i know this is a)mean and b)extra dumb because I also have the exact opposite complaint but im always baffled by trans people with ugly names... i know thats mean i know.... but i just met a trans woman a little older than me named prudence and i want to study her like a bug

König w/ a Mommy Kink

Warnings: 18+, mommy kink, breeding kink, kinda submissive König, mention of plugs, smut, pet names, AFAB Reader, etc.

This is in my brain. I’m now making it your problem.

There’s nothing in this man’s history to suggest parental issues, but I can definitely see him having a mommy kink.

When he’s in a subby mood, he’ll beg you to ride him

something about seeing you on top makes him weak

The first time you discovered König mommy kink was completely accidental: you'd managed to hit his sweet spot and, reduced to a moaning mess, König yelled, clear as day, something obscene.

"M-Mutter!"

You didn't realise what it was at the time, assuming it was something in German, but you'd never heard this before, regardless of context.

You stopped bouncing on him, your hands on his chest, and leaned down to him.

"What was that, baby?"

König didn't reply, his face flushed with either exasperation or embarrasment - it was impossible to tell.

When you came to realise he wasn't going to talk, you slid a hand up his throat and gripped his jaw, forcing him to look at you.

"I said, what was that?"

König eyes couldn't meet yours, eyes settling somewhere on your chest instead.

"Mutter," he said, voice low, quiet. He swallowed, feeling you weren't going to let up.

"It means 'Mother' in German."

Your heart jumped in your chest, like you'd discovered an island no one else had.

König couldn't say a thing, worried he'd frightened you off with his...particular interests.

Instead, you smiled, releasing his jaw and returning to his chest.

"Alright," you said softly, half-lidded gaze making König weak with anticipation.

"I'll take care of you, baby. You gonna let me do that?"

König couldn't get the words out quick enough, a stream of hasty 'yes's falling from him.

After that initial discovery, you teased König for his mommy kink.

Any chance you got - you were relentless.

"König, sweetie, can you come and help mommy out in the kitchen?"

"Sure thi- wait...what did you say?"

And his face would break out in a contained blush each time.

You knew when to stop, though; you weren't a monster.

Whenever you were topping, you'd call him "baby boy,"; "baby,"; "sweetie," - things like that.

And he'd whine and moan every time.

"You gonna cum for me, baby?"

"Y-yes, mutter..."

One night, you asked him if he wanted you to breastfeed you.

You had no milk in you, obviously, but that didn't stop König.

While he sucked on you, you stroked his hair, calling him a "good boy," - telling him how you'd "have to let you put a baby in me someday,"

His eyes lit up at that.

And then you unearthed his breeding kink.

He loves you, wants to possess you in ways nobody else can, and to have something he literally put inside you was, in his eyes, the best way to do it.

Calls you mutter when he's trying to breed you, though for a different reason.

"You'll be such a good mother to our children, my love," he'd say, panting as he slammed into you.

He wouldn't leave until he knew you were satisfied and full.

And my god, this man won't stop until you're passed out beneath him, unable to take any more of him, his cum leaking out of you.

Is the type to plug you, either with his cock or an actual plug.

Won't let you take it out. It's staying.

Can get a bit dominant when you disobey him.

"Did I say you could do that, baby?"

Transitions into a daddy kink.

This man's transitioning through the kink spectrum fr.

When he's topping, he'll make you call him daddy.

Gives him a feeling of power.

If you want some more dominant König, read this.

Overall, you just make him feel so safe, so loved - he could scarcely think of any other name to call you except mutter (though, of course, not exactly appropriate in an every day context).

He loves you more than absolutely anything, and there are no limits as to what he would do for you.

Reblog for more content like this! It helps creators like myself tremendously and it is greatly appreciated :-)

Masterlist Masterlist [Continued] Masterpost Modern Warfare AI Masterlist

AO3 Wattpad

the teenage condition-chapter 1

(none of this is proof-read, read or do not idc)

ive got this nervous feeling about starting something new. i haven't felt really anomymous and simultaneosly been interacting online in forever, not since i was too young to reasonably be a functioning part or a contributer to the internet. before i was old enough to have my own accounts with my own name and age and personality, i still snooped and lurked around the web, but i wouldn't dare post something. i felt guilty, afraid, that oh god oh no, someone (my mom probably) would find that i watched unreasonable amounts of youtube when i said i was asleep, or read copious amounts fanfiction for a fandom mostly written about by 12 year olds and therefore, was quite shit. but im just writing, because my brain feels like it has to, and writing on paper can get a bit slow, and im terrible at keeping a good accurate journal (for fear that someone i know will read it and finally see me or understand something critical and embarrasing about me). i was going to start an angsty teen journal in a black moleskin notebook, but i felt guilty that i had too many notebooks i gave up on halfway through.

its raining like the worlds ending where i live, which is to be expected in january. i hate winter. i understand that people love the snow and rain and wearing their earmuffs and cute outfits, and ice skating, and skiing and snowboarding, etc etc. but my room is cold and my feet are cold and my hands are cold and my school is flooding and waking up in the dark makes me want to die. im not really looking forward to getting life back on a schedule and going back to school. i go to a good school, i have plenty of friends, ive never fallen too behind. things are fine. but also: things are suffocating. so many people who i've known for literally my entire life. and my same friends talking about surface level topics. sometimes i wonder if we really know eachother at all. and other times i love them so much that everyone around us pales in comparison. lately (for the last year) i've felt like i need a closer friendship, i need an outlet, i need a confidant, and even though i have known them for like 10 years, i don't feel like i've ever had that. i dont think i've ever had that with anyone at all. probably a bit of me problem.

i was on a long trip with my family over winter break and started having quite bad anxiety. to get through it, of course a good distraction would do me some good. and what better distraction than reading one of the most famous fanfics that the internet seems to have been absolutely raving about: All The Young Dudes. i finished it this morning. ok actually this afternoon. mostly what i would like to say is: fucking ouch guys. i didnt actually have that much of an interest in the fandom (definetly not planning on reading anything else about it or interacting or writing), to be honest i wanted to see what all the fuss was about. now that i've actually read it all those "anything for our moony" audios on tiktok from like over a year or two ago really pack a punch. my thoughts: the beginning was very slow, but that definetley made the rest of it more impactful; sirius and remus's relationship is actually pretty toxic, but it was delightful to read; i struggled to get through any chapter after they left school, i predicted that it was going to hurt and boy howdy did it. i get it a little but also so much of it was so sad and so much of it was all unprocessed trauma and unresolved conversation and arguments, which sort of pissed me off.

not to say that it wasnt beautiful and also helpful. things i was reminded about myself through reading atyd: my friends dont know to much about like the vulnerable parts of me but its probably because I AM bad at communicating and being open; i do not like unresolved convos and arguments (my parents fight fr); i am probs trans, and have accepted that but not really bc if i had i would have processed it and actually made a move in some direction after mentally having proposed this idea to myself like 3 years ago with the irrisputable evidence of feeling gay for men; i avoid dealing with my problems; and of course i really love a story about buddies being pals.

also i cried a lot reading it

☆Intro Time☆

♡Name♡: River

♡Role♡:Host, Shameholder (ADHD symptoms)

♡Age♡:17

♡Gender♡: Girl...ish

♡Sexuality♡: Biro-Ace

♡Likes♡: Art, Butterflies, Singing, Tumblr

♡Dislikes♡: Embarrasing myself (especially because of my ADHD), loud noises, being in large crowds, being alone.

♡Red Flag/j♡: I cried because of an egg the first time I fronted

Me fr^^

good morning vi!! how is your day going far?? it's treating you well right? or else just tell me i'll make it even better ^^ umm, my day was kinda of okay because i don't know what to think but my dad got admitted to (dental) hospital because he has some infection and his jaw swelled a lot.

he's okay now and my mom will go later, after cooking lunch for us (me, my sis, my bro and granny) and then later that night i complete writing three words for three subjects each and my hand is paining right now :(

i guess i started writing at 9:50 pm and ended it at 3:15 (#_<-) that was the first time i completed my work, all satisfied and tofay i'll treat myself with chocolate or ice cream <3

w_w, you dance?? c'mon i need to have a dance with you vi :( that's so nice — what kind of dance did you learn, i leant bharatanatyam since young and i stopped learning it in 8th grade and due to that my body is so fucking stiff whenever i try to dance to other genres ヽ（≧□≦）ノ

and i think i don't know much about myself, my likes or dislikes but i surely have a few?? i like to sleep ^^ and i used to take singing classes but i stopped because while i was going to my class, a dog came running back at me and bit my frock (i was safe, it didn't bite my ass, lmfao) and i was so traumatised for life — i didn't step outside my house since that day 😭😭😭

but i find that memory so funny because i ran crying, "mummy!!!!! hhaahahahha" lmfao, i can't stop laughing at myself. so embarrasing :) and i like cats, hamsters and hedgedogs </3 i thought of using 🦔 for myself but since you were already using it, i thought i'd use my fav flower.

and i even like biology (my dream was to be a gynaecologist, but everything shattered because of a diabetic doctor 😒) and physics, math. no no no for chem because it's all shit and what are those names?? iupac?? common names?? wtf !!

i don't think there's more about my liking because i'm often confused about myself and i don't know what's right or wrong for me, hehe!! well, this got pretty long. but thanks for appreciating my mindset, i'm trying to improve myself as time goes by. gotta be a hot/baddie ceo of a company (in the future)

i'm currently studying in grade 11 so my boards are totally near (march 15 😭😭😭) there's a lot to study but it's frustating :/ but i'll try my best to study but my mom wants full marks .😔🙏🏽i just woke up an hour ago and writing this for you <3

i'll have to write one more chapter for physics and i'll be fucking done with the records and watch a web-series (in my mother tongue ^^) see you later vi!! hope it goes/went well with you!! *muah (i like you too [platonically] 💘💘)

— 🌼(and this got long, hehe)

hii 🌼! sorry for the really late reply, i just got back from school ㅠㅠ but my day’s been pretty okay, just a whole lot of assignments but i guess that’s normal… and, oh no.. that’s really sad to hear :( i hope your dad’s feeling better now, sending him all the well wishes <3

make sure to take breaks, okay? i wouldn’t want you injuring yourself! i had a pretty nasty hand injury recently because of all the continuous writing i’ve been doing, and i definitely wouldn’t want that happening to you :(

congratulations for finishing your writing, take a well-deserved break anonie <3 are you planning to publish it anytime soon? if so, i’ll read it, for sure :)

and yeahhh i dance keke ^^ have been for a super long time, since i was little! i mainly do hip-hop, but i don’t pride myself to be very good JEKEOWJ

++ i like to sleep too ^^ and singing classes?? that’s so cool! always wanted to go for a singing lesson, but i’ve never found the opportunity / time to do so. and i’m sorry for what happened to you, that’s so scary ohmygosh ㅠㅠ and and, you like hedgehogs too?! this is the first time i’ve met someone who likes hedgehogs as well; they’re just so cute— also, i’m so sorry about the emoji claim &/¥@

no way, i LOVE biology and maths too! one of my two fav subjects fr <3 and i hate chemistry… so i support you on this! and yes~~ be that ceo, i 102882% believe in you <3

my nationals are coming up in a few months and i’m stressing (hahah….) so i completely understand ++ claps for your hard work ^^

really late, but see you later anonie >< enjoy your web-series :)

🩸sometimes peter being a nerd is just so hot i 😐😐😐 would 100% be all over him when he starts ranting about science shit... it's so embarrasing ✋✋✋ but he better keep talking 😐 like it's bad idk where it comes from. he could read a textbook and i would cum. ok im escorting myself out

fr, he'd be babbling about anything and i'd just watch in awe.

"you know those weird gooey shapes during the halloween party in donnie darko? that's like, real. kind of?"

"oh yeah?" you quirk an eyebrow as you lean towards peter on the couch.

"that wasn't a bad portrayal of the multiverse, honestly. i mean, it's not about time traveling but more so about parallel universes. like, all that shit happening was in a tangent universe and even though the fourth dimension is technically impenetrable--"

you blink up at peter when you realize he's stopped talking.

"hi?"

"hi," peter murmurs, mouth spread in a curious smile. "are you even listening to me?"

"yes, i am!"

"okay, well, even if the writer just made everything up out of his ass, it was pretty valid in its methodology with the proposition that there's a theoretical connection from a wormhole to other... y/n!"

"what?"

"why are you looking at me like that?"

"like what?" you smirk.

"i don't know. am i talking too much? for the past ten min--"

you shut up him with a kiss and he accepts it graciously, hand flying to your lower back to pull you closer. your hand moves from his jaw to his throat and out of eagerness you accidentally squeeze the side of his neck, making him whimper quietly in your mouth. the sound encourages you, but instead, you pull back.

"wh-what was that for?" peter whispers, his eyes blown out.

"nothing, you're just hot when you talk about quantum physics."

"oh," he blushes. "well in that case..."

"okay, no," you shush him with your finger to his mouth. "no more. time for kissing now."

"yes ma'am."

helloo;!! may i request headcanons of how bennett would react to a shy fem!reader walking in on him masturbating?

benny content ?! omg !!! i love him sm hmnhng bennett needs more love fr (okay but ngl bennett kinda ooc in here bruh .. hating myself rn </3)

pairings : bennett x shy fem! reader

warnings : masturbating , outdoor (?) uhh masturbation ???? in a forest .. brief mention of sex

characters are aged up to +18

— nsfw undercut !

ever since you entered benny's adventure team , his luck has been off the charts ! you were just a random [elemental] vision wielder who's as interested in adventuring as much as he does but is very shy with others , for some reason whenever you're with bennett you feel , safe despite his luck but you didn't have the courage to tell him that

one day he heard you wanting to go on enter his adventure team ? did he heard that right ? a cute girl like you wanting to enter his adventure team ? he felt like the luckiest boy ever in the whole entire universe ! he politely declined at first , telling you the misadvantages of being in his adventure team and how he'd get you hurt yet you insisted and begged him to join his adventure team . something about you begging him to let you join in makes him feel .. something beneath so he sighed and accepted you in with warm open arms !

days go by and you guys get even closer with eachother, but everytime when he suddenly grabs your arm, leap onto you or play with your hair outta nowhere you cant help but to blush real hard whenever he does that and he usually points it out which makes you even more embarrased

everytime he's with you , touching you and holding your hands he cant help but get this sort of warm feeling in him .. he brushed it off but whenever you start talking it just gets even worse ! when your adventurings were too much you guys would settle down under a tree taking a short break , eating snacks with eachother your head against his shoulder . if he was in a comic , he'd be having steam bubbles coming atop of his head by now

when he couldn't take it too much he had to excuse himself saying he gotta go but it's actually just him trying to .. "take care" of his situation down there . he went to a quite dim and quiet secluded bushy area in the forest , leaning against a tree and takes his pants off , looking away from his hard on , hand covering his face . he was embarrased of himself for having these kind of thoughts about you and silently hating himself for it but he can't help it when you're just so .. cute around him

the thoughts of just taking you out during your adventures running through his mind , just having you bent over somewhere and him just ramming inside of you , tightly hugging you and whispering sweet nothings into your ear on how it felt good and how you're so cute as he's inside of you thanking the archons above for this lucky event

his thoughts rapidly became dirtier each stroke that he does , his pace growing faster as he thinks of various positions that you guys would do while fucking , touching you here and there hearing your sweet voice moaning out his name . he breathes heavily , slow choked moans coming out from him , a silent plea of your name leaving his throat "ah.. o-oh [name] .. y-you're so.. cutee~"

on the other side you were getting kinda worried sitting alone at the tree all by yourself . where is bennett ? what's taking him so long ?? you don't really wanna disturb him doing .. his thing but you can't help but to get worried over his dissapereance so you stood up and went on searching for him until you hear breathy moans near a secluded area , curious as to what it was you tiptoed there making sure to not even make a single noise not even a single twig break

"ngh..[name]~ f-feels so good.." what . was that your . no no you're surely mistaken .. right ? then comes another moan out from the person .. as you inched closer to the place you saw bennett , a hand on his mouth and another one .. underneath .. him . you squealed loudly, startling both of yourselves with you stumbling onto him , huge blush dusted on both of your faces as you got off him quickly covering your face with your palms

bennett was shocked he didn't really knew what to do he just panicked around trying to think of something to say but he puts his pants on , inching closer to you trying to calm you down by patting your back "[name] i'm so so sorry i- i am truly am forgive me please i just- i-i think you're- i like y-i-i mean you're really nice a-and i can't help but-"

"d-do you... really .. t-think of me ... that w-way..?"

ah that cute voice of yours . he really don't know what to reply , hand scratching his neck mumbling out a small "yes.." hoping that you wouldn't really mind about .. what had just happen few moments ago . he looked off to the side not having the courage to look at you till he feels hand wrapping around him , face buried on his chest . his blush getting even worse than ever and feels his "friend" getting hard again

"w-well can .. you m-maybe do the s-stuffs you were thinking about on m-m..m-me..?" soft voice ringing through his ears as you buried your face deeper not wanting to see him in the eyes , too embarrased of your confession but for bennett- was he hearing this right ?? is everything true ? is it real ??? or was he just still daydreaming ? truly that wasn't right until he heard a low whimper from you , your hard on was directly on her stomach . he feels like passing out due to this situation but he cant help but sigh

"i-i mean if you want to-" "i want y-you to do it ! p-please maybe..s-sorry if you don't want t-" a sudden kiss from him shuts you up as he pushes both of you onto the ground , bennett on top of you as you wrap your arms along his back , his hands on your cheeks as he deepens the kiss between you both , eyes shut tight too scared to look at your face . the kiss went on for a good minute till he breaks it , panting loudly and slowly opens his eyes to see you .

he can't believe it, you're really underneath him- right now it was happening- he looks down on you , carefully examining your features .. he can't help but get overwhelmed by your face . eyes shut tight , little tears weld up in the corners , lips slightly apart panting after a heated kiss , hair disheveled into a mess , and a very noticeable blush dusted on your face . you look so cute and helpless , a whine coming out from you maybe realizing that he was staring at you for too long

he went down on you , heavily breathing on your face , slowly inches down near your ear nipping on it softly and whispers

"i'm gonna make sure to make you feel good [name] and i won't hold back .. thank lord barbatos and the archons above for this wonderful and lucky day .. we're gonna have so much fun together~"

WHY IS M y life actually falling apart

my friends dont vibe w me

my roommate wants me dead

im not being productive abt my classes and am failing tests

like fr how am i failing life in my first yr of college 😭 im sorry but im gonna kill myself like i also just played a song thinking its connected to my headphones AND IT PLAYED OUTLOUDDDDDDD IT WAS SO EMBARRASING

valentine’s day asks!

do you have a crush on anyone?

what’s your favorite candy?

favorite love song?

what was your first kiss like?

what was your last kiss like?

sexual/romantic orientation?

do you prefer poems or love letters?

favorite fanfic trope?

have you ever been in love?

favorite milkshake flavor?

dinner dates or brunch dates?

favorite flowers?

favorite perfume/cologne?

favorite candle scent?

what’s your ideal first date?

favorite love story?

what’s the most attractive thing a person could wear?

chocolate, vanilla, or red velvet?

snow, rain, or sun?

sweetest romantic memory?

favorite dating sim (and favorite character)?

fictional crushes?

what’s your dream wedding like?

what makes you blush?

do you believe in love at first sight?

do you believe in soulmates?

denim jackets, leather jackets, or bomber jackets?

what’s your sign?

are you single?

do you prefer to charm, or be charmed?

guitar or piano?

favorite romcom (or any romantic movie)?

do you fall in love easily?

valentine’s decorations: yay or nay?

would you prefer to propose or be proposed to? what’s your dream proposal?

cloud gazing or star gazing?

do you like to dance?

what’s your OTP?

kittens or puppies?

coffee, hot chocolate, or tea?

favorite soda?

do you prefer gazing wistfully out the window or lying dramatically over the sofa?

favorite ABBA song?

fuck/marry/kill? (anons name 3 people of your choice)

favorite pajamas?

favorite liquor?

do you think about love a lot?

a walk in the park or a walk on the beach?

hand kisses or nose kisses?

what’s your dreamhouse?

Oh my god/pos

I'm aromantic and valentine's day means practically nothing to me so idek why i reblogged that LMAOO

Well, I'm not a backer outer so here goes

1) nope

2. Uhhh. Idrk eat a lot of candy. I do love me a good dark chocolate tho

3. Kdjfmf that's a VERY broad category and I cannot answer with just one song 😞😞😔

4. Unexpected fr sure. It was ok i guess, I've obviously had better kisses after that

5. Wayyyyy too long ago 😩😩

6. Aromantic Bisexual!!

7. I am the BIGGEST sucker for poems <33

8. Oh god uh probably childhood friends to lovers. It's the pining for me

9. Lmao ❌

10. There's so many to choose from :") idk. Butterscotch? Chocolate? Vanilla is so good too! Idk bestie

11. Dinner dates only bcuz it takes me a whole day to mentally prepare myself to leave the house

12. Anything that's like a bunch of small flowers together! So like, Jasmine, Lavender, Lilac, stuff like that

13. Pls stop asking me for favourites I'm literally bisexual 😐😔 how am i supposed to choose ONE

14. ^ see above

15. Uhhh museum or bookstore followed by food <3

16. Refer q. 13

17. Not 2 be horny on main but uhhh suits make me go absolutely feral👍🏽 on any gender.

18. Im ASSUMING this means cakes, in which case red velvet

19. I've never actually seen snow </3 so rain probably. I'm a sun h8r

20. I literally don't feel romance so lmao

21. What even is a dating sim??? Like The Sims? Confusion

22. Babe,,... Bestie......... Too many to list in a comprehensive way

23. Probably smn fairly small, surrounded by people i genuinely care about. Beyond that I'm totally down for anything

24. I have never cared to notice. I blush sometimes when I'm rlly embarrased like the time i had to speak infront of a crowd and messed up so uh yea not too romantic

25. Nah not at all. Love is too deep an emotion. I do believe in the possibility-of-love at first sight tho. Like you see someone and u think, i want to learn more abt u and i could fall in love if i did.

26. Soulmates are made, not found. They're also not restricted to romance. Thats what i think.

27. I love and own all three <3

28. Libra :)

29. So very much yeah

30. Theoretically i would like 2 be the charmer. But when it's actually happened irl, both situations make me very uncomfortable

31. I play both lmao but! Piano is the loml, it's my favourite insturment hands down

32. Refer q13 and q16

33. I fall into infatuation easily, but that's purely physical. I definitely don't fall in love easily no.

34. I don't personally do them but I'm a sucker for the whole pink and red hearts aesthetic of it <3

35. I'm literally still a teenager lmao. Proposals are NOT smn i think abt a lot.

36. Star! Gazing! My! Beloved!

37. Alone in my room yes, in a big crowd.... Maybe bcuz there's some anonymity involved. With just a few other ppl... No

38. I literally have too many to remember please

39. Both.

40. All three r good but my fav is hot chocolate

41. I don't drink soda </3

42. Literally both i love both

43. Forgive me but i have never heard an ABBA song

44. Hey queen u need to guve me three people fr this lmao

45. ?? Idk i just sleep in shorts and a tshirt if that's what ur asking

46. I don't drink alcohol often, I've only had it like four times but uh. Definitely not vodka that shit tastes like hand sanitiser. Whisky is okay, wine is weird. That's all the liqour I've ever tasted.

47. Wayyy too much fr sure. It's not healthy

48. Park! I'm not the biggest fan of beaches.

49. Nose <3

50. Not too small, but enough space for me to live comfortably, very cost and very very personalised. As in filled with thigns that are important to me. Anything else is secondary.

Honestly this was rlly fun THANK U<33

EXHALE

My very first crackship (Max and Lola) in skam fr tag and also first time since forever of posting a fanfic under this tag too. Nonetheless, hope you all enjoy it!

Disclaimer : English isn’t my native language so there’s gonna be grammar error here and there and if any of you think Max or Lola’s characters are a bit ooc, then I apologised in advanced but these all based on my imagination about them

Please be kind if you want to make a critic about it💕💕💕

“I know you’re probably tired of hearing this, but I’m very proud of you and your progress, Lola.” says the therapist. And yes, she’s been getting the same positive words from the people around her regarding to that, but it still makes her smile nonetheless; it feels nice. Truly.

“Merci!”

It’s crazy how this small, gloomy office is becoming one of the most important and prominent thing that ever happened in her life. It used to be a torture, just by thinking about sitting here, facing the same therapist over and over again, pouring her heart out like she wanted to do it and not feeling obligated at all. Crazy how those feelings happened less than a year ago. But it doesn’t mean she never feels like the old times again, it’s just... less and less brutal, if she might adds. The fact that Daphne and her step-dad also going through therapy making her feel less lonely. When she’s too absorbs in her thoughts, her stomach suddenly begins to make a grumbling sound. Loud one too!

The therapist laughs, “ah! want an apple?”

Lola shakes her head, a bit embarrassed. She hasn’t eat anything for breakfast because she was in a hurry to get here. Damn that broken alarm clock!

“No, thank you. I’ll be going with my friend to have some lunch after this.”

“Then, I’ll be sending your report about your progress by e-mail as usual, later tonight?”

“Thank you very much.”

“No no, Lola,” the therapist smiles softly. “Thank you for being here, thank you for helping me helping you.”

After saying goodbye, Lola leaves the office and stops her step to take out her phone. Just before her fingers begin to type, a familiar and gentle voice greets her.

“I’m already here.”

Lola looks up and sees Max making his way to her. His steps aren’t slow, aren’t fast either; they’re perfectly balanced, won’t making you feel left out. Walking besides him, even in silence, brings her a lot of comfort; something she never felt before, not even with her old crush Maya, whom she’s still a good friend with by the way.

“Good. You saved me from wasting my time typing.”

Max gives her a little smile that could make Lola’s heart doing this funny sommersault like in the WWE. How could that happened? How did he do that?

Poker face, Lola. Poker face, she thought to herself while her heart is screaming “lies!” every seconds. Putain!

“Glad I could be your saviour then,” he playfully adds. “Shall we go eat now? I’m starving.”

Remembering the embarrasing incident at the office not long ago, Lola nods and walks beside Max. It feels almost natural to be besides him like this. One of the wonder she can’t grasp why, yet.

“Where and what do you wanna eat?”

“Anything will do,” Lola shrugs. “But better be affordable, though.”

Max takes a glance at the girl beside him when she’s not looking. Her hair is slightly swept by the wind. His nose catches the smell of strawberry and cream altogether.

“I know just the place. Not far from here. Come on!”

The place where Max was talking about located only five blocks from the earlier place. Because it’s lunch time, of course it’s crowded but somehow they manage to find an empty spot outside. Not gonna lie, Lola’s a bit intimidated when she’s looking at the menu.

“I told you to go to the affordable place and this ain’t it, Max!” she hisses while pointing at the book menu.

“Well, it’s affordable for me, though,” he grins, and before Lola can speaks again, he continues, “it’s on me.”

“Pardon?”

“I never give you anything, as long as I remember and now I got the chance. Believe me, it was an impromptu idea.”

“No.”

“No?” Max repeats, brows furrowing.

“No,” Lola shakes her head, also a bit annoyed now. “You don’t need to buy or give me anything. I still have money.”

“I know but it’s just for one meal. I promise. No ulterior motives whatsoever.”

Because her stomach is making a nasty sound again, Lola unwillingly says yes to Max’s offer and without thinking, she orders spagetti marinara with extra cheese on top because he says it’s one of the best dish this restaurant have. They eat in comfortable silence, and as Max has said before, the spagetti is indeed, sublime. Even better than the one Daphne’s usually making—Lola silently apologised to her about this. Less than fifteen minutes later, her plate is already clean.

“Glad you’ve been enjoying the food.”

“You’re right. This is amazing!”

Seeing Lola smiles brightly, especially at him, makes Max’s heart soars. Sometimes Max can’t help but laughing at her dry jokes, looking at her way or stealing some moments just to talk to her for few minutes. The rest of the Lamifex is suspecting about his feeling about Lola, but he never says a word about it. Yes, he wasn’t really liked her at first. Yes, he was being cold towards her. But like most people in the world do, his perspective of her changed almost drastically when both of them shared bits of their life’s journey while waiting for the other Lamifex members to showed up at the usual place many months ago. From his eyes, Lola is actually funny without even trying, brave enough to own her mistakes and apologises for them too, really caring about the people she loves and cares about—sometimes Max wondering to himself if he’s one of those people, if he could ever be one.

“It’s too early to daydreaming, no?”

Max blinks rapidly, “sorry. Too lost in thoughts.”

“What were you thinking, then?”

You, “nothing.”

Lola crosses her arms while leaning back to her seat, “usually when someone says nothing, it’s actually everything.”

“You’re not wrong,” Max replies, as the corner of his lips is going upward. “Let’s go somewhere else, shall we?”

“Where?” Lola’s eyes and voice are in full alert mode now. If he’s taking her to a rather expensive place again, she swears to God! No matter how she’s having a crush him, there’s no doubt that she’ll throw darts if he dares to do it again.

Wait! A crush on him? On Max?! As in the romantic way? Oh putain! No no no! This is bad! Red flags!

But even though her head screaming no, her feet are following Max’s steps to the place none other than the riverbank of Seine.

“My second favorite place in the whole city. Probably the world too.” Max proudly declares as he stares into the calm river.

“You’re usually coming here, then?”

“A lot, yeah,” he nods, sitting besides Lola. Not too close, yet not too far to touch either. “Maybe the only place that I can make myself to think clearly. It’s even more beautiful at night.”

“I know. Sometimes I’m also going here alone, just because.”

The wind is exceptionally strong today. It makes her hair feels like flying all over the place, slapping her face here and there. When Lola tries to shield the hair from the wind, the next thing she knows, Max puts his usual black snapback on her head and brushes few strands of her hair off of her lips and cheeks, then places them behind the ears. This is the very first time they’re making physical contacts like this, and surprisingly, Lola doesn’t mind it.

As if Max is strucks by lightning, he quickly making a distance between Lola and him; a bit farther this time. He also fully realises that it was their very first physical touch and the last thing he wants is for Lola feeling uncomfortable, even just a slightest bit.

“Why do you sit so far this time?”

Max can’t look at her, “no reason.”

“Thank you for the meal.”

Still can’t look at her, “It was nothing, Lola.”

Something utterly familiar catches his nose, but stronger this time and suddenly feels something touches his right shoulder—it’s Lola’s head. For split seconds, Max is too shocked to comprehend the whole situation; wanted to slaps himself, to make sure that this isn’t a cruel dream but it’s not a dream. Pretty much real. As real as the sun in the sky right now and they’re both basking underneath it.

“You don’t mind me doing this, do you?” Lola asks, slowly without tearing her gaze from the Seine.

“Not at all. Stay as long as you need.”

Lola smiles at this, “I might hurting your shoulder for resting my head too long.”

“I don’t mind.” Max gently replies. His hands are itchy to brush Lola’s... just for a second, or less than that. But he can’t. He doesn’t want to ruin this small precious moment between them, have to control his desire or else, she’s gonna pulls back again.

“By the way, metaphorically speaking of course,” Lola starts to speak again after five minutes being quiet. “If I tell you that I have a crush on you, what would you do?”

“Then I’ll metaphorically answer that I’m flattered and honored.”

Lola doesn’t say anything, but somehow her face looks solemn.

“Can I ask something in return?”

“Sure.”

Max isn’t sure if it’s a good idea, but the hell with that. It’s now or never, “if I tell you that I want to hold your hand, even for a minute or so, what would you do?”

There’s a sudden pause between them again, and Max instantly regretting the things that he said. What a stupid buffoon!

When he’s about to apologise, Lola’s voice stops him.

“Metaphorically?”

“Literally.”

Neither of them knowing that both of their hearts are palpitating and doing flips. Stomach begins to churning, a whole zoo inside it too. Though somehow, someway, both are also managed to stay calm; as calm as the water flow in the Seine. Instead of answering, Lola takes Max’s hand and entwining it with hers. So this is how it feels of finding the the perfect puzzle piece in someone.

“Then I’ll literally gonna answer why it took you so long to ask me that.” Lola says as she rests her head again on Max’s shoulder, who’s now also puts his head on top of hers and inhales its pretty scent.

Both are lost in their own thoughts. Is it going to be a new start of their relationship? Maybe not. Is it going to change almost everything between them? Probably. But those questions about time and other endless possibilities aren’t exactly proper right now. There are only them, the chilly autumn weather, Seine as far as the eyes can see, the warmth of their bodies sitting close and uncertainty of life—and sometimes, it’s all that really matters.

i think your jhonen v-*gets taken out by snipers* fr tho my assumption is that there's a not insignificant chance you're actually a really talented artist but don't post your drawings on here bc ur embarrased

[jumps down from where i was sniping from, landing perfectly] yeah i draw sometimes but i dont consider myself talented tbh. that might just b the self loathing though

Season 1: Chapter Nine

Previous Chapter — First Chapter

Miles

It didn't matter that I was just shy of turning 44 years old. The University of Oregon campus was nearly 300 acres of property housing nearly 23,000 students from around the world. Sure, the majority were teens and young adults, but there was no shortage of older individuals seeking education. More so, I didn't have to be a student. I could be a teacher, a maintenance worker, the IT guy, even a fuckin' janitor. For all anyone knew, I belonged here. And the way I walked through those grand, window-framed doors - people knew. I had a purpose. Showing no signs of hesitation, fear, or confusion, I waltzed my way throughout the campus. For nearly an hour, I roamed the campus freely and without even batting an eyelash to any other person. I was mostly ignored by those who did notice me. But for most, it was like I didn't even exist - just like the rest of them. I was just another body in a mass of humans. But I was here for a reason, and that was to fulfill a job and keep a promise; an agreement that got me freedom in 6. Kyle Turner. Kyle fucking Turner. "Fuckin' football prick raped my niece and got off scot-free," as Correctional Lieutenant Dave Ward would say. The very first words of his that changed the course of my history at Oregon State Pen. And I had read the reports, the articles, the media frenzy - all in prison. I knew what he had done, and he was guilty. But a fully-paid scholarship and a hell of a lot of "hush-money" got him nothing. Not even a smack on the wrist. He walked. Went free. And Ward's niece? Well, things didn't go so great for her. Fearing him, she refused her admittance into UofO, afraid she would see him again. So the fucker had to die. And now it was finally time. 

Approaching the glass doors of the Performance Center, I made a fatal mistake. Reaching my hand out to pull on the handle, the door stayed shut. It creaked as I tried to open it - but it was locked. "Uh, hello?" A large football player called to me in his confusion, his mouth agape and his eyes squinted as he made his approach. He was as heavy as he was tall; his long, afro-style hair alone adding inches to his height. "This building is for authorized personnel only..." He said to me, pulling a plastic card from behind him and slipping it through the swipe-pad beside the door. The pad flashed green and the door clicked. Unlocked. This place was advanced, way more security than I could have ever imagined. University of Oregon had changed in the last 6 years. Turning to him, I gave a toothy grin and begin to chuckle. "Boy do I feel old, huh." He looked at me, cautiously as he stood before the door. But I didn't let him disappear into the building before I extracted needed information. "I'm actually lookin' for someone - maybe you can help me..." I iterated, "One of your football mates, Kyle Turner." The player gave me a saucy eye glare. "What about him?" Pausing, I conjured the biggest load of shit I could muster up in 0.2 seconds. "My niece, you know-" I started to chuckle, so much so that it interrupted my speech. "Ah man, this is embarrasing on her part, but she's... she's a HUGE fan of his. And I mean HUGE. She has posters of him all over her room, you know?" "Uh-huh..." Little interest from him. Only suspicion. But I didn't let him get another word in. "I mean she's just nuts for college football. Strange for a girl, no? I guess the world is changin' and I'm far behind. Heh, heh, heh." I chuckled again, trying to fluster the boy with too much information for him to process. "But ANYWAYS -" I continued, "Her birthday's comin' up and I was hopin' to get maybe a... you know... surprise appearance from him?" There was a look of confusion on the poor boy's face. "WITH COMPENSATION, of course." Another smile. "Uhhhhhhhmm, righttttt." He replied. "Let me..." He struggled to respond. Possibly the weirdest request he'd ever received, surely. "Let me go see if he's here. I'll be right back." "Sure thing, but ah-!" I held my hand up, a signal for him to stop as he reached for the handle. "Allow me," Taking the door by the giant O shape in its handle, I pulled the steel frame open to allow for the jock to head in. In respect to him, I closed it behind him, locking me out of the building once more. I stood there waiting. Waiting patiently. With my hands stuffed in my pockets, I casually swayed my body and whistled a chirpy hymn. To my surprise, it took only minutes for the door to open again. And out came Kyle fuckin' Turner in the flesh. And he wasn't a teenager anymore. No... He was a man, now. "Uh, hi-?" Kyle would greet me, without so much as a formal introduction. Fuckin' millennials. It took me a moment to sink in his appearance. Tall, 6'1, still shorter than me. A big guy, no doubt. But size didn't matter when it came to murder. Only intent, motive, and calculation. "Yes! Kyle Turner." Pulling my hand from my coat pocket, I extended it to him. "My name is Angelo Rossi. It's great to meet you!" Turner took my hand, shaking it as firmly as I was squeezing. But as he had taken my hand in his, I had also raised my other free hand to firmly grip his bicep. A sort of gesture of greeting, but it secretly to scope his muscular size. "Yeah, thanks." The fucker would respond. Yeah, thanks? Really? Really. Releasing his hand, I returned my superior 6 foot 3 stance to it's upright position and gave a fake, cheery smile. "My niece, she's a crazy fan." Pulling for my wallet, I slipped out a photograph of a teenage girl. "Her name is Nakoma. She's... half native half Italian, like me. Heh." Kyle took the photo in his hand, his eyebrows raising at the beautiful young lady he saw in the picture. Perfect, interest. "A looker, I know. Causes me more problems, ya know?" I chuckled, taking the photo back. "So listen, I came here hopin' I could hire you. For a job, of sorts." Kyle crossed his arms before him and looked at me curiously. "Oh yeah?" "Yeah, man. I'm organizing Nakoma's 16th birthday and I really want to make it special. She has posters of ya' all around her room and I thought, pffftttt, what better to surprise her with her favorite football player? Every teenage girl's dream, right?" I laughed again, thinking the idea is silly, but might actually work. "Nothin' major. There's be about 30 of her girlfriends there hangin' around the pool-" Realizing it was January, I instantly corrected myself. "Indoor pool, at her father's place. Big place, you know?" Kyle's head was nodding - Still interested. "Figured you can drop by for an hour or so, or even less if you're in a crunch. Sign some autographs, take some pictures. Grab a bite to eat, whatever you want. There'll be plenty of food, cuz, well, Italians, am I right?" Laughing again, Kyle's interest seemed to only be piquing the more bizarre and outlandish the story got. "Sounds fun." He smiled, bringing his fingers to his lips as he pondered the thought of 30 hot teenage girls in their bikinis. "But uh-" He started to sway. "I don't know-" "I'll pay you $5,0000. Cash." I confessed. His eyes widened. "$2,500 for showing up. $1,500 for autographs and another $1,000 if you take some selfies. You know' - the girls thing. Selfies, heh." I paused, my eyes growing darker as they remained hidden behind Aviator shades. "What do ya' say? We got a deal?" Swiftly changing tunes, "You know what, don't sweat the decision now. There's a lot of politics in sports, I'm old. I know it." I waved my hand in typical Italian fashion. "You gotta' business card or somethin'?" "Uh, nah but I can give you my number-" Perfect. A rich white kid, hot-shot jock, AND a moron. This was too easy. Handing him the photo, he retrieved a pen from his pocket and jotted down his digits. "Wow, thanks man. I appreciate you considering this." I waved the photograph of "Nakoma" and slipped it back into my wallet. "I'll give you a call something this week. Talk it over with your coach or manager or whoever you kids report to, heh." I put my hand out for him to shake again, "And nice meeting you again."

—   —   —  

I found myself roaming the halls of University of Oregon on my attempt to exit the campus. My curious mind sent me further and further into the campus maze - a prestigious multitude of buildings and intricate floor plans; each with its own purpose, meaning, and unique design. Deep in UofO, I stumbled upon the Department of Fine Arts. The halls were brimming from floor-to-ceiling with murals and artwork. Slowing my pace, I stopped to appreciate the work. I had always had an affinity to for paintings. My eye had always found itself drawn to the color red. Red. My dark irises wandered the walls, finally pulling towards a large, 5 foot canvas. It soared above me - dazzling in its ocean of red. The painting was of a woman, presumably dripping in blood. A sort of, Queen of the Damned. Intrigued, my eyes shifted to the small plaque stuck to the wall by the corner of the artwork. Nicola Strom. My stomach sunk as my heart skipped a beat. "Crucifixion." The words rolled off of my lips. My head retracted slowly as my eyes closed. "Mmmm."

—   —   —  

January 20th, 2018 - Five days after release. Eugene, Oregon had been unusually warm for January. For the most part, it was sunny and rainy on-and-off, with an average high temperature of 45 degrees F. Too warm for snow. At least, not enough sub-zero temperatures to keep it for more than a couple days, anyways. Luckily for this lovely Saturday evening, the rain had stopped early morning and the skies were greeted by a brightening sun. Kyle parked his Trail-Rated Jeep cruiser in front of the colonial-century home, red-bricked mansion. He ducked his head, looking over the place with his pale eyes as he took in the sheer size of the place. Although Eugene was home to old money - big money - it was also commonly inhabited by the middle class. Whoever owned this place... wasn't a white-collar, middle class citizen. Exiting his truck, he approached the front door, which was lavishly decorated with a Sweet-Sixteen balloon bundle. A clear indication he was at the right house. As he rang the doorbell, it only took a few seconds before he was greeted by a familiar face. "Mr. Turner." I said, standing tall with my hand cemented firmly on the back of the door. It was the first time he was seeing my hazel-speckled brown eyes. It was also the last. "Cute." I blurted, subliminally mocking his uniformed self as my eyes gazed over his full-football get-up. Shredded sleeves to show his pectoral muscles. How sleazy. Helmet and all. How sweet. "Come join the fun." I smirked, guiding him through the front door. "But maybe take off the helmet." Chuckling, Turner cracked a smile as he took a step into the house - which was, unsuspectingly, filled with the sound of laughing girls. "Too much, huh?" Kyle joked, unclasping the helmet and slipping his head free. His back was to me as I closed the door. "I thought mayb-" The moment he turned to face me, my hand - hidden behind the door the entire time - swung straight for his head. A thin medical syringe pierced into the side of his neck - administered by my right hand - Gloved. Protected. Injecting the cocktail of muscle relaxants, Kyle quickly deteriorated in a matter of seconds. His initial reaction to grab for my hand, but by the time he could react - it was already too late. He was losing almost all of his muscle ability. One. Two. Three. He hit the ground, unable to move, unable to moan, unable to call for help. With his body curled in the middle of the hallway, his eyes remained open - panicked. Looking down at his 6'1, 200 pound physique - which had been reduced to nothing in just seconds - I shook my head. Pathetic. His eyes followed my every move. He was conscious. Awake. Aware. I stepped over him and walked past him like he didn't even exist. Stepping into my living room, I smiled at the sound of giggling teenage girls filled the open-concept space. Walking over to the stereo system, I grabbed the remote and clicked - Off. Silence. Girls? What girls. There were no girls. Returning to his paralyzed figure, I crouched down to brood over him. I tilted my head to the side and grabbed his face between my gloved thumb and fingers. Squeezing his limp cheeks between them as I leaned his head to look at me. "Oh, Kyle." I made clicking noises with the back of my tongue. "Remember her?" Pulling a photograph from my back pocket - Sarah Ward. "Yeahhhhh." I flicked the photo in his face, nearly submitting to my urge to spit on him. "You're gonna die tonight." There was a dark, unforgiving grimace that crept my cheeks. "And it's gonna fuckin' hurt." Two, single-drop tears fell from the corners of his eyes. Hours had passed. Daylight turned to dark as night loomed over the city. Darkness was here. And it didn't come from the sky, nor the sun. Using Kyle's keys, I exited the mansion on the quiet, quaint street. E 22nd Avenue - a large strip of homes graciously spread apart; separated by the comfort of many, decades-old trees. I pulled the vehicle into the long driveway, reversing it rear-forward all the way to the side of the house. Two garage doors welcomed the Jeep, closing behind the front of it. It remained utterly hidden, safe within the confines of the home's garage. It would remain there until 3:45 in the morning, and a storm was brewing. The sound of the garage door sliding gurgled as it swayed open. Keeping the lights of the Jeep off, I placed it into drive and pulled it out of my driveway. The garage door closed behind me automatically, dismissing any evidence it had ever harbored a crime scene. My heart remained regular - beating as it would driving any other vehicle, on any other day, under any other circumstances. Humming, I drove the few blocks between the mansion and the University Campus. The Jeep came to the vehicle entrance of the Oregon Autzen Football Stadium. Like everything within the Performance Center, it required a swipe card to be unlocked and accessed. Holding out Kyle Tuner's card, I flicked it between the pad and waited. Flashing green, the gates to the field slid open. Although forbidden to bring any vehicles directly on to the terrain, it was 3:50 in the morning, on a Saturday. Too late for any players to be hangin' around during off-season, and too early for any maintenance workers or cleaners to begin their services. It was pitch-black, and between the sticky snow and the blowing winds - visibility was poor. Reversing the trail-rated wrangler, I slowly backed it up on to the field, parking the trunk of the vehicle directly in front of the brightly-yellow painted goal-post. Exiting the vehicle, I was dressed from head-to-toe in Kyle's football uniform, with the addition of a black long-sleeved T-shirt underneath. No tattoos were visible. Virtually nothing about me was recognizable. For all intensive purposes, I could very well be Kyle Turner. Unlatching the trunk, it swooshed open. There lay the true Kyle Turner. The flesh and blood. And there was a lot of blood. Taking the thick, twisted rope in my hand, I ran it from the back of the truck to the goalpost. Tossing it over the post's T-center, I caught it back in my hand and ran it back to the truck. The end of the rope was supported by a curled grappling hook. Kneeling behind the trunk, I fastened the hook to the hitch on the Jeep and found my way back to the driver's seat. Pushing the gears into drive, I slowly began to inch the vehicle forward until the rope strained - pulling viciously with the weight. Metal to the floor, I forced the truck into overdrive, suddenly gunning it forward and sending the object in the trunk to veer out of the vehicle. Decelerating the tracks, I watched in my review mirror as the item - two strong planks of crossed wood - reeled up against the T in the yellow goalpost. As it mounted to perfect height, I slammed the Jeep in park, and swiftly - excitedly- hopped out of the truck. It started slow at first, my heavy, rumbling laughter. But it evolved, soon developing into a magnified, thrill-infused maniacal cackle. Victory.

—   —   —   January 21st, 2018 - The Discovery. The lights to the stadium flickered on - lighting the dark early-morning. The sun would not rise for another hour. And for a group of football jocks mucking their way to football practice, it would be a morning they would never forget. Wailing. Loud, incessant, uncontrollable wailing. The sound of screaming echoed throughout the stadium; hair-raising in its velocity, and intensity. The scene brought a grown, 21-year old man to his knees. Vomit projected from his chapped lips as he puked vehemently on the immaculate, freshly-snowed grass - staining it flaxen. It brought a wave of nausea to the entire team. Some cried, some collapsed, some gagged, heaved, hurled. But most... most stood in shock. Hailed before them was the body of Christ - a crucifixion of their most valued team member. There lay the body of Kyle Turner, naked and colorless, with only the stain of bleeding red that covered his postmortem flesh. His genitals were mutilated. His penis split in three different directions. He had been completely castrated; his balls were absent entirely from his groin. An indescribable amount of blood has been loss at its expense, leaving a blood-pour of red human serous to cascade down his legs. Cause of death? Blood loss. Slow, agonizing, harrowing blood loss. The cross hung from the center of the goalpost, the snow beneath his purple-faded feet red with blood. His hands were staked on either side; his ankles crossed and tied. His neck - the same color as his bruised toes - was mounted by barbed wire. His head bore the same fate - crowned like that of Christ with blood trickling from his scalp. RAPIST - Carved with a knife in to his forehead. SINNER - The words dripped from his abdomen in crusting blood, beginning to harden... but still moist. Fresh. —   —   —   "Shocking news this morning on KVAL-13." Smitha George - Live News Reporter, would announce on national television. "A tragedy has occurred at University of Oregon. Senior Football Quarterback Kyle Turner, Star of the Oregon Ducks, was found brutally murdered at the campus stadium." She would go on, standing unshaken in the parking lot of the Performance Center. "Police have ruled the case a homicide after teammates found Tuner's mutilated body crucified on the goal-post of the end field." Spilling too much information for her own good - reporters classically interfered with investigations; often jeopardizing their efforts. "His hands and feet were reportedly pinned to a wooden cross, and his head wrapped in barb wire. Teammates report that the words "Rapist" and "Sinner" were carved on his body..." "... And that his eyes and lips were painted red, with blood." "Turner's vehicle, a Black 2017 Jeep Wrangler - was found abandoned at the scene. Police are looking for any information that may aid their efforts in solving this terrible case." She paused, staring into the camera as her words fed into the lives of millions of Oregon residents. "I'm Smitha George, reporting LIVE for KVAL-13 News." The clip ended.

My Diamond Edge Experience

, alright im just gonna list off everything that happened

so we got there at like 3 

and the concert didnt start until 7

so we were waiting for quite awhile

there were a lot of people selling merch but i didnt want to spend too much money because i wanted to buy official merch

which they didnt sell btw just a warning

i was pissed

but anyway, everyone was super sweet

and there were so many people wearing rose quartz and serenity 

i was wearing black lmao

but people were handing out free bracelets and stuff

and this girl saw that i was wearing my vernon shirt and she gave me vernons 17 Carat black ver. postcard and a Going Seventeen photocard and then she took a selfie w me and my friend

she was just so sweet 

whoever you are, i love you.

and i ended up getting some pretty vernon fanart, a seungcheol photocard, and a Hoshi fan pack (which I did pay $10 for)

i ended up meeting the producer from Form of Therapy which is a v good Youtube channel

my voice cracked so much tho lmao

and he filmed me for a youtube video and i was sO AWKWARD I WANT TO DIE OH MY GOD

i will actually be surprised if he uses the footage

anyway, after several hours we finally got into the venue

i actually saw god when that air conditioner hit me

we went to our seats after realizing there wasnt gonna be merch

and while we were waiting for it to start they were playing the mvs for Very Nice, Check In, Healing, Adore U, Love Letter, Mansae, BoomBoom, and Pretty U all on a loop

and the crowd was so hyped during the MVs alone man

and it finally hot 7:00 and suddenly they played Love Letter again

but it was out of order 

so we knew something was going on

and the after Love Letter they played Dont Wanna Cry and everyone freaked the fuck out because it was the first time they played it

and so we all stood up and after the music video the lights went out

and i swear to i god i was so shooketh

seventeen came out on stage after a dramatic opening and began Pretty U

and it was so loud

i couldnt even hear myself speak

and i tried to wave my lightstick but it had no batteries because im dumb

and they performed a few more songs before pausing to introduce themselves

hoshi was so cute oh my god

he kept yelling “HOSHI’S BACK”

throughout the entire concert 

it was sssoooooo cute

joshua and vernon obviously spoke in english the whole time but the rest of the members spoke in korean and had a translator which was rlly cool

they taught us a fanchant where they would yell “SEVENTEEN CARAT”

and we would clap twice and put our hands to the side and say “EDGE”

it was great

performance unit performed OMG, Highlight, and Swimming fool

and nobody knew the rlly fast highlight fan chant but me and this one girl

and we made eye contact 2 rows apart whilst screaming seventeens names at the top of our lungs

it was magical

hip hop unit performed If I, Check In, and Vol. 14 from the mixtape

ive said it many times but seungcheol had me so shook

he went fucking IN during Check In

like

damn b

vocal unit performed Habits, a spooky version of Dont Listen in Secret, and We Gonna Make it Shine

Dont Listen in Secret is one of my all time favorite songs 

and the spooky version made it so much better

its so underrated

they all performed great bops

like Crazy in Love and Chuck and stuff

and then they stopped to talk again and they were like “yo we’re gonna leave after this song but we love you”

AND I WAS DEVASTATED 

because the main songs they hadn’t performed were Don’t Wanna Cry and Healing

and I knew they were gonna perform Don’t Wanna Cry 

but i was looking forward to healing so much because its my favorite

so anyway

they performed Don’t Wanna Cry

and then left stage

and a video of them all talking about what Carats mean to them started playing w smile flower playing the the bg

everyone was crying

mingyu was like “you guys are my oxygen”

and it was hella cheesy but i cried anyway

and then the video ended 

anD THEY CAME BACK ON STAGE AND WE WERE SHOOK

AND THEY WERE LIKE “IT’S NOT REALLY OVER BITCHES”

and they performed Shining Diamond 

i swear to god ive never screamed “I know I’m only seventeen I only got a few dollars” so loud

and then they performed Healing and i was emo bc its my favorite

and seungcheol got on dino’s back and i was living

and then they all did speeches and stuff

and it was so cute i was hella emo

“HOSHI’S BACK”

hoshi did aegyo

we all wanted to die but oh my god i saw hoshi doing aegyo live

so the concert ended fr

and they left stage

and us hi touch people stayed in our seats while everyone left

it took like 30-45 minutes for hi touch to actually start 

but it was probably so seventeen could rest

when it finally started the line moved quick

security were a bunch of assholes

we were ushered through there, man

Joshua was the first in line and he asked me how i was and we all know how soft and pretty his voice is but oh my god let me just say his voice is so soft and pRETTY I WAS SPEAKING TO AN ANGEL

seungcheols hair was wet and when i touched his hand i squeeled and he gave me a look of concern

my friend was in front of me and she said “layla calm down” in front of vernon

and vernon looked so confused

but then he got to me and he was like “ah yes, that makes sense”

it was so embarrasing i hate myself

at the very end minghao was thanking everyone and i got to hold his hand and tell him i love him and asdfghjkl hes so perfect

i blanked out for most of the hi touch and i dont remember most of it because of how shitty security was

they were yelling and pushing us through so fast

uughhhh i wish i couldve filmed

overall i did enjoy it a lot

it just wasnt super memorable because of how fast we were going

like i literally dont remember interacting with most of the members 

im really mad 

but anyway as soon as we got out there was a girl on the floor sobbing

which i wouldve done too if i wasn’t so disappointed with my hi touch tbh

but afterwards this girl went up to my friend and was like “did you do the hi touch?”

and my friend was like “yeah”

and the girl was like “cAN I TOUCH YOUR HAND?”

and my friend was like “yeah”

and the girl screamed

and it sounds really weird but i promise it was adorable

and from there the night ended and ive never wanted to die more because of post concert depression

a summary: mmt sucks, carats are the sweetest fandom ever, HOSHI’S BACK, seventeen will literally fuck you up live, its def worth it, my love for hansol was reinforced, seungcheol needs to chill, and hi touch was enjoyable but it also sucked and now i wanna die