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canyouhearthelight · 3 years

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The Miys, Ch. 141

Last week I posted a day early because vacation was doing vacation things to my sense of time.... This week I forgot to queue the chapter up because Monday was a work holiday, so I forgot today was Tuesday. *insert facepalm here please*

Thanks on this one go largely to @baelpenrose who rightfully pointed out that one part made very little sense to him and therefore was unlikely to make sense to a reader. The clarification smoothed things out quite a bit, I think. Just in case, whoever spots the area I’m talking about gets a cookie as soon as travel restrictions lift.

As always, thanks go also to @the-raven-fae, @charlylimph-blog, and @anotherusrname for completing the corners of my support system. And, a super-duper extra-special to @drinksteawithcake! I don’t know if I am allowed to tell everyone why, but you know why you get the extra-special, and I hope you are having fun!

BWAAAAAHP! BWAAAAAHP!

“Uhhh?” I squinted in complaint as flailing arms clambered over me. One pair snagged me around my waist to drag me from bed before depositing me shakily on my feet. “What are you - ?”

BWAAAAAHP! BWAAAAAHP!

Any trace of sleep was shoved out of my system, replaced by sizzling alertness when I realized I was hearing ship-wide alarms. Shoving myself into the first clothing I grabbed, not even bothering with shoes, I was hot on Conor and Maverick’s heels as we raced out of our quarters and into the corridor. We paused only long enough for both men to kiss me and for “I love yous” to be exchanged before they turned and headed toward the areas indicated on their datascreens, while I hauled ass toward the Archives, ducking and twisting to avoid anyone in my path.

“Forty minutes,” Tyche told me crisply as I basically fell through the door, panting. “The Ark could be invaded and the battle over by the time you make it.”

“I ran….huff….the whole….ugh….way….” I managed to gasp out. Part of me felt like puking, but I was pretty sure the muscles in my abdomen were too busy to figure out the logistics.

Clicking her tongue, she pulled me up from the floor. “Alistair, make a note to suggest to Xio that Sophia’s quarters be relocated once we have a better idea of when we are dropping into real space.”

I nodded numbly. “And probably… amp up… sensors… give… earlier… warning.”

“Nice outfit, by the way,” she laughed quietly as we finally reached the shelter point within the Archives.

Glancing down, I had to suppress a sigh. The first thing I grabbed to dress myself had apparently been a pair of Conor’s boxer shorts and a very filthy t-shirt that I assumed belonged to Maverick, since Conor’s was usually under coveralls. “At least you can’t say I took my time getting dressed.”

Her shaking head was greeted by faces in various states of wakefulness - this had been a drill, and woke nearly the entire Ark during their sleep interval on Delta shift. But we weren’t out of the woods, yet: the drill didn’t end until all of Xiomara and Evan’s scenarios played out, including the mock combat and various tests of concealment for the other shelters. As such, Tyche stood guard over the choke-point into this section, while Alistair had stayed behind at the entrance.

Early on, when the drills started, there had been fifty-fifty odds that the mock-invaders would make it this far, but over the past few weeks, that had narrowed to maybe twenty-percent. It was still too high a chance in my judgement, and Xiomara clearly agreed as she stepped up training schedules and randomized the timing of the drills.

Taking a swig of water from a stash of bottles, I queued up my datapad and stood next to Tyche, watching the ‘casualties’ from a point where no one could see over my shoulder to avoid panic, which I would have done in a real situation. “They didn’t find mess hall seven this time,” I murmured.

She glanced at my screen. “Acoustics are still too damned high. She must not be simulating for that this go around.”

One of the decoy locations lit up. “Looks like this time it’s heavy on thermal.” The location in question had been equipped with a cooking surface, triggered to activate when the klaxons that had woken me up went off. Which Xiomara knew, but did not tell the ‘pirates’ for authenticity.

“How did they get past the combatants this time?” She asked, both curious and slightly worried.

Rolling back the sensor data, I watched it carefully. “Looks like these got in during the initial breaches, multiple points. But the line has held since, that’s good.”

Doing another check toward Alistair’s direction, she didn’t seem to see anything concerning. “How many?”

“Four,” I confirmed. “Sam’s thermal camouflage is working beautifully, though.” I couldn’t help but grin, and Tyche snorted at the same time. ‘Thermal camouflage’ was a bit of overkill as a name, but it was working well in every round. Potential access points were equipped with fast-acting environmental simulators - originally designed for temporary habitats on inhospitable moons - modified to release atmosphere like a Terran equatorial rainforest within one minute in an enclosed space. It was a much more simple and elegant solution than any others we had found for giving combatants defending the Ark an advantage - instead of trying to create technology to make them look colder, make the entire area match human heat signatures. Boom, instantly blinded enemies.

A tense half-hour later, the ‘all clear’ sounded, queueing grumbling from those who had dozed back off as everyone stood to make their ways back to their quarters. I waited with Alistair and Tyche for everyone else to be accounted for on the way out, and the three of us headed back toward our quarters together. Alistair peeled off first, living closest to the Archives, and no sooner had my sister and I reached my door than the page sounded for the post-drill meeting. She waved me off as she answered on her databand, and I did the same as I pushed into my quarters and flopped on the couch. “Councillor Sophia Reid, present, audio only,” I answered. “And no jokes, Pranav… I look like I smell awful.”

“Alistair Worthington, present, audio and video. I can confirm that she does, and she does.”

Laughter filled the comms and the rest of the group leaders and Councillors joined the debrief. Finally, everyone was present and Xiomara called the meeting to order. First, the leaders of each shelter reported in, as those usually went the fastest. There were a couple malfunctions in the deployment of the shielding to disguise the entrances and hide heat and electrical signatures, but nothing Huynh’s team couldn’t fix. Tyche and Alistair made the recommendations around earlier detection and the need to move those sheltering in the Archives closer as we approached time to drop out of relativistic space.

Once that was out of the way, it was on to the combat and invasion teams. Overall consensus was that Sam’s trick with the portable environments was a rousing success and would be installed at each point determined to be most likely as a breach, with trigger conditions to be determined later. “I hate to say it,” Michael sighed, “but we also need Charly’s team to crank up the scovilles on the arrows and grenades.” His team had played the ‘invaders’ this go around, equipped with sensors and readouts to simulate the effect our defenses would have on the various species who most commonly were found on pirate vessels. Evan had worked intensely with Pranav and Derek to ensure that the strategies provided by the readouts were modelled after similar strategies based on which ever species each team member was assigned, to ensure we weren’t accidentally drilling against human tactics.

Michael hated it, but he was strict about his team complying nonetheless.

“Seriously?” I squawked, and I wasn’t the only one. “One of those things accidentally went off in my quarters…. Can confirm, they’re pretty potent.”

“They dissipated too fast against my team, and also the contact element left a lot to be desired. Charly, you may want to consider adding a sticking element.”

“Duly noted,” she chimed in with a yawn, her normal pep doused by being woken up and then the drop in adrenaline post-combat.

“What about the sonic weapons?” Xiomara asked, moving the meeting along.

“Still less effective than Nixe is on her own,” a familiar voice I couldn’t put a name to responded with a sheepish tone. “How hard would it be to train more people to shatter glass with their voice?”

“Incredibly,” Grey stressed. “It takes a very unique combination of training and the right vocal chords.”

“Then we may need to work on adding a projection component. The sonic devices can match the pitch, but not the actual tone and direction. They’re very effective given time and especially contact, but we need something more immediately disabling.”

Xiomara groaned. “Are we back to Mariah Carey on this one?” Objections exploded until she muted the comms. “It’s that or opera.” Votes started scrolling up the screen, and I could see Xio nod. “Opera it is. Let’s find a suitable piece and try using more analogue-style speakers.”

“I still say that death metal would work better,” Arthur suggested as soon as the comms were back on.

“Annnnd we already tested it, I will remind you. The volume works, but the pitches aren’t high enough to hit a broad enough population of species sensitive to sound.” After that nearly-obligatory objection, the meeting continued going through reports from each combat team until finally Xiomara announced the end results. “I have to admit, this was one of our best drills yet. Ten percent casualties of the combatants defending the breaches, only two percent among non-combatants, and the invaders were only able to traverse three decks before they were subdued.” She let the cheers go for a couple seconds before getting everyone’s attention again. “Yes, great job on the improvements, but let me remind everyone - those numbers still leave us below threshold for a healthy genetic population. Engineering teams, make the necessary adjustments with whatever resources are necessary. Shelters Three and Seven, you will start training for armed and unarmed combat with Shelter Fourteen and Combat Team Two daily. Sophia, your team will coordinate schedules. Any questions?”

There were no arguments, not even a groan or mutter as the meeting was dismissed. Before I could even add the new task to my agenda the next day, I received the notification that Alistair had beaten me to the punch.

Glancing at the time, I wanted to hit something. I had to be back up and at work in four hours, and the realization weighed me down with exhaustion. The guys had come in and gone to bed while I was in the debrief, and I could already hear synchronized snoring coming from the bedroom. Rather than risk waking them with my now-frozen feet, I pulled the quilt off the back of my couch and rolled myself into it. Only minutes later, a heavy weight oozed across my hip and started purring furiously.

“Yeah, buddy. I agree. We need a nap.”

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#the miys #found family #humans are weird #science fiction #aliens #apocalypse #humans are space orcs #humans are space fae #earth is space australia #post apocalypse #post post apocalypse #original science fiction #original sci fi #original writing

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starrybethany · 3 years

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Maybe Someday - Matthew Tkachuk Imagine Part 4

Matthew Tkachuk: Maybe Someday Masterlist

Word count: 3.3K

It’s kind of awkward at work on Monday. I give Matthew a brief wave in the hallway, unsure of whether to approach him or not, and when he just smiles back and walks away, I decide against it. If he wanted to talk to me, he would. On Tuesday, Charlie stops me in the hallway to ask about the skates.

“Oh, he loves them, thank you so much,” I respond graciously.

“Yeah, anytime,” he waves me off, “Oh, captain.”

My heart flutters at the call out to Matthew. I can’t believe that he’s captain of the Calgary Flames now- I still remember laying on his bed with him late at night, whispering our deepest desires to each other.

He told me that his biggest dream is to win the Stanley Cup as the Calgary Flames captain surrounded by all of his closest friends and family. He’s almost there.

“Hey,” Matthew stops beside me. His body heat radiating onto mine makes me nervous, but I try my best to hide it.

“Hi.”

“How’s her son’s skating?” Charlie grins.

“All three of them did really good,” the captain praises.

I bite back my grin at the compliment.

“All three of them?” Charlie asks in confusion.

“Y/N, her son, and her daughter.”

“You have a son and a daughter?”

I nod, suddenly realizing that we’ve only talked to Charlie about Wyatt. Somehow, Naomi never got brought up in conversation.

“Do you want any more kids?” He questions.

My eyes widen at the inquiry. Truthfully, I’ve never gotten it before. Most people know of my single status and no one asked me and Curtis since we broke up soon after Wyatt’s birth, so I’ve never thought of it too much.

“I don’t- I’ve never- um,” I stutter through the question, feeling hot under Matt and Charlie’s gazes. I know that Charlie is asking it for Matthew, since Matthew has always wanted a big family, but I don’t know what to tell him.

He and I aren’t even dating- I can’t think of him in that sense right now, I just can’t.

Luckily my phone ringing in my pocket saves me. “Excuse me.”

I step to the side, answering the phone with relief. By the time I’m done, Charlie and Matt have already left for practice.

Jammies and silly movies are a tradition that we do once a month. On the first weekend of the month, the kids and I spend the Saturday lounging around in our pajamas, eating as much junk food as we want and watching cartoon movies- whatever they want to watch we watch.

Wyatt is snuggled up to me on one side, Naomi allowing me to rest my arm over her shoulder as we watch Hotel Transylvania 2.

My phone ringing on the end table startles me. Truthfully, I don’t get many calls on the weekend. I don’t talk to my family anymore, so no one is inviting me over for dinner, I don’t have many friends- at best, it’s Curtis asking how the kids are.

I answer it, seeing that it’s from Kelsea. “Hello?”

“Oh Y/N, you answered, thank god,” she gasps in relief.

“Kelsea, what’s wrong?”

“There’s an emergency, the floors went in the wrong room and they painted the walls the wrong color and-“”Kelsea, take a deep breath,” I reassure her, despite my panic on the inside. “Look, I’ll be there in about a half an hour, okay? Then we can get it all figured out.”

“Okay.”

I hang up, sighing in frustration. I hate to be ditching my kids, especially when we’re in the middle of one of our favorite traditions. Sometimes, though, work needs to come first- especially when it’s a big project like this.

I know my boss would hand me my ass on a platter if I just left it for Monday.

The kids are still invested in the movie, laughing at the funny comment Mavis just made, so I take the chance to dial up their dad. The phone rings. And rings. And rings. His voicemail begins and I scoff, ending the call.

“Okay kids, sorry to ruin this day but we have to go in to work for a little bit,” I inform them.

“No,” Naomi whines, throwing her head back like a teenager would. “Can’t you just leave us here?”

“You’re six years old Naomi, not sixteen,” I snicker at her remark, pulling her up to stand by her arms. “Come on, it’s just for a little bit. Go throw on some clothes.”

The kids and I climb into the car ten minutes later, Naomi still grumbling about the movie. I promise her that we can finish it later, but she continues to grumble about it as we walk into the building.

Wyatt begins to whine as well, tiredness from missing his afternoon nap kicking in. I pick him up, ignoring the pain in my lower back at the action, and grab Naomi’s hand to pull her down the right hallway.

“Okay, so the floors are in the wrong room, the walls are the wrong color, and what else?” I question, stopping beside Kelsea as she scrolls through her phone in the lounge room.

“We can’t find-oh, you brought company,” she comments, looking up from her phone to notice my kids.

I know, it’s not ideal for me to be bringing my kids in to work, especially when my work is a construction zone. But it was last minute- what was I supposed to do, just dump them on my elderly neighbor? Curtis wouldn’t answer his phone so I couldn’t give them to him.

“Yeah, it was pretty last minute so I couldn’t find a sitter,” I tell her, gripping Naomi’s hand a little bit tighter.

“That’s fine, sorry about this,” she blushes sheepishly. “The wrong hardwood was put in the lounge room, the painters used the paint meant for the trainer’s room in the bathroom, someone broke a bottle of wine on the new floor and no one will admit who did it, and the new orders are delayed.”

“Okay,” I take a deep breath, “We have a lot to get done. Why don’t you call some people to see how much it would cost and what it would take to get the stain out of the new floor, and I’ll call the paint store about getting new paint?”

She nods, heading down the hall towards her office. Unfortunately, I don’t have an office here, so I wrangle the two kids into the empty lounge room and pull out my phone to make the call.

They shout while playing with one another, something that usually makes me smile, but seeing as how everything is going wrong and I’m at work on a Saturday, it makes me even more stressed out.

“Kids, can you be quiet please while I make this call?” I request.

They nod and lower their volume but since the room is empty, it echoes around the space.

“Hey,” a voice states from the doorway, “I thought I heard familiar voices in here.”

I turn around to spot Matthew leaning against the doorframe, Naomi squealing and running across the room towards him while Wyatt follows closely behind.

“Matthew! What are you doing here?” The young girl asks, jumping into Matt’s arms. He picks her up with ease, balancing Wyatt in the other arm.

I try to hide my drool.

“I work here, bud.” He laughs. “What are you doing here?” I know the question is actually directed at me- there’s no reason they would be here if it wasn’t for me.

“A bunch of emergencies,” I sigh. “Do you happen to know who caused that stain?”

I point towards the tennis racquet sized red wine stain on the brand-new hardwood.

“You didn’t hear it from me, but it might have been an old friend of ours,” he gives me that knowing smirk.

“Hanny?”

He does his tell. Turning his head away from me, trying to hide the smile that’s growing on his face.

I widen my eyes, letting out a breath in exasperation.

“Okay, well, guess I know who to shake down now,” I murmur, pulling out my phone and rubbing my forehead in stress.

“Do you, um, maybe want me to take them while you work?”

My head shoots up to look at Matthew. He doesn’t look insecure, like he’s asking out of politeness, but he also doesn’t look confident either- like he thinks that I’ll immediately say no.

“Really?”

“Yeah, I could just hang out with them and show them around while you handle some things.”

I think about it. The kids know him, he’s good with them- that much I can tell by watching how he dealt with them while ice skating and the way he’s gripping onto them now. He’s clearly going to keep a watchful eye on them so nothing will happen to them.

I need to stop being an overprotective mom who needs to be by her kids 24/7. Maybe it’ll be good for them to spend time with something besides me or Curtis.

“Thank you, Matthew,” I smile at him. I can tell he’s surprised by how quickly I accepted, thinking that it would take longer than that to convince me.

“Just text me when you need them back,” he responds, slipping out the door and saying something to the kids to make them giggle.

I can’t help but smile, letting the weight lift off of my shoulders. I still have so much to do, but that’s two less things, or people, to worry about.

“Noah Hanifin, just the person I wanted to see,” I state as I step out of the lounge room into the hallway an hour later, calls to the paint store and the manufacturers for the delayed orders made.

He’s bouncing a ball against the wall, something I’ve never understand until Matt explained to me that it’s for coordination.

“Y/N, hey I heard you were working here,” he greets me, stopping his bouncing to give me a mock salute.

“And I heard that you spilt wine on the new floors in the lounge room,” I respond.

“Tkachuk,” Noah curses under his breath, clearly plotting revenge for his captain.

“Doesn’t it sound fair that you pay to replace them, then?”

“Yeah I guess I can do that,” he shrugs like it’s no problem. It probably isn’t to him, the Flames posted the other day about his new, expensive contract.

“Good, I’ll give you the bill when I see you next,” I grin at him, turning to find Kelsea.

“Hey, I saw your kids with Chucky earlier,” he comments before I could walk away.

I turn around slowly, unsure of where this conversation is going.

The balls make little thuds as they hit the wall. “I haven’t seen him that happy in a long time.”

My heart drops into my stomach at that remark. I hope with all of my heart that it’s just because he’s around kids- he always did like kids. I hope that it has nothing to do with spending more time with me.

“It’s good to see you two back together again. I can tell you’ve grown in the last couple of years,” he continues.

“We’re not dating,” I mumble.

“You’re not? So, you’re trying to hurt him again?” He pauses the bouncing, choosing to raise an eyebrow at me.

“That’s exactly what I’m trying to avoid, Noah,” I exclaim.

“Well, I don’t think you’re doing a very good job at it.”

I fold my arms across my chest, looking down the hallway in thought. “What can I do about it now, though? He’s attached to my kids and they’re attached to him.”

“Ask him out.”

He acts like it’s that simple.

“It’s not that easy, Noah,” I murmur.

“Then make it that easy.”

The conversation ends when Kelsea calls out my name, ushering me down the hall towards her. I try my best to focus on my conversation with her and fixing the numerous problems that have arisen, but I can’t get Noah’s words out of my heads.

I don’t want to date him out of fear of hurting him again- but if I don’t date him, I’m hurting him again.

Damned if you do and damned if you don’t.

By the time all of the fires are put out, I’m exhausted, and I want nothing more than to watch Mavis show up all of the kids at the skatepark.

“Mommy!” I turn around to spot my two children running down the hallway towards me, clothes covered by baggy Flames jerseys falling off of their bodies.

I wrap my arms around them, pulling them into a tight hug and kissing their temples. My eyes move up to see Matt walking down the hall towards us slowly, a smile of adoration gracing his face. I pull away from the kids, rising to my feet and tugging at Naomi’s sleeve.

“What is this?”

“Matty said that we couldn’t go to the game without his jersey,” Naomi informs me.

“It’s rigilous,” Wyatt adds.

My eyebrows scrunch in confusion, trying to decipher what he’s trying to say. “What?”

“Rigilous,” Wyatt repeats.

“Ridiculous,” Matthew laughs. The toddler nods in confirmation.

My eyes widen when I realize what they just told me. “We’re going to the game?”

“Yeah,” Naomi cheers.

The curly-haired man gives me an apologetic look, knowing he promised them something without discussing it with me first.

“I’m sorry, Y/N. But they really want to go tonight- if you’re too tired I can see if one of the other wives or girlfriends can watch them,” he suggests.

I narrow my eyes at the suggestion. Nobody’s going to be taking my children to their first hockey game except me. He looks startled at my sudden mood swing, and honestly, he should be.

You don’t promise kids something without talking to their parent first- it’s similar to Curtis promising Wyatt that he could play hockey without discussing it with me, except Matt has no relation to the kids except through our friendship.

“No, I want to be with them.”

He nods hesitantly, looking at his watch and giving it a disapproving look. “I have to start getting ready soon. Do you want me to show you to your seats?”

“Yeah,” I reach out to grab Wyatt’s hand and hold my other one out to Naomi. To my and Matt’s surprise, she grabs Matt’s hand instead. I watch as he tightens his grip on the small girl and begins to lead the way down the hallway.

“What did you guys do today?” I ask, mainly to my children but also asking my ex-boyfriend.

“We met Matty’s teammates,” Naomi cheers. I wonder when she started calling him Matty- clearly sometime today, since I’m pretty sure she was calling him Matthew earlier. I guess she feels a lot more comfortable with him now that she got to spend the day with him.

“And played hockey,” Wyatt continues.

“You played hockey?” I repeat.

“We have some mini sticks laying around,” Matt informs me.

“Mommy, guess what,” Naomi gathers my attention.

“What?”

“Wyatt and I beat Matty and Sam at hockey.”

“You did? Good job, guys, I’m proud of you!”

“Thanks, mommy,” she turns around to send me a beaming smile. When she’s turned back around, Matthew turns around to do the same. My heart stops in my chest at the gesture. Him, holding my daughter’s hand, smiling at me, leading me through the halls of the Scotiabank Saddledome so I can see him play for the first time in about seven years- there’s something so, domestic. Something so familiar.

And I can’t put my finger on it, but I want it in my life more.

The Flames end the night with a win. I want to celebrate and feel excited for the team, especially Matthew, but I feel so drained and all I want to do is tuck my kids into bed and go to sleep.

I’m buckling a half-asleep Wyatt’s seatbelt when a voice calls my name. I glance over my shoulder to see Matthew approaching us, an unbuttoned coat showing off his suit. I can’t help but swoon at the sight.

“Good game, Matty, congratulations on the win,” I tell him, the exhaustion evident in my voice.

His smile transforms to a look of concern when he hears my words. “Thanks. Are you, uh, alright?”

“Just really tired,” I give him a tight-lipped smile. “I want to get home and put these guys in bed quickly.”

“Y/N, you look rough,” he tells me honestly.

I laugh at that. “Thanks.”

“No, seriously,” he states, “I don’t think you should be driving in this state.”

I sigh. “I don’t really have a choice. I just want to get the kids home.”

“Well, let me help you,” he offers.

I give him a confused expression. “What do you-“”I can drive you guys home and help you tuck the kids in to bed.”

“I couldn’t ask you-“”But you’re not asking, I’m offer. Actually, I’m demanding,” he smirks at me, moving to open the passenger side’s door for me.

I roll my eyes but finish buckling Wyatt’s seatbelt and close the door, sitting in the seat and letting Matt close it behind me.

“I forgot how tiny you are,” he chirps me, moving the seat back so he can sit comfortably. I give him an unamused look at the chirp, but it makes his grin widen even more.

“What about your car?” I ask as he pulls out of the parking garage.

“Hanny drove me here today,” he responds.

“Don’t you want to let Noah know that you don’t need a ride home?”

He shrugs me off. “He’ll figure it out.”

I scoff at his nonchalant attitude but don’t respond, turning to stare out the window in amazement. I can’t remember the last time I was the passenger in a car, and not the driver who had to worry about listening to two kids talk about their days and passing them snacks and drinks.

He gets my address since it’s already programmed into my car, meaning that I can doze off on the twenty-minute drive home.

“Hey, baby,” he shakes my shoulder gently, rising me from my light slumber.

“Hm?”

“We’re home.”

“We’re home?” I echo. He chuckles and I open my eyes to see him giving me a soft smile, obviously amused by my tired state.

I yawn, stretching my arms before opening my car door. “I’ll get Naomi, you get Wyatt?”

“You just go straight to bed,” he assures me.

“Matt-“”Y/N,” he interrupts sternly, giving me a familiar look that I know better than to argue.

I enter the kids’ rooms and set out their pajamas for them before changing and doing my nighttime routine, laying on my bed and hoping for a few more moments of relaxation before I have to go put them to bed.

I’m awoken a while later by the other side of the blanket being lifted, a body sliding under the. covers beside me.

“What are you doing?” I mumble, opening my eyes just enough to see Matt as the guilty party.

“Sleeping next to you,” he answers quietly. I nod, too sleep deprived to tell him otherwise. Plus, I’m not going to kick him out of my house when it’s nearly midnight and he doesn’t have a safe way to get home.

“Did you change the kids and tuck them in?” I question, hoping he says yes just for the sole purpose of me not having to get up and out of this cozy bed.

“Yes.” He reaches a hand forward, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear. Without even processing it, my hand reaches forward, fingers gliding up and down his forearm. He relaxes into my touch and for the first time since we reconnected, everything between us feels complete.

We were always meant to end up in bed together, exhaustion and exhilaration all setting in.

I just wish my clearheaded self would realize that.

#nhl imagines #Matthew Tkachuk imagine #Matthew Tkachuk story #matthew tkachuk x reader #nhl series

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missskzbiased · 3 years

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I Hate That I’m Afraid to Love You (6)

Genre: Romance, Friendship, Angst, Hurt /Confort , Suggestive, Fluff, College Au, Enemies to Friends to Lovers Au, REALLY Slow burn, Love Square (?)

Pairing: Hyunjin X Fem!Reader X Han X OC

WC: ~ 7,3K

[Previous] [Chap] [Next]

Masterlist

Warnings (general*): Language, Mentions of (Physical abuse, Death/ Loss of Loved One, Child Abandonment/Neglect, Divorce, Toxic Parents, Cancer, Mental disorder, Anxiety Attack, Alcohol, Food), Suggestiveness (?), A dickhead on a party

Notes: Being honest here, I don’t know what happened to my writing on this one. I didn’t actually like how I wrote this but I can’t think of how to re-write it either, so I’ll let my appologies here.

Oh yeah, I removed the #fluff tag because I think that some later chapters may be too suggestive to put a #fluff. Anyway, I prefered to remove it. But it will still have fluff moments, so I let it on genre.

Updates: I’ll update it once a week [Tuesdays] because I still have to write the chapters to come and review the ones I already wrote

///

You stood there, arms crossed, no one to be seen.

Hyunjin promised he would show up during your shift so you could finish your part of the project, which he didn’t, as anyone could see since you were standing there alone, closed library behind you in silent mockery. You tapped your foot, anxious, eyes wandering around the place, searching for any signs that he would be coming, even though at this point you were pretty sure he ditched you.

You checked your clock, 8:03 PM, exactly six hours and three minutes late. Well, not exactly six hours, since he could have shown up at any time on your shift… You began to bounce your leg, restless, wondering where the hell he was. All you wanted right now was to go home, lie on your bed, and sleep in peace, ignoring all of your assignments you promised yourself you would be doing tomorrow since Monday at this point.

There was something about Thursdays that kept you happy, though.

It wasn’t as great as a Friday but it wasn’t as awful as a Monday, so you held on to this pleasant feeling as you decided to give him ten more minutes before you gave up on him and call it a day. You heard fast steps from your right, eyes trailing there to recognize a tall figure running in your direction, breath uneven, indicating he had been running for a while.

“Oh, thank Lord!” You looked surprised at him, his voice sounded relieved when he finally reached you, hands resting on his knees to recompose himself “I swear to God, I didn’t mean to keep you waiting! I had to talk to Professor Kim and he just kept me waiting forever, I’m so sorry” He sounded sincere enough for you, so you waved your hand, shrugging it off.

“That’s okay, Mr.Kim can be an asshole sometimes” You acknowledged, getting a surprised look from him “Yeah, I have classes with him, and God… He sucks” You chuckled when he beamed, agreeing eagerly with you.

“Yeah! Doesn’t He have anything better to do than making us suffer or something?!” He laughed, straightening himself as he felt better after his run, suddenly realizing who he was talking to and clearing his throat “I mean, that’s not the point… Where should we go to resume our project?” He asked, trying to keep the subject strictly professional.

“Well, I don’t know about you but I could eat a whole cow right now” You confessed, starting to walk, expecting him to follow you, which he did “I really need to have something right now, so I suggest the dining hall” He scrunched his nose, making you cock your brow.

“No way! Let’s eat somewhere else” He didn’t sound like he was asking you, so you sent him a look, disdain all over your face “Come on, it’s rowdy there! Also, the food sucks, let’s go to a Café” He pleaded, making you roll your eyes, stopping in your tracks and turning to him with your hands on your hips.

“You have to be kidding me” You scoffed “You never went to eat there! Also, I don’t have money to go to a Café right now! And they won’t serve anything that feeds me” You argued, making him roll his eyes. He picked up his wallet, holding his credit card between his fingers, waving it in the air, a smug smirk on his face.

“I can pay for both of us, you can have whatever you want until you’re full” He offered but you shook your head, displeased by his idea. You would never let him pay for you. He would totally believe you owed him something or whatever.

“What about the food stand?” You suggested “I know a place that has like the best hot dog on campus” He eyed you suspiciously, pondering “Come on! It won’t be rowdy and I can pay and actually full my stomach” You stated, proud as he seemed to really think about your suggestion.

“I mean, I like hot dogs” He agreed, and you smiled, satisfied with your little win “If I’m nauseous later I’ll blame it on you” He warned, following you anyway, looking kind of stiff as he did, probably uncomfortable to be alone with you.

“I heard rich brats get nauseous when they eat at non-fancy places... You should blame your weak stomach” You teased, smirking as he scoffed at you. You couldn’t really say that you liked Hyunjin yet but knowing he wasn’t actually as bad as you pictured him was enough for now. You walked side by side, silently, an uneasy atmosphere between you two as both of you wondered if you should be saying something. You never had been alone like this except for Saturday, when you met for the first part of the project.

You kept silent, hands in your pockets, looking to the ground as you walked sloppily, both of you trying to match each other paces and failing greatly. Relieve washed over you as soon as you spotted the stand, a smile getting to your lips as you pointed at it, mouthing a Right There, just to break the ice, glancing at him to check his reaction.

“It looks rowdy to me” He mentioned, and this time he was right. Usually, your stand would be almost empty or at least comfortably occupied by two or three people but now there were a bunch of people standing and sitting around it.

You could recognize some of them as Han’s teammates and a few other players you met because of him, which was enough for you to assume all of the people there played some kind of sport. You shrugged, approaching the stand anyway, waving and smiling to the friendly man that always attended you, making your way through the tiny crowd, bumping now and then in someone.

“Hey, Mister” You greeted as usual, which made him smile at you, throwing the dishcloth over his shoulder before nodding in your way “The usual, please!” You asked, feeling Hyunjin reaching you warily, clearly disgusted by all the people around “Oh, make it two!” You added, getting a knowing look from the man.

“Rowdy” He muttered next to your ear, annoyed. You looked around as you waited, ignoring him, noticing that one of Han’s teammates, Minho, was there and approaching you, a teasing smile on his lips as usual.

“Hey! Waiting for your boyfriend?” He asked with a knowing tone that made you roll your eyes. Minho wasn’t really your friend but he seemed to like you just enough to tease you from time to time, so you just ignored him when you could, especially since his jokes were pretty much suggestive of a nonexistent relationship between you and Han.

Hyunjin seemed to notice your annoyance because he placed his hand on your shoulder.

“She’s not interested, Buddy” He said firmly, and you shot your eyes to him, surprised.

“Oh?” Minho seemed as surprised as you, looking at Hyunjin questioningly “Han didn’t mention you got a real boyfriend…” He frowned, confused “Aren’t you Hyunjin?” He cocked his brow, tilting his head “I see…” He nodded, eyes narrowed. They kept glaring at each other, suspicious and completely misunderstanding everything, so you decided to speak up again.

“Why are you guys here?” You changed the subject, and Minho averted his eyes from him to look at you, his normal features back to his face.

“We were practicing” He said as if it explained everything. You kept looking at him, waiting for something more, and he looked back at you, expressionless until he decided you didn’t get him “Well, We usually starve after a practice” He added, and you nodded in understanding.

“Oh, yeah!” You exclaimed, seeming to remember something “Han told me about the Match… Hm… Good luck with it” You stated awkwardly, expecting him to just leave after the small talk but he stood there. You watched the stand, waiting uncomfortably for your food, the three of you standing stiffly and silently.

“You got yourself a boyfriend, Miss?” The man asked, smiling at you as he handed both hot dogs, nodding at the hand he kept on your shoulder, both of you oblivious to this. He took it away in a flash, straightening up and coughing, which just fueled the man’s suspicion, his smile widening as he wiggled his brows suggestively.

“I’m not her boyfriend—“

“He’s not my boyfriend—“

You looked at each other ─ uneasy by the idea ─ as you spoke at the same time, both of you clearing your throat and averting your eyes to look at the man again. You handed him your money, holding the food as Hyunjin paid for his, giving him his hot dog as soon as he finished, gesturing for him to follow you before you waved goodbye at Minho and the man, who gave you a thumbs up in approval, making you cringe.

You sat down as soon as you got to the stairs, pleased by the silence and lack of people.

“Well, it was awkward” You mentioned, looking at your food as you ate, getting a snort from him as he sat down “Anyway, now it’s not rowdy and we can talk about our project, it’s not so bad after all” He analyzed his food, seeming suspicious about it, sniffing it before trying to take a bite. You scoffed, shaking your head in disbelief as you bit your own food.

“Oh! It’s good” He blurted, amazed “Actually, it’s really good!” He said mouthful before taking another bite, this time way more confident about it, looking like a happy child as he chewed.

“I told you” You grinned, amused “Who knew rich brat would be enjoying a stand’s hot dog?” You teased, making him roll his eyes, though he was too invested in eating to retort you “If someone told me I would be sitting on the stairs someday, eating my favorite food with you, I would tell them to fuck off” You laughed, taking another bite. He chuckled at this, his eyes twinkling as he covered his mouth with his cupping hand.

“Hm… I disagree, I expected it somehow” He stated after swallowing his food, a hint of amusement in his voice as he turned his head to you and dropped his hand. You looked at him bewildered, raising your eyebrows in genuine surprise, a silent question hanging in your eyes “I always knew me, you and fuck would be in the same sentence one day” He joked smugly, and you had to swallow your food before whining at him.

“Really? It was going so well” You nagged, making him laugh.

“Stop it! It was a good one!” He whined back, making you shake your head in amusement.

“It was literally awful” You retorted, chuckling “I guess you’re not much of a funny guy” You mocked, and he raised his hand ─ gesturing as if the hand could talk while he grimaced ─ to mock you back. You stood there, silently eating, not as awkwardly as you thought it would be, until you noticed him glancing at you now and then. You tried to ignore it, pretending you didn’t notice until it got to your nerves “What?” You grumbled, looking at him annoyed.

“No, it’s nothing… It’s just…” He eyed you, pensive “I mean, you usually kind of bitchy to me…” He pointed out, cautious “What happened?” He asked curiously, his eyes back to his food while you thought about what to answer, and you noticed how he glanced at you when he thought you weren’t looking.

“Well, I realized you’re a jerk but not the kind of jerk I thought you were” You explained, and he nodded laughing, amused by your answer “Paris said you’re not as bad as you seem and she’s your psychologist so she would know” You joked, and he snorted at that, looking at you.

“Hm… So now you can see how awesome I really am” He teased, your eyes rolled again, a sigh leaving your lips.

“Let’s focus on the project before I give up on you, Shall we?” You pleaded, finishing your food before trying to get your notebook. The motion was interrupted by a high pitched voice, though. You raised your head to meet an anxious Han in front of you, his eyes darting between you and Hyunjin, breath uneven. He closed one of his eyes and scrunched his nose, catching his breath, before he leaned on the handrail, apparently trying to look cool, which was nothing but funny.

“What’s up” He said not so smoothly, smiling awkwardly, eyes finally setting on you “I heard you were close so I came to check you out” He said, shaking his head profusely “No, I mean! Check on you” He corrected promptly and you cackled up.

“Yeah, I heard you guys were practicing… How was it?” You asked, and he shrugged.

“It was fine, I guess… Speaking of which, I met Minho after the practice and He told me you were around, so I thought of asking if you will come to my match next Friday” You frowned, confused. You were pretty sure he asked it on Tuesday when you had lunch together and you said you were going to go with Paris…

“I’ll be coming for sure” You reassured him anyway, silence falling upon you three, the awkwardness of the situation made you cringe, hands clasping on your lap as you looked at Han, expecting someone to say something or at least for him to leave so you could finish your project.

“Great…” He smiled half-heartedly, looking at both of you in wonder “I mean, it will be a great Match” He added, apparently thinking about what he was going to say next “So… What are you doing?” He sat beside you, throwing his arm around your shoulder and bringing you closer to him, making you scoff. You opened your mouth, ready to answer him when Hyunjin decided to join the conversation.

“We’re getting to know each other” He said with a sickeningly sweet smile “We have a lot to talk about so…” His sentence hung in the air, hinting he wanted Han to leave, and you closed your eyes, sighing, knowing he would take this in the wrong way. Were you ready to listen to Han complaining about Hyunjin again? Not after a long day, on a Thursday night, when you just wanted to finish your obligations and go home.

“Oh? She mentioned you’re doing a project together” You sighed in relief, opening your eyes again, glad it seemed to take a good direction. Han exclaimed, apparently remembering something as he looked at Hyunjin “Sorry for the punch, man… I was so sure she cried because of you… I mean, we all know you’re kind of a jerk to girls, right?” Okay, so it wouldn’t take a good direction at all. You sighed, averting your eyes to Hyunjin, who arched his brows, head dropping a little, hiding his amusement “Also, thanks for not making a big deal out of it” He added, more friendly.

“That’s okay, man… You didn’t hurt me at all” He smiled obnoxiously “Also, I get it… It must be hard for you to worry so much about a friend getting hurt and have me around them, right? I know it seems like I’m a jerk but Y/N herself said I’m not that much of a jerk, right?” He looked at you, smile plastered on his face, and you nodded warily, confused why they were bringing you into their silly argument “I can assure you I’ll treat her well from now on, no need to worry” Han scoffed, turning his head away and shook his head in disbelief.

“I sure hope you do” He rolled his eyes, tightening his side hug “She can take care of herself though, so I trust she won’t even need me to beat the crap out of you” Both of them looked at each other in feigned friendliness. It was like a solid block of uncomfortableness was settle between you three, a few moments of silence and their glare were enough to raise it to the point you had to clear your throat.

“I guess that’s enough, don’t you think?” You spoke up, making them look at you “Han, I understand you’re worried about me but I have to finish this project with Hyunjin and, as you said, I can handle myself just fine” Han averted his eyes, embarrassed “You both have a damn tangible fragile masculinity if you think fighting over if a punch hurt or not can make you win an argument” You rolled your eyes, and Hyunjin scoffed “Also, don’t bring me into your arguments” You added, looking at them disappointed.

“Well, he was the one who started it” Hyunjin argued, raising his hands in surrender “I wasn’t even talking to him! I’m being friendly enough just by not hitting him out of nowhere” You sighed, tired “Especially since at least I would have the decency of not knocking you behind your back” He gave Han a tight smile, raising his eyebrows, emphasizing his point.

“Stop it” You asked, hand sweeping your hair “Look, Han is our friend, Hyunjin… Paris and I hang out with him all the time, okay? Han, Hyunjin is our partner and he will be hanging out with us at least for a week, so you guys can just endure it or get along instead of pissing me off” You suggested, getting up “It’s pretty late anyway, let’s call it a day, I’m tired” You decided, ready to walk away from them.

“You’re right” Hyunjin agreed, getting up “We should be friendlier, Han… I mean, who knows what could happen after this project? I think Paris is a sweet girl and I’m almost getting along with Y/N here” He patted your shoulder, and you narrowed your eyes at him, suspicious “You know what?” He asked, hand over his mouth as if he had just realized something but his eyes gave him away, he was trying to be an ass “I love volleyball!” He clasped his hand “What about I watch your match with them? It would be such a bonding time, right, Y/N?” You could tell Hyunjin was being sarcastic, so you scoffed at him, nodding.

“Absolutely, Hyunjin… I think you will love it! You should even bring Chan along, see if we can form a gang or something” You mocked but Han grimaced, low key disgusted.

“No need, we can just ignore each other until your project is done” He suggested, making you laugh at that. The poor boy couldn’t even think about getting along with Hyunjin, maybe he disliked him even more than you did. You looked at Hyunjin, waiting for him to laugh and let it go but he didn’t, he smiled to Han, scorn dripping from his lips.

“What are you talking about?! Aren’t you worried I’m with Y/N and Paris all the time? Let me show you how I can be great for them” He threw his arm around you, bringing you closer “Next Friday is the deadline for our project, so it’ll be great to hang out and celebrate that we did it, right? We can even go out to eat after it! I’ll pay it” He offered, and you couldn’t believe your own ears. How could they be so freaking ridiculous?

“I can eat a lot” Han warned, jaw clenched as he gave a fake smile at Hyunjin.

“I have a lot of money” He smiled back, mockingly “So that’s it! You walk her to her dorm or should I do it? Are you comfortable with it?” He sneered, a fake sympathetic grimace over his face. You sighed, getting his arm off of your shoulders and starting to head to your dorm on your own.

“I’ll let you two being despicable, don’t follow me” You grumbled, walking away from them.

///

Your head throbbed like someone had hit it with a bat.

You closed your eyes; your head rested against the wall, the sinking feeling of relative silence on your brain relaxed your body and enhanced your senses, making you realize how deafening the blasting music was. The newfound “silence” sounded like a whistle, it felt like your brain was trying to push your skull away and somehow it blocked your ears, clouded your thoughts.

You hated parties.

You opened your eyes, studying the green grass in front of you, few people standing or laying down there, as tired as you by the excruciating loud music and crap experience that college parties offered for their dear students. It wasn’t like drinking and dancing were the worst things you could do in this world… The problem was that people didn’t seem to care about everyone around them while they did this.

You would be getting some bruises tomorrow morning.

Why couldn’t one just dance like a normal fucking human being? Why they must spread arms and legs and hit everything around them? Why can’t people just go away and kiss normally? Why they must try to swallow each other’s face right there in the middle of the way, obliging you to walk next to dancing people that liked to hit things around them? Why didn’t you just elbow everyone around just to get your way out there to the front yard?

Too many questions to your tormented mind.

It would be easier to have stayed home, doing the damn essay.

When you arrived home earlier, weighing your options and considering deeply how it would be better for you to just stay there, you should just have listened to yourself. You could be sleeping right now. All of this was extremely pointless as Paris was somewhere dancing like a tube man and Hyunjin was somewhere else probably fucking like a rabbit.

Which wasn’t any of your business, of course.

You sighed.

It wasn’t easy to let go of your grudge against him.

If you were honest with yourself, it was way easier just to feel disgusted at Hyunjin forever, let your disgust for yourself sink into him as if he was you, and never deal with it. Although it was easier, it wasn’t right. That was exactly the reason why you were trying to take it easy on him, trying to let go of all your previous feelings for him. So what if he didn’t need to work as hard as you to get the same results? Chan didn’t need it either and you loved him. So what if he wasn’t considering people’s feelings when he just left them behind?

You didn’t consider it either.

From Tuesday, when you had your talk to Paris, you had been thinking about it.

You thought about it all Wednesday, brooded it on Thursday, and here you were pondering about it on a Friday night. Paris was right when she said you were being childish. She was even more accurate when she made you realized you were projecting things on him so you could deal with it, denying what you really felt. You felt like you were a monster. And you couldn’t keep pretending you didn’t know it.

You had to face it.

And you didn’t want to.

That was exactly one of the reasons why you were there, in the front yard, sitting by yourself without a single drop of alcohol on your body… Afraid you would rely on it to run away from your problems like the coward you were. You swept your hand through your hair, trying to get the heavy thoughts away, looking slightly to the side, catching a glimpse of long legs making their way to you.

“Hey” You lifted your chin, eyes meeting Hyunjin’s mocking smirk and amused eyes “Having fun tonight?” You scoffed, nodding half-heartedly, watching as he sat down beside you, bent knees serving as an armrest for him.

“Didn’t find someone to fuck yet?” You retorted, making him laugh.

“Do you think I’m some kind of needy bitch or something like that? I don’t need to fuck 24/7” You laughed, nodding in wonder. So he could just enjoy a party? Well, that was incredible considering you couldn’t find a thing to enjoy in this damn place “And you? Didn’t find anyone to roast yet?” You scoffed, turning your head away, tongue pressing the inside of your cheek in annoyance.

“I’m roasting all of them right here” You pointed out to your head, tapping your finger on your temple, looking at him as if it was obvious “Also, do you think I’m some kind of annoying bitch or something like that?” You whined, and he shook his head, seeming to think about it.

“Not really, now that you have acknowledged my amazingness, I think we’re cool” He joked, making you snort. Hyunjin had this kind of horrible humor that reminded you a bit of Chan, a lot of teasing remarks that made you want to pinch the bridge of your nose and leave them talking by themselves. However, at least not feeling like fighting him every time he opened his mouth, even though he kept being kinda jerky to you, was a victory you would take for today.

You ignored him, intending to keep your good job at being a responsible human being.

“See? Usually, you would be roasting me at this point, I’m impressed” He teased again, seeing you were still cool with it.

Well, he did make it hard to befriend him.

“Just shut up” You rolled your eyes “I can’t believe Paris convinced me to come… I should have obliged Chan to come, he would stay with me” You whined, resting your head on the wall, eyes wandering in the starry sky, a sigh leaving your lips.

“Two old hags complaining in the yard, it would be hilarious” He agreed, looking around, eyes attentive to some girl who walked through, intending to go back to the party. You scoffed as he bit his lip, eyes scanning the girl from head to toe “Hm… I think you’re right, I’m a needy bitch” He stated bluntly, and you laughed at him wholeheartedly.

“Your words, not mine” You reminded him before he got up, winking at you before he tried to make his way to the girl.

When you said ‘tried’ you meant you made him stop in his tracks as you jolted fast as lightning, your voice sounding loud and clear as you rushed forward to the second reason you didn’t have a single drop of alcohol on parties like this.

Drunk Paris.

“Noooo” She whined, a random guy held her wrist firmly, dragging her as she staggered, trying to free herself “I don’t want you!” her voice slurred and she stumbled as she tried to pull her arm back, wailing when his hand didn’t move an inch. You didn’t lose your time and grasped his shoulder, hold firm enough for him considering looking back at you.

“Let her go” You demanded, voice cold as steel, eyes burying into his “Now” You emphasized but he scoffed at you, his free hand grabbing yours and tossing it away, a scorn grimace painted his features, which didn’t help you to placate your anger.

“Or what?” He challenged you, pushing you lightly but you didn’t budge an inch; feet firmly stuck on the ground and eyes burying bullets through his brain “She was throwing herself at me!” He uttered “Don’t get in the fucking way if you can’t get laid” You prepared yourself to fight him, fist raising as you intended to hit him right on the face, interrupted by someone gently grabbing your wrist.

“Let her go, dude” Hyunjin sounded calm, but you could feel his grip tightening, clearly upset by the situation. Oh? So he gave up on the chance of fucking some cute girl to defend Paris? You were impressed.

“Are you her boyfriend or something?” The guy furrowed his brows, and that was it. Why the hell he couldn’t respect your demand but he asked if Paris was his damn girlfriend? You raised your leg, a straight kick to his crotch making him let go of Paris, hands shooting to his little friend.

“Holy-! Oh, damn!” Hyunjin squeaked, startled at your sudden outburst. You ripped your hand from his grip, guiding Paris to his arms as you approached the guy, pushing him to the ground and grabbing him by the collar.

“No, she’s my girlfriend, dickhead!” You spat, pulling him closer to your face “Take a girl’s word when they give it to you, jackass! Why does it fucking matter if she has a boyfriend?!” You shook him, letting him go as you saw his scared eyes, rolling your own.

The guy was a joke.

“Come on, Hyunjin!” You shot a look at him and he quickly took Paris in his arms, like a princess, following you eagerly as you stomped out of the place, making your way to the car “Did you drink something?” You asked angrily and he shook his head promptly, denying any alcohol in his system.

You both walked in silence, your mind stressed about the jerk who tried to take Paris away like this. That was what you hated about parties! All of them were like this! You would have to take care of a drunken Paris in the end, trying to get her out of the grip of all kinds of jerks. Hyunjin, on the other hand, seemed to worry about your capability to kick someone’s dick, which made you want to laugh for a split of a second but you didn’t.

“Hm… Does this always happen?” He asked when you finally reached the car, searching for the keys in your pocket ─ even if the car was his ─ because you didn’t trust him enough to be with it and bail on you to go away with some random girl.

Where the hell was that damn key?

“Is it with you?” You asked, ignoring him, hands groping your pockets, fingers trying to find any lump that could suggest the presence of his keys “And what do you mean? Paris being taken away by some random jerk? Yes, every single time” You huffed “I swear to god… Where is that damn key?! Argh!” Hyunjin eyed you cautiously.

“Maybe you forgot it back there?” He suggested, clearing his throat when you glared at him, pissed off.

“Great! Now I have to go back there to get the damn keys” You whined, head dropping back, eyes looking at the sky, hoping for some mercy “Lovely!” You spat sarcastically to whoever wanted to listen to you up there. Paris perked at this, eyes looking for you, glossy, giggling like she was having the time of her life, totally lost in her own world.

She looked at Hyunjin.

Not like eyes wandering around, like really looked at him.

Hyunjin straightened himself, uncomfortable under her gaze, and she nudged into his chest, humming as she rested her head in the crook of his neck, letting a satisfied sigh leave her lips. Okay, you never saw Paris nudging on someone. One of the things you were very aware of Paris was that even though she looked bubbly and sociable she never touched anyone that wasn’t you and Han, and even so, she didn’t hug you or things like this… She grabbed your hand, she let Han’s arms around her shoulders, and that was it.

She would never nudge someone even if she was drunk.

“I love you…” She whispered, and both you and Hyunjin widened your eyes, shocked.

You knew it!

Of course, it couldn’t be a coincidence that Paris wanted you to bond with Hyunjin! She liked him and… No! She loved him! Holy Shit! What the fucking hell was happening?! You looked at Hyunjin, looking for any signs of reciprocity on him but he looked horrified by the idea of someone loving him. Maybe he was horrified Paris loved him. He looked back at you, pale as a ghost, mouth agape trying to say something on his behalf.

“… Han” Paris grinned, happy with her confession, and tightened her grip around Hyunjin’s neck.

Wait- What?!

When the hell did it happen?! This time your mouth fell agape, eyes still connected to Hyunjin’s, which seemed relieved like she just took the entire world from his shoulders. He chuckled, sighing, his eyes softening as he tried to not laugh straight into your face.

“We didn’t hear a thing” You stated, noticing Paris seemed to fall asleep in his arms, eyes darting to her and then to him “She’ll freak out if she knows we know it” You put your hand on your head, taken aback for the turn of the events. Paris liked Han?! Since when? Why didn’t she tell you? Actually! Why didn’t she tell him?! He was totally into her! What the bloody hell?

“She won’t remember anything in the morning, she’s wasted” He reassured, still relieved he wasn’t the target of such huge affection. You rested your hand in your chest, trying to reorganize your thoughts, feeling a strange object right there between your breasts.

The keys!

You buried your hand inside your shirt, startling Hyunjin, who took a step back, shocked at your sudden behavior, and this time you chuckled, fishing the keys that rested inside your bra. You tinkled them in the air, a proud smirk on your face, and he furrowed his brows, confused by the sudden catch.

“Why?” He asked amused before you finally opened the door, opening the back door for him so he could lay Paris on the back seat, closing the door and sitting on the passenger’s seat right after as he made his way to the driver’s seat.

“So I wouldn’t lose it” You answered as soon as he came into the car. He put the keys on the ignition, starting the car “The guy made me mad for a moment, I totally forgot it” You admitted and he laughed.

Then it was silent.

You didn’t realize before how much Paris talked on your way to the party, making sure the mood was light as you headed there, joking around and mediating the conversation, preventing you both to get quiet or fight over useless things. The silence hung there heavily, both of you sat straight up, eyes fixed ahead, body stiff as the car moved smoothly, not a sound to complain or be enough to use as a subject.

Maybe you should comment about how silent was the car? Like a… Good car? You didn’t know much about cars to be fair. You glanced at him discreetly, his eyes focused on the road, lips tight, hands gripping the steering wheel firmly. You opened your mouth, ready to say anything to break the ice but Paris beat you to it.

Out of nowhere, she snored, startling both of you.

You chuckled, finding fun on how she made sure to help you bond even in her sleep, and it seemed to make Hyunjin more relaxed, his hold on the steering wheel loosened up, mouth opening for few seconds before he shut it, unsure if he should try to say something. He glanced at you, noticing you stared at him silently, waiting for him to voice his thoughts, so he cleared his throat, averting his eyes.

“So… Han, hm? Who knew she liked him” He said nonchalantly, eyes focused on the road again “How do you feel about it?” He sounded curious like he was thinking about something, more like he was trying to gather information than talk to you friendly.

Maybe you were just defensive.

“Nop” You popped, crossing your arms, tapping your foot quickly “We’re not talking about this, she doesn’t want us to know or she would have told me this while she was sober” You stated, decided on dropping this subject.

“Avoiding the talk, hm?” He said knowingly “I didn’t think you liked him too” You frowned, narrowing your eyes at him. You didn’t like Han, not like Paris, he was strictly a good friend. You opened your mouth but changed your mind, not wanting to give him what he wanted “Oh? No denying? I guess I read you wrong…” He contemplated and you rolled your eyes.

“I don’t like him” You said simply, knowing it wouldn’t be enough to shut him up. Surprisingly, he did shut up, and you felt glad everything was going the way you wanted. Maybe it was better if you didn’t talk… Too soon for being too friendly? Probably. You would take it as a win if you could just not fight him for now.

Good enough for you.

He didn’t seem to agree though.

“You’re right” He agreed, smirking “How can I assume you like someone? Sometimes I doubt you even like your own mother” He joked but you couldn’t find it amusing. You sent him a glare. It was cold enough to express your disliking and you decided to give him a few seconds, a silent chance for him to apologize to you but he didn’t. He shrugged. He shrugged it like he didn’t see your disapproval, even though you knew too well he saw it in your eyes.

He focused on the road again, simply choosing to stay quiet as if he didn’t just offend you, as if he wasn’t trying to offend you in all your interactions until now. You scoffed, amazed by how he could be a jerk even though you were treating him well, going out of your way, and being friendly enough to not snap at him. You looked away, focusing on the blurring figures outside, the sudden silence sounded like a kettle’s rattle inside your mind, triggering you as your thoughts seemed to gurgle in your brain.

“Okay, that’s it” You snapped, looking at him “What the fuck is wrong with you?” Your tone was challenging, and you felt how your face twisted, the anger boiling on you “I’ve been trying to be friendly to you and all you can do is being an ass! Care to share your thoughts?” You grimaced, clasping your hands together, waiting for his answer.

"Well, shall I remind you that you were the one who started it all?" He grimaced, glancing in your way for a split of a second but his eyes returned to the road. Well, was that his defense? You should know he would be childish about it and get stuck to this for the rest of his life.

"Yeah, and I am the one who's trying to stop this!” You argued, fixing yourself on your seat, the urge to gesture and shout at him increasing but you tried to think about Paris on the back seat, sleeping peacefully, “And you are being a jerk even though I'm being more than friendly to you but you keep being an ass!” You hissed, trying your best not to raise your voice.

"Oh?!” He sneered “You call this being more than friendly? Well, such a nice friend you are! I must have missed so much by not hanging out with you before" He pouted, eyes in mock sadness and tone in feigned disappointment. You scoffed, nodding to calm yourself, trying to let part of your anger fade by moving your head.

It didn’t help.

"See? That's exactly what I'm talking about! How the hell Chan can put up with you?!" You complained, gesturing angrily, and for the first time in the conversation, he seemed to be taken aback, his silence giving him away. Did you hit a nerve? You suppressed a victorious grin, watching as he opened and closed his mouth, thinking about what to say.

"Well, I know him far longer than you so I’m the one who should be asking this!" What a great retort. You snorted, giving him a pointed look, a smirk adorning your lips, the smugness gushed from you as you grimaced at him.

"No, you don't” You grinned obnoxiously “I'm his friend since high school, and you're just a freak roommate that somehow he got to like even though you're a fucking jerk!" You tightened your lips, eyes scrunching as you sent him all despise you had inside you. He scoffed, averting his eyes off the road and looking at you dumbfounded by your boldness.

"Get your head out of your ass!” He rolled his eyes, averting them again. At least he was a responsible driver… Something good had to come out of him “I know him since we were kids!" He bragged, smirking as if he had won something with this statement.

"Hm, such a great friend you should have been if he didn't talk about you once" You scorned, rolling your eyes and crossing your arms again, keeping your eyes on the road, fed up with him. He went silent once again, brows furrowed, a serious look on his face before he finally spoke up again.

"He didn't talk about you either" He retorted quietly, almost as if he didn’t want to say this… Like he was lying right into your face and felt ashamed by this. You scoffed, sensing you were about to win your argument, the side smile you gave him threw him off.

"Maybe he just didn't talk to you that much… I’m sure he talked a lot about me, I’m his best friend” You gave the final blow, getting off on the feeling of superiority that sank into you, his snap was the signal you needed to know you messed with him just like he liked to do with you.

"I don't give a fuck" He spat.

He totally gave a fuck about it.

"Yeah? It doesn't sound like you don't give a fuck" You teased, the side smile was now impossible to hide, almost turning into a grin. You leaned back on your seat, relaxed, the anger that overflowed of him made your night.

"I don't care what you think, I don't give a fuck about you" He barked. You stared at his hands, knuckles turning white with how strongly he held the steering wheel, his stern look told you that was enough but something within you needed to show him he didn’t win this.

"Really?” You taunted “Because it looks like I hit a nerve… Is little Hyunjin scared he's not as much of a friend as he thought he was?" You mocked, and that was it. He braked abruptly, making your body jolt forwards, the seat belt holding you back. He hit the wheel, eyes turning to you with nothing but rage. You heard Paris whine on the back seat but she didn’t speak up, probably going back to sleep.

"Fuck it” He shrugged, laughing humorlessly “Get the fuck out of my car" He ordered, voice unwavering and cold, not a single doubt in his eyes. You let your mouth fall agape, astonished by his sudden snap. Well… Not that it was that hard to imagine, you kind of set him off here.

"You gotta be kidding me” You blurted, looking around, the darkness outside was enough to make you feel lost, not recognizing where you were, your eyes shot back to him “Are you going to drop me in the middle of nowhere?!" You asked shocked. Even though he was mad, you didn’t really expect him to leave you to die here.

He looked at you intensely, almost searching for your soul.

You kept quiet, looking back at him.

"Fuck” He sighed, averting his eyes, hands wandering to the keys, starting the car again “No" He answered tiredly.

It was needless to say that both of you stayed quiet for the rest of the trip.

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rohad93 · 4 years

Text

Moonlit Masquerade: Sandcastles pt 2

i hate editing super long documents so this is gonna be in a few parts.

Amity isn't having the best week.

Sunday felt like it lasted forever, stuffed into an itchy, uncomfortable dress that her mother had picked for her to wear to her party where she had to spend several hours with a fake smile plastered on her face, till her cheeks hurt, playing her part along with the twins.

She's pressured into a few dances with the children of their parents' coworkers and it hits her that the same songs, that feel so short when she dances with Luz, can feel so agonizingly long with their clammy hands on hers and their much too stiff grip on her waist.

Songs aren’t nearly long enough when her girlfriend holds her and spins her around. It makes her feel light and she doesn't think she could possibly dance better then she does with Luz.

She feels slow and jerky dancing with the other children of her parents’ blueblood, society friends.

They smile in a way they think must be charming and dashing, but Amity knows better. Most of them are just as scheming and devious as their parents or just as uninterested in all of this as she is.

She was looking forward to Monday if for no other reason than to get out of her house and see Luz, which she did, just not as much as usual.

She had to go home straight after school to help Eda, which did happen sometimes.

She at least had Tuesday to look forward to, but the next day as she was arriving at school her scroll beeped with a message from Luz, saying she wasn’t going to be at school today, which yeah, was pretty disappointing. Tuesday had become her favorite day of the school week, even if her ability to take notes and pay attention to the teacher did slip quite noticeably on that particular day of the week.

Wednesday comes and Luz does come to school, with a bandage on her forehead, claiming she fell on the stairs, which is on par for her, but it’s quickly forgotten, along with Monday and Tuesday when she yanks Amity into a concealed corner to kiss her while their friends play watch.

Lunch is normal enough, even though she tells her that she has to go straight home again after school, she at least got to see her today so she’ll make do.

On Thursday Luz arrives late, so they miss each other, and is then curiously absent from lunch, though she sends her a message saying they finally can spend some time together after school, but Luz seems distracted when she arrives.

They’re lounging around their secret room, reading and normally Luz is much more animated when they read Azura, but today she seems lost in thought.

“Are you okay?” Amity finally asks from her place reclined against her girlfriend’s chest.

They’ve been sitting on the floor, Luz’s back against the cushions with Amity sitting between her legs, back against her chest while she holds the third Azura book they’ve been rereading in her hands.

Luz has been strangely quiet, running her index finger over the tip of one of Amity’s pointed ears distractedly. She’s become quite used to being in intimate proximity to Luz but her face is still pink regardless, though faint. She’s beginning to get a little worried. Luz is hardly this quiet for this long, it’s a little unnerving.

“Hmm?” Luz hums questioningly and Amity knows she hasn’t been listening to anything she’s been reading either. “Sorry, what?” Luz glances down at her and mercifully the finger running over her ear stops as well.

Amity tilts her head back to look at her.

“I asked if you were okay,” she repeats the question.

“Oh, yeah, I’m fine, why?” she cocks her head.

“You’ve just been quiet today and you've been really busy and I...,” she trails off not sure how to say ‘You’ve been busy and I miss you’ without coming off as clingy or needy, because really, it's just been a few days; but the limited time they have together before or after school and on Tuesdays is special to her, and she finds herself not at all liking the sudden deprivation from it.

She doesn’t have to say it though. Luz’s confused face slowly turns into a grin as she looks down at her.

“Have you been lonely without me, Amity?” She asks in a syrupy sweet and knowing voice that makes Amity turn red and scowl at the same time.

Amity just huffs, turning away and Luz grins at the back of her head and wraps her arms around her, squeezing her close and pressing a kiss to her the back of her head.

“Lo siento, mi amor. Eda has just been working on a big project and has been needing my help."

Amity relaxes into her hold, mock annoyance, and any real annoyance or loneliness she’s been feeling at Luz’s sudden absence this week, fading as she holds her tightly. She has to remind herself that she can tell Luz anything without fear of judgment or being made fun of. It’s still a strange thing to her.

“I understand I just…” her face remains pink as she mumbles something under her breath.

“What was that?” Luz blinks and whatever she said is repeated at the same volume.

“Uh, one more time?” Luz asks and Amity makes an annoyed sound in her throat.

“I said… I miss you,” she finally says loud enough for her to hear, but the tone is soft, fragile. “I miss you when we’re not together,” she mumbles, but Luz hears her and is glad that Amity is still facing away from her so she can’t see the teary doe-eyed look she’s giving her.

“I miss you too, Amity.” She sat her chin on her shoulder and squeezed.

Amity broke into a wide grin as Luz smooshed her face against hers.

“Maybe... we could hang out this weekend? My family has a beach house on the southern side of the Isles and the twins got them to let the three of us go over for the long weekend by ourselves… would you like to go?” She glanced back and frowned upon seeing the grimace on luz’s face. “You’re busy aren’t you?” she asked, already knowing the answer.

“Yeah… since they can’t use magic to carry things it’s all hands on deck for the monthly supply run Saturday.” Luz frowned, especially as she watched the way her girlfriend's face fell. Sure, she was lying for the greater good, and Amity would be so excited tomorrow when they surprised her, but that didn’t make the disappointed look on her face any easier to see right now.

“I’m sorry…,” Luz started but Amity shook her head.

“It’s okay… I understand,” she assured with a small smile, but Luz knows better, she's gotten good at reading Amity's face and the tone of her voice; she's disappointed.

“When Eda's project is done we'll spend a whole weekend together, I promise, mi amor." She squeezes Amity close and smiles knowingly into her hair.

"Soon, I hope," Amity sighs, leaning into her hold, deciding to just enjoy the time they have now

'much sooner than you think' Luz thinks to herself.

When their time together is done for the day Luz hurries home through the portal and runs straight to her room to get her stuff ready.

Gus and Willow will be there before noon tomorrow so they can take her portal glyph to the beach house. She's been practicing with it and the size of the glyph doesn't seem to matter. It just needs to be big enough to walk through, and she can be anywhere on the Isles near instantly.

Out of curiosity she tried one and thought of the human world, but it went nowhere.

Much as she hates to think it, she can't find it in herself to be disappointed. No one can say she didn't try though.

Her bag is packed and ready by the door, along with the box of decorations the twins had given her at lunchtime today. Since she, Willow, and Gus will get there first, they're on decoration duty.

Next to it are two cardboard boxes of her surprise for Amity and she grins to herself at the thought.

Amity hadn't expressly forbidden her from buying her presents but she didn't like Luz buying her stuff when they went out by themselves or with their friends.

She told her she felt bad when Luz spent her limited funds on her.

So Luz had come up with a rather ingenious gift if she does say so herself. Something they don't have on the Boiling Isles.

She couldn't believe her luck when she'd been digging through one of Eda's human junk piles in one of the spare rooms.

Two large boxes full of the stuff.

She ran to Eda asking if she could have them and Eda waves a hand.

"Whatever you want in there, take it, Kid."

She couldn't wait to see the look on Amity's face. Everyone else's too.

It takes her a while to go to sleep that night, she's so excited she tosses and turns a while and King gets fed up with her and stalks off to Eda's room, mumbling under his breath.

She wakes up before dawn the next day and jumps out of bed and dresses before quickly running down the stairs.

Lilith is sitting at the table having her customary cup of morning tea when Luz skids into the kitchen. The elder Clawthorne smiles at her, though far more subdued then the manic one on the human's face.

"Let's get baking!" Luz throws up her hands and Lilith chuckles.

"Very well."

A few hours later the sun has risen and Eda and King have finally come downstairs, groggy and eyes barely open just as Luz is boxing up the cake.

"All done?" Eda mumbles as she pours herself some apple blood.

"Yup, just waiting on Gus and Willow!" She grins setting the cake box down the table and swats at King's hand as he reaches for it.

"No, King, that's for Amity's party," she scolds and the tiny demon grumbles, glaring up at her.

"Everything you do is for that cupcake smasher!" he squeals with rage at being denied.

"I do not!" Luz argues.

"Yes, you do!" King stands in the chair, pointing a tiny clawed hand at her.

"Well…!" Luz pauses not sure what to say to that. Maybe she does do a lot for Amity, but Amity does just as much for her, so she fails to see how that's a bad thing.

Eda is watching her and grins.

Luz of course talked her ear off about their date under the grom tree last month, including her impromptu confession of love.

She'd just been nodding along, half-listening, flipping through a book as Luz waxed poetic about how 'amazing' and 'romantic' it was until the words: "Then I accidentally said I loved her out loud…"

That made her sit up and pay attention.

Luz had a tendency to get carried away and she was suddenly worried she'd… how did the kid put it? 'jumped the gun?'

She listened much closer to the rest of the story.

"Did you mean it?" Eda asked her when she finishes.

"Huh?" Luz looked up at her.

"Do you love her?" the older witch clarified.

"Oh…" Luz looked away, smiling dopily to herself. "Yeah… I did mean it. I do love her." She nodded.

"How do you know?" Eda pressed and Luz looked at her confused and Eda frowned, trying to think of a way to word it that wouldn't burst Luz's bubble if she was wrong. She just wants to protect her kid.

"Look, Luz, I know you like her a lot, believe me, and I'm not trying to say you couldn't love her, but you are still young and you do tend to get ahead of yourself…, so I'm just asking, how do you know you love her?" she words carefully. This is new territory for Eda.

'The talk' she can give, she's plenty familiar with that, but love? That's never been her strong suit, and she has a long trail of broken relationships behind her to prove it.

Luz pursed her lips, trying to think of a way to explain it to her mentor, whose right of course. She knows she's still young and stuff, she's famous for leaping before she looks, but Luz also knows her feelings. She's spent enough time alone with only her feelings to know how to read them, she's had crushes, but she's never felt anything like this before.

"Being with Amity… makes me happier than I've ever been…, then I thought I could be…," she starts slowly. "And I want to make her happy too… and I'd do anything to do that." She looks up at Eda, who's staring back at her with an unreadable expression.

"Alright," she finally says.

"Alright?" Luz repeats, blinking. Eda nods.

"If you say you love her, I believe you."

Luz smiles at her.

"And if she breaks your heart, we'll feed her to Hooty…" she grins wickedly making Luz squawk.

"Eda!"

"Well…" Luz hesitates, trying to figure out what to say.

"You love her, that’s how it goes," Eda says with a shrug, drawing everyone's gaze.

""Edalyn, they've only been together-" whatever else Lilith is going to say it's cut off by Luz who grins.

"Yeah," she says with a grin. "And Amity loves me, so we do things to make each other happy,” she tells the demon looking up at her grumpily. “I love you too though." She bends down and kisses the top of King's head and he makes a little squealing sound. "But this is for Amity, I'll make a cake for you next weekend," she promises, and then there's a knock on the door. "Gus and Willow are here!" She sprints out of the room leaving a grinning Eda, a stunned Lilith, and a happily squeaking King in her wake.

Lilith looks to her sister who is grinning behind her cup, looking where Luz has disappeared into the living room, where she and her friends' voices are coming from.

"You knew about this?" she asks.

"Mhmm," is her sister's answer.

"And you didn't talk to her?" Lilith cocks a brow as Eda's eyes slide to look at her.

"I did," she says, then takes a loud slurp from her cup.

"And?"

"And she loves her." Eda shrugs. "What do you want from me?"

"Edalyn, she's fourteen, how could she possibly know that?" Lilith sighs, rubbing her temples. Eda leans back in her chair, holding up her cup and giving her sister a deadpan look.

"And how can we know she isn't?" she retorts.

"They… they…!" Lilith holds up her hands, trying to decide what to say.

"Look, the kid and I talked. She says she's in love and I believe it. I honestly think Luz would put her life on the line for that girl, and I don't think I'm wrong when I say the same thing for Amity, heck, I watched her jump in front of Luz to protect her from Grom, and that was before they were dating!" Eda threw up a hand.

Lilith looks toward the living room where they can hear the kids talking.

"I suppose time will tell…," she hums.

Eda just grunts in response, much to her sister's annoyance.

"Perhaps you really should give her… a talk…," Lilith says after a moment and Eda snorts into her cup, laughing.

"Already covered, in great, embarrassing detail," she says proudly.

"No doubt." Lilith rolls her eyes and her sister only grins.

Luz dashes back into the kitchen and carefully picks up the box containing the cake.

"We're heading out," she says. Eda stands and walks over.

"Have fun, kid." She ruffles Luz's hair, making her grin.

"Ah, Luz, before you go, I have something for you to take." Lilith pulls a small dark blue wrapped gift from her pocket and sets it gently atop The cake box. "Something for Amity I would like her to have… only if she wants it…," she explains.

Luz looks at the small gift before looking up at Lilith and nodding with a smile.

With that, she turns and walks quickly but carefully out of the kitchen.

A few minutes later a portal blazed to life in front of the owl house and then all the kids are gone.

"What'cha give the kid?" Eda asks curiously, glancing at Lilith out of the corner of her eye.

"Something I hope she finds useful…"

"I hate it when you're cryptic…" Eda grumbles and Lilith smirks.

#Moonlit Masquerade #lumity #Luz Noceda #Amity Blight #Eda Clawthorne #Lillith Clawthorne #King #the owl house #toh #fic

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generalpaperstranger · 3 years

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A natural disaster … in all 50 states’ is unfolding just as travelers disperse nationwide after Thanksgiving

As millions of Americans head home after Thanksgiving, the coronavirus could be hitching a ride — threatening to plant seeds of infection across the country as the US on Sunday topped more than 100,000 new cases for the 27th consecutive day.

So far Sunday, the United States has reported 109,671 new cases and 731 deaths, according to Johns Hopkins University.

A surge of new travel-related infections could overwhelm hospitals already stretched to capacity. Hospitalizations of Covid-19 patients reached a record high of 93,238 on Sunday, trumping Saturday’s record-breaking 91,635 figure, according to the Covid Tracking Project.

Site: https://www.disability-benefits-help.org/node/12882

It is the third time there have been over 90,000 Americans hospitalized with Covid-19 — the first being Thursday with 90,481 before a drop to 89,834 Friday that could be attributed to inconsistencies in reporting over Thanksgiving.

“There’s no way that the hospitals can be fully prepared for what we’re currently facing,” emergency medicine physician Dr. Megan Ranney said.

“This is like a natural disaster occurring in all 50 states at the same time. There are not adequate beds. There are not adequate staff. And because of the lack of national preparation, there are still not adequate supplies,” said Ranney, a CNN medical analyst and director of the Brown-Lifespan Center for Digital Health at Brown University.

“Here in Rhode Island, we are currently planning to open our field hospital on Tuesday because our hospitals are so full of sick Covid-19 patients. But not every state has that option,” she said.

Site: https://www.disability-benefits-help.org/node/12886

“And even if you open a field hospital, if you have hundreds of staff who are sick — which is what many states across the country are currently facing — if you don’t have nurses and doctors and respiratory techs, even a field hospital isn’t going to save you. Our health care system is literally at the breaking point right now, thanks to Covid-19.”

New cases now mean new hospitalizations by Christmas

Sunday is expected to be the busiest air travel day of the entire pandemic even though the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention recommended that Americans not travel for Thanksgiving.

Roughly 6 million travelers passed through security at US airports after the CDC’s travel warning in the week leading up to Thanksgiving.

But it will be weeks before anyone knows how much of a role Thanksgiving gatherings and travel play in new hospitalizations and deaths.

Site: https://www.disability-benefits-help.org/node/12893

“When you look at people who are hospitalized today, they were infected two weeks ago, maybe more,” said Dr. Jonathan Reiner, a professor of medicine at George Washington University. “And then it takes usually another week for folks to succumb to the illness.”

So infections picked up on Thanksgiving “are going to show up in three weeks and are going to show up in deaths over Christmas and New Year’s and are going to spread in every state,” Ranney said.

Statistics reported in the days after the holiday might show a relative dip in Covid-19 cases, followed by a surge due to a lag in government agencies’ reporting over the long weekend.

And given coronavirus’ lengthy incubation time and how long it takes an infected person to test positive, cases related to Thanksgiving are unlikely to show in public data until the first full week of December at the earliest.

Even before then, Covid-19 is killing Americans at a staggering rate. At least 1,189 new deaths were reported on Saturday alone, according to Johns Hopkins University.

Site: https://www.disability-benefits-help.org/node/12894

More than 266,000 people in the US have died from Covid-19 since the pandemic began.

Birx: ‘If you’re young and you gathered,’ get tested

Health experts say anyone who gathered with people outside their household should take serious precautions in the coming days, especially young people who might be carrying and spreading coronavirus without any symptoms.

“If you’re young and you gathered, you need to be tested about five to 10 days later,” said Dr. Deborah Birx on CBS’s “Face the Nation” on Sunday. “You need to assume that you’re infected and not go near your grandparents and aunts and others without a mask.”

Birx, a member of the White House coronavirus task force, recommended those over age 65 get tested immediately if they develop any symptoms.

“If you’re over 65 or you have comorbidities and you gathered at Thanksgiving — if you develop any symptoms, you need to be tested immediately,” she said.

Site: https://www.disability-benefits-help.org/node/12896

ER doctor wants people to follow stay-at-home orders

Many hospitals are on the brink of exceeding capacity, threatening reduced care for everyone — even those without coronavirus. So officials around the country have reinstated or rolled back on restrictions. In Los Angeles County, a three-week stay-at-home order goes into effect on Monday.

What I wish is that people would follow those stay-at-home orders,” said Ranney, the emergency medicine physician in Rhode Island.

“I can’t tell you how many patients I take care of who tell me, ‘Well, I just went to an indoor restaurant.’ Or, ‘I just went to a party with a few friends. I didn’t actually think I was going to catch Covid.’ So those stay-at-home orders are critical.”

The Los Angeles County stay-at-home order prohibits all public and private gatherings with people outside a single household.

Site: https://www.disability-benefits-help.org/node/12897

“Residents are advised to stay home as much as possible and always wear a face covering over their nose and mouth when they are outside their household and around others,” the county’s public health department said.

The order is in effect through December 20. It does not apply to “faith based services and protests, which are constitutionally protected rights,” the health department said.

Essential retail businesses will be limited to 35% occupancy, while the occupancy limit for nonessential retail operations, personal care services and libraries will be 20%, the county said.

“Even if you’re not feeling sick, the simple act of gathering with people outside your household puts everyone at risk,” county health director Barbara Ferrer said.

Site: https://www.disability-benefits-help.org/node/12899

Ranney said it’s possible some schools and workplaces can operate safely if precautions are met.

“I think it’s really important that you keep safe workplaces and safe schools open,” she said. “We know that in those structured settings, where people are masked, keeping a distance, having adequate ventilation, the spread of the virus is pretty low in those settings,” she said.

“I am hopeful that that type of order will be effective. And we’ve seen in France that it works,” Ranney said. “I sure hope it will be (effective) in L.A., and I hope the rest of the country can follow suit. Because we need to do something, or — again — this virus is just going to just continue to grow out of control.”

Site: https://www.disability-benefits-help.org/node/12901

California set a new pandemic record on Sunday with 7,415 Covid patients in its hospitals, according to data provided by the California Department of Health.

That eclipses the previous California hospitalization record of 7,170 people on July 21.

The Transparent Face Mask has Just Arrived to your city: Comfortable, elegant, communication MUCH easier and it makes you smile!

This unique transparent mask has taken the world by storm! It puts a smile back on your face, is stylish and breathable, yet comfortable and highly protective! Recommended by 98% of buyers with a rating of ⭐⭐⭐⭐, it’s easy to see why it’s so popular…

Who else hates wearing a mask?

The problem is that surgical masks, made of paper and fabric, hide a large part of your face. They make everyday tasks more difficult and it becomes impossible to speak in public, right?

Site: https://www.disability-benefits-help.org/node/12904

Old masks become hot and stuffy too. Not only they do damage your makeup and are unhygienic, but they also make breathing uncomfortable and difficult .

And on the other hand, another harmful effect of wearing this kind of mask is how it makes you feel: ignored, isolated, misunderstood, frustrated and even depressed…

If this sounds familiar, you are not alone. Many people HATE to wear a mask for these same reasons…

But, masks aren’t going to disappear anytime soon, are they ? That’s exactly why a team of professional designers have been working on this issue to find a comfortable and affordable solution to the problems that masks have created…

Today, their innovative new product is finally available for sale right now! It solves all these problems and is already selling like hotcakes, let’s take a look at what has made it a success……

Site: https://www.disability-benefits-help.org/node/12908

What is it called?

Called Cleanshield, it has already seduced tens of thousands of users who have already replaced their suffocating disposable masks for these wonderful transparent masks… And it’s not surprising, Life seems more cheerful with this transparent protective mask…

Site: https://aldeliana.medium.com/a-natural-disaster-in-all-50-states-is-unfolding-just-as-travelers-disperse-nationwide-after-9f122b62f8ab

#news #covid_19

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thealphabetmurders · 5 years

Note

... i heard you wanted prompts? Would Analogical, admitting their feelings in the most awkward way possible, after literally everyone else around them knowing for like e v e r, work maybe? If you need/want more, maybe Human!au, 20-something years old, met in college? You can use as much or as little as you want, I just wanted you to have a decent amount to start with and pick from

Of course, anon, I am happy to oblige.

“Hold the elevator!” Logan looked up from his phone and held out an arm, reopening the doors for the running figure. He smiled slightly when he saw a dash of purple streaking across the hall towards him.

Virgil reached the elevator, his hands on his knees panting as he hit the button for the ground floor. He looked up at the other figure, “Oh. Hey Lo,”

---

“Excuse me. Sir!” Virgil turned around to see a semi-familiar face. Dark hair, black glasses, intelligent eyes. “You dropped these,” He held out his hand, dangling a pair of earbuds from it.

Virgil looked down at his pocket to see a small hole, one he would have to sew over. He took the earbuds from his hand, “Oh. Uh, thanks, I guess,” He shoved them back into his pocket.

“You are welcome,” And they walked away.

---

“How much cardio do you sanction into your exercise, Virgil?” Logan asked, lazily hitting the close door elevator button.

“Huh?” Virgil asked, still winded.

Logan shrugged, smoothing back his hair, “I am simply asking because a short run down a hall should not have exhausted you as such,”

Virgil scoffed, “Maybe after we graduate, you can come up with an exercise plan with me,”

Logan nodded, smiling at Virgil once again, “Did you look over the lease with Patton? We need to sign it in 2 weeks if we are going to get that loft by graduation,”

Virgil shook his head, “And I think I worry too much,” Logan quirked up an eyebrow and Virgil rolled his eyes, “Yes, I did. I was going to sign it later this week. I have another interview with that web company. That is where I am heading right now,”

Logan scanned Virgil up and down, the other feeling slightly insecure under his gaze, “You are going to an interview… In that?”

“Yes, I know. But I wore business casual to my initial interview and the woman interviewing me said to ‘come as I am’, and she was wearing a sweatshirt. I guess that is how they are,”

Logan adjusted his glasses and scoffed, “What has this economy come to?”

The elevator began to slow down and then stopped. Virgil adjusted the strings on his hoodie and Logan pulled his satchel up further on his shoulder, waiting for the doors to open. The elevator began moving slowly once again, and Logan narrowed his eyes and looked at Virgil. Then, the carriage began shaking and the lights were flickering. The buttons on the elevator lit up and flashes randomly. Logan and Virgil made their way to separate corners of the room, Logan standing up and steadying himself along the edges and Virgil lost balance and fell into the corner. The malfunctioning was something that neither of them were privy to before, both of them at a loss for what to do. Then, it stopped, and the power went out.

“So, for this project, you will be working in pairs. Come up to me by the end of class and tell me who you will be working with and what medium your presentation will be in.” The level 100 teacher explained to the large lecture hall. She sat down behind her computer and pulled up an Excel sheet with names and project types.

Virgil never bothered to make any friends. He figured the people who he would find with common interests and compatible personality types would not be in his core classes, but rather the ones he chooses to take. He frantically looked around, hoping to find someone to pair up with. It seemed as though many people were with him and didn’t bother to introduce themselves, and just paired up with people sat around them.

“Excuse me,” He felt a tap on his shoulder and turned around to the person facing up and diagonal to him, “Would you care to be partners?”

“Sure,”

The pair exchanged phone numbers. Logan was the name he gave and the two told their professor and said that they would be doing a video presentation with voice overs.

“So, when would you care to meet up and research and record?” Logan asked Virgil as they walked out of class.

He shrugged, “This Thursday works for me. We can meet at the library or in my dorm?”

Logan pondered for a moment, blinking rapidly, “If it is alright, we can meet up in your dorm. Based of my knowledge of the library, the most busy time is on Thursday nights. It may be difficult to record with a lot of outside stimulants,”

Virgil nodded, understanding Logan’s line of thinking, “Okay, we meet up at my dorm at around…” He trailed off, waiting for the other man to provide him a time.

“4 o’clock?” Virgil nodded and Logan pulled out a small planner from his jacket pocket, writing down the date. “Fantastic. Just be sure to text me your dorm hall and number. Are we clear on the plan?”

Virgil made an ‘ok’ sign with his fingers, “Crystal,”

Logan tentatively moved his arm around Virgil. His breathing was uneven and ragged. He’s covering his ears, despite there being no noise. His hands are covered with his hoodie sleeves, using it as a security blanket. Virgil was on the verge of a panic attack.

“Virgil. Virgil, are you with me? Can you hear me?” Logan asked, and Virgil nodded, despite his head being in his knees, “Virgil, you know the drill, okay? I need you to breathe with me. I need you to look at me, Virgil, and breathe,”

“Roman, do you mind if we reschedule our tutoring session from Monday to Tuesday?”

Roman shrugged, typing away at his computer, “Whatever you say, Specs, you are the one helping me,”

Logan sighed, pulling out his planner, “Fantastic. That was the day I was going to take Virgil to see those action movies he is so fond of,”

Roman rolled his eyes, “I am not going to take away your serious business card if you admit you are a fan of Marvel,”

Logan shrugged, “Virgil is more privy to those movies than I, but I do not mind them for entertainment value, nor do I mind Virgil’s company whilst watching them,”

Roman hummed in response and Logan began sorting and folding his laundry. His button ups neatly folded on one end of the bed and his dress pants that needed to be pressed on the other side. Once finished, he dug his phone out from the pile of laundry it was trapped under, sending Virgil a confirmation text for their plans. He smiled when his phone buzzed with an array of emojis. He was unaware of just how large his grin was, or that Roman stopped typing to look at Logan’s reaction to the mobile exchange.

“So,” Roman began, “As your best friend and roommate, I feel as though I have the right to meet this mysterious emo boyfriend of yours,”

Logan’s blood ran cold as he spun around to look at Roman, confusion and nerves in his eyes, “Boyfriend? Virgil’s not- what- no we don’t do- not, you have it all wrong. Virgil and I are not - no not romantically involved?”

Roman could only stare as his normally calm and collected roommate stumbled and struggled to form a complete sentence. “You two are just consistently together and you always bring him up, Logan. Are you lying to me?”

“No, no Roman. I am not. There is nothing- no- nothing going on,” Logan ran his hands through his hair out of frustration and grabbed his pants from the bed, “I have to do more laundry but just- don’t bring this up again. Especially not if Virgil is here,”

Logan rushed from the room, leaving Roman worried and confused.

“Yes, Logan Arias and Virgil Kosa. Yes, the elevator just stopped. Will they? Okay, thank you,” Logan hung up the emergency phone and was fumbling with something in the corner that he could not quite see. Suddenly, the carriage was dimly lit once again, “Found the emergency lights,”

Virgil ran his hands through his hair and unzipped his hoodie, “How long did they say it was going to be?”

Logan shook his head, “Approximately two hours, maybe more,” He sulked next to Virgil and slid down the wall next to him. He loosened his black tie and unbuttoned the top button from his dress shirt. Virgil swallowed thickly, wondering how it was legal to be that hot, “We are going to be stuck here a while.

“I don’t see what the big deal is, kiddo,” Patton hugged his dog pillow pet as Virgil continued to pace around their dorm room.

“See, that’s the thing, Patton! You do not see the big deal, and you won’t. Logan and I have been friends now for what, a year, and now I just feel…. Odd,”

Patton let out an amused chuckle, putting his circular glasses on the top of his head, “Odd? Do you want elaborate?”

Virgil threw his arm in the air, “I couldn’t if I wanted to Pat. I couldn’t if I wanted to. Maybe, if I had a better hold on my feelings I could, but I can’t. It doesn’t make sense. Nothing makes sense,”

Patton bit his lip. He got up and went to their full length mirror and began inspecting his honey colored curls in the mirror, “Well V, I think I have an idea as to what could be bothering you, but you may not like what I have to say,” He ruffled his hair a bit as Virgil stared at the back of his head.

“What, what is it?”

Patton sighed, “You know, you say you are confused about your feelings, but deep down, I am pretty sure you know what is going on. It is pretty easy,”

Virgil stood in akimbo, staring at Patton, “No, it is not, it is never easy.”

Patton turned around and looked at Virgil, “Okay, right now, without thinking. Tell me how you feel about Logan.” Virgil opened his mouth and then closed it again, “No, right now, go!”

Virgil sputtered, “I- I..”

“I missed my interview,” Virgil clicked off his phone as the time passed to 3:01.

Logan turned towards him, “Did you call or text?”

He rolled his eyes, “Yea, I sent them an email and they said ‘it’s cool’ and we would reschedule, but I am not so sure,”

“Not so sure about what?” Logan quipped.

“About the company, L,” Virgil groaned and took of his hoodie, throwing it in the corner of the room, “As much as a strict work environment gives me anxiety, I also think I need the structure. Like… They are almost too okay with everything, I can’t hold myself accountable. Well, in most instances I can, but I don’t want to fall into a habit of not holding myself- What I am trying to say is-”

“Virgil,” Logan said cooly, and placed a hand onto Virgil’s wrist, stopping his movement and frantic hand gestures, “I understand what you are trying to say,”

Virgil’s stomach flipped over and he look at Logan’s beautiful silvery eyes, “You do?”

Logan gave a small smile, “Always,”

“I want to die,” Virgil said as they sat on Logan’s small twin. Logan turned to look at Virgil who was working furiously on an midterm paper. Logan knew how much Virgil despised American History. Logan knew how much Virgil hated writing essays. Logan knows, he always has.

He reached out his hand and Virgil was typing and lightly grabbed onto his wrist to still the motion. Logan felt shocks of electricity move up and down his arms at the simple act, but looked at Virgil in the eyes. They were filled with exhaustion and morose and malcontent. But, also filled with confusion and affection and l-

“C’mon. We are going to watch a movie, and then we are going to bed, you may take Roman’s bed tonight because he is at a castmate’s house tonight. We will wake up in the morning early and finish our work. If we continue at the rate we are, we are going to burn out.” Logan used his other hand to pull the laptop away from Virgil and close it, along with his own. He used his right hand to turn to Netflix, and never let go of Virgil’s wrist. Not once. Not ever. Virgil did not make it to Roman’s bed. Logan did not wake them up early in the morning.

“I do not want to graduate,” Logan said, throwing his bag against the wall, checking his watch. 1 hour, 23 minutes, 18 seconds.

“Why?” Virgil said, looking at Logan, “We were just texting about how higher education is inherently classist,”

Logan shrugged, “I am not good at anything that is not school,”

Virgil felt a pang in his chest as he looked over Logan, staring forward at the elevator doors, “What?”

“Do not fret, V, this is not meant to turn into a pity party for me,” Logan lamented, “I do not have the social skills to make acquaintances easily. I am only friends with Roman and Patton by accident. I am not artistically inclined and am often cold towards other, creating an unpleasant work environment for everyone around me. School is the only place I excel in… Without it…” Logan trailed off.

Virgil shook his head in disbelief, “I thought you were supposed to be the smart one of us,”

Logan laughed bitterly, “Chalk that up to something else I can’t do,” He made a check mark motion weakly with his finger and rubbed his eyes beginning to fill with moisture and his face already caked in a thin layer of sweat.

“Logan, stop that. Listen to me. You are the smartest, most talented, most hard working person I know. You are going to excel in anything you do. I know you will. I will be there right next to you, okay, L? You can do anything you set your mind to, I believe in you,”

“I can’t do anything,” Logan muttered to himself.

“What do you know about emotions that I don’t, Roman?” Logan surmised.

“Uh, how to feel them?” Roman sassed, Logan looked back with a bored expression, “I am just saying, Specs, you cannot see it but Virgil looks at you the way you look at him,”

“Exhausted with his emo behavior, I highly doubt that,”

“Love, Logan,” Roman got up from his bed and began spinning Logan in his chair, “He looks at you and could not be more in love. How long has it been what, 3 years,”

Logan nodded, “If Virgil had these feelings for me, wouldn’t he have disclosed them?”

“Ugh, obviously not. Virgil cannot even place an order in the McDonald’s drive thru, you think he is going to be vulnerable and risk is most important relationship in the hopes of courtship, no sire,” Roman exaggerated, “You are going to have to be the one to make the first move,”

Logan shook his head, “No, I will not. I don't even know if I have romantic feelings for Virgil,”

Roman sighed, “Logan, buddy, denying your feelings does not stop you from feeling them,” Logan swallowed and looked around the room and Roman continued, “That has never worked before, and it is obvious that this, is not going away,”

“Virgil,” Logan said, looking at his watch. 2 hours, 39 minutes, and 45 seconds, “There is something I must tell you. I do not believe that this is the best time. In fact, I know it is not, but I am dehydrated, hungry, upset, and you are here,”

“Logan, is everything okay?” Virgil sat back down after stretching his legs, moving in close, touching each other, arm to arms.

“No, not it is not. I have kept this… this… feeling inside me. Building up and bubbling up for almost 3 years. I cannot do it any longer. I must- I have to,” Logan slurred over his words, groaning and gripping his hair, and Virgil placed a hand on his knee, slowly rubbing his thumb over it. Logan stopped his hand with his and laced their fingers together and they locked eyes. Logan’s smoky color staring back into Virgil’s amber, “Virgil… I-”

“Virgil, it has been 3 years, I can’t let this go on any longer,” Patton said, taking back the manila folder after Virgil read over it, “I mean, the four of us are moving in together, it is going to come out eventually,” Patton sat down next to Virgil, who was in the process of tying his shoes, “What is going on?”

Virgil finished one shoe, and sighed, “I dunno Pat. You keep talking about how Logan is ‘head over heels’ and how his ‘heart is mine’, but I really don’t see. He is just- he is so hard to read, I-”

“Virgil it is natural to be scared,” Patton said, “But, you have been scared for years on end now. And you may not see it but I cannot even recreate the love in that boy’s eyes when he sees you,”

Virgil smiled softly, “I just- I know I am going to pick the wrong time. I am going to say something when he is in a bad mood, or focused on school work, or his granddad just died. Nothing I do is going to be right,”

“Well,” Patton thought for a moment, “Just tell him the next time you seem him. No matter what happens, good or bad, there is no gift like the present,”

Virgil sighed and tied his other shoe, “That’s a nice thought Patton, I may try that. Probably not, but, hey, who knows,” Virgil grabbed his coat from his bed and looked at his phone, “Oh shit, I am gonna be late.” He threw open the door and began running down the hall.

Patton went out of the room and yelled after him, “Good luck with your interview!”

“I- I-” Logan stared, but he couldn’t help but get cold feet. Staring into Virgil beautiful eyes, his perfectly chiseled jaw, lovely smile, gorgeous laugh, amazing brain, wonderful humor, fantastic friend.- how could someone as incredible as Virgil love him?

Logan screwed up his eyes tight, he saw dots dancing in his vision, “I love you,” He heard himself say, but, for some reason, he also heard that from Virgil. He opened his eyes to see Virgil wide-eyed and mouth agape.

“You what?” Logan asked in disbelief.

Virgil chuckled, “I love you, Logan. I love you. I love how smart you are, how caring you are. How you always know how to help me through anything I am going through. How you are always planning and prepared for anything and everything. You keep me grounded and don’t let my anxiety run my life anymore. Hell, you are the reason I am bold enough to make this confession. I love everything about you Logan. I love everything I know, and I love everything that is a mystery, ready to uncover. You are my moon and stars, Logan, I don’t want anyone but you,”

Logan mouth gaped open and closed. There was so much he wanted to say. He wanted to talk about how talented Virgil was at art and graphic design. How much he loves Virgil’s wit and sass and his sense of humor. How he loves that no matter what kind of mood he is in, he can always make Logan laugh. How he lets Logan go on and on about topics he may not care about, but will listen because they are important. How Virgil is Logan’s world and how he helped him through some tough, dark times. But, his brain stopped connecting to his mouth, so what came out instead was: “Virgil - I - you- important- love,” Logan cursed at his tongue which made Virgil laugh.

“God, you are a nerd,” Virgil was smiling and he leaned in close to Logan. He brushed a stray hair out of Logan’s face and connected their lips for an instant. The kiss was soft and chaste. They both pulled away and said nothing for a few moments, until Virgil spoke up, “That kiss was a bit gross, right?”

Logan let out a sigh of relief, “I did not want to say anything and ruin the mood, but yes, we are both drenched in sweat,”

After 3 hours 16 minutes and 58 seconds, the two were finally rescued from the elevator. They made their way out into the cool spring air holding hands and walked to a nearby bench to cool off. After about 20 minutes of sitting, Logan taps Virgil and initiates a second first kiss. This one had warm passion to it. It was filled with nothing but love. Pure, unfiltered love between best friends, love birds, partners, and soulmates.

Virgil turns to walk away and pulls out his phone:

Virgil: hey Pat, some guy just saved me $10 by giving my earbuds back to me that fell out of my pocket.

Patton: oh nice! :D

Virgil: He truly is my guardian angel.

“How was Trig, Logan?” Roman asked after Logan got back to their dorm.

“It was adequate, what you would expect from a level 100 class. I did give an attractive guy back his headphones today after he dropped them,”

Roman raised an eyebrow, “Attractive, huh?”

Logan nodded, “Yes, he was objectively stunning. I do hope I get to see him again,”

I really hope you like this, anon. I made this way longer than I intended.

Send me prompts.

#thomas sanders #sanders sides #sanders sides fic #analogical #roman sanders #patton sanders #logan sanders #virgil sanders #my writing

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hanleykayla · 6 years

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July 25, 2018

Saturday, July 21

I arrived in Accra, Ghana around 8pm local time. Upon landing, the flight attendants walked up and down the aisles spraying bug repellent so mosquitos wouldn’t enter the plane when the doors opened up at the gate. Not having any bug spray on myself, I was real pumped for what I was about to walk into. We were warned that we could be prosecuted or fined for taking pictures at the airport (which explains why I don’t have any to share) and we exited the plane in the middle of the runway.

The two gentleman that I was sitting next to for the ride was the first example of “Ghanian hospitality” (which is a huge part of their culture) that I experienced. They knew a staff member who worked in the immigration process and took me straight to this officer so my visa processing could be efficient and not as hostile as I was warned it could be. While I was grateful for the quickness of getting through immigration, I felt so bad once I realized how long it was taking for my bag to get off the plane and to the baggage claim. Michel and Paul were one of the first to receive their bags, and after waiting 2+ hours (!), my bag was the very last one off the plane. I tend to be a dramatic person when telling stories, but I am not kidding with this one. It was the very. last. bag.

My mind was all over the place while we were waiting. On one hand, I was worried about my bag never showing up and therefore, having to take on 22 weeks in Africa with only the two outfits in my bag and the two granola bars in my backpack. On the other hand, I was also felt incredibly anxious and guilty about Michel and Paul waiting with me. I kept apologizing and telling them how grateful I was for their care, especially because their uncle was patiently waiting outside to pick them up and they could have left to go home hours ago. I felt like my issue was taking over other individuals’ nights and that did not sit well with me, but the Ghanaian men did not seem to care at all. They said they would be more affected if they left me and spent the next couple days worrying if I ever got my bag and if I felt comfortable in their country. I just kind of stared at them and thought, “if everyone in this country is going to be this nice, I am going to be more than okay.”

Finally, I was outside the airport and met the Volunteer Coordinator from the Cheerful Hearts Foundation, the organization I will be working with throughout my time here. His name is Oppong, and his smile and patience immediately made me feel welcomed. On the car ride to our house in Peace Town, Kasoa, I learned that Oppong will be one of the five people that will be my current housemates. The program I am in is very customizable, which means that throughout my time here, the number of roommates I will have will be ever changing since people can constantly come and go from different countries.

Sunday, July 22

I spent my first morning unpacking and getting settled in. Here is a picture of my pretty-princess bed :) my sister joked that I should have ordered a pink one.

Afterwards, I went on a walk with my roommates to get food from a local stand. We ordered Kenkey, Fufu, and Red Red. KenKey is a some sort of cold blended corn soup with condensed milk and fried peanuts, and I don’t think I ever want to eat it again. But! Fufu was a boiled corn and maize mixture that almost acted as a bread that one could dip in a VERY spicy sauce and/or wrap around fried fish. This wasn’t too bad, although I cannot say that I ate much of the spicy sauce. However, I did eat all of the Red Red - which is simply just rice and beans, and is typically served with plantains.

On our way to and from the food, the children in my town could not stop pointing and yelling “obroni!” (which means “white person!”) at me as I walked past. They would run up to me and try to hang on my arms and/or they would want to rub my skin because it was so unusual to them. I loved every second of it.

Following our meal, we went to the mall which reminded me a shockingly amount of America, I felt like I was walking around Yorktown and I kept thinking “this is not at all what I pictured Ghana to be.” There, I exchanged money and bought a mifi with 6 GB on it for the cost of 177 cidi (about $45) as the office I will be working in does not currently have wifi like they said they would. I can also use this wifi on my phone and to upload these blog posts.

To get to and from the mall, we had to take a TroTro - which is a shared “bus” that is actually the size of a SUV. Men hang out of the windows and keep the doors open so they can stand and ask the people they are driving past if anyone want a ride. While the trotro only has 8 seats in it, they can cram up to 14 people in these cars. For the price of 1 cidi, or 25 cents, I could take a trotro for a 15 minute ride from my town to the closest mall.

We came home, had Red Red for dinner, watched The Secret Life of Bees (weird, I know), and went to bed.

Monday, July 23 - Wednesday, July 25

Throughout my time here, I will be working with the Cheerful Hearts Foundation in Kasoa, Ghana to assist them in their Child Labor and Trafficking project. The goal of the project is to get children off of the shore where they work for/potentially sold by fisherman and back into school. The Foundation does this through three ways: research, sponsorship, and awareness, and my work began this past Monday.

I spent most of my time on Monday and Tuesday in the office reviewing materials and analyzing survey data. The intention was that through this I would get a better understanding of the organization overall, and the issue of child labor/trafficking.

At home, I’ve been adjusting to the Ghana lifestyle - wake up, go to work, show up later than you should, come home, eat dinner around 4:30pm, sun sets by 6:30pm, find something to do until you fall asleep. On Monday, our power went out (which is apparently a normal thing as it is only two days later, and again here I am sitting in the dark...at 6:45pm) so I took a shower in the pitch black and found a cockroach that apparently decided to shower with me. On Tuesday, I showed up to the office at 8:30am as instructed, and my first coworker - who had the key to the office - didn’t show up until 10:30am. My Irish skin and I really appreciated it. On Wednesday, the power went out at work and no one even flinched, but rather just continued working. If this happened back in Chicago, we would have all called it quits and went home.

On Wednesday, I had the opportunity to visit 3 schools in the neighboring fishing villages and I visited the shore in Nyayano where children go to work instead go to of school. While at the shore, I was able to talk to some fisherman and children. I learned that the highest rate a child has been sold in to trafficking for, at least that they knew of on this beach, was 300 cidi. To put that in context, that is less than $100. Due to poverty, threats, and unemployment, families feel “forced to sell their kids to fisherman” as they see it as what is best for them and their future. In their minds, the adults receive money, and their children receive a mentorship to learn a specific skill that they can specialize in, and hopefully use to get a job in the future.

I am only here to learn and not to judge, and that calls for a change in perspective. I am not familiar with this culture, I am not familiar with this environment, and I am not familiar with this lifestyle. So, it is really hard for me to understand how parents could sell their children into slavery basically, and for such a cheap price. But, it is hard for me to believe that anyone would chose to do this unless they felt like it is the last absolute option. They have to believe that any other situation would be worse for them and their children. I may not understand it now, but I have 22 more weeks to figure it out.

But, what I do have to understand is that the scale of privilege and advantage has been extremely tipped for a long time. It might not be my fault, but I could easily say that it is partially my responsibility to tip it back. What I am coming to learn is that it takes a disproportionate effort from our side - our more advanced culture, environment, and lifestyle - to lean the scales back to equality.

Throughout all of this, I have been having a lot of first impressions during my first couple of days in Ghana. And, each impression is fleeting. I can go from feeling passionate and motivated to overwhelmed and lonely in a moment’s instance. What this fleeting-ness teaches me is that none of these perspectives are yet to be true; they aren’t rooted in anything. I am excited to take this experience one day at a time and to continue to figure out what I will learn from this community and what they can learn from me.

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jessaadventures-blog · 6 years

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Week Five: Craziness!

Sunset at the water tower!

Wow. SO much happened this week! It ended up being full of adventures and unexpected surprises!

P.S. I’m going to start posting on Mondays permanently because I rarely have time to write the post for Friday and we generally don’t have much wifi over the weekend! This post includes both last weekend and this past weekend.

The EcoHouse

Isa and I with our new sign!

We’ve had some more change over in the house this week! Isa left on Friday after being here for two months, and it’s definitely weird without her. She was my cooking buddy, so now I’ve gotta find a newbie to help me make food (or convince the guys to help me make their huge portions of food haha). Isa is off to Lima for a few days and then she’s heading to Cuzco and Machu Picchu before going home to her second year at Florida State. A pretty impressive trip for her first time out of the US!

Brady left this Sunday, and it’s weird without him here too. He was our funny southern fix-it guy and he definitely had a big presence in the house! He’s heading home to study for the LSAT and then (hopefully) heading to law school in Vermont. He’s a super intense skier and really wants to come ski at Mt. Baker, so maybe I’ll see him someday soon!

We also had two new arrivals this Saturday! Orianna goes to Northeastern and just finished her second year there in engineering. She’s going to be helping out with renewable energy and restarting an aeroponics project using solar panels to grow herbs super fast! She seems great, and we’ve already gone out surfing together, she seems like a go-getter.

Seth is from Indiana University and did his bachelor’s in environmental science and is doing his master’s in energy, so he’s also here for renewable energy (we have seven volunteers right now and six are here for renewable energy, so a lot of awesome energy stuff is going to be happening)! He’s starting a project called Hole in the Wall, where a computer is put in an outdoor wall in a public area and protected so the screen can’t be touched (basically cemented inside a concrete wall with a thick plastic barrier over it) and there is a keyboard stuck outside and the computer is given internet access and powered using solar panels and left there. Then the community (especially kids) can use the computer at any time to teach themselves various things, but they have to figure it out on their own. At other Hole in the Walls there’s apparently been a really impressive rate of learning by the kids that use the computer; they’ve taught themselves English and complicated science concepts and other cool things. We’re going to try to create Peru’s first Hole in the Wall!

We also have a volunteer coming today, Claudia, and I’m excited to meet her!

Other than the volunteer change overs, we had some good food again this week. We did our classic taco tuesday and made some vegan cookies for dessert, which we ate while playing Secret Hitler (our favorite board game) and drinking pisco sours. On Wednesday night Isa and I had a lasagna-off (we had a ton of lasagna noodles to use) and she made a non-vegan lasagna while I made a vegan one. Both turned out really good and not many people could tell that mine was vegan! I’m getting better at improvising recipes, and I really liked the way I made that lasagna (although I only had sweet soy milk to use, so it turned out a little sweet but it would be amazing with unsweetened almond milk).

Isa and I also made her a crazy vegan going away cake that was pretty damn amazing (and super rich). It was two layers; the bottom layer was vanilla chocolate chunk (Andres found vegan chocolate in Talara) and the top layer was vanilla with strawberry puree. We made vegan chocolate ganache and put it between the layers with fresh strawberries and drizzled it on top as well. Everyone agreed that it was delicious! We also had a bunch of pears going bad, so Andres made a sugar-less pear crumble one morning that really didn’t need any sugar; it was really good!

Our yummy vegan layer cake :)

I also tried to make a lentil curry this weekend, which kind of worked but we didn’t have all the spices I needed so it mostly just tasted like slightly spicy lentils. I’ll try again soon and hopefully it’ll turn out better!

Work

An EcoTeam jumping selfie from our hike day! (See the adventure section)

Work this week was pretty chill, but we still got a lot done! We had friends join for planting day again, a guy named Connor from Ireland who is staying at La Casona came and helped out and there were some friends of one of the members of EcoSwell’s UK team that were visiting so they helped out as well! Our veggie garden is half planted and we transferred some seedlings and planted more seeds for germination! Most of planting day was spent removing invasive tree stumps from the front yard though. We hacked away at those things forever and ended up removing two huge stumps and a few little trees that were springing up. It was a fun planting day with some groovy music though!

As for the distiller, we painted it with wood primer because the water was starting to damage the window frame (it was nasty, sticky stuff that got in my hair and is still in my hair a week later…) and I fixed the door handle and we found some bigger water jugs to distill the water into. We’re getting more silicone today, so this week we have to seal up any little cracks and make the whole distiller as air-tight as possible to keep the heat and the water vapor in! We’re also working on some really cool components that should increase the efficiency even more, stay tuned! We tested the distiller again this week and got similar results (about 10 liters out when we put 40 liters in) so hopefully our next test, after all the improvements, will give us a higher yield!

On Thursday morning we all went hiking in Piedritas, a nearby town! See the adventure section for the story.

Other than that, I’ve been organizing social media posts three times a week and have finally started lining up facebook posts and instagram posts, so there’s been progress there! Isa and I also painted a cute sign for the EcoSwell entrance, because before you could only tell that this is the EcoSwell house coming from one direction. I think we did a pretty great job and it was a fun creative outlet!

Adventures

The interns grabbing a beer in Mancora!

There were a lot of adventures this past week! I’ll try to make this section short-ish, but there’s lots to tell :)

Last weekend was Peruvian Independence Day and, coincidentally, Brady’s birthday. All of the volunteers decided to go spend a night in the famous beach/party town of Mancora to celebrate! Mom and I had gone for a quick day trip the weekend before, so I was the only one that had spent any time there (Isa had bussed through Mancora, but that was it). We headed out after an early lunch on Saturday, caught the combie to Talara and a van to Mancora and checked into our hostel, Palosanto Backpackers, as soon as we got there. There were seven of us, so we got a whole hostel dorm room to ourselves! The hostel had a bar, a pool, a restaurant, and a bunch of comfy hammocks. Once we were settled we headed to the beach to check out the town and the crowds (there were TONS of people ready to celebrate Peru’s independence). Music was blasting all along the beach, and we found a restaurant on the beach to grab a snack and a beer while we people watched. There were banana boats and crazy water hover boards speeding around just off the shore, and it was fun to watch some of the beginner surfers trying to stand up. After some yucca fries and our beers (have I mentioned that the beers here are 650 ml and about $2 USD and quite good?), we wandered around the booths for a bit before stopping at a convenience store to stock up for our party night. We got some Pisco, of course, because you have to drink Peru’s national liquor on their independence day! We weren’t allowed to bring the alcohol into the hostel, so we went back to the beach and hung out watching a soccer game and sipping our drinks. Isa and I bought a coconut to drink, in classic tourist fashion. The guy who sold us the coconut told us to make it a “CocoLoco” by adding some of our Pisco, which was a wonderful recommendation ;) Once the sun had set, we went and played some games in our room to pass the time and then went to find some veggie burgers for dinner. We ended up in a place that was only playing the Red Hot Chili Peppers and had a funny bartender in a big chef’s hat. The food was okay, and we wandered around afterwards trying to find the best place to celebrate. The beach was crazy, there were lights flashing and so many different bars playing different music and lots of drunk people taking pictures. There’s also a famous hostel called Loki that apparently has the craziest parties, but the line was huge so we ended up back at our hostel, which was also throwing a party. However, the party didn’t start until 1am and didn’t pick up until almost 3am, by which time most of us were fast asleep (we usually go to bed at 10 in the EcoHouse). Most of us made it until around 2 and got a bit of dancing in, but only Ale and Brady saw the true Mancora party scene, and they were out until 5am! In the morning we got our free breakfast at the hostel and hung out on the beach for a bit before gathering our things and grabbing lunch at the Black Sheep (the really yummy vegan restaurant that Mom and I went to the weekend before) and hopping on the Eppo bus home. Needless to say, the rest of that day was very chill and everyone went to bed early that night, but it was a fun adventure that brought us all closer together!

On Monday night we hiked up to the water tower for the sunset, which was nice but there was a marine layer blocking the lower part of the sunset that you could just tell was amazing! That night, a group of us had gotten back from dinner at Tranqui’s and were talking when Andres noticed a fire up the hill. A nearby house had caught fire (they figured out it was an electrical fire) and people were gathering trying to put it out (Lobitos doesn’t have a fire department). We ran to help out. It was pretty scary because this area is very dry, so the fire could have easily spread and destroyed much of Lobitos. Luckily, the community really rallied, bringing fire extinguishers and carrying buckets of water and shoveling dirt on the flames, and the fire was put out and no one was hurt. I was impressed and inspired by how many people drove from all corners of town to help fight the fire, it shows how close-knit the Lobitos community is.

On Thursday the Directors decided to take us on a work outing to Piedritas, the little town between Lobitos and Talara, to show us the hiking trails that EcoSwell is trying to develop into an ecotourism and education destination. We spent four hours hiking the rough trails in the dry forest, spotting cool birds and other wildlife, identifying plants, jumping across a muddy stream or two, and admiring the view over the dry forest from the highest point on the trails. It was a really fun day and showed us the beauty and the potential of the area. The trail project is about to take off, so I may get to help a little with that before I leave! Maybe my trail work experience will come in handy :)

Heading out on the hike in Piedritas!

On Friday morning we had the opportunity to go jump off one of the abandoned offshore oil rigs, and most of the volunteers decided to go (including me)! Tullio, the same guy that took us fishing, loaded us and a bunch of other people from nearby hostels into his boat and we puttered off to the platform. When we got there there were two huge sea lions lying on the stairs, so we had to scare them off by yelling at them until they sleepily rolled off the platform. The oil platforms have three levels, one four meter (13 ft), one eight meter (26 ft), and one fourteen meter (46 ft). We got to choose which to jump off of, and almost everyone went off the tallest one. It was high!! But the adrenaline rush was great and no one was hurt worse than a couple of tight muscles and bruises from landing wrong (I landed well and was perfectly fine!). I’ve done a lot of cliff jumping, and it was different to jump into the big ocean waves but nice to not have to try to avoid rocks when I jumped. It was definitely an experience and took some nerve, but it was a lot of fun and now I can say that I’ve jumped off the top of an offshore oil rig!

The oil rig we jumped off of (those stacks of tires at the bottom are about as tall as me, for reference).

I also went surfing twice in the past few days, and I’m determined to start going more often! It was a lot of fun, and both times I got up on the board at least four times. Also, the water has been really warm lately, so there’s no need for wetsuits! I’m ready to become a surfer girl :)

Finally, we went out to El Cuartel (a restaurant/hostel mom and I went to) for the first time with the EcoTeam for Isa’s last night and it was delicious! Most of the guys got veggie burgers (Ale is going vegetarian for August, yay!), I got a quinoa salad, and Isa got what looked like an amazing seafood risotto! On the way home it was pitch dark and everyone was admiring the milky way and the constellations. It was a fun night with everyone, and El Cuartel is becoming my favorite restaurant in Lobitos (though it is the furthest away from the house).

Phew! I think that covers all the adventures this week. This past weekend was really nice and chill; I spent most of the time reading (I’ve moved on to rereading the Harry Potter series), hanging out on the beach, surfing, and cooking. I’m looking forward to the next four weeks and what adventures they bring!

Looking out over the Piedritas dry forest :)

It’s been the craziest and most fun week yet, but I also have been missing home more than ever. When I can get online, the pictures of the mountains and green trees remind me of all the hikes I love in the summer and the mountain views that I love so much. I’m sad to be missing summer traditions, but this is truly an incredible experience and I’m trying my best to live in the moment! I’m sure I’ll have my fair share of mountains, trees, and views in my three weeks in Patagonia at the end of summer!

That’s all for now, miss and love you all! Look for another update next Monday :)

#EcoSwell #summer2018 #Lobitos #Peru

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againjack · 6 years

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Weekend of Star Wars

Friday night the plan was for Colby to show up in time for us to light Chanukah and Shabbos candles, then go to a leisurely dinner, and finally the 10:30pm showing of Star Wars. I didn’t hear from him until 7:30pm that he had just gotten home and still planned to do a project. Thus, I gave up and lit candles myself. :P Around 8:20 he said he gave up on the project and was heading my way.

Luckily I had picked restaurant options near the theater, and he picked the one in the same shopping center. We got to the restaurant around 9:45. Needless to say I was panicking about timing. Luckily, we had reserved, specific seats. That and we were eating Mexican which tends to be fast. I was not impressed with the quality of food, although the swiftness and level of service was good.

We enjoyed the movie and went to bed shortly after getting home, because it was LATE. The next morning I was up early for a hair appointment. While at the appointment when he got up he started poking at my network. I thought it was sweet he was tackling things around the house.

Shortly after I got back - earlier than expected - he left to tackle stuff at his place. I forget what I did the next few hours, but I eventually went to his place early. He was wrapping Chanukah gifts when I arrived, so he just shouted at me to not come into the guest room where he was. I shrugged and turned on the PS4. :P I played for a few hours while he ran errands and tackled other things.

I stopped playing with just enough time to get ready for his company holiday party. Before we left he asked me to open one of his gifts to me, it was a lovely blown glass pendant and earring set. The party was nice. His company is small, so there were maybe 10-15 of us at the owners house, drinking amazing wine and eating fabulous food. They were all great folk so I had fun chatting with many of them. I know Colby appreciated that I was able to hold my own, rather than stick by his side the entire time. I got especially friendly with one of his (female) coworkers and the owners wife. Shortly before we left the owner’s wife joked that she wanted a wedding invitation and she gushed when I asked if a bag of leftovers was “ours.” lol

Sunday morning we went separate ways - he to his synagogue, I to mine. After our things we met up at his parent’s home for family Chanukah brunch. After eating we all exchanged gifts. Everyone loved what I got them. I received some very sweet gifts. Colby gave me a calendar just like he gave everyone else. After the gift exchange several went to take care of their dogs or other stuff, to meet up with everyone later. One of Colby’s brothers staid and while Colby did something with his folks computer, the brother and I helped their mom clean up and socialized a bit.

During the gift exchange, someone made a comment, that I responded immediately with, “I’ve got the patience of a saint.” Without missing a beat, Colby quipped, “That’s good because anyone that marries into this family needs a lot of patience.” It was clear he had no idea what he just said. In the next few moments I had made eye contact with the three brothers and SIL, all of us in the same shock and realizing that Colby totally gave himself away. No one said anything about it, and the conversation moved on to the next person opening a gift. (We went around the circle, opening one gift per person each round.)

Finally, the three of us left - as Colby’s mom and dad weren’t joining us - to go to the theater. The Futures group rented out a whole theater to show Star Wars, and all of Colby’s brothers, their better halves, and his niece, went. On the way to the theater, since it was just Colby and I, I asked about his “married into the family” comment. He said he was just saying things and thinking about his SIL, to not take it in any seriousness or to mean anything. That really stung. Especially since I had thought he would propose that afternoon and hadn’t. I was so sure I had excitedly told a few other people I was expecting it. I was honestly tearing up, although not enough that I think he would have noticed, especially since I was looking out the window away from him and got really quiet.

After the movie everyone went separate ways. Back at his place he started to do various things, so I read. He then decided for us to light Chanukah candles again (like we did together the night prior) and open our private gifts to each other. I didn’t have any hopes at this point. He loved the things I gave him. He got me an interesting art piece and some amazing ruby earrings.

Like seriously. Opening the box to see the earrings (it was obviously jewelry, though I wasn’t sure what) that I paused with an intake of breath, stunned, when I saw them. I softly said, “Oh Colby. These are gorgeous!” We discussed what they were, where he got them, and he proudly told me the steal he got them for (ballpark.) It meant a lot to me that he paid attention to things I’ve said over the past several months to get something that means so much to me. (Although, he still isn’t out of the dog house for back tracking on the “married into” comment.)

He then putzed more, and I ended up falling asleep in the chair in his computer room while he did HOA things. He woke me up and told me to go to bed- it was 1am. I didn’t sleep well after going to bed, partially because I was so tired I didn’t think I need my normal advil pm. WRONG. I woke when he came to bed, had trouble falling back asleep, then gave up at 6am. After putzing on my phone I gave up and showered, before his alarm even went off. I decided to just leave, I noticed he had gotten up after a few alarms while I was eating breakfast. I did make him some coffee before leaving so at least I wasn’t leaving without saying goodbye in some fashion.

I sent him an email later on Monday, because I had found a great article that mentioned a few things that we needed to discuss, and told him how we needed to chat seriously about goals, timelines, and expectations. I emphasized it as on me not that I was mad at him or that he did anything wrong. I misread the situation and his intent. He ended up calling me on his way into work, before I even sent the aforementioned email, under the guise of thanking me for the coffee. We talked about some casual things and when I had to do a work thing hung up.

I spoke later on Monday with my friend E briefly. He gave me some advice before he had to go. That night my good friend M called me. She and I had been texting most of the weekend, as she knew my expectations. She was the one that said she thought Colby was backtracking fast after realizing what he said in front of his whole family. And then when I left without saying goodbye, that he realized he had fucked up. E called me back on Tuesday and we chatted more. He asked several interesting questions, to which I felt I had poor answers to, but he seems to think that Colby is ready to propose and just doesn’t have the timing right for whatever reason. That helped me a bit, hearing it from a recently married, Jewish guy (thus he would better understand Colby than my WASP female friend who has been married over a decade.)

Tuesday my mom arrived from out of town and immediately found one of her dogs was not well. I panicked and reached out to Colby about vets and stuff. We Gchatted a bit Wednesday, he responded to some of the emails I had sent earlier on the week on Thursday (not the “wtf” email from Monday morning.) Today (Friday) he called me on his way into work, where we planned the logistics for the next few days.

I frankly don’t know what is what at this point. I’m over my disappointment at his not proposing. I’m not comfortable with this limbo and am not looking forward to the discussion - if we even have it - because of his track record for not clearly answering or saying things. Yet, we are a team, he asks me for thoughts on redoing his flooring and getting a new dog; he helps me out with things around my house and has been great support regarding putting down mom’s dog.

I’ve gotten to a point of apathy regarding our relationship. It beats being single, even if there is STILL no sex. It clearly doesn’t meet (several) of my needs. But, it does meet some that are kind of important - like having that close bond that is more than friendship and someone I can reach out to in need, that I feel I CAN reach out to.

I recognized that this apathy is feeling comfortable with the relationship. It’s sort of a dangerous spot, because I feel comfortable to think it isn’t relationship based then focus only on the things not being met which then in turn implode it. I’ve seen this pattern in me more times than I care to count. At least by recognizing it, it shows some growth and maybe I can short circuit my tendency to run away looking for greener grass. Let’s face it, I’m not perfect, no one is. And I still hold that no one person can meet all of one other persons needs.

To end on a positive note, today on our phone call, he mentioned trying to add me to the game night friends group chat. Apparently they all have iphones and have been using a feature that is a group chat through Apple that can’t include Android folk as texts. Colby said he would redo the chat from scratch to get it to be text based rather than chat room based so I could be included. He said it was much easier than relaying information. :P I am faintly amused that it isn’t too long after my bitching about something that it comes to fruition.

The next several days will be a blur, so there will be another long catch up post of three days (or more) of craziness much after the fact.

#dating Colby

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meg2md · 5 years

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[If you don’t want to read an angry, self-pitying rant just skip it. Also I don’t want advice. It’s cathartic to yell on the internet]

Anyway I had 80% of my meniscus removed, am doing physical therapy twice a week with a copay of $35 ($280/month). No weight bearing at least until my post-op on the 18th, and I’ve already been on crutches for almost 3 weeks. In fact, it will be 3 weeks on Saturday. I need rides everywhere, I can’t clean my room or do my laundry by myself. I can’t even fill up my water and take it to my bed stand. My knee hurts randomly, I still don’t have full ROM, I have to do physical therapy exercises 4-6 times per day but I don’t have time now that I’m back on campus with all our mandatory labs, ultrasounds, dissections, peer teachings, exams, and clinical skills. There’s never a good time to blow your meniscus, but when you’re 27 and in your neuro block, that’s objectively the worst time. At least in MSK we didn’t have so much mandatory cramp. If I miss >2 weeks of mandatory events, I have to make things up over the summer. Like the whole block. Which I am 5 weeks into (out of 12) and it’s hell, so no thank you. Also I don’t want it to interfere with the research I’m doing, especially because I need it to be competitive to do residency where I want.

I think I’m eligible for a meniscal transplant. From what the PT, PA, and technician said, unless something drastic happens we can talk about doing it. The orthopod seems gung-ho about it. It’s a rare surgery, and has a 49% success rate at 10 years. That puts me at 37 when it fails. I’m just trying to buy time so I don’t have to get a total knee arthroplasty in my early 40s. Without my medial meniscus I’m looking at 15x more pressure with weight bearing. My physical therapist said it’s much better to have a medial than a lateral meniscectomy, at least. The medial compartment is apparently better at distributing shock. Still 1500% more shock than with a normal meniscus, but whatever. Apparently the recovery from the meniscus transplant is rough. I haven’t looked too much into it yet because the last time I was on the internet I got infinitely depressed. My PT told me that they usually save these surgeries for young people who have their meniscus removed, because the long-term effects are catastrophic. And while he was talking about adolescent boys, I’m also only 27. Let me repeat: ONLY 27. And I love weight bearing activities. I’m active as fuck. I lost 50 lbs being active and have kept it off for like 5+ years by being active. Telling me I can’t play tennis, can’t run unless I’m willing to say FUCK YOU to my knee cartilage is honestly like killing a part of me. I think I am actually going through the grieving process. I told peter before they took me into surgery and the night before that them taking out my meniscus was my worst fear. I expected it wouldn’t be repaired, but I thought hey, they’ll leave 50% at least, right? I woke up at it was 80. I cried all weekend from the time the drugs wore off until I just got fucking mad. I accidentally went to the same-day surgery floor today on my way to PT and the last time I was there i still had my meniscus. Nice. It made me feel like shit to stand there.

Classes are fine. My grades are fine. Still sitting around average, which is where I want to be. I just have so much work to make up from the week I was out, and then we just have a bunch of busy work anyway. I have shadowing reflections and SOAP notes and IHI coursework and a QI project to do all before spring break in a week. And next week itself is hell because I’m making up two labs and doing two labs (which are long and hard and have quizzes) Monday and Tuesday. I have LPCC Wednesday which eats up my afternoon, but guess what, the practical over ALL the labs we’ve done (like 12), 3 dissections, and 2 prosections is on Thursday. AND I’M ON CRUTCHES. The literally the day after we have our biweekly exam. WTF? And I’m supposed to be doing all my busy work while studying for all this shit and making up work ON CRUTCHES.

And I made a counseling appointment but it’s during spring break, so all my friends will be living it up in New Orleans and guess who cant fucking go now. This fucking blows. I have never gone out with friends for spring break, and I helped make all the plans, and I was SO SO SO SO SO EXCITED, and now it’s just all SHIT because of my knee. And I have to FUCKING UBER to my counseling appointment because my roommate is busy and everyone else I know will be out of town!!!! Amazing!!!! And my dad has to drive 3 hrs to pick me up and drive 3 hrs back. This is pathetic and frustrating and I’m so mad.

And I keep fucking FALLING!!!! When I’m at school for so long having to stand and sit in chairs (BOTH OF WHICH ARE UNCOMFORTABLE AND CAUSE ME PAIN) I get tired and am more likely to put unintentional pressure on my bad leg. And my apartment has stairs I need to go down and I fucking tripped and landed with ALL my weight on my effectively medial-meniscus-free leg. CLASSIC. AWESOME.

I have to study in my bed because chairs and the couch are uncomfortable and I have to keep my leg extended. It’s hell on my back. My neck hurts, my back hurts. It’s hard to focus when you hurt. I’m tired and I’m sick of this. I know people have it worse than me. I don’t care. This sucks so bad. I went through a pretty bad bout of depression and now I’m just MAD. I’m mad at everyone. I want to lash out at the people I love. Incredible. Amazing. Wow.

Literally every time I say things can’t get worse, they do. That’s how I landed with this $35 co-pay, and then later turned the wrong burner on when I was trying to cook and burned my plastic bowl. Honestly, that’s how what I thought was a minor meniscus tear turned into a bucket-handle tear that flipped under my femoral condyle and got ground into fucking mush

I don’t want to give up but I want a fucking break

Also it’s already April and I have nowhere to live next year

lit

#medblr #rant

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biofunmy · 5 years

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Puja Patel’s Pitchfork Work Diary: ‘Our Staffers Decidedly Own the Dance Floor’

Puja Patel listens to a lot of music. The volume has gotten so overwhelming since she was named editor in chief of Pitchfork, she’s had to create a system to manage it all. “I’ve decided to keep my new vinyl purchases to things that I know I’ll keep for the rest of my life,” Ms. Patel said. She puts unreleased albums into a folder on iTunes and streams everything else on Spotify. She also acquired an old iPod Touch to use solely for work, but that turned out to be fruitless when she learned it wasn’t compatible with the latest MacBook.

Pitchfork, with its authoritatively decimalized album ranking system, is one of the most influential music publications in the United States. A favorable rating has the power to propel a below-the-radar artist into the mainstream, while a negative one can sink a well-known performer’s latest effort. “As someone who was obsessively reading the site in college, to imagine running it one day was absurd,” Ms. Patel, 33, said. “And now that I’m here, it feels extremely powerful and correct.”

A child of immigrants — her father was from Zimbabwe and her mother is from India — Ms. Patel worked for a number of outlets, including Fader, The Village Voice and MTV, before joining Pitchfork. “My specialty was really showing that music was about community,” she said. “And how music is an immediate reflection of the tensions of a city, whether that be political or social, or even the way that tech was changing and inducing the way a genre moved.” In 2016, she was named editor in chief of Spin — becoming one of the few women to lead a large music publication — and she reveled in the opportunity to push its boundaries.

Pitchfork was founded in 1996 and acquired by Condé Nast in 2015. The Pitchfork Review, the site’s quarterly magazine, was shut down two years later, and last September Condé Nast asked Ms. Patel to take over from Ryan Schreiber, Pitchfork’s founder and longtime editor. We spoke in March, as she was producing the publication’s first “digital cover.”

Monday

6 a.m. I have this obnoxious tendency to wake up early in the morning and beat my alarm. I couldn’t sleep because I was thinking about our digital cover story, which I was up late editing with our features editor. It’s about the singer Sky Ferreira. I eventually open up the story to see what tweaks were made and do some tweaking of my own. It covers some sensitive subject matter — like her friendship with Michael Jackson when she was a kid — so I think all of us are trying to take some care with how we deliver that.

7:30 a.m. Log into Slack and see that the singer Scott Walker has died. I talk to a news editor and assign an obit. As a music fan, I think one of the really difficult parts of the job is tabling your sadness and grief to be able to react and inform your readers as quickly as possible.

10:30 a.m. Staff meeting. We talk about Scott Walker, and our managing editor updates us on what to keep an eye out for today. I bring up our launch party, which is on Wednesday night, and gently remind the staff to be on their best behavior. I like these meetings — it’s useful for the staff, and it’s nice checking in with everyone, since we have so many sprawling parts of the magazine and all that comes with Condé Nast.

1:30 p.m. More party prep. I’m answering all kinds of questions like: Is this person on the guest list? What artwork should we display? Can you approve these finances? Can we get approval on this partnership thing? These things pop up all day, and I forget how much time they take up. It comes with the territory of being the editor.

3 p.m. I realize I haven’t written my editor’s letter, which is set to run tomorrow at 8 a.m.

4:30 p.m. I started blocking off this hour on my calendar without telling everyone why. I let everyone believe I’m in a meeting so I can do things like write my letter or check up on emails.

9:30 p.m. Running on fumes and finally writing my editor’s letter. (I take breaks to cook dinner, chat with my cousin and try on some clothes that I had ordered online.) The question I get most frequently from reporters and friends is what it feels like to be a woman in charge of a publication that’s been helmed by men until now. I try to speak to that in my letter.

12 a.m. Everything has been filed, typos and final copy-edits have been made. It’s time for bed.

Tuesday

6 a.m. Woke up before the alarm again. Text my mom and brother good morning, and scroll through my international family WhatsApp group thread. There are 30-plus people on it, and it regularly shifts from family updates to Gujarati or Hindi memes or videos.

7 a.m. Make scrambled eggs and check in with editors to make sure we’re set for the cover story rollout.

8 a.m. The cover story is live! I’m so happy that it’s finally out. I’m honestly a little emotional and very proud of how so many people, who hadn’t previously worked together, collaborated to make this come to fruition. Big projects like these always create trust and excitement about what else we can do as a staff — it’s a good sign of what’s to come.

12:30 p.m. I pop in to say hello to Vanity Fair editor Radhika Jones and ask about a Condé meeting scheduled for later today. (We moved floors recently and now share our space with her magazine and Wired.) We end up chatting for 30 minutes.

3:30 p.m. One of two weekly reviews meetings, where we go over our album review schedule, scoring, Best New Music designations and assignments. This is usually the easiest or knottiest meeting of the week, depending on the releases and how strongly the editors in the room feel about them. We try to have at least four people on staff listen to every album reviewed before landing on a precise score. Today, two editors have differing opinions on the score of a smaller album, and we talk about some existential issues with scoring against the legacy opinions of Pitchfork past.

6:30 p.m. Left the office earlier than usual because I need to eat dinner and figure out what to wear to tomorrow’s party. Make a salad and throw a quarter of my closet onto my bed, land on two or three things that could work and kick myself for always procrastinating on shopping.

8:30 p.m. Meet up with an old music friend at Zablozki’s in Williamsburg. We talk about the surge of reporting on sexism and assault in music — the journalist’s duty to the story, and then how women at labels and PR firms do their own reporting and assessments from within.

9:15 p.m. Head across the street to National Sawdust to see Yves Tumor, an experimental electronic musician who has played an after-party for Pitchfork Paris and our Chicago Midwinter event, a music festival in partnership with the Art Institute of Chicago.

9:45 p.m. Pitchfork is hosting an event with Tidal down the street at Music Hall of Williamsburg for Women’s History Month. I drag my label friend with me with the hopes of seeing the duo Girlpool, but we miss them, unfortunately.

10:30 p.m. In a cab home, texting with Pitchfork’s publicist. She tells me an on-camera interview scheduled for tomorrow got moved. I’m thrilled — one less thing to think about.

Wednesday

7 a.m. It’s a normal morning, which means I can spend the first few hours of my day listening to music and albums we’re slated to review.

1:30 p.m. My weekly meeting with Anna Wintour, the creative director of Condé Nast. Anna is a sounding board on anything big or small. We talk about everything: new developments on major editorial plans for the site, design updates, artists who are releasing new music, ideas around covers, the staff, navigating every kind of business change or hurdle while being true to the site’s spirit and point of view.

3:30 p.m. Head out of the office early to meet my mom and brother, who are in town from Baltimore. I spend the travel time going over the syllabus and reading materials of a New York University journalism class I’m speaking at tomorrow.

4:15 p.m. My mom and I get blowouts for the party. I lost my dad to lung cancer a little over a year ago, which was unexpected and sudden and has been very hard on all of us, especially my mom. Sometimes I wonder if I stay so busy so that I don’t let my mind wander into the deep sadness that comes every time I think about him. I miss him every day, and especially during times of celebration.

6:20 p.m. Arrive at Kinfolk for the party. The venue is covered in images and video from the cover shoot and it looks amazing. Events like this always move in a blur, but some highlights: Nancy and Rayna from LCD Soundsystem DJ. Anna Wintour chats with my mom for a while, and it brings me so much joy to see these two singular women in my life in conversation. Sky Ferreira and I talk about the release of her new single and what it feels like to have something new out after so long. The band Empath and two of our staffers decidedly own the dance floor.

9:30 p.m. The staff moves down the street to the Turkey’s Nest after the party. Everyone has their biggest smiles on. I want to take a snapshot of the moment and commit it to memory forever.

Thursday

12:30 p.m. My mom and brother come to our office at 1 World Trade Center for lunch. It’s nice to be able to show them what I do and where I work, especially since online media is an unconventional career path in some ways. The view from the office helps, too.

3 p.m. Weekly senior editorial meeting with team leads.

7:30 p.m. At N.Y.U.’s Bobst library to speak to students at the Clive Davis Institute about “Race, Gender, and Music Writing” for a class on writing about popular music. The students are great. They’re avid readers of Pitchfork and big music fans, and they ask sharp and very specific questions about our editorial process and where we fit in the digital media landscape. This is my favorite part of the day, easily. It reaffirms that, in a different life, I’d like to be a teacher.

9:15 p.m. The professor of the class is the executive editor of Billboard and a friendly acquaintance. We decide to grab some sushi at Lure Fishbar and catch up on industry gossip and media news before calling it a night.

Friday

12:30 p.m. Meeting with our design director, art director and photo director to discuss the big-picture styling and timeline of some new visual projects.

1:30 p.m. Our video lead tells me that Conor Oberst and Phoebe Bridgers are on their way to the office studios to shoot for our “Over/Under” series. Last week we ran into the “Queer Eye” cast in the cafe and taped them for the series, too. It’s one of my favorite franchises because of how genuinely funny and random it tends to be.

5 p.m. A label rep and friend of the staff comes in to play new music from the U.K. rapper Slowthai in our Listening Room. You can tell when the staff are especially excited to hear something, because they all try to cram into a room made to seat eight. The music leaks into the hall and through the walls and is welcome next to the usual sounds of typing.

8:45 p.m. My friend Jia comes over to my apartment in Williamsburg with a bottle of wine. We became friends years ago when we were both bloggers and now she’s part of a close-knit group of women I don’t know what I’d do without. Another writer friend stops by, too. We listen to Solange and Jessica Pratt and eventually let Spotify take over as we recap our weeks and hang. When I go to bed, I don’t bother to set an alarm.

Interviews are conducted by email, text and phone, then condensed and edited.

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jessaadventures-blog · 6 years

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Week Nine: The Final Week!

My painted volunteer rock going under the sign!

My last week in Lobitos was very chill and I spent a lot of time finishing up my work and preparing for Patagonia while I enjoyed some final traditions and experiences! These last few days had their ups and downs (I got sick again), but now I’m on to a new adventure and I couldn’t be more excited :)

The EcoHouse

Yummm mango :)

We said goodbye to Chris on Tuesday, and Michael left for vacation on Tuesday as well, so I said farewell to him before he left on his adventure. That only left Ale, Joris, Anthony, and I with Diego and Nai Ana; a big change from having eleven people in the house last week! The house was pretty chill all week, we all did a lot of reading and sleeping but had some fun nights as well!

On Monday we decided to make breakfast for dinner on Monday with our leftover food (we still had a lot because of the number of people that had just left). We made a whole spread with pancakes with honey, a potato and onion hash, avocado and tomato toast, and eggs; it was wonderful! Taco Tuesday happened for the ninth consecutive week (every Tuesday since I arrived) and it was sad to have my last one, though I hope the guys keep it going. On Wednesday we had a bunch of leftover chickpeas from lunch and the guys decided to create some falafels with homemade tortillas. They were very tasty in a deep-fried way, and the guys got creative with the batter by throwing a bunch of other veggies and leftovers in there, but I’m pretty sure the falafels made me sick.

It might’ve been the large amount of oil that my stomach wasn’t used to or eating some raw flour, I’m not sure, but both Nai Ana and I got quite sick later that night. I had absolutely no appetite for the next two and a half days, though I tried to eat some delicious tomato soup that Anthony made for us sickies (it didn’t stay down). On Friday I managed a banana and some cornflakes, but it wasn’t until Saturday morning that I felt mostly back to normal. I’m extremely relieved that I got (mostly) better by the time I left; traveling while sick would not be fun! I ended up spending a few evenings of my last week lying in bed watching movies and feeling pretty horrible, which was sad, but the end of the week took an upturn!

I made some yummy avocado toast for lunch after a breakfast of cornflakes on Saturday, and ate a super sweet mango for snack (I’m gonna miss the tropical fruit)! For my last dinner I had to cook something good, so I whipped up one last veggie pot pie! I think it was my best yet, and the comfort food felt right before heading into the Patagonian winter. I also baked a really yummy vegan vanilla cake that we ate with fried sweet plantains on top; the combination worked beautifully!

The last veggie pot pie with biscuit dough crust topping!

For my last night, now that everyone was recovered, we drank some delicious homemade maracuya sours made by Diego and played a few rounds of King of Tokyo, a new board game that was really fun and nerdy! Overall it was a really great last night, I’ll definitely miss the EcoSwell pisco and game nights.

My last maracuya (passionfruit) sour! I’m going to miss pisco.

Otherwise, I spent Sunday morning packing everything up (shoving everything in my backpack always takes some time), painting a rock to leave by the sign (a recently-begun tradition), and writing my most famous recipes in the EcoSwell recipe book. It was a chill last morning, and it was nice to not be in a rush to get packed and out the door!

Work

Planting day at the school!

My last week of work was really successful! I finished the manual I was making for the next volunteer, who will be building a new (and better) solar distiller and we fixed and tested the current distiller for the last time and it made more water than any of the other tests (about 15 liters in three days)!! Joris and I also launched a crowdfunding campaign on Friday to raise money to build the next solar distiller, and last time I checked (Sunday morning) we only needed $30 to reach our goal of $1000! That’s way quicker than we expected (thanks to all of you who donated or tried to donate)!! It felt so good to end on a huge high note after my nine weeks of effort at EcoSwell; I managed to finish a whole big segment of the solar distiller project and I feel pretty proud of all I learned.

One of the highlights of the work week was spending planting day at the Lobitos primary school planting native trees and vetiver! Diego had gotten in touch with the school, and they had a small plot that they wanted to plant with some eco friendly plants, so we headed to the school at 8am on Wednesday with some seedlings from our nursery and all of our tools. While we didn’t get to interact the kids much (they were in classes), we had quite a few run up to watch what we were doing and we got to see their PE class that was near where we were planting. It was a fun morning and it was so nice to see a bunch of curious little kids playing around outside; it’s been a while since I’ve been in that environment and it made me miss my little sisters even more than I already do! After planting some trees and vetiver, fertilizing the soil, and setting up protection around the seedlings so the wind doesn’t knock them over, we talked to the teachers for a bit, took some pictures, and headed back to the EcoHouse. It was a wonderful last planting day (and we didn’t have to get up as early as normal)!

Adventures

I’m a surfer girl now, look at that massive wave !! ;)

Because of my stomach bug, I didn’t get out of the house much this week, but I did make sure to do some of the things I’ll miss in Lobitos. I watched the sunset on my last night; I’ll miss walking the beach in the golden glow of the sun or hiking to the water tower to watch the sun go down over the fishing boats.

I also managed to get out surfing for the last time on Saturday, and it was a ton of fun! We went to Piscinas to surf, and though the waves were small there were a lot to catch and I managed to stand up more times than I ever have in one surfing session! I’m definitely thankful I was over my sickness enough to hit the waves, because it really was a highlight (and Joris got some pictures of me surfing)! I wish I had gone surfing more while I was in Lobitos, but I’m definitely planning on heading to Santa Cruz to surf while I’m at school and up to Tofino hopefully next time I’m home (and it’s warm enough)!

One of my last sunsets over the Lobitos pier.

These nine weeks have been an incredible experience, and I wouldn’t change it for the world. I’ve learned so much about the reality of working to encourage sustainable development in small communities (it’s difficult but I’m passionate about it and definitely what I want to continue to do in the future, especially at the beginning of my career), how to go about finding (and building) solutions to community issues and running a non-profit, and how to have patience and include all stakeholders and perspectives when developing these projects. I’ve gone on so many amazing adventures (and managed to survive living in a desert-like environment for two months - I didn’t feel a drop of rain the whole time I lived in Lobitos), and met so many incredible people. During my time at EcoSwell, I’ve met twenty people, and those are just the ones that were living in the house. I’ve made a list, in roughly chronological order: Kyler, Sean, Isa, Dion (I already knew him but we’ll count it), Javi, Ale, Brady, Joris, Jenny, Jack, Orianna, Seth, Claudia, Chris, Anthony, Alejandro, Diego, Andres, Michael, and Nai Ana. I also met and interacted with a lot of Lobitos locals and made friends with some of the travelers that came in and out of the nearby hostels!

I’ll remember this experience forever, and EcoSwell will always have a place in my heart.

And now I’m heading off on another unforgettable adventure: Patagonia! I’m currently sitting in the Lima airport (after almost not making it onto my flight from Talara to Lima because the flight was overbooked) waiting to board the plane to Santiago and then to Punta Arenas, Chile to meet up with my professors and the fourteen other students in the class!

We’ll be in Punta Arenas from September 3rd to the 5th, then Puerto Natales, Chile from the 5th to the 17th, then El Chalten, Argentina from the 17th to the 20th, and finally El Calafate, Argentina from the 20th to the 22nd, when I fly home and get back to campus on Sunday, September 23rd, twenty-one hours before my first class! Woooo, I’m ready!!

I’m going to try to continue posting roughly every weekend while I’m down there, but I’m not sure of the internet situation, so bear with me! I’m sure I’ll have plenty of stories to tell when I do manage to post :) As always, I love and miss everyone and hope the end of your summers are going well!

#EcoSwell #summer2018 #Lobitos #Peru

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