Tumgik
#source: seinfeld
Text
Derek: He's it for me. Stiles is it. But I can't pursue him, I just can't. He deserves better than me. Isaac: So what are you going to do? Derek: Imagine bumping into him on the street in five years, with a husband? And Stiles tells me he's a sculptor, and they live in New England now? Isaac: We'd have to kill that guy. Derek: Yeah, and we'd get caught, I'd get the electric chair. Isaac: And I go to prison as your accomplice. And I'd have to wear that really heavy denim, or that bright orange, and that would really wash me out, you know, I'm pale enough already. And I'd go to the cafeteria line, with the guy who slops those mashed potatoes onto your plate. Go to the bathroom, in front of hundreds of people. Isaac: Derek, you gotta talk to Stiles!
928 notes · View notes
incorrectfaithquotes · 8 months
Text
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
784 notes · View notes
incorrectquotesmcu · 15 days
Text
Steve: What’s the point of all of this?
Y/N: Revenge!
Steve: The best revenge is living well.
Y/N: Well, there’s no chance of that.
173 notes · View notes
Text
Odahviing: Is this about the Dovahkiin?
Alduin: No.
Odahviing: Krosis, then I've lost interest.
160 notes · View notes
writerswho · 1 year
Text
Enid: You know that manslaughter is the least serious murder charge? Wednesday: You don't say. Enid: Manslaughter. Literally, the slaughter of a man. Sounds brutal, doesn't it? Pugsley: Heinous. Yet it's the most socially acceptable form of murder. Wednesday: ... so you think they should change the name? Enid: Yes, I do. How about, "inadvertent life-ending"? Pugsley: "Unintentional snuff-out"? Wednesday: How about "I can't believe it's not murder"?
910 notes · View notes
Tumblr media
Peter: You won’t hit me, I’ve got a witness!
Stiles: Turn around, Eli.
Eli: *Turns around*
Peter: Eli!
254 notes · View notes
squishe-fiasco · 11 months
Text
Lucifer: Where's Mc?!!!
Solomon: *smiling* who?
Lucifer: Listen Gandolf. I want to know where MC is and I want to know now!
Solomon: Go ahead and hit me Morningstar. I've got witnesses. *looks to Simeon and Luke*
Lucifer: Turn around both of you.
Solomon: Guys?!
509 notes · View notes
Text
Karai: You know that manslaughter is the least serious murder charge?
Leo: You don't say.
Karai: Manslaughter. Literally, the slaughter of a man. Sounds brutal, doesn't it?
Donnie: Heinous. Yet it's the most socially acceptable form of murder.
Leo: ...So you think they should change the name?
Karai: Yes, I do. How about, "inadvertent life-ending"?
Raph: "Unintentional snuff-out"?
Mikey: How about "I can't believe it's not murder"?
330 notes · View notes
thischerik · 3 months
Text
Charles: The thing is … I’ve been living a lie.
Erik: Just one?
Erik: I’m living, like, twenty.
144 notes · View notes
Text
Shinichi: You won't hit me. I've got a witness.
Shiho: Turn around, Kuroba-kun.
Kaito: *turns around*
Shinichi, chuckles nervously: Kaito?
79 notes · View notes
tf2incorrectquotes · 10 days
Text
Medic: I mean, to be stabworthy. It's, uh... kind of a compliment.
61 notes · View notes
Text
Derek: Is this about Stiles? Scott: No. Derek: Then I've lost interest.
849 notes · View notes
fansiesmemes · 2 months
Text
Davey: Well… perhaps there’s more to Jack than meets the eye
Crutchie: No, there’s less
58 notes · View notes
incorrectquotesmcu · 10 months
Text
Yelena: Who buys an umbrella? You can get them for free from coffee shops in the metal cans.
Kate: Those belong to people.
297 notes · View notes
the-black-bulls · 2 months
Text
[Asta, Magna and Zora are in a resturant]
Asta: Ya know, its not fair people are seated First Come First Served, It should be based on who's hungriest. I feel like just going over there and taking some food off somebody's plate.
Zora: I'll tell you what, there's 50 bucks in it for you if you do it.
Asta: What do you mean?
Zora: You walk over that table, you pick up an eggroll, you don't say anything, you eat it, say 'thank you very much', wipe your mouth, walk away- I give you 50 bucks.
Magna: What are they gonna do?
Zora: They won't do anything; in fact, Asta will be giving them a story to tell for the rest of their lives.
Magna: 50 bucks, you'll give him 50 bucks?
Zora: 50 bucks. That table over there, the three couples.
Asta: OK, I don't wanna go over there and do it, and then come back here and find out there was some little loophole, like I didn't put mustard on it or something...
Zora: No, no tricks.
Asta: Should I do it, Magna?
Magna: For 50 bucks? I'd put my face in the soup and blow.
59 notes · View notes
Text
Jamie: Is this about Claire Beauchamp? Murtagh: No. Jamie: Then I've lost interest.
121 notes · View notes