-___- i need to find a bookshelf thats been thrown out again .. theres no good trash here .. there's GREAT trash next door and i thiiiiiink enough time has passed that i feel comfortable walking over there sometimes and scouring their dumpsters every once in awhile

Higurashi TEN (Role Swap AU) - 34 Random Facts

Well, I'm slightly stuck with the question arcs, so instead I'm just going to write up and throw out a whole bundle of random facts about the world, its characters, and things that have or could happen. Hopefully this will lead to something clicking into place for me, and hopefully you'll like it, too.

Kei, Reina, and Mion still use a bat, nata, and taser, respectively, as their main weapons, though Mion's been forbidden from using the taser by Oryou. Hanyuu uses the ritual hoe and swords in about equal measure. Miyoko uses whatever's on hand to frightening effect.

Shion thrives at St. Lucia; however, she is pulled out of the school by her family after Oryou decides that Mion's twin would be better utilized if she was right on hand...

Miyoko does the Joseph Joestar "your next line is..." thing, which almost always works like a charm. (It doesn't work on Satoko or Bernkastel, but the former plays along when she's not in the black outfit)

Hanyuu's horns aren't initially broken, but by the end of the series, they have their signature crack.

Tomitake is a much more common sight in Hinamizawa than he was in the original universe, being a resident of Okinomiya who frequently visits. He's also quite well-liked, mostly because he's there to fix just about anything that breaks.

Rumiko was the original user of Rena's signature nata, as well as the person who first converted the van in the dump into a hiding place.

Satoko finds the contents of the Saiguiden fascinating but ultimately disappointing; she expected something more directly tied to Hinamizawa Syndrome's origins.

Irie almost always manages to get clear of Hinamizawa before Emergency Procedure #3105 is executed; however, he's usually dead in under 24 hours due to his escape catching Tokyo's attention.

Both Ooishi and Akasaka are hated by the Sonozaki family but the former much more so, to the point where Ooishi schedules his visits to Okinomiya when the Sonozakis will be looking elsewhere, such as on festival nights.

Rina targets Kei's dad in the loops where she doesn't die. Kei's mom does not take it well - to the point where she goes L5, in some cases.

Mion's "feelings" for Satoshi are primarily a result of Satoshi being just that nice and caring and good-hearted. It helps that she's enamored with a saintly image of him that's only grown more pure since his absence.

When Miyoko bothers to start telling people about how she's lost in time loops, their reactions are mostly in the vein of "oh, that explains so much".

Bernkastel can be heard by people who are deep in the throes of Hinamizawa Syndrome; naturally, she uses this to fuck with people for kicks.

Okonogi takes the role of the clinic's head after Satoko dies/disappears. He's regarded exclusively with suspicion - if he wasn't only filling the role until the GHD triggers, he'd probably get run out of town within a month.

Rumiko regularly made Miyoko curry after learning that Teppei and Tamae were denying her food; this led to Rumiko taking her curry very seriously because it represented the only "acceptable" way for her to help Miyoko.

Officially, Tatsuyoshi Sonozaki and his wife (Naeko) are Mion and Shion's parents. In reality, Akane is their mother, and whether or not Tatsuyoshi is the father is strictly a matter between him and Akane.

All of the locations from the original universe are present and more or less unchanged, along with a few new "sets" such as Akasaka's apartment.

Satoko has an alternate version of her "Tokyo" outfit that includes a mask that resembles an inverted Eye of Providence. She wears this when acting in Hinamizawa after her death, claiming that she needs to hide her identity due to being known in the village. (Okonogi thinks that doesn't matter in the slightest and that Satoko is trying too hard to be "cool", and he isn't wrong... except that it's managed to keep Miyoko from realizing who it is throughout the loops)

Beyond mahjong, Akasaka, Satoshi, Irie and Tomitake were fast friends. Their name for the quartet is the "Soul Brothers" - thankfully, it's a more serious (and infinitely less horny-focused) group than in arcs like (ugh) Batsukowashi-hen. (Kei still becomes an honorary Soul Brother in some arcs, though)

While she's reasonably familiar with a gun and a bow, Shion's real weapon is her contacts: her stay at St. Lucia (and Rika-in-Gou levels of popularity while there) means she has a slew of St. Lucia-ites (with powerful fathers) who would bend over backward for her.

Akane and Satoko are the two most skilled individual fighters in Higurashi TEN - who wins in a fight between the two is generally decided by who screws up first, but this is usually Akane getting blindsided by a trap unless she's warned. (They fight in more fragments than you'd expect - Akane Kasai is the most dangerous person in Hinamizawa and Satoko knows it.)

Miyoko starts her loops at the same point every time - the morning after the festival in 1982. This is mostly to dodge the abuse from Tamae - the fact that people assume her changed personality is because she's escaped an abusive home is icing on the cake.

The official reason for the Clinic "studying" Hanyuu was that they were researching the effects of her horns' growth pressing on her brain and monitoring the brain tumor-like symptoms (hearing voices, delusions of being Oyashiro-sama reborn, etc.) that it caused; this was all a fabrication hiding the research done on Hanyuu as Queen Carrier. Satoshi was disgusted by this facade and eventually told the Furudes that Hanyuu's brain was fine, leading to them pulling Hanyuu out (and Satoko murdering them as a result).

Irie occasionally mediates the Games Club's punishment games, sometimes getting dragged into it himself. He's a stalwart protector defender of the young club members' honor, making whatever sacrifices he has to in order to make sure that they're not forced into perverted situations or outfits.

Rumiko may or may not have had feelings for Mion, which Mion subconsciously returned; Mion's quietly put two and two together in the months following her disappearance, and it's had a palpable effect on her relationship with Reina.

Ooishi lives in Kakiuchi City and is a part of its police department, and he's not the only former Hinamizawa resident on its force - there's a bright young detective named Natsumi Kimiyoshi who I've heard interesting stories about, though I don't know much about her...

While he's still capable of being the "Magician of Words", Kei's charisma is heavily tempered by the restrained, somewhat cold wall he's put up around his emotions for "everyone's own good".

After all that looping, Miyoko's trauma response to Teppei moving back in and forcing himself to be her caretaker is anger moreso than shutting down. More than a few loops have ended with Teppei killing her after she was too insolent (or too creepy) for him to put up with.

Yukie was a reporter who was extremely critical of the anti-dam protests, especially after the kidnapping occurred. At least some of the antipathy towards Akasaka is due to being Yukie's husband.

When the seeds of distrust aren't sown, Reina's empathy is one of her most powerful tools, making her able to stand up to just about anyone in Hinamizawa and reach out a hand to them. (Sometimes this leads to getting a baseball bat to the head, but hey, she tried.)

Hanyuu can hear Bernkastel at lower levels of Hinamizawa Syndrome than anyone else in the village, and seems to be cognizant of her presence even when she's at L1/L2. The exact details of Hanyuu and Bern's rapport are known only to them.

Miyoko and Hanyuu are closer to each other than they are to anyone else, but there's still a big ugly wall between them due to Hanyuu's quasi-divinity butting up against Miyoko's hatred of any and all gods. Tearing that wall down is an important part of Miyoko's character development.

Irie had (has?) Satoshi's blessing to try and win Satoko's heart; according to Satoshi, Satoko's not entirely against the idea of a relationship. Satoshi also made sure that Irie didn't cross any lines when going after her; after Satoshi disappeared, Irie ceased his attempts until Satoko herself encouraged him.

Everyone is wearing different outfits - the new ones are more or less the same pieces of clothing as the original "position" but with the color palette and general feel of the character filling the slot. For example, Reina's casual outfit starts as Keiichi's - a vest, undershirt, and shorts (and no hat) - but then is adjusted to fit Rena's style and is given a white, light blue, and purple palette. My attempts at mocking up Reina and Mion's designs are below.

what's going on with STAYs?

the hyunjin (and woojin) situation - a (very long) rant

DISCLAIMER : This post was not meant to slander Hwang Hyunjin or Stray Kids, it is intended to educate others on their problematic behaviour.

I'm gonna start at the beginning of all this. So unless you a.) live under a rock or b.) unlike the rest of us you have a life, then you have possibly heard of the idol bullying scandals. If you dont know what that is, I'll give a brief summary. A bunch of idols were being accused by former middle school or high school classmates of bullying. It started with Soojin of (G)I-dle and then the whole thing started rippling. Aisha of Everglow, Kihyun of MonstaX, Mingyu of SEVENTEEN, and many more. It's even gone as far as SA allegations. Basically everyone and their mothers were being dragged into the mess. However some of these accusation were later to be proven as false. Others have been somewhat half-true. The point is the majority of these idols end up going on a hiatus and stopped contributing in their groups activities for a while. It was a very frustrating situation. There's been apologies, addresses, fights occurring left and right. While these idols were being accused, everybody was like "let's wait for the official statement from the comany and see what is up, and then we make our decision from there. So for now lets stay our best to be neutral". That was the norm for a majority of fandoms. And then there were STAYs.

_____________________________________________________________ I think we've learned in the last five months that STAYs are anything but a normal fandom. After what has happened and the way they chose to behave entirely was embarassing. I feel like toxic STAYs really ruined the name of this fandom when the Woojin situation happened. But after Hyunjin was accused of bullying, they pretty much just shredded any redeeming qualities that fandom had left—all of it—everything went down the drain. Soon enough I feel like people are going to be embarassed to become a STAY or to mention that they're a STAY, because those motherfuckers really screwed this up If some of you're really confused right now, as to why I called STAYs toxic. It's because the base of this fandom is pretty privilege. Ok, let's start with the definition. What is pretty privilege? Pretty privilege is the principle that people who are deemed more attractive (based on societal beauty standards) have an upper hand in the world and are afforded many opportunities that us regular folks don't have. Like most other biases, pretty privilege is something we're all aware of—whether we have experienced it first-hand or not. Yet, it's not often that we are willing to admit or even talk about it, especially if we're on the receiving end of its benefits. This bias, also known as lookism, is defined as “Prejudice or discrimination on the grounds of a person's appearance” and occurs in a variety of settings such as social environments, workplaces and especially in this godforsaken fandom. Let me explain; everything that they do for the boys is simply based on looks. And how do i know that? Because when the baseless accusations that targeted woojin came out one of the things that i kept hearing over and over again was that they always thought he was 'ugly'. And that to me is very intersting because this fandom found him ugly but they didn't say anything, because he was in the same group as their faves. So they kept their mouths shut, and they acted as if they loved him they told him all the sappy bullshit. When he left they decided to pull an "Okay let's tell him how much we miss him, then dump it, and leave it there."

Consequently by cause of his so called 'wrongdoings' you're now telling people "Oh I found him ugly all along, but now I can finally admit it" which is an incredibly pathetic move. They were throwing shit everywhere based off unsubstantiated allegations. Through this I realised that everything goes down to looks. Because when this exact same thing happened to Hyunjin and his accusations, which at the time we did not know the legitimacy of it, the first thing they chose to tweet was"uhmm hyunjin is too cute to be a bully," say what now? You wanted to tell me you decide whether someone is capable of bullying based on their looks, how is that supposed work. Not everybody's heart is as beautiful as their face, I'm just saying. Like why on earth would you think that Hyunjin isn't a bully based on the fact that he's handsome but you believe the accusation about Woojin based off the fact that he is quote 'ugly'. You see the parallel difference between their behaviour towards them and that's because all they care about is looks and they will do just about anything to garner the attention of these boys. Yes, you're right, the reason behind their doings is because they know pefectly well that Stray Kids read their comment. Their defending them because they are desperately wanting their faves to pay attention to them. And they think by letting Hyunjin get away with everything, he would thank them for it.

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Exhibit B; When the posts against Woojin came out the very first thing they told us was that, you have to believe the victim no matter what. It got to the point where even when we tried to reason with them about how there was no solid evidence, all they said was how they would rather believe a possible liar then a possible r4pist. ikr, oh. my. gosh. However when it's Hyunjin's turn to get blamed, believing the victim doesn't matter anymore. The actuality that people were already putting a judgement on the victim, and refusing to hear them out is just shocking to me.

The energy was completely different, for some crazy reason it didn't matter when it came to Hyunjin. When it came to Woojin we had to believe the victim because it's so damn important, and it got to the point that people were saying they believed Stray Kids that he 'bullied' them. Although Stray Kids didn't say anything, they never said a peep, a word, nothing. Everyone kept saying I believe Felix saying #8, i believe Chan and his vlive, are you for real? First of all what is Felix supposed to say then?? The group has 8 members not nine, is he supposed to put #9 in? #13? #24?? And with Chan he has already clarified that his statement on vlive that time wasn't about Woojin.

Then they were diagnosing them them of depression they were victimizing the poor boys of something they were not a victim of. So not are they speaking for them, they're telling us that you believe them off what you've stuff in their mouths, not things they said themsleves. On the other hand when Hyunjin was accused of bullying no we don't believe them we believe Hyunjin. What? Do you know him personally or what? You dont! I don't know what's the matter with you people. This fandom is just a no. You guys are left with no redeeming qualities whatsoever. Then you know what it gets even worse because if you think this is bad. It's not even half of it. How does it get worse? They were people saying that "It's bullying, its normal everybody does it," I don't know what universe you live in, but where I live down here, on earth bullying isn't something that everybody comes around and do. It's not a phase in life. "From ages 15-20 you're a bully" That doesn't happen it's not a chapter in life that everyone goes through like puberty, that's not what happens with bullying. You dont just wake up and go through a phase in you life that is inevitable, that you have to be a bully and a jerk to everybody, that's not a thing. You can't just sit here and justify bullying. Because how are you supposed to sit here and say that bullying is normal and that everybody does but when Woojin does it... You see where I'm going with this right? They said it wasn't okay for Woojin to bully Stray Kids and that he is a horrible person "how could he?" But then you bend over and said "Bullying is okay because Hyunjin is the one doing it" When he is on the receiving end it wasn't okay, though when he was the one administering it was completely fine and forgivable.

Do you not see how problematic you're being right now? You're justifying bullying because you think he's pretty? Are you playing with me? I read his statement and he apologized for his immature and insensitive demeanor, even he wasn't justifying it. the reason behind me mentioning this is because even JYP themselves specified that they would do a better job at picking trainees. That alone says something. They forthrightly threw him under the bus. Why would they do something like that? Because the allegations were true. Here's the thing, Hyunjin has not admitted to bullying anybody, what he has admitted to was being immature and hurting people with the way he spoke. That statement felt like he was beating around the bush about a lot of things. It's like "ok i hurt someone, I can't justify it, therefore I'm sorry" Okay but did u bully anybody? yes or no? That wasn't clarified. You guys can decide for your selves, but this was Hyunjin's and his former teacher's statement.

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The message I'm trying to get accross from all this is that Stray Kids have way more power over you than you realized, and that is definitely not okay. To the point where you are throwing your morals away, just to defend them. You know what? no idol should have influence over you like that. I don't care how good looking, how hot, how sweet, how talented they are. I don't care if they grew up with a single mother and a story so sad it will make Simon Cowell cry. I don't care how many time they have supported the lgbtq+ community. I don't give a damn about how adorable they act on camera with their members. You can not validate immoral actions whatsoever. And no, you absolutely can not sit here being a desperate, self-absorbed, pick-me, dusty girl for a man who doesn't even know you.

Exhibit C; Before we end this I want to clarify something. STAYs did not became toxic because of the Woojin fiasco, this fandom always was toxic, and the Woojin situation simply revealed that. The facts are that they were always toxic, they were always messed up, they were always fake. The wreckage with Woojin showed us their true colors. That is the reality, my friends. As of now this fandom is directly taking the crown for trashiest fandom alive in kpop. At this degree I honestly don't know what else to say. I have no respect left for them. I do though want to say that I am genuinely sorry to all the kind STAYs, I'm sorry that you have to deal with this. Because in the near future I don't see this issue going away. Since Stray Kids is becoming more and more popular and it's never going to stop they're going to keep getting bigger and bigger, the story will just become more aparent. Thank you for listening to my long rant. And at the end of the day all I can say to STAYs is good luck, cause you'll need it.

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anywho stream Still Dream

Sources:

https://www.myimperfectlife.com/features/pretty-privilege

https://www.koreaboo.com/series/stray-kids-hyunjin-bullying-allegation/

I have this thing, that when an idea gets in my head, I either get it out on paper or it will create a traffic jam in my head and bugger up everything. So, not including my ongoing Fics, which includes the Gold Universe as part 4 is still nearly finished, I just need that last push on it. These are Ideas that can have anything from a few scenes, an idea, plots, or several chapters.

So I call this -

Winteriron WIP

(because what else 😅, I have a problem.)

In Fire & Flames - In this universe, Phoenixes and Humans live together, if one species dies then the other will too. When a Phoenix does for good, lots of natural disasters happen, starts with Tony'parents dying and then Rhodey, who is also a Phoenix, finds Tony. Who is now familyless and dying as lone phoenixes tend to die. There are several different kinds, and they come in pairs general. Golden and Ice, for example, Golden are high in magic, Ice tends to protect, especially the rare Golden, it's more tribes than individuals, there is no requirement for who likes who. It's surprising how much making a few other Avengers phoenixes tweaks things here and there, this actually goes up to the fight in Siberia and is one of the bigger WIP's. (26k)

Flash of Gold - Avengers are shifters or humans with magic, and they think they know what Tony is. They believe he is a human with magic, but they notice that he has some shifter traits, which is odd as shifters can't have magic in this AU. Only in very old stories and myth. Tony, however, is a dragon, which are myth. Instead of being like most shifters a, a human that shifts to something, he is the reverse. It only has a few scenes. Full shebang, team as Family. Steve is even a good guy. James is brought to the tower after being found and slowly integrated into the group and is wondering wtf Tony is. (13k)

The Operative Program - Howard was never meant to be a father; he was a weaponsmith. So he took the red room and the wolf spider programs and decided to create himself an Operative that he hoped would be the darker side to help Steve when he found him. Two sides of the same coin, one for the light and one to work in the shadows, Tony would be under Steve's control, he would be a weapon for the man who only picked up a shield. (Also assassin Tony is just fun.) Tony in this is a mash-up really, Tony traits, like Gold but different as he has been trained his entire life, the only reason he has developed a sense of self is Rhodey and the fact his parents died at 17. Rhodey got there first after the car crash, getting to Tony before anyone else who knew what he was could potentially claim him. Tony definitely collects people. Yinsen and Vanko for example. Chapters from Ironman up to Avengers (not complete). But enjoyed myself rewriting some out of sequence chapters, so there is a nice big scene in Siberia. (15k)

Another Persons Wish - Now this was based on a post I saw going around. Person A is married to Person B. Person A is looking back at their life and wondering if they should have married B, etc. So, A is offered a wish. Poof. Goodbye Marriage. Person A is Steve, and the story is from Tony, person B's POV. It goes from Tony planning his anniversary(because I was apparently extremely angsty when I started this!) to waking up in the past, alone and wondering what the fuck has happened. 6 chapters entirely written. Chapter 7 is in a different file and in progress when I dabble on it. (30k)

Tarnished Gold - This is an AU from my AU AU XD. Basically similar set up to the Gold Universe, Tony escapes Hydra Captivity but is brought in by Rhodey instead of spending 2 years on his own cleaning up Hydra. He only spends about 7 months before Rhodey convinces him to come in. Few other tweaks here and there but that is just side. Rhodey and James are pals too. The plot here is Howard and Maria are brought back from the Dead and Rhodey is trying to work out how to tell them what has happened and that he can't just bring them to Tony, because he doesn't know if Tony will remember them yet. Tony is a little less 'give me orders, and I'll gut you, and more 'orders made things easier'. I basically flipped his and James reactions from the original Gold universe. Tony is more in need of a hug. It's very loosely put together. I wanted something where Howard was a good dad to offset the fact I kind of made him Hydra in the next piece, and I wanted a good family man Howard with the bringing the parents back because I love reading fics that bring Howard and Maria back. (9k)

Sins of The Father - Arno has just buried his father. His mother is in a coma, he is 20 and mourning his life now he's expected to take on the business when a visitor flips his work upside down worse than the phone call about the crash. His Father? Part of a program that summoned a creature known as a Void Walker. (A creature from the Void Loki fell into, the only native species to that area, most others can't survive the void, so Loki will read as Void Touched and is 'To Be Protected' because I think that could shake up the Avengers section nicely.) Oh and he has Howards DNA. So Arno is freaked that he has a brother, that someone released and sent to him and Arno is 100% sure he is not meant to deal with severe traumatised half-human assassins that could be his kid brother. That is how Arno meets Tony and becomes very invested and turns up big brother protective instinct to 13. When summoned they're tired to a person and has to obey orders, that person was chosen as The Asset under the idea he can't disobey, which obviously fails as Winter does everything to protect Tony, including freeing him and sending him to Arno. His last order is that Tony is not allowed to go looking for or rescue Winter, which I think will be some nice drama when Bucky gets brought in (I really like this one) It has mostly set up but 2 scenes for in the future, Tony finding Coulson threatening Arno in IM2 and the data dump. (21k) (in this S/S Helped is Yelped, I'd fix it, but I've been working on this post forreeever)

Blood and an Arc - This came about from reading the Tony is a vampire fic and noticing that when he gets turned, generally Tony hates being a vampire. There aren't many where he comes back from Afghanistan a vampire and goes, huh... Well. This could be interesting. Loosely based on Vamp the Masquerade but I've tweaked it because my brain takes ideas and then runs off madly into the sunset. It is however utterly all over the place, some from Ironman and then random out of sequence chapters that I'm unsure about as I hadn't slept in a very long time on writing them and Tony went kind of Spike-ish calling James 'Pet'. I do like the idea of Tony fully embracing his changes. Yinsen never intended Tony to live, so he did something extra whilst turning him, so he is not an ordinary baby vampire and is convinced (justifiably so) that if he meets any other vamps, they'll try to kill him. In notes have Sam considering being a werewolf who works out Tony is a vamp and freaks out, because Vampires vs Werewolves and Tony is utterly confused and tells Sam he smells of mint (seriously, insomnia) Sam is baffled to find out the centuries of hatred that is claimed to be instinctual is actually taught. Sam gets kind happy he has a Vamp friend. (20k)

The Original Plan - This sets up around the end of the Mandarin (because honestly, I prefer working with Tony that has powered, especially because James has the serum and I personally think it would expand life span more than shown in Endgame. So I like evening things out and powered Tony is my jam) Tony has a bunch of plans, and they go awry. He doesn't see why and has zero clue what's going on. It's because no matter how well he plans this out, he's caught up in other people's plans. Steve is a little more "End goal justify the anything and everything." In other words, getting Bucky back is his plan and everyone are just pawns in said plan. I've taken that tactical genius title and also pushed him a little darker. After Ultron, he brings Wanda on for 3 reasons. 1 Precedence. 2 Fixing Bucky. 3 Making sure Tony doesn't find out about his parents and making sure he is on the team and available to fix Bucky's arm. That last bit changes things as instead of pulling away from the Avengers, Tony fully moves into the compound(just after AOU, it's not good). There will be no accords and Steve will find Bucky and just move him in and general plans on telling no one about the Winter Soldier. I summed up a chunk of AOU in this format, and I liked it (in an angst and pain fashion.) But it's quite long for a screenshot, so here's a chunk. Bucky is being brought in soon, but as it is, Tony is not having a good time, there might be Wanda conditions in his mind that Steve can use to convince Tony to do things... Also, because he is living there, I couldn't justify Sam not noticing there is something very wrong, so he is asking questions he didn't in canon as Tony's PTSD is more in his face living together you know? (16k)

Jac & Savannah

Jac: Feel totally free to ignore this, and this isn't an attempt to further any more conversation between us again if you don't want it, but it would feel bizarre to pretend...well, that we hadn't known each other before, or that I'd forgotten you entirely, so Jac: Obviously things weren't great when you left but I'm fully over that as no doubt you are too Jac: As we're classmates again, it makes sense to me that we are civil and prepared to work together if necessary but I'm not going to attempt more than that, nor am I holding some kind of grudge which would prohibit the former, I thought I'd reassure you of that, as well as just say, hello, I suppose 🙂 Savannah: You're right, it would be bizarre as well as counterproductive Savannah: though, we don't actually know each other any more, two formative years having passed, so I don't see why we can't start over Savannah: treating each other like we would our other classmates Jac: That sounds logical to me too Jac: I'd be happy to treat this as an introduction opposed to a reintroduction Savannah: okay Savannah: but before we do, I just want to say I'm really proud of you for getting in Jac: You too Jac: it's amazing, isn't it Jac: better than we had even visualized and worked and prayed for Savannah: I always knew you could do it Jac: I had no doubts about you, either Jac: potential that you'd changed your course and vision but whatever you put your mind and talent to Savannah: I did think you'd go to Bath, or that I would Jac: I could lie here and say something about preferring the history and culture of Edinburgh as a city, and finding St Andrews better in X Y Z but Jac: Bath didn't happen, is the reality of it Jac: but I'm not devastated, as I once would've been to be left with my 2nd choice Savannah: We don't have to lie, it didn't happen for me either, partly because catholic school did of course, but that's not the entirety of it Jac: I try to leave lying, however innocuous and pointless, two years ago, too Jac: Karma or otherwise, just stopped feeling worth it Jac: how was your new School? Savannah: A lot of things stopped feeling worth it to me too Savannah: Oh, Sienna liked it Savannah: I did not Jac: I am sorry to hear that Jac: I can't think of anything I would've liked less than being surrounded by other hormonal, crazy, moody, bitchy teenage girls either Savannah: at least she thrived, you wouldn't even recognise her now Savannah: she's so Savannah: Loud Jac: 😂 Jac: Loud can be good Jac: at least some positives came of it all Savannah: she reminds me of how I remember Jude Savannah: but she's happy, I think Jac: I think you'd still have recognized Jude Jac: likely from a mile off, giving you time to escape Jac: I hope she is Savannah: 😄 Jac: and that you'll be happier here than you were there, too Savannah: unless either of my parents enrol, we can take that as a given Jac: I'll drink to that Jac: complimentary coffee, that is Savannah: for now anyway Jac: Hopefully the plans get a little more exciting Savannah: 🙌 Jac: Have you heard any Psych school nights being organized or do you think one of us should bite that bullet and start the group chat? Savannah: we should do it Savannah: best foot forward, you know? Jac: Absolutely Jac: Why not, eh Jac: You're in halls too, right? Savannah: Yes Savannah: where are you? Jac: John Burnet, how about you? Savannah: You only get a single bed too! Savannah: I'm in University Hall Savannah: it's so pretty Jac: The nuns taught you well then 😛 Jac: I think it's worth it for the architecture, we'll just have to remember not to roll Savannah: 👼🏾🙏🏾 Savannah: It wasn't worth ANOTHER argument with my dad about co-ed Jac: and you get to have the Libraries literally right on your doorstep Jac: I was debating it, but I'm still better in smaller crowds, that sold JB to me ultimately Savannah: if my dad didn't run my life I totally would've applied there too Savannah: I love that it has a garden Jac: I know, right? Jac: Well you can use my little patch of 🌷 🌹 🌺 🌸 🌼 🌻 whenever you like, because I'll certainly be haunting the libraries enough Savannah: You haven't lost any of your sweetness Savannah: & of course you must, I hate studying alone Jac: I'll probably be tragically uncool forever, our classmates may as well find out sooner rather than later 💁 Jac: if the sight of all those books gets too much, there's always the 🏖 for maximum studying, I'm sure Savannah: No way! I had more fun with you than I've had with anyone else EVER Savannah: they'll find all your good points Jac: 😊 Jac: Okay, we did have some fun Savannah: a lot Jac: I can't/shan't disagree with that Savannah: it doesn't feel like two years Savannah: sometimes more like twenty, or like two months Jac: It is really weird, I felt like I haven't said it because it can't be overstated Jac: but good weird Jac: are any of your friends from Sligo here too? Jac: I don't know anyone Savannah: I don't know anyone either Jac: A familiar face is a good thing Jac: as is getting to know each other afresh, they can coexist Savannah: I thought it was for the best that nobody followed me here, until I saw you Jac: Shocking as it was Jac: glad the 😱 isn't permanent Jac: I'd hate to do that to you, honestly Savannah: you don't believe I could pull it off? Jac: Of course you could Jac: but your 😄 is undeniably a better look Savannah: my lips ARE very big, I could end up looking like a blow up doll if I'm forever open mouthed from today onwards Savannah: then I'd never marry a prince Jac: Why we're here, obviously Savannah: Everyone thinks so Savannah: just because my boyfriend dumped me after the leavers cert Jac: Oof Jac: that's rough Jac: though at least he didn't steal your Summer? I guess Savannah: Oh my god! That's exactly what he said Savannah: no wonder he reminded me of you Jac: Oh God 😬 are you suggesting I should be in Sallies with the rest of the fuckboys? 😂 Jac: not the crowd I was hoping to get in with but, you know Savannah: where you are is perfect for you Jac: 🤞 Savannah: it feels right being here Jac: Yeah Jac: it really does Savannah: I was worried I wouldn't feel that when I actually got here but 🙏🏾 Jac: I thought it'd be scarier being away from home Jac: but if anything, it's a relief Savannah: you don't have to share a room with Jude any more, it obviously would be Savannah: how is everyone though? Jac: 🍵🙊 Jac: No, they're good, all doing their own thing Jac: Jesse's got his music, the kids are the same old Jac: oh, Jameson got a girlfriend though, that's cute Savannah: I can't believe one brother is literally famous and the other is adorably loved up Savannah: Sienna hasn't had a boyfriend yet, I think that's my fault Jac: Honestly, they're both unbearable now 😏 Jac: overprotective big sister vibes or off-putting dumping ex? Savannah: Jesse was always an acquired taste, which I never did Savannah: Oh, both, for sure 🤫 Jac: Musically and personality-wise, he'd agree you have a point Jac: long as she's happy, like you said Jac: always found them too distracting myself Savannah: I suppose I just always needed a distraction Jac: Clearly, that's why we aren't having this conversation in Bath Jac: for the best, in the end 🌌🔮 Savannah: I hope so Jac: Honestly, it's a better uni Jac: and I'm not just lying to myself/you to make us feel better 😂 Jac: Delia Rockford, you remember her, right? Jac: She got into Bath, so, you aren't missing out, is what I mean Savannah: I hate her Jac: She's doing International Management and German Jac: the language of the future 🤨 Savannah: She's German descent! That's basically cheating Jac: You'd think she's got a place at Cambridge studying classics the way she's been bragging Jac: they aren't remotely top in languages or whatever the hell International Management is but alright 🙄 Savannah: I'm so glad she blocked me after what happened during the party at Michelle Brennan's house Savannah: which wasn't even my fault Jac: Now that feels like a million years ago Savannah: It was Savannah: I don't think we were even friends yet Jac: We weren't for that long, in the grand scheme of things Jac: that's the weirdest part Jac: we were pretty intense, yeah Savannah: everything was pretty intense Jac: It was Jac: Isabelle is doing coaching at TUD Jac: we were never really the same but she's well in herself Savannah: She'll be incredible at that Savannah: if it had happened to me, there's no way I would've not been retaking the year Jac: I know Savannah: did you hear about my mum? Jac: No, I don't think I did? Savannah: she'll appreciate it not being common knowledge, I guess Jac: Is she okay? Savannah: She's doing better now Savannah: which I suppose means she's at about the same level as she was before I left Savannah: because she really struggled after Jac: It must've been really hard for her Jac: to have you two gone, and realize it probably was for the best Jac: did you see her much, in these two years? Savannah: not as much as I should've Jac: You can't be blamed for that Jac: you had to take care of yourself, and Sienna Savannah: but she needed me to stay Jac: Maybe she needed to sort herself out Jac: and she's getting there Jac: our parents shouldn't be our responsibility Savannah: It has to work out here, you know? Savannah: I can't go back Jac: Of course it will Jac: you're going to be fine, amazing Jac: and then you can do your masters and your Ph.D. and then marry a prince and you'll have several royal residences, neither of which will be in Dubo or Sligo Savannah: I'm just sick of things being painful, difficult is fine, but I want it not to hurt Savannah: which is a HUGE overshare if we met today Jac: it's cool Jac: I hear everyone is best friends for life fresher's week Savannah: that makes me feel a lot better Savannah: especially when I pause to consider how many of them I'm likely to cry on before it's over Jac: It's basically tradition Jac: you won't be the only one Jac: moving forward, it's bound to make you think more about what you're leaving behind, even if temporarily Savannah: I've missed you Savannah: sorry if that's like leaping over a boundary or something Jac: I wouldn't have bet on that being what you said, should I ever see you again Jac: but it's better than what I would've Savannah: It's not like this with anyone else Savannah: I can't change that Jac: I never really Jac: like I went out, people would talk to me, I'm not trying to sell a sob story here Jac: but you're right Jac: it was never the same with anyone else, not remotely Savannah: I've given you mine already, so if you have one, it's okay to tell it or not Savannah: even if I'm so embarrassed I did that Jac: Seriously, no need Jac: you were there to witness my unfinest hour Jac: I treated lots of people like shit Jac: Is, mainly Jac: but you too, in lots of ways Jac: not proud of it, but I changed, still am, hopefully Savannah: I hope you don't change too much though Jac: Yeah? Savannah: I thought you were perfect how you were Jac: And I'm the sweet one Savannah: we both made mistakes, but that's human Jac: It's been a while since anyone's accused me of being human Jac: all those exams Jac: 🤖 felt more fitting Savannah: & you look so 👼🏻 Jac: You look as flawless as you ever did Savannah: My auntie mailed all her good skincare to Sligo Jac: expect no less 🙌 Savannah: the fresher air was 🙌 Savannah: even if the rural accents took me by surprise Jac: 😵 or 🥴 surprise though? Savannah: not like 😊 😋 😍 😘 🥰 Jac: the accent here is pretty 🤭 Jac: though Savannah: which one? 😄 Jac: Valid Jac: very town VS gown Savannah: which one though? Savannah: tell me Jac: The original Savannah: very Romeo & Juliet of you Jac: Oh no Jac: am I that cliche now? Savannah: we'll see Jac: Sounds slightly concerning Jac: but I'll do my best to subvert expectations Savannah: it'll be concerning if you get distracted by some boy's accent after working this hard to get here Savannah: unless he's a prince, obviously Jac: Not changed that much Jac: I'd get disowned if I married royalty, anyway Savannah: 🚫💍👰 Savannah: just adorable heirs to the throne Savannah: 👶👶👶👶👶 Jac: adorable, illegitimate bastards ❤ Savannah: yes Savannah: or is that another cliche? Jac: Probably Jac: although if we are educated, career women now, any babies is beating expectations Savannah: except not really because every career woman is also determined to become a mother & prove she can have it all Jac: 🚫👶 it is then Jac: maybe a dissertation topic, at any rate Savannah: 😢 Jac: 👶🏾👶🏾👶🏾👶🏾👶🏾👶🏾👶🏾👶🏾👶🏾👶🏾 Jac: many as you like Savannah: they all need best friends Savannah: you have to stick to the plan Jac: Can I get through freshers first? Savannah: 🤞🏾 Jac: Please, I'm no amateur Savannah: I hope not, I'm single & the point is we do it at the same time Jac: as am I Jac: not feeling any 1st year that hard, thanks 😏 Savannah: you always date older, it's fine Jac: None of our lecturers were the one Jac: another cliche avoided Savannah: I'm not sad about that Jac: There's enough inequality of power about without actively seeking out the dynamic, agreed Savannah: ^^ Jac: the fashion show seems to have got the diversity memo though Jac: could be cool Savannah: it's going to be the highlight, I can feel it Jac: 😄 Jac: I was thinking Tues for our psych night, as nothing much is really going on Jac: what do you think? Savannah: good idea Jac: 👍 Savannah: I'll start the chat if you want Jac: You were always better at talking Savannah: when it's not that important, but when it matters, you always know exactly what to say Savannah: at least to me Jac: You're easy to talk to Jac: in a way I really could never work out Savannah: There's nobody in my life right now who would agreed with that Savannah: so it must be you Jac: my inbox full of unreads would say otherwise but Jac: I'll take it Savannah: okay, it's us together Savannah: does that make you happier? Jac: Better Savannah: your hair got really long Savannah: I'm BEYOND jealous Jac: You've got no reason to be jealous of any other girl in the world Savannah: you're not any other girl in the world Savannah: 🤫🤫 Jac: 😶 Jac: Promise Savannah: it looks beautiful, I can't cope Jac: My 😳 will not Savannah: 💗 Savannah: 🌷 🌺 🌸 Jac: Is that a dress code? Savannah: well NOW it is Jac: 😂 Jac: My wardrobe can accomodate Jac: cheers for the heads up Savannah: you're welcome Savannah: & we're all set until 💬 Jac: I better let you get on then Savannah: was it that good of a conversation starter? Jac: Solid Jac: will scare off anyone 😱 of 💗 🌷 🌺 🌸 Savannah: well I obviously don't need that negativity in my life Savannah: but I didn't mean to end this conversation Jac: We don't have to Jac: What are your plans for the rest of the day, now the obligatory are over? Savannah: don't judge me, because I know I sound like a different person, but I haven't made any Jac: Thank God, me neither Jac: I didn't know how long any of that would take Jac: nor unpacking, which is technically done but that says nothing about the decorating I wanna do Savannah: I could help Jac: Or, slightly more fair, we could check out the town, see what shops are about? Savannah: I'd like that Jac: Cool 🙂 Jac: let's have half an hour to debrief and make sure we don't look 😱 and then head out? Savannah: okay Savannah: you can put your hair up & save my life Jac: oh 🤫 Savannah: I am serious Savannah: 🚗 🚕 🚲 are distraction enough Jac: You could rock a cast Jac: but I won't let it happen Savannah: what would you write on it? Jac: That's a good 🧊breaker Jac: but I'll have to keep that secret for now Savannah: if I ask everyone on Tuesday, will you tell me then? Jac: It's a deal Savannah: it is

Continuing from a different post, but I decided not to reblog because this would be one long-ass reblog, plus it kinda goes off topic as well.

I also don't know how to use the "read more" so... Well, fuck. Sorry.

@localblueslinky

Apparently by "a little," my subconscious meant to dump all of my OC's designs, evolution and backstory at your feet. I'll try to summarize lmao.

I had gotten this idea at the beginning of 2019. Maybe a month after CYM was released. I really wanted a SU OC and my favorite color was blue at the time, so, naturally, I ended up researching a ton of blue gemstones and minerals. The very first name I contemplated was Blue Spinel, which I thought sounded kinda dorky written down and I preferred Kyanite. But the name grew on me and I couldn't decide on Kyanite or Blue Spinel.

Here's a referenced version of Kyanite's very first concept:

I briefly had an idea where she was bubbled on Earth and still got hit with the Corrupting Light, but it only half affected her because of the bubble. This was because I wanted to make her design really feral and monstrous because frankly, I love those designs. Then I decided not to because that idea had too many inconsistencies for her backstory.

Instead I settled to changing her name to Cat's Eye Kyanite, - after discovering that was a thing - using this as an excuse to give her some catlike features. Cats are cool.

Kyanite gets fangs and claws.

I know she looks a little like Lapis, and this is probably because I have some annoying drawing habits. I can only draw Peridot, Spinel and Lapis, so I tend to lapse into these habits when I try to draw anyone else.

Kyanite/Blue Spinel's main power was:

Dissolving her form into a beam of striated light, which resembles actual raw kyanite. It's kinda ironic because the beam is just a simplified, liquid version of her physical form. Raw, primitive light. She can only move in a straight line while using this attack, as light only moves forward.

This reflects off of Steven's shield and bubble. He unintentionally curb stomped her attack the first time they met; she simply ricocheted off his shield and went flying in the opposite direction.

After lately discovering Sonic, this ability has been removed since the coincidence was a little too much for me lmao.

She was a very insecure, melodramatic Gem prone to anxiety, though very protective of those she cared about. She would leap in front of a poofing blow without a second thought, and could be a little scrappy at times.

Kyanites can detect a falsity from miles away, so never lie to her. She will know.

Her full gem name was Cat's Eye Kyanite Facet-8 Cut 3YK. Quite a mouthful, huh?

Her original backstory is kinda janked, so after this I'll share her scrapped one that's still kinda in progress.

Basically, she was made alongside a team of cabochon Kyanites, but was a defective deep-cut. Her Gem was faceted instead of smooth, she was shorter than she should've been, and instead of being calm and balanced like all other Kyanites, she was nervous and impulsive. Despite being off-color, her defects had benefits. She was a brighter color and slightly stronger than her fellow Kyanites, so her superior ended up keeping her anyways. Though a lot of abuse was still directed at her from said superior and teammates. She also had limb enhancers.

At some point, the Kyanites' manager got sent to earth to help with the colony's construction. While the Corrupting Light was being initiated, 3YK ended up being left behind and bubbled in the Facet 5 Cluster lab. In this version of the AU, the Crystal Gems found her bubble after destroying all of the force fusion shards. They took it back to the temple and Steven convinced them to pop it in case it was an innocent Gem. After all, if it was just another corruption or Homeworld Gem, they could catch it again and no harm done... Right?

I ended up just kinda putting this OC down for a while and never came back to it, but after the movie came out, things got interesting. I never would've anticipated an actual canon Spinel, and, to my mild surprise, my own OC had some obvious similarities besides part of the same name. Some of which include a widow's peak or whatever it's called, similar stature, short hair/fur and then longer tufts, similar coloring system, personality, and some more subtle things.

But I liked both of these characters so much that I just have 2 sub-characters; Blue Spinel and Cat's Eye Kyanite. They each have their own individual AUs, I guess, as well.

Ok, for Blue Spinel now!

I have a headcanon that there are other Spinels on Homeworld, but they're not necessarily the same as the Spinel everyone knows and loves.

As you might know, spinel in real life is rather rare and as such not many people know about it. One could say it's underrated. Gem hierarchy on Homeworld seems to be primarily based on Gem worth and popularity on earth. For example, Diamonds being the highest rank gem. Diamonds are actually one of the most common gemstones on earth; and they're very well known by the community.

Ask someone what the most important gemstone is (not in the context of Steven Universe) and they'll probably answer "diamond" without skipping a beat. So by this logic, Spinels on Homeworld could be kinda rare, and not of a particularly high rank but still important nonetheless. Like Pearls, they could be considered the expensive pets or toys of the upper classes.

Take Pink Spinel. She was made for Pink Diamond, especially customized to look and behave like her. She was made to entertain and be Pink's best friend.

In the movie, Pearl sings:

"This will be fun

Aren't you the lucky one?

Her cut is perfect and she's pink, as well

She'll bring you endless entertainment

Your new best friend, Spinel!"

Steven is lucky to have a Spinel? Are they rare? Perhaps only for the highest of the elites, and most likely much more important than Pearls.

Pink Spinel is, in a way, the ultimate or Diamond quality Spinel. Like Jasper is the Ultimate Quartz.

She's the same color as Pink Diamond/Steven, but, how would Pearl know that Steven was Pink? He shows no physical traits of her, besides her Gem, which is also covered and not obviously even Pink Diamond. Pearl was also reset and completely disregarded Steven in all scenes, as Greg was her new owner.

Is there something different or special about Pink Spinels that deserved a mention in Pearl's basic description of these Gems?

These are, as it seems, in an order. Lucky to have a Spinel. She's perfect and,

Pink.

She'll entertain you.

It's unlikely that these two are connected, but it could be possible that different color Spinels have different purposes.

Pink gems, as a stereotype, might be more fun-loving and goofy. Take Pink Pearl and Pink Diamond. We haven't met very many Pink Gems, but they all seem to share this trait. This could also be because they were modeled after Pink Diamond, but hear me out anyways. Blue Gems tend to be rather solemn. (Lapis Lazuli, Blue Diamond, Blue Pearl, Sapphire.) Green/yellow/orange/red Gems tend to be more sassy, energetic and/or egotistical. (Peridot, Yellow Pearl, Yellow Diamond, Ruby.)

Why wouldn't there be a trait for pink Gems?

Homeworld could've utilized this to create a naturally happy-go-lucky Spinel whose purpose is to be happy and entertain other Gems.

But are all Spinels entertainers?

Entertainment seems like a foreign concept for Gems, and within the busy hierarchy, who would ever have time for fun?

In real life, spinel is known as the copy gem. It can mimic almost any crystal because it comes in such a wide range of colors and has a hardness of 8 on the MOHs scale.

So I created an adaptive theory.

Real spinels can be used to mimic other gems. Homeworld Spinels are one of the customizable "accessory" Gems, which take an appearance and personality very similar to that of their owner.

If this were the case, they would be like a higher quality Pearl with more diverse skills. Programmed to have a base personality exactly like their owner, and if their owner screws up bad, they could just be replaced by their Spinel if they're essential to the hierarchy.

Spinels can be entertainers, friends, substitutes or replacements.

Possibly, not all Spinels are solely entertainers. There could be others out there either way, and with this they could be much more relevant in the Gem society though still very rare.

Anyways, it's just a theory. I hope that made sense.

I might put that specific theory on a separate post as well since I'm rather fond of it lmao.

And now, for her backstory.

Celestine was an important Gem. Her role was to manage a portion of Blue's court, and give reports on how her Diamond's colonies were progressing. She, along with all the other Celestines recorded everything that happened and acted as messengers for higher elites. She oversaw colonies when Blue was away and aided her Diamond in their managements. She specializes in this position of great responsibility.

Alongside their roles, Celestines in general can quickly freeze liquids and control them in their solid state or at a certain temperature below freezing. Unlike Sapphires, however, they cannot generate ice out of thin air. Celestine has a pair of ice wings she can summon from her Gem. These Gems also have construction jobs on colonies. They typically work alongside Lapis Lazulis, who use their powers to excavate Kindergardens. Celestines either froze or evaporated the excess water for later use once the Kindergarten was completed.

At some point, Celestine made an error in her job managing Earth's resources and was threatened by her manager, an overreacting Aquamarine, to be replaced. She couldn't be rejuvenated or harvested because she needed all of her documents of colonies, so her Aquamarine instead requested Blue that she be given a backup Gem as a warning. This was Blue Spinel. Blue Spinel was programmed to behave like Celestine, and replace her immediately if need be. She was also meant to record and report her behaviors to Aquamarine.

Celestine was both terrified of and hated her new little replacement snitch. Spinel had to follow her everywhere, which sometimes tested Celestine's temper. The feeling was mostly mutual. Spinel had been occasionally hit and threatened by Cryolite/Celestine, and would try not to interact closely with her. Though, Spinel had a rather calm demeanor and never retaliated.

The two Gems got sent back to the Earth Colony alongside a few Lapis Lazulis to build the Beta Kindergarten. When the corrupting light was being initiated, Celestine found an opportunity to ditch Spinel and they both took seperate ships back to Homeworld. But as they were leaving, Celestine shot at Spinel's ship and knocked it offline. She was on the ship while the Gems were corrupted.

And Spinel's been stuck in the ship for a couple thousand years, eventually giving up trying to fix it. It circled in a slow spiral pattern towards the planet before finally being sucked in and crashing.

She met the CGs and now lives in Little Homeworld or something, this most likely took place after the movie. She had nothing against Steven or the CGs aside from the fact that she had to fight in the war a little bit at some point, but it was all fine and dandy. She didn't cause any problems when she ended up on Earth.

I don't actually have a finished design for Celestine, but I expect she'd have snow colored hair in a sort of angel wing shaped bob, feathery looking shoulder pads, sorta pale bluish skin and a blue-gray dress/skirt. Sorta sharp white boots like Holly Blue. Her gem is on her naval like Spinel, and of course she's really tall.

Thank you so much! I'm so glad you like my ideas! 🥰 When you said yesterday how they would react if we stopped replying to their messages, I needed to find an answer that would explain everyone's actions! This started as an Armin idea but since Eren got involved, I had to give him an ending as well!

Eren coming clean? That's very interesting! I don't know if he would 'confess' so easily without being certain that you have the same feelings for him because of his pride! But I can see it happening because he's getting more and more desperate! He tried everything and when nothing worked he had to be honest with himself and with you and admit his feelings! The rejection definitely breaks him! He convinced himself that the confession would surely make you come back, that you just wanted him to admit how he felt, that's why you left! And that's why he didn't play this card until the end! He had to try every trick he knew first, still trying to play a game he could never win! I believe he would eventually end up like you said, sleeping with people trying to fill that void inside of him! Or as a way to distract himself because he's never going to let anyone in his heart ever again!

Now Armin dropping the act and becoming our friend? I did not see that coming! Your ideas always surprise me, they're so unique! Going with the friendship idea, this whole game was to teach him (and Eren) a lesson but what if it was for revenge? They played one of your closest friends, especially Armin using his tricks to make them fall for him and then dumped them and you wanted to give him a taste of his own medicine! But, while you're executing your plan, maybe you see another side of him? Or he genuinely regrets how he manipulated your friend and decides to stop treating people that way?

-👀

I bow down to your genius w/Eren. I’m not as well versed with his character as I could be so it’s brilliant watching you come up with things for him and build his little story here! 🥰

I don’t think it happens quickly. As you said, I think he tries to fill the void for a while first - going back to what he used to do; not really caring about anything, but getting his dick wet. Maybe he’s even worse for a few months? A little meaner? Only sleeping with someone once before moving on? It goes on like that for a time, but it’s unsustainable so, eventually, he’s forced to confront it? That that makes sense… And that’s how he ends up just purging himself of everything in front of you.

As for Armin, I think it’s only as fun for him for as long as it works… He’s no longer ‘good’ at what he’s doing because he’s failed so the chase entirely loses its appeal? Like he doesn’t get the point of playing a half-baked game that isn’t perfect, because if it isn��t perfect what’s the point?

Great minds think a like though, because originally I was thinking that this whole thing started bc you kind of manoeuvred Annie out of Armin’s way… You’ve been watching him circle her like a shark for a while, watched every subtle smile, the way he knocks her confidence only to force her to lean on him emotionally a little more and you just get sick of it? You don’t particularly want anything to do with him, but all it takes is for you to gently knock Annie towards another guy, point out how much nicer Bertolt or Marco or Jean is and push her away from Armin… He takes it personally. You got in the way of him and his game and that’s how it starts. A weird little vendetta where he’s determined to make you fall for him, to lull you into the same false sense of security that Annie had almost fallen victim to and to break your pretty little heart. Only it doesn’t go that way. Armin knows when he’s been beat. Game acknowledges game and he drops it, tail between his legs - I think he earns a sense of respect for you through it all and has to kind of acknowledge how shitty he’s been because of it.

Dude, my sister has me feeling even more guilty than I already did

Okay, look' buckle in y'all cuz I have a story for you today.

When I was seventeen, mere babby just trying to find her way, I found a website and met some people and honestly I would like to say that was the end of the story. For along time, it was: I met a guy and I thought we were best friends. I met another guy who I dated. The other guy broke up with me, my best friend was still there for me, he and I dated briefly, but I didn't get seriously attached because at that point, I think I was still just numb from the pain. The story ends that other girls attacked me for being so ugly and worthless and I wasn't really surprised when, first, withdrew from me, stopped talking to me so much. So I didn't really miss him when he fell from this plane of existance.

We've recently discussed these events and it turns out my theory was the reality of the situation (score one for knowing him better than we both give me credit for): He was seeing a bunch of girls while we were talking. And honestly, that's not the part that hurts. I mean, after all, we lived states away from each other. The part that hurt me was that, in a time when I needed my best friend the most, he chose someone else. Someone who drove everyone else out of his life. Especially me. Like, if that wouldn't fuck you up, are you even human?

At the time, what really fucked me up was that my middle school best friend had gotten pregnant and hadn't even told me or anything, she just had her baby and basically fell off the face of the planet. My boyfriend dumped me wholesale. My best friend, my confidant, abandoned me for another girl, one who'd hurt me. Then later that same year, a friend with whom I thought I was developing a better relationship ghosted the fuck out of me.

It's not really much of a surprise that I was depressed, withdrawn, isolated.

Then years later, he drops back into my life. But his presence isn't steady. He'll message me once every couple months but never really say much or tell me much.

Well anyway, fast-forward to I guess now/recently. He's been in this relationship with basically this kid and at first, it seemed like this really sweet, touching cinema-type romance, and I feel like the more involved into the relationship I become-- because I don't know about other people, but I can't stand in the middle of two friends' romantic relationship and not feel like I'm in the middle of that relationship--the clearer it is to me that unless these two move in together and they can resolve all these issues with living apart, they aren't going to make it. At the same time, if they're living with her mother, I can see things going the way they went for me when I was living with my ex's parents.

And honestly, I know where my loyalties lay, as much as I want to be all about girl power, girls over guys, he's not just any guy. He's my best friend. She told him if he's looking for a place around here, to try to encourage me to find my own place, and it came from a place of jealousy, and insecurity, but instead of saying nothing to me and later letting me drown, he explained the situation to me and tried to work with her to change her mind. I know it came from a place of hurt and jealousy but...... I mean, guys this is the same girl who encouraged him to be friends with me. This is the same girl I recently had a crush on because she's who I aspire to be, a beacon of radiant positivity when there are so many reasons to be grim and dour.

I was so confused when he started actually talking to me again. When he stopped, when he abandoned me, I was convinced I meant nothing to him. When he mentioned his girlfriend and even tried to get us to talk, I was even more confused. I didn't tell him (myself, first) that I'd struggled with those feelings. I'd convinced myself so fully that he was just playing with me, I'd blanked out the memories of getting who I wanted so badly, for so long, because he hurt me. I don't think she understands.....and now I'm not sure I should keep communicating with her. I don't want to keep reminding her that I have something she's wanted since she had to move back with her mother. I don't want to point out to her how she has something I wanted for years and only got a whisper of a taste of. I told him I had a crush on his girlfriend. But she was the one in whom I confided that I had a leftover crush on him. He didn't know that. I didn't want him to know until I'd worked on it; she didn't find out till I'd worked on it. And after I'd worked on it, I wanted to pretend it had never happened.

So anyway, at first their relationship just seemed really rosy and perfect and then I had to carelessly throw that into the stew. Then I had to go and move here. With him. And honestly, I do owe this girl a lot. Between her encouraging him to get back in contact with me, and my middle school best friend getting back in touch, I have two of the people most important to me outside of my family, back in my life.

I wouldn't do anything to disrupt that.

Now I have my sister telling me I have needs and I'm engaging in emotional cheating and I just feel...... I already feel guilty. I didn't realize how young his girlfriend really is! You may say, age is just a number, but I'll be damned if it's not a good indicator for how a person is going to respond to certain situations. If she was a few years older, with a few more years in the game, she might actually be able to trust her boyfriend to be faithful in spite of...Ugh, I can't even say it... In spite of how they both perceive me, let's just say, maybe fake it till you make it works for making others believe you're physically appealing.

Anyway, she's not the only one depending on him to be faithful... He might not have done what he was accused of doing, but he's told me expressly, even if he couldn't tell his girlfriend, that he definitely made up for not committing the crime he was accused of committing. He might want to turn over a new leaf with her, but he's already confided the truth to me. If he physically cheats with me, which I would never let happen, then he's let down all three of us. He'll have to find some other party for that.

Not to mention, I'm not going to fight over a guy. Talk about trashy. Besides, if you have to fight over him, are his feelings and thoughts being considered? Does he actually want what you're telling him to want? If you "win", did you actually win?

I will be damned if I don't wish all the best for my best friend. I can see he's crazy for her, and I love that for him.... but I want to ask what's actually going on in his head, but I also don't want him to know how I feel. After all, I don't think I actually want him like that. Sure, if I had to choose between living with a guy I barely know and my best friend and his girlfriend, I'd choose my best friend. Wouldn't you?

But at the end of the day, when I pull it all apart, I really do think it comes down to just being really lonely, a little bored, and him just having no filter. It's history all over, but this time instead of being involved, I'm single. But now I feel guilty about it because there's that history that no one will ever take away from us

I have a pretty good idea that he wants me to be happy as much as he wants his own girlfriend to be happy, as much as I want him to be happy. So why would I try to sabotage that? What would happen to our friendship if I was really the reason for them breaking up? Why would I make him feel like he has to do extra work to keep her and I both happy? I'm just happy to be here and get to see my best friend every day after so many years. After all, even if I had to pretend the whole thing never happened, the story was different for him. That's another thing I don't think either of us girls take into consideration: He saw the story of his time out of differently. He kept me in his life all those years. For him, those five years weren't five years of pretending those painful years of not being good enough. Those were five years of missing someone.

From that perspective, what kind of person would I be to push my selfish agenda for something I think it's too soon for me to have back. We had our chance once, and maybe one day, the portents will read true, but first, we have more growing to do.