My level of "not ok" today is somewhere between I need to go home, shut the world away, and sleep all day, and maybe I should call my therapist.

"buck and tommy are grown men who don't need to have an explicit conversation about labels in order to be in a relationship" and "treating buck and tommy like they're in a super serious committed relationship when they've been on 1 1/2 dates in canon is ridiculous" are two statements that can coexist just fyi

it takes so fucking little to trigger the most despairing rejected feelings inside me. this is so lame

This I guess is to tell you You’re chosen out from the rest

they say that "time heals all wounds" but i honestly think that upping my anti-depressants has done more for me

Today is an IBS flare day and I'm regretting all of my life decisions

byan "i thought being a vampire would be sick as fuck but instead it's turned my life upside down, caused me to lose the few safety nets i actually had, and somehow given me less freedom where i thought it'd give me more" byun

I'm seriously hanging on by a thread right now I might just go drop dead 😭

Have you ever been so inspired to make something, but lack the technical skill to make it, or for some reason or another have no way to externally express this like pent up need to make SOMETHING, and it feels like a gazillion thoughts running through your head and you get so restlessly frustrated because you NEED to make something, but for some reason or another, be it personal or technical, you just can’t? And then you end up giving yourself an anxiety attack and heart palpitations and it feels like you’re going to explode?

just a little vent under the cut :(

i miss acting so so much, i cry almost every day because of that. last year i had to stop going to classes because i got really sick and had to be hospitalized to have surgery. it took me a few months to be better and of course i couldn’t go back to my second—and last year—because i already had lost a lot of classes. i thought about going back this year but things were a litte complicated with the academy so i chose to not go back. now it’s may and i’m still doing nothing. literally all i do every day is sleep and cry and feel really bad because i’m about to turn 26 and i’m doing nothing. i have a lot of goals and i just feel like time is slipping through my fingers. i had a lot of opportunities when i started going to the academy back in 2021 but now that i’m not going things are a lot more complicated. i’ve been sending self tapes and everything but by not having photos and a reel they don’t even consider you. and to have profesional photos you need money which i don’t have bc i don’t have a job—and that’s another thing that has me feeling really down because i keep sending cv and nothing happens, they don’t call me, not a single email, nothing. and my dad told me to go back home—i’m currently living in a different city because i thought i have more opportunities here—and i don’t know what to do because i don’t want to give up on my dreams but everything is just soooo hard i can’t take it anymore.

i turn 21 on monday and i just know im not going to enjoy this weekend at all...

begging my brain to not be so empty i have to message so many people back but there’s nothing to say i wish we had evolved past spoken and written language by now. i wish i could just send love beams and movies to play in peoples heads and little birds to sit on my friends shoulders and play with their hair for me

.

...

Happy Birthday ROB HIRST Sept. 3, 1955

He speaks French and Japanese. He’s the man to go out cuisining with. And he’s passionate. He’s a historian. The things the guy knows. He goes to some country and you’d be looking at something and he’ll say, ‘This happened in 1868 before the Boers did such and such.’ And it’s like, ‘Wow, I was just looking at the colour of the wall.’

- Bones Hillman on Rob Hirst, 1998

I respect your right to leave any of your wips unfinished but also I am going feral over that hint of shirtless cowboy bergara 🤠🤠🤠🤠

You know what? Maybe I’ll finish that one, I feel like that’s doable. Looking at it again I do want to finish it!

My biggest issue now is I can’t decide wether to make the shorts blue or pink abhjshb