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running-in-the-dark · 20 days

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it's been a month since we moved into the new apartment -

I'm so stressed. everything is stressful. we're still not done building the kitchen but it's getting there (slowly). mostly we just need to wait until we get a couple parts that weren't in stock when we ordered the rest. I'm hoping it'll be done by next weekend.

some of it is very frustrating with my brain specifically. I'm so bothered by all the tiny little things that no one else would even notice - like, some of the handles on the drawers are very slightly crooked (as in, less than a millimeter higher on one side) - but for me it's so obvious that it's impossible to ignore. my husband didn't even know what I meant when I pointed it out to him. there's also been a few slightly bigger issues, but we've solved them now (I think).

my eye has been twitching for like three to four weeks. not all the time obviously, but every few minutes. it's very, very annoying.

we still have no new info about when we'll have internet finally. it could take a while still.

on Monday a guy has to replace something in the electric roller shutters in one room - but we don't know which one yet. so either I'll have to let him into my room (awful, uncomfortable, will have to tidy up tomorrow so he could even get to the window), or I'll have to get both our cats into their carrier if it's the one in my husband's room (awful, difficult, one of them doesn't like that so he'll be scared and I'll feel bad).

also on Monday the electrician will install our stove (if he has time). then we're getting two ikea deliveries. and I've got an appointment with my (new) GP because I need a prescription, and I'm very (verrry) nervous about it.

I miss watching TV. I miss tumblr and YouTube and messaging my friends whenever I want and sending them photos all the time. I miss order and structure and (some level of) routine. I miss using real cutlery (we still haven't found ours lol).

when I was finally starting to get used to the noises in this place, the family above us moved in with their baby that cries all the time very very loudly and most of the time right above my room. so now everything is different again and I'm not adjusting well and once again I can't sleep.

but, I've listened to 14 audiobooks since we moved! that's been nice. it was the same way when we moved the last time (just over a year ago..). my favourite by far was The Thursday Murder Club. I've got the other ones in the series but I'm trying not to listen to them too quickly, so I'm gonna listen to three other books first (one is done already, so I should get there on Monday or Tuesday hopefully).

#long rambly post sorry #I miss talking about the random uninteresting shit that happens in my life on here all the time #I've got data on my phone again now at least so that's good. but the phone signal is still awful indoors so it's not that useful #but anyway.... logically I know I'm doing an okay job with unpacking and everything but it doesn't feel like it #also I'm probably gonna have to try to find at least a part time job pretty soon and I'm really really really scared. terrified.#not just of trying to find something and interviews and all that #but that I won't be able to handle it. physically and mentally. again.#I've only had one full time job (an apprenticeship actually) and I lasted 3 months.#and at my part time job I only lasted a month #like. I can barely get anything done in a day as it is. I have so little energy. everything is so fucking hard and exhausting #I truly don't understand how everyone does it. I don't understand how it's possible.#but if I don't find something we won't have money for food next month sooooo it is sort of kind of important #it sucks so fucking much. I can't stand or walk for long periods of time. can't do too much with my hands. I'm not good at dealing with #people/customers. I panic and can't think when I get nervous (which is most of the time). I can't remember shit.#so like. what job am I supposed to do??? everything hurts all the time already and I'm always tired and I'm barely keeping it together #fuuuuck this #😭#personal

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gold-as-hera · 9 months

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#summer #heat #Texas #iasip #heat miser #funny #why tf is it so hot #i’m melting #hot #fuuuuck this #meme

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hangoversandhandgrenades · 10 months

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Three and a half hours hours in the ER and the doctor literally JUST saw me for the first time like five mins ago

#fuuuuck this #ive been in so much pain #why does nobody ever fucking care #death valley hospital folks #thats what they call it around here #wonder why #i could be holding my guts in my hand from a knife wound or smth and id STILL probably have to wait 4 hours just to be called back lmao

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adriftwoods · 2 years

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i’m never going to the dentist again. if i get an infected tooth well then that’s just gonna be what kills me i guess

#fuuuuck this

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shadowyarcadetale · 28 days

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Would you let a trans girl like me ride you?

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pleasureville · 2 months

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Come with me

#hot as fuuuuck #hot as hell #hot and sexy #hot as fuck #sexy chick #sexy costumes

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bizarrelittlemew · 3 months

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REAL FUCKING MELTDOWN HERE WHAT THE FUCK

#THANK YOU SAMBA #ofmd #ofmd gifs #our flag means death #taika waititi #rhys darby #what the fuuuuck #ofmd bts #ofmd behind the scenes #ida.stuff

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serialunaliver · 3 months

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another thing I hate is when people say engaging with a persons delusions is bad because it validates the illness.

i'm not sure how to tell you this, but psychosis validates itself. delusions involve a lack of awareness that you're experiencing a delusion and others referring to the delusion as a delusion can create distrust. if someone is more content having others engage in symptoms like this in a positive way there's nothing wrong with it and it may make it easier to cope.

#literally fuuuuck that group therapy program that said I can't attend when I reject antipsychotics to get rid of my world #ITS BEEN DONE BEFORE AND I FELT SO MISERABLE I HAD NO DESIRE TO LIVE #I don't even think my world is a delusion this is justwhat doctors say #but i'm glad if people engage with it..Why does this make me bad?

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videophoria · 2 months

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Princess needs her prince

#so hot and sexy #hot as fuuuuck #hot as hell #hot and sexy #hot as fuck #so hot 🔥🔥🔥#too hot to handle #hotter than hell

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pleasureville · 2 months

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Wanna taste me?

#short hair #hot and sexy #hot as fuuuuck #hot as fuck #so hot 🔥🔥🔥#so hot and sexy #so hot omg

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heysweetbee · 8 months

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ameliamillsxx · 6 months

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I bet you wish you could touch it 😜

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brazilian-alphas · 8 days

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[OFF TOPIC]

Jordan Torres, macho de Porto Rico. O que é esse PEITORAL, meus amigos???

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nubinublado · 6 months

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Matthew Patel scoping out the company he just got only to find Gideon's room full of his cryogenically frozen exes and realizing he was actually a part of a 12 step plan to kidnap Ramona

#scott pilgrim takes off #scott pilgrim takes off spoilers #matthew patel #scott pilgrim #gideon graves #this is my headcanon to why he gives the company back at the end #like “oh fuuuuck i've pissed off the last person i should have *ever* pissed off”

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sweet-miss-t · 14 days

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#hot as fuck #perfect breast #goddess #mature woman #mature beauty #lovely breasts #findom goddess #maturesexy #hot as fuuuuck #great breasts #sexy nude #hot nude #nude photos #artistic nude

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animentality · 3 months

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#sick as fuuuuck #parrots #twitter

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