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simpinghour · 11 months

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Cake and Pears at 2am Hange x fem! reader (ch 2)

Summary: What is meant to be a casual night out to hang with Mikasa and friends leads you to meeting the very dapper, very suave even though they sometimes remind you of a golden retriever, Hange.

This was meant to be a mafia AU and there are light mentions of it but that’s not the focus. Here you’ll read about a fem!reader who is 14 years younger than a nonbinary Hange but doesnt let that stop her from dating them.

Rating: Explicit

Warnings: Nonbinary Hange, gothkasa, Strap on sex, loss of virginity with strap on, this is smutty as hell and I have no regrets, side Eruri, Side Eremika, Squirting, Oral Sex, Fingering, also side Mikenana, Yelena needs her ass kicked, age gap, but not a creepy age gap I promise, I had to do so much research about strap ons for this damn fic

link to chapter 1

Ao3 link

Chapter 2

You were nervous the entirety of that following week, unsure if Hange was going to contact you. After going through several scenarios in your head, you finally put on a horror film to serve as a distraction. Just as you began screaming at the screen, telling the main character that she was an idiot to go out into the dark to investigate a strange sound, you got a text from an unfamiliar number Thursday evening.

‘Hi! Sorry it’s late, but I didn’t want to keep you waiting. It’s Hange, we met at Levi’s bar. If you were waiting, that is. I don’t want to assume. I’d love to meet you for lunch or coffee one day if that’s okay.’

A full-on scream left your mouth, and immediately you felt like a jackass. You weren’t in high school and Hange wasn’t your first crush, but somehow you were easily reverted to a swooning schoolgirl.

It was a few minutes before you replied, not because you wanted to play it cool but because you felt like an idiot and didn’t know what to say. Finally you told Hange that you’d love to meet them for coffee.

You insisted that you were fine with meeting at Starbucks, but they were adamant about wanting to take you to some café you’d never heard of.

“It sounds like Hange finally texted you,” Mikasa says dryly when you answer her call the next afternoon. “Does this mean you’re going to stop moping around like some sad emo?”

“I was not moping and I wasn’t acting like an emo,” you protest.

“Yeah, anyway. So are you two going out soon? Please tell me you made plans.”

“Yes, Mikasa, damn! We’re going to meet up for coffee next weekend.”

“Great,” she replies in a dry tone. “I’ll be there bright and early to do your hair and makeup. Also to do an outfit check because you know when you get nervous that focusing on anything is like trying to hold onto a snowball in hell.”

“Beautiful analogy, and fine. I’ll let you know what time when I speak to Hange again.”

As promised, Mikasa shows up bright and early, smelling of clove cigarettes with her makeup kit in tow.

“Have you showered yet? Did you wash your face? Did you moisturize and put on spf?” she asks in a tone that sounds somewhat accusatory.

“Yes to all of the above, boss,” you tell her mockingly. “And I’m not wearing this,” you continue, gesturing to your old Siouxsie tee shirt and leggings. “I sweat when I get nervous and I didn’t want to ruin my outfit.”

“Well of course you’re not wearing that,” Mikasa says, rolling her eyes. “Let’s go, I want to see what you picked out.”

Your date outfit is laid out at the foot of your bed, and Mikasa eyes each piece critically. A simple but cute blouse, skirt, cardigan and boots all in earth tones is what you picked out.

“Okay, that works with the type of makeup I have,” Mikasa announces while shoving you into a chair.

Your best friend’s brusque manner of speaking was completely contrary to the way she delivered personal attention. Perhaps that was why your friend group had no issue with letting her practice makeup on them; it was relaxing enough to make one fall asleep. And that was why you found yourself almost dozing off from the almost ASMR-like sounds of compacts snapping shut and different brushes stroking over your face.

Mikasa works on your hair last, and you move your head as directed when she uses a spritz bottle to revive your curls. She arranges it in a style that is cute but also out of your face, which she knows you hate. Your makeup is perfect; Mikasa has the ability to do makeup that almost looks like a filter on one of those apps. There’s just enough color on your eyelids, cheeks and lips and you’re enthralled with everything.

“Yes, I know, my work is impeccable,” Mikasa tells you as she begins repacking her makeup kit. “Now get dressed.”

“You’re so damn bossy. But I love you anyway.”

***

An hour later, you drive to a quaint part of town that you’d only driven through. The coffee shop turned out to be gorgeous; instead of traditional tables and chairs there were squishy sofas and armchairs, and a real working fireplace. Everything was done in warm tones, and decorated with autumn and Halloween items as it was the beginning of October. You asked the waitress if you could take a cornered window seat, since there were two comfortable looking armchairs with a low antique table in between. waiting in a window seat, hoping that you wouldn’t have to wait long.

One in the afternoon was the chosen meeting time, and it’s five after when you get a text when they apologize for running late. When they finally arrive and find you sitting at the small table with the open menu spread out, they immediately grin and wave.

“Sorry, sorry,” Hange says after they sit down, taking the jacket that was thrown over their shoulder and draping it on the back of their chair. As they move you try to avoid the graceful column of their throat that’s peeking out from the unbuttoned collar of a light blue button down. Their long legs are encased in slim, tan trousers and they have on a matching red belt and suspenders. Their shiny auburn hair is messily pulled back just like before to expose a slanted smile, and you can feel your heart kick up a notch. “It took me forever to find my car keys. I swear, I could trip over them ten times in an hour when I don’t need them but the moment I do? They sprout legs and walk away. You look amazing, by the way.”

“Thank you, so do you. I almost wondered if I’d got stood up,” you say jokingly, and Hange looks aghast.

“Definitely not!” they reply adamantly. “Levi told me I was a dumb ass for not asking for your number that night, along with Miche. But after that graceless encounter with my ex, I didn’t want to seem pushy.”

“Nah, you would have definitely got my number,” you assure with a grin. Just as you lean forward with an elbow on the table, a waitress comes over and asks if you two are ready to order.

“I didn’t get to ask you much about yourself the night we met,” Hange says after you two have placed your orders. “You let me ramble on and didn’t stop me.”

“I liked listening to you,” you admit with a shy smile. “What do you want to know?”

“Ehh, anything. Favorite food? When’s your birthday? What are your hobbies? Do you have any pets and if so, can I meet them?”

You tell Hange about yourself and they do the same. You find out they’re a chief scientific officer of a lab on the outskirts of the city. That in itself sounds fascinating and Hange is all too eager to talk about their work.

“Wait, I thought you and Levi and everyone else…” you trail off, wanting to ask about the whole mafia thing but unsure if that question would be well received.

“Oh, that,” Hange replies with a small smile. “Let’s just say it helps to have someone around with my background.”

“I gotcha. Do you have any pets?”

“No, unfortunately not. I like cats but my place isn’t exactly the safest place for one.”

“I could always see if there’s a cat café. Maybe we could go together.”

“Cat cafes?! Those exist?!”

Hange looks so excited and adorable that you want to kiss them.

The date lasts a little over two hours. Despite the age difference, you find that you and Hange have a lot in common and a million things to talk about. You’re sure you could have talked to them some more only the waitress is apologetic when she brings the check, stating that they have a two-hour seating limit.

When you reach behind the chair to grab your purse, Hange immediately stops you.

“It’s my treat since I invited you,” they continue, pulling out a wallet to withdraw a silver card and place it in the bill holder.

“Fine. But can I leave the tip? The waitress was really nice.”

“Something tells me it’s futile to argue with you so I’ll concede,” Hange tells you teasingly.

Once the bill is paid, you and Hange head out to the parking lot. It’s clear that neither of you are ready to part ways just yet, and you end up standing outside talking for another twenty minutes.

“Okay, as much as I hate to say goodbye it’s clear that you’re cold,” Hange tells you when they notice you shivering despite your upper half being covered in a thick cardigan.

“I don’t either,” you tell them in a pained voice with a grin, “but yeah, I am getting a little cold. This is that weird part of autumn when it’s hot one minute and cold the next.”

“Well I’m hoping we’ll see each other again? Sooner rather than later?” Hange asks hopefully.

“Oh trust me, we will,” you admit. “I had a good time today. This was nice.”

“Yeah, it was,” Hange sighs, slumping back against their car door. Then they straighten up and sort of turn towards you. “Is it okay if I hug you goodbye?”

“Yes, it’s definitely okay,” you answer, and immediately step closer to them.

“Damn, you smell good,” you murmur against their neck upon catching a whiff of what smells like tobacco and sweet vanilla.

“So do you,” Hange says in a similar tone, their head almost buried in your curls. “Your hair smells amazing.”

“You aren’t making us having to part ways any easier,” you tell them in a slight whine.

“Okay, okay, I’ll stop.” Hange lets you go and reaches into their pocket for their car key. “Will you let me know that you got home safe?”

“Will do!” you reply, turning to get into your car.

***

When you text Hange upon getting home, they immediately text you back and tell you that it was nice to see you and they look forward to your next date.

Later that evening after dinner and a bath, you find yourself online searching for a local cat café. You’re surprised to find a cat café that isn’t too far, but it’s a thirty-minute drive away.

You text Hange and ask if they’re busy next Saturday and if not and they want to hang out, you’d love to take them somewhere. Hange calls you pretty girl and says they’ll go anywhere with you. They also state that they’ll meet you at your house if that’s fine because their house isn’t exactly close to anything.

Hange is excited to be in the passenger seat and is surprised when you let them connect their phone to your car so they can put on a playlist.

“You really don’t mind?”

“Nah,” you reply. “There isn’t much I don’t listen to so I’m sure I’ll like whatever you put on.”

The easy beat of indie music fills your car, and you laugh after hearing a handful of songs by bands you also listen to. Talk of music and bands you both like takes place the rest of the ride, and soon you’re pulling up to the destination.

“What! You found one!” Hange yells when they see the glass window of the cat café. On it are adorable hand drawn kitties frolicking about between mugs and plates of desserts.

They continue losing their shit after you two walk inside, and soon they’re seated with a latte that has a cat face drawn into the foam, which goes ignored for the hazel-eyed grey tabby who leapt onto Hange’s lap to sniff their sleeve.

“Ooooh, aren’t you cute!” Hange coos, holding out a hand. The cat ends up shoving their head into Hange’s palm, demanding to be petted.

While Hange is busy meeting the demands of their new furry friend, you slip away to find a dispenser that sells cat treats. After you return to the table, you slide some of them in Hange’s direction and they immediately pick up one and the cat politely takes it from their hand.

“Oh my goodness, he ate it! What a good boy!” they enthuse, happily stroking his head.

The rest of the afternoon finds you and Hange seated on the floor near the cat towers, dispensing treats and cuddles. A striped tabby with white socks found its way to your lap and keeps hugging you, and you laugh when she nuzzles her face against yours.

“I want to take you home,” you tell the kitty, on the verge of tears with joy when she purrs contently as you stroke her back.

Eventually it becomes apparent that multiple cups of lattes and macarons aren’t enough sustenance, and hunger drives you two to finally leave. Then it turns out neither of you are ready for the date to be over, and you both get takeout sushi and bring it back to your place.

“Today was fun, thank you,” Hange tells you later after you’ve finished eating. Now you two are on the sofa with hot mugs of tea before you on the coffee table, and Hange is sticking their legs out straight and flexing their toes in the thick fuzzy socks you loaned them. “These are cute. And comfortable.”

“You can’t relax properly at home until you have on comfy socks,” you reply, then something else comes to mind. “Can I ask you something?”

“Yeah.”

“Why did you look surprised when I paid for our stuff at the café?”

“Did I?”

“Yes, you did.”

“Ah. I think it’s because besides my friends, I’ve never had a date offer to pay.”

You stare at them incredulously with your mouth open. “Hange… what kind of derelicts did you date?”

They give you a sort of embarrassed laugh while ruffling their hair.

“Did Yelena expect you to pay for everything? Even if she was the one who offered to take you out?”

“Ah…I think so?”

“Hange!”

“What?”

“You can’t let people take advantage of you like that.”

“Well, I didn’t think it was a big deal. I did make more money than her, which she even pointed out so—”

“That makes it even worse! No wonder Levi hated her entitled ass—whoops, pretend you didn’t hear that.”

Hange laughs raucously though they no longer sound embarrassed. “I guess Mikasa told you about that. It’s true though; he didn’t like her. Actually, neither did the rest of my friends.”

“Now Mikasa didn’t tell me this, but I’m guessing Levi said she was selfish. Am I right?”

“Yes. How did you know?”

“Lucky guess. But I know her type; there was a time when I was surrounded by selfish people but I was too involved to realize. You know that analogy about not seeing the forest for the trees? That was me.”

“I see. Was that an old boyfriend, or…”

“Boyfriend, friends, and family. I’m twenty-six now and it took me twenty-one of those years to get to a point where I no longer tolerate selfish people. It’s funny how many people no longer like you when you force them to respect your boundaries. It’s fine though; I have really great friends now.”

“You’re a good person,” Hange murmurs. “How are you single right now?”

“Have you met some of these people?” you ask, giving a dry laugh. “It’s not that hard, believe me.”

“I suppose you’re right. Though now I am curious; have you been with someone like me before?” Hange asks, leaning their head against a hand while peering at you.

“What do you mean, someone who’s super smart, nonbinary, or the whole organized crime thing?”

You say the last part in a sort of whisper and it makes Hange laugh. “You’re cute. Either or.”

“Both, but if it matters I don’t have much experience with seriously dating anyone of any gender.”

“What? That’s surprising.”

“The dating world is a cesspool,” you explain, thinking back to all the secondhand knowledge you gained at the expense of your friends and their failed relationships. “The last few guys I went out with were so charming— at first. It was a damn case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde; one demanded a blowjob because he paid for my one cider at the bar. The other ran up a $200 drink tab and claimed he forgot his wallet when it was time to pay the tab. Mind you I only had a couple of sodas because I don’t get drunk around people I barely know.”

“What the hell! How did that night end?”

“The bar owner gave him two choices—either wash dishes or go to jail for the night. I paid for my two drinks and left before he made a decision.”

“So no old girlfriends?”

“Crushes, yes. Girlfriends… no.”

“And why is that?”

“Because I was too shy to tell a girl I liked her,” you confess, cringing as you think back to the few times you made an attempt at flirting with a girl. “Though one time we all went to a club and two girls literally made me into their sandwich filling and danced with me most of the night. And by dance, I don’t mean in the ‘leave enough room for the Holy Ghost’ kind. Anyway, I asked one of them for her number at the end of the night, and she told me she was straight and seemed so offended that I even considered her like that. Embarrassed doesn’t even begin to describe how I felt.”

“They were probably using you to keep other guys away, but that’s only supposed to be done with a friend or consenting person,” Hange explained. “That way no one is hurt or offended.”

“Is that what that was about?!” you exclaim, mouth hanging open. “I felt so confused for the longest and wracked my brain but kept coming up empty.”

“Unfortunately yes.

“On the topic of dating and such, do you mind if I ask what happened with Yelena?”

“I don’t mind. Yelena and I were off and on for the last few years but things got really bad since last summer. You know what they say about ignoring red flags when they’ve been there all along?”

“Yes, unfortunately.”

“Well, that happened. The last straw was coming home to find that she’d trashed my place and stole some of my things. The only reason she didn’t finish is because Levi has a key to my place and stopped by to drop off something and caught her in the act. He told her to get her shit and get out before he snapped her neck and buried her carcass where no one would ever find it.”

“Yeah, he seems like he can be scary.”

“Only if he doesn’t like you,” Hange says brightly. “He never did like Yelena but I didn’t listen to him. He turned out to be right when he said she was a selfish narcissist with a toxic personality. But you said the same thing happened to you?”

“Well, not exactly the same but the narcissist thing? Oh yes, only it was a friend. That’s sort of how I met Mikasa and Armin. I was friends with this girl and when I turned 21, she swore we had to go to a club and get shitfaced. Personally I hate the feeling of being so drunk that I want to puke, but she and her little clique thought that was the only thing to do on the weekend. Anyway, I got ditched because she wanted to hook up with some random guy.”

“What?! That’s horrible.”

“I know. What makes it worse is I was always the mom friend who stuck to one or two drinks or didn’t drink at all, only because I knew those idiots were going to get knee-walking drunk and end up needing to have their hair held back while they puked out their guts. Actually, that’s how I met Mikasa. She found me crying in the bathroom after I was sick and she helped me fix my makeup because by then, I looked like a raccoon. I ended up hanging with her and her friends the rest of the night and they made sure I got home safely.”

“That sounds like Mikasa,” Hange replied. “She and Levi are similar like that; they look like they’ll cut you but deep down they’re both very kind. Mikasa offered to help deal with the Yelena situation but I didn’t want her to get into trouble.”

“So is Mikasa into, err, the same things as you all?”

That makes Hange chuckle. “No, Levi would have a fit if she did anything untoward, but let’s just say Mikasa can hold her own. That’s the only reason Levi isn’t too worried about Eren; he knows if he were to try anything Mikasa would turn him into mincemeat but between you and me, I think Eren is okay. He’s young and a bit simpleminded, but he’s loyal and he’d kill someone if they tried to hurt Mikasa.”

“Yeah, I believe that but damn, I just wish Mikasa would focus on the time and not his cock when we’ve made plans to meet up somewhere.”

Hange laughs raucously and even though you were being serious, you end up laughing with them.

“I swear, I’m not bitter or anything,” you continue. “I couldn’t believe it when her stoic ass met him. It was like someone switched on a damn light or something. Everything was about Eren; Eren this and Eren that. But I tolerated it because I knew she was in love.”

“So what about you? When was your last relationship?”

“Freshman year of college, I think? Surprise, surprise, it didn’t last long. He had the nerve to be shocked when I got mad at busting him screwing his lab partner. You know what he told me? ‘Well I have to get it from somewhere’, all because I declined his gratuitous offers of blowjobs or quickies when his roommate wasn’t around.”

“He sounds positively charming.”

“He held all the charm of a public bathroom at a gas station along the freeway. And not a good gas station, but a no name one with stale shitty snacks that you can only find on that one freeway.”

“And the filthy bathroom with no toilet paper and a broken door.”

“Exactly. See? You get me.”

“I like you. And this sofa; it’s dangerously comfortable,” Hange says through a yawn. “If I don’t get up now I won’t make it home.”

“I mean, I’m definitely not in a hurry to kick you out,” you reply casually. “I take naps here all the time. Say the word and I’ll grab some pillows and blankets. I’ll even grab a tee if you want to get more comfortable.”

“Well, it’s not like I had anything pressing to do tomorrow. Sounds good, let’s do it.”

A glance down at both your outfits are an instant reminder of the cat café; you’re both covered in cat hair and it makes you laugh.

“Okay, what about a shower first?” you suggest, plucking one of the hairs off your shirt. “You can use some of my sweatpants; sorry in advance because I’m sure your ankles are gonna be sticking out.”

“I’ve got these so I’ll be fine,” Hange replies, pointing down to the stripy fuzzy sock and wriggling their toes.

After taking turns in your shower and changing into comfortable clothes, you and Hange are buried beneath your comforter on the sofa. You both get through fifteen minutes of a horror movie before falling asleep against one another, and when you wake up to the sound of screaming, you realize that you’re both lying flat on the sofa. At some point you began using Hange’s shoulder as your pillow but apparently they hadn’t minded, because they’ve got an arm slung around you. You wonder if you should move but decide you’re too comfortable and end up shutting your eyes.

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