YELLOWJACKETS

Laios's three Boy Best Friends. And yes, they hate him.

As someone who is genderfae (microlabel under genderfluid), I have a lot of different experiences with gender.

I just wish someone told me sooner that it won't go like "today I'm a girl" "today I'm an enby" but more like ,,, "today I am a swamp witch" "today I am a feminine victorian vampire boy" "today I am a forest goblin collecting people's stares about my gender expression like shiny rocks on the ground" "today I'm an androgynous pirate lady"

Like,,, sure, are those real genders? I don't fucking now. If a cisgender person asked me what I identify as that day, would I answer like that? No, definitely not.

But to my genderqueer, trans and genderfluid friends; do you get me? I can't be alone with this, right?

Every time you think, "Oh, I don't have [x condition], I'm basically cured!" that is the devil talking. You aren't cured, you are likely going through periods of your symptoms waning. Don't cease whatever you're doing to help yourself, like medication, for instance, because it's likely you still have the conditions or symptoms, even if you aren't noticing them as frequently or severely.

something i find a little bit funny but mostly just really tragic is that utena is fully convinced she's in a found family show for so much of it. and in the most fucked up way imaginable she's kind of right? we all know what being akio's family means.

i do think she sees akio as an older brother figure for a lot of the show, much more so than she ever has genuine romantic feelings for him. this is clearest to me in the black rose arc, where all he is to her is her best friend's older brother who gives her advice and respects her more than any other adult ever does. it makes sense that she'd want to see herself as a part of their family too. there's nothing to imply that her feelings are at all romantic in nature. it's only when he starts getting closer to her and intiating physical contact that she starts blushing around him and might be developing a crush -- although personally, i read it more as confused uncomfortable embarrassment most of the time, combined with the expectation that romance is what she should want, and so that must be what she's feeling, right? (this gets kind of naively reenforced by wakaba telling her how cool and handsome akio is and how lucky utena is to be close to him.)

and i don't think it's a coincidence that akio starts calling utena "part of the family" after he's planted this idea of romance in her. reenforcing her previous feelings towards him only after he has started to make them change into something different. he is deliberately trying to cofuse her idea of a familial/sibling relationship with that of a romantic/sexual one, because to him there really isn't a difference, and so that when she inevitably learns about him and anthy, utena will see her not as a fellow victim to find solidarity in, but as competition for his affection. and it works, at least at first.

all this is why i vehemently disagree when people call utena stupid for not noticing that something is wrong about anthy and akio's relationship while she's living with them. not only is it deliberately being hidden from her by both of them for a long time, she also literally has no idea what a sibling relationship is supposed to look like. she has no healthy example to compare anything to. even if she did notice something off about how anthy and akio interact, why would she assume she knows better than them how to be a family? she doesn't have one, after all. and when akio tells her that she is his family, he very much does not treat her like it, but she doesn't really have much choice in believing that it's normal, because isn't that how he treats anthy as well?

My name is [BRUTUS] and my name means [HEAVY] so with a [HEAVY] heart I'll guide this dagger Into the heart of my enemy

Something about having absolutely no choice in who you marry. About being literally forced by the law to spill blood - to accept this stranger as your husband over a man you truly care for or accept the fact that the man you love might die because you put him in danger. Something about risking becoming the wife of a man you've never even seen before a few minutes prior because you know anything would be better than putting your beloved in harm's way. Something about the trust inherent in that decision and in the way she speaks of it after. Truthfully, T'Pring doesn't know the captain and she doesn't know Spock. Either one of them could have taken her as their wife but she does know Stonn. She knows that Stonn will remain by her side no matter what. They made a plan together. They have an agreement which T'Pring believes will be upheld even though the plan changed with the arrival of Kirk. Stonn will always be there, always, and Stonn will be hers. Something about the language used around T'Pring: Ownership, subservience, non-personhood. T'Pring is an object that Spock can win. She cannot reject him, she has no say in the matter other than having Stonn 'claim' her instead. Even when Spock leaves after being very clearly rejected by T'Pring he says "Stonn, she is yours." as if despite her clear rejection he still owns her and is must formally 'give' her to Stonn. But the language T'Pring uses around Stonn is a break from that: "There was Stonn who wanted very much to be my consort, and I wanted him." Stonn who wanted very much to be HER consort and she WANTED him. The language here is very particular - It's not, for example: "Stonn wanted me to be his wife" - he is HERS. And she WANTS him. There's a mutual affection there and a strong trust - a trust which seems to be well founded since Stonn (though silent) stands by her side at the end of the episode. <- That might seem small but if Spock would reject her for 'daring to challenge' (again, the language is not 'because I don't want you' but more of an implied disgust at her having the AUDACITY to reject him) then it's not a stretch to assume that it'd be considered an insult in the TOS Vulcan society to NOT choose Stonn as her champion after a prior agreement. Anyway T'Pring was a woman in an impossible situation within a society which saw her as more of an object than a person and she wanted Stonn and Stonn wanted to be hers and she trusted that he would understand if she had to publicly pick someone else to ensure his life would be spared and he did understand.

yes i'm rooting for m*leven breakup because byler is neat but mostly? i'm rooting for m*leven breakup for the sake of el and mike.

to me, their romance was always a puppy love born out of a combination of social pressures, naïve curiosity, and a lack of true understanding regarding intimacy and romantic love and what it really is. it was real in that they do truly, deeply care about each other and they are close friends, maybe even shared an attraction, but a maturing romance is so much more than that. they've grown up and out of being boyfriend/girlfriend, and that's okay! i think television/film needs to show more often that most of us don't have definite "soulmates" or first childhood loves that we spend our whole lives with. it doesn't mean these relationships meant nothing and didn't impact us, it just means they've run their course and that something else is in the cards, and this is part of life!

i've always felt el was at her best and most confident self when broken up with mike, discovering who she was and what she liked alongside another girl her age instead of just relying on mike for mentorship on how to live in the real world. she deserves more of an opportunity to find herself, her autonomy, and her independence, and to love who she is, and she's made it clear she's felt insecure in the relationship with mike because she isn't being loved and understood the way she wants, needs, and deserves from someone who is her partner.

also, it's okay if mike doesn't love her in "the way he should". he is not obligated to love her romantically and stay in a relationship with her just because she's a girl, because she "needed someone", or because he cares about her a lot. he shouldn't be pressured into a romance if it's not truly coming from his heart. he deserves freedom to find out and honour who he is, too, instead of just staying in his non-functional first relationship — one he got into as a child, essentially — and defining himself that way because it's what's expected when a boy and a girl are close. he loves her in some way, yes, but it's okay if he doesn't feel comfortable or secure being her boyfriend anymore, for whatever reason that is. he's felt insecure too, and that's valid and it matters.

they are their own people and are steadily growing and changing every day. they need time to figure out who those people are, and it's become clear (at least in my opinion) that those people aren't meant to be a couple at this stage.

they deserve freedom. they deserve to grow up and be authentic to themselves and not feel like they need to lie for the sake of a relationship. they deserve to move on from this version of their relationship that isn't making them happy and rekindle the best part of their bond: their strong, beautiful friendship. they don't have to be a couple if it doesn't make them stronger and better and happier people.

i think it would be healthy and wonderful for a show, especially one consumed frequently by young adults, to show a relationship starting, progressing, and ending on good terms in this way. sometimes things don't work out, and that is okay.

Poster Girl

Scully and Mulder were out there inventing the "she fell first, he fell harder" trope in 93

i think it's interesting how steph is like... the nerds see her as part of the popular group, and sure we see her talking to the cheerleaders a little, but other than that she doesn't really seem to be one of them in the truest sense? i could fully believe that she feels like the tiniest bit of an outcast there, like she's just cool enough for max to give her a pass but she doesn't really click with them that well. she feels to me like the bridge between the popular ones and the nerds, which is appropriate i suppose for her place in the story.

Why the FUCK didn't Sasha apologize to Quinni.

Man, these past few days...so many thoughts. About my life then, my life now. What I missed. Thoughts about what I'll never have. And what I want to have.

Thinking about how the only three canon romances in the THG outside of Everlark (Snowbaird, Odesta, and Katniss's parents) all mirror or foil Everlark in different ways.

Snowbaird is the foil of what happens when selfishness and distrust break two people apart.

Odesta is a mirror of the slow, unexpected love even in terrible situations and the desperation to protect each other.

Katniss's parents are also a mirror in how their love transcended social class and Katniss acting like her mother after her father died when Peeta was tortured in the Capitol.

more sapphics before bedtime

let's be honest for a sec did anyone actually watch the outsiders TV series because I genuinely don't trust it

a current day nils and a 90s college student nils who's way too intense about his internship walk into a bar