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levmada · 1 month

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Pls Kane drop eruri coded songs 🙏🏻

firstly im sorry this took so long, but this was an emotional trial pls hope u understand🙏they are not the happiest ship in the world

i have a whole spotify playlist😩but here are some highlights:

obligatory midnight sun by cinema staff

and obligatory name of love by cinema staff

a classic perhaps? duvet by boa from levi's perspective. like it can't get MORE eruri unless their names were in the song.

on the pain agony torment scale 10/10

francis forever by mitski from levi's pov. i hope it speaks for itself bc i can't explain without feeling gut-wrenching grief. jesus

on the pain agony torment scale 10/10

halo by starset from levi's pov again. just... devotion :') w levi his emotions run so deep but it reflects in the song really well. also the implication that erwin is like levi's angel instead of the devil he's known as.

on the pain agony torment scale 1/10

from erwin's pov. heat lightning by mitski. coming up on shiganshina yk.... i feel like erwin could already sense SOME conclusion was coming, although he didn't know what levi would do bc he's the one thing he could never predict (i am once again comparing them to eremika). whatever it would be tho, erwin trusted him.

on the pain agony torment scale 3/10

UGH. wait for me by rise against from levi's pov after RtS. i need to find more happy songs...

on the pain agony torment scale 7/10

knife prty by deftones. the SOUND of the song really helps get it across, but this is from levi's pov with ... actually letting someone in for the first time. very rough but very passionate too

on the pain agony torment scale 0/10

in this shirt by the irrepressibles

levi's grief as usual.

on the pain agony torment scale 6/10

the no seatbelt song by brand new

IM LOSING IT IM LOSING IT IM IN TEARS I HATE IT HERE

oh my god it hurts

erwin's feelings about levi from erwin's pov. accounts for his life on the BRINK in shiganshina though, too. possibly mid-rooftop.

on the pain agony torment scale 10/10

say yes to heaven by lana del ray

eruri, the good ending. sort of both povs. they run away to a cabin and abandon everything, or just, you know, modern au.

on the pain agony torment scale 1/10

love like you by rebecca sugar/from steven universe from erwin's pov

it doesn't get any more blatant than this. all of erwin's longing in a song.

on the pain agony torment scale 1/10

tears don't fall by bullet from my valentine

UGHHHH OMG!!!!! ERWIN'S POV ALL DAYYYYYY his last moments. but like. it's not a sad song if i think of it like erwin simping for levi for 6 minutes.

on the pain agony torment scale 2/10

i just threw out the love of my dreams by weezer from levi's pov

the song's catchiness takes away from the pain agony torment.

on the pain agony torment scale 5/10

cirice by ghost from levi's pov. no sadness, just love

on the pain agony torment scale 0/10

black friday by tom odell

mid-uprising and all when erwin seems to be losing himself... partly from both pov's. just everything going downhill. agony. pain. and torment of course.

on the pain agony torment scale 8/10

#eruri #aot eruri #erwin x levi #snk eruri #eruri feels #levi x erwin #levi ackerman x erwin smith #eruri attack on titan #aot ships #aot ship #snk erwin #aot levi #eruri.thoughts

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levmada · 1 year

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sleepy aot headcanons<3

featuring hange, erwin, and levi (+eruri & levihan)

Levi

You guys remember that official art of sleepy Levi?

He definitely sleeps incredibly light. The first slight disturbance—footfalls in the hall, crickets crying outside the window, the softest whispered steps of your socks in the bedroom—makes him twitch, fully awake again.

It takes a long time for him to fall asleep in general, and trying feels like such a waste of time to him that he'd rather work at his desk until he drops, dressed in most of his uniform, including his harness.

Levi can nap pretty much anywhere though, around a campfire on expeditions, sat up in Erwin's office, only for the boost in energy. Reason being again from growing up Underground. There was never anywhere "safe" to sleep. He learned to make do with what he had.

He's long-since accustomed to being on his guard every second all 24 hours of the day. This anxiety probably gives him an internal alarm, so if—if—he sleeps through the night, he's up when dawn arrives. Also, whenever Levi does wake up, he often acts like he’s still asleep at first, always taking account of his surroundings before he lets anyone around him know he’s woken up.

He doesn't snore, or even move that much unless he's having a nightmare, and he gets those fairly often. He almost always looks unsettled even asleep, lips downturned softly.

After a nightmare, Levi never tries to sleep again, even if you hear him wake up and comfort him. He'll lie awake until dawn because at that point he's too full of adrenaline to settle down again.

That is if you wake up. He really tries his damndest not to be too much of a burden on your sleep, considering how important it is and how much he's resigned to his sleep patterns. He really thinks you're better off with him dealing with it on his own :(

Usually, he rests on his back, his arms crossed. A combination of a soldier sleeping position and a self-protective pose. Insecure. Whenever he's low, or numb, or feeling helpless, he curls up on his side. He always has the blankets pulled up to his chin. Never wearing less than long pajama pants and a sweatshirt, sometimes socks. He gets cold easily, and insists on being overdressed in case there’s an emergency in the middle of the night. None of these things cease when he starts sleeping with you, but he calms down somewhat.

When asleep, Levi always has to be touching you. If he doesn't sense you there, even unconsciously, he's bound to stir awake and raise his head in search. Even if you're asleep on your stomach, he'll slowly wriggle his way underneath until he's comfortable again. He likes to be the little spoon (never admitting it), your front snuggled up to his back and your face resting close to his hair. Occasionally he squirms back against you so you're as close as possible. He also feels safer resting his head on your heart, his arm draped across your middle protectively, the steady thrumming lulling him into a doze.

Hange

Just like the other veterans, Hange doesn't usually sleep until they drop because they feel there's sooo much to do that sleeping is a waste. They know how healthy it is to get enough though, so they're the most "willing" to go to bed out of Erwin and Levi. Willing and able to sleep pretty much anywhere.

They squirm around a lot, never really settled, just like when they're awake—always needing to be doing something. Hange definitely drools.

the position they sleep in: imagine a starfish lol. Sprawled on their back with their arms crossed above their head and their legs outstretched. Signifies a good listener, an open heart, and comfortable in social situations. Other times they're sprawled on their stomach, their arms tangled in the pillow... A position that means they're social and on the brash side, sensitive to stressful situations. The most they wear to bed is any shirt or tank top and cotton boxer shorts.

When they're sleeping with you, you can probably expect their limbs to be tangled up in yours the majority of the night. It's like navigating a maze if you wake up first, which is usually the case. They might sleep stretched on your back, their head resting between your shoulderblades. They cuddle like a teddy bear.

Erwin

Levi is the only one worse than Erwin in letting himself get some rest. There’s always so much to do, so many responsibilities, and Erwin being the commander makes this especially true. He sleeps at his desk quite often, the lantern burning its last oil fumes, his quill still laced between his fingers.

Doesn’t shift around in his sleep much, but he definitely snores up a storm. A human furnace. On cold expeditions when everyone’s grouped together for warmth, Erwin and Miche are pretty much go-tos to keep the cold at bay. Like Levi, he’s dressed up when he goes to bed, albeit in comfier clothes.

Whenever Erwin has a nightmare, which is often enough, like Levi he usually climbs out of bed to get some more work done—true even if he’s asleep with you.

Sleeps in soldier position pretty much always: on his back, arms and legs laying straight, or one hand resting on his stomach. Whenever he’s with you, your head resting on his broad shoulder or over his heart, he holds you. A very big fan of being the big spoon also, his leg tangled in yours, your back cradled snugly to his chest.

extras

eruri

God I love these old men. One is always pestering the other to go to bed, and it's usually Levi—not because he has any kind of ease going to bed, but he's pushy and naggy about Erwin taking care of himself more than even Erwin is towards Levi. To goad him into bed, Levi lights every lamp in their bedroom, pulls the sheets from their tuck, and stands in the doorway. Once, he held a glass of ice water and warned Erwin to get over here before all the ice melted, or there'd be hell to pay. aka Levi was going to pour it down his shirt. Erwin gambled. Levi didn't have the guts.

Levi dozes on the same sofa in the same spot in Erwin's office when it's late. Erwin will look up, rub his eyes and curse himself for losing track of time. He knows picking Levi up suddenly will startle him, so he always wakes him with a kiss on the cheek... before he picks him up of course.

When Levi wants to sleep in a chair, he's in the chair near the window in Erwin's bedroom. Usually Erwin can convince him to join him though. Especially in winters, where inhaling is like stabbing your lungs with ice, Levi practically glues himself to Erwin because he runs so hot all the time. It's a test of will to drag themselves away from each other the next morning.

Neither of them generally sleep well. For Levi especially, but they both sleep through the night a little easier, the bad dreams a little more hazy and easier to cope with, when together.

Erwin usually on his back with Levi curled up at his side, either his head or his hand resting over Erwin's heart. Erwin likes to nose Levi's hair, holding his waist. It used to make Levi feel smothered, but he sighs in relaxation when Erwin holds him tight. Even though it won't last, he lets himself feel secure in Erwin's arms. That, or Erwin is spooning Levi from behind, and it's laughably easy, almost worringly so, how safe it makes Levi feel, and how good it makes Erwin feel, confident he can protect him.

It's kind of difficult with their height to sleep any other way lol. But when Erwin isn't touching him anymore—Levi always wakes up when this happens, whereas Erwin tends to sleep like a log—he rolls over and nudges Erwin in a sleepy daze until he's being held again, and he sighs silently in satisfaction.

levihan

Again, Levi is always the one dragging Hange from their lab—if he's already sicced Moblit on them and he came away defeated—to get some rest. Hange on the other hand always sneaks into their bedroom during the day at one point and lays out some pajamas for Levi in hopes he'll actually wear something comfortable to sleep.

Whenever Hange twitches or squirms around in their sleep, which is often, Levi at first woke up every time it happened, but for some reason he couldn't bring himself to complain about it. At some point he even got used it, came to love the way Hange clings to his back or his chest like he might evaporate before they wake up. He decided it feels good to be wanted.

...He never sleeps better than when they're spooning him, one of their legs tucked between his and their arms clasped across Levi's middle. Somehow Hange always ends up with their hand up his shirt though, especially in winter. Hange also likes to plant their freezing cold feet to his legs, and riots when Levi banishes them to the other side of the bed.

Hange likes to rest their head over his heart (an ongoing theme) or vice versa. It's comforting. Lulling Levi to sleep most often. But when Hange ends up asleep on their stomach, he either squirms underneath their arm and rolls the other way, or kisses their face until they wake up so they'll sleep "normally"—aka the way Levi can tangle himself with them closest.

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levmada · 1 year

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adding to the levi/food thing

(tw// ed)

physiologically, children who aren’t fed well at a very young age (a couple of months and older) develop the need to feed themselves, even if that means stealing food. it’s sort of rooted in their brain that this is what they need to do to survive. that they’ll always have to fend for themselves if that means eating. given levi had to do that for most of his life, going above ground where there’s food just wouldn’t feel right. it’s likely he stole food even when he knew they’d be getting fed regularly. because his mind and body is set on survival, because he subconsciously thinks he won’t be fed. even if HE himself knows there will be food tomorrow. that’s something someone cannot grow out of because it’s planted in their heads at a young age. it takes incredible therapy and work to get that mindset out of your head, and given therapy is something levi definitely did not get, he probably had that habit for a long time :(

making myself sad with the thought of erwin catching him stealing food in the middle of the night and asking if he was hungry/didn’t eat enough and levi’s just like “i don’t know.. i just feel like i’d need this.”

goddd thank u for sharing!!! this is so interesting. rly makes me believe in my hc even more fifjfkakfksk AND that scenario at the end is so :’)) erwin catching levi stealing food at night sksksks i had to expand on it. (mostly unedited)

//disordered eating

“I don’t understand… Was there not enough to eat? That can easily be settled, Levi. All you’d need to do is inform me, and extra rations would be made available to you.”

“Are you serious…”

“Yes,” he answers confidently. “You’re my most important soldier. As well as… important.”

Erwin looks at him meaningfully, silently pleading for an answer. But that’s not it. That’s not it at all. He made himself sick and heavy from how much he ate tonight.

Erwin, by looking at him, can tell that Levi is gathering words to say, and doesn’t interrupt.

“No, it’s fine. Don’t know why I did it.”

“Does this happen often?”

Levi averts his eyes, his silence as confirmation.

Erwin steps forward then, and touches Levi’s shoulder, all despite what he did. No matter what, Erwin doesn’t touch him like he’s handling a loaded gun. He completely trusts him, which both scares and comforts Levi to a startling degree.

“Come to mine. We can discuss this in private.”

Not his office. If Erwin said his office, they’d be going there. This is something just between them.

Levi follows.

Attached to Erwin’s office, ironically, is the rest of his quarters. Erwin goes straight to the bedroom, which is as private as it gets. Besides the bathroom of course, the bedroom is a contained room with a door Levi can close, which he does with a whispered click, and then sits at the small round table near the bed itself.

Erwin sits there, on the side, and unsurprisingly speaks first. “I want you to feel comfortable expressing any concerns you might have.”

That’s it?

Levi narrows his eyes. “Do you not remember when I complained about our pants? Our white uniform pants?” Then he grumbles, “You can’t get grass stains out of ‘em. Let alone blood.”

“Hm,” Erwin chuckles. “I meant personal concerns.”

This stumps him. “…I haven’t found a solution. There’s no point asking for help. There’s nothin’ you can do, so why would I?”

“There’s no ‘solution’ to grief, either, is there, Levi… Or to nightmares? And yet…”

And yet they confide in each other about shit like that. Levi himself is shitty at giving comfort, let alone seeking it, but he admits being held after one of them—just burying himself in Erwin’s arms—is a kind of way to solve it. He thinks he does a pretty good job at doing the same for him.

But how, with this? Is Erwin supposed to spoon-feed him or something? Starving seems so normal to him, it’s hard to think of it as suffering, as from death or a nightmare. Erwin didn’t understand, once, how Levi could see prostitution as just another job, like woodworking.

“You can talk to me,” Erwin says. “At times, that in of itself can be a solution.”

“Hm.” He stares at nothing in particular as he thinks. “…It just don’t feel right. It doesn’t feel right,” he corrects himself. “I know there’s plenty of food, Blondie. I know we’re not gonna run out.

“But you don’t… You don’t get it. I still see it as a luxury. Tch, I see enough food in a day now that I’d probably get in about a week, back down there. That’s how it always was—it didn’t matter how much power I had over everyone else… Food just wasn’t there.

“You know that now that I’ve said it, but you don’t get it.” Levi glares, unsure of what or who he’s angry at. “You’ll never get it.”

Erwin listened quietly, intently as Levi explained. Admittedly, it’s rare that he shares about his past, even in vague terms like this. It’s difficult to put those feelings into words, no matter how much he trusts Erwin with that information. It drudges up a bunch of shit Levi wants to leave down there, in the darkness. It’s difficult.

“I see.”

Surprising him, Erwin scoots backwards, and lays down, seemingly pondering something at the ceiling.

Not liking the sudden space between them, Levi realizes Erwin’s trying to make him come closer, which he does begrudgingly. He sits himself on the edge of the bed, where Erwin just was.

Levi shrugs. “So… I just don’t think I can… quit it.”

“I have an idea.”

Erwin and his ideas. There’s a charming glint in his blue eyes.

Levi crawls onto the bed, closing the space between them more, and sits cross-legged beside him. “Hm.”

“It’s simply a matter of numbers, which I’m entrusted with. The Survey Corps is fed improperly in comparison to the others,” Erwin explains. “It’ll no longer be considered a loss if less food subsidies are reported. In fact, we’d benefit from being more low-cost.”

Levi, tight-lipped, stares at him. It’s to keep from smiling. He likes when Erwin talks like this, excited-like. “So fraud. Like the tea.”

Erwin is smirking. “In blatant terms.”

Erwin falsifies black tea shipments in a similar way, and again, for Levi, since it’s a luxury item.

Even so, it can’t be the only time Erwin had done shit like that. That’s how he took down Lovof all that time ago, and screwed with Levi’s job. Erwin knows how not to get caught.

With Erwin’s sanctity preserved, Levi allows himself to relax, and consider the offer. Even though he just can’t seem to stop, he doesn’t waste any morsel, ever, and this way, the Survey Corps won’t suffer either. Like Erwin said, it would benefit.

He feels a strange sickness in his heart that moves him. Erwin would do that for him. Erwin knows how.

“Okay,” he mumbles simply. “That’d be fine, then. Good idea.”

Erwin smiles then, one of his soft, genuine smiles only Levi sees. He uncrosses his ankles and opens his arms, and wordlessly Levi fills that empty space, closing it completely, and sealing it with a soft kiss.

#tw disordered eating #tw eating issues #tw food #erwin x levi #levi x erwin #eruri fanfic #eruri fanfiction #aot eruri #erwin smith x levi ackerman #eruri #eruri.thoughts #eruri fluff

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levmada · 1 year

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levi’s fist is clenched and he’s looking directly at erwin. he’s either thinking of jerking him off or mad he’s getting ignored💔

#poor baby levi #‘seems like you’re married to your paperwork now. have fun’#he brattily says and crosses his arms like a brat before brattily stomping away as if he was a brat (brat)#eruri.thoughts #erwin x levi #eruri #aot eruri

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levmada · 1 month

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Wonder what Erwin smells like if levi likes it. Unless levi loves him so much he doesn’t mind the kinda sweaty musk

erwin is canonically "very particular" about his appearance/grooming, and levi loves him, so i find it very very very unlikely he ever stinks (for erwin's sake).

i go back and forth, but he has a very distinct smell that you can take a full breath in of and still not have enough of. warm and rich and sharp.

(but lets be real levi would like erwins stink ;3)

#eruri #eruri.thoughts

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levmada · 11 months

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//drinking mention

“So, what do you think?”

Levi scrutinizes the grey, mushy state of the field of trees outside the wooden (what Erwin called a) gazebo they sit safely underneath, a hefty wooden thing Erwin also told him is called a bench-swing. It's crisp and cold, Levi buries his chin in the puffy collar of his parka like a turtle. The air is yet thick with rain.

He would describe the sight as tired. Patchy snow is everywhere, patchy ice speckling the wide river to their left side. A wind chime twinkles in a slight, but cutting breeze. He still doesn't understand the appeal of those.

Matching the weather’s half-hearted commitment to snow, it’s raining weakly. The sky above is like a dense cottonball, bright still, but thicker than the fog covering the ground.

So this is sleet.

“Some would say this weather is fitting for the day of my birth,” Levi answers with a scoff. It's worth it, with the gentle rocking motions of the swing, sitting here with Erwin. Levi is too short to plant his boots down, so Erwin is rocking it.

In defiance to the fact, but mostly because it’s comfortable he’d argue, he sits more or less curled up at Erwin’s side with his knees pulled up to his chest. He’s put on a lot of muscle since leaving the Underground, but he’s still small enough to do this. Erwin is also dressed in his own thick fur-coat, making his seat twice as comfortable.

Erwin hums. “It would, if it were more beautiful.”

Instantly he feels his face turn hot. He's sure his nose is red anyway. “Well… There’s nothing beautiful about winter. Seems you’re shit out of luck there.”

Erwin chuckles. “I think I disagree. Why, do you dislike winter?”

He doesn't want to think about the mere mention of it. Sure it's bearable right now, but some memories will never fade.

That kind of chill not only chewed through your bones, but sunk its claws in your core. It extinguished all warmth. Grew ice inside tears. Under all the drapes or sacks in the whole Underground, you could die. He heard stories about the people flocking to brothels then, but when the prices inevitably got high, they forced their way in.

As usual, people starved, but there was no warm food in winter when you could barely keep a fire alive in that damp, rotting hell. Bodies were sometimes kindling, and there were many.

The only bit of respite that could possibly found was from a bottle, and by the end one usually died anyway, in a stupid drunken stupor. Levi didn’t drink.

“I’m sorry...” Erwin apologizes. “I should’ve considered your feelings by asking. Seeing how you didn’t care about your birthday, I just settled on the day you said you didn't know yours.”

Levi shrugs, fighting to gather his thoughts. It's hard to explain things like that. When something hurts that much, all you can feel is numb about it to stay sane.

Erwin brings him closer to his side. Gratefully, he leans against him, a swarm of dark feelings under his skin dissipating.

“It's fine,” he says plainly. He rests his head against Erwin’s shoulder.

“You know, it can be changed. It isn’t a problem,” Erwin offers. “I’d rather you didn’t care for it than hate it.”

But you chose it. That day... you cared enough about me to ask.

“Don’t bother.”

“It’s no trouble, Levi, I mean that. It’s only a file.”

He grunts. “I know.”

Erwin understands with neither of them needing to speak. That’s what their relationship is, which in times like this Levi is especially grateful for. Erwin kisses his hair, and they continue watch the rain slowly fall.

#eruri fanfic #aot eruri #eruri fic #eruri fluff #eruri drabble #eruri fanfiction #erwin x levi drabble #erwin x levi #levi x erwin #eruri.thoughts

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