#funny how this is the first thing i write after being ia for so long
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Things I need to ask Richard Kruspe about.
(Because @theelliottsmiths send me a thing)
Sorry, but I am gonna make you suffer with me.
What do you think of Slash? And don’t give me the “everyone can do what they want” crap, I want the judgemental opinionated guitarist-who-won’t-compromise version please, I know you got it in you. Joe Bonamassa?! How about Guthrie Govan? Would it be ok if we dissed Yngwie a little, as a treat?! Can we talk about all the guitarists you like please? I just need to know.
Can we talk about Steve Albini? What are your thoughts regarding producers and authorship and his ethos? You must be a fan but it seems your working mode is on complete other ends of the spectrum and it’s confusing to me.
How do you feel about the myth building around the electric guitar as representing an entire genre and it’s iconography vs. it being a tool for you?
You don’t seem like a Metal guy, so how is your relationship to black metal, the church burnings and Varg Virkenes memes?! Would it be a better genre without the vocals?
What about classical? Can we listen to Itzhak Perlman playing Sarasate’s Carmen fantasy and talk about sound emulation without an amp and effects because surely you understand how insane that is what he does. How long can you keep up with Matthias Ia Eklunds indian rhythms exercises? My guess is longer than the average person and shorter than you think is acceptable.
How do you feel about production vs songwriting and how much each influences how much you like a song? Because you once said you liked BMTH’s Doomed which I can understand from a writing perspective but it’s made to sound unlistenable, sorry. If you listen to a new song and take it apart mentally (don’t pretend that you don’t), what do you take apart first?
If you were forced to arrange Schubert songs for Rammstein tomorrow, how would you go about it? How can I force you to arrange Schubert songs for Rammstein tomorrow? If forcing doesn’t work, how about bribery? Please?
Are you ever listening to non western music? Does it inspire or riddle you? Can I show you this research project where they are trying to replicate how music might have sounded in assyrian times because it’s awesome and I think you’ll like the idea.
Please show me the electronic music you like, it’s a jungle out there and I need help.
How have your listening habits changed over the years? How much can you still just be a fan without over analyzing it?
Do you miss it? Do you relate to your fans who just find comfort in the sound, and does that even occur to you?
How do you reconcile chasing the (sound) dragon day and night, when we end up listening to your stuff on broken ear buds, tiny bluetooth speakers and with horrible compression on youtube?! Don’t give me the digital ruined it all crap, you listened to the sex pistols on a run down casette tape and a shitty transistor radio and it still got to you, I want the real answer about satisfying yourself. So how do you reconcile it?
Do you miss seeing concerts as a regular crowd person who gets elbows shoved into your ribs? My guess is not that much but aren’t you scared you’ve lost touch a bit? (Sorry, please don’t be mad, I just. Need to know.) You saw Nirvana, right?! How was it?!!!! Do you understand how insane that is, no you don’t. How was seeing all those bands you never could before when you initially came to the west? It wouldn’t be surprising if it was slightly disappointing, it always is, isn’t it. Killing your idols sucks.
Appearantly there is a theory that your music taste stops evolving after 30 - I think it’s bullshit. Discuss.
What’s the first piece of music you remember loving?
Who’s the next stadium band? Will there be any more stadium bands? I understand the dissappointmemt about rockmusic not really producing new things, but what do you say to those of us that are younger and broke who’s closest thing to seeing AC/DC in their hayday will be Airbourne? Is it really necessary to invent something new when the old still speaks to us so loudly? Nevermind Greta van Fleet, it’s not the same, and the Pitchfork review was funny (albeit uncalled for).
I know you said it’s about not being rebellious anymore, but is any genre still? Nobody cares about what you listen to anymore. We aren’t fed music through establishment controlled radio channels anymore, everyone listens to whatever the fuck they want on spotify, so how could it be? When you say Hip Hop’s rebellion is just about the life style and not the music, yes, but wasn’t rock the same once upon a time, because it was jever just the music it was about people trying to doctate how we should live? Isn’t it maybe true in general, that music has become an unsuitable tool for rebellion because we have overcome the barriers surrounding it? Boring, I agree, but is it really down to a genre?
In that context: how do you value live music vs. the pure idea represented in a studio recording? Might going back underground be the best thing that could happen to the genre? Considering the beginning rise in analogue synthesizer building and analogue effect again, can you imagine the guitar (+ effects) going through another resurgance in a few years when noone want’s to listen to overprocessed stuff pieced together in Ableton anymore? Isn’t it already happening? *gestures at Gamechangers plasma pedals* Might advanced (analogue) sounddesign be the hope for refreshment for this instrument? Anyway, just give it a bit of time, it will come back (I promise).
Building on your expereinces with the press, describe the kind of music journalism you would like to read and that would be fair to the artists. Is there a natural conflict between the reader and the artist’s wants and need? Does there have to be?
You once said that there is such nice production in Lana Del Reys music, and I don’t disagree, but I still need you to elaborate on that.
How do you value record packaging? Do you see it as part of the Gesamtkunstwerk like videos and the stage? Not quite? Let me change your mind. Do you know that there are actually so many things we could still do with that noone has ever done before? Even digitally? Why does noone do pop up installations in gatefold LPs?! Interactive ways to explore a digital packaging? What do you think of Third Man Records (provided you’re familiar?)
Oh. Speaking of, your judgemental thoughts on Jack White please. What did you think of it Might Get Loud?
I need to talk to you about how Shine A Light changed concerts Films and how Jonas was right because he took the same idea and just pushed it.
Given your love of movies I take it you know who Jóhann Jóhannsson and Max Richter are - thoughts please. Can we agree that some of the modern classic minimalist composers and acts like Front Line Assembly are essentially doing the exact same thing with a different image and (not even that) different instruments or is that just in my head? I do not think it is but I fail at making people see it. Help.
I need to tell you about that time in London when I shopped at the same supermarket as Keith Flint because apparently he had some business in the neighborhood, and he once knocked pasta out of my hands by accident and I only afterwards realised it was him, and then I need you to be sad about his death with me. No context, I just feel like you’ll understand.
#talk music to me#i will take any counter arguments and insightful discussion from literally anyone as a substitute#rzk#I feel like I would overwhelm him I’ll settle on the rock music and rebellion part
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ONF in Demon AU
A/N : Is clearing idea dumps from drafts, this would be the second version of modern AU
Hi, does anyone remember the idea of illegitimate child of Satan from here and a random Lucifer!Hyojin moodboard here?
ALSO YOU TOTALLY CAN IMAGINE THIS IN A REVERSE WAY, ANGEL AU (where reader is a reincarnation version fragment of Archangel but this one idea dump/establishment will be done for another day)
ALSO you can totally imagine it as deity AU, example that you are Zeus reincarnation but you awaken late and you need to stop Kronos for his rampage. Or even you are Odin and you need to stop Modern version Ragnarok this time. And ONF members could be tie with other Greek/Roman gods. This one will be fun should OH MY GIRL and B1A4 are tied in too. Its just idea I am not sure if I will expand this. But discussions are welcome
(There is no harm to think it as late Victorian or any other era you like, it is just I felt it is better to write in a familiar timeline as I dont want to do something wrong)
So below are just a few establishment for the AU, I am not gonna divide this into 2 scenarios so warning this is going to be long post.
Ok even though I did mentioned illegitimate or forgotten child. This is plausible for your family comes from bloodline that related to demonXhuman ancestors.
Also it truly depends on you. Making into a throne inheritance war or
Reader come of age and their soul are reincarnated royal demon (not neccesary Satan) so there are some demons/demoness guarding you from you are still a child (kinda like those 2 characters from Good omens or Maleficent)
for the above idea, readers magical heritage only awaken once they pass a certain birthday 16, 18 or 20 or 21, up to you. So you suddenly can see mythical creatures.
It could be your bloodline awakened but you are not that qualified to ascend throne or because of your human blood you cannot hide yourself from angel/demon hunter so you have your own demon guardians
Lets say you are imagining on something big world building, again derived from the establishment for familiar au, it is definitely plausible for you to have other "candidates" and they have their demonic godparents/guardians as well
Example, should you go for inheritance war type, maybe you have a distant related sibling(s). It will be fun if you, have ONF members as your guardians while your sibling(s) have other kpop groups. Presumably to name, Dreamcatcher, ONEUS, ATEEZ, PENTAGON or ASTRO... in short its totally flexible.
To add, (and this is an idea i use to draft for fake pilot episode for a homework I worked), you could tally idols and number of idols you wanna integrate into the story to "Lesser Ley of Solomon", linking your bloodline towith King Solomon (*disclaimer, loosely based mythically). 72 demons, how many demons for 1 person is totally depend on you. Whether number of demons/demoness one have on their side equals to their power/ability (or even how many support they obtain) is up to you.
(and disclaimer I am not Christian this is just an idea dump so dont start cultural bashing. again this ia just an idea dump and I am not planning to touch sensitive issues yet.)
Ok enough world building, lets move to story wise.
You could be growing in orphanage it adds more mystery of your bloodline/heritage or similar to the familiar au, living with your family but your family later died on accident. Your parents bloodline combine making you are the perfect vessel for the reincarnation or maybe its a tradition like every 100 hundred years you will reincarnate or something. Again its flexible.
The moment you realize you are seeing things was you noticed similar aura of each person appeared on similar day. You might not get to see who is watching before you actually confronted to the air that you will contact the police
You might really go file a report but after several times the police be like dear there is no a single soul stalking you tho
then out of depressed, you accidentally get yourself into accident and your demon guardian shows up.
Or, because you started to able to see mythical creatures. Mythical creatures starts to notice your existence as well. And that somewhat gives off your location to other candidates through gossiping (should this is inheritance war type of story). Then your guardian show up to protect you when you are attacked by rival sibling’s demons.
Could be you visited some witch to get your ability to see mythical creatures covered up? Recommended by a friendly non related sibling or a friend you made/could be angel?
You thought you only got one but it surprised you that you actually got 7 (later 6)
As this was different from summoning because they are guardians either assigned or volunteered. There is no need for you to provide them anything. And different from familiar au, there is no need to leave them in your home. To ensure your safety they must follow you 247
For now I would be thinking our boys actually guards you in a daily shift. Example, Hyojin on Monday, Changyoon on Tuesday, Seungjun on Wednesday, Jaeyoung on Thursday, Minkyun on Friday, Yuto on Saturday, Minseok on Sunday. (after Minseok departs, the other members rotate themselves to do the Sunday shift)
Since their shift are like that, you sometimes take chance to hangout with them. Eating out with Hyojin, Arcades with Yuto. mostly happens Sunday.
I am thinking it might be fun which your predecessors of the throne are very eager to get the throne, you are just trying to keep out of trouble. So in another way, demon ONFs get to experience the modern human world in a more chill way, it was not just guarding you, but also trying to experience human world. You could like summon them?/keep them by your side just like a normal sibling (Especially if you are the type that grow up alone without any siblings)'
Cues in ONF members actually understand your preference and remembers them very well. So you could not help relying on them as days pass by.
You are defo gonna get an ultimate rival and a friend that shares the same circumstances as you. Maybe the first rival sibling ends up being your friend after they know you are not intending to compete. But there are some rivals are more aggressive out there.
Could be you knew a few demon hunters but they know you meant no harm and then they just let you go
It will be more fun if existences of your kind triggers inner civil war between demon hunters/angels. Because there is also some distant “siblings” of yours wish to live their live quietly but some parties does not agree of letting your kind roaming free and feeling the bloodline must end.
Should you are the type to compete for your birthright (because you are too irritated of people keep coming to kill you non stop). They are happy to serve you till the end as you embracing your darker side. (Well I am not sure to give ONF members and reader loveline here so I will not talk about it for now)For this version, to explain Minseok’s departure , I would prefer that Minseok is back at hell to be your team’s spy, monitoring all political moves and changes.There are still bottom line morality, you are not really slaughtering your way through. But you do make sure the other party wont come to look for trouble anymore.They are going to train you to make sure you are ready. Fighting in physical and magic.That friendly sibling joins on training you too.
You are definitely getting strict critiques from Hyojin and Seungjun during the beginning of your training.
My preferences, you get a friendly sibling(s) where their demon guardians end up being BFF with yours. (RTK and MIXNINE side effect, sorry)
Characterization should be the same as those I have established from the familiar au. Just the world building and some settings that are slightly different.
Hyojin is to keep the trait of his preference on human food
Changyoon is to keep his nagging trait
Seungjun might help you with studies (not solidify him as a nerd but there is tendency that he will)
Jaeyoung is more to the body guard type
Minkyun defo gonna make friends with stray animals (either you house ends up becoming pet shelter, you becoming a foster mom for animals or you cannot keep any because you are allergic but mental supporting Minkyun is up to you)
Yuto definitely is the quiet but alert type same goes with Minseok
My preference stereotype for them would be the cinnamon rolls that would kill
Sometimes they might go.. “ I am a known demon back in hell but why I am doing this babysitting shit?”
But then ends up enjoying stuffs human does lol
Changyoon enjoying TikTok lol, they got famous because of their contents.
Defo gonna have movie night.
It will be funny if ONFs as demons themselves, got scared at the monsters/ghosts seen in horror movies. Bonus if you actually not scared of horror movies. And they are gonna question you out of disbelief like why the hell are you not scared? How can you not even flinch a single bit?
Reason : monsters and ghosts imagined by human beings do not look the same based on their knowledge.
They sometimes show themselves to other humans but rarely. Mostly just being the unseen follower behind you.
Cues in sometimes they forgot they are invisible, and picks up something from the mart and it gave people a fright. Example, Changyoon or Minkyun passes through a nice outfit and just took the hanged outfit out to place in front of himself, only to realise what he did after looking into a mirror nearby
Hmm my thoughts, Jaeyoung and Minseok would be the ones who would always their visiblity when you are out with them.
Hyojin and Changyoon would be the ones who prefer to keep their invisibility
Copying from familiar au, should you attend college or university, people might thought some members of demon!ONF are your boyfriend.
At first when they changed pattern starts to live close to you, they could not get the concepts of moral of human being well. You will be guiding them.
Could happen that you are so pissed off by someone at work and you could not help but ranting when you are at home.
(Of course the demon!ONF on that day saw what happened but you did insist on them to not do anything)
They might go like : “ Should I kill them for you?”
You : “What?”
Random ONF member : “I can do it to make look like an accident you know.”
You : “OMG NO”
You : “You know maybe you can try to mend things when they are trying to frame me on purpose.”
Random ONF member : “Gotcha”
For the you are not competing scenario, they would be always keeping you safe from harm until you died. Should you get married, you let them participated as relatives/friends. Cues in they even help you take care of your child later on. It could be even fun if you child does not inherit bloodline but they can see ONF members
I will stop here will write another post should i have more ideas to add.
Welp of course for a third option scenario, would be you being a supporter the friendly sibling of yours. You just wanna stay safe so you acted like an advisor role for that candidate, helping them to gain power but not participating directly. Like I said its flexible
For this one I would like to write it as you are just trying to chill with your quiet life but demon hunter, angels and aggressive candidates keeping coming at you.
Also for this one I would link to the point of unfavorable and forgotten child part.
Less favourable child gets assigned with less powerful or less aggressive demons
So for this story ONF aren't high class fighter demons at all. But they do excel in magics.
In opposite, you could the one who knows how to fight maybe because you are quite rebellious in personality.
The moment you found out there 3 parties wanna kill you and innocent less aggressive candidates, you snapped.
Maybe some candidates heard of your friendly sibling name and they rushed over to seek help. End up bump into you instead.
You : what kind of dad is *your biological demon dad name*?"
Cues in Demon ONF keep calming you down because they are afraid that rumours of you belittling your demon father might make their king angry
But you have your attitude and no shit is given. Because you understand that your life your destiny is in your own hands.
You : I wanted a peaceful life alone but now I have to deal with Angels, hunters and a bunch of siblings that I never met , never knew about each other, who all wants me dead.
You : its not fair.
To end it once and for all, you suggested to the friendly sibling to find other candidates that do not have any intentions to compete for throne. Form allies with them so that later own they could get votes for the throne and the rest of the gang could get a decorative chill title while living a peaceful life
Also suggested to the sibling of yours make use of the allies to protect less aggressive candidates
It worked politically. As most of the candidates work on slaughtering others to cut secure birthright, your ideal and policy of strengthen inner then tackle threat gain more favour. Finally your sibling gets the throne.
And you and your other members of allies might get duke duchess or something
This version of story would have and need slot of mind games. Political games as well. (Will be interesting to write but there will waaaaaay too much characters to take note.)
#onf#onf headcanons#onf headcanon#demon au#onf imagines#onf scenarios#onf scenario#demon!onf#onf hyojin#onf e-tion#onf j-us#onf wyatt#onf mk#onf u#kim hyojin#lee changyoon#lee seungjun#shim jaeyoung#park minkyun#mizuguchi yuto#scheduled#queued
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Some more mass effect andromeda thinky thoughts as I run around heleus getting some achievements!
- the murderous angaran ai is genuinely so fucking funny. “How are you feeling here on Aya?” “I hope you die” “Is there anything we could do to make you more comfortable?” “BURY THIS PLANET UNDER FIRE AND ASH” “o.oookay. Goodbye then.” “I HATE you.”
- I hope I never become irresistibly moved to write mass effect andromeda fic b/c there really is no other description for a good 70% of the expressions reyes makes than :> and how could one capture that in words
- as mentioned I’ve been doing a bit of achievement hunting and in the process I’ve been switching up a lot of gameplay stuff from how I handled it the first few times around and let me tell you it’s baller as fuuuuuuuuuck -- it just looks so awesome and is so satisfying between the maneuverability of the jetpack and biotic charge and the effects. special shoutout to what happens if you biotic charge a frozen victim enemy and the biotic pull/push combination. (throwing people around like ragdolls is actually so much fun I’ve kept doing it even after I unlocked the achievement lol)
- lol lol when you get meridian online there’s the montage of every planet coming back to life, right? well the one on kadara is from inside kralla’s song, with umi looking out at everything that’s happening. and all I can imagine is her jaded-ass voice going ‘what the fUCK did that asshole kid do now I only just cleaned up after the bar brawl he started with his krogan grandpa and now he’s rearranging the entire fucking planet right from under us goddess I need a drink’
- the implication that reyes ‘cards so close to my chest you won’t even know I’m playing’ vidal just does not shut up about how amazing ryder is to anyone who’ll listen gives me so much life. when you try to be mysterious and laidback but the human pathfinder is so fucking cute tho Y____Y (also go watch his scenes if you’re being standoffish with him the entire time -- he clearly wants ryder to like him so much right from the beginning, he’s doing so much work to no avail and I feel sort of bad for how funny I find it haha. interesting that it really does seem to be an emotional thing as well as y’know the practical/tactical benefits of having the pathfinder on his side. methinks the charlatan might be a bit lonely there behind all his masks lol)
I think this is why I’m willing to give him some benefit of the doubt too, despite all the cloak and dagger stuff -- he’s so immediately drawn to ryder, who you can never make a bad person, really. something in him must respond to that, if potentially only in the ‘attracted to traits I do not possess myself’ way hahaha
- I love sam. so so much. some of the open world implementation is still grating (yes sam. yes I know I can mine this area for resources through my mining interface. we’ve been doing this for a hundred hours sam. you’ve been right here with me the entire time sam. please sam), but he’s SUCH a good and I’d argue underutilized concept (emotionally at least) and the best boy. the fact that he can get SARCASTIC on you fsdhfjsadh he’s growing and learning! he’s doing so from inside your brain which is kind of unsettling but also SO COOL! there’s something about that level of intimacy, of always knowing there will be someone there with you in your head that is super interesting and deserves to be examined more fully -- both how it could be comforting and how it’s r e a l l y not how people or ai are generally designed to work lol.
he also gives us a unique link with our dad and I wonder if the writers would have explored that in more depth if there’d been more development time -- it practically SCREAMS out an invitation to get to play/see things from alec’s POV in short bursts, like the memories you unlock except you could go through playing it as him since sam is common to both of us. (see my ‘our dad comes back through either kett or remnant nonsense in the sequel and we need to find some way to connect with him’ idea. it would be. amazing. listen alec already looked at the ethical guidelines involved in creating ai and went ‘huh interesting ideas but not for me thanks!’, don’t tell me he wouldn’t have left some loophole in so this could happen)
- reyes literally says ‘the cavalry’s here’ when we get to meridian and I for one love him more than words can express (he also asks us if we’re okay in sort of a sweet/worried way right before we get to the control room. aw buddy)
- like we don’t think of them like that because we’re in control of them and see all the stumbles and awkwardness and how young they are all the time, but damn the ryder twins must look like something else to everyone in andromeda haha. they literally stride around like demigods restoring entire planets. on voeld spring non-metaphorically follows in their footsteps. shit dude if we’re talking realpolitik here the angara must feel p r e t t y nervous about this -- there’s no one saying they can’t turn off the vaults as easily as they turned them on. I hope we get them somehow teaching the angara how to do it too, on a smaller scale at least, as a show of good faith or something in a sequel, because that power imbalance is disconcerting
- I’m glad sam and I have such similar priorities whenever we’re on kadara. ‘maybe mr vidal would know. perhaps we should ask mr vidal about this. mr vidal said something relating to this pathfinder maybe we should speak to him’ . yeah sam i know the feeling, same (it does undeniably read as sam having a bit of a crush which is. hilarious?)
- the fact that alec ryder thought ellen responded to his bad boy act in any way when what really charmed her was that he was a great big nerd <3 it’s kind of nice to see a fictional marriage that seems to have just been. nice and stable and chill? just two intellectual equals who like and respect each other very much and not a lot of drama until alec went full alec and started developing rogue ai instead of watching his wife die lol. again I would love for the sequel to involve ellen finally waking up and being like ‘death? trying to claim MY husband? I do not think so, I can die he can’t he’s not leaving me behind’ and helping out and you realize that the reason they were soulmates was that under the relatively rational and unemotional surface they’re both, at heart, batshit crazy mad scientists who are insanely devoted to each other. imagine it tho! the people of andromeda realize alec ryder is back from the dead somehow and doing some Shit out there, they put a ton of resources into curing ellen’s disease because their best shot is something to do with the implants she made, hey presto we’ve got all ryders on the board and in play.
- just want to make it clear that I’m still sad about avitus rix and hope he’s having a good day
- do you think ryder ever asks sam to read something to him ‘aloud’ in his head if he’s anxious and can’t sleep. or just to talk at him about something boring until he nods off. again the possibilities inherent in the concept!!! he has someone who’s closer to him than any other person could be, what’s that like?
- *me sticking to my sidewinder pistol the whole playthrough even though it’s laughably inefficient* I just wanna feel like a cowboy bioware please work with me here
- the male ryder voice actor has such amazing comedic timing, there’s a lot of reaction stuff out in the field he absolutely nails. I enjoy the female voice too and I like how much emotion she manages to convey towards the end of the game especially, but there’s a casual comedy in male ryder’s voice that can’t be beat. (well, it’s not hawke levels, but then nothing ever is, that’s too much to ask)
- I love vorn and kesh so much. nerd krogans unite & make out
- I still want to sit peebee down and have a long serious talk with her about emotional abuse, maybe give her a hug :( fuck kalinda
- this game does not get enough credit for how stunningly beautiful it is, it all got buried under criticism about the animations and it’s a fucking shame. the last few vaults you go through are just mindboggling in scale and visual uh striking-ness. it makes me so sad to think there won’t be any more of it D:
- I really like this mainly casual + logical dialogue options ryder I’ve found; it makes him sound like a younger and more irreverent version of his father, but also softer and less closed off and much more willing to show affection for his family especially.
- i wonder if different people’s individual SAMs will take on a certain tone/unique pattern when they’ve coexisted long enough. have I mentioned. how much I want a sequel to this game
- one last reyes note because don’t look at me okay -- I wonder how much we’re meant to read into ‘being honorable never got me anywhere’. on the one hand I’m fully prepared to believe he’s never even tried doing anything the honorable way in his entire life lol but on the other there’s also some interesting potential in the interplay of that sentence and ‘to be someone’. (there seems to be a deep fear in him both of powerlessness and of being truly seen/recognized -- he equates secrecy with safety pretty explicitly -- which seems... telling? of what I don’t know but telling all the same hahaha) like he might be saying he’s tried doing things the ‘right’ way and it didn’t work and the price was too high, so he just went for this instead with the ends low-key justifying the means. hmmm. :Ia (this is what happens when I get Attached to a character with like an hour of screentime my friends, and I’m already primed to give my entire heart away at the sound of nicholas boulton’s voice)
#mass effect#mass effect andromeda#I'm sorry about this my brain just won't shut up about this suddenly so here we go#reyes vidal#meta
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Not-that-private talks (A Natasha Romanoff Drabble) *SMUT*
A/N: I really enjoyed writing this.
Requested by: @headoverhiddles
“Have you seen that ass”
Warning: smut.
Pairing: Natasha Romanoff x fem!reader
The ventilation ducts were narrow, and for a moment you envied Tony, who was in the living room of the Mansion of the target.
Then you remembered that he had to seem kind and be nice with all that cynical people down there and giggled.
-What is so funny in there, (Y/N/N)?- he asked you by the earphone.
-Nothing- you replied while crawling to the room where it was the information you needed.
-Are you sure?- he said, and you guessed he was smirking- Maybe another dangerous but hot spider? Be careful with don’t fall for her, too. It would be such a weird kink.
You sighed. Not that theme again.
-I shouldn’t have told you about it- you said.
-Oh no, darling- he thanked a waiter that gave him something- you would have done worse by not telling me.
You heard him speaking while you looked to the room where you had to infiltrate, trying to find any kind of security.
-And now after you had admitted- he kept telling you- you have to go for her.
You removed the ventilation grating.
-Have you ever heard that of “to dream is free”? Well, you can still dreaming, Stark.
-C’mon, (Y/N/N), I’m just trying to make your dreams come true.
You let yourself fall in the room and looked around, all your muscles tense, and started to look for the IA.
-And what do I dream with? If I may know, oh great wise- you asked sarcastically.
You turned on the computer.
-Her ass, I guess.
-Well, who doesn’t?- you said without worries, finding the archive you needed- I mean, have you seen that ass?
-I did it before you, darling, when she kicked Happy’s ass.
The archive finished of downloading to your pendrive.
-Well she is a bad-ass- you said giggling of your own joke.
-Everything was fine with this talk until that horrible joke, (Y/N/N)- a low voice that you could recognize anywhere sounded in your earphone.
You froze in your place forgetting for a moment the danger of being in that room.
-How long have you been listening at us?- Tony asked for you.
-Enough to know the great opinion you two have of my ass- she answered.
A nervous laugh threatened to appear in your mouth but you kept it to yourself and entered again in the ventilation ducts.
-I got the information- you said to them- what are you doing here besides listening to our not-that-private talk?
-A threat of attack- she just answered- Fury sent me.
There weren’t enough spies in S.H.I.E.L.D that Nick had to send Nat, in that exact moment.
The universe loved you.
You waited for Tony at the back exit of the Mansion and you both get out of there to the jet that was waiting for you two.
-Now your real mission starts now- Tony told you before you entered in the jet.
Nat was there and greeted you with a smirk and a wink.
You just nodded to her.
The travel back to the facilities was silent, something weird considering that Tony was there; but he was just looking to you with a bad dissimulated smirk in his face.
You looked where Nat was and caught her looking at you.
That happened a couple of times before you arrived.
-Are you coming?- you asked him when you landed and were about to enter in the facilities.
-Go ahead- he answered- I just… heard a strange noise while flying here and want to check it.
You glared at him.
He smiled at you.
You made your way with Nat by your side in the facilities.
-We should report the mission to Fury- you said to her, not making eye contact.
-That can wait- she answered and took your wrist and pulled you after her.
-What are you…?- you didn’t finished the question before she had pushed you into an empty room, locked the door and pinned you against the wall.
-I didn’t know you think that about me- she told you.
-Well, anyone with eyes would think the same- you answered.
She giggled.
-First, I don’t care what anyone else but you thinks about my ass- she said approaching to you- second, I’m not referring to that part of your conversation.
You knew it was a possibility that she was lying when she said that she had just heard you talking about her butt, but realize that it really was like that was a very different thing.
-I… I don’t know what you’re talking about- you tried.
-Oh no, honey, you do- she affirmed- and if I wasn’t interested in you I wouldn’t have you pinned against the wall.
You let out a giggle and shook your head. The scene was unrealistic.
-So you’re telling me that you could like me too?- you asked, biting your bottom lip.
She looked at your lips and there looked at you.
-To be fair, you’re not the only one that have a look in one ass specifically- she told with a smile- and above all, that ass of yours in leggings.
If someone would have told you that morning that you would have the infamous and deathly sexy Black Widow telling you that, you would had probably laugh out loud like for three days.
But there you were, between a wall and her, so close to each other that you could feel her chest going up and down when she heavily breathe because of the sexual tension in the air.
“Go for her” that was what Tony said. Maybe you should try it.
-There is even a better view of my ass waiting for you if you want- you offered, taking out your most daring part.
Natasha smiled and bit her lip.
-And how is that view- she asked, caressing your waist- if I may know?
You took her hand and led it to your lower back, where Nat quickly moved to your butt and clenched.
You moved your hands to her neck and approached your mouth to her ear.
-Why don’t you undress me and discover it?- you whispered.
She moaned and her hands clenched your ass while she kissed and bit your neck.
Your fingers tangled in her hair while groaning in pleasure.
Nat licked your sweet point for a while, and stare at it for a moment.
-Beautiful- she said looking at the hickey.
You smirked and caught her face between your hands and her lips between yours.
She was anxious of you.
She bit your bottom lip and enjoyed the taste of your mouth, while her hands moved to the zipper of your catsuit to undress you.
A shiver ran down your spin when you feel her warm hands caressing your shoulders to take out the suit, and your nipples hardened under the bra when she pressed against you the cold leather of her own clothes.
She was about to go for your bra too, before you stopped her and broke the kiss.
-I want a fair game- you said to her.
You quickly changed your positions and now was Nat the one into be pinned against the wall and getting undress while you made her a hickey near to her jaw.
She scratched your back when you bit her neck and press your body against hers.
You both took out your suits and left just your underwears.
If you were still dressed with your clothes, Nat could have easily undress you with the look she gave at you.
-You’re even more beautiful than I thought- she whispered, approaching to you and undoing your bra.
-You had thought about me before?- you asked while she threw your upper clothe to a corner, followed by hers.
-Anyone with eyes would- she answered.
She crouched, taking your panties with her, never letting your eyes.
She put her hands on your hips and started to kiss your thighs.
One of your hands moved to Nat’s hair and tangled your fingers in it while the other was on your breast.
Nat gave you the hottest look before attack your pussy.
A gasp let out your mouth and your back bowed when she started to lick your wetness, first slowly and rough, and then quickly and short licks.
She knew what she was doing.
Your grip in her hair tightened when she sucked your clit and shook her head.
You moaned a bit louder, and a smirk appeared in her mouth.
Her nails clenched on your hips while eating you out, don’t allowing you to move while she made you a mess and your hand played with your nipple.
You didn’t want her to stop, but with every lick, more you wanted to taste her too.
One of her hands moved to your pussy and easily entered two fingers, while she stood up.
When she was at your height, you desperately approached her face to yours and drove her in a passionate kiss, tasting yourself in her mouth.
She went faster, while her thumb played with your clit. It was insane.
She deepened her fingers, going rougher and changing to fast.
Your walls were getting tighten.
-Come one, baby, cum for me- she groaned in your ear.
It was all that you need to orgasm, moaning her name.
You took out her hand and licked the fingers she had inside you while she caressed your whole body.
You smirked before turn her around and crouch, having the perfect view of her ass and her wet panties.
Your hands moved all along her legs and took out her panties just to see her pussy waiting for you.
You bit her perfect asso before sink in her wetness. She tasted so fucking good.
While eating her out with long and fast licks, your hands massaged her ass.
Her face was pressed against the wall and her hands her playing with her breasts, while moaning and cursing in what you identificate as russian.
You started to quickly lick her clit, and she moaned your name.
You stopped a moment and saw the goddess above you, being a mess and begging for more.
Your tongue sanked on her wetness and one of her hands traveled to her clit.
She was approaching to her orgasm.
You took out your tongue from her and replace it with two of your finger while standing up and pressing your body against hers.
You curled your fingers inside her and a loud and long moan came out her mouth, while her body leaned on yours, what allowed your other hand to take one of her breasts and stimulate her nipple.
She kept pressing her body against yours while you fucked her and she played with her clit.
She moved her head towards you, and leaned her forehead on yours.
Her eyes were full of lust and pleasure, and she was gasping and moaning.
Her other hand moved to your hair and tangled her fingers in, while you went faster on her.
She started to gasp and moan, never letting your eyes and her grip started to tighten.
-I’m… I’m gonna cum- she whispered.
A third finger entered in her and stimulate her g point.
Natasha cumming was the hottest thing you ever saw and heard.
A long and acute moan came out her mouth, while her body shook in pleasure and pressed impossibly closer to yours.
When she calmed down, you took out your fingers from her and licked them before she drove you in a passionate and loving kiss.
Her tongue caressing yours, and your lips moving at the same time, fitting perfectly.
She turned round and moved her hands to your neck while yours rested on her lower back.
When you broke the kiss she caressed your face and smiled at you before pecking your lips a couple of times.
-I want that ass of yours in my room today, and in my car tomorrow at five- she told you.
-It’s a date?- you asked playfully.
-Are you mine?- she asked, answering your question, before kissing you again.
-EXTENDED FINAL-
You both entered in Fury’s office, Nat close to you, and like nothing had happened.
Tony was already there speaking with Nick.
-Here you are- the director said- why did take you so long?
You walked to his desk and gave him the pendrive.
-I was doing stuff- you just answered.
-Romanoff is the stuff, if you had doubts- Tony pointed.
Nick looked interested between you two, while smirking ad nodding.
Nat had her arms crossed and a poker face. You glared at Stark.
-Fuck you- you said before made your way out of there with Nat.
-I think it was the other way around, darling- he laughed.
You both kept walking, but before left the office ,Nat placed a hand in your hip, so they could see it.
-I told you- Tony said to Fury.
-I can’t believe that what I have been trying to do during all the time they had known each other, you had got it in one mission- Nick said.
-You own me five bucks- Stark said.
-Fuck you.
TAGGED LIST
@realgreglestrade @bestbeforeyouleft
#natasha romanoff#natalie rushman#natasha romanoff x reader#natasha romanov#scarlett johansson x reader#tony stark#nick fury#drabble#Avengers#natalia romanova
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submitted by @gentaroukisaragi
Hey if we’re talking podcasts id love to send you a few recs
I dont listen to a lot of Horror so my recs are mostly not that
They are also all audio fiction; i dont think you were looking for nonfiction? But if you are looking for those ive also got a handfull if you want em
Misadventure By Death - a man receives a job to be the caretaker of a historical house and finds it a lot more haunted than he likes (full disclosure: friends of mine created and act in this podcast)
Love and Luck - two men begin to date each other and gain strange subtle powers that they use for the purposes of making the world a better place. This podcast was made with the explicit purpose of being good happily ending queer rep (not that it is finished yet) and its so sweet and good and the eps are short so you can get invested really fast.
Within The Wires - the world has changed as we know it. All countries’ governments were destroyed and replaced with a unified gllbal governing body. Discover this world through (season 1) a series of relaxation tapes in which a woman attempts to break someone she loves out of a mental institute, (season 2) guided museum tours by a woman who had an incredibly complicated relationship with the artist whose work she is describing and (season 3) a beaurocrat’s recorded notes to his secretary. This podcast has a less straightforward format than most of the others on here, but thats what i really adored about it when i first started listening to it. Created by one of the creators of welcome to night vale
The Amelia Project - have you ever wanted to fake your death because of your problems? Well, if you have enough money, the amelia project will give you a spectacular false send off. This podcast documents the cases that the amelia project works on and is very funny
Midnight Radio - every night at midnight the radio plays a show that seems to be lifted straight from the past. Listen to the host talk about how much she adores her small town and the long history she’s had with it. Better than how im describing it i swear
Girl in Space - our protagonist lives alone in a space station. It wasnt always that way. And now, after she presses a strange button that she finds, she’ll have to deal with the people who come to find her.
The Once and Future Nerd - a fantasy series about three teens who find themselves transported to a fantasy universe. Well written and acted, this series subverts common tropes about the fantasy genre and challeneges them. Also: elves with southern accents
Solutions to Problems - set in the distant future, stp is a radio advice show, where people can write about their problems involving work, relationships, time travel, ai, alien customs and so much more. The hosts may or may not ever solve a single problem.
Greater Boston - you know boston? This podcast ia about boston. Like the boston where a section of the subway voted to become its own city, where a magazine about fortune telling is huge, where a man goes on a roller coaster, immediately decides its not for him and nopes out of the situation by dying. Not what happened in real boston? Eh this place is kinda better.
Kalila Stormfire’s Economical Magick Services - a witch is kicked out of her coven and decides to sell her own services. Each episode is the compilation of the notes she made for every case she has taken on and also a bit of an investigation into the person sabotaging Kalila’s efforts.
Alba Salix - Alba Salix is the head healing witch of the kingdom and must deal with unsufferable related royalty as well as two new employees that shes unwillingly taken on. A fantasy comedy thing.
Red Rhino - A timeline keeper attempts to coach a young man through becoming a superhero with his newly acquired powers that he hates. Everything is more ridiculous and suspicious than it seems.
The Beacon - a young woman makes a podcast about the superpowers she has just gained, the horrible monster in the forest and her quest to stop that monster before it hurts more people.
Mt olympus university - pandora has managed to get a full free ride to university and with no other options, she took it. Only she finds herself in a place where everyone else has powers and she doesnt. Join her as she meets the various greek gods in a world that doesnt have the same history with them that ours does. Short sweet and weekly. I also really adore the theme song.
Otherverse - aliens have invaded the world but humans arent giving up with a fight. (full disclosure: friends of mine created and act in this podcast)
Jim Robbie and The Wanderers - a group of travellers make their way across a post apocalyptic america where giant bees roam the lands and chicago is mostly underwater and ghost trains run through the deserts and cults worship the sun. A lot more cheerful than it sounds. (Full disclosure: i work on this one. Its kinda on hiatus, but theres a pretty big backlog if this is up your alley)
Most of these podcasts should be pretty easy to find but if you need help with links or want more recs, feel free to ask! Podcasts are a big part of my life.
this is an incredibly helpful list thank youu! 💕 some of these sound exactly like my kind of thing
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In the mind of a “Top Tier” Protoss player
Hey guys, PtitDrogo here, after reading a really amazing post tournament write up by one of my favorite Magic player ( https://twitter.com/lsv/status/1105124626429079552 , seriously, if you’re even slighty into magic go read this) I felt like it would be kind of cool to write down how the past month went for me in term of strategy preparation for the last few tournaments I played, mainly focusing on wesg and WCS ro8.
You win some you lose some
To set the tone, before wesg I was of two minds about my play, I managed to qualify for the ro8 of WCS after beating Mana and Namshar, but I got seriously owned by Bly and Nerchio at IEM, not taking a single map and going home with 0 dollars.
It’s still honestly a little bit confusing to me, the same confidence in my ability to play a defensive style against mana completely failed against bly, and my faith in my timings that worked great against namshar just got dismantled by nerchio. I could go on longer about this but sometimes you just don’t play well, and I’ve learned that dwelling on it is the worst thing you can do.
All eyes on Spaghetti boy
Looking at the groups of WESG, a top 1 finish in my group would give me a good shot of having a “beatable” opponent in the bracket, and winning that match would mean winning 5k, so it was my objective coming into the event.
The man to beat being obviously reynor, who previously kind of walked on me in the last group stage of wcs, I had a couple of ideas in mind and also discovered some new cool stuff beforehand.
I now knew that he actually really liked hydralisk midgame, and I actually really liked it, what was once the bane of my existense is now a pretty manageable opening in my opinion since the hydralisk got quite a bit weaker, you really don’t have to play scared and can even pressure yourself.
I was practicing some kind of 3 base high eco Chargelot archon pressure and having so-so success with it, I kind of wasn’t sure if I wanted to go for it, but without a better idea that’s what I was gonna go for.
“Wow, he actually does open hydralisk every game”.
There’s a bit of a difference between telling yourself something and seeing it for yourself. After watching Probe vs Reynor It really hit my that reynor was playing hydralisks not only on big maps but on everymap, add to that a tendency to add some zerglings to deny the third, and 15 minutes before the start of my match I’m changing strategy without practicing it.
EDIT: Watching the vod of the Bo3, I actually was completely wrong, lol, I looked at the game at the only time he made some hydralisks, to secure a game already won by a roach nydus, and the other game was just a ling queen nydus, I guess I saw what I wanted to see !
“The Yoloswag build”
It’s honestly such a terrible build, it’s not a particulary strong push, and it relies on your opponent not going roachs and REALLY thinking you’re going for a macro while also being a little bit of a bad player for not using your prism.
This is just an 8 gate that wants to cancel its third base in the first place to being able to afford 8 gateways production in the first place, the idea is you poke with 2 archon, run away from the queen, cancel your third because of the nasty zerglings, and while you pretend to being completely owned you warp more archons and zealot in a corner and you go kill the guy, a classic really, and I knew it would be very effective againt lings into hydras, sometimes last minute change of plans do work, color me surprised.
“Oh no you canceled my third dang it”
“Nothing going on over here”
“The 420 Blazing it DT drop”
This one has kind of a funny backstory to it, I was practicing with a zerg for IEM, and he really wanted me to play DT drop because he thought his opponent would do it for sure.
“Alright, but I really think it’s shit” is what I said.
2 hours later and a LOT of wins later, I had to concede that it was pretty good, to quote my practice partner “your Dts being 7 seconds faster is actually a pretty big problem”.
Sometimes you’re very wrong about what is good. Here’s the thing tho, I didn’t have time to check a vod to do the build, so I went by memory, old memories of 2017 in fact, and the way I remembered it you would have to cut a lot of workers and do a lot of little adjustements to get a very fast DT drop going even if it meant sacrificing some economy.
Turn out not a lot of protosses were doing it. The end result was 4 Dts being warped at 4:23, and most games they would just kill the third hatch. So I was feeling pretty confident it would work.
In my game against reynor I warped my Dts at 4:21.
They killed the third hatch.
I was honestly so confused as to why or how I managed to have a better timing than in the game I was practicing against the ia, but hey I’m not complaining.
Later Reynor told me he didn’t know Dts could come this fast, and the 4:20 DT drop kind of became a meme among players for the rest of the tournament, I haven’t warped exactly 4 Dts at 4:20 yet, but hey maybe next wcs I’ll do it without meaning to !
So I ended up with a very pretty to look at 10-0 score, wasn’t easy of course, Iasonu and Probe were two players I was also scared of but I thought that playing standard was my best bet and indeed it was, also almost lost a game to PsiArc where I was very behind in economy but managed to attack right before his bunker finished, sometime lucky.
There is no way the Germans can cross the Maginot Line
My opponent for the ro16 was Lambo, not a bad draw but not the best, I was confident I could win tho, and the new variation I was trying out in practice were going great, I had a great plan for the best of 5 and a build for every single maps.
All of that preparation came crashing down with a pretty swift 3-0 LOL.
Game 1 was death by 12 pool, Cuz here’s the thing, to get a 4:20 DT drop, you can’t probe scout, little guy needs to work overtime ! I actually was mainly hoping he wouldn’t have the balls to 12 pool game 1 and I was going to scout after core anyway, whats the worse that could happen?
Game 2 was a very good game until it all came crashing down, I actually very like this double stalker opening poke, I was practicing against a zerg and made 2 stalkers by mistake on this map, and the overlord that usually always manage to run away died this time, and the very confusing double stalker oracle move out forced quite a lot of lings. So I decided to run with it in the tournament
When I was trying to explain it to the other protoss as a “great opening that looks very confusing to the zerg but doesn’t actually do anything” they were unconvinced; Haters; when it becomes the norm in 2020 don’t forget about me.
In the actual game the 2 stalkers squad worked great, I actually even killed an overlord at his base ahahah. I was in a VERY strong position in the midgame, and thought there was no way I could lose.
Well, nydus happened, no warpin available, no recall, an awkward attempt at a basetrade and a very long death animation trying to rebuild my templar tech to spend my gas bank later, It’s 2-0.
“Money in the bank pimping ain’t easy”
Game 3 was just a standart 2 base nydus that if I was a few second faster to recall my oracle or if I wasn’t supply blocked on 53/54 to then warp one more stalker I would have won, oh well, sometime it’s just not going your way.
“The correct play here is to go alt tab and go complain on Bnet forums”
It was obviously very annoying to lose one step short of making 5k, but there was a silver lining to losing to hard and so quickly to cheese.
All of my preparation could still be used for WCS.
An FFA would pretty much have been the same right ?
The big Round robin was here, and good god is it spooky. All of the players there are good and even if 6 players out 8 makes it it is very very scary.
My goal coming into the group was to barely make it, “maybe 2 wins is enough to squeeze in” is what I thought.
The first thing that is interesting to note is that I got pretty lucky in the order of my matchs, my 4 first matchs were all PvZ, then on day 2 I got the two PvP and the PvT.
That made practice fairly easy and nobody was able to prepare for me for day 2 as I didn’t have any of the same match-ups.
“You lose some…
Against Serral, I had a pretty good first game to be honest, even tho I didn’t do flashy damage with the DT drop I still kept the pressure with the archons and was in what I thought a pretty good situation with the army I wanted.
Here’s the thing tho, Serral is annoying, like VERY annoying with his mutalisks, so before moving out for a strong attack I overmade defensive structures by quite a bit (3 canons in natural mineral line lololol) because I felt like I could afford it. So when I pushed, as you might expect it, broodlords were already out, and even if it might not be a well known fact in the community yet, Lategame PvZ is pretty unwinnable, at least against serral, gg.
Game 2 was just an embarrassing game of me messing up my build order and losing my prism to 6 queens to then die to mutalisks and roachs. Not the most interesting of games and the kind of showing you really don’t wanna produce but it sadly happens too many times.
“Queens defend everything reeeeeee”
Against Reynor I’m actually blaming the first game loss directly onto serral. I actually very efficiently dealt with the mutalisks while teching to storm extremely fast (more on that later) and was in a very decent position. But I subconsciously felt like I needed to attack much faster than I actually had to because of the previous game (Check the Hive Drogo !! Scouting is allowed reeee) And just made the game extremely easy to play for reynor with a reckless attack.
The second game was just a meme, another case of 12 pool, but this time even tho I scout it very late I pull all of my probes and take a very efficient fight against the zerglings, and at this exact moment I am in a very good position.
The correct play was to make a stargate in the wall and just move out with the adept and leave the zealot home.
I didn’t finish the wall and moved out with 2 units, Reynor did a runby with some more lings and I had to go home.
I then proceed to not finish the wall and moved out with 3 units, Reynor did a runby with some more lings and I had to go home.
I then proceed to move out with 2 adepts leaving 2 at home, Reynor did a runby with some more lings and I had to recall home
I then proceed to try to finish the wall but Reynor did a runby with a LOT of zerglings and I had to gg back to the lobby.
This is the kind of game where you just feel very stupid, I like to call these games failing an IQ test, because thats what they truly are.
… You win some”
This is where I finally get the talk strategy, because there’s kind of of prerequisite to win games to be able to brag about how great of a strategical mastermind you are.
“The triple triple”
After all the hype about the 420 DT drop, the first thing I obviously was looking for was a build that would look like a DT drop, but was actually a complete blind counter to the usual DT drop response from most zergs.
Thus came to life the triple triple, 3 gate, 3 oracles, warp twice (not 3 times rip symmetry ) and then you just go for it. The gas timing is very similar, only one adept and stalker are produced by the gateway, you have a proxy pylon from your main that can directly warp low ground so that the overlord at the natural cant see it, and the one adept boy can walk around to deny lonely lings from getting vision. All of that for an explosive cocktail that will kill a zerg making roachs expecting Dts, not having enough spores or queens to handle the triple triple squad.
Also, I’ve come to realize in practice that it’s not even that bad of a build in the first place even if scouted really early for some reason.
“Sometimes it kills 10+ workers”
“Sometimes a lot more”
This amazing innovation of the PvZ metagame that I’m sure will be a staple in the metagame (it won’t) allowed me to take a map off Lambo and Elazer, for the other map I had to resort to the amazing build that comes next.
“This is totally an archon drop I swear you better make roachs”
I really don’t know how to call this, You just go for the normal archon drop build except you mine more mineral and make an early forge, then take a third slightly faster than an archon drop timing and just make 4 templars super early so they can bank energy so you can do a +2 push with 8 storms extremely fast. While you’re doing the build you run around with your first few units to deny vision so the zerg gets scared and think he might have missed the prism.
Oh, and you also make a LOT of probes, I’m talking non stop, enough probes to fully saturate the third when its done.
“But Drogo, wouldn’t it be strictly better to just go storm drop? Zerg would actually see a prism and be scared and you would also do economic damage even if they make roachs !!”
And to that I say, I like to keep it simple ok, maybe next year when I actually get good at the game.
Anyway, This build actually gives you a pretty powerful set-up in the midgame, I used it to kill the Hydra bane of Lambo and succesfully defend the nydus onslaught of Elazer (I didn’t strictly do this against elazer actually, I was pretty scared of a spooky all-in), which is usually not possible unless you were a greedy boy in the early game. So all of that gave me 2 points on the board.
“4 templars just chilling at home, Safe working conditions are too rare in the Starcraft universe”
When the Zerg is away the Toss will play.
For the second day I had 2 PvP, a PvT, and a lot of times on my end to prepare. So I did, I watched a ton of rail footage, and observed that he wasn’t afraid to play his ladder builds in tournament, so I was feeling fairly confident I could just win by having stronger build orders.
Little did I know this would be the hardest series of the tournament by far.
The first game felt like a walk in the park at first, you’re going 3 phoenix against fast expand forge first? There is no way in hell I am losing this. I played it a little bit safer than I could have but I was very confident in my ability to hold his 2 base push.
Turn out, I was wrong, very wrong, Rail just made a bigger army and kept warping in, and eventually our armies got to a size where his two untouched immortal he had over me actually packed quite the punch and our upgrades were equal. So even with a third nexus mining for a while, I’m losing the game.
The second game I was sure of what he was going to do, some adepts with an expand and robo follow up, so my plan was pretty much to play with a lot of gates units and go Stargate to have good control of the game, simple plan, but effective.
The issue is, I forgot to prevent him from pylon blocking my wall, then I didn’t realise he let his pylon finish, I built my Stargate in vision of his pylon …
So yea I canceled that real fast and improvised a blink opening, a build I haven’t practiced in a really really long time, without any possibility of scouting, turned out I didn’t need to, since verdi went for his robo opening into constant presure with adepts sentry immortals, with me sitting and pure useless stalkers, down 1-0 and 30 supply, disruptor knocking at my front door, I didn’t like my odds one bit.
Oh well, sometime lucky.
I’m sure the third game will be much smoother.
Oh
Oh no (not pictured here, 3 sentries also died)
This has to be a record for the most amounts of units lost to the 2 initial adepts in a professional game
There’s almost something peaceful about being so far behind, you can just try out wacky stuff and see if it works.
Which is somehow did, after two pretty successful adept and a basetrade clearly going in my favor, I brought back an impossible game and was very happy with myself.
If you’re wondering how on earth I managed to get surprised by 2 adepts, all I can say is that I was way too confident in my preparation, as I was so sure that he was going for his safe expand double probe scout strat, I didn’t have adepts on my mind until the last 3 seconds.
Overall I would say that my preparation for this serie was very bad, even tho I spent the most time on it, even if you can tell yourself beforehand to not mindgame yourself by thinking too hard, it can still very much happen.
So after that emotional roller coaster of a series, it was time to play a PvT against big Gabe, and I had quite the revolutionary strat prepared.
“The triple triple… Again...”
Sometime you watch one series that makes you fall in love with a strat, for me it was Zest vs Innovation where Zest defended a marine drop with 2 oracle and a phoenix, warped more adepts across the map and immediately killed Innovation, I thought to myself “I can do that” as it didn’t look too hard.
I hate Stargate openings in PvT, I truly hate them, I’m always in a good position with them but I always lose anyway, but on the other hand, I’ve loved shading adepts and oracle at random times since LOTV beta, so I thought it was worth to give it a shot, especially because I thought Gabe wouldn’t expect me to play stargate.
Worked just as planned, a refreshing turn of events after the last series.
The second game (what game on kairos ? never happened Protoss doesn’t lose PvT remember) is what I like to call “New Year Zero, the movie”. I really think this map is incredibly protoss favored, it’s really not on everymap that starting 2 forges because you’re supply blocked and can’t start your first colossus ends up being a the best decision you could have made.
After killing the Raven and a decent chunk of bio in the middle of the map, I thought I had a real timing there, I had 5 seconds of hesitation after seeing so many liberators, but after sending an hallucination and seeing that Heromarine was Still 1/1, I decided to A move into him anyway, it was either gonna be a genius, killer instinct like move, or another brick to the monument that is the ThrowGo Legacy, a win win really.
“Sir, this is Hallucinated phoenix speaking, Terran is 1:1 you’re clear to go”
“Roger that”
It went great and the twitch chat of that game had a very reasonable discussion about game design talking about how great it was that protoss could attack into this many liberators.
I don’t have much to say about the last Serie vs Showtime really, I was already qualified so all the presure was off and I felt great, and I don’t think I could talk at length about great of a strategical mastermind I am for faking going phoenix and actually going Dark templars !
He didn’t exactly do what I expected to him to do so this was pretty much freestyle that worked in my favor and not anything prepared.
“Artosis favorite unit showing us what peak starcraft is all about”
The second game was a cheese that I had seen before, Double proxy gate zealot with canon rush, I was fairly confident that it was overall pretty bad, and this game didn’t change my mind.
“The best unit against canons is actually the probe”
Amazing Gaming
So overall it’s a 5-2 Score !! This wasn’t what I expected at all and I was obviously thrilled, too bad I failed so many IQ tests otherwise the first place would have been easily in my grasp.
I have a lot of cool new strats with weird names prepared for LA, I hope I’ll win so I get to brag once again about how smart I am ! (not really).
Hope you guys enjoyed this blog, and I would like to dedicate this victory to this chinese Stuff bear, he kept his promise and without him I would never have survived those nyduses.
https://www.instagram.com/p/BvPWIAvhKSl/
For more Yee https://twitter.com/PtitDrogo
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Last update of the year
(A lot of you have already probably seen this picture but it's relevant so here it goes.)
Hello everyone, and Merry Christmas! This week update will be public for everyone and will be the last until after the holidays. The team and I will be out some time so I'll see you all in 2019.
I'll start with the obligatory: thanks everyone for your support during 2018. It's been really important for me, even more considering the huge jump this project was from One Thousand Lies. I've made tons of mistakes and I'll probably keep doing them due to my inexperience, and despite that you have been keeping your trust in me and that has a value I cannot put into words.
I technically finished writing this project at the end of 2017, although I didn't finish writing all the secondary events until around March of 2018. I started looking for artists and musicians at the end of 2017 too although we technically didn't really start until 2018. So in a sense 2018 has been a full year of development, also translated as "me trying to figure out how making video games work".
I went from my original idea of making it in Renpy to move to Unity, then figure out how Unity works during the few first months. During this time I also had the help of a few programmers, musicians, graphic designer and other people that due to different circumstances had to drop from the project, so you can say that these were a few months dedicated exclusively to try to get a properly organized team and work ethic.
For example: here's a look of the game IN MARCH!
I was using placeholders for everything except the background as you can see, but at least the basic functionalities were all there.
My focus a bit after went into keep scripting the first versions of the novel even if they were with placeholders and looking ugly, while at the same time I started the battle programming around May. Well technically I started it before that but I had to discard a few versions until I finally started the base of the current game. This is how it looked back then:
As development went new ideas for the battle system kept coming, and I kept discarding them to, funny enough, leave a design a lot closer to my original idea. The current version is almost 1:1 to my first design documents I did about it.
The hardest part of the battle system was no doubt the AI. This is a system where all units move around with a certain degree of intelligence and there are many situations you never plan ahead where they end doing whatever they want. Luckily I found help from a new programmer that helped me to fix many of the issues and improve the system to what it is now. Once that was working I expected that the rest would be "easy" but the truth is that going from what you see on the gif to what it is now there's a huge amount of work in GUI design and programming and functionality too. The first version had too many buttons around to decide everything your character could do but I managed to come out with a new design simplifying the system and making it a lot more intuitive.
We didn't really start this change in GUI and design until the AI and all attacks and abilities were working, which it was around September! So yes it took 5 months or so of many mistakes and work until we finally managed to get the battle system. As I mentioned before it is a complete new system made from scratch so there was a lot of trial and error. In fact I am still finding errors and minor changes to do.
Here's for example how the AI Behaviour Tree looked for one of your own characters in September when we were still trying trying to make it work properly and it was an mess.
Sincerely the battle system has been a huge idea that has become bigger than I never expected, but at the same time I think it has a lot of potential and really fits with the game. I designed the basics of this system before I even started writing, it's part of the game even if I allow you to make it optional. The costs and time dedicated to it won't probably come compensated once the game releases, but it is still the biggest project I've ever tried in my entire life. I want to make sure that I can be proud of it.
It's been a lot of work and it never seems to end to be honest, but I guess that's part of the first time developers feeling. I only did one other project before and it had little to now programming involved so you can imagine.
The image on top is what you can guess, a screenshot of the demo main menu. During these past few days I had a build ready and getting tested by a few people, and I wanted to release it today but... I'm not really happy with the quality of it.
I feel bad because I keep giving dates but I'm being unable to fulfill them. This is only and exclusively my own incompetence, so I don't want this text come out as excuses. Explanations are still in order however.
My main issue is with the battle system balance, of course some people managed to find ways to beat the map in like 2 turns haha. I made it relatively easy considering it is a demo map but that was a bit too much. There's also a few minor bugs like part of one menu not disappearing if you press certain buttons (how? I don't even) among other things.
So if you really want to play I can build a version with only the Visual Novel part or even upload a video so it's easier to watch, but I personally want to polish it a bit more. I think that first impressions are important too and considering I've messed up almost every announcement and first impression up to now I would like to clean that record.
It's been one year, so I was kinda pressuring myself and other to step up, more than I can probably manage.
Anyways that's all for this year. Hope you enjoyed a bit at least this short look at the game development process during 2018. There's a lot more I could talk about but this entry is already pretty long!
See you in 2019!
ESPAÑOL
(Muchos ya habréis visto esta ilustración antes pero es relevante así que welp)
Hola a todos y feliz navidad. La actualización de esta semana estará abierta al público y será la última hasta después de las fiestas. Tanto el equipo como un servior vamos a estar fuera por lo que ya nos veremos en 2019.
Empezaré con el obligatorio: muchas gracias a todos por vuestro apoyo en 2018. Ha sido un año muy importante para mí, aún más considerando el salto desde un proyecto como One Thousand Lies a esto. He cometido todos los fallos que podía cometer y probablemente los siga cometiendo debido a mi falta de experiencia, pero a pesar de todo muchos me habéis seguido apoyando y eso tiene un valor que no puedo poner en palabras.
Técnicamente terminé de escribir este proyecto a finales de 2017, aunque estuve luego trabajando en todo el contenido secundario hasta Marzo de 2018 o así. A finales de 2017 también fue cuando comencé a buscar artistas y músicos por lo que realmente no empezamos hasta 2018. En ese sentido 2018 ha sido un año completo dedicado al desarrollo, que se puede traducir también como "yo intentando averiguar cómo hacer eso de los videojuegos funciona".
Al comienzo fui de mi idea original de usar Renpy a finalmente cambiar por Unity. Durante estos primeros meses todo lo que podía hacer era intentar averiguar cómo Unity funciona ya que ha sido mi primera experiencia con el mismo. Durante este tiempo tuve también el apoyo de unos cuantos programadores, músicos y diseñador gráfico entre otros, pero debido a diferentes circustancias tuvieron que dejar el proyecto. Al final estos primeros meses realmente fueron para intentar formar el equipo y averiguar qué teníamos que hacer.
Por ejemplo, aquí tenemos un vistazo a cómo el juego se veía en Marzo:
Estuve utilizando placeholders para todo excepto el fondo como se puede ver, pero al menos las bases de funcionalidad estaban ahí ya.
A partir de ahí me centré en pasar las primeras escenas al juego aunque fueran llenas de estos placeholders y teniendo una pinta horrenda a la par que me familiarizaba con el motor. Poco después también comencé a programar el sistema de combate, en torno a Mayo para ser exactos. Bueno en realidad comencé antes de eso pero fueron todos versiones que deseché hasta que finalmente comencé lo que sería la base de la versión actual. Este es el aspecto que tenía por aquel entonces:
Lo curioso es que conforme el desarrollo avanzaba nuevas ideas para el sistema de combate seguían surgiendo, pero a la vez las iba desechando. Al final el diseño actual es casi un calco exacto de mi primer diseño documentado sobre el sistema de combate y todas esas pruebas acabaron fuera.
La parte más difícil de todo este sistema es sin lugar a dudas la IA. Este es un sistema donde todas las unidades se mueven con un cierto grado de inteligencia y hay unas cuantas situaciones en las que al final acaban haciendo un poco lo que les daba la gana. Por suerte encontré ayuda de un nuevo programador que arregló y mejoró mucho de mis problemas para dejarlo en lo que tenemos ahora. Con eso terminado esperaba que el resto fuera a ser fácil pero lo cierto es que ir desde lo que ves en el gif a lo que tenemos ahora fue una cantidad ingente de trabajo. La primera versión tenía muchos botones también por lo que también había que intentar diseñar un sistema simplificado y mucho más intuitivo.
Todo este trabajo respecto al GUI y el diseño no se comenzó hasta que la IA y todos los ataques y habilidades estaban completos, que no ocurrió hasta Septiembre o así. Por lo que sí, llevó 5 meses de muchos fallos y trabajo hasta que finalmente se completó el sistema de combate. Como ya he mencionado antes es un sistema completamente nuevo al fin y al cabo y hecho de cero por lo que hubo mucha prueba y error. De hecho todavía sigo encontrando pequeñas cosas constantemente.
Aquí por ejemplo hay una captura de cómo el árbol de comportamiento de la IA para uno de los personajes se veía en Septiembre, cuando todavía se estaba intentando hacer que funcionase y era todo un poco lío.
Siendo sinceros el sistema de combate ha sido una idea enorme que se ha vuelto incluso más grande de lo que nunca imaginé. Al mismo tiempo sin embargo creo que es algo con un enorme potencial y que realmente encaja con el juego para crear algo único y novedoso. Diseñé todo esto antes incluso de empezar a escribir, es parte del juego incluso si permito que sea opcional. Los costes y el tiempo dedicado probablemente no compensarán lo que luego el juego gane, pero sigue siendo el proyecto más grande que he hecho en mi vida y al menos me aseguraré de que pueda estar orgulloso de él.
Es un montón de trabajo que no parece acabar nunca, pero supongo que es lo que hay cuando haces un juego por primera vez. Solo he hecho otro proyecto antes y no tenía casi nada de programación por lo que te puedes hacer una idea.
La imagen de arriba es lo que ya os podéis imaginar, una captura del menú principal de la demo. Durante estos últimos días conseguí finalmente tener un build listo y una cuanta gente jugándolo. Mi idea era sacarlo hoy pero... no estoy muy feliz con la calidad del mismo.
Me siento mal porque sigo dando fechas que no puedo cumplir. Esto se debe exclusivamente por mi incompetencia por lo que no quiero que suene a que pongo excusas, pero obviamente tengo que dar explicaciones.
El mayor problema viene con el balance del combate. Por supuesto ha habido gente capaz de completar el mapa en 2 turnos je. Lo he hecho relativamente fácil considerando que es una demo pero igual es demasiado fácil. Además sigue habiendo unos cuantos errores como por ejemplo unos botones del menú que no desaparecen si usas ciertos botones (¿cómo? Ni idea) entre otras cosas.
Por lo que si realmente queréis jugar no me importa daros un versión con solo la parte de novela visual o incluso subir un vídeo para que sea más fácil de ver, aunque personalmente preferiría poder mejorarlo un poco más. Creo que las primeras impresiones son importantes y considerando cómo la he liado con todos los anuncios del juego pues quiero limpiar mis propios errores.
Ha sido un año, por lo que igual he estado presionando al equipo y a mí mismo demasiado, más de lo que realmente puedo hacer.
En cualquier caso eso es todo lo que he podido hacer durante este 2018. Espero que hayáis disfrutado al menos de este pequeño vistazo al proceso de desarrollo este año. Hay mucho más de lo que podría hablar pero esta entrada ya es muy enorme, ¿no te parece?
¡Nos vemos en 2019!
#visual novel#update#novela visual#vndev#gamedev#dev#games#game dev#game development#videojuegos#juegos#video game#indie#utage#unity#pc#mobile#android#iOS#original character#mystery#comedy#slice of life#survival#lotus reverie
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GUILTY(H.S) -CHAPTER 4
Author’s Note: Why do I keep writing long chapters? Anyways, this one is emotional. Just a warning xxx M
For previous chapters you can find them here.
Chapter 4
It was him.
H.
He cut his hair. He no longer had long locks. His hair is a quiff now, almost the same as the first time I met him. He had muscles, actual muscles that you would have to go to the gym daily for. Well at least that was what I saw from his long yellow sleeved shirt. Time really does make a difference. He looked at my stomach. He smiled. Great, another person who doesn't need to know I'm pregnant.
"What are you doing here?"
I felt like I was going to faint. This can't be happening. How is he, of all people, here? I could already feel a headache growing.
"I can explain 'Meli-"
"Don't call me that. It's A-mel-ia" I said with a defensive voice.
"Sorry, love"
"Don't call me that either. And don't call me pal too"
I crossed my arms around my chest. I should have worn a bra. Harry put his hands in the air as if he was a criminal surrendering to the police.
"Dex" He paused for a second. "Dexter invited me to stay the night . . .He didn't tell me yeh' would be here"
Harry shook his head, running his hands through his hair, fixing it. Wow. So I'm not the only one he has been lying to all this time. What the hell changed Dex? I sighed. I was frustrated. I spent the last two years trying to avoid Harry. This must be a joke.
"Why are you still here then?"
"I forgot my hat" He said. "Have yeh seen it?"
Yup, that part of him hasn't changed at all. Harry could be forgetful sometimes. No, most times
."No I haven't-"
I jumped when I heard the kettle ring and harry took amusement in my reaction. He laughed, eyes squinted closed.
"Not funny" I said giving him my death stare.
"Sorry"
He wasn't though. He was still laughing.
"What color is your hat?" I asked pouring the hot water into my cup.
"Black. It's a failsworth cap"
Caps? What happened to his fedoras?
"Check the dining room. Didn't see it in the living room"
Harry went out of the kitchen into the dining room. I tried to escape him finding my way up the stairs. I wasn't fast enough. I was halfway up the stairs when Harry called my name.
"'Melia!" Harry called walking into the living room, noticing me on the stairs.
He had his black hat on. I rolled my eyes.
"What?" I asked turning to face him.
"Can I take yeh' out for lunch?"
Is he serious? It's pretty obvious that I wanted to be clear of him."Are you kidding?"
"Yeah. I wanted to talk to yeh"
"Well then. . . no. My boyfriend may want to be your friend, but I don't. Not anymore. I want nothing to do with you. You know the way to the door"
"Is it a girl?" He asked
."Why do you care?"
"I like babies" He said.
I looked down at the flowers sitting on the table next to the stairs. Just get rid of him, I reminded myself.
"It's a girl" I said, going up the stairs and entering the bedroom.
I closed the door behind me. Seconds later, I heard the echo of the house door close. I leaned my head against the bedroom door. This is going to be a long day.
"So the realtor said everything ran smoothly. I think we can leave earlier than excepted. Should I message Dex?" Victoria said exiting the mansion.
"No, don't tell him anything. He doesn't deserve to know about it. After all, he's not telling me anything either"
"Is it this why you kept ignoring his calls in our meeting?" Her eyes lit up with curiosity. "Did he do something—did he cheat?"
Cheating would have been better.
"Oh God no, Victoria. Dex would never do that." I said.
I knew even Dex had his limits in relationships. But cheating would have turned out better though. The truth would come out one way or another.
"Are you sure?" Victoria asked.
I gave her a death stare. I've been giving everyone death stares. I kept giving Dex one while he was asleep in bed. I was furious with him. He knows he has no position in my past with Harry. He had no right to meddle with people from my past. How can he do this to me? How can he say I have nothing to worry about when I do? I had it with him being secretive. He started being secretive exactly when Harry showed up in our lives.
"Sorry, you know I'm not one for relationships. What happened?"
"Harry and Dex hung out last night and Dex hasn't told me about it."
"That's it?" Victoria looked as if she was expecting more.
"Harry also wants to talk to me. I said no"
"Why say no?"
"You know why, Vic"
“"Yes but aren't you the one who always gives people second chances? Forgiveness is practically your middle name" Victoria said.
"Only when they deserve it" I stated.
"Well, I know you won't follow my advice since you never do but, I would talk to him"
"Why? You always hated my exes. You even hate Dex"
"I do hate them but rule number one of management is that it's always great to fix a problem before it gets out of hands"
"Oh, you're just afraid I'll punch someone again" I teased her.
I heard a car beep close by.
"Possibly. There's one more thing I need to tell you"
"What?"
"I called Dex. He's behind you. You really thought I was going to let him interrupt our meeting with the realtor more than 6 times? I'll be in the car" She said passing Dex whom approached me.
He had flowers in his hands. Pink peonies in fact. My favorite.
"Mel" Dex said trying to talk to me.
I rolled my eyes at him. I've been giving him the silence treatment ever since he woke up. If he's going to be secretive, so will I.
"Can you stop ignoring me and talk to me? You left the house without telling me where you were going? I got you flowers"
"Why do I need to tell you? You haven't told me about Harry or how you went out with him last night? And I don't want those flowers, especially not from a liar"
"You know" Dex stated taking a moment.
"Of course! You think I'm that dumb not to notice? Or that I'm that careless to allow you to meddle with anything that involves me? Because I'm not"
"Let me tell you what happened"
"No, don't!" I yelled at him. "You're just going to lie again. What has our relationship turned into?! Two months ago we were perfect. No lies. Complete trust. No one becoming in between us. What is happened to us? What's happened to you?"
I walked away.
"Mel, calm down. Give me a chance to explain, babe. If not for me, at least for our girl"
I stopped walking. I turned around, facing him now.
"Be honest. Because if you don't, I swear to God, I will breakup with you and raise her on my own. Without you"
Dex looked at me as if I've done something unforgivable. But I didn't care. How can two people raise a baby together when there is no trust in the other?
"You wouldn't dare" Dex said. He was giving me his death stare.
"Try me" I said, being dead serious.
"The complete truth?" Dex asked.
"All of it" I said.
"You might want to sit down" Dex suggested.
I sat down on the steps of the mansion entrance. Dex sat next to me. He placed the flowers on his lap. He traced one of the flowers' petal before taking in a deep breath.
"Harry told me he wanted to talk to you when he was in New York. I didn't tell you at first because I thought . . ."
"Thought what?" I asked. "You can tell me anything"
"You know I have trust issues—"
"And I don't blame you. Your father and you didn't have the best relationship but I'm not him. You can trust me" I held his hand. "I love you"
He looked down at our joint hands.
"I thought you would leave me" He admitted.
"Leave you? For him? Where is all this coming from?" I asked.
I was confused. Not confused. Slightly angered. I hated when people underestimated me, most importantly close friends. Dex and I both knew that I'm smart enough on how to raise a family on my own. But did Dex really think I wasn't smart enough that I would go back to a person I had bad history with? Sometimes, Dex baffled me with his irrationality.
"Harry told me about what happened between you two. How he described it, it sounded that you were the happiest you've ever been when you were with him well before he-"
"I'm pregnant. With your child" I stated. "You really don't trust me after all we have been through? After when I told you all my secrets at 3 am in the morning? After how I let you in about how I had daddy issues? After how every day I choose to be with you and not someone else?"
I waited for him to answer but he had nothing to say.
"You're not going to say anything? Yes, no?"
"Mel, you know I have a difficult time opening up. You wouldn't understand—"
I slapped him. Dex was in disbelief. I could see red forming on his cheek.
"Give me your phone" I said.
"Why?"
"GIVE ME YOUR PHONE!"
Dex gave me his phone. I already knew his password. I went to his recent calls and saw Harry's name. I touched it and the phone began to ring. He answered fast.
"Hey Dex!" Harry said in a cheerful voice.
"Actually, no it's Amelia. Do you want to go out for lunch right now?" I asked bluntly.
"'Melia! Sure. I would love to. I might be late. I–"
"I can wait." I cut him off. "Cafe Habana? 12:30?"
"Yeh. Sounds great. I'll see you there"
"See you. Bye Harry"
"Bye love"
I hung up the phone and handed it back to Dex.
"Keys please"
It's been thirty minutes since I arrived here and I was getting anxious. I felt eyes prying on me. I was wearing the same yellow dress with the same flower heels. The dress was loose, not loose enough to hide my bump though. Despite wanting to know what happened between Dex and Harry, I had no other reason I wanted to be here. I hated Mexican food and I hated waiting alone in public. I was eating was tortilla chips when I was craving something sweet. Instead I was being surrounded by salty and spicy food. I distracted myself by being on my phone. Harry arrived minutes later, wearing his favorite blue shirt. I could smell vanilla mixed with other spices when he walked in here. Pregnancy hormones are somewhat tolerable after you reach your milestone in your pregnancy.
"'Melia!" Harry exclaimed bringing me into a hug.
He was soft, ironic due to how muscular he appears to be. I can't remember the last time I hugged him.
"Mandarin" Harry said as I broke the hug. "Is it Chanel?"
Right . .Harry could always point out which perfume a girl was wearing just by the smell. It was a bit odd and creepy, I got used to it after I met him.
"Yeah, its coco" I said as we sat down.
I looked at his hands. He had new rings. Usually, when he had a new ring, there was someone in his life. I remember he and I shared rings.
"New rings" I said. "Any special lady the Harry Styles has been seeing?"
I drank my water.
"Not really. I don't want to get into it. What about yeh?" Harry said changing the topic.
Clearly, he's hiding something.
"What about me?" I asked.
"Yeh' changed. When are yeh due?" He asked, referring to my pregnancy.
"End of January" I said. "Aquarius"
"Like me" Harry grinned.
I hope I don't give birth on his birthday. Any day besides that would perfect.
"Almost. Don't get your hopes up." I said.
A waiter approached us, taking our orders. Of course, Harry went for a salad. I ordered buttermilk pancakes which Harry was confused by. I shrugged it off. I'm the one who has to eat for two.At first, we didn't talk about what happened between us or why it did occur. Until now, we discussed what happened since we drifted apart. Harry went to Jamaica to record his album, only taking a break to film Dunkirk, which the one and only Christopher Nolan directed. He was about to leave for tour but had to do some promotion first. I was a bit jealous of him. He was only twenty-three. He had so much going for him. I hated to admit it but I was proud of him. Then, there was me. I finished my tour and returned to acting. Now, I'm numbering the days until my girl comes into the world. Or more like numbering the days until I trade my independence for changing diapers.
"What about Dexter? How did yeh' two meet?" Harry asked.
"Didn't he tell you? We met at a party in 2015" I answered.
Harry smirked, eyes glued to me.
"2015" He repeated. "Was it after or before we–"
"Dated?" I asked him.
He nodded.
"It was before. Two months, I think"
"Oh" Harry said in relief. "You didn't tell me about him before"
"It wasn't important back then. Besides it's not as bad as what you did" I grinned.
"How was Kendall?"
Harry looked down at his almost empty salad. I expected him to be disappointed, but he actually started to smirk.
"Knew yeh' were going to ask that" He responded.
"Knew you would try to ignore me as always" I said.
He looked at me.
"Do yeh' want to get out of here?" He asked.
"Why?" I crossed my arms, laying it on the table. "Too narcissistic to admit you did something wrong, so you're trying to change the topic."
"'Melia" Harry protested trying to stop me.
"You haven't changed at all" I said.
Harry waited a minute before speaking.
"Come with me, and I'll tell yeh' everything yeh' want to know. In privacy. Please"
Should I go? It's not like I have nothing to do. Listening to his album yesterday just made me more confused and I deserve an honest and clear answer after all these years. Nothing is going to happen between us and me being pregnant secured that. What do I have to lose?
"Fine. I'm driving though"
"Al'right" He agreed.
"Jeff dropped me here anyways"
"Okay. Where are we going?"
"So I'm not the only one selling an old house?" I asked walking into the living room of Harry's old house.
"Guess not" Harry answered. "I have a bit of trouble selling it on my side"
No wonder why, the house had no trace of living in it. There was furniture, of course. There had to be for the buyers, but no personal items were on display. Harry kept staring at me as I looked around. The house was cold and empty. The sun peering in did little to help. I remember all the times I spent the nights here. I really didn't have a choice. Harry usually begged me to sleep by him and when I did he would sleep by me. Other times Harry would distract me with movies until I fell asleep on the couch. I would yell at him the next morning blaming him for my lateness to meetings. Why would he ever leave here?
"Quit it" I said.
"Quit what?" Harry asked, not too surprised.
He was leaning against a wall of the living room.
"Staring at me. It's creeping me out"
I turned to him.
"Sorry love" Harry said. "You seem interested"
"I am. I have a question" I said.
"What is it?"
"Why are leaving Los Angeles for New York?" I asked. "It doesn't make sense. Everything about you says LA"
"Everything?" Harry asked looking down at himself.
"Personality-wise, I mean"
"I don't think I am. Maybe a part"
"Im being serious. Really though, why? You love waking up to the sun. You love warm weather. You like peace and quiet. New York City is the complete opposite"
"I felt like I needed a change"
I raised an eyebrow at him.
"And that change is New York City? When there are million other places like London?" I asked.
"Yeah . . . aren't yeh' the one who said New York changes people?"
"I said that years ago. Knowing stubborn you, I didn't thought you would listen"
I sat on the couch. Harry walked over and sat next to me.
"Did you know . . . in New York before you moved in-"
"That you lived there?" Harry finished my sentence.
"Yup" I said, looking down.
I bit my lip.
"No, not at all"
I chuckled.
"Aye what's with yeh'?"
"You really didn't know that I lived there? That's bullshit" I said.
"I wish. No one told me"
I had a feeling he was lying.
"Not even Jeffery? You didn't check online who your neighbors would be?" I asked, looking at him.
"Well after I got the apartment, I did. I wanted to introduce myself"
"Is sending tulips a way to introduce yourself?"
"Kinda. They're yeh' favorite, right?"
"Used to be. Peonies are my favorite now"
"Now that's bullshit"
"Hey! I can't control what I like" I said.
"Next time. Which color do yeh' want me to send? Pink or white?"
"Pink" I laughed.
We spent the next few minutes in silence. We avoided looking at each other. I could feel our passion burn as awkwardness grew. I could tell he knew where this conversation was going.
"I listened to your album" I stated. "Yesterday, actually"
I lifted my head to him at the same time he did.
"Did you?" Harry smiled.
His big bluish-green eyes burned into mine.
"Yeah" I said looking away.
"Did you like it?" He asked.
"Yeah. Especially from the dining table"
"That's my favorite off it"
"I cried during that one" I blurted out.
Harry looked down.
"Sorry about that"
"It's okay" I said. "A musician has to have his muse, doesn't he?"
He didn't say nothing.
"It's about me, isn't it? So are the other two?" I asked, thinking about Woman and Sweet Creature.
"Actually, three" Harry corrected.
He wrote another song. I looked back to him.
"Why did you stop talking to me?" I asked. "You just stopped. You didn't say anything to me after we broke up. I felt like I did something wrong-"
"No, no" Harry said cutting me off. "You didn't do anything"
"Well, it felt like I did" I said. "It hurt, you know? Seeing those pictures of you kissing her, all happy and carefree"
Harry raised his head to me.
"'Melia, you-"
"I'm not finished!" I said out loud. "We broke up and I said I wanted to still be friends with you because I didn't want to lose one of the best people in my life and you . . ." I felt my eyes start to water. "You also wanted that"
Harry looked down trying to avoid me.
"You wanted that. So why two weeks later did you stop talking to your friend?"
"'Melia . . . I know I shouldn't have done that"
"You're right you shouldn't have" I said.
I felt water fall down my face.
"I tried calling you but you never answered. I understood you needed space but I expected you to call me back and you never did. Instead, I found you kissing her. I wasn't mad, not one bit. I was disappointed that you had time for her but not for me"
"I called yeh' after-"
"AT THE WRONG TIME!" I yelled.
We spent the next moments in quiet, except the sound of crying coming from me. Harry looked at me and held my hand. I know he was trying to comfort me but he made it worse.
"At the wrong time" I said again. "You called me when it was too late. You called when I was drunk asleep trying to forget you. You called me when I was thinking how damaged and imperfect I was to you. You called when I was crying over you and the only person there to comfort me was Dex. But you know what?"
I took my hand that Harry was holding and swept my tears away. I looked into Harry's eyes.
"I got over it" I said. "I got over you."
I stood up, still looking at him.
"I don't need you anymore. I don't need your apologizes. You didn't want or need me anymore. I was nothing but someone you could run to when you were bored and hated to be alone. It's your fault. It was your fault. I learned to love me, not you. So please Harry, just leave me and Dex alone. That's all I want"
I walked past him and went to the door. As much as I tried to sweep the tears away, they kept coming.
"'Melia" Harry called after me.
"What?" I sobbed.
He stood there looking at me. He had nothing to say. I'm not surprised, he's empty. Incapable of love.
"Bye Harry" I said, slamming the door close.
I was back where I was twenty-four hours ago. On the couch, alone, thinking about Harry. All I kept thinking about was him. Mostly, how he say anything to me when I cried over him. Was he really that emotionless? The doorbell ringed. Probably it Dex. I texted him that I was home but he shouldn't come over. I needed time to think about our relationship. We were on the rocks. The doorbell rang again. I got up and walked to the door.
"Dex I'm not in the mood n-" I said opening the door expecting to see him.It wasn't him. It was Harry.
"What are you doing here Harry?" I sighed.
I had enough of him today. No, enough of him in my life.
"I didn't get to say what I wanted to yeh'"
"I don't need your apologizes. Go home before it's too late"
"Please?" Harry stared into my eyes.
"H-"
"Yeh' said yeh' wanted the truth"
I crossed my arms.
"This better be quick, come in" I said leaving the door open.
I walked over to the couch and sat down. Harry sat on the sofa chair near me. He looked down at his shoes for a moment, then up at me.
"I was selfish. Still am" Harry stated.
"Go on"I lightly smiled.
"It was wrong of me to break our promise when yeh' didn't . . . It was me'h fault"
Harry looked down at his shoes again. Obviously, he had a difficult time admitting something he didn't desire to. What else can you expect from a narcissist?
"That's it?" I asked. "That's the truth?"
"No" Harry answered looking down still.
"Then what happened? I promise I won't cry or yell like I did earlier" I said.
"You sure?" Harry asked looking at me again. "You won't be angry at me?"
"I've been angry with you for the last two years and it's been hell. I'm ready to let go"
Harry smiled at me with a glimpse of sincerity in his eyes.
"I did need my space. .after we broke up"
"Okay. What about after? You didn't return my calls"
"I wanted to. I couldn't"
"Couldn't? What- what kept you away?"
Harry looked down again.
"I did" He said, under his breath.
"You. Wh- why?"
"I wanted to be friends with yeh' still. Yeh' . . just reminded me'h-"
"Reminded you of your failed relationships" I said.
"Yeah . . ."
We remained quiet for a while but that didn't bother me. I finally understood it. Perfectionist Harry Styles could stand to be around me because he knew he couldn't move forward with his life when all I would do is bring him back. So, he tried to move on with other projects and other people. Kendall was just an attempt to. He couldn't though. When he realized that, it was too late. I moved on. I hoped he did too by now.
"Do I still remind you . . of it?" I asked.
"No, no. I've changed. I learned how to tolerate it"
"That's good to hear" I commented.
The ringing of a clock was heard in the house.
"That's my exit" Harry said. "I'll try to stay away from yeh' and Dex as yeh' want. Tell him I wish he has the best. Yeh' too"
Harry walked away, heading to the door. I got up and tried to stop him.
"Don't go" I said in hallway to him.
His back was to me. He turned around with his lips forming into a smile.
"I changed my mind. Stay H. Stay"
#guilty chapter 4#guilty by m#harrystylesimagine#harry styles imagine#harry styles au#harrystyles au#harry styles imagines#hs imagine#hs fanfiction#hs-writing
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Aloha au ia 'oe
Sequel one shot. Requested by @myplaceofheavenorhell. Part one is here and was requested by @galacyan / @galacyan-imagine.
Numbers request - 6 “I just like proving you wrong” and 45 “you look pretty hot in plaid.” Steve McGarret. Hawaii 5-0.
Sorry if it’s not the best but my cousin’s wife was in labour while I was writing this so my head was everywhere. I do now have a healthy baby second cousin called Archie.
No warnings but maybe some fluff. Y/N = your name. I am a happy ending girl so I hope you enjoy, requests/storyline ideas/number requests are still open so everyone feel free to get in touch any time and feedback is once again always welcome :) Thanks for the request!
You slide into the seat facing Steve. A playful smile gracing your face as he goes over the team assignments for the day.
“I need two people to take the beach.” Steve asks the group, his eyes narrowing on you. “How about you dear?”
“I could roll with the beach.. at least they don't have cliffs there.” You mumble, smirking when the rest of the group laughs and Steve furrows his brows.
“Right.. erm.. pick a partner and we’ll all get going.”
“How about you?”
You watch him smile. “I’m with Danny today.”
“No it’s fine. You should go with y/n.” You hear Danny call out from beside you along with a reassuring squeeze of your hand under the table.
“Ok well I guess it’s us today.” Steve replies, his eyes still flicking between you and the rest of the group. “Off everyone goes and make sure we all stay in contact.”
Stepping into the hall you smile up at Steve. “How about we have some fun in the car while at the beach.”
“We have a job to do.” He replies, walking ahead of you as you struggle to catch up. “Anyway I thought you were angry at me for nearly making you fall off the cliff again.”
“I’m not angry at you.. just a little annoyed at the time.” You say, stifling a laugh as you spot the rest of the team driving out of the car park. “What do we need to do today?”
“Well we are patrolling the beach and if anything comes up then we deal with it.”
“Sounds like a plan!” You exclaim, causing Steve to look down at you before getting into the car.
“Your being really weird today.”
“I’m just being my usual chirpy self.. while also living life to the full incase you scare me again and I fall off a cliff.” You sarcastically say, smiling at the road ahead.
“I knew you hadn't got over the ‘nearly falling off a cliff’ incident!” You hear him reply with. “I’m still going to scare you.”
“Not after today..” You mumble to yourself, side eyeing Steve before focusing on the scenery again.
It turned out to be a really beautiful day when you both arrived at the beach. The stalls parked up along the road and the light sound of waves crashing against sand made you want to stay here forever.
“I could stay here forever.” You hear Steve whisper when he takes a seat on the bonnet of the car with you.
“I was just thinking the same thing.” You smile as you try to remember coming here with your brother. “I remember my parents bringing me here as a child. My brother would always hate it and complain about the sand getting all over him but it was different for me.”
“How was it different?”
“While he complained about sand, I always felt at home here.” You whisper, taking Steve’s hand. “I felt like I could build a home here.”
“I hope you find someone to do that with one day..”
“Steve..”
“Don’t! I can’t have this conversation with you again.” He replies, turning to face you. You can tell by his stoic expression that he isn’t going to even try to talk to you about this. “We sleep together, we sometimes go out on dates but you know my work comes first and that I don’t express my feelings well.”
“You could at least try. You said to me just last week that you have never felt this way before.. that you never felt this close to someone but you can’t even admit it to yourself that you love me!” You scream, walking towards the beach and away from the man who has captured your heart.
“Wait. Y/n wait!” You hear him call out, the tears blurring your vision. Suddenly his green eyes are focused on yours and his face is soft, almost childlike. “Just know that I will always care for you.”
“Brilliant.. because that’s what every girl wants to hear.”
“We should get going.” He replies causing you to roll your eyes.
Wiping the tears away you follow him along the beachfront. Maybe you can have some fun, if he won’t admit his feelings then you may as well enjoy seeing him squirm. “Hey Steve!”
“Wha-” Before he can finish the sentence you have already thrown a small bucket of sand over him. The small child you borrowed the bucket from now laughing along with you as Steve tries to shake the sand off but just ends up looking like an octopus having a fit. “This isn’t funny!”
“Oh don’t be such a bore. Live a little.”
Handing the bucket back to the little boy, you give him the sweet from your pocket, say a quick thank you and run after Steve who has now stormed off down the path. When you catch up with him he glares at you. “Don’t ever do anything like that again.”
“Well don't you ever scare me again while I’m standing on a cliff.” You reply, smirking when he clenches his jaw.
“You told the rest of the team about the cliff thing didn’t you?” You nod. “That’s why they were laughing at all your cliff jokes this morning and why your so pleased with yourself now.”
Suddenly you are pushed against the nearest tree with Steve’s lips on yours. When he steps back you smile up at him. “I just like proving you wrong.”
“I should have known you would actually tell them but I thought you were bluffing when you said you would.” He replies, smiling back at you.
“You look pretty hot in plaid.” You whisper, winking at him as he rolls his eyes at your now flirtatious behaviour.
“That ain’t going to make me forgive you quicker dear.”
“Oh come on! I just told them that if I fall off a cliff and die then they should ask you about it because you have an awful habit of scaring me near cliffs.” You reply, watching as he takes off his plaid shirt, leaving you to take in his toned stomach. “W-What are you doing Steve?”
“You want me to express my feelings.”
“Yes but I thought we were talking about the cliff thing?” You ask while he grabs a stick and starts writing in the sand with it.
“We were but it’s made me realise how much I don’t want you to fall of a cliff or die.” You hear him say just before he steps back, allowing you to peak at the sand in front of him.
I love you.
Three words. The three words that you have waited so long for him to say and he decides to write them in the sand first in full view of everyone that passes. “S-Steve..”
He wraps his arms around your waist and you rest yours on his shoulders. “I know I don't always express my feelings for others very well and how that effects our relationship but I need you to know how I feel for you dear.. I may not be able to say those three words just yet but at least if I write them then you'll know.”
“I think I’ve always known but was too scared to ask incase you just saw us as some fling. You don't have to say them.. I’ll always know how you feel now.” You reply, letting the tears fall from your eyes as a smile lights up your face. You feel Steve’s finger gently caress your cheek. “I love you too.”
#steve mcgarrett#Steve x reader#Steve McGarrett x reader#steve x you#hawaii 5-0#love#confessions#sequel one shot#requests still open#enjoy!#feedback is always welcome
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My "cycle code speak"
I developed with Bestie to avoid eavesdropping from others.
We talk then change the subject then go back to,the subject then off topic and back.
Its specialised.
On a very long post readers will lose information.
So bestie and i would speak less about the most important topic but feel the most.
We were always in public or someone was "bugging" us.
So im delighted to see that y'all understand how it works. Snoop had to call y'all out and help y'all,understand how y'all been on auto save to save the Planet.
And have the information posted at the bottom for y'all to simple get it.
I knew exactly how he needed to tell y'all cause,Alex was telling me first thing when i woke up from sleep just now. I said "highlight the information above"
And he had Tree copy and paste the highlighted information in the order I wrote.
One reason people didn't catch onto how they were saving the world is that didn't matter. They were simply being human.
But i appreciate that Snoop went out of his time and went for y'all to make sure you understand why.
1 as a thank you and 2 to help us understand how humans actually are and make that very clear that humans aren't abnormal. We're normal!
So what the contact communications code is is just like you write 3 articles and then you merge them together keeping all the information in order. Then you hit each topic.
Now. Bestie and i when long time no see or in dangerous territory (lots of nosy aliens around to harm) we shuffled the articles so it would be out of order.
So it would be complex and a lot of silence at our public dinner table in a restaurant. While we ourselves minded the information to our hearts to reorder the information into an order. In silence and leaving gaps of space to know we did beginning and end.
Aliens in human form. Usually men would get pissed off and leave the restaurant and cause a scene. Then after then we would go back and do the cycle in order. Because we were safer.
So none of us are stupid. We just dont know what is going on
I can't help but conversation code it.
It isn't any different than the family going around the dinner table talking about their day.
I would do it with my Uncle Dad. Denise was too stupid to,follow along,instead getting bugged I would,talk after everyone talked. So Chris,would,talk,i would say 2-3 sentences about my day and then Nathaniel would say something and i would,say,how i was counter acting his actions. But not allow anyone,but humans to,understand.
Very serious issues needed slight clarification to my Uncle Dad after. He would double check,my safety. After dinner in,the living room
Meaning safe and,handled,I went to my room,first.,not,then,directly to,the living room.
So I don't know how to be uncoded.
Even,things I,write straight forward. End,in cliff hangers or some thing. A cliff hanger,is a code,for "more to,come"
I can't really change that. I'm just an extreme expert at communication.
With bestie and i it became a blood sport. Often she would arrive before me and find aliens she wanted kill. And i would watch her face of anger and wait and develop conversations that way. I would follow her lead.
Otherwise my goal was to keep aliens stupid and then watch them. They would be happy from our information. Information that hurt her and I. So they would stand and catch me looking and sit for safety. Thus notifying my protection detail of CIA agents and they would label my face under kill.
My eyes would narrow then when I looked back to bestie my eyes would open wider. A more comforting honest tell me honey what's going on face.
Then i would Alien stretch my soul ... Aliens thinking it was my skin. To notify "I'm still looking. They're going to die. 'This isn't my territory style'" which was mild to extreme torture and removing the kidnapped kids from extraterrestrial custody.
Bestie hated it. Because she put her life on hold instead of holding bee soulmate in her arms.
Those days i would fill the restaurant with the spirit of love. Usually my bestie would be having a super bad day. It depended where we sat. That was my auto cue.
When Tommy would see my soulmate stretch to order kills he became extremely sad. Because he would realize he could just killed Amanda.
But I would reassure him that wouldn't have worked. It would bad the world unstable due to alien attacks. We would just Moshe pit kill them all in the end after giving them a choice to live right an s rigid on their home planets.
So i would tell him "just see her" but shes married and so am I! "Be friends till the end. I have come to see her and you will, too. Invite him bestie over to you for a BBQ. Get drunk have fun just as we used to do over our house (or i would say at my house)" she would grab her phone and text he would say "maybe" and i would say "let's talk about your problems. Let him know you're struggling as much as him but in a different way" he would show up over her house as "enlisted to lighten to load" help her deal with her life stress.
Y'all don't know but shes been my only "irl" friend for over 10 years. My only friend. I've lived a normal sane life like many of you that have been kidnapped and loaded down under. And just regular people and most especially aliens that want to remain hidden.
People come and go But my life as friendship in real life has only revolved around her. I'm not ashamed to have only one friend. The rest of the time i spent with my soulmate. So I've been happy as can be as a POW.
This is how i know the world needs extreme help. My life sucks and i hate it. The same reasons my bestie hates hers. Because she can't be with her lover.
And family IRL.
Otherwise and because of that sad days For her became revenge kill days.
We could only kill extraterrestrials if they were criminals. The same as an evil human. It kept the balance and the world safe from alien invasions for revenge.
We thank Weck's restaurant in their unique location that used to be the Red Balloon in Los Lunas. Red Balloon was also a yummy restaurant to eat at.
But it was an alien establishment and i ordered humans to take it over. Thereby thus combining fate and history into a native New Yorker tounge that doesn't pronounce the letter R. from "Wrecked that alien bitch" to simply "Weck's"
Red Balloon was code word for "Alien Safe Here"
I made sure they understood they are not.
Most went down to Roswell from the Albuquerque metro area.
Those visiting "the moon" didn't know we had taken it over and visited freely. Those we killed because it was a criminal safety net - the Red Balloon. 99% of aliens going to eat had done something very wrong like kidnapping humans.
The CIA wait staff knew they could tell when Bestie was sad... So it was back to the wall where the bad alien was or back to the wall where I could see what was going on. The wait staff set us told us where to sit.
So i would switch with Bestie every so often to see what she saw. Because my neck pain prevented looking. Often it was "im fucking leaving she keeps looking at me!!"
Like a human looked at a human.
Which was delightful because it proved they knew they were wrong. "Oh my God that is so funny!!"
Usually I found the humor. Often Alex and Tommy would have "invisible dinner talk" and Alex would advise Tommy to basically romance surprise her. Just show up at the house and Alex would volunteer to oversee to help guide Tommy to allow John to be his friend. My bestie's husband.
In this way he could be Uncle in his daughter's life. Because that was what hurt the most.
So we took better care of them than we did ourselves as is obvious.
Our right. Our ruling.
This is why I rarely tell my own feelings. Because most of y'all would feel bad or sad or responsible for helping.
So now I can tell. Because now I've began the mass exercising of moshing our demons to sleep.
But I had to ensure each American was safe first and I had amnesia.
So I had to beat and destroy the strongest aliens on my own. Aliens stronger than me.
David and Goliath.
Except me "Go lie" I am goliath. Because that is my orders.
"Duh I've did" they told me. The weakling.
"Good" I'd say "let it continue. Disobey the 10 commandments. I can't stop you and that isn't my job any way"
My job is to kill. Force surrender. And destroy if they don't
I had to become an archangel. That was always a man's job. Always Alex's. No one but him has been an archangel until 2003 when Declan became one.
Then 2006 when Bestie did.
And now me and there are several others.
To honor bestie. Alex has given up the title of Archangel Michael.
Its a masculine form of her name and it would indicate they're lovers.
He has planned to enlist all his archangel titles under Archangel Gaberial. Gabriel is the masculine form. Spelling Gaberial without the -ia entitles it to be "for the woman". Me.
So no one shall name their sons Gabe. Gaberial or Gabriel or any spelling of such name. For men and hermaphrodite
However they shall be allowed to name their daughters and hermaphrodites "Gaberialla" in honor of me and in understanding he has already protected their right to live.
Any spelling. The above spelling notices "I am your Cinderella, Arch Angel Gaberial, I hereby dutify myself to your spirit to fight for the safety of all humans thereby all consequences shall be none."
When a child gets baptized that is what is said
Now consequences shall be none... Means eternal death to all alien invaders thus allowing earth to be free and clear from painful consequences caused by alien invasions.
Thus it is a choice a parent can not make.
"I am a Gaberialla" says a female voice. "I, too, am a Gaberialla" follows a deeper male voice.
This is allowed by Jesus.
$5 for who can answer "what does the term gaberialla replace in our new society?"
Here's your hint: 3 letter word
Thus at my Jesus Cult wedding. Many times "ahh boo!!" Startling and scary. Those of you that come to realize you've enjoyed fighting the alien nation will have the right to become an archangel Gaberial assistant. To follow many rules of the American Nation.
Because my soulmate has had issues in this lifetime to know who his friends are. Who has his back and who doesn't.
Many of our CIA we use Now will set to retire. Because i said to. Never will the skills or talent accumulated will to to waste. But its time to enjoy new jobs and new lives.
Not anytime soon. But eventually. For now the war must continue.
The spelling remains the same but it is pronounced "arc-Angel" a promise to provide the world with the rainbows the "arch-angels" have always dreamed of.
And also ark of thereby Noah whom is also me. Because we will all be Christianed upon an arch
I will with Tom, Alex and Andrew will bless the bestie to become the first female archangel in known existence in the 3 galaxies I've created with Alex.
Then she with Alex, Tommy, Frederick will then bless all the archangels into existence. Which will include me as we all bow to her feet Muslim style into prayer.
She is also the only known Full bloodied Scorpio on this planet. All the planets were perfectly aligned,,including the moon the night she was born. To be a 100% true and divine Scorpio.
So when you want to know more about her, google astrology sign SCORPIO.
And you will see how easy it was for us to devise the secret communication coded language that didn't beat Navajo code but was simply in time line as good as. She also as a reincarnate invented many codes throughout her 864,922,386,401 lives.
Like Candy she is one of my unknown daughters. Created from my spirit of war.
**Not Christina Hendricks aka Chandler - she is known from my womb in this lifetime. But another Candy. A Candy from the spirit of motherhood. A true 100% divine and perfection true Cancer. She is out of body. She too will be an archangel. Archangel Uril is Another name Alex will give up. Spelled Ariul. sounds like Aerial
To learn about her google the astrological sign Cancer. A video has been produced to know why her symbol is the crab. It was posted yesterday.
Her voice is in Charlie Brown indistinguishable due to the water. In the Muppet Babies the mom/nanny is also her. And in Loony Tunes the old gramma with the broom with Sylvester and Tweety.
Ariel is her learning about love. From me. Ursula. Its not based on a true story. It is the real story.
So I hope this has all made you pleased. Unworried for the future. And you resume your toilet paper gathering for current use and paper mache upon our return to land.
Toilet paper requires no glue unlike other paper. So it is perfect for paper mache dolls to create to burn while thinking of aliens.
Extraterrestrial are the biggest hoarders of them all.
So it will be all gathered and then given away since its already been bought from the factory repaid to the store for allowing purchases to be made easier from factories and then upscaled in pricing to pay for the religious experience of shopping.
Retail therapy is part of the True Jesus (me) religion.
Now please pray for my forgiveness and hope I can be with my true lover Soon.
Remember I got $5 on it that you read and understood what all I've just said.
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Thailand & Vietnam Vacation 2018
Vietnam & Thailand Trip: A Novella
February 28th/ March 1st: This is the day I began my journey. I was a bit scared of traveling by myself for fear that I wouldn’t be able to produce digital boarding passes in ye foreign lands. Thankfully the Captain gave Helen a cracked (unlocked) shellphone that was a good security blanket. I had never bought sim cards in foreign lands before, but apparently it was quite easy! Well I got on my plane from Denver to San Fran – Success! I then got on a plane from San Fran to Hong Kong and begins reading my novel “The Rooster Bar”. It is a book about three law students who are so encumbered by debt, they quit school and pretend to be lawyers and troll for people at jails and hospitals who need immediate legal assistance and are willing to pay cash. I got about a third of the way done and switched to movies – big mistake. I have a tendency to get screen sickness if I watch too much tv. I got a blinding headache for about 6 hours of the 14 hour plane flight. Luckily I friended two lovely British and Middle Eastern flight attendants and gained the courage to ask them for some extra food and a carbonated drink. But when I told them I had a headache they were like “Do you want Advil?”! I swear back in the day flight attendants told me they were not allowed to distribute drugs. I had never been so happy in my life. The flight attendants also had amazing recommendations for things to do in Vietnam. They told me to see the Cu Chi Mihn tunnels, the war museum, the backpackers street, and eat a Bahn Mi sandwich. I still have the napkin the guy wrote it all down on and it will go in my memory box! You shall live on forever friendly flight attendant!
After relieving my headache I did watch some good movies from Hong Kong to Bangkok – namely one “Goodbye Christopher Robin” about how A.A. Milne writing Winnie the Pooh ruined his son’s life. It was really good – must watch, but I did end up crying and I felt rather stupid being surrounded by people. I finally got to the Bangkok airport and was SHOCKED at how run down and hot it was. It was like being in this weird skinny factory. I made it to the international terminal and messaged Limp Legged Loc – he had left the terminal to find food! What a rebel. I tried walking the in direction that I thought would allow me to leave the terminal but a sassy gay Thai airport guy saw me and knew I was lost and pointed me in the right direction. I finally got to the food court and met Limp Legged Loc for the first time – he was a pirate from another ship you see, and we were both porting at the same island and meeting for the first time. Well he looked different than I was expecting, but seemed like a nice pirate friend overall.
March 1st/March 2nd: Loc and I took a flight from Bangkok to Ko Samui and then a ferry ride from Ko Samui to Ko Pha Ngan. On Ko Samui I begin to notice that everyone is dressed in clothes much frattier and sexier than what I have packed… hmm. Loc and I exchanged drunken tales to pass the time and finally arrived at Ko Pha Ngan. Loc taught me how to buy a sim card – it was the easiest experience in the world! We made our way to our hostel… if you could call it that.. which was essentially a bleak room with two twin beds, some thin sheets, and not much else. The bathroom had concrete floors and a toilet that was basically in the shower area. To give you some idea of the conditions of this place, I saw two cockroaches (or perhaps they were spiders?) having intercourse on day 2. Sometimes slumming it can be fun so I took it all in with a laugh.
Loc and I spent the first part of the day walking around the town, shopping, and eating. I was very impressed Loc was so patient with the whole shopping thing. I asked him why that was and he said he went shopping with his lady friends/love interests sometimes back home. Good lord – you can not get Tom within 50 feet a mall, so good for Loc. We then rented a motor bike and started riding uphill from the town that was frat city. Once we got back into the residential areas it got a lot nicer. We found a secret bar (whose name I can’t remember!) with a great view of the island and pool. The bar was essentially a deck on a hill so we walked below the deck on these steep stairs to explore what was below. We found a dilapidated deck, some great climbing rocks, and an especially good one of those little pagodas you see everywhere in Thailand. On the way back up one especially large hill we were having trouble getting the bike going straight – they are surprisingly top-heavy. We ended up crashing the bike into the little concrete lips on the edge of the street a few times which was no Bueno. Long story short, we took it back to the guy we rented it from and had to spend about $300 USD between us to fix it. He probably overcharged us, but as we have learned, you don’t mess with the Thai… they also had our passports. They probably copied these while we were gone and our information is being used somewhere in SE Asia.
Finally Emma arrived in a tizzy – She was quite put out with United – they messed up her flight FIVE TIMES. I think she mentioned something about they kept giving away her seat. I will have to ask her the whole story once I see her.
So I was sitting in our room, waiting for Emma to get ready, and I see these snapchats from my best friend and bridesmaid Sonia (with an IA) of her sitting on a beach somewhere in Thailand. And I just get this feeling that she is in Ko Pha Ngan. I knew she was going on a Thailand/Cambodia adventure around this time but I thought surely we wouldn’t be in any of the same places at the same time! So I snapchat her and say “girl.. I think we’re on the same island… are you going to the full moon party?” Indeed she was!! So I use the trusty Captain’s cell phone to navigate us to Sonia and her friend Gilli and honestly it was pretty hard to tell someone how to find them on a beach full of 30,000+ people. They gave us a general location and like a hound dog I began running through the crowds. It was the weirdest thing – it was like I could sense where my bestie was. I ran up from behind and gave her a big ol’ bear hug and we celebrated. Sonia, Gilli, Loc, Emma, and I all danced, bought lots of buckets, drank, made friends, and had a fantastic night. At one point, Sonia, Gilli and I went to these tall scaffoldings out in the ocean with some people and danced and hung out. It was pretty magical. Then I left Sonia and Gilli with my non-sim card phone and navigated the beach to find Loc and Emma. Honestly, it was pretty dumb. I didn’t know how to make it back to our hostel and I didn’t have data. Again, second miracle of the night, I walked 10-15minutes along the beach until I saw a sign I thought I recognized and god bless Emma and Loc were there. At some point I had ditched my shoes, so I distinctly remember running through the streets of Ko Pha Ngan with no shoes like a mad drunken loon. Finally I convinced dad to let me go get my shoes – he was convinced I couldn’t find them in my drunken state, but I SHOWWED HIM SIR. Dad was quite surprised. Dad and mom put me to bed at 3 and they went back out and continued to party until 5.
March 3rd: We spent most of the day exploring the island and laying out on the beach. At one point I went for a run by myself and that’s where the monkey incident happened! I found an abandoned restaurant (I think) and it was inhabited by monkeys! First mate Helen tried to take pictures of these monkeys but grandpa monkey was not having it! He and two of his sons or nephews (or nieces! Let’s not be sexist) started running at me! Well I didn’t have my rabies shot so I said “I don’t think so!” and ran into the ocean for safety. Later that day we hung out at this casual little bar (whose name I don’t remember gahh!) and met a bartender named Koko, who was the most adorable little shy man ever. He made us mojitos and was pretty distant at first, but after a while he warmed up to us and even let me go behind the bar and make a drink. We visited Koko a few times that day and finally he said he would take us to a locals party after he got off of his shift at 1! Well we went back to the death bunker and I made the mistake of lying down – soon the team followed suit and next thing we knew we had all passed out. Both Emma and I randomly woke up at 1:30 AM and knew it was too late. We had broken Koko’s heart! What a**hole Americans!
March 4th: We left Ko Pha Ngan in the afternoon and took a ferry to Ko Tao. Ko Tao was much less fratty and more spread out that Ko Pha Ngan. We booked ourselves an extremely nice (but still really cheap when you do the conversion) hotel located on the top of a huge hill. Let me describe this hotel for you. It had a romantic canopy bed (sorry Loc – dis for the girls), a bathroom with lots of stone, a private deck that had a gate and led out to the infinity pool, super powerful air conditioning, many mirrors (good for females), and a beautiful view! Like I said the hotel was on a steep hill so when you looked over our balcony, it basically dropped right into the ocean (remind me to show you a picture). Emma hung up a hammock and everything was right in the world. There was also a set of outdoors stairs that led to a public bathroom and then down further to our room. Every day I would be walking behind Loc and he would say “I need to take a shit and I don’t want to blow up our bathroom” and deviate to the public toilet. Soon this became a funny routine that would go on every day. However, I still don’t love it when guys talk about their poop…
That night we went out on the town at 9 and started walking along the street into town. It was really dark and there wasn’t another person in sight, so we began to RUN as to not get taken. By the time wee got into the main drag of town we were all super sweaty. We went into this restaurant to good food, but they had stopped serving food, so we took tequila shots. Emma ran away to find the “toasties” from Sev Lev, which she had heard about from her cousin. We ate the toasties and then started walking through town. We were walking by this bar that had a bunch of locals dancing and eating – they looked like a family because they had children and people of all ages. So we walked up to the bar and they motioned us in and offered us some food. They told us it was some man’s birthday and we began to dance with them to traditional Thai music. It was AWESOME. We spent about an hour there and then wandered down to the beach where we went to this bar called “Lotus”. At the time it was so dark, I thought we were in some sort of secluded jungle clearing which I really liked, but when I passed by there the next day I realized that the bar wasn’t in a jungle meadow but literally on the beach next to hundreds of other bars! It kind of killed the magic a little. Let me tell you about that night though! There were guys dancing with fire ropes and fire juggling sticks at the beginning. Then there was a fire limbo. This really strong Thai guy took both Emma and I (separately) and sat us on his waist and limboed under the fire limbo stick! Emma and I also tried it together where I let Emma sit on my waist and limboed under it! So many hilarious pictures for this, so lucky you, I have attached them. I also let one of the Italians and this British chick braid my hair, because I tell strangers to do weird things when I get drunk (see picture). Other highlights of the night: At one point we made this British girl let us take body shots off of her because I was like “I am wearing a dress – can not be the body shot receptacle”; this girl started telling me about her adventurous/gross love life (will not disclose as this is via Deloitte email) and I turned to Loc and go “Loc! Have you met So-and-so? She was telling me the most interesting stories about what she’s into, and excuse me, I need to go to the bathroom” and left him in that conversation. As I am walking away all I can hear is Loc going “what the f**kkkkk?”. Basically by the end of the night we were all these tight-knit drunken foreigners – it was great! I did wander off by myself to go to the bathroom and then wandered into some abandoned apartments and Emma got pretty mad at me… but I always come back to the group! At the end of the night we had to walk up the GIANT hill to get back to our hotel – It was really hard to do this drunkenly.
March 5th: We spent the morning sitting on the beach and drinking mojitos. This is probably where I got the majority of my tan. The beach was beautiful and full of bars and restaurants and lovely hidey-holes. That day Emma Loc and I spent several hours in the ocean just swimming and chatting. But Emma and I kept getting stung by what felt like mini jellyfish! I asked a few males and a few females and only the females reported getting stuck. SEXIST JELLYFISH! We met some cool people in the ocean – three Spaniards who we talked about culture stereotypes with, and a couple named Denver and Storm who told us the cool things to go do on the island. Note to self – name daughter Storm. Emma and I then went to a Thai massage place where I had the most amazing massage. The massage parlor was on this upstairs open desk facing the ocean with basically just shades for walls and fans everywhere. All you could hear was the sound of fans – it was weirdly peaceful. So this Thai lady rubbed me down with this warm coconut oil (ok admittedly I broke out so bad for the rest of the trip, but it was worth it) and massaged me hard for an hour straight! Not like in America where you pay an arm and a leg and they always seem to be doing other things instead of rubbing you. Also I love when they message you rough because it makes me feel like you are actually getting all of the knots and bad juju out. Emma and I then walked all up and down the beach and saw so many dogs trying to catch fish in the ocean – it was so cute! Finally we headed back to our hotel and walked up the GIANT hill – dear god lord Jesus that hill sucked, but at least you felt like you had done your mini work out for the day once you were done. We swam around in the infinity pool and hung with people at our hotel. I don’t think we went out that night, but I can’t remember…
March 6th: We spent more of the day tanning at the beach, drinking mojitos, and eating some random gummy vitamins that Emma had brought. We were having lots of silly conversations like whether green and yellow make blue. We also spent a lot of times at their beach property bars where you sit on the ground or sit on bean bags which was a lot of fun. We ate some really tasty curry and panang meals and I think had our first Mango sticky rice. This is decidedly in my top 5 favorite foods. In the afternoon we went to some bar and met some really cool lone wolfs – an Australian guy who was already drunk and making hilarious conversation; a super jacked British gay guy named Aaron who I decided was my new best friend; this guy from Denver/Boulder who went to CU and, albeit, was living a super cool life, was hitting on me way hard and I was not into; and the Thai bartender who we convinced to take shots with us even though his boss was sitting 20 ft. away. That night we went back to the Lotus beach bar and watched more of the dancing shirtless fit fire guys routines. After that we wondered into the city and saw some lady boys in the street beckoning people. They looked SO HOT, I was v impressed. So we went into the cabaret and bought some beers and watch their shows. If I was being super legit at this log, I would include pictures of that too, but all of my pictures were pretty bad quality. We ended the night by eating a crepe and walking up … wait for it… our BELOVED SUICIDE HILL. As the nights went on we began to build a love-hate relationship with that damn hill.
March 7th: I woke up early, went for a run, and went to talk to the dive people at Rocktopus. They explained that they could fit our four day session into three so I was overjoyed. Running through town was so much fun. I tried to run until there stopped being shops and it was residential but this one street went on FOREVER. Finally I got to the point where it started going straight up hill and that is when I gave up. I was running back home when I saw all of these colorful umbrellas suspended in a net, so I hoped a fence and wandered into this fair that was being set up (I think it was going on a few days later). When I got back to the hotel, Loc and Emma were still sleeping. Oh I don’t know if this made it into the other days logs, but every morning we would eat an amazing all-inclusive breakfast on this deck with breathtaking views. And they gave you FREE water so I would drink so much water during this time. I really liked the deck because it was sort of built into a rock and the edges of the deck weren’t really finished. The hotel was a great combination of super nice and fancy, but also island laid-back. That day we went on our snorkeling trip. A truck came and picked us up and took us to a restaurant where we met some of the other attendees. We met one guy named Max Geisinger who turned out to be a famous German guitarist! He has 575,000+ followers on Spotify. We then got on a boat and got our snorkels on and our instructor would let us off at different coves. Emma and I were together at first and then I lost Emma so Loc and I were together for a bit. We saw some awesome neon colored fish, and a giant sea turtle, and a shark. On the last dive, I grabbed someone else’s snorkel and jumped in, but I soon came to realize it had a hole in it. I was trying to keep up with the group but I couldn’t keep my face in the water, so I was essentially treading water for 20 minutes straight. Then the swells of the ocean started getting really big and pushy us towards the shore. At one point I turned to some German guy next to me (there are Germans EVERYWHERE when you travel) and said “I’m a little scared, I think I’m drowning” and then I started swimming back to the boat. That was the longest most frustrating 10-15 minute swim of my life.
We had made friends with some British dudes, so after the snorkel trip was over we went with them to this restaurant known for these special milkshakes – unfortunately when we got there they said their shake machine was broken and there were no special shakes, so we just ate and enjoyed the views. After that Loc Emma and got ready to go out, headed into town, and went to awesome little shack/bar that sold really cheap shots. We took shots from this hot middle aged Thai bartender lady (with especially perky… personality… hmmm) and started out night. We met up with these French guys we had met from the snorkeling trip at guess where… LOTUS. We watched the fire dancers for a bit and decided to wander to this bar called “BND” (Bar Next Door) where they had American ping pong tables! I played some beer pong and then ran away to buy my friends baby guinesses. My hair was in a tizz so I asked this British girl if she had a rubber band. She didn’t but she said she would braid my hair. After she braided my hair I was so grateful I insisted on buying her a shot. I think she thought I was lesbian coming onto her, so after I bought her shot I had to pull out the fiancé card so she’d rest easy. After that I hung out with my friends a bit. Then I ran away again to see things or get more shots and I saw a guy who was flirting with the bartender and got her to serve him right away. I bluntly asked “could you teach me how to flirt with bartenders in a way that they pay attention to you and serve you drinks?” This gentleman’s name was Logan and I think he was taken back by my audacity. He laughed and we started chatting and I learned… surprise surprise, he had gone to CU. He noticed that I had an engagement ring on and we established I was taken and for the rest of the night we had a fantastic intellectual conversation about a myriad of topics and I didn’t even have to deal with him hitting on me. He became my second favorite person after gay bestie Aaron. Loc Emma and I ended the night by getting Truck (we were moving up in the world!) ride back to our hotel.
March 8th: Last day on Ko Tao. Loc was hungover (theme of our trip) so Emma and I petered into town, explored, ran some errands, and decided to grab lunch. We asked someone the best place to eat and they recommended this place called “Su Chili” on a different part of the island. Emma and I walk a decent way there and guess who we see... Freaking LOC! At this point we decide we have some sort of friendship radar for each other. I got a delicious yellow peanut curry dish (See picture attached) and Emma and I got fresh strawberry and watermelon smoothies. This may have been the best meal of the whole trip. Then Emma went to get one last message so Loc and I walked back to our hotel. As we were walking there we saw this meadow with booths and exhibits and figured a festival was coming up in the next few days. I saw the most AMAZING rainbow umbrellas suspended in a net (see picture) and had a grand time photographing them. It was like something you see on Pinterest. There were also a few other cool works of art, but I won’t overwhelm you with pictures. We went back to Su Chili for dinner and grabbed pizza and then went out. I don’t remember anything particularly exceptional from this night, except that we went to that little pop-up ally bar with the woman with the great fake … yeah. I remember being so full of liquid and Loc and Emma pressuring me into taking shots. I believe we ended the night by getting some sort of Nutella crepe and all was right with the world.
March 9th: We had asked our hotel to call us a cab at 5 AM so we could catch a ride to the ferry, but unfortunately, they forgot ☹. So we grabbed our packs and started jogging down suicide hill in hopes that we could find a cab in town. As we were jogging, we saw two guys driving up on motor bikes, and Emma flagged them down. God bless Emma and her lack of inhibitions and social graces. She asked if all three of us and our giant backpacks could hitch a ride to the ferry. The two guys were south American (Brazilian?) and spoke pretty broken English, but they agreed. So Loc and I hopped onto the back of one guys motor bike, and Emma hopped onto the back of the other guy’s motor bike. We drove for a good 20-30 minutes in the pitch black on the back of these guys motor bikes while I tried to make small talk. The guy we were with would toot his horn every 2 minutes to make sure the other guy was still behind him. They were both actually driving pretty fast – if we had crashed it would have been a bad story for all of us. We made it to the ferry feeling very very grateful and the south American guys left, I wish I had at least friended them on Facebook! I told you about Loc eating some foreign candy and feeling very dizzy on the ferry ride. The candy plus the lack of sleep probably put him over the edge. We got a ferry to Ko Samui and a flight from Ko Samui to Chiang Mai and arrived midafternoon. Upon getting there, we realized that the hostel we had booked was closed, but we soon found a new one. A guy in a tuk-tuk asked if needed a ride anywhere and we said YES! We wanted to go to the elephant sanctuary that day! The guy’s name was Jimmy and he had a little son named Joe. Jimmy was so sweet – he had even built a little child-sized seat into the tuk-tuk so that Joe could ride along. Jimmy and Joe took us to the elephant Sanctuary and chatted to each other the whole time. It was very sweet to see a father spending quality time with his son, even though he was working.
Jimmy dropped us off at the elephant sanctuary a little before 2 and we started the day by changing into these awesome pink hemp shirts and baggy pants and eating lunch. Soon our guide, Phonkneng took us to this tent to learn some elly language. Really the most important ones were “Dee dee!” which means “very good!” and “Bon Soong”, which means “open your mouth”. There was a pretty old mom elephant, Nong Luck, and a teenage elephant, Lanna, in the pen near the entrance, so we petted them and fed them a lot. Then Phonkneng walked us into the woods to see this other mom elephant, Uthai, and a 6 month old BEBE elephant, Waree! Before we started, Phonkneng was like “I don’t know how to tell you this, but I can see your but”. The pants were VERY baggy and confusing and I had tied them in a way that they were snug around my waist but apparently the material sagged below my but. I was v embarrassed for about 5 seconds but then I just laughed and fixed my pants.
We hugged and petted the baby elephant (Waree) and poured water on him and his mom. Phonkneng told us to push on the Waree’s head because he would push back, which was his version of playing. I pushed on his head and he pushed back and pushed me about 15 feet! I was afraid he was going to push me straight out of the pen (see attached photo)! Then Phonkneng and his coworker took us into the river where Nong Luck and Lanna were hanging out. Lanna was playing and splashing by herself a little upstream and Nong Luck was just chilling in the water. Phonkneng and his associate gave us this organic root/bamboo looking material and instructed us to wash the elephants. We washed the elephants and at one point the other supervisor guy picked up some poop and was chasing me around trying to touch me with poop – in the end I let him because I wasn’t getting out of it lol. Then he lifted me onto Nong Luck and I got to sit on top of her and wash her! It was so much fun! Except that Nong Luck kept reaching back and trying to eat the bamboo root thing (apparently its edible and that elephants like to eat this) and she was freaky strong and hard to swat away (see picture). Then Loc Emma and I were taking some posed pictures by the elephant and the other assistant guy snuck up behind me and grabbed my ankle and I thought it was a water snake and about died. I must look like a perfect victim or something. Then Loc Emma and I each got to stand over Nong Luck’s trunk and she lifted us into the air! I feel like I looked really goofy in my photos, so I will attach photos of Loc and Emma instead! See attached. We were all very sad when it was time to go but we begged Phonkneng to take us on as American volunteers. Unfortunately they did not allow volunteers yet at this particular sanctuary.
TBC….
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Spring Break 2018: Restarting the Insane Abandoned Place Checklist.
When you can't go to the beach, you go to Savanna, IL. It is on the banks of the Mississippi River. Or you go to Harvey. There was standing water in a basement of an old power plant. Or is that just me?
I'm pretty sure it isn't just me. I might just be the only person you know who does it though.
After a great week with the kids, I had a little bit of time to go exploring. A long time ago, I wrote about eventually making my way to Thrillist's Most 28 Insane Abandoned Places in the Midwest. Here's the link if you need a refresher.
https://www.thrillist.com/lifestyle/chicago/the-28-most-insane-abandoned-places-in-the-midwest
I've been slowly checking these puppies off of my list. I have more to visit, but I am happy with my recent efforts. Ha.
These places can be checked off: 1. City Methodist Church in Gary, IN; 2. Damen Silos in Chicago, IL; 7. Joliet Correctional Center in Joliet, IL; 17. Searsboro Consolidated School in Searsboro, IA; 27. Alexian Brothers Novitiate in Gresham, WI; and 28. Solvay Coke & Gas Company in Milwaukee, WI (now demolished).
And after this last week, you can also add two other great spots: 5. Wyman-Gordon Power Plant in Dixmoor, IL and 13. Savanna Army Depot outside of Savanna, IL.
Exciting, I KNOW!
Both spots were definitely worth the research, planning, and in the Depot's case, a somewhat extreme effort, but both also came with a little risk-taking, so I guess what I am saying is that if you decide to go to either of these locations, make sure you research and think ahead.
So actually, I want to show a little of what I found at the Savanna Army Depot location, which I found to be surreal. Let me say that I have actually been a little … scared … to go to this site, mostly because of what it was used for and because of what I read about it from beginning my research of it over two years ago. I decided to go actually go for it and to try to experience it for a couple of reasons.
First:
It was Easter. I don't have the kids every year. I hate sitting around all day, so instead moping, I have decided these are perfect days to go to places I usually don't have time to hit up. I go early and take a long-ish trip to a place where I hope (and was correct this time) that I will be the only person around. This method of operation has it's advantages and disadvantages. The obvious advantage is that on holidays, most people are eating big meals with their families and friends, so it's a good time to explore a place that might usually be monitored carefully. The overriding negative is that if anything goes wrong and you're alone, you could be toast, especially without wireless service, WHICH I DID NOT HAVE FOR HOURS, and I have had service just about everywhere the last year or so. My provider is AT&T. Maybe it's different for other carriers. But this is doubtful. I was literally in the middle of nowhere. The good news is that I lived. So count that as a win for me.
Second:
I have a reason to go to some of these places now. I recently signed with a publishing company known for its photograph/history heavy titles. They are publishing a new series of books, "Abandoned America." I picked up Illinois and one other state. So, I have to get my a$$ going. The first draft is due July 31st for Illinois, and I know nobody thinks I have enough to do, so I added this little project onto my "to do" list. It's actually been a goal of mine to write a book - like my entire life - so this unsolicited opportunity came out of nowhere and actually fits with my love for exploring, history, writing, and photography. It also motivates me to get out and do something I love, and it's something I haven't made enough time for recently. It's also a valid reason to be exploring when explaining WHY I am at a location if questioned. It's exciting for me. And I want to thank my friends Dave, Chehalis, and Michael for helping me make some decisions regarding it. I'm so grateful. No idea how it will turn out, but I knew I needed to get to at least four more significant sites in Illinois in order for me to feel good about content, and this is one of them.
A Tiny Bit of History and Context:
This place is so interesting to me. I often don't understand how there are some places out there that still exist, especially massive places with hundreds of buildings that are left to disintegrate. This is one of them. I guess I do understand that cleaning this site up isn't necessarily a priority for the DNR, seeing as I read there is currently ONE full time employee overseeing the entire area. It makes sense because it is obvious that this is a place where not much money is flowing in effortlessly, and The Savanna Business Park is a little different than any other business park I have ever seen - no offense to anyone there. It's just the way it is. That's kind of unfortunate because the actual land sits overlooking the Mississippi River, and the land contains the largest natural dune system in the state of Illinois. It is 7.5 miles long and sits 70 feet above the river. The land is also known as the Lost Mound Unit of the Upper Mississippi River National Wildlife and Fish Refuge. So far only around 3000 acres has been transferred, as the remaining acreage needs to be freed from environmental contamination and will be turned over when deemed safe. This could take forever though, because it is a long-term clean up plan, and the plan will supposedly be updated every 5-10 years through information gained by monitoring habitat, wildlife, and recreational use (www.fws.gov).
The Lost Mound is pretty intriguing too. It is this geographic oddity and is part of local folklore concerning a post-glacial hill set as the backdrop for the sand prairie found around it. Funny enough, "the mound did not appear on early maps of the region, however the lost 'mound' has since been found as is {now} featured on recent topographical maps" (www.fws.gov). This mound is super easy to find. It sticks up high above the rest of the land, although the area in general is hilly, and it is kind of oddly shaped and placed, but the land is aptly named, for sure.
Really quickly, the Savanna Army Depot had about 3 different titles from the time it opened in 1918 until the time it completely closed in 2000. It also had many different uses. This depot is often called the "Area 51" of the Army because of it's secret operations and missions, and because of it not being well known. It was also easy to confuse with other bases having "Savanna" or "Savannah" in their names. Savanna, OK; Savannah, SC; Savannah, GA … Savanna, IL? You get the picture. In basic terms, this place was used mainly as an ordnance, or a branch of the Armed Forces that deals with the supply and storage of weapons, ammunition, and other items related to that. This specific place was used to test and store different types of highly explosive and powerful ammunition such as 75 and 155mm howitzers, or short cannons that shoot on high trajectories in order to reach targets behind cover or within trenches. It was also used to produce, test, and ship out explosives during and after WWII. Later, it was also used as a U.S. Army Defense Ammunition Center and School that provided technical, logistical, consulting, engineering, training, and other types of specialized services to the U.S. Department of Defense. HAD NO IDEA, right? There are lots of interesting little facts about this little known of place, but one that sticks out to me is that this Depot contained a plant that loaded bombs and explosives during WWII, including the that were used in General James Doolittle's raid on Tokyo in 1942. Also, this area contains over 400 steel-enforced, earth-covered igloos with up to 2000 square feet of storage underneath that were used to store such things as highly explosive ammunition, "mustard" gas, Ammonium Nitrate (actually over 260,000 tons of it for war reserves), and actually later and still today, data and computers. Crazy right? These are highly visible, all over the place, and are covered in grass so that they were undetectable by air.
Needless to say, this land is highly contaminated. Scary too, is that there are said to be unexploded devices in some areas. That's what scared me most. I wore a respirator because I knew of the contamination, yes. I have heard many of the unexploded devices are taken care of, but you know, after being there, I'm not so sure. There are still signs explaining what to do when you happen to come upon one. Backwater areas are also still closed to the public due to "unexploded ordnance" being present, so I stayed far away from that space. I know 1948 was a long time ago, but there was actually and explosion that left a 150 foot wide by 50 foot deep hole you can still find. The 4 ton door from that steel-enforced igloo was never found. That says a lot.
It really is a beautiful location on the edge of the River, and it only took me 2 hours and 10 minutes to get there. Easy drive.
I've seen many shots of this Depot from the outside, and maybe a few shots from the inside of a barrack or a mess hall, but I have never seen what I got into Sunday. I'm not saying to do it yourself. I was actually relieved to get home, as I felt like I was constantly pumping adrenaline. It started as a pretty boring expedition actually, since I couldn't figure out where to go to find what I was looking for, and then it got frustrating because I wasn't seeing what I wanted to photograph. But, after I kept searching just "one more time" or for "one more thing," I finally figured some things out, and without getting into the details of how I accessed these things, I can only say wow. I am glad I went, but I am just as happy to have finished exploring it. I wanted to do more, and I could have done more because I basically had access to all that I wanted in the end, but I felt like I needed to get out of there. One thing I have learned through all of this abandoned hunting is to not push my luck. A lot of it is based on instinct, and my instincts were telling me to get out and to go home. So although there is a lot more to see, and I have a feeling it is a lot more of the same of what I will show, there is still a little curiosity there. It is such a huge area; it's hard not to be curious about what else there is out there. But I am done. I saw enough, and it was worth it.
If you look at the link to this map below, I was all over the place, but many of the most interesting shots came from within the CL and CF Loop Roads. The entire area is over 14 miles long and over 2.5 miles wide, so I'm sure you can imagine how overwhelming the size is. The question for me was where to start.
https://www.bing.com/maps?osid=da2d1d2d-8124-46c5-9155-351f6031ba0c&cp=42.19038~-90.280748&lvl=16&style=h&v=2&sV=2&form=S00027
There is so much more history I have learned about this place, and it is really fascinating, but I'll save that for another time.
Here's the easier-to-get-to stuff:
A little more challenging and interesting ...
So far, it was ok. Interesting, but if I didn't know why it was interesting, a pretty far drive for some crumbling buildings. Until I searched the grounds for about an hour.
And then it got much better - on the outside and inside of the buildings.
This was an amazing place, but like I said, everything in me was telling me to leave. So I left the way I came. It was enough for me. I actually hope that someday this place is cleaned up properly. It is a beautiful area of Illinois, largely undisturbed, full of wildlife, and on a gorgeous riverbank. Maybe in the not-so-far future clean up will become more of a priority for the remaining 5000+ acres of land that can be transferred over once safe for public use.
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May 20
Peru has handed me one behemoth sized problem and it has three letters. Pie. I have seen them around walking around the stores, peering into their translucent showcases of glaze and marangue. I tried, I really did try to fight the urge but I love pie. What started out last week obeying my insatiable hunger, reluctantly trying a piece of chocolate cake in Contumaza expecting a hard cardboard like mouthful, turned my relief into bliss. This morning I had a wonderful meal of a fried egg and chicken sandwich with a coffee. I was satisfied walking back to my hotel to pack up my things and get ready to head out on another day on the road then I pass a cafe with the largest lemon marangue pie I have ever seen. The pie itself was normal but the marangue was half a ruler size in height. A true spectacle to behold. I asked the lady how much from outside 8 soles. I didnt care I was already sold, then I walked in and saw a cappuccino machine. Now we had a problem. This is the longest I have gone without wifi. Ironically on the same week I challenged myself to no youtube videos, no social media, no phone use except for writing here on Tumblr, email, and of course my GPS maps. It has helped me succeed my goal now only one day away but it has also not allowed me to write anything on here since Tuesday. I checked into my hotel room in Trujillo Tuesday afternoon, room was great and I was right overhead of a wifi router eveything was going great until the next day when the wifi inexplicably shut down with no explanation from the hotel manager except that it had no solution. Here I am on Saturday still nothing except now im out of the city Trujillo in a small mountain village of Santiago de Chuco where here I fully expected finding nothing close resembling a wifi signal. I have had no problem with this except I dont like going long periods without further documenting this journey. Throughout this week I have read much more than usual nearly finishing my novel on the Peruvian conquest of Francisco Pizarro and his band of a few hundred Spaniards. I would have liked to save a bit of the book for when im in Cusco where it predominantly takes place but its one hell of a page turner. It angers more than it should how insanely lucky the Spaniards were not only in Mexico but maybe more so in Peru. When Pizarro and sixteen of his men first landed in Peru for merely a few days for inspection they had no idea that they unleashed a demon onto Peru in the form of small pox and then returning months later Peru was desamated by a civil war after smallpox took its Sapa Inka (Only King) and his two sons one in Cusco the other in Quito, Ecuador fought a bloody battle for its empty crown. Now enter Spaniards who slipped in , took advantage of this situation, looted Peru of all its gold and silver.. which was a hell of a lot. Raped, enslaved, and killed the Peruvians, and converted them all to Catholicism. Now here we are today. I didnt do much in Trujillo for the first two days. After that adventure the days prior I was needing a rest especially from the bike. First day I just walked through the city which on the outskirts atleast looks like the desert is winning the battle taking back its land. Trujillo ia honestly a dump when you escape its old colonial downtown square. But I enjoyed my quirky room with its green and orange walls with or without wifi. Second day I ate lots and spent even more on it. Third I actually did something. I woke up early and visited the Archeological site of Huaca's del Luna Y Sol or Temples of the Moon and Sun. Two opposing temples facing eachother about a few hundred meters across. Built continuously from 200 A.D to 600 A.D. (I think, i have no wifi for confirmation) These temples were used by the Moche civilization a thousand years before the Inca. A cool side note about travelling North to South in Peru is I get to see all the civilizations that occupied the area pre Inca and than finally witness their splendor as the final conclusion to Peru, whereas most people start in Lima and go straight to Cusco and work backwords. I was the first person in the Museum. Always check out the museum first and then go to the actual sites. Thats a rule of mine. The Moche civilization is fascinating. All over their temples, pottery , and alike adorn the painted head of their god with its feline head and octopus body. This God craved the blood of its people to be satisfied so every year or so warriors of high status would fight one on one with clubs. When one warrior downed his opponent, dropping his head-dress and grasping the long braided hair of his foe he would be declared the victor. With this the loser would be stripped naked and held prisoner for days awaiting his eventual sacrifice to the god. I was confused by this when I asked my guide if this was an honour to be sacrificed because it obviously didnt seem like he was treated like the high class the warrior was. Yet the guide said with a certain tone of obviousness that yes this was a huge honour. So I said ok and went along with it. The sacrifices throat would be cut at the tallest platform of the temple for all the common people to witness, blood pouring into a goblet and then drunk by the High Priest, thus pleasing his God. Gnarly stuff. Every hundred years the Moche would add a new layer to its Moon temple, making seven layers in all for seven hundred years. It was eventually abandoned when El Nino and other natural disasters ravaged the area making the Moche people doubt its God and the high priests. Thats another thing there was no kings only High Priests. Over time sand completely covered both temples making them look like normal hills. It wasnt until 1990 when archeologists discovered what they really were. With the sand protecting and maintaining its walls you can still see the black, red, and yellow paint. This was no doubt the coolest historical site I have ever been to in terms of its age, how well maintained it was, and the impossible location in the desert. Obviously Angkor Wat in Cambodia is impressive but Huacas Luna Y Sol is a thousand years older than that and it was only discovered not even thirty years ago. We had a full tour of the Moon temple but couldnt even enter the Sun temple as archeologists still have a ton of work to do on it. Unfortunately and unbelievably there are no funds to enact further work and research so its just left there. Next I travelled four hundred years ahead to the Chimo civilization while only really travelling thirty kilometers. This site wasnt all that impressive yet I did pay for a guide which was a bit steep in price but the man was able to fill holes in my understanding not only on this palace of the Chimo people but on Peru history in general. Chan Chan was the name of this palace made of mud brick and rock again in the middle of the desert. It was quite bare so it was very tough on the imagination. It was strange to see this palace made four hundred years earlier not be as magestic as the first. The theme of what my guide was telling me was how much the Chimo people valued animals and water especially as engravings of fish, pelicans, and waves adorned the walls as well as diamond holes which represented fish nets. My guide and I discussed the Spaniards as he told me they destroyed much of Chan Chan aswell as Huacas Luna Y Sol looking for gold and silver. "Those Spaniards sure loved Gold" I said "Why didnt the Peruvians value it as much?" He said food and services were their main currency. Gold and Silver was in such abundance that it was worth nothing, except when worked by metal workers. I replied "The Peruvian way of exchanging goods and services actually makes much more sense then this exchange of metals that the Spaniards and our methods use today" My guide laughed in agreement. Today I hit the road again on yet another adventure. Each new day here is its own journey I thought this morning pushing my bike outside from the hotel. The previous day I was looking at my map planning my route. Two options. One was to go straight down the coast where ill have to make a slight hook right back to the interior to reach Huacas, my next destination. Option two was split from the coast immediately for the interior most likely back into the mountains and whatever else the unknown awaited me. Without saying a word all my being wanted to take that coastal road where the roads would be flat, the weather hot, riding in a tshirt, right next to the sea. Sounds great doesnt it? especially after the fiasco in the mountains previously. It was a tough choice. I asked what is the easiest choice? The coast I thought obviously. Then were taking option 2 into the mountains. And thats what I did. The morning begun with a bright sunny sky as usual on the desert coast but that didnt last long. Immediatley I was heading right back to the interior, right back where I came from the mountains. I hit three road blocks along the way waiting for construction to do whatever which altogether took well over an hour and the chain on my bike dropped from the gear twice. Which was funny I thought because thats the first thing I noticed in the morning how droopy my chain was. An annoyance but possibly the best annoyance one can have on a motorcycle. I just had to take it easy until finding a mechanic further down the road. Which what was done. Then I was back ascending the cold mountain tops high in the sky. I was freezing. Starting the day in the desert has a way of making one make bad clothing choices. I also have a fairly big rip in my backpack rain protector. I didnt feel prepared and it was a long way to the next town so at around 3pm I settled with spending the night here in Santiago de Chuco, not even close to where I wanted to be tonight. Tomorrow's going to be a lot of riding.
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