~low quality Skyrim memes~ 15th edition

Skyrim Characters Send Text Messages

It's been a while since I have done one of these, so let's goooooo...

Elisif the Fair: *sends passive aggressive texts where she tries to get you to "unwittingly" compliment her* *favorite emoji is the heart with sparkles* Vilkas: *has a Nokia brick* *it's vintage, okay* *he bought it secondhand at Belethor's General Goods* *half the keys don't work* Farkas: *emoji king* *sends out those chain texts like "pass it forward to 10 friends you think are special"* *buys Vilkas a new phone and he refuses to use it* Galmar Stone-Fist: *sends one word texts* *half the time they are misspelled* *"What's an emoji? Why are you sending me smiling bears, Rikke? Bears don't smile"* Ulfric Stormcloak: *all of his texts are grammatically correct* *man would not deign to use abbreviations nor contractions* *long winded walls of text which wax poetic* *this is a 5 paragraph essay* Brynjolf: *sends out phishing messages about Falmer blood elixir* *gets scammed himself* *phone is full of texts about meeting the "sexy Argonian maid of your dreams for 29.99 per night"* Serana: *sends the politest texts or rants about her parents* *there is no in-between* *just come meet me okay* *200/10 will then get you into trouble but you'll have fun* Teldryn Sero: *prefers not to send text messages but rather call people* *no one picks up because who answers a phone in this day and age* *gives up and texts eggplant emojis to Neloth* *will talk to you on the phone for 3 hours* General Tullius: *loses his phone half the time so he gives it to Rikke* *Rikke sends all his text messages* *doesn't actually know how texting works* Lydia: *sends snarky texts about picking up your stuff from Breezehome* *seriously my house is not a storage shed* *drunk texts flirty messages* *LDB takes her phone* Uthgerd the Unbroken: *too little patience and too small keys* *accidentally smashes her finger through the screen* *doesn't bother getting a new one*

ooc but whatever

Galmar Stone-Fist: The Dragonborn is an elf?

Ralof: Half-elf, yes.

Leara Rose-blade, the Last Dragonborn: The other half is violence!

The Dragonborn does not speak at the council, for all the trouble she went to arranging it.

She sits in a straight-backed chair at the head of the table, her sword in its scabbard resting against the stone. (She was the only one permitted to carry a weapon into the assembly.) Lydia, her sharp-faced housecarl, is seated to her left.

It’s the Dragonborn’s council, for all intents and purposes – it may not have been her idea, but it was she who petitioned for it, persuading Arngeir and then the war-leaders and the dignitaries they dragged with them. It was for her sake alone (Dragonborn, Ysmir, legend come to life) that some agreed to attend at all.

But when the council finally begins, kings and warriors crowded around the long stone table, she is silent. An argument begins immediately, Ulfric objecting to Thalmor presence within the negotiations and Tullius objecting to his objection, and it splinters off into something thorny and onerous. It takes half an hour for discussion to begin properly – and then someone says something and they’re off again, everyone around the table coiled tight and wary, and the Dragonborn stares into the middle distance and offers no thoughts.

It doesn’t stop, the talk of trading holds like game pieces and demands that the armies’ leaders be compensated for massacres that never touched them. Arngeir tries to quiet them, and Esbern’s desperate passion riles them up, and when half of the room has leapt to its feet and voices echo off High Hrothgar’s sacred, watching stones, the Dragonborn finally speaks –

Which is to say, she claps her hands over her ears and spits a Word that rips the voices from their lips and the room is finally, mercifully silent.

Her housecarl, the only one who does not seem startled by this, places a hand on the back of her chair and says, “Thane?”

The Dragonborn uncurls, removes her hands from her head, lays them flat on the table.

“I don’t understand,” she says, slow, as though the words are weighed down. She isn’t looking into the middle distance; her eyes shift from face to face like she is trying to meet everyone’s gaze at once.

Galmar Stone-fist, standing by a chair to her right, claws at his fur-lined collar. “We have –”

“Let the Dragonborn speak,” Lydia interrupts, voice and eyes steely. Galmar’s face twists, but he falls silent.

The Dragonborn presses her hands into the stone tabletop.

“Do you believe,” she says, “that the dragons will leave your side alone?”

On the other side of the table, General Tullius raises a sceptical brow. He leans back into his chair. “If you have a point, then make it. We don’t have time for more nonsense.”

Her eyes snap to him. Lydia repeats, “Let her speak.”

The Dragonborn holds up a hand.

“Do you believe,” she enunciates carefully, “that the dragons care anything for your war? None of this matters.”

“On the contrary –”

“Alduin will tear your cities down,” she tells them. Her eyes are eerie dark as holes too deep to track, and even her housecarl is staring at her now. “Only I can stop it. Until you get out of my way, you are fighting over rubble.”

There is, again, silence. Arngeir is visibly thankful for the reprieve; High Hrothgar’s walls, unused as they are to such uproar, can once again, if briefly, know peace.

Ulfric stood up sometime in the yelling; he has not sat back down. He is leaning a little on the stone back of his chair as he says, “You called us here in hopes of a ceasefire, Dragonborn. Truces aren’t made of empty air. Terms have to be negotiated.”

The Dragonborn stares him down. Her palms remain flat on the table; her sword stays resting against her chair.

“But you aren’t negotiating with him,” she says, the words still heavy, still slow. “You’re negotiating terms with me.”

There is a pause. The watchful stones soak in the silence.

“With you,” the Legate replies.

The Dragonborn’s face is blank. “If you truce, I will fight Alduin.” She speaks the weighed-down words as though they are the most natural thing in the world. “If you don’t, I won’t. Your cities will fall as Helgen, and you will die afraid. Those are my terms.”

Lydia places a hand, palm up, on the table. The Dragonborn covers it with her own, mimicking the pose of the wrist, the splay of the fingers.

“Now,” the Dragonborn announces, her voice a laggard echo of Arngeir’s opening speech, “who would like to begin the negotiations?”

(There is no shouting during the rest of the peace council.)

Imagine if Balgruuf was sat next to the Dragonborn during season unending, how fucking chaotic that'd be 😭

Sat there giggling like fucking kids taking the piss out of Ulfric, Elenwen, and Tullius bickering under their breaths

Legate and Galmar side-eyeing them constantly

The witty come backs they'd conjure up too omgg

Why didn't we get this 😭😭🙏🙏🙏

@incorrectskyrimquotes I heard your call about meme redraw and hey, do I love them memes! I also love Eryn Skyrim, so it was a natural choice.

i assume that galmar’s bear hat is supposed to look intimidating but this is what he looks like to me

"They are not yet tired of war. Far from it. Do you know the ancient Nord word for war? "Season unending"... so it has proved."

~low quality Skyrim memes~ 20th edition

Work-in-Progress Wednesday

Today, a letter from Rikke to Galmar because why not?

Tagging, but as always, you are under no obligation: @oblivions-dawn @dirty-bosmer @bougainvillea-and-saltwater @tallmatcha @skyrim-forever @bostoniangirl21 @vivifriend @umbracirrus @sylvienerevarine @stormbeyondreality @fallen-chances @ladytanithia

Galmar,

I hope this letter finds you well and that everything is going to plan back in Windhelm as I can certainly tell you things have changed in Cyrodiil. While I know that we all knew what was coming, I don’t think anyone could have prepared us for what I have seen here—and what we will see in the future. I’ll try to keep things as brief as possible in the interest of time and possible Thalmor spies.

They’re here, and they’re everywhere, but that isn’t something you don’t already know. Don’t roll your eyes at me. I can see you doing that through this parchment clear as day. What I mean to say is that they are here in a manner which are so engrained into normal life that in some ways you wouldn’t expect it: a merchant walking down the street wearing the newest Summerset trends all trimmed in fanciful needlework, a couple sitting on a park bench in Talos Plaza enjoying highly-tariffed imported confections, or even the gravedigger with neatly-manicured fingernails.

No one does those things anymore. 

Then, there are the ways you do expect. The puppet Elder Council all handpicked and placed there by Alinor. The air of oppression that is here here—a thick fog which would have Ulfric tossing and turning in his bed at night if he could feel it. I, for one, am glad he is not here. He should not have to experience this again.

Everything feels exactly as it did before Red Ring, where the air is so dense that I can barely breathe. As if something is coming, waiting to break over us at any second and with one false move everything will come tumbling down. I know it. You’d know it too if you were here. This is exactly what the Empire was trying to avoid in the first place, but perhaps it was already here just hiding under the surface. Divines know I am tired of asking myself this same question every night.

However, not everything is negative. Do you know what else there is? Hope. That same small shining beacon of determination which led us to hold the city all those years ago. It’s still here, burning bright as dragon fire. I have spoken to some of those who remain here. Our mission was successful. There are people here—regular, normal, everyday people who are ready to fight…and there are also some old contacts who are ready to take arms. What other option is there when we know what is coming? We were the ones there the first time, and we are the only ones who know that they’re capable of. I don’t know about you, but over my dead body will I allow this to happen again. There was too much carnage and too much loss. For better or worse with Ulfric in charge, I will finish what we started or see you in Sovngarde.

Take care and take caution. As I said, everything appears to be calm and stable on the outside, but the Aldmeri Dominion’s specialty is patience…and distraction. I don’t know when they’ll strike or when I’ll be coming home, but what I do know is that I’ll be waiting for you.

Yours,

Rikke

Random things in my skyrim au that have little to no impact on the story.

yes I know im cringe deal with it. also these are specifically about people not in team dragonborn

Ondolemar doesn't actually care about Talos worship he just needs a job. he and Ulfric actually get along pretty well

Ulfric is trans

Ulfric and Galmar are (not so)secret lovers

Lydia married Mjoll

Braith grows up to be a mercenary like her father

Ulfric sometimes randomly visits other cities purely because he wants social interaction

Ancano is divorced and will not hesitate to talk to you about every little detail whether you want it or not

Aerin is Cicero's half brother. They find out when a letter from their mom is delivered to the wrong one

Brynjolf is aroace

Farkas likes to lay down in the plains when it's storming. he likes feeling the rain

Galmar Stone-fist: You're wasting your life.

Rolff Stone-fist: I am not. What you call wasting, I call living. I'm living my life.

Galmar: Okay, like what? No, tell me. Do you have a job?

Rolff: No.

Galmar: You got money?

Rolff: No.

Galmar: Do you have a woman?

Rolff: No.

Galmar: Do you have any prospects?

Rolff: No.

Galmar: You got anything on the horizon?

Rolff: Uh, no.

Galmar: Do you have any action at all?

Rolff: No.

Galmar: Do you have any conceivable reason for even getting up in the morning?

Rolff: I like to harass the grey skins.

Some of my fav characters from TES that are unique looking are Galmar Stonefist in Skyrim, the Grey Prince in Oblivion and Vivec in Morrowind. I think one of them would be fun to draw

fairly unfamiliar with the Grey Prince sorry! Galmar was interesting though bc I rarely draw larger guys and trying to round him out without looking cutesy is sort of a challenge but I think I did ok

thanks for asking!

elf on the shelf nord in the ford