#fuck i spent so much money on this game and i'm not even finishing it????
Note
if you’re still writing for GTA V could i request something where Trevor is dating a girl that’s younger than him/age gap and is in college, total opposite of him. but he is IN LOVE and he absolutely needs to just marry her, tie her down, etc.
i need you to know that age gap in college total opposite is me so this request made me very <3 it made me <3 trevor i love you.
i hope you enjoy!
Smarts? A schedule? A home that isn't a trailer? Someone who kind of knows what they're doing?
Trevor had never known these things before
You and Trevor met when he was in your college town for a job. He was being shitty about it, lingering around the college bars. He had to wear some snazzy outfit in order to fit undercover and he met you.
He was smitten. You were drinking something strong and he asked you to a drinking game. You were kind of drunk and he looked a little better hazy but you were more than happy to comply to a game.
You sweeped the floor with him.
He had never fallen in love so quickly
You both fell asleep on a bench outside. It was freezing when you woke up in the morning. You had lost your jacket. Trevor offered you his. After confirming the two of you didn't sleep together, the relationship was off.
All of your friends thought you were insane!
They met Trevor in passing (he was usually around, in your dorm even though he wasn't supposed to) (commuting with you even though he had no where to go) (always in college bars, bragging about his girlfriends grades)
"He's kind of old?" a friend noted. You were sitting with your computer out, typing furiously. You really had to finish this essay.
"He's got experience."
"He's bald?"
"Not quite."
"Doesn't he live in a trailer?" You peeked over your computer.
"He can budget. Also, the trailer is fun. When I've cleaned it."
"You're like a maid?" You scoffed.
"Trust me, I'm not a maid. We do lots of things other than cleaning."
the insinuation was fucking but you actually did a lot of things. His whole life of crime thing tended to bleed over to you when you came over. He often had a lot of money though which was a win. Tuition was expensive!
Your friends thought he was a sugar daddy. You didn't deny it?
Trevor liked spending all his time with you. He had never known something so special. He had never loved someone so much.
Obviously his next inclination was to tie you down! He wanted marriage! He wanted a honeymoon!
You were still in college, gathering your own personhood. Marriage is not something that was technically on your radar.
Trevor and you spent some time in a hotel (his treat) so you didn't have to hear your roommate complain. You had your head on his lap, looking eagerly at your computer. Homework. So much homework.
He brushed his hand through your hair.
"What are you writing about now?"
"Climate change."
"Is it changing? It was really hot outside today." You snorted, shaking your head. You shut your computer. You could finish it later.
"Just a bit. How is that thing we did last weekend?"
"Oh the Millers score? It's great. We can buy a house."
"But you're buying another hanger?"
"I like planes." You looked up at him, arching your back to do so.
"A house though...so much square feet. So many places to sit. And do other things."
It was defiantly a weird place to be at the college age. He could kill someone for you (he would. he has.) and he also had no idea what you were doing academically. You complained about shitty professors and he almost killed one of them (you explained that would be proactive)
He told everyone ever about you. He bragged about you to strangers. He told Ron. He told Michael.
No one believed him. Like literally...no one
Ron only believed him when he ran into you at the trailer once over a break
You were so kind (and younger and good looking and smart?). Ron didn't really understand the whole thing but when Trevor kissed you you looked so happy.
It may have been a random relationship but it worked so well for the two of you. Yes, it was kind of weird because you were constantly doing homework. He was in crime and made meth! Sometimes opposites attract.
"Are you going out out tonight?" Trevor asked, sitting in your dorms fire escape. Quick exit if he needed it.
"I have one of my 300 classes to study for."
"You should drop out."
"You paid my tuition for this quarter."
"And I am telling you to drop out." You rolled your eyes, looking at him through your lashes. He waited, eagerly. He was wearing some clothes you had gone out and bought together. If you could just convince him to change that haircut. "We should get matching tattoos."
"Trev."
"A heart with an arrow."
"Trev," you said, laughing gently. "I'm busy. Don't you have people to scam?" He took a step in through the window. He gestured outside into the night.
"I have the helicopter on the roof. I could teach you."
"Oh God, do you remember the last time you tired? I'm like..horrendously bad at helicoptering." You could fly the crop duster! But the helicopter had too many things to focus on.
"We can go to Paris." You shut your computer.
"You are gonna make me fail." He hit the window sill.
"I'll pay the tuition for next quarter too."
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Which demons do you prefer: Obey me! or What in Hell is bad?
well that's not a fair question to ask HAHAHSLDJFLKSDF I have an attachment to both! They both have qualities that I like and dislike.
I played obey me when I was like...15/16ish, and I'm 21 if that tells you anything LMFAO. I of course have spent a lot of time energy and money on the obey me boys, and I will love them FOREVERRR. I have this certain nostalgia about them and attachment. But I don't play the game anymore, and never finished all of the chapters. While I'm not an active part of the fandom or the content anymore, I still like reading fanfics of them from time to time, but it's also so mundane to me (as of now) that I don't get the same spark of excitement by playing it or interacting with the demons.
(All hail Simeon though he can never be replaced)
As for What in Hell is bad...I mean. I'm actively playing it right now so my attachment is more current and recent. I like all of the kings and I like the lesser demons too, they have very distinct personalities and they give me a sense of maturity and the explicit content with them that you don't get with Obey Me. ...Even tho the copious amount of sex inside the game is a little much at times, I still love the characters and especially love reading content and fanfics of them. I feel like they are super fleshed out with more complex backgrounds and stories that make me feel for them a little more since it dives into darker subjects that Obey me doesn't touch.
So like, if you're asking me to choose between OB! Asmodeus (my favorite character) or WHB Asmodeus I wouldn't be able to tell ya cause' I love both of their designs and presumably I will enjoy both of their personalities too, just in a different way
fuck I can't make choices like that HAHAHAHAH thank you for the question tho! it was fun to write out my thoughts!
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bro i was SO excited to get into coral island. have been waiting on it to come out of beta for literal years - i didn't want to play the early access version because i wanted to be able to enjoy the entire game at once. when it released i read something about like the merpeople romances not being ready until 2024 and i was like ehhhh should i wait but my brother was like no that'll give you something to bring you back to it later you have been talking and talking about this game it's finally out so you would be nuts not to buy it. so i bought it. $29.99 american dollars. that's about 3 hours of cleaning houses. i had some steam money though so i actually got it for $23
there is an "i'm stuck" button in the menu which acts as if you had passed out - you lose cash and stamina. once my game glitched and i ACTUALLY got stuck because the controls would not allow me to open the door. there've been a few other minor glitches here and there - some weird dialogue, or fenceposts vanishing if you put them in the wrong spot. and steam shows me the xbox controller button prompts instead of the ps4 ones. that was all fine. it's an indie game and it's just been out a couple of weeks. i didn't think a thing about it. for the past 3.5 days the only thing i've wanted to do is play more coral island. you might not be able to marry a merperson yet but i have been cleaning the ocean so i can go talk to them, you know?
but this morning moseyed my ass on over to the subreddit, sure i would find cool tips and trivia etc. instead it's every console player on earth talking about how the crashes make the game unplayable. even on the pc version, there's apparently only 3 merpeople you can even talk to and the cleaning the ocean quest ends with a literal "wip" on the screen. the pet adoption function is still in its infancy, you can't dig for fossils, kids don't grow up, and chests keep vanishing with items in them. i felt like i had only barely scratched the surface of this game but in actuality. maybe not.
andl ike. not to be a whiny pissbaby. but i am SO FUCKINGGG TIRED of games releasing when they aren't FINISHED. i thought an indie game that was in early access for SUCH a long fucking time would be safe from this phenomenon but apparently fucking not. i was fine to wait as long as they needed but when i am flat broke - when as a household we are food bank 2-3 times a month one house payment behind BROKE - to spend $30 on an INCOMPLETE GAME during the HOLIDAY SEASON when i have to fucking buy presents for people is INSANE. if i was going to play the INCOMPLETE version i could have paid the much lower early access price. and i deliberately on purpose did not do that and got tricked into doing it anyway!!!
like how can you raise your price and claim it's because the game is complete now and RELEASE IT ON CONSOLE when the game isn't actually complete now? did they need the extra money to continue development? did some suit stick his nose where it didn't belong? and my ass is WAY past 4 hours so there's no way i can return it. i'm stuck with this game now, just as it is, with the money i paid for it.
idek if i will keep playing. it's fucking fun as shit and ik when it's finished i'm gonna love the hell out of it, plus i've got a ways to go yet before i start hitting walls. but man what a way to take the wind out of a girl's sails. "wip." i spent the last 4 in-game days doing nothing but cleaning the ocean. good lord.
tbh going on reddit was a mistake. that was my bad. i would have preferred to find all this out the hard way and enjoy myself until then. or: better: i would have preferred not to buy the fucking game yet! wild how that works! i hate i hate i HATE this economy!!!!!!!!!! that's so fucking evil!!! i literally want my money back!
#personal#coral island blogging#aaaaaaaaaaaaaagggghhhh.#sorry to put this under a cut i'm complaining. i'm not being nice. don't read it if you don't want to listen to me complain
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The Persona 5 Post-Mortem, Part One: What I Didn't Like 8C
I have reread my entire P5 liveblog to refresh my memory of everything that happened in the game, and I've been trying to think about how I feel about P5R and, frankly, whether I like the game. Which is a very basic question, I think, but one I am deeply struggling with, so obviously it's not actually that simple, huh.
The answer I am tentatively settling on is: I think the third semester saves P5R from being an Actually Bad game.
I think that Persona 5 Vanilla is actually… a 5 out of 10 at best, and in my heart it's lower than that. But Royal does so much intense heavy lifting, it alone, separate from the rest of the game and the original campaign, is an 8 out of 10.
That is an enormous discrepancy that I've really never dealt with in a video game before. I think the last game I played that I truly disliked to my bones was Fallout 4. FO4 remains the only game I've ever played were I genuinely and truly wanted a refund of not just my money but my time, the hours I spent in that meaningless, vapid fucking world. Even FO3 gave me some joy of exploration, for fuck's sake.
P5R is not as bad as FO4, but the main campaign is to me an enormous disappointment that…. if I had not been in the throes of a depressive slump and thus needing something to hyperfocus on, I don't know if I would have finished the game. My frequent references to Yusuke saving me from turning off the game were not exaggeration in the least.
So, I think there are two major problems with this game. And I understand that when I did my post-mortem on P4G, I started with my likes and then went to dislikes, but I think for P5R it's correct to reverse that, because my negative feelings far outweigh the positive.
I guess point one is obvious: I think the cast of this game is bad.
I refuse to sugar-coat it. The cast of P5 is just bad, with a few mild exceptions. Even the characters that I like, I enjoy them comparatively to the ones I hate. And I have never hated someone in a Persona game before, not even Joker Mode Yosuke.
The entire cast of this game is much, much flatter than you would expect from a game that is trying so desperately to be stylish and loud and garish. P5R is maximalist to its fucking core. The fusions are executions, item creation is an electric chair, the menus are nightmares of high contrast and bouncing shapes, everything is LOUD LOUD LOUD 24/7 in this game to the point that I, a person I think is fairly skilled at video games and played P4G on Normal and breezed through it, had to lower the difficulty of the game to fucking have fun, because I felt so inundated with stimulus, I was struggling to play the fucking game.
That maximalist spirit just vanishes in the characters, and it's so fucking jarring. All style, no substance.
When I was trying to figure out my thoughts on the characters, the thing I kept coming back to was that P5 has too many main characters in the party. And weirdly, I think I'm right! P3 has seven party members (excluding beloved Koromaru, eight if you count Shinjiro who is in the party for a month). P4 only has seven.
Persona 5 Royal has nine, and I think part of the problem is that to fit all of these characters into the party and the story and to keep the MSQ scene moving at a decent pace, everyone suffers for it and gets flattened. Even the vibrancy of Yusuke vanishes from the game in the final third, where all his interesting tics and quirks are phased out until he's just a guy here to say his lines to move things along. Almost everyone suffers from this, where they are focal points during their introduction arc, and then they just lose all their shine as the story moves on.
This didn't happen in P3 and P4. That's not rose-tinted glasses talking; I JUST played both of those games starting in December. P3 is my true love but P4 is a tremendous example of how the characters continued to be themselves in every scene, even after their introductory chapters ended.
So the poison at the heart of P5R is that the characters are both not as three-dimensional to start with (and there are only a few I would even consider three-dimensional), and from the moment their respective Palaces end, they're on a half life.
This literally might be why I like Haru best, because she's introduced so late in the game that she didn't lose her voice yet by the endgame.
This is all of course at odds with the fact that only a few characters are really good. Futaba probably deserves the most accolades for being clear and present in every scene and always maintaining her uniqueness. Morgana as well, seeing as his arc lasts the entire game and is one of the central mysteries. And Akechi, without whom I think the entire game might have actually failed? Without the complexity and unnerving energy from Akechi, this cast could not sustain the runtime of the game.
AND ON TOP OF ALL OF THAT, it does not help that I actively disliked two of my party members. Makoto has by far the worse introduction of any character in any game I have played and the way the game just did not understand or contend with what she did, the stalking and blackmail and endangering everyone, soured her so completely for me that she never once got party time. I never used her.
But even she was a relief next to fucking Ryuji. Ryuji, the token best friend character who turned into The Teammate Everyone Hates for me. He was a mean, emotionally dense, disrespectful and dehumanizing asshole for the entire fucking game. And I am used to the Best Friend Guy who messes up and grows over the course of the game (see: Junpei and Yosuke) but with Ryuji there is no growth, there is barely acknowledgement of how cruel he is. And the fact he never actually apologized to Morgana for his bullshit in the middle of the game lost me completely on him. Ryuji made me as the player on the other side of the screen uncomfortable. That's…. wild, tbh.
So we have a cast where I can barely stand two characters, I'm ambivalent on three, one I regularly forgot she existed, and three I liked a lot.
That's a fucking mess, y'all. For a Persona game, which is a premium Hangout Game, where so much of the point is the characters? That's a huge problem.
The other games in this franchise like Shin Megami Tensei tend to have characters that are flatter and more allegorical in nature, but that's okay because the focus is on the themes and the writing of the world.
Which leads directly to the other problem with Persona 5.
The writing. On several metrics, the writing is Bad.
On the first point, the fact that this game has an 80 hour runtime if you are lucky, and that's just the vanilla MSQ. It feels like an 80 hour runtime. I felt every goddamn minute of how long this game is.
Structure is the problem here, in my opinion, and it goes hand in hand with the character issue. Just as this game has too many characters, it has too many set-pieces and arcs. To justify Makoto's presence in the game, there is a long, superfluous arc with Kaneshiro that should have just been cut entirely. Kaneshiro is about 10 hours that could just be snipped out of the game with nothing lost thematically or narratively.
And even more that P4 and DEFINITELY more than P3, the game will essentially…. repeat scenes.
As someone who did this entire liveblog with screencaps, I cannot tell you how many times I thought I missed capping a specific line or moment only to find out that it was in a nearly-identical scene a little bit earlier. Sometimes there were three different scenes that conveyed no new information, just restated what the characters knew, and that's just ridiculous. That's truly just too much.
On top of that, this game just gives the player way too much time. I didn't fill out every SLink in this game, but that's because I actively chose not to out of disinterest in a few of them. If I wanted to, I think I could have done every one without a guide. I spun my wheels for OVER TWENTY IN-GAME DAYS MULTIPLE TIMES. The pacing is a nightmare.
Another point I mentioned a lot was the technical quality of the writing.
This game is so over-produced, so maximalist, has so many small details, but the actual script as written for the game feels like it was done under crunch. Like, extreme crunch. Original FF7-style crunch.
It's hard to explain what this means, but in P4G, the script was lovingly crafted word by word and everything was incredibly naturalistic and conversational. There was never a moment when I had to refer to the log and reread anything, no point where a conversation lost me.
In P5R, this happened regularly. Awkward phrasings, responses that didn't make sense, repetitive sentence structure, and weird conversational pivots that did actually force me to go back and reread to understand what was being said.
Localizing a game of this scope and budget is a herculean task, and I know the game's English release was delayed. It just was not enough time. I would guess that this game needed at least another month or two to cook, but more than anything, the localization process should have been started a year before it was. The localization needed to be happening concurrently with the final year of development for a text this fucking dense.
It is so weird to see the extreme polish of the presentation of this game and then to just read the text aloud and go "wait, what" numerous times in a single playthrough.
(also this barely feels like its worth mentioning with the other issues but the lack of translation of the textures was unacceptably bad. I had to get a JPN-speaking friend to translate some things for me, and I really genuinely feel like missing out on some of this shit diminished the context of the game. Maruki's place is the most egregious offender but its everywhere.)
And finally, the last writing complaint is that until the Third Semester, this game has nothing to say. The Persona 5 Vanilla version of this game is……. meaningless but masquerading as thoughtful and rebellious.
Which is frankly hugely disappointing because this game does start strong with Joker and the repeated motif of imprisonment and betrayal. In just the first hour, Joker is beat up in an interrogation room, he's falsely accused of assault, his probation officer tells him he deserved it for stepping out of line, and every figure of authority from the principal to the teachers to his fellow students treat him like a murderer. It was a potent start to a game.
And in the end, Yaldaboath is just repeating the same fucking shit that Izanami did in P4G. People? More like SHEEPLE, amiright? People care more about being entertained than the TRUTH, and they want to be shadows/imprisoned.
Blah blah fucking blah. Persona needs to come up with something new to say because this was NOT it, chief, and was just disappointing given the strong start with Joker. I think this game's Big Theme can confidently be boiled down to "phones are like prisons," and its infuriating.
So much superfluous text and so little to say.
Until the Third Semester, anyway.
Next post will be about the things I liked, I promise.
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tuesday again 5/2/2023
some stuff i fucking HATED in this one
listening
new K. Flay AND new LUNA AURA singles out last friday but the thing that kept me company through several walks was this (billboard called it "industrial rager" which seems fine close enough) used for the yellowjackets tv show (something i have not watched and never will).
my brain has really craved repetitive lyrics recently. not sure what that's about. not a repeated lyric, but love one that goes "lipstick on the rifle". spotify
youtube
ty discover weekly.
reading
pour one out for the real ones, Vice's leftist gaming vertical Waypoint. if you've ever liked anything about the way i go about these posts you have them to thank. i would say they are the primary influence in the way i try to approach things like "is this a clever subversion that still holds a lot of love for the genre or does this not even know the rules it's trying to break". also a big factor in me going "okay this is what it says it is, this is the marketing copy and press releases" and a work says it's trying to do before assessing whether or not they do it well. may all the staff land softly, elsewhere, paid far more.
“There are a ton of destinations within gaming media that do a great job covering whether a game is worth your money. Instead, we want to focus on telling stories about why people play, and investigating how the games we love and spend so much time with come to be. Whether a game was a commercial success or has a small, dedicated community, we want to raise the conversation and take an in-depth look at the passion, people, and politics that underpin these worlds.” -Austin Walker, editor in chief until last year
the very last thing i read was this review of the new starred wars game, whose early review code sent to journalists was EXTREMELY different than what ended up shipping. this is uncommon but not unheard of, but almost nobody publishes a "null result" review like this one and it's a fascinating breakdown
This piece has, admittedly, gone off the rails, but if this had been a straightforward review, and at the end, I put an italicized section that said “based on 10 hours,” what would you say? If I’d finished the game but confessed at the end that the patched version was importantly different from the one I’d spent my time with, what then? Which review is worth more?
i also read Behind the Sun, Above the Moon, a non-binary scifi/fantasy anthology. i was not impressed with this collection in whole or in parts. it could have benefited from a stronger theme and editorial vision (i'm not actually sure this thing had an editor, now i'm looking closer?)
this has billed itself "a Queer anthology inspired by magic and the cosmos". what i was hoping/expecting this would be: a collection exploring what it means to be nonbinary through the lens of scifi and fantasy. it actually is: an almost completely human-centric collection about people who happen to be non-binary and happen to live in scifi or fantasy settings.
the critical problem is that most of them are very slice-of-life in a fantastic setting as opposed to a short story with uhhhhhh a theme and a point it makes. the worldbuilding, while often interesting, is not integral. 3/9 of these are set in a contemporary setting, and all of them could be set in a contemporary setting without losing much. 3/9 (one overlap) feature a protagonist or deuteragonist who is a cop, and all three of those read very gay assimilation-y/feel very concerned with perfect gay rep.
i don't really expect anyone to be the next o henry here, but none of them are self-contained. not the sort of ambiguous ending in the Ha Ha Im Going To Think About This For The Rest Of My Life way, they all feel like “first chapter of a planned new adult trilogy”.
i love anthologies. i am always rooting for anthologies. i am no stranger to imperfectly written speculative fiction. this one is just kind of nothing? none of these are good or particularly enjoyable examples of the form, either as short stories or as speculative fiction.
i don't actually know what tipped me off to this book, it's been on my overdrive for...two years.
watching
two out of three Magnificent Seven sequels are not worth my time, your time, or anyone else's. i have not bothered to watch Guns of the Magnificent Seven (1969, dir. Wendkos) bc i have a finite amount of time on this bitch of an earth.
i reluctantly have to hand the original some heterosexual rights. that move had a genuinely cute romance that fit in well with a particular character's growth, even if it was lifted whole cloth from Seven Samurai. this will be relevant when we discuss this franchise's hatred for women later.
Return of the Seven/Return of the Magnificent Seven (1966, dir. Kennedy), starring exactly one member of the original seven, is so poorly paced that i paused the film during an "exciting" bullfight, got up to get more snacks, got distracted, and ended up cleaning my kitchen.
there is a great deal of untranslated, un-captioned spanish throughout this movie, including the entire opening sequence. i don't know how i feel about this. on one hand, yeah, fuck them americans, and i would not call the english-language dialogue particularly crucial to your understanding of the plot. on the other hand, what.
as opposed to the original seven all being men who are fairly polite and follow some sort of code, the replacement five are all kind of sleazy? one of them only signs on bc there's an entire village full of women on their own. in other relationships, there is the KERNEL of a really fascinating fucked up family dynamic between the villain and his sons, but we don't even get hints of that until well after the halfway point. this is the original movie but less interesting and sloppier. the camerawork and effects simply are not there.
The Magnificent Seven Ride! (1972, dir. McCowan) is a really, really awful film to watch, and not just if you're a woman. this whole fucking film uses three separate instances of rape or gang rape as plot momentum. if you are not trying to fill out lee van cleef's filmography (only a thing me and @birdcfparadise are insane enough to do) this is actively skippable.
like okay. let’s just walk through the first fifteen minutes. lvc's young, new, nubile wife convinces him to let a kid who robbed a store get off with a warning instead of what lvc really wants to do, send him to jail. in return, the kid shoots lvc, kidnaps lvc's wife, and rapes and kills her on the trail. the movie, which wasn't good to start out with, does not improve from there. like the other sequel i watched, this is the original movie but less interesting and sloppier.
the one interesting choice this film makes: one of the seven is a failed journalist tailing lvc, hoping to get enough life details out of him to write a book. this is a fun period-appropriate twist and this could have been a fun proto-revisionist western/gracefully put the franchise to bed, but here we FUCKING are.
why'd i do this to myself: liked the original, like lvc.
playing
the steam collections i'm sorting things into areworking, bc i forgot i owned Call of Juarez: Gunslinger (2013, developed/published Techland). i do not remember buying this, i assume it was $1.99 in a sale at some point. this is a silly arcade-y first person shooter.
youtube
i suspect it will be the kind of thing i play through once and then completely forget about, but i will have a fun ten hours-ish.
this is a personal problem, but the moment you give me a long-distance rifle, i want to play as stealthily and perfectly as possible. (except in fallout, where it is way more fun to charge up to enemies like a very small freight train with a shotgun). this game is simply not built for stealth. this game wants you to move constantly. i do like how enemies are encountered in little groups or knots, and don't come after you if you've cleared out one group and haven't hustled along to the next. enemy AI was simply not very sophisticated in 2013. this gives me time to meander around looking at everything and going "oh i coulda got up on that water tower" or "totally missed that barrel of dynamite".
i like how over the top but un-self-serious it is so far. competent shooter, fewer of the bells and whistles we expect from a FPS these days, but we don't really need to be fucking around with health packs and more than one kind of ammo for a gun. nothing's really annoying me yet and i haven't fallen deeply in love with it, so i don't have a ton of thoughts other than "huh this is a decade old video game with decade-old design sensibilities, which isn't bad just different". stay tuned!
separate thought: i do think that the game's artstyle is about as detailed as i ever want a game to get. nothing ever really needs to be more realistic than this. i do think we peaked in 2013 and what 2013 CPUs could handle. we have better raytracing and particles and whatnot now, but that's at the cost of eerily hyperrealistic games where there is little to no non-signage visual signposting. nothing is guiding your eye through a level, things (consumables, collectibles, etc) are very easy to miss. if video games are an art form you need to pick a thing your game looks like. make a stylistic choice for christ's sake. not this game though. it's doing okay.
making
made some fake meatballs (shut up) bc the giant bag of bargain store brand meatballs i used to practically live on have risen to $20 a bag. angel hair and meatballs are easy to acquire and easy to eat, even if they do generate many dishes to wash.
making my own is not much cheaper, and raw ground meat texture is one of the worst things in the world. plus i had some carrots and oats and lentils to use up anyway. this required more chopping than my hands cared for, even though i bought pre-juilenned carrots and just sort of roughly diced them. the texture is UNSETTLINGLY like real meatballs. that sort of spongy? bouncy? mouthfeel. the taste is, of course, nothing like real meat. they are a little crumbly in actual pasta, but oversaucing whatever noodles are at the back of the pantry will help.
no pics bc they look awful. eating a lot of various lentil sludges lately partly bc i am trying to clean out my pantry before i move, and when i could still afford grocery delivery they frequently gave me green instead of the far superior red lentils.
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finished counter/weight
it wasn't bad!
most actual plays do about 0.5 systems - they nominally use dnd 5e but mainly just do freestyle rp. it's wild to hear someone kitbash together what, 6 fucking systems? multiple groups of players operating at multiple levels asymmetrically? what a big swing! it's so fucking ambitious! i don't even know if it's a good idea!
the big downside of the variety in systems means that a huge chunk of the airtime is spent explaining, discussing and negotiating mechanics. the mechnoir portion was the absolute worst for this and i think part of what made the first session or two so rough was the players just not understanding the game or how to effectively use their characters. the benefit of this immense variety of systems is...i don't know? maybe it's fun to play? i didn't feel like the extended kingdom interlude was that interesting and i would have definitely preferred the events of that to be relayed to me in a 10-minute convo rather than negotiated through another system where the players seem barely cognizant of the stakes.
i found it very difficult to understand what was going on with the setting. a lot of setting names are thrown at you very fast and at this point i still don't know if i could confidently describe all of the big movers and shakers in the setting. still not 100% on who the rapid evening are, who diego rose was, who most of the big corps are and why they matter. i don't hate any of what i learned but i'm not sold on the divines in general. rigour is cool because i understand what rigour is and does. i don't get how righteousness works, nor any of the divines which aren't a giant robot. even at the end, when they were saying shit like 'ooh grace won't like that' i still didn't understand what that meant or why it mattered. maybe i'm just too stupid. that said, the parts that i did understand i thought were pretty decent.
i liked the chime and i liked the cast. audy was cool and had some great moments tho as i said, still don't know why their status as a divine matters. aria seemed like an insanely poor fit for the group but i like ali acampora as an entertainer so it balances out. mako was consistently delightful and the introduction of larry was my favourite character beat in the season. cass didn't make that much of an impression on me and it was too easy to forget they were royalty. i think austin should have laid down the law super hard in the first session and been like 'hey you guys are criminals, you are mercenaries, you do crimes for money, be on that wavelength' instead of like, however the fuck he described their deal with orth.
big fucking mistake: the custom XP triggers he worked out. podcast or no, do NOT ever give players a mechanical incentive to play suboptimally. players already play suboptimally; the mechanics should lead them by the nose into optimal play strategies. i would not recommend giving a player like keith an incentive to fuck up the mission with antics unless you want to ruin your friendships.
i think i would have enjoyed a less structured game along the lines of what is actually suggested by the rules of the sprawl. i guess this is just actual play podcasts in general but the thing is, most PBTA games make it pretty explicit that the game works best when you come in with a set of starting positions and assumptions instead of a predetermined storyline. austin can't help but come in with a big sheaf of predetermined storylines, down to specific planned scenes and even fucking maps. i would love to hear a podcast where someone plays the game as written for once.
i have no idea where to go from here. i'm sure as shit not listening to marielda because i know it will make me big nerd angry. i am not so invested in the setting that i absolutely must find out what happens in twilight mirage. if the hieron stuff is good maybe i'll listen to that next but i think i'm gonna give fatt a break for a while.
my OC for counterweight is the candidate of the divine antipathy.
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Oki doki this has been a torturous time
Last night, I was recording me playing a game, and I paused the recoding cuz my father called me (I still have the recording, I'll finish it and put it together today), then later on I come back the recording and say 'welp ig I'll finish this in the morning' and I stop the recording. Why?
My mother has pneumonia, and was in what was originally presumed an eternal afib with RVR. Now, she's just going in and out of afib, they're afraid she might have a heart attack. My father was screaming at her last night because she told him to call the hospital because she couldn't breathe, and he said he was too busy playing a video game. He later recalls the entire conversation as her dismissing her issue and telling him to not call them, when she blatantly told him she couldn't breathe and to call them. He screamed and screamed at her for over an hour while she was in afib yesterday and told her it was her fault if she died, and that she didn't care about our family.
When I was called down, I was welcome to stand and listen to it all. Eventually, she had to drive herself to the hospital whilst in afib (which is dangerous) because my father refused to call for medical assistance. She wanted me to come with, so I did.
They admitted her to the hospital over night, where they didn't move her out of the emergency room until the morning. I had a very shitty spot to sleep in on the hard lobby chairs and had split up maybe an hour or two of sleep. Most of the night I sat up listening to my mother coughing, struggling to breathe, or the sound of the television and machinery beeping.
My mother told my father that she should call my uncle Mike to come bring me home, and he refused to let her because 'he'd be out partying and on drugs because Dana wasn't here to keep him from doing it'. Even though, the poor man had literally spent all of his income on bills at the beginning of the month.
So because my father didn't let Mike come get me, I spent a night in physical pain in those chairs, attempting to sleep, but just becoming heavily sleep deprived..yada yada.
In the morning, around 6:30am, they moved her to an actual room, which had a fucking couch and a comfy chair there and I was about to have a mental breakdown. COME THE FUCK ON, THAT WOULD'VE BEEN GOOD TO HAVE WHEN I WAS TRYING TO SLEEP!
I was hungry, so I went to the cafeteria and was an absolute socially anxious mess trying to order some food. I was extremely embarrassed but I got something and went to pay for it. I had to dig out change to pay for it, so some lady literally just paid for me and said 'merry christmas' and walked away..I felt so fucking bad, like cmon..
My mother didn't have much money in her purse and well, that's why I needed to dig out change-
She insisted upon not even coming to the hospital because if she didn't go to work that night then she'd not her week's pay for her break..and she said 'we need that money'. Fucking hell, I don't care if I fucking eat or not in general if it comes to her health. She might be kind of shitty but she's the only one I have.
And they don't give her enough money to live off anymore any fucking ways, and half of it my father goddamn steals off her debit card (he stole 300$ just on Wednesday without fucking permission ON A VIDEO GAME, IN ONE SETTING), and then other parts are going to the legal system in trying to evict some people out of our old property who stole most of my and my family's belongings, and/or burning them or selling them when they were paid to move our stuff out of our house. But nope, they decided what we kept or not. EVERYBODY THINKS THEY CAN FUCKING DECIDE WHAT GODDAMN COLLECTIONS I HAVE, YEAH. MY FOREIGN MONEY COLLECTION, MY MONSTER HIGH DOLLS, BARBIES DOLLS, BRATZ DOLLS..LALALOOPSIE DOLLS--I COLLECTED SO MUCH SHIT THAT THEY FUCKING SOLD OR BURNT OR WHAT THE FUCK EVER.
THAT FOREIGN MONEY WAS 5 YEARS WORTH OF COLLECTING FOR FUCK'S SAKE.
Anyways, I'm done with that, sorry.
Later on when I went back to get some lunch, the girl at the register said she could cover the food for me if I didn't have money, I was embarrassed yet again..she was very prominent on letting me eat something even if I didn't pay for it- but my mother gave me some extra cash so I handed her some that would cover it and she literally said 'are you sure?'..wow. ok. Thanks to her, but..that made me feel awful, I am so sorry. It's not that important that I eat.
It's really fucking not that important. Why'd she give such a fuck?
My mother wanted a crossword puzzle from the gift shop cuz she was bored, she told me to get myself one too, but Jesus fucking christ, they were 8 dollars EACH. And they weren't even hard word searches-
I got her a couple books though, and a small beanie baby as a surprise. The beanie baby was on sale for like 30% off..it was 4$ but eh..the total was like 21 and half dollars or so..I felt terrible using my mother's money but she told me to.
She said to use as much as I needed but..I didn't want to dwindle her down so fucking much. She didn't owe that to me just because I got stuck in the hospital with her. That was the last thing I got.
She offered me to do a word search but I declined and said it was hers. She thought the beanie baby was cute and sat it beside her.
We got word that she'd be staying for a couple more days possibly, so she asked my father to come pick me up. He refused because he's an asshole.
Mike ended up picking me up and he talked to me. His truck smelled like barbecue and it was a mess. Some things he said being, 'sometimes Dana's death doesn't hit me all day until like 1-2am, and then it hits me real hard and I get up and go to the waffle house'.
...fuck man
Now I'm home. And shit,
I vape, for clarification, I'm a dumbass who vapes. But suffice to say, I immediately ran to my vape like it was my lifeline-
But now my life is fucked and my mother will be lucky to leave the hospital before Christmas and I kind of wanna die lmfao
#tw vent#tw vaping#tw mention of vape#tw nicotine#tw hostage situation#tw hospital mention#tw death#tw mention of death#tw depressing stuff#tw food mention#tw drug mention#tw sui ideation
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⭐ for ikte!!!
hehehehe
anyway I started writing this silly ahh fic in July 2022 after rereading the series and I have a lot of silly headcanons and silly little facts that I cooked up in my crazy brain hehehe also this is going to be annoyingly long so I'm putting it under a read more
-I’ve had the headcanon that the victors were trafficked out of a physical brothel since about 7th grade when I found out what a brothel was, i liked the idea of them all kind of commiserating. In my mind sex trafficking is actually a huge moneymaker in the Capitol even before Ptolemy’s time but he streamlined it in some way and eventually was able to monopolize it (I won’t get into that fully yet bc there’s a pretty big plot point related to that) (I spent way too much time thinking about this lmao), in addition to victors and ‘roadsiders’ as mentioned in the 3rd chapter he also gets his pick of new shipments of Avoxes, which go for way cheaper. (I’m trying to remember what has actually been published yet lmao I’m just omw home from work rn, none of this is like. major spoilers tho like I won’t talk about [REDACTED] or the [REDACTED] 🤪😎 anyway I love writing about evil shitty ppl doing weird evil shit my Baby Book headcanons are very ASOIAF coded
-idk how many chapters there are going to be yet but as of right now probably about 70, I’m contemplating breaking it up by year bc it starts w Annie’s games and ends right at the beginning of CF w a post-MJ epilogue. Im also giving pre-canon POV chapters to a few characters, as of rn I have one for Asenath and one for Ronan aka Ciaran’s dad but I can’t decide who else…. also on that note Asenath’s backstory is fucking bonkers and I can’t get into it rn without just openly spoiling a huge chunk of the second half of the fic but it’s. a lot. it starts to be hinted at in the 7th chapter which will ideally be up soon… >:)
-I have entirely too many opinions about fanon Annie and how I am literally the only person who Gets Her and I won’t get into all of that now but as an Actual Mentally Ill Person™️ I definitely don’t think the Capitol would have just left her alone after she Came Back Wrong like I definitely think the upper echelon would have kind of pretended all that never happened especially bc (at least in my take as we will see soon bc I have actually finished those chapters hehe) she was INCREDIBLY inconvenient as it pertained to mainstream entertainment/network tv but the tabloids and more low-brow media outlets would have had an absolute field day w her and that’s a major plot point in The Piss. Also as someone who has had actual psychotic episodes and has actual OCD and actual autism I’m definitely taking her in a different direction than most ppl do lmao. Also somewhat on that note I know there is a high demand for like. rly saccharine odesta content there is absolutely none of that in the piss lmao. Like they have cute little couple-y scenes but for a good chunk of it they are two deeply traumatized unemployed 18/19year olds w way too much money basically just sniping at each other until one of them overhears someone talking shit about the other and gets their child gladiator sleeper agent murder instinct triggered
-A few scenes I'm rly looking forward to publishing in no particular order without any context are The Seal Scene, Angerona Heavensbee's Wedding, the 72nd games, The Ismene Reveal, The Phoca Reveal and Persephone's introduction hehehehe and half of these are already fully finished >:)
#sorry if this is so disjointed lmao im exhausted#i wrote half of this omw home and half just now about to pass out and i have to get up early tmrw#ask#brynners#ikte#thg#i also have been in a tism spiral about this silly fic since july so i need to like. air this out
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I've Quietly Quit Fate Grand Order
I started the Halloween Event thinking that I'd be able to finish, but then of course, my brain got distracted—clothing simulation in Blender using genuine sewing patterns, and oh boy how well that works—so well that I actually want to write a tutorial on it—but that's for another time.
The fact that I was that quickly diverted kind of said it all. Somewhere around between the Lostbelt 6 conclusion and this year's Summer Event, I got burned out. Why? I have no idea, but it's probably a combination of factors:
One: Spare time.
Most of my free time is spent in Blender making shit, and that's what I'd rather be doing.
Two: Repetitiveness.
Since I started playing five years ago, the game has gotten too repetitive—particularly in the amount of farming you have to do to level up your Servants.
Three: Gacha+money.
I had a good run of luck (some of it unwanted) over the course of the last two years. Most of that was due to being able to predict within two or three rolls whether or not I'd get the pickup Servant by rolling in the Friends Points gacha, watching for three- or the occasional four-star (namely Artoria Lily—the pity system was introduced before Habetrot was added) Servant. Unfortunately, that changed with the introduction of the pity system.
What's worse—maybe this has always been a thing—but it seems like it's harder to nab a limited-time four-star than it is to get the five-star pickup on the same banner. Recent example: rolled for Zenobia, got Molay instead (didn't really want her but okay). Also, gacha luck for five-star event CEs has and always will suck.
This past summer revealed just how much of a money-sink the game has become for me. I have limited funds now because I have a house and well, shit breaks in a house and you have to fix it. Plus everything, even food, is too fucking expensive at the moment.
Four: Story.
The Lostbelt saga has dragged on for too long, and I've lost my attention span—not that it was really there to begin with. I think the biggest reason why Part Two has dragged is likely because of the pandemic fucking everything up, and then the sale to Lasengle I'm sure slowed things down even more.
The dragging story is a complaint that I've seen made elsewhere, so I'm not really the only person who has made that particular complaint.
My attention span has always been an issue when it comes to long-running series. A case-in-point: series like Ronin Warriors, Cowboy Bebop, Garo: Vanishing Line, or any of the recent Fate series, hold my attention because they're generally shorter than 60 episodes. On the flip-side of that, I was briefly into Inuyasha but then the story started to drag (and then I started college), that I lost interest. When I finally graduated and then found out that the Final Act was out, I watched those those episodes but never bothered to go back and finish the main series.
Anyway, what it comes down to is if I do keep playing, I'll likely only play when the story chapters come out—maybe/unless the event is specific to a story. I think the problem I have with story-related events is that you have to farm to progress the story and that shouldn't be if the event story is integral to the rest of the series.
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FNAF really disappointed me. I spent many years invested in the games and the lore, and then we get the perfect ending to the series with Pizzaria Simulator, and even Ultimate Custom Night drives it home for me. But then, Scott revealed to have fucking sucked this whole time, then Help Wanted comes out and destroys everything that was built up. So the whole community either ignores or defends the thing with Scott while also trying to convince themselves that this will be a "refreshing new change" and look where it got em.
Now I'm really hesitant to get too invested in Poppy Playtime, but I at least got a bit of hope. Even if the developers seem a bit shady, at least they're not donating to politicians who seek to take away my rights.
Man, I was fucking there at the start of everything to see the very first gameplay of Markiplier and I remember devouring every theory video that came out at the time to even know what was happening. I don't think at all that Scoot had a plan from the very start so a lot of it was just making shit up in the spot, but at least it felt like it was going somewhere, that it had a point.
On the very first "finale, final chapter" we freed all the souls of the kids, wonderful. Makes sense. We have been all this time playing a game about kids who were murdered so now we want the kids finally free. And then the next installment came where we actually get to punish the murderer and finish his legacy. THAT would have been a perfect ending that made sense, was satisfactory and also gave us hope for the future to no see that murderer again.
But now, just like you say, it's really fucking milking powder out of a cow that is barely hanging on to dear life for the sake of milking SOMETHING out of the poor thing. And mind you, I didn't actually care so much about it because it was Scoot's story, he could do whatever the fuck he wanted with it even if there is no narrative reason why this fucking thing should still be going and doesn't seem to be wanting to go fucking anywhere or have a point at all. As long the games are entertaining, whatever, the story can be as souless as it wants to be.
But then we found out that he used the money he made from all of us for literally fuck people's lives and like... yeah. Yeah, of course that is dissapointing. I went on a whole ass tangent there but just to say I get the feeling, anon. I was there too.
Now with Poppy Playtime I am like... I just want to have fun with something again, man. Don't fucking screw this up for the rest of us. Just please keep your shirt clean this time. That is all I am asking at this point.
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Rexsoka Week, Day 4
Trope: soulmates. Prompt: seduction.
2300 words, rated M, post-war/no order 66 au, bounty hunter rex
very excited to have finished this fic within a reasonable length. i'm about 7k into Day 2's prompt with no end in sight, and i have a feeling Day 3's prompt will be similarly long (i haven't started that one). this fic is a little darker in that rex and ahsoka are both somewhat jaded even though they won the war. NSFW!
It was a mutation. A clone’s birth number would show up somewhere on the body of their soulmate. And their soulmate, if interested, would just have to come find them. Reasons this was kind of fucked:
There was a war, and yeah, they won, but they also lost a lot of men and so soulmates across the galaxy had lost a loved one they hadn’t even met.
Many, many, many clones defected upon finding their soulmate.
Without soulmates, the Republic wouldn’t have won the war. As it turned out, the Separatists had a hard time brainwashing people who knew they were destined to love a clone.
Now that the war was over, some asshole had started a Clone Soulmate Registry to pair up clones with their soulmates.
Given the fact there were now thousands of displaced clones, finding and moving in with soulmates en masse was an extremely effective retirement solution.
Rex didn’t have a soulmate. At least, not as far as he knew, and hated the idea so much he climbed the ridiculous comm tree of the Registry to talk to someone high up enough to take him off the stupid list. If he had a soulmate, he didn’t want them to find him. He wanted to retire on a distant Outer Rim planet and unfuck his brain from the war. He had important things to think about, like the fact he was bred to be expendable and yet he lived and now he had to figure out what to do with his life. He was good at two things: following orders and shooting people. And he wasn’t sure those were lucrative skills outside the context of battle.
Well. That wasn’t quite true. There was one profession where those skills were highly valued.
Bounty hunting was far easier than he’d been made to believe, namely because ninety percent of bounty hunters were completely incompetent. For the most part he stuck to assassinations—less work for more pay. Less competition, too, considering how squeamish most bounty hunters were.
It was four years after the war when he was flipping through gigs and came upon—
Himself.
At first he thought someone was trying to kill him, either someone with a hatred of clones or someone out for revenge from one of his previous jobs. But the assignment said, very clearly, alive and uninjured. The uninjured part was going to be hard for whoever took it, considering he wasn’t going to let himself be kidnapped without a fight.
He was well-known enough that he knew no one would have the guts to take the job. He decided not to let himself worry about it. Eventually the assignment would expire and whoever was looking for him would give up.
Which was exactly what happened, until the gig popped up again, this time with triple the reward money. Assassination-level money. And they’d removed the “uninjured” part of the request. And that meant he had to run.
*
He was able to dodge for a while. After a couple close calls, he settled down on a nearly barren moon in the Outer Rim, barely terraformed with no comm signal possible. As far as he knew, the place didn’t have a name. It was cold, with almost no vegetation and minimal game. He spent most of his days looking for food and attempting to prepare it in ways that wouldn’t poison him. Reptilian creatures and insects, mostly.
He only lasted a couple months before he couldn’t stand it anymore, so he hopped down to the planet below assuming the job had expired. It hadn’t. It had been renewed now with quadruple the reward money. Within a couple hours, he had to fight off three hunters and got shot in the shoulder for his trouble. Then Cad Bane came for him and he decided to take his chances. He couldn’t run forever.
Because everyone in the galaxy was a fucking cliche, he ended up with a bag over his head, tied to a chair at the wrists and ankles. He could hear Bane talking to someone as he collected his fee. He also heard his ship fly away, and then Rex was alone with whoever wanted him.
Slow, light footsteps. A gentle hand on his injured shoulder. A soft voice: “You’re hurt.”
He knew that voice. He loved that voice. That voice had given him hope in the darkest times. It was one he trusted beyond reason and followed into battles with a thousand to one odds.
“Commander?” he said.
She removed the bag from his head. He squinted against the light. He’d figured he was in a warehouse but he was in an apartment, spacious and well-furnished, looking out on the busy Coruscant skyline. When his eyes adjusted, there she was. Her montrals had grown and somehow she’d become even more beautiful.
“You’re a hard man to get ahold of, Captain,” she said, smiling. “I’m sorry I had to resort to desperate measures.”
She circled him and cut through his bindings with her lightsaber. He rubbed his wrists and winced at the pain in his shoulder. She’d taken his blasters, which was smart but mean.
“I’m assuming if you’re willing to pay thousands of credits," he said, "whatever you need is pretty important.”
“It is and it isn’t.”
Jedi riddles. He didn’t miss those.
“There’s something I want to tell you,” she said. “Nothing has to come of it. I just wanted you to know.”
She pulled a lekku aside and tugged the collar of her tunic down from her shoulder. There, beneath her collar bone, read clearly: 7567.
“You’re kidding,” he said. He couldn’t tear his eyes away from it. That was him. On her skin. Him.
“It showed up right after the war ended, but by then you were already gone. I’ve been looking for you for a long time.”
A million questions had lodged in his mouth, but what came out was, “I need a drink.”
*
He couldn’t stop staring at her as she tended to his wound. Every time she touched him felt euphoric. He didn’t know if that was the soulmates thing or just his feelings for her, or if they were one and the same. He’d never let himself acknowledge those feelings before, dismissed them only as admiration and respect. Looking back, he wondered about the direction of cause and effect. Did his feelings for her lead to the mark, or were the two of them somehow destined via some crazy Force magic? It wasn’t like anything could have happened between them anyway—fraternizing was firmly frowned upon, and Jedi weren’t allowed to…
Right. Jedi Code. He didn’t recognize how much hope he’d held until it was suddenly gone.
“I had a huge crush on you when I was younger,” she said. “I used to get so nervous around you.”
He remembered that. He’d thought it was strange, that this outspoken, fierce young girl couldn’t make eye contact with him and stuttered her way through every interaction. That was back when he saw her as someone to protect from the war, and not someone to follow into it.
“But you don’t anymore,” he said.
“I don’t.” She’d finished bandaging his shoulder but her hand stayed on his arm. “It turned into something else.”
Something—
Oh.
“I know you have a different life now,” she said. “And I don’t want to keep you from it. I just wanted you to know how much you mean to me.”
She had run an entire parsec ahead while he was still stumbling around at the hyperjump point. There was an implication there. A big implication.
“But…Jedi?” he asked stupidly.
“I left the Order.”
Just as he was about to ask what the fuck why, she said, “It’s a long story.”
“Wait,” he said. “What is it exactly that you want?”
She tilted his chin toward her and pressed his lips to his. He fucked around more than he cared to admit, but just kissing her felt better than all the sex he’d ever had combined. Maybe this soulmate thing was real. Her mouth was so small and soft. He wondered if she had planned this, sitting him at the foot of her bed knowing he’d lose all control of himself. Further evidence: she was barely wearing anything, a thin tunic that left nothing to the imagination, a fact he’d chosen not to notice until now, tugging it open and palming her breast. He wanted to take things slowly, gently, really show her how he felt for her. And maybe if whatever weird maybe-Force magic that bound soulmates together weren’t coursing through him, he would have had the willpower to do that. But no, the moment he’d gotten both of them undressed, he sank into her. Eyes closed, she tilted her head back and bit her lip, trying not to make too much noise. It probably hadn’t been intended as a challenge but he took it as one.
Whatever was happening to him was definitely supernatural. Somehow he could feel what she was feeling—pushing up against her g-spot, the slow rise of a kind of orgasm he was physically incapable of having. And he could feel the Force, too. It was everywhere, everything. She cried out when she came, and it rang through him just as powerfully. There was a feedback loop, a hall of mirrors: him feeling her feeling him feeling her, until they were no longer two people. They’d never been two people. Two bodies, yes. But it was her heart that had been beating in his chest all this time.
He was no longer sure how many times he came or she came, only that it felt endless, infinite. How could she think he’d want to go back to his old life? She had to know that he’d never been loyal to the Republic. He’d only ever been loyal to her. He always would be.
*
The next morning he woke up with the familiar post-battle pain and steeled himself for another day of combat. His eyes shot open. He sat up. Soft bed. Coruscant sunrise. The war had been over for years. His whole body was sore because—
He got out of bed and tugged on his pants. What if she'd left? How would he find her again? He ran out of the room certain she was gone, that he’d said or done something to make her think he wasn’t ready for this. Of course he was ready. He was just an idiot and it took him until this very moment to realize exactly how ready he was.
He found her in the kitchen and sank down onto a chair in relief. She was humming an old marching song as she cooked. It was supposed to inspire and unite, but to him it had always sounded like a dirge. From her voice, though, it was as hopeful as it was meant to be.
She noticed him and smiled. “Good morning, Captain.”
“Commander,” he replied, a habit that now seemed a little ridiculous.
“I wasn’t sure what you’d want so I made a bit of everything,” she said, turning to the table to plate up—something green and unappealing-looking but which smelled amazing. She may not be a Jedi anymore but she was still clearly on a Jedi diet. She set several other dishes in front of him and he realized he was starving. Food now, profound romantic declarations later.
“Again,” she said after a while, “I’m sorry I put a bounty on you.”
She wouldn’t be his soulmate if she weren’t willing to do batshit insane things to get his attention. It was pretty reasonable compared to the lengths he would have gone to if the situation had been reversed.
“And I don’t expect anything from you,” she added. “What’s most important to me is your happiness. But—” She paused, and for a moment she looked as nervous and shy as she had when she was young. “But if you want to—”
“I want to. Whatever you do, wherever you go.”
She seemed embarrassed by how happy she was, and covered her face with her hands to hide what seemed to be a grin. He’d never seen her like this. For so long she’d been Commander Tano, but he guessed this was just Ahsoka. Not a Jedi or a war hero. Just a person looking for her place in the galaxy like everyone else.
“I’m glad you feel the same,” she said, her skin now red all the way down to her chest. Her tunic had fallen open a little and he could see the corner of a 7 peeking out beneath her lekku. “And I was thinking, you know, I might make a pretty good bounty hunter.”
“You want to work together,” he said. Wasn’t bounty hunting too unethical for her? Then again, she was no longer a Jedi. Maybe her ethics had changed.
“I think we’d make a good team.”
Back when he was a cadet, he’d been a bit of a daydreamer. He tried not to let his imagination take over, but while all his brothers were looking ahead to suiting up and shipping out, he was looking beyond that. He’d always wondered what kind of man he really was when he didn’t have to focus on mere survival. When he didn’t have any orders to follow. Now he knew. He could see it so clearly. The two of them together, going anywhere they wanted.
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so since p3r's been out for a while, if you had to choose one and only one thing to change about the remake, what would it be? (I said change not add, so no femc option or og music option lol)
NO SPOILERS (I'm mostly gonna talk about gameplay mechanics)
(Just an FYI how far I've been able to get through P3R with my current sched, I just watched Junpei's believe it or don't Shinji just saved us in the back alley).
I mean if a change is just replacing, rather than adding onto it......
FeMC route instead of P3MC's route. 8U (can't do that with Answer, I mean you can but I'd just have a game about a group of teens bitching at each other for like 5 hours instead of 80 ajlfkdjsf) Same can be said about OG music over new I guess jaskdflafj
But that's not really playing fair so......
Bringing back the key mechanics of Tartarus (aka fatigue and split up).
If not that then.......either bringing back randomizing floors each time (and doing away with fixed for the night floors).....OR getting rid of those fucking Twilight fragments/having the damn clock have the option for monetary spending.
I do not like the twilight fragments, and I find grinding for money early on to be worse than any of the other versions.
Like fr my bf goes to sleep, I've been booting up P3 (OG) and I'm going through Tartarus, and.....I like it more. I think P3R obvie has the better presentation, but just......having the option to run up and down floors and snagging cases filled with money (with tired and no teammates left) feel less grindy or an issue than me running up all the floors hitting those damn breakables hoping for a piece of item that I can sell (for a shit price too). (P3P makes it a tad bit less grindy by keeping teammates there and not having the tired aspect until you leave, AND actually giving you the damn money when they find it TT0TT) But the time I spent playing Vanilla I got A LOT more money saved up than I did in P3R....even after I left and sold all my shit too (both are being played on normal mode). TT0TT I'm not even finished with my run, I still have the dumb driver to kill (and all my teammates have left so woot......solo fight 8U)
I also just think the shiny gold chest is like.....more pleasing to the eye than those damn locked chest. They just put that in there cause P4 and P5 had them, but their thing is less of an issue getting those keys than P3R.
So far you only get TF's if: Liz gives them to you passively, You find them walking around, or you happen across a breakable in Tartarus. (maybe more are possible later, maybe you can grow them, maybe the Fortune teller gives you a boost I dunno)
P5/R you can make those lock picks, and you're encourage to just......make a lot of thief stuff (you get an item and it boost your stats).
P4 is a bit more of an issue, you get them by defeating rare enemies, and iirc you can get two of these keys on rainy days if you go to the capsule machine outside the item store (best way to get them).
P4G makes it a bit easier by giving you growable keys iirc. Which makes it easily passive.
But what P5/R/4/G lack that doesn't make this as much of an issues as P3R is.........those are ONLY for locked chests. It's not ALSO for HEALING. TT0TT And so far for not a way to get them easily (as far as I know atm) it's like......no I shouldn't waste it on healing.
And maybe it's all a ploy to force me to use other characters. Well....they have another thing coming buster, I'm dropping some of these chars the second I'm able to cause I only wanna play with my favs. But I guess it's nice to just use Yukari as a healing fountain instead. Doesn't solve my SP issue but eh......just having to buy a shit ton of mad bulls.
I dunno I just feel like...I have more CHOICE in OG/FES/P3P (and while those have their own little quirks, it's mostly just if they made it easier on you to exploit or not).
Btw I don't really......hate the new Tartarus, it's just different and I'm not used to it. I mean it doesn't help they removed things I did like and replaced it with things that make me go 🤨 Some are good, some are frustrating (ex of good: compendium first day???? amazing, why did it take this long, should've at least been a thing in P3P??? they adopted so much from P4 but not that???) So there's growing pains with that. And I REALLY don't like Twilight fragments. If they just gave me the option to pay with TFs or money at the clock that would be better (I mean money is already an issue in this fucking thing anyway TT0TT)
So yeah like....one of those would be nice on my sanity sljfdlkjfj
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Defects, this is probably going to be the only time ever that I post something bummer like this, but I feel as though I can't keep it bottled up anymore. Only read if you're not easy to make sad.
I miss having a future, Defects. I really do. The moment I got seizures, my entire life flipped from almost being complete into stepping into an amazing phase of my life, having completed college and using the skills I was insanely (and rightfully) confident and sharp in. Fuck, I was amazing.
Then boom. Stress-enduced seizures. Trapped inside due to covid lockdown too. Family and College - two insane stressors, now dangerous for me. I lost so much from that.
I had to move out early and never got to finish the degree I spent *two years of my life* working toward.
Even if I pick it up now, I'm pretty sure most of my credits have expired. I'm fucked, and I owe student loans now, too, on top of barely making enough money to live, so I get to just be more terrified and hopeless every second watching the interest keep piling up. And I can't get a job that pays well because of a STUPID PIECE OF FUCKING PAPER.
I WAS EXCELLENT AND WOULD HAVE BEEN GREAT AT IT BUT NOONE GIVES A RATS ASS WITHOUT THE PAPER.
Now here I am, living on my own in IT because it was an easy fallback that was supposed to be temporary.
I don't like this, Defects.
You, Defects, as well as my loved ones online are... Well, the only things that I look forward to each day.
I keep trying to get better. To dig myself out of this pit. I started hormones finally - and I am so happy about it, so I guess I have a third thing since it's helping me feel a little more, well, girl.
But I sure as fuck don't quite resemble one beyond the cute eyeliner and hair. I wear a purse recently, which helps. But I feel like a fake.
I can't escape facial hair. No matter how much I shave, it's so fucking thick and grows so fast that even if I got it completely smooth, it'd just regrow and be visible in maybe a couple hours at most.
I want to program again, Defects. I want to make games. I want to have a future and go back to my original goals. I want to make games and make people happy.
I want some of it back. Any of it back.
It fucking hurts.
I can't even get myself to program. No matter what I do, I can't get myself to just... Do it. I will install the editor and go through all the setup and... Be overwhelmed. Overwhelmed by the new ui, by having to relearn so much. By NOT BEING ABLE TO DO THE ONE THING I SPENT MY LIFE LEARNING. It really is a use it or lose it skill I guess. And I have not been using it Defects.
It's almost like a fear of acceptance too, I think. Deep down inside, I know I still have some of it left. I bet I can relearn, even if I will fucking suck. Even if I will never get it back fully.
I want that so much. Please. I don't know how to start. I don't know what to do. I touch the editor and try to do stuff and it won't fucking compile. I can't get the header dependencies right.
I can't remember how to do anything. I got so SO fucking proud of myself for making A FUNCTION THAT CHOOSES A RANDOM NUMBER IN A RANGE AND PULLS A VALUE FROM A LIST OF STRINGS AND PRINTS IT TO HELP ME CHOOSE WHAT TO STREAM WHEN I AM UNSURE. IT TOOK ME SO LONG AND IT IS FUCKING HUMILIATING.
IT SHOULD TAKE ME LIKE 5 MINUTES MAX NOT 30. NOT AN HOUR. NOT. Fucking. Ugh.
And then I couldn't get myself to program again. I thought I broke free from it. I really did. I forced myself to do it but why do I return to being unable to do it?
Is it because I don't have an objective? A goal? I like making things for people. I want to help and make them happy.
I don't really have a use for making things for myself. Maybe that is why. Making stupid useless tutorial projects.. feels both demoralizing and useless. A waste of time, DESPITE that it will help me gain something back.
I don't know what to do.
Sorry for you having to read all that.
Maybe one day we will program again.
It's why I did the game design document with Duckolium. Maybe if I stream it, I can force myself to program. Well, more like *be* forced to.
This is my last hope.
I hope it works.
- Buffer
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The deeper I delve into my second phase of ScarVi hyperfixation, the more I realize just what a shitshow these games actually are. We were all way too lenient on them, I'll be honest.
I'm going to be talking about mechanics specifically, since we all already know the performance and graphics are ass.
First, let me note that the steps taken BACK from Legends: Arceus are EGREGIOUS. Legends: Arceus had quick, snappy gameplay that respected the player's time. Its out of battle catching mechanic was universally beloved and made for a much less tedious experience overall. The ability to grow Nature Mints and availability of Gravels (which augmented your Pokemon's EVs) made customizing Pokemon a relatively painless experience.
Lets start with battling. In ScarVi, we see the return of mandatory turn-by-turn combat. This is fine while playing through the story, but a major part of Pokemon's appeal is its postgame, which is dominated by one, singular activity: customizing your Pokemon. Whether you breed for the perfect 'mon or hunt for them in the wild, the majority of long-term players spend their postgame acquiring Pokemon.
In Legends: Arceus, this could be done without ever having to enter battle, but even if you chose to do so, battling was significantly speedier than in previous gens. No more waiting five seconds for a text box to tell you that your Pokemon is paralyzed. You were in and out in the blink of an eye.
Gen 9 returned to the franchise's roots, turning catching Pokemon into a slog. Unless you're using Quick Balls, it's possible to spend minutes at a time on some of the trickier catches, such as the Paradox Pokemon. I just got finished hunting for a Modest/Timid Sandy Shocks (did I mention that Synchronize no longer has its usual out of battle effect?), and at one point, I was so unlucky that I spent upwards of five full minutes watching text and battle animations play out. In Legends: Arceus, if you didn't catch your target on the first ball, you weren't punished for it. In ScarVi, if that bitch breaks out, it's going to be another eternity before you get to throw another ball.
Speaking of battle animations, they're on. Permanently. I'm the kind of person who prefers to save money (to the tune of 500k) by EV training my 'mons the old fashioned way. To expedite this process, I used to turn off battle animations. No longer an option. You will sit there and watch every animation or you will grind Raids for money for vitamins.
Okay, well, if catching Pokemon is such a pain, why not just catch one and use a Nature Mint? My sweet summer child, we can no longer grow them. The only way to obtain Mints now is by taking on 5-star+ Tera Raids, none of which are guaranteed to drop even a single Mint. Add onto that the bugginess of Tera Raids and you've got a recipe for disaster.
So no Gravels and we can't grow our own Mints.
Are you starting to see the problem here?
All right, the Paradox Pokemon might be annoying, but for every other Pokemon, why not just get a Ditto with good IVs and breed for the right nature? Darling of my heart, apple of my eye, they fucked breeding up, too. The picnic system is so unintuitive that it boggles my mind how it got past player testing. (Do they even DO player testing? It sure doesn't seem like it.) Not only is the acquisition of eggs painfully slow without the use of Egg Power sandwiches (DON'T GET ME STARTED ON THE FUCKING SANDWICHES), you cannot produce eggs and hatch eggs at the same time. The only time eggs are produced is while picnicking. You cannot change your party once a picnic has begun, and even if you could, steps taken while picnicking DO NOT COUNT.
Overworld traversal is clunky. Places that feel like they should have fly locations don't, while others have far too many. Gliding and flying on Mir/Koraidon is SLOW, probably because if they moved any faster in the air, your Switch would explode. (I have never played a more poorly optimized Nintendo game.) Mir/Koraidon would rather slip and slide than stick to a climable surface half the time.
POKEMON.
HAVE.
NO.
COLLISION.
The amount of times I've exited one battle only to immediately be forced into another because an aggressive Pokemon quite literally shoved its entire body up my tight little asshole is TOO DAMN HIGH.
Both of the DLC Legendaries (or are they considered Mythicals?) force you to capture them after a stupidly lengthy battle. Ogerpon and Terapagos have MULTIPLE phases. Resetting for different natures is simply not an option if you value your time at all. This is coming from the guy who reset for Eternatus, don't even bother. Grind Raids. Use a Mint.
As far as I'm aware, there is no quick way to jump through your inventory. You must scroll. And scroll. And scroll. Arceus help you if you're looking for something in the middle of the bag. (In USUM, you could press L or R to jump down several items, which was a lifesaver when you were looking for, say, a Protect TM.)
Why are TMs single use again? Who asked for craftable TMs?
The list goes on...
I remember being so hopeful for these games, and honestly, I had fun playing through the story both times. It was when I got to the postgame and started hunting 'mons that I could no longer ignore their flaws. ScarVi was not a game built with longevity in mind, which is INSANE given how big and dedicated the competitive scene is. You are meant to play through their story, maybe the DLC stories, too, and then never, EVER touch them again.
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I played some of Fae Farm with the nintendo game trials and here are some of my current thoughts. i think its fun! I think I'm around chapter 4? After beating chapter 1 you can do multiplayer which i did and played for about 2hrs or so. even tho it has multiplayer i def think id rather play this game solo since we basically have played thru half the game already(kinda) I know chapter lengths very and since only one person needs to complete the quest for the whole party(for better and for worse).
Playing thru it makes me think of Fantasy Life and the Rune Factory Series. I think the way the main quest is step up of that you can do the plot or just fuck around. I thought farming was going to be a bigger part maybe it is since we are still early in the game but I feel like i can kinda ignore it like I do playing Rune Factory.
I'm split on the price tho. Its 40 bucks for the base game(whats available now) or you can pay 60 bucks for two expansion packs that we don't know the contents of. I know pokemon has a similar model of base game then you can by 2 other areas, but i feel like they already give you at least something so you know more of what you are buying. I feel like 40 bucks for the base game is a fair price or at least i would pay that much for what I've played so far. I just don't like the model of pay us now for shit you don't know is coming. like is the expansion just new items, an area, characters, or whatever. I don't think its bad for planning to have dlc for games, but not detailing the contents included i feel is shitty across the board. I haven't spent any money on this game and of course they will give more information before they release, but i am tired. I think fae farm is a finished game on release tho at least of what I've played and the review i watched.
#hologram.txt#idk i miss buying games that are done instead of falsely extending playtime (I KNOW GAMES ARE ALWAYS LIKE THAT but idk how else to word it#or trying to sell content they cut to make more money#i think im gonna see how far i get on fae farm during the trials and maybe buy it once the dlc packs get announced#i do really like the game juust the price and “Deluxe” ver sour it a lil bit
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A Decade of the SAME Problem w/ Destiny
There was such a huge opportunity to do something massive with the lore of Destiny, but at every turn they opt to delete old content and push for shiny things rather than deep discussions.
In the same amount of time, WoW managed to create entire novel series, a movie, podcasts, magazines, action figures, etc etc etc. SO MUCH STUFF because the story was so expansive and always growing. Everyone went in knowing there was no way you could keep up with everything, so instead you could take this or that and follow it.
Personally, I have no idea what's going on in WoW right now. I kinda checked outta the story afterrrrrr MoP. BUT I know a lot about specific characters, or regions, etc. And I've created entire stories on my own for my character because they don't delete anything, they only expand and enrich.
This goes back to my never ending rant about Bungie - what I believe is the NUMBER ONE problem with Destiny - if they didn't delete old content, the game would be infinitely better.
IMAGINE Crota's stragglers were still portaling in on the moon to try and harvest enough energy to resurrect him. Or if the droves of pirates were still fucking around here and there.
WHAT IF WE COULD STILL VISIT THE REEF!!! Holy goddamn shit the home of an entire race is just...gone? I literally don't even remember why we can't go there anymore? Shouldn't that be such a big event/reason that it's burned in my brain???
This is a long rant about a videogame, but when I jumped into the alpha 10yrs ago I was soooo invested. I said "I'm devoting the next decade of my life to this" - AND I DID! TEEEN YEARS LATER and I still play, on average, every week. I had a steady couple FT's for half the time. I've spent so much money and...ugh...
I just get a heavy hear when I think about how after everything, all the hopes, when this finishes in about a year I'm guessing it's not going to blow me away. It's probably not even going to piss me off. It's probably just going to fizzle out...
Imagine if after a decade of MCU movies, Endgame didn't have it's massive payoff. Or even a shitty ending. It just kinda...was done. The whole world would've been mad. Now scrunch that all down just into me, and this game.
Here's hoping...
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