#genuinely i relate so deeply to him in future
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i really wanted to try and write like, a thing explaining how i think steven universe future is one of the best portrayals (and my personal favorite) of mental illness in media, and how i think people misinterpreted it (me included at first, cause my experience over time has given me new perspectives) but i. AAA i literally dont even know if its necessary cause i dont know if people still think it was bad or a bad way to write steven (it wasnt!!) or like any of that, mostly cause. holy shit its just so obvious to me?
like i watch that show and i relate to him so much that i just understand it all and its so obvious to me and i dont know if other people find it. not obvious. like everything is right there in the text laid out i think
the main thing that i saw get misinterpreted when it aired was the second to last episode where steven turns into a fucking kaiju and everyone, again me included, thought that it felt rushed, but everytime i rewatch it i think... no it wasnt, actually. because we see it expecting a big fight or thinking it needs a whole lot to fix, but it doesnt. its not a fight, its someone having a mental breakdown and thinking theyre purely unlovable and evil, but being made to see that they are still lovable and arent evil even after all the bad theyve done, theyre loved unconditionally, and that other stuff mostly really doesnt matter (and hey, it can be fixed/dealt with later, its fine!)
its just my favorite show ever, specifically future! and i really wish other people would see what i see, but do i even need to try..? i didnt really write it very well anyway, but drafts exist for a reason. idk ive just been thinking about it a lot
TL;DR: i adore steven universe future and im wondering if anyone thinks its even necessary for it to be analyzed for people to maybe better understand it/do you think that there are enough people misunderstanding it that it needs a perspective to maybe help be more understood
#genuinely i relate so deeply to him in future#its such a comfort show to me when im having a bad time cause like#he goes through so much and does so much. but everyone still loves him and he gets a therapist and a happily ever after#and it gives me hope. yknow?#i just keep thinking about athena p saying she didnt like steven universe future and im like. GIRL YOUR OPINIONS ARE USUALLY GOOD WHAT#WHY NOT. WHAT IS THERE TO DISLIKE :[#steven universe#su#steven universe future#steven quartz universe#steven quartz demayo#su steven#steven universe steven#suf#my post#im mostly asking this cause it would be a lot of effort to finish it#ive got a first draft written but its very long#and im planning on turning it into a youtube video. not just posting a long ass essay on tumblr lol#so it would take me writing a second draft. maybe even more until im satisfied-#then id have to read it all out loud. and then make a drawing for the background video cause i#PHONE ISTG#cause thats just what i have in mind#then id have to edit it all sjfhsjf#its like. i want to. but im so demotivated about it. cause would it even matter#I MEANT FOR THE POLL TO BE LONGER I FORGOT TO CHANGE IT NOOOOO
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Hi hii-! If it isn't a bother can i request either the dorm leaders + Jamil or the first years with an Mc who is basically like Mei from turning red with the whole turning into a Giant red panda and all? You can decide if they're gonna be yandere or nah i just wanna see how they would react to mc suddenly turning into a red panda whenever they get overwhelmed by their emotions ehe
Turning Red Reader | Yandere Twisted Wonderland
When you came to their world to be the magicless prefect they know and love Grim is expected to be the only furry member of Ramshackle. They are soon proven wrong when you finally lose it. All the overblots, the stress, the mysteriously creepy gifts addressed to you. You’re hairs bright red color was nothing more than a random trait until you turned into a giant red panda:
Vil Schoenheit
“Well darling, this is unexpected…”
He’s genuinely surprised
But he can make this work
Being a connoisseur of working under pressure
He knows exactly how to calm you
Even when you're a giant panda
Some things may have to change like the amount of the sleeping potion he will give you
But know worries he can adapt
And with your newfound fame who better to preen you for your upcoming career
“Trust me, dear, this is my territory. So leave your cute paws in my hands.”
Kalim Al Asim
“Sooooo Fluffffy!!!!”
He’s so obsessed with shoving his face in your fur
And if you let him ride you, he’s on cloud 9
Your even cuter than you were before
But this is because your stressed!?!
Well as your future husband bestest friend he’s going to change that
So stay in Scarabia don’t even worry about going back to Ramshackle
He wants you to get used to living in luxury anyway
He’s more than happy to have you and Grim stay
Especially when you’re transforming into a panda
“Come on (Y/n)! You shouldn’t have to be stressed to bring out the panda!”
Azul Ashengrotto
“Well, we all have our…vices.”
This complicates things
How’s he supposed to turn you into a mermaid now?!
But it's fine
Hey, if you’ve made money on this before
He’s more than happy to get a piece of the pie
Granted he’s not exactly pleased that this is a stress response
Whoever’s the cause of that stress he’ll politely intercede
With a contract that will have their lively hood on the line
“Just know that once you sign my contract all your cares and worries and you+ will be mine to take care of.”
Riddle Rosehearts
“I see, we both seem to have our own reactions to stress.”
He’s oddly elated
He loves you deeply obsessively
So he will not tolerate anyone speaking negatively
Anyone
He’s offing everyone’s heads that he sees talking badly about your latest change
He relates and he wants to help
Funnily enough his fiery reaction to things you consider stressful has you relaxing if only to calm him down
And he’ll never admit it but he’s found you 10x more attractive when you angrily panda out
Leona Kingscholar
“See? I warned you not to bother them us. It’s not my fault your body will be in shreds.”
All the more reason to stay napping with him
But when you panda out he prefers to sit back and enjoy
He doesn’t really bother doing anything unless it's calming you down
And hiring a crew to clean up after you
He only is bothered by it when you don’t immediately yield to his control
Well other than your turning into a panda you’re still just a magicless prefect
That’s why it should be easier to keep you under his control
That or you’re going to be stressed with how many of your friends start avoiding you
Malleus Draconia
“What a marvelous trait!”
His heart is already set on you
But what is this?
This insatiable desire to rub his face into your fur and carry you around in your giant form?
“Is this…the fabled…cuteness?”
If anyone’s going to forget that they very well bring armageddon from cuteness aggression it's him
And because you being you have already fueled his emotions the electrical tempest that plagues NRC
He just reacts even worse when others have the same appreciation for your panda perfection
But only he is going ableto monopolize it
After all you don’t want the entire island falling into a sleep-like death right?
Jamil Viper
“So your emotions are tied to your panda and when it comes out?”
“Yeah…”
“That’s really cute That’s inconvenient.”
He’s pleased you most likely rely on him to assuage yourself from freaking out
And boy does he have so much more power
While your under his spell he might as well advise you to ask him on a date
Or forget about that missing student
Idia Shroud
“Whoa (Y/n)’s cuteness stats just upped themselves 40%!”
He’ll make even more merch
But he’s not selling it
There for him to squeeze and cuddle and pretend to make out with
Even better if you panda out in his room
so he can have your scent everywhere
He might even instigate it
#yandere twisted wonderland x reader#yandere twst x reader#yandere twisted wonderland#yandere twst malleus#yandere riddle rosehearts#yandere riddle roseheart x reader#yandere jamil x reader#yandere jamil viper#yandere x reader#lovelyyandereaddictionpoint#yandere x you#yandere idia shroud x reader#yandere idia#yandere idia x reader#yandere riddle#yandere#yandere leona kingscholar#yandere leona kinsscholar#yandere leona kingscholar x reader#yandere leona x reader#yandere kalim al asim#yandere kalim x reader#yandere malleus draconia#yandere malleus x reader#yandere twst#yandere malleus#yandere azul ashengrotto#yandere azul twst#yandere azul x reader#yandere azul ashengrotto x reader
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thornton & morgana makeover.
thornton looks like a soap opera star and morgana looks so goffik i can't. they look like an odd pair, side by side ... i guess it fits their lore. how did they ever end up together, i wonder??
i kept morgana's whole purple thing. morgana, if you like it i love it!
very long headcanon ramble below:
in high school thornton was a theatre kid and morgana was the emo girl who sat with the queer kids, #ally. they were both really smart straight-A students but thornton had very strict parents and morgana's parents were a lot more chill and hippy. morgana has big dreams, she's a modern woman who wants to have it all - while thornton feels like he has been forced into living and pursuing a certain socially acceptable lifestyle created for him by his family/society. they got married young and as they mature through young adulthood, morgana finds it increasingly difficult to relate to thornton's personality and worldview. (i think morgana's parents were probably always surprised she ended up marrying a man who seemed so fundamentally different from her.)
when they were young, thornton was drawn to morgana because of her open-mindedness, her kindness, her ambition, and her creativity - all qualities he admired about her. and he always thought she was very pretty. she was so different from anyone else he knew, and he loved that she was never afraid to not fit in with the norm.
morgana was drawn to thornton because he was charismatic and handsome, sensitive and in touch with his emotions, and seemed to have his life and future figured out compared to their peers. they could talk for hours about anything. he was always respectful towards her, she never felt weird or creeped out by him like she did with other guys. she could see him as a good husband and a present father to their children.
so they kept dating and eventually he proposed and she said yes because that's what you're supposed to do, right?
thornton has never wanted kids. he thought he might change his mind when he got older but he hasn't. and lately he's not sure he even likes women. he envies the childhood and family that morgana has, he envies her confidence in herself and her hobbies and her freedom of self-expression, things he never had and perceives to still be out of his reach. he resents her for wanting a family and for the pressure it places on him to continue playing the role he has cast himself into.
but they're both doing well for themselves considering their youth, they have a comfortable life together if they don't think too deeply about things, and neither of them wants to ruin that picture-perfect suburban life.
i think deep down they both genuinely have love for each other and care about each other, so it's that much harder to honestly acknowledge that they're incompatible as life partners and they're unhappy and the marriage isn't working.
regarding jamie jolina: i think the reason thornton hit off so well with jamie is because jamie has many of the same qualities as morgana: she is smart, open-minded, kind, and caring. she accepts him for who he is. she listens and doesn't judge. and he can be honest with her about his sexual orientation because she's not his literal wife.
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thoughts about the devil in fiction
I think the amount of stories that feature or even focus on a deeply sympathetic or tragic Lucifer Morningstar who is not so much evil as misunderstood, or someone who broke the rules before anyone understood rules could be broken, are an interesting take on our innate need to believe that literally anyone can be redeemed, or at least have some capacity for desiring or wishing for redemption even if they can never, ever earn it.
The tragedy of Lucifer isn't that he was the first of the damned, but that he simply has no other future, no hint of potential to have existence be anything but what it already is.
His tragedy never results in any significant change to heaven in a positive direction. Usually these stories involve the idea of rebellion designed to take heaven down or make it more similar to hell. Rebellion based on being jealous of humanity's ability to make their own choices, or being so proud of himself that he believed his power could rival God.
Lucifer remains trapped within a prison of his own pride and belief that he knows best, or maybe the story involves him learning that his pride was misplaced, but even so the punishment is never truly lifted. It cannot be. It's eternal.
There's also an element, I think, of many people seeing the unfairly demonized - how impossible it can seem to fight against seemingly arbitrary rules - and sort of painting that in larger strokes using the Devil as a canvas. The first of creation to look at the way things were and wonder why they could not be different than this.
How many of us grow up thinking we will change things on a grand scale, fight against the powers that made us, and instead find ourselves simply struggling to maintain hope in a world we aren't allowed to affect? Who find ourselves stomped down when we stand up, or told our ideas are impossible? Told that we're just jealous of those who have more than we have, or that we're too full of ourselves thinking we could make a difference?
It's a really interesting relatability that we have created out of a handful of mentions in a very old book, similar mythologies from other religions, and sheer imagination.
Even in Dante's Hell, written in the 17th century, Lucifer is tragic, damned by pride and envy of God to reign in Hell but ultimately declaring he would rather rule the worst of creation than serve the best.
Is it the best, though?
What is humanity with all its potential for both bad and good removed?
Is the goodness of humanity worth much if it can't be contrasted with the worst? Does good exist without evil, or is it functionally meaningless at that point? Does Lucifer rule over the way that humanity can define what is good, rather than serve a good that has no evil with which to compare itself?
One of my favorite takes has always been those stories that have Lucifer's damnation be focused on seeing the worst of humanity coalesced, over and over and over again, and never allowed to see goodness in Creation. That his tragedy is that he isn't allowed to see how we can use the free will and knowledge of good and evil to do good, he can only see the way it's been twisted to darkness. Which suggests that he has been blinded to goodness purposefully.
The story of the serpent tempting Eve is always performed or written as the serpent slyly, knowingly tricking her by saying, "Surely you will not die," with a wink and a nudge. But there's another take in which the serpent - often written to be the same as Lucifer/Satan and explicitly stated to be the same entity in Christianity, although Genesis doesn't actually make that connection, it's just a snake who can talk and ask questions Eve and Adam hadn't thought of yet - was genuinely of the belief that humanity wouldn't come to same ruin he had, since they were so clearly and obviously being given a different set of potential than the angels.
In that reading, "Surely you will not die," is said with outright, honest confusion as to why they would think so.
After all, this creation was two people in a garden being given endless paradise. But there was something about the potential of their existence they had yet to touch... the ability to make choices that were truly their own.
His rage, his unending fury and pain, is because he believed once in his hubris that if humans can be given the capacity to choose, so could an angel. But then he realized that it didn't matter... even his rebellion was choreographed. It was just lines written on a page, enter the Morningstar, stage left, give his lines, be thrown into the pit.
If the plan was written from the start by a power he could never begin to equal, that means it was a script whose lines he read thinking those thoughts were his own.
Lucifer's tragedy is that even his pride and his envy, his fall, wasn't actually his.
His rage and his suffering is just one more step in a plan larger than he could ever be.
And he had no idea until it was done.
Punished for playing his part so well in a play he had no hand in writing and no idea was even an act, given the unending absence of the basic foundation of angelic existence afterward, forced to witness the worst of the favored creation given everything he ever wanted only to squander it...
Isn't that a tragedy unlike any other?
So those stories that feature Lucifer or even demons in general who are sympathetic and tragic because they are fighting against a constructed universe that they can barely touch or affect and who are suffering an absence, a chasm inside of them that was once filled with artificially created joy that was removed as arbitrarily as it was made...
You can see why those stories resonate over centuries, take new forms, and are an endless fascination for those of us here.
#lucifer morningstar#literary thoughts#the devil#satan#tragedy#tropes#characterization#demons#demons in fiction#satan in fiction#writing#reading#lucifer
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no because that post about tommy being the most compelling LI for buck is so true! literally i'm all in for buddie but if bucktommy were to be endgame I wouldn't even be mad, I'd be overjoyed whereas if BT would end up together I'd be sick to my stomach
I can kind of relate to this. I would be heartbroken if Buck and Eddie didn't end up together. Genuinely. Their story is so powerful, so beautiful that to be deprived of their natural conclusion while being given Buck/Tommy as some sort of consolation prize would be deeply insulting to all three characters as individuals, to both ships, and to the fans. So while I can't say I wouldn't be mad, because I would definitely experience a whole mess of emotions, anger possibly being one of them, I agree that Tommy is the best thing that has happened to Buck since Eddie. I mean that. He's kind, he's attentive, he's sure in himself (which I think Buck needs, even if only so he can have someone to model as he grows into himself), and they have amazing chemistry. I really, really love Tommy. I really, really want him to stay even if not with Buck. I am thrilled beyond articulation that we never have to see Taylor Kelly again because she makes Season 5 virtually unwatchable to me (a shame since it's my favorite season!)(Yes, I'm serious.) So. Yes. I agree to a degree. I am so sure of Buddie, so sure of my love for them that I don't feel the need to justify it. You know? I believe in their future, I believe in their love, but I'm enjoying the BuckTommy ride for as long as it lasts (and maybe, hopefully, a little beyond that. Heh heh) :)
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To me, Rika's relationship with Saeran is one of the most tragic aspects of her story. Even bigger than her complicated feelings towards V, her Mint Eye ideology, or her inner longing to be loved and cared for. It's the ironic tragedy of it. In my opinion, it most blatantly depicts her descent into her violent and ruthless ways, and how it slowly went from something good to nothing but pain and misery.
She went from seeing her past self in that small and scared boy, wanting nothing more than to give him all the love and happiness she couldn't receive as a child, to barely even treating him as a human being. Sometimes I wonder, if Rika could get a glance into her own future, back when she has just taken small Saeran under her wing, back when she hadn't yet sullied her hands with his mother's blood... What if she could see the way she would eventually end up treating Unknown. As nothing but a disposable object to leave behind and abandon the second he does not meet her indifferent expectations of him. Not a sliver of warmth of affection towards him in her cold eyes. Or how she would end up forcing Ray to work and work, and work, until he can't even sit up straight, how she would forcefully keep him away from such basic needs as food and water. Or how she would thrive in Suit Saeran's self-destruction, simply because it benefits her goals, despite him hurting so very deeply and so suffocatingly on the inside.
What would her reaction be? Looking down at the redheaded boy she genuinely wants to love and protect, and knowing just what horrible things he would go through because of her?
I truly think that she loved Saeran genuinely at that time. How could she not? When those dull eyes of his were so reminiscent of the emptiness she has faced as a small, helpless child with nobody there to hold her, or to tell her that she is good, and she is loved. Her only desire was to make him smile. To give him something she was never given by the adults around her
But, how are you supposed to make someone happy, when you took away something as precious as a mother from them?
In my opinion, her accidental murder of the twins' mother was the beginning of the end of their relationship. Once that event has happened, there is no healthy framework for them to follow from then on. Not when she never confronts that action of hers. She doesn't get any closure, nor does she heal from the trauma of it. She keeps it all hidden, stashed away like a dirty secret to take to her grave. Only V knows about her crime. She can't confess to it to her therapist, and she certainly can't say anything about it to anyone else.
Her never confronting, never working through it eats away at her slowly, and it'll continue to do so.
And we know that this particular event has stuck with her throughout her life. She is haunted by it. In a way that forever alters her relationship with Saeran, and how she perceives herself in relation to him. She has always wanted to take on a more parental, motherly figure in his life, but it isn't until his mother's death, does she openly expresses her desire to be a full on mother to him.
Except, this time, it doesn't come from a genuine place of love and care for this boy. An innocent desire to make him smile. It's her guilt. It's her inner feelings of shame and disgust at what she has done, and her immediate desire to take that pain away from him. It's her inner guilt at the fact that those tears of his, as he breaks down from the realization that now even his mother has left him, are her fault. She took his mother away from him with her own two bloodied hands. And she's the reason he's suffering now.
As a result, she turns her trauma and guilt into action.
It is evident to us, that Saeran did not think of Rika as his mother or V as his father. Rika forced him to follow this role model, especially so after he was initiated into Mind Eye. And we know he kept a lot of things inside, even as he lived with them. Much like he kept a lot of things from Saeyoung to not upset him, like his pessimism towards the idea of surviving to adulthood. Saeran was always a child who showed compassion and empathy. I believe that his empathy is the reason why he didn't speak up about it. Subconsciously, he felt that Rika needed this, despite him not really understanding why. So, he went along with it. He was already receiving so much support from her and V, it's the smallest thing he could do for her.
The scene of Saeran's cleansing (or initiation, as they are technically two different ceremonies with different purposes, but I digress) is heartbreaking to witness. The scene is both grisly and violent, making it extremely difficult to watch. And, from Saeran's diary, we know that it happens after a while of horrible and definitely traumatic experiences for him. It's the straw that broke the camel's back, so to speak.
But what always hurts me the most is Rika's attitude towards it. There is no malice, anger, or resentment in her voice. She is concerned, she is upset, and then, she is happy. She's not upset because Saeran is suffering from the violent actions she herself has inflicted upon him, no. Instead, she recontextualizes that pain he goes through as something that she is actively saving him from. She completely loses herself in the false assumption that Saeran is just like her.
She openly says so.
You are like me. We are the same. Therefore, I am saving you, in a way nobody saved me. I am saving you from the pain I know you are going through, because I hurt the same way.
And, in a way, I believe it is yet another, far more darker and horrifying expression of her guilt. She is desperate to cleanse him. She openly snaps at the believers to hurry up, because she needs to save him. It's not a want. It's a need. In a way, I think that's her way of atoning for the sin of taking his mother away from him. As, once he is fully cleansed, she takes that pain away from him. Even if she doesn't say it, her actions and behavior reveal everything you need to know.
It's okay now. Now I am your mother. You don't have to grieve anymore. You'll be safe with me, and you'll never feel that pain again.
Isn't it ironic that, over time, she treats him almost as horribly as his mother had treated him? She starves Ray, punishes him for making the slightest of mistakes, threatens him into being terrified of the outside world.
All the traumatic experiences he had as a child.
Even down to locking him up in a dark and cold place.
Rika's relationship with Saeran reveals how she has become the same cruel monster she swore to fight against. It's not easy to think about. Buy, God, is it interesting to pick apart.
#mystic messenger#mysmes#mysme#mm#rika kim#kim rika#mystic messenger rika#i could write so so so much more on this but i feel like that would be too long to read... ugh#rika is such a compelling antagonist to me#how you can pick apart her descent into what she has become piece by piece
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Book 7 has got me thinking about my Yuu's dynamic with Sebek and Silver, so I decided I wanna make a most about this trio like the one did with AYuuDeuce.
There are some Book 7 spoilers underneath the cut, and they're spoilers from some of the parts that are currently only available in the JPN server, so if y'all don't wanna see any form of spoilers, I'd recommend not reading this post.
Okay, so everyone knows that I adore Sebek and absolutely love writing fluffy moments with him and Yuu. That's why these two have such a close relationship my A Twisted Future series.
I've decided that all my current Sebek fics happen prior to Book 7, so they're both super close by the time Book 7 happens.
Silver, however, is someone I haven't talked a lot about which is a shame cause I love him a lot too.
Yuu treats Silver a lot like Kalim in that she really trusts him and is fond of him cause Silver is just such a sweetheart and is always a perfect gentleman around her, which is the kinda treatment she's a sucker for.
One idea related to the Silver/Yuu relationship that I came up which I really love is that Yuu is always able to wake up Silver when he falls asleep.
While others will often have difficulty waking Silver up when he's sleeping particularly deeply, Yuu doesn't really have that problem, and the reason for that is because she genuinely, platonically loves him.
I'm not quite sure about all the details about the sleeping curse that was placed on Silver when he was a baby. Like if it's only half broken thanks to the passage of time/Lilia or if it's completely broken but Silver just has sleep spells as an unfortunate side effect of being cursed for so long. If that's ever explained/confirmed, I totally missed that lol
Regardless, I love the idea of "love" still playing a crucial role when dealing with Silver's sleepiness, so someone with a pure love for him, whether it be romantic or platonic, can have an easier time waking him as compared to anyone else trying to wake him.
This kinda thing is perfect for Yuu who just loves so wholeheartedly without reservations due to having been unloved for all her life. She's desperate for that kinda love, which is why she doesn't hesitate to give it to those who are important to her since, to her, that's only fair.
Anyway, I just think it'd be super cute and wholesome if Yuu's always able to wake Silver up for a reason like that, and it's definitely an idea that matchmaker Lilia can get behind haha
Prior to Book 7, I'd say Yuu's relationship with Silver is a good one built on mutual trust and admiration for each others skills/good qualities, but I wouldn't say they're super close friends. They're definitely not as close as Yuu and Sebek are.
However, Book 7 is obviously gonna change things cause Yuu ends up spending so much time with Silver and Sebek, resulting in those three forming a really tight bond due to everything they've had to face and overcome together.
Rest assured, all the moments in Book 7 when Silver/Sebek need a hug, Yuu makes sure they get one. There are so many hug sessions that go on in this book.
When this madness is all over, I just want these kids all wrapped up in warm blankets and all cuddled up together somewhere safe where they can just rest and de-stress 😭
By the end of Book 7, the boys and Yuu are super comfortable with each other, like personal space is rarely considered, cause these kids went through hell and need that physical contact and a ton of it.
Anytime the boys are feeling unloved/are being weighed down by their insecurities, Yuu is showering them with as much love as she can and will keep at it for as long as they need her to.
She'll hug them close, card her fingers through their hair, and offer any kind of affection they want/need.
Sebek is the type who just loves being doted on by her, so Yuu always goes all out with that. Meanwhile, Silver just enjoys having someone close, someone he can hug and talk to if he has something he needs to get off his chest since he doesn't want to ask for too much. Of course, Yuu makes sure Silver gets that and so much more because it's what that sweet boy deserves.
Meanwhile, Sebek and Silver become very good at noticing when something's off with Yuu and are quick to offer comfort when they can tell she needs it, knowing it's better to act before she asks since she's not the type to ask for help until she's really bad off.
Silver will just quietly hold her hand or gently stroke her hair/back, or they'll just take a nap together if she just needs to a break from everything. He's always so gentle with her but never treats her like she's a piece of glass. That's just how he is since he possesses such a soft, gentle kindness that envelops you like a warm blanket fresh from the dryer.
While Sebek had already become quite good at expressing affection toward Yuu prior to Book 7, he's even better after the book since now he rarely ever hesitates to reach out to her when he thinks she needs him.
Sebek will often just wrap Yuu up in a tight, protective embrace that's always full of his love and care for her. Meanwhile, the kisses he places against her face and hair are always extremely tender, showcasing how much he treasures her.
By the end of Book 7, all three of them are more protective of each other because of everything they went through. Silver/Sebek are especially protective of Yuu cause there were times when her recklessness got the better of her during the book's events.
And I could see this book being when Yuu admits that her recklessness is the result of growing up her whole life never really caring about her own well-being since she was always treated like she was worthless. She never experienced love prior to NRC, so she didn't know how to love herself.
Fortunately, since coming to NRC, she has learned this valuable lesson, and she knows that now there are people who would be upset if she died, so she never wants to put the people she loves through that kinda pain. Plus, she truly wants to live now that she has a life she thinks is worth living.
Needless to say, Sebek gets really emotional when he hears that and hugs the hell out of her for a while.
Regrettably, old habits die hard, which is why Yuu can't just completely stop being reckless just cause she wants to, so that's why she will still have moments when she puts herself in danger in order to protect her loved ones.
Which is why Silver/Sebek will always watch her back because they want to protect her just as much.
Thanks to Book 7, I am now just so soft for the SilYuuSeb trio cause they're all such good kids who are always working so hard and doing their best. They care so much about each other and have so much mutual respect for one another.
Depending on how Book 7 ends, I might just have to write a fic with these three.
Just imagine, when it's all over and done and they're supposed to return to their rooms at the end of the day now that everything's back to normal, none of them can sleep, not even Silver, cause it's been what feels like forever since these three last slept on their own without the other two present and it just feels wrong to not know with complete certainty that they're all completely safe.
Fortunately, Lilia was smart enough to have Yuu stay over at Diasomnia for the night, out of concern for her mental state after such a stressful ordeal, so once the three have had enough of being alone, they all end up seeking each other out in the middle of the night.
Hence, the timeless classic cuddle pile cause that's exactly what these poor kids need.
And of course, the next morning, Lilia finds the three fast asleep all cuddled up together and is absolutely thrilled 😂
(There's also some worry, of course, but more than anything, he is just loving seeing his boys becoming even closer to his future daughter lol)
#fortune in twisted wonderland#book 7 spoilers#chapter 7 spoilers#although there aren't a lot of them#and only one really specific one
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Doctor Who and 2 for the fandom meme?
2. My three favorite characters and why I love them so much.
Hello hi would you like to hear about the best TARDIS team you've never heard of, right as I've fallen back hard into special interest fixation on them :D :D :D
So there's this book series.
After The Enemy Within, aka Doctor Who the TV Movie, premiered to an astounding lack of enthusiasm in 1996, BBC books decided to steal Virgin Publishing's idea to write novels about dr who, and promptly yoinked the license so they could cut out the middleman and do just that, this time starring Paul McGann's Eighth Doctor instead of Sylvester McCoy's Seventh. This novel series was called, aptly enough, The Eighth Doctor Adventures. So entirely skipping over almost three decades' worth of entertaining intrafandom drama and also how nu!who shamelessly stole basically every good idea the EDAs ever had (the biggest being of course the Time War, tho tragically nowhere near as well done), my favorite TARDIS crew:
The Eighth Doctor (as you may have guessed), Fitz Kreiner, and Anji Kapoor.
I love them, I adore them, they're my best friends. All three of them are amazing in their own right, but they're absolutely phenomenal as a team.
Eight, and the EDA version of them specifically, is my favorite doctor bar none. They're flighty and giddy and tactile and deeply affectionate, they're extremely weird and have a number hyperfixations and special interests and other very relatable neurodivergent tendencies. They are very prone to amnesia in a way which starts off as kind of a running gag and ends up being a huge plot point for the entire second half of the series. They're easily the most genderfluid the Doctor ever gets before textually being played by a woman and going by she/her, which is a big part of why I like using they/them pronouns for the Doctor generally. They kiss people often and canonically date people of multiple genders. Being played by (or at least written in reference to) Paul McGann, they are extremely pretty. They also go through the absolute fucking wringer, both in the sense that their arc plots are really dramatic and complicated and dark, and also in the sense that some of the folks writing for the series are pretty unapologetic whump fans lol. Best Doctor. No notes.
Next up is My BoyTM. The ur-blorbo himself, Fitzgerald Michael Kreiner. He's the best and I hate him. He's the worst and I love him. He's a musician from 1963 with appalling fashion sense and truly awful luck. He's canonically bi and in love with the Doctor (and their kiss in the novel Dominion in 1998 was the first kiss between the Doctor and a man in the history of Dr Who). He's a clone of himself because Eight lost the original Fitz 600 years in the future and then he joined cult of shitty time traveling mall goths. The original Fitz lived 2000 years and was filled with hate and wanted to kill the Doctor for abandoning him but never actually stopped loving them. He's a massive idiot. He's genuinely embarrassing so often but also despite thinking of himself as a coward and an asshole he's very brave despite his constant terror and very kind despite his pretending that he's only out for himself. He is such astoundingly perfect tumblr bait it's not even funny. He's one of the longest running companions in the franchise by number of consecutive stories.
Last of my darlings is the myth, the legend herself, Anji Kapoor. The first Asian companion in the history of Doctor Who, she's a stock futures trader from 2001 and to this day the only example I can think of off the top of my head of a woman of color having her white boyfriend get fridged for the sake of her emotional pain and character development. On the surface, she's the one with braincell, but she's so much more than just the white boy babysitter stereotype. She's a massive closet nerd who loves Star Trek but won't admit it, she's got a very weird thought process that makes her jump to the most absolutely batshit decisions while justifying them to herself as being perfectly reasonable and logical and not at all insane, she thinks of Fitz as a brother and the Doctor as a sister, she once called the Doctor a useless otterfucker, literally what can't she do (other than get back to her own time and planet rip).
The three of them have such a wonderful dynamic together. They're best friends and close family despite them being thrown together entirely by chance. They banter and joke and snark together, they riff off each other and enjoy each other's company, all three of them would catch a bullet for each other and all three of them more or less have. They're in a run of I think 25 books, which is a pretty significant time to spend together, and while there are some clunkers in their run ngl, they've also got some truly amazing books together, including one of my favorite books not just in the EDAs or Dr Who, but as a whole, The Year of Intelligent Tigers. I love them so so much I can't even.
I'm... not sure how accessible anything to do with the EDAs is give I fell off the DW deep end solidly a decade ago and at this point I just have to admit I'm in for life, but I have observed that most people who do read the EDAs tend to put 8&fitz&anji in at least their top five TARDIS teams, if not their first pick. Anyway, I love them, thank you so much for letting me gush about the best TARDIS team in all of Dr Who :D
#mihrsuri#eighth doctor#eighth doctor adventures#fitz kreiner#anji kapoor#megan whines into the empty abyss of cyberspace#listen my love is so strong that I was willing to type this whole mess on my fucking phone that tells you how much I care about them
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the one where Emma is pregnant
here it is, the second and final chapter of this fic from Emma's POV! I hope you guys enjoyed the first one and that you will also enjoy the conclusion of this little silly fic!
thanking once again @belovedcreation for her beta services!
rated T | 6344 words
also on AO3 | chapter one
Chapter Two - Emma
Emma had made many mistakes in her life. Many. But she didn't have many regrets. She didn’t even regret falling for Neal. Not even when he cheated on her. She didn’t even regret having sex with him. She didn’t regret becoming pregnant. She had always wanted a family and, while she hadn't expected it to start so soon, she didn’t regret it.
She did regret falling in love with Killian. Not because he was a mistake or because he was a bad person. But being in love was never simple for her, never ended well. Her relationship with her baby’s father was a shining example.
Killian wasn’t a mistake. He just didn’t feel the same and she wouldn’t be able to handle being rejected by him. Didn’t want to put him in that position where he would have to reject his pregnant best friend. His pregnant best friend who was still living with him.
But she could live with it. She thought. She could live with the way her heart did a happy jig in her chest as his whole being brightened up at every milestone, every sonogram, every kick. She could live with the way every platonic touch sparked every nerve ending in her body until she felt like she could light up a whole street. She could live with the fantasy of a happily ever after for them if she took that leap and asked him to be part of her life, part of her family. If she asked him to love her back.
It wasn’t always like that between them, of course.
He had fascinated her when they first met years ago; she was only human and he was a fine specimen of a man. His reputation, however, had distanced her from him, knowing that, while the sex would possibly be great, it wasn’t worth ruining a friendship for a one-night stand.
But then he became her friend, her best friend. Made her laugh, let her cry, listened to her, was there for her and became too special to risk it all.
Neal had been easy. She knew he had liked her since they first met and, while it had been easy to push it away back then, she saw how he had grown. It was easy to fall in love with him. It had even been easy to end it all after his betrayal. Maybe she should have taken it as a sign.
Killian had been easy to love. He was a genuine man who cared for his friends, who loved deeply and truly. He was someone who would stay with you forever. Maybe that’s what scared her away from those feelings. Because she could see a future there, a happy one, but her doubt, her fear, stopped her from taking that step.
It wasn’t just a physical attraction either. Well, at first it was. Who could really resist him? Those bright blue eyes that feel like they can look into your soul, that dark hair that she just wanted to run her fingers through, his broad shoulders, the way his tight trousers fit snugly in all the right places,...
Right, that had been one of her biggest challenges during her pregnancy. Not that she expected it to be a walk in the park but the way her hormones just flared up all over the place, and how they seemed to ignite when Killian was in the room was definitely a problem.
“Oh yeah, this is about the fourth month of your pregnancy, right?” Tink had asked when Emma had brought up finding the short and balding barista attractive - in a way to disguise that she had actually been ogling Killian’s backside as he leaned on the counter. “Your hormones are going crazy, that’s normal!”
“Are you sure?”
“Emma, I’ve been through it, I know all about it.”
Tink had become Emma’s source of information over all things pregnancy related, after she had become a surrogate for her old friend, Regina, and her husband.
“And how did you deal with it?”
“I became very good friends with my vibrator,” Tink answered, with a longing look in her eyes. “I mean, you can always find someone to have sex with, get it out of your system.”
“No!” Emma quickly said, catching the attention of Killian at the counter before she waved away his worried look and turned to whisper at her friend. “I’m not going to have sex with some random person, Tink.”
“It was just a suggestion,” She shrugged before looking at Killian’s back. “You could always ask Killian, he’d do it, I heard he’s good.”
Oh, she’d heard it too. “I’m not going to ask him, I’ll just deal with it.”
“Alright, well, remind me to give you extra batteries then.”
That had been that. Emma followed Tink’s lead and became very close to her vibrating friend. Of course, that hadn’t been exactly the end of it - Killian had, (not) unfortunately, become the main protagonist in her fantasies.
The worst (read, best) part of it was that most of the fantasies weren't just about the mind-blowing sex he could give her. He was caring, romantic, soft, sweet - all those romance novel things a man written by a woman would be. The worst part was that she knew Killian would be that way with her too. She saw how he was with her and the rest of the group, she could just imagine the way he would hold her in her arms, run his hands down her body, through her hair, kiss her in every available patch of skin…
Right, that was when the problem began.
Actually, the problem began when she moved in with him.
He was a great roommate, especially when dealing with her untidiness. It was just maddeningly taunting to observe Killian Jones and his “friends”. Not that she was celibate, not at all. She had her share of “friends” over, not at all in a way to give Killian a taste of his own medicine. It was just that the walls were thin and he was, seemingly, very thorough. That had, however, helped deepen her stimulating friendship with her vibrator.
But most especially, Killian was a great roommate when dealing with her sudden pregnancy. She had expected him to be happy to have her move out, not looking forward to having a crying baby in his home. But he had surprised her, almost begging her to stay. She was happy to do so too, she loved living with him. So she stayed.
Of course, that led to more complicated feelings over their friendship. Especially after their “date”. She would blame her crazy hormones for accepting it. She loved the fact that he wanted to make her feel better and it had definitely helped. She just hated how real it felt, how it was just like any of the other times they spent time together.
There were differences, of course. She felt the way his eyes roamed over her face, the attentive look on his face. She felt his skin under her touch, unable to keep away from it, and cherished the barely perceptible twitches of his hand - she wished, more than anything, that he took her hand in his as he did so many times before, only not in a platonic way this time. She watched the way his lips moved when he talked, when he laughed, when he ate, far more intently than she ever did.
She was high on happiness, on this feeling of being cherished, on him, all through the night. She blamed that on the way she responded to his advances and the way she gave him her own. While that had been the way she ended her dates, it had never felt that way with others like it did with him.
Emma almost wanted to thank him for kissing her. She wondered if he felt the way her fingers held on to the back of his neck when she felt his lips on her, wanting to keep him there. She also wanted to curse him for stopping it, when she gasped in surprise.
But, once in her room and away from his tempting figure, she knew that it had been the best outcome. She didn’t want to be with him if it wasn’t real, if he was just acting on this fantasy that they were playing out.
Her lips still tingled from the feel of his lips on it, the rough whisper of his scruff on her skin and she still felt the spell of his eyes on her as she tucks in for the night. And if she fantasized about them, that’s her business.
She might be in love with her best friend but she is going to keep that to herself. No need to make everyone uncomfortable or deal with rejection if she could avoid it.
---
It turned out that she didn’t need to worry about avoiding it. Killian had kicked her out of his apartment and got her to move in with Neal.
It wasn’t a bad idea; she was feeling bad about Neal always missing out on the baby stuff, even if she did enjoy Killian’s involvement. Neal was the father and it wasn’t fair to him to keep him away from the baby, even if it was just about belly kicks or Braxton Hicks contractions.
And Neal wasn’t a bad roommate. His apartment was big enough for the two of them without them having to sleep in the same room - that was, definitely, out of the question -, and he was so excited about the baby that it got her even more excited about it.
It wasn’t easy not having Killian around anymore. She missed his presence, his voice, his laughter. Especially when he was so attuned to her needs, to her aches and, boy, did she miss his foot rubs. She was also glad that her morning sickness had abated because Neal had the worst taste in food. And that was coming from her, Miss pickles with peanut butter.
Worst of all was how much she missed Killian. Just him. If she hadn’t been sure before, that definitely confirmed her feelings for him.
Actually, no, the worst of all was coming to her fast.
“Ems, I was thinking,” Neal started as they cleaned up after dinner. “We’re living together and we’re having a baby…”
“You were just thinking that? Come on, Neal, you are way smarter than this.” She teased as she put away the cutlery.
“What I was thinking about was,” He ignored her jab and continued in a more nervous tone that had her worried. “That we should get back together.”
The loud clang of the cutlery as it dropped onto the drawer filled the silence of the room as Emma tried to gather her thoughts and push the panic away. She took a deep breath as she turned to him.
“Neal…”
“I mean, it makes sense, we’re having a kid together.”
“Yeah but,” Emma stammered, laying her hands on her belly. “We don’t love each other.”
“I still love you, Emma.”
She could feel her heart hammering against her chest at his desperate expression, the instinct to run filling her up. It reminded her of when he all but begged her to forgive him and that just brought back all the hurt he had caused her when he cheated on her. They had loved each other then and she still does now, which was why she forced herself to stay, to fight, in a manner of speaking.
“No, you don’t,” She shook her head.
“Ems-”
“Neal,” She held his hands, looking into his eyes, trying to get him to understand. “You’re caught up in this domestic life that we’re living now, you don’t love me.”
“We loved each other before, why is this any different?”
“Because we’ve grown, we haven’t been together in so long,” She took a deep breath. “You broke my heart and we can’t forget that.”
“But we made this baby, we-”
“I will always love you, Neal, you were my first love but this,” She dropped one of his hands to gesture between them. “Is not what it used to be.”
Neal pressed his lips together as he looked back at her. Before she could stop him, she felt his lips on hers in a desperate kiss. She was quick to push him away and was about to chastise him when she saw the pained look in his eyes.
“Neal…”
“You’re right,” He whispered, bowing his head remorsefully. “I’m sorry, Ems, I just-”
“I know,” She gave him a small understanding smile as she held his hand in hers. “Maybe it’s not a good idea for me to stay here-”
“No,” His answer was quick and strong as he held her hand tight in his grip. “I want you to stay, I want to be close to the baby, I don’t want to miss anything.”
“This is not a permanent solution, Neal, we can’t carry on with our lives while living together.”
“But-”
“I understand, I do,” Now, she was regretting their situation. She didn’t want it to be so complicated. A hand pressing against her side reminded her that, without ‘complicated’, she wouldn’t have the little boy growing inside her. “We’ll discuss it some other time, okay? With a clearer head.”
Thankfully, Neal listened to her. For the next few weeks, they went back to normal - as normal as two exes living together while expecting a child could be. There were more doctors appointments, more ultrasounds to litter a whole fridge door and a very expensive trip for baby things, especially as she entered her third trimester.
Killian was avoiding her, though. She tried to keep an open mind, trying to believe the many, many, excuses for his absence. She kept dropping the extra ultrasound under his door or on his mailbox when crouching became too hard. All she wanted was for him to talk to her. He owed it to her after kicking her out and the wall of silence was making her angry.
“Please, tell me you have cookies, MM,” Emma almost begged as she sat down, well plopped down, on Mary Margaret’s couch. “I don’t want to go all the way downtown.”
“Actually, David went to get those ones you love, chocolate and cinnamon. He should be here soon.” Emma sighed longingly at the thought of that rich goodness before groaning in annoyance. “What? What is it?”
“I need to go to the bathroom,” Emma whined. “But I just sat down.”
Mary Margaret laughed before stifling it at Emma’s glare. “Come on, I’ll help you.” Holding hands, they both worked together to get her upright.
Emma heard the door open and close. There were upset voices, calming voices, and a very insistent shush that silenced the room right before Emma left the bathroom.
“What’s going on?” Emma asked as she rounded the corner to find Neal had arrived and was with David in the kitchen, while Mary Margaret stood closest to her. There was a strange tension in the room and she noticed a bag of ice on Neal’s hand. “What happened?”
“Nothing,” Neal answered determinedly, his eyes glancing between the married couple. Even without her intuition, she knew that was a lie and she made sure Neal knew it. “Don’t worry about it.”
Normally, Emma would drag the truth out of him and she knew she would be successful. Her baby had other ideas and a whiff of the open goody bag, had her reach for it faster than she thought herself capable of.
“Don’t think you’re off the hook,” Emma spoke through mouthfuls of the delicious cookies. “As long as I don’t have to worry about the police getting involved.”
“No police, Ems, don’t worry.” He huffed as he plopped down on the living room chair.
Grabbing the bag, Emma turned to David. “These are all for me, yes?”
The tension in his face lightened into a smile and a nod. “Of course, only the best for my godson.”
Emma grinned as she returned to her seat on the couch with Mary Margaret sitting next to her as Emma happily dug into the bag. David took the time to make them some drinks before sitting on the ottoman in front of the couch.
“Is it just us today?” Emma asked.
“I think Tink is working.” Mary Margaret answered after a quick significant glance at David.
“Right,” Emma drawled, noticing it. “And Killian? Or is still busy with whatever bullshit project he’s got at work?”
Neal huffed and fixed the bag better on his hands. David and Mary Margaret kept looking at one another before looking away.
“What? What is it?”
“Noth-”
“Don’t even start, David,” She put away the cookie bag and looked between the people around her. “What are you guys keeping from me? I’m pregnant, not stupid.”
“No one thinks you’re stupid, Emma,” Mary Margaret comforted but she didn’t accept her calming hand.
“Okay then tell me what’s going on,” Emma insisted. “Killian has never been too busy at work for us so why is he avoiding us now? He’s never done that before.”
“Yes, he has,” Neal pointed out in a mumble, looking away when Emma turned to him, his good hand flexing on the arm of the couch.
“Neal,” David warned, leaning back as if to physically avoid Emma’s turning glare, before sighing. “He did that when Milah broke up with him, remember?”
She did remember, she didn’t want to but she did. It was weeks of Killian barely allowing seconds of their presence while they watched as he buried himself deeper and deeper in his heartache. She also remembered the first time he smiled after all of that, the first time he talked to them, the first time he left his house, the first time he touched her hand.
Emma shook her head. “No. I mean, I remember, but,” She pointed out, noting Neal’s even deeper scowl. “Killian was hurt, she broke his heart and all he could do was blame himself,” She glanced between her friends. “I mean, he was so in love with her that he shut us out and-” She stopped as she finally noticed the significance behind David’s expression. “Oh.��
David pressed his lips together and nodded as he clasped his hands together. Emma’s brain was screaming at her, telling her to do something, say something. Anything.
“Oh? Is that all you have to say?” Neal asked, interrupting her whirlwind thought and standing up from his chair.
“What do you expect me to say?”
“I don’t know,” He spoke loudly, pacing back and forth in front of his chair, ice forgotten on the floor, his hands gesturing wildly. “I want you to say that he’s stupid for being in love with his pregnant best friend, a bad friend for being in love with my ex, just say something.”
Emma’s heart beat wildly as Neal confirmed what she had only surmised. She looked between her best friends. “You all knew?”
Mary Margaret nodded before Neal interrupted. “That’s not what’s more important, Emma. Why does it matter if we knew or not? Don’t tell me you-”
There must have been something in her face that made Neal stop, his wide eyes on her face. There must have been something underneath the panic and the overwhelming feeling on her chest. He must have seen the hope that she couldn’t push down.
Mary Margaret placed her hand on Emma’s but she couldn’t look at her friends anymore, focusing on her belly and on the wriggling baby inside, likely attune to her emotions.
“I can’t believe this, I-”
“Neal, you need to calm down,” David interrupted him.
“How can you ask me to be calm when Killian is the one having feelings for my ex? He’s supposed to be my best friend!”
“And he is,” David stands up, approaching Neal with his hands on his hips. “Killian was never going to tell you or Emma about this. He was putting you first, Neal, because you’re his best friend. You asked so he was honest with you, like the good friend he is.”
“I- He- How can you-” Neal stuttered before groaning in annoyance. “I’m allowed to be angry about this!”
“You are,” Mary Margaret calmly agreed. “But you should also realize that you’re overreacting, he’s your best friend of almost ten years and you already punched him so-”
“You punched him?!” Emma finally raises her head to look at Neal with shock and anger. “Neal, how-”
“I know,” Neal groaned frustratedly as he took his hair in a tight grip. “I wasn’t thinking.”
“I-I need to go.” Emma mumbled, scrambling to stand up and ignoring David’s help.
“Are you going to talk to Killian?” Mary Margaret asked and Emma was very aware of her friends’ eyes on her.
“Yeah, I mean no, I don’t know.” Emma stuttered frustratingly.
“Emma,” David called her attention and held it with his pleading eyes. “I want you to think about what you’re going to say to him very carefully, I don’t want you to have second thoughts,” Emma nodded. “Focus on what you want, not on what any of us say, can you promise me that?”
Emma nodded once more. “I promise.”
---
Emma spent the rest of the afternoon in a blur, her thoughts not settling on anything specific and only confusing her more. It should have been easy - Killian was in love with her and she was in love with him.
But what if Neal was right? What if this situation was too complicated?
But she made a promise. She promised to ignore everything else and focus on what she wants. And what she wants is Killian.
She knew, from experience, that friendship could survive a breakup and, apparently, an unplanned pregnancy. So she could either pull herself together and go talk to him or she could forget all about it, ignore her feelings, ignore his, and be content with the fantasy of what their lives together would be like and focus on her baby.
Yeah, that sounded like a nightmare and the kick she got on her spine told her the baby agreed. She needed to talk to him and she deserved an explanation. As she made her way to his apartment, she started feeling angry - Killian had avoided her, ghosted her, right after kicking her out of his house after he had begged her to stay. Despite her slower gait, with her conflicted thoughts, she was at Killian’s door in no time.
Without a second to breathe, she knocked. It felt like an hour had passed before Killian opened the door, the bruise on his left eye proof of Neal’s recklessness. But she didn’t want compassion to muddle her already muddled thoughts.
“Swan, a-”
“Why did you kick me out?” She asked as she pushed her way inside his apartment, her arms crossed over the roundness of her belly and her brow stuck on a frown.
His confusion was clear on his face as Killian closed the door before following her into the living room. “What?”
“Do you secretly hate me? Is that it?”
“Swan, what are you talking about?”
She huffed, dropping her arms only to start gesturing wildly with them, letting cowardice deflect on the actual reason she was there. “Neal is an awful roommate. He drinks beer all the time, he cooks the most disgusting stuff and he never takes the clothes off the washing machine and the smell is driving me crazy!”
“I could have told you that, Swan, I lived with him before, remember?”
She deflated at that, her arms back at her side as hurt took over her anger. “Then why did you send me to live with him?”
“I thought it would be the best for the baby…” Killian sighed, pawing at the back of his neck as he looked away. “I saw how he hated to miss out on all of the lad’s milestones so I thought it would be better if you lived together.”
“I don’t care that he is having a hard time, Killian,” Her voice rose in exasperation, her eyes boring into his. “I’m having a hard time.”
He took a step forward, seemingly unconsciously, in an effort to try and comfort her. “I'm sorry, Swan, I just wanted to do what was best for you and the baby and-”
“The best for me and the baby is to stay here, with you.” She interrupted his apology with an assertive tone, catching him off guard. But it had never rang more true.
“W-what?”
“Is it true that you’re in love with me?”
He was caught off guard once more and Emma had been counting on the shock to bring out the truth, the answers she was looking for.
“Swan, where is this coming from?”
But she wasn’t going to be distracted. “Is it?”
He looked tired. And she wondered if he was as tired as she was. Tired of pretending, of hiding. Tired.
“Aye,” He breathed out in a sigh, his arms raising in a defeated gesture before he let them fall. “Where is this coming from?”
“If you love me,” Emma ignored his question once more. She was on a mission. “Why did you kick me out?”
“I just wanted to do the right thing, Emma,” he emphasized and she felt angry again, she didn’t want to be angry anymore, not at him, but she was so tired.
“Why is it the right thing?” She took a step forward, her protruding belly almost touching his. “Why is me being with Neal the right thing?”
Killian sighed and listed out reasons like he had made a mental list. “You’re having a baby with him, you love each other and-”
“I don’t love Neal.”
He watched her, reading her easily like he always did. But he didn’t find any doubt, only determination and a fair amount of anger, directed at him, of course. “You don’t?”
Emma shook her head. “No.”
“Oh,” But he wasn’t the only one able to read her, she could read him just as well and the glint of hope in his eyes had hers sparking up. If there ever was a right time to confess, it was now. “Well, I tho-”
“I love you.”
His eyes widened as they found Emma’s unwavering gaze, his lips parting. “What?”
Her lips twitched up in amusement, her shoulders lowering, and she took a deep breath. God, it felt good. “I love you, Killian.”
His mouth remained open for a long moment, so long she thought her heart would beat out of her chest if he didn’t say anything. He probably noticed that - he always did -, because he looked to shake himself out of his stupor. “Why- Why didn’t you say anything?”
“I was scared,” Emma shrugged, sighing at the liberating feeling. “I’ve wanted to be with you for a long time but then with the baby and Neal, I thought I’d lost my chance.”
“For a long time?” He repeated and she just wanted him to hurry up and kiss her.
She nodded, her teeth finding her bottom lip. “Since the first time we talked, actually talked.”
Emma remembered that day like it was yesterday. Months after they first met, they found themselves at the coffee shop alone having been dumped by their friends.
He had taken the first step and told her about his beginnings - about growing up with an absent father after the death of his mother, how his brother was the most important person in his life and how David had shared that spot after Liam moved away.
In turn, she told him about hers - about being abandoned by her parents shortly after being born, growing up in the foster system and about being adopted by Ingrid and meeting Mary Margaret who became so much like a sister.
From that day, they grew closer to one another and she ignored her desire to share her life with him by justifying it as a very close friendship. She had been so dumb.
“That’s a long time,” Killian whispered, his hand finding her cheek and her heart calmed as her eyes fluttered shut at his touch, his chest deflating in contentment. “Me too.”
Her eyes opened to look into his. “Really?”
Killian noded, leaning towards her, his free hand landing on the side of her round belly. “I’m sorry for sending you away.” He whispered, his lips touching hers from how close they were.
“Apologize by kissing me, Jones.”
“As you wish.”
Emma expected the feel of his lips this time but not the satisfying feeling of kissing him properly for the first time. Her hands landed on his arm, keeping him close to her as he slanted his lips over hers. His hand laid on her back as the other settled at the back of her head. He tilted her head so he can deepen the kiss and she is more than willing to let him.
Her lips parted under his insistence and the feel of his tongue on hers sent a shiver down her spine. Her hands gripped his arms tighter and his fingers dug into her, both desperate to keep the other as close as possible.
He pulled back with a breathless chuckle, his eyes still closed as he leaned his forehead against hers.
“What?” She whispered in a lustful daze.
“He kicked me.”
It took her a moment before she laughed with him. Her laugh died down to a pleased sigh when his hand cupped her belly properly. It had been weeks since she had felt his touch, to feel it now almost brought tears to her eyes with how perfect it felt.
“I think he wants an apology too.” Emma whispered, not trusting her voice. Killian’s eyes raised up to look at her before his lips curved up in a soft smile.
“And he’s right.” He nodded, bringing his other hand down to join the other. He caressed the side of her belly, stopping when he felt the push under his palm. “I’m sorry for not being around, my boy, it won’t happen again.” Carefully, he bowed down to lay a kiss on her clothed belly and if she wasn’t in love with him already, she was sure she would be after that.
Her hand found his neck as he stood up to lay a soft kiss on her lips. “It won't happen again.” He repeated, a promise he sealed with a passionate kiss and she felt it engrave in her veins.
If she had known it would feel this way to be loved by Killian Jones, she would have told him years ago. Better late than never. Much better.
---
5 Months Later
The piercing cries stopped suddenly as she was approaching the room. Emma would blame her half-asleep state on the way she all but ran to the nursery only to stop at the doorway. She leaned against it as she watched a shirtless Killian with Henry in his arms, his low hum barely audible from where she stood but audible to a now calmer baby.
It wasn’t the first time this had happened but it still filled her heart to the brim to witness it. Killian had taken to soothing Henry back to sleep whenever he woke up during the night, only waking her up for the night feedings. And every night she thanked her lucky stars that she had Killian Jones in her life.
If falling for Killian had been easy, loving him was even easier. It had taken some time before they all settled into the life they currently had. Especially with Neal involved and especially with Henry.
She had worried that the conflict between the two men had strained their friendship but, while it had taken some time, they had made amends and had worked on reaching a peace. Emma was happy to witness Neal’s more mature side and was grateful that he had helped make it easy.
Henry had been the more complicated subject, as she expected. Like Neal, she wanted father and son to be in each other’s lives as much as possible, even if she didn’t want to live with her ex anymore. Killian agreed, making sure his best friend knew that he never wanted to replace him in any way.
So they had decided that Emma would stay at Neal’s until the baby was born and they would regroup after that. It also gave Killian and Emma time to figure out their relationship. Although, when Killian enthusiastically confirmed his desire to be part of her life for however long she’d have him, it was easy to agree to move in with him.
As if their wishes had been heard, the apartment in front of Neal’s was available to rent. Killian wasted no time going to the landlord’s office to get them a home. And to make it even more perfect, her son decided that then was the best time to come out into the world. So, while Emma was busy crushing Neal’s hand in a cab to the hospital, Killian was busy applying for the apartment.
Killian joined them at the hospital, as soon as he saw Neal’s message, with good news on the apartment front. She was sure to share his excitement after she was done giving birth. Emma appreciated the distraction his presence provided as she waited to be transferred to a birthing room. Most of all, she appreciated his supportive presence, especially when he didn’t even complain when she screamed in his face and crushed his hand under the pain of a contraction, a proper one this time.
While Emma wished she could have had Killian in the room with her, she was happy to have Neal by her side as they welcomed their son into the world. She was thankful to have had him by her side, even when he almost fainted at the sight of the blood - no amount of book reading can prepare you for that.
Killian had been the first to see the baby after mother and son were transferred to their own room. Emma would forever remember the way he looked at her son, the careful way he caressed his soft cheeks and the watery sheen to his eyes as the baby took his finger in his hold. The tight embrace he shared with Neal and the emotional kiss he gave her were also forever engraved in her mind.
During the next month, they had made the new apartment their home, even if Killian hadn’t let her do any of the heavy lifting. Emma would happily witness Killian carrying furniture all day long.
For all her worries, they had managed an harmonious life that allowed her to watch as her boyfriend soothed her fussy son with an almost natural ease. And what a sight it was when he finally turned around and noticed her watching him.
His smile was the most content she’d ever seen, the moonlight hit him in just the right way to make his eyes sparkle and his hair was sticking up every which way from sleep. And that’s without mentioning the way his arms flexed as he adjusted his hold on the soothed baby.
She shared his content smile before widening into a smirk when he winced in pain. “Did he grab your chest hair again?”
“Aye,” he grunted, unclenching the boy’s fist to have him hold onto his finger instead. “He knows the exact way to make it hurt too.” Emma laughed, approaching her two men and running her hand up and down the baby’s back. “Maybe I should shave it off.”
“Don’t you dare!” Her reply was instant as she turned wide eyes to his mirthful ones.
“I wouldn’t dare, my love,” He grins as he rubs his nose against hers.
“Good.”
She pulled him in for a kiss, her free hand reaching up to the nape of his neck. She meant to go for a chaste kiss, a show of her love for him, but as always with them, the simple touch fanned the flames of her desire. Pulling him closer to her, her mouth opened under his ministrations, his moan mingling with hers.
“We could, hmm,” he whispered breathlessly, pulling away but not so far that she didn’t feel every syllable against her lips. “We could put the lad to sleep and you can show me exactly how much you like my chest hair.”
Her grin widened and she ran her tongue over her bottom lip, aware of the way it touched his as well and thrilling at the lustful groan he tried to hold back. He took his hand away from Henry’s loose hold to run it down her side before it stopped at her hip, holding it tight.
“I can do that.”
Killian winced in pain again as Henry, with his hand free once more, grabbed a fistful of chest hair. Emma can’t hold her laugh and silently apologized at her son’s startled yelp.
“Go,” Killian groaned, focused once more on the baby in his arms. “Before I really end up without any hair because of this little hellion.”
Emma giggled quietly before she leaned to lay a kiss on her son’s head. “Be good to Killian, baby,” Rising on her tiptoes, she planted a kiss on Killian’s cheek. “I’ll be waiting.”
She spared only a quick glance to the way his eyes grew darker with desire before she returned to their room. She knew that, if she stayed any longer, she would succumb to the same lust. At least one of them had to be the responsible one.
In what felt like forever and no time at all, Emma felt Killian’s arms wrap around her from behind as his lips staked their claim on her neck, filling it with open mouthed kisses. She all but melted into his arms as she thanked every power in the universe for bringing this wonderful man into her life.
#carolina writes#the conclusion to my silly little friends fic#killian jones#captain hook#emma swan#captainswan#once upon a time#ouat#ouat ff#cs ff
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Look. I get that folks who are approaching the finale from this angle are usually doing so from a place of genuine good faith and love for Joel. But like. If your immediate reaction after finishing season 1 is to insist that the cure never could have been developed/distributed/tested/viable and that the Fireflies were stupid/naive/slapdicks/never could have accomplished it anyways, so Joel Definitely Did Nothing Wrong, I can’t help but feel like you’re wildly missing the point of it all.
Because like. Joel did not ever care if the cure could have worked. He did not care if it’s what Ellie might have wanted in that moment (neither did the fireflies of course, but they’re not the ones who traveled by her side, protected her, made her feel safe and cared about). Neither of these were ever a point of consideration in the finale. Ellie’s death and the resultant hypothetical cure could have had a guaranteed 100% success rate. It could have spread instantly, around the world the moment they removed her brain from her skull, turning every single runner, clicker, and bloater back to a healthy human being, with no deleterious side effect.
And Joel still would have shot that doctor point blank in the face.
Because that moment right there, is the point. To me at least. It’s the climax that the whole story has been building towards: a father’s beautiful, selfish decision to save his daughter at the literal cost of the entire world. And not just the world in an abstract sense, but in ways that carry weight to him on a deeply personal level. Tess’ dying wish. A real future for his niece or nephew. Ellie’s own agency in all of this. And he did it without hesitating for a moment.
Going from treating Ellie like cargo, like a clicker waiting to happen, to deciding that her life is more important to him than than any other human being who was or ever will be born? Regardless of whether it’s “““healthy”””, that’s an incredible fucking relationship arc. And it only has this level of gravity and meaning if there are genuine consequences to making that decision.
(And let me be clear here: none of this is a moral indictment of Joel. Joel’s motivations, actions, decisions etc. are all incredibly blatant, human, and relatable, and if he’d done anything but go on that rampage, it would have contradicted everything we know and understand about him so far. Also, he’s fucking fictional. Who gives a shit if he did a Kinda Amoral Thing. None of it is real, and it doesn’t matter)
The argument here isn’t that Fireflies Good And Smart And Can Totally Save The World For Sure Guys, or Joel Did Objectively Bad Thing And Is Unforgivable Bad Forever Now. The argument is that the show is much more interesting and internally consistent if you buy into the idea that there’s a chance, even a slim one, that the fireflies could have extracted a viable vaccine at the terrible cost of a fourteen year old girl’s life. That maybe Joel did prevent a cure from being made – that he potentially did doom the world for Ellie (or at least doomed it to another few decades of limping painfully by until something else came along). And that despite the cost, he pulled that trigger, brutally and without hesitation. He did it knowing that he’ll have to go on living with the knowledge of what he took from everyone, and how effortless it was to make that choice in spite of it all. That he’ll willingly betray Ellie’s trust as many times as he has to if it means keeping her from taking the burden of that guilt on herself, but also because he can’t bear the thought of her hating him if she learned the truth. And most of all (and in his own words), that if he was given the chance to go back and do it again, he would have made the exact same choice all over.
You take that out, and what kinda finale do you get now? A run and gun scene of a man rescuing a girl that he’s come to love, sure, but now it’s from a bunch of one dimensional, child murdering villains, set in a place they never had to go to, preceded by a journey that was rendered useless before they even left, all because there was never any chance of it working in the first place. Pointless roundabout cynicism, and an endpoint that now textually only existed to stick the protagonists in their get along sweater.
You don’t have to agree with this specific interpretation of the ending. I get that this can come across as a harsh reading of Joel, especially since he’s a character that myself and others genuinely like a lot. But that nitpicky fixation on proving that the cure never could have worked always felt more for the benefit of the uncomfortable player/viewer than as any sort of actual narrative improvement. A way to divest yourself of ever having to sit with the weight of either choice. Of having to think about the way that a secret so massive, sitting unspoken between you and a loved one, can rot that relationship. Of the way that someone you thought you trusted can act in your best interests, but against your own wishes.
And if that’s not what you want from the show, genuinely and without judgment: that’s fine. You keep doing you. I’m just not sure why you’re watching something like tlou otherwise.
#the last of us#tlou hbo#the last of us spoilers#tbh there's so much more I could say about this topic#the messy ways sarah and ellie are intertwined when considering joel's motives for the finale#the way both the fireflies and joel denied ellie her autonomy in this situation and how it changes her opinions of both going forward#but this is already stupidly long#and I'm also trying to avoid getting into part 2 spoilers in any detail but like. it's relevant okay#all of this is relevant#but even if it wasn't#trying to offload any discomfort you feel towards joel's choice onto a secret potential third ending#where the answer is uncomplicated and easy#is just weakening the story overall imo
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I offer you MC who loves divination to match Jumin's dark magic hyperfixation. Especially if she offers to give him a reading on the first day she goes to his apartment. And the reading (either palmistry or tarot) says something about Jumin having a very long and happy love life.
I don't know much about divination, but I genuinely believe that Jumin would be thrilled to find someone with any sort of common ground surrounding any of his special interests. The people around him have a tendency to brush them off for various reasons and it's upsetting! He's immature, he's a know-it-all, he's naïve, et cetera. That said, Jumin isn't someone who particularly cares when people dislike him or the things he enjoys indulging in. Their opinions don't affect him and he'll infodump anyway, paying their displeasure no mind. But GOD, when someone actually shows real intrigue? When someone is also passionate about things related to his interests?? He's a force to be reckoned with. He has so much niche knowledge, so much to talk about. With another party's contributions he could go for hours.
Magic in particular is something he is deeply curious about and absolutely fascinated by—something out of his perception of reality but that he can't write off entirely. He wants to know everything he can about it and every possibility out there. Meeting someone who practices divination and witnessing it firsthand would definitely pique his interest, especially since he trusts MC by this point and is open to what she has to offer him. He might be a little hesitant to get a reading at first, and he would probably be a touch sceptical too, because it's in his nature to ask questions, and that he will. I can definitely see him agreeing after they sit and talk for a while though (and he sees how much she cares about it). He'd look at her with wonder in his eyes if she said something that hit surprisingly close to home even though it's something he hadn't yet divulged her in. Judging by the place he's at mentally on day 7, too, I think if she were to share something about his potential love life he'd really take it to heart. He wouldn't stop thinking about it all night while she slept. It might even make him feel hopeful for himself, for them, for the future.
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Hello Myu!!!
Can I request a riano headcanon from a supa strikas?
Because there is very little content related to it on this platform.
Bye <3
riano headcanons
GODD U DONT KNOW HOW HAPPY I AM TO WRITE THIS LIKE LITERALLY IM VIBRATING I LOVE BARKA SO MUCH SILLY LITTLE PURPLE MEN CKSMDMKSMSMSM—
honestly i bet he's kinda the guy who the media would portray as a big flirt/playboy superstar but deep down is a hopeless romantic and genuinely cares about making deep connections with other people. but this desire for emotional connection is what also makes him an inherent people-pleaser, he has to give the people what they want or else they won't want to be around him anymore!
this was his genuine thought process when his mentor relationship with golare started going a bit abusive. his team literally had to tell him that the way golare was forcing his body wasn't good for him and help riano gain the backbone to fire him. (he missed their friendship deeply throughout that time, golare was like a father figure to him)
once golare had been reinstated as barka's coach however, it was all water under the bridge for riano. he was genuinely happy to have his friend back, and to see goldie (the fish he bought golare) doing so well. seeing goldie being well taken care of reassured riano that the friendship he had with golare wasn't one-sided.
anyways barka fc are like his brothers, they all look out for each other in a way (i.e. riano offering free rides/being the designated driver at club outings). but they care for him in return, serving as a support system so that he doesn't crumble under the constant media attention.
should i mention that i don't really see riano as an alcohol drinker? he goes to the clubs purely for the vibes and to enjoy a night out with his teammates. (hah gay)
loves fun drinks though, give that man some sort of cool mocktail and he'll be all over it taking cool aesthetic pictures for his instagram, or whatever the instagram equivalent is in supa strikas.
speaking of his instagram, he loves posting about literally anything that piques his interest, yeah he does some usual behind the scenes posts during practice or after winning a game and whatnot, but he also likes bringing his fans along to see some of his other interests like the weekly latin dance classes he's been taking up. or he'll see a cool bird and post it to his story real quick i dunno—
random thought but this man could rock a pair of stilettos no problem.
source: the one time riano actually managed to get blackout drunk he pulled a whole choreographed drag routine out of his ass, including the black 10 inch high stilettos of course. they have a video of it but they don't dare post it online, it's a team inside joke only >:((
golare has seen the video though and compliments riano on being a good dancer, and riano rues the fact that he was so drunk he forgot the literal routine, he wants to do it again ://.
anyways i'd like to think that riano is a very honorable woman respecter, when girls flirt with him he only discourages it when it goes a little too far (words are one thing, touching him is another). but his type is definitely someone more down-to-earth.
man, woman, whatever else it doesn't matter to him. once a person catches his eye he'll do his best to get closer, he likes to be friends first before progressing into anything romantic. wants to get to know them and let them know him typa thing, no need to rush.
once he does get to that stage though he becomes a hoe for hand holding, or when his partner wraps their arm around his. vice versa as well the man loves his physical affection. wants to reassure his partner that no matter how the media portrays him he will remain loyal no matter what.
deep down i'd like to think he dates with marriage/the future in mind but he won't force it if he does end up reaching a romantic stage with his partner.
#supa strikas#supa strikas riano#supa strikas headcanons#i wanna do more barka hc's ngl they're so silly and not talked about#(aka their goalie cough cough)#riano is such a sweetheart deep down pls love him#silly little spanish man take me by the hand#myu writes 🌸
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girl your moon post was so accurate for me too! my father has rohini rising and is such a narcissist and a master at gaslighting. he resorted to manipulating ppl's perspective of me ig so they wouldn't believe me when i started calling him out after a liiiifetime of his crap. he is extremely two faced and a lot of ppl find him really sketchy, but those he manages to fool he fools really well. the only positives of this is that at least i can see these patterns in people easily. frankly, confronting a liar is so taxing bc even if you do manage to outsmart them they'll just make some excuse. like girl. i also know this hasta moon girl that is a pathological liar and every time i see her i just can't take anything she says seriously bc i just always feel like she's lying out of her ass ab the most menial stuff. her family has had issues w her bc she skipped school for months and no one knew ab it bc she would tell such bold lies like, "call my teacher. here, have the phone so you can talk to her ab my grades" and everyone was like, ig she's doing well in school otherwise she wouldn't offer to call? i genuinely worry thinking ab what if i have a kid and they have a moon nakshatra and express it negatively like this omg i'll go crazy. anyways thank you for your post it was so interesting to see such thoroughly explained examples 🤍 it reminded me of ariana grande as well who just seems so shamelessly manipulative to me too. like when she's like "for total transparency i'll say that..." i'm immediately like ok. so you're lying 😂
im glad 😭😭😭that my Moon post resonated with so many of you, it means so much to me
Im so sorry about your father. I agree with what you said about confronting liars, I confronted someone about something deeply hurtful that they said to me and they literally said "i don't remember" 😭😭 idk how these people sleep at night bro like do they not have a conscience??
I'm happy every time some shady person is exposed in the media, including Ariana who I've found sus for yearsss ,, it's so hard to be an intuitive bc u can't even explain why u feel the way u do so no one believes you when u say that somebody is not what they seem on the outside, u get torn apart for speaking the truth but sooner or later the truth will be seen and will be heard and I truly believe that.
I hope you remain protected from abuse of all kinds in the future and always surrounded by kindness and support. 💛💛
GIRLIEEE what u said about kids is sooo 😭😭I do think about that from time to time but i believe that kids are a manifestation of our karma so the more we focus on bettering ourselves and thereby bettering our actions, we can design our lives to be drama free. What kind of children we have depends on what kind of parents we're capable of being (and you are completely in control of how you behave/treat others) so don't feel too powerless about ur future kids!!! Focus on yourself and your healing and the rest will flow💛💛💛 also if you believe in manifestation 👀just believe that you'll manifest healthy and wonderful children
This blog is a hobby of mine but what makes all my research and writing meaningful is the fact that not only do I get to learn more about astrology, I get to reach people who perhaps might benefit from the things I share. I love to hear about your guys experiences related to the things I post bc sometimes I genuinely wonder like is anyone even reading my 5k words slander on a nakshatra lmfao
Thank you so much for taking the time to tell me about your experiences, I appreciate it so much 💛and i believe many others will also feel seen
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Hey guys. I love the tripod and spent my whole Sunday listening to you guys. I have been a fan for a long time yet you had a lot of new interesting info I didn't know yet. Great job and professionally done!
can you make an episode about "fanons" (fan headcanons) that are big in the fandom, or the bigolasdickolas incident, or more about what you think will happen in the final season predictions?
Also can you discuss the biggest mysteries like Wolfwoods age, Vash's and Knives gender, Vash's love interest
Can you compare the endings of trimax and 98 and predict how stampede will end
and how the human vs plant conflict could possibly be solved?
also who are you fav characters, ships and scenes in the anime/manga?
Hello dear nonny,
We are so grateful for your support & ecstatic you are enjoying the podcast!!!
Excellent suggestions!!! We have lots in store for future episodes, and rest assured suggestions like yours are pulled into consideration! In the meantime, here’s an answer for your last question:
Favorite Character / Ship / Scene
@aubielikey: Fav character is Vash!! He is Everything to me.
I enjoy lots of ships…fav to write/draw is VashMeryl, but fav overall might be VashWood???
Fav scene is hard to choose, but I think…Trimax Vash approaching his final conflict (Vol 12 Ch 1). The panels are gorgeous, and it is so, so poignant.
@chaoticbuka: Wolfwood is really interesting to me right now. Milly has been my ride or die since 2003.
I am genuinely Multiship. Currently participating in the VW big bang while simultaneously up to my nose in MerylWood brain rot.
As far as favorite scenes? Anything related to project seeds flashbacks; I love the lore.
@museqmeg: Vash my beloved. (He was my first anime crush back in the day!)
I adore both vashmeryl & vashwood. They’re the most canon to the story and I’m a canon girly. I create for vashmeryl but consume so much vashwood. I just love to see Vash love and be loved.
My favorite scene in Trimax is a bit of a silly one, but I adore the end when Vash “accidentally” admits his feelings (platonic/romantic-pick your poison) for Meryl by saying “We’re good together, aren’t we?” The panels after that are adorable. The surprised faces on Milly and Meryl with Vash blushing at them get me everytime. I love them all dearly.
@tombiwidgeon: I almost feel like I have to put Vash aside to pick a fav char because he's a given xD I'm going to go with Meryl in her new expanded role in Tristamp. She gets to play a much bigger part in the story, and in fact drives much of it forward. Her impetus to find the truth of the humanoid typhoon, who she only ever saw as a man even before meeting him, catapults her to right where she needs, and wants to be, to make a difference, especially in Ju Lai.
I multiship most everyone, though VashMeryl is my OTP.
Favorite scene was the hardest. I finally landed on Vash running to the sound of Meryl's/Rem's voice in S1 Ep12. The way Orange animated his desperation, including him wiping his hand across his face, just touched me so deeply. They are masters of their craft.
Love and peace!!!
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really wish when people are talking about characterization for vrains that they didn't interchangeably refer to the sub and dub characters as the same people or events (because most times they literally AREN'T because it's that drastic)
but then i think about how it's kind of annoying to me how much, even the sub people, misunderstand the complexities of the personality and disposition of people like Yusaku anyway even if we watched the same thing
like calling him angry or mean when he literally shows how much he cares about others and finding the truth for his own sake and theirs. he gets visibly upset when others are involved and hurt because of his path of revenge. he doesn't want to involve anyone. yes his patience is thin sometimes, but he's not mean at all?
how are you people just saying things like it's true... and then tagging it? why
so here i am wishing once again people did not call Yusaku an angry or uncaring person. he's traumatized and that trauma has caused him to be disconnected from the here and now. he's numb to daily events. he admitted himself that he tried to move on and forget about the incident, but that horrible experience was so deeply ingrained into his flesh and blood that he couldn't forget it. so, he didn't take care of himself and distanced from others. he didn't sleep well and had persistent nightmares about the electrocution, starvation, and loneliness
one of the few things he did have was waking up to the vocal reminder to find 3 reasons to keep on trying. that's just about all he had to think about and all that drove him before he decided to finally fight back and fight for justice for himself and others. to save the friend that saved him from despair. before that, he was just someone going through the motions of living, but not actually living.
though, even if he was manipulated into becoming Playmaker, he didn't place any blame on the circumstances and he still showed that he cares about the well-being of others. the change that occurs for him in relation (to well, his relationships) over 120 episodes is not night and day, but it doesn't need to be. i think it's a realistic example of taking baby steps in recovery (as well as taking steps backwards, too)... he has so many people he relies on and who rely on him and see friendship with him, thanks to that path.
he didn't want to be a hero, but he couldn't afford to lose. someone like him who has lost so much surely didn't deserve to have one of the most important individuals in his life ripped away. he regressed in his recovery by cutting contact with everyone over it to deal with the loss and keep searching by himself.
the story is a tragedy for him... but, equally it is a story about hope. you have to keep reaching out to connect even when you are tormented by loss. keep going and don't give up hope for the light of the future.
so, seeing people boil him down into someone who is just pissed off or doesn't care about others or has no patience for them when he isn't that kind of person at all just makes me feel mad (because i care way too much about this guy, lol)
by all means i know i'm not always 100% right about everything i feel, but sometimes it just feels like people don't get it at all and it's genuinely jarring to me to see people miss the point about him
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I finally have a quiet moment so I wanted to write down my thoughts about Andera and Binx's relationship.
From the get-go I've deeply deeply appreciated Omar making Andhera ace - the fact that he didn't originally intend that for the character, that andhera was supposed to be the brooding romantic hero of a regency story all the way until omar opened his mouth, is just so intensely relatable. I love andhera's absolute inability to flirt, to grasp what someone would do to successfully seduce someone, the utter panic at thinking that someone has fallen in love with him and immediately running to bring that back to friendship because, respectfully, no. All of that is done with the mask up, trying to maintain the facade of alloness in a society that demands it.
Their relationship with binx has become something precious to me. It began with friendship, two people who happened to meet in the first episode and managed to bond through their complementary energies. Andhera is extremely awkward as they try to maintain the mask he believes is necessary to maintain his image, but is very genuine and straightforward in their attempts to make a connection, make friends, with the people they like. Where Andhera is a stuttering mess, Gwyn/Binx doesn't mince words and simply says whatever is on their mind, but in an equally socially awkward way of saying the quiet things loudly. She is also extremely straightforward and heartfelt in her intentions. It makes so much sense to me that two people earnestly seeking friendships in both word and action would fall in line with one another so easily.
From the start, they were both looking to one another a helping hand, for friendship, for companionship in a harsh and unforgiving world. You can see it in Gwyn asking andhera for help during the Hart Hunt. In andhera's shell pal letter that followed that cemented their friendship (My Dearest Gwyndolin, no you're not *MY* dearest anything. YOUR Dearest Gwyndolin) And then Binx revealed their true form during the battle for the crystal heart and Andhera *knew* who she was. Andhera, who had spent the entirety of the maze game pondering deeply about who was worthy of the heart, asking the hedge and the universe and magic at large for guidance only to find it in his hands. Had seen Binx in her true form, and decided to trust them and trust that whatever purpose they had for hiding herself was good, and handed over the crystal heart.
Within a day of that, he learns binx's truth at the tailor shop - the loss of their court, the purpose they have for being at the bloom - and their relationship blooms even further. Suddenly this is not just someone he wants to know and comes to trust, but is someone with a purpose and a vision worth protecting. Andhera’s oath is the truest form of companionship they can offer. Devotion to a mutual cause, one born of care and respect, and a promise to be there for binx in the hardest moments, the ones where you most desperately need someone to rely on. In many ways this is the deepest form of love I can conceive of. It promises an end to loneliness. For both of them.
When andhera offers everyone a place at his court, I can hear the threads of desire and regret of that desire in how binx responds by saying she cannot join another court when she is the last of her own, before extending the offer themself. It’s honestly a little earth shattering (actually very earth shattering lol) when andhera ends up accepting their invitation because it is one step yet closer. One more action to consciously intertwine their lives together. This moment is not one of voicing I love you’s and promises for a future together, but of making those unspoken words a reality.
Binx responds by doing everything they can to help andhera become the truest version of himself in turn - removing the shard and finally giving him full control over his life and magic. Full control, even, of their ability as a prince, as the future leader of the unseelie court. They can step into the new future they fought to make as equals who can lean on one another for support and understanding, for companionship in any and all forms it takes.
My dear Binx. That simple greeting speaks more than I can put into words. Andhera and binx have chosen to belong to one another in a way feels itself to be beyond romance, beyond the throes of passion or desire. Their relationship is a closeness that is explicitly ace, and feels to me to be explicitly aromantic as well. It is simply binx and andhera choosing one another time and time again.
#binx my beloved#andhera my beloved#acofaf#acofaf spoilers#a court of fey and flowers#binx choppley#andhera
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