#even if it does take a bazillion years for me lol
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hiiii does anyone have any requests btw ...
#im workinf on writing and animation right now bit i always love making stimboards#even if it does take a bazillion years for me lol#barking#also asks in generak would be nice i love talking .
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for surgeons au.,, perhaps some hurt/comfort :,)
[hbd @gohandinhand. sorry but tbf... u asked for this lol (also so many of you asked for 'what if bea gets hurt' bc we all share one collective grey's anatomy-ass braincell // also on ao3]
//
‘dr. silva is still in the tumor resection?’
it’s only, like, your fifth week being a doctor, so there are so many things you don’t know all the time; you add dr. villaumbrosia asking this question to the list. still, she’s kind of the scariest person you’ve ever met in your life — unflappable and a little mean to everyone but her patients and their families, talented and whip-smart beyond belief, willing to take on the hardest cases — and so you answer anyway with a nod. you only know this because zaire promised he would come find you just after he’d finished with dr. silva — to celebrate at the bar down the street and hopefully more than that too — but you don’t add that; you don’t think dr. villaumbrosia would appreciate it all that much.
‘okay,’ she says, more shaken than you’ve ever seen her.
‘is something… did something go wrong, or?’
‘with ava’s surgery, no, i don’t think so.’
ava is new; you’re not embarrassed to admit that you and basically your whole intern class has been keeping track of who’s with whom amongst the attendings, so you know they’re all either dating or friends or some kind of family. still, dr. villaumbrosia never uses first names at work.
‘there’s a trauma being flown in,’ she continues. ‘there was an avalanche, and dr. choi was skiing in the backcountry today. i don’t — i don’t know more details.’ she worries her hands for a moment. ‘she hasn’t answered her sat phone.’
‘oh,’ is the best you’ve got, disarmed by the obvious fear that lingers around every inch of her.
‘dr. silva can’t know, if she does come in. not until after he’s finished the hardest part of the procedure and can pass it off.’
not that you were going to be the one to randomly decide to go to dr. silva’s OR and say any of this, but you nod. ‘of course.’
‘i need you to go check on tai; she’s in daycare.’
‘uh, i don’t — i’ve never —‘
dr. villaumbrosia waves you off. ‘she’s cute. looks like choi, acts like silva.’
when you don’t respond immediately, dr. villaumbrosia just glares. ‘yeah, of course,’ you hurry to say.
‘and then i need you to go to the ER for the trauma. dr. masters already knows you’re coming; you’re going to see what’s going on and tell me and no one else. got it?’
‘yes, dr. villaumbrosia. will do.’
‘great.’
to be honest, you have no idea where the daycare even is, and this certainly isn’t what you went to a bazillion years of school for, but whatever. maybe this will get you on dr. villaumbrosia’s good side.
‘and dr. al-najjar?’
you nod.
‘i know this seems ridiculous. but dr. choi is — she’s my favorite person. it’s important.’
you understand in your own way: you facetime your little brother every day, no matter how tired you are, no matter how late or early it is for you. ‘i’ll tell you everything as soon as i can.’
‘good.’
/
tai is, apparently, a fourteen month old, very cute toddler, who really does look like dr. choi. when you explain, very briefly, to one of the daycare teacher that dr. villaumbrosia sent you to see how she’s doing, make sure she’s okay, she nods and shows you over to an area of the room with soft mats and some wooden blocks. tai smiles at you, all baby teeth and big cheeks, and says mostly nonsense but a few words — blocks, doctor, mama — and then promptly knocks over her block tower with definite glee.
you snap a nice, cute picture of tai smiling in her little giraffe hoodie and send it off to dr. villaumbrosia. you’ve never been a baby guy, and you’re certain she isn’t either, because there’s no way you could ever possibly choose her specialty if you were, but she loves the photo anyway — the first and only time she’ll ever respond to a text from you like that, you’re absolutely certain — and it makes you smile, just for a moment. when you wave goodbye to tai she laughs, and you hope, very concretely, that she goes home with both of her parents tonight, or soon, at least, that her family stays as full and happy and warm as it had been this morning.
/
you feel genuinely nervous and way too invested: you’ve met dr. choi in passing a handful of times, and she’d assisted on one of dr. villaumbrosia’s surgeries once that you’d gotten to hold a retractor for, but according to emma — the best gossip and also dr. choi’s favorite intern, allegedly — says that dr. choi is kind and quiet and a wonderful teacher, patient and skilled and efficient. you’d been looking forward to being on her service soon, honestly, and, even in the past few weeks, you’re starting to understand that the people here, that you spend so much time with, are starting to feel like family.
dr. masters nods at you, her braids already tucked away beneath a cap, trauma gown on. you’re on peds, so you don’t know if you’re really here to help with anything — dr. villaumbrosia wasn’t called down for any consults, still set for the routine bowel repair she’d been scheduled for this afternoon, so you’re fairly certain there weren’t any children coming in — but she gestures toward the gown and gloves anyway.
‘just in case we need more hands on deck,’ she says as way of explanation. ‘there’s four people, and we don’t really know the extent of their injuries.’
you nod — what else is there to say — and things are very, very still until dr. masters gets a page and then everything is moving — loudly, organized, seamless — and you’re in awe, for a moment, of dr. masters’ ER. you love trauma surgery and she’s, like, kind of the biggest badass in the country, and it’s pretty fucking cool to watch her very quickly get everyone exactly where they need to be in the amount of time it takes for her to walk to the elevator that leads up to the helipad.
the wind whips from the blades when the doors open, rainy and miserable, and your heart is caught in your throat when the door opens. you see dr. masters’ hands shake, although you’d never, ever mention it, locked behind her back in tight fists, until dr. choi’s face — a bruise along her jaw, a scrape that runs underneath her eye, all the way into her hair, the tip of her nose and the tips of her ears a painful red, probably from frostbite — comes into view.
dr. choi, strapped into a stretcher, covered in a blanket and hooked up to an IV, immediately starts talking, before the stretcher is even fully out of the helicopter. ‘the three coming out,’ she starts, ‘i dug them out as much as i could. i did an emergency thoracostomy on david, you need to push a ton of antibiotics. anna needs to go to the OR immediately for her pelvis, make sure cam —‘
‘—beatrice,’ dr. masters says, rushing to her side and, if you were to bet, wanting to sink to her knees in relief. ‘oh my god.’
‘i’m fine,’ dr. choi says, annoyed at being made to stay on the stretcher. ‘i properly deployed my avalanche airbag. but mary, listen —‘
dr. masters holds dr. choi’s face in her hands and then kisses the top of dr. choi’s head. it’s tender, and you wonder how long they’ve known each other to afford that level of intimacy, that level of care. ‘i got them, bea. i promise. we gotta take care of you too or ava will kill me.’
dr. choi relaxes, just minutely, but you can tell — maybe because you would trust dr. masters with your life or anyone else’s, maybe at the mention of dr. silva, maybe some combination of both — and she nods.
dr. masters rolls her eyes and kisses the top of dr. choi’s head once more. ‘stupid hero. let me go make all your hard work worthwhile.’
dr. choi smiles, definitely reassured now. ‘you better.’
/
you’re not surprised, exactly, that chief superion is waiting to take over dr. choi’s care, but you are a little surprised when dr. superion squeezes her shoulder gently and smiles, a little sad.
‘ava is still in surgery, so let’s get the worst of it taken care of before she’s done, yes?’
dr. choi nods, growing more exhausted by the minute. which is fair, you think, as she tells dr. superion — and you, because you’re stuck in this room until you have a real report for dr. villaumbrosia beyond the text you’d sent that just said Dr. Choi is talking and moving, no head or neck injuries — about how the avalanche airbag had worked, even if it was frightening; about how her transceiver, according to SAR, had helped them get there faster than they would have otherwise.
‘ava always teased me about how expensive the gear was, but look who’s laughing now.’
‘well, to be fair,’ dr. superion says, looking at dr. choi’s x-rays, ‘i don’t think either of you are laughing.’
‘oh, yikes,’ dr. choi says, looking at the films too. she’s on a fair amount of pain medicine at this point, but she’s right: there’s a few nasty fractures along the bones in her left wrist. but, other than those and a few cracked ribs and some mild frostbite on her nose, ears, and the tips of her fingers, it seems like it’s just cuts and bruises: nothing she won’t heal from, and far better off than the others who came in with her.
‘i, uh — sorry,’ you say, feeling like you’re interrupting, but they both just shake their heads, waving off your apology. ‘dr. villaumbrosia sent me to see if you’re okay, and i’m supposed to go talk to her once i know. which, i guess i know now.’ not your best work, and in front of the chief, but oh well.
dr. choi smiles fondly. ‘thank you for telling me. i’ll never let lilith forget it.’
dr. superion doesn’t smile, but it seems like she wants to. ‘go ahead, dr. al-najjar. you can tell her that we’re admitting dr. choi to ortho; dr. alvarez will operate tomorrow, once the swelling has gone down.’
‘and tell lilith i love her too.’
‘i — uh—‘
dr. superion laughs. ‘go, dr. al-najjar.’
/
you’ve just finished your report to dr. villaumbrosia — in the middle of a surgery, but it’s clear her shoulders relax immediately, continuing to operate smoothly — when dr. silva flings open the door of the OR.
‘hello ava,’ dr. villaumbrosia says, not even looking up from the stitch she’s putting in. ‘she’s okay.’
dr. silva, breathing so hard her mask is getting sucked into her mouth and nose, doubles over, her hands on her knees. ‘i gotta do more cardio, oh my god,’ he mumbles, then takes a deep breath and stands. ‘you’re sure?’
‘yes,’ dr. villaumbrosia, ‘i had dr. al-najjar make sure personally. he also checked on tai; she’s doing great.’
‘very cute,’ you say and then debate just quitting residency here altogether, but dr. silva smiles at you.
‘thanks man,’ she says. ‘sorry you missed this surgery.’
‘the bowel was perforated,’ dr. villaumbrosia says. ‘it was quite disgusting, to be honest.’
‘well then,’ dr. silva says, ‘hey, you’re welcome! you got to see my adorable kid and my sexy wife. who, as lovely as your company always is, lil, i’m gonna go see now.’
‘she deployed that avalanche airbag, dug three other people out, and did a field chest tube by the time SAR got there.’
‘hot.’
‘insane, actually,’ dr. villaumbrosia says. ‘but give her my love.’
/
two days later you’re back on shift — after drinks and truly, genuinely great sex with zaire that still ended up happening despite everything, god bless — and you swing by ortho before you go up to peds. you’re not friends with dr. choi or dr. silva, but you do want to see how things are going anyway. your mom always says it’s better to be kinder than necessary, and you’re starting to believe it.
they’re an adorable family, you think, tai showing dr. choi her lion stuffy and babbling excitedly, sitting on the hospital bed between her legs, turning every now and then toward dr. silva in a chair by her bedside. dr. choi, her arm in a brace and a sling, looks pretty good overall: her eyes seem clear, the bruises along her jaw are already starting to turn green and yellow, a great sign of healing, and the redness on her nose and ears has lessened considerably.
also, she’s sitting up and talking animatedly, clearly happy with her daughter and her wife there. from her chart — you looked it up in the system before you came, whatever — you’re pretty sure she’s going to get to go home today, which you suspect is what the small duffle bag by dr. silva’s feet is for.
‘all i’m saying,’ you hear from dr. silva, ’is that your nose could’ve fallen off.’
‘ava,’ dr. choi says, exasperated and laughing.
dr. silva sits back and pouts, exaggerating with crossed arms.
‘i will be more careful,’ dr. choi concedes, but it doesn’t feel much like a concession the way she smiles at tai and then runs a gentle hand over her wispy hair. emma — who is an incredible gossip but you’re starting to think she also just has a giant crush — had told you and zaire that dr. choi is, like, an experienced outdoors person with certifications in all kinds of different safety courses and activities; you know she and dr. villaumbrosia have done stints with MSF together too.
‘good,’ dr. silva says. ‘because lord knows i cannot raise tai by myself.’
dr. choi frowns, then offers her good hand to dr. silva, who scoots closer and takes it with a kiss to her scraped knuckles.
‘plus, while i would deal, obviously, you’d probably be less hot if your nose fell off.’
‘“probably”?’
dr. silva shrugs. ‘i love you.’
‘i love you too.’
‘would you still love me if my nose fell off?’
‘ava.’
/
‘good morning, dr. al-najjar,’ dr. choi says when you knock lightly on the open door of her office. it’s impeccably neat, a few pictures of dr. silva and tai on her desk. she’s wearing the brace on her wrist still but no sling; her bruises and frostbite have faded. in her scrubs and white coat and clogs, a fresh buzzcut and a cup of coffee in her good hand, she looks exactly the surgeon you’ve looked forward to working with.
‘good morning, dr. choi. welcome back.’
she smiles and closes her office door, starts leading you down the hall. ‘thank you. and, apologizes in advance that you won’t have any surgeries with me for the next two weeks until i’m officially cleared.’ she rolls her eyes.
‘that’s okay,’ you say. ‘more sleep, honestly.’
‘true. and,’ she says, opening a door to the most incredible, brand new lab you’ve ever seen, ‘i can promise that the research we’ll get to work on will be worth it.’
‘i always thought i would go into trauma,’ you tell her, ‘but i think i just fell in love.’
she grins. ‘the heart wants what it wants.’
you pause a moment but then you can’t help yourself: you laugh.
‘in that case,’ she says, ‘let me show you around, and let’s get to work.’
#wn#wn fic#avatrice#avatrice fic#surgeons au#this is not nearly as angsty as it could've been! ur welcome!#butch bea 🥺🫡#am i making up interns as i go?? why not i love to spiral! lmfao#also the real hardest part of this was spelling lilith's fucking long ass last name jesus christ
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Seeing internet drama like… match up or I suppose mirror the subplot of a webcomic I’m reading is so so fascinating. I mean it’s like drama that we’ve seen a bazillion times if you’ve spent enough time in the right circles but idk seeing it playing out too with real people got me thinking again.
Waffles under cut
Ima keep it vague even tho im an absolute nobody, knowing my luck, this will breach containment and then my unorthodox new ways of thinking will ruffle feathers haha but yeah.
Essentially the comic is about the aftermath of a murder and how people are living their lives after that. One of the accomplices is free and living their life and they’re also online. People find out and bully them, someone even suggested deleting their accounts and going offline for a while, but they don’t want to. One thing that is brought up with it is everyone keeps telling them they got to take accountability, which is true. But that’s got me asking well what does that look like? Like it can really look a lot of different ways but watching irl drama play out it makes me wonder if anything will ever be good enough for people. Like I’ve even seen this same scenario play out many times and there’s usually always a vocal group who just want the guilty party to be forever guilty. Is it good enough for them to take accountability, apologize, and rectify their behavior? (I’m talking low stakes drama here not like heinous abuse lol) it just really feels like if you ever make a tiny misstep online that’s your cross to bear forever. I feel like it’s very reductive and doesn’t allow the person to grow and change, which, isn’t that what we want? For people to grow and change and better themselves? Like idk man at this point in time if you can’t show me examples of someone doing XYZ shitty thing within the last year, like yknow something recent, I really couldn’t give a flying sideways fuck. If someone said “hey I did XYZ at this time and that was fucked and shitty and I’ve worked to change myself” and they haven’t done XYZ and did work to change themself, then idk man you sound incredibly immature and like you gotta mind your own business. Like it’s perfectly fine to be like “I don’t like this person they’re icky to me” that’s fucking fine you don’t need a good reason to not like people they can just give you general ick, water and oil don’t mix and you won’t like everyone you meet. You don’t have to be a bully tho 🙄🙄
OMG lemme waffle about other silly drama I saw that’s just like oh myfuckingod you do not need to and also hey wait a minute. So this one car influencer who is a very mean girl that’s also mean to other women while trying to present as a ✨Girl’s Girl✨™️ has had this, I shit yall not, YEARS beef with this other gal. So two face (that’s what ima call her lol) years ago, like BC(before covid) times TF was doing modeling and mechanic work, wow femme model on car soooo original /s 🙃so at this point in time she was actually a ✨Girl’s Girl✨™️, or at least pretended like it well enough lol, and was friends with some other blue collar girlies. She said she’d help them start their own OFs if they wanted and one took her up on that offer. Idk what happened exactly but TF started accusing said girl that she was copying her and taking her business. And like this was all so funny to me because like this just gave me DeviantArt sparkledog furry drama circa. 2007, like legit “yOu CaNt PaInT yOuR cAr PuRpLe!!11 YoU cOpIeD!!!!2!11!” Like bro this is straight up “you copied my design because you also have stripes on your tail” like day one internet shit, get with it girl. But also this is funny too because I seen her at that time basically copy someone else’s video like cmon. So anyways that basically made their friendship implode on itself and she has since then had a vengeance on this poor girl lol so here’s the nutty part, TF will constantly say “this girl is always copying everything I do, I saw her doing XYZ” which like is kinda inconspicuous when you hear it but then it’s like wait, you say you do not like this person, you try and avoid them, so on and w/e so it’s like wait,,, HOW do you know that??🤨unless you’re checking out her page and following what she does 👀 sussy. And like the other gal she’s cool and nice, we’ll call her GG, but I NEVER see her saying SHIT about TF unless TF did something like get her page flagged or something, which I feel is normal. And like mind yall this has been going on for over the span of years. So being an outside spectator to this all I seriously think TF is projecting onto GG, at least with the “oooh you stalking my page waaah” like girl idk you the only one posting videos about someone else 👀and also I feel like TF feels like I wanna say attacked but not really, maybe more like GG makes TF feel inadequate? But like I feel like seeing GG’s journey it’s what TF have strived for, like GG was a dealer mechanic, and now has her own shop with her mans and their friend. Like TF has only ever worked at like quick lube places and I think very very briefly at a custom shop or something. Like a month or less. And while I can say TF can perform the work, she is not what I would consider a high level mechanic. Like you just realistically have not seen that many cars, you’re not going to see the normal stuff that comes into places you’re not going to have that experience. Yeah working on your own stuff gives you skills a dealer or shop won’t but there’s far more you’ll learn in a shop, and I feel like deep down she knows that and feels threatened by it. Cause like girl why the hell else would you be paying so close attention to this game that you’d clown on her miscarrying like brruuuuuhhhhh you did not have tooooooooo 🥴🥴🥴that VIDEO could’ve stayed in the drafts😶 the fact she made a video too is big YIKES. But wow yeah it’s nutty asf, reality is stranger than fiction
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can I do a quick rant in defending ur honor? well idk if ur gonna post it or not but I’m going to do it anyways, and I’m typing on my iPad that is like a bazillion years old so this is going to take a hot minute!
I found myself coming back to check on your page today (as one does) multiple times and would then feel some sort of way- kinda sad or disappointed. But then I realized that this is how tumblr is ruining us,
now I’ve only been a supporter for a month or so, so I’m not too sure if you’ve talked about your home life but I have seen u say that work has been busy, also I know a lot of writers are MARRIED WITH CHILDREN, which that in itself is literally like working 7 full time jobs.
u do not owe us anything!! even if there was a posting schedule, you are allowed to have a life. also would you spam a business email of your favorite author that makes hardbacks when they’re next book is coming out?? well no, unless ur crazy
anyways, with the announcement of our shameless hoe leaving its really connected all the dots. they are FANFIC writers!! this isn’t there job, nor should it be a priority. also you cannot expect someone to just sit down and start writing, there’s a lot of key components in there.
so for the hate anons, think before you type because imagine if you were in their shoes. And for the people outright demanding updates, how about you write the chapter and send it to them so they can post it…if ur that impatient. it won’t come out half as good but 🤔.
I kind of lost myself in this rant now that I’m reading it back to myself but, I hope the people behind the screens and definitely you sonny understand that there are people who support you, some are silent and some are very loud lol.
and I hope you can just write what you want and block the negativity out.
also……if u needed a -hem- beta person or even someone to help you out w your schedule, just tell me to dm you
love u !!
oh my goodness, thank you so much, dearest friend !! consider my honour defended🥺 thank you for supporting me, your kindness and understanding and taking the time to write this, I'm tearing up a lil !! (hehe I've never had a beta but I'd be up for it, if you don't mind !) I love you mostest bestie💙
#sonny is speechless#sonny is feeling loved and appreciated#ask sonny#sugary sweetness#cats and sheep<3
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Let’s talk about Jaskier and Geralt’s bath scene
Specifically, these screenshots, courtesy of google, that we’ve all seen a bazillion times on this website because it’s a favorite I can tell lol
So, this scene, first, let me build up with that to help me organize my thoughts because I’m a very disjointed person lol (and I will probably insert these screenshots again later in the post when I get to my point lol)
By now, we all know this scene very well. We all go so soft at it. The whole “I want nothing” “Maybe someone out there will want you” “I need no one, and I don’t want anyone needing me” and then this moment, right here. “And yet... here we are.”
I think in all my stalking around the Witcher fandom so far, the general consensus is that this is basically a love confession lol, and I certainly agree. Like, Jaskier is here pouring out his heart to Geralt. And then Geralt immediately finds some way to change the subject, carefully making it so he doesn’t have to answer it. Which also makes a lot of you go the “unrequited love” angle, which I can definitely see, as much as unrequited love hurts my heart lol.
So, I am going to try to word this better than my frantic, overly excited messages to my groupchat, but I am using those messages as a base for what I’m saying here because I easily forget my own points lol
(Also prefacing this with, only seen the show once so far lol, and I’m only like an hour into the first Witcher game and haven’t found my kindle charger yet so I can’t read the books yet (because my dad already owns at least the first one there), )
Let’s first look at how Jaskier treats Geralt, throughout the entirety of the series. He pours himself into Geralt, puts so much into their relationship (despite the fact that Geralt never even calls him a friend, refuses to even use that word for him), follows him to the ends of the earth (or, well, continent). He’s playful, kind, friendly, and treats Geralt well.
Geralt.... does not treat Jaskier the way he deserves to be treated. He does not put nearly as much into the relationship as Jaskier does (though I do believe he cares a lot for the other man, as much as he doesn’t admit it, because of unspoken things/body language and certain parts of the djinn ep). He tends to even be somewhat cold to Jaskier, at times, and let’s not even mention the mountain breakup (even though that takes place after this)
But like, we know their relationship dynamic in the show. Jaskier pours himself and his warmth into Geralt, and tends to get next-to-nothing (and sometimes even mistreated) in return.
Now, back to the screenshots.
Now, like I said, we’ve all seen this bit in gifs and screenshots countless times. I had too, before I stopped for a moment on a gifset (with the lighting levels raised because it wasn’t this dark, which got me to notice it lol) and the meaning in this hit me like a TRUCK. At least, I assume the meaning I found was on purpose lol. I took a film class once like two/three years ago.
The main light source is behind Jaskier. Candles, I think I remember them being, obviously glowing in warm tones because that’s what fire does lol. There’s some slight light source coming from behind Geralt. I don’t know if it’s just on-set filler lighting so we can see the set and Jaskier, or if I forgot about there being a window or something behind Geralt to explain the slight light source (letting in the light of the moon or something)
The candles on Jaskier’s side of the room are (obviously) not shining on Jaskier’s face, since he’s not facing them, but they are shining on Geralt, lighting him up with a warm glow. Meanwhile, since there’s no light shining from Geralt’s side of the room, Jaskier’s face is shrouded in darkness.
And when I finally realized this the symbolism hitting me like a train, I got so into it that I was literally vibrating for like three hours and would not shut up to anyone about it lol.
The warm light behind Jaskier shining on Geralt. Jaskier pours his kindness and friendship onto Geralt. Jaskier having no light shining on him, because there’s no light coming from Geralt. Geralt gives him (little to) no affection in return.
And like, I certainly did not word this well lol. Despite being a fanfic author/aspiring novelist, I am Very Dumb and it takes me too long to word good and so I’m just making this post without reading over it a second time because I’m excited.
But also, for y’all with your unrequited love ideas, here is some symbolic fodder for you lol. And it hurts lol.
#the witcher#the witcher netflix#geralt of rivia#jaskier#dandelion#geraskier#meta#i guess??? i forgot what that word means in fandom lol#analysis#the witcher meta#the witcher analysis#geralt/jaskier#geralt x jaskier
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I've talked positively about Rangers now it's time to do the opposite. Heard some shit about leaks earlier y'know sega being sega and fucking with lore again. Idk what the fuck they're doing tbh lmao.
Under the cut bc possible leaks/spoilers
There's been some rumours fluttering around about how Rangers is either going to be a soft reboot or possibly even a full reboot. Personally I think this is a bad idea on Sega's part, but ESPECIALLY if it's a full reboot.
So a soft-reboot is essentially what we got between Sonic R and Sonic Adventure. Characters redesigned a bit, couple details changed such as ages, height etc, new gameplay style. However overall we're working with the same lore as we had before. Sonic's the hero, Tails' is pretty much his younger brother, Knuckles is his rival and Amy fangirls for him. They all fight Eggman because he wants to take over the world using the power of the Chaos Emeralds and Monster/Villain of the Week. The Chaos Emeralds are mysterious relics that make the wielder fucking overpowered. You get the drill. It didn't really change.
However Sega kinda fucked stuff up later down the line and now Classic is in spacetime purgatory. If they're going to soft reboot the franchise starting with Rangers, they should at least adress if it's a different dimension/timeline, or if everything prior is redundant now. Because god we do not need more of whatever's going on with Classic.
A full universe reboot is a risky move. Longer running franchises like Mario and LoZ have never had a universe-wide reboot (LoZ has timeskips that's why there's a bazillion different Links). I get it to an extent if they want to change some stuff that's been major lore for too long to go back on, but it's a big deal. A reboot is what we got from the Archie comics - to be fair it wasn't Sega's fault it happened - and it was a pretty rocky transition. The comics had been going for around 20 years at this point and suddenly all of that was fucking irrelevant and we're starting from scratch. Half the characters are gone. All the good plots never happened. We're at square one. The comics didn't even last much longer after that.
A soft reboot is better if you want to keep faithful fans around; full reboot is going to attract new audiences but also boot out plenty of old ones.
As someone who's been in fandoms with soft reboots (Winx; DC) and full reboots (TMNT; Teen Titans) this is actually something that I find rather surprising for Sega to consider, and I don't like it. Generally, I don't like it when a franchiss goes full 180 and completely reboots. Teen Titans is my favourite show but I don't like Teen Titans Go. And it does actually bother me a bit that what the franchise is actively delivering is something I really don't care about at all. And while I did end up liking rottmnt eventually, I still prefer the 2012 version (mainly because i grew up with it tbh). I usually get along better with soft reboots but even then Winx S5→ gradually pushed me out of the show. Basically I don't want the same thing to happen with Sonic lol because this (and Idol anime) is the most I've been invested in anything in years.
Also it's concerning in terms of sales and audience. Already talked about this a bit, but although rebooting brings in a new audience it can kick out the faithful fans who were guaranteed to buy your shit. Obviously Sonic will still make a fuck load of money but it could go up or down who knows lol. Oh and reviews might suffer but that happens like every fucking game.
You made it this far have an Espio who accurately represents my state of mind.
Basically I just don't want this to be 06 2.0 where Sega is too scared to adress it's existence for 5 years after release
#rangers#miles' notes#there was more i wanted to say but I forgot what it was while i was writing this up#basically if you choose not to read it i think leaks regarding lore and franchise handling are dumb#oh i was gonna talk about gameplay i remember now. I'll just do that another time#long post
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Hi! I really admire your writing so much!!! I’m a huge fan and I really love all your work. I was wondering: I’m a new fanfiction writer and I hear a lot of people talking about using beta readers. Do you use betas for your writing or do you edit it all yourself? Do you think that betas are necessary or helpful? (If this is something you don’t feel like talking about, that’s ok!! It’s just something I’ve been wondering about lately and I wasn’t sure who to ask :) ) ❤️
Greetings! o/
First off, thank you so, so much for your kind words. For real, you’re super nice and I hella appreciate you, thank you!!!
Second, sorry I took ten thousand years to reply |D I am really bad about that. I always reply (unless Tumblr eats the asks, which I have been informed it does when mutuals send me some), I am just slow. But yeah, if Tumblr doesn’t eat an ask, I always reply, so I’m sorry for the delay |D
And huzzah for new writers! Welcome, welcome! Here’s your complementary pillow to scream into when your characters take over your brain and refuse to do what you want, welcome to the club, we love you already :D
In terms of betas, I do not have a beta, no. I do the whole writing, editing, formatting thing myself and post it (that’s why I have a bazillion commas everywhere and so many typos ahaha |D). I think it really depends on the kind of writer you are because I have two reasons for not having a beta.
The first is honestly because of bad personal experiences. I know a few people who do have betas who are amazing and it works super well for them and is really helpful. For me, I’ve had maybe 4 betas total in my hobby writing life, and all four of them were literally just the kinds of people who like, said they were betas but really just wanted a chance to read a fic before everyone else. None of them helped me brainstorm, or helped me work through problems, or even pointed out any typos because they literally weren’t looking for them, they were just trying to get an early start on reading what I was writing.
That ended up working out in the long run, because as I grew up and wrote more, I realized that I was already super hard on myself in general about fics and my writing and having someone constantly trying to re-direct the flow of my fics wasn’t something I’m into. I talked about how I feel related to Constructive Criticism here, because I think it’s something I was more into in the early days, but now I’m more the kind of person who I recognize is very fickle? Maybe? Like, I have so many ideas bouncing around in my head allatiems that I really have to like, write the fic, edit it, post it and be done with it. If I have to send it to someone for their input, wait for them to get back to me, edit the fic with their recommendations, resend it, rework it, resend it, edit it, format it, post it, I would 10000% never get anything posted anymore. I’ve hit a point where I am where I am, I do this for fun, and it is what it is |D
But I think the takeaway on that is you need to recognize that I have been writing for literally -counts- at least 20 years now (GOD I FEEL OLD SAYING THAT!). Like, I started writing self-insert bullshit (as we all do, don’t judge me) when I was in middle school and internet was barely a thing and still needed dial-up. So I’ve been writing for a long time, and while everything for me was self-taught, I do honestly think that if I’d had better/real betas at the beginning, I’d probably be a better writer now.
At the end of the day, it’s really up to you and what you want. If you’re still relatively new and you struggle and get stuck a lot, or want some advice on like, story flow and whatnot, then finding a beta, an honest to God true and good beta is perfect. Good betas (like some of my friends have) will help you so, so much when you’re working to improve how you write. You just have to be open to the fact that they are going to tell you when things need to be improved on (though they should be doing this politely, if they’re being an asshole about it, they’re a troll, not a beta).
So end of the day: betas are good when they are actually real betas, and not trolls or people just trying to read shit early. If you know some people who offer themselves as betas and have heard good things about them, there is never any harm getting one.
If you’re an impatient bitch like me who just wants to slap the story on the page and get it over with so you can work on something else, then a beta is not for you |D lol
Sorry I wrote an essay, it happens sometimes. Hope this helped? Even a little? lol <3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3
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my little pony: a new generation livewatch
what’s even better than livewatches being back after 2 months? mlp g5 being here!!! i haven’t watched g4 since the midway point of season 6, but i’ve kept up with all the pony news on equestria daily. at first i wasn’t too excited about g5, but since more clips and info have come out, i’m pumped to get the party started! :D
the orchestra is beautiful! very disney :D
IZZY BALL!!!! :D
HOLY FRICK TWI??????? :O
YAAAAAS!!!!! :D
i bet this is the show sunny watched as a foal! :D
twilight: “we’re the guardians of friendship! with the power of our friendship we will...” pinkie: “spread love!” flutters: “give hugs :)” rarity: “FRY BRAINS!” this is so sailor mo- WAIT WHAT DID RARES SAY????
did this just turn into a pony.mov video? or propaganda?
aww they’re playing!! :D
i didn’t expect sprout to be here!
OMG HITCH DEFEND SUNNY GEEZ
sprout wants to play pegasus bbq WUT
sprout kicked the rainbow dash doll RUDE
phyllis: ”you’re brainwashing their minds!” argyle: “it’s called research, phillys. and by the way, i leave all the brainwashing to you!” OHHHH NOT YET DEAD DAD JUST ROASTED HER!!!! :D
sprout wants to ‘keep everypony in line’ when he’s sheriff BOI
aww sunny wants her dad to see the unicorns and pegasi with her! :’)
OMG THIS IS SO CUTE!!!!!! :D
not even 5 minutes in and there’s feels!
twilight is ‘as bright as the sun’! :D
besties! :D
SUNNY SAID ‘PEGASUSES’ AWWWW!!!!!! :D
beautiful! :D
argyle: “one day, we’ll figure it out... together :)” OMG FEELS :’(
OMG THEY SAID ‘HOOF TO HEART’!!!! :’(
argyle: “good night, my little pony :)” roll credits! :D
sunny to her mane 6 toys: “good night, friends.” OMG!!!! :’)
things have changed around here! :o
sunny’s hair is like anna’s bed head! :D
:(
argyle’s death is sadder than most disney parent deaths and it’s just implied! :(
awww sunny said ‘wish me luck!’ to her dad’s photo! :)
ooh she’s a skater! :D
and this song is pretty cool! :D
sprout’s still alive :/
GEEZ HE JUST STOLE SOMEPONY’S DRINK!!! >:(
izzy? :o
;)
yay! :D
OMG THAT LONG NOTE THO!!!! :o
hey it’s hitch! :D
he’s sheriff! :D
aww he’s a critter magnet! :D
hitch: “give me some space.” the critters: *move half an inch* lol! :D
aww sunny and him have a hoofshake! :D
oh sprout’s a deputy :/
sunny tries to sneak into a show every year! :o
;)
canterlogic guy: “got any questions?” random pony: “where are the smoothies?” guy: “can’t answer that one.” lol! :D
it’s the show with propaganda devices! :o
rip balloon guy :/
hitch: “yikes, that’ll be a lot of paperwork.” omg lol!
THIS ISN’T YOUR DAY SUNNY
sunny: “let’s lend a hoof-“ *machine locks her in* “...that’s not what i meant.” lol :D
sunny trying to speak her mind while being trapped in a device tho!
DID SUNNY JUST SAY ‘EAT MY AAAAAAASS?’ :O
phyllis: “how do you think we should solve this? with hugs and cupcakes?” crowd: *laughs* pinkie pie’s about to go into a rage with that one...
omg sunny broke too many laws to count! :o
yeah sunny’s right hitch could be a good pony influence! :D
hitch: “all that unity stuff was just a foal’s bedtime story made up by your dad.” and a best selling tv show for foals in our world! :)
aww poor sunny! :’(
sunny: “...i wish you were here dad.” SAME :(
omg running ponies! :o
IZZYY!!!!! :D
izzy: “is everypony playing hide and seek? i see you!” aww! :D
hitch: “your kid is safe now ma’am!” pony: “...this isn’t my kid!” lol! :D
izzy’s never seen the sea! :D
sunny: “earth ponies hate unicorns!” izzy: “really? that seems a bit harsh!” yeah it does!
aww izzy’s skipping! :D
oh no she was captured in a box! :o
SHE PRESSED THE RED BUTTON! :o
izzy: “bye! it was nice to meet you all!” aww :D
hitch: “to the lighthouse!” sprout: *locks himself in the box* “oh no, i appear to be trapped!” hitch: “you’ve got to be kidding me.” lol :D
a smol bean! :D
aww sunny’s fangirling! :D
:)
she has so many questions! :D
izzy’s a great balancer! :D
hitch: “you’re completely surrounded!” *he and sprout are the only ponies there* lol! :D
izzy: *sniff sniff sniiiiiiff* sunny: “what are you doing..?” izzy: “you don’t smell!” sunny: “thanks! ...wait what?” lol! :D
izzy’s so cute!!! :D
ooh izzy and sunny have a song! :D
besties! :D
this sounds so 80s! :D
pretty scenery! :D (and balloon guy in the background!)
aww!!! :D
don’t arrest sunny, hitch!
sprout has pizza! :o
unimpressed :/
THAT SMIRK THO
hitch wants sprout to ‘keep the peace’ while he’s gone... hans much?
HITCH HAS ABS AND A PAID OFF MORTGAGE???
phyllis called sprout ‘sugarcube’! :o
sprout a literally foal child :/
omg sunny and izzy are in trouble! :o
and they’re in az! :o
zipp fab af! :D
wait how is she flying without magic?
she sounds kind of like rainbow dash! :o
zipp: “don’t tell them you saw me.” izzy: “there’s no way we couuuld we don’t even know your naaaame!” lol! :D
cuties! :D
so many moods! :D
the guard collects sneakers?
:D :D
check out the sony, cbs and t-mobile parodies! :D
ooh a royal celebration! :o
news host: “an excursive vid from pipp!” a news anchor saying ‘VID’???
look at those emojis! :o
aww izzy saying pipp’s slogan! :D
the queen’s...
a fluff ball???
there’s FAB, FAB AF and... fab phone addict!
cutie pipp! :D
aww cutie izzy! :D
zipp’s like ‘no no!’ and izzy just wipes her smile away lol :D
queen haven sounds like rarity!
queen haven: “nopony must know they’re here!” pipp: *INSTANTLY LIVESTREAMS IT* BOI
the guard took sunny’s book! :o
sprout calls his mom ‘mommy’... :/
sprout: *flings open the door* citizens! *door close* “AHHH!!!” lol! :D
somepony: “we want a real sheriff!” same!
ew sprout has a song :/
WITH HEAVY METAL YO
and NAZI IMAGERY WTF
BE PREPAAAAARED!!!!!!
PIPP PERFUME AD???
wowza! :o
and it’s playing on a big tv in the jail room! 101 much??
more like room 202 wowza! :o
zipp is here! :D
sunny: “i’m sunny!” izzy: “and i’m izzy moooonbooow!” lol! :D
the unicorns losing their magic ‘changes things’! :o
zipp has the journal! :D
their smiles though! :D
aww it was sunny’s dad’s journal! :/
zipp recognizes the star! :o
here comes pipp!
pipp’s here ‘for the content’ BOI
only royals can fly? zipp doesn’t seem so sure about that...
yay zipp unlocked them! :D
eyyy! ;D
aww hitch is beloved! :D
hitch is such a detective! :D
cutie bunnies!!!!! :D
BELOVED!!!! :D
hitch LOOK BEHIND YOU AT THE AWESOME MUGS!!!!
hitch: *smirk* “gotcha ;)”
zipp: “watch your step!” sunny and izzy: *fall* lol! :D
zipp found maritime bay and bridlewood maps! :o
wonderbolts! :o
zipp’s been faking flying? :o
WIRES AND LIGHTING???
wheee!!!! :D
she’s so happy! :)
omg twilight! :o
sunny: “oh my stars!” oms! :o
there are crystals!
beautiful lighting! :D
izzy: “we’ve gotten, like, a bazillion crystals in bridlewood!” wowza! :o
queen haven sings her own version of the mlp theme in the shower! :o
zipp is a spy at a pasta store! :o
press: “princess zipp! are you wearing-“ she’s not wearing anything tho...
press 2: “where’s the bathroom?” lol! :D
ooh a crown swap! :o
zipp: “swapping the crown will be easy breezie!” breezies! :o
zipp is gonna be queen since she’s older!
lies = safety in modern equestria... :/
pipp sounds like a modern pop star!
oh no the doggie suspects something! :o
OMG HITCH! :o
pipp’s song sounds like a blackpink song now! :o
aww hitch is wiggling! :D
oh no the power flickered out! :o
i think pipp was lip syncing since her voice cut out a bit!
lol hitch is singing! :D
oh no the wires have been exposed! :o
save her zipp! zipp: *doesn’t save her sis* ...oh :/
izzy: ‘her mom is the queen!” hitch to zipp: “you’re a princess?” zipp: “oh so the sheriff just became a detective.” lol :D (and how does she know he’s a sheriff?)
QUEEN HAVEN’T BEEN ARRESTED FOR BEING A PHONY PONY BALONEY!!! :o
and they lost the crown? NOOO-
oh thanks pissed off pipp! :D
oh no the princesses are gonna be arrested! :o
pipp’s voice crack is so cute! :D
the mane 5 is here!!! :D
hitch: “but i’m a sheriiiiff!” but you’re a mr. whiny pants!
construction isn’t going well in maritime bay...
OMG SPROUT SOUNDS LIKE DARTH VADER WHYYY
oh he’s just sipping a soda :/
phyllis: “oh dear. somepony’s getting a big head.” yeah you think?
zipp and pipp aren’t going through a good time right now but at least the scenery is beautiful! :D
hitch lost his badge! :o
izzy: “if you ask me, that badge was creating an unhealthy power dynamic! *sings guitar music*” lol :D
omg! :o
sunny: “once we find the crystal, you’ll get your magic back, you’ll have your fans and you’ll put me in custody!” lol :D
izzy knocked down a tree and saved the day! :D
it’s him! :D
zipp: “need some backup, sherrif?” hitch: “i’ve got it!” *barely makes a spark with some twigs* lol :D
cuties! :D
zipp called hitch ‘dude’! :D
aww izzy doesn’t want to leave her friends :(
OMG IZZY FOUND SUNNY’S MESSAGE!!!! :D
aww ‘hoof to heart’ :’)
hitch wants to do his part! :D
hitch: “the unicorn forest sounds pretty magical!” the forest: “is dark and scary* lol!
izzy’s house is stunning! :D
aww she calls it ‘la villa izzy’! :D
what a cool house! :D
the music machine plays the mlp theme!! :D
woah! :o
pipp: “i so wish i had livestreamed that!” sigh... :/
izzy’s song!!! :D
cutie!! :D
this song is so catchy! :D
smiley gals!!!! :D
lol! :D
hitch tho! :D
izzy rap!! :D
epic! B)
‘if we fail we’ll go to prison’ is really a line in the song lol! :D
the scenery! :D
izzy: “crystals! crystals! cryyystals!” lol! :D
people are depressed af around here! :o
british foal: “yoooou said a bad word! bing bong bing bong!” lol how random! :D
why is mayo a bad word tho?
they’re doing to a crystal dealer!
rubik’s cube! :o (it was also on the sheriff’s desk in maritime bay!)
and that pony is named alphabittle!
alphabittle: “deep talk for a little pony.” sunny: “you’ll find i’m average height,” lol! :D
omg he wants a dance off! :o
pipp: “feel the rhythm take you over! you feeling it?” sunny: “i’m feeling it!” DO YOU FEEL IT NOW, MR. KRABS???
epic! :D
yay she won! :D
OMG NO SHE DOESN’T GET THE CRYSTAL???
OMG hitch just said mayo! :o
they escaped tho! :D
QUEEN HAVEN???
and hitch’s badge! :D
queen haven wants them to ‘spin the story’ BOI
oh no queen haven and alphabittle are fighting over the crystals! :o
alphabittle threatens to use his powers but he doesn’t have magic?
sunny: “stop! you don’t have magic!” random pony: “bing bong!” lol! :D
omg...
aww cuties! :D
aaaaand......
it doesn’t work :/
maybe because there needs to be an earth pony crystal or a twilight star?
aww poor sunny :(
she’s about to cry!!! :’(
:’(
hitch: “i guess this is goodbye... friends.” zipp: “better hurry... sheriff.” :’‘(
sunny didn’t fix the crooked photo of her dad!!! :(
no she put her mane 6 figures away!!! :(
circle??? :o
the lights!!!! :D
CIRCLE??? :O
!!!!!!!!!
maritime bay hasn’t been treated too kindly i see! :o
oh no evil fireworks! :o
everyone has the unicorn mind hats on! :o
sprout is being treated like royalty now GREEEEAAAAT
and there’s more nazi imagery with that big mural of him!
sprout: “citizens of-“ *mural of him falls* lol! :D
the citizens didn’t want to fight in the first place! :D
OMG HE HAS AN EVIL LAUGH NOOOO
OMG ROBOT???
even phyllis thinks this is overdone! same mommy!
yay they’re reunited! :D
queen haven: “we need to get home!” alphabittle: “before we’re all jinxed!” queen haven: “excuse me, do you see my mouth still a-talking?” lol! :D
queen haven called sprout a ‘big robot pony’ lol :D
they need to stop it with magic! :D
sprout: “OH NO YOU DON”T” sassy man!
aww zipp has hitch’s back! :D
OMG SPROUT CRACKED THE LIGHTHOUSE??? :o
omg pipp and izzy fell! :o
queen haven saved alphabittle! :D
phyllis: “sprout! let’s put the toy away!” sprout: “mom, i’m in the middle of something!” lol! :D
HE WAS ABOUT TO RUN HIS MOMMY OVER!!!! :o
OMG THE LIGHT HOUSE IS CRUMBLING!!!!
omg! :o
aaaand it didn’t work! :o
magic of friendship it’s your tur-
OMG THE CRYSTALS ARE FALLING!!!! :o
THE LIGHTHOUSE IS FALLIIIIING!!!!!! :o
:(
everyone’s still alive though!
sunny: “it’s not the crystals that need to be brought together...” it’s us?
“it’s us!” knew it!! :D
yay choose friendship and love! :D
aww queen haven fixed the picture!
and so did alphabittle!
and phyllis!!! :D
uh guys what’s that over there...?
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
YAAAAS!!!!!! :D
SONIC RAINBOOM!!!! :o
magic is back!!!!!! :D
they can fly!!!! :D
sunny’s flying with the princesses! :D
the unicorns are back! :D
the pegasi’s wings have such a pretty glow! :D
beautiful sunny! ♥
alphabittle says ‘hi there buddy’ to a little foal! :D
sprout: “mommy, was i a good sheriff?” phyllis: “oh look a flying dog!” lol! :D
hitch: “you did it sunny.” sunny: “no... we did it... together!” yas!!! :D
the gang’s all here!!! :D
izzy: “now we never have to be apart!” yay!!! :D
aww they all did ‘hooves to hearts’! :D ♥♥♥♥♥
balloon guy is back! :D
balloon guy: “hey guys! what did i miss?” *turns around and sees the mane 5* *SCREAAAAM!!!!!* lol! :D
and that’s the end! :D
besides the end credits scene...
;)
so that was the mlp g5 movie! i loved it a lot more than i thought i would and it wasn’t kiddie like g3. it was a lot like g4! the connection between that and g5 is awesome! the characters were fun and the story was really interesting despite it being a typical hero’s journey. it reminded me so much of disney! i can’t wait to see what adventure sunny and her friends have in store! :D
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hoped the holidays would help me reset after a very stressful year and the last week off i did feel a lot more like myself again. was back at work today and it seems not because everything was immediately too much. it felt like my brain was being bombarded from every direction all at once all the time which makes thinking and doing anything useful very difficult + exhausting. guess this is something close to burnout, which is less than ideal. not sure i have a question, just sort of at a loss.
It’s okay. You don’t have to have a question. Sometimes it helps to say “This is what I’m experiencing”, just to have someone else say back “I know what that’s like.”
And I do know what that’s like. It is extremely difficult to be in an environment that is bombarding your senses constantly, all day, for a whole shift. It is exhausting, and it does sound to me like you’re heading towards autistic burnout.
I don’t know what kind of job you have, but I encourage you to take steps to improve your sensory environment. This can be done even at a job where you have very little control over your environment, such as a cashier job or a construction job.
Even in these places, you can do things to help yourself. The biggest one is to make sure you are wearing the most comfortable clothes possible. Go to the thrift store and try on EVERYTHING, until you find clothes that your job will approve of that you LIKE to touch. If work requires a uniform, wear your own clothes under it! Even a comfy undershirt can be AMAZING. Having clothes that touch your skin all day that you LIKE can make all the difference in the world.
Another thing you can do is put a comfort object in your pocket. Something that touching it makes you feel good and happy. If you get very dirty at work, something you can easily wash. I bought a chapstick years ago because I loved how the outside case felt. I never actually used the chapstick XD I just love to rub the case, it’s so smooth and I love touching it, and I keep it in my pocket. If I get sensory overwhelmed I just reach in my pocket and pet my chapstick and it helps, it really does.
Another one is smells. Get a scented thing you like. It could be chapstick, or a scented hand sanitizer, or a bracelet or anything really. If you get overwhelmed, just pretend to scratch your nose and you get a nice, pleasant smell going in your brain to keep you calm.
If your job will allow earbuds, wear them and play white noise. Ending a bazillion inputs from sounds is a life saver. If your job will not allow earbuds, get earplugs. As long as you can still perform the functions of your job, almost no job will object to earplugs. They don’t stop all the sound but they do reduce it, and this can also be a life saver.
So look at your job environment and think “what can I change here that will improve it for me, just a little?” Keep candy in your pocket and when you get stressed, pop one in (don’t keep chocolate in your pocket LOL). Gum is great for this, or hard candies, or mints. They give you a little boost of good flavor. It’s amazing how much stress you can handle when you have a relief to your senses from something.
Even just packing yourself a really yummy snack with your lunch can be amazing in reducing work stress. I used to hate lunchtime at work because I always had a sandwich, and I don’t like bread crust (this was before I learned I could just...cut the crust off, lol). But then I discovered microwavable macaroni and cheese meals and WOW, lunch just got SO much better.
So even if you cannot change your job, and have very little control over your job environment, you can still work to alleviate some of the stress this way, and give your brain just enough relief that it doesn’t head into burnout territory.
If these adjustments don’t help, you can try more drastic things such as asking for a shift change to a time when it’s not so busy (night shift can be AMAZING for some people). Think of what it is, specifically, about work that’s the worst for you and see if you can change it. You have more power over your environment than you realize. Look for it and use it. And if you want more specific advice just send me another ask, I have so many ideas about improving work it could fill 10 blogs, lol!
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Hey! Loving the Merlin takes on ur blog, and I wanted to ask—what are your opinions on Morgana? Haven’t seen a lot of talk abt her. I loved her, esp in season 1, which is also my fav season cuz after that I feel like things started to make less and less sense, lmao. I understand her descent into villainy (mostly, but why does she start to hate Gwen so quickly? feel like that could’ve been handled better) but I would’ve loved to see some solidarity between her and merlin!!!!!
hi there! :D
so, i LOVE morgana. most of what i’ve said about her has been in the tags of gifsets that are now scattered haphazardly around my blog; i don’t think there are larger pieces yet besides my finale round-up (urgh lol), and most of that is just a function of time - i can’t possibly write expansive tracts of meta about every single merlin thing i love, because i love the whole show; i’d never leave my computer again. i generally sit down to write long essays about whatever grabs my mind at a particular moment, even though there are a bazillion other things out there i love just as much. XD
but with morgana, i also feel like part of the reason i haven’t written much about her is because up until three and a half weeks ago (....oh my god, was it THREE AND A HALF WEEKs??? IT FEELS LIKE A YEAR) i hadn’t even finished the series yet, and the whole time i was watching this show i was sort of...waiting to see whether they would finally tie her arc together. i didn’t feel like i could say too much about what was happening with her, because my evaluation of her arc was going to depend on where the writers finally chose to take it and whether they brought it to the place i thought it needed to go.
and...they didn’t, obviously, which is what i sort of suspected would happen, though i was trying to give them the benefit of the doubt all the way up until the end, because i don’t believe they ever wrote themselves into a corner with her. there were things they could have handled with more depth, definitely, but i do not believe that they ever dug themselves into a hole they couldn’t climb out of.
i. what happened to you, morgana
essentially my opinion (just mine; nobody else is obligated to share it) of morgana is this: that the series ended before her arc was over.
to me, season 5 was the nadir in our characters’ journeys. they had reached their lowest point, their...“darkest hour,” to quote the show itself. and in many familiar storytelling formats (the ones that have the most in common with bbc merlin, at least), we take our characters to a moment where they hit rock bottom, where everything is going wrong and things seem hopeless, and then we light a spark under their butts that starts the process where they fight their way out of it. the nadir isn’t the endpoint of the curve; it’s the point where characters start climbing their long, slow way out of the pit. it’s what they have to overcome in order to earn their eventual triumphant ending.
to me, season 5 was that nadir, for morgana and everyone else. i never would have imagined season 5 to be the final season of the show, if i hadn’t known it was beforehand. i would have read season 5 as the show’s ‘empire strikes back’ moment. the episode that ends with our team losing, but with a whole other episode remaining where they can fight to Make It Right.
i view merlin bbc as tantamount to a cancelled tv show, to be honest. i know that’s not necessarily what happened (though it does feel pretty weird that they officially announced S5 would be the final season only four weeks before the finale was about to air?? very bizarre), but regardless of the actual behind-the-scenes-whatever, the fact of the matter is that for me, the series doesn’t end. it stops. and those two things are not the same.
this is particularly relevant to morgana because, as you said, there are aspects of her character arc that weren’t handled as deftly as they could have been, but if the show had brought morgana’s arc to the place where it felt like they were going in 5.09, they could have rescued so much of what came before.
to get into more detail -
i think the biggest issue with morgana’s arc for me isn’t so much what she does, it’s what we’re not shown as she does it.
i fully believe that morgana would eventually start working to ensure uther’s downfall. (obviously. she’s been presented as the voice of moral authority on this show since episode one, and there’s no reason to believe that she wouldn’t ultimately start rebelling against the king’s oppressive policies.) i believe that she would reject arthur, eventually. and i believe that she would reject gwen, too. but i don’t believe the show illustrates enough how painful this would be for her, or how conflicted it would make her feel.
and again, as i said, there are my own personal opinions, couched in...some personal experience with certain kinds of family conflict - but i do understand where morgana’s bitterness toward arthur and gwen comes from. arthur, for all that he’s “a better man than [his] father,” never fully breaks with uther the way morgana does. he has his own little rebellions, yes, but ultimately he always falls in line. he tolerates his father’s actions even if he doesn’t necessarily agree with them, and he continues to support uther even after uther is revealed to have lied about being morgana’s illegitimate father. and because of this tacit acceptance of uther’s poor behavior, arthur reaps benefits and privileges galore. morgana is cast out with nothing, whereas arthur, who didn’t even take a stand for justice, wants for nothing. arthur is sitting pretty on the throne of camelot because he continued to bestow his honor and respect upon a man who deserved neither of those things, because he chose the villain of the series over his sister, even knowing what uther did to her. and that’s gutting, for her. he betrayed her.
(and there are things to be said on arthur’s end of this, too, of course - morgana doesn’t ever confide in him; she doesn’t come to him for help or give him a chance to even be informed about what happened to her before she jumps into invading camelot and dethroning uther - so for arthur, her sudden turnaround comes as a total shock, and HE feels betrayed, like he has no choice but to fight her - i mean, it’s just a big mess.)
but i understand why she hates him. he continues to stand with a man who did demonstrable evil, despite the harm that was specifically done to morgana herself. and by shutting up and letting atrocities be committed in front of him, arthur escapes the harm that morgana suffers for speaking up. i understand why morgana is so bitter about it.
and gwen is a very similar situation - from morgana’s point of view, gwen is playing the arthur to arthur’s uther. gwen sides with arthur over morgana, despite knowing full well that arthur’s policies harm people with magic. gwen abandons morgana for her love interest, and for morgana that’s just like - “why would you do that? i was your friend before he ever cared about you, i loved you before he ever did - don’t you see the evil he’s perpetuating? don’t you care what he does to people like me?”
that’s why morgana tells merlin, “don’t think i don’t understand loyalty just because i’ve got no one left to be loyal to.” she feels like everybody who supposedly cared for her ultimately dumped her because her situation interfered with their comfortable, morally uncomplicated lives. they weren’t willing to acknowledge what was done to her, and they stuck by the man responsible for it, and it seems incomprehensible to her, that they would make that choice, when his misdeeds are known and out in the open. i can’t blame her for wanting to raze the city to the ground.
HOWEVER.
while i believe that all these things are completely plausible, i don’t believe that the series shows us appropriately how these things would be tearing morgana apart inside, underneath the rage and the armored front of ‘you brought this on yourself, so burn in hell, i don’t care.’
there are moments where the show gets it right. when morgana wakes up after uther dies and says that she felt his pain - it’s not presented as gloating; she’s - almost confused. uncertain. like she doesn’t know what she feels. when she confronts arthur at the end of season 4 (i thought we were friends/as did i) there’s real pain under the surface there. when they confront each other at the beginning of season 5, too (what happened to you, morgana/i grew up) - you can feel the undercurrent of something deeper there, too. and that moment with mordred in 5.09, when he appeals to her humanity (i hope one day you will find the love and compassion which used to fill your heart) - that is an amazing scene. the show absolutely nails that moment. morgana hesitates. you can see the grief and the - the conflict written all over her face. it’s perfect. it’s exactly the turn i would have expected morgana’s arc to be taking, at that time in the series.
but then the show just stopped. and without taking morgana’s arc further - without following it through all the way to its conclusion - there’s never any resolution to all the ways the show dropped the ball earlier. all the moments where morgana appears to be just...evil-smirking her way through her revenge, the way she suddenly seems to have no feelings for gwen whatsoever, the utterly lost opportunity that was the “enchanted gwen” arc (which could have been such a powerful exploration of their broken relationship) - all those could have eventually made sense and fit into a narrative where morgana’s conflicted feelings finally begin to escape the stranglehold in which she has them choked, where we start to see the pain of these destroyed relationships rising to the surface.
i can understand how morgana would just - shut off her feelings about these people. she had to close her heart to them - the alternative would have been too painful. but underneath - we know it wouldn’t be that easy. we know it eats at her. and it’s just - so incredibly frustrating that the series was starting to go there - the moment with mordred in 5.09 feels like the beginning of morgana’s big crisis of faith - and then the show just Stops.
so the thing about morgana for me is that, like you said, the show does drop the ball on illustrating her quick descent into evil-villain territory, and they especially drop the ball on her break with gwen, but all of it could have been salvaged, if they had committed to following her arc all the way through to its conclusion. instead they chose to kill her (and everybody else, lol) just as her deep-rooted internal conflicts were finally starting to rise to the surface.
ii. we can find another way/there is no other way (aka the merlin problem)
i’ll say right up front that anything i say here is, as always, just my personal interpretation of things. this is not necessarily the One True Way this show is meant to be understood; it’s just my own preferred read.
i have definitely seen some things in my brief foray into internet fandom that are sort of...piling on merlin for abandoning morgana or “gaslighting” her, most of which seem to be centered around the beginning of episode 2.03, which is weird to me, because the whole point of that episode is that merlin does help morgana, in the end - he’s the one who doesn’t gaslight her. he defies gaius and takes her to the druids, specifically so they can tell her yes, she does have magic. he tries to distract the attacking knights in order to enable morgana to escape with the druids permanently, like she wants. and when the attempt fails, and they’re brought back to camelot, he comes to morgana’s chambers specifically to check on her and to assure her that he won’t reveal her secret to anyone, and she’s grateful for this - she thanks him, she’s appreciative of everything he did for her, she feels comforted to know the truth and to know that someone else knows it, too. this episode ends with their relationship at a high point - it’s overwhelmingly positive, and it doesn’t take a nosedive until 1.12, when morgana gets in way over her head and merlin thinks she’s trying to murder them all. (and even in that episode, it’s worth it to note, merlin is still covering for her magic in front of arthur, giving her chances.)
(and obviously also, of course, the end of that particular situation gets Real Bad Real Fast, which could be a whole post in and of itself, so let’s stay focused on the earlier eps, for now.)
the criticism of merlin in those earlier episodes seems to stem solely from the fact that he doesn’t out himself to morgana, which i can understand - i mean, i like the idea of a ‘merlin+morgana secret magic squad’ AU as much as anyone - but i’ll be honest and say that nowadays, i’m not quite as willing to condemn him for it as i might have been on my first viewing.
i’m not willing to condemn him for it at all, actually.
(and again - as i said, these are my own opinions! everybody else is welcome to have different opinions! we all engage with media differently, and there isn’t a right or wrong way to approach this situation, just whichever way feels best to you.)
so, for me, i’m not interested anymore in telling merlin that he should have revealed himself to anyone, at that point in the story. it would be different if he had been like - continuing to tell morgana ‘oh, no, you don’t have magic, don’t be crazy,’ or if he had been pretending to hate magic like everyone else so he could blend in, but he doesn’t do that, at the end of the episode. he sends her to the druids. he chases after her when he realizes she's in danger. he openly acknowledges her magic, he supports her in having it, he makes sure she knows she has nothing to fear from him. by the end of 2.03, he’s gone to great lengths to help her; he’s already made certain that she knows he’s on her side and that she can trust him. she clearly knows that he accepts her and that he supports her - those are his responsibilities to her as a fellow human and as a friend, and those are exactly the responsibilities he makes sure to fulfill. she knows her secret is safe with him.
now - whether or not merlin feels safe enough to out himself, after making sure morgana knows he accepts and supports her, is his own business.
i think there are a number of reasons why it wouldn’t be fair for me to criticize merlin for continuing to conceal his secret, the first of which is something i already mentioned in another piece - that a marginalized person’s first responsibility is to their own safety, when forced into hiding under oppressive social conditions. merlin isn’t obligated to reveal himself for anybody. he’s not obligated to put himself in danger out of some kind of...responsibility to the community. (not at this point, anyway. it gets more complicated later, as merlin becomes more powerful, which i also address in that other piece, but that’s all in the future for him and not relevant at this moment.)
i think it would be easy for me to forget that merlin isn’t safe, in the early seasons. we’re so used to thinking of merlin as ‘the greatest sorcerer to ever walk the earth,’ because that’s what we keep being told he’s going to become, but again, that’s all so far in the future for him. merlin in the early seasons can do some things with his abilities, but not consistently, and not to the level where we can reasonably expect him to resist the entirety of camelot’s army, if they were to come for him. merlin is in real danger, and he’s not evil for being unwilling to share a secret about himself that would ensure his death, if it somehow got back to the wrong people.
second - i don’t think it would be fair for me to discount merlin’s personal history, either. merlin’s life didn’t start in camelot, and he hasn’t even been in camelot for all that long, comparatively, by the time we get to S2. season one takes place over a few months, starting in either spring or summer and ending in the fall (after the referenced harvest in 1.10/1.11, but before winter sets in). the weather is nice by time season 2 starts, so we can probably assume that S2 takes place once winter has passed (although, it’s technically possible that S2 takes place over the same autumn as S1, I guess...but it’s not made clear to us, timeline-wise.) either way, we just really have to remember that merlin’s stay in camelot by the time we reach 2.03 is still this blip compared to the rest of his life.
it would be very easy for me to say that merlin should have told morgana, that there’s no way she would ever have given him up - and i probably would have said that very thing, after the first time i watched the show - but like - nowadays, i really think i have to step back from that certainty and be a little more gentle. we say we “know” that morgana wouldn’t have willingly betrayed merlin’s secret at that point, and sure, i agree, that’s probably true - but does merlin know that?
of course not!
i think he hopes that. i think he would dearly like to believe that. i also think merlin grew up in a situation where he couldn’t fully trust even the people he’d known all his life, with two (vital!!!) exceptions, and he has been in camelot with a bunch of brand-new people for less than a year, and he can’t be certain of them, however much he wants to be. (and that’s not even considering the possibility of accidental betrayals, or coerced ones - remember, the witchfinder shows up in S2 also, as just one example.)
remember that exchange merlin has with freya, later this season?
“you can’t always trust people.”
“i know. that’s why i left home.”
merlin is not used to showing himself to people. he has been taught all his life to NEVER, EVER show himself to anybody. everyone in camelot who finds out about his magic finds out either by accident (like gaius or lancelot), or necessity (like freya and gilli - though gilli is interesting, because i think merlin’s decisions there are motivated precisely by the choices he didn’t make with morgana - which i’ll go into more later).
in twenty-odd years, merlin has only ever told one person about his magic. and even that generous assumption requires a little bit of inferencing for us to determine, though i think it’s likely enough, if not confirmable.
(i am, in case it’s unclear, referencing 1.10, when merlin is explaining to will why hunith sent him away to camelot: “when she found out you knew - she was so angry.” that, to me, has always been a signifier that merlin told will about his magic, as opposed to will finding out by coincidence. i know there are a lot of headcanons floating around out there about various...accidental situations that may have occurred which forced merlin to reveal his magic in front of will, and those are all obviously totally fun to play with, but after hearing this particular line - i never understood that to be the case, to be honest. we’ve seen hunith enough to have a pretty solid understanding of her character. she and merlin are always easy and gentle together, she’s so kind and calm and thoughtful - i can’t imagine that she wouldn’t have understood, if there had been some kind of accident that forced merlin’s hand. she’d be just as afraid for his future safety, of course, and she would have wished he’d told her right away, but she wouldn’t have been “so angry.”
...she might, however, have been “so angry” if she’d found out that merlin had specifically undermined every sacrifice she’d ever made to keep him safe/ignored every single one of her warnings/rejected every cautious thing she’d been telling him for his entire life and TOLD somebody about his magic when it wasn’t remotely necessary. that’s the only scenario i can imagine that would prompt merlin to say “she was SO angry” in that half-awed, half-intimidated tone, with that little headshake, like it was such a singular event, like it’s still formidable for him to remember.)
so anyway, that said - it’s too easy for me to say ‘he should have told morgana/gwaine/gwen etc; they would never have turned on him,’ as if it would have been such a simple thing for him to do, as if there were no dangers associated with their knowledge even if they would never have willingly given him up, as if he was refusing to do it because he didn’t want to, or because his fears were overblown, or because he was foolish for thinking they would ever hate him for his gifts. i think that really minimizes the reality of his struggle, and the danger of his situation. without the pressure of some crisis to force his hand, merlin has only ever willingly revealed himself to one person. that person is dead. that person died specifically ensuring that merlin could stay safe and hidden from the rest of the world, morgana included - merlin’s continued secrecy is a gift that was bought at an impossibly high price, and it’s not simple for him to contemplate squandering it, especially with no guarantee that things will turn out okay.
because there IS no guarantee that things will turn out okay! a lot of the “merlin should have told morgana” online talk centers around the idea that knowing about merlin’s magic would have kept morgana from feeling alone/betrayed, thus preventing her from turning to the “evil” methods she uses later, but again, i don’t think we actually know that at all. solidarity between merlin and morgana would have been a nice thing, definitely; i’d like to see that too, but i don’t think the fact that she and merlin are both magic-users would have guaranteed harmony between them. merlin and gilli are both magic-users, too, and merlin expects this to be enough to convince gilli to “see the light,” but the fact of the matter is that merlin and gilli just have very different ideas about what it means to do the right thing. merlin thinks it means biding his time and waiting for change to come from the top (because he’s been TOLD by greater powers that this is the right course of action, of course; let’s note again that merlin’s situation is extremely complicated) whereas gilli thinks that doing things merlin’s way makes merlin complicit with an unjust regime. gilli says ‘i shouldn’t haven’t to wait for someone else to give me my rights. i’m going to take them myself.’
the fact that merlin and gilli share a bond as magic-users doesn’t protect them from an ideological divide that puts them on different sides of the same struggle. i’m not sure that merlin and morgana wouldn’t have still ended up in the same situation, eventually, if merlin had chosen to out himself to her - but doing so would certainly have made him a thousand times more vulnerable to attack.
third - it’s also important to remember that if we’re going to hold merlin to this rigid ‘he should have told morgana everything/confided in her/trusted her at the expense of possibly his own life despite the fact that she exists at the completely opposite end of a rigid social hierarchy as him and he’s known her for less than a year’ then maybe we ought to raise the bar for morgana, as well. morgana is very clearly shown to trust and appreciate merlin at the end of 2.03, but by 2.11, when alvarr and mordred show up and convince her to steal the crystal of neahtid, she doesn’t hesitate or come to merlin at all, despite the fact that we never see him do anything to lose her trust between then and now. she never asks him for help, even when she’s uncertain about alvarr’s methods, and that leaves merlin in the dark, only privy to confusing images of her sneaking around and acting suspicious. and even with that, merlin doesn’t condemn her for what she does, the same way he doesn’t blame her when she tries to kill uther in 1.12 - he helps arthur retrieve the crystal, but he doesn’t give morgana up. and he doesn’t hold any kind of grudge, either - in the next episode, merlin doesn’t even suspect her, at first - he thinks it must be her magic protecting her; he doesn’t even consider the idea that she has anything to do with the illness, not until kilgharrah tells him.
and even after that, he STILL covers for her in front of arthur, and he gives her a chance to come clean to him - but she doesn’t take it.
i’m not condemning her for that - i get why she would be afraid to admit to such a big mess - she was in way over her head and didn’t know what to do. but if we’re going to cut morgana this much slack and accept her fears as a valid enough reason to block a potential moment of connection, then we have to accept that merlin’s fears were valid, too - morgana’s descent into “villainy” was not something we can pin solely on merlin’s already overburdened shoulders. the end of season 2 was not some kind of one-way failure.
in summary: merlin and morgana were trapped in an impossible situation. they were both victims of the same oppressive regime, and both of them had very real, very dangerous obstacles to letting themselves trust in and reach out to others, and i think pitting them against each other while forgetting who the real villain was is unfair to them both.
also, a brief postscript: circling back to the first section of this piece, where i talked about how season 5 just stopped before anyone’s arc was finished - merlin and morgana could have had so much more, if we’d gotten another season. their relationship is really in the pits, by season 5, but there is this deleted scene where arthur is reflecting on what happened to morgana and blaming himself, and merlin says arthur shouldn’t take the blame, that “there were others better placed to help morgana” (implicating, of course, himself) and that was SUCH a jumping off point for their story to have continued. merlin wanted to do better by her. he blamed himself for what happened to her. and morgana, for her part, was starting to question herself, as we saw during her confrontation with mordred in 5.09.
there were places for this relationship to go. it wasn’t a lost cause. but the writers decided that it made more sense to just...eliminate everybody at the exact moment when things were poised to possibly change.
the story wasn’t over at the end of season 5. but the show was, and i am always going to regret those many lost opportunities.
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August 9, 2020
Once again, I haven’t written in ages. For multiple reasons. But for mental health, I should probably be journaling. I’ll skip the recap of the past months for now, and just write about the most important thing.
My cat has cancer. It’s been a couple months to figure this all out. She lost a lot of weight in a relatively short amount of time. Take her to the vet, he does rudimentary tests and says she’s fine. I’ve done research and think it’s either IBD or cancer, and push for an ultrasound. He does it, sees nothing and says she’s fine and probably just has a finicky appetite. We had an incident almost immediately after where she was woozy and wobbling and I take her to an emergency vet. They do the same tests, but have a radiologist read the tests. She has thickening of her small intestine, and a couple other minor things. So, with them I talk about a biopsy and the possible treatments. I call my vet and he’s like are you sure you want to do a biopsy? He just wants to do steroids. She’s almost 16 and she’s had a good life and probably the only thing we can do is give her steroids and make her comfortable for her remaining time. I say no b/c if it’s IBD, steroids and management, but cancer maybe means chemo and steroids will fuck that up. I push the biopsy, but I think he’s going right into her small intestine but he actually does a whole exploratory. I thought he was just dicking me for price and stuff, but that’s the one thing where he was right and I was wrong (literally the one thing). We get the results and it’s cancer. He at least admits that I was right not to start the steroids right away. So all along, he’s pushing for me to give up on her. In his defense it’s because all of this is massively expensive. I live in a neighborhood with many, many cash-strapped people, and I myself spent most of my life poor as fuck. But I keep saying I’m going to do what’s best for her, regardless (up to being unable to afford things). But I make it clear that while I don’t have money for them to price gauge me, I can be open to the expensive options. Over and fucking over. My vet doesn’t get it, but the emergency vet did. Truthfully, I’d have preferred to stay with them but they are way outside of my price range. So now, I have an appt with an oncologist on Wednesday to find out what her prognosis is and make a plan. She’s doing better since I had gotten her several rounds of fluids, we put her on anti-nausea/pain meds, and I switched to an IBD diet (expensive, high-quality cat food). After initially freaking out, I think I’ve gotten slightly complacent. Because she’s doing better than she was before, so it’s harder to see how sick she is.
This has already cleaned out my savings (over $3k) and it’s gonna be more money regardless of the treatment plan. But I am so grateful that for the first time in my life and I can afford to take care of her the way she deserves. Up until three years ago, and I’d have had to make decisions based on my wallet.
And she deserves the best. I don’t know how to explain it. I was shocked when I found out how old she was last year, because time seems not that long ago. And shocked that that’s considered senior or even geriatric. She doesn’t look like it. I swear to god she looks like she’s 3 or 4 years old. Even the vets were shocked at how old she was compared to her looks and health (health before the cancer). And she’s so sweet and gentle. She’s a bit of an introvert, like myself. I love her so much and I thought I had at least 2 more years with her. I don’t know what I’ll do without her really. She’s been my only real family, the only one who loved me unconditionally, for over 15 years. We’ve been through so much together. I’ve gotten into scrapes b/c of her, and missed out on a ton of great opportunities b/c of her. And I swear to god that all of it was/is worth it.
I don’t get much quality sleep these days. She wakes me up at least once a night for pets and/or food. Some times, I’ll leave food out but she won’t go to it without me. She also has a habit of not eating, so I put it in the fridge and then immediately after that door closes she wants the food lol. Sometimes now I’ll put it in the fridge just to get her to come out and eat. And I cracked a tooth or something from all the stress grinding while I was worrying. Having trouble getting a dental appointment.
I have to be careful how much I talk about this of course. I learned the hard way that people can only handle so much unhappiness for a finite amount of time. Even if they do sympathize with you. And many don’t understand who she is to me. Because they have human beings. And to be fair, very few have met her in real life, and because she’s an introvert they only get a glimmer of what a truly great cat she is. Hell, even I forget sometimes. But like the people at the emergency vet loved her. They get a bazillion animals and yet she still stood out to them.
Because she’s glorious.
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>:0 tumblr fjdjjsndissk i was just saying wowowow i’m amazed how on top of being a fic writer u also work with data in a i assume money related field? like your writing and ideas are so fleshed out !!!! it’s so good !! i’m an engineer and i’ve occasionally thought abt starting writing myself but i don’t ever feel like i’ll have the time to come up with such fleshed out stories but like you are writing goals girl!!! keep up the great work bby
STEM fam, I know what you mean about not having the time hahaha. to be very honest, I only wrote in college when I was trying to procrastinate. I'd be like should I write my lab report or write a fic? and I would choose to write a fic and later on panic and try to finish my lab report... but by then i would only have like 1/5th of the time I originally budgeted hahahaha.
about being able to write stories, that comes with practice! you just have to start 😊 maybe your first story won't be the best but we all start somewhere!!! i mean, i think you can defo see the progress in my writing from courage -> escape -> to all my other fics. the beauty of writing is that 100 words can move you just as much as 10000 words. so, just start! when you start, you’re doing better than all the other people who are too afraid to do so. you’ll already be one step closer. also, askjdhskjahdkja thank you for all the kind words (”: you’re so sweet!
haha i don't work in the finance world but I defo love to invest/trade in the stock market lol. if any of you are American... you do not understand how lucky you are. legit can become a millionaire overnight bc of tesla 🙃 but i digress! there’s so much opportunity in the stock market!!!
>>> incoming finance ramble <<<
first of all, I cannot stress this enough. you should try to learn the basics of investing & trading and there are like a bazillion youtube videos at your disposal! you can make good money and safely too! it's a skill you can use for the rest of your life. like genuinely. so, number one on the list, you have to get a long term portfolio. the average annual return of the S&P500 is 7%. idk what your bank is giving you but i sure as hell can bet it’s not even remotely close to 7%. buying etfs like VOO are very typical set it and forget it type things. [look up bogleheads 3 fund portfolio! it’s a very famous investing strategy].
year to date, famous stocks are up by a lot. microsoft is up ~54%, apple is up~93% and you don’t even wanna know what the number is for tesla....... nvm i’ll tell you... it’s up ~542%, yes, five hundred and forty two percent. no, that isn’t a typo. and this is all even after they all went through the wringer back in the march covid crash.
you can google this stuff, but 100% your money will grow more in the stock market vs the bank, as long as you don’t panic (very important!) and you leave it for 20-30 years, and invest diligently (& intelligently). not to mention, you get dividends too. [but only put into the stock market what is rational for your situation. if you’re genuinely living paycheck to paycheck, don’t do it. get your 6 month emergency savings first.]
yeah and i hear you, you’re like 20-30 years? i want money now!!! good news, there’s options trading! tons of people think it takes a lot of money but two weeks ago you could've legitimately bought Wal-Mart calls for $14 a pop and then sell em 6 days later for $211. that's $197 profit for the cost of $14. patience is the game!!! don’t let fomo get you. and dont be stewpid. do your due diligence! it’s just so worth spending a few hours on youtube learning this stuff for FREE and then making money out of it... i mean are you ever gonna get a better deal????
i know this sounds like some mlm type shit and i literally don’t know how else to say this but if you take the time to learn it properly, you will defo make money. i made money doing debit spreads on nvidia and beyond meat just last week. not like thousands and thousands but hey, if there’s an extra 50 for me every week, i’ll take it! if you’re not american, find out if your local stock market is worth getting into. i have money in the stock market back home too. bro youtube has the answers for everything, i swear. [oh and watch out for capital gains tax! make sure you report it right!]
also, i’m a big believer in personal finance. just know your shit. do cash back/points with credit cards. NEVER be late in paying your credit card bill. NEVER! the interest on late payments will haunt you. look at your budget every month. and yes, if you really wanna know where your money goes, record every single transaction in a giant excel spreadsheet. i do it every end of the month. you’ll realize where you can cut back on spending (i save >50% of my income every month! and i live in a high COL (cost of living) city. so, it’s doable!) also, start thinking about retirement. i know, you’re (probably) young... but start thinking about it and do something about it! the earlier you start, the more bougie your life can be when you’re retired. if you’re american, take the 401k match. just. TAKE IT!!! it’s free money. if retirement plans work differently in your country (it probably does)... just do what is necessary. in malaysia, it’s automatic but the interest is so good! y’all just have to know that it’s for your future. oh and if you’ve got debts, pay off the high interest ones first no matter what. that shit will suck you dry.
personal finance. learn it. love it. don’t let the system play you. there’s money to be made in the stock market, especially now! there isn’t a better time to start learning. you can always paper trade before you put real money in. hehe sorry about the personal finance lecture but i just wished more people would get into it!!! older you will thank younger you for it!
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~All. Of. Them.~ ☺
99 gay-ish asks
… you know WHAT.
FINE.
I’LL DO ALL OF THEM.
LONG ANSWER UNDER THE TAG, HA V E FUN-
1. how tall are you?
I am 159cm aka 5′3ft!
2. what is your body type?
According to the first Google Image result I got, it’s between “Banana Shape” and “Apple Shape”. I have no idea who came up with these terms. But there you go.
3. what is your favorite part about your body?
My nails-
4. is your current hair color your natural hair color?
My hair is brunette, which is also my natural hair color!
5. are you more outgoing or more shy?
I’d like to think I’m outgoing, but we all know the truth rip
6. are you more femme or butch?
Depends on the day-
7. are you tol or smol?
I definitely wouldn’t call myself tol, so smol, I guess!
8. wine mom or vodka aunt?
Sober Mom
9. weird habit?
The door has to be either fully closed or fully open. Don’t fite me on this-
10. favorite meme?
Too many to count, but this is one of my favourites right now-
but also like, most of my faves at the moment are actually memes with pictures of me and my friends XD
11. do you sing in the shower?
Hell yes!!
12. ever used a bow and arrow?
Yep!
13. are/were you a theatre kid?
(Answered here)
14. have you ever seen a broadway musical?
Nope, but I’ve seen Aladdin’s counterpart to broadway in London! So it’s like, the exact same thing, but in London XD
15. do you think musicals are cheesy?
Yes. Do I think it makes them less enjoyable though? Nope.
16. have you ever been a part of a protest or a march?
It’s a complicated story, but I have!
17. favorite Cards Against Humanity Card?
Gooood, it’s been so long since I’ve played CAH! I have no idea ;;
18. last movie you watched?
I think it was Far From Home!
19. behind the camera or in front of it?
I’m usually the one taking pictures and filming my friends (they better thank me in 10 years) but to be honest, I wish they’d take some more pics of me to look back to too. I do enjoy filming though, so I guess behind!
20. favorite tv show?
Right now, it’s definitely The Umbrella Academy!
21. meaning behind your url
My name is Evelina, and I am online
22. reason you joined tumblr
To follow a project I used to like on YouTube ^^
23. who’s your closest tumblr friend?
I mean, @clumsinessinperson, @xxwhisperapplexx, @hollsheadcanons and @spinharmony started out as tumblr friends, but now we’ve known each other for more than a year and they’re my best friends in the world ;w;
24. what’s something most people love that you hate?
Olives. Peas. Crocs.
uPDATE: i READ THAT QUESTION WRONG, I THOUGHT IT SAID THE OPPOSITE, I LOVE ALL THESE THREE THINGS
I do hate BBQ sauce with PASSION though-
25. have you ever taken narcotics?
I mean, only when I got my teeth extracted XD
26. have you had sex?
Nope.
27. have you ever gotten caught sneaking out or doing anything bad?
I’ve never sneaked out before, so nah. My phone caught me on my phone at 5am once, does that count?
28. worst/funniest lie you’ve ever told?
(Answered here)
29. describe your passion without mentioning it.
The ocean’s waves clash at the coast. They drown in themselves. They help the boats move. But sometimes, the ocean is quiet.
30. describe your best friend.
Nearly impossible to describe a 100 people in one sentence, but none of them have braincells.
31. give us one thing about you that no one knows.
NOT AGAIN, ANSWERED HERE.
32. how do you feel right now?
Energetic!!
33. what is your biggest fear?
Dying
34. what’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?
(Answered here)
35. what is the best decision you’ve made in your life so far?
Honestly, uploading my stories.
36. have you ever tried your hardest and then been disappointed in the end?
MANY TIMES. But hey, that’s life. And that doesn’t mean that it’ll always disappoint you. Keep trying, everyone!
37. something you fantasize about.
MEETING MY ONLINE FRIENDS IRL ;W;
38. last time you cried and why
This morning because I had a fight with my mom lmao
39. what was the last thing that made you laugh?
Me.
40. do you really, truly miss someone right now?
Sure do *dabs*
41. who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything?
@xxwhisperapplexx, @clumsinessinperson, @aesthetically-bitching and my other irl fren who doesn’t have tumblr but he is a dumbass!!
42. the last time you felt broken?
SEE 38, RIP (I’m okay now tho, dw!)
43. are you starting to realize anything?
I wanna be a director or a scriptwriter or something!! Just work in the movies!!
44. are you more dominant or more submissive?
Dominant, but I can be just as submissive!
45. i’ll only date you if _____. (fill in the blank)
I’ll only date you if I love you?? Why would I date someone I don’t love?
46. do you prefer to date people the same age as you, younger, or older?
Uhhh look, I’m 16, so the same age, lol. And even if I was older, age doesn’t matter as long as it’s not creepy and predatory, you know?
47. describe the person you’re in love with/have a crush on in great detail.
I don’t have a crush at the moment, thANK GOD.
48. do you have any kinks?
Bye.
49. first thing you notice in a person?
(Answered here)
50. how can someone win your heart?
Step One: Stan Ben Hargreeves.
51. been rejected by a crush?
Nop. Never confessed-
52. have you ever had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back?
Yes.
53. would you have sex with the last person you text messaged?
No.
54. is trust a big issue for you?
I mean, I wouldn’t trust someone I just met with my life, but I do have faith in people ^^
55. did you hang out with the person you like recently?
I do not,,, have a crush,,,
56. is confidence cute?
Everything positive is cute.
57. what would you say if the person you love/like kissed another girl/boy?
I don’t like someone right now but if it were to happen, I wouldn’t say anything? It’s their life.
58. would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh?
Everyone makes me laugh. I must hate the person then XD
59. does the person you have feelings for right now know you do?
I DO NOT HAVE A CRUSH AAAAA
60. ever embarrass yourself in front of a crush?
Yes, like a bazillion times.
61. do you want to get married
I’m open to it!
62. worst thing you’ve ever done?
Honestly, I was trying to think of a serious answer, I PROMISE, but then I remembered that when I was little my parents had pissed me off so badly, and I quoted a Barbie movie that said “You’re ruining my life!” like an angry toddler.
Then they threatened to never let me watch Barbie again because it was a bad influence, anD I MEAN. It was what it was XD
Note: They never banned Barbie.
63. three things that turn you on.
How did you know I was an android.
64. who do you hate?
Hate is a strong word, lmao.
65. favorite term of endearment?
Unironically, it’s “boo” XD
66. who was your celebrity/fictional gay awakening?
I WAS WONDERING IF THERE WAS A QUESTION LIKE THAT, honestly I do not remember. Probably someone from Winx.
67. intimidating girls or kind girls?
Both are valid.
68. what do you look for in a possible partner?
I don’t look, they hit me in the head.
69. do you tend to like more masculine, feminine, or androgynous girls?
All. All the girls.
70. are you good at flirting?
Yes, actually XD
71. who was the first person you came out to?
Probably @aesthetically-bitching, I think!
72. do you have any friends who are wlw?
yeet
73. is your crush wlw?
don’t have a crush, but used to-
74. last person to make you reconsider your sexuality?
I have no idea, I’ve known I was bi since 6th grade.
75. write a short love poem to your crush/self?
Not all the steps you walked on are stableBut that’s okayReaching the top requires a few
76. do you fall in love easily?
I’ve only fallen like in love twice. Crushes are way different, and I’d say kinda…?
77. is there something that happened in your past that you hate talking about?
Yeah. But I hate talking about it.
78. are you good at hiding your feelings?
Yep. If you notice I’m sad, I want you to notice I’m sad.
79. are you a forgiving person?
Mhm!
80. what is your “type?”
Ironically, Eudora Patch from The Umbrella Academy is a very good depiction of my type. (Note: Personality wise. Looks genuinely don’t matter to me, everyone is BEAUTIFUL.)
81. fall asleep in her arms or rub her back until she falls asleep in yours?
I am a little spoon inside and out-
82. tall girls or short girls?
Doesn’t matter-
83. hugs or kisses?
Hugs!! kisses kinda make me uncomfortable most of the time to be honest
84. twirl her around or get twirled?
b O T H
85. tummy kisses or thigh kisses?
Tummy-
86. hairline kisses or neck kisses?
Hairline,,,
87. play with her hair or stroke her tummy?
Hair!!
88. making out or soft kisses?
Soft kisses, definitely. Not that I’ve kissed anyone before, but oh well XD
89. hugs around the neck or hugs around the waist?
Neck…? I’d say neck.
90. how confident are you in your sexuality?
It took me a while, but I am very confident in it right now!
91. when you like someone do you blush or get butterflies in your stomach?
Butterflies™
92. have you ever liked a friend as more than a friend? did you tell them?
I have, and I told them absolutely nothing
93. how old were you when you realized you were into girls?
*shrugs* young XD
94. most embarrassing thing you’ve done in front of a cute girl?
All girls are cute girls. So many things.
95. do you have a favorite lesbian ship? is it canon?
THIS QUESTION IS STRESSING ME OUT, I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO CHOOSE. Honestly, Alphys and Undyne are a hard one to top, aND ALSO CANON
96. what is the most aggravating thing someone has said to you about your sexuality?
“You’re just confused.”
97. when was the last time a girl made your heart flutter?
… I don’t know what to tell you.
98. what is love to you?
Love is complicated.
To me, it’s not about having a partner. Actually, loving someone regardless of romantic feelings is way more important, in my opinion. These things can co-exist, and loving a friend is just as important loving a lover.
The lack of it can hurt, especially being forced out of it. But feeling love? I don’t know. It’s one of the most beautiful feelings ever. I feel so lucky to be surrounded by it.
I really love this article on it! It’s about the 8 types of love the ancient greeks had, and as I greek person myself, I think highly of it. I highly recommend reading it!
99. ask me anything. (bUt since no one specified, I’ll ask myself: Why do this and what did I learn from this?)
I did this because I am stubborn. Also I genuinely liked the questions XD
What I learned from this experience is that I really love answering questions, oops-
If you made it this far, I don’t know what to tell you. You deserve a golden star, my dude.
ANYWAY, NEVER AGAIN.
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488
Have you ever been afraid to get up and go to the bathroom?
Only in the early morning, cause everything’s louder and darker by then.
Do you get any magazines in the mail?
No, we don’t get anything in the mail other than bills my parents take care of.
How many websites do you have an account for?
I’ve signed up for a lot. This question was probably easy to ask back then given that this survey was made back in 2009 lmao, but the Internet has since exploded and you pretty much have to sign up for everything if you want a website’s full features.
Have you ever paid for any kind of online membership?
My dad pays for the family Netflix account, but I don’t have a credit card of my own.
Do you try clothes on before you buy them?
I’m usually lazy to so I go ahead and buy them. If they don’t fit well I’ll either ask my grandma to alter it or just give it away.
Have you seen The Blind Side?
I’ve caught it on TV. I know it’s supposed to be a really good film, but it’s never grabbed my attention enough to be interested in it.
What's the best movie you've seen this year?
Hintayan ng Langit (Heaven’s Waiting).
Do you know how to fire a gun?
I’ve never even held a gun.
What would you do if you knew a robber was in your house?
Scream. As loud as I can.
Have you played the Sims 3, yet?
I never got to play it.
What's your favorite type of pizza?
Barbecue!!!!!!!!!!!! It’s the only kind I can eat like five slices of in one sitting.
Do you have a favorite local pizza place?
Mmm no not really. My favorite store is Yellow Cab.
What are you afraid of?
Flying insects.
Have you ever been afraid of falling in love?
I was, once. It was my best friend and we had an amazing relationship at that point, so I had every reason to feel scared of what I was starting to feel.
How do you let someone know that you like them?
When I knew I liked Gabie, I started to spend more time with her and do the little things that I knew she’d appreciate, like buying her favorite snacks or a book by her current favorite author.
Have you ever asked a friend to ask someone else out for you?
No.
Who'd you last see in a tux?
I had to assist in a fancy internal party of one of our clients during my internship, and I saw a lot of guys (none of them I know) in formal wear.
Were you sad when Tim Urban got sent home on American Idol?
Name’s familar, let me look him up... hmm. He was one of those I never cared for in that season. I was all over Crystal Bowersox and Siobhan Magnus for season 9 hahaha.
What about Jason Castro, 2 years ago?
The dude with the cornrows and played guitar! I was generally a fan of his. He was good, but I remember just being more enthusiastic over David Archuleta for that season.
Do you record any TV shows and watch them later?
When I was a kid, my parents would do this for me. We don’t have a sort of gadget that does this to our TV anymore.
Do you have difficulty pronouncing any words?
‘Beautiful’ is a BITCH to pronounce if Filipino’s your stronger accent. I have a hard time with it myself. When my mind is thinking to say that word, I always end up saying ‘pretty’ at the last second cause my tongue seems to get all tied up.
Would you rather take a shower or a bath?
Bath, if I had all the time in the world.
How many times do you shower in a week?
Like a maximum of 6 days. I always skip a day.
What brand's your cell phone?
Apple.
Have you ever sexted?
Yes. I never did enjoy it when I was still doing it.
How many contacts do you have?
Err too many to count, I know that much.
Do you have your own computer?
I have my own *laptop.
Out of everyone you know, who was the most heart?
Laurice or Jane.
Who's the bravest person you know?
I was gonna say Gabie till I found out recently that she’s afraid of killing cockroaches lmfao so I’ll go with my dad.
Who would you want to have your back if things got tough?
Gab.
Do you ever make up retarded words with your friends?
Ah, back when using the word ‘retarded’ to mean ‘stupid’ was acceptable.
Have your friends ever given you answers to homework, last minute?
Lmao yep, that is high school in a nutshell my friend.
Have you ever dated someone who was real sportsy?
My girlfriend used to play softball and basketball in high school. She’s not as sporty anymore as uni keeps her busy, but she has a gym membership and is super into the whole working out thing if that counts haha.
Are you any good at writing?
Certain types of writing. I like research, essays, and academic writing but you cannot trust me to write poems and short stories.
What's your favorite form of writing?
Autobiographies, whatever they count as.
What do you think about Lil Wayne?
Whatever.
Lil Wayne vs. Eminem...?
Idk, I’m pretty sure both have problematic content on their songs so I’ll pass.
Have you ever given up on someone before?
Yes.
Did you end up regretting it later in life?
No.
Have you ever read Shakespeare?
We had to read Shakespeare in English class throughout high school. It was Romeo and Juliet in freshman year, The Merchant of Venice in sophie year, Macbeth in junior year, and Hamlet when we were seniors.
What did you dream about last night?
Oddly enough I dreamt that Gab died and its aftermath, which was me continuing to visit her family after she passed. It was weirdly realistic and I hated it.
Have you ever looked up the meaning to a dream?
Some, sure. I did it just for the lols.
Have you ever tried to change someone?
I don’t think so.
Can anyone really change anyone that doesn't wanna change?
It’s a tough hill to climb but if it’s to change someone for the better, it will be worth it to try and do so.
Do you think that anyone currently has a crush on you?
I know my girlfriend does; idk about anyone else.
What profession do you admire the most?
Teaching.
Have you ever made a fake profile, for any reason?
Nope.
What's the hardest lesson you've ever had to learn?
World’s not gonna stop for you when a loved one does. Yours will end, but no one else will care. Life goes on. Suck it up. Learned it the hard way when my grandpa died.
What are you wearing right now?
I have on a black and white dress that I haven’t changed out of yet because I’m too lazy.
Do you miss your ex?
What's the first thing you notice about the opposite sex?
If they’re jerks or not.
Have you ever questioned your sexuality?
Yes. I questioned it for a very long time because I had never been comfortable with any of the bazillion existing labels we have now, and I thought I was just a weirdo. Then Dan Howell posted a video for Pride Month and let me know that I didn’t need a label to let people know who I am and I could be a formless, label-less blob if I wanted to and that I shouldn’t give a shit what others think. Thanks Dan.
If you could change one thing about your life, what would it be and why?
Having more money. Because buying stuff makes me happy.
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BnHA Chapter 146: Why Are We Still In This Basement
Previously on BnHA: Flashback!Kirishima nearly gave up on his dream of becoming a hero after freezing up during a sudden villain encounter. But then he watched an old interview with his hero Crimson Riot, in which Crimson admitted that he felt fear just as much as anyone. He said that having a manly spirit doesn’t mean being confident or not feeling fear; it means doing your best to live your life without regret. After hearing this, flashback!Kiri had a quick montage and turned into first-day-at-U.A.!Kiri, dyeing his hair and spiking it up and declaring that he was saying goodbye to his former self. Back in the present, our current beat-up Kiri thought to himself that he still gets afraid regularly, but that what he fears most is reverting back to the way he used to be. Hot Gum -- who, you will recall, had charged up an attack by absorbing the energy from the villain’s punches -- told the bad guys they had underestimated Kirishima’s manly heart, and then punched the shit out of them.
Today on BnHA: Hot Gum flashes back to when Kirishima applied for an internship at his agency. He was excited to have someone with Kiri’s “can-do energy”, but Kiri admitted that that was all he had, and that he wants to be more than that and be someone who can protect people. Back in the present, Chance the Rappa is all “I’m not dead yet!” and gets back to his feet. Hot Gum is all “oh shit”, but then Rappa directs him toward a room with first aid supplies and tells him to tend to Kiri’s wounds. He says that both sides are basically all out of strength, but he wants to continue the fight because he really!! loves!! fighting!!!, and so he wants the others to heal up because he’s taken a personal interest in them -- Kiri especially. Hot Gum heals Kiri up and congratulates him on being acknowledged even by the enemy. We then finally! cut to Overhaul, who’s headed down a corridor with Eri and one of his minions. He’s holding the finished quirk-be-gone serum, and he tells his new “temps” -- Toga and Twice -- to get to work.
I may or may not have lost my patience completely and started ranting and raving halfway through this chapter. Just giving y’all a heads up. I kind of hit my limit lol.
(As always, all comments not marked with an ETA are my unspoiled reactions from my first readthrough of this chapter. I’ve read up through chapter 176 now, so any ETAs will reflect that.)
OHHHHH SNAP YOU GUYS LOOK AT THIS
LOOK AT ALL OF THESE LOSERS
OH I SEE, DEKU, SO YOU STILL CAN’T TIE A FREAKING HALF WINDSOR, BUT YOU CAN TIE A BOWTIE HUH. OR IS THAT A CLIP-ON?? OH MY GOD IT’S A CLIP-ON ISN’T IT
MEANWHILE BAKUGOU WILL STRAIGHT UP JUST NEVER WEAR A TIE NO MATTER WHAT. BUT OH MY GOD LOOK AT HIM ALL DRESSED UP LIKE A KHR CHARACTER, YES, GOOD, I LIKE THIS
BEST JEANIST IN THE BOTTOM LEFT CORNER I SEE YOUUUU
AIZAWA DIDN’T BOTHER TO DRESS UP EVEN THOUGH WE KNOW HE’S CAPABLE OF IT. JUST WORE HIS NORMAL PAJAMAS UNIFORM LIKE USUAL. LAZY ASS
MIRIO I MISS YOU ARE YOU DEAD
ALL MIGHT WEARING A SUIT THAT FITS OH MY GOD. EVEN WITH IT BEING SCHOOL BUS YELLOW IT STILL LOOKS GOOD
TODOROKI’S BODY LANGUAGE IS MYSTERIOUS AND HILARIOUS
PRETTY MUCH ALL THE CHARACTERS FROM U.A. AND THE INTERNSHIP ARC ARE HERE, BUT THERE ARE OTHER CHARACTERS MISSING SUCH AS RECOVERY GIRL, NAOMASA, AND THE STUDENTS & FACULTY FROM SHIKETSU AND KETSUBUTSU. AND OF COURSE ALL THE VILLAINS
AND YET BEST JEANIST STILL GOT TO BE THERE EVEN THOUGH HE’S NOW LAID UP IN A HOSPITAL SOMEWHERE. GOD BLESS YOU
the hype text is talking about the climax of the battle against the Eightfold Cleansers. dare I hope?? this arc has gone on for a bazillion years. and it feels even longer due to me taking such a long time to read it. but I recently passed chapter 100 in the tumblr recaps, and I thought to myself that I’d better get going again or before I know it I’m actually going to catch up and not have anything new to post lol
all right! so Hot Gum just finished punching the shit out of those two villains and now they’re KOed. thank fuck
but Kiri isn’t looking good omg
GET HIM SOME HELP
Kiri’s weakly mumbling “who’s there” and Hot Gum is all “IT’S ME, FAT GUM, I’M JUST HOT NOW”
Kiri’s really out of it and muttering that he’ll protect him. “gotta do... what I can...”
and wow. are you guys really gonna do this to my emotions right now. really. really
now we’re flashing back to the first time they met, I guess! they’re at FG’s office and FG is all “wow Tamaki you actually brought a friend”
and he recognizes Kirishima from the sports festival and he likes the cut of his jib!
he’s complaining that Tamaki always gets too nervous at the festival “and ends up in last place every year!”
then how did he land this internship with you I wonder
(ETA: ??? mystery)
Kiri says that Fourth Kind said the same thing at his previous internship (about liking rambunctious guys with guts and a positive attitude)
but he says that’s all he has
oh shit Eijirou I thought we were done with your angst. this isn’t fucking fair, I yield already
YOU’RE NOT SWEETIE, YOU JUMPED IN TO PROTECT HOT GUM LIKE A CHAMP. JUST HANG OUT THERE AND REST NOW
-- ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME
BUT THE HYPE TEXT. SAID. WE WERE REACHING THE GODDAMN CLIMAX
THEN FUCKING DIE ALREADY!!!
Hot Gum is thinking a bunch of “oh shit why isn’t he dead, I used up all my shit, we’re screwed” thoughts, and meanwhile I’m wondering if this arc is actually going to end, like, ever
can we please rescue Eri already please!! the Kiri flashbacks were good but even those went on for so long, and why the fuck is this stupid basement arc being dragged out like this?! WHY. I GIVE UP
Chance the Rappa is telling Hot Gum to tend to Kirishima’s wounds. at first he refers to him as a kid, but then he changes it to “man”
whatever dude I don’t even care. that’s so nice that you respect him, now could you please LIE DOWN AND DIE ALREADY so we can save Eri!! and find out what happened to Mirio! and see what Aizawa and THE GODDAMN MAIN CHARACTER are up to jesus christ
but no we’re still in this scene! Hot Gum’s staring at him like “are you serious”
all of this happened because Horikoshi started working on that fucking movie. that’s it, isn’t it. all his energy was going into that and he started neglecting the actual series. and we get stuff like this that no one fucking cares about and it should have ended five chapters ago
I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I’m actually starting to look back fondly on the damn Hosu arc. remember Stain?? he may have never shut up, but at least he was defeated within a reasonable amount of chapters, and didn’t lead a bunch of heroes through a boring maze to take on a bunch of fifth-tier villains. who don’t even have interesting character designs because they’re all wearing THE SAME GODDAMN MASK. AND IS THIS SOME SORT OF PURGATORY, OR WHAT
but fine! gotta power through! so now Tengai is also sitting up because OF COURSE HE IS, and he’s telling Rappa not to act so selfishly, and to remember his duty, and blah blah blah
aaaaaaand Rappa’s stomping on his face
THEN FUCKING DIE!!! HOLY SHIT I’M GOING FULL BAKUGOU HERE. IS THIS HOW HE FEELS ALL THE TIME. NO WONDER HE CAN’T STAND ANYONE
Hot Gum’s asking wtf does Rappa want, and Rappa says he wants them to kill each other
now he’s telling us his life story!!
he came from an underground fight club where people were allowed to use quirks
did he actually kill all of them. psycho
now he’s screaming at Hot Gum that he really wanted a good fight that actually challenged him. “the kind of power that only comes from putting your life on the line”
he says the two of them met his challenge, “especially the red-head”
please leave him alone. you’re already well on your way to becoming my least favorite character in the whole fucking series, which, wow
he’s shouting for them to heal up so he can continue their death match
you... do realize that’s not the greatest incentive, there
Rappa’s walking to the fucking door
Hot Gum is all “you know you lost the fight and you’re gonna be arrested, right?”
but Rappa says he didn’t lose and that if nobody dies then it’s a draw
and Hot Gum’s just watching him like “wow what a weirdo”
and now he’s picking up Kirishima who looks so small in his arms! :/
:|!!!!
Rappa is STILL there for some reason, and he’s all “I want another proper go at killin’ him!”
WE KNOW. YOU WON’T FUCKING SHUT UP ABOUT IT AND THIS ENTIRE CHAPTER HAS JUST BEEN YOU NOT SHUTTING UP. AND IT’S PROBABLY ANOTHER ONE OF THOSE FOURTEEN-PAGE CHAPTERS, ISN’T IT. IT IS, ISN’T IT
EVEN KIRI’S SLEEPING FACE CAN’T SOOTHE MY FRUSTRATION
EVEN THOUGH IT’S SO PURE AND SWEET AND OH MY GOD PLEASE HELP HIM
jesus fuck, we finally cut to another scene, and just for a moment I dared to hope we were finally cutting back to something else relevant
but no
I mean, I won’t complain that they’re taking the time to show how Kirishima got treated so he didn’t fucking die. that makes me feel a little better. but if they don’t cut back to Deku and co. within the next page, I’m about to full on lose it
what the fuck is this guy doing here??
so we’re just best friends now. he’s just gonna hang out with you all for the rest of the arc
and why not, let’s ask him all about his past, because it’s so fucking interesting. fuck
and with that, we cut to another two-chapter flashback all about Rappa’s fight club. and it features no fewer than seven new side characters, several of whom end up getting their own flashbacks. because that’s all life is anymore. it’s flashbacks and side characters all the way down
but really he’s just answering that he became a villain because Overhaul’s the only guy he ever lost to
Overhaul why couldn’t you have just kept him disassembled
ooh we’re actually gonna see it
if only
god damn it Overhaul
(ETA: so how come he remembers all this anyway? when Overhaul did the same thing to the Tarantino gang, they lost all memories of their encounter with him. his control over his quirk is so great he can even control whether or not a person’s memory stays intact?? damn, Overhaul)
lmao since then he’s gone on to challenge him five additional times. wtf. what did you expect to change
Hot Gum is like “um so you’re telling me Overhaul could take on this guy with all his speed and power like it was nothing?”
well, yes. since all he has to do is touch him, and poof, dead
so he’s wondering why Overhaul is making his underlings do all the fighting for him while he runs and hides
because that’s what underlings are for, Dumb Gum
he asking what does Overhaul want to do
(ETA: yeah you stfu Tengai)
that’s not very specific or helpful
oh shit. but he’s adding that he overheard him talking about how he’d be “spreading” something, “and lots of it”
ERIIIIII
WHOSE HAND IS THAT ON HER ARM, IS IT HIS?? YOU FUCKING CREEP
oh my god finally finally finally we’re getting back to the fucking plot
I’m not even relieved. I feel more like someone who just weathered a natural disaster and is all “how am I even still alive”
so we’re going back in time a bit to right after the invasion started
don’t think about how they could have cut right to this and shrunk the cast down to just the essentials and cut Kiri’s fight time in half without losing any impact. don’t think about how we could have been done with this arc already. don’t think about
okay so the guy in the hooded cloak (I straight up forgot his name, it’s been ages. future me will have to pick up my slack) is carrying Eri, who looks terrified
(ETA: oh is that how it’s gonna be. lol. this is Chronostasis, everyone. and I’m pretty sure past me thought this was still the bearded babysitter guy tbh. but just wearing a cloak now. in my defense, there’s literally no way to tell that it’s a different guy)
they’re talking about the future of the Precepts
Hood says this is the end for them, but Overhaul says that as long as he and the boss are around, the Precepts won’t die
apparently most of their henchmen are loyal to the boss and not Overhaul
oh snap look at this
“finished” product???!
holy shit. it may have been a while, but you can bet I haven’t forgotten the most intriguing thing about this arc
-- HOLY SHIT?!
VILLAINS THAT I ACTUALLY CARE ABOUT OMGGGGG
TOGA!! AND TWICE!!! MY TWO FAVES!
YOU GUYS AREN’T ALLOWED TO DIE JUST FYI!! I SWEAR TO GOD IF ANYTHING HAPPENS TO YOU GUYS AND FUCKING RAPPA STICKS AROUND INSTEAD, I WILL RAGE QUIT THIS SERIES
fucking finally something interesting is happening omg
so I guess next chapter will be what I was hoping for from this chapter. lol this was almost a complete waste of time. talk about last minute saves
BONUS:
Bakugou out here saying what we’re all thinking
why are Sero and Kami so damn zen. you guys are MIA too, you know. is it really so funny to see Baku all pissed off that it’s worth not being in the story yourselves for 40-something chapters? ...okay, fair enough. you trolls
but I’m sorry Horikoshi, it says a lot that even you acknowledged this in an omake, joke or no joke. it means he definitely noticed how the arc reads in hindsight and how long it stretches on for
thankfully I’m pretty sure this is the last of the really dull chapters. League of Villain antics are just around the corner, and then our best boy Mirio will finally be up to bat. finally a light at the end of the tunnel y’all
#bnha#boku no hero academia#kirishima eijirou#fat gum#overhaul (bnha)#past me really went and used this chapter as my own personal punching bag lol#I thought about editing some of the ranting out#since at times it was getting pretty off track and repetetive#but tbh this is how I motivated myself to finish the chapter#by yelling and complaining the whole time#so in the end I left it all in because it is my authentic reaction to this part of the arc#so here it is now preserved for all time lol#bnha spoilers#mha spoilers#makeste reads bnha#sorry guys I messed up the tagging on this one#my bad :(
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Maddiman simulator
TODAY'S NEW RAMBLING IDEA ABOUT SAD DAD
Once again my brain goes Make A Fangame and then gives me no ability to actually do it lol
I just keep thinking of like a totally directionless harvest moon type thing but You Are Maddiman
He deserves a peaceful lifes!!!!
Sim gameplay to like.. Upgrade ur haunted hospital and take various yokai patients to raise funds to complete your Ultimate Weapon Buddy Pal Hans Full. Try and balance work, family and taking care of yourself better than Maddiman did as a human! Help a soft dad get a happy ending!
Also lots of various soft things to do along the way! Reminisce about your family. Practise self care. Hang out with your new human friends. Gently pat the heads of teeny turtles. READ FAIRYTALE BOOKS TO YOUR SLEEPY FRANKENSON (Game Of The Year material right there)
So yeh lol. Its An Idea.
Was also thinking of how to do interesting stuff with gameplay to simulate maddiman's neuroses? Like what if you start off the game with a very low level of SP and can only do one or two things a day BUT doing science doesnt take any points. To simulate how he's trapped in obsession with his work and dragging himself away from it is incredibly hard. Maybe at first you dont even have enough points to afford to do basic stuff like getting dressed or remembering to eat food each day? And the interface supports how from maddiman's perspective work is The Most Important and also has No Negative Consequences to doing it constantly until you collapse. Like maybe every time you overwork you just pass out and wake up the next day, and there's no text box announcing it or anything but your max HP goes down by a significant chunk. You can see it happening but maddiman himself doesnt aknowledge it. And also maybe if you choose to use your points each day on stuff other than work, the cost is sorta ranked by 'difficulty' aka how out of character it would be for maddiman to be able to pull himself away from the lab to do that. Like at first anything involving going outside would be impossibly difficult, choosing to hang out with his friends would require you to save up points for a whole week just to do it once. (But youd get like a bazillion self care levels if you accomplish it!) And i dunno maybe when you do these objectively correct good things for his health, the game becomes harder to simulate his mental illness getting in the way of this stuff? Like i dunno, you have to pick the work option to recover more points for the next day? Or if you go a day without picking it you get debuffs? Like at first your brain is rebelling and going 'no no no, we have to stick to the bad habits' and it feels like trying to get better is impossible. But every time you work on it you'll start earning slightly higher amounts of stats and getting a slightly lower punishment from the ol brain. And also friends and family would be buffs that can help support you through it! Like the random event of Hailey or Nate/Katie visiting would give you a big bunch of activity points all at once, so the player ends up looking forward to it as much as this lonely dad does. And as the game progresses you'd get more friends who can appear, and even reunite with your son, and suddenly it feels like ways to replenish your points are now overflowing when they used to be so sparse. And maybe a point will finally come where you stop getting penalized for stepping away from your obsession for a moment? And it almost happens without you noticing? Maddiman just realizes that he's gone several days without doing anything about his Big Ultimate Take Over The World Plan, and he's surprised he didnt notice. He still feels the same anxiety and self hatred and obsession but this time when it hits him he's able to keep his senses, look at it objectively, and be able to step back until the moment passes, witjout making any dangerous decisions. He's slowly becoming more in control of himself, and more able to hold onto his happiness instead of freaking out and throwing it all away out of a desperate need to 'prove' that he loves his family through grand gestures rather than believing them when they say they do. He's finally able to believe someone really loves him!! And there's no big dramatic end to the game or anything, there's just this quiet moment of contemplation that maybe he's gonna be okay. And he looks out at all his friends and family and is just really happy he didnt die when he died, yknow? Happy he had a second chance.
Hmmmmm bunni has BIG FEELINGS
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