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deonsx · 2 months

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If You Cry While Making Love With Them

Feat: Dazai, Chuuya, Fyodor

Content: Smut, Nsfw

Dazai Osamu

You had returned from a very tiring day at work and your lover was in a dark mood throughout the day. Every time you looked at him, he seemed focused on his work with his eyebrows furrowed. 'Don't we ever have a quiet day?' You thought, but you didn't ask anything so as not to upset him. You hoped that he would calm down when you got home, but the same mood got even harsher at home, he wasn't talking at all and the seriousness on his face never left

You never disturbed her, but when it was midnight, she was still sitting on the couch and not coming to bed. You waited for her for a while, but then you couldn't help but went to her. She was still the same as you left her. The brunette's eyes were staring at closed tv, "Osamu??" you called out to her and slowly her eyes turned to you but she waited for a while before answering "Are you asleep yet bella?" The eyes looked blank, but he did not forget to ask you in a voice that would warm his heart. You slowly approached him and held his hands, "You are very tired today, let's sleep together, my love."

"I'm sorry, but I'll stay on my own for a while, my love." Your memories after he said this sentence are blurry, but you whispered love sentences to him and gave him a nice night because you wanted to make him happy, but the night was not as full of love as you thought.. Dazai was very rough during sex, more than ever before. he was rude "Ngh!!..osamu!! slow down...!" No matter how many times you told him, he didn't care, but now you were in pain rather than pleasure and you couldn't hold back the tears in your eyes

When you saw your lover stopping quickly, you wanted to pull yourself together, but you didn't even have the strength to move. An anxious tone of voice filled your ears. "Was it too much love...sshhh my love.." he slowly wiped the tears from your eyes and kissed all over your face and pulled you into his lap, making you lose the coldness. "I'm so sorry.. That wasn't my intention... Today was a bad day.. I lost myself." You slowly buried your head in Dazai's neck and inhaled his scent. The pain of your life slowly disappeared with his loving words "What happened today, Osamu...?" you asked as you slowly exhaled into the cold air that filled the room but he only gave tiny kisses to your hair "Don't worry my love...the only thing that matters right now is you”

Chuuya Nakahara

That day was a day when even the weather was really bad. While your boyfriend was at work, you were preparing dinner for the two of you at home. You sent a lot of messages to your boyfriend, but he didn't answer any of them, but it wasn't that unusual, after all, he was an assassin, and sometimes, no matter how worried you were about him, you were better off praying for him. You can't do anything else, finally the man of the night came and Chuuya, who normally rings the bell, must have preferred to open the door with the key, you didn't even hear him coming. When you heard him say "I'm home", you wanted to look at him, but he quickly went to your bedroom and closed the door

But you still didn't care and quickly knocked on your boyfriend's door. "My love! I prepared the dinner, I'm waiting for you." There was no sound from inside.. "Chuuya?" When there was no sound from inside, you opened the door and found your boyfriend exhausted and lost in thought in the corner of the bed. His orange hair covered his eyes. You slowly approached him and sat next to him, brushing that beautiful hair from his eyes. "Are you okay?" You reached out to her hand with one hand and caressed it. he turned towards you with a deep breath. "Leave me alone s/o..”

You didn't want to leave him alone, on the contrary, you wanted to make him happy and make him forget all his bad night, so you slowly unbuttoned his shirt and sat on his lap "My love.. relax.. you are tired enough" While you were giving him gentle kisses, he took off your clothes with his hands and quickly put your bra in a corner. "You so insatiable today..Chuuya-san," your voice trembled as you gripped his orange hair.

After undressing you completely, he slowly laid you down on the bed and got on top of you and left a lot of marks on your skin, his face was very serious, his mind looked blurry and without waiting for you to relax, he pushed his dick inside you, which made you scream because it hurt so much "Chuuya..! it hurts, wait...!" He was ignoring you as if he was under the influence of some kind of trance, his thrusts continued rapidly and non-stop and this suddenly hurt you so much your eyes quickly filled with tears

Chuuya quickly turned his eyes to you, quickly tried to grasp the seriousness of the situation with his eyes, and then stopped quickly "S/o.." he quickly stood up and then picked you up and took you to the bathroom "I...I don't know what I'm doing I was so confused" he slowly filled the tub with hot water and he placed kisses on your hair "I'm sorry my love..." you rested your head on his neck and let the hot water flow down your body "Please forgive me..I wasn't in the right mind, beautiful"

Fyodor Dostoyevski

You felt like you were in heaven as his lips slid across your skin. My eyes rolled to the back of your head. You couldn't stop the moans escaping from your mouth as he quickly ate you away. Your heart was beating so fast that it stopped "F-fyodor!...Fuck!" your hands gripped the sheets and you closed your eyes tightly, trying to bury your head in the pillow, feeling the knot in your stomach quickly close to breaking. "I-I.." you stammered, "Go on, dear.. I can't get enough of the taste yet"

While swallowing your pleasure juices quickly, he squinted his eyes and grabbed you by the waist and put you in doggy position. "Tonight is going to be a long night, my love... it would be better for you if you prepare yourself" Your first tour, your second tour, your third tour, you were still continuing to fuck, it was starting to hurt.. you felt a hard time. You felt in this situation. Normally you would tell this to your boyfriend and he would stop, but it was the first time you spent such a pleasure-filled evening with him and the compliments he told you were like melody in your ears

It felt unbearable now and it made you scream and cry from the pain. "Honey?? Are you okay? Don't be hard on yourself, my love” He kissed your eyes and wiped your tears and pulled you into his lap. You closed your eyes on his cold white skin and fainted right there. 'Was I too weak?' You thought, and when you came to your senses after 1-2 hours, you were lying on your bed in your nightgown. My eyes widened when I saw your boyfriend Fyodor on top of you "My love?? I..." his icy fingers tangled in your hair "Are you okay? Why didn't you tell me...? "

You felt empty and closed your silence, but you felt as if his purple eyes were looking into your soul "I can't let anyone, including me, hurt you or upset you. You should know this best" As you buried your head deeper into the pillow, his voice was more muffled in your ears. You held his hands and pulled him to the bed. "In your lap I want to sleep" He smiled and laid down next to you and hugged you "You are the only person in this world that I care about, my dear"

This was actually a request!!! but since I accidentally sent it after drafting it, I deleted the post and then the request disappeared. I hope the person who wrote this request sees this!!!

We are 700 people!! I will return to my activity as soon as possible, I love you!! I will do your wishes!

Enjoy!

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awoogayanderes · 11 months

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BSD MEN WITH THEIR TOXIC TRAITS

➪ characters : osamu dazai, chuuya nakahara, ryūnosuke akutagawa, fyodor dostoevsky, sigma, saigiku jouno

➪ other notes : i love writing silly angst with silly characters from my favorite silly anime / manga <3 non-edited

osamu dazai :

running away at any conflict with you

- whilst dazai has a lot of toxic traits and red flags, this issue is the biggest one by far

- running away is all dazai has left when it comes to arguing with you

- you’re someone he can’t lose, so instead he pushes everything under the rug, expecting it to go away

- you don’t dare mention his habit, but this fighting and forgetting habit has your hands tied together, not knowing what to do

- one minute you’re at each other’s throats, the next minute he’s gone, with uncomfortable silence choking you

- when you wake up, he’s hugging you tightly in the middle of his sleep as if your previous night’s encounter never existed

- he brings small bouquets of flowers to you when he comes back, wilting away once you get up and put them in a vase

- it’s almost a routine at this point, you fight, he leaves, you go to sleep angry, he comes back with flowers and lies next to you

- a relationship is staying with each other when things get difficult at times, but what happens when they leave you and come back into your arms with no other words said ?

chuuya nakahara :

over possessiveness and accusing of cheating

- this all roots from his previous betrayals where he thinks he’s found a family, only for it to be gone in a split second

- he’s a darling partner except that he can’t seem to trust you as much as he tries to

- ‘it’s just for precaution’ he says when he sends his men to be with you when you go out, it makes you feel weird having someone by you at all times

- if he ever gets the feeling that you’re being too friendly with a random waiter it always ends up with him accusing you of cheating on him

- you beg him to believe you when you say that you aren’t like the people he had in his life before, that you wouldn’t leave him

- he wants to trust you but when someone gets too close to you, it’s almost like a primal instinct to get you away from them

- he spoils you to no end but nothing materialistic compares to being alone without someone breathing down your neck

- it’s overwhelming not having time to yourself, always being surrounded by someone because they’re afraid to lose you

- you love him like a human so why does he love you like a trophy in fear of betrayal ?

ryūnosuke akutagawa :

lashing out at you for caring

- what else were you expecting when you started dating someone with so much trauma that he can only express with anger

- he doesn’t mean to lash out at you for no reason, he wants to make it work but instead of improving, his attitude continues to grow

- he doesn’t like you “nagging” at him to take better care of himself

- you know that there’s a big brick wall that stops you from reaching his heart but at what point is too much, too much

- when you nod at him after he screams at you, it almost angers him more because he thinks you aren’t listening even though you are, not wanting to argue back and cause more chaos

- there’s times where he makes up for his behavior, sometimes he picks a random flower from grass and gives it to you

- he doesn’t know why he gets so angry that you care for his wellbeing, isn’t that what couples normally do for each other

- it’s saddening seeing the own man you let into your life berate you for no reason

- it’s so hard to love someone who just seems to loathe you so much even with his small actions of caring

fyodor dostoyevsky :

seeing himself as your superior and seeing you as a pawn in his own game

- another man with a shitload of red flags and toxic traits, this one rising above them all

- he cares about you, he does ! but not in the way you’d like, he cares about you like how humans care about their pets

- sure he’d give you the world if he could, but he’d also give you up for his ideal world if it ever came down to that

- a relationship is a balance where each partner sees the other one as an equal, yeah not with fyodor it’s not

- you’ve proven your worth to him so many times for him to see you as the same as his level, instead it just makes you seem as a pawn under his control

- despite this, there are times where it almost seems that he cares about you like a person should, when you’re hanging onto his arm walking in a park humming quietly

- he indulges in your needs every so often, not before bringing you right back down to your place beneath him

- not even death would allow you to escape this cycle of rising and being kicked down

- why does he expect you to see him as the righteous hand of god when he sees you as a mere pawn ready to be sacrificed

sigma :

unintentionally guilt tripping you every time you get frustrated at him

- he’s been used so many times, his naivety is something he hates to the core, all he wants is someone to settle down with, a family

- he’s another sweetheart partner when you can push past the teary eyes and begging for you to not be mad at him and to not leave him

- his biggest fear is losing you, someone who doesn’t use him, he’d rather abandon his casino than end his relationship with you

- whilst he doesn’t realize, you notice his wording when he begs you to stay, often saying that he’s nothing without you, that he’d rather die than be without you

- maybe it’s heartwarming for the first few times but once it becomes a cycle you start to truly wonder if he’d actually go crazy without you or if it was all bluff

- even then, you can’t deny him when he guilts you into staying, he doesn’t know any better

- if you ever mention this to him, he’ll burst into tears, thinking you were breaking up with him, it takes hours trying to convince that you were here to stay

- it’s a repeating cycle he doesn’t notice and you can’t break for the sake of both of you

- love is a powerful thing, powerful enough to guilt you into staying with a man who loves you a bit too much

saigiku jouno :

putting his work above you at all costs

- he swore to protect those that need him, he’s not going to break that just for you

- you knew what you were getting into when you started dating the hunting dog, yet sadness can’t help but fill you when he misses important events with you

- after all you’ve been through with him, and not a single happy birthday text, not a single note for your anniversary, nothing

- he knows when you’re upset with him even if he can’t see your face, he can feel you rejecting his touch, and that’s when he reminds you of what he swore and what you agreed to

- it doesn’t help when he has his snarky attitude and almost mocking voice explaining to you why he can’t just walk out of a meeting

- despite this, he does love you, otherwise he wouldn’t waste his time on you, he loves that you still stick with him no matter what

- you really don’t ask for much, you understand his work and what he has to do, but he still thinks you make a big deal out of nothing

- as hypocritical as it sounds, he always expects you to be there for him even if he’s not

- you knew you were never going to be his first priority but it hurts so much more when he makes sure you know

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zumek0 · 6 months

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draft 04; dostoevsky, f.

↪︎ fluff, fedya having a soft spot for his lover, reader is sick, gn reader, written with a fem reader in mind tho, references to irl dostoevsky’s life, surprise angst at the end, mentions of death.

↝ summary: when you become ill and are unable to fall asleep, he reads to you. the action feeling both familiar and distant to him.

You sneeze. Four times, actually.

You getting sick was highly inconvenient for Fyodor, as it prevented you from fulfilling your duties as a member of the Rats in the House of the Dead. He had to disregard plans and work his way around being down not only a member, but also the best assassin in the organization. Not to mention how it not only affected his organization, but also the Decay of Angels.

As annoyed as he was with the whole situation, seeing you in such a miserable state didn't bring him any kind of joy. On the contrary, he felt his heart hurt when he saw your teary eyes and heard your hoarse voice. Not that he would ever let you know that.

He stands up from his office set up and heads to the kitchen to get a glass of water. He can't concentrate, so he decides that he might as well check up on you. That is, of course, because he needs you to get better so you can get back to work immediately, and not because he heard you cough a little too much and a little too hard.

He places the glass on the bedside table. He hears you thank him weakly. "Are you okay?" he asks uninterestedly but scans your face for any kind of discomfort. "Tired..." you sneeze after you answer.

"Then sleep." He hands you a tissue, which you barely muster enough energy to take.

"I can't."

"Why not?"

"I don't know."

Fyodor sighs and then leaves the room. Your eyes start tearing up again, this time because you want him to stay with you. The whole image is comical: a killer as cold and ruthless as you, crying miserably because their boyfriend wouldn't spend time with them? Even if someone were to see it with their own eyes, it would be hard to believe.

Fyodor returns to the room with a book in hand. The cover torn and creased from the passage of time. It is Fyodor's favorite. Even if he rarely touched it, you knew he held a great fondness for that book in particular.

He lays down in the bed and looks at you expectantly. While your moves are slow, he waits patiently for you to make yourself comfortable against his chest. He opens the book on the first page.

"On an exceptionally hot evening early in July a young man came out of the garret in which he lodged in S. Place and walked away slowly..."

His soft voice and regular heartbeat lulled you asleep.

A young dark haired man lies kneeling at the foot of his bed. His head is hung low and his fingers are intertwined. After he finishes his prayer with an "Amen", he gets up and heads for his mother's room.

He enters quietly and finds his father already there, sitting on a chair by his mother's side. Her head turns upon hearing the door opening and a warm yet tired smile makes home on her face.

"Fedyen'ka." Her voice, although strained and tired, sounds happy to see him. "Come here, my angel. Your father and I have something for you."

He is given a book.

On a late night while talking to his mother, he had entrusted her with the knowledge of his passion for literature. Talking about some of the books he had managed to get his hands on, weather by acquaintances of his lending him some, or by the old man in the shoe shop who let him stay a couple of hours after his work ended just so he could read some of the books that he kept in the backroom of his store. That night his mother promised him that for his sixteenth birthday, she would get him a book of his own.

She had never broken a promise, yet there were still two months until his birthday. Fyodor understood at that moment that his mother was probably going to die before that.

A simple "Thank you." is all he could muster.

That night he was unable to sleep. His father went out to tend to some business, so the house would've been completely silent if it weren't for the coughs of his mother.

He gets out of bed, grabbing the book from the wooden dresser next to the door to his room. When he enters his mother's room, the coughing stops.

"Oh, Fedechka, did I wake you up?"

"No, mother." He takes a glass of water from a table nearby and puts it up to her lips. She takes a few sips. "Are you unable to sleep?" She nods.

He leaves the glass back on the table and grabs his book. His mother's gaze follows him as he moves to sit on the chair where her husband usually sat beside her. He opens the book on the first page.

"On an exceptionally hot evening early in July..."

She falls asleep with a smile on her face as she listens to her son's voice.

Two days later, Maria Fedorovna Dostoevsky would pass away.

Fun fact: i spent a ridiculous amount of time trying to understand which Russian pet names and nicknames are most common, just to end up not using any because in my head they’re already speaking Russian.

If you recognize what he's reading, ur hot. Ahhh I'm so in love with fedya, but i’m not sure if i like how this turned out...

— han.

#땡땡! han’s works #fyodor x reader #fyodor dostoyevsky x reader #fyodor headcanons #fyodor fluff #fyodor imagines #fyodor x you #fyodor dostoevsky x you #bsd imagines #bsd fyodor x reader #Fyodor dostoevsky angst #fyodor angst #bsd angst #fyodor x y/n

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opieluvs · 1 month

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ᡣ𐭩‧₊˚𓂃 "That Night I Cried All The Tears God Gave Me" ft. fyodor dostoevsky

summary. after finding out your husband died, you don't know what to do with yourself. tw. fem!reader, reader is fyodor's wife, character death, slight nikolai x reader, reader is implied to be religious (but anyone can read), reader is pregnant, HEAVY ANGST, grammar mistakes (?) wc. around 1k

you were in the kitchen when you heard the front door open. "fedya, honey, is that you?" you asked as you turned off the stove. "i made us dinner! it's pelmeni, your favorite!" you walk over to the front door and surprise to see nikolai.

"kolya? what are you doing here?" you asked. he look rather sad. you could tell he wasn't his usually energetic and childish self. "where's fedya?" you started to get worried.

"(name)... i'm so sorry, but...dos-kun didn't make it." nikolai said as he looked down at his feet. "wh-what...?" your voice faltered, disbelief warring with undeniable truth. this couldn't be, what do you mean fyodor is dead? that's impossible.

you then notice that nikolai was holding a letter. you reached out a trembling hand, taking the letter from nikolai's grasp. your heart pounded in your chest, each beat echoing the disbelief and devastation coursing through your veins. with trembling fingers, you unfolded the paper, the words blurring before your tear-filled eyes.

"my darling (name),

i can't wait to return to you, my love. the food is awfully bland here, and i do admit, i miss you cooking. i miss your warmth, your laughter, the way your eyes light up when you smile. i miss everything about you.

i know i'm not the easiest man to love. my work, my obligations—they often take me away from you, and for that, i am deeply sorry. but please know, my love for you burns brighter than any star in the sky. it's what keeps me going, even in the darkest of times.

and speaking of darkness, i know you'll be worried about me being in prison. but please, my dear, don't lose faith. i'm strong, and i'll make it through this. i promise you, my darling, that I will return to you. no prison cells can hold me back from the love that awaits me on the other side. i will hold you in my arms again, kiss away your tears, and watch our child grow together.

(name), my love, my heart, my everything. Please, don't cry for me. just know that i'll always return to you, no matter what. you are my angel, my soul, and i will always love you and our baby.

stay strong, my darling. for you, for our baby, for us. until then, know that you are always in my thoughts, my prayers, my heart.

with all my love, fyodor"

you collapsed onto the floor and broke out crying. in that moment, nothing could ease the anguish that consumed you. the love of your life, the father of your unborn child, was gone. how were you supposed to go on without him? how were you supposed to raise your child alone?

"God, why?! Why did you take him from me?!" you sobbed and sobbed as you begged God for an answer. you clutched the letter to your chest as you cried.

you felt a hand on your shoulder and you look up to see nikolai looking at you with sadness in his eyes. he knelt down and wraps his arms around you. you began to cry into his chest as he tried his best to comfort you.

he understood your pain. fyodor was his best friend, well to him. all those times nikolai thought he wanted to kill fyodor now felt like a lie. nikolai listen as you kept asking and begged God for an answer. he listened as her sobbed and he swore he could hear your heart breaking. you weren't mad at God, you were just sad and didn't understand why God took fyodor away from you.

as the night wore on, you found yourself cocooned in the suffocating embrace of grief. each sob wracked your body, a physical manifestation of the pain that threatened to consume you whole. nikolai remained by your side, his presence a silent solace in the midst of your despair.

time blurred into an endless procession of tears and anguish. the weight of your loss pressed down upon you like a suffocating blanket, leaving you gasping for air in a world that had suddenly turned dark and unforgiving.

in the depths of your despair, you clung to the letter from fyodor as if it were a lifeline in the stormy sea of your emotions. his words, filled with love and promises of return, offered a fleeting sense of comfort amidst the overwhelming grief that threatened to engulf you.

but even as you clung to his words, a nagging doubt gnawed at the edges of your consciousness. how could you go on without him? how could you raise your child alone, knowing that their father would never return to embrace them with the same love and warmth that he had bestowed upon you?

nikolai's presence offered a semblance of support, but even his comforting embrace could not fill the void left by fyodor's absence. in the quiet moments between sobs, you found yourself grappling with the unfairness of it all, questioning why fate had deemed it necessary to tear your world apart.

as the first light of dawn crept through the windows, illuminating the shadows that clung to the corners of the room, you felt a sense of numbness settle over you. the tears had dried up, leaving behind a hollow ache that resonated with the emptiness of your soul.

in that moment, you realized that no amount of tears or prayers could bring fyodor back to you. his absence was a gaping wound that would never fully heal, a testament to the cruelty of fate and the fragility of human existence.

with a heavy heart, you rose from the floor, the weight of your grief dragging at your limbs like chains. as you made your way through the dimly lit house, each step echoed with the hollow emptiness of your soul.

outside, the world continued to spin, indifferent to the pain that consumed you. and as you stood alone in the quiet embrace of the morning light, you whispered a silent prayer to a God whose reasons remained shrouded in mystery.

but even as you prayed, a part of you knew that there would be no answers, no solace to be found in the cold, indifferent silence of the universe. for in the end, all that remained was the echo of your tears and the empty ache of a heart shattered beyond repair.

a/n. i'm still crying over fyodor's "death" :( i miss him so much, man. i hoped you enjoyed and reblogs are very appreciated !!

#˗ˏˋ ꒰ bsd ꒱ ˎˊ˗#ᰔ.opie's library .ᐟ.ᐟ #bsd x reader #fyodor dostoevsky #fyodor x reader #fyodor angst #fyodor dostoevsky x reader #fyodor dostoyevsky x reader #fyodor x y/n #fyodor x you #bungou stray dogs x reader

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tojifile · 4 months

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Hey, can I make a request for your event?

Fyodor x fem!reader, except he's madly in love with her but doesn't accept it bc he thinks it's useless :)

@Fyodor Dostoevsky . . . (＾-＾)

Tags: smitten!fyodor, fluff, angst if you squint, gn!reader, domestic Fyodor, kinda ooc, vol 14+ doesn’t exist, yandere themes if you get 400+ graded glasses

A/N: Hello anon !! I’m so sorry this took so long, probably 2-4 months (?) I’ve been so busy with school that I just didn’t have time for requests. I’ll treat my fics like those “mafia!dazai who…” type of posts, if that makes sense. I know it’s a big change from my old writing style but I really hope you would still like it :))

smitten!fyodor who met you while walking around Yokohama. He asked you for directions one day and as faith would have it that was the exact place you were going to as well. Although, he didn’t actually need directions, he just wanted to test his skills in deceit.

“Excuse me miss, pardon me for being a bother. Could you please tell me where the nearest train is?” You softly smiled at the gentleman who had gotten your attention. “Of course, I was just heading there myself, you could just follow me if you’d like.”

smitten!fyodor who was fond of the way you spoke to him in such a polite manner. It was endearing to have someone be so courteous (bare minimum, I know).

smitten!fyodor whose voice you couldn’t forget. Softer than silk yet even the sun itself would revolve around its gravity.

smitten!fyodor who “accidentally” bumps into you from time to time. It’s been going on for several months now and during the first few times you jokingly accused him of stalking you.

“Fyodor-san? This is the fourth time this month, if I didn’t know any better I’d say you were stalking me!” You teased. He responded to your joke with a small chuckle.

smitten!fyodor who denies feeling anything for you since he thinks it would hinder his plans for a better world. He constantly tells himself that it’ll pass, but each day he spends with you feels like a dream.

smitten!fyodor who reassures himself that this was all part of his master plan; that you were just another pawn in his epic chess match with Dazai. Surely someone as simple as you couldn’t destroy his plans, right?

smitten!fyodor who tells himself that keeping you happy is all part of his mission to save the world. When he’s overthinking his actions around you he tells himself that he only keeps you happy because a world where you’re sad confuses and frustrates him—oops, wrong thought!

What frustrates him further is the fact that he can no longer tell himself that you’re just a pawn. He never has internal struggles, so how could you do this to him? For years and years he chased his ideals. He tried to attain the unattainable, he never thought something as simple as affection could be that unattainable thing.

smitten!fyodor who saw you on a date with somebody else and he felt like that was God’s way of telling him that he should continue to fulfill his mission rather than chase someone who clearly doesn’t like him back.

Comment 🪩 to be on my taglist !

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vanilladove · 3 months

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~ get free (bonus)

based off of an anonymous request to see what would happen if reader tried to escape because trust was lost🫣 this is also the 'bad ending' reposted bc 'read more' wasn't working the first time.

pic creds luvpngs | gif creds akashi-tetsuki

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ pairing: asylum patient!nikolai x asylum attendant!fem!reader; slight fydor x fem!reader🤫

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ genre: angst + fluff? w/ dark elements; one suggestive scene with nikolai🙈read at your own discretion!

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ content warnings: feelings of guilt, manipulation + violence, unhealthy relationships, slightly yandere nikolai, this is lowkey sad...😔

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ summary: you've become an accomplice to the doa. however, you've started to grow some doubts about your situation. are you really free or just in another man's cage? not to mention the demon lurking from a distance... ˚₊‧꒰ა read pt 1 & pt 2 & pt3 (good ending)໒꒱ ‧₊˚

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ word count: 4.7k

"So, what's your husband like?" Your coworker Juliette asked, sitting in a circle with your other colleague Anaïs, passing around a box of assorted chocolates.

It had been three months. You and Nikolai had successfully infiltrated Mersault, getting more information about the space-creating ability and honing in on potential ability users. Now you were alone, working for the government's IT department--your goal was to create a breach in their database for Fyodor to get into, so he could narrow down the Decay of Angel's targets and get their information.

Anaïs scowled and gave you the chocolates, muttering a word about how she was "low-sugar" before she primped her hair, preparing to brag, "Well, y'know, Louis takes me shopping and buys me new jewelry whenever I want. He just got me a new puppy, too, and he's the cutest little pomeranian!" You giggled a bit as Juliet pouted in envy, "Oh--and he's taking this weekend off, so we can go to the islands together!" You popped a caramel-filled square in your mouth as Juliet rolled her eyes playfully.

"You spoiled princess...Antoine spends all his money on the kids--plus he only gets one weekend off a month and always brings them to our romantic date nights..." Your coworker sighed dramatically, pretending like she wasn't equally as doting over her children, whose pictures and handmade gifts were all around her cubicle.

Ah, children, families, frequent romantic dates, marriage...those were all traditional things you gave up after running away with Nikolai.

You were lost in your thoughts as you popped another rich candy into your mouth--this one being filled with a creamy pistachio ganache that tasted a bit too artificial and made you cringe. Juliette called your name to snap you out of your daze.

"Well, what about you? What's your husband like?" She leaned forward and stared curiously at you, waiting for you to share your little gossip. You chewed slowly, trying to process the question as Anaïs nudged her friend's side lightly.

"Juliette, are you blind?! The girl doesn't have a ring on her finger--certainly she must have a man though--I mean look at her--she's a stunner." Your eyes widened at that as you twirled your wig hair and fixed your fake disguise glasses.

"Oh, well, Anaïs is right, I do have a...lover." Lover...you and Nikolai had never really put an official label on your relationship. You described Nikolai--dubbed as "Nikolas"--to the two other women, trying to stay as true as possible while not revealing his true identity.

Juliet winked at you, "Do you guys have sex? Is he rough, soft, kinky?" She giggled as Anaïs side-eyed her for her childish behavior.

You blushed, well, at least you could answer this question in earnest, "Yeah...he's good...really good." You covered your face briefly, feeling heat in your cheeks when you remembered your little Mersault moments. "But we haven't done anything in a while since he's away on a...work trip." You smiled sadly at that, despite missions being the new norm, you couldn't deny feeling lonely and missing Nikolai constantly.

"Ohhhhh?" Juliette and Anaïs exchanged coy looks, "You need that man to marry you before he leaves you...trust me, darling, I would know." Anaïs said, touching up her lipstick, "You wouldn't want to get knocked up and left alone, would you? Men are too unfaithful these days..."

Yeah, you knew all about that first hand.

You were about to interject until you supervisor knocked on the wall of the space you three were having lunch in. "Lunch break's over. Get back to work, ladies." You all got up slowly, and you held onto the box of chocolates, offering some pieces to Juliette before taking it back to your work desk and putting your headset on.

"You shouldn't eat so many chocolates, ptichka, you'll get a sugar crash." You straightened your back suddenly upon hearing the sultry, russian man's voice in your headset. Fyodor. He usually gave you instructions privately to hack into the system, but he normally only talked to you for mission purposes.

Rolling your eyes, you popped a sweet milk chocolate heart into your mouth, "Hush, I'm stressed. And how did you know? Are you watching me or something?" You looked up by the ceilings to glare into the nearby security cameras.

Fyodor only laughed on the other side. "Oh, milaya, I'm always watching you." Shivers ran down your spine as his voice faded out and you were back to staring at your log-in screen.

˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

You waved goodbye to your coworkers as greeted Ivan--your personal chauffeur--and stepped into the backseat of the car, staring out the tinted window. The car was stopped at a red light when you noticed an animated billboard broadcasting a clip of the news. It was your parents and your in-laws begging for any information about you or your husband's disappearances and the award for either of your safe returns. While that didn't bother you at first--after all, your parents just saw you as a pawn they could marry away for a sound investment, and your in-laws didn't treat you much better either--you couldn't help but feel some remorse from their desperate pleas.

You knew what had happened to your husband--you and Nikolai had killed him. As much as you didn't want to admit it, his death was starting to haunt you. The eerie silence after you'd pulled the trigger and the horrible state he was in before replayed in your dreams, and it didn't help that your lover wasn't there to comfort you anymore. Especially now that Sigma was busy managing the Sky Casino, and you had to work your 9-5 office job, you really had no one to talk to openly. No one...except for Fyodor.

"Welcome back, milashka." Fyodor greeted you as you slipped off your heels upon entering the base. You smiled awkwardly at him, freeing your hair from the wig and slipping your glasses back into your purse. "How was work today?"

"Good...as always...you would know that, though since you're always watching me." You teased, still a bit shaken by what he'd said.

Despite how cold and reluctant he was towards you at first, you'd somehow gotten closer since it was basically just you two at the base. He'd held up his promise and gave you plenty of books to read, so you often talked about literature, which usually lead to deeper conversations. Additionally, although he never addressed you by your name like Sigma, he started giving you russian pet names--some of which were uncannily similar to the ones Nikolai would call you. You tried not to pay it much mind--it was probably some weird power dynamic thing--but you couldn't help but notice how he hid the nicknames and subtle flirting around Nikolai.

Fyodor motioned towards the small table by the fireplace, "I made some tea. Would you care to join me, ptichka? He smirked as you sighed and sat down next to him--you swore the chairs were closer than usual. You pulled the box of chocolates out of your purse and set them down next to a blue and white porcelain tea cup. You poured yourself some black tea before taking another chocolate, this one being filled with strawberry cream. You sulked after seeing a drawing of a happy family on the box, drawing Fyodor's attention. "Is anything on your mind, milaya? You seem bothered."

You eyed him curiously, surprised that he cared to listen to you. You figured you needed to get it off your chest, though, so you opened up, "Well...it's just that I've been alone lately with Nikolai gone, and I've been feeling like maybe this life isn't exactly for me..." You trailed off, a bit panicked when you saw a blank, stoic look on Fyodor's face. You put your hands up defensively, "N-not like I don't want to be a part of the Decay of Angels anymore, but just that I want more out of my life in the future."

Fyodor crossed his legs and rested his chin on his hand, gazing down at you, intrigued, "Go on."

You gulped, "I get so jealous when my coworkers talk about their families and settling down, going on fun vacations, or having daily board game nights...How they can speak so freely about their lives, while I have to live a lie and walk past my missing posters every day...I-I don't have anyone to come home to anymore, either..." You could feel tears start to cloud your vision as you looked down, never speaking this passionately before. You were sure you looked pathetic.

Your eyes widened as you felt Fyodor's frail fingers come up to wipe away your tears and brush across your cheek before landing on top of your hands. They were cold, not as warm as Nikolai's but at least somewhat comforting.

"Perhaps it isn't a different lifestyle you crave, but a sense of belonging and security." Fyodor started, bringing his face a bit closer to yours. "Your heart desires a deeper connection with those around you. After all, you abandoned everyone you knew before and suddenly went into an entirely different life. It's only normal that you would feel distressed after a while. You need comfort--and I'm sure that some part of you wants to give your parents some closure about your disappearance."

Fyodor was being...sympathetic? It was almost scary how well he could describe what you were feeling, along with how surprisingly empathetic he acted. You had quickly learned that he had little regard for others or for defective subordinates.

You looked up at him, "It's not just that, though. Even though it's selfish, I want Nikolai to marry me--or at least make things more serious and clear between us..." You didn't notice Fyodor slightly frowning at that as you continued, "He's just been away for so long, and it's not like I don't trust him, but he really has no obligation to stay loyal to me, and I've already been cheated on before...There's no way I can fall in love with another man being a double agent, so I need to know if he plans on us being long-term or not..." Rambling out the rest of your feelings, Fyodor stroked your hand slowly, his smug smile returning on his face.

"You should tell him that, then. If you speak from your heart and tell him the truth, I'm sure he'll listen to you. After all, he'd fulfill your desires if he really loved you." You pouted.

"But it's Nikolai...at the end of the day, he lives by his own convictions and philosophy."

Fyodor clicked his tongue, "If he loved you, he'd compromise." You weren't quite convinced, but you flinched when he brought your hand up and placed a soft kiss to the back of your hand. "Good luck, milashka." As soon as it happened, he was gone as he dismissed himself and left you alone at the table. You didn't know how to think or process the conversation as you lightly slapped away the faint blush across your cheeks.

˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

Another long day of work had concluded as you wished your coworkers a good weekend and walked out the door. It had been two weeks since your conversation with Fyodor, but it was all that was on your mind. You really needed to talk to Nikolai soon.

Wait. Was that Ivan...holding a bouquet of flowers? Not just any flowers either--they were the same lavender roses you'd been gifted by your ex-patient in the asylum courtyard.

Ivan only gave you his usual twisted smile and laughter before handing you the bouquet as you shot him a questioning look. You muttered a quiet "thank you" as you got into the backseat and stared out the window again, smelling the fragrant roses and replaying Fyodor's words in your head.

It didn't hit you that the road you were traveling on was unfamiliar until the car suddenly came to a stop, and you realized you were in an abandoned alleyway. Uneasiness started to settle in as your driver exited his seat, shutting the car door behind him. "Iv--"

You were interrupted when the door to the backseat flung open and closed as Ivan crawled on top of you, pushing the flowers out of your hands as he pushed his body against yours and cradled into your neck, hysterically giggling. "I-Ivan--" You struggled to shove him off you, but he was too strong, "W-what are you---"

A familiar scent stopped you from speaking as your heartbeat increased. Wait, was that--?

Ivan pulled away from your neck before tugging off his bandages, his whole appearance suddenly fading away before being replaced by...

"K-Kolya! I-It's you!" Relief washed over your face as you looked up to see your lover staring back at you, clearly satisfied from whatever prank he'd just played on you. He kissed away the tears that had formed instinctively from your fear while laughing maniacally.

"Hehe~ Did you miss me, dove? I wanted to surprise you since I just came back. Your reactions were a nice little treat~" You pouted as you looked away, embarrassed that you'd lost yet another one of Nikolai's mini games. His features softened, "I'm afraid I may have gone a bit too far though. I really missed you, myla." His warm, gloved fingers traced over your bottom lip slowly.

"M-missed you too, Kolya. So much..." You sniffled as you pulled his head down to yours, tangling your fingers into his fluffy white hair and capturing his lips in a deep kiss. Your back pushed into the car cushions as Nikolai's hands roamed your body, needy to touch you again after so long--especially since he couldn't contact you. He fumbled with the buttons on your thick coat, hands working fast to get you out of all of your layers.

He groaned into the kiss as you tugged on his locks and wrapped your legs around his waist to press him further against you. By now, he had unbuttoned your light blue blouse to reveal your pretty skin. Nikolai pulled away from the kiss gently to take you in--the sight of you all flustered in just a thin lacy bra was turning him on, evident from his growing arousal that was pushing against your tights.

"Fuck, dove, you're so beautiful..." He dipped back to leave messy hickeys on your neck, whispering in your ear before slowly working his way down, "Your skin's so soft...were you touching yourself while I was away, pryntsesa?" You moaned at that, whining when his hand starting rubbing circles from your hips to your inner thigh, getting dangerously close. The trail of wet kisses traveled down your collarbone and your breasts to your stomach and eventually stopping where the waistband of your black skirt and tights laid. He was panting lightly at this point, devoid of air from worshipping your body. "It wasn't enough, though, was it? You need me to feel good, myla~" He heaved, his face pink and strands of hair falling over his eyes. His fingers hooked around your clothes and he resumed his trail of kisses, about to strip you.

"If he loved you, he'd compromise."

Fyodor's words hit you as you stopped Nikolai, lightly pushing yourself up again. "W-wait, Nikolai, I want to talk to you about something." He grunted, annoyed like a little kid, his bulge still pressing against you.

"Can it wait? I didn't bring you to this abandoned, sketchy alley for nothing, ptashka." You pulled away further, to his disappointment, and pulled your knees up against your body, pouting sadly.

"I know, but it's something that's been on my mind since you've been gone", Nikolai only sighed impatiently as you pleaded, "I promise it won't take too long..." You put your hand over Nikolai's, and he obliged reluctantly, sitting up a small distance away from you.

"Cockblocker...make it quick." He muttered, and you tried not to be immature and giggle. This was supposed to be a serious conversation.

You cleared your throat, "Well, I was just wondering about us...and our relationship..." You flinched when you saw Nikolai's eyes bore into you, "I-It's not what you think---I love you and want to stay with you, but, are we..." You trailed off, suddenly feeling embarrassed and unsure about what to say next. You looked down, mind a muddled mess, but you tried to remember Fyodor's advice.

"A-are we ever going to get married? Settle down and maybe start a family? Move somewhere nice and peaceful, where we can just enjoy each other's company?" Your mind went back to Anaïs and her husband, as you slowly started to look back up, "Go on a vacation together to the islands? Or your home coun--"

"No." Nikolai's dark gaze cut into you, stopping you from speaking any further. "Why would you want that, dove?"

You could feel your heart shattering. This wasn't how you thought he would respond. He was supposed to understand you, to listen to you, to compromise.

"I want a future with you, Kolya, that's why..." You started sadly, throat feeling constricted.

"But we're already together right now, myla. Isn't that enough for you?" Nikolai replied apathetically, his expression stoic and unreadable.

"It's--but my husband cheated on me, so I have to know if you're serious about us. I don't want to be in an unstable relationship anymore." Tears pricked your eyes, threatening to spill out as you could feel your heart breaking, "Anyways, you could just cheat on me, too. You're barely even around anymore, and I'm sure that you're always surrounded by beautiful women...All my coworkers are already married and in a happy relationship, so I feel so behind..."

"Oh, so that's why? Because society's telling you to live that way? Because you want to be accepted and imitate everyone else? That's the exact life I was trying to escape from, dove." Nikolai butted back, smiling cruelly.

"N-no! That's not--" You cried out, not being able to hold in the tears. Nikolai frowned and looked up from your face, reaching up towards your head.

"That hat? When did you get that?" He glared up at the white ushanka on your head. It resembled a certain someone's too closely.

You sniffled, "T-this? It's a gift from Fyodor. 'Cause it's getting cold out." Nikolai furrowed his brows in jealously upon hearing that name.

"From Dos...he's the one who planted those ideas in your head, didn't he?" His fists tightened at the thought of Fyodor wrapping you around his finger; it was his specialty, after all.

You wiped your tears sadly as you lowly shook your head no. At this point, Fyodor seemed to be the only one who understood you. He was the one who'd told you that Nikolai would compromise if he loved you. But he didn't. Did that mean...?

"Tch. Look, myla, stay away from that man. Dos may be my friend, but I don't trust him." Seeing your sad face and lack of response angered him more and he raised his voice a bit, "Stop talking to him, dove. I'm warning you--don't you dare even look in his direction."

Your sobbing resumed as you pulled your head back into your knees, hearing the backdoor shut as Nikolai left and started driving back to the base. You heard the sound of rain in the background as you clutched the white ushanka in your arms, the fluffy hat offering you some comfort.

The ride back was silent.

˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

Fyodor awaited you both when you finally arrived back at the base, the same sly smile on his face. "Welcome back, you two." Nikolai only glared back, holding your hand tightly. He let go suddenly and walked past Fyodor into his stone room, implying for him to follow suit.

Once Nikolai's back was turned away, Fyodor gave you a soft, concerned glance. Your nose and eyes were swollen and red from all the crying. "I'm guessing it didn't go well, milashka?" You shook your head softly, and he whispered about leaving some cookies and tea in your room. He tried to approach you, but a strong voice cut him off.

"Dos, let's talk." Nikolai menacingly called out, crossing his arms and leaning against the doorway. You'd never seen him this stern or angry before. He never took anything seriously, certainly you weren't an exception, right?

Fyodor shot you one last empathetic look and went into his room. You shuddered as the sound of Nikolai slamming the door and immediately yelling loudly bounced off the walls. As much as you wanted to eavesdrop, you were worn out and tired.

You retreated to your and Nikolai's shared room slowly, too exhausted to even try the tea and cookies Fyodor had thoughtfully left for you. You barely stripped off your disguise before crashing onto the bed, just wanting the day to be over.

Things with Nikolai could never go back to normal again. You wished you'd just kept your mouth shut, but you also wished Nikolai had been more open to your desires. What were you to him, anyways? And you didn't understand why he was so mad at Fyodor. He'd kept you company while Nikolai was gone, and he'd been nothing but respectful and attentive.

You groaned and tried to shut your eyes to drown out the conflicting thoughts in your head. Everything was way too complicated now. You wished things could be peaceful again. You wished you could escape.

˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

"You want to go back home, ptichka?" Fyodor asked. You nodded in response. The next day, Nikolai was gone on another mission, never coming to your shared bed the night before or saying goodbye to you before leaving.

The russian man sighed, "That's a bad idea. You'll get caught before you know it, and once the press gets a hold of you, it'll be hard to rescue you. Plus you still have your job that could arouse suspicion."

"I know..." You started. "I just...have some amends to make...and I'll only be gone for a day or two...and stay in disguise." Liar. You didn't know why you wanted to go back, and if you were homesick or just trying to self-sabotage yourself. Either way, you knew you couldn't stay here and look at Fyodor or Nikolai any longer. Things were too tense, and you didn't know who was genuinely there for you or just manipulating you.

You couldn't trust either of them. Your plan was to either go back and get caught for your crimes or retreat to the Sky Casino for as long as possible. You bet that Sigma didn't like or trust the two men either.

Not to mention, you'd already left Nikolai a parting text, writing,

"I'm sorry. I'll always love you, Kolya. Thank you."

Not that you even knew if he'd see it, but you still wanted to say something.

"I'll help you." Fyodor finally said, making your eyes widen in surprise. "But I want to tell you something first." He took your hands and held them, running his thumb over your fingers. His touch was cold. "I admire you for wanting to confront your feelings and follow your heart. The rest of us have forgotten such feelings of humanity." He continued, "To see such a lovely, well-read woman like you leave pains me. I'll truly miss you and our intellectual conversations, milaya. So much so that I'll be awaiting your safe return."

You blushed as he kissed your gentle hands, "T-thank you, Fyodor, I'm flattered." Lying again, but you figured you would have to use your 'feminine charm' a bit to fully convince him.

He smirked subtly, "Escaping from another man's cage of lofty ideals and freedom into the outside world...Would you care to do me one last favor, milashka?" You nodded with doe eyes as he leaned into your ear.

"Give me a goodbye kiss." Shocked and flustered, you pulled away and broke contact.

Fyodor only stepped forward and held your face, his soft smile seeming more sinister now, "What's wrong, dove, you just have to kiss me, and I'll help you escape. Not a bad deal, no?" He got dangerously close to you, his hot breath fanning over your glossy lips.

You froze for a second, "I-I can't--" Fyodor only traced your lips ominously, like he was taunting you and asking you why.

"I'm still in love with Niko--"

"Dove? Dos?" Your heartbeat stopped when you heard your lover's voice behind you. Why was he here, and how'd he get here so fast?

You turned around, hoping he would save you, until you saw him holding a gun--the same one he used on your husband.

"Kolya, w-wait, this isn't..." You stopped talking when you heard the gun cock. There was no way you could explain your way out of this. You and Fyodor were just about to kiss, and you were trying to escape indefinitely.

Nikolai narrowed his eyes and pointed the gun at Fyodor, "This was your doing, wasn't it?" Fyodor only remained calm, however, and twirled a strand of your hair while smirking.

"No, quite the opposite actually. Our little dove here was just about to escape and go back home to 'make amends'. It seems like she may still be grieving over her husband and their traditional life together..." Nikolai's grip on his gun tightened, still pointed at his friend. "Actually, she was just seducing me to help her escape. A goodbye kiss, that's what you wanted, right, ptichka?" Your ex-patient's eyes narrowed after hearing the similar pet name.

He turned to you, "Is he telling the truth, dove?" You were shaking, still trying to process the situation in front of you.

"N-no! I was trying to escape with Fyodor's help, but that's it! I swear, I still love you--please believe me, Kolya!" You pleaded, practically begging for your life. Nikolai looked at you regrettably before removing the card over his right eye and laughing bitterly.

"And here I was, rushing back to see you once I saw your text because I was worried about you and wanted to talk things out properly. I'm quite the fool aren't I, dove?" He started laughing maniacally, scaring you. He then stopped suddenly and pointed the gun at you, "But I guess this decision was from your own free will. I was wrong for thinking you were the same as me..."

Anxiety settling in, you couldn't react. What was Nikolai going on about? Had Fyodor said something to or manipulated him, too?

"We got rid of your husband, but now you want Dos, too? You're aren't really mine, are you, dove?" He walked closer to you and pressed the cold metal barrel to your hip. "I'll be nice and let you play one last game, though~" He had a crazy look in his eyes--one dark and emotionless, and the other streaming tears; you were sure every feeling was spiraling through his brain.

Nikolai giggled as he pushed you out of the door onto the floor. You were about to get up in fear when you heard a shot in the background. Did he shoot Fyodor?

Deranged laughter was heard behind you as Nikolai peeked his head out the door, "Better start running, dove. Otherwise the next shot might hit you~" You backed up in terror, standing up and stumbling over to Nikolai, wrapping your arms around him and crying hysterically.

"K-Kolya, you're s-scaring me. I-I love you, s-so let's go back t-to n-normal." Nikolai paused against your shaky body and lifted your face up to his. Tears were falling out both of his eyes now, contrasting the wicked grin contorting his lips. You gasped as he wiped your eyes and licked away your tears.

"You look so pretty when you cry, angel. I'll give you an extra ten seconds for that. Ten...nine...eight..." Realizing you had no way to convince Nikolai to spare your life, you ran, not daring to look back behind you. The man you loved was gone, driven mad by his obsession over you. Your skin crawled as you heard his voice reverberating through the hallways.

"I thought you loved me, dove, but it seems I wasn't what you wanted. I got too attached to you, though, and you know too much, so it seems I can't just let you go or give you to another man. You won't escape my cage."

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aoizaraka · 10 months

Text

FYODOR WITH AN fem!S/O AS INTELLIGENT AS HIM

Disclaimer ; these hcs contain my lil hcs for fyodor as well. hate them? ok no one cares, leave. like them? okay then, ily.

this is kinda toxic, bc yk. Its fyodor. And im saying this in a non racist way possible, but by experience of reading russian literature, russians are fucked up. But theyre hot so idgaf.

also, these hcs are set in the pov of fyodor and what he has to think about you. Reader is in doa.

requests are open btw<3

At the start, Fyodor had never intended to be content with you, in other words, he had never expected to fall for you.

Once he starts to slowly discover his own feelings, He ignored them and ignored you,,his ego was far too high to be falling in love with, as he says, “the tainted”.

he is obviously in denial, the best thing to do here is to be patient with him.

his solution to completely ignoring these feelings are to treat you as any other, just an accomplice. Nothing more, nothing less.

however, that just results in him being somewhat frustrated in himself, which made him much more frustrated and confused.

he knows he has to keep his chin up, not bothering to deal with his problems he knows he can live with anyway.

the times you spend together as “accomplices” pulled the both of you a bit closer and closer each time.

he hated it.

he’s smart enough to realize these feelings cant just disappear, and he is absolutely dumbfounded, frustrated in this life.

The more tasks you both have makes him slowly discover your actual self and your intelligent mindset.

before you think whatever the hell you’re thinking, no. This is not a big factor to him growing to love you.

i have this lil headcanon: i know for a fact some russian families are toxic. So he grew up with lots of siblings, so him being neglected was a often thing—his sisters and brothers always stole the spotlight, so he grew up to be a tryhard, a burnt out gifted child, but slowly developed and changed his mindset and which led him to have a god complex, but that does not mean his obsession and drive for perfection was gotten rid of.

you being nearly on the same level as he is makes him nearly makes his blood boil.

of course, the keyword here is NEARLY. Fyodor is a smart man and only a fool would underestimate him. He is smart enough to not let his emotions get the best of himself.

dont worry, though. As long as you keep spending time with him, it wont be too late to change his opinion on yourself.

im pretty sure the only reason he keeps you around is because you’re a valuable chess piece (that was his opinion before he slowly fell for you).

he decides, instead of torturing himself, maybe it wouldnt hurt to accept his feelings?

of course, he would probably rather die than admit it.

Being the arrogant man he is, the most you could get is spending LOTS time with him. There will be LOTS of hints that he fancies you, so be on the look out.

If he falls, he falls hard. There is no inbetween. So, if he does fall too hard--he would consider marriage. However, that would only cross his mind only once, and that would probably only work out if he is finished “perfecting” the world.

ɴᴏᴛ ᴘʀᴏᴏғʀᴇᴀᴅ

ᴇᴠᴇʀʏ ᴡᴏʀᴋ ᴘᴜʙʟɪsʜᴇᴅ ᴏɴ ᴛʜɪs ʙʟᴏɢ ʙᴇʟᴏɴɢs ᴛᴏ @aoizaraka . ᴅᴏ ɴᴏᴛ ʀᴇᴘᴏsᴛ ᴀɴʏᴡʜᴇʀᴇ ᴏʀ ᴛᴀᴋᴇ ɪɴsᴘɪʀᴀᴛɪᴏɴ/ʀᴇғᴇʀᴇɴᴄᴇs ᴡɪᴛʜᴏᴜᴛ ᴘᴇʀᴍɪssɪᴏɴ.

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indigo-o · 10 months

Text

The Pet clown

Pt 2

I think we know who it's abt lmao

Nikolai gogol x reader PLATONIC

And some fyodor

Reader is a teenager

Tw impatient stuff depression, fyodor drugging, sleep deprivation, those annoying blankets they give at mental hospital even tho it's like -1 degrees Celsius if you know you know, talk of death, yandere fyodor, Manipulation from fyodor, Nikolai gogol, I think that's it so yeah

Angst/fluff

I wish you were here, this room is empty. White walls, heavy doors, thin white blankets, and chained blury windows.

This thin gown can't keep me warm. I know him. He just wants what's best for me. I guess that even means putting me in this room. This room to keep me safe.

Safe from me. No possibility of me hurting. I'm to sick leave this bed and to tired to talk. He says I'm helping him.

Im helping him cleanse the world of evil. So I guess if my pain will save the world I'll stay in this room.

Everybody else deserves to be happy and well so I'll hurt for them. If one death would save the world I'd die.

My body's purple now.

I hear a click at the heavy door. To my surprise it wasn't a anemic rat, it was his pet clown.

"QUIZZZZZ TIMEEEEEE! WHY AM I HERE INSTEAD OF DOS-KUN?! I THINK I HEARD YOU SAY CAUSE HES HAVING FUN! CORRECT!".

I looked at him. My eyes were heavy. But he did bring some color to the room. I smiled at him.

I opened my mouth to talk but I couldn't.

"Oh dove you still can't talk! I forgot! Dos-kun told me to take you outside to have some fun.".

He lied, either were not going to have fun or fyodor didn't tell him anything. Either way I was going to have to walk. I knew I couldn't but I was going to try anyway.

Fyodor knew If I could walk I'd escape from him. So he kept me physically, emotionally and mentally sick. I would have no choice to stay.

As soon as I got to my legs I collapsed, but Nikolai caught me.

"Silly me I forgot you can't walk guess I'll carry you.".

He picked me up as if I were a little kid.

"D-dont dr-rop.". I manged to get out.

"Oh dove I may be crazy but not only do we need you, Dos-kun would kill me, but I want to protect you from harm. Not like you can protect yourself in this state.".

I looked at him. Then laying on him. We proceeded to go through his cape.

We were in what seemed to be his house/apartment.

He went to put me down on his couch but he's so warm.

"Wait w-warm.".

He looked down at me.

"I guess we can go out later.". He picked me back up and took me to his bed. Laying me down cuddled with blankets, pillows and now a pet clown. I shut my eyes and finally went to sleep.

I woke up to Nikolai looking down at me.

"Am I a good pillow?". I realized how I was very much on him.

I nodded my head.

"You want to go outside for a bit dove?". He was using a soft tone.

He wasn't ever like this

Maybe because I'm a teenager but I don't know.

He got up "You slept threw the whole night, but the good thing is we have a whole day today and tomorrow, you know why?".

He leaned in close "I lied Dos-kun is away and he doesn't believe in your freedom so I'm here to show him that you're a good kid who won't run away. You see Dos-kun takes away your warmth so you can't sleep making you so tired that's why you slept for so long he wants you to be weak, weak without freedom. I'm here to give you freedom. To fly like a dove.".

He went to his closet and pulled out some clothes.

"Here's so clothes to wear so we're not caught. That sounds weird. I my dear am a very wanted person so I must look different and you can't really walk let alone the sun should hurt you eyes so if I were to be caught you wouldn't leave be caught up in it.".

What ever he said I guess.

I changed and so did he and he look pretty different

He picked me up and took me to wheel chair that he some how got, but I shouldn't question it.

He placed me in the chair and we Leigt looked like sibling going out for fun.

"F-flowers please.". I looked to him.

"You want flowers we will get flowers.".

We went to florist.

"Hi! What flowers are yall looking for!". She sounded very happy.

"What do you want dear?". Nikolai asked

While I could barely see I knew exactly what I want.

"R-rose and Lillys.".

"Of course dear I'll get right to that!".

The rest of day was amazing

I got flowers, yummy pastries and other stuff.

Who knew a deranged clown could be so kind. But at last we came back to his apartment/house.

He made dinner for us and helped me get to the bed. He tucked me in.

"Good night dove.".

I woke up

Back in the room

The room with white walls, a heavy door, thin blanket and blury chains windows. But now there wad a desk but with roses and lily's on top of it.

I heard the door click. An anemic rat with his pet clown walked in.

"You've proven yourself for now, you may keep your roses and lily's. Nikolai may visit you now and then. One thing. You may not regain full energy but.".

He stopped his words and Nikolais smile grew.

"YOU CAN HAVE A NICER BLANKET AND I CAN READ BED TIME STORYS TO YOU ONCE A WEEK!".

He ran over to with a puppy dog smile.

"Don't make regret this.". The anemic rat walked away throwing the key at the pet clown.

That was alot longer than I expected but I hope yall liked it!♡♡

#bsd x reader #bungou stray dogs x reader #fyodor x reader #bsd x you #fluff #nikolai gogol x reader #fyodor dostoevsky x reader #fyodor dostoyevsky bsd #bsd nikolai #nikolai x reader #nikolai gogol #bsd nikolai gogol #angst #yandere #Yandere!fyodor #yandere x reader

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luvfy0dor · 7 months

Note

fyodor angst to fluff pls(reader scolds him for overworking then he gets mad so she gets sad so he feels bad basically 🐀)

"Breaks are good ♡" Fyodor Dostoevsky x GN!Reader !! ༉‧₊˚.

╰┈➤ Fyodor Dostoevsky ♡

Description; Fyodor is stubborn most times when it comes to putting a stop to his work, but if it's something his lover wants so badly for him, he might as well comply, right?

Warnings; Spoilers for Fyodors motive/DOA plan, angst, Idk if this counts as soft!Fyodor help

A/N; Sorry this took a couple days to put out, it's been quite a week dawg 🫥writing this out was like a retreat y'all don't even know

Fyodor had always been a man dedicated to his work, but you can't help feeling like sometimes he gets a little sucked into his task. Fyodor himself even knows it, though he will swear up and down that the amount of work he does is highly necessary. Every time he tries excuses his excessive working, you just sigh and shake your head. This time was different though, you were fed up.

Fyodor had a little room for himself, dedicated to his plan of ridding ability users from the world, that he would hole himself in to keep his focus. He didn't forbid you from entering, but he highly influenced you not to while he was hard at work. He didn't mind when you brought him tea or anything, but he got remotely ticked off when you would urge him to take a break or come to bed, insisting on another thirty minutes or so. Tonight, you decided that he needed to implement a habit of taking a break, he had to be exhausted, right?

You carefully stirred the tea that you made for Fyodor, walking slowly towards his little room. You gently knocked on the door, hearing a soft and muttered "come in" from the other side. When you opened the door, Fyodors eyes were still glued on the screens in front of him. You let out a soft sigh as you walked towards him, setting the tea in front of the man.

"Thank you, my dear." He said with a soft smile, grabbing your hand gently and kissing your knuckles. Your heart swelled a bit at his gentle action, but it only made you crave more attention from your boyfriend. "Uhm, fedya, I was thinking..." He sighed. "I already know what you were thinking, no. I need to get this done." He says firmly, his smile fading to a more neutral expression. You felt a small pang in your heart, a frown coming over your face.

"Come on, Fyodor. I can't keep letting you sit here and work yourself to death. It's all you do, work, work, work, and some more work." You said, a hint of annoyance in your voice, to which he side eyed you. "My dear, you clearly don't understand. Can we talk about this later? When I'm finished?" He says, his tone also slightly irritated. Your eyebrows furrow.

"No, Fyodor. We're not going to ignore this, are you not exhausted? Constantly working, you barely have time for me, let alone yourself! All I ask is that you take a break here and there, is it really that difficult?" You practically pleaded with the lanky man in front of you. He seemed as though he couldn't be bothered with your concerns, too irked by your constant insistence on him stepping away from his job for a while to even care.

He sighed heavily, swiveling his chair to face you. "You act as though you're the one doing the work. A break is unnecessary if I can just do it all in one sitting. That prolongs the ultimate time it takes me to get it done, don't you get that?" He replied, his thumb and pointer finger squeezing the bridge of his nose.

"Yes, but you're still overworking yourself! You do too much in such little time, you need to stop for a minute. Your work is like a plague to you, it consumes you entirely in the worst way possible." He rolls his eyes. "You're quite dramatic." He says, returning his attention to his screens. You felt hurt by Fyodors ignorance, furrowing your eyebrows and balling up your fists a bit.. "Wow, okay. You don't even care, do you?" You mutter. He takes a glance over at you before continuing his typing.

You sigh loudly before angrily speaking. "Why do you get so defensive every time I try to get you to take a break? There's no way you're not utterly exhausted will all of this, Fyodor." You desperately say, you voice cracking a bit as you try to get your point across to Fyodor. "You're only distracting me and wasting more time." He says, making your heart sink. "Wow, alright." You say angrily, your voice a bit shaky as you storm out of the room, slamming the door behind you.

You truly didn't get it, what was his problem with taking a quick break? It wasn't killing him, or anyone for that matter. There were so many reasons why a break is necessary; you knew his line of work was dangerous and put him directly in deaths way if he wasn't cautious, and had he died you would absolutely regret not pestering him. He could very much be overworking himself, raising his irritability and lack of energy. What you didn't understand was why he couldn't see the issue with his bad habit.

Tears pricked at your eyes as you marched your way back to the shared bedroom you and Fyodor had occupied every night; angrily crawling under the covers and huffing as you settled into a comfortable position, facing away from the door. You stirred with your angry thoughts, not even wanting to get water just because of the thought of running into your boyfriend. You were so mad that he wouldn't just be understanding of your side too, you genuinely wondered what had crawled up his ass tonight. I mean, is it seriously that difficult to just hear you out?-

"My dear..? I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you like that."

His soft voice sounded throughout the bedroom, making your mind go quiet for a moment. You let out a small 'huff' to let him know you were awake, but still disgruntled over the whole conundrum. He sighed in response, quietly shutting the door behind him and cutting off any light from the hallway. You could feel the blanket lifting and the mattress dipping next to you.

"Did you want to talk about it..?" He quietly murmurs, trying to keep you calm as he spoke. You rolled over, sniffling and wiping any stray tears that had overflowed from your eyes. "Please don't cry, moya lyubov.." he says, his face seeming expressionless, but you could tell there was a smidge of guilt behind his pretty, purple eyes. You averted your eyes from his, your mouth hanging slightly agape as you gathered your thoughts.

"I just...Fyodor, you're gonna work yourself to death before you even get within arms reach of your goal." You say with a small frown. He just sighs, snaking one of his arms around your side to comfort you a bit. "I understand that you feel that way, but it's important that I get there as soon as possible." He says, using his other hand to brush some hair out of your face. You nod a bit. "Yeah...I guess you're right, but...could you please just start to take breaks? Just...you know, just five to ten minutes every couple of hours?"

He thinks for a moment before reluctantly nodding. "I suppose I could, but only because my health seems to be so important to my love." He says softly, gently kissing your forehead. You smile, kissing his shoulder in response. "Good, I get nervous that one day you'll...you know, die and I won't have as much time with you to look back on as I would like to." You murmur against the soft fabric of his sweater, hearing him hum in acknowledgement.

"That's understandable, dear." He sleepily says, stroking your back as he rests his head on top of yours. Your hand goes up to twirl some of his long, dark hair around your pointer finger, observing his tired mannerisms. "Fedya, look at you, you're falling asleep already." You let out a soft laugh, as real of a problem it was that Fyodor was overworking himself, he looked kinda silly all drowsy and sleepy.

A soft smile tugs at the corners of Fyodors lips. "Yes, you're right. I guess you do know me pretty well, don't you, my dear?" He murmurs, his eyes closed. You smile with your boyfriend and continue twirling his hair around you're finger. "Ofcourse I do, and I know that you need some time for yourself."

"Alright, I will take a break next time, I promise." He mumbles, falling asleep in your arms with yet another goal in mind; completing all of his goals healthily.

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gherkin-saute · 3 months

Text

to all the cannibals out there, are open caskets funerals like buffets to you? /genq

+ more fyolai fluff/angst ♥︎♥︎ i love them sm they're so cuticle

#ghost fyodor is slowly going to disappear as his arm begins to rot away #poor nikolai hes gonna be all alone #bungou stray dogs #bungo stray dogs #bungou gay dogs #bungo stray dogs fanart #bsd fyodor #fyodor dostoyevsky bsd #bsd nikolai #nikolai gogol #fyolai #art #artists on tumblr #bsd fanart #idk what else to tag #fluff #angst

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vypridae · 7 months

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'i don't see how you survived, but i'm so, so glad you did'

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awoogayanderes · 7 months

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imagine fyodor

imagine meeting fyodor at a young age, knowing that he’s different than the other boys

imagine establishing a friendship with fyodor, whilst your mother tells you to stay away

imagine slowly realizing that fyodor is more deranged, but accepting him

imagine fyodor testing your loyalty when he forms his plan of purifying the world

imagine confused fyodor when he realizes his heart craves someone, you

imagine falling in love with fyodor and imagine him falling in love with you

imagine fyodor reciting his wedding vows to love, serve, and protect you as your husband

imagine trying to live a comfortable life with fyodor as he consumes himself into his plans

imagine arguing with fyodor of how fukuchi’s prison plan was outrageous, that it wouldn’t work and that you wouldn’t support it

imagine feeling fyodor give the crown of your head one final kiss before leaving

imagine hearing from the others that fyodor is now in prison, that the plan can proceed

imagine waiting patiently for fyodor to come home, it’s been a long time since you saw him

imagine staring at nikolai as he shows you the arm of your ‘deceased’ husband

imagine sobbing your eyes out as you realize you weren’t even there when fyodor said goodbye, a wave of guilt washing over you

imagine silently sitting at fyodor’s grave, changing his flowers out every 3 days

imagine not only losing your best friend but your lover because of his ambitions.

➪ other notes : i felt really silly today, so you all have to suffer with my sadness :3

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stinkyme · 7 months

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Hello! This is a rather sudden thought I had, so I decided to write it! :)

Part two , Part three

I hope you all like it and enjoy it! :)

CW/TW: SFW, gn!reader, reader is a medical professional, contains spoilers of the last episode, kinda AU (?) where Fyodor survives, "I had nowhere else to go" trope, reader & Fyodor have history, descriptions of anxiety, complicated romantic feelings (reader), manipulation (Fyodor), one-sided love, brief mentions of religious aspects, mentions of tending wounds and stitching, reader is kind & loves taking care of Fyodor, reader helps Fyodor take a shower & washes his hair, itty bitty fluff, reader admits their feelings & gets rejected, kinda angsty, if I forgot anything please let me know! :)

** I know he basically exploded and realistically would be burnt into a crisp, but for the sake of the fic, let's pretend he isn't fully burnt 🥰 + I know the poison, but let's pretend he took care of it 🙄🙄

I apologize for any mistakes in advance! :)

Nowhere else to go || Fyodor Dostoevsky x Reader

It's been a cold night. Often, you would reminisce about the past to help you fall asleep given how much it would tire you out, but tonight was different. Tonight you were feeling restless for some reason. There was a wave of anxiety creeping out on you, a lingering feeling of anguish settling deeply inside your bones. You tried to find the root of it, however before you were able to do so, it appeared to knock on your front door.

You quickly got up, covering yourself with a robe made out of thick material to keep you warm. As you come to the door, the anxiety makes your legs go weak and you hesitate for a moment. Your heart is beating fast and you can feel the uneasy warmth spread under your skin.

"Who is it?" you whisper, unable to raise your voice. Your shaky hand becomes cold as you await for the answer.

"A messenger." a silky voice replies, setting your blood to run cold. Your eyes open wide as you feel like there is not enough air in the room, your breathing quick and short. You swallow as your hands become numb. Everything feels surreal.

"Why are you here?" you try to sound confident, but the past you were trying so hard to move on from; the past you would fantasize to change so often - was one layer of weak wooden doors away from you.

"Open the door and see for yourself." he replies, voice holding a certain mixture of superiority and sorrow just as you remember it.

Your eyes tear up from the intensity of your own thoughts and bodily sensations. You hesitate once more as you place your hand on the doorknob. One simple movement that will, quite literally, open the door you want to keep shut until you die. You never wanted to see him ever again. Especially after learning the truth about what he wanted to do and the fact he left you behind once already. More than once. He left you behind every single time.

But, there were times where he recognized you. He would often praise the tenderness and goodness of your heart. Not only that, he would praise your intelligence and capability as well. Each time you would tend to him, take care of his wounds, participate in conversations with him while cleaning the blood off of his hands - he would whisper ever so softly and lovingly.

"You must be an angel sent by God, molded just for my needs."

"He knew you would be the only capable one to take care of me."

"Dear, He is always smiling down on you."

"As long as you keep looking out for me, I will be the luckiest man alive."

"Your hands are a gift just like mine. That's why we understand each other more than anyone else could understand either of us."

Truthfully, you never understood him. You so painfully ached to be able to do so, but you never could. Your core was different. You didn't share the same beliefs as he did and you certainly didn't believe in ruining everything for some entity that may or may not bless you.

Ironically, you did just that for Fyodor. He ate away every shed of light you had, turning you into a nothing but singular black hole filled with only a desire of making him satisfied. Making him safe. Making him recognize you. Making him love you.

You knew how fragile his body was. He was always so thin, his eyes always so tired, dark circles prominent and making his pale skin look even more sickish. It would take a long time for his wounds to heal, sometimes even with a few months apart from seeing each other, the old wounds would still be as crimson red as they were the first time you took care of them.

They would reopen easily, making it hard to heal. He had a weak constitution, his skin was always cold. When he would sleep it made you anxious to leave him alone, checking if his heart was still beating from time to time. It made you sick to your stomach just to think about it.

And now, he is probably in the same state. Outside, freezing cold with countless wounds. You want to walk away. You want to tell him that this time he won't be able to rely on you. This time you will choose to move on and choose yourself over him. Because if you don't - your own wounds will reopen. It's not like they closed properly in the first place, but at least they are less painful.

What if he got even thinner? What if this time he actually won't be able to pull through without your help? What if you leave him behind and he dies? What if this night changes everything?

The heaviness of your own thoughts falls down on your hand, finally giving you enough strength to open the door.

"I had nowhere else to go." he says in a softer tone than his usual one. A loud gasp escapes your throat as you observe the man who stands in front of you. Your face is a mixture of disgust, horror and worry.

"What the hell happened to you?!" you ask loudly, your throat feeling dry as you keep watching him. He misses one arm, his clothes are soaked in blood, there are few burns on his neck and he looks more tired than he ever did.

"I take it you still have your medical supplies. Will you be able to take care of this?" he ignores your question, letting himself in. He passes by you, entering your living room.

"Ye-yeah." you nod quickly as you close the door, adrenaline pumping inside your body.

"Take off your clothes, I will be back quickly." you order him as you go to the bathroom, grabbing your box for emergency cases. You wash your hands and put on surgical gloves. You are basically running to him, feeling as if your heart is going to explode. Fyodor is struggling to take off the prison uniform given the fact he is one arm short.

"Just let me." you say softly as you put the box on the table and open it, swiftly taking a sharp blade to cut his clothes open. You make a long cut in the middle, exposing the huge wound on his belly. As you slide the sleeve down, the uniform drops on his hips and he sits down. He grunts in pain and you give him a concerned look.

"I will take care of you, it will be okay." you try to reassure him, more so yourself as you take the hydrogen peroxide.

"You always do." he gives you a little smile and you return the softness with your own.

"This will burn, but try to push through it." you say more confidently as you start letting a quick stream of drops fall down on his tummy. Fyodor's body twitches as the hydrogen starts bubbling inside the wound.

"I think I will have to stitch it up, but it doesn't seem too bad. Whatever they stabbed you with missed your vitals." you reassure as you take an alcohol-free wipe and gently tap the wound, cleaning any remains of a hydrogen. You take a needle and a thin string, adjusting yourself to the best access to his wound.

"I take it you don't want any sedatives as always?" a light breathy chuckle follows up your question and Fyodor smiles down to you before he replies.

"Your memory serves you right." he shakes his head, dismissing any additional help to his state. You smile, but concern is evident on your face. You start stitching him up, focusing to make it as quick and painless as possible. He twitches from time to time, not looking at you once. Fyodor's gaze is fixated upwards and he seems to be caught in his own thoughts.

"Turn around now, I have to take care of an exit wound." you say through a whisper, as if you could startle him.

He sighs out and turns around, positioning himself perfectly for you. His back is so pale, bones of his spine piercing through thin skin. You bite down on your lip as you take the hydrogen, cleansing the wound. Fyodor lets out a softer grunt, already adjusted to the burning sensation. You tap the alcohol-free wipe all over the wound before you begin stitching it up.

"So, will you tell me what happened?" you break the silence while in the middle of the stitches.

"It's for the best if you don't know." Fyodor replies in a simple tone, almost flat and emotionless.

There was always a wall between the two of you. As close as you would let him get to you, it always seemed like he would get further away. Keeping his distance. But, you thought he was protecting you, so your heart could be at ease. You deserve that from him. Especially today.

"Does it have something to do with a plan you mentioned to me years ago?" you ignore him as you get to finishing up the stitches.

"Yes." he replies, again, in a flat and emotionless manner.

"I see." you say in a colder tone as you check if the stitches are strong enough.

"You are done, I would recommend a shower for your burns as well as the wound of your torn arm. You know where the bathroom is." you continue coldly as that old, lingering pain slowly starts reopening your wounds. You feel disappointment, but more than anything you feel a thick layer of dread laying on your shoulders. Fyodor's state makes your heart break, but knowing this all could be prevented if only-

"Could you help me?" he stops your train of thoughts, making your heart flutter and suddenly all dread seems gone.

"What?" you ask with a surprised smile as you take off your gloves.

"Well, you see, I am not really used to showering with one arm." he says almost innocently, closing his eyes while smiling softly. A tension melts away and it gives you hope.

"Yeah, okay. I can wash your hair as well if you want to.." you speak up and suddenly feel embarrassed.

"I mean, don't think I am pressuring you, just-" your nervousness is evident, but Fyodor is quick to break it as he speaks up.

"I don't mind. That would be very nice." he says in a silky tone, further melting your worries away. You loved taking care of him because only in those moments you could feel the connection between the two of you.

You smile happily and nod as he stands up, the two of you heading to your bathroom together.

You place a little chair on the floor so he could sit down and hide his private parts.

"Okay, so you can just sit down and put the towel over your private parts, I promise I won't peak!" you let out a little laugh as you turn around and Fyodor smiles, closing his eyes.

"It's just flesh after all." he replies as he takes off his clothes and sits down on the chair, covering his private parts with a towel you prepared for him.

"It's privacy! Can I come now?" you ask in a much happier tone, your body filling with hope and a certainty of an opportunity for the new beginning.

"Yes, you can." he responds after letting out a light chuckle.

You quickly come up to him, his back is turned to you and his face isn't visible. You turn on the water and put your fingers under the stream of the shower head, trying not to make it too cold.

"It will have to be a bit colder at first for your burns to ease up as well as the wound." you begin guiding him through the process, trying to make it more comfortable.

"Indeed." he replies as he lowers his head and you let a very slow stream of colder water run down his body. He sighs out as his burns feel less tight and painful underneath the coldness. His wound looks better as well, it seems cleansed and thankfully it didn't get infected by now. You notice his body slightly shivering as his veins become more blue and prominent under the thin skin. You close your eyes quickly, shaking off the thoughts. You slowly turn the handle of the faucet, adjusting the water to be warm.

"Is this okay for you?" you ask in a soft tone as you check the warmth with your own fingers first.

"It's perfect." he replies as he moves his head, giving you a sneak of his side profile. A soft curl of the edge of his lips that revealed his smile made you feel even more positive about this night.

You make sure his body is fully wet as you grab the showering sponge and wet it as well. As you lay down the shower head, you swiftly squeeze out the shower gel in your favorite aroma on the sponge and rub it in. You start gently rubbing Fyodor's back with the sponge, spreading the bubbles all over it. Paying close attention to the wound, you slowly go around it and gently soap his chest and tummy. You slide the sponge to his waist and he lifts his arm to give you access. You gently hold his biceps as you soap his waist, armpit then his whole arm. He starts humming a song you don't know, but you don't ask, enjoying long-awaited peacefulness as your body trembles with euphoria.

"Okay, time for your hair now." you say softly and he remains silent, his eyes closed and a little smile on his face that you can't see. You put the sponge to the side as you turn on the water again, finding the perfect warmth. You slowly wet the length of his hair, letting it soak completely before you use your other hand to protect his face from the flow as you wet the roots. While doing so, you also cleanse the soap from his upper body. You are very delicate with your movement, treating him as if he was a porcelain doll. You put the shower head to the side and squeeze a little bit of shampoo on top of his head which makes him shiver. A mellow smile appears on your face as you slowly start rubbing in the shampoo with your fingertips, thinking his body is getting relaxed.

"You are always so delicate with me. God truly took his time embellishing those clement hands of yours." he says in a soft tone and it immediately sends waves of warmth through your entire body. You feel butterflies dance inside your tummy as no tension is felt anymore. You think it's the right time for you to get closer to him.

"So, would you mind telling me now what happened?" you whisper as your fingertips keep making more bubbles in Fyodor's hair. You try to reach every part of his head and give it equal attention. He sighs out very quietly.

"A helicopter exploded while I was inside." he responds in a cold and distant tone which makes your stomach curl into a ball of uneasiness. You try not to pressure him too much as you speak softly.

"I am happy you survived, you truly were lucky. It's almost like a rebirth." as you finish your sentence you move your fingertips out of his hair and prepare to rinse.

"There is no such thing as luck, God smiled upon me. Rebirth is the accurate way to describe it." he finishes with a little chuckle.

The tone of his voice gives you mixed signals. It almost...makes you think he changed. Maybe this experience was truly needed for Fyodor to see what really matters. For a moment, you think there is truly an undeniable hope that this time you will be able to keep him by your side.

Your body lights up with euphoria once again and you smile as you gently rinse the shampoo out of his hair, making sure none of it gets into his eyes.

"I will bring you a bowl so you can wash your legs...and the rest. It should make it easier." you say in a mixture of embarrassment and laughter as you turn off the water.

"I will manage without it." he turns his head to face you, the usual smile still remaining.

"Okay then. Towels and clean clothes are in the little closet. You know that. But, before I forget, don't put on a shirt, I still have to bandage your wound." you nod as you slowly turn around to give him some privacy.

"Thank you." he says in a convincingly and genuinely grateful tone, the one you haven't heard from him ever. It makes you pause for a moment, your heart feeling warm.

"Anytime." you reply softly and smile before you leave him to finish up the rest.

Once he finishes, you have already prepared the tea and some snacks to wait for him on the table. He sits down on the couch and you follow up, ready to take care of his last wound. He slowly brings his arm up as you roll them around his chest and over the wounded shoulder, making sure it's firm and layered enough. Once it is, you cut it and clip it properly, checking if it moves around or seems loose. Thankfully, you did a good job as always.

"Splendid. You truly are one of the best in what you do." Fyodor praises, smiling softly. You smile shyly as you help him put a shirt on. You look at him for a moment, observing his expression, but more so his fragile state.

"You seem to still not take iron pills as I told you years ago." you scold lightly and he chuckles.

"God intended me to be like this and I won't be defying him." he replies in a confident tone, making it almost impossible for you to nag further.

"Yet you cross the line at bandages." you chuckle as you take a sip of your own tea.

"You wouldn't understand, nor I intend to try and make you to." he says in a faintly superior tone that immediately shifts your hopeful mood back to an uneasy one. You gulp as you watch his expressionless face, his eyes piercing through yours.

"Hey, about that..rebirth that we mentioned before.." you begin talking, hoping it will help your situation.

"What of it?" he asks, his tone cold.

"What do you plan on doing now?" you ask evidently insecure and unprepared for an answer you might dislike. Fyodor's presence becomes less intense as he sips the tea, shifting his gaze away from you.

"Hm, I don't know yet. Why?" he looks at you once again, his eyes setting up anguish inside you once more.

"No reason, I was just wondering." you reply as you look away, gaze shifting to your own reflection in the tea.

"Humans always have a reason and rarely it's pure curiosity." he says in a bored tone as this is something he often has to discuss. He finishes up his tea and slowly gets up which makes you look at him again.

"Where are you-"

"Thank you for the tea and the care. I shall take my leave now." he bows slightly, his body language so formal that it feels like he is crushing your heart with his own hand.

"Hold on..it's late. At least sleep here and leave in the morning." you hold for the last string of hope you have.

"No need. I have things to go back to, if you will excuse me." he ruins your last bit of hope and now all that speaks out of you is pure desperation as you watch his back. You get up abruptly, voice louder than you intended.

"Stay here with me! Please, Fyodor! You don't have to go back, you said this was your rebirth and if so, please, treat it as such! Use this opportunity to lead a normal life and stay with me, I will not tell a single soul!" your voice breaks as he remains turned away from you.

"I loved you for so long and if you could try, maybe, you could start loving me too..and even if you don't love me, I can live with that. But I can't let you leave me behind again, I don't know how much heart I have left in me to handle it. I would do anything for you, so please, consider." your eyes tear up as you open yourself to Fyodor, vulnerable and foolish. He turns around, finding your state irritating, but somewhat amusing.

"Then join me." he speaks in a sly tone, evidently making a final offer.

"You know I can't do that." you shake your head dismissively as your body begins to ache from the tension.

"Then, how can you say you love me and that you would do anything for me?" he chuckles, a wicked smile appearing on his face as he observes your distressed state.

"Because..I would..if you stayed here with me, but I can't..I can't join you." you shake your head as you close your eyes tightly, hoping it's all a bad dream.

"Seems like we both have conditions that neither can fulfill, how unfortunate." he says in a flat tone as he turns around to leave again. You feel your blood boil with sadness and desperation, making the last futile attempt.

"You used to say that God always smiles down on good people like me, so why can't you?!" you suddenly yell out and he stops again, slowly turning around again.

"Oh but I do. Very often. I always keep your name in my deepest prayers." he says in a calm and collected tone that makes you even more angry and hurt.

"I don't want no damn prayers!" you reply in a louder tone, your hands trembling as you feel your heart quite literally ripping apart.

"I can't give you more than that." he says coldly.

"Why not?!" you are on the verge of tears, your voice breaking as you give him an angry look.

"Do you even have a logical reason or unanswered question to ask me that?" he pauses for a moment, letting his coldly declared words sink in.

"My answer will never change. You will always be the place where I come when I have nowhere else to go, that's all there is." he continues, speaking slowly and making sure every word pierces through your soul.

"And what if I move?" you try to spite him, knowing very well.

"You won't. Both you and I know that very well. Your biggest mistake was attaching yourself to a man such as myself. God stopped smiling down at you a long time ago." his voice doesn't change, but his face molds into an unsettling wicked expression. You feel your heart skip a beat as your throat starts tightening.

"What about your prayers?" you choke out.

"They died out somewhere along the way." he replies quickly, still with a little smile on his face. You can feel all of your being slowly crushing and fading away.

"What about you saying how you are the luckiest man alive because of me?" you try so hard not to cry as reality hits you over and over again.

"There is no such thing as luck. You are just a convenient piece I used in a favourable way for myself." he hits you with another realization and it feels like a slap.

"So you lied to me?" you question in a dry tone, your gaze becoming vacant.

"I never said I was telling the truth, but to be fair, you understood in a way that was convenient and that gave you hope." he sighs out from disinterest in this conversation.

"So everything you said holds no meaning whatsoever?" you quickly reply, anger boiling inside your veins again.

"To me, it doesn't. To you, it does. We have different outlooks, frankly." his voice grows even more bored as he watches you with no empathy.

"That's all you have to say to me after all this time?" your anger keeps getting the best of you as you try to hold back tears, ignoring the lump in the throat.

"So, now you wish for me to lie to you? Humans truly don't know what they want." he pierces you with a dark gaze, evidently getting more irritated by you. Something just snaps inside of you as you witness such a dark and distant figure of a man you held so dearly to your heart.

"No, but..how can you be like that? You are so awfully cold and I can't even recognize you right now." you break, a few tears rolling down your cheeks.

"Did you perhaps think our little "bonding" moment in the shower meant something?" he sighs out, almost chuckling as a sly smile appears on his face again. His heavy and dark eyes gaze straight into yours as he speaks.

"I have been aware of your feelings ever since they manifested." he starts off, pausing for a moment and it fills you with foolish hope.

"You loving me means nothing to me. I don't need your emotions, your hope, a change, nor your love. You could join me and let me use you as needed. I don't want anything from you other than your skill. But, it could help you as well. You would get to spend more time with me and perhaps get an empty praise or two that your foolish heart seems so eager for." his voice is dark and filled with bitterness, it was clear he wants to hurt you.

Your body begins to shake as all of your emotions explode making you grab the cup of tea and throw it on the floor, smashing it into little pieces.

"Get out!" you yell at him, breathing heavily as your tears make your throat tighten completely.

"Get the hell out!" you yell out once again, but this time a bit weaker as your hands fall onto your chest and you begin to sob uncontrollably.

Fyodor just observes you with zero sympathy whatsoever.

"That's what I intended to do. You did this to yourself." he says in a collected tone and gives you another sadistic gaze before smiling to himself as he finally leaves. As soon as you hear the door closing, you lay down on the floor, hugging your knees and trying to soothe your own cries as your weak, shaky and overwhelmed body feels like it will give out any moment soon.

"I promised to myself that he would never do this to me ever again." is the last and only thought playing inside your head.

#fyodor dostoevsky x reader #fyodor x reader #fyodor dostoyevsky x reader #fyodor dostoevsky angst #fyodor x reader angst #fyodor x reader fluff #(?)#fyodor dostoyevsky bsd #fyodor dostoevsky bsd #bsd fic #bsd angst #bsd imagines #bungou stray dogs fyodor

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yawarakaizai · 7 months

Text

ⵌ YOU MUST BE THE WATER I DRINK..

SENDER Reader (fem terms used) RECIPITENT Fyodor Dostoevsky (BSD) CONTENTS His cruel ways were all you ever knew of. His sudden vanishing tugs at the strings of the heart you swore to surrender for him. NOTE reader x canon, angst, death of husband, emotional abuse, reader is too infatuated with fyo to blame him COMPANY Nymphs Finding the Head of Orpheus

Three weeks have passed since you last saw Nikolai. Four weeks have passed since you received the news of your late husband.

Fyodor, who continued to 'haunt' you even after death. You dare not distance yourself from what he once treasured. Yourself.

It was difficult to come to terms with the fact your husband had died.

Furthermore, it was difficult to come to such conclusion after being informed that no remains had been found except for that torn arm Gogol did not give you. Perhaps knowing you'd come to hold it and cry out for him every waking hour. You reasoned Gogol knew you were hurting inside. Of course, your public demeanour never changed from what Fyodor left.

You were what remained of Fyodor's perfect wife. You owe it all to him for having made you into the perfect model of what a good spouse should be.

It did not take him that long to mould you into what you have become now. A dutiful wife there to tend to his every need.

You'd peek your head out from the kitchen hearing him come home from work, almost unsure whether today had been a good day or a bad day. His reaction to your persona of a clingy housewife being able to easily anger him if he had been frustrated that day.

Still, he was there to correct you. Fyodor was there to take your hand into his. You remember vividly how they'd feel against yours. Cold, frail and dangerous compared to your delicate, smooth hands. You knew what those hands of his were capable of doing. The countless men and women who met their demise with a single tap of his finger.

The undeniable fear that bubbled in the pit of your stomach was possibly what made you stay with him for so long. A mixture of both elation and trepidation that urged you to see how long this will go. How long will it be before he replaces you, if he should ever?

This game of knowing you'd never be enough for the man you married yet never daring disobey his every command, at his feet with every beck and call, the threat of an imminent demise delivered by the man you call your love was something you believed to be almost prophetic.

You weren't the girl you used to be.

You heard many remark. You knew so yourself. You had given yourself to your husband to change you as he pleased. Rid you of all things he disliked and fill you with traits he found desirable.

You were his Galatea, in essence. Fyodor wished for you to be subservient and deferential to none but him. ''Your tongue'', as he'd remark, ''will be the death of you''.

There was no doubt in your heart that Fyodor was one to seek out good looks. Even so, you know deep down he wouldn't have wed you if he thought you as 'ugly'.

Conveniently, you were everything he needed in terms of appearance. A beautiful wife by his side. It was all down to how you behaved. He wasted no time in fixing what needed tending.

Through it all, you not once saw what about his acts could be deemed as hurtful. In fact, you felt guilty for taking up so much of his time. What was it about you that made you not yet worthy of his committed love?

To you, Fyodor was perfect, and that meant you should be too.

Although you were sheltered in your shared home, you still made yourself familiar with a few of his colleagues. Nikolai Gogol being one of the few.

When Fyodor would be away for an exceptionally long time, Gogol would be to one to pop in (from nowhere) to keep you company. The jester's company was welcomed warmly by you. His loud and eccentric personality made you wonder how Fyodor got along with him.

Gogol would ensure your safety and well-being almost on the daily. You could never get bored of his presence, always having some trick to show you.

One particular night you spent with Nikolai, you'd been smiling and laughing so much that the corners of your mouth had begun to ache. That simple, human result had been long forgotten by you. You didn't know why it hurt to reminisce on it now.

The last day you seen your husband was him leaving the house earlier than usual. He hadn't even woken you with kisses as he usually would. He had snuck out of bed, in fact, sly as a fox to escape unnoticed.

When he saw you standing like a deer in the headlights on the stairs, your white mini night dress - the straps hanging low on your shoulders, your hair frizzed from a deep sleep and your hand balled up into a fist rubbing at your eye.

He gave your puffy lips a sorrowful gaze, despite the distance. Your pink lips curling into a pout seeing him leave. Something felt different.

" Up so early, princess? "

Fyodor's hand held on lightly to the knob, purple eyes dimly lit by the rising sun, the orange rays illuminating through curtains and invading through the open door.

" Where are you going? " Your voice soft and pitiful. It sounded like a plea for him to stay rather than a question. Fyodor bit back a laugh. At least, you remember him doing so. Your recollection of it was hazy.

" You'll wait for me, won't you? As always. " Avoiding your question, he turned his back to you, muttering a distinct 'I love you' before closing the door shut after him.

He knew you loved him back.

He didn't need to wait to hear it.

He died knowing you love him, even if you hadn't said it.

You'll die loving him, too.

#bungou stray dogs #fyodor #fyodor dostoevsky #fyodor x reader #bsd #bsd imagines #bsd x reader #bsd x you #fyodor dostoyevsky bsd #fyodor dostoevsky x reader #bsd angst

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