#fuck all these spellings lmfao
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i should not be allowed to use makesweet
#dgs#dgs2 spoilers#genklint#genklimt#genshin asogi#genshin asougi#klint van zieks#klimt van zieks#fuck all these spellings lmfao
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jesus CHRIST letswatchstartrek never fails to have absolute dogshit taste in their ratings. 2/5 for In the Cards? come the fuck on you dumbshit morons
#shut up mira#ds9 posting#the fact that the only DS9 episode they rated a 5/5 is the TOS dickriding episode really spells it all out#and they dropped the show in season 5 lmfao. what a couple of absolute fucking rubes#or at the very least they stopped reviewing the show after season 5#i wager they were too chickenshit to post whatever dogshit take they could spin to rate Far Beyond the Stars a 1/5 or something#The Ascent a 1/5!!! you should check out isekai anime it's more your speed
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just finished the new fantasy high episode and havent seen anyone talk abt this so i wanted to say i am 100. one HUNDRED PERCENT sure. that fuckin fourdogs was at that party invisibly (the One And Only buttfucker to NOT make an obvious appearance?? rules-follower or no, i dont believe that for a SECOND) and that she stole the piece of the cloud runner that went missing, and that the moment of her swipe was the "something" riz missed on his check -- i also really *hope* it wasn't oisin that made those damn ice mephits (or "muffets" as my beloved drunk adaine christened them lmao) act up like that, but immmmm pretty sure thats exactly what was goin on since it wouldve given his party member advantage/an easier access point :/
#dimension 20#fantasy high#fhjy spoilers#listen i was oisin to be good & real & nice SO BAD. HOT RIPPED TATTED DRAGONBORN WIZARD ??? PLEASE#but. im also a suspicious-ass bitch lmao#also wait ik they spelled his name without the accent on his character art#but doesnt the name oisin have an accent over one of the i's?? idk jack abt shit so i could be wrong ofc#in any case. i like the concepts behhind the ratfuckers as a party (*except buddy. seeing him made me feel fucking ILL lmao.) but#i neeeeeeed them to get fucking TROUNCED by the bad kids. i NEED it. theyd be so much more tolerable if they got briefly asswhooped#like i think after that they could TOTALLY be friends and work together. before that?? FUCK no lmfao#anyway. i love-hate fishykitty whatserbucket and i need to see her lose#i cant wait for the ratgrinders to meet the unstoppable force that is the bad kids bigass hearts#deciding to team up with local shitheads & therefore turning them into op allies by sheer force of will and love#its happened to ragh its happened to aelwyn it kiiinda happened with kalina (jury's still out but my fingers are crossed!!)#spring break i believe in them!!!#bee speaks#its happening yall. i try to keep my incomprehensible blorboposting to a dull roar but now that im fully caught up on d20 i fear i may start#going full pepe silvia trying to figure this out#i cant binge it all in one go and have it rot thru my brain like slow-eating acid to leak thru in a contained matter#waiting for a new episode every week means i have time to THINK
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new therapist update. we just had our first session and she is AMAZING in every single way. i feel so fucking lucky
#purrs#i had a horrible couple hours earlier today so i am feeling shaken from that and it’s hard to process the goodness of that. but it was so#good. she matched my energy and we’ve been thru some of the same stuff and she validated me abt things i have never a) told anyone before b)#gotten validation about. so it was really good. im so lucky and so excited to work with her. and she even stayed on w me for an extra half#hour so i could answer all her questions thoroughly 🥹 i wish i wasn’t in so much pain that i can’t acually register how good that was now th#that im not in it but omg. i am so happy. also she kinda informally diagnosed me w trauma spectrum stuff and said that’s how we’ll approach#all my other stuff and she said she has so many ideas abt how to work w me and so much energy she was ready to take a power walk LOLLLL :’~D#she was the first person i found. i was immediately drawn to her. i was a little alarmed when she automatically assumed we would be working#together and also she spelled my last name wrong in the portal which DAMN it i forgot to tell her about omg. but yeah im so glad. it was#meant to be and she said so too. WAHHHHHHH 😭#now i just have to recover from this fucking breakdown which i might have another one of if redacted. LMFAO
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Comparing the 18th and 20th level OneDND features between wizards and sorcerers like, "Oh, I get a couple of third level spells and can bop around 30 feet at a time, sure, great, but the cosmic nepo babies can have damage resistances, pass their injury off to someone else, and also get FREE WISH? With NO CONSEQUENCES? Tracks."
#you know this is also the wizard internal monologue lmfao#'study all this time for THIS and these fuckin nepo babies are out here just bending reality for kicks with no consequences.'#wizards deserve their hubris actually and we should all bully sorcerers more 😤#this is FULLY a joke to be clear it's really funny actually#also the new wizard features SLAP actually. give me memorize spell and modify spell RIGHT. FUCKING. NOW.#i did try to nudge my DM into letting me take academic for a spin and was shot down lol#which really doesn't matter cuz I've got advantage where i would use it anyway lol. and theres always portebt.#*portent#also i know you can take a different epic boon but it's about the dichotomy here
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Shout out to my neighbor's dog, which has been howling near our shared wall for the last 45 minutes!
#aese speaks#):<#well that's not distracting at all#casting spell of shut the fuck up on these neighbors tbh#they're either yelling blasting music or their dog is screaming#anyways back to tarot lmfao
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man i can’t stop thinking abt the fact that i haven’t seen my INSANE gay ass situationship/close friend/crush/SPOUSAL FIGURE(?????. just trust me on this one) etc for 1.5 weeks and in that span of time i’ve managed to try weed party hard AND. well. Ok tags for this one
#hook up with a jewish gay tboy IN david’s bathroom.#<- which like. God there’s so much more context you need to understand what that means but genuinely i’m insane basically#anyway obvi i don’t regret it at ALL etc lmfao but just. Good God smth to think abt. Personally#<- LIKE i wasn’t thinking abt the whole. Deal while we were hooking up of course but now afterwards i’m like Wow that spells Zain ur insane#and also very much into redacted (situationship not hookup) very much like detrimentally maybe#anyway.#.txt#it wasn’t just the 1.5 weeks part btw i’m not that insane it was more like 1.5 weeks where i went out (to small parties/substance affairs)#like every few days with my friends is the thing#sorry this isn’t even a post for peach it’s a post for my PERSONAL DIARY. but i’m sleep deprived and possibly hungover rn so fuck it we ball#crushposting
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i have a headcanon that "double double!" works as a duplication spell everywhere except Canada where, instead, it just dumps milk and sugar on top of things lmfao
#valen and the void#some other things that would be very real canadian spells include:#'triple triple!' which also adds milk and sugar to things but is accompanied by the distinct feeling of being slightly judged#'give'r!' to increase the odds of an event turning out in the caster's favour (results are not guarenteed)#'yeah no yeah for sure!' used as a lie detector spell when cast immediately before someone speaks#correctly adding the word 'eh' to a spell will make it stronger (similar to adding 'please' / 'kindly' or someone's name)#'out and about!' as a short-distance tracking spell when said in the correct accent#'get fucked bud!' has a 50/50 chance of either working the same way as 'bugger off!'/'buzz off!'#or doing absolutely fucking nothing at all lmfao
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got rid of the physical papers with my dnd party's chosen spells on because I was sure I'd put all that into the digital document. I had not, in fact, put it all into the digital document.
#... most of it is there it's fine#it's just one player's cantrips#but it is still very annoying that I have to like. Go Back And Ask#(and probably have a whole discussion about it because I do not know these spells and neither does the player lmfao)#z talks#not horse game#rookie mistakes and all that#none of us have any experience. actually 2 of us have a little experience and that experience entails watching a bunch of d20.#I am fucking petrified for the first time they level up#and there's only three of them#(fully prepared to do all the work)
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also. what they dont tell you about being a sorcerer (5) bard (1) is that
you get a F U C K ton of spells
#speculation nation#fang#d&d#and ALL!!!! of them are prepared#im used to playing a wizard with many many spells but u can only have a handful prepared at a time#fang can use Any of these at Any time (spell slots permitting)#and he got detect magic (unlimited) from his eldritch invocation (feat). and darkness from a shadow sorcerer feature#fang really is just all *finger wiggles* about his magic. he doesnt understand it. but BOY can he do a lot of it#he described today his fireball as 'if i think Really Hard and Point... i can make Big Things happen'#AGHHHHHH i love him so much tho. he's still so squishy but i love him sooo much#AND!!!!!!!!!! i have healing spells now too. thank god#5 sorcery points on top of all this. AND two bardic inspiration#fang really is just like. absolutely overflowing with magic. but super fucking casual about it#he does not!!! understand what he's doing!!!! he's just like playing the flute and feeling smth different with his magic#& he's just like 'Huh." decides to play around with that. and suddenly he knows 6 more spells#and he can HEAL!!!!!!!!! im so stoked about that lmfao#i did NOT take vicious mockery bc i already have Mind Sliver as a psychic damage cantrip AND chill touch. two damage cantrips#vicious mockery is kinda the iconic bard thing but just. idk minor illusion seemed more useful to me.#probably gonna keep it at 1 bard level at least until i get my shadow wolf. so im taking shadow sorcerer level next level (whever that is)#I WANT MY BIG PUPPYYYYYYYYYYYYY big boy loves to bite. i need him#i would have him if i didnt take bard level... but it's ok.... the versatility is worth it#fang is the most hilariously influential person that exists and everyone just has to deal with it#he walks around changing people's lives & he's just like 'eh dont worry about it' b4 leaving to continue on his way#tunnel vision. very task-focused. unless he gets distracted in which case it is tunnel vision on the distraction#he regularly went on swims in the fuckin ocean alongside the boat bc he's got a fancy cloak that lets him breathe underwater & he loves it#i literally love him so much guys i Cannot describe how much i love him#i wish his charisma was higher lol BUT it's ok. we just need to get to level 9 so i can increase smth (with sorcerer 8)#tho hmmm levels 2 and 3 bard look so good too... hmmmmm#difficult choices lol. ah well
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I was in two sessions of two different dnd campaigns today for a total of 8 hours and I think you should all be very impressed
#my brain and my ass feel like jello#creating a new caster who is a level 2 warlock has been fun but damn I fucked up#alllll the spells lmao so few reactions for warlocks?? the fuck? gotta find one or my ass is grass#also having spent so much time playing Star Wars 5e where there are#no spell slots just points to run down and I am familiar with sith! kit fisto’s spells after 2 years?#made suddenly having only 2 spell slots hilarious today I was like oh my god. i just used all my magic in one lmfao#dnd 5e
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dragon age dashboard simulator
🏙️ thechampginon Follow
literally DNI if you think shipping the champion with their REAL LIFE friends is okay. i can't believe i have to explain this to people. RPF destroys lives.
🧀 tethrasbitch Follow
"RPF is fine." - Varric Tethras
🏕️ meribella Follow
op is mad because i said hawke and seneschal bran fucked btw
(2721 notes)
🌿 quirkyorlesian Follow
I want to go to Ferelden.
I will spell couleur as colour and work on a farm. I would spend all night in The Pearl while drinking ale with my mates. I'll have cheese every day that's worth 1 silver. I would go to war and die. I am also more likely to meet bandits, The Hero of Ferelden and The Queen.
I wish I was Fereldan. :(
🐄 cheesegirl Follow
sick and fucking tired of mutuals putting this on the dash. yeah haha funny joke. fereldan stereotypes are so fucking harmful and irritating, you realise cheese is actually one of our major exports? that op is joking about working on a farm, a hard and painful line of work, whole being orlesian nobility? if someone made a post like this about kirkwall i know people would be shitting and crying lmfao
🌾 fereldan-detector Follow
Fereldan.
(18,000 notes)
⚫ magerights-deactivated090331
Need to get dicked down again :-/
🎇 firegirlballs Follow
This was his last post before blowing up the chantry btw. getting dicked down in your honour tonight king 🫡
🐜 faggotkirkwall Follow
what no dick does to a mage
🎉 mageheritageposts Follow
Heritage post.
(182, 172 notes)
🌌 elfroot Follow
She dark on my spawn till i hurlock
🎉 wardencommander Follow
i hurlock on her taint til she enters my deep roads
🌌 elfroot Follow
(128, 817 notes)
🍊 fujoshiandraste Follow
situationship with the girl in my alienage going really bad everyone like it's literally over for me 👍🏻
#can we get another blight soon or something i cant do this anymore
(5 notes)
🌠 makerstits Follow
☄️ mabariboy Follow
What the fuck happened to this poll .
(172 notes)
⚔️ sickoelf Follow
i think i hauve the blight
#thought about the cycles of violence in hard in hightown again #varric tethras when i GET YOU
(15 notes)
#dragon age#da2#txt#da:i#dragon age inquisition#varric tethras#sorry i have to crosstag bc im giggling to myself makinf this. so stupid
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b l e a s e .......
if I leave a comment on ur stuff and it makes no sense bc it's full of typos.....
just know I am not an idiot, I am just using swipe-to-text and android is fucking stupid! it's very convenient and when it wprks its wonderful but when it fucks up, GOD DOES IT FUCK UP.
99.99999% of the time the typos aren't even in the same country as the words I intended to type :')
this is something that is highly embarrassing for us as someone whose special interest is writing, language, & spelling :'))))) so if we comment 5x just to correct typos blease be patient with us oTL
#ily all bls don't be mad at us or think we're stupid#we're actually highly superior at spelling and writing but we're just so fucking lazy with typing lmfao#bodhi speaks#the irony that there were stupid nonsensical typos in this very post
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the body of christ - a joel miller x reader
summary: running from a past life full of alcohol, drugs, and sex, joel miller sought repentance through the priesthood. all was going fine and dandy, until one fateful day, you found yourself in his church. (rated explicit, 18+, mdni!)
warning: priest!joel, religious trauma, age gap ( unspecified college age/50s), actually quite a bit of fluff scattered throughout, inaccurate catholic terminology, mentions of the bible and religion (obvs lmfao), so much fucking smut (semi-public sex, slight exhibitionism, blowjob, pussy eating, dirty talk, overstimulation, slight mention of crying, unprotected sex, creampie, daddy kink, soft sir kink, soft dom!joel, sub!reader, slight mention of male masturbation, kind of guided fem masturbation??)
note: if you are deeply religious, i’d turn the other cheek to this. if catholic/religious conversations or themes disturb or trigger you, do me a favor and don’t attempt to read this. (respectfully) thanks! xx (as always this is not spellchecked bc bad bitches HATE spell checking. i'll do it eventually!! love u bitchez)
Joel remembers the first time that you walked into his church.
Bright, innocent eyes, full of light and curiosity. They traced over each painting on the wall, each portrait, gazed upon every pew and carving etched deep into the wood, fingers grazing over in amazement.
He remembers the look that flashed across your face when his eyes met your own, the way your jaw went slack with attraction and lips parted in surprise. He watched your eyes darken, full of something that bordered dangerously close to arousal, something that shouldn't be felt in the church.
Joel would be lying if he said he hadn't felt it, too.
That tug. That magnetic pull. That incessant nagging by something deeply instinctual and primal that had since laid dormant within the cage of his ribs. Something he had not felt since his thirties, when he was still taste testing all the pleasures life had to offer. Psychedelics, parties, women, liquor.
When he looked into your eyes, he felt that unsettling feeling of attraction, the unbearably strong kind that wouldn't leave his head. Not when he was in the confessional booth, not when he was preaching the Holy Book during Mass, not when he was passing out communion or coaching on-the-brink of divorce couples about the sacrament of marriage. Never. Never, ever.
And ever since that Sunday, that haunting, looming, awful Sunday, you spent every church service diligently listening to him.
The truth be told, you had struggled with your faith for as long as you could remember. The idea of a Big Man in the sky who oversaw and overheard everything was, well, frankly quite terrifying to you.
When you were younger, you were scared God could see you undressing, scared he could hear you singing in the shower, scared he could see you exploring your body, scared he could see you lusting after boys throughout middle school.
God scared you. That's what they always preach, right? The fear of God? That it’s normal, healthy, wanted.
Oh, you certainly feared Him. The fear soon grew into shame. Shameful about each and every decision you made.
You felt shame for not settling down, insisting instead upon going to college. You felt shame for masturbating, for not only reading your favorite pieces of erotica, but for enjoying them. You felt shameful for questioning Him, for doubting Him, for letting your mind wander.
This shame lead you straight to your local priest's office.
Joel Miller.
The first time you caught his eye, you were unsure of why a man who looked like him would ever even think of becoming a priest. He was beautiful. Rugged, masculine, and charming, there was nothing about him not to love. His brown eyes were big and round, full of rich soiled Earth and swirls of wooden umber. His lips were plush and they looked soft to the touch, perfectly nestled behind a thick moustache and a thin beard with patches of gray that made your mind buzz with excitement.
Joel Miller was the most attractive man you had ever laid eyes on, and on your search for a shame free life, you realized he was only contributing to that terrible, looming feeling.
How could he not be?
The night you first met him, you went back to your dorm and masturbated until the God damned cows came home. You must have orgasmed at least six times before you finally began snoring, lulled to sleep by the thought of his touch, what his cum would taste like, what his spit would feel like dripping down the valley of your breasts.
Oh, you craved him. You yearned for him, Jane Austen style. He was always on your mind, the thought of him lingering like a scented candle, wafting through the halls of memory in your mind.
That's how you found yourself, yet again, in his private office, hoping to seek solace from the painful prison shackles he had unknowingly burdened you with.
"Father?" You asked softly, staring at him. A pair of glasses rested on the bridge of his nose as he flipped through a book about something or another.
"Yes, Angel?'
Angel. He had always called you that. Joel gave you the nickname the first time you ever spoke, and it had followed you around like a ghost.
Angel. Angel. Angel.
Oh, how sweet it was, to think that you were his only Angel, that you were his chosen saint. Like the Renaissance portraits of the Virgin Mary, you wore the halo of his affection with pride.
"Um. Have you ever struggled with... uh, thoughts?"
Joel looked up at you behind the brim of his book, his dark eyes sparkling with the playful hint of amusement. "Well, yes. I do. In fact, I think quite often." He snickered, the Southern twang of his voice softly tugging at his syllables.
You felt your cheeks heat up with embarrassment. "N-No. I'm not talking about.... just any thoughts."
Father Miller hummed out, eyebrows furrowing together tightly as he set the leatherbound book down upon the mahogany desk. He stared at you, long, hard, as though he were searching the depths of his mind for what to say next.
"Care to elaborate any further?" Was all he asked. Your stomach clenched with nerves, and you were starting to wonder if you should have even brought it up.
You looked down at your lap, rolling the material of your skirt between your index and thumb. "Lust." You managed to croak out. "Do you struggle with it?"
"Honey, I'm a fuckin' man." The curse word made your neck snap up. You could already feel the familiar tinge of arousal searing its way through your belly, straight to your aching cunt. "Of course I feel lust. Is that what this is all about?"
You buried your face into your hands, groaning softly. "Father," you heard him hiss a soft breath of air between his lips, "I can't get away from it."
Joel reached his hand across the table, gently grabbing your wrist and pulling it away from your anxiety laden face. "Angel girl, look at me." His voice was hushed, gentle, uncharacteristically soft. "There ain't nothin' wrong with lust."
"But the Bible-"
"Fuck the Bible."
You couldn't help but widen your eyes at what he just said. Wasn't that sacrilegious? You gulped thickly, slowly nodding at his words.
"Do you know how many times the Bible has been translated?" He asked after a long moment of thick, palpable silence.
"How many?"
"The King James Bible alone has undergone 30,000 changes. It's been rewritten in so many different languages, surely loads of it has gotten lost in translation. It's just a fuckin' book. It's paper. Trees." His thumb gently swiped across your knuckles, and that's when you remembered he was holding your hand.
Father Miller was so warm. So, so, so warm. His rough palms scratched against your own in a way that made you shiver, and his fingers laced into yours perfectly.
His fingers.
You glanced down, examining his digits. They were thick and long, and you couldn't help but wonder how they would feel buried deep inside you, how they would taste dripping with the nectar of your arousal.
You swallowed again, garnering enough courage to look up and meet his steady gaze.
"If God is real, and I'm still not all too sure about that, I don't see how he'd let us have all these.... feelin's, if they weren't right."
"That makes sense." You murmured sincerely.
"I thought maybe turnin' to the cloth would help me discover somethin' about the world. But in truth, all its done is confuse me even more. Religion is such a God damned mind fuck, you know that?" Joel's eyes lit up at the sound of your giggles, and he couldn't help the feeling of excitement that erupted within his chest.
"I don't know if.... if I can get rid of all this shame." You finally admitted after a long moment of thinking. "That's what really upsets me. The shame. The-the guilt."
"Well, I can always help with that, Angel. Just say the word."
"Help me? How?"
Joel leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms as he inhaled a deep breath through a pair of flared nostrils. His eyes, dark and mysterious, swirling with something you had never seen within them, met your own. "Ever thought that maybe the reason you feel all that shame is because the sex you've been havin' ain't all that great? It's easy to lust, easy to get all horny lookin' at some stud on a magazine- but when you act upon it, well that's a whole 'nother issue. I bet you start worryin' about your eternal soul, whether you'll be sent straight to Hell. And I bet it's easy to feel guilty about all that shitty sex, it's easy to feel shame about wastin' a perfectly good chance of goin' to Heaven on some limp dicked little boy who don't know his hands from his feet. Am I right?"
You stared blankly, blinking rapidly and dumbfoundedly. How could he read you so well? Before you could speak, Joel started speaking again.
"But good sex? Well now... Darlin' that's an entirely different thing." The priest leaned forward, taking your hands inside of his own. Your faces were now inches apart, so close you could feel the heat of his breath fanning across your face.
You had never seen his features this close before. The faint creased lines of his forehead, the crows feet by his eyes- all of these little marks and scars, wrinkles and freckles, they made him even more handsome. Disgustingly handsome, actually, and it made you want to throw up.
Joel relished in the nerves which radiated off of you. He knew the affect he had on women, but he only cared about this so called affect he had on you. "I can make you doubt it all, Angel baby. I can fuck you so good, make you cum so hard, you'll start beggin' to go to Hell if it meant I'd be down there with you, pleasin' that little pussy of yours."
You felt dizzy, like you could genuinely pass out and fall off the chair at any moment.
How did you end up here?
Joel's index finger traced down your cheek until it reached your chin, where he grabbed it in his firm grip, guiding your gaze to meet his own. "Like I said. Just say the word, okay? My office is always open, my confessional booth is always waitin' for that pretty ass. You understand?"
"Y-Yes, father."
His eyes darkened once again, and you watched his adam’s apple bobble up and down as he swallowed. Joel stood, extending his hand as he walked you towards the door.
"Oh, and you have my number. I don't typically make house calls, but I'm more than happy to oblige you."
You were too flustered to speak, but you watched with precise eyes as he brought your small hand to his lips, pressing a searing kiss into the soft skin of your fingers.
"Have a good rest of your week, Angel."
That night, you came seven times to the thought of Joel Miller.
• • •
For two weeks you wondered if you should take him up on his offer. Univeristy work had flooded your life, making it rather difficult to do anything except go to classes, eat, and sleep. You hadn’t even had time to masturbate!
As the canvas of winter slowly started tearing, the lively chirps of Spring soon began bellowing through the air, replacing the gray clouds of February with the bright blue skies of March. That’s when you decided it was time to go and see Joel.
It was Tuesday. That meant he was working the Confessional.
Your legs were carrying you as your mind wandered with delicious thoughts of Father Miller, until you found yourself in front of the charcoal colored Cathedral, ornately designed and powerfully exuberant. You pushed open the thick wooden doors, etched with scenes of the Ascension and Crucifixion, before making your way to the Confession booth.
You slid quietly into the booth, the screen protecting your face from the person on the other side.
“Speak, my child. What do you wish to confess?” Father Miller asked in his most priestly, professional voice.
A sudden wave of confidence rushed over you. “Well, father, I’ve been a pretty bad girl.”
You heard him shifting in his seat, before a honeyed chuckle escaped from the back of his throat, gritty and intoxicating. “I was startin’ to think I scared you off, Angel.”
“Oh no, you never could. School just got in the way.” You explained softly, tracing shapes over the exposed skin of your thigh.
“What are you wearing?” He finally asked, and you began chewing on the inside of your cheek.
“A sage colored dress, a pretty strappy number. Stops in the middle of my thighs. You can see the lace of my bra, too.”
“Oh, how scandalous.” Joel snickered, feigning a sense of surprise. “I bet you look real pretty.”
“I can come over there if you want me to.”
“Oh yeah?” You could hear the smugness of his voice.
“Yeah.” You responded flirtatiously, words hot and thirsty.
“You stay over there for a few, get yourself ready for me.”
“What do you want me to do,” a breeze of bravery swirled over your chest, so you added: “Daddy?”
You heard the priest moan at the name. Through gritted teeth, he responded. “Spread those legs for me.” You did as Joel commanded, awaiting his next words. “Take off your panties and stuff them in your bra.” After a few beats, he spoke once again. “Have you done it?”
“Yes sir.” You responded cheekily, a giggle evident in your voice.
“Good girl. Touch your thighs, Angel. Brush your fingers over them, real light like.” As your nails swirled patterns into the sensitive skin on your legs, you shivered with delight.
“Now what?”
“Just keep doin’ that. Listen to my voice, darlin’. Just keep touchin’ those sexy thighs of yours.” Joel’s voice was like velvet to your ears, and you heard the zipper of his pants being pulled down.
Your breath hitched, pussy aching and sore.
“I know you’re gettin’ wet, know that little cunt is weepin’ for me.”
You moaned in response, wanting nothing more than to touch your swelling clit. “Y-yes.”
“Don’t worry, little Angel. Daddy’ll make that pussy feel real good. Do you want that?”
“P-please. Now. Please.” You were begging now, willing to do just about anything to feel his cock deep within your walls.
“Now, now.” Joel responded smugly, and you heard the movement of his arm, up and down and up and down, slowly pumping at the length of his hardened cock. You nearly wept at the thought. God, please, you just wanted to feel him. “Jacob served seven years just to see Rachel again. Surely that pussy can wait a few minutes, yeah?” You could hear the smugness dripping from his tongue, like venom on the fangs of a viper.
“Oh, shut up.” You grumbled.
“There there, now, pretty baby, don’t you worry. It will be well worth the teasin’ when I’m pumpin’ my cum in that little hole of yours.”
You hissed through your teeth in excitement, whimpering as your clit throbbed with the promise of his reward. “You promise?”
“Baby, ‘course I do. I’ve been waitin’ for a taste of your cum, you know. Since I first laid eyes on you.”
“Really?”
He chuckled at your naivety. “Oh yeah. Prettiest girl I ever laid eyes on, tha’s why I started callin’ you Angel, you know. Beauty like yours, well, that’s fuckin’ celestial.” You heard Joel grunt, no doubt from his fist wrapped around his length.
“Please.” You begged, thighs clenching together as you continued tracing lines in your skin. “Can I please move to your side?”
Joel thought for a moment, before he spoke. “Yes. Make it quick. Don’t want nobody seein’.”
You obeyed, adjusting the skirt of your dress before stepping out. The church was empty, except a few people praying before a statue of Jesus on the crucifix, backs turned to you. You slowly opened the door, finally face to face with him. You sucked in a breath of air as his appearance crashed over you, quickly shutting the door behind you.
His eyes met yours, hands dragging to your waist as he pulled you closer. Now you were standing before him. Joel leaned forward, placing his head to your chest, exposed by the low dip of your dress. You heard him inhale your perfume, before feeling his tongue flat between your breasts, licking a strip from there, to your neck, where he suckled gingerly on that sensitive spot right beneath your ear.
“God, been dreamin’ of this.” Joel whispered, kissing at your jawline softly, the scruff of his beard tickling against your skin.
“I have, too.” You admitted your secret as you grasped his shoulders, broad and muscular beneath your grip. Joel continued his assault on your neck, his lips trailing down to your collarbones, teeth gently digging into your skin, as his hands wandered down to your bare thighs, hiking your skirt up slowly. His fingers dug into the soft, supple skin beneath your ass, nails gently imprinting creases on your upper thighs.
Joel pulled away, slowly removing his hands. The corner of his mouth twitched, and he suddenly grabbed your chin, a smirk playing on his face.
“Kneel.” He commanded deeply, voice thick with seriousness.
You knelt before him, tilting your head up until you were faced to face with his throbbing cock, which he had ever so politely tucked back into his tightening boxers.
“You’ve been bad. You’ve sinned.” Joel explained, running his fingers through your hair. “It’s about time you seek repentance.”
You batted your eyelashes up at him, glossy lips parting. “And how should I go about doing that, Father?” Your feigned a sense of faux innocence with your words, doe eyes wide and sparkling for him.
“The Body of Christ, you see.” Joel hummed, moving your hand to his bulge. “To partake in the body and blood of christ, the Eucharist. To…. suck, and to swallow.” He smirked down at you, eyes glittering with mischief.
“Yes sir.” You purred, slowly pulling his underwear down, until his thick, angry cock popped out, gently slapping against his belly.
“Suck on it.” Joel ordered, hand pressing to the back of your head. You smiled, leaning forward.
The mushroom of his cock pressed against your lips, his salty precum mixing with your strawberry lipgloss. You opened your mouth, lips accommodating to the sheer width of his length as you took him gently into your mouth, tongue swirling around the tip. You felt him shiver beneath your movements, fingers knotting tighter into your locks.
That’s when you heard the door on the other side creak open. You went to pull away, eyes wide with fear, but Joel firmly kept you in place, beckoning you to continue on with your so called repentance.
You clenched your thighs at the nature of what was going on, head popping, taking as much as you could without gagging. You didn’t want to risk making any noise.
“Hello, father.” A feminine voice on the other side of the wall spoke, and Joel clenched his jaw, gazing down at you.
He didn’t look up when he finally spoke. “Welcome, my child.” Joel’s voice was solid, unwavering, there was absolutely no hint to his tone that could possibly give away what was going on. “What is it you wish to confess?”
The woman sighed a deep huff, and you heard what seemed to be a piece of paper being unfolded. “A lot.” She admitted.
“That’s okay. God is always forgiving.”
“Amen, father.” She agreed.
Joel thumbed your cheek gently, watching your lips wrap around his cock, up and down your head went, finally growing used to the size.
His cock was perfect. Thick, veined, just the right length. It was the biggest you had ever seen in person, but then again, your previous references weren’t much to brag about. You swirled your tongue around his dick, slowly pulling away until you were faced to face with it.
Joel watched as you leaned forward, tracing the underside with the tip of your tongue. He shuddered again.
“-And then I called the cashier at Publix an idiot for ringing in my chocolate milk twice. Oh, I feel awful about that. Jerry and I- you know Jerry, don’t you? My husband? Well, he and I got into a fight. And I was taking it out on this poor teenage girl-” As the parishioner continued her rant, you realized neither of you were really paying attention.
The priest’s eyes had been blown full black at the sight of you servicing his dick, enamored with the way your soft tongue looked pressed into his skin, swirling and tracing and tasting. Your nails were digging into his thighs, straight through the cloth of his trousers, but Joel didn’t mind one bit. In fact, he liked the added bit of pain, it only added to his pleasure.
“And finally, I yelled at my kids teacher. All week he worked on this project, and she has the gaul to give him a B-! As if, he was-”
You worked his length back and forth, his tip hitting dangerously close to the back of your throat. You felt his cock tightening, straining with the promise of an oncoming orgasm. Keeping the same pace, you licked and sucked, head bobbing as his free hand came up to rest on your head.
Spurts of hot cum painted your throat as Joel began speaking to the confessor, as though on cue. “Salvation is co-oming, my child. God will forgive you, he always does.” He hid it rather well, teeth gritting as his head was thrown back, nails gently scratching into your scalp as you milked him with your mouth.
“What should I do, father? How should I repent?” She asked worriedly.
“Uh, a few Hail Mary’s or something.”
Joel wasn’t really paying attention to her. He was looking down at you as you suckled the rest of his cum from the top of his dick, hand gently patting at your head of hair. His gaze was gentle, full of some sort of admiration as he watched you clean his cock up, tongue obediently lapping up every drop of his sperm.
“Is that- is that all, father?”
“Yes.” Joel responded curtly.
“Peace be with you.” She said, before you heard the door open.
“And with you.” Joel mumbled, a love sick grin spreading across his face. He swiped a dribble of his cum off the corner of your mouth, holding it to your lips. You slowly leaned forward, licking it off his skin before pulling away with a beaming smile. “C’mere.” He whispered, patting his lap.
You straddled him, hands moving to his shoulders, before crawling up to his curls, gently running through them. You eyed the gray in his chocolate colored hair, smiling at the salt and pepper locks. God, he really was so handsome.
Joel gently kissed your knuckles, arms wrapping around your waist.
There was a knock at the door, and he stiffened.
“Father Miller, there’s to be a meeting between the bishops in five minutes. We would like you to oversee it.” A man spoke through the door, and you leaned forward into his neck to stifle a groan.
You were practically leaking onto his lap, pussy sobbing at the thought of his touch.
“Please,” you whispered in his ear, fingernail tracing down the line of stubble on his jaw. “Make me cum.”
Joel’s hands grasped ahold of your ass, and you had to try your hardest to stifle your yelp. “I’ll be there soon.” Joel snapped, and you heard the figure jogging away. He turned to you, rubbing his nose into your soft cheek. “Angel girl, I swear on my life I’ll make you cum until you cry tonight. I swear it.” You leaned into the touch of his nose, nodding slowly.
You knew he was a man of his word.
“Okay.” You murmured, albeit dejectedly. You were so turned on your could barely think straight.
Joel’s ears perked as he looked at you. “I have an idea….”
• • •
You don’t know how he talked you into it, but as you curled beneath the wide desk in his office with your legs spread and dress pulled up to your belly, you listened in on the meeting.
Joel had given you three strict rules:
1) Rub your clit for the duration of the meeting.
2) Do not, under any circumstance, stop.
3) Do NOT cum!
And so you stared up at him as the bishops talked about upcoming projects and fairs, discussing how to spend the month of March doing charity work and putting on a Spring Festival. Every so often he would glance down with a satisfied grin tugging at his lips, soaking in the picture of you rubbing at your clit.
It was the first time Joel had ever seen your pussy. Soaking, sloppy, and a drool worthy shade of pink. Your clit was swollen, begging for his tongue, and the perfect inner lips of your pussy were clenching around- unfortunately- nothing.
Your wetness was dripping down on to the floor of his office, coating your thighs with slick as you stared at him, noticing the strained bulge against his black pants. You smiled at the thought of you being the one to make him feel that way. He had cum in your mouth. He had given you his number. He had told you he could help.
You.
You, you, you.
If you didn’t know any better, you’d say he cared for you. The thought made your face beam, a look that Joel did not miss, despite the conversation he was taking part in.
It felt as though he were purposefully dragging the meeting out. Asking questions, giving ideas, receiving a scripture here or there. You couldn’t help but roll your eyes. He was right, however. Good things do indeed come to those who wait.
As time dragged on, it was becoming harder and harder to stifle your moans. You wanted to make noise for Joel. You wanted to whimper and mewl and beg and cry out for him. It was always for him, wasn’t it? You knew, he knew. All the pretty dresses, fixed up hair, perfect makeup- it was for him. In fact, deep down, you knew you hadn't been to church for the man in the sky for quite some time.
"Alright, it was a pleasure meetin’ with you all. I look forward to putting on the Spring Festival, I'll be in touch soon with the event info." Father Miller spoke professionally, calmly, as though you weren't half naked beneath his desk, touching yourself in front of him.
The door shut and locked the moment everyone had filed out, and his feet shuffled slowly towards where you sat. When your eyes met Joel's, a smile threatened the side of his mouth.
"Up, Angel. Sit on the edge of the desk for me."
You crawled out slowly, thighs slightly cramping up, before grabbing the hand he had offered and pulling yourself to your feet. You eased your ass onto the table, scooting back before spreading your legs, a shy grin falling to your face as he kept his hand tightly threaded with yours.
"Oh, honey. Look at this poor pussy. She needs me real bad, don't she?" He purred out his words with a saddened pair of eyes, sitting on his chair as he wheeled it forward, face to face with your soaking cunt. "Should I taste you?" His words were meant to tease you further, finger tracing over your inflated, tingling clit. "Should I make you feel better for being so nice and patient with me?"
"Please, daddy. Please."
Joel hummed in approval at your answer, leaning forward to wrap his lips around your pinkening bud. Before he even began sucking, you had thrown your hand over your mouth to stifle your moans, all at the simple moment of contact. He worked your little button slowly, gently sucking as his free hand ran up and down your thigh, gently giving it a squeeze as he lapped and licked.
You tangled your fingers in his curls, watching as he worked your clit masterfully, the tip of his tongue pressing gently, setting that bundle of nerves on fire perfectly.
Joel moved his palm beneath his chin, fingertips exploring the entrance of your pussy before he pushed his middle finger in straight to the hilt, searching for your G-Spot and finding it victoriously after a few short moments. You whimpered out at the first point of contact, drawing his head in closer by his hair as your hips grinded mindlessly, your back falling onto the desk. You had accidentally knocked a few things over, but admittedly neither of you cared, both wrapped up in your ecstasy as the priest worked on making you cum for him.
Joel moved his hand away from yours, instead opting to wrap it around your body, holding you tight and close to him as he ate you out. You already felt your orgasm approaching, climax chugging up that rollercoaster hill of emotion, right at the top before he added a second finger, pumping and thrusting up, right where Joel knew you needed him the most.
You groaned as he pulled away, no more contact on your clit. His umber eyes dragged up the length of your body, meeting your own. They sparkled with adoration. In that moment you were his purpose, his salvation, his religion. He worshiped the idol that was your body relentlessly, boundlessly, and knew he was done for for all eternity. If he were to burn because he fell in love with your body, so be it. Joel Miller would happily burn to have a taste of you.
His kissed your thigh, still fingering your tight cunt, eyes still locked with yours.
"You're so beautiful." He murmured, leaning forward and licking your clit slowly, tongue flat against it. He continued doing this, his eyes never leaving yours. You hadn't dared to look away, whimpering and brushing your digits through his hair as he kept up the slow, steady, perfect pace of movements. "I'm done for, you know. I'll never stop wantin' a tase of you."
You giggled breathlessly, nodding with his head cradled in your palms. "It's all yours."
"That's all I needed to hear, pretty Angel." Joel mumbled, going back to sucking on your clit as his eyes fluttered close.
That did it. The tightening string broke, your climax flooding over you as you chanted his name, grinding and bucking, body spasming with orgasmic pleasure as he kept his mouth firm on your body, continuing to lick and suck until he had lapped up every last drop of cum from your pussy. He pulled away, the lower half of his face glistening, and helped you sit up gently, hands moving to your waist as he stood up.
His cock was straining against his pants, and you cheekily grabbed the loop of his belt, bringing you close to him until his clothed bulge was pressed flush to your sensitive cunt. You shivered at the contact, gently pressing your hands on his broad, sturdy chest.
“Fuck me. Please. I need to feel you inside of me.” You whispered into his ear, pressing a gentle kiss to his lobe.
Joel nodded in response, pulling away to look at you. He gently cupped your face in his calloused hands, leaning towards your slightly open mouth. The curve of his sturdy nose gently pressed into your own, lips brushing yours as your breath hitched, chests now taut with one another. He had just eaten you to the best orgasm of your life, and now your hands shook with nerves as he began kissing you, sweetly and meaningfully. It felt like home. They melded together like iron, as though your mouths were made for each other, crafted by the hands of some ethereal power with the knowledge that, one day, you two would find the other.
He drew you in closer, deepening the kiss as your fingers fumbled with the zipper of his pants, freeing his cock from his boxers as it sprung out, gently hitting your bare knee. You giggled softly into his mouth, finally pulling away to eye level.
Joel grabbed your hips, lining himself up with the entrance of your cunt. His thumbs gently brushed your waist soothingly, and he let you take his cock in your hand as you guided the tip up and down the folds of your pussy, soon pressing it against your entrance. With his eyes on yours, he slowly pushed in, all the way until your clit was pressed to his stomach. He reached down, gently rubbing it, allowing you to acclimate to the sheer size of him.
"This okay?" He asked, voice gruff and raw.
"Oh, yes. It's perfect." You breathed out, throwing your arms around his neck.
Joel began to fuck you slow and deep, each time pulling all the way to the tip of his dick, before pushing himself back inside, until your clit was back against his belly. Your moans were music to his ears, guiding him like a siren song towards the ocean of your body, waves of pleasure blanketing over him as he fucked you.
Admittedly, Joel had not had sex for many years. He had no problem picking up women before the priesthood, but when he left school to become the head of a local church, he knew he had to keep himself in line. People would talk, he would be kicked out, and there would be nowhere for him to go. Ah, but for you? Well, he was willing to risk it all. You were everything he had ever dreamed for, and he wasn't going to let the time of your chance meeting ruin that.
Kind, understanding, intelligent- you were perfect, and Joel knew the moment he saw you, he would fall deeply in love with you. He had been holding off for months now, knowing that if he ever had the chance to fuck you, he would be done for, completely and totally for you. Fuck God, he didn't care about God. You were the one he wanted to worship, you were the one he wanted to sing songs for, read to, sacrifice for. You. You, you, you. You were his Heaven.
The priest was pulled from his thoughts at the sound of his name falling from your mouth, and when your eyes met, he shot you the hint of a smile.
"Thatt'a girl." He mumbled, holding you tightly. "Tha's a good girl, taking me so well. So fuckin' beautiful."
You moaned at his words, stomach tightening with the threat of your second orgasm as he continued rubbing your clit.
His cock was pounding harder now, walls fluttering and clenching against the veiny length of his dick as he fucked you like a devil. Beads of sweat were gathering at his temples, the lines of his forehead creased as he focused on you. You saw his dark eyes full of something you hadn't seen before, and if you were a foolish woman, you would say it was love.
You reached up and gently wiped the sweat away with your fingers, head falling back as his mouth latched on to your neck, suckling and marking you with proof of his devotion. You shivered as he hit against a sweet spot right beneath your ear, teeth gently digging in as he kissed and licked.
"Gonna cum soon." You murmured, nails digging into his shoulders as he continued taking you, balls slapping against your ass as he pounded, continuing the same pattern of movements that made you weak for him.
"Give it to me, honey. Cum on this cock, cum for me. Let me know who's makin' you feel this way." Joel's words were hot against your ear, his breath fanning your skin as his fingers skillfully worked your clit.
Your orgasm finally broke, but Joel didn't waver. He continued rubbing your clit despite your whimpers, fucking you harder until the only sound was his heavy breath and the slapping of skin, your moans of ecstasy hidden as you buried your face into his shoulder.
"F-fuck it's too much. Feels too good." You cried out, body shaking. Joel didn't stop, he continued rubbing you, setting something aflame within your body, pushing you towards the brink of becoming deliciously over stimulated.
"'Member how I said I was goin' to fuck you until you cried?" Joel's voice was more of a beasts than a man, deep and throaty in your ear. "I'm a man of my word, darlin'. I ain't quittin' 'till you're crying for me. You understand?"
You whimpered in response, nodding your head as he continued hitting deep within you, the tip of his cock finding your G-spot, the soft spongy part of you that made you shiver and shake. You were coming undone again, his middle finger relentless on your swelling, throbbing bud, pleasure bordering on pain as the priest before you kept taking you.
You felt your throat tightening at the feeling of his throbbing cock, until your vision went blurry, mind fuzzing at the world around you. All of your emotion came crashing down, the feeling of him rubbing your pussy, the length of his cock buried deep within your cunt.
You couldn't take it anymore.
When your third orgasm hit you, you couldn't stifle your noise. You screamed for him, head thrown back as your body spasmed. And this time, Joel did as he said- he made you cry. He watched your pretty eyes well up with tears, watching as they cascaded down your cheeks. He groaned at the sight, a beautiful portrait of pure, raw, animalistic ecstasy. Your chest was sticky with sweat, hair pressed into your forehead, and perfect eyes wet with tears.
He couldn't hold himself back. His fingers dug into your thighs as he leaned forward, attaching his mouth to yours as his own climax overtook him. Joel snarled and growled, hips jittering as his hot cum painted the walls of your cunt white. When his orgasm died down, and his mouth became much gentler on yours, you realized just how full you felt.
Full of him, full of cum, full of love.
Joel pulled away slowly, gently running his fingers down your face. "You okay?" His voice was soft, eyes sparkling down at you.
"I am, actually."
He knew you were being earnest.
You watched as he took some tissue and cleaned you up, holding on to your hands as he helped you balance yourself on the ground, knees shaking from the weight of your previous pleasure.
"There you go, good girl." Joel helped slide your panties up your legs, gently giving your ass a squeeze. He relished in the sweet sound of your giggle.
A moment of silence passed, before he took your hand. You looked up at him, and he knew now was his moment.
"Do you want to go grab some dinner?"
You had never said yes faster.
You always thought shame and guilt were integral parts of the religious experience. You always thought chastity and purity were the best ways to feel God.
But that was before Joel Miller. That was before he took your body and idolized it. That was before he pleasured you in ways no man had dared to do before. When your bodies danced as one, when your souls became tangled beneath the bed sheets, on the desk, in the confession booth, you weren't thinking of God, you weren't thinking of Heaven or Hell.
Oh, no.
You were thinking of Joel Miller, the man who you willingly and happily chose over the promise of eternal salvation. And there wasn't an ounce of shame present.
#joel miller x reader#joel miller#pedro pascal#pedro pascal x reader#studioghibelli#joel miller x you#the last of us fic#joel miller smut#joel miller the last of us#joel miller x y/n#joel miller au#tlou fanfiction#tlou au#tlou fic#joel tlou#tlou#pedro pascal smut#pedro pascal fic#pedro pascal fanfiction#pedro pascal fandom#pedro pascal characters
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୨⎯ "inches of snow" ⎯୧
young!coriolanus snow ☓ fem!reader
summary your boyfriend, coriolanus snow, joins you and your family for christmas dinner, but of course it's nothing short of an insufferable experience. but don't worry, because coryo is there to take care of you!
18+ | nsfw | mdni
word count 2,298
cw modern au, coryo & reader are in grad school, it's christmas!!, mentions of food, implied body shaming by family, uh oh grandma and grandpa are being bigoted again, bathroom sex, mirror sex, anal, praise, degradation, sex on the bathroom sink, it's a very anal christmas, coryo has a big dick, ooc(?) coryo, y/n usage, petnames, unprotected sex, spit play, cum play, dirty talk
notes i know the title is corny as fuck LMFAO but it made me giggle. also imagine reader in ellen griswold's outift from national lampoon's christmas vacation like the one w the blouse and the green skirt bc mmmmm that fit is FIRE. this fic was slightly based off of this post bc i thought it was just too hot to ignore. this is also NOT proofread so any mistakes you find in this fic... dont talk about it
Sitting down at the pleasantly decorated dining room table, your mother insisted on saying grace before you and the rest of your family could dig in on the splendid feast you and the rest of the women in your family worked so hard on. Your mouth watered at the thought of savoring the sweet potato casserole, the baked macaroni and cheese, the ham, everything at the table was extremely decadent. And it was all displayed out in front of you, and right under your nose.
You were a bit greedy, you had to admit, as your hands were the first to get a generous scoop of the fluffy mashed potatoes, earning a scoff from your ever-so lovely paternal grandmother. Say something, you old bat, you thought to yourself, but a pleasant hand came running to rescue you from your angry thoughts. A slight squeeze on your left thigh made you blush, and you turned your head to grin at your lovely boyfriend, Coriolanus Snow. He gave you a reassuring nod, and you went back to indulging in your Christmas feast.
“So, Y/N,” your grandmother piped up, pretentiously swishing her glass of wine. “Anything interesting as of late?”
You swallowed your forkful of mashed potatoes and peas. “My third year of med school is kicking my butt,” you said, trying to lighten the hostility between you and your grandmother. “I’m definitely finding myself to have less and less free time–”
“And how do you feel about that?” your grandmother interjected right in the middle of your response, causing your brows to furrow. Her attention was now fully on Coriolanus, which you turned your head to see what his response would be.
Coriolanus huffed amusingly. “I don’t necessarily have an opinion on it,” he said. “I am also quite busy with my master’s degree. Distance makes the heart grow fonder, or however that saying goes,”
“We’re just busy little bees,” you said in a light manner, albeit a bit awkwardly. “It’ll all be worth it in the end. All this hard work will pay off,”
Your grandfather motioned his glass towards Coriolanus. “Busy little bees, eh? Bet it’s harder on you than her,” This statement made you nearly choke on your champagne. The crudeness of that man! Oh, if you didn’t know any better, you would reach across the table and slap the wrinkles off that smug face–
“It’s actually not really that hard to endure,” Coriolanus spoke up. “We both know we’ll see each other again after our busy spells and that thought keeps us going,”
You smiled bitterly at your grandfather. “Exactly,”
The table got quiet after that, and you spent a good few minutes awkwardly sipping your champagne and eating your generous plate. You felt your appetite unfortunately begin to dissipate as the unpleasantness of the evening began sinking underneath your skin.
“You know, mother,” your father chimed in. “My wife and I both met during our residency, and you know firsthand exactly how busy I was during that time. The 100 hour work weeks, the skills labs, the exams, my boards. It was hard! But my beloved and I made it through, and I’m sure Y/N and Coryo will also make it,”
“I just don’t see the need in investing this much time in such a demanding career when your husband is already planning on pursuing a career that would help the both of you,” grandmother said to you, making your face contort into one of immense displeasure.
“Coryo is not my husband, first off,” you retorted. “At least not yet, but I’m also not going to be a stay-at-home mom who spends her days dealing with the dog, the baby, and the garden. I want a fulfilling career, too! I mean, don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against stay-at-home mothers, but that life is not for me,”
“Why not?” grandmother knitted her eyebrows together. “Look at you, dear, with that revealing blouse and that pretty face, you don’t need to be pushing yourself like this,”
“Oh my god!” you cried, throwing your hands up. You finally decided you had enough, and with bitterness deep within your soul, you abruptly pushed your chair away from the table and stormed off.
“Watch your mouth, young lady!” your grandmother called out after you. “You weren’t excused!”
“I’m twenty-five years old, grandma, I can excuse myself,” you replied angrily as you traversed upstairs, your heels clicking on the hardwood material.
Slamming the door to the bathroom, you made your way to the bathtub where you sat down on the cold tiles with your knees folded up against your chest. You buried your face in your hands as you breathed in and out. In… and out…
God, you really hated your father’s parents. So judgy and crude, you were only left to wonder why they kept getting invited over to these dinners. Your parents knew how they chastised you, and even with their efforts to put a stop to their bigoted comments, they just kept going and going and going.
You were proud of yourself. You were proud of the life you were building for yourself. Sure, you still had eight years of school left, but at the end of the road you were going to be a kick-ass trauma surgeon. And Coryo was on the fast track to earning his master’s in political science. Soon, he would be running for congress, and the two of you would be unstoppable.
But here you were, practicing breathing exercises on the cold tiles of your parents’ bathroom. You needed to move out of there. Anywhere but there.
Your thoughts were interrupted by a knock on the door and the sweet sound of a familiar voice on the other side. Coriolanus, looking as handsome as ever as he gently let himself into the bathroom, joining you on the floor.
“Hey, bunny,” he cooed, taking your hands in his. “Are you okay?”
You grinned dreamily. “Now that you’re here,” this remark elicited a chuckle from Coriolanus, which made you swoon. “Listen, I have to apologize for my family,”
Coriolanus shook his head. “There’s no need to apologize,” he reassured. “You do not have to say anything. You’re not responsible for their actions, not now, not anytime,” he took your hand and kissed the back of it. “Now, how may I make my sweet girl feel better?”
It didn’t take long before the two of you were on each other like two cannibals competing to see who ripped off the other’s flesh first. Your lips crashed and molded into each other as your warm, wet tongues shoved down each other’s throats in desperate attempts to taste the other’s mouths. Coriolanus tasted like the champagne you planned on indulging yourself with later that night, feeling your mind buzz on the remnants of the alcohol. It ignited your nerves on fire.
It took your breath away when Coriolanus spun you around and pressed you against the bathroom sink, forced to look at the reflection. “Look at you, baby,” he panted, his lips red and swollen from the intense kiss he shared with you just seconds ago. “So fuckin’ pretty and fuckable. I’ll take care of you, don’t worry,”
You looked at your reflection in the mirror, your eyes scanning the pathetic, needy look on your face. You gasped slightly as Coriolanus grabbed your jaw, preventing you from looking away. “I want you to look while I fuck you,” he said, pressing his hardened bulge into your backside which made your eyes slightly roll back into your head. “I know that pussy of yours is throbbing for me, hm? Is it, bunny?”
You opened your eyes and looked at the blush that was beginning to appear on your cheeks. “Mmm’yes,” you whined. “Want you so bad, please. But we have to be quiet. Can’t let my family hear us,”
Before you could say anything else, Coriolanus’s hand slapped onto your mouth making your gasps and breaths all muffled. “There’s a solution for you, my dove,” he murmured into your ear. “Now, here’s what I’m going to do: I’m going to remove my hand and pull up that pretty little skirt of yours. Then, I’m going take off your panties, then fuck you in the ass. Am I clear?”
You and Coriolanus have indulged in anal before. It wasn’t a common occurrence, but it surely wasn’t unwelcome. Your pussy throbbed with anticipation at the thought of Coryo’s throbbing, hard cock in your tight asshole. You nodded, and he removed his hand from your mouth and cupped it in front of your lips. “Spit in my hand,” he ordered, and you drooled a generous amount of saliva into the palm of his hand.
You could hear his wet hand stroke himself in prep to enter you. With your skirt hiked up and your panties gone, you made sure to relax and breathe as you felt Coriolanus push the tip of his cock into your ass. Your efforts to stay quiet flew out the window as a primal, low groan escaped your throat as your ass became full of his dick.
“Fuuuck…” you groaned, hiking your leg up on the bathroom sink to allow Coriolanus to go deeper. God, it felt so fucking good having his dick deep in your ass. So dirty, and so fucking hot.
In a matter of moments, Coriolanus was thrusting his hips hard and deep inside you, making your mouth fall open in a silent cry of pleasure. You resorted to quiet curses and panting to help you express how good you were feeling in that moment. Goosebumps erupted on your skin. There was a slight sting to being penetrated in the ass, but it wasn’t painful to you. In fact, it only added to the overwhelming pleasure building in your nether regions.
“Such a tight fuckin’ ass,” Coriolanus murmured, grabbing your jaw once again. “Look at you, bunny, so fuckin’ needy for this cock in your ass, yeah?”
You had to be quiet. You needed too. But by god, the sound of Coriolanus speaking pure filth in your ears was insatiable. “Yes,” you growled through gritted teeth, your eyes flicking between your face and Coriolanus’s. “Fuckin’ love your cock in my ass, fuck,”
“Such a naughty girl,” he teased, taking a look down to watch his dick pump in and out of your hole. The sound of your panting and groaning mixed with Coriolanus’s grunts, slightly echoing throughout the bathroom.
You whined as you felt him withdraw from your hole, only for him to spin you around once again and help you on top of the bathroom counter. You willingly spread your legs and watched as Coriolanus re-entered your ass before withdrawing completely once more, and then he repeated these actions again, and again, and again.
“Stop teasing,” you whined, reaching a hand down to play with your pussy only for Coriolanus to swat your hand away, much to your dismay.
Coriolanus pinned both of your hands behind your back. “No touching. You’re going to come from my cock in your ass or you won’t come at all,”
You nodded obediently, your body rocking back and forth in time with his thrusts. You could feel your pussy drooling its juices from how unbelievably aroused you were. It was almost uncomfortable how badly your clit ached to be touched, but you wanted to obey your boyfriend’s orders, so you held back.
“My naughty bunny,” Coriolanus moaned. “Your ass is so tight around my cock. Feels so good. You’re making me feel so – fuck – so fucking good,”
Your mouth fell open as your panting grew more frequent. “Yes, fuck my ass,” you whispered. “Make me come from my ass, baby, please,”
“Are you close, love?”
“Yes, yes – fuck,” you threw your head back as moans threatened to escape your throat, your pleasure only heightened as Coriolanus pressed open-mouthed kisses all along your neck. You were about to come undone from just having his cock in your ass, and it was going to feel so, so good.
“Coming,” you mewled, your legs beginning to shake and the familiar feeling of an itching pulsation deep within your pussy. “Oh god, I’m coming from my ass. Fuck… fuck…!”
In an explosion of pleasure that made you see stars, your orgasm hit you like a truck as your juices gushed out of your pussy. You squeezed your eyes shut and gritted your teeth as it took every fiber of your being to not scream out in pure ecstasy. You continued to squirt all over yourself and Coriolanus’s cock. There was no doubt in your mind that your skirt was ruined.
Coriolanus withdrew from your hole to pump on his own cock until thick, white ropes hit your hole. The sound of his moans and groans pleasantly filled your ears. Your legs were still shaking, and you felt your breath nearly get knocked out of your lungs as you felt his shaft re-enter your ass, fucking his cum into you.
It took a good five minutes before the haze of your orgasm left your brain and you were able to think clearly again. You still sat on the kitchen counter as Coriolanus softly kissed your lips, praising you and telling you how good of a job you did.
“I love you,” you mumbled against his lips, holding his face with your hands.
You felt Coriolanus’s lips tug into a smile. “I know you do, my dove,”
It impressed you how well you cleaned yourself up as you prepared to join your family once again, but as you opened the door of the bathroom, your blood ran cold as you found your older sister waiting outside with a disappointed look on her face.
“Really?” she asked. “During dinner?”
God damnit.
don't be shy, let's talk. ♡
#coriolanus snow smut#coriolanus snow x reader#coriolanus snow x you#coriolanus snow x reader smut#the ballad of songbirds and snakes#the hunger games the ballad of songbirds & snakes#tbosas#asks open#ask me anything#darbyrowe.doc
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I'm not sure if I've made a request with you but if I have please feel free to ignore! I just can't stop thinking about reader just going up to Vox and asking if they can play videogames and use his head as the monitor. idk I just wanna fuck with Vox he's hilarious
My Life is Like a Video Game (Literally) - Vox x Reader (SFW)
Pairing: Vox x Genderless!Reader
Tags: Vox, SFW, Comedy, Not a lot of plot, Vox is pissed off, Vox x You, Cursing
Fandom: Hazbin Hotel
Word Count: 575
A/N: I saw this request come into my inbox a bit ago and I died of laughter. I hope this lives up to your expectations. Unedited, so apologies for any spelling mistakes. Enjoy. LMFAO
You cursed in disgust as the lights went and fucked themselves. You knew Vox had a temperament and when it got BAD, the power shut off everywhere. You were in the middle of beating a really hard boss on Dark Souls, one you spent DAYS UPON DAYS trying to complete, only for his fuck-head lookin' ass to ruin your almost perfect run of it.
You threw down the controller and groaned. You decided to get up and mindlessly walk around the room, actually putting in the time to throw your dirty clothes in the pantry and make your bed.
You were hoping Velvette or Valentino would've calm him down by now, but the complete darkness and lack of gaming audio states otherwise.
You hastily put on your comfort jacket and shoved open your door and slammed it behind you, murmuring obscenities as your feet scuttled down the hallway. Your arms were crossed from how cold it was (the heater electricity was shut off too).
You knocked on Vox's door, stabbing back a foot or two in anticipation of the door opening.
After a few moments, you shouted "VOX!"
Still no answer.
You raised your voice even more, "VOX! OPEN UP THIS FUCKING DOOR OR SO SATAN HELP ME-"
The door opened, slamming against the wall and threatening to break.
"WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT Y/N?!!"
His eyes were glowing red, a snarl coating his face. His hand was still on the doorknob, ready to slam the door in your face at a moments notice.
You rolled your eyes, "I was in the middle of a Dark Souls boss fight and you decided that THAT was the perfect time to completely cut all power."
He groaned in frustration.
"I'm SORRY, okay? I don't know what else to tell ya."
He started closing the door but you pushed past him and into his computer room.
"There's only ONE working TV in all of Pentagram City now..."
He frog blinked at you, closing the door with a look of confusion on his face.
"Um... What are you trying to say?"
You turned to face him, arms on your hips and looking him up and down.
"May I PLEASE use your head-screen thingy to... beat the Dark Souls boss?"
He looked DUMBFOUNDED. Like there's absolutely no fucking way you just asked him that.
"That is probably the dumbest fucking request I have ever gotten from you. No, absolutely not. Power will be back on soon."
He pushed past you, sitting in his chair and rubbing his eyes in exhaustion and stress.
You smirked and went up behind him, massaging his shoulders lightly, leaning in close to his ear.
"I'll go and spy on the Radio Demon for ya."
He perked up at this thought, swiveling his chair around to face you.
"Oh? Ya don't say?" He folded his hands on his lap. "Fine, then, but ONLY 10 minutes."
You squeaked in giddy, sitting down and crossing your legs on the floor, booting up your controller and he switched his monitor to Dark Souls, trying to stay as still for you as he could.
It ended up taking 8 hours because you had beaten the boss but wanted to keep playing so you just didn't tell him you beat the boss.
And you left him even more angry than he already was. :)
Oh and you also didn't spy on Alastor you truly couldn't give less of a shit.
#hazbin hotel#hazbin hotel vox#vox x reader#hazbin hotel x you#hazbin hotel imagine#vox hazbin hotel
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