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ravioliet · 6 days

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ok so let me be cringe on main for a minute here (this is a joke btw i know cringe isn't real). odd squad mlp au for your consideration

please ask me questions about this by the way i have so much for this. i'll put some of the basic info (it's a lot more than that now but in my defense it started as a basic summary) and a few more drawings under the cut though please look at it with your eyes thank you

so for some basic explanations we have Olive who is a unicorn, Otto who is a pegasus, Olympia who is a part unicorn earth pony (which i'll explain in a sec), and Otis who is a full blooded pegasus (which i'll also explain the importance of in a moment). i haven't drawn Ms. O, Oscar or Oona yet but they are an alicorn (formerly an earth pony), a unicorn, and an earth pony respectively

Olive and Otto are the only two that i've come up with cutie mark designs for so far (they are so hard to design..) but Olympia and Otis have them too, they just get them mid-season. specifically after the talent show. i'm designing them side by side so that they kinda match because they get them at the same time and also they're besties your honor, but anyways theirs are a little fireworks design and some sort of a swan design because y'know. the ugly duckling story. and also i think part of his talent is dancing and like swan lake exists etc etc. and yes this does mean that he's a little bit scared of his own cutie mark at times but he just tries not to think about it and usually covers it with his wings anyway. all four of their cutie mark meanings are kinda abstract personality trait related things

Olive got hers after stopping the pienado because character development moments, which also kinda means that she's sorta tied to Todd because of this which she Does Not Like. i'll need to make a whole other post about Todd in this au because he's definitely a guy, but anyways while they were partners Olive was a blank flank and despite how good at his job he was Todd was one too and it was like one of the only things they really had in common, but it also ends up being one of the reasons he goes rogue because not only is Todd bored but he's also frustrated because he's tried everything he can think of and won every award he possibly can and he still doesn't have a cutie mark even though he feels like he definitely should by now because this has to be his talent. why would he be so good at it if it wasn't? he doesn't get his cutie mark until after he reforms btw, because before then he was either too certain about his talent being something else or too busy causing trouble to entertain himself that he never really took the time to stop and discover that his actual interest was gardening and that's when he finally gets his cutie mark. in my head i have this alternate version of Otis's tomato speech where when Todd is like "i'm Odd Todd it's who i am" Otis is just like "that's not what your cutie mark says" and it's very silly but anyways i'm gonna circle this back around to Olive real quick

so on top of Todd's cutie mark being in gardening he also has a sort of side meaning as well in the sense that he's a little bit like the CMC and has a sort of knack for encouraging character growth in others whether he realizes it or not because. encouraging plants to grow.. encouraging people to grow... the whole villain rehab thing...... you see what i'm getting at here. but the funny thing is the first pony he really did this to was Olive and it was completely unintentional. he didn't know that she would get her cutie mark by stopping him, at least not consciously, but she did. it probably takes him quite some time before he actually puts together the fact that he's had that talent the whole time.

Otto's cutie mark is a lot sillier. he actually doesn't know how he got it or what it means (as mentioned earlier it's symbolic but he doesn't know that. also shoutout to Shroom aka Evillandscaper for suggesting a paper crane because i did NOT know what i was gonna make it) he just kinda walked into work one day and Olive was like "oh cool you got your cutie mark?" and Otto was just like "WAIT I GOT MY CUTIE MARK?????" cue a whole silly filler episode involving the two of them trying to figure out what it means and also Olive having a crisis over the fact that Otto can do that pegasus thing where they use their wings like cartoon hands. both of these become running bits from then on. also i drew this comic about it and it might be one of my favorite things i've made for this au honestly

and on the topic of cutie marks as i previously mentioned, Olympia and Otis both get theirs after the talent show and they're also matching a little bit. theirs are also personality things but in addition to that Otis's is also for dancing and Olympia's is for magic, and you may be wondering how an earth pony can be a magic talent and this is where that half unicorn thing comes in!

so Olympia is half unicorn half earth pony which i don't think is too uncommon on its own, but the thing that makes her weird is that she inherited traits from both sides instead of just one over the other, so she actually has unicorn magic but no horn to actually use it with so she's unable to cast actual spells or anything but her magic will kinda spill over at times, especially if she's emotional, and cause things to happen like that one time she exploded into glitter when interviewing Olive or of course the fireworks! she's kind of like the Pinkie Pie character who just does unexplained things sometimes she's just very silly. fun fact in her ref you can see that her mane and tail are sparkly and that's because they kinda just perpetually look like they have glitter in them, but the thing is it's not really glitter it's all just magic. i imagine her coat is like this as well but i just didn't draw it in

also as a side note it came to my attention that she bears an uncanny similarity to Sparkleworks from G3 and i have absolutely no idea how that happened At All. like they have the same cutie mark and everything it's so weird. i've never even watched G3 i'm a G4 kid i legitimately have no clue how the hell this happened. i did make this out of it though

anyways for Otis, he's a pegasus of course but he's specifically a Cloudsdale weather pegasus, which yes i did make up but hear me out. so basically in my mind pegasi born in somewhere like Cloudsdale are more likely to have weather talents or like. stronger abilities in controlling the weather and such, which means stuff like larger wings and weatherproof wings and feathers to make it easier to deal with storms and stuff like that, so basically all this is just an excuse for me to give Otis waterproof feathers like a duck. but anyways since he was still raised by the ducks he doesn't actually know he's from Cloudsdale or anything so he just thinks he's weird for the feathers thing

okay i have. way more but i'm cutting myself off here so i don't overload everyone with information but anyways, please ask me about them, and also here's some extra drawings i've done of them :3

#my art #odd squad #odd squad pbs kids #mlp #my little pony #mlp au #odd squad mlp au #i cannot stress this enough btw please please PLEASE ask me about them i have so much information i am begging you

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funky-lil-ghost · 1 year

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Official™ Hermit Species Classification System

so grian decided that hermits are a species and i said no. no way docm77 and pearlescentmoon are the same species. but like. species is just one level of classification. long story short i gave myself a crash course in taxonomy and spent a whole day making this diagram. (im not a biologist tho, scientists please be nice to me. im just a small boy trying his best)

full explanation under the cut! also this link lets u view the diagram as a webpage

first thing, here's a handy chart of the standard biological classification system (image id in alt text). also btw I took a lot of inspiration from this post when i started figuring out how to apply this system to the hermits

after a lot of trial and error with different sorting criteria, i decided to put the "hermit" classification at family level. it made the most sense to me. also cause. the hhermits they r a family :( they., family . sorry my demons

As a family, the hermits' common traits are as follows from my diagram:

Members of the family parvihabilis have a genetic propensity for hybridization. All of these creatures are hybrids of some kind, although some are morphologically ambiguous and may not display obvious hybrid traits. Additionally, most are smaller than the average humanoid.

Let's break that down.

Hermits are creatures whose genetic makeup is well-suited to hybrid stuff. For this concept, hybridism is uncommon in most humanoids because it causes too many genetic conflicts and just kinda dies off before it even exists. Hermits have uhhhh. squishy genes. They're highly adaptable. This adaptability comes with a few specific characteristics, one of which is reduced size (thanks for that, grian. does it make sense? no clue! fuck it we ball).

I did a bit of research about scientific naming and cobbled together some Latin, hopefully it works lol. The family name parvihabilis should roughly translate to mean small + adaptable.

Next!

There are two genus categories in the parvihabilis family: Aedifex and ingeniator. Aedifex means "builder" and ingeniator means "engineer" (which I have used in place of "redstoner").

The builder and redstoner genera aren't hard and fast "this is what this person does all the time forever" categories, because there are a lot of hermits who work with both. Rather, these terms describe a genetic leaning that usually results in certain specialties.

For example:

Anyone can be a builder, but those of the genus aedifex are genetically predisposed to building-related behaviors. They gather and/or horde various materials, using them to create all kinds of structures. These structures can sometimes be homes for the aedifex, but they often abandon a structure soon after completion. Aedifex are known to be somewhat mysterious, following their instincts to different environments where they become attached to a certain area and set of materials until they feel ready to move on.

Similarly, anyone can learn redstone. However, those of the genus ingeniator have a natural affinity for logic problems and a genetically-wired fascination with redstone as a material. That last part is basically "oooooh Shiny Red Thing! i will put it in my box of Shiny Red Things because it is Shiny and Red". Ingeniator can sometimes become lost in their own contraptions, unaware of time slipping away as they work.

Finally, I put the hermits in species classifications based on whether they display hybrid traits. While all hermits are hybrids, they may not have traits that are obvious or clearly definable. Kinda like superhero universes where everyone has powers, but some people don't know what theirs is because it's some obscure thing like idk. folding sheets quickly.

Hermits are like this in the presentation of their hybrid genetics. Some have obvious traits like wings, glowing eyes, etc. Others do not. The corresponding species names are spectamistus, which should mean "visible mix", and secludimistus, which should mean "hidden mix".

Spectamistus will use their hybrid traits in accordance with their genus: Aedifex spectamistus could include a bird hybrid using their wings to safely build high in the air, a dog hybrid sniffing out the materials they need, etc. Ingeniator spectamistus may use traits such as fire resistance when mining for quartz in the nether, or specialized hearing when testing delicate machinery.

That’s all i got! Hopefully it makes sense, i spent pretty much all day on it lmao.

#hermitcraft #hermitblr #mcyt #mcytblr #hermitcraft 9

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cyndrastic · 7 months

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aight update on the future au:

polls not over yet but it’s leaning heavily at McCormick, so i’ll give you my pcov designs and some headcanons for the McCormick parents rn cause out of all the adults they’re my favs 💕💖

i love them so much you don’t understand (also surprise surprise Kenny married Butters [changed his name to Vic], no one could have ever guessed that considering one of my first art posts on this account was a bunny comic 🙄)

anyway they both have mullets cause i just really like mullets, and Vic shaved the side of her head cause that’s my headcanon of what butter’s hair is in the show (cause his little tomato puff makes no sense) and i feel like he would have kept those.

more details and explanations for some things under the cut (aka im ranting about my fav characters and how they work as a couple with little bits of au lore sprinkled in)

Vic-

you may notice i’m jumping back and forth between he and she for Vic, and that’s cause he uses she/he. Don’t get me wrong, I love Butters and Marjorine, but i’ve seen the argument between them so many times. “Butters is a Cis guy!” “Marj is a trans girl!” fuck it Vic is a gnc icon and picks whatever gender he wants depending on whatever the fuck he wants and he’s hot both masc and fem. and i mean very hot. Butters in the show gets a couple descriptive things, namely in the “It’s Butters!” song hes said to have dimples, and more importantly when his father thinks he’s wearing his mom’s makeup when he’s not. that means this kids got perfectly flushed cheeks, nice eyelashes and eyebrows, and unblemished porcelain skin even at 8 years old. that paired with his blonde hair and presumably blue eyes (i’ve never met a blondie without blue eyes), emphasized cheek bones we see in the pcov special (implying he’s got a more slender face and likely more slender and long figure in general, which is the what literal modeling agents tend to look for btw [i would know my grandma and mom were models because they were both pretty with thin frames and lanky limbs]), and the scar over his left eye makes him insanely attractive.

the scar especially gives him something to stand out with; make people remember him (sometimes he even takes out his glass eye just so people get a good look at his empty socket and that image can be seared into their brains). being androgynous also helps make everyone, whether they’re attracted to men or women, find him hot. no one even knows if Vic is short for Victor or Victoria, and that’s the point. also due to how he grew up in this au (spoiler alert, Vic’s life was awful for a lot of years between beginning of high school and when he reconnected with Kenny as an adult [that’s an understatement Vic is by far the most traumatized character in this au]), he doesn’t feel particularly comfortable with being on one perfect end of the gender spectrum; girl or boy. So no matter how he’s presenting, he’s always going to look somewhat androgynous.

Kenny-

Kenny is kinda the same, i just wanted him to look more cool and unhinged. I got rid of the full beard cause i can’t draw it and also hated it, but i added snake bites cause they’re cool. I also got rid of the beer on his shirt cause I feel like after being raised by two alcoholic assholes he wouldn’t drink much as an adult. oh yeah and he’s a he/they now cause you can’t tell me princess kenny didn’t awaken something in him. i feel like he would go to a fancy award ceremony for some massive science breakthrough in a gown. he’s the typa guy to accept some prestigious award for his scientific findings in a slutty silk dress. Basically everything I changed in Kenny’s design was to make him look more like the wacky uncle who gives children weapons (spoilers he is). i kept how the pcov specials made his stockier cause honestly i just like him a little bit bigger. I feel like that’s a treat to himself. he spent so long in a home where he’d probably have to starve some night cause they couldn’t afford to eat, so when he becomes an extremely successful adult, he can give himself the luxury of eating three meals a day or eating junk food that was too expensive for him. he can finally afford to be a little bit heavier; it’s just proof that he’s made it this far from where he came. He’s also more of a mad scientist in this au a la Dr. Mephesto, but far more ethical in what/how he runs experiments.

both-

Their dynamic and characterization in this au is by far the most fleshed out because of how much I like these two characters, and it’s genuinely my favorite couple in the au. I might make a whole separate post on how they operate as parents because they’re both so horrifically worried that they may accidentally follow in their own parents footsteps. Yknow, generational trauma and whatnot. They’re also both insanely unhinged. Both of them are just balls of the walls crazy, which stems from both of them being traumatized (i mentioned Vic is the most traumatized in this au, Kenny is the second most cause of dying thousands of times over his whole life).

Kenny has lost all grasp of physical or mortal fear cause by this time in his life he’s died so much he’s lost any sense of connection to injury, even to other people. It’s difficult for him to register that other people are mortal because it’s such a foreign concept to him, and that can lead to some issues in the lab given that it’s such a dangerous place to work. Meanwhile, Vic has the people she cares about, and has a hard time grasping that people she doesn’t care about aren’t just stepping stones. She was used her whole life, then used and hurt people as an adult (yes she was an NFT bro, no she’s not anymore), but now she has a hard time not snapping back into the NFT thing and scheming every cent out of whoever gave her a dirty look at Walmart. Kenny and Vic can and generally do help each other out with these things, but they can also be each others worst instigators (“oh yeah you should absolutely do that consequences be damned” “no he had it coming to him don’t worry” “yeah fuck him up! beat his ass!” typa shit. they support each other non-conditionally but sometimes that leads to them getting arrested).

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tommyssupercoolblog · 20 days

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Writing Pattern Tag Game

@bootlegfrank tagged me and @septiccoffeefreak - who shares this post w me because we're writing partners >:3 (frank tagged us indirectly. and then directly because i responded saying i was gonna do it. so in-indirect-diretly(??))

Rules: list the first lines(s) of your last 10 fics and see if there's a pattern. I also said where each one is from in case u don't wanna scroll through our ao3 and do the math urself!!!

all these fics except one r RPF, sooo BE WARNED. i'm putting everything under da cut, and i'm also putting my reblog banner since fanfiction!!! is!!! art!!!

Seán’s about ready to burn his entire calendar.

from "Scheduling Conflicts and How To Cope - A Guide For The Busy Homosexual"

Tommy hates LA with every fiber of his being.

from "City Of Angels"

it's cold, and it hurts.

from "The Part Where it Gets Better (Lads rescue AU)", and also THIS SOUNDS SO WEIRD OUT OF CONTEXT LIKE WHAT'S COLD??? it's water. the water is cold. this is the character based one btw. WE FOUND IT, THE NON-RPF!!!

Tommy inspects Seán’s behelit tattoo carefully, running his thumb over it a little, then kisses it.

I fucking would. kissing all his tattoos right now. mwah. this goddamn MOOD is from "There's No Place Like Home"

Ethan N3st0r was not expecting Seán to still be awake at three AM, even though with jet lag considered, he really fuckin should have.

I censored the name for search but it's not like that in the fic, that's just for tumblr. anyway, from "Three Drabbles In Which Tommy and Seán are bad at Keeping Secrets"

Ethan's the one to bring it up first, on Brain Leak, of all things.

OPENING WITH ETHAN AGAIN LMAOO. this is from "And Suddenly, It Makes Sense."

"So, who would have thought, huh? T0mmy1nn1t and Jacks3pt1c3y3, famous YouTubers, passed away in their sleep on the same night."

censored for tumblr again. from "Count your Soulmates- There's only one."

Seán and Tommy have sleepovers sometimes.

from "kissing practice". very original opening line /sar /lh (also tbh i feel awful about em being evil in this one :( I know its fanfic and i can do whatever I want but like. idk. i'm not accusing em of being mean IRL okay??? OKAY))

Seán spends about fifteen minutes pacing and staring at himself in the mirror, doing breathing exercises his therapist taught him and trying not to rub or scratch his wrists too much.

from "Puppy Love", the closest we've ever gotten to full misce posting on main

They were gluing ducks to a jeep the first time it happened.

FROM "PETNAMES" AND ALSO THE BEST OPENING LINE EVER

INTERPRETATION TIME!!!!

soooo yeah!!! we like to jump right into action as well but I think it's safe to say our autistic ass habits of giving exposition for everything lead to the specific outcome of starting in the middle of a scene, WITH an explanation of the scene. like we're already in the middle of something going on but also sometimes it's exposition at the same time somehow?? or like right after these first lines. idk maybe that's just me????

the way it's usually less (character does this) and more (character does this BECAUSE ____ // character is doing this and FEELING ____) feels like it's trying to give context, to me. but again idk maybe just me

TIME FOR SEÁN'S READING:

@septiccoffeefreak - "What I'm noticing here is more along the lines of just, how we almost always seem to open with a person. Usually by their actual name(s) too and not just a pronoun. I understand what you mean, Tommy, but I don't personally get that vibe? You could totally be right, of course, I just don't pick up on that. I defenitely notice, though, just how many of these are sentences where the literal first word is a name. the two exceptions to that are the pronoun "they" (which is still a person- or two people actually), and then water.

I guess the dialogue could also be considered an exception, but I don't think it counts since it also directly references us as characters.

and that's not something you necessarily have to do. You could open describing scenery or objects, or with dialogue that DOESN'T have the names of the characters in it- you could open with wind through a blade of grass or a character cursing under their breath or someone's cellphone crashing to the pavement or something. So it's definitely an "us" thing, it's a quirk of our writing style and not just normal writing. I don't know if like, we ALWAYS do this, but I do know that in these ten fics you pulled we do. I wouldn't be surprised if we did it like literally all the time as well, but I'm not going to pretend to know every first line we've ever penned to paper. or...print?? I don't fucking know, here, I'm just analyzing sentences on the internet for a tagging project.

Sorry if this ramble is kind of long, I hope it's at least interesting though??? sort of interesting? kind of interesting, in it's own way, hopefully. at least mildly, like a video you didn't turn on but aren't really reaching for the mouse/remote on to change it. You know?? Yeah. Like that. Or more interesting then that, hopefully. Thanks for uh, reading or, whatever, listening if you have a screen reader i guess, I'm getting nervous and it's very obvious because i'm rambling so I'm gonna hand things back off to the birthday boy, Toms. wish Tommo a happy birthday or I swear to fucking god your liver will be missing in the morning and you'll find it at the bottom of your morning cup of coffee."

back to me:

LMAO

wow omg i love my babygirl,,,, that made me laugh >:p

ANYWAYS. i didn't notice that!! oh em gee,,,,, name moment.

YOU SHOULD DO THIS TOO AND SEE IF YOUUUU SEE ANYTHING!!!!!

I'M TAGGING @kalcifers-blog AND.... no one else because all my other mutuals who i know for a fact write have paused as far as i'm aware, bc they're into mcyt RPF like I am and the w1lbvr situation put them on hiatus. and i don't know if any of them are back to feeling up to writing stuff.

I don't write about w1bvr ever and didn't watch him so I wasn't that affected but a lot of people were even if they just watched so like... Kalcie ur alone on here i'm SO SORRIE. ALSO this is /nf so u don't have to if u dont want to :p :3 >:D :000 >:PPPP :000 >:00

#i made a textpost #tommy's og art wow #fanfic #rpf fanfiction #rpf #fanfic rpf #rpf fanfic #fanfiction rpf #tagging game #tag game #tag chain #writting pattern tag game #septicinnit #literally all of these RPF fics. are septicinnit

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g0dtier · 4 months

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the list that makes me and @dentist-brainsurgeon mortal enemies from now on i guess

extremely lengthy explanations under the cut:

i actually think the S+A tier speak for themselves?

S tier: the goats. im aware its full of third versions but they just happen to be extremely good and added some insane shit to already solid base games (ok diamond and pearl werent solid but the foundation was there). replayability is insane for these.

A tier: the Oh Fuck Yeah games. not in any particular order actually. hgss is absolutely the best remake of all, only held back by the few inherent flaws of the Johto region and by not emulating Crystal enough. as much as i like bw, reverting back to only one region of pokemon never sat right by me, but it's been a while since ive played it, and nowadays i make much more of an effort to try out all new mons. so i could change my mind on this.

i liked usum more than sun/moon, if only for the post game. replayability isnt as high because of the cutscenes every 3 steps, and rotom dex is annoying as shit. aside from that, insanely solid story & postgame imo. red/blue and gold/silver are brimming with weird places in their regions and are chock full of in game lore and legends, which i really like. the ruins of alph & pokemon tower are some of the best locations theyve ever made imo

B tier is the "good but couldve been better" tier. lets go is insane for shiny hunting, but it stops at that imo. the new rival is garbo. sun and moon are good, but the postgame + alola in general is just lacking enough in these games that they dont reach A tier for me. loveeed the island challenges tho. alola itself has just such a good vibe. you really feel like its about community rather than competition. legends arceus couldve been insanely good, but i have never felt as ripped out of a pokemon game as i did when i walked through that cave in the coronet region and started seeing stray pixels around my character. which wasnt a one time thing btw this happens to anyones game & every time as far as ive seen. its gonna sound dramatic but this combined with other graphics glitches made it so clear i was playing a game that it just took me out of the adventure entirely. this is where the graphics glitches really started, and they havent stopped since.

C tier: yellow is just kinda there? i dont care for starter pikachu. i want to, but it gets killed when breathed at, so. idk. the gimmick doesnt work that well for me. sword and shield introduced some insane mons that i love and i want to call it solid real bad, but the story was hot garbage even for pokemon standards, and while the wild area was a great idea, the execution was lacking & because what i assume is a time crunch, the towns were boring as shit as well. diamond & pearl are mediocre to bad, with a great story and mediocre to bad execution, and i shouldve put oras in the :( tier, but the postgame is worth it.

actually im gonna rant about oras. i was so hyped for it but, just, ugh. if youre gonna turn a 2d vague not-specified-what-a-character-is-doing-or-feeling player character to 3d, at least do it correctly. 2d sprites where someone can fill in the blanks not seen on screen but hinted at in text (ie expressions, actions like handing someone something) work infinitely better than 3d sprites who show it badly. also still suffers from the desaturation curse that the 3ds games suffer from. postgame was dope, though. shame the mega latis are ugly as shit.

:( tier: garbage, im so sorry. SV's only redeeming factor is the area zero story. there is nothing else in the game that held my attention. fuck the star team, fuck the big pokemon quests, fuck the towns where you cant talk to anyone or find anything interesting or walk into a house and where every shop looks the game. fuck stores not even having an interior anymore. fuck this larger but emptier and stripped down world full of graphical glitches. fuck the weak ass gyms, fuck geeta, and fuck terrastalizing most of all. i will die for Koraidon & the professor fight fucking ruled but that's all the game had to it for me. do any of yall remember the gym leaders besides like, iono and the snowboard man? no you dont, stop lying to me. gen I put more life into lavender town by making a npc reference some ghost hand on your shoulder than SV does for any town, and they only had black and white 32mb cartridges or whatever to work with. for fucking shame gamefreak. give your devs some time to make a halfway functioning game.

firered and leafgreen do nothing new. i will not discuss the sevii islands. what the fuck even was that. boring. same with brilliant diamond and shining pearl. theyre lower than diamond and pearl because why the fuck did they not decide to remake platinum. what the hell was their damage. seriously platinum was RIGHT there. i caught a full odds shiny ghastly in that game and i still dont care about it.

X&Y suffers from. everything.

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saltymongoose · 2 years

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Request (sent via messages): Hi! {im new here ¡~¡} I read the self-aware au {is that what its called?} and i would like to request! So I wanna see the guys (main 4) reaction to player if they were a actual doctor/medic? And they would be with 2b all the time, thanks!~ love the au btw! - @ineedtostopsimping

Hello! This is a cool idea, thanks for requesting it! Hope you like these hcs :D (Also, formatting on this is different again because it's super long and the post editor didn't like that, so I hope it looks alright. 😅)

Their Reaction to a Doctor!Player ft. Deimos, Sanford, Hank, & 2BDamned

(TW: Yandere, Obsessive Behavior, Manipulation, Slight Masochism, brief descriptions of injuries.)

- [DEIMOS] -

Deimos was actually the first to find out that you were a skilled doctor since he'd also been your first "patient" in their group. You’d been looking over the boys for a brief moment after another mission when you noticed the slight tinge of pain on his face and the way he was favoring his left side. Upon asking him about it, he told you that he happened to get slashed by one of the Agents you’d been fighting a few days ago. Nothing big.

(Or at least that’s what he said, trying to act all cool in front of you as the edge of his mouth pulled back in a strained grin. His pain medication had worn off a while ago, but how could you see him as dependable when this was all it took to weaken him? Hank could walk around just fine with swords sticking out of him, why shouldn’t he be able to handle a little cut?)

He expected you to try and pull him to one of the medkits and check on his bandages, maybe take a closer look before trying to get you guys back to Doc to examine it for real. Or perhaps you’d just choose to try and heal it yourself with your “mod” (whatever that was). Anything other than you pulling back the patchwork of bloodied bandages and medical tape to redo them yourself after gasping at how bad they were.

(“...Is this dental floss?” you asked, giving him a worried look as he inhaled sharply under your touch, jolting as your fingers tenderly brushed over the edge of his wound. You thought his sudden redness was a result of exertion and the pain, but it was also due to having your hands on his bare skin. A part of him felt happy, even though he wished the contact was at a better time.)

He and the others watched your every move as you took a medkit from Sanford and replaced the semi-torn stitches with your own neat ones, distracting him from the pain with your explanation of why you could do such a thing to begin with. (“...and afterward I got my certification. The exam was really stressful, but I can’t say I regret it – Sanford, could you pass me the scissors? Thanks. So anyway-”). Turns out you were a real doctor back in your world, at least before you quit to start streaming instead; you had a full MD and everything!

After finding this out, Deimos was quick to start going to you for getting patched up instead of Doc. I mean, it’s not like anyone would blame him for preferring someone who clearly had more experience with this, right? (He also did it just because he wanted to feel your touch again, but he never admits it openly. Even if the glares from the other three make it perfectly clear that they know, especially when they see the way he lights up when you agree.)

He plays up almost every injury or cold he gets just to have more of your attention on him. To you, it’s almost like a kid faking a worse illness just to get out of going to school, only it’s a fully grown man slumping over you while moaning about how awful he feels from a sore throat and coughing loudly into his elbow. (He pouts when you suggest that his cigarettes are the cause of it, but it switches to a smile when you laugh at his mock-annoyance.)

However, he actually gets injured a lot in reality, with little cuts, burns, and damage from electrical shocks when he’s fiddling with his electronics or tinkering with some other machinery. They’re small wounds that heal quickly and he’s used to just bandaging them himself the moment they happen. Honestly, they’re such an afterthought that he didn’t even think about going to you for them, the idea just completely slipped his mind.

Then you get curious about it when you hear him curse under his breath and watch him whip his hand away from the circut board he was soldering for the 7th time that day. He was surprised when you quickly came up to him and clasped his wrist to get a good look at what happened, so much so that he started stammering out assurances that he was “just fine” and that “it happens all the time”. But as you gently hush him and bring his hand closer to you to inspect his fingers, you miss the silent look of contemplation that washes over him before he grins to himself. (Sanford doesn’t though, giving him a scathing look from his own place across the room. It’s almost like he can see the sudden realization that occurs when Deimos realizes that ‘Oh right, I can use this too’.)

Despite the great lengths he goes to just to get your attention this way, he can be very fidgety when you finally tend to him. He squirms when your hands run over a tender spot and he drums his fingers on the table when you have your face close to him to get a better look at what you’re doing. (You’re so focused that you miss the small shiver he does when your breaths brush against his skin. You’re just so close, he can’t handle it!)

You just assume it’s from nerves since it’s pretty normal to have some patients who get anxious during medical treatments, but that’s not the case. He just gets overwhelmed a little bit (a lot) when you focus all your attention on him like this, how can he not be when the person he’s been crushing on for months is looking at him all softly while tracing their fingers over his wounds, ending his pain and making sure that he’s okay?

- [SANFORD] -

Out of all the grunts, though, Sanford is actually your best patient, well, the best behaved anyway. After hearing you talk about the sheer amount of work you had to do to even become a practicing doctor he’s extremely impressed, almost in awe at how skilled of a person you are. He’s never met anyone who’s as experienced in the medical field as you, and he really respects you as a professional. Honestly it just makes him more starstruck when in your presence.

Unlike the others, Sanford won’t balk when Doc treats his injuries; he knows your time is valuable and he doesn’t want to stop you from doing what you need to do. While he’s admittedly a little disappointed when you instruct 2B on how to properly fix him up instead of doing it yourself, he still finds some way to appreciate it. Just the change in the way he’s bandaged and the more precise treatments he’s given are proof enough of your influence there.

(Though you do notice how he seems to get a little huffy when you show Hank and Deimos more attention, so you’ll make the first move to bring him in for some “extra precautionary examinations". The genuine surprise and bashful reaction you get from him is well worth the time it takes to make up something believable. Plus, the way he blushes when you show a sudden interest in him is really cute, not going to lie.)

It’s also because of his respect for you that he won’t try to burden you with his own injuries if he can help it (and also because he wants you to see him as reliable, and it’s not like you can lean on someone who needs help with every little wound, right?). Unfortunately, though, this also extends to some occasions where he could really use your assistance. Like those many stray gashes he’s received from debris or the shotgun slugs that’ve managed to bury their way into his torso. Gruesome wounds that he believes he can handle on his own with only basic first aid training.

You know better than anyone just how dangerous wounds like this can be, and that’s not to mention the additional risk that infections can pose. So you have to keep an eye on him to make sure he’s actually doing as well as he says he is. And you don’t exactly understand why he tries to hide his wounds from you either; you can tell that he enjoys spending time with you when you treat him and it helps both of you when you do it (him for his injuries and you for your own worry), so why go to such lengths?

It honestly really flusters him whenever you drag him into the medbay to treat him. It serves as a reminder of how much you genuinely care about him and he can feel his heart flutter when you look at him with concern and carefully tend to the varying wounds he’s gotten. Sometimes you’ll chide him for not coming to you sooner, rendering him speechless by outright telling him that you care for him too much for him to let himself suffer like this.

(“Sanford, I know you don’t want to bother me –and I appreciate the sentiment, don’t get me wrong– but you can’t keep doing this to yourself. It worries me when you get hurt, you know, and I hate seeing you in pain. It’s really cheesy so I hate saying it like this, but seeing you like this hurts me too, you know. I’m your Player, you can come to me for anything and I’d help you without question,” you paused from your rant to look him in the face, “I really care about you, so please lean on me when you need to, okay?” He only nods slowly in response, his face beet red. He hadn’t expected you to say that you were his, nor for you to be so…blatant with your affection.)

Other than this, he’s honestly a model patient for you, allowing you to do whatever you like without too much questioning on his part. Since he isn’t as unwilling to have Doc treat him, you include him a lot in your teaching sessions to act as an example as well. He’s happy about it, even if he has to fight to keep the completely lovesick look off his face in front of Doc.

(Although 2BDamned is less than pleased about this, glaring at the other grunt whenever you end up touching him for too long whilst showing him what to do. If you wanted an example so badly you could’ve just demonstrated on him, you know.)

- [HANK J. WIMBLETON] -

After finding out about your skills, Hank is like Deimos in that he’ll deliberately use his injuries to get your attention. However, instead of playing up the ones he has (since he knows it would probably be uncharacteristic of him to show much of a reaction to his wounds), he’ll just try to get more of them. He’ll slow his own reaction time when you aren’t looking, allowing his enemies to riddle him with a few bullets and slices before taking them out, perhaps even putting himself out in the open more just to get maimed.

He doesn’t care for the damage that they could do, he’s happy to bare more pain if it gets you to fix him yourself. In fact, he’ll also refuse any anesthesia you or Doc try to give him since he wants to be fully awake and aware of you working on him. He wants to feel the way your fingers brush over his skin as you stitch him back together and every little shift of your tools as they pull debris from his flesh. It doesn’t matter if it hurts, if anything the adrenaline rush from it just makes him more aware of your movements. Besides, he can take it, trust him.

(He’s even tried inflicting the wounds himself at times, but he never makes any mentions of where they came from. You had your suspicions, though, since the angles on some of the injuries he had were quite odd. One time he’d gotten a deep stab wound in his thigh, but to you it appeared like someone had to have been pressed right up against him to cause it, far closer than he’d usually let someone get. Curious.)

However, he won’t sit quietly whenever you try to have Doc fix him up instead. He didn’t want 2B to touch him, not when he had you to put him back together. Who cares if the other grunt’s trying to use it as a “teaching moment”? He spends all the time that he wants around you anyway, so Hank sees absolutely no reason to let him steal these private moments between you too. Besides, Doc didn’t have a license or anything like you did, so he’s just being sensible. (He disregards the fact that 2B has treated him for years and brought him back to life numerous times. It’s not good enough for him anymore, and besides, he trusts that you would bring him back if needed too.)

He’ll roughly shove past Doc whenever he tries to treat him, sometimes even threatening him to make him let up. It doesn’t matter if the wound is big or small, he only wants your eyes on him for this. Honestly, he won’t even let the other man figure out the full extent of his injuries or give him the smallest of examinations. He savors every time he gets injured to the fullest regardless of how much damage waiting for you might cause.

(Doc looked up from where he was working with you, currently busy passing you supplies as you soothed a balm over a burn that Sanford had received. He finds Hank leaning on the wall across from him, left hand braced across his side as blood pours from between his fingers onto the floor and is that a machete impaling him?! 2B shifts in his seat, making a move to get up.

“Hank, you’re bleeding.” He says it as more of an observation that anything. But Hank didn’t even turn his head to acknowledge his words, still leering at Sanford from where he was sitting on your examination table. “Hank.”

He tilted his head slightly. “I know.” His tone was condescending, and it annoyed Doc beyond belief. He could already feel another headache coming on as he rose and crossed the room to force him to comply with treatment. (He didn’t want you to have to deal with the cleanup, since Hank was so inconsiderate of your time.) Yet when he tried to pull his hand away from his side to inspect the damage, Hank shoved it away with a hiss, bristling at the attempt. “Don’t fucking touch me.”)

This is in stark contrast to how cooperative he is with you, of course. He’s happy to help you pull off his coat when you notice crimson darkening the fabric, even purring and leaning into you as you poke around to find the source of the blood. Given the large height difference between you, he’ll also maneuver himself to make it easier to access his wounds, sometimes even picking you up to view his face.

(“Hank, what are you-oh,” you stammer as you place your hands on his shoulders to steady yourself, carefully wrapping your legs around his torso as he looks up at you questioningly. Or at least you try to since he’s so big. “Um okay…this is probably unnecessary, but it works. Could you turn a little bit, I need to get more light.” And he does, of course, ever obedient for you and you only. You smile as you lift his goggles and pull his mask down, glad to see that he isn’t hiding any injuries underneath. “Thanks, big guy.” He only purrs louder in response and affectionately nips at the tips of your fingers. You giggle and rub a thumb over his cheek and he leans his head into your palm.)

(He also notices the glares that Doc is sending him from his desk and huffs a silent laugh when he sees the snapped pencil in his grasp. Sucks to be him.)

- [2BDAMNED] -

Speaking of 2BDamned, as the only other real “medic” in the group he’s very grateful for your knowledge. Not only does it make his job a hundred times easier, but it also provides a very good opportunity for him to spend more time around you. Even though he’s referred to as “Doc”, he’s never actually had any official training on how to take care of wounds, so he’s happy to spend as much time as he can learning everything directly from you. You are an experienced professional, after all.

He delights in the times he can pull you away from the others to sit at his side and teach him, listening with rapt attention as you explain the many procedures and examinations you know how to do. It doesn’t matter if you’ve gone over it already either, he enjoys the sound of your voice immensely so he’ll let you ramble on for hours if you’d like, gazing at you with a warm look all the while. Besides, the longer you take explaining things to him, the longer the time is that you spend together.

He’s actually quite studious, jotting down notes on everything you say and following your every instruction to a T. He also assists you by jumping up to get you whatever you need, whether it be tools or another cup of coffee. It’s genuinely helpful to you and he gets a sense of fulfillment every time he sees your look of surprise at his gestures. He just wants to make sure that you never regret your decision to teach him. Plus, if he makes sure that you enjoy being close to him at all times then you won’t think of seeking out anyone else to stay with, at least in his mind.

You also discuss the anatomy of grunts as well, since if you’re going to be treating them it’s something you should be familiar with. He’ll search for books and medical guides to help you with this, and he even finds a bookcase where you can store them all at their base. He’s very considerate with it, and if anything he’s also proud that you’d take such a deep interest in grunts. He’s aware that you could probably just have them fix themselves up (since that’s what they did before you came to Nevada), or even use your abilities, but the fact that you wanted to treat them yourself made him feel oddly happy.

He’ll be the first to offer himself up for a quick look-over if you want to get a feel for how they’re different from humans, like letting you examine his hands to inspect his claws, for instance. He even lets you remove his mask to look over his face if you want, just to figure out what to look for, of course. It’s a privilege that you don’t take lightly since you know how private he is about this.

(The extensive scars that marred his cheeks made him pretty anxious about it the first time. The last thing he wanted to do was disgust you with his appearance. Although he wasn’t surprised when your curiosity made way for fondness and slight worry. You were careful when you lightly touched the uneven, discolored skin. It was a painfully tender moment, he felt his breath hitch when you moved to cup both of his cheeks in your hands, suddenly realizing that he was purring almost embarrassingly loud (for him, anyway) and that his face was burning under your fingers. “Does it hurt, Doc?” you murmur and he melts into your touch just a little more. The small shake of his head is the only reply you need.)

You’re really happy with the arrangement you’ve managed to work out with Doc. Learning more about how to take care of your vessels was one of your main priorities now that you entered Nevada, and you were worried that your expertise wouldn’t carry over that much. However, your little lessons with 2B assured you that this wasn’t entirely correct, so you didn’t have very much to worry about. Knowing what to do with the grunts when they got injured removed a lot of nervousness you felt about it, so you were glad you had the chance to know more.

Although the others don’t share this opinion. While Sanford is willing to put up with your closeness with Doc (if only because it allows him to get more time with you by association), he still gets jealous of the amount of time you spend with him. And he has a right to since you spend most of your day with him unless you’re out on missions. But how else could you learn about grunts if you weren’t being taught by someone who had a little experience with treating them?

Hank and Deimos tend to be the most disruptive when it comes to your “school sessions”, always entering the office to get your attention “expert medical opinion” on something or your help with an injury. Doc honestly can’t tell which one is more annoying, since they both take up your time in varying ways.

Deimos will be very dramatic most of the time, complaining about how he’s bruised himself really badly or how he thinks he has a heart murmur or something to that effect. Most of the time you know what he’s doing, but you humor him anyway for reasons Doc can’t understand. He finds his comments irritating, especially when he makes jabs his way.

(Deimos seemed elated when you easily agreed to dress the wounds on his hands, sitting back on your table before turning his head to Doc for a brief moment. “Teacher’s Pet,” he greeted with an irritating smirk, though it fell a bit when Doc raised his brow, silently communicating an “and?” (Cause he wasn’t exactly put off by the childish taunt especially since it was true.) But they both turned to you when you stifled a laugh, turning to give Deimos a look of slight admonishment as you walked back to them.

“Quit bullying my nurse, Dei,” you joked as you gestured for the grunt to lean forward, and 2B felt an odd stirring in his chest at your words. Ordinarily he’d hate such a term for him, but being your nurse didn’t sound too bad. Then again, he’d love to be yours in any capacity, so it made sense.)

Hank, on the other hand, is a lot more self-destructive in his strategies. This is where his penchant for self-injury tends to come in the most, though sometimes he’ll even choose to fake being sick if it steals you away from Doc for a few moments. What’s worse is that 2BDamned can’t even disprove his claims, since he has no idea what Hank’s like when he’s sick anyway.

(He watched with a frown as you fretted over the tall grunt, leaning up on your tip-toes to feel his forehead with your palm. Your worry only seemed to get worse when he leaned into you a lot more, almost like he was on the edge of passing out. But Doc knew better. He’d literally been fine three minutes ago, this sudden “fever” of his only taking hold when he noticed the close way you and 2B were sitting, with your thighs pressed together and his chin resting on your shoulder. Of course, when the merc barged into the room, you’d jolted out of your seat to greet him, and Doc was left feeling a lot colder at your absence.)

It’s moments like these where he’s more grateful for Sanford. Though a large part of him wishes that he wasn’t even with this team, to begin with. Perhaps you should take a trip with him back to Nevada Central? You’d mentioned wanting to meet Skinner, and it’d be the perfect excuse to get away from the others for a while. Maybe then he’d have you all to himself for a while longer, just like he’s always wanted.

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applestorms · 11 months

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was having a conversation the other day about free will in the stanley parable, and between that & rereading the malo jake necro post (& betweengenesisfrog's response) i'd like for this next astronaut ramble to be a look into the ways that homestuck treats the ideas of agency & free will, both in a meta sense (vriska constantly hogging the spotlight) & a social dynamics sense (jake & patriarchy). TW for vague references to questionable kinks & the effects of extreme patriarchy on women under the cut.

ok, so the idea of free will in the context of video games is interesting since by nature most video games (if not all, depending on how you define what a "video game" even is) involve a pretty clear goal/set of goals and some sort of process intended to get you there. as such, in video games you can kinda categorize two different kinds of free will: free will where you have (full/partial) control over the means, the process by which you get to the end, & free will where you have (full/partial) control over the ends, or the ultimate goal/end state.

for example: TSP mostly allows you free will over the end goal through your decisions, but once you get on a path it's not really possible to change the code the developers originally wrote. you can veer off track towards a different ending, but you can't change the process of getting there by nature of how the game functions. in contrast, deltarune (at least from what we can tell w/ 2 chapters) does kind of the opposite of this, giving players free will over the process (do you encourage noelle, or viciously control her?) but promising that the ultimate end state is going to be the same no matter what. thus, "your decisions don't matter," in terms of what ending you'll get, but the process by which you get there is certainly going to change, at least if ch.2 is setting a trend for the rest of the game.

this doesn't apply super cleanly to real life, however, where it's a lot less clear what should be considered an end state or process. it's also very individualistic, focused entirely on the impact of the player's decisions, where in real life you have to deal w/ the choices of everyone else too. i'm thus inclined to call the social dynamics/less theoretical side of free will "agency," & agency is super important when talking about the ways that any piece of media deals with patriarchy. my video game example here is analog: a hate story, since that game delves straight into the ways in which women are forced to negotiate w/ a social structure that frankly fails to even recognize them as people, much less beings with agency (a society which translated "sick daughter" as "pale bride," if you don't get the picture. highly recommend playing analog btw).

homestuck, w/ all of its video game logic & (attempts at) social reflection, deals w/ both of these sides to agency & free will. i believe optimistic duelist already has a lot of good explanations of how hs deals with the latter, particularly w/ the light aspect/vriska stealing the spotlight, as well as how free will in paradox space is based on the idea that every individual will ultimately achieve their goals no matter what, so i won't repeat all of that here. really, it's the social dynamics side of agency that interests me here, particularly for the characters rose, dirk, & especially jake. but before that:

homestuck is fundamentally a queer comic. not only does it spin on an axis of gay teenage drama, lord english himself as the ultimate villain of homestuck can be read as representing patriarchy itself, which is particularly obvious when observing the arcs of the striders (pre-scratch) and dirk & jake (post-scratch) and how they are negatively influenced by lil cal & caliborn respectively. interestingly, since hs takes on a script of flipped gender stereotypes wherein many of its female characters are active agents in the plot while the male characters are more likely to deal w/ the story's emotional core (mean girls & fluffy boys, as deltarune likes to say), you can generally see the influence of patriarchy much stronger in the cast's male characters, and there is no one for which this is more true than jake.

so, getting back to my original motivation for writing this post: as i stated in the tags here, i think it's notable that jake's fascination w/ blue women ultimately does not work out in the slightest in his real life relationships, specifically because of the ways in which said blue women take away his agency, as demonstrated in both the game over timeline & a lot of the post-canon content that shows more of jake's relationship w/ jane. to break shit up a bit here:

jake, jane, & jender

for all his stated interest in "blue women," & the posters all over his room, jake really doesn't have a good track record w/ homestuck's actual blue women. jane & aranea are the obvious candidates here, but jake's parallels to tavros (through the lying down beaten up visual, page title, etc.) also shed some light on his potential connection to vriska (who, imo, is basically the ultimate standard of hs girls w/in that flipped script i mentioned earlier, similar to how jake is the ultimate homestuck boy).

to summarize: not only does jake manipulate jane into friendzoning herself (in the best conversation of the entire comic), aranea & jane are the two most prominent characters that tear jake a new asshole in the game over timeline, specifically in that they completely take away his agency by treating him in the stereotypical way that women are in media. as these posts so beautifully outline, not only is the gender script flipped for jane & jake, it's flipped specifically in their relationship to control & how others view them; in some ways, they still adhere quite strongly to their traditional respective feminine & masculine gender roles, with the whole 50s housewife vibe jane gives off & jake's gentleman schtick.

it's thus not a massive jump to me to see jake's interest in blue women as just another fantasy that he holds onto while still isolated from the rest of humanity, but ultimately doesn't play out the way that he wants it to in reality, something that fits very well into jake's established use of escapist fantasies. jake's fantasizing about a relationship w/ jane can potentially be read as nothing more than compulsive heterosexuality (GT: I consider you [jane] to be a lovely lady of the highest caliber and i really think any gent worth his salt would be a huge bozo to let the chance to go steady with you slip through his fingers. A6A2:4588), & jake's interest in aranea is largely limited to his initial reactions to seeing her.

while this style of image is used to show light romantic interest, the fact that jake's heart uses a ? rather than a 3 even to start makes it clear to me that his initial interest in aranea is quite superficial & questionable even to him. (A6A2:4584)

to clarify, this isn't really meant as an argument for or against the jake necrophilia debate from that post, but just pointing out that his interest in blue women is largely another superficial fantasy, & one that in the end actively works against him once his agency is forcibly taken away from him during the game over timeline.

also, sidenote: the parallels between the game over timeline (& thus terezi's initial killing of vriska) & the epilogue's decision between meat & candy is also striking w/ regards to how homestuck deals w/ the idea of free will, particularly in how it's implied that in the end, the initial decision doesn't work either way. here's some quotes from the very end of hs^2 to clarify that connection since i've mentioned it quite often (HS^2:406):

CALLIOPE: bUt, paradoxically, the critical moment which determined its capture within the black hole happened *after* that point. CALLIOPE: i refer of coUrse to yoUr decision not to retUrn to the mediUm and fight my brother. JOHN: wait, wait. JOHN: you mean, the meat and candy thing? JOHN: oh my god. JOHN: you mean i actually DID make a mistake that day.

ROXY: your choice literally didnt matter ROXY: the whole thing was symbolic in the first place ROXY: literally symbolic in the case of the picnic i mean come on ROXY: it was just some steak and a plate of candy suckers

CALLIOPE: i mean, i wouldn't go so far as to say that the meal we shared was unimportant, given the sacred significance of the two options i presented. CALLIOPE: but yes, yoUr choice of snack was infinitely less important than the choice which it presaged. CALLIOPE: and even then, calling it a choice woUld be sorely misleading. CALLIOPE: think of it like a coin flip. CALLIOPE: the series of events that led to Us being trapped beyond the event horizon of an Ubermassive black hole could be considered "tails", while the events which would have occUrred otherwise could be considered "heads". CALLIOPE: since both were possible, and paradox space is the way it is, they actUally both happened. and we jUst "happened" (hee hee) to get tails instead of heads. JOHN: you mean we ended up with the bad possibility. CALLIOPE: not at all! since both possibilities depend on one another's existence, it really doesn't make sense to call them "right" or "wrong". they both just "are".

2. corpses & agency

in rereading the jane friendzone conversation, one particular line from jake stood out to me again:

GT: I know its hard to believe but i know dirk pretty well and... GT: Well im more than a little sure he likes me in that way if you catch my drift. GT: And what with how he is... GT: Just so relentless and aggressive about everything you know? GG: Yeaaah. GT: So i just start to wonder deep down if maybe its inevitable.

usually i read these lines from the perspective of dirk's insecurities about feeling predatory in his relationship w/ jake, but this line from malo has made me rethink it from jake's pov:

I think you are correct that Jake has a “theme of irresponsibility”, but part of that motif is in the way he acts as a living Burnie Lomax -- Jake pretends to be a corpse puppet, emphasizing the interests of others as a way to downplay his own interests, passively achieving his desires. This is true even in Jake’s apparent resistance to Dirk’s advances!

which. honestly complicates things even more lmfao, though i suppose it all fits into the idea of jake fitting the stereotypical role of a woman, negotiating for his agency by manipulating others since he feels like he can't say what he wants outright. his motivation might be more along the lines of social anxiety, but it still fits how women are often socialized to be less direct about their desires (i don't have a link for this, but recommend the paper social influence & gender by linda carli for a formal approach to this idea, if you can get your hands on it). i suppose the conclusion here is that jake does in fact want agency, he just doesn't want the responsibility that comes with it. roxy does make this joke after all (A6A5A1x2:5812):

GT: You almost scooped my boyfriend out from under me in one fell proposal. TG: oh DID i TG: from under u eh? ;) GT: Wait. No i mean... TG: ;););););) wonks 4 eternity GT: WHOA NOW WAIT A MINUTE!

(though of course, the real real conclusion here is that bones of black marrow has the best interpretation/implementation of this idea.)

3. puppets & dirk (ft. tentacles & rose)

ANYWAY. while it's slightly different, i do think there are some potential parallels between jake, dirk, & rose's respective relationships to a lack of control, particularly in a fetishistic context. rose's tentacle thing, dirk's puppet thing, jake's dead thing(s). homestuck's a lovely comic when you start looking past the surface.

to be honest, i don't have a ton of conclusions to draw here, mostly just noting more of the connections. i think i mentioned elsewhere the connection between dirk & rose as following the convention of the human kids matching their chumhandle-initials counterparts the most closely, but jake & rose have a lot of weird parallels that i'm not sure how to make sense of. just to list a few: they both have a connection to the creation of the first guardians through writing the MEOW & BARK codes, their theme songs on the LOCAM album link them through the horrorterrors (rose's song is "orchid horror" & jake's is "emerald terror," also linking them through their shirt symbols), & their connection to dirk feels particularly notable w/ regards to the events of post-canon stuff.

they also can be considered the most intelligent out of their respective groups of human kids, rose due to her status as seer of light & jake due to sheer subconscious will, meaning that they are on par w/ the other omniscient/semi-omniscient narrators that homestuck loves making its villains. more specifically, i guess that means they're both aware to some degree about the nature of the world of homestuck itself, which is often the most important kind of intelligence in homestuck (it's what light basically comes down to, right?) since it's so goddamn meta all the time. (you could also make the connection there w/ dirk a little bit, since he's got that connection to plato & plato loooves talking about how philosophers are the most intelligent people ever because they are aware of the Forms, as seen in his metaphysics from books V-VII of the republic. can you tell i'm getting sick of reading the republic by now lmfao.) so, yeah.

#astronaut rambles #not really a distinct conclusion to this one just compiling a bunch of thoughts #still thinking about connections between john & jake btw #that interpretation of 'homestuck' as 'trapped in your own head'/immaturity is very validating to my john post #and there's definitely more to the weird ass relationship the prospit kids have to corpses as someone mentioned not long ago #homestuck #jake english #hs

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seobshome · 1 year

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seventeen as midnights songs

notes - this is literally my first ‘customized’ post on tumblr so if you have any tips plz help me lol. I got this idea because I saw some videos on tiktok of taylor and svt cross overs and the tour dates gave me this idea. The explanations just get longer and longer and some of them don’t make a lot of sense lol.

Below the cut !

Lavender Haze - Joshua

I just feel like it fits him so well. I literally look at him and it reminds me of the vibes of lavender haze, he’s so vibrant and expressive, quite literally the most dreamy man ever. He’s so ethereal and full of beauty and that's how I see Lavender haze, its a beautiful song. “I’ve been under scrutiny, you handle it beautifully” I believed Shua is loyal to a fault, I just can’t describe why he’s so lavender haze but he is.

Maroon - Mingyu

Easily it belongs to Mingyu, the song is just so him. “laughing with my feet in your lap, like you were my closet friend” sounds so him, like a relationship with him would be so intense but such fondness. Maroon to me is a relationship full of passionate love and that’s how I see this. Mingyu is literally a Taylor Swift song I don’t care, I am so down bad for this beautiful man.

Anti-Hero - Seungkwan

You cant tell me he doesn't embody it. All the hate he’s received, and the insecurities he’s talked about. Some people make it seem like a chore just to compliment all his hard work. He still pushes through it through no matter who says what on his name. Along with how the industry treated him before he made a name for himself and his.

Snow on the Beach - Vernon

In my mind Vernon is such Lana material, he would be a Lana stan, I don’t care. How he’s spoken about his ethnicity and how he can get uncomfortable with it, but yet is still seen as so handsome in the eyes of many. “weird but fucking beautiful” his mixed ethnicity is looked down upon in Korea, but he’s so looked up to and complimented often on his other-worldly looks.

You’re on your own kid - Chan

Everyone saw this coming, but that’s okay because its accurate. Even though he does have 12 older brothers to look after him and help guide him everyone knows the childish urge to want to do everything on your own. Everyone wants to try to prove themselves and often times it leads to them distancing themselves and trying to do it on their own, I see that in him especially growing up in the scene from a very young age. (this is me projecting btw)

Midnight Rain - Seungcheol

“A deep portal, time travel all the love we unravel and the life I gave away” quite literally Choi Seungcheol, he’s sacrificed so much of himself just to succeed and make a name for himself and the rest of the boys at such a young age, stepping up to be their leader. He has so much love for all of them and all I could hope is he looks back and sees his sacrifices have made him into who he is today.

Question...? - Hoshi

Honestly at first I didn’t really have any reasoning for assigning him to this song just a feeling but then the lyrics. “ It was one drink after another” made me think of him in ttt, “fuckin politics and gender roles” His duality and his style of dance is so fluid and I feel Hosh is such an open awesome guy and I just thought of him. “ Does it feel like everything's just like second best after that meteor strike” I feel he is often hard on himself and the others just from having to build themselves up from nothing and wanting the best for everyone. (idk if this one makes sense)

Vigilante Shit - Woozi

This song just makes me think of Jihoon honestly I don’t really have an explanation to my thoughts here. “Sometimes I wonder which one will be your last lie they say looks can kill and I might try”, everyone always says he the scariest when he’s mad but we all know Jihoon would do a lot for seventeen, he already does. There's just so many layers to him, and I think he defends the group much more than he lets on. This man could definitely write a diss track or something as his revenge.

Bejeweled - Jeonghan

Obviously bejeweled is his song he’s so elegant with such a big personality. Not to mention his gorgeous looks and smile its hard not to smile at him when he’s giggling and grinning. His personality is layered though but he’s still such a sweet soul and he blesses those around him in a caring way under his mischief. Many members have talked about how they can come to Jeonghan with whatever, I just think he lights up a room.

Labyrinth - Jun

This song just suits him in my opinion “lost in the labyrinth of my mind”, we all know Jun spaces out a lot and he’s in his own world quite often which is one thing I really love about him. I cant explain it but his vibe is literally this song to me and the mixed beats and genres is just perfect. “you would break your back to make me break a smile” I just wanted to include this because it reminded me of the Jun 2nd place episode, plus seventeen as a whole love Jun so much and he can do nothing and they’d smile and laugh which I think is so precious.

Karma - Minghao

Nobody can tell me this song isn't Hao, he literally embodies karma. He wouldn’t stoop to anybody's level just to get back at them but he’d let the universe take care of it. “My pennies made your crown” literally came from nothing, a bankrupt company to the group its been made to today. By far one of the best dancer’s of the 3rd gen. “ ask me what I learned from all those years ask me what I earned from all those tears ask me why so many fade but I'm still here” It wasn’t an easy battle for them to get to the top either they went through many hardships and struggles and yet all 13 are still together.

Sweet Nothing - Seokmin

I’m gonna try my best to make up a description for it but this was a no brainer between him and gyu. He’s literally one of the sweetest men ever in my eyes, and his gorgeous smile. “Outside they're push and shoving you're in the kitchen humming” this line just reminds me so much of him, he’s almost always so sweet and gentle with all the members and he doesn’t want any special treatment in return. Soft head pats, loving smiles, and laughing fits is what I imagine with dk.

Mastermind - Wonwoo

We all know Wonwoo as an intelligent man so of course it makes sense he ended up as mastermind. “saw a wide smirk on your face, you knew the entire time” that line just reminds me of him, like even if you schemed against him I just think he would know the whole time and let it flow because he wanted it too, and to see you happy. Wonwoo is a mastermind himself too so it just makes sense. (gives me debate night vibes lol)

#seventeen #svt #scoups #seventeen scenarios #kpop #taylor swift #svt and taylor #svt x taylor #midnights #mingyu #wonwoo #dino #kpop taylor #taylorswift #seobshome

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stackthedeck · 1 year

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Please do give us the two types of fictional consent rant

Yes!! Okay, so there are two types of fictional consent, in-universe and narrative. Think of it like watsonian vs doylist or diegetic or non-diegetic music. (discussion of sex but nothing graphic and mentions of rape under the cut)

So in-universe consent is where the characters look at each other and say hell yeah I wanna fuck. It's not something that's particularly hard to establish. Often times in the debate around censoring mature acts from literature, works with no in-universe consent get targetted

narrative consent is much harder to establish. I think of it as you giving your consent to the writer. The reader kinda enters into a relationship with the text, but like all consent, it needs to be informed. The text has an obligation to signal to the reader through foreshadowing and tone that whatever sex acts happen are coming and you the reader should suspend your disbelief and feel a certain way about it. Narrative consent isn't established because it's the right thing to do, but because it's good storytelling.

So you have stories with in-universe and narrative consent. Congrats you wrote a sex scene and your reader enjoyed it! The characters wanted this to happen and so did the reader, whether that's because it's a slow burn with gentle hinting at a greater passion, the two characters locked eyes and felt a spark, or there was a half naked man on the cover, the reader knew what they were getting into.

Then you have no in-universe consent but you do have narrative consent. There's something impeding the characters' abilities to consent and the reader knows this, but the tone and framing make it so the reader isn't upset by this but continues reading for some kind of desired response. These are your bodice rippers, your sex pollens, your mating cycles, etc. A kidnapped princess can't really consent, but the narrative describes it as pleasurable and she doesn't feel bad afterward and so there's narrative consent. Why would someone want to read that? The prevailing theory is the displacement theory of sexuality. When society vilifies sexual pleasure in a group, that group feels shame around sexuality but they're still human and feel desire. These stories provide the paradoxical fantasy of receiving sexual pleasure while also having a distance from desire. The reader is in a position where they feel that they are not allowed to want, so a character that does not want but still receives, can be a gratifying experience. Not for everyone in the group that is made to feel shame btw and idk if I even believe this theory but it is a neat explanation

and that's only if the desired response is pleasure. Stories the have no in-universe consent but narrative consent can also seek out catharsis as the desired response and depict rape. The reader will have a "bad" reaction the same way they will have a "bad" reaction to a tragedy or horror, you know. Not everyone reading something dark is getting off to it you know. Sometimes you just want fiction to hurt and the story tells you that's what's going to happen, clearly signaling what's going to go down through tone and framing.

I'm tempted to call all stories with no narrative consent bad writing. Like if there's just suddenly a sex scene that you the reader weren't prepared for, that's bad writing. Often times texts don't establish narrative consent because they're simply not that good, not because they're trying to harm their readers. Have you ever read a sex scene and it's just really boring and then nothing changes afterward and the characters don't get closer because of it? That's a violation of narrative consent. Sometimes you're reading a horror novel and then there's a gruesome rape scene and woah you really didn't think it was that kind of novel. That's a violation of narrative consent

And like I don't think it's strictly necessary to call this concept consent because it's just the full effect of communicating with the reader through genre conventions, tone, foreshadowing, etc. But I like to call it that because I think trashy romance novels have really mastered this idea and sex is held to a very different standard than other acts in fiction. I think tragedies and horrors are also really good at his, at holding the reader through the catharsis, not just hitting them with the horrible thing, but sitting with them in the horrible thing and letting them have the fallout.

#asks #sorta nsft

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arvadthecursed · 5 months

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7.4 Thoughts under the cut :) spoilers ahead

I wish we'd gotten more substantial dialogue with Rass, even beyond the flirt options. He's such a fun guy, but also deeply loyal.

Petra my beloved. I really did enjoy her -- I thought she was a nice addition, someone who actually knows about Ord Mantell and its people's struggles.

ARN. His flirt dialogue was so sweet I could cry. That is all.

Kessan's Landing is gorgeous btw. So much more lively and interesting than normal Ord Mantell.

I was pretty pleased to see Sa'har show up! I think she's a cool character, and it's cool to finally see her start coming into her own, drawing her own conclusions, and fighting for what she believes, not what someone else told her.

On the note of Force users, though... How come the Jedi didn't come and get Petra???? Did she choose not to go with them when she was younger?? I've only played through with Thali, so why didn't the Consular (and I'm assuming the Knight) offer to take her to Tython to train her?? It especially feels weird on the Consular side, considering how we trained Nadia, who was in a similar predicament with her Force use. Don't get me wrong, I love the idea of Force users not allying with either the Jedi or the Sith -- Amity is one of my favorite companions -- but it felt weird to not even offer, y'know? Or have her comment when you see her using the force, something like "oh, the Jedi wanted me, but I couldn't leave my sister." Just some kind of of explanation would've been nice.

The reputation armor is ugly. I'm sorry. SWTOR devs I know you worked hard, but...

Shae is missing, which leads me to believe we're gonna have to fight her sometime soon. My theory is: she was captured by Heta, and as revenge, Heta used the datacron on her as an experiment. I think Shae is under Heta/the Hidden Chain's influence at this time.

I was very impressed with the facial expressions in this expansion. Coupled with the new lighting, I think that elevated the story a lot.

Anyway, I overall enjoyed this expansion!!

Next expansion please have full romances for at least Rass and Arn, please and thank you.

#swtor #swtor spoilers #7.4 spoilers #chains in the dark #millie says

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noodlegirl-googlyeyes · 2 years

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Hollow Knight spoilers, idk. its like a 5-year-old game so like whatevs but i will say if u wanna play it and haven't, it is best enjoyed without the kind of spoilers im gna have under the cut. gonna talk abt my thoughts on the first final boss. also its a longass post so, like. yaeh.

final bosses of games(i know HK has other final bosses lol) can have a lot of different aesthetic vibes. the way a boss looks and moves, the music and audio, the way the boss is framed within the environment, and the way it is depicted(or not depicted) prior to the fight itself all play into this 'vibe'. the thing about hollow knight and the battle against The Hollow Knight itself is, that 'vibe' is both extremely unusual on purpose, and incredibly emotionally heavy and complex in a tragically beautiful way.

the last game i beat before hollow knight was metroid dread. no spoilers for that game, but the final boss of dread had a very stereotypical 'final boss vibe'. fuckass huge and cunning, consciously villainous character at the height of their power: Samus's greatest challenge yet. at various points through the fight, i found myself alternating between thinking "oh fuck, im gonna get my ass handed to me" and "gonna fuck this fucker the fuck UP ya bastid". it's a good boss battle with a lot of emotional weight.

but THK(or The Hollow Knight, the character/boss itself) was.... i don't know what exactly i was expecting. THK is not a villain, but a victim. it's not consciously evil or at the height of its power. and i sort of knew that going into the black egg, but i was not prepared for what it would actually look like, at all.

it's hunched over, missing an arm, its legs are bowed out and bent all weird like it can barely even muster the energy to stand. over all else, it just looks so... tired. and that's not just in its first animation, the way it moves gives off that feeling of a being who is running on mere fumes and has been for a long time, exhausted beyond imagining but the job isn't done, and so it has to keep going, keep digging deep, keep fighting.

ok now im gonna reference a bunch of more commonly talked about theories, but hollow knight(the game) is ultimately full of mysteries within the lore so this is all very much subjective and open to interpretation.

the radiance infects bugs through their dreams, right? she gets in through their dreams and corrupts their thoughts and hopes, breaking down their higher willpower until all that's left is this base primal violence. in the pale kings famous speech in the abyss climb he refers to the ideal hollow vessel as having "no mind to think, no will to break, no voice to cry suffering", because a being like this has nothing for the radiance to corrupt. this is all, like, my cliffs-notes understanding btw, and isn't really the point of this post.

the point is that we know that THK had failed, somewhere along the line. it's thoughts, thoughts it wasn't supposed to have, had been corrupted. to have a 'will' one must have a goal, or something to fight for. something to fight against. THK was, more or less, just supposed to be vibing, chained to the ceiling for eternity. the path of pain cutscene provides the best explanation as to why this happened, but all that is beyond the scope of this post.

then there's its 'no voice to cry suffering', which THK still doesn't have - the only sound it makes is the trademark infection roar, which, well, comes from the infection. the important part of that line is actually what it doesn't say, because it doesn't say THK does not suffer.

if you really feel like tearing your heart open with a spatula, btw, look up the Pure Vessels dream nail dialogue from the godhome fight. my heart 🥺

anyways, let me walk you through my emotional experience with THK's boss battle. first it drops down from its chains as seen above, and instantly, i'm not thinking, "oh fuck im screwed", im not thinking "gonna mess u up lol".

i see that and all i can think is, "you poor thing. i am so, so sorry."

but the madness of glorious combat overtakes me. i die a few times, then decide to go get the last nail upgrade and do other stuff around the map before beating the game for the first time. i come back eventually and... die a bunch more, mostly during phase 2. then, on a run where i'm feeling pretty confident, i get to phase 3, and i actually am getting into that mindset of "its fukin over u asshole! i got this! ur dead!"

then THK starts doing this:

its fucking. stabbing itself, over and over. this is a great opening to walk right up to it and get a massive amount of damage in on top of the damage the boss is literally doing to itself. unfortunately, i mostly missed it the first time because i was crying too hard.

theres 2 main theories for why THK does this that i've heard of; one being that its doing it to release more infection out of itself to be more powerful, the second is that The Hollow Knight, with its splintering will and thinking mind, sees and understands on some level what i, as the knight, am trying to do, and is doing what it can to help me in spite of its purpose and in spite of the radiances' influence.

i beat THK that attempt. i had maybe 5 deaths in phase one, at least 10 or 12 in phase 2, but none past that. but like, i didnt want to. all that pride i had in besting this difficult opponent evaporated. all i could think at that point was "not like this. please don't make me do this."

the first theory doesn't really resonate with me, because phase 3 only introduces one new attack, where the infection itself literally picks THK up and ragdolls it into the air, before just. brutally smashing it onto the ground a bunch to try and hit the knight. this attack does double damage, but it's also not super hard to dodge. if the infection was forcing THK to stab itself to become more powerful, it was not an effective strategy. using THK itself as a blunt weapon to beat the player character to death feels, to me, more like a wrathful punishment for THK itself. the fight gets significantly easier in other ways as well; THK's terrifying barrage of rapid-fire huge attacks is slowed by extra mini-staggers and the entire rhythm of the fight gets really thrown off.

hollow knight is a good fucking game

but i did want to beat it, also, because THK is a vessel, just like me. and it had suffered so much, for so long, and i was the only one who had any ability to do anything to help it. in my mind, as a person playing a video game, i went from "i can't look at this horrific a tragedy" to "this is terrifyingly difficult" to "i'm better and stronger than you and i will fuck you up" to "no, not like this, please stop hurting yourself, please stop helping me", and finally to "i'm so, so sorry, but it will be over soon. it wasn't your fault. i'm going to fix this, but it's too late for you and i am so sorry" in one boss battle.

#hollow knight #ughgg i think abt the story of this game so gd much especially thk ending #what a story

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dxmnsvoid · 1 year

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what are your mates like?

ohh ya fucked up now . never ask me about my mates unless youre prepared for a massive rant

full answer under the cut but basically;

they are . incredible . its just . no words can describe how much i fucking love them . oh man . seriously i just . insert 729389 heart emojis . 38283 errors . void.exe has stopped working .

okay so my first mate ? fuck okay . love of my life . not even joking when i say he had me from day one . with his stupid fuckinf im only nice when i have to be bs . i very well could . sounds an awful lot like . dont doubt the fact . screaming crying . he doesnt get jokes sometimes hes a little dense until i explain it and he sometimes doesnt know words for everyday things like he called shampoo "hair soap" and he called contacts "boneless glasses" , hes getting better at handwriting now though im so proud of him <3 hes so incredibly understanding and caring and affectionate oh man . oh man . baby boy puppy boy doggy pup baby :) he makes me laugh so easily when his one little braincell is working so hard to function . hes such a dummy sometimes . loves frogs . got me froggy plushie . he worries about me more than he worries about himself most of the time and hes super protective . and i fucking love it when he gets possessive . dog boy . once again . my angel <3 did i mention hes half demon half angel . yeah thats cool thats nice pretty awesome right yeah . we got married also . yeah .

okay im gonna stop myself there i have another mate to talk about

right so my other mate . theyre brothers btw . yeah but this one is . pure demon . hes also super understanding and shit . sometimes we clash a bit bc both of us have . slight anger issues <3 . but anyway were learning how to deal w it obviously . hes a creep though , loves stalking me and stuff (but wouldnt if i didnt want them to) and oh man mf legit told their friend to stalk me instead and report back to him while they were away <33 this bitch wrote me a Song can u believe that a song as a gift for when they asked me to be his mate aaaa okay also fucker can Draw theyre so talented . loves being called pretty boy :) bun bunny hes a liddle bunny guy yeah . they get so protective and possessive too mmm yeah . also two ?? two of them . ttwo of Them . no further explanation just two of them . yum . anyway they got the jokes and got the memes . ohh all the roses for this one oh yeah all the roses and strawberries . also all the crystals .

did i mention theyre both so hot n sexy . big strong alphas mhrr . princes of hell also cant forget that one . and most importantly theyre both just big idiots and im in love with them . they would do anything for me and id do anything for them .

very sorry if this isnt what you were expecting or anything but like . you asked and my brain just started vomiting out words and this is the result so youre welcome .

#i could go on .#but im gonna shut up now #so i dont fill up the tags as well lol #this is mostly all positive stuff bc yeah #also just to be clear the stalking is consensual #anyway tysm for asking that felt rlly good lol #sorry again if this is completely not what u were looking for #feel free to ask more specific shit if u want ig #void.mine #void.ask #void.mates #i love them sm #cant rlly put this in any tags can i #well maybe #nonhuman #demon mates #idk what else

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call-me-rucy · 2 years

Text

LBMR PCP 20 Text Spoilers

Chapter 20 is here!

Please keep visiting the official page to support the series! https://manga-5.com/series/61 Please leave likes and comments!

I MADE A TUTORIAL ON HOW TO RENT THE CHAPTERS FOR FREE 100% LEGAL :D

ATTENTION: This new case is a MANGA ORIGINAL. It’s not in the game, so if you don’t look at the manga, you’ll miss the story!

Under the cut, spoilers for the chapter, a brief explanation in English of what’s happening, in case someone can’t wait for a translation!

Alfendi is back, he just went to get the case files. Lucy introduces us to the girl, whose full name I’m gonna write for the time being as Lingling Nordley. They star going over the case.

It happened that same morning. Victim is Mickey Klein (27). He was moving that day. At 10 am, a guy called Baird got his things and moved them to the new apartment. The victim wasn’t with him. The janitor watched over. This was around 10:30.

After Baird had left, Mickey got back home. At 11 the janitor went and found the door open and Mickey’s body in a cardboard box. And he found too, a man calling out to Mickey, that bared his same face. Lingling says that she knew he had some sibling but she just found out today it was a twin. Identical, says the Prof.

The older brother, Mittel (?) says he was going to help with the moving. The Janitor went out and found some police patrolling nearby. Btw, Lingling has an alibi. The cause of death is poison found in a glass but there are many strange points. Main one being, as Lingling shouts, that he proposed to her last night.

They planed to have a rather particular wedding, centred around “Ramboy”, a character that Lucy recognizes as “from a comic” and Alfendi has no idea who that is. “Ranboy was his only true love” “So you miss weren’t his true love?” “Lucy, let’s stop there.” “We were supposed to go see the movie next year together ten times! THERES NO WAY HE WOULD SUICIDE!!!!”

They are about to start investigating the three suspects: the brother, the mover guy and the janitor when a voice outside the door interrupts them, even though the Prof is not expecting anyone. The case ends with the door still closed but the dialogue making clear is Mittel Klein at the other side of it.

#alfendi layton #lucy baker #layton brothers mystery room #lbmr manga #mystery room #lbmr pcp

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cullxtheherd · 1 year

Note

✨ for more of that crispy fried man

Love these prompts btw, top notch

this one is going to be really, really rough. please be aware that the following music video depicts physical/more abuse of a man by a woman. the content within this drabble will feature a non-graphic, non-consensual relationship with a minor. though i will do my best to pen this gently and quickly PLEASE avoid this piece if you will be triggered by anything mentioned above.

a brief explanation: somewhere around two weeks ago i had made an addition to someone else's post mentioning a few reasons why i think jacob seed doesn't enjoy being nude or having sexual/physical contact and now i plan on telling you the rest of it, i suppose. i have headcanoned this a while and spoke to a very few people about it, but have never really written it down because... well?? ugh.

music video/more behind the cut

𝐬𝐞𝐧𝐝 𝐦𝐞 𝐚 ✨ 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐢’𝐥𝐥 𝐬𝐡𝐮𝐟𝐟𝐥𝐞 𝐦𝐲 𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐲𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭, 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐰𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐞 𝐚 𝐝𝐫𝐚𝐛𝐛𝐥𝐞 𝐛𝐚𝐬𝐞𝐝 𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐨𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐬 𝐮𝐩

[x]

Rome, Georgia 1987

"Mama," Despite the obvious and clear protest in his voice Jacob stands stock-still; afraid though he would easily be able to overtake her, “Stop it.” He is just-barely sixteen and foolishly hopeful that she’ll listen this time.

“You know,” She slurs, a lecherous hand groping, “You look just like your Daddy did when we was young.”

He wrenches his eyes shut, cheeks a salted red. ‘She’s just drunk,’ He reasons, ‘She’s only done it a few times . . .’ Swallowing roughly he manages to dig up just enough courage to divert her unwanted attention, palm swatting. “Mama, please.”

When she reaches for him once more he merely flinches, stuck like glue again. His teeth grind as he thinks about Joseph and Johnny and the fact that Joe will soon be hitting puberty . . .

Part of him is certain he is doing the right thing by taking this kind of abuse so they won’t have to, but? The rest of him is beyond repulsed by what is happening to him.

He is disgusted with himself when his body responds.

Rome, Georgia 1995

Jacob pulls into the parking lot and a nearby neon sign advertises ‘𝔻𝕀ℕ𝔼ℝ’ against the windshield, flashing in the partial darkness. He is nervous, hands yellowing around the steering wheel of the barely-running bucket of bolts he calls a truck. Reaching for the rapidly cooling coffee in the cup holder he takes a sip; it’s bitter and choc full o’ grinds but? It’s helping.

It takes a few minutes of convincing himself before he turns the ignition over and he basks in the silence it leaves behind. Winter has taken hold and the air is crisp, biting at his nostrils when he steps out; he shivers into the camouflage bearing his last name.

Partially in another world of jostling nerves and wet grounds stuck between his teeth he doesn’t notice his date approaching and when she nudges into him playfully he very nearly jumps out of his skin, “God dang it girl!”

“Hey!”

Something about the way her lips quirk up into a smile has him more than ready to forgive and forget and already he knows that he is doomed. “Hi,” The way his stupid, foolish heart bump-ticks into gear he is certain: this is the one.

Thirty minutes later finds them cozied up in a booth, feet bumping under the table and? Jacob is, surprisingly, enjoying himself out in public. Since the war it has been difficult for him, especially when he is having a flare up of skin or breathing problems. He is often crabby and unpleasant, but he is quite content to sit in this place until closing time if his companion so desires.

An hour after the remaining food on their plates has gone cold he is happy to escort her out to her car, hands pressed into pockets to escape the cold. Not being one for much physicality he doesn’t prioritize closeness, even on dates - even though he is feeling well about this one in particular.

“So,” She tries as they approach her vehicle.

“So,” He echoes uselessly.

A silence passes between them and as it approaches the cusp of becoming awkward she takes initiative, pulling him in.

Jacob jumps visibly, heart pounding and mind a tumbling racket. He’s seen all the movies, he knows what she’s expecting, but? He freezes, staring down at her and he feels both shameful and useless.

Though she approaches him with much different intent he is still right back in that moldy, crumbling house. Stuck in that floral wallpapered, shag carpeted, atrocity of a bedroom.

Sensing his distress she prompts, softly, “Are you okay?”

It takes a beat of his mouth working ineffectively before he produces sound and it is strangled; rough. “Yeah,” He lies. Jacob tries to reason with himself - perhaps spur himself into gear, but he remains glued.

“Rachel, I’m Sorry,” He tries at the same time she issues:

“It’s okay.”

They both laugh, trying to dispel the cumbersome aura that has overtaken them both.

Moving against the side of her car he mirrors her pose and as the last employee leaves the parking lot they both look up at the sky; curtailing the subject.

“I’ll explain,” He offers after a long silence, hand carefully snaking down to take her own, “Just need time.”

Rome, Georgia 2012

It has been six years since Rachel died in the fire but, here in the middle of the alleyway, rummaging through an Applebees dumpster he still talks to her as if she were right beside him. It first started out as a ploy to get the other homeless Vets to leave him the absolute fuck alone, but it has turned into much, much more than that over the years. He?

Isn’t really sure who or where he is most of the time.

“Mama said, she always told me- she said,” Picking out a fresh tray of someone’s leftovers he is happy with his find; it’s recent enough to be enjoyable, “Stand still and shut up! Did you know?” Pushing the cart he’s wrangled from God-knows-where he stacks his dinner for the night on top in the fold out portion that would normally host a child. “It’s the key to the universe, Rachel.”

“Jacob?”

His name echoes down the alley but he doesn’t respond, moving along.

“Hold on, I think- I think that’s him!”

“Jacob!”

Footsteps approach and he is oblivious, holding a conversation with his long-dead spouse, “She never was, never! But Johnny and Joe-Joe!” He snaps his fingers, pushing a point he doesn’t vocalize to a partner that can not respond, “Yep! Gotta get back, the baby will want his bottle.”

“Jacob. . .”

“Don’t you recognize us?”

It takes nearly seven days before he really, truly responds to either of them and? It is all at once, unexpectedly.

“John?” As the sun sets over the roadside motel, a new dawn beckons over them, “Is- is that really you?”

“Yes,” Though the full grown man’s face is unfamiliar to him the smile that breaks out, bridging the wrinkles of his nose is one he has dreamt of, “Yes! Joseph!”

“J o e is here?”

The outside door opens, cigarette smoke and a woman’s laughter wafting in, “Jacob,” Although his excitement is immeasurable at the recognition he remains measured and calm as always. “Brother,” Coming in close he opens his arms in offering; waiting for acceptance before moving in.

For the first time in many years Jacob Seed cries, right into the fabric of his brother’s vest.

Hope County, Montana 2016

“Do not fuckin’ touch me, w o r m,” It was an unfortunate side effect of his earlier experiments at the Grandview Chalets. He no longer attends viewing or training events, busy with his work at the Center but the formula remained the same: degrade, demoralize, devalue in any and every way.

Control in chaos.

“Regret the God damned day I ever had them leashes installed- stop!” Using a heavily booted foot he plants it in his captive-turned-aggressors chest, “These tools are not here for your gratification, they are here to remind you where you stand in the local food chain.”

Leaning in he grips the length of chain, pulling up as he pushes down with his foot, “You are nothing,” They begin to squirm, trying to recoil instead of draw him in, “You are a meaningless sacrifice,” Another one rattles its cage, begging for the wrong kind of attention and he wonders if the Bliss had been tampered with, “You are ALL meat!”

#yeah i?#bye i need a break skjfnbg #also thank you for sending these!! i really appreciate them a lot!!

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