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k-evans-reads · 1 year

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In Living Color

Chapter 5 - Part One

Summary: When Natalie Marton, lead character designer for Buzz Lightyear, meets the voice of Buzz, Chris Evans, the sparks are undeniable. But when their work pushes them away from each other, both physically and emotionally, will the sheer differences between their worlds be enough to force them apart?

Pairing: Chris Evans x Pixar Animator OFC Natalie Marton

Word Count: 4,182

By: @k-evans-writes and @ourfinest-hour

We do NOT give permission for our works to be reuploaded, translated, or reposted on any other site. Our work is our own.

Warnings: None.

Previous | Main Masterlist | In Living Color Masterlist

May 2021

The furious scratching sound of Nat’s graphite pencil was the only thing that could be heard in her office as the California sunshine poured through the big windows. She could see by the dent in the fibers of her paper that she was pushing down too hard as she worked on some of the character sketches on her to-do list, but when she glanced over at her phone, she knew exactly why she was holding the pencil with such force.

Nat knew that she should just close her phone, after all it wasn’t as if she’d missed a text from Chris with as many times as she’d checked their text thread over the weekend. But it still was just as quiet as it had been since Saturday when Chris had texted her to tell her something came up and he couldn’t meet her after all. At first Nat hadn’t given it much thought, knowing with the way they had kissed and flirted that Friday night that his longing to see her the next day had been authentic. But when the calendar had flipped from Saturday to Sunday, and now to Monday and still no word from Chris, she realized she’d officially been given the brush off.

It wasn’t a new feeling for her, and she knew it deep deep down that the fleeting chance they’d held together was gone. He’d come to his senses and realized Nat was, as many had before, not good enough for even the guy in the apartment down the street, nevertheless the man in the sprawling home perched on the edge of Laurel Canyon, who made more money from a single movie than Nat could ever hope to make in her career. She was used to getting close to someone, only to have them realize that she was just too much to handle, not ever being able to fully understand her and looking for a way out and it seemed that Chris was no different.

But that didn’t mean that it still didn’t hurt.

She hated to admit just how much it was bothering her, wishing she had just stuck with her more recent realization that she’d be better off alone for the rest of her life and not given a second thought to Chris. If she had, it’d be saving her the pain she was feeling. Nat reached over and quickly exited out of the text conversation, hating how it felt as if it was taunting her and shoved her phone in her purse, realizing it was about time to leave.

Even with the disappointment she felt in her heart at the moment, she knew that there was a man in her life that had never disappointed her and she was on her way to pick him up right now. She’d spent the entire morning watching her notifications not only for a text from Chris, but also for the flight updates from her dad’s airline, and just as she’d gotten up, her phone buzzed with the final update that his flight was about to land.

Making her way out of her office and down the hall, she poked her head into Jamie’s office, just as some of the other department head’s left the manager’s meeting in his office. “Hey Jamie, I’m headed out to pick up my dad,” she reminded him, shifting the bag on her shoulder as his head popped up from where he’d been typing an email.

His brows were furrowed for a split second until he nodded, reminding himself, “Oh that’s right, he’s coming today.”

“Yep and he’s staying until Saturday morning so I get almost a week with him,” she grinned, unable to suppress the happiness she felt at that. It’d been a long and lonely few months in Los Angeles, going from working in-office and living with Shane prior to lockdown, to moving home and surrounding herself with her family during quarantine, until she finally moved back to California in the late fall. And while it certainly had been an adjustment now, she had begun to realize what life would be like in her new reality only once she’d returned to working on campus in the early spring.

“That’s so great Nat, I’m excited for you,” he smiled at her, and Nat knew just how truly happy he was for her. Both Jamie and Mark were the people she was closest to outside of her family and had been for years, so they knew just how much it meant to her to have this time with her dad. Nat stayed leaning against the doorframe when Jamie asked, “Are you taking the day off or are you coming back?”

“No, I’ll be back today. Dad is going to just hang out in my office and read his book so I’ll see you in a little while,” she explained, and as her phone chimed with a text from her dad – presumably telling her they landed. With a rushed smile, hurried goodbye and a repeated promise to come back to finish out the day, she headed out to her car and headed out of the campus.

Nat dumped her bag into the passenger seat before starting the car and heading toward the exit of the parking garage, but she hadn’t even been able to pull out onto the road when the phone ringing chimed loudly through the speakers in her car. She smiled as she saw Heather’s name on the call, knowing it was time for the traditional Marton sisters Monday lunch break phone call.

She barely began to say hello to her oldest sister when Heather interrupted her, asking, “Is dad there yet?”

“No, I’m on my way to the airport to get him now,” she replied as she slowed to a stop at a red light.

The phone beeped momentarily before Alex’s voice filled the car’s speakers as she said, “Hey, I’m here! What did I miss?”

“Nothing, we just started,” Heather informed her. “I’m pretty surprised Nat doesn’t sound more excited about dad almost being there. I figured you’d be bouncing off the walls, Nattie.”

“I know, there hasn’t been a day in the past month that you haven’t mentioned it in the group text,” she could hear Alex laughing from the other end of the call.

Nat slid her black sunglasses on her face before pulling onto the freeway, running a hand through her thick curls before being unable to hold her feelings in and told them, “I am excited, I’m just having an emotional crisis.”

“A real one or a Nat version?”

She tilted her head at the comment, laughing at her eldest sister’s comment before wondering, “What’s a Nat version?”

Heather scoffed, supplying, “When you get in your artist mood and feel all nostalgic or cry over a pretty tree or some shit.”

“No this is real,” Nat shook her head even though she knew that neither of her sisters could see her.

Her sisters were silent for a moment until Alex quietly asked her, “Is it a guy?”

Nat sighed, tapping her fingers against the steering wheel as she slowed to a stop as she waited to get off the freeway. “Well-“

“Oh my god it is! Who is it? What’s going on?” She immediately recognized Alex’s voice as she rapidly fired her questions, interrupting Nat without a care in the world.

Nat hesitated, unsure how much to open up to her sisters. While she feared sharing her thoughts would speak her worries into existence, she needed some advice. Finally, she began, “Do you remember my friend Chris I mentioned?”

“No, who is that?” Heather wondered, not being able to keep it all straight between her hectic job, kids, and keeping up with Nat and Alex’s lives.

“He’s the co-worker,” Alex piped in before Nat could even answer and then quickly demanded, “Okay hurry up and spill, I need to know.”

“I just don’t know what’s going on,” she confessed with a huff, frowning as she drove through an intersection. “We’ve been friends for a little while now and a few times it’s felt flirty but I wasn’t sure.”

“Flirty as in what he’s said or how he acted?” Heather tried to clarify.

“Both,” Nat answered, quiet as she tried to gauge their reactions. “But then on Friday we kissed.”

Alex let out a low whistle, causing Nat to purse her lips as her sister murmured, “You could have led with that.”

Nat couldn’t repress the smile and her fond eye roll at Alex’s statement. “But here’s the weird thing. So we were flirting a lot at Mark’s birthday party on Friday and then we just were like touching and well just flirting I guess. Then he walked me to my Uber and we kissed,” she explained quietly.

“Have you seen him since?” Alex asked, her voice curious.

“That’s the weird thing,” she told them while finally turning off at the right exit. Nat still couldn't figure all of this out in her brain and hope that her elder sisters could tell her something she missed and explained, “He seemed so into it and brought up us getting together the next day but then he texted me Saturday and said something came up with work and I haven’t heard from him since.”

The line was quiet for a moment before Heather muttered, “Yikes.”

“See? I knew it was bad!” Nat’s left hand flew off the steering wheel as she tossed it in the air, deflating into her seat with a sigh as she asked them, “He’s giving me the brush off isn’t he?”

“I won’t lie, Nattie, it kind of sounds like it,” Alex hated to admit it.

Although it wasn’t surprising to her, Nat still was hopeful that maybe their answer would somehow be something different. A long sigh escaped her before she muttered, “I’m not really surprised. He’s out of my league anyway,”

“Maybe it was something with work though, I mean, it is only Monday afternoon,” Heather pointed out, but she knew her eldest sister well enough to know that she was trying to cheer her up and soften the blow.

“It’s just so unlike him to just not say anything though,” she conveyed, knowing that it was true. In the few months they’d known each other, she had come to learn just how vocal Chris was, their text chain rarely lying silent for more than a few hours. “I just don’t know how to read this whole situation.”

“Don’t text him, let him be the one to pursue you or not, that way you’ll know,” Alex tried to guide her younger sister, speaking from her own experience.

Nat hated how much this hurt. She didn’t want to be attached to someone like this again and hated that she’d let herself fall for someone so unattainable so easily, telling her sisters in a defeated tone, “After Shane I didn’t even want another relationship and this is partly why.”

“Honestly I was a little surprised when you called and said it was about a guy. I just didn’t think you wanted to be involved with someone yet,” Heather admitted, knowing that the facts didn’t all line up.

“I didn’t… but things with Chris just sort of… happened, I guess. Or I thought they did,” Nat furiously blinked her eyes as she kept driving toward the airport, hating that she could feel tears trying to sting at her eyes.

The line was quiet for a long moment before Heather wondered, “… You really like him, don’t you Nattie?”

“I wish I could say no, but I can’t,” Nat knew it was the truth. She wanted nothing more than to say it didn’t bother her but she knew that’d be a lie. She didn’t know how she’d ended up in this position, hating how easily Chris had become a fixture in her life, which only made it hurt that much more when she was met with his sudden rejection. “I don’t know, it doesn’t really matter anymore obviously but thanks for listening.”

“Of course, we love you Nattie,” Heather told her, the sympathy in her voice hurting Nat’s heart even more. “And who knows, maybe things will work out.”

With a small roll of her eyes, Nat muttered, “I doubt that.”

Nat was thankful when the conversation shifted to Alex filling them both in on the latest funny things her son had said and Heather adding in her own anecdotes about her children, only making Nat longing to just be with all of them right now. But the melancholy feeling that had plagued her the past few days and hidden her normal sunny demeanor was quickly gone when she saw her dad walking toward her car with a suitcase in hand. It took Nat no more than two seconds to get out of the car and nearly tackle her father in a hug, needing his love and presence so dearly.

The drive back to the Disney Campus felt as though it flew by as she and her dad caught up on what little time had passed since they’d spoken in detail with each other. As they pulled into the employee lot next to her building, Nat told him about what was going on at work, about her meetings earlier in the morning, and what the rest of her day looked like.

“I’m so glad you’re here,” she admitted as she put her car into park, turning the key and pulling it out of the ignition with a sigh, feeling every last bit of tension from the situation with Chris leave her body as she looked at her smiling dad.

Eric looked at her with a grin that became a smirk as he joked, “Me too, you’ve escaped my dad jokes long enough.”

“Oh you mean the ones you text me almost every day?”

“Yeah but now you get them in person,” he shrugged, following Nat’s lead as they got out of the car. With a quick stop at her trunk to grab his suitcase, they headed into Nat’s building to drop their things before going to grab lunch at the commissary.

As they made their way down the sidewalk into the building, Nat bumped her shoulder against his as she honestly said, “I’ll take it if that means I get to have you here.”

Eric was quiet as they made their way into the elevator and Nat felt thankful the doors slipped close without anyone else joining him when he asked, “...You okay Nattie?”

“Yeah,” she shrugged, unable to make herself seem more convincing than that. “I’m just being me, I guess. I’m just feeling emotional.”

“About what?” He asked her quietly as the beeping of the elevator passing floors echoed in the small space.

“Just… a lot of things,” she sighed with a shrug, shifting uncomfortably as the anxieties flooded her again. “Coming back here after the pandemic was just a lot harder than I expected.”

“Just adjusting again? Or what do you mean, Nattie?”

“I don’t know,” she admitted. She’d been struggling and all but spiraling since Chris flaked out on her last minute on Saturday, but it hadn’t been helped by the already-present thoughts in her mind. She missed home, she missed being around her family, and she missed getting to share her days with someone that wasn’t Mark or Jamie. Heather had Ryan and Alex had Zach, and for five years she had Shane, but even a year later she was struggling to reconcile with what her new reality looked like, especially in this new world. “I guess that ever since I came to California I’ve been just so involved in my job. You know that I love what I do, it’s truly my dream, but I guess with everything happening with Shane and then spending so much time back at home, now coming back here and getting back to my normal life, it’s just made me kind of wonder if this is really what I want the rest of my life to be?”

They were quiet as they made their way out of the elevator and a short distance down the hallway before they stopped at Nat’s office. Once the door shut behind them, she avoided his eyes, knowing he was worried as he quietly asked her, “Are you thinking of quitting?”

“No, it’s not that. I think just coming back here has made me realize that I’m… lonely,” she shrugged, dropping her stuff quickly before she grabbed her wallet and work badge out of her bag as she hung it over her chair. “I just see Heather and Alex with their families and I just want what they have. I want my life to be more than just my job.”

Eric nodded, following Nat once he’d rolled his suitcase next to her couch. “That’s normal to feel, Nattie. Most people do want a family of some sort, I think you’ve just been too busy for so many years that you haven’t noticed,” he explained, falling into step with her again as they popped back out of her office and into the hallway, retracing their steps back outside.

She was silent on the elevator as some interns joined them on the ride down to the lobby, not wanting many people to overhear it. “You’re probably right,” she finally told him as they stepped back out into the California sunshine, her arms wrapping around herself as she led her dad to the commissary.

He huffed out a laugh and a grin had settled on his lips when Nat turned his head to look at him. “I usually am,” he reminded her.

“I would argue with that but sadly it’s true,” she laughed in agreement, pulling open the doors to the commissary and leading him inside.“I think for now I just want to try to take a little more time off work and come home more often. I’m planning on coming home for Ella’s 9th birthday since Heather said she was going to do a family party. Maybe if I spend more time at home then I won’t feel this way as much.”

Eric laughed again as he reached for a tray and followed Nat through the crowded employee hall, his eyes taking in the different offerings. “I don’t know, with the way Alex’s pregnancy hormones have been lately, I think the more time you spend around us, the more you’ll be happy to come back to California,” he joked as he reached for a turkey sandwich.

Once they’d each picked out their lunches and he’d insisted on buying her lunch, they found a table tucked in a back corner, sitting down across from each other. He’d begun catching her up on the latest things going on back at home, the funny stories he’d heard at work and the newest gossip from the neighborhood but halfway through one of his stories, Nat’s eyes drifted from looking at her father across the table and landed on a tall frame that was walking toward their table.

“Chris?” She asked, her brows furrowing as she quickly wiped her face with a napkin. “Um hi, I didn’t uh, expect to see you here today. Is there something for Lightyear going on today?”

“No, I have a late shoot tonight and so I just wanted to stop by to see you. I went to your office but Mark told me you were here,” he explained, an awkward look on his face as he met her eyes before gesturing between her and her dad. “Am I interrupting?”

“No, no, sorry, this is my dad, Eric. And dad, this is my friend Chris,” she introduced them, watching as Chris easily charmed the man.

“It’s so nice to meet you Eric, I’ve heard so much about you from Nat that I feel like I know you.”

“Well I always love to get to meet Nattie’s friends,” Eric joked before gesturing to the empty chair next to Nat. “You should join us for lunch.”

“Oh I don’t want to interrupt and I really don’t have too long anyway,” he politely declined “Nat, can I steal you for just a minute?”

She was quiet, looking to her dad for a second, but he gave her a reassuring smile and waved his hand, “Go ahead, Nattie. I’ll be here.”

“Okay,” she murmured, taking a drink of her water before she followed Chris through the busy commissary. Luckily, everyone else in there was too preoccupied to notice the brunette in front of her and they slipped out the doors without a second glance, but Nat paid it no mind as she fiddled anxiously until they stopped walking once they made it away from the busy entrance of the building.

He turned to her, frustratingly silent. Nat watched as his eyes moved from her to his feet, then finally she told him, “I didn’t expect to see you today.”

“Well I wanted to come by and apologize for not being able to get together this weekend because-”

She held up a hand and shook her head, her voice quiet as she – despite how she truly felt – said, “Chris, it’s really fine, you don’t have to explain. It’s not a big deal.”

“It is to me because I really wanted to see you. There was an issue with lighting in a scene but they only had the location until Monday so we had to do a reshoot this weekend which nobody was expecting and that’s why I wasn’t available. We were so slammed I didn’t even get a chance to call you,” he explained, pausing as he met her eyes and shrugged, a deep frown on his face. “I’m really really sorry, Nat.”

“It’s okay, I understand,” she assured him, feeling the last bit of tension she’d been holding deep in her body leave at his explanation �� it’d been nothing more than a shitty last minute reshoot, it wasn’t him changing his mind. With a smirk and a slight shrug of her shoulders, she added, “Although I was starting to think that maybe everything on Friday was just because you can’t hold your liquor.”

Chris raised a single brow as a smirk appeared on his face as well, reminding her, “I believe we had this conversation before and I think we both know a Bostonian can handle plenty…”

“I’m not so sure about that anymore,” she shot back, relieved at the way they effortlessly slipped back into their banter.

“Guess I’ll just have to prove it to you then,” he told her with a jut of his chin. “How long is your dad here for?”

“I’m dropping him at the airport on Saturday morning.”

“Oh,” he paused, nodding before he shrugged and – all too casually – added, “I’m leavin’ on Sunday for Europe to do some filming… I’m having a party on Saturday night though for a few friends so if you’re free, I’d love it if you came.”

Nat took a second to school her expression, feeling those flutters from Friday night again at his offer. “Well I feel it’s my duty to come and see you proven wrong,” she sarcastically replied.

“It really is,” he chuckled before nodding to himself. “So I’ll see you Saturday, then.”

She nodded as she watched a few squirrels on the large green space across from them, but then turned her head and told him, “I’m not sure you should keep going around saying things like that. Last time you did, you blew me off.”

“Very funny,” he rolled his eyes with a smirk that told her everything she needed to know. He shoved his hands in his pockets for a moment as he looked around, then sighed and said, “I hope you have a good time with your dad this week, Nat.”

“Thanks, I will,” she told him, touching his arm for a moment and getting his attention. “And thanks again for coming by today.”

He nodded with a tiny shrug, then said, “Of course… bye Nat.”

Nat stood there as she just watched the look on his handsome face, seeing that beautiful soft smile on his face before he reached out and rested a hand on her arm, spreading warmth throughout Nat’s body before he leaned in and pressed a gentle kiss to her cheek. She could smell that musky cologne of his so well with his body being this close and it didn’t go unnoticed by her the way that he lingered his face next to her, waiting for a moment to read her body language but Nat didn’t want to wait any longer and turned her head to look up at him and lean in to kiss his lips in such a different way than the few days before. This wasn’t passionate and full of need like it was on Friday. This kiss was different. It was soft and gentle but somehow felt… intimate. As if they finally were being completely transparent about how they felt about one another, even if they didn’t need words to do it and suddenly Saturday couldn’t come soon enough.

A/N: We can't wait for Thursday's chapter!!! As a reminder, next week we will NOT be posting In Living Color due to the holidays, but we do have something planned, so keep an eye out!

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cirilla-fiona-riannon · 1 year

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2023 Lucky Bag

New Year's Day Showdown

New Year's Day, early morning一

Mai's absence cause sparks to fly between the warlords at their New Year's Party.

Nobunaga: "Due to a large number of people, we had to split into three groups."

Kennyo: "The winner has the right to spend time alone with Mai, right?"

Shingen: "Yeah, we're going to split up into three different matches, and the three winners will decide who the real winner is."

Ieyasu: "Why are conflicts break out as soon as we get together?"

Nobunaga: "Since you're participating, does that mean you're not giving up on her?"

Ieyasu: "Of course."

Shingen: "Besides, we all want to spend time with the princess."

Yoshimoto: "Spending time with Mai is magical."

Kicho: "We'll have to pick a winner by the time she gets back from helping prepare for the banquet."

Kicho: "Even though we have time until tonight, I don't think we can take our time."

Yoshimoto: "Yeah, let's start our game right away."

Kicho: "We'll have a New Year's Calligraphy Game by drawing lots, but how will we determine the winner?"

Yoshimoto: "It's difficult because different people have different standards for good and bad handwriting."

Nobunaga: "Then, we'll decide not on the quality but on the content."

Kennyo: "Content?”

Nobunaga: "Each person will write down a possible theme on a piece of paper, and we'll draw lots with that paper."

Ieyasu: "I see, so we'll write answers to the theme."

Kicho: "Well, let's start by selecting a theme. Let's get this over with."

A lottery was held after each of them placed a folded paper in a small box with their suggestion.

Shingen: "Well then, let's decide on a theme."

Ieyasu: "I hope we get a decent one."

Kennyo: "I guess that's all just luck."

Nobunaga: "Let's draw."

They slowly opened the paper, revealing一

Yoshimoto: "Things I've found cute lately."

All: "..........."

Kicho: "So this is our game?"

Shingen: "If we all get the same answer, it won't make sense."

Ieyasu: "But we won't know until we start writing."

Kennyo: "Let's start the first calligraphy session."

Each of them picked up a brush and began to write on the paper.

Soon after, they all finished writing, and they all revealed them to everyone at the same time.

Nobunaga: "As expected."

Shingen: "But I never thought everyone would write Mai's name like this."

Yoshimoto: "The word cute fits Mai well."

Ieyasu: "We all knew this would happen."

Kicho: "At this rate, there will never be a winner."

Yoshimoto: "But even if we all wrote Mai's name, it would have a different feel depending on who wrote it."

Yoshimoto: "They are beautiful in their own way, from the skilled to the emotionally expressive."

Shingen: "However, unanimity is not enough to win. Let's move on to the next round."

Kennyo: "Well, it doesn't make sense to give the same answers over and over again since the time is limited."

Ieyasu: "Wouldn't it be better to decide on the theme based on the content rather than by lottery?"

Kicho: "Wouldn't it be quicker to just write 'I want to spend the night with you' directly?"

All: "!"

Kicho's words caused a moment of silence in the hall.

Nobunaga: "Oh? I didn't know you had it in you."

Shingen: "Surely it would be fairer to let the goddess decide directly."

Kennyo: "So we're going to write our feelings for her?"

Ieyasu: "This is more like a love letter."

Yoshimoto: "But if we're going to go to the trouble, I'd like to write something that I think she'll be happy to see."

Everyone picked up a brush and began to write a love letter to Mai.

However, the contest took a turn for the worse as they began to compete over the content of the love letters.

While the first calligraphy contest in Azuchi Castle was in chaos, a certain contest was also underway on the plains close to Azuchi.

Ranmaru: "Yay! It's up!"

Mitsuhide: "Oh? You're good at this."

Motonari: "Oi, oi, oi. Isn't it unfair that only the kid gets a normal kite?"

Hideyoshi: "We decided which kite to fly by lottery. We had no choice."

Kenshin: "Why aren't they all the same kite to begin with?"

Mitsuhide: "Well, in a game, unexpected things like this are bound to happen."

Kenshin: "I can't afford to lose for the sake of Mai. I need to overturn this."

Ranmaru: "We all don't want to lose!"

A kite-flying contest was taking place on the plains, except that each kite in each person's hand had a unique shape.

Motonari: "Can a kite with a weird boat shape fly?"

Hideyoshi: "Even a flower-shaped kite spins quickly and doesn't fly because its shape is almost a circle."

Mitsuhide: "This fox-shaped kite also seems a little tricky."

Ranmaru: "We just have to fly it higher within the time frame we've decided on ♪."

Motonari: "Just because you were the first to fly it doesn't mean you win. I'm going to beat your ass right now."

Kenshin: "There's no way I can fly this sword-shaped kite."

Mitsuhide: "But we can't just hand over the right to spend time with her so easily."

The warlords struggled with the kite, whose shape makes it hard to capture the wind, but after a while一

Motonari: "Okay, it's up."

Kenshin: "What?"

Hideyoshi: "When did you do that?"

Motonari: "If you're a pirate, you'll learn to read the wind, even if you don't want to."

Ranmaru: "I can't lose. I have to fly my kite higher, too!"

Hideyoshi: "First, we have to fly our kites. Otherwise, we can't even join in the competition."

Kenshin: ".............."

Mitsuhide: "It looks like I can join you in that competition."

Ranmaru: "What!?"

A fox-shaped kite flew into the blue sky.

Mitsuhide: "I'm getting the hang of it."

Hideyoshi: "You're so cocky一Hm? Wait a sec..."

Motonari: "Huh? Why is he tearing up the rest of the paper used in the lottery?"

Ranmaru: "What is he doing?"

Kenshin: "Is that a kite tail?"

Ranmaru: "Tail?"

Hideyoshi attached a long, thin piece of paper to his kite and tried to fly it again.

Hideyoshi: "Okay, I'm flying too!"

Mitsuhide: "I see. The kite's tail is preventing it from spinning."

Hideyoshi: "That's right. The knowledge I learned from the children in the castle town came in handy."

Ranmaru: "As expected of Lord Hideyoshi!☆"

Kenshin: "Since it comes to this一"

Motonari: "Oi!"

Kenshin suddenly pulled out Himezuru Ichimonji.

Mitsuhide: "Using force is not a peaceful way to start the New Year, Kenshin."

Kenshin: "A match is a match. I, too, have no intention of straying from the rules of victory or defeat I have set for myself."

Kenshin: "This Himezuru Ichimonji is for this purpose."

Hideyoshi: "Wha一"

Kenshin strapped the kite string to the handle of his sword and held it as it was.

Kenshin: "Holding the sword makes the control more precise一Ha!"

Mitsuhide: "Well done."

Kenshin's kite suddenly leaped into the sky as soon as he began to manipulate it in synch with his sword-swinging motion.

Hideyoshi: "I didn't expect all the kites to fly."

Motonari: "But this is where the real work begins."

Mitsuhide: "Yes. All that remains is to fly it even higher until the time is up."

Ranmaru: "I can't afford to lose!"

Kenshin: " I need to win this game so no scumbag can get close to Mai."

Hideyoshi: "It's the same for me. I have no intention of losing at all."

Motonari: "Well, this is getting interesting!"

Under the cold winter sky, the game heats up.

No one has the slightest idea that a sudden gust of wind will cause everyone's kite strings to tangle and crash simultaneously.

At the same time that the first calligraphy and kite-flying contests were taking place, another contest was about to begin in the corner of Azuchi Castle.

Masamune: "Has everyone got their hagoita?"

Note: Hanetsuki is a traditional Japanese game, similar to racket games like badminton but without a net, played with a rectangular wooden paddle called a hagoita and a brightly colored shuttlecock, called a hane.

Mitsunari: "Yes! I already wrote my feelings about her."

Sasuke: "I had a strong impression of decorative hagoita before, so this is a new experience for me."

Yukimura: "Writing on the hagoita?"

Keiji: "You'll get fired up if you write words of love to the princess!"

Kanetsugu: "Only the winner of this game can give a hagoita to Mai, right?"

Masamune: "Yeah, each hagoita is like a love letter."

Mitsunari: "It's somewhat frustrating to see Lady Mai receive another man's hagoita."

Yukimura: "So if I win the game and hand over my hagoita, there won't be any problem."

Keiji: "Yup! Let's get on with the game."

Sasuke: "Well then, we'll start by deciding the pairings by drawing lots."

Kanetsugu: "I've already prepared it in advance."

Thus, the order of the matches was decided.

Round 1 - Keiji vs. Kanetsugu

Keiji: "Let's go, Kanetsugu!"

Kanetsugu: "Come, Keiji!"

Both players set up their hagoita and started playing each other with an air of tension.

Mitsunari: "They're hitting each other so fast I can't follow it with my eyes!"

Masamune: "Weird."

Masamune muttered a few words while the exchange of speedy shuttlecocks continued.

Yukimura: "Hasn't Keiji been moving around a lot since a while ago?"

Sasuke: "That was Kanetsugu intentionally hitting in a direction that would only return the ball to his position."

While the warlords were calmly analyzing the situation, a strong thud echoed above them.

Keiji: "Whoa, what's that!?"

A black shadow crossed over and carried away the shuttlecock that had been tossed high into the sky.

Kanetsugu: "Is that a bird?"

The game was brought to a halt when the fighting was forcibly interrupted.

Round 2 - Mitsunari vs. Sasuke

Mitsunari: "It's my pleasure, Lord Sasuke."

Sasuke: "It's my pleasure, too."

They shook hands with each other, then took a distance and set up their hagoita.

Eventually, the two sides began an unyielding exchange of blows.

Yukimura: "This is the most 'Hanetsuki' match I've ever seen."

Keiji: "No, but aren't they hitting back at each other's bad spots?"

Kanetsugu: "They seem to be aiming at the starting points of each other's movements."

Masamune: "It's a tactic that can be used in war."

The battle between the strategist and the ninja continued for a while.

Mitsunari: "Oh no!"

Sasuke: "-----!"

Mitsunari tripped over a stone, and the shuttlecock directly hit Sasuke's glasses.

Sasuke: "Sorry, but can I ask for a time-out on this one?"

Mitsunari: "I understand. I'll help you find it, too."

The match was also brought to a halt to find Sasuke's glasses, which had been blown off.

Round 3 - Masamune vs. Yukimura

Yukimura: "I can't lose!"

Masamune: "Don't think it will be easy, Yukimura!"

Loud hitting sounds continue to echo in the surrounding area due to the intense exchange of blows.

Kanetsugu: "It looks like they are completely equal in strength."

Sasuke: "A battle between two lifelong rivals is a rare sight for me."

Keiji: "I'm genuinely interested to see who will win!"

Mitsunari: "Their moves are becoming more sophisticated."

After a back-and-forth battle, a dull sound suddenly ran through the air.

Yukimura: "What!?"

Masamune: "-----!"

Both players' hagoita crack at the same time, making it impossible to continue the game.

Masamune: "So this match will also go on hold?"

Keiji: "At this rate, none of the games will be settled."

Yukimura: "I guess we'll have to rearrange all the games and have a rematch."

Mitsunari: "I want to fight to the end too. So please do."

Kanetsugu: "We can't proceed until we decide on the winner."

Sasuke: "We still have time, so let's start by making the hagoita."

The match continued until all of the re-made hagoita were broken.

When Mai returned, she mistakenly thought it was a social gathering of the warlords, and the evening ended up being a party attended by all.

❣ Next Part

#ikemen sengoku #ikesen jp #ikesen spoilers #ikesen kicho #ikesen kanetsugu #ikesen kenshin #ikesen yukimura #ikesen ieyasu #ikesen mitsuhide #ikesen shingen #ikesen masamune #ikesen keiji #cybird #ikesen translations

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robinlmaoo · 6 months

Text

i’ll digitise these later…

for now, have this crudely drawn pencil and notebook version of a comic and some random art of a LN AU that i was making since i wanted to!

in this AU, mono remembers everything, and tries his best to change/delay the course of his fate, so things go completely differently than what went down in LN2. we see more of the two trying to survive the pale city, like a very twisted and dark slice of life with a bunch of horrible angst behind it.

more info / me rambling under the cut:

Mono:

Conflicting, conflicting emotions, his hurt has prevented him from trusting Six completely anymore

but the kind side of him that’s still alive, that side wonders if he can fix her, if it was his fault and not hers…

Is constantly questioning himself and in a state of severe mental distress

“what the hell why am i still helping her should i do something else did i do something wrong oh crap oh crap what do i do is he me do i stop him this time what do i do differently this may be my only chance i can’t mess this up i can’t i can’t i can’t i can’t i ca”

Very paranoid and apologetic, even for the slightest mistakes. He is terrified that any single drop of discord sown between him and six will only contribute to his fated ending.

Quietly helps Six along

Seems emotionally distant towards Six, but shows his emotions occasionally

Shows small gestures of kindness from time to time, though not as openly as when he wore his paper bag

Is only forced out of this state of mental turmoil when fear takes over and he has to focus on keeping he and Six alive while in mortal peril, and even then he’s very stressed

The presence of Six is the only thing keeping him sane (and driving him insane at the same time, what irony)

Mental illness + intrusive thoughts + insecurity + self-loathing + not knowing if this is your only chance to reverse your horrifying fate + the stress of keeping you and your friend alive in a world that’s constantly tryna kill you = seriously wrung out kid that needs a goddamn rest

Cries a lot due to his unbearable stress, but keeps himself alive while clinging to the small shred of hope that he might be able to change his fate

Keeps away from televisions like they’re the plague for fear he accidentally releases the thin man again, and if he sees one on he immediately shuts it off

Six:

Practically the same as before, but is wondering why her new friend is acting so… strange

Still very untrusting of other kids, but builds small specks of trust over time in her new friend

She sees his unwillingness to trust. She, as someone who’s trust has been hurt by others before, finds the same in Mono and so she is able to let herself grow closer to him

Hates, hates, hates being helpless/useless, tries her best to contribute in any way she can

Pounces on the bully before Mono to show him she can protect herself

Aggressively helps Mono along

”hey you try ur best to help me and i appreciate that a lot but i can help too, stop stealing all the spotlight would ya”

Constantly tries to make small conversations with Mono to keep his spirits up

Wants to cheer him up but isn’t good with emotions so doesn’t know how

“My friend is a depressed little sh(ee)t who insists on being annoyingly enigmatic but he still tries his best to be a decent person so i love him for that anyway”

Feels a slight inner guilt for not being able to absolve Mono’s emotion problems and stop him from being so sad

Survivor’s guilt

Knows his sadness has something to do with her but can’t put her finger on it

Is frustrated and confused about why he still insists on keeping her by his side even though her presence is very obviously hurting him, she would have abandoned anyone like that immediately, but aggressively appreciates him for that too

i tried to like, humanise six and not make her seem like a villain and all that 😭

also, since mono’s response is different (and strange) towards her now, six responds differently to him. she isn’t all “stick with ya cause i need to survive” anymore, she actually wonders what the hell is up with him- as she sees more of her in him (unwilling to trust/be friendly) and so has a slight urge to want to make friends with him that grows stronger the more they are together?

please gimme feedback if you have any about this au :D

aight that’s it have a cookie if you read this far :] 🍪

#tw angst #little nightmares 2 spoilers #ln 2 spoilers #ln mono #ln six #ln2 #ln #little nightmares #little nightmares 2 #little nightmares mono #mono little nightmares #little nightmares six #six little nightmares

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groundcontrol21 · 2 years

Text

Sicktember #5

Prompt #5: “Great. Now I Have Your Germs All Over Me.”

Fandom: Ted Lasso

Title: Didn’t Feel That One Coming

Summary: Jamie is fighting a cold; Roy is fighting his inclination to care about that fact.

Roy was the last to emerge from the coach’s office, having stayed behind to rectify the “unholy mess that would have killed Marie Kondo on sight” (Keeley’s words, not his) of papers that had accumulated on his desk (and in the folders under it, and on the floor, and somehow in the cabinet where he kept protein shakes). As much grief as he had given Keeley for it, she was right; he did feel like a lighter, cleaner man now that he had a lighter, cleaner office. But because it had taken him so long to clear the warzone, he expected all the Richmond players to have gone the way of his fellow coaches–that is to say, home. What he didn’t expect to see was Jamie Tartt, in his street clothes but with a bag half packed, still sitting on a bench and blowing his nose into a crumpled tissue.

Roy considered his options. He could retreat back into his office until Jamie left, but that was the coward’s way. He could make a mad dash past Jamie to the exit and hope that the man didn’t look up, but Roy could not get past the inherent awkwardness of being a coach caught running past your player like a child stealing back from a midnight snack raid. Which left Roy with only one option: confrontation.

He groaned and stepped forward. “What’s wrong with you?”

Jamie looked as surprised to see Roy as Roy was to see him. He put the tissue away and sniffled. “Nothing?”

Although Jamie had seemed genuinely taken aback by the question rather than defensive, the red-eyed and wet-nosed state of him reminded Roy of another locker room encounter a little while ago, and Roy was not sure he would ever be emotionally ready to hold Jamie while he sobbed ever again. The memory twisted Roy’s tongue. “I mean—why are you—are you, uh, crying?”

“Nah, I’ve just got a bit of a cold.” He scrubbed at his eyes and sniffled again, before packing away the last of his gear. “Fucking medicine I took this morning is wearing off.”

Some emotion unnervingly similar to concern was welling in Roy’s chest, and rendered him unable to speak, save for to repeat dumbly, “This morning?”

“Yeah, I should’ve brought some but it said eight hours. Fucking six hours, more like.”

And wasn’t it typical of Jamie to be so stupid as to misread the concern that Roy had failed to accurately articulate in the first place, making Roy do all the work in explaining! “Why didn’t you just stay home?”

Jamie shook his head. “I’m not that sick.”

“You could’ve told Ted, then. He’d have let you sit out and watch at least.”

Jamie stared at Roy as though the coach had sprouted horns. “Yeah, and you can thank me later for not having a repeat of that in the locker room. No thanks, I’m good.”

Something uncomfortable pulled at Roy’s stomach. “That’s different,” he said, trying to convince Jamie–trying to convince himself–that after all that had happened the team still weren’t a bit biased against the Mancunian. “He would’ve believed you.”

“Doesn’t matter now, does it?” Jamie muttered. “Since I’ve already, you know, practiced.”

“Go home, then,” Roy said, trying and failing to make his voice sound purely authoritarian.

“I’m trying, but there’s an old geezer holding me up.”

Secretly grateful that they were back to this, back to charted territory, Roy rolled his eyes and grabbed Jamie by the shoulder, pulling him to his feet. “Let’s go.”

“Oi,” Jamie cried, shoving haphazardly at Roy’s hand and rolling his shoulders, “if this is how stiff you feel all the time, I might feel a little sorry for you.” Whatever gratification Roy may have found in this half-admission of caring was overridden immediately by disgust when Jamie sneezed, openly, right on the left side of his face.

“Heh’TSCHOO!”

“Great!” Roy growled, slapping at his cheek as though the spray were a mosquito he had to kill. “Now I’ve got your germs all over me!”

“I didn’t feel that one coming! Honest.” To Jamie’s credit, he did sound genuinely contrite.

And it was because of that fact that Roy could not muster the amount of anger he should have at being sneezed on by a grown man. “Just—Jesus, Jamie, Phoebe’s better at covering her mouth, and she’s fucking nine.”

“Well, if your old man immune system can’t handle the germs, I’ll take your place as coach. Maybe the Blue Team will actually win a scrimmage that way.” But to Jamie’s credit, he did dip away from Roy and into the opposite shoulder to run through his next set of sneezes.

“Heh’KMPFF! Ehh’SHH!”

“Fuck off,” Roy said nonetheless. He practically dragged Jamie as though he were a misbehaving kitten all the way out to the car park. He should have left then, but something (damn something) was still tugging at him, and he all but watched Jamie sneeze into his sad tissue glob as though his head were about to explode.

“Heh’SSCHH! Heh’TSCHOO! Heh’iihhh”KSSHH! Ihh’TSCHOO!”

“Are you… ok to drive?”

“Uh, yeah,” Jamie said stuffily, tucking his tissue clump back in his pocket and exchanging it for a now germ-infested wallet-and-key set. He shook it at Roy. “Got my license right here.”

“I mean, aren’t you not supposed to drive on cold meds?”

“That’s the nighttime ones. I didn’t take that. I’m not that stupid.”

Satisfied that Jamie could make it home without needing a chauffeur (dear God, had Roy seriously considered offering that?), Roy turned toward his own car as Jamie walked toward his. “Don’t come to training tomorrow,” he called across the lot. “I’ll tell Ted you’re sick.”

And perhaps Jamie really was ill enough to provoke a bit of worry, for he merely gave Roy a messy salute. “Aye, aye, coach.” He opened his car door but paused just shy of getting in. “Oh, Roy!” he called, but he was looking at the pavement. “What I said about the Blue Team… I didn’t mean to, like, imply you aren’t a good coach. Because you kind of are.”

Roy nodded curtly, fighting steadfastly against the disgusting warmth that was creeping up his chest. He waved Jamie off, and gave a little growl for good measure. “Just go the fuck home already.”

#t/ed l/asso #sick j/amie t/artt #snzfic #my writing #sicktember 2022 #sicktember day 5

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brunette-barbie4562 · 1 month

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Uncharted (Duff McKagan X OC)

Trigger Warnings: Mention of abortion

February 2018

On I-5 headed south to Redding, CA

CJ was first aware of a slight throb in her head as she awoke, and the events of the previous day came rushing back to her memory. She pulled her knees up to her chest and cracked open her eyes to see her bedside clock read 9:25 A.M. Her aunt and Michelle were already at work, and she had the house to herself. A painful hunger wracked her stomach and reminded her that she had slept through dinner last night. A small bundle of something sitting on her desk with a note resting on top caught her attention. Something Mindy has left her.

Her grogginess was broken when she remembered her hospital discharge paperwork had been on her desk. She sat up and noticed her dirty pants that had been crumpled on the floor were gone. Cold panic gripped her, and she flew out of bed over to her desk. She felt slightly relieved when she saw the discharge paperwork still tucked halfway under her laptop, undisturbed. She turned her attention to the handwritten note.

CJ,

Here are some things to help you feel better. Michelle & I will be back at the normal time this evening with some pizza 😊 If you wake up hungry, I made you something for breakfast. It’s on the table.

Love, Mindy

Underneath the note was a waterproof shower sleeve for her cast, a large bag of Kit Kats, a heating pad, and a large fluffy blanket. She smiled at Mindy’s thoughtfulness, but remember her pants were still missing. She left the bedroom and quickly walked down the hallway. She spied a tray of freshly baked cinnamon rolls on the table, but did not let that stop her from continuing to the laundry room. Sitting at the top of a basket full of dirty laundry were her pants. She quickly searched the pocket and pulled out the sonogram. Mindy still didn’t know, and she was going to keep it that way. She walked back to her bedroom and went back over to her desk. She pulled out her old paper shredder and turned it on. Without hesitation, she shredded her discharge paperwork.

CJ sunk down into her desk chair, looking at the sonogram. She took a deep breath and slid the sonogram into the machine, hearing it whir to life and shred the small slip of paper. A few tears escaped her eyes. She quickly wiped them away. Quick flashbacks of her childhood ran through her mind. Her mother in her face screaming at her, her arm being grabbed in a painfully tight grip, the scent of stale cigarettes and burning chemicals, the creeping sensation of roaches crawling on her body, and the final memory she had of her mother. The one she had re-lived many times. Her mother’s cold and uncaring face as she threw a blanket over CJ while she laid on a couch, struggling to breathe and choking on her own vomit, trying to reach a small hand out and say something to beg for her life.

CJ had begun to hyperventilate as she pulled herself out of her intrusive thoughts. She was too fearful of repeating the same cycle she had been raised in. What if a child drove her to become a monster? She’d be a terrible mother; she was sure of it.

If all of this wasn’t enough of a deterrent, she also couldn’t imagine the emotional turmoil of having a child that was a stark reminder of her relationship with Duff. He had made her feel so loved and safe during their time together, and then ripped the rug out from under her without giving her any answers as to why he had done so. Even worse, she now was not sure if he had intentionally lied to her about his vasectomy just to avoid using a condom. She likely would never get the answers to any of her questions. But she could take control.

CJ turned to face her desk and opened up her laptop. Feeling emotionally numb, but determined, she went to Google and searched for the nearest Planned Parenthood clinic.

May 2017

Conrad Dublin Hotel / Dublin, Ireland

Dinner had made CJ feel more comfortable and familiar with everyone. She had branched off from Duff and spent most of her time talking with Meegan, who told her more about the touring life. CJ had enjoyed Meegan’s company and was grateful to know she would be alongside Slash for the majority of the tour. She had also spent some time getting to know Melissa Reese, the keyboardist. Before the end of the night, she felt she had talked to most people. Before leaving, she made sure to discreetly take Axl aside and ask him what Duff’s typical coffee order was.

She surprised him the next morning by bringing him his favorite coffee, ready to work. CJ had answered a few emails and gotten the run down on the schedule of the next day, her first show. Duff had already packed most of the things he would need as an example of what she would need to pack for future shows. She had made a list of everything for future reference. Most of what was packed would be the same for every show. To her relief, the concert technicians handled all of the instruments and equipment.

By the evening, she was tired but agreed to attend dinner with Duff, Meegan, and Slash. Hungry after the busy day, CJ had cleaned her plate and was taking the last few bites of her butternut squash ravioli when she heard Slash’s low and soft-spoken voice directed towards Duff.

“Any plans for your girls to come watch? I’m trying to work on some dates for London and Cash to come. It would be cool to get everyone together.”

“I gotta figure it out,” said Duff, leaning back in the cushioned booth. She could sense his unease. “I gotta call Sue and work something out.”

CJ found herself dozing off in her seat after they had finished eating, the sound of Slash’s voice drifted away as she shut her eyes and leaned back against the seat of the deep cushioned booth. She was still just slightly aware of the sounds of the restaurant around her, but she could feel the impending sense of doom that always predated a nightmare. She had expected some nightmares, being in a new and unfamiliar place, but didn’t think it would happen so soon. She mentally fought to try and pull herself out of the feeling. She felt a nudge to her arm and heard Duff’s voice.

“You alright kiddo?” She opened her eyes to find Duff’s green ones staring back at her. Embarrassed, she could feel the heat in her face as she looked away and rubbed the sleep from her eyes.

“Just a little tired.” CJ thought about the schedule of the next day. She had a 10:00 A.M. wake up call and Duff had a phone interview at 12:00 P.M. with an online rock music news platform. Afterwards was lunch and then CJ would head to the stadium ahead of time to make sure all of Duff’s things were set up and in place. Duff would come a bit later to get ready for the soundcheck. “You don’t mind if I go up to bed?”

“No go on ahead and get some rest, it’ll be a long day tomorrow,” said Duff. CJ said goodnight to the three and head upstairs.

It was 12:45 on show day. CJ stood in the living room space of Duff’s hotel room, going down her list and checking over everything packed onto the hotel baggage cart. It was to be wheeled downstairs by a crew member and loaded into a van. She could hear Duff’s voice faintly from behind the closed door of the bedroom, doing his interview.

When she was certain everything was on the cart, she decided to sit down and check emails one more time for the day. His laptop sat open on the coffee table, and she quickly logged in. As she went to look at emails, a video call came through. A picture of a pretty blonde young woman flashed up on the screen with the name ‘Grace.’ Duff’s daughter. She was frozen, unsure if she should answer. She decided to let it ring. She was so curious about the family dynamic. She wasn’t sure if Duff was still married and what his relationships with his daughters were like. There appeared to be some sort of strain based on his reactions last night at dinner. She heard the bedroom door open, and Duff came out, his interview complete.

“How’d it go?”

“Good.”

“Lunch should be here soon. You also got a call from Grace, I didn’t answer.” He stiffened and said,

“How long ago?”

“Just a few minutes ago.”

“I gotta call her back,” he said with slight urgency coming over and taking a seat next to her. CJ decided to give them space to talk.

“I’m going to get this stuff rolled downstairs and change into clothes for tonight. Do you need anything else?”

“Are you not going to eat?”

“I figured I’d grab a sandwich from the café on the way out.”

“Are you sure?”

“Ya it’ll be enough. I’ll see you at the venue.” She could feel his concerned gaze on her as she turned to the hotel cart and he said,

“Are you good? You feel ready?” She turned and smiled at him and said,

“Isn’t it my job to ask you that?”

“I want you to feel comfortable.”

“I am,” she said, “Don’t worry.” The sound of another incoming video call from Grace caught his attention and he quickly picked up.

“Hey sweetie, sorry I missed your call, I had an interview.” CJ turned back to the cart, unlocking the wheels, and rolling it out the door.

CJ dropped the cart off downstairs with a crew member who would load it to be brought to the venue and headed back upstairs to change. She had attended a few small local concerts while in college, but never a big rock n’ roll concert. She was unsure how to dress for such an occasion. She had brought a lot of business casual, thinking that would be the norm. She had quickly learned that that was not the typical attire for this job. She’d have to do some shopping when she had the chance and buy more “rock n’ roll” appropriate clothing. CJ laid out some clothing on the bed, weighing her options. She didn’t want to over- or under-dress. In the end, she settled on a pair of black spandex faux leather pants, a tight long-sleeved pink V-neck top, and a pair of simple black close-toed heels. She accessorized it with a simple one banded black choker necklace and put her hair up in a high ponytail. She fixed up her makeup and took one last look in the mirror before grabbing her purse and heading out the door.

Although she had told Duff she’d grab a sandwich on the way out, she did not. The reality of tonight being her first show set in as she rode down the elevator and her nervousness set in again, taking away her appetite. If she could get through tonight smoothly, she’d prove that she was able to do this job. As she walked past the café, she noticed a cluster of women lounging on some of the couches in the lobby, dressed in Guns N’ Roses attire, chatting excitedly. She could feel their eyes on her as she walked over to a Guns N’ Roses security guard who was standing around waiting to help shuffle equipment and people back and forth. She showed him her identification badge and said,

“I’m Duff’s assistant, could someone take me to the stadium?” He looked at her badge and waved for her to follow him to a black Escalade parked out front. He opened the back door for her, and she slid into the back seat.

CJ had a moment to lay her head back and watch the buildings of the city slowly turn into green hills and farmland. It was about a 30-minute drive before a beautiful four-story gray stone castle came into view. It looked like something out of a Disney movie with its turrets and battlements. She heard her chauffeur speak up,

“Welcome to Slane Castle, ma’am.” At the bottom of a rolling field alongside the castle was a large concert stage, barriers, a few areas of seating, and several outbuildings and trailers. CJ watched the castle pass by as they drove towards the stage. They pulled in behind the stage and up to a backstage door. Her chauffeur got out and opened the door for her and she stepped out. CJ suddenly wished that she had been accompanied by somebody as the car pulled away, leaving her alone and facing the door. She checked her phone to see that it was 3:00. The band was due to arrive for sound check at 5:00. She had two hours to get everything ready.

Taking a deep breath, CJ pulled open the door and walked inside. There was a long gray brick hallway with doors on each side, illuminated by ceiling lights. Each door was labelled, and she found Duff’s towards the end. Before going inside, she decided to look down the rest of the corridor, where it took a sharp left. This opened into a small lounge area with an array of furniture and tables. At the other end of the room, there was a set of stairs leading up to the stage.

CJ went back to the hallway and to Duff’s room. It was similar to the lounge room, but cozier. There were couches, a coffee table, a water bubbler, a large mirror with a vanity, a television, a small attached bathroom, a fridge full of different snacks, water, and energy drinks, and several tables where Duff’s trunks full of equipment and instruments sat. Several were half opened and she figured the techs had already begun to set up on stage.

Also in the room was a cart full of the things she had packed that morning, ready for her to begin breaking down and setting up. She went to the fridge to grab herself a water and took a closer look at the trunks. They were decorated with pictures of Duff’s beautiful daughters at different ages, baby pictures, toddler pictures, a high school graduation picture, and pictures of the three of them together. She smiled at the obvious adoration he had for them. The blonde who appeared to be the older of the two looked so much like him.

CJ jumped when the door to the room opened, and a concert technician walked in. He seemed surprised to see her there. She smiled and held up her badge.

“Don’t worry, I’m Duff’s assistant, not a crazy groupie.” He chuckled and said,

“You had me worried there for a moment.” She smiled and said,

“I came over to start unpacking some of this stuff for him.”

“Awesome, I’ll be out of your way in a second, just came back down to grab some things.” He moved to one of the trunks and began digging around inside in search of something. CJ stole a glance at the tech. He looked slightly older than her, roughly 6 feet with short brown hair and a cute boyish face. He looked familiar from the staff dinner they had. She was sure she had been briefly introduced to him at some point but could not remember his name.

The man pulled a few different cords out of the trunk and walked back out of the room. She re-focused on her task and began unpacking the cart. There was a bag with towels and the shirts, hats, and other clothing items Duff would need for quick wardrobe changes. She grabbed that along with some water bottles and protein bars and headed up to the stage.

The stage looked out onto the large empty field that would soon be filled with thousands of people. It was overcast, but not uncomfortably warm or cold. CJ was not surprised to see several people setting up the stage and instruments. There was a large backdrop that allowed people to walk behind the stage to get to the other side. She had been instructed that Duff was always on the right side, or rather the left when facing the stage from the crowd. She spotted the same tech from the room working on setting up a large speaker on Duff’s side. Nobody turned to look her way as she walked over to where a small nook had been made between some of the equipment and a table. She set her things down and unzipped the bag, unsure if she was able to use the table to set things out on.

The tech from before had walked back over and must have seen the confused look on her face.

“You can use that table if you want. We shouldn’t need it for anything.” CJ smiled gratefully at him and said,

“Thanks! It’s my first time doing this so I’m still figuring it out.”

“I didn’t think I recognized you from the last leg of the tour.”

“My aunt has known Axl for a long time and set me up with this job. I’ve done some work as an assistant before, but nothing like this.”

“Well, welcome,” he said with a handsome smile. “You’ll love it! You’ll get to see so many different places and meet people. It also looks great on a resume. I started working for them in 2016 when they got back together.” CJ turned to fully face him, her curiosity piqued. He held his hand out and said, “I’m Tate.” She shook it and said,

“CJ,” she leaned back against the table, “so how’d you get into this business?”

“I’ve always loved music. I had my own little band for a bit after high school. We weren’t destined for greatness or anything, it was mostly for fun. To make extra cash I helped other bands with their equipment during gigs. I decided to try and make it full time and got a position on tour with a bigger band. I slowly worked my way up and got this position, which has been a dream. Not many people can say they worked directly for Guns N’ Roses.” CJ smiled and said,

“I’m hoping to stay on for at least the rest of this year, while I decide if I’m going to go back to school or not.” Tate opened his mouth to speak but was cut off by someone calling his name from the other end of the stage. He turned quickly and then looked back at her.

“I better go help finish up,” He paused awkwardly for a moment. “If you don’t mind me asking, what is your number? I know how it can be to get on tour and not know anyone. There also are not many other people around under the age of 35. If you want someone to hang out with on off days, I’m around.” She smiled and pulled her phone out of her pocket.

“Sure, that would be cool.” She let him quickly type his number into her contacts.

“I’ll see you around then,” he said, backing away slowly. She smiled and nodded before he turned and headed towards the other end of the stage.

By the time 4:30 rolled around, the stage was mostly complete. An impressive variety of guitars lined the sides of the stage, ranging in shape, size, material, and color. CJ had never picked up a guitar in her life but was mesmerized by how chic and expensive they all looked. She didn’t dare touch one and stood back, afraid to accidentally bump into them.

“You like them?” She turned to see Duff standing at the top of the stage staircase, having just arrived at the venue. She smiled at him, glad to have him back in proximity.

“They’re so beautiful, but I have no idea how to use them.” He laughed and said,

“I’m not a great teacher, but at some point, Slash or I can show you some things.” The thought intimidated her.

“Thanks, but I wouldn’t want to break one.”

“You wouldn’t,” he said, “you’d get the hang of it quick.” CJ’s attention was suddenly pulled away from the guitars when a wooziness overcame her. She realized she was very hungry, having not eaten anything since breakfast. Duff must have seen her expression change.

“You good? You look a little pale.”

“I think I’m just hungry.” She steadied herself by grabbing onto a large stage riser.

“Did you not grab a sandwich?”

“No,” she hesitantly admitted. He made a sound of exasperation and asked,

“Why not?” She gave him a small smile, slightly embarrassed.

“I just loose my appetite when I stress.” His expression softened and he said,

“Well, go get yourself something to eat downstairs. I think some sandwiches were just dropped off. Can’t have you passing out on me during the show kiddo.” She nodded gratefully and said,

“You don’t need anything before I go?”

“I need you to go downstairs and get something to eat.” She laughed and said,

“Ok, ok, I’m going.”

CJ spent sound check eating her late lunch or early dinner in the large lounge room. All band members took part in sound check, other than Axl, who was in his private room preparing for the performance. When she was done eating, she stood at the bottom of the stage stairs, recognizing some of the music they were rehearsing. Meegan arrived towards the end of the sound check. CJ joined her on the couch and said,

“They sound good.”

“Just wait for the show,” said Meegan, “It’ll blow you away.” The sound of footsteps coming down the stairs prompted her to turn from her spot on the couch. She smiled when Duff came into view from behind Slash. He took a seat on the couch beside her, leaning back into the cushions in relaxation. Slash had sat down next to Meegan and began to pluck idly at the strings of a guitar he had brought back down with him.

“It’s good to be back here, I think it was ’92 the last time,” said Duff. Slash smiled, his eyes hidden by his sunglasses, not looking up from his guitar.

“I don’t remember the year dude; I’m surprised you do. I do remember the Irish whiskey and Guiness barrels.” Duff smirked at his comment, keeping any responses to himself. Axl appeared in the doorway, surfacing for a break from his preparation. He saw her sitting on the couch and smiled.

“You ready kid?”

“I am,” said CJ, “Everything is ready to go.” Duff sat up and put in arm around her shoulder, playfully pulling her to him.

“She’s been perfect.” CJ felt her face redden at the sudden attention.

“I knew it would be a great fit,” said Axl, “Not that you’re very hard to please.”

“That’s what she said,” said Slash quietly. CJ cracked up at the comment. Ignoring their innuendos, Meegan turned to her and asked,

“Is this your first concert?”

“No,” said CJ, “I went to a couple small ones in college, nothing this big though.”

“Well, you’ll have one of the best seats in the house from the side stage,” said Axl.

Standing on the side of the stage had not intimidated CJ until she walked out and was met with the sight and sounds of thousands of people standing where the open and empty grass field had once been. She and some of the other stage staff had walked out ahead of the band to get in place and were met with some cheering from the crowd. She walked back to the little nook where she had left everything earlier. A chair had been set up for her to sit and watch during songs.

CJ looked out into the crowd and recognized some faces from the hotel lobby. Down between the rail and the stage were in-house security guards and Guns N’ Roses security, as well as a couple of photographers. Vanessa was already looking coldly in her direction when CJ met her gaze. There was a flash of annoyance in Vanessa’s eyes and CJ uncomfortably looked away, turning back to the table where she had set up everything earlier. She wasn’t sure if she was imagining it, but Vanessa did not seem to like her.

A loud voice boomed over the speaker, announcing the band. CJ watched as Duff, Slash, and Axl emerged from backstage, playing the beginning of “It’s So Easy.” An amazing array of colors and images flashed on the backdrop as the concert began, but CJ kept her eyes on Duff as he walked to front of the stage, playing his bass. The crowd screamed with excitement, appearing to move like an ocean as they threw their hands up and cheered. CJ took a seat in her chair, feeling excited as the beat of the song reverberated through her body. She had heard it so many times before, but it was very different live. CJ’s excitement increased ten-fold as Duff circled around towards the back of the stage and looked at her as he walked by. He winked at her with a smile, and she felt her face redden as she smiled back. Directly across from her on the other side of the stage, sat Meegan and Beta. Meegan saw her watching and waved, CJ waved back, feeling as if she was in some out of body experience.

The song came to an end, and they moved right into playing ‘Mr. Brownstone.’ The crowd sang along with Axl, who stood up center stage on a stage riser, captivating everyone’s attention. CJ took out her phone and recorded a quick video before sending it to Mindy. She had also been instructed to get some pictures and video footage to post on Duff’s Instagram and focused on snapping a few pictures of him as he faced the audience.

When Mr. Brownstone ended, CJ stood up from her seat as Duff walked over, handing the bass tech his guitar before shrugging off his leather jacket.

“So, what do you think?”

“Amazing,” she said, feeling slightly breathless as he leaned in closely to talk to her over the sound of the crowd. CJ took his jacket from him as he turned to go back out on stage to play ‘Chinese Democracy.’

About halfway through was Duff’s cover of ‘New Rose.’ CJ had been unaware that he sung beyond backing vocals. While Axl’s voice was undoubtedly legendary, Duff’s voice captured her attention on a deeper level, resonating within her. When the song was over, Duff came back over for another change and CJ pulled herself out of the daze his voice had put her in. She leaned in close to him so her voice could be heard.

“I didn’t know you sang too.” He laughed and said,

“Sometimes I do.” CJ remembered her job and went over to the table, grabbing the next shirt he’d be wearing. When she turned back around Duff had already pulled off the old shirt and tossed it over. She paused, taking in the sight of his bare muscled chest. She knew he was fit but was not prepared to see him half naked. Not wanting him to notice her ogling him, she snapped out of it and handed over the new shirt. He quickly pulled it on and was gone again, back towards the stage.

The show flew by, with Duff changing shirts one more time and coming back every so often for his jacket. It had been 3 hours of non-stop music. By the end, it felt like she had been sitting there for only an hour or so, but it was evident that was not the case for Duff and the others. He nearly threw himself down onto the couch backstage when they walked into the lounge. He was covered in sweat and appeared slightly out of breath. He took a swig of his water before leaning his head back and closing his eyes briefly. Concerned, CJ took a seat next to him.

“Are you ok? Do you need me to get you anything?” He smiled at her tiredly.

“I’m fine kiddo, it’s like this after every show.” The others showed signs of exhaustion as well as they sat down to take a moment. Despite their god-like stage presence, it was a stark reminder of the fact that they were human and no longer in their 20’s.

“If you’re sure you’re ok, I’m going to get your stuff packed up.”

“Ya go on,” he said gesturing to the stairs, “Then we can head back to the hotel.” CJ got up and went back up the stairs to the stage. The crowd was slowly moving away, leaving behind a field littered with trash. She began to stuff all of Duff’s things back into the duffle bag.

“Hey, how’d you enjoy your first show?” CJ turned to see Vanessa standing there, her large camera still hanging around her neck. Feeling like now would be a good time to try to smooth over her uncertainties with Vanessa, CJ smiled and said,

“It was great! I can’t wait for the next. Did you have a good time too?”

“I do enjoy watching Duff,” said Vanessa with a smirk. “If you need any tips or advice on what he likes or prefers, feel free to ask. I know him very well.” Vanessa did not wait for CJ to reply and walked away. CJ was perplexed at what she meant. Duff had not mentioned Vanessa at all, other than to introduce them to each other at dinner. While the interaction on stage had appeared to be good-natured, CJ still felt like something was off.

After pulling out from the castle and past the crowds of cheering fans, the car ride back to the hotel was quiet and felt quicker than the ride there had been. CJ was surprised that they had pulled up to the front door of the hotel, where a few fans were already lingering and waiting. They got out and she walked briskly behind Duff, who waved at the fans, but did not stop to sign anything. He walked over to the elevator and punched at the button. Once in the elevator, Duff let out a breath and said,

“I usually stop and talk to people, but not after a show.” She nodded thoughtfully and asked

“Is it hard?

“Talking to people?”

“Everything,” said CJ, “Fans, being on the road all the time, performing every other night.”

“Sometimes,” said Duff, “It’s easier than it used to be, now that I’m healthier and have my girls. Things aren’t tumultuous in the band like they used to be.” The elevator doors opened, ending the conversation.

They stroud into Duff’s dark hotel room. CJ switched on the light and placed Duff’s duffle bag down on the couch. He was pulling what looked like large cloth ice packs from the freezer. He unfolded them and she realized they were meant to wrap around his legs.

“Are you sure your legs are ok?” He chuckled at her over-concern and said,

“Yes, I do this after every show, it helps with any pain or swelling. Gone are the days I can just come off stage without being sore.” CJ smiled and said,

“Well, you guys did a great job tonight, is there anything else you need?” He shook his head and said,

“We have a 10:00 A.M. wake up and have to be on our way to the airport at 11:30. You can pack your things before coming over here in the morning, don’t do it now. Go back and rest.” She nodded and said,

“See you in the morning.”

“Goodnight kiddo, great job tonight.”

#duff gnr #duff mckagan #80s music #80s rock #axl gnr #axl rose #guns n roses #saul hudson #izzy gnr #slash gnr

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theunexpectedexpectations · 6 months

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They drove for hours it seemed. Freya cried and listened to music a majority of the time. She wanted to text one of her friends or something, but she can't put anyone else in danger. It all made sense though. Why her mom was always planning things and getting ready for pretty much anything. She was always several steps ahead of people.

They pulled up to this small cottage. Freya looked up and saw a table for sitting outside and a cute little garden area. It was quaint, but definitely FAR away from everything. She planned ahead and bought the abandoned store up the road, too. But it's boarded up.

They walk in and Freya immediately felt drained.

She looked around at the pictures and saw there was at least a tv and speaker. Ezequiel walked toward the kitchen.

"You want some grilled cheese, too?" he asked.

"No. I'm actually going to go settle in." she said quietly.

He nodded and walked away.

She watched him walk away with tears swelling.

"Why is this happening..?" she whispered. "I just know he has to be sad." She decided to just take a quick look around to at least see what the place has to offer.. since she also has no idea how long she'll be here may as well get comfy.

She walked into the computer room. It looked pretty normal, but something was nagging in the back of her mind about this place. It made her feel anxious. She assumed it was just nerves and shock.

"Ill be fine." she said walking to her room.

"Hey, I thought you were getting settled?" Ezequiel said behind the counter.

"I just wanted to see what all was in the house, but I'm kind of sleepy. I might lay down." she responded.

"Well, I'll be done cooking in an hour. I decided to make home made tomato soup and they have gouda stocked in this place! So I decided to whip up something better than just a standard grilled cheese." he looked happy, but he's just distracting himself from the truth.

"Boy, what a small room." she sighed. "Oh well, it'll work.

She unpacked her bags, and hung her clothes up. Her eyes were starting to burn from how tired she was feeling.

"Maybe I'll just relax, and lay down for a minute."

She pulled the blanket back laid down. She started to drift asleep pretty quickly not only was she emotionally drained, but she was physically tired she hasn't slept since yesterday.

Ezequiel opened Freya's door.

"Hey, sweetie I just fini-" he stopped realizing she was stone cold out.

He tip toed away and shut the door.

Now was his time to look into this. Freya is too tired to be worrying about his and he needed to get answers now. He quickly thought to checks all the books, rooms, and that laptop in the other room.

He ran into the kitchen and saw a plant book, but based on the cover it was just a vegan cook book. He got mad thinking to himself that Sigrid wasn't even vegan why would she have a vegan cook book. He checked the cabinets, which were just filled with honey jars, and spices.

Candles, more cook books, matches. Nothing about anything.

He walked out of the kitchen and to the sliding door to go outside. He looked around a saw meditation stool. He teared up because he actually meditates to stay calm, even though she was more calm and had so much more on her plate. He looked out and saw a garden for Freya, and an easel. She knew Freya would need a lot to do.

Walking through the other set of doors that connected to the computer room, he checked every shelf and drawer in there. Nothing. Just decorations, flowers, extra pens and paper. Nothing.

He turned around and remembered the computer.

"I wonder if maybe there is anything in the search history or any other files." he sat down and booted the laptop up.

It immediately popped up with a passcode screen. He sighed. But he thought hard, and tried a few things he remembered her using before. He sighed as it just shook and said "Wrong passcode." again. Then he remembered something she did for Freya when they had the family computer at home.

FreyaVA!

And the computer let him in. He was mad that he didn't think of that first. The only thing on there was a recycle bin, and a file named "Cottage Blueprints" he pulled it open and it was just a picture of the cottage, he looked and then just got mad and walked away.

He sat on the couch and looked around the room. He looked towards the door just waiting for Sigrid to come and tell him he's got this and that he just needs to focus. But he needs to remember that, that won't be happening anymore.

His chest just ached thinking about that. He noticed the piano in the corner and remembered Sigrid playing piano well and showing Freya how to play Mary Had a Little Lamb. He cried for a few moments. He decided to go back to the computer and try looking again.

He opened the blueprints again and looked closer at the options. There was a page 2 and he didn't even see it! He click on the arrow, and there was a basement addition added not that long ago. It's just through the garage. The only thing is that he didn't see any description. It was just an empty box. He stood up and quickly made his way to the garage.

He began to feel his heart race as he pushed the door open. Knowing he's about to get an answer to the questions he's been asking her for a long time.

He looked down to the right and there it was.

The basement addition.

He walked down the stairs, trying to mentally prepare himself for whatever it could be. He began to think if it was to the point where the blueprints were altered and hidden then it must be secret. He took one step at a time and when he got to the bottom he was left speechless.

"What.. The.. Hell?" he whispered. He walked around the caldron and peered into the cabinet.

It had all kinds of different things in there.

Eye of Newt, Tooth of Wolf, Owlets Wing, all kinds of weird things. As well as rose petals, lavender, and oils. Different bottled up concoctions on the shelves.

"This doesn't tell me anything other than.. I guess maybe I'd have to accept she was a witch and into weird things? Although, I figured she wasn't into this stuff."

He looked at the pictures and read different runes and other things he couldn't quite describe. A photo of Sigrid and her family.. "strange though" he thought, she said they all had died on a cruise when she was a baby and she was raised by her aunt. But she's clearly around 10 in this photo. Then a picture of a map of somewhere that does not exist. Baffled he walked toward the shelf and combed through the books.

"For You" by Sigrid Von Alfthan.

"Thank you, god.." he whispered. He grabbed the book and changed into his pajamas.

He opened the book and began reading.

Ezequiel, my dear, if you're reading this I'm sorry. I wish this was not how things ended up. Honestly, I thought that staying quiet would be best because people can't handle some information. Humans can't at least. I'm sure you've deciphered that I'm a witch. I come from a thousand year old blood line.. We are nobles in the Realm. My job is to keep the Mortal Realm safe. Life is not what you think it is. Just as there are witches, there are other beings as well. It's classified to speak of yet, but in time you'll learn. I left you with all the tools and the books. Eventually you will hear what others there are, but this is allowed be to explained because it pertains to information needed to know now to help further keep the Mortal Realm safe. Freya is an interesting child. My blood runs in her and she's already got power that is blipping all across Dimensions and Universes'. She's not yet aware and if she knew it would only put her in danger at such a young and influential age. She's very attuned to almost every plane of existence she can transcend, see them, and interact with them. Something like that is.. unique. She has the ability to bend the reality around her and see what she wishes to truly see. She's too young to fully understand what that kind of power could do. There are things-entities-beings that want her to help not-so-good agendas. Again it's mostly classified as I can't provoke fear it's not allowed in my department. All I can say is: Please keep our little girl safe. When the time comes you'll know.

All my love,

Sigg

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rancim · 11 months

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6/10

It'll be a funny story, eventually.

Did you get the skin condition in Yorba Linda or here, she asks and I say it started in Yorba Linda. I am groggy. I wake up to see my mom shuffling in the closet, in her hand a bundle of papers. Get your dad out of that room, she tells me, and I say ok, and while I am setting up the recliner, waking him up from slumber and situating him in the living room, she is plastering my room with posters of Jesus, saying Hail Marys. The house was never blessed, she tells me. We are moving around, she is walking fast, towards the kitchen, towards the Costco bag of garlic. That's why your dad is sick. What, I say to her. Huh? He can never use that bedroom again, the bathroom too. There's a crazed look in her eye as she places cloves down, in the walkway, in corners of the closet, stuffed into shelves.

The witch said to sell the house, she says to me. I am taken aback and at a loss of words, now in the middle of a reasonless vacuum, I feel myself on the verge of acting emotionally and I know I should stop myself because things never go well if I am not constantly processing how I act around my family through a lens of intellectualization that gives me the calm demeanor of a scholar, but at that point all of the stress I withhold needed an outlet, and the outlet was the wall, which I then punched. A hole was left. My dad asks what's wrong and I tell her she's talking crazy, talking insanity because she had whispered of the witch to me, never intending for him to know he is cursed I guess and he gets a crazy look in his eyes too and begins to holler at her and she motions to hit me but stops herself and I go upstairs and vent to my sister.

It doesn't make any sense, I tell her, who, woken up by the commotion downstairs, worried that my dad may have to go to the hospital. He's fine, it's your mom that's acting crazy. I tell her that of all the things that are convincing, it's not the empirical evidence of mounting inconsiderations towards health that caused my dad's decline, no, not the 60 plus years of smoking, not the refusal to ever eat anything that wasn't delicious and soaked in cholesterol while being diabetic, not the refusal to ever exercise, to take walks, not the disavowal of the doctor's instructions of how to handle the steroid cream, causing the allergic reaction that ruined his skin, not the cocktail of antibiotics and prescriptions that we dump down his throat and render his immune system weaker than a child's, no, no, no, all of that is just a curse placed on him.

The witch will solve everything is what my mom says to me.

A lifetime spent of absolving my father of consequences, of taking on the lion's load as her life falls apart around her, her body weakening, her back bowed in weakness in the hospital corridor as she spends weeks in the ICU with him because he doesn't have the strength to be alone, even his sickness, she won't let him take responsibility for. A curse did it to him she says to me.

It feels like an affront, an especially egregious one after a week of scrambling around. My sisters are at each other's throats. Fuck your idiot sister, the middle one says to me, feeling abandoned because the oldest moved to Germany to be with her current boyfriend in what feels to her like an abdication of duty, of the hard work of making our father's last year's soft, bearable. Well, no one ever said you had to come home to watch us, we never asked that, everything that you feel you chose, my mother tells us, and a fight is started, and I spend hours as a go-between the both of them, listening and listening and listening and being calm and intent with my conversation and giving them the space to explore their feelings and playing at being a therapist and I am very tired who will attend to me but oh well don't say that.

It feels like an insult that everything that I try to do, rooted in sensibility, of trying to cook things essential for healthy living for him and sterilizing and keeping tabs on his medicine because he never remembers there are too many and whatever, we have a process, we have an idea of what works and what doesn't and it's been calm and what else can you ask for, that all of that can be uprooted by a stranger I never met on the other side of the globe, who doesn't know our circumstances and who doesn't have our interests at heart and who can say things without consequence and make my mother crazed and hold our placid, hard-earned, extremely tenuous sense of peace in our day to day at its breaking point.

She's grieving, my sister tells me after I unload. She's grieving because her nephew just died unexpectedly, a 47 year old man that leaves behind three young kids. I can recall his kindness from the times I visited. And in addition to that, my sister tells me, she's probably stressed out that I don't like our sister. And I recall the conversation in the car I had with my mom hours before about her begging me to make my sisters get along and I tell her that not all siblings are close and people grow apart and if the best you can do is have them in a room together and not at each other's throats then fine, that's fine, what can you do. I tell her that one of my earliest memories is my oldest sister throwing a battery full force at the other one, leaving a hole in the wall. Their fights, convincing in itself that they would never be close. But at the end of the day when we're gone, you only have your brothers and sisters, my mom tells me. Americans believe in choosing their family, I tell my mom. You don't think that Ate has made friends she's closer with than she'll ever be with me? Mom, she left this house when I was ten years old. She's had a lifetime to meet other people, and there's a reason that she never visits, why she insists on putting dad in a home despite him not wanting to, and I hold myself back from saying this next bit, that one time my oldest sister looked at me and said it's not fair that you have to sacrifice your life for dad's well-being and I tell her that yeah well my dad's the oldest compared to my other friends and you know it sucks but I want him to live his remaining years with dignity and she tells me that if she ever lived with our parents it would feel like they were robbing her of her identity and that she has to find out who she was outside of this family and as she recites to me the lines popular with overtherapeutized young people I nod and agree and say you do you and silently try to quell a small fire of betrayal sparking in my stomach, oh oh ow ow ow.

have I not mounted even more stress onto my poor mother's life, have I in responding to emotionality not shown her that even the person you expect to be predictable and consistent and stolid is in fact not, now I get to look forward of them refusing to meet my gaze because they are afraid of my anger and I have to force myself to calm down and be calm and react with nothing and live stone faced and oh oh ah ah ah

ah ah ah I am so tired.

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septimaseverina · 1 year

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My Regency husbands are Mr. Fitzwillian Darcy, NF's Viscount Anthony Bridgerton, and NF's Mr. Benedict Bridgerton. Thank you. NF's Mister Colin Bridgerton? Naaaaaah He is too cute for me. And I have a 'Wednesday Addams' part in me so much, according to my older sister. I'm afraid that I may attack him both emotionally and physically. Because yesterday, I went out to market for dinner, I almost kicked a man who disturbed me and my mum. NGL My BFF (Ex roomy) always says that I'm just like Enola Holmes (TYSM bitch. Henry Cavill is truly my nerd brother.), also she continues; "i see you bitch, your philosophy is kill or be killed. That's you. Don't deny." And she is right. These days life is hard and harsh. Women and young girls have been raped. People have been robbed. People have been killed. Every single day. I must carry alcohol spray in a bag to defending myself. (My younger brother, the SW fan who drags me to this fandom since i was a primary school girl, the chemist tells me that alcohol spray can be a weapon. Because we both know that Oleoresin Capsicum spray is illegal in our country.) Or when I walk through, everywhere, I must look for things which I can use as self-defensing. I won't talk about the crim's rate in my country and the causes why criminal commit them here. I see it everyday in tv news and the causes, even the children can tell, are predictable. The point I'm writing 'hey, wtf is this?' because I'm so f*cking tired. And this is my blog. Like I always describe in the pinned post; This is my personal blog, I post what I want. And to write in papers? Just spare them for more useful purposes.

#sept.txt

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raynorkilgore42 · 1 year

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#motorized cat toys #cool automatic cat toy

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larsoncohen12 · 1 year

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How you can Give Your Cat The Bath

A genuine care with regard to your new pet cat and even good intentions are very important, but not really constantly enough in when in the moment. Injuries may occur to don't have the appropriate equipment, one other animal can take their foods, or anyone were prepared using the wrong information. Great suggestions that will teaches you how to prepare yourself and respond while in conditions like these is definitely always welcomed. Considering obtaining a cat for a pet, try looking into a localized shelter. There are so many excellent cats at shelters. This fee you will possess to pay typically includes vet care. Adopting some sort of cat this way can help to save their existence and lessen unwanted creature births. Your cat might not come running whenever you call, but best pet cats enjoy cuddling in their phrases and moment. Cats love to have their minds and buttocks pet. Certainly not all felines like their tummies applied so end up being careful. 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You right now own the few more obstructions that you may confidently avoid through the use of typically the assistance you study over. Comparable scenarios can easily occur up before long and even your relationship with your own personal cat may reap the benefits of them all. Handle each trouble just simply like the tips proposed and watch where the wedding band goes. cat food bowls

#cat food bowls #cat water bowl

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fifi-forgets-a-lot · 2 years

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I deserve to be angry.

Rice explained to me the day after my last blog entry that their intentions had not been nearly as malicious as I had thought. They said they were trying to be as considerate as possible and apologised which is completely valid although I'm aware there's still a lot of condescension in their view of me. Maybe i was harsh, but I was so hurt and triggered I don't see why I should beat myself up about it.

I just got of therapy and we touched pretty closely on my relationship with Indigo, which of course I found incredibly uncomfortable but it just reaffirmed that I do deserve to be angry. It's a feeling I'm going to have trouble processing for a while. last week my therapist introduced me to the idea of "cognitive dissonance" which means that your brain has trouble differentiating between two different versions of something, take narcissistic parents as an example: The narcissist wears a kind mask when it serves them so as a small child you are so in need of that treatment that your brain chooses to believe that the mask is a true reflection of your parent's love for you. The reality of course is that the narcissistic parent is simply manipulating you so that you'll come running back to their abuse.

I think I'm struggling with Cognitive dissonance with Indigo too because every time I think I might get the warm relationship with her I've always wanted, every time she she says she'll be there for me, she lets me down and blames me for our failing relationship.

This is what she did in Greece, she let me think she finally understood and when I finally did what I needed for my own safety she decided that the situation was about her. I left a family holiday because I was trapped on an island with my abusive mother and enabling family and she decides that she has the right to around telling my grandparents what happened. I texted her saying that I wasn't angry (although I was) but that it made me really uncomfortable.... That was 3 weeks ago and I haven't heard from her since. She's been actively ghosting me in fact, she texts the family group chat, she has phone calls with all my family members but she refuses to text me back.

I can't do anything about it either.

She has always actively played a hand in making me look unhinged and invalidating me. She has this special emotional intelligence that she uses to undermine people. In the past when we've had fights, the way she has tried to rectify it is by writing all her feelings down and preparing herself entirely and then coming to get you so you can have a chat. She is ready for this and you are caught off guard so when she refuses to apologise she has her reasons not to on paper and you can't think of any why she should. Logically, to anyone watching, you are in the wrong. Her making you cry or hurting you is not a good enough reason for her to apologise when she's been "struggling with her mental health". I have way to much empathy for the pain she might be in to invalidate that, she could go to therapy but I know how hard it is to ask for help. I have been making myself small for her for so long but I won't do it anymore. I'm not sure if I would be stooping to her level to text her again with all my reasons and play the same cruel tricks she's using on me for years.

I'm am genuinely lost for how to handle her and too emotionally exhausted to confront her or for her to confront me. There's nothing for her to confront me about but she'll find a way to make me the guilty one. She may be a big part of the reason I feel suicidal around my family - you can't argue with the saint even if they're a wold in sheep's clothing, not when you're surrounded by their pack.

I'm too tired to talk about it more, not in the way that Indigo and my mum say when they're unable to argue more. Just genuinely ready to give up on my family. I wish I could be apathetic or even spiteful enough to pack my bags and change my number but for now, avoiding family dinner will have to do.

They put me in so much pain but I know where my happiness lives.

Thanks for being here, have a nice week.

From, Fifi <3

#mental health #golden child #narcissistic mother #narcissistic family

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mckinnon21lambertsen · 2 years

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hermes mini kelly 9

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#hermes mini kelly #mini kelly bag #mini kelly #mini kelly 2 #mini kelly ii

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eskesenudsen2 · 2 years

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Will need Good Advice About Kittens and cats? Properly You've Come To be able to The Right Area!

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#cat claws #facts about cat claws

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onetwothreefarkle · 2 years

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PLEASE go off about the parallel arcs in iCarly, I never noticed them and I am fascinated

Alright, so it took me some time to organize my thoughts here, so I’m sorry about the wait! It turns out I have a lot to say. You made the mistake of sending this ask to a former English major, so this has turned into a bit of an essay. To make it hopefully easier to digest, I’ve divided this up into three parts. Part one is going to be a more general overview of the parallels between them, part two is going to look at specific episodes that serve to emphasize these parallels, and part three is where I attempt to tie it all together and make some kind of point here.

Under a cut, because it got seriously long.

Part One:

This first bit is pretty obvious, I think, but I’m saying it anyway. Sam and Freddie both come from dysfunctional single-parent households. The show loves to point out their dysfunction whenever it can, to wringe comedy from it. It’s different for each of them, of course. For Sam, her father abandoned her, and she is neglected by her mother, and as we see in iSam’s Mom, Pam Puckett is verbally and physically abusive. For Freddie, his father is never mentioned, and his mother is controlling and emotionally abusive, restricting every aspect of his life and violating his bodily autonomy in the name of “taking care of him”—Marissa’s behavior may not come across as blatantly toxic as Pam’s, but trust me, it is.

Sam and Freddie also deal with their home lives in very similar ways. First, and most obviously, they both run away. It’s a running joke that they’re always at the Shays’ apartment. Just think about that for a moment. They both spend as much time as they possibly can away from their homes, at the end of the day, neither of them wants to go home. In this way, iCarly becomes an escape for both of them and in some ways a lifeline. The Shay apartment is a safe space for them, where they are free from their dysfunctional home lives.

The other coping mechanism they share is obbsessive behavior. For Freddie, it’s technology. For Sam, it’s food. They throw themselves into their respective interests/hobbies, building their personalities around them. I think for both of them these intense interests are reflective of their dysfunctional upbringings. Marissa is obsessive and controlling, and Freddie is interested in technology and videography—tools that can be linked to surveillance and control. On top of that, the internet is a way for Freddie to have freedom while trapped inside, given the scope of what one can do online. Sam, on the other hand, is obsessed with food, and it seems to me this comes from her mother's neglect. At one point, we see the lunch Pam packs Sam for school, and it’s a brown paper bag with batteries in it. Sam, who doesn’t always know if her mom is going to be able to feed her, eats as much as she can elsewhere.

But the parallels between Sam and Freddie don’t end with their parents. They also share similar social issues. Neither one is particularly well-liked outside of Carly. Freddie is a nerd and a geek, especially early on, and Sam is intimidating and aggressive. For both of them, you can count the number of friends they have on one hand. Sure, Freddie is in a lot of clubs, but we only see those characters every once in a while, when it’s convenient for the plot of an episode, so I doubt that Freddie is particularly close with them. They’re not the kind of people who would be popular if it wasn’t for iCarly.

And this affects their romantic relationships, too. Unlike Carly, who is shown easily flirting with boys and going on dates, Sam and Freddie seem to have worse luck when it comes to relationships. This is probably most exemplified by the reveal in iKiss that neither of them has kissed anyone, something that not only surprises Carly, but is presented as being embarrassing and shameful within the internal logic of the show. The expectation is that by their age, they would’ve kissed someone, and they’re behind their peers, behind Carly.

And this leads us very nicely into part two of this analysis, where I’m looking at specific episodes. (I put iKiss in part one because the other episodes are pairs, rather than singular episodes that parallel them)

Part 2:

I’m going to do this in chronological order, which means starting with season one, episode nine, iWill Date Freddie. In this episode, Freddie dates a girl named Valerie. At first, she seems to really like him, but by the end of the episode, it becomes clear that she is only using him. Valerie wants to create her own web show to compete with iCarly. It frames Freddie as someone who wouldn’t be able to get a real date. This episode is also important because it features the first moment where we see Freddie standing up for himself, when he feels underapperciated by Sam and Carly, which I will touch on more later.

Sam’s parallel episode is season one, episode fifteen, iHate Sam’s Boyfriend. Sam dates Jonah, who I think genuinely likes her a lot, and she likes him a lot, so much so that she begins to blow off iCarly to spend time with him. By the end of the episode, it becomes obvious that Jonah is kind of a tool, especially when he tries to kiss Carly. The episode frames Sam as someone who attracts obnoxious guys, and as someone who is always going to be in Carly’s shadow romantically.

Both of these season one episodes are about basically the same thing at their core: dating someone who turns out not to be what you thought they were, and showing Freddie and Sam as two people who have bad luck when it comes to romance.

I already talked about iKiss, but I think it’s worth mentioning again because it really does show just how much they have in common. The episode didn’t have to be written the way it was, and I think every choice they made was extremely deliberate. When Sam and Freddie talk on the balcony, once Sam has apologized, and Freddie realizes that Sam wasn’t lying when she said she’d never kissed anyone, they share a moment of complete understanding. Despite their apparent differences, they’re struggling with the same social pressures, and the same loneliness, if we’re being perfectly honest. And they both come up with the same solution to it, at the same time. It’s a really beautiful moment of vulnerability, and it comes from their similarities being made explicit.

I’ve talked a lot about their romantic relationships in this section, so it’s time to get back to those dysfunctional home lives, which we get some parallel episodes about later in the show. First, in season three, we get iMove Out, so named because Freddie moves out. He reaches his limit with Marissa’s controlling and overbearing nature, and he gets his own apartment. Sort of. The resolution of the episode is that he agrees to move back in, if she agrees to give him more freedoms. And in season 4, we get iSam’s Mom, an episode where Sam gets so fed up with Pam and her neglect and abuse that she moves in with the Shays. The episode ends with Carly taking Sam and Pam to therapy and trying to get them to work out their issues.

Both of these episodes show the characters eventually forgiving their parents, because this is a sitcom, and the status quo must always be achieved by the end of the episode. But both episodes also showcase the toxicity of Marissa and Pam very well, and show that Sam and Freddie both want the same thing: escape. The difference is that Sam seeks stability (the shays) and Freddie seeks freedom at any cost (his tiny horrible apartment). It’s the balance of their similarities and their differences that creates such an interesting and complex dynamic.

But why does any of this matter? Who cares if Sam and Freddie have all these parallels? Why am I reading so far into a Nickelodeon sitcom from 2007? Well, it matters a lot, actually, and I really want to try to explain that as best I can. Hopefully it makes sense and I’m not just Charlie Day in IASIP in front of the conspiracy board.

Part 3:

Sam and Freddie are narrative foils. I don’t think this is a hot take to the people who know what that means. If you don’t know, foils are characters who contrast each other. Oftentimes this takes the form of a hero and a villain, or a hero and their sidekick. Arguably Sam and Freddie are both Carly’s sidekicks, and while you could say that Sam is a foil for Carly, I don’t think you can say the same for Freddie. The key purpose of a narrative foil is to highlight something about the other character—the name comes from foiling gemstones to make them shine brighter. Sam and Freddie do that for each other (Sam highlighting Freddie’s nerdiness, pragmatism, organization, and book smarts, Freddie highlighting Sam’s aggression, messiness, and street smarts), and Sam does it for Carly (Sam’s tomboyishness serving to emphasize Carly’s girliness), but Freddie doesn’t really do that for Carly.

And we could leave it at the very basic observation that Sam and Freddie are contrasting characters. But the whole point of this is about what they have in common, not the things that make them different. It’s a lot more complex than that. They aren’t just opposites, they’re paralleled opposites. Two sides of the same coin. They challenge each other, but they also understand each other on a level that none of the other characters can, and they know it, too. When they break up in iLove You, they acknowledge the special “connection” they have. And I think because they have the paralleled arcs, them being together makes the most satisfying narrative for them, the one where they could grow the most.

Now, remember what I said about coming back to Freddie standing up for himself later on? Well, it’s later. In my opinion, the crux of Freddie’s arc—or what should be the crux of Freddie’s arc—is him learning to stand up for himself. Freddie starts the show entirely under Marissa’s thumb, but he also lets himself be manipulated by Carly, and pushed around by Sam. And as the show progresses he doesn’t just learn to stand up to his mother, he learns to stand up to Carly and Sam, to respect himself, especially when his crush on Carly fades. In iSaved Your Life, we see Freddie choose to end his relationship with Carly because he knows she isn’t actually in love with him. Season one Freddie never would’ve done that. And it was Sam who pushed him to do that, it was Sam who made him realize that Carly loved him for the wrong reasons.

On the flip side, I believe that Sam’s arc should be about allowing herself to be vulnerable. She has had to fight to survive for so long, and has put up wall after wall to protect herself. She rarely lets herself be open with her feelings. Even when we know she must be hurt at the end of iHate Sam’s Boyfriend, she doesn’t show it. She just physically injures Jonah to get back at him. We see more and more vulnerability from her as the show progresses, with Carly, but just as often with Freddie. My favorite example of this is in iReunite With Missy, when she confides in Freddie about Missy trying to sabotage her and asks him for help. Before this, the only time she was vulnerable with Freddie was in iKiss. And Freddie does help her, giving the school at sea trip to Missy to get rid of her.

Going back to Sam and Freddie being foils, we can see that in both of these situations the show uses that to propel their respective development. In other words, they help each other grow. And I know what you’re thinking, you’re thinking, but these arcs are the exact opposite. Freddie is learning to stand up for himself, to be tough like Sam, and Sam is learning to open herself up, to be emotionally available, like Freddie. And yeah, sure, maybe on the surface. But both of their arcs can be traced right back to those dysfunctional parents. The reason Freddie needs to learn to stand up for himself is that his mother never let him, and the reason Sam needs to learn to let people in is that she could never rely on even her own mother.

And the reason they’re able to help each other grow is because they understand each other. For Sam, Freddie is a safe place for her to be vulnerable, the stability she seeks, as much as they fight, she knows she can trust him. And Freddie understands her insecurities and loneliness, understands that underneath the rage, there is hurt. Because he’s felt that same hurt. And for Freddie? Sam is the freedom he seeks. She understands what it’s like to be pushed around, to feel helpless. It’s why she works so hard to be tough and intimidating, so she doesn’t have to feel that way.

There are a lot of flaws with the seddie arc, but in my opinion, the biggest one is the decision to have them break-up because she’s too abnormal and he’s too normal. It’s just not true. Yes, they are very different. But they are also very similar. And the way for both of them to grow the most is with each other, because they can both understand each other and challenge each other.

#iCarly #seddie #Sam Puckett #Freddie Benson #reboot who? I don't know her #this whole thing clocked in at approximately 2.3k #honestly squidubus I'm sorry #this is insane #but you did ask me to 'go off'

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