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cksmart-world · 1 year

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SMART BOMB

The Completely Unnecessary News Analysisle t

By Christopher Smart

April 11, 2023

NEED AN ABORTION, BETTER GET A DRINK

Mass Hysteria — A condition affecting a group of persons, characterized by excitement or anxiety, irrational behavior or beliefs. Such psychic epidemics can involve an entire population. Prohibition worked like a charm. After much damning-to-hell and praying we ratified the 18th Amendment to stop the sale of alcohol. Voilà, sobriety and holiness prevailed. Well, not exactly. It just made drinking more fun and the flappers at the speakeasys were the cherry on the Old Fashion. Later another epidemic of high anxiety drove us to declare war on drugs. The drug culture was unmoved and getting stoned became cool for college professors and soon was in vogue for society's elites. Recently legislating morality spread like wildfire again through red states and we made abortion illegal — again. Now we're racing back 100 years to when it was a crime to even talk about contraception, let alone abortion. The result was so devastating that people awakened to the fact that women need reproductive healthcare to survive. In 1973 the Supreme Court made abortion legal, but 50 years on we rushed hellbent to make it a crime again. In the meantime we may need strong drink and gynecological speakeasys — people are going to do what they're going to do, the black magic of mass hysteria be damned.

10 TOP REASONS TRUMP IS GREAT

10 – He's the only one who tells the truth.

9 – Nobody rides a golden escalator like he does.

8 – He's such a smart businessman that he never pays taxes.

7 – Stormy Daniels, in many ways, reminds him of his daughter, Ivanka.

6 – Neck ties that cover your crotch make sense for a lot of reasons.

5 – When he doesn't get his way, he hurls Big Macs, fries and ketchup at the wall.

4 – He enjoys grabbing women by the crotch.

3 – He won the election.

2 – In the end he always throws his advisors under the bus.

1 – And the number one reason Trump is great — He's Above The Law!

NOBODY CARES ABOUT STORMY

Nobody's saying he didn't do it. Everybody knows he did do it. Melania knows he did it. Ivanka knows he did it. Even Ivanka's dumber brother, what's his name, knows he did it. But that's not the point. The point is, nobody cares. You pay a porn star $130,000 to shut up and everyone's better off. The days of Monica Lewinsky are over. Blow job in the Oval Office — big deal. Trump's so-called hush-money felony is politically motivated, end of story. To boost this little state misdemeanor they say he lied about what the money was for — and then presto-chango it's a felony. What a crock. A president cannot go to prison for doing you-know-what to someone named Stormy. It's just not right. Nobody cares about Stormy — or that stupid thing with classified documents at Mar-A-Lago. Give us a break. It wasn't like he was going to give top secrets to the Russians. He doesn't even know any Russians. And the deal in Georgia — nothin' there. They got him on tape saying something that could mean anything. Find this, find that. Ridiculous. It's just another witch hunt conspiracy, like that Jan. 6 thing, that little patriotic celebration. Now they're saying it was some kind of takeover. Hah. They couldn't takeover your grandmother's undies.

Post script — The Great Salt Lake is not dying! So says The Washington Post, so it must be true. All that handwringing and praying was for naught. OK, you're right, Wilson, maybe it was dying and the praying worked. We'll never know. Nonetheless the lake is up three feet in the last five months from its historic low due to a record year for snowfall. The lake had shrunk about 70 percent from years of drought and population growth. Any celebration, however, may be premature. We know the population is going to keep growing and no one knows whether the drought will continue. And the fact is the lake is still six feet below the minimum level needed to maintain its biological health. But what the hell, it's good news and we'll take it. More good news: For the first time, the Boston Marathon will have a division for non-binary runners (people who don't identify as entirely male nor entirely female.) This is the kind of thing that drives conservatives nuts. Think pronouns: non-binary folks are neither “he” nor “she” and prefer the pronoun “they.” They are they. It gets confusing, especially for conservatives here in Utah. There is Father in Heaven and Mother in Heaven, but there is no They in Heaven. Alright, yes, Wilson, we know, “In Heaven there is no beer, that's why we drink it here.” Satisfied?

But seriously, Wilson, don't you and the guys in the band think we ought to cook up a little something for The Donald should he go on the lamb rather than face time with some of his supporters in the joint. The prison garb is not exactly tailored cashmere and the food, forget about it. He's probably planning a quick exit right now, so plug in the amps 'cause The Don Don is going to need a new theme song:

Well, I went home with the waitress The way I always do How was I to know She was with the Russians, too I was gambling in Havana I took a little risk Send lawyers, guns and money Man, get me out of this I'm the innocent bystander Somehow I got stuck Between the rock and the hard place And I'm down on my luck I'm down on my luck Now I'm hiding in Honduras I'm a desperate man Send lawyers, guns and money The shit has hit the fan

(Send Lawyers, Guns and Money — Warren Zevon)

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isabelladavis2021 · 2 years

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How to have better arguments

Need to know

Arguing is hard. Chances are good that you are reading this because you’ve had an argument that went off the rails. Maybe the other person trotted out an anecdote as definitive proof of some general claim, or they misrepresented your reasons in order to make you look foolish, or they called you nasty names, or did any of the other too-many-to-name things that people who argue tend to do. These experiences are partly why people view argument as hostile and intellectually unproductive – something to be avoided.

Perhaps you are looking to learn some new terms to describe the annoying moves people make, or maybe you’re looking for ‘one weird trick’ to ‘own’ others with facts and logic. Well, we have some good news and bad news. Fancy terms, we’ve got a few, but our focus in this Guide is primarily on how to think about what is truly at stake in arguing, why it goes awry, and how to get it back on track. To our minds, the key to arguing better consists not in learning new tricks, but in recognising how arguments work and why they are important.

Arguments and the problems they pose

Let’s first get a handle on argument. To start, we need to differentiate between an argument as a product and argument as a process. As a product, an argument is a collection of reasons (called the premises) and the thing that the reasons show (called the conclusion). So, for example, the utterance ‘Bring your jacket because it’s going to rain’ is an argument in this sense. So is ‘God exists because the world needs a first cause, and God is the first cause.’ In contrast, as a process, an argument is an exchange of reasons between interlocutors. Two people exchanging reasons over jackets or God’s existence is an argument in process. From our perspective, the rules for a better argument process are ultimately derived from the rules for good argument products. This is because, in the end, what people who argue are wrangling over is what conclusion everyone’s best reasons jointly support.

What are arguments for? This is deceptively easy: we exchange reasons with others in order to affect their beliefs or commitments. I give you reasons to believe that something is true because I want you to believe that it’s true, or to believe more strongly. Maybe we disagree about it, maybe we don’t. Either way, I give you my reasons. And you weigh them. People do this so often, and about so many things, that they rarely note it. ‘Bring your jacket,’ one might say, ‘because it’s going to rain.’ This is an argument, a mundane one, but it’s worth noting that it’s out for belief-change and then actions in accord with that belief.

We disagree, and so argue, over things both big and small. Many of these disagreements pose a problem for how to go forward, in light of the differing views. Let’s say you and a random Twitter user, let’s call him HockeyDad1989, disagree over abortion. On his view, abortion ought to be illegal in all circumstances; on your view, it ought to be legally permitted in most cases. Clearly the answer to this question matters greatly to whether people can have abortions. It’s not like a dispute over whether it’s OK to put ketchup on a hot dog (don’t do this in Chicago, by the way) – it must be settled. Sure, we could settle it by any number of methods, like rolling dice, examining entrails, or (God forbid) trial by combat, but reasoning it out together offers the highest chances at arriving at the best answer and improving everyone’s cognitive standing. Under ideal conditions, HockeyDad1989 offers his reasons, and you offer yours. And then you, together, see where those reasons go. But it’s here that we get into trouble.

The primary problem is tied to the very nature of the thing that argument is intended to affect: belief. It’s manifestly obvious that you think your beliefs are true, just as other people think their own beliefs are true. This is what makes them beliefs rather than hopes, desires or fears. This starting point can make it difficult to even contemplate the possibility that someone else’s opposing belief is correct.

Another important feature of beliefs is that we lack direct, voluntary control over them. You cannot simply will yourself to change what you believe. No amount of money is going to make you genuinely believe that the Pope is Buddhist or that 2 + 2 = 5. What can change your beliefs is exposure to information and reasons. Yet people tend to gravitate to sources that support their existing beliefs and selectively attend to evidence that confirms those beliefs. Much of this we do without noticing. Incentives, financial or otherwise, can play a role in this. As Upton Sinclair, author of the novel The Jungle (1906), quipped: ‘It is difficult to get a man to understand something when his salary depends upon his not understanding it.’ The existence of these belief-preserving tendencies underscores the importance of argument: to continue to work for the evil meatpacking company in Sinclair’s novel, one must carefully avoid exposure to evidence or arguments that might weigh upon one’s beliefs. Argument threatens to burst that bubble.

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andrewtay190 · 2 years

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How to have better arguments

Arguments and the problems they pose

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presumenothing · 4 years

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For fic title ask thing: My Lawyer Made Me Change the Title of This Fic

(make up a fic title?)

ok so first of all anon this is hilarious, A+ material. i’m not sure there’s anything capable of doing it justice but this is absolutely the fic where the military has to come up with a plausible explanation for everyone taking a quick death on the promised day without (a) mentioning anything factual about the entire plot of the series to fry up some godhood with a side of ketchup, (b) freaking out every single person in amestris, (c) letting any of their neighbouring countries think it’s a fine time to Attack,

and also without (d) getting the entire draft explanation thrown out by the legal department* of the military.

which happens multiple times.

everyone gets increasingly desperate in cobbling together fictional events that don’t directly smear the bradley administration and all previous ones by association, because amestris has some… pretty severe laws against political libel and defamation for obvious reasons (it’s part of why the blatant warmongering continued unremarked for this long) that grumman’s proto-government can’t directly overturn just yet. and it’d be awkward if they ended up having to throw themselves out for high treason or something.

the fourth wall may or may not be broken at some point. the xing contingent laughs their way out of the country, which is xingese for “we stopped tiptoeing around that shit at about the same time we decided to make the succession a hundred-corner bring-your-own-weapon fight, good luck with that”

*by ‘department’ i may or may not mean a slightly-larger broom cupboard of an office staffed mostly by second lieutenant janice flynn, who is regretting the fact that she once thought it’d be fun to take a part-time law degree at Central U, and that she then thought that it’d also be fun and not at all backbreaking work to accept the position of part-time legal person when it was offered to her.

and the thing is, that’s even been true until now? like, the military has weirdly few law-related things that need doing despite effectively being the government of amestris. (and yes that probably doesn’t bode very well for anything, but if she’d cared about politics at all she wouldn’t still be a 2nd lt.)

mostly she gets called in for things like reviewing peace treaties that never actually get signed anyway – the only really exciting development had been that time with the fullmetal alchemist when HR had made her double check that there really weren’t any policies against enlisting a kid. (the answer had been no, which was again concerning in a non-immediate way.)

and then the coup happens

#2nd lt janice whispering under her breath: i didn't sign up for this #*proceeds to recruit sheska to help*#asks #fanfiction #mine #disclaimer i obviously know jackshit about law #and yes i couldn't think of a name off the top of my head so i borrowed #fma #fmab

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resonanteye · 4 years

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via http://resonanteye.net/current-events-condensed/

current events; condensed

A condensed post including short writings on current events.

CONSPIRACIES ARE NOT SECRET IN THIS CENTURY

open up? conspiracies? here’s the real one.

if They want to “cull the weak” and control us better, what better way than to present a false choice between going back to work and risking lives, or slowly going broke at home?

it’s a false choice. there are hoarders, greedy fucks holding money they’re not entitled to, billions. enough for everything to be covered. hell, the Pentagon LOST enough money to pay EVERYONE’S rent and mortgage for the best six months. LOST IT.

The conspiracy? PRETEND THAT MONEY ISN’T THERE. force people to fight over scraps, pretend there are only two options. don’t let people come together and agree that TOO MUCH MONEY IS IN TOO FEW HANDS, because that might mean we can beat this thing.

unity among the poor? PREVENT AT ALL COSTS. if you kill a few hundred thousand people in the process, fuck it. that doesn’t matter to Them. They want to keep their grip on power, forcing us to behave like serfs working at their pleasure, dying for their capital gains. Living in their damn bunkers.

There is more than these two choices, don’t let them suck you in. the current garbage video circulating is MORE OF THEIR SHIT. it’s part of this. it’s not “secret info” or “exposing an evil plan”.

to get what They want – they’ve just got to keep us arguing about whether to open up or not. that’s it. that’s all they’ve got to do. circulate some fake anti science garbage to make sure it goes over easy.

and murder a ton of people to make another dollar.

THAT’S your conspiracy. THERE’S your elite takeover.

they don’t need micro chips, 5g, or any of this other shit. vaccines aren’t “Them”, the anti vax movement is THEM trying to murder the “useless”.

” WAKE UP, SHEEPLE ” it’s obvious as fuck and you don’t need to go out on any limbs to see it. it’s plain as day. they’re saying it out loud. there’s no need for this conspiracy to be secret. half of you are HAPPY TO JOIN IN.

stop that. join together. fight for the end of greedy leeches stealing from us then pretending that money is gone and they can’t help. the big banks? THEY FUCKING OWE US ONE. it’s time we collect, TOGETHER. right/left/middle. all of us. they owe all of us.

Divine is disgusted by slumming yuppies

SEGREGATION, A REAL THING

in a post about this photo, someone from Europe, younger, asked if segregation was a real thing, a real law in the US. comments were then closed, so I’ll post my reply here instead, in case anyone was not aware.

Elvis sits to eat at a segregated lunch counter while an elderly black woman stands, waiting for food to take away. she’s not allowed to sit there.

it was law, and when it wasn’t the law it was the unspoken rule, for a very long time.

lunch counter (restaurants of all kinds), bus sections, bathrooms, water faucets and schools were separated by race. the fight to desegregate schools is most well known, as it lasted a very long time and required buses, because people of color had also been segregated by neighborhood- many towns refused to sell and owners refused to rent to anyone of color in a “white area”. (the TV show “the Jeffersons” addresses this, and it’s also known as “redlining”)

many politicians on both sides of the aisle supported it, but the Democratic party eventually worked to pass the civil rights amendment and related bills to stop it, although there were those in the party who still argued in favor of these laws.

https://www.businessinsider.com/biden-said-desegregation-would-create-a-racial-jungle-2019-7

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lester_Maddox

(of note- this happened after desegregation, that’s how strongly politicians felt about it! ten years in and they were still arguing that it had been a good thing.)

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Massive_resistance

after it legally ended, thanks to the civil rights movement, there was blowback; people trying to vote, to eat lunch, ride the bus, go to school, were viciously attacked by crowds or groups of white people.

FILE – In this May 28, 1963 file photo, a group of whites pour sugar, ketchup and mustard over the heads of Tougaloo College student demonstrators at a sit-in demonstration at a Woolworth’s lunch counter in Jackson, Miss. Seated at the counter, from left, are Tougaloo College professor John Salter,and students Joan Trumpauer and Anne Moody. John Salter, who also used the name John Hunter Gray, died Monday, Jan. 7, 2019 at his home in Pocatello, Idaho. Relatives say he was 84 when he died Monday after an illness. (Fred Blackwell/The Clarion-Ledger via AP, File) ORG XMIT: MSJAD701

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Freedom_Riders https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jim_Crow_laws

during this time, due to so much police and community violence, the Black Panther formed to monitor and protect people.

https://www.wglt.org/post/director-chronicles-black-panthers-rise-new-tactics-were-needed#stream/0

members of the Black Panthers, preparing to feed the community

GENERATION X

sure, we are slackers. yeah. we’re ok with staying home. you have just told a generation of latchkey tech addicts raised during the bridge from antenna TVs to HD internet streaming to sit at home. if you’d feed us, we wouldn’t even blink at it. this quarantine stuff? that’s not the hard thing.

but we’re watching friends and family die. a lot of us have been down this road before. we’ve watched right wing pigs (yes, I’ll say it) allow our friends to die before. we’ve been down this road of denial and greed and prejudice and all of it. we’ve seen what happens when politicians value money and ego over human lives, and we know it SUCKS ASS.

hell, we watched Reagan. Bush. Bush. Clinton, too-he was only a hair better. and so-

when we need to, we pound the pavement. we toss the bricks. we get arrested. we wipe mace out of our eyes and stampede.

we always tend to be masked, regardless of standards of the moment. I don’t think, in my life, I’ve been to a protest that didn’t have a contingent of masked people wishing to avoid cameras. Now, a protest for actual assistance for people? a real protest, a fight for better conditions, the 300-some strikes that have happened that the news ISN’T covering? yeah. surgical masks. they’re brilliant photos, but not as interesting for the crap media as a few fat guys with guns.

because that’s the joke they want to show us, yeah? not people actually fighting in solidarity, to protect each other, get better work conditions, protect the disabled, get better healthcare for all, support people financially… the shit the majority of people really want. no. they’re not covering that real shit.

the news, they like a spectacle.

we need to find ways to make the facts spectacular.

I have rarely seen my generation protest FOR corporate interests and find any such thing suspicious as all fuck. I don’t believe a bit of that shit. That’s paid for, that’s arranged, that’s a pony show. That’s the same tiny batch of zonked out cultists that don’t have a trump rally to travel to right now. it’s like a damn road show, the same hundred people, like some Boomer deadhead traveling bus shit. I don’t trust it and I don’t believe it. the older folks at them, yeah. they’re that little band of travelers. sure. but us?

Seattle police use gas to push back World Trade Organization protesters in downtown Seattle Tuesday, Nov. 30, 1999. The protests delayed the opening of the WTO third ministerial conference. (AP Photo/Eric Draper)

because even though we will go do Things, we are, in fact, ok with staying home.

and we don’t like your fucking company. and corporations bought our music and art and killed it in front of our eyes, and there’s no getting our trust back. and we will wear a goddamn busted ass thrift store sack before we spend money on slave-sewn clothes. and we would rather read and write and play music and watch movies all damn day, than go to jobs in cubicles.

War protesters and march to Gas Works Park protesting the US involvement in the Persian Gulf and the buid up to war against Irag January 15 deadline 1991 Seattle Washington State USA

I mean, we’ll usually go, because we gotta eat. so feed us. give us bread. you already poisoned the roses.

THE ASSHOLE FACTORY

this is where your conspiracy videos are made. in the asshole factory.

what do you notice about these photos? do you see the threats? what kind of people are there?

it is almost like there’s a monthly event they’ve been going to, that’s been cancelled, where they could hold up trump signs and boo anything reasonable… wonder what that event is. where have you seen some of these faces before? I’ve seen a few in the rally photos and videos.

check out “small business” guy. who is he? does he own a “small business”, you think? (photos by Orin Louis)

ON THE PANDEMIC

a lot of people talking about immunity/reinfection and that study.

that study is just saying we don’t know yet. we just don’t know yet.

it’s early days.

Coronavirus is not influenza, they’re two different families of virus. VERY different.

this is more related to the common cold (in its behavior)than to the flu. (the cold is a rhinovirus. SARS & MERS, and Covid-19, if you want to find out more about these viruses, don’t look up the flu-they are Coronaviruses.)

it is contagious the way a cold is, but it has serious effects on any part of the body with ace2 receptors. (simply put- blood, lungs, heart, kidneys, brain)

they have been working on a cold vaccine for decades. no success. BUT. again, it’s early days. there’s never been this kind of pressure for a vaccine for it. so, to be direct: we don’t know yet. they’ve never been this desperate, this well funded, to find a cold vaccine.

this could be a seasonal thing, eventually- it could mutate to be less lethal and become just another cold we can get every year. it could mutate to be even more vicious and we all are in serious danger all the time. it could create immunity, and some will be ok for a year or a month or a decade… it might not, and people can catch it again and worse.

we just don’t know yet. the whole reason we are isolating the way we are is to buy time for science to find these answers. we’re not in quarantine to “kill it off” or stop it. we are slowing it down so science can have time to find answers, so less of us die while that happens.

every day we don’t infect other people, is a day in which researchers can work. we need them to work. they are doing that. every day we don’t infect other people, is a day this virus doesn’t get a chance to mutate and change. this helps a lot.

science needs time. all this economic mayhem- it’s to buy them time to help us, to figure it out. the answers won’t come right away and during this time we may hear things that are being tried and tested, some may not work at all, some may be worse than nothing, so information won’t be steady or always correct. when you read a thing, wait a day. read more about it. read the actual study- and if you can’t, wait a few days and read what scientific sources say about it (the lancet, NEJM, etc). don’t rely on NBC, fox, etc to do a great job reporting on science. you’ll have to have patience, even science is having to watch and wait while things are researched, right now.

nobody has the answers; it’s NOVEL. brand new.

they’re testing, they’re researching, they’re learning this thing’s secrets as fast as they can, while we wait that process out.

be as safe as you can be while we buy them the time.

image: pink pangolin drawing in frame

COMMON SENSE KNOWLEDGE

FOR ACCURACY

You shouldn’t leave the house unless you absolutely have to: food, medicine, or other necessity of life. This includes going to other people’s houses.

Masks are good at protecting others if you are infected, and help protect you too, just not as much as others. Wear one.

Stores are closed, unless they provide food or medicine. Alcohol is a necessity for alcoholics who will have actual seizures and could die from withdrawal, so some of those are open. (Some states have been pressured into letting other things stay open, and people insist on going to church and being able to buy guns in public stores, but that’s political shit and you shouldn’t go places unless you have to.)

This virus is deadly to many people, even healthy ones, is as contagious as a common cold, and has killed more people in a month than the flu does in a year. You don’t want to catch it, and if you do, you want to catch it when doctors and nurses aren’t overworked from other people catching it too. There are 8 strains identified right now. This will change over time, because it’ll mutate- like every virus. EVERY virus.

Glovesw help, unless you change them after touching a contaminated surface. They’re good if used properly and if you’re not sure how to do that, don’t bother. Just wash your hands often.

Everyonen to stay home, but you can go outside- away from people. Staying a good distance from people is really the whole point of staying home.

There will be shortages of some things at the grocery store as supplies run out, and as things are shipped to replace them. Chill out.

The virus does spread through and sometimes kill children, but we weren’t aware of this until we had better information.

You will have many symptoms when you are sick, but you will be contagious for up to two weeks before you get sick. YOU WILL BE CONTAGIOUS WITH NO TEMPERATURE OR SYMPTOMS.

You really shouldn’t be eating restaurant food, unless you can reheat it. Wipe down or wash off your groceries.

You are safe if you maintain six feet distance from others, if everyone is masked and nobody is coughing or sneezing. If they are, you need about 27 feet of distance. Keep space from people.

The virus remains active on different surfaces for a time. The surface being porous may or may not matter; like many things, research by science will give better answers as they have time to figure it out.

We count the number of deaths but we don’t know how many people are infected because most places have not got enough tests to see who is infected. Until we can test everyone, stay home, stay away from people.

We have no treatment. There are clinical trials of many different drugs and at least one vaccine, right now, but it will take time to find out what works.

We should stay away from people to avoid spreading this virus until scientists can offer a treatment or preventative measure like a vaccine. There is no reason to infect people, help the virus mutate, or fuck around with this.

If you are an essential worker of ANY kind, you deserve a living wage, hazard pay, full PPE and kindness from everyone who needs you right now. we should be fighting for your safety, not to make things more dangerous for you.

Stop spreading misinformation. Science doesn’t know everything about this yet, information can and will change or become more specific as time goes by. Yes, business interests and governments have handled the entire thing like a clown show, but you don’t have to be part of making it worse.

THE VALIDITY OF PROTESTING IN THIS TIME

protest for:

stronger unions

better pay

stronger social safety nets during a pandemic

your right to own and bear arms

your freedom of speech/freedom from unwarranted surveillance

safer working conditions

medical care for all

free education

fair elections

physical safety from police violence

safety from racist/hate crimes

NOT FOR:

fuck, BUYING things. don’t protest to be able to go buy shit? what the hell is wrong with you?!? you can buy a gun next month, dipshit. you can buy through private sale. fuck all the way off with that.

SOMEONE ELSE TO WAIT ON YOU (haircuts, restaurants, nails, tattoos, etc)

the right to block hospital entrances (we all saw the footage, shut the fuck up)

the right to gigantic church services during a pandemic. YOU CAN DO LIKE GRANDPA DID AND WATCH YOUR PREACHER ON THE TEE VEE.

going to a shit job that you’ve never liked instead of all the things above that would have allowed you to get through this shit without starving to begin with

by the way, local seed and feed stores are open nation wide; agriculture is considered an essential business. you can’t buy whatever the fuck at wallymart right now though, SO SORRY. maybe don’t even fucking shop there?

edit to add; if they were only endangering themselves I wouldn’t give a shit – but you know these fuckers are getting too close to store cashiers, walking the wrong way down narrow aisles, and touching every-fuckin-thing.

also: 81% of people polled, from EVERY political group, think they should be staying home. and agree with that. THIS IS A CRAP PROTEST BY A TINY, UNIMPORTANT GROUP and should not be getting the coverage it is. they aren’t enough to restore an economy, let alone fill a small concert hall.

I may split these into separate posts, if you’d like that, comment so I know people need/want that.

#advice #current events #pandemic #911 #complaints #deep thoughts #dos and donts #ethics #health and safety #politics #posts with lists in them #questions #true stories #Uncategorized #wtc 9/11 einstruzende neubauten artistic poetic terrori #you

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snidgetsafan · 5 years

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Ketchup to You

Rating: T (for swearing)

Summary: Emma is on a terrible date, but a ketchup-related incident will prove to save her night – and give her so much more. It wasn't exactly love at first sauce, but it was pretty close, though. (AO3)

Notes: Happy birthday @shireness-says, the best beta there is and an amazing friend! You told us about this little anecdote that happened between your parents, and I decided to give it my own twist. It’s been super hard hiding this from you, as I usually talk over all my ideas with you, but @thejollyroger-writer has been kind enough to look it over for me. Thanks, Megan! You also get my first picset, as shabby as it is.

Wordcount: 2.4k for 24 years

“And you see, that’s why I think bounty hunting shouldn’t be legal. It’s way too dangerous, especially for women. It should be left to professionals, people who are qualified for catching criminals.”

Strike 1 . Emma grinds her teeth as she smiles tightly while her date, Walsh, continues to lecture her about her own job. The guy doesn’t even understand that “bounty hunting” and “bailsbond work” are completely different things, but he is an expert . They’re waiting for their meals, have been at Granny’s for a mere half an hour, and Emma already wants to bolt.

Seriously, what had Mary Margaret been thinking, setting her up with this guy? She has barely spoken two sentences in the last ten minutes, her date more interested in the sound of his own voice than anything else.

Ruby bringing their meals provides very short relief, the two women sharing a look as Walsh stops talking about the auction he went to the other day to ask for a refill on his glass of water. Emma can’t help but notice that he’s taken one of the cheapest dishes on the menu, and no soda. She had also noticed his little moue of displeasure when she had taken her usual grilled cheese and onion rings. She pointedly didn’t look at him when she’d ordered her Coke.

Before her friend leaves, Emma asks for ketchup; if she’s going to have to endure Walsh for the next hour, then she needs ketchup.

“And please hurry, we’d like them before our plates get cold.”

Emma and Ruby freeze, first looking at each other, then at Walsh’s salad. Emma’s date seems oblivious, busy as he is tapping on his phone.

Ruby purses her lips, walking away in annoyed silence, making Emma wince. Ruby’s pissed . She’s tempted to get her own phone out and text Mary Margaret to ask her what she had done to deserve such a punishment as a date with Walsh Ozman, but she’s afraid her sister-in-law will either worry and call Emma, or that she’ll text the idiot across from her.

The table behind her erupts in laughter. At least someone’s having fun, she thinks sullenly.

Two simultaneous plonks bring Emma back to reality, Ruby having briskly put down the new glass of water and the bottle of ketchup on the table before leaving without a word.

“The service here is terrible,” Walsh huffs as Emma grabs the ketchup and uncaps it. “I don’t know why you wanted to come here.”

“I’ve been coming here for years,” Emma answers sharply, shaking the bottle over her plate, waiting for condiment to fall, “and the service has always been more than adequate.”

Nothing is coming out of the bottle.

“Well, I guess your standards are pretty low then.”

Strike 2 . Emma bites back the retort that they aren’t low enough to consider him adequate, choosing instead to channel her rising annoyance into shaking the ketchup bottle vigorously. She’s pretty sure this is the “special bottle” Ruby reserves for annoying customers – the one with ketchup thick enough to stay at the bottom of the bottle – and that she’s given it to her to express her disapproval in dating partners. Which she didn’t choose , she wants to shout to her friend.

A particularly energetic shake of the bottle finally has an effect, but not the one she’s expecting. A shouted “bloody hell” from behind her, and the scrape of a chair being pushed back make her freeze before slowly turning around, dread in her stomach at what she’s about to see.

The view that greets her makes her eyes widen before her face heats up in embarrassment. The man who is sitting behind her is wiping off his nape, which is covered in ketchup. The condiment is also dripping all along the back of his leather jacket, leaving a growing streak of red on black.

“Oh my god I’m so sorry,” Emma gasps, looking down at the bottle in her hand to understand what happened. She forgot to put the cap back on , she realizes with horror, before hurriedly putting it on the table, as if that will absolve her of her idiocy. Completely forgetting about her date, she turns fully towards the other man, blindly grabbing for her napkin to help clean the worst of the damage. It’s as she’s trying to wipe off the condiment before it permanently stains the leather that her victim turns around.

Oh , Emma thinks as she looks at the bluest eyes she’s ever seen. The rest of the face is nothing to sneeze at either; expressive black eyebrows, scruff that she wouldn’t mind feeling against her skin, and a smile that is slowly stretching luscious lips, causing a dimple to form on his cheek as he looks at her.

Emma blinks, the rest of the world coming back into focus. Hot damn is this man handsome.

“That’s bad form, lass, attacking a man from behind,” he tells her, smiling teasingly.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t notice the bottle was already open,” Emma apologizes once again, dropping her eyes to his jacket to continue cleaning it. “I’ve taken off the most of it, but you should clean it with soapy water as soon as possible,” she says, looking up once more.

The man is not looking at his jacket, however; he doesn’t seem concerned about it, preferring to continue looking at her. He’s still smiling, which surprises Emma; if she were the one to have been sprayed with ketchup, she’d be quite annoyed, and would make that annoyance known.

“Don’t worry about it,” he tells her, “but I think that now you owe me, don’t you think?” the man asks, his smile turning into a smirk as he raises his eyebrows.

Wait, what?

“That’s what the sorry was for,” Emma retorts. Of course it was too good to be true, he had to be a jackass. If he asks for a kiss, Emma promises herself, she’ll dump the rest of the bottle on his head.

“Aye, but I think that as the offended party, I have the right to know my attacker’s name,” he tells her, his eyes twinkling. “I’m Killian, by the way,” he introduces himself, stretching a hand out for her to shake.

“Her name’s Emma, and she’s taken, now go away,” comes from behind her before she has a chance to shake Killian’s hand.

Walsh . Dammit, she had forgotten about him.

“What’s wrong with you?” Emma asks, turning towards her date . Who does he think he is, being so rude? And did he really dare doing what she think he did, claiming her like you claim a seat at the theater? When they hadn’t even gone on one full date (not that they would go on a second one)?

“What’s wrong with me is that my date is ogling another man instead of paying attention to me,” Walsh says, his eyes flashing, “so I’d like you to turn back, eat your meal and pay attention to me.”

And then he snaps his fingers.

Strike 3 .

Emma doesn’t even feel angry, even as she hears the table behind her collectively gasp, Walsh’s loud tone having carried over to them. Instead, she feels a great calmness come over her.

She looks at Walsh, and in a very composed tone, tells him, “Ok, I’m done.”

“I… what?” the man sputters, clearly not expecting her to answer that.

“Since the beginning of the evening, you have been nothing but a rude, conceited asshole, so enamored with the sound of your own voice that you didn’t even take the time to understand what my job actually was. The only reason I’ve endured your presence is out of courtesy for Mary Margaret, but now you’ve crossed the line. I’m done with you,” she concludes, fixing Walsh with a cold stare as he gapes at her.

His astonishment doesn’t last long, as he closes his mouth before angrily standing up, his chair falling down with a loud clang . “No, I’m done with you ,” and with those parting words, Walsh storms off dramatically, the bell over the door jingling loudly in the dead silence that has fallen over the diner. Good riddance .

“Are you all right, love?” comes from behind her.

Turning her head, she sees Killian and the other two occupants of the table, a woman and a man, standing up, seemingly ready to come to her help.

“I – yes, thank you, I’m fine,” she says, smiling uncomfortably, ill at ease with all the stares she can feel on her.

“That one sounded like a catch, lass,” the man behind Killian pipes up, earning himself a slap on the arm from his companion, along with a furiously whispered “Liam!”

Killian rolls his eyes, much to Emma’s amusement.

“Well, I guess that means the end of the night for me,” she says, seeing Ruby approach, a scowl on her face, from the corner of her eye

“And that tosser left you with the bill, too,” Killian mutters, frowning.

“Where did you find that loser?” Ruby asks bluntly, her eyes focused on Emma and her hands on her hips.

“I didn’t, Mary Margaret did,” Emma answers with her own roll of the eyes, grabbing her jacket. “You can be sure it’s the last time she guilts me into accepting one of her set ups, though,” she concludes, ready to go, with a longing glance towards her plate as she searches her pockets for her wallet. She wants that grilled cheese, dammit. She deserves it, after the last half hour.

“Oh no, please let me, you shouldn’t pay for that arse’s meal,” Killian interjects, trying to stop her.

“Don’t worry about it, Blue Eyes, it’s on the house,” Ruby tells him.

“That’s very nice of you, but I can’t let the owner take it out of your pay, lass.”

Ruby snorts at that, throwing a look Emma’s way, one that’s both amused and speculative. She’s not sure she likes that look. “The owner’s my grandmother, I’m an associate, my salary’s safe, but thanks for worrying about it.”

“It would be bad form to let you assume that idiot’s stinginess,” Killian insists.

Emma looks at Killian. He seems genuine; she always knows when people lie to her, but she doesn’t see any deception coming from him. He is just sincerely… nice.

“Well, it would be bad form to let that delicious grilled cheese go to waste,” the other man says, having come nearer. “Why don’t you come eat your meal with us, lass? I’d love to hear more about what job you do that actually enables you to throw ketchup on unsuspecting victims so effectively,” he concludes, gesturing towards the empty seat at their table.

His offer is nice, and would allow her to eat her onion rings, but she doesn’t know these people. “I wouldn’t want to impose,” Emma says, taking a small step back.

“You wouldn’t be, we’re inviting you. I’m Liam, by the way, and this is my wife Elsa. And this, here, is my little brother Killian,” the tall man says, tapping his brother on the shoulder and ignoring his muttered “younger” with what seems like honed practice. Now that they’re close together, she can see the likeness between the two men; Liam is taller, and has light brown hair where his brother’s is dark, but they share the same eyes and they have the same smile.

Before Emma has a chance to respond, Ruby takes the decision out of her hands, taking her plate and glass and putting them on the other table with a definitive thud . She’s about to say something, but she makes the mistake of looking at Killian at that moment. If the hopeful look on his face isn’t enough to make her cave, him scratching nervously behind his ear finishes to convince her. After all, what does she have to lose? They can’t be worse than Walsh, they seem quite nice; and even if Liam’s wife hasn’t said a single word to her yet, it appears to be more out of shyness than anything else, her encouraging smile as she removes her bag from what is becoming Emma’s chair showing her agreement with her husband.

What the hell, Emma thinks, internally shrugging.

“Well, if you’re sure…” she hedges.

It’s Killian who answers. “We are,” he tells her softly, “it would be our pleasure.”

Emma smiles at him, and the smile doesn’t leave her face all evening as she gets to know Killian and his family. She learns that Liam teases his brother mercilessly, but loves him fiercely. She learns that Elsa is probably one of the kindest people she’s ever met, but that she can match her husband’s wit barb for barb.

As for Killian? She learns that he’s funny, a gentleman, that he’s a retired Royal Navy officer who’s started in Boston PD a month ago, and that this meal was to celebrate him finally finding a flat and “getting out of his brother’s hair.”

She also learns that she likes him, and would like to get to know him better, preferably without his family and Ruby watching them like hawks. So when he offers to walk her to her car at the end of the evening, she gladly accepts, and is actually the one to ask for his number as they reach her yellow bug.

Both of them lean towards the other, however, and just before their lips meet in one of the softest kisses of Emma’s life, she can’t help but think that maybe, in a roundabout way, she should thank Mary Margaret for this evening. Nah , she thinks, as she tangles her hands in Killian’s soft hair.

She does end up never allowing Mary Margaret to set her up on another date, but it has nothing to do with her terrible taste in potential partners for Emma. It has more to do with the fact that Emma starts dating Killian, and doesn’t stop, until dating turns into a solid relationship, which turns into cohabitation, which then turns into talking about marriage and children.

Although Emma will never let Killian live down the fact he thought that putting the engagement ring at the bottom of a ketchup bottle would be a romantic way to propose.

Okay, maybe it is , she thinks as she watches her dork of a boyfriend down on one knee in the middle of Granny’s, his fingers sticky with hastily wiped off sauce and a huge smile on his face. Maybe it is .

#captain swan #cs #cs fic #cs ff #shireness-says #complete and utter fluff

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gabe-wallace · 6 years

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QUOTE

“The mountain that you are carrying, you were only supposed to climb.” -Najwa Zebian

BASIC

NAME: Gabriel Matthew Wallace NICKNAMES: Gabe AGE: 21 BIRTHDAY: February 10th, 1997 GENDER: Male PRONOUNS: He/Him

FAMILY

MOTHER: Gloria Wallace (Maiden name: Aris) FATHER: Matthew Wallace LEGAL GUARDIAN: too many to fucking count lmao The State of California SIBLINGS: Rebekah Wallace Johnson (Bekah) PETS: A blue betta fish named Lynard who lives on his desk in one of those plant on top fish living in the roots vases, obtained on a whim. IMPORTANT EXTENDED FAMILY MEMBERS: N/A

PHYSICAL ATTRIBUTES

FACE CLAIM: Adam Brody RACE/ETHNICITY: ½ Jewish American (on his father’s side) NATIONALITY: American HEIGHT: 5′11” WEIGHT: 154 pounds HAIR COLOR: Dark brown EYE COLOR: Brown SKIN COLOR: Light DOMINANT HAND: Right ANOMALIES: A barely there scar above his lip from a bad fight when he was thirteen, a small scar at the base of his spine from where a belt buckle caught him during a beating from a foster parent, a mole on the back of his shoulder he probably really needs to get checked out by a doctor. SCENT: A faint smell of lavender from the 4D laundry soap, Axe 3-In-1 Body Wash + Shampoo + Conditioner in Dark Temptation,Axe Deodorant in Dark Temptation, a Davidoff Cool Water Cologne he received as a birthday gift the previous year from Liliana who said she was ‘sick and fucking tired of him smelling like a douche’- as he used the body spray from Axe as well. ALLERGIES: Latex, wasps, bees, pollen, mildly lactose intolerant. FASHION: Gabe could give less of a shit how he dresses, as long as it’s comfortable. His go to is a pair of jeans and a t shirt, however if he has somewhere to go he’ll dress it up with a dress shirt and a pair of slacks. He’s incredibly reluctant to ever replace clothes, so several pairs of his jeans have tears in his knees, and several of his t shirts are stained. NERVOUS TICS: Rubbing the back of his neck, drumming his fingers, tapping whatever is in his hands against the nearest surface, hummiing or making up a song about whatever is making him uncomfortable, refusing to make eye contact.

LIFESTYLE

HOME ADDRESS: 9280 East Cove Lane #4D, Seacrest Cove, CA RESIDES: Seacrest Cove, CA BORN: Carlsbad, California RAISED: All over Southern and Central California VEHICLE: A rusty dark green 1968 Pontiac Catalina coupe- which would be a nice car, if it were fixed up... But it’s not, so it’s just comes across as a rust bucket. PHONE: iPhone 7, which he was bullied into letting Iva Zotrova buy and pay for during the Stella runaway crisis. LAPTOP/COMPUTER: An older model Toshiba kept going only through Gabe’s knowledge of computers and pure damn stubbornness. HIGH SCHOOL EDUCATION: Listen I’m not even going to try, Gabe has been to a shit ton of different schools. It’s a wonder his education didn’t suffer too much from it. COLLEGE EDUCATION: Seacrest Cove University MAJOR: Computer Engineering MINOR: N/A JOB: SCCU Campus Store, Server at Old Mel’s Diner, Guitar Tutor, Coding Tutor, runs errands for senior citizens POLITICAL AFFILIATION: Socialist RELIGION: A non-denominal Christian who is giving God the silent treatment. BELIEFS: A firm belief that he’s too damn busy trying to survive this life to worry about the next MISDEMEANORS: N/A FELONIES: Charged but not convicted of assault. Gabe was charged when a former foster parent slapped Bekah, causing her to fall into a chair and suffer a significant cut on her head. Gabe panicked and shoved the woman (who was well into her sixties) away from her, and she fell down half a flight of stairs. The judge later ruled that Gabe acted in defense of what he believed to be his sister’s life. TICKETS AND/OR VIOLATIONS: N/A DRUGS: Pot, (rarely) Acid (once- never again.) SMOKES: Once or twice. ALCOHOL: Socially DIET: Anything. Anything remotely edible. A childhood of doing things like eating straight jelly because it was the only thing in the fridge, or making ketchup sandwiches for the same reason have left Gabe with a ‘poor people don’t get to be picky’ mentality, and a nostalgic love for some snacks that make his friends and roommates look at him in horror. SEXUAL ORIENTATION: Up in the air. He’s definitely more interested in women than anything else, but he’s not quite sure he’s entirely NOT interested in men. At the very least, he would make out with a man. (A fact he periodically tells Finn McGee, with a lot of winking and pretend burning looks.) RELATIONSHIP STATUS: In a relationship with Stella Belmonte CHILDREN: N/A LOOKING FOR: Nothing more than what he has. BEST FRIEND(S): Finn McGee, Stella Belmonte, Liliana Sanchez, Roslyn Knox, Veronique Dumont, Julian Lowell, Iva Zotrova (he GUESSES.) LANGUAGES SPOKEN: English PHOBIAS: snakes, bad grades, anyone coming up behind him without announcing themselves HOBBIES: Guitar, Dungeons and Dragons, Video Games, Reading, Recording Covers on YouTube, Creating Mods for PC Games, Annoying Warren Porter TRAITS: Hard Working, Sarcastic, Funny, Thoughtful, Determined SOCIAL MEDIA: Facebook, Twitter, YouTube

FAVORITE

LOCATION: Hide Tides Apartments- Sea Crest Cove, California. SPORTS TEAM: Gabe has never been one for sports, however at some point halfway through middle school he started saying he liked the 49ers whenever it was brought up, and still does if someone happens to ask him. GAME: Mario Maker or Fallout 4 MUSIC: Classic rock and some old rockabilly classics, early 2000s rock like Weezer and Ok Go. SHOWS: Game of Thrones, Bob’s Burgers, Archer, The Flash, Daredevil, Arrow, The Walking Dead, Stranger Things, Supernatural MOVIES: Anything MCU or DC Comics, Hot Fuzz, Shaun of the Dead, Lord of the Rings, Karate Kid RADIO STATION: 106.2 The Wave FOOD: Peanut butter cookies, breakfast burritos, queso dip with tortillas, his mother’s shepherd's pie, brown sugar poptarts. PROFESSOR: Professor Jade Pickering and Dennis Macdonald BEVERAGE: Vanilla Coke, Red Bull, Code Red Mountain Dew COLOR: Dark green

CHARACTER

MORAL ALIGNMENT: Chaotic Good/Neutral Good MBTI: ISFJ ENNEAGRAM: Type 6, The Loyalist TEMPERAMENT: Phlegmatic and Sanguine WESTERN ZODIAC: Aquarius CHINESE ZODIAC: Ox PRIMAL SIGN: Walrus HOGWARTS HOUSE: Hufflepuff SONG: Carry On My Wayward Son - Kansas IDEOLOGIES: Believes that capitalism isn’t in place to help anyone. It’s there to make the rich richer, the poor downtrodden, and the middle class complacent. It’s not just a matter of working harder than everyone else, you have to beat the system. And to do that, you have to know deep in your soul that no one gives a fuck what shitty things have happened to you, or what your dreams are- they care what you can do. Nothing more, nothing less.

#Gabe's Tasks #sccu; task21

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itwontsurvivemee · 7 years

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ARE THE STATES EVEN REAL?

ok this is random and i don’t want to do hw, basically just my impression of each state from either experience or just what i’ve heard. ALSO THIS IS A JOKE

California - this goes first bc i live here. anyways, according to visit california, everyone is surfing or playing golf or drinking wine. everyone smokes weed, central california isn’t real and apparently bakersfield is satan’s armpit (even tho it had really awesome tacos) no seasons at all.

Florida - I basically live in Orlando part-time. YOU CAN PADDLEBOARD BY ALLIGATORS?!? guns and gardening exists, lotssssss of billboards talking about god and abortion. churches EVERYWHERE

New York - is there a state outside of the city? I didn’t know where Albany was for like a million years

New Jersey - everything is large, the houses are large, the dogs are large and the mosquitoes are large.

Georgia - ok to be fair i’ve been to one city and it was savannah but it’s liberal and conservative at the same time? the beach sand is hot as fuck wtf.

Utah - its more than mormons?!?!? it’s actually really pretty but still, lots of churches.

Colorado - weed is legal here. It’s pretty, a lot of white ppl.

Maryland - mcdonald's is open till like 1am and everything at dark is shady. i mesh it with dc bc for some reason i remember them together?

Pennsylvania - ok this state is really nice and pretty and i actually really liked it?its basically made of brick, philadelphia is just BRICK

Massachusetts: BOSTON IS THE BOMB OK, i love boston but idk more than that.

Wyoming: it has yellowstone and a shit ton of bison. I got nightmares from the amount of bison

Idaho: i wanted to move here when i was like 9 bc my parents said i could own a horse if we moved here.

Montana - idek montana i visited like one national park and it was hot as fuck.

Oregon - EVEN MORE people smoke weed wtf. i’ve never been to portland, its horrible. i heard it has bookstores which is good bc california doesn’t (thats a joke, my hometown doesn’t have bookstores)

Washington - seattle has a fucking starbucks on every block like chill dude.

Arizona - HOT. AS. FUCK.

New Mexico - idk i’ve never been here but santa fe was in a musical song and i think it sounds cool

Texas - some of my fam lives here? i’ve never been, i here Austin is really cool and everyone owns guns.

North Dakota - snow

South Dakota - idk what the hell is there in south dakota (i also spelled dakota 3 different ways in the past two states wtf)

Nebraska - corn?

Kansas - wizard of oz

Wisconsin - i actually forgot this was a state WHOOPS

Minnesota - AYEEE YOU ELECTED A SOMALI-AMERICAN WOMAN TO THE STATE HOUSE!

Iowa - this is def corn town

Missouri - i think of the word misery but im sure its a pretty cool place!

Arkansas - I AM UPSET IT ISN’T PRONOUNCED THE SAME WAY AS KANSAS WHAT IS THIS BS

Louisiana - new orleans seems dope. property brothers does a show here, indians and asians settled here first!

Mississippi - M-I-S-S-I-S-S-I-P-P-I

Alabama - idek

Tennessee - THERE’S A TOWN NAMED AFTER DOLLY PARTON I THINK AND ITS SO WEIRD. it’s actually pretty and there was a tractor in the airport.

South Carolina - idek

North Carolina - ITS SO PRETTYYYYY THE BEACHES <3

Virginia - jamestown colony here? bc i think i visited it, american history is the bomb.com here so is thomas jefferson

Vermont - honestly seems chill. Bernie Sanders is from here right? i’d move here

West Virgina - why are there two virginas?

Delaware - it was the first state right? idek how i know that

Connecticut - i don’t know how to pronounce this properly tbh

Rhode Island - ITS SO SMALL

New Hampshire - idek either like? it seems so cute

Maine - BUCKET LIST STATE I WANNA VISIT SO BADD

Kentucky - FRIED CHICKEN

Ohio - my parents lived here for like 5-10 years and they loved it. it snows so yikes

Michigan - my aunts state, i have a baby sweatshirt with U of M’s logo and a stuffed bear AND a regular shirt that i wear. i haven’t even been here but apparently its amazing

Illinois - C H I C A G O and apparently they don’t like ketchup

Indiana - ?!?!?

Alaska - ITTS SO PRETTY AND YOU CAN VISIT A BEAR ISLAND??!?! lots of guns

Hawaii - the most precious state ever, so pretty. didn’t deserve to be taken over by american businessmen

Wisconsin - did i do this already? is it real? UPDATE: I DID THIS ALREADY omfg

Oklahoma - it sounds like okara

#shut up anya

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theoriginalivyannazimuth · 5 years

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Because Reddit is having issues this is my submission to Malicious Compliance. Mostly so I can copy paste it later

Hello reddit, today I will tell you a tale of romance, betrayal, and smipublic streeking.

(WARNING THERE IS A LOT OF BACKSTORY FOR THIS SO ITS A LONG POST)

I don't go here much as I usually watch RSLASH and /Start and tend to prefer to lurk rather than post (unless its to promote my youtube) but I thought you may like to hear this, so here I go.

I don't usually put my real name online but some people may know me as LadyAzimuth (hi guys!)

I am 23 and my mother and I have always had a rocky relationship; by which I mean that she was mentally abusive to me and physically to my older sister back in the day. Now not to be rude but my mother has always had some mental problems which is why I ignored a good amount of the BS she did.

When I was young and spending the weekend at my father's i spilled some fries witch ketchup however and immediately began sobbing and apologizing for making a mess and going into full panic attack mode. My father calmed me down and asked me some questions which made me come to the realization that I was being pretty heavily abused by my mother.

Couple that with the many MANY years of physical abuse (I was bi in the late 90s and early 2000s and it wasnt legal to marry where I am until 05 so I got my ass kicked alot) and that made the perfect cocktail of dependence and silence.

My mother would constantly tell me I was being dramatic when I was heavily suicidal, dumb when it turns out i am dyslexic, and a cry baby when I would have anxiety attacks. Of course that all stopped when she got diagnosed for almost everything I have.

This may seem like useless information but I need you to understand why I act the way I am in this situation.

Now I have always been obedient. When her mother died i was in my teens and ended up having to raise my 2 younger siblings while my mom and stepfather were in a different city (will be referred to as L henceforth for privacy )

I ended up doing worse in school (I was already having issues because COULDN'T READ) and having to give up doing karate which was the closest thing to therapy I had. I had gotten a few awards for rising through the ranks quicker than others and my teacher thought I could have been a teacher in a few years time if I had continued the way that I was.

Now note, I never asked for a thank you. I believe that you should do your best to help other when they need it and it is ridiculous to demand thanks for it, but I do expect the base level of respect.

My mother only respects herself and her reputation.

I was working at a famous Canadian coffee shop (the one from the memes, you all know what one) for 2 years and I and everyone else was abused for years at it. I stayed longer than 70% of the people working there. This place was the worst. AC didn't work in the summer and it got to about 45 -50 degrees in there, of course we weren't allowed water breaks.

This place also did not want anyone to ever log their injuries. My friend logged a slip that resulted in her being in a hip brace and they cut her hours from full time to 1 4 hour shift a week for it. It was because of this and my being used to being abused that I didn't log a injury I got while trying to open a stuck fridge door.

I have bad knees so I ended up having them lock up while I tried to yank this door open underneath the deli counter causing my kneecap to pop off and my leg to collapse causing a v shape going outwards with the knee. I can't explain it well, but suffice to say, knees do NOT work that way. This is an injury that causes me pain almost every day of my life now, and because I was bullied into not recording it and it was almost 2 years ago now with everyone who was there having quit, there's nothing legally I can do.

I ended up leaving that place when an older lady who had been written up 7 times and not fired dispute almost attacking customers numerous times, screamed at a customer I was helping causing me to have a panic attack. I went to the back and was having a breakdown when she stormed in, threw the clipboard that holds the schedule at my head and punched a bookshelf beside me. I knew nothing would be done, so I left.

It was freeing for all of 5 minutes. Like a weight off my shoulders. Like when you're in a car crash and when you open your eyes, it was just a fender bender.

And then my mother demanded rent.

I had already paid my rent for the month (it was only about the 5th of April) and she was demanding next months rent "just to be sure"

Of course the next month comes around and she demands more rent, even though I paid in advance and went into debt to do it.

This was the beginning of the end.

My stepfather told her she was being ridiculous and to drop it so I could find work. And she did, for a bit. Now I currently live in K. K is a largish city that's only an hour away from Toronto on the 401 and even with the minimum wage being 14 an hour in Ontario, you still can not afford a 1 bedroom apartment in the ghetto here off 1 persons wages.

On top of that there aren't enough jobs to go around. Every single interview I've gone to has had no less than 5 other people to interview aside from me and that's on the low end.

So I've been jobless since April.

Fast forward a few months and my mother and stepfather break up. She and him had been together for 19 years and she has been cheating on him for 7 moths with her vocal instructor who is also a mutual friend of theirs.

They decide that they want to co-parent as to not disrupt the children's lives. Which would be acceptable if that was the case and not just a cover story so the kids don't worry.

The truth is, my mother sold her share of her company because she (like a whiny child) couldn't get along with her.

I mean admittedly she is a plastic prep who never grew out of it but I digress...

So she sold her part of the company and is taking payments of about 1000 a week for 2 years I think?

Rather than putting this towards the rent, shes been spending money like it's going out of style.

Since then she has bought a grand fucking piano which she's still making payments on, a whole ass horse and is paying for monthly board for her. She eats out nearly every single day and drives across cities numerous times a day in her giant gas guzzling ford truck.

To top it off, she attempted to ride said horse before properly rehabilitating it (it had been neglected and underfed so she was antsy and none of the saddles fit correctly) so it threw her.

Kali, I love you, you beautiful mare you, but you sent my mother to destination fucked, and I don't appreciate it.

She landed on her ankle, shattered it, nearly twisted it off completely and broke the leg bone clean in half. She nearly lost the leg due to infection and 15 months later we are still looking at about 10 more months of recovery if all go's well.

Now just because we live in Canada, doesn't mean this is a cheap endeavor. In fact my step father had to double his workload in the business he owned to make up for it, and the household is still having some issues (I'm not saying we are broke, because the lights are on and everyone is comfortable but we have to live by the dollar at this point.)

So money has been coming up a lot recently and has been another way to demean me and manipulate me and make me feel like trash.

The money is the reason why she want's to co-parent, because otherwise she most likely would not be able to support herself with how shes hemorrhaging money and cant work. (Physically she can, she just would prefer not to and to go out every day and night to party and bang her boyfriend. Did I mention she still hasn't legally divorced my father and still has his last name?

So a week to the day that they made the separation announcement, she gets my stepfather to tell me for her that I have to leave.

Because she wan'ts somewhere to sleep that isn't the couch.

And to "help me out" I could sleep on the couch until I find a place and maybe my family from L can help.

My family who most live off of welfare and minimum wage jobs in the shit end of town.

She didn't tell me when I was to leave, despite me asking her, I assume it was because I can be pretty scary when I am angry and screaming, I'll admit. I learned from my stepfather that I had to be out within the week.

I have to leave, with less than no money because my mother cheated on my stepfather.

Some people wounder what they are worth, money wise. I found out I am worth 500 CAD and some middle aged balding white man dick. How lovely.

So of course I have a total melt down. My friend took me in for a few days because I was on the edge of suicide and still am and couldn't be in the house anymore.

So I've contacted my family in L and am making arrangements to leave and its been a week to the day. Things are slow going as I find someone who can host me on their couch until I get on my feet so I'm on borrowed time.

I got frustrated as since then my mother hasn't said a word to me and has pretended I don't exist so I asked her what the hell she expected from me and how she could act like this.

I got this response. "Just take your shit and go"

OK.

I have a large room, most of the rooms in this house are large so its quite a bit to pack but I've got it more or less.

(Pic here The Packed Room )

In said room I have a lovely wooden bedroom set given to me from my grandmother before she died, as it was in the bedroom I always stayed in when I was at her house. There's a bedside table, bed with a nice head board and a large vanity with a huge mirror.

I never had anything as nice as that before grandmother so I made sure years ago with my stepfather that when I move, its going with me.

On top of that, i have a large old desk that used to be in the office before my stepfather upgraded, a TV which was gifted to me, 8 bookshelves that I saved from being tossed years ago, lovely purple blackout curtains with black flowers on them and a matching lamp and a leather futon couch which is actually quite classy and a PS4,3 and 2. (she occasionally games so I know she's been eyeing those)

I know my mom. I know she wants everything inside of here and will fight tooth and nail for it. But not only is everything in here mine and the accumulation of years, I have my stepfathers permission to take everything, because it is mine.

Take my shit and go? Ok. I will. My friend's grandfather is offering to store my stuff in his empty rooms because he is the kindest old veteran you'll ever meet. I'm taking EVERYTHING.

NOTHING will be left behind.

I hope she enjoys sleeping on the floor because I know for fact we don't have a spare bed.

And as I'm just taking my shit and going, Ill make sure to not tell her about how the very large window super heats the room in the summer at 3 in the afternoon and is almost as cold as the outside is in winter because it was never properly installed. I'll also neglect to tell her where the window leaks when it rains to put down towels so mold dosn't start growing. I'll neglect to tell her about how the wifi doesn't reach up here most of the time so she will have to wonder if her tech is broken.

Unrelated but she REALLY cares about what other people think and that's why I had the thick curtains.

The week is up in a few minutes so I took down MY curtains. Because I'm just taking my stuff and going right?

So I hope out neighbors don't see my chubby while butt undressing to sleep. I used to sleep naked.

I think I'll do that tonight.

TL;DR:

Mom gave the sacred succ to a person she shouldn't have, kicked me out with no warning, so now her one legged ass will be sleeping on the floor of the fancy room she traded me for and will have to answer questions to the whole cul du sac of middle aged upper middle class stuck up moms that she runs the community facebook page for about why her daughter was giving the neighborhood a strip show.

Also she may freeze / sweat to death before she figures out the window is fucked.

Will update once I'm gone about her reaction. Thanks for reading and remember:

Some times you just gatta do what you're told lol.

#Malicious Compliance

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dreamscapestory · 6 years

Text

BLOGPOST: VV

ok but the murder, at least, was not my fault.

the flirting, yes. the heartbreak, partly. the severe lack of appetizers toward the end of the night, i greatly contributed to. but the murder?

the murder is completely on vince.

... but i should probably start from the beginning.

so hey, everyone, it’s me, violet vivaldi. insert youtuber intro here. but you probably already knew that from the texts amaya uploaded, henceforth dubbed chapter one because i guess she has some kind of desire to make this all look like a cute story. which i mean, relatable, i wish this was one of those cute fairy tale things as well, but considering one of the first things i mentioned was the murder, you can probably already see that whatever this tale is, it is... not that.

where was i?

oh yeah, the murder.

so i should reiterate that this completely was not a planned thing. and yeah, i know, like half the crap that goes down in red kingdom is not a planned thing, and knowing us that is a lot of crap, but that’s gotta stand for something, right? though i guess when you recall that it was vincent who did the deed, any excuses kind of fly out the window. it’s kind of useless to excuse him for one violent action when he’s pretty much the poster child for violence in these parts. and probably all parts, now that i think about it.

diamonds royals, am i right.

and before you start getting super confused and wondering what the hell went down between the last chapter and this one, and how much time has to have passed for quiet, awkward, but mostly harmless vince to have evolved into some kind of super hitman heartless killer, i should probably tell you that you have the wrong vincent. i mean. yeah, technically, they’re the same person, i guess, but they’re not both awake at the same time, if you know what i mean. that vincent doesn’t even know about the dreamscape yet. and i would’ve been fine and good with letting him and the rest of us stay ignorant of this world forever. except, of course, for Freaking Pietro.

which brings us back to the murder.

but before i explain that, i think it would probably be appropriate to backtrack a little and explain some crucial details. specifically Freaking Pietro. oh boy.

let’s talk about Freaking Pietro.

so the first thing you need to know about Freaking Pietro is that he is one shady dude. which is normal in red kingdom. everyone here is at least a little shady. but pietro has apparently made his personal business to become Shadiest Man in Red, a nickname that also serves as a godawful pun because he doesn’t wear anything other than red. he says it’s because it hides the bloodstains. i know for a fact that it is actually because he really effing loves hotdogs and accidentally spilling ketchup on himself, and that is not a good thing for your reputation if you are trying to usurp vincent’s title of Shadiest Man.

(personally, i think it’s a lost cause. pietro has trouble kneecapping people, something about the sound it makes and how he doesn’t like that particular sound. the only reason vincent hasn’t kicked his ass yet for trying to steal his title is because vince, for some unfathomable reason, thinks pietro is hilarious. something about his desperateness to be at the top and how it’s reminiscent of a puppy. or something. i don’t even know, man, vince is weird.)

anyway, the really important thing you need to know about Freaking Pietro is that he is Rich. not just rich, no. he’s Rich. that capital r being very necessary. and being Rich, he is obligated to throw The Best Parties, to which i am always invited because obviously, i am the princess of hearts, i own half this goddamn kingdom, and to not invite me would have been a very bad thing indeed because if there is one thing i love, it’s parties. and when the girl who owns half your ass loves parties and you throw The Best Parties, it’s probably a good idea to invite her.

so yeah, i went to Freaking Pietro’s party. it was the usual thing: people getting high in the bedrooms, nobles laughing about how much better their getting high was than the common folk’s, outfits that cost ridiculous amounts of money, and obviously really effing good food. and i was talking up some shmuck from the East Side, turning on the charm and trying to weedle out some kind of agreement between his crime group and this other crime group so they wouldn’t cause a war right in the middle of the East and end up dragging my hearts group into it due to alliances issues - god, what a mess that would end up being - when somebody tapped me on the shoulder and whispered, “pietro says he wants to talk to you.”

“then pietro can come ask me himself, richard,” i said, because of course i knew exactly who was speaking. in fact, i knew his birthday and blood type and all of the names of his exes and also his favorite foods and his mom’s favorite foods and his brother’s and father’s and cousins’ and let’s just say i know every goddamn detail about him because i mean, i’m the princess of hearts. blackmail and information are my thing. vince is the punching guy, i’m the brains. that’s how we work.

“well, see, violet,” richard had the nerve to protest, “pietro’s kind of in his room right now, and he wants to talk to you there because of privacy reasons, and respectfully, it really would save a lot of time if you just went there to talk to him instead of him coming out here and asking you to come with him and then both of you guys having to go all the way back there. i mean, this place isn’t exactly small, you know?”

richard did have a point, i have to admit. Freaking Pietro’s house was Freaking Big. probably because it was a mansion. that’s kind of how mansions work, from my experience.

so i rolled my eyes and sighed and finished up my business with the East Side dude before going to see pietro. (the dude was putty in my hands looong before richard showed up - you can say a lot of things about me, but you can’t deny that i am damn good at my job.) and i was pretty sure i knew exactly how this conversation was going to play out: pietro would chat me up for a bit, maybe offer me some variety of alcoholic beverage, and then he would declare his eternal and undying love for me, at which point i would have to kindly turn him down yet again because pietro had been at this for a pathetic while now, and i was getting pretty sick of this whole situation. and then he’d beg and plead and possibly cry and definitely threaten me, and i would have to threaten him back in order to get him to shut up. which he would, in the end. i’d been through this enough times that that much was pretty clear.

sure enough, i found pietro sitting out in his personal balcony with a bottle of wine, and i had to stifle a sigh. goddamn the dude was persistent. i really needed to beg vincent again to strangle him for me.

“for the last time, pietro,” i said, folding my arms and not joining him at his little table setup. “the answer is no.”

pietro looked injured. “you didn’t even let me ask,” he whined.

“we have been over this a million goddamn times. i’m not into you. you have to get over it. go to a brothel or something, there’s literally one down the street. i’m sure they’ll oblige you if you pay them enough money.”

pietro stood, and i braced myself for more begging and threatening and tears. but for some reason, i couldn’t find any hint of that in his features. which made me very uneasy because i am the best at reading expressions, and i was pretty sure he looked kind of... smug.

“oh, violet,” he said, pulling out a pistol from behind his back and aiming it straight at my face, “i never said anything about asking you out again.”

at which point, the pistol went flying out of his hand, a sword emerged through his back, and pietro’s eyes went wide as he collapsed to the ground, having died in one of the most overdramatic sequences i had ever seen.

“hey, vi,” vincent said with absolutely no expression on his face whatsoever, pulling his sword out of pietro’s back. “so, how’s your day going?”

“you are the biggest drama queen i have ever seen,” i told him. “also, thanks, that could’ve gotten messy in so many different ways. also, why are you here?”

vince just kind of looked from me to pietro, like what else do you want me to say?

“okay,” i said, “let me rephrase that. how did you find out that pietro was going to kill me before i knew that pietro was going to kill me? i mean, that’s not usually your thing, you know?”

“because the guy who hired him also hired somebody to kill me,” was vincent’s straightfaced response. “as you can see, it didn’t exactly work out.”

i nodded as if this was a common occurrence, which in our line of business, it kind of is. “and who exactly is that?”

“cide.”

i blinked. a hard, gutwrenching feeling descended upon me. “aw, crap.”

“yeah,” vincent said. “exactly.”

the gutwrenching feeling grew worse. cide was bad news. not because he was rich or powerful or extremely dangerous, though he was all three, but because he was technically legally a black kingdom citizen, meaning that vincent and i had pretty much zero power over him. he led a very private life, almost never went out, wasn’t married, his parents were dead, and i knew almost next to nothing about him except for the ongoing rumors about his secret businesses in the red kingdom. but seeing as i’d never been able to dig up any real proof, even that information was essentially useless. he was, for all means and purposes, untouchable.

“goddamn.” i sat on the chair pietro had abandoned, staring blankly at the still-unopened wine bottle he’d left. “i mean, i’d heard cide was moving in on the red kingdom, but i thought that was just a rumor. i guess this thing is bigger than i thought.”

“it’s bigger than we both thought.” vincent offered a hand to me and helped me up. “c’mon. we need to get a message to our friends in the black kingdom, and we need to hurry. this assassination attempt isn’t even the full story yet.”

“what? what could he possibly be planning other than getting rid of us and taking control of the entire goddamn red kingdom?”

i was very, very surprised and disturbed when for the first time ever, i saw a hint of fear in vincent’s features.

“a whole lot,” he said grimly. “man, vi, you have no idea, do you? this whole thing? this is only the beginning.”

#blogpost #vv #vl #page 13

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cksmart-world · 5 years

Text

The Completely Unnecessary News Analysis

by Christopher Smart

Feb. 26, 2019

HILARIOUS LEGISLATION, SINNERS IN ZION

& TAX CUTS FOR STIFFS

Nobels For Trump & Kim

Spike Lee's in a snit but who cares, the Oscars are over. Now we can look forward to the next big awards show, the Nobel Peace Prize. The smart money is riding on that sporty North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un and our jaunty president, Donald Trump. As Trump has said many times, he deserves the Nobel more than that Kenyan, Barack Obama. Look it, our president has single-handedly prevented a nuclear war with North Korea. We could be dead by now. That easily beats carpet bomber Henry Kissinger, Nixon's alter ego, who also is a Nobel laureate. It's only right that Trump and Kim should win the Nobel together because, well, because they love each other. In Trump's words: “He wrote me some very beautiful letters... I fell in love.” (We are not making this shit up.) Haircuts not withstanding, they do have a lot in common. As we speak, Trump and Kim are in Hanoi, the beautiful capital of Vietnam, to smoke the peace pipe. And the usually reserved Vietnamese people are absolutely gaga over the summit. According to CBS News, one barber there is giving away free Donald and Kim haircuts. Why this hasn't caught on here, we're not sure. One footnote: The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Science is lobbying for Alec Baldwin to get a share of the Nobel for best supporting tyrant. It's much better than an Oscar.

Tax Cuts For Working-Class Stiffs

Speaking of great feats, it's time for everyday working Americans to begin enjoying their tax refunds. Oh yeah. The Republican overhaul of the tax code is really making a significant difference for some more than others. The beauty of the tax cuts is that they also apply to what some people call the investment class. (Wilson and the band just call them rich bastards — or RBs.) It's like this, Republicans have known since the time of Ronald “Ketchup Is a Vegetable” Reagan that if we give big tax breaks to the RBs, they, in turn, will take all that dough and invest it everywhere. It follows that all those investments will grow the economy and all the worker bees (Wilson calls them working-class stiffs — or WCSs) will get lots of money and everybody wins. Some economists say we're still waiting to see the trickle down from Reagan's time. But remember, Galileo and Darwin had their doubters, too. The downside, of course, is the trillion dollars the tax cuts added to our national debt. But that doesn't matter so much anymore. Republican leader Sen. Mitch McConnell and former House Speaker Paul Ryan — who has returned to working at McDonalds — have explained that it's no big deal. What's another trillion, anyway? And besides, the RBs aren't worried because the WCSs — or their grandchildren — will take care of it in due time.

Let Us Entertain You

This is the best time of year for many reasons. The days are getting longer. The Oscars are over. And the Utah Legislature is providing entertainment beyond our wildest dreams. For example, there is a legislative proposal to bring the most dangerous type of radioactive material to Tooele County. Is that funny, or what. Another bill would make it so we don't have to stop at red lights any more. It's the best idea since the legislation two years ago that did away with auto safety inspections. Another bill would make it legal for children to play outside without adult supervision — the “Free Range Kids” bill. That came as a surprised to the staff here at Smart Bomb. We had no idea it was illegal for children to play outside without an adult. Wilson says it reminds him of free-range chickens. But let's not go there. (Notice, we haven't said anything about medical marijuana or Medicaid expansion. That's just too hilarious). Legislators also are focusing on our deadly air pollution with a bunch of bills that would study pollution from cars, pollution from smoke stacks, pollution from cows and pollution from vaping high school kids. Wisely, legislators have been careful to avoid setting rigorous standards for industry, building construction or transportation. That would be too expensive — and, after all, people have to live.

Sinners Tarnish Utah's Rep

OK, this is serious. Utah is not the least sinful state in the nation. That's the word from Tribune columnist and all around bon vivant, Scott Pierce. If he wouldn't know about sin, who would. This has to be of great concern to the old boys in The Tower of Power, who must be preoccupied right now lobbying against sin at the Utah Legislature. And that's not to mention Brigham Young University that, year-in and year-out, holds the honor of most sober school anywhere. It's probably the most chaste, too, but BYU officials have refused to release that data from undercover campus police. It's just too bad the classifications weren't based on sex and drink. Utah could have, um, well, never mind. The rankings by the website WalletHub were based on scores for vanity, jealousy, lust, anger, hatred, greed and laziness — you got it, the Seven Deadly Sins. Vermont was ranked least sinful of the 50 states. Can you believe that — the home of Ben and Jerry's ice cream. Hah. Maine, North Dakota, Nebraska and Idaho (in that order) also beat out Utah for lacking sin. Well, of course, those states are practically empty. How can you have sin in a vacuum. Where did the Beehive State fall short. Was it lust. Was it greed. It couldn't have been vanity, could it? Nah. We're too special for that.

POST SCRIPT

And finally, here are this week's top stories from our “As Rome Burns” - file:

Minnesota Sen. Amy Klobuchar ate a salad with a comb and ordered a staffer to clean it

Ivanka Trump endorses Nikki Haley's daughter for student body vice president at Clemson

Delta Air Lines apologizes for 'creepy' Diet Coke napkins, is removing them from flights

Utah County Still Home to Large Families with 6 Kids

Have Dark Forces Been Messing With the Cosmos? (We did not make this up.)

Well, that's it for another jaunty week here at Smart Bomb, where the staff keeps a close eye on the cosmos so you can adjust your feng shui as needed. OK Wilson, take us out with a little something for our cosmic well-being: Words are flowing out like endless rain into a paper cup / They slither while they pass, they slip away across the universe / Pools of sorrow waves of joy are drifting through my open mind / Possessing and caressing me... Jai Guru Deva, om / Nothing's gonna change my world / Nothing's gonna change my world...

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