongoing)

Exploring an Empty Tomb, a translation of the baihe novel Tan Xu Ling by Jun Sola (ongoing)

Burn, a translation of the baihe novel Shao by Chu Dao (ongoing)

Mosquito Bite, a translation of the baihe short story Wenzi Bao by Agent3144 (complete)

Drowning Sorrows in Raging Fire, a translation of the danmei manhua Lie Huo Jiao Chou, based on the novel of the same title by priest (ongoing)

第九宫的吉迪恩, a translation of the science fiction novel Gideon the Ninth by Tamsyn Muir (complete)

第九宫的哈罗, a translation of the science fiction novel Harrow the Ninth by Tamsyn Muir (complete)

第九宫的诺娜, a translation of the science fiction novel Nona the Ninth by Tamsyn Muir (complete)

赛克斯博士的神秘研究, a translation of the science fiction short story The Mysterious Study of Doctor Sex by Tamsyn Muir (complete)

尚未发送, a translation of the science fiction short story As Yet Unsent by Tamsyn Muir (complete)

Curation and Recommendations

List of recommended baihe novels

List of Chinese GL short films

last updated: 23 July 2023

#about me #blog meta #baihe #chinese gl #gl series #baihe: purely by accident #legend of yunqian #legend of yunze #led astray by love #ye-mu #wicked wealthy women

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livsoulsecrets · 1 year

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The thing with Sam that we (the audience) know that Mon doesn’t is that she constantly says the opposite of what she means. Sam has mastered lies and deceit because she had to, in order to survive living under her grandma’s thumb.

That’s why she can’t communicate properly or express her feelings most of the time. Except Sam manages to do just that in Ep 3, when she says she feels relaxed whenever Mon’s around.

And she doesn’t take it back!!! Sam’s clearly scared and taken by surprise when she realizes what she’s just revealed, but Mon just rolls with it, suggests taking photos and makes everything less awkward.

When they’re proposing ideas, Mon tells Sam exactly what she thinks of them, without fear. She offers her honesty to Sam as if it’s a given and it baffles her every time because honesty is the one thing Sam has never been able to conquer or buy.

Honest is the one thing her grandma never allowed her to be - Sam can’t be honest about her dreams, her feelings, her sexuality.

Mon has an enormous amount of patience, which is what Sam needs. She makes sure Sam states what she wants as clearly as possible - like the working at Sam’s home situation, waiting for her in the bathroom, telling Mon to make her presence known during the bath. That’s Sam vocalizing - whether she wants to or not - her needs for emotional comfort, when she normally just gives people orders.

And slowly Sam’s armor starts cracking - she smiles truly looking at their selfie, screams when Mon scares her inside her own home, tells Mon her heart is beating fast.

It all comes down to that pool scene where Sam finally smiles in front of Mon, when she doesn’t ever argue with her for making them fall into the water at night.

Sam ends that moment so abruptly because she’s terrified. What happens when she stirs away from what’s safe? From what her grandma expects of her? From what has kept her going all those years?

Mon happens and it’s worth the risk, we know that - but Sam doesn’t.

Not yet.

#Sam x mon #Monsam #Mon x Sam #khun sam #sam gap the series #gap the series #gap the series pink theory #gap the series meta #meta #Thai gl #Mon gap the series

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frogfrizz · 1 year

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FreenBecky (BeckFreen) and WLW representation after Gap the Series

I’m once again pulled into the world of Gap the Series, but in particular, the rich, warm fandom that has become FreenBecky or on occasion, BeckFreen, in its wake. As we all grapple with Gap the Series finally ending, the fandom seems to have gravitated towards the main stars, namely Rebecca “Becky” Armstrong and Freen Sarocha. This is a thing unto itself and vastly different from the fan service that the Rich Man’s Daughter gave us.

(Source)

Here, we find an army of fans translating nearly all content from the actors across Tiktok, Twitter, Instagram, and Weibo from the Thai language to others’:

(Source)

It’s a concerted effort among a web of individual to fan-club-run accounts that drum up enormous coverage, enthusiasm, admiration, funds for billboard ads or fan projects, and even gifts for the pair.

The fan community is self-sustaining in its growth; it is massive in Southeast Asia and South America, hashtags trending in one country or another, and even globally nearly every day. I have the impression that this fandom never sleeps and there is new content to traverse and giggle over every 12-hour cycle. It’s refreshing to see this level of self-sustained, growing adulation for actors of an LGBT show in countries that have traditionally been so conservative in their views and sorely underrepresented in mainstream media.

But it isn’t just the fans. There is consistent, honest regard in Freen and Becky’s interactions with each other, a world of memes and a language of their own that they share between themselves and with the fans (ex. “mami” and “honey” lines, the “phi-nong” interactions *wink-wink*).

(Source)

We have so little of this attention and enthusiasm for and in the LGBT community with mainstream actors, but these two! They demonstrate a commitment to the fans that is unwavering and unprecedented. They are clear and vocal about their acceptance of the LGBT community, which make up so much of their fan base, trumpeting their advocacy at every opportunity simply by showing up together.

(Source)

And oh! Do they have opportunity. They sell record amounts of product as the faces for a variety of brands on live streaming –from make-up, to magazines, to something as innocuous as seaweed chips.

Together or individually, they are constantly being promoted in magazines or on bright, LED billboards in Thailand and even so far as New York’s Times Square:

(Source)

A magazine seems to be released nearly every week, and it has left fans languishing with empty pockets as they faithfully try to collect every single one. Though these magazines aren’t distributed internationally, an informal network of locals purchase them for international fans (or interfans, as they’re called), and ship them out at the buyer’s expense, which interfans are more than willing to cover.

(Source)

Freen and Becky are adored, loved, and fiercely protected. It’s an amazing phenomenon to watch, and even more extraordinary to contemplate that their popularity has brought their relatively new promoters IdolFactory tremendous exposure and a mountain of ad cash. To an extent, because of such exponential growth, the company has been criticized for poor security and an inability to cater for a large fan base during events as it continues to hire woefully small, inadequate venues.

(Source)

We deserve to be heard. LGBT content, specifically wlw content, is valuable, loved, adored. If it came to just the bottom line, it is also incredibly profitable. What a message to send to media creators, to brands! I want this to be heard loudly, and for media executives to realize that they are missing out by cancelling so many wlw-centred shows on their streaming services:

(Source)

I wish FreenBecky every success, good health, and happiness.

I want Gap the Series to have even more exposure and recognized as the phenomenon that it is –as the first wlw web series that has breached more than 17M collective views on YouTube. It is the singular show pushing very, very hard against the norm: whether against the persistent cancellations of many wlw shows, catering to a mainly Western audience, or the more Western narrative perpetuated in majority of famous LGBT media today.

#freenbecky #beckfreen #freen sarocha #becky armstrong #monsam #gap the series #gap the series meta #meta #media representation #lgbt #wlw #gl series

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twig-tea · 2 months

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Chaser Game W Review

This will be semi-spoliery but I've avoided details. Still, in case anyone doesn't want to read anything negative about this show, I've put my thoughts below the cut. TL;DR this one was not for me.

I've been relatively quiet about Chaser Game W because I couldn't figure out what the heck it was doing for a good chunk of it. At first it seemed to be about power dynamics, and then the middle seriously muddled that message, and the end gave a sudden pat ending to all of the power imbalances that felt convenient, unearned, unexplained, and/or actually a little gross, leaving us with no good messaging about abuse of power or about love. I started this series thinking it was going to be saying something about misogyny in the workplace and instead it ended on a massively misogynistic plot twist. So, I didn't love it.

I will say this: In the moments they were together, these women were cute. If I could turn my brain off and just enjoy their scenes without wondering:

Why aren't they talking to one another about their relationship status; how are they ok with adultery and the abuses of power contextualizing their relationship; why it's fine to undermine other women who are working mothers; why it's fine to abandon love multiple times; why would anyone working for a company that fires people for aspects of their personal lives choose to kiss in a public place; how am I supposed to consider it a happy ending that this game (which explicitly in the series is going to be censored of GL aspects of the original story) gets made, etc. etc. ....

I would have enjoyed them. If you think you can ignore that and/or were able to enjoy it anyway, power to you!

Otherwise, I sadly think this is one to enjoy via gifsets, tbh (not including any here because I don't want to force any gifmakers who enjoyed the series enough to make gifs to read negative thoughts about the show).

There is lots more GL queued up for 2024, so I'm still hoping we'll get more good shows this year because 2023 was a downgrade from 2022 and we need a good GL comeback!

#chaser game w #gl meta #sapphic media #typed so that i can stop thinking it

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danothan · 1 year

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someone sent me this halbarry moment and it made me emotional, so naturally i had to put it into words (ID in alt)

#dc #halbarry #barry allen #hal jordan #the flash #green lantern #danbles #panels #meta #alt text #described #my resources are limited so lemme know if i overlooked or misinterpreted anything!#i havent read any GL works in full yet and im still on the same flash comic i was 3 weeks ago #i like taking my time but my brain and my heart likes to speed ahead of me </3

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hydesjackiespuddinpop · 4 months

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How I would’ve written Lip Smackers:

Leia would still go to the mall to get her first kiss but would up realizing she isn’t ready yet. She would tell Gwen and she would understand and apologize if she ever put too much pressure. Leia would be like ‘oh no, it’s fine.’ She’d still feel upset about being the only member in the gang to have never kissed anyone. Gwen would reassure her that it would happen when she’s ready.

Spoiler: the episode would end with them kissing and The Rave would’ve revolved around them deciding whether to be couple or not.

#that 90s show #geia #otp: cute smart and awesome #gwen x leia #leia x gwen #gl meta #t9s meta #my meta #also side note but nate and Nikki would not be a couple in this version

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liyazaki · 1 year

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lessons in survival & innocence lost

I can turn it on be a good machine I can hold the weight of worlds if that's what you need I can do it- I'll get through it…

-human, christina perri

I knew GAP was smart. I knew the writers had an expert handle on the story they set out to tell, because they've been telling it exceptionally well.

I did not expect them to give us a scene that was almost brutal in how quietly and accurately it portrayed the lengths people will go to cope- to survive- living under abuse.

I wrote last week:

"when we first meet Sam, she just seems like a cold, aloof, ever-composed high achiever. the more we learn about her past, the clearer it becomes that this was by design, not by choice."

the writers had already given us enough to piece together why Sam is the way she is, but this scene really pulled back the curtain in heart-wrenching, crystal-clear fashion.

teenage Sam skips into the room, carefree & enjoying being with her sisters. she wistfully watches Nueng on the piano, playing with a borderline-terrifying smile on her face.

Nueng catches Sam smiling & asks:

Sam responds simply, innocently: because Nueng is, of course. if her sister is happy, so is she.

a quick note on Nueng's smile: Mind really going in with her facial expressions here felt so intentional. it's obvious to us that she's forcing it, but Sam in her youthful naivete has no idea. she still sees a smile for what it is, for what it should be: joyful, happy, and most importantly- honest.

it was such a smart move on the writer's part, adding to the weight of the moment that comes next.

Mind's expressions here are the definition of "a picture's worth a thousand words."

the smile fades away, replaced by a melancholy, world-weary expression. like she knows what she's about to do, and the effect that it'll have on Sam, but that it's for her own good.

right or wrong, cruel or kind- in her mind, it'll help Sam survive.

Song pipes in first, though: she knows why Nueng is smiling like that, and what it really means.

Nueng explains that it's a ruse: she's actually under a lot of stress, so she's tricking her own body by smiling.

Nueng’s explanation (understandably) isn't enough for Sam. she doesn't have any concept yet of faking emotions, let alone why anyone would do such a thing- so she questions Song about it, too.

Sam’s still processing Song’s response when Nueng walks up, placing a gentle hand on her head. the weariness is back as she tells Sam she can do this, too.

the look of wide-eyed, innocent worry on Sam’s face when she asks “how?” nearly broke my heart in two.

this is all new to Sam, but she trusts her sisters. this must be an important thing that she learn to do, right? and these behaviors have to be learned- either out of necessity or through loving, misguided instruction, like we're witnessing here.

it was like watching a slow-motion car crash: you know the impact is coming and it’s going to be awful, but you can’t look away.

I desperately wanted to shield Sam in this moment- to keep her from learning how to twist and contort herself into something she isn’t to survive the environment she was born into.

Sam parrots back Nueng’s advice at first before confusedly asking, “what if I’m happy? can I smile then?”

Nueng doesn’t hesitate: “if you smile, you lose.” and I’m on my knees, thoroughly gut-punched.

the final nail in the coffin: Nueng telling Sam that she wants her to do that.

Freen then gives us a masterclass in loss of innocence via expression alone. we can see Sam’s light diminishing right in front of our eyes, fading into the schooled, emotionally numb look we know so well for the first time.

it’s equal parts brilliant and unbearably awful.

I can fake a smile I can force a laugh I can dance and play the part if that's what you ask give you all I am…

this scene powerfully illustrated the pain desperate people will force themselves to endure in order to survive, while passing that brokenness down to the next generation. beyond the inexcusable abuse that prompted it, the real tragedy is that it’s being passed down out of love.

there was zero expository dialogue here. witnessing Sam being brought into the warped, broken fold 'for her own good' was plenty.

it was paradise lost; it was the twilight of innocence; it was the continuation of the cycle. and it made Sam’s openly-expressive, incandescently emotional vows in the wedding scene all the more meaningful.

love, in the end, finally broke the wheel.

side note- not to nitpick but I'm gonna: I really wish they went with the actress who played young Sam for this scene rather than Freen. Sam clearly knew how to force an expression much earlier, so having Freen play this scene felt like a continuity error, even though she knocked it out of the park.

exhibit a ⬇️