actually no, we're not "dating". we're bound together for infinity. like the stars. so, fuck you, actually.

I'm a cryptid in Stardew valley. I live on the outskirts of town. I disappear for days on end, purchasing daily one-way tickets to the calico desert. Nobody knows where I go while I'm there. Can occasionally be found fishing at random spots throughout town. I am never not running on at least one triple shot espresso. I take the abandoned minecarts to get around and am frequently seen disappearing into the sewers. I carry a sword for some reason. Once every week or two I will stride into your bedroom to deliver you your favorite meal. I'm a self-made millionaire. I attend all the town events and will go to your concert in the next town over. I have donated approximately 2583 items to the local museum and singlehandedly revitalized the town community center. There are rumors I can talk to junimos. I'm friends with the local wizard

hey, can we talk for a second? it’s about your girlfriend. yeah, she’s great. no, yeah, I agree. It’s just that… she seems really devoted to you? Like really devoted. Almost as if you were the sole, fragile line mooring her to the shores of humanity. No, that’s not romant—ugh. Listen. Me and the girls, we’re worried you might be the last good thing to happen to her and that were some tragedy to inevitably befall you, she would tear the gods from their thrones and dye the infinite western seas wine-dark with their ichor. Do you think you could introduce her to a new hobby or something? we don’t want to have to argue over what color “wine-dark” is supposed to be

I asked my girlfriend what she considers a Round pokemon to be and she sent me this.

the gang gets snacks

Source on Twitter

Daughter of fantasy villains decides to rebel against her parents by actually going through with her arranged marriage to a local golden retriever of a prince instead of running off with some local villain-to-be or conquering said golden retriever’s kingdom and ruling it solo like her parents expect her to. Plus, sue her, she’s into the clean-cut earnest look.

At the same time, local prince charming discovers that he’s actually very into the gothic fiance his parents have landed him with in order to try and establish peace with the local evil lair down the lane, he would never have guessed a spiderweb pattern could look so fetching on a ball gown...?

Meanwhile, two pairs of parents in a tizzy because they both expected their offspring to whole-heartedly reject this union and give them an excuse to conquer their goody-two-shoes/evil neighbours, they’re not supposed to actually like each other-!

Guys! Can you believe I was gonna just CASUALLY watch Hazbin Hotel???

But it’s way too good. The writing is so tight, all the characters are interesting and layered, ALL THE SONGS:🔥🔥🔥

Alastor is such a Cheshire Cat! Not a characteristic I see often, but it’s always good! Gimme more immediately.👏👏👏

thinking about how annabeth’s entire core is to be remembered and to create something that is permanent and how percy lost all his memories and had no idea who he is but still remembered her. like what the actual fuck man

The realest part of the Barbie Movie was when Barbie was like "okay but what if this hurts his feelings? what if this makes him sad? :(" after Ken stole her house, stole her car, and stole her agency, because as a woman you still have to second guess everything you do on the assessment of whether it might hurt a man's feelings.

And then that apprehension was proven right one million times over by the entire Conservative Internet Manosphere pissing and shitting and screaming themselves hoarse over Barbie daring to hurt a man's feelings.

werewolf partner who is terrified of turning around you because they're not sure how much control they'll lack in wolf-form. They make you chain them up in the basement, lock the door, and arm yourself with a gun just in case. Finally the time comes, and you're ready. You expect to hear growling and thrashing, or some sort of vicious struggle. But you only hear faint whimpers. You decide to go downstairs to see what's up, and there you find them, in their wolf form - ears back, head down, looking sad and scared. You approach, and still, no aggression.

After a few moments, you even decide to sit next to them. They lean in cautiously to sniff you, their eyes lighting up as they seem to recognize your scent. They immediately scoot over and lay their gigantic head in your lap, still whimpering and shaking - clearly seeking comfort from you. You expected a ferocious monster from how they'd warned you, but instead, you essentially got a giant puppy. You gently stroke and cuddle your werewolf until they fall asleep on you. Exhausted from all the previous excitement, and not wanting to leave them scared and alone, you fall asleep too. You're awoken in the morning by them - back in human form - shaking you in a panic. They found you lying next to them in a pile of fur, and thought that something had happened - that you were dead. They're glad to be wrong, as you rub the sleep from your eyes. When they find out what all actually happened, they're extremely relieved, but a little embarrassed.

Ok listen we NEED to talk about your girlfriend. I know you’re doomed by the narrative and all, but she keeps defying the will of fate with her vain and ever more desperate attempts to save you. It’s SERIOUSLY going to rend the fabric of space-time if she keeps this up. I’m not even joking. We’re all going to end up in a closed loop of decaying reality if—it’s not cute, stop laughing!!

a dænce of roëmænce

depictions of the ace experience never seem to include the nightmare-borne skeleton creature from hell so kudos to the dimension 20 team for their commitment to accurate rep

[eng by me]