#everybody is talking about you all the time bc that’s what your paranoia does!!!! | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

sisterssafespace · 2 years

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Asslamu alaikum💖

(TW suicidal thoughts for anybody, even u, who doesn't want to read about that - which is totally understandable).

Im just here to rant because I think that lately I may have experienced at least one case and the night before last I had a 3 hour long meltdown caused by my obsessive thing and re-thinking about my past experiences & my paranoia.

I think I am mad and stupid and slow and everybody, even mom, agrees and idk what to do about it. Prayer helps, but I feel caged in my own mind and my life in general and it's not even news, bc I always had this inherent sense of wrongness (wrong in the head, more like it) and unbelonging and stupidity and I try to seem normal to people but I never get the socializing formula right, I never solve the "equation". And even when I think im doing something right people comment on how weird it was when i did x and y. I'm so tired and that meltdown night i had so many suicidal thoughts and i really don't want to die but I fear i will obey those thoughts in the end if they keep being so persistent.

Wa alaykum assalamu wa rahmatu Allahi wa barakatuhu dear sister 🤍

First of all, I am so sorry you are going through this. 😞😞 la hawla wa la quwata illa billah.

I am no professional so unfortunately, there is only so much I can help you with, but I highly recommend you seek professional help about what you struggle with, if that's an option.

With that being said, I want you to promise me to never use " stupid " or " stupidity" when describing or talking about yourself because my dear sister, you are a creation of Allah swt and Allah swt does not make anything stupid. As human beings, we can be a mess sometimes, that's life, so please trust me when I say, whatever you are feeling, if you think you are on the wrong and that you do not belong, trust me, you are not the only one feeling this way, and everyone in your circle, everyone in your community, no matter how perfect they seem, they all have insecurities and they are all struggling with something. As human beings we are not perfect, we are incomplete, that is why we turn to Allah swt for what is missing, to feel fulfilled, to feel whole, to feel complete. That is why I would only pray and hope that no matter how hard it gets you do not stray away from Allah swt and you stay in His vicinity as much as you can.

Also, a practical tip I could give you is to stick to your daily adhkar of morning and evening, and to try and make a dhikr of " la hawla wa la quwata illa billah x 100 times per day " or if you find yourself capable to do x 100 times in the morning and x 100 times in the evening that would be great. This specific duaa is known to help the believer fight anxiety and depression. Allahu al mustaān 🤍

Finally, read surat Ya Seen and surat Ta Ha whenever you can, and if you have time to read or watch tafseer (explanation) from one of your favorite Mashayikh or ulamah (hopefully you can find their videos on YouTube) do that. Surround yourself with ways and/or people that remind you and bring you closer to Allah swt because that is the only way out, the only way to reach the shore safely my dear.

May Allah swt ease your pain and mend your heart, ameen.

- A. Z. 🍃

#tw suicidal thoughts #sisterssafespace

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quixotic-gray · 9 months

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personal venting, I rambled as usual and I don't think I made any clear points here but it feels better to talk about my problems. you know how it be. If you have your own problems (doubtless you do if you have a nervous system and live on this planet) then please don't waste your time with this lol

i wish I had some good solution for posts that trigger my paranoia, not shit that's simply talking about what paranoia is- talking about the condition itself gives me nothing to be paranoid about, but shit in current events or even fiction that just makes me want to obliterate all my electronics and go live off the grid, its all too much for me right now and the more I'm spiralling the more I'm obsessing over things, which at this point I can't tell what level of importance or reality I should be assigning to any given thing-- its like it *all* real and its *all* happening right now- just this pounding do something dosomething dosomethingdosomething and I wish it was as easy as telling myself its okay, its not that big, it doesn't concern me, or there's nothing I can do. Just don't worry about it, ok I've been trying to figure that one out for years. The thing is there's no good way to categorize it or explain or adopt a warning system bc not everyone experiences it and not everyone who does is set off by the same things, plus it's just piling one more thing on everybody to be aware of- like there's so many people who manage the mental energy to keep up with content warning tags and god I respect and admire it. its so damn compassionate, and you're looking at everything through so many different perspectives, thinking about all the different people you can protect-- its human at its kindest- its something that seems so small but it takes energy, its protecting people you've never met and its not going to help all of them but maybe just one, there's a hopefulness to it I find inspiring. and I'm always saying I'm going to start doing that too but then I don't (which I apologize for and if anybody is following me who actually is reading this (i will probably make a separate post with this so its known) who could benefit from me adding certain warning tags please let me know and I would be happy to put in the effort for you). But then for like the paranoid shit I've got, to ask people to keep up with trying to figure out whether something could fuck with my head like that?? No that's ridiculous. then also just blocking a tag for it would cut off a lot of news that I think is important to be aware of. It can't work like an unreality tag (which i am grateful for btw). i do a lot to myself i think bc I'm curious and I feel like the only way to protect myself is to be as aware as possible, so then I read thru news posts and my need for awareness is just such a damn glue trap-- I keep in the know as best as I can, I feel bad if I read thru something and don't reblog it, i feel bad if I don't reblog something that others should see or learn from and I keep getting obsessed with this stuff. all sorts of things. it just burrows into my brain like a tick and then its all I think about, I can't go on my computer, I have to unplug everything, take the batteries out of everything, I can't go for hikes, work becomes the most exasperating ordeal of putting up with that paranoia induced anxiety that I want to quit everything then on top of that it take so much effort to continue just being kind and present for others, I'm just so tired. I realize I've never "fixed" or "healed from" my agoraphobia, I've just learned to function in spite of it but it doesn't get better- like all symptoms some days are easier than others then you notice and hope you're getting better and one day it hits you like never before. Blah. it sounds dramatic and whiney, I am aware. I'm not asking for anything, tbh there is no functional or healthy solution (or maybe I've not been thinking hard enough) it doesn't matter. and yes I'm doing the most that I can for the mental condition that causes this. I just needed to get this out somewhere. btw if I'm being insensitive about anything pls let me know so i can figure it out. positivity goes a long way in helping everybody and if I'm undermining that here I would like to fix it. finally, sorry for any scattering or incoherence.

#from percy with love #personal bs

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mercutiodidntdieforthis · 2 years

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I’ve resorted to venting here bc it’s my default account that not many people seem to see my posts on (if ur one of the two who does, sorry, and please don’t feel the need to read my vents! This one is about medical stuff and me not feeling too hopeful about it. Also TW for religious paranoia bc I say something as a joke that could be triggering if you get that paranoia or have religious trauma)

Honestly I kind of don’t even know how I’m supposed to be anything besides incredibly pessimistic at this point lol. Like....Fucking something just gets wore every year?? I spend the entire year or two working on figuring out how the fuck to cope with whatever new fucking condition I’ve developed, and then when I’m FINALLY like “okay, this is as well-managed as it can be, time to get on with my life,” something new IMMEDIATELY falls into my lap. It’s fucking uncanny. I don’t want to talk like I’m the only person to ever have this problem, because I know a lot of people who have the exact same situation, but Jesus Christ, I don’t know how they or me or anyone is supposed to deal with that. It feels fucking uncanny how much my new medical problems are perfectly timed specifically to give me a glimmer of hope that shit might get better just so they can tear it down. Like, I would think that was too coincidental to be realistic if I read it in a book or something, lmao. It’s like God hates me and is putting a calculated effort into ruining everything in the most frustrating way possible /hj. I know that sounds dramatic as all hell, but I mean shit like how I can’t dance anymore because of the asthma and POTS, and I can’t sing anymore because of the POTS, and I started getting chronic migraines as soon as I started editing podcasts, and then they got bad again right around the time I got a job in transcription.

Maybe this is just what life is like for everyone?? Maybe I’m stupid to assume it’s supposed to be better than this???? I don’t even have a baseline for what’s normal, I genuinely have no idea. But even if this does happen to everybody, it doesn’t make me less tired of 1/3 of my life consisting of doctor calls and visits and new medication that can’t just treat the problem without causing five more. I don’t know how anyone in the world is an optimist. The fucking second I find something enjoyable, it gets ruined for me somehow. And I kind of don’t even feel like there’s a point in trying to recover from depression, because I don’t know if it’s possible to have this much physically wrong with me and not be depressed. Which is like, not exactly the best thought in the world to have when your conditions are chronic.

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bpdanakins · 3 years

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i just infodumped to my friends about bpd anakin and i have No Regrets snakjdkajfsk

anyway, doth thee have any more bpd anakin (or just anakin in general) headcanons becuase i am living for this

I am So Sorry this took so long, but hopefully the length makes up for it. Thank you so much for sending this to me bc BPD!Anakin is my entire life. I could talk about it all day, every day.

I’d like to thank @apple-grass-and-smiles for helping me organize my Thoughts on all of this, prompting me to focus on certain things and giving me feedback in general too.

Okay, here goes:

Anakin fidgets!! I’m not even sure if this is a headcanon but if it is I will die on this hill. He can’t stay still for the life of him and doubly so when he’s anxious, nervous or Ready To Do Something Already.

We know Anakin can’t hold eye contact to save his life when he’s upset or insecure, but I can also see him having issues with touch when he’s upset, unless it’s from certain people only (Padmé always gets a pass, for example).

Anakin’s quick to let some small stuff go, but larger things people do that hurt him (whether intentionally or not) aren’t really ever forgotten, and he just kind of takes that in and suppresses it, until random moments when it pops up, he remembers, and it just hurts like it’s happening all over again. The people around him often have no idea what fully sets him off, bc to them, his reaction now seems out of nowhere while his mind’s still stuck on this other thing. - His reactions also seem sometimes like they’re Over The Top, but even just remembering past hurts can feel almost disabling at times. It’s worse when he ends up ruminating on it, because the hurt and feelings of betrayal just keep building up over and over until it almost blots everything else out.

When he’s happy or surrounded by those he loves, everyone kind of can feel it too, bc he’s just fuckoff powerful in the Force and esp other Force sensitives kind of gather around his space and just… his affection and excitement are literally infectious.

This probably runs closer to ADHD than BPD for sure, but get him talking about anything mechanical (robotics, engineering, racing, etc) and he will go from 0 to 100 so fast you’d get whiplash. No one minds though bc, as I said, his excitement is infectious and honestly those around him just adore listening to him go off even though half of it goes over their head. - Ahsoka may not ever get Gotta Go Fast, but she definitely loves it when he really talks her ear off about all this stuff, bc it makes her excited to learn and she picks up on all of it easily. (There’s a part of her that wants to emulate him and she does def look up to him obviously.) - We see it with Obi-Wan, but people love to use his love of all things mechanical as a way to distract him from things that upset him. It doesn’t always work but they try.

With Obi-Wan, he ends up on the side of Anakin’s splitting like, all the time. And unfortunately sometimes Obi-Wan can’t tell that Anakin’s lashing out not because of something Obi-Wan’s actually done, but bc Anakin’s young and Obi-Wan’s the figure he can project a lot of his frustrations on. - It can lead Obi-Wan to being confused and hurt sometimes, bc he doesn’t always understand Anakin’s thought processes when this happens, and it definitely sometimes cuts him to the core. On the reverse side, though Anakin might not always say it to his face, Obi-Wan definitely can overhear him at times when Anakin’s ready to 1v1 anyone who even so much as makes a frowny face about Obi-Wan, which helps Obi-Wan remember that Anakin does love him too, actually. - It ends up being one of the points of frisson between Anakin and Mace, bc Anakin can’t read body language perfectly, especially when it comes to feelings of abandonment or someone seemingly not loving who Anakin loves to the same degree. Mace has a drier sense of humor at times and defs has a more resting frowny face, and this rankles Anakin at times bc he can’t always tell when Mace is just chilling vs being disappointed, and while Anakin will take it all personally, he ALSO takes any perceived criticism to those he loves personally too. - Both Mace and Obi-Wan don’t get this bc they have a perfectly fine relationship. Anakin’s just Like That. - (And super overprotective of people’s perceptions of Obi-Wan. Anakin will go off about Obi-Wan being mean and all that, but fuck you and your entire family tree if you ever even think Obi-Wan’s anything short as the most amazing Jedi to ever Jedi.)

Everybody and their mother can see the pedestal Anakin puts Padmé on, and surprisingly she rarely is on the end of his splitting. When he does, he just internalizes it bc he can’t stand the idea that he’s somehow seen her in a wrong light, or he feels guilty for getting angry with her. - He also defines a huge chunk of his life around loving her, making her his center for a lot of his decisions and reactions, so when they’re off, his whole world seems backwards. It makes him Really uncomfortable and unsure. He gets panicky and upset and often people have no idea what the cause is so they just end up a lil panicky in return. - He tends to take it out on others, by doing an exercise or by disappearing to fiddle with something. - Pads has an easier time recognizing Anakin’s emotional needs, bc in some ways they’re the same as hers. She’s good at reaching out to him, comforting him and reassuring him of her love. And in turn, he like, never fucking shuts up about how much he loves her, and those moments are what make her feel so special around him. Being loved by Anakin makes someone feel important and even get tingly, bubbly happy feelings, because it’s hard to doubt it sometimes. - There’s a part of her that sometimes worries about how Intense he is, but, like I said, when his positive intense emotions are focused on you, it feels wonderful. And he’s genuinely super sweet and gentle, and she appreciates that, when she tells him to back off about something, he’ll listen to her wishes. (I’m using movie Anakin as my base here bc TCW!Anakin in this regard is just…. bad y’all lmao)

Anakin’s anxious about Ahsoka All The Time. He’s afraid he’s a bad teacher, he’s afraid he’ll mess her up somehow, he’s afraid he’ll hurt her or she’ll get hurt, and that’s why he can’t stand the idea sometimes of her being on her own. It’s not a lack of trust in her abilities, but because he feels responsible for her, and that’s why he’s always ready to put himself between her and literally anything that could potentially hurt her. (Even if it’s not a physical threat.) - There are times she finds this amusing and times this makes her angry, but mostly she is long suffering. There are times she appreciates it though, bc she’s still a kid and isn’t always sure which way is up, especially when in a war. Anakin is often a cornerstone for her, and though she’d literally NEVER admit it, his overprotectiveness can sometimes be a reassurance. She knows she can handle herself just fine, but when she has an inkling of doubt, she’ll remind herself that Anakin will be there, and then go and take care of the problem herself. - She doesn’t always get his moments where he’s not always falling over himself to talk Obi-Wan up or go out of his way to sass at him. To her, they have a wonderful relationship and she rarely notices when Obi-Wan might say something that pokes at Anakin wrong, so she often just winds up ???? when Anakin is huffy or annoyed with her grandmaster. - She sees Anakin’s anger issues a little more easily than others, and she worries about it but always brushes it off or downplays it, bc she always sees why he’s angry, and also always just assumes (like everyone else) that he can Handle It. - Anakin’s recklessness and impulsivity are some of her favourite things about being his padawan. He’s literally never boring to be around, and Ahsoka needs that sort of excitement to sometimes push aside the knowledge that she’s literally in a warzone. Anakin’s also really good at doing this intentionally; he’s literally always worrying after her, and all he wants to do is take care of those he loves and make them happy, so sometimes he’ll be Extra just to get under her skin or distract her and honestly this is the basis of where their playful competitions always come from.

If Ahsoka is long suffering, Rex is doubly so. Sometimes it’s all he can do to keep up with Anakin and Ahsoka, but he appreciates Anakin “thinking outside the box”. He also appreciates knowing that Anakin is just as loyal to him and his men as he himself is (well… Anakin is until he isn’t lmao) - Rex, like Pads, is really good at picking up Anakin’s moods and even trains of thought, so he’s always able to work around that, or even see where Anakin’s mind is going when coming up with a plan. They make a really good team bc while Anakin can jump from one idea to another without them seemingly correlated, Rex immediately follows Anakin’s leaps and they just end up in sync. - That being said, Anakin can be really confusing at times. His moods are often so all over the place, that Rex generally has no idea what tf is going on. He deals with it by learning to be calm when Anakin’s unable to, and just ride out Anakin’s worst moods until they pass by, learning not to let it all phase him. Anakin lowkey hates it when he’s upset, but once the worst of it passes, he really appreciates that Rex will just… not press like Obi-Wan, or balances out the moments Anakin’s mind is so cluttered by instead just keeping a good focus on things.

Probably everyone’s most baffling symptom of Anakin’s is his paranoia. Obi-Wan kind of sees it the most, because Anakin is always testy with the Council and often feels put on the spot, dismissed and looked down upon. To everyone else, they don’t get where Anakin’s ideas come from, bc everything seems chill on their end. His fretting about others’ well-being is straightforward enough, but his instant panic-turned-anger shift when he receives any criticism (especially the perceived type) always gives people whiplash. It’s hard to keep up with, hard to see what it was that got to him so much, and hard to know how to help (particularly when they’re worried that trying to help him will feel like “taking sides”). - Ahsoka takes Anakin’s POV of the Council pretty easily, at least when it comes to him. This is mostly bc she’s not there when there’s a meeting or tension around them, nor was she there when Anakin first arrived, so she just assumes they must genuinely often have issues with him too. She doesn’t see it to the extent Anakin does though, but she recognizes that sometimes he seems to blow things out of proportion when he’s upset, and figures it’ll just blow over once he’s calmed down. - Pads, on the other hand, is always kind of aware of Anakin’s fears of losing her. He often not-so-subtly looks for reassurances that she loves him and won’t leave him, that she’s feeling alright or not angry/annoyed with him. She chalks it up to his trauma with his mother (and she’s partially right), so even when sometimes it gets on her nerves that he seems to doubt her so much, she tries to remind herself of that and let it go.

Those closest to him can pick up that Anakin tends to see the negative in things, and is generally really hard on himself. They try to help out by giving praise where it’s due and just overall Being There, but it’s Rough to know they often don’t get through. (Palps, on the other hand, knows how to weaponize this.)

The saddest part is that I don’t think anyone once thought Anakin was Seriously Ill, partly out of ignorance, partly bc they assumed it had to do with his age/upbringing, and partly bc, eventually, everyone was dealing with trauma and even if someone wanted to send Anakin back to the Temple to have a nap or something, they legit couldn’t bc there was a war going on and he also would never have tolerated it at that point in time. - Obi-Wan’s the one who worries about all of this the most, because he’s always felt such a huge responsibility for Anakin and loves him a lot, he’s just never fully been able to understand how to get on the same wavelength as Anakin. - Anakin, too, actually never fully figures out that there is something Going On. Everything’s always overwhelming him and even though he prefers doing things at 100mph, sometimes it seems like there is Too Much going on, and even during peace times it just felt like he couldn’t keep up with everything. He hates internal reflection but also can’t stop overthinking about everything, and so he just ruminates and goes in circles and often just ends up going nowhere when it comes to dealing with things. He tries his hardest all the time, he is ALWAYS trying, but doing stupid stunts, fighting droids, making robots and speeding everywhere all the time is truthfully only a bandaid. - Being surrounded by those he adores and receiving affection from them/seeing them happy boosts his mood a lot but he doesn’t have enough self-awareness to guess at why his happier moods just won’t last. - Sometimes he can figure out when he’s being irrational and then just takes it out on himself, which only exacerbates his bad episodes.

Palpatine doesn’t help. He’s abusive, manipulates Anakin all the time and is the Worst and definitely makes everything Anakin is struggling with harder and I think we should all just punt him into a sun thank you this isn’t a headcanon I just want everyone to know how much I hate him

#this is like... super long im sorry lmao #and it's probably a bit all over the place anyways #long post #also idr much about mace's characterization so i'm Pretty sure he has a dry sense of humour but idr so lmao forgive that #borderline anakin skywalker #also a lil bit of #adhd anakin skywalker #i focused a bit on his bpd + his relationships here #but if there was something else you'd have preferred my ideas on please lmk #or even if this was remotely close to what you wanted in general #star wars #anakin headcanons #this is my first time doing a like... headcanon list or just some rambling list of ideas so skjlkjsd rip me #gray-does-stuff #ask

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ayyariana · 6 years

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What should I expect from smoking weed the first time? I recently changed schools and the few friends I have smoke and invited me to do it with them. I want to, but I’m still nervous I don’t know what to expect. I don’t want to get sick or anything. Love your blog btw!

omg sis snfnjsjans i hope this hasn’t been sitting in my ask box for too long i’m so sorry (if it has been hmu & tell me how it went)

ok so i haven’t had a “first time” high in so long like my tolerance is p high so i don’t rlly get out of this world high anymore so i’m pulling this all from memory and suggesting a google search tbh there are a lot of forums for stoners where you can ask questions if you have them

* you might not get high the first (or first few) times you smoke i smoked like 3 times before i finally got high this is mostly bc we’re dumb and don’t know how to inhale properly

* you’re gonna cough so don’t be embarrassed to or hold it in literally no one cares (try to have a water bottle w/ u to soothe your throat and also for the dry mouth weed gives you)

* DON’T assume you’re not getting high bc you don’t immediately feel it it might take a bit to hit you and if you say it’s not your friends’ll try to help and let you smoke more of the blunt and getting So high for the first time might not be the best idea

* don’t slobber all over the blunt put the tip to your lips not in your mouth (a trick i was taught is to just bring the blunt to your lips and inhale instead of putting it between your lips if you’re worried abt that or don’t want something that’s been in everyone’s mouth in yours.)

* eat something at least once in the day if you know you’re gonna smoke that day. you can’t overdose on weed but the only time i’ve gotten sick is when i hadn’t eaten for days before i smoked.

* general tips: don’t talk for a long time w/ the blunt in your hand burning, watch how many hits everyone else takes i’ve always heard “puff puff pass” but none of the circles i’ve been in has anyone only taken two hits lmao

now for what you’re gonna feel when you first get high that rlly depends on you and how you react to it.

* you might trip mad hard at first lmao when an ex friend of mine got high for the first time she literally googled how long it would last bc she wanted it to end (you’ll chill out after a bit so don’t worry and at least if you Know you might trip it won’t be as bad if it happens)

* when i get rlly high my legs twitch and i can’t control it it’s nothing bad or scary i actually love when it happens bc i know i smoked some good weed & i’m high as a mf but for a first time it might be like wtf is happening to me

* you’re gonna zone tf out. your best friend is gonna be admitting a life trauma and your ass gonna be staring into the distance not even hearing them lmao

* everything is gonna funny. literally everything. silence is gonna be funny to you. don’t feel weird or bad for laughing or like you have to hold in your laughs bc no one else is

* you might be wobbly on your feet. i still stumble when i get high if you need help walking just hold a friends hand

* time is gonna go by so slow you’ll be sitting there for one minute feeling like it’s been a whole hour

* you’re gonna do shit and be tripped the fuck out when you do it i mean simple shit like picking up a water bottle i don’t know how to describe the feeling but it’s like your brain knew you wanted something so you grabbed for it but you didn’t tell yourself to do it (also your hands are gonna trip you out in general if you’re anything like me)

* you’re probably gonna say some stupid shit i once said i can’t find the door opener when my cousin was dropping me off

* you’re also gonna do some stupid shit too like putting a pot on the stove with water in it and not turning the heat on putting the sour cream in the cabinet

* your memory is about to be shit when you’re high that’s why we lose five lighters a day

* you might get paranoid. like “that wind that made the leaves rustle is actually the cops and we’re going to jail for 72 years” there no real way to avoid paranoia when smoking but smoking inside or just being inside after getting high might ease that a bit (also eating something. if you feel too high or paranoid just eat something and it’ll bring your high down a bit)

* i said this already but have water with you bc cotton mouth is real and uncomfortable af

* certain music or tv shows or commercials may trip you out so beware of that

* i don’t know if this happens to everybody but when my eyes get red from smoking they also feel rlly dry and burn but bc i’m high i don’t rlly care and only become more aware of it when i sober up

* you gonna be a hungry mf let me tell you that and you’ll literally eat anything and the shit you eat when you’re high might make you gag when you’re sober (i once ate an entire package of raw bacon bits thinking they were cooked)

* you actually might be one of those people who gets super creative when they’re high so test that out (writing, drawing, w/e your art is)

* being high might make you horny

* you’ll hear shit in music you’ve been listening to for months that you’ve never heard before

* it might knock you out but if it does i promise that’ll be the best sleep of your life

i could go on but i think i went on for too long lmao just have fun and don’t do anything you don’t want to do

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nochiquinn · 7 years

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oneshot: paranoia paranoia everybody’s coming to eat me

I’m excited, I love WoD (though I’m more partial to changeling than vampire) so this is excellent

three seconds in and people are getting murdered

CHANGELING

(roommate has a story about her sister’s VtM larp where someone’s sword was rebar wrapped in foam??? instead of just floppy foam??? don’t do that)

oh no everyone is gothed out, I’m in distress

“I was just testing you”

“oh look they’re alive” laura

“you have free time, you could have pulled that together”

“if you know vampire the masquerade, don’t @ me”

WHAT I have an echo, datemate cannot avoid it now

I, as always, want to know what liam said

META

coffins all the way down

suddenly interview with a vampire

“how cute is the rat?” “it’s not that cute”

the toddler pitched a fit and I missed a chunk

“that makes me feel sad!”

“I would recommend leaving sam”

“can we find our way over to the baby screams?”

sam ate the nanny

“don’t judge, man” “I’m judging you hard!”

WB vampires

do not argue with the chair leg of truth

rats are made of paper

sam trying to read over travis’ giant shoulder

“not on the nerdist set, they’re not that cool”

I love these games that turn into giant injokes, I love bts stuff

ALWAYS RETURN TO CRAFTY

DON’T DEAD OPEN INSIDE

meatputer

“that’s pretty fucking cool”

why are they so cute

“what did you do to danny”

CLICKERS

“Iiiiiii’m gonna poke it”

stanima

schniff the shoopuff

"we always knew you'd be the first to go in the apocalypse"

best urn

CLICKERSSSSS

hamilpires

“that was a taliesin statement”

“his chest gives you new shoes”

once a bard

“I watched true blood”

good vamp bad vamp

laura’s FACE

aw, matt and marisha are gone

“half the people you’ve talked about I have no idea who is”

“I was gonna have you roll to see if you get pinkeye” “autofail”

according to the g&s twitter travis put liam’s eyeshadow on which explains a lot about the state of liam’s eyeshadow

“this is not a word scramble, I didn’t have time for that”

LIAM NO

“next week is just gonna be me standing here doing softshoe”

liam waiting for the jump scare

taliesin leave the wednesday club people alone

“jody is scribbling furiously bc she thinks she might still have a deadline” relateable

IS IVAN THE DADPIRE tbh that would not surprise me

“that’s my normal knock” “I know” get those lowkey jabs in at your friends tal

“you’re rules lawyering a game you barely understand!”

“you’re hangry” “as in life”

“taco hell run” liam no

what are travis and sam dying about

“that got weird” oh NOW it’s weird

travis is creeped out by taliesin’s ivan impression

bye laura

tarot fuckery!

discord: I am now convinced that stanima is the correct word

make out like bandits

LAURA NO

“can I take my shirt off” “always”

“does my skin sparkle at all?” “no more than usual”

“are you judging me now?” “oh, the whole time”

“I ate a maaaaaan”

“undying love” eeeeeeeeyyyyyy

“you killed someone who worked for amy poehler. think about that.”

that growl is impressive and terrifying

“everybody’s a kid once you’re a vampire”

liam

laura’s priorities

“do you normally touch things that look like they’re gonna explode?”

oh my god

oh my GOD

“mister gygax, there’s really no need to grow shit out of your hands.”

you ever make a mini so nice gary gygax comes back from the dead to steal it from you

“A little bit of consensual violence can be fun” taliesin

I’m so excited, I love WoD so much

#critical role #crititag #spoilers #critical role spoilers #liveblog

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goodvibesatpeace · 7 years

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10 Secrets Marijuana Smokers Won’t Tell You

10 secrets Marijuana smokers won’t tell you... “but why Will”.. “I don’t know they are too busy getting high”

I know it’s not.. but happy 4/20 by the way... and for those that don’t know, 4/20 is like a super happy worldwide Marijuana holiday. Everybody is getting high.. they are getting high in the bathroom, in the kitchen.. even in the garage :)

So 4/20 where did that come from? In the 1920′s, a group of Friends were like “hey, let’s meet up everyday at 4:20pm and get high”... What a great idea, little did they know that they would be the inspiration for a massive holiday.

People often ask me

“Will, do you smoke Marijuana”

I don’t smoke Marijuana, I have a lot of Friends that smoke Marijuana and I see what it does to them... I have had an experience with two massive weed cookies and, guess what, I didn’t even know they were weed cookies.... so they kicked in like an hour later when I was in whole foods and I was getting really thirsty... and I am like

“Where did I park my car”

Ok, we have a lot to dive into... this 4/20 I have a lot of people writing into me saying

“Marijuana has really helped them along their journey”

and some people write into me saying they want to stop altogether... and some people are just curious.

I get my energy from the natural good ass Prana... at the same time, I know the benefits of Marijuana. So we are going to dive into everything, the pros and the cons.

Cannabis sativa, one of the oldest crops cultivated by man... our Ancestors, yeah, were getting high big time. 10,000 BC in Ancient China, there is Archaeological evidence... ropes being imprinted in broken pottery. In Ancient Egypt, the goddess Seshat... goddess of writing... wait a minute.... what’s above her head? A massive cannabis leaf, she wasn’t even hiding it either, she was getting high... So our Ancestors were getting high.

Hemp has over 50,000 uses and the 7 day vegan challenge, that is why I am always eating Hemp baby... I am always eating Hemp.

What is the first secret that Marijuana smokers won’t tell you.... Do you know someone that has taken Marijuana recently? What are they like? Be honest.... It’s mind altering... it break’s down mind structure and my experience eating two giant weed cookies was like “Wow”... it was almost as if my ego was dissolving and reality was looking very strange, very different... I could almost see the illusion of the world we all are living in. And I have a lot of Friends that smoke Marijuana regularly and they tell me that it is so mind altering and this could be because of THC... the active compound chemical in Cannabis.... the Cannabinoids. Cannabis is illegal in a lot of countries but it has recently become legalized in some US states... and it gives people paradigm shifts. A lot of people that take Marijuana regularly often fell like things aren’t as real as they appear to be and that could be because of the THC. It gives us that natural high, it is natural because it’s a plant... do you know that our Brain can actually produce our own Cannabinoids? We have an Endo-Cannabinoid system.... so it’s mind altering, you start to see reality in a whole new way.

What is the second secret that Marijuana smokers won’t tell you... that there was a study by Canadian researchers from the Journal of Drug and Alcohol Review which showed that if you are consuming Weed you don’t have a big need for Alcohol. It reduces the need for Alcohol, prescription Drugs, illicit Drugs.... it found 80% substituted in for prescription Drugs, 50% substituted it for Alcohol and 32% substituted it for illicit Drugs. So many people who are taking Marijuana, it is helping them not become addicted to Alcohol, prescription Drugs and illicit Drugs.... so it is doing a lot of good.

What is the third secret that Marijuana smokers won’t tell you... This is where we are going to talk about a con because I am always talking about the benefits of Marijuana. Staci Gruber, a neuro-scientist, she talk’s about how teenagers and young adults consuming a lot of Marijuana, smoking a lot of Marijuana.... they exhibit more impulsive behavior than their peers, she also went on to show how they have a different Brain, white matter. And also how they have a poorer cognitive and executive functioning.... now a lot of people who are smoking right now are probably thinking “What” and I often find this fascinating that... sometimes people that smoke Marijuana might perform poorer when it comes to cognitive tasks. But what I really feel about this is that, many people who are smoking a lot of Marijuana.... reality starts to look funny, period... You are not going to want to sit all the time in School because you are starting to realize so much of what we have been told has been a lie. So Marijuana is really helping you open your mind... but always be aware of other research which you may not like to hear because it could open your mind to something you didn’t see before.

What is the fourth secret... Marijuana helps people with chronic pain... and this is because of the Cannabinoids, Arthritis because Cannabis, the Cannabidiol... What happens? It reduces the inflammation so it’s a powerful Medicine for people who have pain problems... it does wonders.

What is the fifth secret... There was this famous study in the British Journal of Cancer which showed that the THC in Marijuana actually inhibited tumor growth, brain tumor growth, so scientists all around the world are already starting to see the benefits of Marijuana when it comes to tumor growth and reducing it

What is the sixth secret.... Breast Cancer... The US National Library of Medicine.. they published a study which was conducted by the California Pacific Medical Center, and they found that, guess what, the Cannabinoids in Marijuana inhibited Breast Cancer. Self proliferation and and invasion... and it also reduced the tumor mass... so Marijuana is doing wonders for people with Breast Cancer.

What is the seventh secret... Colorado Researchers found that people who were smoking Marijuana a lot had decreased amount of Migraines. So it helps people dealing with Migraines.... so if you are someone that is getting high right now as your reading this post... Do you have a Migraine? No.. OK :) That is a huge benefits, Headaches and Migraines, it helps a lot.

What is the eight secret... Now this is another con... Scientists have found, even in Harvard, Stanford... that Marijuana may cause people to become more paranoid which may even lead to Schizophrenia...Don’t tell me that :). My experience taking them two massive weed cookies, I was becoming a little bit jittery but I feel that... my Friends who smoke Marijuana a lot, they have been doing for so long that their just chill all the time as their body is used to it. And I feel it depends on Why you are smoking Marijuana for.... I have a Friend who is doing it that says when they are smoking it, it is like they are entering oneness, there is no separation. But, a lot of research shows that it can cause paranoia so just remind yourself... if you have Friends around you who are always pressurizing you to taking it, don’t take it because they are taking it... follow your Heart and do what works for you. I know that, when I had taken those cookies... I was driving and it was hard for me to concentrate and, luckily, I pulled over and then I went to the Hospital. But, the research shows as well that people who are consuming a lot of Marijuana have a increased risk of car accidents... if they are high and driving at the same time. So sometimes you have got to become aware of this kind of research because it’s so important.

What is the ninth secret... Their is a Marijuana based drug called Epidiolex which has been found to reduce compulsive Seizures in people who have Epilepsy. I actually saw a video of a guy who has Epilepsy and they gave him some Marijuana and he just calmed down a few minutes afterwards... it was a viral video. So the benefits, what Marijuana is doing for people... it is helping them heal, it is helping people who have Seizures... this can only be a positive thing, it can only be something to be celebrated.

And what the the tenth secret baby.... Marijuana reduces Nausea and Vomiting associated with Chemotherapy. So, once again, we are seeing how Marijuana is like The Great Healer.. can we just have a moment of silence for Marijuana right now :)... especially on 4/20................Ok, thats good :)

But we are told in our Society that it is a Drug.. no no.. nobody has ever died from smoking Marijuana but, every year, 6 million people die from Tobacco.

And there saying, by the end of the century.... Tobacco related diseases could kill up to 1 billion people.

So when I look at it like “Oh, I get it”... because when I took them two massive weed cookies it was almost as if I would see the TV and see all the lies inside of it... Tel-li-vision, Tell Lie Vision.. Tells lies to your vision.. ummm :)

Could you imagine if everybody was smoking Marijuana? Everywhere you looked... what kind of a society do you think we would be living in? Probably a more civilized one :)

So there you have it... 10 secrets that Marijuana smokers won’t tell you... Once again, do your own research. As I see... I don’t even smoke Marijuana but I realize I might have to use it. I might have to smoke it if I have chronic pain because there are so many benefits of Marijuana and more evidence is coming out as we speak.

So a happy 4/20 to those deep divers right now, even though its not 4/20 :) I celebrate with you... and all that happens is you just say

Feels so good to be alive Baby!”

You are Worthy…You are Enough… You are Beautiful… You are Powerful….just the way you are!

Have a wonderful day!

Much Love to all… There are many deep waters out there!!.. go in peace my friends :)

#greatest version #marijuana #psychodelics #ancient china #seshat #archaeology #weed #medicine #cancer treatment #pain treatment

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survivor-switzerland · 7 years

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EPISODE 11: THE PRICE ISN’T ALWAYS RIGHT - IAN

I hate talking to Ian. Oh my god. Ian is so boring. Nick is the fakest person in the history of persons while Ben is the most illogical. If I'm on the jury there is a 0% chance either of them get my vote or probably Zack or Jev's because any situation that would have landed me on the jury would have probably been 100% preventable by them but since they wanna be shady (or in Ben's case stupid) I'm going to be fighting from the bottom from now on. Tyler is the most transparent balding bitch i have ever met in my life and that's all I'll say on that. Last tribal was the first time I had ever been on the wrong side of the vote in a Survivor game ever, and I knew it was going to happen and bc I'm a loyal heaux. I felt like Sandra in Game Changers getting "outplayed" by flops. I know I can't go on an immunity run because eventually there are going to be time consuming ones and Brett lives his life on Skype so rip my chances of winning challenges. FUCK MY LIFE

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QAF5fRhZHu0

Y'all better get your sunglasses on because a guardian angel is protecting me and beaming its light on y'all!!

We DID that!! OMG, I am so fucking relieved right now that I scraped by that vote. I was legit scared for my life!! THANK YOU OG MONTE ROSA!!

Sorry Abel, I don't give a shit if you're loyal. You threw my name around and now I'm coming for you. You're at the top of my hit list and loyalty ain't gonna save you.

Zack though, woo calling Tyler out was like a bomb. Now there's gossip that Brett has an idol. Brett then tells me he does have an idol, which I already knew so I acted shocked. Nick also claims that Luke almost used a vote stealer but he stopped it from happening. Well idk if what Nick's claim is true but rn I'm just SO HAPPY I WAS SAVED.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BQULoWIMYhA

Enjoy!

If this game was the film Mean Girls, I'd be Karen Smith

Damn it all, how many times do I get second in these individual immunity challenges. I lost because of that damn tie breaker :/

The price isn't always right. :(

Now with Luke safe, that leaves us Jev and Abel. Personally I want Abel gone because he's messy and he brought up my name last tribal. But it's still kinda early and it's risky to try and split the vote because of Luke's vote stealer. Here's to hoping my name ain't roaming around again.

Super stoked that I managed to win immunity, after the events of last round I definitely think I needed it. I need to start working on Nick and Dom so that we can see if they will vote with us and work out getting out either Ian, Ashley or Tyler

I'm so stressed that I'm going to be the one leaving tonight, Brett says he's trying to make a case for me with the people he's working with but I feel like that's not gonna be enough, if I'm gonna stay I'm gonna have to fight for my place.

I've started a thing with Dom, Nick and Abel but whether or not it'll work out I have no idea. I sold out Luke to Brett (without revealing his name) but my intention was to stir up Brett's emotions and make him reconsider who he's working with, paranoia can be dangerous for someone in this game and that's exactly what i want to make Brett: Paranoid.

I still have Luke kind of but idk how I feel about him, like can I trust him? He was a double-agent for us with the other side but how do I know he isn't doing the same for them? I'm honestly so stressed. There's not much I can do about Luke yet though since he has immunity.

Okay so... I've still heard nothing and it's 40 minutes from the vote which is never fun!! Luke has this whack ass plan to take out Ashley-Sarah but that would require Nick and Dom voting with Me, Abel and Luke and then Luke would use his vote steal so that we would have the majority for this vote. BUT that isn't going to work because for some reason Dom wants to keep Ashley-Sarah around because he said "She won't win at the end" ...bitch it's only F10 why are you thinking about Finals we have to make it that far yet!! So that's shady.

I've still been trying to get closer to Brett, but he just asked to be my "advocate" and to leave my game in his hands, which is really hard for me to do because if I'm gonna survive this round I want to do it myself, y'know?? If I survive this then maybe it's time to throw Luke under the bus to Brett as the one who was leaking information to the other side after finding out their plans. I mean, I'm playing this game for me and not Luke at the end of the day. Sorry 'bout it!

EPISODE 11

I played my Garlic Necklace to no effect, but I'm not exactly bothered by it. I got my desired end result. Zack went home. One Matterhorn down. Three to go. Zack's final words, however, were a bit more of an issue. Zack took the opportunity to slide Tyler hard under the bus and I didn't need that at all because this version of sliding Tyler under the bus featured displaying every secret I had ever told Tyler to EVERYONE just to demonstrate how horrifyingly untrustworthy Tyler is. Yikes. This is not good.

I revealed my idol to Ashley Sarah and Ian after this just to get them up to speed on happenings. After that, I had Tyler's attempt at damage control enter my Skype inbox. It really crushed me that Tyler sold out all my secrets to Zack. I believe that he did this to make himself more palatable to original Matterhorn at the final swap when he was in the minority with Logan and Maximilian. I, of course, told Tyler that everything was fine and that he should do damage control with Dom and Nick, who Zack had claimed Tyler was rather outspoken about in hatred.

The challenge was code breakers and I LOVE this challenge! Ultimately, I tied for first and then lost a tiebreaker. Whomp whomp. Luke won immunity and initially, I was defeated by that because at that point, we had only 2 Matterhorns that we could vote between instead of 3.

Dom approached me about voting out Abel. He spread the word. Nick also knew this and he chose to tell Ashley Sarah "Brett really wants Abel." And this is the second time Nick has done that--ran to Ashley Sarah to feed her information and then stamped my name on it as the official owner. Seriously not cool. Of course, Ashley Sarah turned right around and told Tyler, Ian, and myself. Nick's overplaying is rather messy, if you ask me. He's just way too shady.

Before piling the votes on Abel, Jevvon approached me about making sure it wasn't him and I extended an olive branch to him, and Luke as well, telling them I couldn't leak information, but I was very forthcoming with both of them and respectful.

The last order of business: Benjamin. Nick had told me Benjamin has close ties with Abel and that is part of the reason why we got rid of Benjamin the first time. So we opted to tell Benjamin to vote for Jevvon so we could safely blindside his ally, Abel. Unfortunately, Tyler disagreed with this as he felt (correctly) that it would alienate Benjamin (I really don't care). Someone, probably Tyler, told Benjamin about the situation, and now Abel knows going into tribal that it's going to be him. Great.

TBH this is probably gonna be my last confessional of the season which SUCKS but I don't know, anything could happen I guess but Nick has just told me that he's heard my name, Abel is sure it's between me and him and Luke says although he's heard my name but has heard Abel's more prominantly, so hopefully it'll be Abel and not me tonight.

If I make it through this round then I'm pretty sure I'll make it through the next one, simply by revealing to Brett that Luke was the informant who gave me and Zack the information from his side of the game, and then hopefully they'll pick Luke off before me which gives me at least another round in this game. I feel like my best chance this round is to vote for Abel so then hopefully the majority of the votes will swing his way rather than mine.

It'll suck writing Abel's name down tonight (if I do it) but it's all for all and who knows? It might make Brett's side be open to keeping me around as a number and trust me a little bit more in rounds to come.

...

Nick told me that he isn't sure who the other side are voting for, yet he just told Luke that he thinks they're voting for me. And NOW. Nick isn't replying to me and Abel is trying to get everybody to vote for me so I have nobody but Luke by the sounds of things!!!

Goodbye Switzerland, it was fun! See y'all in jury.

#ihopeiseeyounever #confessionals

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survivorindia · 7 years

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Stop fucking flirting with me, I don’t think you’re that cute- Julia (Episode 7)

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Well, I'm glad we won again because, surprise surprise, I've been sorta inactive! Woops.... And, I honestly can't wait for merge so I can be with Dom again!

Ok I'm making a newbie alliance and gonna throw next couple comps to make returnees in minority. Going into merge at 12 or 11 have newbie majority 7-5 We want an exciting season right? Up to F7 -> All Newbies Take all villains to f4 Take me out F4 Simples Probably take Lexi (Rubens girl)out at f8 Which is why Alex or Julia is going this round Jordan will get blindsided bc idol. Sarah's fucking fake and can't keep her fucking mouth shut Julia's mouth we already discussed where that's at.

So Dom told me he found the idol again but jokes on him, Sarah told me a day ago so oops I'm on to you Dom, sneaky sneaky. We won the challenge, it was basically me who did everything so i feel pretty good about it. Ashley is worried about the other tribe throwing comps to take out the returnees which is scary, idk if its true or not but its worrying. I feel like were swapping tonight and I am praying that Jaiden goes home tonight, like praying. Anyways thats it

Okay what the FUCK is happening. Idk if there is a split or if I'm being lied to. I'm pushing for Dom to go because he told me he has an idol and like, I think he's going to come for me later. I don't know what else to say. If I get voted out, then I'm at peace with myself. Robin has been manipulating this vote very well and I respect her immensely for doing so, but shit will go down tonight if I'm not careful. I'm trying to be careful. God.

So I'm pretty positive that the Returnees apparently have an alliance now. Everybody has been pretty blunt about that. Which is frustrating because I hate when people play the game like that. "Oh yeah, we've played before so lets work together duh duh duh" Like grow up! That's not how the game should be played. Whatever the case is, I'm making sure tonight's vote is for who I think is most willing to be apart of that group. So I'm stuck between Alex and Julia. I want to trust Alex, I really do. However I can't help think that he's with that group. And if he is, he's MUCH bigger of a threat than Julia. So it's a tough choice, but I think I know what needs to be done....

I've recieved votes at every tribal I've attended smh. I'd love to know to it was that actually voted me. In my mind I believe it's Sarah, but we won't know until the end! I honestly hope that I can make it to merge, or at least a swap, and still have allies. It's not easy being one of the only new kids left.

These are the sketchiest people I've ever had the pleasure of playing with istg

youtube

It was clear Whitney was going home. The way that I see this game (which isn't very heroic of me lol), any paranoia where I know what caused the paranoia is good paranoia. Hopefully this vote makes people question who is really with who, disrupt the tribe hierarchy, and finally bring Liam closer to me b/c he can't trust anyone else... even tho I voted him. http://vocaroo.com/i/s0I9KmtgnLdi

I never made a confessional regarding the Johnny boot. So here's that one. My initial plan was to get Ruben to split the vote 3-3-2; 3 on Johnny, 3 on Jaiden, 2 on whoever those two vote. Then I'd get me/Jaiden/Johnny/Julia to vote for Dom and get him out with his idol. Then Ruben told Jaiden they weren't splitting the vote, so we tried to do a double split. Ruben was thinking I would be voting for Jaiden, and Johnny would be voting say Ruben, so they'd send a vote my way to get it to tie three ways and get me out 5-1-1-1 if the idol gets played. Then Johnny/I go back to vote out Dom so it's 4-3-1. Obviously none of that worked and Johnny got out because Jaiden decided to play both sides. I would have respected him if he just straight out voted Johnny or drew rocks with us. But he did worse by telling Dom to play his idol while still voting him out. So now Jaiden fucked up his chances with both groups by playing both sides horribly.

So now I have to play damage control. I take an hour to talk with Dom to apologize for voting him out, and he seems fine? But that's what's awful about it. He shouldn't be this passive about it but he is. I don't trust him as a human being solely because of the way he talks. Well, that and a few other reasons, but I have to go into this whole shit. Gavin wants to work with me to get out Jordan Pines's group. He's had this plan worked out and it seems great. The best part about it is that Gavin and I don't seem like we'd be a pair. We're on opposing tribes, and we haven't mentioned each other's name to anyone else. That was until today. We played a mini and apparently we talked with each other a bit too much? So Dom went to tell Sarah (which effectively tells Jordan Pines and Julia) that he wants to split up me and Gavin. So I'm extremely spooked about that. It's tearing me apart because Dom told me that we were on good terms but obviously not. And I even confronted him about it, he didn't deny saying my name but he did deny wanting me out. It's just confusing. The only reason I knew about Dom's idol was because of Gavin. But Dom is blaming Pines's group. Or at least I thought he was. But apparently Dom talks with them consistently despite the fact that they tried to get him out. It's baffling to me, I really don't understand it. ~~~~~~~~ We lost the challenge today, and I was the only one to work on it. We got a shit score and that is my fault, but what else could I do? They didn't wanna work. I thought they were throwing the challenge to get rid of me (and I still do). Jaiden wants to get out Dom and I don't see it happening. But I want to talk to Ruben about Dom's relationship with Pines, Sarah, Casey, Ashley, etc. Dom knows a lot of these people despite being a new player. He's really dangerous, and it's frightening to me that despite his claims of them working against him he's still working with them.

So I believe that I will be the one going home tonight. Trying to make things easy with a Jaiden vote to calm my nerves and then send me packing. I pray that's not what happens. I've had such a fun time in this game, to go out now right before a potential swap would be devastating. I'm trying to talk with people, I really am. But at most I can try and flip a vote towards Julia, otherwise Alex's journey is a really short one this time 'round, and it's disappointing. One last confessional before tribal! Jordan Pines may give me his idol so that's exciting. I'd play it on myself obviously. If he doesn't I have to rely on Ruben and Dom and that's frightening for me. I don't trust them a whole lot and just having the idol would be so much better.

Well, I haven't really been able to sit down and record anything for a while, mostly due to midterms and laziness. But since midterms are up and done, and Regan will murder us if we don't do jack, I guess I can inform you my lovely viewer of what has been up with yours truly. Well, swap was a thing and I got on a tribe with Ashley and Gavin. Everyone seemed willing to mend fences with me after Karen Gate but still... I don't really trust them. Gavin is clearly a lot smarter then I had given him credit for and Ashley is far more resourceful. Any heroes alliance that will be formed after this I will be clearly on the bottom of. So I really do need to expand my options. Speaking of expanding my options... let's talk about my new tribe. I haven't talked at all to Liam but I know someone is targeting him and I find that hilarious. Seriously who ever did that deserves a fucking medal, that was pretty brilliant. I wish I thought of it, though I would have voted for Jordan because he would likely have the most reaction out of it. You already know how I feel about Ashley and Gavin, love them but trust them as far as I can throw them. As for the newbie villains, I get along great with Lexi G. Literally I love her sense of humor and how open she is about her terrible social skills. She is definitely someone I want to work with. Wish she wasn't dead all the time though... I've barely talked to Casey but on the One World Call she seemed pretty okay. I'm not sure if there is a future in us working together but I wouldn't be against. I'm not really sure about their strategic abilities but Lexi seems to be more proactive, as she actively tried to communicate with me during the vote. Casey seems more laid-back. But we've only really had one vote, which was more of a glorified medivac tbh, I'm not sure if any information gathered is worth any salt. No on to the returnee villains, Sarah and Jordan. I have the unique distinction as a tumblr survivor player, to be someone who unironically likes Jordan Pines.I appreciate his intelligence and think he is really funny. In most mini games I've been in with him, I was able to work with him successfully. He showed me he had an idol so I think he trusts me as well. The problem is, he is close with Gavin. They played together before and while Jordan has made me aware of this, I'm worried that he would choose him over me if he is put in a situation to chose. I will not retaliate, not now anyway, but should come up with a back up alliance assuming he does do something stupid. I've played only one game with Sarah and we were never on the same tribe, so I don't really know how she functions. I am planning to go back through old confessionals she made in other games to get a better read on her. Still, I really like talking to her and I think she likes talking to me. She's really nice and plays along with my weird scenarios about murder and black magic. IDK I just want her to be around for along time. Not sure why...

So voting Whitney out was for the best, I hadn't even spoken a word to her so I mean it didn't really mess with any of my plans either way. My tribe is still really chill. Gavin and I are still tight, idk who he is talking to besides me but I trust that I am still his #1 just as he is mine. Jordan seems to want to try and make things work between us for this game, as things didnt go too well for us in the last game we played together. We are also semi working together in Sweden and I think he is really seeing he can trust me which is good. This challenge with the gifs is kind of tough, I am usually on mobile and sending and getting gifs is usually hard, so I am going to try and help as much as I can storywise, hopefully it will be enlugh for people to not want me gone if we lose. All in all I think I am in an okay place. I am also hoping Alex makes it to merge, cuz hopefully he can also still trust Gavin and I and be willing to work with us.

Okay so this was supposed to be an easy tribal. Lexi, Ruben, Dom, and I have an alliance chat. We had the majority but Dom had to go out and tell Alex everything we said. I don't understand why he would even do that. Alex voted for you last tribal Dom! Why are you suddenly trusting him?!?!?! Dom's not stupid I know that. There's probably some plot that I'm not aware of. I've seen he's very close to the returnees so that brings up suspicions for me. Alex said there is some kind of returnee pact but that he's not part of it. At this point I don't know what to believe. I told Ruben about it and I mentioned possibly changing the target to Dom. It would only make sense to change our votes now that the plan is out and an idol can potentially be played. Ruben insists that we keep our votes locked on Alex. I talked to lexi though and she doesn't agree. I honestly only trust lexi right now. I'm so paranoid. This stress is worse than my first tribal when the vote tied. Im exhausted!!

So i did not help out with the challenge because i was not around all day yesterday. The vote went from jaiden, to alex, and now to julia so thats a big ol mess. I could probably be targeted tonight but thats my own fault for literally not talking to anyone. Robin doesnt trust dom anymore as i really dont either since alex knew everything that was said in our alliance chat. I'm only trusting him for ruben sooo. I honestly trust robin the most. so i locked my vote fr julia. lets see how it goes

#youdontgetmycrownjustcause

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