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k-evans-reads · 8 days

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In Living Color

Chapter 25

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July 25th, 2022

Chris let out a sigh of relief as he stepped into his mother’s house from the back door, the cool air of the home giving him and Scott a reprieve from the heatwave outside. They found their Ma in her kitchen, putting away some groceries with a smile on her face as she saw her sons.

“I certainly didn’t expect to see you here today,” Lisa greeted, coming over to hug them both. She hugged Scott before hugging Chris, holding her oldest son's arms as she pulled away and told him, “I figured it would take at least another day for you to recover from the press tour.”

Chris laughed, the sound echoing through the otherwise quiet home. “Oh I’ll be going to bed early tonight, that’s for sure,” he assured her with a nod.

Scott smirked at the words, moving to grab a cup from a cabinet and fill it with water. “I’m honestly surprised that you didn’t just fly straight to San Francisco to see Nat,” he drawled, his voice booming.

“Yeah, it’s been what? A month since you’ve seen her?” Lisa asked, raising a brow as she dropped her hands from Chris’ arms and headed back into the kitchen, pulling groceries from the bags resting on the island counter.

“I was with her over the fourth so almost a month,” he corrected, leaning down to pet his Ma’s dogs as they danced at his feet. But then he thought back to his visit earlier in the month, at the fleeting moments they’d had together, but otherwise… he’d been alone. Nat’s schedule was busier than ever, if it was even possible, and she spent so much time glued to her laptop that he missed her even when he was there. “I miss Nat so fuckin’ much but I’m almost thinking about staying here.”

Lisa raised a brow suspiciously as she closed the fridge, tucking the reusable grocery bags into each other. “Oh really?” She asked him while she looked at him curiously.

“I’m just so exhausted. Going from filming earlier this year to the Lightyear press and right into The Gray Man press, I’m just so tired,” he murmured with a shake of his head as he leaned his hip against the island. “And now that I’ll be going to Atlanta soon for Pain Hustlers, I feel like I just need a break away from everything.”

“Maybe Nat could come out here instead?”

“Yeah I think I might ask her if she could,” Chris nodded his head. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to see her, in fact, the opposite was true but after being dragged from one interview to another then put on a plane to make another appearance and do the whole routine again, he was craving his safe space more than ever. He just wanted to be home and sleep in his own bed, have home cooked meals, and decompress in the place he felt the most himself. Chris ran a hand through his hair while he mused, “I want to see her so bad, but when I’m there during the week, she’s at work anyway so it’s not like we get to spend much time together.”

He watched as Lisa pursed her lips while she listened to his words. “Well maybe once you rest up a little more, you could go out for a weekend,” she suggested, her eyebrows raising hopefully as she looked at her oldest son. He shrugged his shoulders at that as he heard Scott’s small noise of agreement and sighed.

“I don’t have many more weekends before I start filming again,” he began as he stared down at the marble countertop. He’d gotten the official schedules for both shoots a few weeks ago, and there was virtually no spare time once he started the first project, but what little time he had left before was quickly getting filled up in Massachusetts. He hadn’t been home for a long stretch of time since the previous year, and even then he spent most of 2021 in Los Angeles, growing his relationship with Nat. He’d missed home, missed seeing his family, the kids, getting to just live without constantly looking over his shoulder. And the growing list of responsibilities from ASP that he’d been ignoring while working were piling up, and his schedule was full of tasks between now and the middle of August. By then, he’d jump right into the shoots around Florida and Georgia with the cast of Pain Hustlers to then be in Atlanta working for months on end for Red One, having no real opportunities to visit Nat in California. “I just hate to disappoint Nattie.”

“Honey, you know Nat will understand,” Lisa placated her son, looking at him seriously as she listened to his words. “She won’t want you to kill yourself just to come see her.”

Chris shook his head, explaining, “Oh I know she’ll understand, Nat always does.”

“I know a certain dog who will be happy that you’ll be around here for a while,” she pointed out with a small chuckle, shaking her head in amusement.

“You should have seen how I woke up this morning. Dodger was laying right on top of me,” Chris laughed, thankful for the shift in conversation away from him changing his and Nat’s plans.

Scott’s dry laugh cut through the room as he told their mother, “He’s been right on Chris’ heels all day.”

Lisa smiled at the comment, before her eyes turned curious and she looked at Chris as he finally sat down in a barstool next to Chris. “What were you guys up to today?” She asked them both, looking between them.

“Well…” Chris started as Scott bit his lip, turning to look at him as well. With both his Ma’s and Scott’s eyes on him, a smile crossed his lips. “That’s actually part of the reason we came over…”

“Why’s that?”

A warm smile crossed his lips as his brain was able to switch from the exhaustion his whole body was clouded in, to instead thinking about the purchase he made hours earlier and the meaning that came with it as he told his mother, “I bought something for Nat today that I wanted to show you…”

He could feel Lisa’s eyes on him as he pulled the velvet box out of the plain white bag and handed it over to her. He watched as she flipped it open and saw the shining diamond ring inside as she gasped, “Chris, you got her a ring? You’re going to ask her to marry you?”

“Yeah Ma, I am,” a warmth spread throughout him as he said those words out loud.

Chris could see the tears glossing her eyes as she gasped, “Oh honey, I couldn’t be happier.”

“Me neither,” he shook his head almost in disbelief that this was really happening. His own tears started gathering in his blue eyes, making him blink furiously before he swallowed the emotional lump in his throat, “I think I’ve known for a while now that Nat was the one for me but when I was with her in San Francisco for our anniversary earlier this year I just… knew. I just don’t want anyone but her.”

“I knew from that first time I met her that you two would be together,” Lisa stated firmly before going over to hug her eldest son tightly.

“I think we all knew that one,” Scott chimed in with a chuckle from where he had sat down at the counter, knowing that Chris and Nat being together was something they all saw coming a mile away.

Chris had to wipe a hand along his cheeks, swiping away the tears as he admitted, “I just love her so much. I never even knew it could feel like this,”

“I’m so happy for you Chris. I can honestly say this is the best decision you’ve ever made,” his mother encouraged him with a hand rubbing up and down his back but then wanted to know, “When are you going to ask her?”

The question was one he’d been thinking about a lot but still hadn’t figured out an answer to, letting her in, “I’m not sure yet. I don’t really have a specific time so I’m just going to ask her when the moment feels right.”

Lisa couldn’t help but give him another hug, squeezing him tightly as she once again told him just how happy she was before the conversation shifted toward dinner and the brothers decided to stay and help get things ready. As Chris was pulling out the plates, his gaze drifted down to the ring box that was sitting open on the counter and felt the conversation happening around him seem to drift away. He picked up the box and looked at that sparkling ring, imagining what it would look like on Nat’s hand and almost finding it unbelievable that at the beginning of the previous year he hadn’t even met her, but now here he was ready to place this on her hand with the promise of forever.

He loved her so much it almost hurt and even as insecure and indecisive as he could be, this was one decision that didn’t leave any doubts in his mind other than the timing. With his schedule being full with two more movies and Nat being in San Francisco for her job, he didn’t know the next time that they’d get any extended amount of time together and although it left him at a loss on how to fully support her while he wasn’t there, he had come to see through their breakup that none of it mattered. Sure, it was a hurdle they’d need to figure out how to cross, but all that mattered is that he had Nat in his life and he wanted her forever. Chris knew that this was the best thing that could ever happen to him, but what he didn’t know is that while he stood here full of joy and peace, the woman he loved was across the country feeling desperately trapped in the new job and life she had chosen and felt more stuck that she ever had in her life.

Nat shut the creaking door behind her and locked the deadbolt, closing her eyes and leaning her head against the door as she felt her muscles tense. She looked around her dark apartment, feeling… indifferent to everything. Coming home had always been something sacred to her, her escape, her happy place, where she hosted friends, family, game nights, and movie nights. But here… she’d hole up for days over a weekend without having anyone here who would reach out to say, “Hey! Haven’t seen you this weekend, want to grab brunch tomorrow?”, only to hear a ping alerting her to new emails. It was no longer a place of refuge to her, instead, it felt like a place where she couldn’t take a deep breath, where she could never relax, where no one would come looking, or even stop by. She was completely alone here in this silent apartment, but the one bright spot that had gotten her through so many days was knowing that in one day, her apartment would be occupied by the heart-of-gold man that she loved so dearly. His laughter would fill the tiny space, his hands would rub her aching back, and his presence would fill the void in her heart that had been hurting so badly.

When her phone started ringing, she pulled it out and saw his name on her screen, bringing out the first genuine smile in a long time as she held it up to her ear and greeted him with a hello that sounded a lot less enthusiastic than she intended but just couldn’t seem to muster anything more.

“Hi honey, is this a good time?” He asked her, his voice filling her ear.

She nodded, suppressing the sigh that caught in her throat. “Yeah I’m just walking through my door,” she told him, hanging her bag on the hook by the door as she kicked her shoes off.

Nat heard him huff out a breath, his voice quiet as he pointed out, “Nattie, it’s almost eight there.”

She shook her head, frowning at his concern. She knew it was well placed, it always was. They cared about each other to be making those jabs at the other, but it didn’t mean her shoulders relaxed a little at every concerned comment he made. If anything, it made her feel a little worse. “I know, it just was a busy day,” she explained, her voice quiet as she turned on the lights and stepped further into the apartment.

“Will you promise me that you’ll have some dinner?”

“I promise I will,” she told him, glancing towards the shoebox of a kitchen before she headed into the living room, sitting down on the couch with a sigh. “I actually am a little surprised to hear from you. I figured you’d be asleep with you flying out here tomorrow.”

“That’s actually what I wanted to call you about,” he began, pausing as he sighed. Nat froze, listening as he finally asked, “Nattie, would it disappoint you if I didn’t come out to San Francisco?”

Her brows furrowed and her hand reached, plucking a few threads from the worn blanket on the couch as she fidgeted anxiously. “Is everything okay?” She asked worriedly, unsure if something had happened

“Yeah, yeah it’s fine, I’m just so exhausted,” he admitted and Nat could have been able to know that without his admission. The weariness in his voice was evident even if she hadn’t known how packed his schedule had been but kept listening as he sighed, “I feel like I’ve just been going non-stop for the past couple months and then with heading into doing two more movies this year, I just feel really overwhelmed. I just want some time to decompress.”

“Of course I’m sad not to see you but that’s fine Chris, I want you to take care of yourself,” Nat told him truthfully. In reality, hearing those words felt like a punch in the gut or as if all the air from her lungs had just been taken away. Having him come out to see her had been the one saving grace through all of this. She knew that if she could just make it to when she’d get to have his arms around her again, then maybe she could do this. Maybe that would help center her again, but in an instant that had been stolen away.

But she couldn’t tell him that. She couldn’t burden him with the knowledge of how much she was struggling while he was so burnt out and had to recharge before being thrown into filming again. Besides, he had warned her. He was the one who told her that this job wasn't for her and that it didn’t seem like the right move for her and he had been right. Nat just couldn’t let anyone, especially herself, know how much this job was taking a toll on her. It was just a job and the fact that she couldn’t seem to handle it only made her feel like even more of a failure than ever.

“I hope you know how much I want to see you and it has nothing to do with that,” Chris went on to assure her, but it brought little healing to her heart because all she could feel was that she was alone yet again. “I also figured that when I’m there during the week I don’t get to see you much anyway and thought that maybe you could come out for a weekend if you have time or I could come out there before Atlanta.”

“I’m not sure yet what my schedule is but we’ll figure something out. I want you to just decompress,” she rushed to tell him, trying hard to cover up the tears and heavy emotion in her voice.

“Are you sure, Nat?”

Nat just took a deep breath, trying to steady her voice before responding with, “I am, I want you to rest. I know how important it is to you to be able to be away from everything in Boston.”

“Thanks for understanding, baby. I love you so much and I’ll call you tomorrow, okay?”

Nat pushed out a quick “I love you too” before hearing the line hang up. She couldn’t even pull the phone away from her ear before silent tears started spilling out of her eyes. With a shaky finger she clicked the red button before trudging over to the couch where she laid down and grabbed a pillow, clutching it to her chest as the tears just wouldn’t stop pouring down her face.

Nat was so proud of Chris. She was so proud of all he’d done this year, pushing himself with the films he was doing and going through the press tours he hated so much while traveling the world in a whirlwind. She was so happy that he could recognize when he needed a break, and just decompress. She was so glad that he had a place to do that, where he had a home to just be himself and relax but right now she just hated it so much that the home wasn’t with her.

Using the sleeve of her sweatshirt, she furiously wiped at her eyes and sat up. Nat tried so hard to just pull it together, but the moment her eyes glanced out the window of her apartment and she saw the almost tauntingly beautiful view of San Francisco, heavy sobs started pouring out of hers as those tears that she had just wiped away were quickly replaced. Just one look at that view reminded her that she was here in the city by the bay, completely and utterly alone.

She had always loved her job, working as an animator was truly a dream come true. Nat was just a normal girl who had been given an incredible gift by having a father who believed in her, sending her to art school to follow her dreams but it felt like somehow her real dream, the real longing of her heart had slipped through her fingers. Nat had been so happy working at Disney, settling into a life in California over the past decade and having an incredible group of friends, including Mark and Jamie who had become more like family to her.

But COVID had changed everything for her. In that time frame, her engagement to Shane had ended, Nat had become so much more self assured and knew who she was, but after being able to spend months at home with her family, she had moved back to California with a loneliness in her heart and a longing for something more. For the first time in her life she had seen how much she wanted more than her job. She wanted her own family and to be able to love someone and have them love her in return.

And then Chris came into her life.

So much had changed since he’d made his unexpected entrance in her life and Nat had found out so many more things about herself and what she wanted. He helped her to rest in who she was and embrace what it was that made her… well, her. He was her best friend and gave her peace in a way that she couldn’t quite explain. But there was still a part of her that let those little voices into the back of her head, remembering the looks she’d gotten from people when she was younger and said her dream was to be an artist. She remembered the jokes so many made when they asked what she was going to do for a ‘real job’ and the sting of that in her formative years still was underneath the surface.

Nat’s fingers were clutching tight on that pillow as she thought back to her dad dropping her off at art school as he hugged her tightly and told her how proud of her he was and that he knew she’d do great things. Ever since then all she had wanted to do was prove him right, to show everyone she wasn’t just the overemotional chaotic artist little sister behind two intelligent successful older sisters who seemed to be able to do all the things she viewed herself incapable of.

So here she was. Accepting this job that she thought would somehow prove something. That somehow would be the icing on the cake of ‘See? I can be a successful artist’ but all it had done was show her just how right Chris had been about all of this. This wasn’t what she wanted. She hated every bit of this job. She wanted so much more than this now. She wanted Chris. She wanted a family. She wanted to create for herself. But there was no turning back now. There was no way that she could go to her boss only a couple months after starting and basically say she wanted to be demoted, especially when her position back in Burbank had already been filled. Not to mention that she had taken a stand with this job and Chris, resulting in them temporarily breaking up. That felt like such a huge failure in her mind and that was something Nat simply just couldn’t take at the moment.

So here she had been, putting her nose to the grindstone and putting in her hours, trying to get through the days with the light at the end of the tunnel being August. The month when she’d get her best friend back. When she’d finally get to feel his arms around her. When she’d finally not dread the weekends and spend them crying in bed but instead fill them with laughter and happiness with Chris. When she’d finally get to relax for the first time in weeks. Knowing that he was coming to her was like a lifeline, knowing that she just had to make it until then and then hopefully things would be better. But now it felt like that lifeline that was dangling just out of her reach was snatched away and she was left drowning.

But there was no way she could ask him to come. It was just too selfish. She couldn’t possibly know just how packed his schedule had been and hear his weary voice saying how much he just needed to go home and then ask him to come be with her instead. So here she was. Sitting alone on this couch, tears streaming down her face as she felt completely alone and completely stuck.

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k-evans-reads · 9 days