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machineheraldandy · 4 months

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RETROFANG: talking about the ship

Xina Kwan x Miguel o’hara

For the 1992-1995 spiderman 2099 comics, and the world of tomorrow 2099 comics that followed.

Welcome back to me rambling in a way that probably doesn’t make sense

Miguel x Xina is one of my comfort ships, something I love, it’s flawed, but beautiful, it tells a story that the writers no longer want to show which is upsetting, it’s flawed loved of two people who care for each other deeply but cannot bring themself to be together, one is self destructive, while one seeks for ways to help. A relationship to its core doomed to fail.

The first time we ever see Xina is when she is that of what we can assume to be around 12-13, both her and Miguel were young students attending school together, two people that would later stick together and not befriend anyone else that we can see, and from the very starts it’s love at first sight for Miguel, you can see with the way it’s drawn to the plot that falls that Miguel falls instantly In love, and it can be argued that Xina also fell in love, or at least let Miguel flirt without being uncomfortable. He gives her a glance, and turns his head to follow her as she does the same before they officially talk.

Later on it’s straight away to flirting, asking to go to the pool, a possible sign of trying to get what a child may consider a date in a way. They spend the rest of their school years friends, and helping each other, it appears that even if both In love, they decided to take it slow, become friends, then best friends, then lovers, a way to build up a healthy and trusting relationship, a relationship that shows Miguel waited years to be with Xina, waited years for her.

This is what I consider deep love, a love that movie, craved but also feared, a love he had to destroy in order to destroy himself

The next time we see Miguel with Xina is when he is moving into his alchemax apartment (it appears), which due to the way we assume Xina is, and how she is in general, even if she went to an Alchemax school, she doesn’t really like Alchemax, yet would do things in support of Miguel working there, she saw flaws in his design and yet hang on, because she loved him, it’s then hinted that they of course did it, but it also shows one of Miguel’s biggest flaws when it comes to Xina, he loves her, but waits too long to learn about her. In later times he learns what she likes, what she does, but here it’s shown that he didn’t even known his best friend had gotten a tattoo of her favourite real life person, something he would have known because they are seen to be best friends that stick together.

Which brings up the issue and possibly why their relationship ended so soon, yes Miguel definitely found Dana attractive, and was emotionally cheating in front of Xina, but at his core he wasn’t ready to be a good partner, he wasn’t ready for a healthy commitment, he couldn’t even properly care for what Xina loved, even after knowing her since they were basically pre-teens. Miguel was not a good man at this time, he’s he waited for Xina for years, but he was too much of a bad person to hold onto her after finally getting her,

You also take into consideration that he is self destructive, he loves Xina more than anything and therefore he had to destroy it fast, he had to find another fast to destroy what he had, he had waited years for a woman, he has her, now he has to get rid of her in a way she will never want him back, how does he do that? Cheating. Emotionally first, and then physically.

When we end up seeing them again it’s because LYLA is broken, LYLA who resembled Xina in the way of it being based off of her tattoo, Miguel doesn’t care for Marilyn Monroe herself, he cares for the fact she is xinas tattoo, hence him only now caring for xina’s interests, caring too late. He becomes desperate to fix her because she is in his way a way to be close to Xina without havent to be near her, he loves Xina, but he can’t return, he messed it up too much on purpose. Though that ends fast as he soon learns that the best person to go to, to fix LYLA is Xina, which could possibly also be seen as an excuse to see Xina again. Once let in the first thing he does is go to her bedroom, to remember the old times, to live in the past, the past he craves but can’t get anymore.

You also see that Xina who is still single and assumed to have stayed single after Miguel, still loves and misses him, her bedside photo is them together. She loves him, she wants him, but she hates him as of now.

Within this time we also see Jack, Xinas Android, Miguel mistakes him for a partner, and seems to be almost jealous, upset. More signs he still loves her even if engaged to Dana, you also see Xina making it clear she doesn’t want him there and hates him, but she doesn’t kick him out, and it’s clear as much as she was uncomfortable, she cared enough to listen, cared enough to help, and of course we know this was going to happen, as even if she claims she just wanted to see him “crawling back” as a joke, it’s clear from the photo in her room, that she wanted him back deeply.

When she talks to Miguel many things are clear, one she is lying about things and two she is desperate to be the one he needs the most, even if she doesn’t want to make that clear.

She lies when talking about why they dated she claims it’s because she felt sorry for Miguel, but once again her photo in her room proves that wrong, along side the fact that she caught Miguel cheating as she came home early to be with him and to make him happy, she deeply cared for him, it was never about his dad, it was always about their love.

You also see how she is almost trying to push him away and is mocking his fiancé, Miguel doesn’t stop her, almost as if he wants her to insult Dana, because truthfully he doesn’t care for Dana the way he should, he cares for her as he loves her as she is what he considered dumb, someone that can’t question him, someone that blindly follows. Yet he sees Xina as smart, independent, and important to him, he loves that about her, yet is also scared about that. Because it means she can help him see his errors, and he doesn’t want to be shown, he wants to remain blind

Next one I want to talk about is this comic panel, you see that Miguel is finally caring for her interests, he is taking the time to get her real old things such as a gumball machine, because he knows she loves it, he is caring enough finally, he knows what she likes, what she want, why she wants it, he cared for her deeply and after years is finally showing it. Only now

next bit in this panel Miguel mentions the fact he was going to end it, he directly tells Xina he is planning to end it in a way, and Xina instead of making a joke, instead of being her nasty self she has been a few times, instead asks him to join her on a trip. Alone. She cares for him enough that she is literally wanting to spend time alone with him as a way to possibly keep him alive but to also reconnect, something that shows her deep love for him, and deep need for him, and also just the fact she is a great friend. These are two people stuck in a bad world they suffer in that still care for each other deeply.

(NO image as I don’t feel comfortable with that)

SA mention

I am bringing up a scene we end up seeing soon into their trip together, a flashback to Kron attempting to harm Xina, this is poorly written and used as a way to show Miguel and Leon’s hate for each other, they directly use Xina getting SA’ED as a way to push two boys fighting. This is no doubt disgusting writing.

But in the sight of this being about Miguel and Xina it has to be bought up in the way that Xina would put himself in danger, and put his family at risk, risk being abused by George, risk loosing everything, risk possibly even being killed by George, to keep Xina safe, he before now refused to fight back, refused to lay a finger on Kron as he was scared for himself and his family. He was frightened, yet he risked it all for Xina. He did at a point nearly bail on Xina, he was scared the worse would happen to him, but in the end he Kepler her. He kept her safe, even if it was poorly written and should have been shown in a different way that didn’t make a man the savour of a woman facing SA

Nor that’s over we get into the venom arc, the arc where Kron as venom attacks Xina and Dana to get to Miguel, something that reveals Miguel’s even deeper connection to Xina, he out of impulse screams for Xina, he is more worried for her, though he is still very worried for Dana, in this he has to save both, he only successfully saves Xina, and Dana passes away, this isn’t used for shipping Xina and Miguel, in fact Xina ends up leaving. This is shown as a way to show their friendship only, they don’t get together, as they both mentally can’t, Miguel lost his fiancé even if he wasn’t the best partner, and Xina had survivors guilt, she hates herself for hating the woman that slept with her boyfriend, a woman who hates her interests (shown by how she hates Gabriel’s retro interests) she so ends up leaving, I can argue that this was the best ending for the comic, until Miguel and Xina returned later. They both weren’t mentally stable, they both yes loved each other, but they would have ruined each other if they tried again.

The next time we see Xina is when she is happy to see Miguel, even slightly seeming to mess around, she cares for Miguel still, and Miguel still cares for her, but she has seemed to move on, she doesn’t care for a relationship, she has a job to do, people to help, and tech to work on, but yet she is still close to Miguel, she still holds onto Miguel, she still in a way loves him, even if as of now that love is platonic, and the same can be said for Miguel, he is trying to find Gabriel, he doesn’t have time for trying to get with Xina,on top of that but they only see each other for what can be assumed to be less than 24/7’S, they aren’t ready to try again, it’s too quick, and the story handles that well, it doesn’t make them a couple, it makes them friends, who still may have feelings for each other.

In the end they end up leaving, Xina just had her best friend did, and Miguel still needs to find Gabriel, they never end up together, from there on Xina stops showing up, she doesn’t appear in canon at all, she is gone from Miguel’s life, if we don’t count time storm a non canon story; it has been nearly I believe 27 years since she was last since.

It is a bitter sweet ending to her story, and she doesn’t get seen again, but it’s also a bittersweet ending to Miguel’s orginal love life for 2099, after that they force him into Peter Parker’s love interests within stories, or he gets tempest from the past, not his time, which I still love, she just isn’t from comics I read. For the year 2099, for the future Miguel has no life without Xina, he is stuck literally and metaphorically in the past.

I would love to Xina come back, she is considered Miguel’s MJ, the endgame, the person he loves more than anything, and really when you see the writing, when you see what was done, that is completely true, it was written that they were doomed lovers, but they could easily become good partners with time and effort, and if Miguel stops being self destructive

In the end they didn’t work due to Miguel’s self harm, and due to the fact Xina wouldn’t deal with what which is good for her. But if Miguel gets therapy…maybe. They could work.

Over all good doomed lover plot, painful for everyone that wanted them together forever such as myself

But in a non canon comic when Miguel is mentally more stable, him and her are married, and ended up growing old together :)

#Xina Kwan #Miguel o’hara #spiderman 2099 #world of tomorrow #world of tomorrow 2099 #Xina Kwan 2099 #spiderman 2099 1992 #Retrofang #xinamiguel #xinamig #analysis #talk #rambling #doomed lovers #they could be not doomed if Miguel got therapy

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izzysillyhandsy · 6 months

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Ed and Izzy: Cleaning up the mess

As of the end of Ep7, Ed has left Stede and his whole life behind because "he doesn't even know who he is". And I'd like to suggest in this rambling essay that Ed's journey to self-knowledge and self-love can't properly begin before he's come to terms with what happened with Izzy.

Although Ed has steadily been trying to make amends, at the start of Ep6 he's still feeling unsettled and guilty as hell about the terrible things he did (was capable of!): killing his dad, condemning his whole crew to certain death, Izzy's toe, shooting Izzy, being "killed" by Jim and the crew with Izzy looking on...

There's a surprising amount of Izzy in Ed's flashback (I was honestly surprised the toe cutting made it in - somehow the whole discussion around "Izzy deserving it" made me think Ed thought so as well? But of course he doesn't think that. Izzy does.)

And while Ed's central conflict is his underlying self-hatred and self-doubt, there still is a daily reminder of all of his worst tendencies and (still very recent) acts right under his nose.

I think I got all the poison out of my system...

...or not. The indestructible fucker's still here.

Izzy is Ed’s walking and talking guilt room and no amount of deflecting, story-telling or sugarcoating can turn that poison into positivity.

Stede, I love you for your sometimes naive, sweet outlook on life (and Ed does too), but Ed and Izzy, that’s years and years of love and devotion, resentment and hate, building each other up and tearing each other down. They’ve just come out of the absolute worst breakup in history, with so many things unsaid and unknown they’d need the whole of S3 to talk it through.

Stede applying his motivational poster line to Izzy of all people is a little bit tone deaf, especially because it happens right while Izzy’s singing a bittersweet love song about/to Ed.

Which he continues, in French, while Ed and Stede are having sex for the first time so that's definitely not helping. I wonder how good Ed's French is, but it is honestly almost comical to imagine Ed cheating on Iz making love to his new boyfriend while his ex is singing his heart out about „It's only him for me, and me for him, for life - he told me, he swore to me, for life“.

So Izzy's still here. Izzy is still visibly hurting, physically (your fault!!) and mentally (your fault as well in so many ways). And you're already over it and having fun with your new boyfriend? Of course not.

Whatever they were/are to each other specifically, Ed and Izzy were as good as married. They spent almost every day together for decades. Izzy let himself be maimed and hurt over and over again out of love and loyalty. And Ed feels very, very guilty about it. Even if this guilt is not the first thing constantly on Ed's mind, it's certainly there in the background, simmering.

On the other hand, Izzy is the one who kept Ed stationary - they had a good, secure (for pirates anyway) life together, why risk change? I don't think Izzy had noticed (or wanted to notice) how bad it'd gotten for Ed for a long time. So there's also a lot of resentment there from Ed's side, all tied up with Izzy.

It's a very complicated mess and I think that all this is at least part of the reason for Ed's confusion and need to... just go.

But that's not all, by far.

History repeating itself...

...maybe this seems a bit familiar?

We don't know a lot of Ed&Izzy's backstory (apart from: it's a long one!), but I think it's (almost) canon that it is Izzy's job to make sure Ed is content and safe and, most importantly, to kill for Ed.

And even though their relationship (whatever it was) probably didn't start out as tender and sweet as Ed/Stede, I think they started out much more carefree and happy, possibly excited and adventurous. Until their lifestyle took a toll on both of them - Izzy as Ed's killer and constant protector and Ed as Blackbeard, who Ed started to resent more and more. In the end, all that was left were two broken people in a codependent relationship.

Now it seems like gentle, sweet Stede is slowly turning into Izzy 2.0 - swearing (as far as I remember, Stede almost never said fuck in S1), becoming a "real pirate", and worst of all, killing for Ed even though Ed almost begged him not to (seems familiar?).

Plus, this is happening when Ed, still freshly traumatized from his stint as pirate extreme wants nothing to do with violence in general and piracy specifically. Least of all he wants Stede damaged (or izzyfied).

Stede seemed like a way out of pirating, a chance for a loving, fulfilling relationship. Maybe even a way out of his relationship with Izzy, who I think Ed (subconsciously?) blames for the destructive path his life had taken.

Now he isn't so sure anymore if Stede actually wants this.

Talk it through...

...eventually, maybe. Hopefully.

Of course, not every obstacle Ed has to face, every step on the road to self-love and happiness is about Izzy. Vice versa, Izzy is much more than his relationship with Ed, and he has his own problems independent from him.

But this "marriage" with Izzy was Ed’s longest and most important relationship, and also the last relationship before Stede. The way their relationship became restrictive, damaging and unescapable in the end was both their faults. It'd be quite natural if Ed was a bit cautious with that kind of history. Am I a person who always ends up like this? How did we fuck up this badly? Is there a way out?

Most importantly though, a lot of Ed’s guilt and self-doubt is wrapped up in Izzy - if you're capable of doing that (and that, and that) to the person you love - what else are you capable of?

In conclusion, Ed and Izzy need real closure, one way or the other. Before that happens, Ed won't be happy on any way he chooses, and certainly not in his relationship with Stede.

At the moment, they're not talking, really. It's incredibly sweet though, the way they make these little concessions towards the other (Izzy doing much more than Ed, as per usual). They're almost shy, asking for advice, giving reassurance and understanding, and sharing bottles, smiles and looks.

Will they get a long heart-to-heart in the finale? Of course not, there's not enough time. I think we might get a symbolic moment though.

Ed already knows Izzy loves him. Izzy really doesn't know (on top of everything else, poor kid). The only thing he got from Ed was the "Sorry 'bout your leg", even the latch got a bit more.

Izzy needs to hear that too. "It's not your fault you're broken. You didn't break you. Just trying to do your job, weren't you?"

(btw, I love that Ed is softly blowing onto the latch here, while Izzy is doing the same to his little shark <3)

It's also possible Izzy will get his "I loved you, best I could" in person. Hopefully not exactly in those words. But, for both of them, this will be a start to open proper communication (which might happen offscreen between seasons).

And when we get S3, Ed will be (more) prepared to embark on his journey to happiness, with or without Izzy by his side.

#ofmd #ofmd s2 spoilers #edward teach #izzy hands #ofmd meta #Ed's got this Izzy-shaped rucksack on his back #it's not all about Izzy as a person it's what Izzy stands for #this was just from Ed's perspective - Izzy's also in dire need of something more #TALK boys

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siryouarebeingmocked · 1 month

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Carter and Lovecraft, by Jonathan L. Howard (2015)

I really wanted to like this book.

I've read a few Lovecraft novels and stories, and I liked them. So when I saw this on my friend's bookshelf, I borrowed it, and read it.

Tried to.

The first real fly in the ointment? NYPD protag sees his partner take a 9mm retirement in front of him on a creepy case, and becomes a private detective. Mysterious lawyer shows up at his office one day and says there was a bookstore owner in Providence, Rhode Island, who has been missing and just declared dead.

The protag gets the bookshop. He's not sure why.

Protag goes to the bookshop. Owner's niece, Emily, is there. She's been running the shop alone since the owner vanished, and she co-ran it when he was alive. Also, she's biracial. Would be played by Zoe Kravitz in the movie, he thinks.

Her name is Lovecraft.

As in, she's a descendant of ol' Howard Philips.

She notes the irony; a black-ish "mulatto" descendant of an anti-black racist.

"Okay," I think, as I checked the publication date. "You've gotten that token bit out of the way. Now, can we move on?"

Apparently not.

As protag starts looking into the disappearance and other weird stuff, he decides he needs to get his eye in. So he goes to a gun range, where he needs to sign up for the NRA first

and ends the session by "re-engaging the safety" on his Glock.

Fun fact: stock Glocks don't have manual safeties, AFAIK.

In the next chapter, protag thinks about how he used the gun. He hates the NRA and the whole "gun fetish" thing, but he needs the iron, just in case.

Two strikes. Three if you count the safety thing.

Yes, I know an NYPD cop might be a bit bigoted about the issue, especially considering how his partner died. But it really feels like the writer's opinion.

In fact, let me just-

Yep. The writer is British. This sounds awfully familiar.

It was about this time that I realized something. The protagonist has no traits that aren't directly related to being a cop or detective. Absolutely none.

I don't think we know what he does in his off hours. No friends. Nothing but the job.

Heck, Miss Lovecraft has more personality than him, and she takes up a lot less screen time.

Protag decides to give Lovecraft half the business, so he can become a silent partner. People start dying in physically impossible ways - like the dude who drowned in his dry car in a parking lot - our hero looks into it.

He also ends up learning about a local family, the Waites. Rich, keep to themselves on their own land, been around since before the area was officially settled, apparently.

The local who tells him about all this says the younger ones are oddly attractive. The family has distinctive big eyes.

Anyone remotely familiar with HP Lovecraft just went "Oh, right, they're fishmen. Got it." I've seen this trope done better before, like in the comic Shadowgirls.

Hero looks into the archives, finds records of a racist Town Council rant by an early Waite, back when they were still into trading. Including slaves. Specifically, patriarch Newton Waite went to a council meeting and said black people should serve others, and shouldn't have self-determination.

The archivist intern says it's was "a different time", and that's just how people were back then.

Of course, he adds "People who talk like that now - no pass for them."

End scene.

Like this extremely mainstream, boring opinion is some kind of

In the next scene, protag chats about the fit he had near the Waite place. Learns about another mysterious death. When he chats about it with Emily, he suddenly realizes she's hot.

Then the narration tells us that he was a racist bigot in his teens, though he thought he was being sensible at the time. He now knows he was wrong, but he still feels sparks of it when he reads about some black kid doing some stereotypically black thing, which gives certain white people "a hard-on of righteousness".

And, of course, his time spent walking away from "instinctive racism" means his dating pool opened up. Like Emily Lovecraft, for example.

The most stereotypically black thing would probably be crime. Or being a single mom or deadbeat dad.

Sadly, I know of plenty of black people - from my black majority home country - who fall into one of those categories. Or two. Three if you include "poverty", but we're Developing, so that barely even counts.

Also, this basically came out of nowhere. Not Emily being hot - I mean, look at Zoe Kravitz - but his unsolicited thoughts on racism.

All of these issues have also been issues for many concerned black people. For decades. The 'stereotypically black things' might be bad themselves, not because they make racist white people feel smug.

This is precisely where I closed the book for good. I would've put away the bookmarks, but I needed the page so I could write this rant.

Honestly, writing all this made me realize that I should've given up long before I made it halfway through the book. But I just kept hoping it would get better.

Doing the same well-worn cliches in a modern setting doesn't really make them interesting. Neither do the little 'racism is bad, mmmkay?' bits.

#books #personal #lovecraft #long

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romana-after-dark · 1 year

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The Wrong Way: Chapter 5

Dark!Joel Miller x Fem!Reader Tommy Miller x reader (secondary)

Masterlist

Spotify playlist

Summery: You are sold to Joel to clear up some of your fathers' debts, and he takes you back to his house where him, Tommy, and high ranking members of his raiding trope stay. Joel is mean, cruel, and hash, but had small moments of softness that confuse you in your venerable state. Over time, you get to know him and Tommy, and see different sides of each, an both are hiding secrets. Was it possible to fall in love under these circumstances? Or was that just another way Joel was fucking with you?

Aka: my mom sold me to One Direction

WARNINGS FOR FULL FIC, NOT CHAPTER BY CHAPTER UNLESS SOMETHING NEW IS ADDED AFTER MASTER WARNING LIST: DEAD DOVE DO NOT EAT!!!! Fic contains graphic depictions of sexual assault, rape, molestation, dubcon/non con. Blow Jobs, PIV sex, lose of virginity, sex trafficking, past incest, death/people dying everywhere, Stockholm syndrome, falling for your rapist, victim blaming, torcher, branding, physical abuse, rape (not Joel), somno, dub con on tommy? idk he's not really into it but feels like he has to, self-harm/depression/suicidal thoughts (not a lot) but fair warning, major age gaps, love triangle, pregnancy/birth, threats of abortion, major character death

New character alert! Face claim, of course, is Oscar Isaac, specifically his look in Drive 🥰

****************

Dandelion

A million little wishes float across the sky

But it's a waste of breath and it's a waste of time I know

Cause just like him, you always leave me cryin' dandelion~Danelion, Kacey Musgraves

“So then Luke goes to Dangobah to find Yoda”

“Wait, whose Yoda? Is that another Jedee?”

“Jedi, but yes”

“Why?”

“Old Ben told him to”

“Isn’t he dead?”

“Yes, but he came to Luke at the start of this movie?”

“What? When?”

“When Luke was in the cave”

“Are we sure he wasn’t hallucinating?”

“I- No, no it was Ben. Jedi can come back in visions, like ghosts”

“Well, that’s awfully convenient”

“The force makes a lot of things convenient”

Joel was doing as he promised, explaining the Star Wars movies you had never had a chance to watch so you could understand the collection of comics he had found. You weren’t particularly interested in the comics, but they seemed to excite him, so you were going to read them, hoping to continue in conversation about it. This was the first time you two had talked about anything other than The Horrors for longer than a short back and forth, in fact, this was the only piece of personality or hints of before he had given you, the rest you had gleaned from Tommy. Joel was curled up with you on your mattress, having held you close all day yesterday and last night, and after what happened with Nick, after all Joel did for you, you happily accepted it. Joel had been soft before, absolutely, but not like this, and never this long… it bordered on Tommy territory. Slowly, you noticed little similarities, small phrases or mannerism that said yeah, these two are brothers, despite the drastic differences.

He played with your hair as he laid with you, tender in his touch, it was damn near domestic you almost forget where you are.

“Do you wanna go outside? Go for a walk?” Joel asks, his voice strangely soft in your ear.

You can’t help but smile at that. “That would be nice, thank you.”

Joel instructs you to stay put, and goes into his room and comes back with shoes he must’ve gotten and kept hidden from you; you’d get farther if you ran away wearing shoes. He knelt down beside you, lacing them up and tying them for you. He, of course held your hand tightly the entire time.

He asked if you wanted to see him. You knew what he meant.

Joel had kept him strung up, hanging from the oak tree, and although you had seen many horrific things in your short time on this god forsaken planet, the sight of a man you knew, hanged, skinned and swaying in the crisp spring Wyoming breeze… this was one of the worst. Somehow, however, you couldn’t find yourself feeling any guilt. Nick had done what he did knowing full well what Joel was capable of. The risk he took was calculated, but like you, it seems he couldn’t do math.

You felt Joel slide up behind you, unsurprisingly hard, no doubt recalling last night as his hands slide around your middle, his lips beginning to graze your neck and you couldn't help but remember how he had fucked you while telling you the graphic things he had done to your rapist.. “Do you still wanna cut off his dick?” He nudges your eyes to Joel’s switchblade still in Nick’s heart.

The idea was sexy while Joel was fucking you, but the reality of it was, frankly... Icky. “Can you?”

He kisses your cheek. “Happily.” Joel directs you, his long arms reach around, taking the blade out of his naked body and, with the aid of rigor mortis, he swiftly cut off the bastards dick. Stabbing the switchblade back into Nicks cold chest, Nick’s cock between the blade and his skin. “Feeling better, little one?” His arms are quickly back to you, the hand that held the switchblade playing above the line of your sweatpants.

“Yes, Joel” You sighed, leaning your head back into him as his hand went between your legs. You did feel better actually. The whole situation you were in was fucked, but you did feel better…

He began finger fucking you, and although you realize he hadn’t washed his hands since skinning Nick, you weren't bothered. You were about to fuck about two feet away from a rotting corpse... “Let's go back to the house.”

“No” You whispered, and Joel looked at you curiously. “Here.” You get yourself situated against the tree trunk, and you swore you heard Joel chuckle; he had you whipped.

“Good girl” He adjusted you as needed, you brace against the tree Nick was hanging from, his body feet from you, and Joel pushed your ass out, pulling down your pants before slamming into you. “Good fucking girl” He pace was immediately hard and fast, and at this angle you swore…

“Joel.”

He didn’t stop. “Hm?“

You grab his hand, placing it over your stomach, where he could very very clearly feel himself entering you, his hard cock protruding out your stomach. “You feel that Joel?”

The hand on your hip was painfully tight, he growled and bite into your neck. “Fuck, fuck baby, you like me pounding you like this? Out in the open where anyone can see you?”

“Yes” You whine, having to rest your face on the rough bark, sweat prickling at your skin even in the cold, his hands making you feel so, so warm. “I know you’ll protect me”

He moved one hand to the tree trunk, protecting your face from the scratches, his other moving to your clit, although right now you were certain he could make you cum just from just dick right now. “I’ll always protect you, little girl, always. Won’t let nothing bad happen to you ever again.” The irony was clearly lost on him, seeing as most of your suffering was at his hands but, fuck, if it wasn’t starting to get lost on you too… He was so tender when he wanted to be, the good was so, so good, and the sex… fucking hell. He pulled your ass out a little more and suddenly you were blinded, a brand new feeling making you cry out “Right there, pretty girl? Stay still, I’ll take care of you. Look at him” Joel turned your face to the decomposing body next to you. “Look at him, little one, I’ll always take care of you”

Why did this always make you feel so fucking warm? “I know, Joel, I know, J-Joel, fuck!” You rest your face fully on his large, veiny hand, protecting you from the tree, protecting you from Nick, protecting you from everything…

For a few weeks, things go better than they had been for years. Sex with Joel kept getting better and better, and he was opening up more. Not much from before, just little bits like telling you the plots of his favorite movies… you hadn’t been in his room, nor Tommy’s… Tommy had shifted a bit too. He was more and more affectionate with you, with the door closed of course… He held you in his arms, missing you brother, or when you called out to him in the middle of the night from nightmares and he pulled you onto his lap and cradled you when you cried… sometimes he went away from days on work as trusting more that Joel wouldn’t hurt you again and none of the men would dare. You were on dangerous waters, you knew, but sometimes you could only sleep when you smelled Tommy’s skin… but again, dangerous.

That’s why, when no one came into your room with breakfast, or lunch, or to spend time with you or fuck you… you were worried. Not as worried as you were when the door finally opened and a new face appeared with food.

You scramble to stand up, images of Nick and early days of Joel flashing in your head, and you open your mouth to scream for Tommy, but he cuts you off.

“Relax, sweetheart, Nick’s body is still rotting out there, I’m not tryna match him.” He spoke with a thick accent you’d heard before; your brother, Zach, had said it was from somewhere east, one of the big cities, but wasn’t sure where.

“What do you want?” You ask, still shaking.

He set down the food. “Tommy’s paying me to feed you today”

You narrow your eyes at the sandwich. “You’re not doing very well, missed a meal.”

He shrugged with a small, smug smile. “Didn’t pay me enough for that.” He watched you still eying the food suspiciously “You wanna talk to him?”

“Where is he? Where’s Joel…” You can’t imagine they would let a random man in your room if one was able to do this…

“Food poisoning, we think.”

You look at the sandwich again. “I’m not eating that”

He laughed, obnoxiously loud. “Smart girl. Come on, you can make yourself something” He nudged out the door.

You couldn’t help perk up at that. You get to leave? You get to make your own food? You weren’t sure who the man was, but you were happy to take the little bit of independence. You wouldn’t do anything that would make Joel mad, just put together a sandwich or heat up some soup! How strange your life had become that these were the little pleasures.

The man watched you intently as you managed to make some soup. He was short; taller than you still, but short none the less, a few inches under Tommy. His hair was buzzed as was his beard, dark hair to match dark skin, and large eyes that watched you like a bug.

It was fun, cooking again… You had rather enjoyed when you still were living with your dad, your mom taught you well, you were a good cook… you wondered if Joel might let you cook more… you save soup for them when they were feeling better, maybe they’d like it enough you could continue? You toast some bead on a frying pan, demand (well, ask, but with a little force) to see Joel.

When you tentatively peaked through the cracked door and Joel saw you, his eyes went wide and you saw he was about to get up, no doubt thinking you got loose, so you opened the door to reveal the strange new man you hadn’t seen around the house before. “It’s okay, he’s with me. I wanted to check on you… can I come in?” Joel lays back down, tentatively, obviously not thrilled about being seen in a vulnerable position. He was clearly sick, his tanned skin looking pale, his eyes bleary and you couldn’t help but feel bad for him… even as you placed your hand on your hip, feeling the JM etched into your skin… a reminder of what he could do… You kneel down before him with the toast. “Can you try and eat some of this for me?”

He shakes his head. “I feel like shit”

Opting to sit by him, you gently play with his hair. He looked so young like this… “I know, sweetie… but you gotta try and eat… keep up your strength. Toast won’t be so bad on your stomach…” You try to coax, and look up to see the man watching you, eying you… was he confused, wondering how the little kidnapped girl was playing nurse to her capture… but he wouldn’t understand. You weren’t sure you could explain it yourself… but this was the position you were in, and you were doing what you could…

“What are you doing?” He grumbles, taking a small bite.

“I’m helping you”

“Why”

Great question. “Because you help me”

“I hurt you” another bite.

You were taken aback by that, absolutely… he was right, he did… “But you can also be so, so good to me.”

He wouldn’t look at you. “I don’t deserve you”

You sigh, just a little bit… deserve wouldn’t be the word… but you wouldn’t say he didn’t deserve you… he was good to you, wasn’t he? He fed you, brought you nice things, little treats, he treated you good in bed… maybe he deserved you? He did everything right… how you got here didn’t really matter, and he was right, months ago, this was better than the strange men that mouth raped you and beat you senseless… he took you away from all that, he made a better life for you… in a way, he saved you.

“You do deserve me, Joel.” You kiss his forehead, hair stuck to it with sweat from the food poisoning. “I’m gonna check on Tommy, then I’ll be back to nurse you back to health, okay?”

Joel smiled at that. “Okay, little one”

A groggy Tommy looked at you and the man, then flopped his head back down on his pillow. “I see you met Lorenzo”

So that was his name. “Yeah, when he finally decided to bring me food.”

Tommy groans. “I told you to feed her, not bring her here”

Getting on the bed, you brush Tommy’s long hair away from his face. “It’s fine, I saw Joel, he’s okay with it as long as he watches me.”

Tommy couldn’t even open his eyes. “I feel awful, honey. Fucking awful. Never eating chicken again”

You can’t help but laugh a bit as he groaned on about how much he ‘odia pollo’ as you coax him into eating a bit of toast.

You spend the day helping the Millers feel better, whipping their faces with a cool clothes, feeding them bites they could eat, cleaning up the bowls they puked in, all while Lorenzo trailed around you, no doubt in charge of making sure you didn’t run away… you couldn’t help but admit you like this, you liked taking care of them, even if you couldn’t be as affectionate with Tommy as you wanted to. The other men, it seems, were all out sick, leaving just you and Lorenzo, and of course, like everything, it was a deliberate move… There were no coincidences.

Of all the things you expected to see as you rounded the corner back to the kitchen after having left Tommy’s side, your brother was not one of them.

“Zach.” He was alive, Joel didn’t kill him… but how had Tommy not known- oh. Tommy knew. He had to have, as did Joel. They would have begun collecting from your dad again, they had no know...

He rushed over to you, taking you in his loving arms that held you so many times before, whispering your name. “Thank god you’re okay”

You blink, brain still trying to catch up. “Wha- what are you doing here?”

Zach begins to pull you away, towards the door. “I’m rescuing you, we’re leaving”

Leaving? To go where? No doubt he had a plan, but he had no idea, no idea what happened, what things were like now, how bad they had been but it had gotten so, so much better. You stop. “Zach wait!” You whisper harshly, and he turns around at you, confused.

“I have somewhere to go, I got a plan, it’s okay, everything will be fine, I promise”

You believed he believed it… but there were 1000 things in your head right now. First, if you leave and Joel finds you… he might actually kill you, but the things he would do to you if he didn’t were much worse. Secondly, “He’ll kill you, Zach.”

“He won’t catch-”

“He won’t let me go! He won’t drop it! He will hunt me down as long as it takes and skin you alive like the last man!”

You could see the fear in his eyes as he hushed you, grabbing your arm. “Shut up, or he’ll kill us both! Just, god, just trust me. No one will notice until morning, we’ll be hours ahead.”

You stayed firmly in place… there was the third reason you wanted to stay… the fact you’d grown comfortable here, the fact you were, despite your better judgment, falling in love with both of the men here and- wait, where was Lorenzo? “I can’t, Zach. You don’t know what he’s capable of”

Rolling his eyes like only a brother would, he tugged you. “Of course I-”

You pull down your pants just enough on the side, revealing the brand. “He did this the last time I tried to leave, fucked me on the table in front of all the other men, then left me there for them to all rape!” You didn’t tell him that Tommy had saved you, that Tommy had tucked you in and how tenderly Joel had treated you the next day, how both had bandaged you up, cared for you, even though you had been so bad. “It’s calmed down, he doesn’t hurt me, I have more freedom… I don’t want to throw this away”

Zach was panged, desperate, eyes watering as he tried to take you away from what you knew he thought of as your hell, but was truly where you had felt most at home since your mothers death. “I won’t let him hurt you again, I’ll protect you.”

“Like you protected me against dad?” It came out fast than you’d expected, no chance to block it… it wasn’t fair, you couldn’t and didn’t blame Zach for that but it was true. Joel saved you, cared for you, Joel killed men that hurt you… Joel wasn’t who you needed to be protected from, Joel was the one who protected you. You yank your hand away from your crying brother. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that, I don’t blame you… but I’m staying”

He opened his mouth to argue, but all that came out was a desperate 'please'. You shake your head. You belonged with the Millers now. “You change your mind, you find a way to escape, I’ll be at the ranch, and I swear to god I will keep you safe this time.”

Now you were crying too as you went to hug him. “Thank you, Zach” Alone in the kitchen, you back up against the fridge, sink down, and cry, cry, cry… keep crying until Lorenzo appeared in the doorway

“You’re a fucking idiot, you know that?”

Of course. Of course you didn’t avoid the shitshow. “Okay so you saw that. You gonna tell Joel, rank up, get whatever it is you want.” You sniffle as he leans against the doorway, crossing his arms.

“No, I already got my payment for this shitshow“ You look up at him, wet and puffy eyes telling him to go on. “He paid me to give everyone food poisoning so you guys could leave, and you fucking wasted it. No skin off my back, but Jesus. You know, pre-outbreak, we had a word for girls like you, who stayed with men who beat them”

“Joel doesn’t-”

“You wanna know what that word is?”

You sigh. “Wha-”

“Dumb bitches”

Lorenzo was pissing you the fuck off, but there was something else that was pushing your repressed anger up… You stand, shoving Lorenzo aside and storm down the hall to Tommy’s room, bursting in.

He smiled lazily up at you as you close the door. “Hey honey, the tea helped-”

“You fucking knew” Pointing dramatically at his sick figure on the bed, you watch the confusion on his face. “What? What did I know?”

“That my brother is alive, asshole!”

As he slowly realizes whats happening, he forces himself to sit up, despite the dizziness and nausea, his hand open palmed and out towards you. “Okay, just relax, tell me what happ-”

You were angrier that perhaps you had a right to be, feeling betrayed and hurt by the man you had trusted, however foolishly. “Don’t use your ‘Calm down Joel’ voice on me! You knew my brother was alive and you didn’t tell me!”

He almost argues. He almost says no, no I didn’t know, this is news to me too… but you’ve already figured it out. “If you knew he was alive, you’d try to leave again, and you’d get caught, and God knows what he’ll do to you if you run away” his eyes were pleading with you to understand, but he was not asking for forgiveness… you knew he’d do it again.

You step closer. “How many times did you hold me while I cried, missing him, wanting him-”

“That’s just it!” He stands now, towering over you, but you know him better than to think it’s a threat, so you don’t back away and simply look up at him, glaring. “You wanted to be with him, and I couldn’t let that happen”

“So you kept me away from my family, because you’d miss me?”

“No it’s because you’d be dead!”

You shake your head, not quite believing his motivations… “I don’t think so. I think you want to stay because you just want me here so you can play knight in shining armor”

Wide-eyed and hurt, he looks down at you. “No, that’s not it-”

In your anger, you shove him; it doesn’t go very far considering his sturdy stance and strong shoulders, but the action caused what you wanted it to. It hurt his feelings. “Fuck you, Tommy”

Tommy put his hands on your shoulders, not backing down despite the wave of nausea threatening him. “Honey, I swear to you, I’m just trying to help, all I wanted to do this whole time was help you.”

Tears welled up in your eyes, but you couldn’t pull away from his touch yet; you never could. “Fuck. You!”

Frustration boiled over before the vomit did. “What is the big deal! Joel knew too!” At that, he gently pushed you back as he dropped to his knees, violently throwing up in his trash can, his whole body wracked into heaves. He did the hard part for you; you weren't sure if you were strong enough to disengage his touch.

You watch him, wanting so badly to kneel by his side, to rub his back and keep his hair out of the puke as you had done all day today… but you couldn’t. You need to have something, something, for your anger to hold onto, even if it was Tommy, even if it was just for a night. “You are the one I was supposed to trust!” You scream, not caring who heard you. “I was supposed to be able to believe in you, but you held me as I screamed, and cried and you didn’t tell me! Fuck! You!” Your face was soaked as you screamed, screamed at Tommy for every rape, every violation, every beating and branding that he had only every tried to save you from, and took it out on him for one small thing that he actually did. Because he was Tommy, because he was supposed to be different.

And because he was Tommy, he let you.

You slammed the door when you left.

Lorenzo was in the hall, watching you with crossed arms as you left Tommy for Joel’s room, muttering again about you being a dumb bitch, but you don't care.

Joel’s room was dark; he didn’t open his eyes, and for a moment you thought he was asleep and began to retreat away when he spoke.

“Come on in, little one”

You slink through the door, closing it behind you. “Can I sleep here tonight?”

He opened his eyes at that. Today was the first day you had even seen his room, did he even want you in it? You watched him consider, before opening up his blanket for you. With a smile, you crawl in, and he tightly wraps you up in the blanket and his arms where you were growing more and more comfortable.

“Everything okay? I heard yell’n. Couldn’t tell if I was dream’n or not.” He asked, sleepily, nestling his face into your neck.

You considered the options… best to not lie completely. Safe and secure in Joel, despite the chaos of today, you began to relax in him. “Yeah, Tommy just pissed me off, that's all”

You could feel Joel smile against your skin.

****************

Not nearly as high drama as the last few by next week we're back!!!

I've seen a few of you saying you have theories and i want you to know I WANNA HERE ALL YOU'RE THEORIES!!!! Drop them in my ask box so i can share them with the class and everyone csn share their thoughts!

Also as I stated above, I GOT A PLAYLIST GOING! if you have a song you think matches, comment or send in an ask and ill add it if i think t fits!

Also, i've moved to 10 chapters + the alt ending for the series! I'd love to here all thoughts and theories you have <3

Thank you alllllll for the reblogs and all the kind words!!!! It really means the world to me

LMK if you'd like to join the tag list!

@my-secret-shame-but-fanfiction @howaboutcastiel @tidlewav3 @bunnnyy-dummy @slutfortimotheechalamet @foggymoonbanana @dinsbaby @miraclesabound @jenna-ortega @primosworld @marclovers @threeheadedlamb @secretwriterpp @the-fox-den

@bitchyglitterfox @0bsessedwithfictionalcharacters @alloftheboysivelovedbefore @not-a-unique-snowflake-blog @lunar-ghoulie

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comicaurora · 1 year

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Heyo, it's the fool who wants to make a comic with zero experience in drawing or finishing stories again. A lot of people, including you, I think, mentioned that "Your first work will be bad". Any tips how…not to do that? I don't expect it to be a magnum opus or smth, but I at least want to make something people would genuinely unironically enjoy, and "first story is always not good" notion everywhere is very discouraging

It's not like I never tried anything creative ever, but this is my first attempt of putting it down on paper with intention of completing it, instead of having vague ideas of "I know what would be so cool when I make it a thing" in my head for months without acting upon any of these ideas

It's definitely a disheartening adage, even if it's supposed to take the pressure off young creators.

Unfortunately, no matter how good your starting point gets - and you can get it very good, don't get me wrong - you are still going to find it unbearably bad when you look back on it with experienced eyes. You might eventually circle back around to finding it impressive, considering it was your absolute first starting point and you had no experience, but you still won't be able to see its merit the way your audience will.

The thing is, your first project is going to teach you a lot of things you couldn't have known you needed to learn beforehand. This means everything you make after learning those things is going to be smoother in process and better in result. There's also just the fact that the more you do this sort of thing the more practiced you'll get at the mechanical side of it, making it faster and easier for you and leaving you with more energy to punch things up. Compare the Big Fight Scene from chapter 3 with the one from chapter 17 in terms of visual complexity:

Particle effects, ambient glow, soft lighting, atmospheric depth, metallic effects, light and shadow. The seeds of these ideas are present in the earlier shot, but executed in a much clumsier way. Fourteen chapters of gradually increasing complexity and just raw practice got me to the point where drawing that second panel was fun rather than exhausting. If I'd tried that in the first chapter I would've probably been so worn out just trying to finish the lineart that the quality of the rest of the image would've suffered from sheer exhaustion.

And even before that, those first chapters only flowed as well as they did because I'd been drawing hundreds and hundreds of video frames for years at this point, which had gotten my lineart muscle memory polished enough that I wasn't agonizing over every single stroke.

I was absolutely determined to start this comic off at the best level of quality I could, and that determination kept me kicking the can down the road for a decade. I think this was a good thing; if I'd started it any earlier I think I would've been a slow enough learner that the quality increase over those first few chapters wouldn't have been as steep as it was. And that first chapter was as good as I could've made it at the time; I didn't take any shortcuts or laze around, and I used every skill I'd learned over the previous decade of physical and digital art. Of course, if I knew then what I knew now there's loads of stuff I'd have changed about the way I handled the intro. In fact, I'm going to break my One Rule about "never going back or redoing things" and I'm going to walk you all through chapter 1 and what I would change/fix if I was drawing it now.

Remove the outline on the background mountains, add color variance to the further mountains so they appear farther in the background, un-muddy the color of the sky and make those clouds a little more impressive; this could've looked like a full glorious noonday sun. The forest was drawn with an experimental brush I'd created for foliage that I ended up deciding didn't produce the effect I wanted; I'd probably go through and use the technique I developed for Gleicann's forest to cel shade blocks of foliage.

Add at least the bare hint of buildings behind the sword pedestal - just gradient outlines would be fine, similar to the extended backgrounds in Zuurith. Also slap some blue cinder-y particle effects coming up off the sword. Clean up the shading layer so there aren't as many holes. Add metallic shine to the blade and marbling/stone texture to the pedestal.

Un-muddy the colors on this background; they match The Collector's color palette but that matters less than looking nice. The background needs something - speed lines, the implication of foliage - etc. The poses could also be more dynamic and drawn with more confidence. To show the power behind the blows, re-choreographs the fight to show more of the damage it does to the environment - the sword carving through rocks, ploughing furrows into the ground, starting to spark with starfire, etc.

Same problem with the foliage; the special brush adds too much detail, drawing the eye away from the important parts of the scene, and the colors are muddy to cover that up. Brighter greens and cel-shaded layers would produce the effect I actually wanted and be faster than hand-drawing every treetrunk and then shading them so they're indistinguishable anyway. Also, more intense shading on the foreground figure - a neutral tan shadow layer is functional, but it could look a lot more dramatic, and he's shaded much more lightly than the extremely muddied background is.

Of course, "if I knew then what I know now" is a meaningless turn of phrase. I needed to draw these pages this way in order to learn what I know now. If I had jumped straight into the shortcuts I've painstakingly developed without having had that intervening practice, the end result would've been just as bad - if not worse, because it would've been executed shakily, without the confidence that accompanies muscle memory. The techniques I used in this first chapter had served me well up til that point. The techniques I use now were built on these foundations. Lamenting that I could've done it better if I'd started now is like saying the pyramids would be so much taller if they'd laid the foundations at the top part instead.

There's a degree to which this work is sisyphusian. You do your best, you push yourself, and then your "best" gets better. At some point you have to accept that what was your best is still okay, even if you can't see it that way.

When I was working on this comic in the pre-actually-drawing-it years, I came to a realization that helped me get unstuck: "good enough" is a mask that "perfect" wears. Striving for perfection is a pointless task, and this is pretty well known, but it seems a lot more reasonable to just try to get "good enough" at art to guarantee that your work will be good enough. But if you unpack that concept, you likely find that your definition of "good enough" is basically "without flaws." Which is "perfect." Which is, as mentioned, unattainable. Those pages are as good as I could've possibly made them at the time, and they aren't perfect, and I never thought they were perfect, because I knew if I waited for them to be perfect in my eyes I'd never make them. I just had to grit my teeth, make them public and hope that people got something out of them that I couldn't.

There is a baseline level of artistic skill and preparation that I do recommend cultivating - figure and life drawing, anatomy studies, landscapes, reading Scott McCloud's "Understanding Comics" cover to cover - but there is no hardline starting point at which you are guaranteed to be good enough to make the story and art good. This is because "good" is subjective, and as long as you are improving as an artist, your own perspective on your old work will never be that it is "good." You have to trust that the audience that likes your story likes it for their own valid reasons.

The thing is, I know this is a bummer. This whole thing is a bummer perspective. Artists want to make good art and the nature of artistic creation is being unable to see your own art as good for long. If you believe that your art must be a certain baseline level of Good to be worthy of existing, this truth seems to be a condemnation to an eternal and pointless purgatorial struggle.

The most valuable skill an artist can develop at this stage is strangling that insecurity with their bare hands.

Trust your audience! Trust that they enjoy what they enjoy, and trust that they see something in your art, even if all you can see are the critiques you'd use to polish it! "Perfect" and "good enough" will tell you that your creation will always be hideously unlovable and must be hidden from scrutiny until it's "ready", but like all insecurities, underpinning this is the axiom that anyone who likes you or your work is lying. Strangle this falsehood, trust freely and openly that your audience is being honest with you, and while you work to improve on the creation side of things, trust that in the eyes of the people who like your work, it is Good Enough.

#asks #art stuff #writing stuff

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amphiptere-art · 8 months

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Cruel copy refs are done.

At least the ones I first drew a line art for. Yes there is no hunter or witch, but they will be done at a later time. These are the line arts I had gotten done before I started the color. And I'm just happy they're all done.

And I can just say I'm proud that they're emulating the way @shattered-sparks does their work. Sure it's not as super detailed, but it still goes for that single tone, decorated in clothing look that I wanted. And yes I very much wanted them to emulate their look. Not be the same of course since my style is just different, but I wanted that same feeling.

Everyone has unique eye color and of course a palette and design focus. Not much changed but a couple things did. So I would suggest you mark this as your reference page since there are some things that I've modified since the last time I drew their references. Such as the reference I just posted, gladiator, who had a slight change of eye color.

We of course have the twins gladiator and pastel. Gladiator is of course the happy sunny man. His arm cannot function but he has a pretty fancy cape covering up his disability. Pastel is of course the Lord of the world and is very shy. She is constantly retracted from conversations and usually allows cap to speak for her. There is nothing physically wrong but mentally she has gone mute.

I have Butler and cap paired together down here. Butler is of course the comical villain. Pastel making it so he carries the most scars. He tries to be upstanding, but he's silly when he wants to. Especially when paired with his villainous partner werewolf. Cap has no body. You can only tell he is speaking by the stars on pastels hat flashing red. He is her voice. And also the only one other than her to remember what happened. Although his knowledge is thin due to being stuck in the mind space.

You then have werewolf and Wizard. Werewolf of course is Butler's villainous partner. They love a good sense of chaos. But they will put their play aside for their ally. Having a much more caring personality than most blood moons. Wizard of course is happy with a good dose of trama. Desperately trying to mend the world and make everyone friends. Even if at sometimes that is impossible. Wearing glasses to help with his sight.

And that's everyone. Just kind of spitting out facts. I will say it is funny how much some characters interact on one platform to the other. In the ask series Wizard, gladiator, and pastel get more light. While Butler and Werewolf Play a lot more with other AUs. Wizard definitely carries the plot. He's the only one trying to change anything.

#cruel copy au #pastel #Cap #pastel/cap #gladiator #Butler #wizard #werewolf #sams #tsams au #tsams #sams au

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ambyandony · 8 months

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Starlit Labyrinth - Gregory Vecellio Profilette

The first thing you might notice is his surname is Vecellio... sound familiar? yeah... we'll get to that.

By the way

//BIG tw: nothing explicit of course, but topics of child abuse, CSA

the part that applies will be marked by start and end indicators

you dont have to read that tiny ass text im putting it all below

Gregory Vecellio

age 11 ~ boy ~ he/him

tw/ Gregory is a young boy who, throughout the majority of his early childhood, had been horrifically abused, mistreated and hidden from the world. From a very young age, he was trafficked, exploited, and passed between various men in various parts of the world, including the USA, Canada, and, lastly, Italy. Eventually, he reached a breaking point, and using his Stand—which he'd never before used—he escaped, attacking anyone who tried to get in the way until he'd gotten out. /tw

Once he'd escaped, misuse of his new ability caused grievous damage to his throat; he lost consciousness from the severity of the injury, at which point he was (unsurprisingly) taken to hospital when a passerby called emergency services after seeing him. As a result of the damage, which was to the point of being completely irreversible, his larynx was removed, and with it, he lost the ability to speak and was left with a stoma (tracheostomy) to allow him to breathe. He'd ultimately—unable to tell anyone much of anything but his name and age and seemingly having no legal record of existence—end up being placed in a children's home, where he would remain until eventually (c. 2019) being adopted by a couple—the Vecellios. Though it took him a good while to get used to his new dads and settle given his traumatic background, he would eventually come to trust and feel safe around Tiziano and Squalo, and with their help, has begun to heal.

I drew a comic but I feel like it's kinda cringe so I'll put it under the cut at the bottom alright?

Gregory wears moccasins and a poncho as they are very comfortable for him; his neck is bandaged most of the time, leaving room on the neck for his stoma, and his hands are bandaged as well to prevent him from picking and biting his skin on his hands. He wears a little tape deck on his waist... which is actually...

His Stand,

「In Fact」.

Gregory's 「In Fact」 is a bound Stand visible to non-Stand-Users, taking the form of a portable tape deck which allows him, despite his injury, to speak—by stealing and using the voices of others, in the form of cassette tapes. The potential damage caused by this is variable; if he's in distress when taking a voice, it's more likely to be painful and also runs the risk of causing mild-to-severe internal damage. Otherwise, the process can be harmless, and will likely only cause some dull pain or aching at worst.

Once a voice is taken, the tape is placed in the tape deck, which then allows Gregory to speak by using the voice he took, including the accent. This doesn't, however, allow him to speak any languages he doesn't already know, as language is not a "physical" aspect of the voice. This limitation is probably due to the fact that removing a target's voice is, in essence, metaphysically removing their larynx so that Gregory can replace his own missing one, hence the target no longer being able to speak themself. In doing this, as the voice is always removed through the throat, a slot—which is semi-meta-physical—is created, functioning as a stoma to allow the person to breathe, but, like Gregory normally, not speak.

He can only use the voice a certain amount before he needs to rewind the tape to speak more. The amount differs depending on various factors, usually how much the Stand has "heard" the target speak; the more the target's spoken, the longer Gregory can speak with the voice before needing to rewind. He can also take voices post-mortem, although it can be a little more complicated; however, a dead person's voice will eventually run out and dissipate entirely. Multiple tapes can be made from a single dead person's voice, but all of the tapes will eventually run out over time and will dissolve or unravel (and then dissolve) entirely.

Transcript:

top left:

Record "burns"* a voice so that it can be removed *like a CD and also a lot like fire

Play activates the voice to allow Gregory to speak

Rewind Self-explanatory

Fast-forward has no function outside of playing regular tapes.

Stop disables and ejects voice

idk what this is

(yes it can play normal tapes too)

top right:

His hands glow when he takes a voice. it looks like fire. Feels like it, too. Having your voice stolen always burns.

middle:

Voices are removed from the throat

Meta-semi-physical slot, it's physical in function (allowing the person to breathe) but not actually visible (at least not to non-stand users).

Things can be put into the slot other than a voice but it's really not recommended. Gregory does this with water sometimes if he's really in danger and has a chance. It leaves an opening for 「Clash」 to show up and cause some fucking ruination (as long as Squalo's in range)

Once the voice is returned, it leaves a physical red mark that takes a while to fade. It'll ache or sting for a while.

bottom left:

Tapes are always labelled with the name of the person who the voice belongs to. Sometimes, it's written on masking tape and stuck over where the name would usually be instead.

Voice tapes typically look something like this.

Details may vary (this number basically indicates the available talking time before rewind is needed).

bottom right:

Tapes with no one to return to will eventually unravel or self destruct in some way (like if it belongs to a dead person)

this isnt canon btw at all but just establishing a vibe yknow its kinda cringe but i made it suuuuuper quick lol

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dilfdoctordoom · 10 months

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Genuinely torn between my hatred for the Inhumans and my hatred for synergizing Kamala rn.

Like, I haven’t liked the Inhumans since I watched Agents of Shield back before I was a comics person. They were obvious replacements for the X Men but without their superpowers or physical forms being inherent, which was always less compelling to me as a metaphor for an oppressed people. Then I started reading comics, saw that they were a eugenics-based society that tried to genocide mutants via GASSING THEM and weren’t treated as the obvious villains, and for the first time understood why comics fans hated the movies. I genuinely despise these fuckers.

HOWEVER, none of that hate applies to Ms. Marvel. Kamala Khan was always an interesting character to me because she felt like an Inhuman having to deal with both IRL discrimination and the consequences of Unhumans VS X Men, especially with younger Cyclops on the Champions. Fridging her in the worst Spider-Man story since ODM is never going to be okay, and bringing her back as a mutant, even if it doesn’t retcon her Inhuman past, is obvious MCU synergy at best and actively trying to sweep her past characterization under the rug at worst.

TL;DR I hate all of this so much

Inhumans are always so complicated 'cause Marvel never knows what to do with them & it's ended up really funny... they were best used in the Disney Ultimate Spider-Man TV series like that's embarassing....

I don't like them as a concept, but I do love some of the individual characters. Black Bolt has had some amazing stories over the years, Crystal is my cheating awful terrible wife <3 & Kamala is just...

Kamala is one of the most groundbreaking characters made in the past twenty, maybe 30, years. She's also a very rare character in that, despite the numerous runs she's had, they've had a consistent basis of quality. Some of them are absolutely fucking amazing (GWW) while others are just okay -- but unlike Spider-Man, Green Lantern, Daredevil, Wonder Woman, Batman, etc, she hasn't gotten a run that made me wanna claw my eyes out.

Until now, of course. The MCU synergy beam hit her as we all knew it would, but it feels... worse, IDK. I'd worried it was coming with her Beyond the Limits mini (its release was a lot closer to her TV series) but it didn't, it's here now, and that is, again, much worse.

She got horrifically fridged in a nonsensical story. Her family bangles - of great personal importance to her Pakistani family -- have seemingly gone to Mary Jane Watson, of all fucking people. Her death's being used to further the redemption arc of Norman Osborn, a man that canonically idolizes Hitler. She died to continue the Peter Parker Is Sad jerk circle.

And now she gets to come back, having part of her identity stripped away in favor of a new one (I know what Iman Vellani has said-- I expect that to last this mini/however long she writes the character). Debuting her as a mutant at all isn't great, but right now is worse.

X-Comics are gearing up for Fall of X, their next big shift/event. The focus is going to be there, not on Kamala.

I genuinely believe that we'll be lucky if she's cameoing in background appearances by next year, only getting random minis to coincide with her MCU movies/shows.

There are just... no redeeming qualities here. I can't even be excited about Iman Vellani, somebody who so clearly adores everything about Ms Marvel, writing for her 'cause honestly? I don't think it matters how much you love a character over at Marvel. There's always going to be a stupid editorial mandate.

#q & a #im just really mad lmao fuck marvel they need to stay away from kamala khan forever

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ghostiewriter · 1 year

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anything emo!jj 🥹

emo!jj forever resides in my heart even when everyone else forgets about him🥲enjoy!!!

...

“Sit still.”

“I am.”

“You keep moving.”

JJ Maybank wasn’t quite sure how he had ended up in this position. Well, that was quite a lie. He knew exactly how he ended up in this position but he just wasn’t sure why he thought it was such a great idea at the time when it was proving to be nothing but a punishment.

He had thought nothing twice when he sat down on the bleachers, metal seat digging into his back and his eyes focused on the massive field in front of him that lunchtime. Kiara had joined him not only two minutes later, settled across from him as she reached for her lunch in her backpack—pulling out another brown paper bag that had his lunch in it too.

JJ told her countless times that he wasn’t hungry. She just shoved the bag at him regardless.

It was a nice little routine they had going on, and as much as it may have pained him to admit it, he had started to enjoy these lunchtimes more than he ever thought he would. Kiara was his friend, he knew that. His really pretty friend who’s smile made his chest tighten and his cheeks burn pink when she leans close to him.

That’s all there was to it.

“What happened to your nails?” she had asked, looking down at his hands after she had taken a bite of her sandwich.

He glanced down at them and shrugged. They were more chipped than usual and the colour was almost completely gone on his nails. “Ran out of nail polish, haven’t gotten the chance to get some more.”

That wasn’t a complete lie but it was enough to sedate Kiara’s curiosity. Or so he thought.

“It’s weird seeing you without nail polish,” she murmured as she reached out to take one of his hands in her own, her thumb running over his nails. “It’s weird seeing your actual nail.”

JJ snorted. “Thanks, sweetheart.”

“Let me do your nails,” Kiara said to him, at first looking a little hesitant as she contemplated the idea. “Just until you get some more, you know?”

He raised his brows. “You wanna do my nails?”

Kiara smiled a little sheepishly. “Yeah, I do.”

And maybe it was the big doe eyes she was giving him, or the excitement he could already see glimmering in her gaze. Or maybe it was the way that JJ had become an absolute sucker for her over the last few weeks and was quite literally willing to do anything she had asked him off.

So really, it wasn’t his fault when she said yes. Not really.

But the thing was that Kiara had always been quite an affectionate person, no matter who it was. Whether it was a friend she had just made that day or someone she had known for many years, she never shied away from physical affection and JJ had gotten used to that during the course of their friendship.

Some days he craved it more than he realised.

But this was something completely different.

When he had made it to her house after school, JJ had done what he had always done as he settled on her bed with his back against the headboard–as comical as it was for his all black attire to clash with her colourful room. However, he hadn’t even gotten a chance to sputter out a sentence when Kiara had all but straddled his lap, her back to his chest and facing the same direction he was.

With the chosen colour of nail polish sitting idly in the bottle in one hand, she used her other to grab his hand and hold it out in front of her.

“Kiara–”

“I’m just used to doing it this way, Jay,” she had said with a level of innocence in her voice. “Just relax.”

Yeah, just relax when your super hot friend was sitting on your lap, wiggling her ass against you every couple of seconds as she tried to get comfy, he muttered to himself. Not a big deal at all.

He just needed to relax. This was Kiara, his friend who he had grown to enjoy the company of over the past few months. He couldn’t ruin this.

But then Kiara rolled her hips a little, her hair thrown over one shoulder as she leaned forward a bit as she began to paint his nails—and JJ knew he was fucked.

“Kiara,” he ground out a little, his free hand moving to grip her waist in hopes of keeping her still.

“Yeah?” she replied, glancing over her shoulder to look at him with an easy smile and fuck, the sinful images ran through his head as his eyes focused on her lips.

“Nice colour choice,” he stated simply because he was a coward and she was pretty, and JJ was about damn certain that he would be the biggest idiot in Kildare if he made the prettiest girl on the island get off his lap.

Even if she was painting his nails a sunshine yellow to match her own.

...

#ghostie's 1k celebration #jiara #outer banks #jj maybank #kiara carrera #jiara fic #jiara fanfic #jiara fanfiction #outer banks fic #outer banks fanfic #outer banks fanfiction #obx #obx fic #obx fanfic #emo!jj

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c0rpseductor · 2 months

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i think of all the things that stick in my craw about lore olympus the Most one is the stupid fucking way it handles virginity and the gorgeously “I GOT A CALLOUT POST” backpedal throwaway bit it adds in later. truly it’s so….

like. for personal background i read the first leg of LO in i think 2020? i didn’t have nearly as discerning of taste as i do in 2024, and on top of that i was dealing with a lot of like, trauma memories coming back about sexual assault. i really wanted something nice and brainless to take my attention off my horrible life and decided to read LO. the arc about assault did not deter me because i thought there would be some kind of cathartic payoff. i promise all this is relevant.

anyway, one of the big stupid plot points in the first leg of the comic was like, persephone wouldn’t tell anybody she’d been assaulted by apollo (for obvious reasons), but eros finds out she’s not a virgin anymore through his metaphysical Virginity Sensing Powers and is like Hey what about your eternal maiden scholarship you can only get if you’re a virgin forever??? and she’s like ummm haha! and it’s all kind of mind bendingly offensive. my personal state is kind of relevant bc at the TIME this did not register to me, since it was already how i thought about myself. i just kind of accepted the idea that virginity could be a metaphysical observable status that could be taken away and that you could be punished for not having, so i was like, “yeah this reflects my experience” <- unhealthy

eventually a long time later, i think once the comic started up again after a hiatus, i went to catch up and decided to reread it from the beginning. and because i had gotten further in recovery THEN i was like Wait a minute….this is kind of an insanely horrific thing to reify…..and then of course the whole rest of everything else fell apart. like pulling on that one thread when I wasn’t in such a state of self loathing and duress made me see that the whole comic was actually godawful, and not even good for brainless entertainment OR catharsis the way i’d hoped when i was at rock bottom.

what REALLY makes me hate it is the backtracking. later on persephone has been in therapy for a while (YES. LOL.) and mentions to hades like “Actually um i don’t HAVE to not consider myself a virgin bc my therapist (FUCKING LOL!!!!) explained that it’s just a construct and assault doesn’t count anyway.” which is better but still doesn’t really scratch the surface and also doesn’t matter anyway because

HOW. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE ANY SENSE WITH THE FACT THAT ANOTHER CHARACTER COULD FIGURE OUT WHETHER OR NOT SHE WAS A VIRGIN LIKE IT WAS A FUCKING BLOOD TEST????? it was so stupid it was the most blatant ass-covering i’d ever seen it made me want to tear rachel smythe to bits with my teeth

it’s not that i think it’s inappropriate for a survivor of rape in fiction to not consider themselves a virgin and then change their mind later, or to not consider themselves a virgin EVER and be critical of the idea of virginity and the expectations placed in the categories of Virgin and Not Virgin to begin with (this is where i’m at irl). it’s that the author clearly did not have such a criticism of virginity in mind to begin with and seemed to have no problem with the idea that loss of virginity is an ontological change to your physical and metaphysical being that can be done due to assault. That’s like. insane? it’s horrible. and she just tried to cover her ass about it with like one throwaway line rather than give any of that incredibly thorny topic justice (not that i want to see her try! but you know). absolute worst thing I could’ve picked to stare at for cheap fluffies during The Childhood Rape Trauma Spiral Of 2020-2021

#rape ment #csa ment

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ticklishraspberries · 2 years

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Friends Like Us (Sebastian, Sam, Abigail)

Summary: Sebastian’s friends like to make him laugh. He doesn’t mind. (I started playing Stardew Valley and couldn’t resist writing a fic for this group of friends!! I hope y’all enjoy it.)

Sometimes, Sebastian wondered what good he’d done in a past life to deserve friends like Sam and Abigail. Never in a million years did he expect to find friends that shared his interests, especially not in Pelican Town. They were both so cool, and at first, Sebastian just couldn’t believe that they truly liked him.

But after knowing them for a good, long while, Sebastian wondered what atrocity he had committed in a past life to deserve Sam and Abigail’s teasing. Once those icy layers were melted away, Sebastian was pretty chill. But he had his little pet peeves like anyone else, and his friends not only knew those bothersome things, they also exploited them (playfully, of course) for their own amusement.

Ruffling his long hair once he’d finally gotten it to sit right, and crooning that stupid nickname his mother called him to watch his cheeks flush. To be fair, he did the same thing right back. Laughing when Sam fumbled a move on his skateboard, stealing Abigail’s drumsticks, normal things that friends do.

However, there was one thing that Sam and Abigail did that Sebastian assumed was meant to annoy him, but it just…didn’t. In fact, he actually found it quite fun. He swore to himself that he’d never admit it for anything, not even for a fresh, warm bowl of pumpkin soup.

Basically, Sebastian was super ticklish, and his friends found it totally hilarious.

“Come on, Seb, don’t look so mopey!” Sam teased, pulling a denim-clad leg into his lap, fingers scribbling behind Sebastian’s knee.

Abigail wrapped her arms around Sebastian’s middle, leaning her head on his shoulder. “Yeah, seriously, this band was your idea, at least pretend like you’re having fun!”

Sebastian’s giggles couldn’t be contained for very long, and he buried his face in his hands to muffle the sound, flustered beyond belief at the more high-pitched sound that left his mouth.

Sam let out a chuckle at the sound. “Wow, I didn’t know you could hit such high notes, dude. Maybe you should be our vocalist,” he teased, switching his technique to squeeze Sebastian’s knee and up his thigh.

Abigail’s grin was comically large. “Yeah, Seb, you’re a proper soprano!” Her fingers quickly joined in his torment, wiggling over his sides. Through his hoodie, it wasn’t the most effective method, but it still left him squirming and giggling like mad.

“Shuhut up!” he whined, burying his blushing face in his hands.

See, his mom wasn’t the most physically affectionate, choosing to show her love in words instead. His step-father and him weren’t close, so they avoided contact as much as possible. On a similar note, he and Maru didn’t interact much at all, so it wasn’t like he was used to this sort of affection.

Ever since Sam and Sebastian became friends, it was more common to experience the occasional nudge, poke, or hug. But Sebastian’s gloomy nature usually led others to believe that he wasn’t the touchy-feely type, and honestly, he’d sort of assumed the same about himself.

But once he got used to those fleeting touches from his friend, Sebastian found himself craving it more and more. Slowly, it became more common.

Once Abigail joined the mix, it was even better. She was a great hugger, and Sebastian always found himself looking forward to their hellos and goodbyes, just so he had an excuse to receive one.

The tickling had come later. Sam had discovered his ticklishness a while back, but rarely acted on it. But when Abigail spotted Sebastian’s reaction to a simple poke from Sam, she quickly grew interested in hearing the resident emo laugh his head off.

It became an almost daily occurrence after that. It was something he looked forward to, anticipated with nervous glee, and even felt disappointed when it didn’t happen.

Breaking through the barrier his hoodie provided, Abigail slipped her fingers beneath his sweater and scratched at his sides, making his laughter kick up a notch. Sam, clearly bored of tickling Sebastian’s legs, joined Abigail at his torso, going for his belly.

He shrieked, falling back against Abigail’s chest and nearly sending the three of them toppling to the floor, which seemed to be their cue to back off. Sebastian wrapped his arms around himself, rubbing at his sides to rid himself of the residual tickly feeling.

“You guys suck,” he said.

Sam laughed. “You love us,” he replied.

“Yeah, Seb. What would you do without friends like us?” Abby said.

Sebastian grinned. Yeah, he was pretty lucky to have them.

#tickle fic #ticklefic #sdv fic #sdv tickling #stardew valley tickling #stardew valley tickles #raspberry writes #stardew valley

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sammysdewysensitiveeyes · 10 months

Text

I have now shifted from reading the first X-Men run to reading the Claremont stuff, and of course I have opinions. (I'm nowhere near done with Claremont's run, just past Dark Phoenix and Days of Future Past.)

I can honestly see why Claremont basically saved the X-Men franchise, his stuff is so much better than the first 66 issues. I'm sure part of it is a shift in comics writing style, from less adventure-of-the-month to more ongoing saga, soap opera style, but it's just good. It's really good. Claremont sets up plot points well in advance, he creates a team with distinct personalities, and friction (or friendships) that come with that. The prose is beautiful at times. I remember trying to read Claremont stuff after growing up with 90's X-Men, and thinking the writing sounded corny (and I know people who grew up reading later era X-Men feel the same way about 90's comics now). But after reading the first run, Claremont's X-Men hits differently, and it's so much easier to read, like I'm not forcing myself to slog through it.

Phoenix/Dark Phoenix saga is genuinely a beautiful story. There's a lot to be said about the all-powerful female character being unable to control her power, and being essentially corrupted by lust (both physical lust and lust for power), and the weird virgin/whore dynamic Claremont has going with Jean. Like, there are absolutely weird sexist undertones. But if Jean absolutely had to be killed off, it's a well-written death, and I can see why adaptations keep going back to it, although I wish they'd stop, no one has gotten it right. I think the X-Men Animated Series actually did the best job, they stayed close to the original story (with the 90's cast) and went with a "Jean is possessed by Phoenix" angle rather than the "Jean was replaced by Phoenix" retcon in the actual comics. I can kind of see why the later retcon went with "cosmic firebird" to separate Phoenix from Jean, as even the way Jean talks about "Phoenix" in the original story, like she's tapped into some primal, cosmic power, sounds like it's some force outside of herself.

I totally forgot that Beast and Angel are both there for the final battle before Phoenix dies, Beast because he saw on an Avenger's monitor that the X-Men were in trouble. And Angel actually rejoins the team for awhile. Poor Bobby is the only one who gets left out.

There's a long period in the comics where Jean and Beast think the other X-Men are dead, and the X-Men think Jean and Beast are dead after the groups are separated escaping Magneto's lair, which fills with lava. I can understand Jean not being strong enough to do a psi-scan (she is exhausted from protecting herself and Beast, and they emerge in Antarctica, so they are struggling just to survive). But apparently when they report the news to Xavier, he just doesn't bother to do any kind of Cerebro search. "The X-Men are ambiguously dead with no bodies or real confirmation of their deaths, guess I won't bother to use this device that can locate mutants, I'm off to space with my bird girlfriend."

This was also the start of the "Professor Xavier is a jerk!" era. The first run had Xavier doing so very questionable stuff, but it was always treated in a "Father Knows Best" kind of way. Xavier was the mentor that they all obey without question, and he was basically always right. Claremont wrote an Xavier who is flawed and capable of making mistakes, although he still appears to be a man who loves his students like his own children. He gets distracted by his dreams of (and later romance with) Lilandra, he butts heads with Cyclops and tries to treat him like a child when Cyclops has been leading the team independently for a while. After Jean's death, when Cyclops is basically summarizing his entire life with the team, he criticizes a few of Xavier's decisions, and in particular thinks about how cruel the whole "fake death Changeling substitute" thing was. I know Claremont is also responsible for also fleshing out Magneto as a character and making him a much more nuanced figure, and I like it. To be honest, I think fan opinion lately has swung too far in the other direction, now we've got "Magneto was right" and "Xavier is the worst," and I don't fully agree with that, either. I think they are both deeply flawed leaders who are both capable of good and bad. I like flawed Xavier who is still a thoughtful and caring person.

This run also gets into Claremont fetish territory, big time. We've got the whole Jean seduction thing, the Hellfire club fetish gear (only for the women, of course!), Storm constantly getting naked, and that time Magneto turns the X-Men into adult babies. No, seriously, he is angry about being changed into a baby by Alpha the Ultimate Mutant (something that happened in another book between the first run and Claremont's run), and he wants to give them a taste of it. So he has them strapped into chairs with collars that shut off their powers and greatly restrict their movement and speech, while a robot nanny feeds them and brushes their hair, and yeah, it's really weird. He sort of makes it make sense, as Magneto claims that in baby form he could still remember who he was and what he had lost, and that actually sounds nightmarish. I can understand wanting to subject his enemies to the same indignity. But it's still weird.

Claremont really loves putting people in leather bondage outfits and the whole "you're mind-controlling me to be evil but I secretly like it" thing, starting with Jean. Even in the New Mutants and Excalibur we get some of this stuff, like Empath forcing Sharon and Tom to have sex with each other and put on weird bondage outfits. It's a whole thing with him. Storm is kind of like Starfire (who came later), in that she's a sexy, beautiful character who likes to get naked because she is comfortable that way, but she is not actively trying to be "sexy." I can kind of see it as "Storm is connected to nature," but otherwise I'm not sure how I feel about it. I don't think female characters should have to dress in skimpy outfits because they are trying to be sexy, but at the same time we get sexy characters who aren't really "allowed" to own their own sexuality. I almost respect it more with characters like Emma who say, "Yes, I dress this way to be sexy." We just get a lot of Storm taking showers.

Poor Thunderbird, he only lasted like four issues. Sometimes I wonder how it would have been if Wolverine had died instead, and if Thunderbird would have become as big a character. Wolverine has the whole "Weapon X" past thing going for him, but it seems like that was added later to flesh the character out, they could have just as easily given Proudstar an interesting backstory. Thunderbird's death is interesting, because it's not really depicted as a necessary sacrifice. Thunderbird didn't have to stay on the plane with Nefaria, Banshee was right there and could have caught him in the air. It was less of a noble sacrifice and more like a character desperate to prove himself. I'm not trying to disrespect Proudstar here, I just think it's interesting. I wonder if this death was meant to show Cyclops/Xavier failing in leadership for the first time, that they didn't realize Thunderbird would do something like this. They sort of "bring him back" with James Proudstar/Thunderbird II/eventually Warpath in the Hellions. Normally I don't really like "replacement characters" that have the exact same powers and look very similar to the original except Madelyne but New Mutants did a good job of making James Proudstar his own character. He is connected to John as his brother, he wants revenge for his brother's death, but unlike John, James comes across as very calm and serious, the leader of the Hellions who is responsible for everyone. And hey, now they're both alive in current comics - if only they'd be allowed to actually interact.

Claremont starts with a big team and then does a lot of pushing characters out. The original team leaves except Scott. Thunderbird dies. Then Jean comes back as Phoenix (and dies). Sunfire goes on the Krakoa mission, then says "Fuck you, I'm out," which is kind of constant theme with him. Lorna and Alex are constantly on the periphery, occasionally getting dragged into stories (like when they are brainwashed by Erik the Red), but never full team members. At least Havok gets to properly join later, Polaris is constantly getting pushed aside. Banshee actually gets a proper run on the book and is there for the first Phoenix saga before Claremont eases him into retirement with an injury to his voice and a romance with Moira. I really like Banshee, it's neat to have an "older" character on a team full of kids (and even Wolverine is treated as a younger guy in his early appearances, before his backstory gets fleshed out), and he has his own backstory of being an Interpol agent, and an evil cousin who wants to kill him. He also has an ancestral castle with leprechauns, but we won't talk about that. Claremont sort of keeps the "Muir Island" characters in the loop for awhile, so occasionally Banshee, Moira, Multiple Man, and sometimes Lorna and Alex get drawn into the story again.

Erik the Red shows up as a Shiar agent, even though Erik the Red was a fake persona that Scott used in the first X-Men run, and I swear we never get an explanation as to why. Did the Shiar agent just find the costume and think it was cool? Or maybe it was the agent's costume the entire time and Scott found it somewhere, that would explain how Scott quickly cobbled together a villain disguise complete with laser gloves that mimicked powers. I think Claremont just saw the bondage gear and couldn't resist.

First appearance of Juggernaut and Black Tom Cassidy as a duo, and Juggernaut even dives into the sea to save Tom. These two, along with Pyro and Avalanche and Unus and Blob, are high on my "gay villain duo" list.

Mesmero hypnotizes the X-Men into thinking that they are carnival workers, and Magneto shows up and is like:

Magneto actually rescues the X-Men from Mesmero just so he can take revenge on them himself, and says that Mesmero was just working with a Magneto robot the whole time.

I probably make it no secret that Wolverine is very low on my favorite character list, but I like him more in the early days when he's not only allowed to be a massive asshole, but the narrative actually treats him like one. Wolverine bothers me the most in his over-hyped days, when he is basically, to borrow TV Tropes, a Jerkass-Sue, who always saves the day and is still loved and respected by almost everyone despite being a massive asshole. In the early days there are actually consequences for Wolverine being a massive asshole, people yell at him and put him in his place, he actually loses fights occasionally, he gradually develops and shows that he has a good heart and cares about his team-mates. He is actually part of the team, not the star. My favorite Wolverine is a character who fits in as part of the X-Men, while Wolverine on his own bores the shit out of me.

The Hellfire Club story really makes Mastermind an impressive villain. I always thought he was a creep, and Hellfire club elevates him to mega-creep, but it also shows him managing to work his way into this Inner Circle of powerful mutants, and gain control over Jean with his illusion powers. (And some help from a device that Emma made, current comics forget she is a tech whiz). Like this is a legitimately dangerous, threatening Mastermind, although not after Jean wipes the floor with him.

I wonder what fan reaction was like to Kitty Pryde - was she a welcome addition, or the "annoying child character," like Wesley Crusher? Personally, I like Kitty, and I appreciate her acting like an actual child, not a hyper-competent genius, although she is an actual genius. I don't mind her doing things like wandering into the Danger Room and forgetting to phase because she's so scared, it makes sense. She's like 13.

There's a lot more to be said about the introductions of Sebastian Shaw and Emma and my favorite Brotherhood, with Destiny, Mystique, Blob, Avalanche and Pyro, but this has gone on too long already. Claremont definitely gave us a lot of characters with staying power.

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margridarnauds · 11 months

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F K and X for the ask game GO

F: Share a snippet from one of your favorite dialogue scenes you’ve written and explain why you’re proud of it.

“I’m going to need to ask the Duke if he has new stock in,” Heisenberg said. “I’m running out.”

“He seems to keep up,” Ethan says. “I wonder how he does it, with Miranda controlling everything in the village.”

Heisenberg shrugged. “I never ask. He sells, I buy, and I don’t go any deeper than that. He’s been around since before I was part of things. But he sells a damn good cigar, and, when he isn’t being cryptic, he’s good company after a few bottles of țuica.”

“Bottles?” He’d tried a shot of the stuff once, when he’d first moved, and it gave vodka a run for its money. Tasted bit like gasoline and paint thinner combined, with a bit of a plum taste thrown in to make it palatable. Nearly knocked him out.

“Hey, everyone has their vices. Increases the appetite.” He paused. “It used to be a way for people in the village to make a little money on the side. Before every meal, they’d make a toast to Miranda, put a little glass on the side of the table for her. Waste of good alcohol, if you ask me. What the woman needs is a goddamn blunt.”

Against his own will, Ethan laughed. He wasn��t supposed to be laughing - Rose was in danger, Mia was dead. Everything was at risk, everything. But he hadn’t slept in over 24 hours, unless he wanted to count being knocked out and dragged around by Heisenberg (which he didn’t), and he’d worked enough late-night shifts to know what that did to anyone’s sense of humor.

“What?”

Ethan was able to compose himself enough to say, in the most solemn voice possible, “In life and in death, we pass the bong to Mother Miranda.” “Okay, now that’s just awful, even for me.” Heisenberg chuckled. “I didn’t think you had it in you.”

So, this scene is coming immediately one of the tensest moments of Door #2 -- it's a time where we start really seeing consequences for the characters and what they've done and the decisions they've made. You have, for the very first time, someone actually dying because of Heisenberg's decisions, on page, you have Ethan not being able to save someone with the power of friendship, and so this is a bittersweet moment where there's all THIS haunting them while there's also a tiny bit of comic relief. (Yes, I DID get Neil Newbon, Heisenberg's VA, to do an autograph he signed "In life and death we pass the bond to Mother Miranda" and I would do it all over again.)

Resident Evil has always had this interplay of comedy, tragedy, and horror, and that's what I'm trying to tap into here, especially with Ethan, since Ethan in particular is a protagonist who has this absolutely devastating character arc while some of his canon dialogue includes things like "That's not groovy." And Heisenberg, in-canon, gets relatively few chances to see that, since in-canon, Ethan spends most of his time being extremely pissed off that his daughter's been kidnapped...totally understandably. Here, he's really getting to see, for the first time, that Ethan has a sense of humor. It's a sign of how far they've come that Ethan is able to approach him like this, getting into his physical space, without Heisenberg snapping at him, and it's a sign on the reverse side that Ethan is starting to feel comfortable enough with Heisenberg that he can joke around with him a little, even if it's in the calm before the absolute shitstorm of the third act. (Also it's a very relatable thing for me as a grad student because my sense of humor really takes a nose-dive at around...I would say the 16 hour mark without sleep, getting progressively worse the longer I'm up.)

I was also really proud to bring in a bit of world building re: the țuica and Miranda -- One thing I wished we'd gotten to see more of, and this is going to be VERY "of COURSE, you're a MYTHOGRAPHER" moment, is that we have this pagan village cult in Romania and we get to see very little of how it functioned. The village ITSELF in Resident Evil Village is possibly one of the biggest wastes of good potential I'd seen, like what does a village that has been under her thumb for over a hundred years look like? What kind of rituals, besides the one we see on screen, did they come up with as a way of appeasing her? What does this blend of pre-Christian belief + Miranda *look* like? And I'm not just looking into edgy "OH MY GOD HUMAN SACRIFICE" because I often feel like human sacrifice is a bit of a cheap way out of things (and I don't think it works for Miranda's MO anyway -- we know there were human sacrifices *before* Miranda, but I'm not sold post, though I think that often depends on how you define "human sacrifices") -- I'm interested in the day to day rituals that Miranda would instate as a way of ensuring their complete loyalty and devotion, including offerings. The world of RE: Village is a lot of fun to pick apart and this was a great chance to do that a little while also letting the characters have a bit of a break.

K: What’s the angstiest idea you’ve ever come up with?

I have spoken about a LOT of REALLY angsty ideas, including some that I'm not sure I can *talk* about here without multiple TWs, all of which you probably know about.

Probably the single angstiest idea, since literally no one is having a good time here, is the Marie Antoinette Canon Divergence AU where Margrid feels guilt ridden after the trial and decides to take Antoinette's place -- it was very much "Servant of Evil"/Tale of Two Cities inspired and it was my attempt at kind of going "...what would have happened if Antoinette DID survive?" Her husband's dead, she's been separated from her children, and there is going to have to be a high human cost to keeping her alive. You know, what happens? (And of course there is Margrid/Orléans and of course it is angsty, because (1) Orléans knows her well enough to know that she'd do something like this and (2) She's too determined to back down from this once she's made her mind up)

X: A character you enjoy making suffer.

Lazare is kind of the expected answer, isn't he? It's a lot of fun to work with him because he's this man in this massive position of power -- he is at the height of where you can really be at his age and his status in the ancien régime, he has his own men under him, he has a massive amount of status at court to the point where the King both (a) recognizes him and (b) takes his military advice into account, and, depending on the production, he doesn't seem to be older than 30, maybe as young as ~25. It's fun to seem him humbled and to chip away at all those little niggling insecurities, to really dissect what makes him tick and then use that against him and to bring out those vulnerabilities that make him interesting.

I feel like something that...doesn't hurt is that we don't see what happens to Lazare post 1789. Like, he's Ronan's greatest antagonist, he's the reason Ronan started all of this, and then we don't see him after Ronan dies and, depending on the production, again, he's *directly* responsible for it. And you can say "well, we know what happens to the nobility" but...do we? Do we? Because, if we assume he's a member of Artois' faction, which has a decent amount of canon behind it, or as much as we're going to get...Artois' faction overwhelmingly got the fuck out of France. I think that Lazare might NOT choose to do that because I think he's (1) a stubborn shit and (2) would live in denial about the state of affairs, but the truth is that, despite the popular image of what a victim of the Revolution looked like, Ronan had he lived would have been at more risk of becoming a victim of the Revolution than Lazare. So it's satisfying, on some level, seeing some amount of emotional payoff for Ronan's death, this sense of Lazare surviving but never really fully recovering from July 14.

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lupineleigh · 1 year

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This is a historical artifact from 1992. Possibly 1991. At least for me it’s a huge piece of my literary history.

I’m a born story teller. I can remember coming up with original stories and original characters since I was four years old, possibly younger.

I wanted to share an idea for a story to act out with a friend and since I never knew when I’d see my busy friend again, I had to write down my ideas to make sure I did not forget them. I also suffer from poor short term memory and Executive Dysfunction which leads to choice paralysis, time blindness, and struggling to start and finish tasks. Because of this, I have gotten by with making notes for myself everywhere I could find a blank spot to write. Here, you can see me reminding myself what time to bathe so I could get to bed on time without getting fussed at.

Since I didn’t know how to draw Darkwing yet, I traced over a picture of him in my Disney Adventures magazine and put my tracing paper picture in my journal. That was the first year I started using markers, too, as my preferred tools for coloring were my awful, cheap, scribbly colored pencils, or my smelly childhood box of Crayola crayons with the built in sharpener.

I started my first Darkwing Duck fanfic in this journal. It was originally going to be a play between me and my then best friend, but I got stumped on how to include her in the story, since I knew she’d want an important role. I asked her for ideas and wrote the ending as she relayed it, with her as the random side character barreling in to save the day and defeat the whole hoard of villains. She was happy with that ending. I…was not. I wanted the hero to actually do something besides be the damsel in distress. 😆 So I started a new copy on loose leaf lined note paper. I redrew DW in the same pose and tried to draw Audubon Bay Bridge, and copied down my favorite prose that I wrote as a kid, and embellished the story with more details, more setting and mood, and ended up with a lot more angst. I remember taking my folder with all those loose pieces of paper on a trip to Arizona and New Mexico and trying to write in the car, and on my grandma’s coffee table. Physical comfort always took a sideline to my need to pour out an ongoing story while I was in Writing Mode. Even though I did not have access to Darkwing Duck episodes or comics then, I wrote from memory and later looked for the comics and episodes I referred to.

**Long post and triggering story ahead. Proceed with caution. Mentions of depression, cancer, death, grief, etc. **

Fast forward to 2010. I finally finished my hard copy of “The Villains’ Revolt” and decided it was high time to start typing the darn thing before my pencil copy became too blurry and faded to read. It was August 11, around six pm… I had just typed “One night, the city of St. Canard was unusually quiet.” And then I got hit with the worst bombshell of my life… My mom came in and said my dad, who was laying on a cot in our living room, suffering from debilitating, rare Lung Cancer that attacked his spinal fluid and shut down his organs and body functions one by one over the course of four months, was on his last breath. She asked me to come downstairs.

I saved my file, turned off the computer, left “Villains’ Revolt” on my desk, and descended into the worst depression of my life. I held my dad’s hand, read to him, showed him magazine pictures, choked out a song for him with other family members, and told him it was okay to let go… That we’d be okay… I was not okay. I didn’t want to let go. I wanted a miracle. I got one, but it was more like a hallucination than the miracle I was praying for… Dad gasped his last, and I hugged him one last time and walked away, told the hospice nurse I was okay, and shut down for the rest of the month, letting my relatives handle all the arrangements. It was awful. It was the worst pain I have ever felt in my chest. It was a weight I physically carried for the next fifteen months. I could not think, feel, or do anything normal without crying or feeling like I was watching from some other plain or existence. I could feel myself slipping away and feared leaving my devastated, depression-paralyzed mother alone. She wasn’t cooking, doing laundry, cleaning or doing anything for herself then except laying in bed for weeks and filling out forms and making phone calls. We were both overwhelmed.

I stepped up. I took over all the housework, lawn care, cooking, cleaning, and tried to find a new normal for Mom and me. I struggled to keep us on a meal schedule and sleep schedule. I struggled to be present for myself and my dog, who stayed quietly by my side, even when I forgot to feed or walk him. We survived. We pulled through.

But my heart needed an outlet. I had to release that volcano of feelings somehow.

I started a new story. “My Daughter, My Life.” I poured everything into that. All of my pain, fear, grief, confusion, vulnerability, struggles to make a new normal and find who I was again without the guidance of a parent or mentor, or even a friend. I was completely isolated by physical distance and emotional distance from everyone I knew…

Writing kept me alive. It gave me purpose. I had no idea what I was supposed to do with a story I could never publish but I had to have a safe outlet to process my feelings and project onto characters who I could relate to.

It was exhausting and painful but I finished three stories, and a bit of research led me to Fan fiction .net. I was scared to share so much of myself, but I was so lonely, even a critique would have been welcome. Just being noticed and acknowledged as a living person was enough. I figured the worst that could happen was I’d be ignored. I’d lose nothing by posting. So I did.

That is my history, and the beginning of the new me.

My stories were accepted with open arms, and a fan wrote to me to suggest a new story idea based off of my short story. I did some more research, and found a whole fandom on a forum I never knew existed. I needed a little bit of encouragement to approach so many strangers online, but I joined the forum and quickly found a friendly fun community that made me feel like I actually fit in for the first time in my life.

That community was my home for the next ten years, and it will always have a piece of my heart. They helped me grow so much as a person, opening my eyes and mind and filling me with more dopamine and excitement than I could contain! I had more energy from talking about anthro ducks online than I had as a growing child! It was amazing, and I made some amazing friends online that I still talk with on a near daily basis.

Nice year old me would be surprised to see where old me is now, and very confused by my new perspectives, but she’d be relieved to see that I wasn’t alone my whole life. I didn’t suffer endlessly in silence. I’m still here. I’m still writing. And I’ll keep writing for as long as there is a spark of inspiration and flexibility in my aching hands.

This is my story. My past and my present. And I am proud of how far I’ve come. What happens next? Who knows! The future awaits!

#lupineleigh’s writing #lupineleigh’s history #archaeological artifact 😆#child journal #1991 101 Dalmatians journal #a well used diary #Darkwing Duck Fanfic The Villains’ Revolt backstory #grief #loss #my personal story

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