#ellie why be sad when you can just be hot | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

strang3lov3 · 5 months

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Massage Chair

Summary: Joel teaches you to massage him, then takes advantage of your new skill. After, he shows his gratitude.

Tags: Lots of joel teasing, malicious compliance, light arguing, smut, fingering, teasing, romantic massaging, creampie, slower and more emotional, joel comforting u after boning.

a/n: thank you for your patience with me! I wanted to have this done last week, but I ended up in the ER which slowed me down a little. But, that gave me more time to write and @papipascalispunk time to beautifully edit this <3 she's such a babe.

(mall rats 5, though can be read as standalone. find more mall rats in my masterlist)

A brown leather chair is flipped on its side, and Joel’s tinkering with the parts inside, cursing and hissing expletives. It’s a broken massage recliner that came with Joel’s house, and he spotted the same model at Macy’s back in the old mall. So he stole bits and pieces, and now he’s attempting to fix the chair. It’s not going too well.

“God bless it,” Joel grumbles at you, “Quit shinin’ the flashlight on the damn floor. Shine it inside the chair.”

“I am shining it inside the chair, Joel,” you argue, “Why don’t you make Ellie hold the flashlight for you?”

“‘Cause she can’t hold it right either. You girls suck at using flashlights,” Joel grimaces as he sits up off the ground, then reaches for your hand that’s holding the light. He manipulates your position, adjusting the way you’re sitting and how you hold the flashlight and says, “There. Stay like that.”

You smirk, “Oh Joel, it makes me so hot and bothered when you take control of me like that.”

Joel sighs, frustrated with you. Like always. “Was that really necessary?”

“Of course it was,” you reply. Moving gingerly, he lays back down on the carpeting. The chair makes small, metallic clanging noises as he works, and you’ve got a perfect view of his ass. So tight and plump in those jeans. What a treat.

Joel turns on his side, twisting his torso to reach for a different screwdriver. This time, he grunts in pain. He works a little longer, then tosses the screwdriver aside before hoisting himself up. His knees crack and ache as he slowly stands up, carefully pulling the chair upright and plugging it into an outlet. You watch as he sits in the chair, lifts up the armrest to press a few buttons, and the chair comes to life. He keeps his eyes squinted shut, his chest rising and falling heavily with every labored breath he takes. He fidgets with the buttons as the chair makes different mechanical whirring noises, vibrating and pressing into his back.

“Can I try it?”, you ask.

“No,” he deadpans, “S’not massagin’ too good anyway – kinda just vibrates. And before you ask – no,” you smirk as he glares at you, “It doesn't vibrate like that. So don’t even think about doin’ that to my chair, you horndog.” He knows you so well.

When Joel is done speaking, he sighs and closes his eyes again. It’s a little awkward, watching Joel sit in his massage chair. He doesn’t seem very comfortable, and it’s making you feel sort of sad. His back has been killing him for weeks. He doesn’t talk about it much, but you can tell it’s getting worse. As he squeezes his eyes shut, those two little lines between his brows grow more prominent than usual. He inhales through his nose and exhales from his mouth, like he’s trying to breathe away the pain.

Before the outbreak, he found things like heated massage chairs and beds that move up and down to be frivolous and unnecessary. In his twenties and thirties, if his back hurt he’d pop a few Advil and tough it out. Not exactly an option now. So, an old massage chair it is.

“Have you been icing your back, Joel?”, you ask but Joel opens just one eye and glares at you. You take his silence as a no. “You need to ice it.”

“My back’s fine,” Joel lies as he rolls his eyes at you, “Go away. Go play in traffic.”

“Are you keeping yourself hydrated?”, you continue.

“Yes.” You look at Joel, then you look next to him. The full glass of water on his end table says otherwise, condensation pooling on the wood. Joel looks there too, then back at you as you stare at him, unimpressed, “Yeah, I drink enough water, dammit. What’s with the third degree?”

You ignore his question, “Are you getting enough rest?”

“What do you think I’m tryin’ to do right now?” Again, you stare at him with an unimpressed expression. Joel sighs, exasperated, “For the love of god, I rest plenty.” Out of all the ways you could annoy him, this is the most brutal. It’s torturous. He continues, “I’d rest easier if you weren’t here, y’know. So get gone. Quit naggin’ me.”

“Charming, Joel. Like always,” you tell him, your tone sarcastic. Lifting yourself up, you stand in front of him and take his hand in your own. You pull with all of your might to lift him up, and drag him to his feet. He groans the entire time.

“Oh, come on,” Joel complains. He knows that look you’ve got on your face, knows that you’re on a mission and he’s coming with. Of course he’s coming with. He’s always stuck with you, somehow. “What are you signin’ me up for now?”, as you lead him to his room, matching his slow pace as he takes heavy steps, so as not to overwhelm his ancient bones.

“Bed,” you tell him.

Oh. Joel gets it now. You’re forcing him to take a rest. Could be worse, he supposes, but he always has a flair for the dramatic, so he sighs heavily as he lays down, making sure you know he is not happy that you’re putting his ass to bed. You untie his boots and pull them off his feet, then toss them aside.

Just as Joel settles on his back, you move to his side of the bed and put your hands under his torso and thigh, then roll him onto his stomach rather harshly. He yelps in pain, “Jesus Christ–”

“Sorry,” you mumble sheepishly. You join him on the bed, straddling his butt, careful not to put too much pressure on him.

Joel is confused beyond words. Before he can process what you’re doing, he feels you bouncing the sides of your hands down his shoulders and spine, and then you’re pinching and smushing his body haphazardly. “Uhh, what are you doin’ to me?”, he questions now. It is a deeply uncomfortable sensation.

“Massaging you, because your chair doesn’t work,” you tell him, continuing your work on his back, “It’ll help you rest. I’m feeding two birds with one scone, Joel.”

“That – that’s not how the phrase – fuck, never mind,” Joel relents, baffled as you “massage” him. He lets you continue for a few moments longer before deciding he’s had enough. “Sweetheart, it’s very kind of you, but you are terrible at this.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, no, this is god awful. You’re gonna break my damn spine in half,” Joel pauses before speaking again, thinking to himself. There’s no way you’ve had or given a massage before now. “Am I your guinea pig?”

“Kinda,” you answer quietly.

“I could tell,” Joel taps you on the leg twice, “Alright, get off and switch me spots.”

“What for?”, you ask.

“So I can teach ya how it’s done and keep you from committing a fuckin’ felony assault on my back,” he says, “What you’re doin’... it’s inhumane, darlin’.” He’s being very Joel about this. Harsh, a little rude. Dramatic. You climb off him and he scoots off of his bed. “Take off your shirt,” he tells you, “S’rule one of a good massage. You’re supposed to massage a person, not their clothes.”

“Noted,” you say. Joel leaves then, maybe to give you privacy or something, not that you need it. If Joel wants you to strip naked, you’ll strip naked, no questions asked. You’d lay yourself on a silver platter for him, cherries on your ass and an apple in your mouth. Though, you do think it’s sweet he’s trying to keep you feeling comfortable. Joel Miller, always the gentleman.

You strip nude, then lay on your stomach on the bed, right where Joel was. His sheets feel warm from his body heat and they smell like him too, warm and musky and woody. You’re facing his window, where outside it’s overcast and gloomy. On his bedside table sits his book of crossword puzzles.

The stairs and floorboards creak as Joel returns to you. He stops dead in his tracks at the sight of you naked and face down in his bed, rolling his eyes at your lack of modesty. Joel places a few things on his dresser, then a little glass container full of oil on his bedside table. “Only had to take your shirt off, hon,” he says.

“Oh. I thought you wanted me naked.”

“You’ve got selective hearing,” Joel lowers the curtains by his window and lights a few candles on his dresser, “I think you wanted you naked.” In the darkened room, he moves behind you and you hear the sound of fabric moving before he’s draping a blanket over your bum. You shrug, “Sorry, Joel. Guilty as charged.”

“Uh huh,” he mumbles. Joel rolls up his sleeves before beginning. “You ready?”, you nod, and so does he. He takes the container of oil and drizzles it down your spine. It’s warm, a little sweet and fragrant. You feel relaxed already. Joel then pours some of oil into the palm of his hands and rubs them together. “First thing, you always wanna be mindful of any painful or sensitive areas. Anything you need me to be careful about?”

“Uh, no. My back doesn’t usually hurt,” you tell him.

“Must be nice,” he mumbles. After rubbing his palms together, he places them on your back. He spreads the drizzled oil from your lower back up to your neck and shoulders in long strokes with his palms, so big and strong and warm. You sigh in relief. “The oil makes it easier to glide your hands. Don’t wanna use too much, though. And you’re gonna spread it out, nice and even.”

You nod, your eyes closed, “What about the candles?”

“Candles don’t make a difference. Just thought you’d like ‘em,” Joel whispers.

“I do.”

He spends the next couple minutes using wide, gentle strokes of his hands to completely spread the oil over your body. Once he’s satisfied, he places his hands at your shoulders. He works his thumbs into your traps and up your neck, pushing and sliding them up your skin. “How’s the pressure?”, he asks, “Too much? Not enough?”

“Little too much,” you tell him.

Joel lightens the pressure and continues the motion, “Feel nice?”

All you can do is hum in response. It feels incredible. His hands are so firm and gentle, so careful. Your skin is warm and his touch is comforting. He works his way down your body, massaging and rubbing your muscles. He alternates between circular and back and forth movements.

“Good. Remember that. Be nice and fluid when you massage me,” Joel whispers, “None of that karate choppin’ shit.”

“None of that karate choppin’ shit,” you repeat, matching his tone.

Joel massages you everywhere for the next ten minutes. Instructing you to stay away from the spine directly, but focus your pressure next to it. Focus on the muscles. You can dig your thumbs in, use your knuckles, even the heels of your palms. He tells you he’s being more gentle, but he’s gonna need you to use your body weight.

“You writin’ this down?”, he asks.

“Mmm, yeah. Got my pen and paper right here,” you murmur. He massages a sensitive spot on your back and you moan softly.

“Hey,” he warns, “Don’t be enjoyin’ this so much. S’for my benefit, not yours. I’ve got ulterior motives for massagin’ you.”

“Oh?”, you whisper.

“Yeah, oh. You volunteered yourself to fix my back, so I’m gonna take advantage.”

“Joel?”

“What’s that, hon?” he asks quietly.

“I’m not, fuck, right there,” you breathe, “M’not learning a whole lot. Need some more pointers.”

“Always workin’ an angle,” he retorts, “But I don’t have nothin’ else to tell ya.” Joel massages you quietly for a couple more minutes, generously giving you more massaging than he anticipated. But he likes it, likes knowing you’re feeling good. The soft noises you’re making, how smooth your skin feels. He loves watching the candlelight dance across your skin while he runs his palms up and down your hips, your sides, pouring over your curves. You’re lost in the sensation for a few moments longer before Joel taps your hip, “Alright, time’s up.”

“No, Joel, come on,” you whine, “Not yet, don’t stop now.”

“Move it,” he says, tapping your hip harder, “S’my turn. My back hurts, not yours. You said so yourself.”

You whine again, “Please? Just a little longer.”

“Mmm, nope. Let this be a lesson to ya, don’t start somethin’ you can’t finish.” Joel leaves to go to his bathroom then, turns on the hot water in his sink and returns with a warm rag. He gently scrubs your back, removing the excess oil.

Finally, you sit up in defeat. “Give me that,” you grumble, reaching for the rag. You take it to the bathroom and rinse it out for Joel as he begins undressing. When you return, Joel is shirtless face down in his bed, a blanket draped over his ass, just like how he had you.

“Alright hon, I’m ready. Show me whatcha got.”

Standing next to him, you step a little closer to the bed and survey Joel. He’s on his tummy facing you, his eyes shut gently. He looks gorgeous like this, his hair messy, his shoulders thick and broad. You trace the curve of his back with your eyes, curious when you look at his ass. So plump under that blanket. Reaching forward, you lift the blanket.

“What’re ya doin’,” Joel asks in an annoyed tone.

“I’m just…”, you trail off, admiring the swell of his ass cheeks. Joel doesn’t seem to mind when you touch his bum, squeezing the flesh gently and watching it move beneath your fingertips.

“You’re snoopin’,” he answers his own question for you.

“Yeah,” you breathe. You look at Joel again, and he’s still got his eyes shut. A small smile on his face that you know wouldn’t be there if he knew you were looking at his face.

“Why don’t you snoop a little higher, dirty bird.”

“Okay,” you murmur, draping the blanket over his ass. “Can you remind me of step one again?”

“Ah, someone wasn’t payin’ attention,” he teases, “Sure. Ya gotta ask me where it hurts.”

“Where’s it hurt?”

“Everywhere.”

You sigh, “Thanks, Joel. That’s helpful.”

“Wouldn’t hurt to give my neck and shoulders a little extra lovin’, though.” You nod, then reach for his shoulders. “Nuh uh,” he tuts, “Oil first.” You reach for the oil and hover it over Joel’s body. “Easy does it. Little goes a long–”, but Joel is interrupted when he feels a large splash of oil on his back, dripping over his sides and onto his sheets. Definitely gonna stain.

“Ah, fuck,” you curse, “My bad.”

“God bless it,” Joel grumbles, “S’alright. Get the rag and clean me up a little.”

Doing as you’re told, you get the rag from the bathroom and wipe away the oil you don’t need. Then you spread the oil on Joel’s back, using your palms to drag it from the area just above his ass cheeks to his wide shoulders. Joel hums in satisfaction. You lean over him to begin massaging his body, but you’re finding it uncomfortable. “Do you mind if I straddle you again?” you ask, “To reach your back easier.”

“Go for it.”

You hold onto Joel’s shoulders for stability as you straddle yourself over him, sitting on his ass and settling your knees at his sides. This way, you have much more mobility. You place your palms at his lower back, thumbs on either side of his spine and press into him hard, then work your hands up his body. He sighs softly. “How’s that?”, you ask.

“Jury’s still out,” he replies, “Do that again, little harder this time.” When you do, Joel sighs deeper, “S’it. Much better.”

You repeat the general motion, but vary your movements. Sometimes letting your hands explore his sides, making big and small circles, large sweeping motions. Joel groans when you walk your thumbs up his spine. “Yeah, very nice,” he praises.

Once at his upper back, you focus pressure on his shoulders and neck. You curl your fingers inward and use your knuckles for added pressure. “Little more,” he tells you. You press harder, but his muscles are so tight. “Harder,” he says, “C’mon, use some elbow grease.”

“I’m gonna hurt you, Joel,” you argue.

“You ain’t gonna hurt me,” he says. “In fact, I want you to try.”

“Huh?”

“Yeah, hon. Hard as you can. Like you’re tryna squeeze the life outta me.”

Shaking your head, you try it. You squeeze his traps, digging your thumbs into his flesh as hard as you can. You watch his skin turn white under your fingertips.

“Fuck,” he moans, “There it is. Good girl, doin’ such a good job.”

Oh dear lord. His words go straight to your pussy. You continue to work his neck and shoulders, listening to Joel breathe and sigh, moan and groan. You admire his back, his freckles and moles and stretch marks here and there. “Good girl,” he praises you again. He whispers it over and over and over. Good girl.

He’s making all sorts of sinful noises, cursing all kinds of obscenities, and you’re falling to pieces just listening to him, feeling his hot skin. You picture his face, contorted in pleasure.

You feel warm, your core beginning to ache. You didn’t quite expect to get so worked up over this. As you lean forward over Joel to massage him, you tilt your hips into his back, pressing yourself against him for some sort of relief. Maybe repeating the motion once or twice.

“I can feel that,” he says.

“Feel what?”

“You. Drippin’. Rockin’ those hips on me. You’re makin’ a mess all over me, dirty bird.”

Your cheeks heat up and you’re feeling a little bashful at the accusation.

“Ya gotta finish my massage before we take care of that, hm?”

“Yeah,” you agree. Not like you have much left to do anyway. You’ve been massaging him for half an hour at this point, paid special attention to each area of his back. After massaging him for a few minutes longer, you tap his shoulder blade to let him know you’re done. Joel lifts himself up and begins to twist over, so you lift up to your knees to make room. “Wait, Joel, your sheets–”

“You ruined ‘em already.” He’s right. Oh well.

Once he’s settled, you sit down on his lap. His cock is half hard already. You reach for it, and he swats your hand away. You balk in confusion. “Ya ain’t done yet,” he tells you.

“What are you talking about?”

“Massage tax,” he says plainly, as if somehow you should have known that’s a thing and you roll your eyes, “It’s the law.”

“That is not a law.”

“Is now,” he says, taking his cock into his hand. You watch him work himself, swiping his thumb over the blushed tip a couple of times before holding it tightly, restricting your access.

“Joel,” you whine, “This isn’t– come on, man.”

“I know. I ain’t happy about it either,” he says, though his mischievous smile says differently,

“Government’s just rife with corruption, ain’t it?”

You can’t say you didn’t have this coming. You’ve tormented Joel for months in a myriad of ways. You deserve this.

“I don’t deserve this,” you tell him.

“‘Course not,” he says softly, still holding his member tightly. You try to wriggle his fingers away, but he’s got an iron grip. You sigh in defeat, annoyed. Joel looks all too proud of himself.

“I hate you, Joel.”

“You wound me sweetheart, really. It hurts,” he inhales sharply through his teeth, extending an arm to you, “Hurts almost as much as my arm, you know that? S’been so sore, my hands an’ fingers too.”

Yeah, yeah. You get the picture.

Glaring at him, you watch him shimmy into the pillows and wiggle his arm at you again. You’ve still got some oil on your hands, so you don’t bother with the bottle on his nightstand.

“Start up top,” he instructs you.

You move a little closer, taking his upper arm into your hands. You squeeze the muscles of his biceps and triceps, and as much as this is bothersome, it’s nice too. His muscles are strong, big, and firm. You’ve never really seen them until now. You admire the contours of his arm, the soft lines his muscles make. “And work your way down, down,” he says. And you follow, massaging his forearm. He sighs when you reach his hands, “S’my favorite part,” as you massage his palm, each knuckle of his digits. His hands are worn and calloused.

You drop his hand once you feel like you’ve done enough, “Done.”

“Really?”

“Yep.”

“Hm,” Joel hums before offering you his other arm, holding his cock now with his other hand, “I’ve got an entire arm you haven’t touched yet.” You stare at him with a blank expression. Joel pouts and acknowledges your disappointment by saying, “I know, hon. I’m so sorry.”

You roll your eyes, taking his other arm into your hands. “No, you aren’t.”

“Yeah, I’m not sorry,” he says, “Not one bit.”

And so again, you repeat the motions, first massaging his biceps and triceps. The hand that holds his cock rests between your thighs, and you begin grinding into it. Eyes shut, he raises one brow in amusement at your arousal. You’re soaked.

Finally, he lets himself go. His cock springs free, rock hard with protruding veins, and you inch forward so that it sits between your thighs.

As you massage his forearm now, you rock your hips slightly. Joel surely notices, though he doesn’t mind. You rock yourself quicker, chasing that sweet friction on your clit. Your hands are at his palm now, thumbs urgently rubbing circles into the flesh. You need to be done with this.

“Slow it down,” he tells you, “S’not a race.”

You groan, but slow down anyway. You screw your eyes shut as you massage his palm sloppily, your focus now concentrated on what's happening between your thighs. Your pussy is slick as you roll your hips, grinding against his hard cock. That familiar coil in your gut is back. “Joel,” you cry, “My hands are sore.”

“Now you know how I feel,” he retorts, and you whine impatiently. “Ya never do any hard work in your life. C’mon, you’re almost done,” he taps your ass, “Lift up a little. I like watchin’ you get yourself all worked up on my cock.”

As you work Joel’s hand, you lift yourself, hovering just inches above him. With his free hand, he takes his cock and drags himself through your dripping folds, collecting your slick on his tip. It feels good, your pussy is sensitive. He nudges his head against your clit, back and forth and periodically notches himself at your entrance, playing with you, achingly torturing you. “Joel,” you whine as he teases you, “My thighs are aching, hands too, ca— can’t do this anymore.”

“Sure ya can,” he coos. It feels like you’ve been massaging him for hours, way longer than he massaged you. This isn’t fair in the slightest, even with his back pain.

Truth be told, the hand and arm massage stopped feeling good for Joel a long time ago. You’re aching and tired, and so are your hands, not giving him the proper pressure he needs. But he’s taking advantage of this opportunity to tease you, drive you insane. He feels it’s warranted.

And then finally, finally, he pulls his hand away from you. You’re done.

You flop next to Joel and take his hand back in yours, guiding his fingers to your center. “Please,” you beg him, “Touch me. Do something.”

Joel clicks his tongue, “No can do.”

“What?”

“Yeah, think I just wanna rest now.” You stare at Joel, confused. He shrugs, “And I’m just parched. Need some water. And I’d go and get it, but I don’t want ya to yell at me again. I’m supposed to be resting, like you said.”

“You want me to get you water,” you confirm, annoyed.

“And some ice, too,” he adds.

Joel watches with a smirk on his face as you shove his hand away from your thigh and huff, then stomp out of his bedroom and all the way downstairs. After Joel hears the sound of running water and the slamming of cabinets, you return moments later with a glass of water and some ice wrapped in a towel. You mumble, “You can shove this ice right up–”

“Right up my ass, got it,” Joel takes the ice in one hand and the glass of water in his other. Joel drinks a sip of the water, then makes a disgusted face, “You gave me warm water? What is wrong with you?”

“You didn’t specify the temperature.”

Joel rolls his eyes and sets both the ice and the water on his nightstand. “Fuckin’ psycho,” he mumbles. Even when he thinks he’s one step ahead of you in the never-ending quest to piss one another off, he’s not. “You’ve outdone yourself.”

You smile, “Thanks.”

Joel stares at you for a moment, admiring the mischievous grin on your face and that look in your eye. And then faster than you can blink, he takes your arm in his hand and pulls you back into bed as you giggle. You hear him laughing too, and then he’s situating himself above you. Hovering over you with one arm by your head, he takes his fingers into his mouth and sucks on them before bringing his hand between your thighs.

You breathe a sigh of relief. You’re so sensitive and he’s finally fucking touching you, fingertips dragging through your slick folds, circling your clit before dipping one, then two fingers inside you. He finds your clit with his thumb, rubbing tight circles into you. “Quit teasing,” you plead.

Joel laughs breathlessly above you, “M’not teasin’—”

“More,” you interrupt him, “I need more.”

“You got it,” he says, then inserts a third finger. He curls them repeatedly inside you, your pussy gushing and soaking his fingers, making all sorts of wet, sticky noises.

But it’s still not enough. You’re so fucking needy, so ready for Joel to just fuck you. You push his hand away and reach for his cock, wrapping your legs around him and using your feet on his ass to push him down closer to you.

“Ah, fuck,” Joel hisses when he feels your hand touch his member, “Hey, easy, sweetheart. Let’s slow it down.”

“Slow it down my ass,” you argue, “I want you now, Joel.”

“Now?”

“Need you now,” you repeat, tilting your hips and bouncing your heels on his ass, “Now, now, now, now–”

Joel smiles at your desperation, at the way he’s managed to torture you. “Didn’t quite catch that, bad hearing and all that. You want me to fuck you when exactly?”, you cry in pure agony and Joel says, “Gotta mark my calendar, set my alarm clock...”

Your groans of frustration quickly turn into a soft sigh of pleasure as Joel takes you by surprise, pushing his cock inside you deeply, inch by inch, in one fluid motion. The stretch feels incredible and you’re so perfectly full of him. You wrap your arms around him, holding him close with one of your hands resting on his shoulder and the other tangled in the soft curls on his head.

“Been needin’ this, huh?”, Joel asks as he settles inside you, letting you adjust to the stretch.

You nod, your cheek brushing against his scratchy, salt and pepper facial hair. “You’re such an asshole,” you whisper, “You make me so mad.”

“Ditto, sweetheart,” he mumbles as he kisses your cheek. That’s become a regular thing, now. Always kissing your forehead, your cheeks. It always makes you blush. Joel pulls out of you nearly all the way before pushing back in. Over and over, building to a steady pace, and he makes soft grunts as he fucks you.

You love how he cages you in, surrounds you, the low light of the candles dancing on his face as he fucks you passionately. And he’s watching you, big brown eyes full of something you can’t quite read. He pulls your hand from his hair and pins it next to your head, his fingers interlaced with your own. It’s sweet and it’s intimate, almost too intimate.

You can’t take this right now. Can’t deal with the way it feels, to be treated so specially by Joel.

You untangle your fingers from his, and he watches you with a confused expression on his face. Reaching low, you slap his ass, “C’mon, fuck me harder. Use some elbow grease,” you mock his words from earlier, “Or does your old ass back hurt too much?”

Joel stills and stares at you. You stare back, challenging him. “Why are you bein’ like this?” he asks, “Do y’always have to instigate?”

“Think I just heard your hip crack, too,” you tease, but it gets no reaction from Joel.

“Quit while you’re ahead,” he warns, then composes himself before speaking again, “Have some faith. You trust me?”

There’s something different about the way he’s looking at you, watching you. You’re apprehensive, but you nod anyway.

“I said, we’re gonna slow it down this time,” he whispers, “Gonna go nice and slow.”

Joel pulls out of you then, and you groan in disappointment. He silences your displeasure with a quiet shhhh, then moves lower down your body. He runs his hands over your tummy, up your sides, tracing each and every curve. Kisses one hip bone, “I know I was teasin’ ya,” he says, “And I really put ya to work with that massage. That you offered t’do, mind you,” he adds as he kisses your other hip bone, “Really didn’t think that you were gonna get me ice and a glass of water. Wasn’t surprised when you told me to shove it up my ass, but I wasn’t expectin’ to drink warm water. Was a nice touch, trouble.”

You begin to speak, but you stammer, struggling to find the right words. You squirm under his touch. He’s being so gentle, so sweet that he’s got you all flustered now.

“Yeah, I know, sweet girl,” Joel mumbles against your skin. Pressing soft and wet kisses on your body, his fingers leisurely dragging through your dripping folds as he looks up at you, “I want you to know that I appreciate you. I appreciate all the ass backward things you do for me. I really do.”

“Joel, I–fuck,”, you moan. He’s pumping his fingers inside you again, now licking and kissing your nipples, swirling his tongue over the soft skin, worshiping every inch of your body.

“Yeah, don’t let it go to your head. Y’still drive me fuckin’ nuts.” You laugh breathlessly, voice caught in your throat as Joel kisses up your neck, up your jaw, your chin, and stopping just before your lips when he hears your breath hitch. He searches your eyes, sensing your apprehension. He knows the weight of the intimacy that kissing your lips holds, especially since it’s been put off so long. He’s gonna kiss you. Just not yet. “Now can we try this again?”

When you whisper a quiet yes, he enters you for a second time, burying himself inside of you. He begins to fuck you again, slow and deep, letting you feel every inch of him, parts of him you don’t usually feel. His quiet breaths on your skin, the thick vein of his cock, his soft tummy, so warm against yours. Usually he fucks you hard, fast. But today, he’s savoring you. You dig your heels into his ass, faster. It has to be faster.

“Don’t fight me on this,” he says, “We can just be nice, pretend you like me and I like you. Just this once. We don’t always have to argue.”

“Joel,” you whine, “Please. I can’t–I want–”

“I know what you want, ya want what we’re used to. But s’not so bad, I promise,” he purrs above you, “Tell me– fuck, tell me how you feel.”

Exposed, but good. Really good. It’s new and unfamiliar, but so fucking good, but it feels like a crime to admit that. “Joel,” is all you can say, “Joel.”

“I know,” he murmurs, rolling his hips against yours, one hand on your waist holding you tight as he fucks you, “Doin’ so good for me.”

You still can’t bring yourself to say anything, don’t know how to respond to him. You’re at a loss for words, feeling him like this. How warm and protected and loved you feel. Your skin is on fire and you can’t help but close your eyes, retreating inward. But as different as this is, you don’t want him to stop, so you hold him tighter, pulling his face down to yours and burying yourself in his neck.

Joel fucks you like that for a while. Just like that, with every thrust being intentional, feeling devastatingly good. You lose yourself in the feeling and Joel seemingly does as well. Words are left unspoken as he savors this moment with you.

Hours could have passed, you wouldn’t know. Joel’s movements are becoming erratic, quicker. “Come with me,” he begs, resting his forearm above your head and moving the other to your center, as he paints tight circles around your clit, “I want you to come with me, sweetheart. Please.”

It’s not long after that when that familiar heat in the pit of your stomach is back, fluttering and intense. “Oh, god,” you moan, “M’close.”

“That’s it, just let yourself go,” he breathes, “With me, now.”

His words are all it takes. Your orgasm washes over you slowly, intensely. It’s powerful, the way lava flows from the earth, setting your skin ablaze. It’s overwhelming as Joel fucks you through it, chasing his own release. He makes broken moans and grunts as he comes with you, painting your insides with his hot seed.

He pants on top of you, catching his breath before pulling out of you, not caring that you’re now dripping his spend onto his bed. He lays next to you, pulling you into his side with your legs tangled between his and your head resting on his shoulder.

You’re crying, quietly. That’s never happened before. Joel feels your tears dripping down his skin, and he looks at you with concern.

“M’fine, Joel, I was just–It was just–”

Joel speaks to you soothingly, “I know, I know,” he whispers, “I’m right here.”

He just holds you like that, his fingertips trailing over your skin in lazy patterns. When he chuckles to himself, you look at him. “What?” you ask.

“Warm water,” he says, amused, “You amaze me.”

#strang3lov3 #joel miller x reader #joel miller smut #joel miller x you #the last of us #joel miller #pedro pascal #the last of us hbo #pedro pascal joel miller #pedro pascal characters #pedro pascal x you #pedro pascal smut #pedro pascal x reader #mall rats!joel #mall rats joel #mall rats

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kjhbsies · 2 months

Text

Romantic Roulette

HELP PALESTINE • donation links • ways to help • why you should not buy/support TLOU2 remaster

Football Player!Ellie x Classy fem!reader

Synopsis: Ellie, the charismatic star and team captain of the school's football team, finds herself entangled in a daring bet with her teammates. When challenged to win the affection of someone who is deemed to be "out of her league", - you, the one who everyone thinks is straight and seemingly Ellie's complete opposite - Ellie takes the wager with a huge confidence.

As Ellie made her way to pursue you, she soon realized that breaking your walls is no easy task. Unexpectedly, the more Ellie gets to know you, the more she finds your genuine charm and personality. Amid the game, Ellie discovers that her heart is no longer in it for the bet but for a chance at something real.

wordcount: 6, 473 Part II : PART III: PART IV

based on this request!

Romantic Roulette

Ellie Willams, one of the school’s most famous girls. Not only because she’s the football captain and has been distinguished as the best player in the nationals game, but because she has the looks that make every single girl drop down on their knees and worship her.

It’s good, really. She loved the fame, the attention, and the girls that came with it. You can always see Ellie in different clubs, partying her ass out, not caring about the school tomorrow. She was always the center of attention in there, and you could spot her, always in the middle, with a ring of girls encircling her, wanting to even get a chance to just touch her hair or even her tattooed arm which everyone adores.

Ellie always finds herself with different girls in her bed every single night. But she liked to think that it wasn’t her fault when they started catching feelings for her. Because, hey, she just wanted to have a good time, and she doesn’t really fully believe in some bullshit everyone calls love. She saw it as a waste of time, and thus she doesn’t even bother to commit to a relationship.

Every girl flocked around her feet, wanting even to get a taste of her body, and Ellie wasn’t a saint to decline them. They wanted to please her, and who was she not to agree to that? She doesn’t even bother asking for their name because she knows that she will just forget about it by the time they are in bed. Ellie always has someone who she calls whenever she felt horny, and they would oblige immediately no matter what day or hour is it. And that’s one of the many perks that she loved about being herself.

The locker room was loud as hell after their practice. Everyone was buzzed and energetic amidst the hot weather. Different conversations were emerging as the players were catching up with each other.

Ellie walked out of the shower and everyone’s attention was already with her. Wearing her sports bra and grey pajamas, Ellie laughed as she heard someone talking about a funny incident last night. She sat down in one of the chairs inside while drying her auburn hair with a towel.

“Fuck it, man. You just swooped in and got to bed Atasha that fast?” Riley asked.

Ellie laughed loudly. “Sorry, dude, she’s practically begging for me all night while we’re at the club. It’s pathetic.”

“Damn, I was talking to her all night and she just immediately stood up when she saw you.” Riley shook her head, feigning her sadness.

“Sorry, dude. You should’ve seen her bouncing at my cock last night. She moans like a fucking chicken.” Ellie stood up, picked up her hoodie, and immediately wore it. Everyone hollered at her joke. Riley playfully smacked her in her arms. Ellie looked at her watch and groaned. “Ah, I still fucking have a history class.”

“Man, be thankful that Mrs. Garcia was your professor. Her tits are spilling out every time she bends over to pick up something in her bag.” Vanessa rolled her eyes before playfully moaning.

Ellie laughed again. “Sorry, dude, I was too busy looking at my seatmate.”

One of her teammates, Alex, went near them, engaging herself in the conversation after she was done showering. “Who?” She asked, drying her arms with a towel.

“You probably don’t know her but her name’s y/n. Y/n Y/l/n.” Ellie answered before gathering her messenger bag and her bottled water. Honestly, Ellie doesn’t even know how she remembered your name. She doesn’t even talk to you in or outside the class that much. She can probably count on her two hands how many interactions you two had for the semester. There’s just something about you that Ellie can’t wrap her fingers. She can’t explain how much you attracted her.

The whole team fell silent and stole glances with each other before bursting out in laughter. This made Ellie look at them with a curious stare. Both of her brows rose, as she watched them holler, completely clueless.

“What’s so funny?” Ellie crinkled her nose.

“Well, first off, we know her. She’s like everyone’s dream girl, dude. But you can’t take her out. You’re not her type.” Alex smirked.

Ellie looked at her with an offended stare. “What do you mean I’m not her type? I’m everyone’s type.”

“Apparently, not for her. You don’t even know if she’s gay.” Alex argued.

“Everyone’s gay for me.”

“Then try flirting with her, I’m telling you it won’t work. She’s way out of your reach.”

“Dude,” Ellie chuckled, “No one is out of my reach. Wanna bet?” Ellie smirked, pulling up her wallet and raising it before Alex’s face. Everyone said a loud and long ‘ooh’ in unison.

Alex smiled back at her, “Ten dollars?”

“Make it twenty if I kissed her.”

“Fifty… if you can take her to the bed. But if you can’t, then owe me those fifty dollars.”

Ellie laughed. “You think I can’t do that?” She traced the inside of her mouth with the tip of her tongue. “Fine. I’m in.” Ellie accepted the challenge.

To start, Ellie doesn’t know much about you. Only that you loved listening to Mrs. Garcia’s boring history lessons, asking so many questions about the topic, and attentively writing down everything the professor said. This is why you’re her favorite student. And also, you loved to wear those classy vintage dresses and you’re also polite as fuck. You’re the opposite of the girls that Ellie loved hooking up with. To be honest, you’re nowhere near Ellie’s type of girl but something about you that makes her drawn to your energy like she’s a moth to the fire – you.

You’re not the type of person who would go having meaningless sex, and Ellie somewhat predicted it. Besides, her whole team was convinced that you wouldn’t budge, nor break down your defenses to Ellie. Because firstly, they believed that you’re straight.

Yeah, believed.

Because Ellie wasn’t nearly convinced that you wouldn’t throw yourself at her feet. That you wouldn’t scramble at the sight of her. That she can’t make you question your sexuality. Because Ellie was full of herself she could do that. She always does.

“So… are you free tonight?” A girl in their class asked Ellie flirtatiously while tracing the tattoo on her arm. She sat down in front of Ellie’s table, riding up her skirt to reveal more skin on her thigh. If this were a normal day, Ellie would’ve said back at her. Probably ask her to be her date for the night, and make plans where they would fuck. But since she’s on a mission, and you could go inside the room and see the two of them, then you’d probably lose all of your interest. And Ellie doesn’t want that.

“I’m not. Why don’t you just go back to your seat, Johanna?” Ellie sarcastically asked her.

The girl retreated and looked at Ellie with irritation. “My name’s Christine!” She said before angrily stomping her way to the front seat.

At the same time, you walked inside. You were holding your books in your right arm, and the other one was clutching the straps of your handbag. Your hair was in a simple style – the front pieces were tucked behind your hair neatly, revealing the gold hoops you were wearing. You were just wearing jeans and heels paired with a plain long sleeve that revealed your collarbones and curves that made Ellie’s breath hitch.

Ellie’s gaze followed yours as you were making your way beside her. Ellie took the courage to flash you a charming smile while you were sitting. She doesn’t expect you to do anything, so when you flashed back a beam, Ellie almost gasped in shock.

“Hey, darling.” You greeted and Ellie didn’t know what to do. It’s like all of her flirting skills were gone after she heard your voice. Goddamnit.

Ellie cursed herself before silently shaking her head as if to gain back her consciousness. She’s starting to look like a fucking loser. “Hi… you look pretty.” She complimented you before smirking and looking up and down your body.

“Wow,” You couldn’t help but smile shyly while gazing down. “It kinda means a lot to me since it’s from the captain of the football team.” You looked up at her, meeting her green eyes that were staring at you intently. “Though I was curious as to why you’re talking to me.” You joked.

Ellie chuckled. “You knew me?”

You shrugged. “Of course, who doesn’t?”

“Well… I thought you weren’t paying attention to me.”

You crinkled your nose. “I think it’s the other way around.”

Ellie’s tongue traced the insides of her cheek, before she leaned into her chair, still staring at you. “I just want to be friends.”

You scoffed. “Friends? Didn’t you have a lot of that?”

“Well,” Ellie leaned in front of you. She rested her elbows on her knees. “Is it bad not to want you as my friend?”

“No,” You smiled. “But it was such an odd thing. You and I were seatmates ever since and you never really noticed me. So, what’s your intentions?”

Ellie’s heart jumped. She never expected you to quip back at her. “I’m just… scared to talk to you.” She shook her head, wanting to appear convincing but it’s just a lie. Yes, Ellie does notice you every time, but she never attempts to talk to you solely because she is too busy with other girls.

“You’re afraid to talk to me?” You asked back, finding her reason ridiculous because she’s Ellie Williams. Being afraid of a girl wasn’t in her vocabulary and you knew that. “There are tons of girls who want to befriend you, Williams. You and I weren’t exactly a perfect match.” You smiled at her before you looked in front of the classroom, where Mrs. Garcia was.

Ellie was left dumbfounded.

Did you just reject her?

“It should be fucking easy,” Ellie complained to her friends while walking back and forth. They’re at Dina and Ellie’s shared boarding house after all of their classes have ended.

Dina rolled her eyes, putting on her lip gloss in her bag after she was done using it. “Well, it’s good that you knew how to get rejected for once.” She then made her way to the couch, sitting beside her boyfriend, Jesse, who was lying down sideways while eating popcorn.

“Yeah, and she wasn’t supposed to do that. She was supposed to say yes and let us be friends so I could make my advancements on her like every other girl. But no, she didn’t.” Ellie groaned.

Dina glared at her friend. “Well, first off, not every girl is the same.”

“No, Dina, I think they are.” She rolled her eyes stubbornly.

“And second, you should stop messing with her, okay? I know Y/n, and she’s a very kind girl. Playing with other’s feelings is cruel.”

Jesse nodded and hummed while putting a mouthful of popcorn in his mouth.

“And lose fifty dollars to Alex and hurt my pride? No way.” Ellie scoffed.

“What if she found that it was all a stupid bet?”

“She won’t, Dina.”

“How can you be so sure?” Jesse asked with a muffled voice because of the food. Dina smacked him.

“Stop talking while your mouth is full!”

“No one will tell her, okay? She can’t find out.” Ellie answered with a determined voice.

Dina shook her head at her. “You know what? Go on, do whatever you want because you won’t even listen to me. But don’t forget that I warned you not to continue this.” Dina pointed her finger at Ellie.

“Thank you, Dina. But I think I can handle myself.” Ellie smirked at her to annoy her friend even more.

The one place that you’ll find Ellie the most is with different clubs and bars – particularly the ones that are near the university. And the last spot that you’ll meet her is in the library.

In her defense, what would she do here? She was not fond of reading books, not even the ones that she should use, and she hated the deafening silence in this huge room. Once, Ellie tried to come along with Dina and her friends in a group study and she just got numerous glares from the librarian that was telling her to keep quiet. Ellie never learned a thing, and she’s pretty sure that she just made a new enemy that day. So, Ellie swore not to go in here.

But today was the day that she broke that promise.

Ellie strides into the huge library while holding a particularly dirty football that was fresh from the practice. She’s still in her sports attire. Her auburn hair was tied in a bun, and some strands of her hair were sticking onto her sweaty forehead and neck. She managed to change her shirt into a plain white one but her shorts were still the same.

After their football practice, Ellie never got to shower and change completely because she knew that you’d be gone on campus already. So she just drenched herself in her perfume – making sure that you can’t smell even the slightest of her sweat.

The same librarian Ellie encountered before was in charge of today. She recognized the football captain and made a face of grimace and disapproval at her looks.

“Your shoes have mud in them.” She pointed out when Ellie passed by her.

In answer, Ellie just put on her charming smile. “Oh, I didn’t even notice.” She said before briskly walking away from her.

It was not hard for Ellie to find you. It was a Tuesday afternoon and most of the students were in their respective classes so the library wasn’t packed. Besides, how could Ellie not notice you when you were walking around the room with one of your mini-dresses?

“Hey,” ElliE came up behind you. And since you were immersed in the book you were holding, you almost jumped up in shock.

“Shit, you scared me.” You said in a hushed voice.

“Woah, you can curse?” Ellie asked, amused.

You cleared your throat. “Yeah, I’m not a saint.”

Ellie chuckled at your joke. “That’s shocking.”

You snorted. “Not really. So… what do you want for you to come rushing in here right after your practice?”

Ellie looked at her dirty shorts and muddy shoes. “Is it that obvious?”

“Yup. You were tainting the tiles and Ms. Loren looks like she wants to jab you at your jaw.” You looked behind her, nodding in the librarian’s direction.

“Oh… so that’s what her name is.” Ellie looked at the woman and offered a smile but she just huffed in answer.

“Can I help you with something?” You asked again, and Ellie turned her attention to you.

“Actually… yes. I was struggling with History classes because I’m not good at memorizing ton shits and Mrs. Garcia’s quizzes were really really hard. And because of the upcoming intramurals, we’re always at the field to practice which is why I missed a quiz at her.”

“Last meeting?”

“Yup.”

“So that’s why you’re not there.”

Ellie nodded. “I never got to pass any of her exams, and she said that my grades would go down if I failed another quiz. So… can you tutor me?” Ellie shot you with a pleasing gaze.

You looked at her with a surprised face. “Why me?”

“You're her favorite student, and you’re always the top of the class. Please…?” Ellie gave you a puppy eyes.

You stared at her face, contemplating about everything. You were about to utter a word but there was nothing that left your mouth.

“I’ll do anything you want. Just… text me if you made up your mind.” Ellie says. She looked at the table in front of her and found a pen. She then gently took your left hand and wrote her number on it. Your heart raced at the first physical contact with her.

“I’ll be waiting for your text… or call.” Elli winked at you before jogging towards the door, leaving you dumbfounded.

After the class, you decided to meet up with your friends at one of your favorite cafes. Today is the perfect day to get a nice cup of warm coffee since it’s somewhat windy outside. And maybe, the drink can give you something to wake you up from looking at the number at your hand.

“What’s that?” Abby asked at the digits in your palm, causing you to jump at her voice. Her brow rose when she looked at you. She finished placing the drinks and food on the table, and you immediately got yours and took a sip of it.

“Whose number was that? You can’t stop looking at it ever since we got in here.” Nora pointed out.

You cleared your throat. “Ellie.”

“Williams?” Abby asked curiously. “Didn’t know you two have any contact.”

“Well, I told you all before that she is my seatmate in History class. But, I don’t know, she tried talking to me yesterday.” You shrugged, picking up a piece of the red velvet cake.

“Maybe she’s playing games with you,” Nora said.

“Come on, Ellie probably thinks she’s amazing.” Abby defended.

Nora rolled her eyes, “Abby, Ellie was a notorious playgirl. She wouldn’t talk to y/n just to be friends. And besides, I don’t think that was in her vocabulary.”

“Woah,” You chuckled. “Where does this grudge from her is coming from?” You threw your hands up in the air.

“Oh, so you don’t know how many girls have been crying and fighting each other because of her? Ellie is a heartless person who doesn’t care about someone’s feelings, and everyone is still blinded by it because of how she looks. Y/n, you should be careful because I think you’re her new target.”

“You shouldn’t scare her,” Abby said.

“I’m not. I’m just stating facts.”

You sighed, heavily while looking at your hand once again.

Nora has a point, but you still want to give Ellie the benefit of the doubt. She wouldn’t do that to you, right?

Right?

You were walking back and forth in your small room while looking at your right palm, and holding your phone on the other. You still have a lot of free time tonight since all of your school works and backlogs were done, so, you were now contemplating whether you should call Ellie or not.

I mean, you completely understood Nora’s complaints about Ellie since the rumors aren’t new about her. Sure, she’s a Casanova, but the thing is, you won’t even dare fall in love with her – let alone be one of her girls. You were just a kind student who wanted to help her classmate in a subject where you excelled. So, what’s wrong with that?

“Ugh.” You grunted while shutting your eyes tightly. You flopped down the bed before you quickly dialed the number.

“Hello?” Ellie’s raspy voice filled your room. You immediately sat down in your bed when she answered. You can hear loud music in the background, and a few people shouting and giggling. You figured out that she’s at a party. A girl asked Ellie where she was going but you couldn’t pinpoint what she answered because it was chaotic. “Who’s this?”

“It’s… Y/n. I- I’m sorry, is this a bad timing?”

“Oh. Oh! Y/n? Is it actually you?” She asked, voice rising with excitement.

“Yeah, I called to ask if you want to study tonight but clearly, you had other plans now, so let’s just do it some other time.”

Ellie managed to scramble outside the house where she was partying even though it was a real struggle. After a long day of practicing, Ellie and her teammates got invited to a house party hosted by someone she couldn’t even remember the name of. Being stressed for a whole week, Ellie wanted to have some little fun for tonight. And besides, she wants to divert her attention in the meantime, rather than looking at her phone stupidly for the rest of the day which Dina pinpointed.

Ellie immediately shook her head at what you said as if you could see her right now. “No, no, it’s fine. I was just actually hanging around there, not drinking or anything.” She lied.

“Really?” You don’t sound convinced by her answer. “Well, I’ll text you the address of my boarding house if you’d like.”

“Yes. Please. Thank you so much. I’m on my way.” Ellie said quickly before running towards her big bike. She ended the call, put her phone on her jeans, put on her helmet, and started the engine.

“Where the hell are you going?” Riley shouted from the window.

“To study!” Ellie exclaimed before driving away.

Riley and her teammates looked at each other with a frown and a clueless stare. “Studying?” They all asked themselves in unison.

Because there is no way, Ellie would’ve left a party.

And in her whole life, Ellie never even studied.

So, why is she leaving a party just to study?

After Ellie said that she was outside your room, you didn’t expect that she’d show up at your windows.

“Oh, my goodness!” You exclaimed in pure shock. “What are you doing in there?” You said before opening up the sliding windows.

Ellie threw her backpack filled with snacks on the floor before she completely entered. She managed to change her alcohol and cigarette-scented shirt into a decent one just to make herself presentable to you.

“Your landlady says it’s past curfew so she can’t let me in, so I managed to climb through your windows.” Ellie shrugged.

“You could fall.”

“But I didn’t, so…” Ellie flashed her charming smile before scanning your room.

It is warm and cozy. It is filled with plants and different vintage collections. Ellie noticed at least five different lamps open and candles lit to give some light in your room. It is very neat, well well-decorated, and it smells really good.

“I didn’t know vinyl still existed.” Ellie pointed out the small drawer of yours filled with different types of vinyl. Ellie walked to it and saw a vintage turntable. “This still works?” She asked.

“Oh, yes, it’s not quite as popular as it was before, but it still works.” You grabbed one and put it on the player to show her. Ellie’s brows rose and her mouth formed into a small ‘o’ when the music started filling the air.

“Guns and Roses. Classic.” She said when she heard the familiar sound.

You looked at her with a smile on your face. “You know that band?”

“Yeah, Joel - uhh, my guardian, he used to play their songs every single day to the point that he even wanted to try to learn it on the guitar.” She smiled and turned to you.

“You know how to play guitar, too?”

“Oh, a little.” Ellie chuckled. “I never really had any practice, unless it’s in a summer break.”

“That’s nice.” You nodded thoughtfully.

“You really like collecting such antique things, huh?” Ellie picked up a small bunny ceramic.

“It’s like a small hobby I’d like to do from time to time. It’s really fun going to different antique or thrift stores trying to find something you’d like. And besides, I really like older things because of their intricate designs and very pretty artworks.” You explained. “Look, all of those artworks on my wall are all thrifted, even its frames.” You pointed.

Throughout the night, you two did study. You helped Ellie with understanding all the topics that she was struggling. You were surprised with how quickly she can memorize everything, leading you down to the conclusion that Ellie is smart, she’s just lazy.

The two of you would take breaks in between as Ellie insisted because she can’t focus if they’re going to study for hours with no breaks. You obliged. Ellie then would ask you different things about your room, asking what you’d like the most in it, and you would explain and show her those things. Ellie asked you more about yourself, wanting to get some information while at it as her mind starts plotting what you love, and where she can take you out for a date.

You were talking about the things you love, and there was that spark in your eyes that Ellie couldn’t look away from. You were so immersed in telling her something, and Ellie got lost by looking at your face.

Time passed and the two of you didn’t seem to notice. It’s like the two of you are in your bubble that no one could even interrupt. Not even the storm, or the loud buzzing of Ellie’s phone because of her friends asking where she went. Tonight, it’s just you and her.

“I’m nervous about the quiz,” Ellie says as the two of you are walking through the hallways.

“I’m sure you’ll do great.” You looked at her and gave a warm smile.

“I don’t know what’s with that subject, but I always fail every quiz in that class. It’s like someone has put a curse on me or something.”

“Mrs. Garcia is a great teacher, but yes, I do get that her voice is so calm which is why many students are too sleepy to pay attention to her.”

Ellie chuckled. “Yeah, the only thing that I can see in her class was her boobs whenever she bows down to get something on her bag on the floor. It’s fucking distracting.”

You laughed, harder than Ellie thought you would’ve, making her look at you with an amused smile. “Fuck yeah. I thought I wasn’t the only one who noticed.”

Ellie stared at you for a moment, she started questioning Alex in her mind saying that you are straight and making her think that there isn’t even the slightest bit in your body that is gay. Your reaction to what she said makes her think about your sexuality, Ellie wants to ask, but she doesn’t want to overstep her boundaries.

Ellie shook her head, wanting to keep her thoughts at bay. Instead, she changed the topic. “We have a football practice at 3:00 PM and I was wondering if you want to watch it…?” She looked at you with a sheepish smile.

“Were the girls watching you play weren’t enough?” You joked.

“There aren’t. Wait, you really think that I’m a playgirl?”

“Aren’t you?” You asked back with a small frown on your face. “I don’t think that you’re a playgirl, I know you are. Everyone does. I mean, my friend doesn’t even know why you’re talking to me in the first place.” You shrugged before looking away.

Ellie was staring at you really hard, wanting you to look at her but you wouldn’t, so she sighed dejectedly. She stopped in her tracks and held your arms to also make you stop.

“How can I prove my sincerity to you?”

You bit your lips as your hands gripped the strap of your bag tightly. You shrugged, avoiding her gaze. “You don’t have to prove anything to me, Ellie. We’re not friends or anything more.”

“What if I want you to be?”

Your gaze fell on hers with a shocked look on your face. “What?”

“I want to be your friend, Y/n.”

You stared at her for a moment, weighing your feelings. You were used to people coming up to you and asking to be their friend. After all, everyone finds you nice and adorable. You loved friendly interactions, and never once have been doubting someone’s intentions. However, there is a huge factor when Ellie is the one who’s doing it — yes, Nora is right. Her lifestyle is much different than yours, and Ellie Williams’ reputation is not quite good. Everything about you two wouldn’t even intersect, and this is all new. Everything about here seems… artificial.

But then again, you took a look in her face, and gosh… how can you resist that?

So, you slowly nodded. Mumbling a small ‘fine’ under your breath is something that almost made Ellie want to jump in joy.

It’s playtime.

taglist: @liasxeatt @darkerstarsstuff @amberputh @bready101 @teawithnosugar @elliesaturnsoftdrink @elliewilliamgfooc

#ellie williams fanfic #ellie williams x female reader #ellie williams x reader angst #ellie williams #ellie williams x reader

553 notes · View notes

s-4pphics · 4 months

Text

click!: in frame. 1 (e.w.)

SYNOPSIS: you crave redemption more than love. [idk au]

WORD COUNT: 7.7k

WARNINGS: professionalphotographer!ellie, strugglingartist!oc who’s black, ANGST!!, loss and unhealthy grieving, papa issues, verbally abusive parent(PLEASE TREAD LIGHTLY), depictions of therapy and counseling, light discussion of anger management, brief mention of alcohol, bullying, a lil fluff, SMUT!! YIPPEE MDNI, bondage, squirting, bathroom sex, eating out no taqueria, ellie getting sloppy from a hot milf that’s it

You look like your mom.

Your father’s admiring whisper yanks you out of the hazy turbulence in your mind. You shovel a handful of caramel popcorn in your mouth. You don’t dare look at him.

Daughter things, I guess. Your dad simply hums. Silence simmers between the two of you. It’s not comforting. Not like it should be. A bomb is coming.

Honey, I… I love you. Your father sounds like he's crying and it pauses your aggressive chewing. You finally turn to face him and your fingers twitch when you see his globby tears. They’re heavy as he releases his regrets in silence, just like he always does during this time of year.

Me, too, dad.

You’re not sure if you’re lying or not. Some things are impossible to forget, you suppose.

You eat more popcorn with a permanently damaged heart.

FOUR YEARS LATER

FIRST DAY WITH DOCTOR BROWN.

“Some people believe that any form of assistance is… insulting. Whether it be to them as people or… specific traits that they hold that others may find unfamiliar or unsettling. I’m not here to judge or anything of that nature. Just here to help you figure out why specific aspects of your life affect you the way they do.”

Your arms cross over your chest. Dr. Brown realizes you’re not taking the bait, so she attempts to get you more comfortable. “I think icebreakers could help ease some of the tension. So… What’s your favorit— “

“My dad died last year.”

Your statement makes her freeze, her smile melting off her face, eyes shifting across her face. She adjusts some papers on her clipboard and clicks her pen. “Alright, hun,” Her gentle tone makes your stomach twist. “Let’s talk about it. What was the relationship with your dad like?” You simply shrug.

Dr. Brown nods and tries again. “Were you and him close? Your notes say you and your mother were inseparable, just like me and mine.”

Your nails sink into your cuticles and tears burn in your eyes, “I… I wanted to be. Close.” You whisper. “He wasn’t around like that, though.”

She scribbles and solemnly nods, “Did he work often?” Your head bobs and droplets stream down your cheeks.

“I didn’t think I’d care that he died… He was never around growing up, so… like, whatever.” You grumble lamely.

“What did losing him feel like?”

The end of your mouth curls downward, the familiar searing you’ve grown to loathe, “Like… the world was burnin’.”

“Elaborate.” She pries softly.

Another bounce from your shoulders. You readjust in your seat. “I wasn’t even sad. Just…” You trail off, fingers twitching under your arm.

“Angry. I was angry all the time.” You rush out quietly, face burning with shame. “Just like he was.” You pause when your breath shakes, “I wish I got some of my mom’s traits. My dad’n I are just alike.” You fiddle with the sleeves of your sweater.

“… You’re not like him— “

“I am— “

“You’re not. You’re trying to put in effort to be better for the future. Could he have said the same?” She’s stern when she speaks.

You’re stumped. You wipe your tears harshly. For the first time, you're at a loss for words.

WEEK TWO WITH DOCTOR BROWN.

“Think about the first time you saw your dad lash out. You can elaborate on how you felt, how you reacted, how your environment changed… Anything you feel comfortable sharing.” Your eyes stay glued to your therapist’s couch as you recall the day. Every detail and foul verbiage he directed towards your mother resurfaces and falls at your sock-covered feet.

It was the morning of your first day of second grade. Your mother spent the entire morning hot-combing your hair, bumping your ends, littering your locks that were bound to recoil in seconds in bobbles and clips. She could tell by your expression that you didn’t like it, but she completed your bright pink outfit with it’s not for you, it’s for me! Sit still! She never failed to live vicariously through you; Every childhood moment she couldn’t live out was now yours.

Your father wasn’t around much. He was a truck-driver, on a constant voyage to wherever he was instructed to go, hundreds to thousands of miles away from solace for months — sometimes years at a time. He missed birthdays, holidays, family reunions; There was always a missing space for him somewhere in your childhood home, whether it be his customized keychain that he forgot, shoes he didn’t pack, a hug he didn’t give. Proof of him was always scattered around somewhere, but he was a shadow. A blank memory.

So, why were your cartoons interrupted by his booming voice in the kitchen?

You remember turning the television down, only by a couple digits, your ears honing in on every word he screamed at your mother. You were so confused. Half of those words you’d never heard before. Why was he so mad this early in the morning?

You knew it was serious when your mother retaliated just as loudly, the cracks and shrieks from her belts sounding alarms in your brain. Your mom’s in trouble! Help her! But how could you? You were defenseless against him. It felt like the day flew by as their aggression intensified, curses nearly shattering the glass of your backyard door before everything went quiet.

But still, your feet carried you to peek behind the wall that separated the living room from the kitchen. Your attempts at being discreet were pointless, though. When you saw your mother pinned up against the counter by your father, tears streaming down her face as he spat with every whisper onto her cheek, you gasped. Your memory is washy after that, but you remember your mother wiping her tears and slapping that comforting grin on her face. You wish you didn’t remember how broken she sounded when she said alright, baby! Ready for school? Don’t wanna be late!

You suffered through social studies, language arts, and math. Your mind wasn’t where it should’ve been; You couldn’t shake the fact that your mother could be hurt and she had no one to tell. You just prayed to yourself as your teacher spoke, hoping that your mom would be on time to pick you up at the end of the day.

Your eyes travel over the teal incisions of thread on your therapist’s seat. You’re still not used to the sound of your own voice. “It’s… it’s a funny story…” You sound so weak. You retell what you can, all while following the tip of your therapist’s scribbling pen.

Why did it have to be green? Why are the clicks deafening?

“Ellie, holy fucking — shit, these look fucking incredible!” Yuki whispers, expression impressed as she snoops over the auburn-haired girl’s shoulder, inspecting the aerial shots she’d taken a few hours ago. Editing is a bitch. “I don’t know how you do it. You’re…”

“A genius, I know,” Ellie says dryly, a soft grin hidden behind the hand that holds her head up. It’s almost eleven. “M’almost done— “

“Nope! Not happening!” Another voice exclaims from the black lounge chair on the opposite side of the room. “You’re not the one that has to lock up every goddamn night! I ain’t stayin’ here ‘til two again! You got two seconds to finish up before I drag you up outta here.”

Yuki giggles at Saliyah’s scolding, and Ellie sighs. The pictures look almost perfect. Almost. They’re not there yet! All she needs is an hour… or three—

“What did I say! —“

“Alright, alright, fuck.” Ellie shakes her head before closing all her tabs, pulling her flash drive out of the PC before shutting it down. She stands from her rolling chair and snags her blazer from over the back of it, throwing it over her shoulders and grabbing her work bag, camera already securely inside. She shoves the drive in a random pocket before stretching.

The two girls already have all of their belongings in hand, more than ready to clock the fuck out. Yuki eyes her slyly, sarcasm dripping from her tone, “Oh, wooow, she’s actually taking orders, now? Listening to instructions for the first time? —“

“Can you stop.” Ellie mutters as she follows the girls descending the stairs. “No!” They both say in unison. Ellie smiles. Does she really stay out that often? There’s no way she’s that stubborn.

All three girls crack jokes as they vacant the building, ensuring all the lights and equipment are shut off and prepped for tomorrow. It’s an early day.

“Alright, bitches!” Yuki screams into the darkness, bag swinging as her heels click-clack on the pavement. “I want you bright and bushy-tailed tomorrow! Busy day! No time to fuck arou— “

Saliyah yawns, eyes droopy, “Girl… fuck you.” Ellie cackles and rubs her tired eyes. She can’t wait to get these six hours in. And see her baby. Saliyah wraps her arms around Ellie’s neck, muttering see you tomorrow, stinker into her neck. Ellie hums and holds her before watching her get into her vehicle.

Ellie does the same after both girls leave the parking lot, her head falling back onto the headrest, eyes shutting in exhaustion. Today was insane… Fuck, it was incredible. She's always accepted opportunities to take photos in nature. Landscapes are her prestige, but when she got the offer to take aerial shots of the ocean, she couldn’t say no. Just when she thought she’d never get on an aircraft out of fear…

The shots were mystical, the monsoon winds carrying the waves in all directions as the foams ripple, a scene straight out of her dreams. The second she got off the helicopter, she got to editing. Staying in late to perfect her captures has become a terrible habit, but what can she say? She loves her job. Thank God her coworkers are as sweet as cherry pie and support her bad habit. Besides tonight, apparently.

Days like this keep Ellie humbled… Most times. She deserves to boast every once in a while. She often thinks back on her college days, how out of touch chances like these seemed. The number of times she was brushed off by respected professionals because she lacked “necessary resources” was astronomical. But look at her now. She had everything she could ever want: a career she’s passionate about, healthy friendships, and the means to take care of her father.

Well… she has most things.

She sighs and starts her vehicle, the diamonds in her Rolex sparkling under the street lights beaming in from the window. The streets are calm. Not normally bustling like they would on a regular day. The clouds are coming in; Rain is due. She’s so excited.

It’s a calm drive back to her small home. She pulls into the driveway and exits with all her supplies, unlocking and entering her place of peace.

Meow! Meow!

Ellie clicks her tongue at Pickle, “Hiii, mama. I’m home.” She drops her bag on the small couch near the front door, bending down to pick her up. “You’re heavy, fuck.” The baby purrs and nuzzles into her neck as they enter the kitchen. She sets her down on the counter and opens the fridge for water. There’s soft scuffling from behind her as she sips.

Ellie turns to see Pickle playing with a pen, rolling it across granite. She swallows her last gulp before sighing, picking up the utensil, the one memory she kept of you. Your colorful fucking custom ballpoint pen. Pickle nibbles her fingers, trying to snatch it back to play with, but Ellie clicks it over and over.

“Miss her? Yeah?” She whispers. Pickle licks her index. Ellie will never admit it, but she thinks about you whenever she sees her baby. Yours, too.

She hopes you’re alright.

“You said that going to his funeral was different from your mom’s. Do you mind elaborating?”

You shrug and scoff. “Shouldn’t everybody feel sad when they parents die?” Dr. Brown mimics you, “Not at all. Every reaction to loss is different and not all reactions are symmetrical.”

“I was angry.” Your statement is blunt and abrasive.

“Expound.”

“I wanted to dig him up and spit on him my damn self.” You say, sharp as razor blades. Brown hums, unfazed by your sudden aggression; What the hell do therapists write on those clipboards? “I just… Seein’ all these fuckers I didn’t know talk about how fuckin’… great he was and how missed he’ll be was fuckin’ infuriating. They don’t know shit about that man or the shit he’s done.”

Sympathy washes over Dr. Brown’s pupils. “See, your temper is the reason you’re here. You’re not obligated to forgive anybody that wronged you, but…” She’s simultaneously stern and empathic, “You do not get to use those emotions to inflict negativity onto the people around you. You’re perpetuating the same harm you wanted to avoid in the first place.”

You instantly know what she’s referring to and guilt radiates all the way down to your toes. Amaya… Oh, you miss her. Another good person caught in your violent crossfire. Your last conversation was vile, and you hate yourself every day for the things you said to the only person who unconditionally cared about your wellbeing. Tears brew in your ducts, but you blink them away.

“I didn’t… know what to do…” You didn’t, so you screamed and shouted and told her to never call your fucking phone again. The last thing you berated was the final nail in the coffin for your relationship. You left me, you’d said over and over until the line went dead. You left me alone! I fucking needed you!

“No one has the answers for these types of situations. Why we react the way that we do to traumatic events will always be a mystery.” She adjusts in her chair, leg crossing over the other. “What I do know is that… you’re fighting grief. You’re choosing not to experience it, and it’s making you lash out on people who don’t deserve it.”

But how does one grieve the person that made their life… unlivable? Through rage. Rage in its purest form: unfiltered, erratic, sizzling. It’s unrelenting and unforgiving and holds no bounds, prepared to be released at any moment, no matter who’s present. Your father’s home has seen it all at this point: glass shattering on walls, screaming into the closet where all his clothes hang, punching the pillow he slept on every night.

Everything was exactly where your father left it, and instead of crying, you relinquished hell on the home he left in your name. You’re still surprised it wasn’t engulfed in flames after his funeral.

“I just…” Harsh sniffles from you, desperately wiping your tears with damp hoodie sleeves, “I don’t know what to do. Nothing feels… real anymore.”

“You’re real, baby.” This is the most delicate Dr. Brown has ever sounded, tone hushed. “Your feelings are real, your pain is real, but so is everyone else’s. You have to remember that.”

You’re listening so intently, “What I'd suggest…” You already know what she’s going to say, and you’re petrified. You sag into your seat.

You owe those two girls an apology.

Flashes of green race across your memory. The meadows are back, and they’re haunting.

“Three.” You whisper.

“Hm?”

“I owe…” A heavy exhale. “Three girls an apology.”

OCTOBER, 2013

Ellie’s officially fifteen. She’d give anything to be home right now.

She was so happy before she left that morning. Her dad woke her up with a heaping stack of iced chocolate chip pancakes that were the size of her head and happy birthday candles. Laughter echoed through their household, following as they cascaded down the stairs to blast music. Neighbors be damned. Everything was perfect. Up until she was dressed and ready and in the car.

Ellie’s dad held her hand the entire drive. He didn’t comment on her white knuckles as she gripped his digits when he kissed the back of her hand. It took her a second to exit the car when they arrived, so he said the usual. You got this, kiddo. The extra encouragement provided a boost, for sure. She was able to get to class on time.

Every time a wad of paper or a sharpened pencil hits the back of her head, she regrets not begging her dad to let her stay home. She’s grown used to the snickers, the shoulder chucks in the hallway, but it doesn’t hurt any less.

English concludes and she’s silently packing when her bag gets yanked out of her hand.

Missed you, stalker, A kid who Ellie doesn’t fucking remember snarks with a dark grin. Where’s that book you always have—

Tyler! The teacher’s voice booms, the class filling with oooh’s, That's enough. Give her stuff back now.

C’mooon, I can’t talk to my girlfriend? The remaining students burst into laughter and Ellie’s face burns, swallowing the lump that’s forming in her throat.

How about I call home? Tyler sucks his teeth at the threat while his friends laugh, dropping Ellie’s things on her desk with little care. She wastes no time to flee, shoving her earpods in and synching each trembling breath with the heavy percussion.

Her dad comes to pick her up an hour later.

A light tap on your shoulder tears your attention away from the lengthy equations on the board. Numbers and letters? Your fucking ass; Absolutely not!

You turn to Amaya, who’s smiling wide, shoving a folded note in your hand, rushing you to open it. Your brows crease as you face forward, unraveling the nest crevices and met with… hearts? Glitter? Pretty penmanship? No man wrote this, thank God.

Hi. You’re really pretty and nice. Would you like to sit with me during lunch?

Ceniyah

… Ceniyah? … Thee Cece? The person you’ve been obsessed with since middle school? What the fuck is going on!

You turn back to Amaya who’s giggling into her palm, catching glimpses of a shy Ceniyah, who keeps her head down, her beaded braids shielding her face. Your face burns and you jerk back forward. It’s not a fucking prank, what the fuck, what the fuck—

Class drags like a bitch, but the bell finally rings, and everyone hustles, shoving books in their bags, running to the cafeteria. You refuse to move, though. Your iron is low and the person you’re in love with asked you to crunch on celery sticks with her. Alone. You're bound to pass out the second you breathe wrong.

Hi.

You nearly fly out of your seat at her soft tone. She sounds like an angel. You’re going to die. You jump out of your chair and… take in the beauty that she is. She smells like heaven and her skin is perfect, not a blemish in sight. You hope she can’t see your acne scars… and she’s shorter than you. Are minors allowed to get married?

H-Hey, You hold up the pink piece of construction paper, I, uh, got your note… It’s beautiful. Her smile shines brighter than the sun. She shakes her head and the chains locked on her clips tinker like fairies.

Are you kiddin’ me! That mural you helped create was crazy. That was beautiful.

I love you.

Your eyes go wide. Did you say that? You don’t think you said that… Her smile turns confused and you realize you said that. You almost stab yourself with your pencil. I mean, like, I love how you appreciate art! Like, not m-many people… do that, and stuff…

She smirks and your heart squeezes with delight, And stuff? She inquires with an arched brow.

I’d appreciate it if you ladies headed to lunch so I can enjoy mine. Your teacher interrupts, And the next note that gets passed earns a detention.

A soft, floral-scented hand closes around your wrist, over your beaded bracelets and charms. You grab your bag with your last remaining strength and follow her like a puppy, her flowy skirt brushing against the bottoms of your jean-clad legs.

Best… day… ever.

PRESENT

Ellie needs to start doing finger stretches. Her hands are starting to hurt every time she clocks out.

She’s sitting at her desk, re-editing the infant photos she took earlier today. The twin girls from earlier were absolute angels, smiling and cooing up at the camera behind their matching pink pacifiers. She's never thought about having children… ever, but it might not be so bad—

Meow! Meow, meow! MeowMEOW—

… Nevermind. Kids are not for her. She can barely get this one to act right. The pictures are cute, though.

“What’s the matter, mama?” She coos down at a doe-eyed kit-kat. “Hungies?” Pickle jumps up and into her lap, staring at the bright screen that displays Ellie’s editing software. Ellie smirks down at her, “What, you wanna try?”

Pickle blinks up at her. No thoughts, just kibble.

She decides to save her progress on the photos and give her munchkin some love. The few minutes of head pats and runs are cut short when she gets a pop-up from her email. She pays it no mind at first, but she zeroes in on the subject with furrowed brows. It simply reads hi… an overdue apology. Ellie blinks a couple times before suspecting spam… But who the fuck names a spam email something that cryptic? What the fuck?

Ellie opens it… and her body goes numb as her eyes follow each word.

hi, ellie. i’m not sure how to start this off, but i hope it’s decent enough to sit through. i apologize in advance.

you probably don’t remember me, but we had statistics and used to live together in college. it was only for two months (i think, kind of a blur) but… yeah. i hope it semi-kinda rings a bell. hi again.

this is a very random time to reach out, and i understand any confusion, but i just wanted to apologize for everything. i was terrible to you. i'd never thought i'd become a judgmental person, but i did. i mocked you, i spoke behind your back, and probably ruined your last year of school, and i carry that regret with me everywhere i go. i’m not sure if i'll ever be able to express my remorse properly.

i’m trying to do better. i want to do better, but i can’t unless i express it.

you never have to talk to me again, and i understand if you don’t, but if you ever want to have a conversation with me, i’d be more than willing to come wherever you are to do so. or we can exchange numbers if it’s less of a hassle. i see how busy you are.

thank you if you took out any time to read this jumbled mess of thoughts. i’m very nervous. i hope you continue to live beautifully.

sincerely, someone trying to start fresh.

(p.s. i swear i'm not a stalker. you’re really popping on instagram. congratulations on everything.)

Ellie wastes no time and unplugs her entire PC, the screen going black. Her heart is racing and water surfaces above her pupils. Pickle purrs in her arms as she backs her rolling chair from under the desk and scurries into her bedroom. She sets the kitty down on her bed and clutches her chest. She forgets to count, forgets to breathe as detailed images of you scatter in her head.

You… what the fuck.

Ellie feels her hands start to shake, so she squeezes them in a fist as she paces. Her gasps are choked and she’s spiraling into panic; She can’t unsee your teary, brown eyes, how you tried to mask your sadness when she stated she was leaving. She was able to convince herself that she’d never see you again, and it took her so long to be okay with that. She’s grown to be okay without your presence.

The burnt trail she left behind has reignited again. She's sinking, drowning, just like she did years ago.

WEEK FIVE WITH DR. BROWN

“How do you feel now? Be honest.”

“… Still shitty… but alright, I guess.” You’re hoarse when you speak.

“Elaborate. What does alright mean for you?”

You pick at your fingers, “I’m not… I don’t wanna, like, kill myself… if that’s what you’re asking. The ball’s in their court now, I guess. I’m… I’m just alright.” Your shoulders bounce in a shrug.

“Has anyone answered?” Your head shakes in denial. “Don’t let that jeopardize your progress. However they react to you contacting them is not on you anymore. They either accept it or they don’t, and they’re valid in both options.”

Dr. Brown pauses and eyes you skeptically, “What?” You ask.

She shrugs, “One person isn’t on your making amends list.”

Your reply is immediate, “Probably for a reason.”

“Do you remember what you told me during our first meeting?”

Irritation boils under your skin. “I see where you’re taking this conversation and I’m not messin’ wit’ it… Respectfully. Next topic, please.”

Her hands raise in surrender, “Ay’, I’m not here to make you do diddly-squat. Merely providing perspective.”

“Right.”

“You did beat that girl to a pulp, though. I will say— “

“It’s what she deserved.” You say flatly. “She… humiliated me, and when her bitch left, she tried to come back to me. Get me pregnant— “

“Chile, I’m not tryna hear all that— “

You scoff and fall back in your seat, cushions and pillows molding with the curve of your spine. Dina bringing her happy ass to your father’s home after his death was one of the most infuriating experiences of your entire goddamn life. The second you opened the door, you were met with wildfire and permanently scarred. The least you could do is give her a fucking black eye.

What you did after that… you’ll never regret. Ever. She can blast you on Twitter all she wants; She’s dead to you.

Dr. Brown sips on her black tea with a pointed stare, “Yes, ma’am?” You say sarcastically.

“Watch that tone,” That look in her eye… she meant that. You’ll be quiet. “She was wrong for what she did, but you ain’t innocent.”

“I’m sorry, but I disagree. That one… she can choke. I don’t care.” Dr. Brown is disappointed by your answer, but frankly, you don’t care. That ship sailed and sank like the goddamn Titanic.

She seems disappointed in your answer, but she lets it go. “… Alright, then.”

On the brink of a heart attack perfectly explains how Ellie’s been feeling for the past week. The number of times she’s reread your fucking email is genuinely embarrassing, but she’s weighing her options: she either blocks you or accepts your offer. She's never been so conflicted in her life. She desperately needs a fucking break.

She never takes Saliyah and Yuki up on their offers to turn up on Friday nights, but her rampant emotions backed her into a corner… and now she’s tipsy on the dancefloor of some rinky-dink club. One night of release wouldn’t hurt.

Ellie really wishes she had a grilled cheese. They’re quite delicious… Probably not the thoughts she should be having with a hot older woman pushing back on her to fucking T-Pain, but she’s hungry! Liquor gives her the appetite of a fucking rhinosaurous, what can she say!

Saliyah and Yuki are handling business for her, though, giving the lady’s ass very encouraging slaps every time their hips connect. Ellie probably looks like a fucking dumbass as she pumps her fist in the air like an old man, but she can’t remember the last time she partied. Sue her!

It’s not until the woman stands upright, her sweaty, nearly bare back pressed against Ellie’s button-up, an arm coming up to loop around her neck, slightly shifting her bow tie that Ellie freezes, her fists clenching even tighter in the air. Her core gives a sharp squeeze when she feels sticky, glossed lips imprint on her throat. Her eyes bulge as she frantically searches for guidance from her friends, but they’re no fucking help, as usual! What the hell is miming sex and eating pussy going to do for her? She can barely breathe.

Her friends shoot her finger guns in encouragement before heading back to the bar. A tongue darts out to lap up her anxiety-induced sweat, and her body tremors, her hands untwisting to land on the girl’s jean covered hips for leverage. She feels teeth beam on her neck and her entire body flushes.

“You’re adorable!” Ellie hears her scream over the blasting music. Her tongue jumbles as she searches for a reply, but nothing leaves. She just drops her head onto the woman’s shoulder… and nearly flat lines when she eyes the cleavage sitting taut in her halter top. Her heart’s pulses synch with the ones from her clit when the woman giggles. Ellie’s ninety-five-point six percent sure that her nipples are poking through her shirt.

Her teeth sink into the inside of her cheek when the woman spins to face her, chest to chest, noses almost touching. The woman’s gaze drops to her neck, cunning as a fox as she undoes the first button of her shirt before unraveling the loop of her bow tie. She leans in, wafts of cinnamon flooding Ellie’s nostrils.

“Come to the bathroom with me?” Ellie’s nodding before the lady can conclude the purr in her ear. Her hand gets snagged and she’s being dragged through the hot crowd, all the way to the back of the club and shoved into the giant restroom. She finally takes in the goddess in front of her: dark hair, plump lips, pretty lashes. The wrinkles by her eyes and laugh lines are sending dopamine alarms in her brain.

Ellie receives one gentle kiss that makes her hips

grind forward before she hears, “You ever been tied up?” The raven-haired woman mumbles against her mouth. She whines, cheeks burning, “N-No,” she whispers.

Her perfect teeth shine, “You wanna be?”

Does she? “I — yeah, I guess?”

“Put your wrists together,” she hums and Ellie does. Her own bow tie gets looped and twisted around her nimble hands. The woman drops to her knees in front of the trembling girl, massaging her thighs over her jeans, planting kisses all over them, “You gotta name, honey?”

“Ellie… M’Ellie…” The woman’s hands creep up to unbutton her jeans, the soft hiss of the zipper, “What’s yours?” She only receives a shrug. “Whatever you want it to be.” Her jeans are yanked down seconds later, her… fucking Cartoon Network boxers drenched all the way through. The woman giggles and calls Ellie a cutie pie and her clit jumps.

Her manicured nails hook under the band of Ellie’s boxers, slowly inching them down until her soft, sticky hairs are on display and her boxers are around her knees, “Gonna let me eat this pussy out, angel?”

Ellie’s vision whites out. Only for a second, “Y-Yes, ma’am…”

Ellie’s sopping lips and pulled apart, her red, throbbing clit on display for the fucking witch in front of her. “You’re so fuckin’ cute. Anybody ever play with this pretty cunt?” Reality crashes down on her like a boulder as images of you touching her, kissing her flash before her eyes. Her jaw slacks as her words flurry.

“Just — fuck, just one time.”

“Yeah?” She coos, massaging gentle circles on her clit, “I'm your lucky second?” Ellie nods frantically. Her knees buckle when a sharp slap lands on her pussy, “Ffuck—“ The strokes on her clit are punishing, fast and non-stopping, the woman’s teeth gritted when she asks, “Steppin’ out on your girl, huh?”

Ellie moans around her denial while her cheeks glow, “N— agh, s-shit, wasn’t m’girl—“

“Yeah? She touch you like me?” The woman snickers, and Ellie burns red. She’s already so close and she can’t fucking think, “Think m’cummin’—“ Ellie slurs, her tongue thick in her mouth as her walls squeeze down, desperately trying to pull something, anything in as deep as possible.

“Can feel it. Tell me when.” But Ellie couldn’t. Her orgasm crashes into her like a fucking truck and her body falls forward, legs trembling as it wracks through her in harsh waves. The thighs that try to close are forced open, sharp stings radiating off her skin from the nails that pierce them. Strong suctions attack Ellie’s clit and she sobs, practically riding the woman’s face. Vibrations from satisfied hums stimulate her further, and she swears she’s going to pass out.

The pleasure builds all over again and her eyes squeeze shut, her hips thrusting forward and into the woman’s mouth. Her optics cycle into her skull when the space right below her clit gets stimulated just right and she rides that edge all over again, but this time, it’s stronger. The woman’s groaning in her pussy like she’s starving, and Ellie can barely garble her warning of another orgasm.

She squeaks when a gentle finger slides between her walls and she wishes it felt like yours did. Ellie’s bound hands entangle in the soft locks and pull, pushing her head any which way to guide her where she needs. She doesn’t register that she’s whining your name until the woman asks, “Tha’s your girl?” Right on her pussy, and Ellie tips.

She’s so loud when she explodes all over this stranger’s face, wetness coating her inner thighs, dripping all the way down to the bottoms locked around her ankles. You take refuge in the nasty side of her brain as she envisions you between her legs, you making her feel this good. Something about the way you touch her… She thinks it's impossible to replicate till this day.

When Ellie comes down, she falls against the door, relishing in the steady kitten licks on her twitching bud. One last gentle kiss, and the woman separates from the mess between Ellie’s thighs, chest wet with her juices.

“Good, honey?”

Ellie blinks like she’s risen from the dead, short hair clinging to her forehead. She shoots the woman two thumbs up and she chuckles, untying Ellie’s hands and helping her back onto her feet. The woman helps her redress after she cleans herself up, and Ellie’s nose twitches when her own stickiness latches onto her clothes. Her arms fall back to her sides when her belt gets secured.

She’s winded when she finally speaks, “Um… thanks…” How the fuck does Ellie say goodbye to someone who sucked her soul out?

“No problem…” The woman’s warm hands are soft as they push away damp strands from Ellie’s forehead. The freckled girl nearly purrs. Call her Pickle at this point.

Ellie steps away from the door so that the fucking seductress can exit. The woman backs away and unlocks the door with a gentle smile. “You should text her.”

Ellie’s stomach churns. “… What.”

“The girl that’s not your girl.” That’s the last thing she says before stepping out. Ellie’s heart plummets when her eyes lock with Saliyah’s, then Yuki’s. Her friends gawk at her disheveled appearance, lipstick stains littered all over her button up. Ellie’s not nearly as embarrassed as she should be; All she can think about is you.

“I think I’m in trouble.” Ellie states mindlessly.

“Doesn’t look like it.” Yuki snickers and pulls Ellie out of the bathroom. She hides her face when she’s met with the long line of people desperately needing to piss.

WEEK SEVEN WITH DOCTOR BROWN.

“You look bright.”

You feel brighter. Just a little bit. You’ve finally gotten your locs retwisted.

“Amaya texted me back.” Dr. Brown seems impressed at your statement, happy for you. A small smile makes its way onto your face.

“Yeah? What’d Ms. Producer say?”

“She, um… She wants to have dinner.”

“Oh? And what’d you say?”

“I said of course and then sobbed until I got here.” Dr. Brown chuckles, “When’s the big meal?”

“In two days. I got a hotel near where she’s at, so… Yeah. Probably won’t see me for a little.”

“Good for you, honey.” She says proudly, “Heard from any others?” Your head shakes. It’s not surprising that Abby and Ellie haven’t reached out to you. They don’t owe you any closure, even though it took you a while to accept your karma.

“Progress is progress, nonetheless.” Her tone reverts back to stern, “Remember… when you see that girl, don’t expect anything to come from it. She’s going out of her way to speak with you, not the other way around.”

Your head bows shamefully. You're incredibly nervous to see your best friend… if you deserve to call her that anymore. Anxiety isn’t foreign to you, but you’re anticipating the worst for your meeting. You’d give anything to mend your relationship with Amaya, but how’re you going to be able to overcome the guilt of abandoning her?

You can’t remember the last time you went to the campus coffee shop.

When Amaya sent you her new address in the middle of your old college city, you sobbed for half an hour. You’re not sure why considering the entirety of your graduating class is gone (hopefully in hell); It’s a mix of emotions coming back here. The baristas that used to work here have been replaced with new bushy-tailed freshmen with under eye bags. The coffee isn’t the best, but it’s oddly nostalgic. You feel fucking old just looking at their bright customer service smiles.

Your attention gets snagged away from your steaming cup when a sharp gasp echoes from behind you, nearly spilling your drink all over your flannel when someone calls your name. Anxiety spikes in your gut when you see…

Who is that?

“Oh my goodness! Sweetheart!” An older woman with gray hair and a cardigan places her hand on your shoulder and your eyes bulge out of your skull. “It’s so good to see you!”

What the fuck is going on? “You... You, too, uh… ma’am!” You put on the most believable smile you can. Is your memory really this fucking bad?

“Students don’t usually stick around after this long! Our major was pretty small, you know how it is.” Major… Students… Graphic design… Professor! Your memory clicks but her name doesn’t. What the fuck is this woman’s name! You feel like a cunt all over again!

“I’d love to catch up if you’re sticking around!”

“Um… yeah, of course.” Her smile is bright when she enters the line. Relief floods through you when she gets to the service counter and one of the baristas says good morning, Professor Meyers!

You silently thank the Lord.

“What brings you back to town, honey!” Professor Meyers asks excitedly.

“Um… just missin’ school, I guess.” You lie. Fuck this school.

She swallows her sip of tea before pausing, “Wow. First time I heard that. I didn’t see you at graduation!”

Your chest concaves and your face burns, “I, uh. I didn’t graduate. I dropped out.” Professor Meyers' expression drops, pity written all over her face.

“Wh— Why?”

You shut down her interrogation, “I just… stuff happened. I couldn’t handle everything all at once.” Her eyes sadden and she places a comforting hand on top of yours.

“I’m so sorry, honey. Whatever it was… I hope it’s okay, now.”

“Getting through it.” You shrug, feigning nonchalance. The air is suddenly suffocating.

“Y’know… if you’re interested…” Professor Meyers’ tone is suggesting. Your brow quirks at the woman plotting in front of you.

“Some of the art profs are always looking for some extra help for the introductory courses. Your rough drafts were always pretty spectacular.”

Your body burns. “Thank you.”

She smiles and reaches into her bag in the other chair, pulling out a small card and handing it to you. “This is my contact information. I can set you an interview with Professor Ronson if you’d wanna join the little alumni support team.”

You accept her card, “But I’m not… I didn’t graduate— “

“Oh, hush now! If you go to college, you’re an alumni! These exclusive rules are outdated!” Professor Meyers stands with her bag and tea. “I gotta run, but please consider it! It could be a great marketing opportunity for you!”

You're left to simmer in your thoughts as she rushes out of the cafe. You didn’t even have the chance to tell her that you haven’t touched a canvas since your father’s funeral.

You waltz into the upscale restaurant with tied lungs. Prepping an outfit for tonight was a hassle; You were forced to rummage through your father’s closet for suitable attire. You can’t remember the last time you made a purchase for yourself.

You feel out of place standing here with the… upper class. They’re dressed to the nines and it’s incredibly intimidating. Your eyes cast downward to your wrinkly shirt and blazer; Why didn’t you bring a fucking iron?

“How can I help you, miss?”

Your eyes bulge when they lock with the host’s and gut churns with discomfort. Your legs wobble closer to the counter, “I— there’s… reservation…”

The host stares at you with utter confusion, “Oh, sure! What’s the name?”

“Um… Amaya— “

“Ms. Robinson?” The host’s eyes fill with glitter, “Oh my gosh, when I saw her walk in earlier, I was like, no way she’s actually here. This is crazy! But it was really her! I couldn’t believe— “

Another host interjects, “My apologies, ma’am! She’s a bit, uh, excited. Your table is right this way.” The host begins walking, and your feet move on autopilot, “Would you like a menu?”

“No. I’m good, thanks.” You won’t be able to keep anything down anyway.

You move through bustling walkways, ears filled with bouts of obnoxious laughter and corny jokes with each table you pass.

Your heart stutters in your chest when you see the isolated leather and rosewood booth where Amaya sits, her back to you. There’s two glasses and a bottle of… something on the table.

“Ms. Robinson! Your guest is here!”

Amaya, filled glass in hand, cranes her neck and meets your flitting gaze. Her eyes are stagnant, unmoving, and your nerves wrack. She looks fucking immaculate with the slit in her black dress, smokey makeup, heeled

shoes. She’s dressed down for a fucking funeral. Yours.

You’re actually not ready to see her. You’re not ready at all.

“You want a glass?”

Amaya’s tone is cold. Colder than the dripping neck of the bottle right in front of you. “N-No thank you.”

She scoffs laughter around the rim, “Shocking.” You scramble for a reply, anything to say to the woman oozing impatience in front of you.

“I’m sorry.” You whisper. She sets her glass down with an unsteady clink.

“You said that already.” She states, brown eyes sharp. “Why are you?”

You scratch at your ear, trying to mask the tremors in your fingertips, “Because… I — I wasn’t…”

“I don’t hear from you for months,” She spits, “And then I get a phone call from my drunk best friend screamin’ at me, tellin’ me that I fucking left her to grieve by herself… because I’m selfish and money hungry… Right?”

Angry tears sizzle in Amaya’s eyes as she continues, “And I still come and visit you… only to get a door slammed in my fuckin’ face.”

You’re completely frozen; You can barely look her in the eye. Your hands are clenched together under the table, nausea creeping up your throat. “I… there’s no excuse for what I did— “

Amaya’s eyes are void, “Why did you do it.”

“I don’t know how to explain it,” you rush out, desperate. You’re losing her, “He — I was just — I couldn’t control myself and I screamed and yelled and blamed everyone for what happened. I was just so mad and I couldn’t stop— “

“Abby called me two days ago.”

You gasp, “S-She did—?”

“She told me she hated you.” Amaya says plainly. The remaining shards of your heart dissipate like dust, leaving your mouth when you whimper, “O-Okay.” Tears stream down your cheeks and neck, harsh sniffles filling the small corner of the restaurant. “She hasn’t, um… never mind.” That’s why she hasn’t reached out, you suppose. Well deserved.

“I don't… hate you, you know that, right?”

You sob, palms in your eyes, “S’okay if you do. I deserve it.”

She shrugs, “I don’t. I’m just very disappointed in you.” You nod in agreement, in understanding. You accept that this is probably the last time you’ll ever see someone you considered a sister.

“I’m so sorry, May— “

“M’gonna head out. I’m,” She wipes a tear and grabs her bag, throwing a hundred-dollar bill on the table. “I… I don’t hate you.” You cry as you watch Amaya gather herself, stand, and leave without another word. You heave and attempt to dry your face with the fresh napkin but they won’t stop flowing.

It’s difficult, accepting that you’re undeserving. That you’ve dug yourself into a hole that you can’t escape. It’s dark and cold and you’re desperate for comfort but it never comes because you chased it all away. You eye the tall bottle that sweats; Very tempting, but you leave it where it stands. The blame for your downfall is yours to take; The only reward you can receive now is from your upkeep. To dig yourself out from beneath the maggot-infested dirt. To resurface and recover what you can.

You’re unsure how long you sit here crying. Devastation sets hard in your tummy when you stand to leave the restaurant, ignoring the judgmental stares from the annoying, old fuckers that wouldn’t stop glaring at you.

The air outside is fresh and soothing as you walk, right past your parked car. Past the young people mingling and taking pictures. Past the girl doing graffiti on the old building across the street. Something beats in your chest when you eye her spray paint cans, brushes in her hand, the bright colors all over her bare arms. Her passion is evident, even from a distance, and you miss that. That feeling that takes over when you create something that no one else can replicate. Her style is unique to her just like yours is to you.

Color sparks in your soul for the first time in a year, and you know what you have to do tomorrow morning.

taggiesss yasss n slayyyy @dyk3ang3l @ellieloml @inf3ct3dd @fromminaa @womenofarcane @sawaagyapong @mina-281 @aouiaa @bbglmfao @i00rii @sakiigami @starologist @southelroys @diddiqueen @trackinglessons @ellieswhorcrux @villainousbear @p4ison1vy @tohoko @yuckyfucky @dollyfleurs @elsbunny222 @sevsbimbo @amiorca @alittlextrahoney @gato-chino @topiatwin @r3wbeef @elliesatchel @muthafuckingstargirl

#in frame ✎⋆.ೃ࿔*:･#ellie williams smut #ellie williams #ellie williams au #ellie williams angst #ellie x reader #ellie williams x reader #black!reader #black!oc #lesbian #works 𖧧࣪

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beforeimdeceased · 5 months

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CRYBABY! - (E.W) PT4

pairing: mean/cruel ellie x sensitive/emotional reader.

synopsis: the song was one thing, but calling you up on stage?

a/n: none!

better keep your head down + give me a call if you ever get lonely

masterlist.

the paparazzi are everywhere, all snapping shots of you as you rush into the band’s car. ellie stops to talk with them, ignoring jesse and dina’s pleads for her to get in. the sounds of the excited fans and the paps priding questions ring in your ears.

“so that’s the girl that fucked up your face?”

“i wouldn’t say it’s fucked up. it’d take a lot to fuck this face up. i think i look pretty hot with a bloody nose anyway.”

“and the song you performed earlier today is about her? crybaby?”

“yes—“

“ellie, get in the fucking car.”

“—yes and i’m looking into getting it released soon.”

jesse hops out of the car, grabbing her by the arm and dragging her in. “shit, gotta go guys. it was amazing to see you all—“ is cut off by the door slamming. dina let’s out a heavy sigh and throws her head back.

“i should punch you too.” dina starts. it makes ellie chuckle and she looks over at you. “it’s enough for you to write the song and perform it, but to call her out and bring her up on stage afterwards? ellie, seriously, you’re fucking horrible.”

jesse interjects. “not to mention you doing that during one of our most important songs. you ruined the set i’ve been perfectly curating for months. for what? for fun?”

ellie doesn’t respond. she just stares at you. puffy eyes and pouty lips while you sniffle down your remains of sadness. it felt like this night couldn’t get any worse, and yet you knew when you got back to the hotel she’d somehow find a way to prove you wrong.

“if you wanna sleep in our room tonight it’s fine. i completely understand.” jesse whispers to you as he opens the trunk to grab the bags. you think about it for a moment before shaking your head. you don’t want dina and jesse to feel like they always have to babysit you around ellie. you can handle yourself. you proved that today when you socked her in the face.

“alright kiddo. let me know if you need anything, okay?” he smiles, leading everyone to the rooms.

when you and ellie make it to your room, you both say nothing to each other. you’re sure she’ll break the silence, though. she always does. maybe the silence is uncomfortable for her? or maybe she just likes to hear herself talk.

“you gonna eat something?” ellie chimes up as she sees you walking towards the bathroom. you just ignore her and wash yourself up. you can’t seem to pull your eyes away from your bruised knuckles, or the lingering drowsy feeling after you’d been crying. all you want to do is collapse into the couch and sleep.

when you’re all done, you grab a blanket from your bag and settle yourself onto the couch. then ellie comes over, sitting on your blanket.

“remember when i went to jail?”

you sigh. “get off my blanket. i’m tired i want to go to sleep.” you tug at it but she refuses to move. continuing what she’d previously been saying.

“jesse and dina were on a trip and i called you. you bailed me out.”

it was 4am when you got the call. eyes barely able to open wide enough to see your screen. when you answered your heart dropped. “jail? ellie what the fuck?” you frown. she laughs. “i know right. gotta put this in our next song.” even with her sarcasm and smart ass mouth you could hear how scared she was. and you couldn’t say no. why couldn’t you say no?

you shrug. “so? what does that have to do with anything?”

“remember when you said you never hated me?”

you nod but you were rethinking it all now. flexing your sore hand. looking down at your blanket that she’d decided to hold hostage. confusion written all over your face. you said you never hated her, but not that you’d never hate her.

“i didn’t write that song to be mean—“

you interrupt her with a chuckle. “then what the fuck was it for?”

she angrily gets up and rushes away. “fucking forget it.”

you stand up, throwing a couch pillow at her. “why are you such an asshole, williams? seriously. were you dropped on your head as a baby or something? why do you walk through life as if everybody has done something wrong to you? you’re the tragedy of the story? that’s just not the case.”

she grabs the pillow and rushes at you, hitting you over the head. “why don’t you hate me then, huh? if i’m so terrible why don’t you hate my fucking guts?”

an uncomfortable silence falls between you two. you, bewildered at her question, still finding it hard to believe she cares. failing to understand why it’s your opinion she cares so much about. her, anticipating your answer. on edge. wanting things to make sense. both of you staring at each other. breathing heavy. twisted faces.

you see the scared look in her eyes and you almost want to hold her. want to see her for what she truly is: scared. that’s why she’s always angry. because she’s scared. because she’s alone. because she didn’t mean to, but she’s run everyone away.

but her lip curls into an all knowing smirk. the kind that could only come from predicting your thoughts through your eyes. piercing into your soul to ping at the bit of empathy you had left in you. for her. for the girl who’s angry and scared and alone. the girl who called you onstage in front of a crowd of people to humiliate you.

the girl who embarrassed you at karaoke. turned a video of you drunk falling into a meme. pushes you off to the side so she can be in the middle of dina and jesse on the sidewalk. trips you if you aren’t paying attention. lies. fights. and fucks you over.

your face changes completely, and hers falls when she realizes.

“you’re pathetic. you’re sad and you’re sick. i can’t believe i trusted you. i can’t believe i had sex with you. fuck you.” you yell before storming off. leaving her there. all alone.

“so you’re starting a band?” you ask dina. she nods, smiling. “with jesse and a friend of ours. i can’t wait for you to see us perform. maybe you could come to one of our practices this weekend?”

“yeah, i’d love to meet your friend!”

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addisonnie · 1 year

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hinge and uhaul

summary: college!au. when all else fails…one must look for love on hinge!

an: hi! back from hiatus and of course it would be for a clump of pixels because i am down astronomically bad! this is the first part of a possible series! so let me know if a part 2 is warranted.

warnings: cursing, reader has 0 rizz shes literally a mess, reader also rambles and lots of this is just her inner dialogue because why not. also not very edited and possible tense shifts because im the worst!

part 2 ———————————

Tinder is a soul-sucking vortex.

A nightmarish flurry of shirtless mirror selfies, conservatives, and men that look like they’d hit on your mom after walking you to the door. Switching your profile settings from ‘men’ to ‘everyone’ seemed like the best option; It wasn’t. The best option would’ve been to delete your account and light your phone on fire after receiving the fourth “you send?” message in a row.

Hinge is a smaller soul-sucking vortex. At least you can deny their comments before you embarrass yourself by matching with a douche like that. Your account is set to ‘show me everyone’ and you can only hope that ‘everyone’ includes at least some good ones. Swiping and clicking on dating apps seems to be more of a game than it is actual match-making, a time-passer of sorts.

Your roommate, Dina, huffs loudly from her lofted bed across the room, “would you get your sorry ass off of that app? It’s sad listening to you moan and groan about all the losers!”

You roll your eyes, “my soulmate could be the next person!”

No. No. No, again. Oooh…yes?

You swipe through the girl’s page before deciding not to match with her, because who’s Hinge bio states that they’re still in love with their ex? Dina cheers while you huff and slam your phone onto your desk, spinning idly in your chair. The television on top of Dina’s purple mini fridge is playing a random episode of Bob’s Burgers and, for a moment, you forget about your ever-growing dating app addiction.

It’s not that you’re addicted per say. You just spend most of your downtime sitting in your bed and judging people’s profiles, when yours surely isn’t up to par either. Hey, at least you don’t have a picture of you holding a fish.

The rhythmic buzz of your phone quickly draws your eyes away from the cartoon on screen, your hand dramatically reaching for your phone.

Hinge: Ellie liked you! Tap to see the comment she left.

Ellie. That’s a cute name…fairly normal too! Surely she didn’t leave some weirdo comment about how your hair looks like it smells good. Your fingers fumble to tap on the notification and you feel a blush rising to your cheeks as you click on Ellie’s like.

She left her comment under a picture of you taken at a local museum. A big cheesy grin is painted across your face and there’s skeletal remains of some random dinosaur behind you, Dina is crouched under the jaw of the creature pretending to scream while she gets eaten. Hopefully this isn’t one of those situations where Ellie asks ‘if your friend is single.’

Nope. She left a simple comment. I love dinosaurs!!!

You smile as you quickly click on Ellie’s profile to see her. There are a couple pictures of her, and good god is she hot. Flushed, you quickly match with her.

But what do you say? This is life or death. You need this woman.

Hey!

You’re hot

Do you want to have vicious lesbian sex with me?

Okay. Jesus, you are not good at this. While you mull over the keyboard attempting to decide what to say to the ever-attractive Ellie, another message comes in.

Hey, pretty girl!

Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Your fingers are fumbling over the keyboard, your heart is beating, you’re planning you and Ellie’s wedding. You wonder if she likes lace or prefers the classic look?

Hey! What’s up?

Nothing really. Just playing some guitar!

Guitar? She just gets hotter. Did she also save puppies from a burning building? You wonder if she would want roses at the wedding. Hopefully not, too basic.

Ooooh guitar you say? Whatcha playing?

It’s a few moments before she responds and you’re biting the nail on your thumb awaiting her reply.

Whatever your favorite song is.

A heavy sigh escapes your lips as you smile and rest your head in your hand.

Why don’t I tell you that over dinner?

It takes Ellie a few minutes to respond this time and you’re sure you’ve managed to scare her off at the mention of an actual date. Her reply comes just as you go to turn your phone off,

How about you give me your number and we can talk more about this date?

————

Giving your number to Ellie was perhaps the best decision made in your life thus far. She constantly sends text messages of whatever she’s doing, wearing, eating, or strumming on her guitar. It’s been about a week since you first exchanged information and you’re slightly worried that Ellie no longer wishes to go out on a date. You’ve tried to ‘accidentally’ bump into her on campus multiple times, but she manages to just barely slip away each time.

You’re sitting at your desk attempting to finish an essay when your phone rings in your lap. Ellie’s contact appears lit up on the screen and you just about scream when you grasp the phone between your fingers.

“Hello?” You’re already blushing.

“Hey, you! What’re you up to?” Ellie’s voice is loud into the microphone and you can make out multiple different voices on her end of the line.

“Nothing important,” you close your computer quickly, “why, what’s up?”

She takes a moment to answer as you hear her yell something to whoever else is in the room with her, “me and some friends are at a bar…will you come? Live music and stuff. Plus, I still haven’t taken you on that date!”

“Yes!” Okay, you probably should’ve tried to sound less excited. “Ehem…yes. Text me the address?”

You hear Ellie laugh before she happily responds, “will do! Text me when you get here and I’ll come out front to meet you.”

—————

Dina and her friends surely shop at Hookers R Us because where else would anybody find a skirt so goddamn short.

“D. Dina. My cheeks are hanging out the bottom.” Dina rolls her eyes and tugs on the hem of the mini denim skirt.

“Well if you wore it down here,” she tugs the denim again, “instead of up to your tits like a grandma would…maybe it would be longer.”

Several shirts are thrown toward your perch on Dina’s desk chair, “what’s wrong with the shirt I have on?”

Dina’s boyfriend. Jesse, interjects, “because I don’t like it.”

“Okay, fashion police. How about this one?” You hold up a form fitting black top and Dina nods vigorously, “yes. But no bra. Show off them ladies!”

————

The Uber barely comes to a full stop as you clamber out of the backseat. Grasping for your phone, you text Ellie.

Here! :)

Was the smiley face overkill? Too much?

Cominh!!!!!

*Coming. Not drunk, I swear.

You think you’re the one doing the coming as you watch Ellie stroll towards you in the parking lot. If she was hot on Hinge, she’s ten-thousand times hotter in the dingy lighting that casts a magical glow upon her. She’s wearing a pair of baggy jeans and a white wife-beater, an old worn out flannel is unbuttoned over the top and rolled up just above her elbows. Her raggedy jeans are cuffed to the top of her converse and— wow is she a walking wet dream.

“Hey! I��m glad you came.” She doesn’t wait for an answer as she pulls you straight in for a hug, her calloused hands resting on your hips. You feel her finger tips touching the uncovered skin below your top, the contact makes you shiver.

Ellie squeezes you a little tighter before pulling away, leaving her arm draped over your shoulder, “c’mon, warmer inside.”

You let her lead you into the bar and through the slight crowd congregated near the entrance. A small group of people stand huddled next to the bar and Ellie leads you straight to them as she leans down to speak in your ear, “those are my friends.”

You nod and shamelessly nudge your body to be tucked further into her side, blushing profusely when you feel her arm tighten around your shoulders.

“Guys, this is the girl I was telling you about! And these are my friends I mentioned on the phone.” Ellie smiles while she introduces you to everyone and as much as you enjoy the domesticity of hanging out with her friends, you much prefer the nook you’ve found nestled under Ellie’s toned arm.

———

Her face leans down by your ear again, “wanna drink? I’ll get you one.”

You smile up at her, “would you shoot me if I said I want an espresso martini instead of the beer you’ve been nursing all night?”

She giggles into your ear and her breath fans across your face, “one espresso martini, coming up!”

She pulls away and salutes you before turning around and marching to the other end of the bar, waving her arm to grab the bartender’s attention.

“So you’re the lucky lady? I’m Abby, Ellie’s friend.” Damn, she is buff as hell. Her toned arm stretches across a barstool to shake your hand.

You stare at her open palm, “I’m sorry, I don’t know why I did that. Who still shakes hands? I’m done drinking for the night.”

She cracks a smile when you laugh and shake her hand anyways, “nothing wrong with a good ol’ handshake.”

You speak with Abby while you wait for Ellie to return with your martini. She’s leaning up against the wood and speaking to the bartender as he pours the concoction into a glass. How she manages to look so appealing at all times is an enigma. Her short hair is pulled half-up into a bun while the rest barely skims the top of her shoulders, the botanical tattoo on her forearm sticks out from under her rolled-up sleeve and—fuck. You’re drooling.

Double-fuck. She caught you staring.

You blush when she throws a wink your way, turning back toward the bar to grab your drink.

And then she’s in front of you once more, “malady.”

She slides in between your legs while you sit atop the cushioned barstool (which you’re pretty sure makes a fart noise any time you move) and rests both of her hands on your hips.

Lifting the drink to your mouth, you hum happily when the flavor covers your tongue, “good?”

“Really good. Superb.” Ellie chuckles and leans in toward you, placing a kiss in the hollow of your collarbone, “c’mon, there’s some more people I want you to meet.”

————

You’re not exactly sure how you ended up in this position but good god do you wish you could die right here and right now. Ellie is leaning up against the poster-covered wall of the bar with you pulled tightly to her chest. Your back is pressed against her front and one of her arms is wrapped around you, long fingers splayed across your lower stomach. She’s talking animatedly to the guy standing in front of you two and in all honestly you can’t focus on what they’re talking about while you feel the tips of Ellie’s fingers rest upon the skin under your skirt.

It’s innocent. She doesn’t realize her fingers have traveled just south of the top of your skirt, but you’d be lying if you said the feeling of her calloused fingertips below the belt didn’t make you squirm. Her auburn hair tickles the side of your face as your head rests back in the crook between her neck and shoulder. And even better—her cheek presses to the top of your head when there’s a lull in her current conversation.

Hearing the man she was speaking to bid his goodbyes, you turn in her arms. The one that was previously grasping a beer bottle quickly swaps to rest in the back pocket of your skirt instead, her other hand squeezes your hip.

“Hi.” She smiles at you.

“Hi.” You press a kiss to her cheek.

The feeling leaves Ellie warm and she squeezes you a few times before ultimately deciding to cut to the chase and lean in. It’s a sweet peck, a little tipsy kiss that leaves you buzzing and floating outside of your body. The bright, crooked smile she gives you after pulling away punches the air from your lungs and Jesus Christ— now you understand the U-Haul lesbians because in this moment you are well and truly fucked. If this woman, this stranger, asked you to pack your shit and move in, you would.

And the look she gives you as she brushes a stray piece of hair behind your ear tells you she might just feel the same.

#here she is #i told u #ellie williams x reader #ellie williams #tlou #tlou part 2 #the last of us #ellie williams x you #ellie williams x y/n #ellie x reader

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andreaheartscats · 3 months

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Ellie Williams

tw! mention of sh

-> Ellie Willams comforting reader about self harm.

-> modern AU.

a/n: this is rather long and im sorry guys if it was bad and if it has any grammer mistakes!! i tried my best fr :')

It was winter, your favorite time of the year. Maybe because of the cold air that would hit your face when you step outside or maybe the fact that you could wear long sleeves without anyone saying "how are you not hot?!" or "arent you sweaty and hot under that hoodie?"

It was the weekend. You were in your dorm you shared with one of your very good friends, Ellie. She didnt know about your problems, mostly because you thought she doesnt care about them. She was just your best friend and also smoke buddy.

Oh but boy were you wrong.

Ellie was out, buying some stuff for dinner. It was already dark outside. While she was out, your feelings got the best of you and all of your stress and anger bolied up till it exploded.

Few little tears slid down your face as you open your box that was mostly empty besides some random stuff you had and your blade.

The drom room was pretty heated up so it would sometimes get too warm. Thats why you were in a short sleeve shirt while Ellie was out.

Bringing the blade to your wrist, you went across it rather harshly. One, two then three times you did that when you heard the door open. "baack! got some chips for the movie"

You heard Ellie say, but you were unable to form words at the moment. Quickly rushing, you put your blade in the hidding spot and throw on a zip up hoodie as you step outside your bedroom to greet her.

Your eyes were stained with tears and you put up a weak smile for her when she faced you. Of course Ellie noticed that. She alwalys does. And she saw those healed up scars, of course she has. But she never pointed them out because she didnt want to make you feel uncomfortable.

"Hey.. you good?" she asked you in such a sweet tone as her eyes frown a little. Shooting you a rather sad smile with concerne over her face. Taking some time to process what she just said you nodded with your head "yea. 'm good."

As she heard your words she knew something wasnt right. You werent really yourself for the past few days to be fair and she had every right to be worried.

Placing the bags on the counter she walked towards you. A soft smile spread across her face as she put her hand on your shoulder.

You looked at your shoulder where her hand rested and then back at her. "you know, you can tell me anythin' babe." those words echoed through your ears as she said them. And something inside of you snapped. You felt safe with her, you always did and she made sure you knew that.

A tear dropped from your eye, then another and another. And finally you were full on sobbing as she brought you close to her hugging you tightly while you cried into her chest.

Ellie didnt mind that, she didnt care if you stained her shirt with your tears. All she wanted was for you to feel better. After you let it all out and calmed down a little she pulled away her hands gently rubbing on your upper arms as she looked at you.

"come on"

she said in a low and soft vocie as she gestured to the couch.

For a moment you two sat i comfortable silence while she examined your face for sime kind of a answear and patiently waiting for you to speak up. But all you did was stare at the ground while tugging onto your sleeves. The stinging of your fresh cuts made you uncomfortable, it burned.

Your eyebrows frown together as the burning sensation got worse. Ellie noticed your face and she grabbed your hand to hold it gently. Her hands were rough but they felt nice.

"whatchu making that face for.."

She said a little worried. She noticed you tugging at your sleeves a lot and so she let out a deep sigh out that felt like it was trapped in her forever.

"bae..are you hurtin' yourself ?"

she always used pet names even if you were just friends. but she finally decided to ask you. of course she knew the answear to her own question but all she wanted was to mske sure she was right, she didnt want to make assumptions.

And when she asked you that, it felt as if the whole world stopped for a bare moment. you squeeze her hand as you nod your head, scared to even say anything or look at her.

Ellie lets go of your hand and squeezes your cheeks as she makes you look at her. "its okay that you do.." she pauses for a moment "well..its not but you know what i mean."

Ellie lets out a little chuckle making you yourself laugh a little as she caressed your cheek gently.

"i just want to help you, alright? please let me help you."

after you heard her words she looked down at your wrist as if waiting for something. you finally understood and lifted your sleeves reaviling your scars, some healed some not.

Ellie quickly runs to the bathroom as she took a wet paper towle and some bandages. She cleaned the cuts gently as you wince in pain slightly. After she cleaned your cuts, Ellie wrapped the bandages around your wrist not too tightly but not to loose.

"thank you Els..i-"

she cut you off as she hugged you tightly. you gave into the hug. it felt safe and warm. You felt safe and warm with her. After pulling away she looked at you with a smile on her face.

"how 'bout we watch a movie, yea?"

of course you agreed and for the rest of the night you were cuddled up close to her while she traced gentle touches across your bandaged wrist.

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rosepascal · 1 year

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Anywhere I would follow you || Joel Miller x Reader

summary: Joel comes knocking on your door 3 weeks later with a girl and in need of help.

warnings: swearing, readers got a sad backstory, mentions of family death, episode 3, Joel might be a little OOC and I apologize, mentions of guns but no gun use

a/n: Disclaimer: This is not following show or game canon. The reader is kinda in the role of Tess but I will not be going episode by episode and I will not be following the plot exactly. Anyways I really hope y'all enjoy. Its been a hot second since I wrote anything over 1k words lol.

Part 1 || part 3

It had been three long weeks since you've heard from Joel. The day you walked out you swore up and down that you wouldn't go running back to him. No matter how badly you wanted to.

Ever since then you realized how much you hated silence. Living with Joel, there was always something. The hum of the heater that barely worked or the soft static of the radio but now its just. Silent.

You don't sleep you barely eat, just enough to keep you alive in this damn place. So when you finally managed to fall asleep you were pretty pissed to get disrupted by loud banging on your door. Taking your gun you grip it tightly and open your door.

"What." You point your gun and when you see Joel standing at your door you don't lower it.

"I need to talk to you." He steps to the side and you see a girl behind him. Reluctantly you lower your gun and step aside.

"What could you possibly need want to talk about Joel? Thought I didn't know shit." The girl laughs and Joel shoots her a glare.

"Ellie go in there."

"Why?"

"Just do it." He snaps and she rolls her eyes before trudging into your bedroom.

"Smuggling people now?" You ask as you watch her slam the door shut.

"Not by choice. Look I know you're angry with me but I need to take her west and-" He stumbles to find the words, to ask for help.

"You need my help?" You finish for him. He nods and you sigh.

"What happened to going our separate ways?" He winces but you can't find it in you to care.

He hurt you and now he thinks he can crawl back? As much as you wanted to forget it all and go back to how things were before, you can't. You can't just forgive him right away. He grabs your arm and pulls you to the other side of the room.

"She's immune." He whispers.

"She got bit but its healed. I saw it with my own eyes." Your eyes widen and you look towards the closed bedroom door.

Immune? Could this..could she be the cure? Optimism isn't exactly your specialty but news like this can't be ignored.

"Okay, I'll help. Not because of you, but because of her." God knows what Joel would be like dragging a teenage girl across the country. You'd give him a week before he loses his mind.

His hand drops from your arm and your turn around without another word. Grabbing a bag and stuffing some essentials inside. Opening the door you find Ellie looking through your small bedside table. She jumps back as and smiles.

"Let's go kid." Ellie follows you out of the room and Joel's already out the door.

"Is he always like that?" She asks making you sigh.

"Yeah."

- - -

Travelling with Joel and Ellie is, interesting to say the least. She could spend hours asking questions that you and sometimes Joel would answer. Asked about his scars, asked about the world, anything that came to her head. You've barely talked to him since you started this journey. The first stop is Bill and Franks. But that was still a day or two away. When night falls you find a clearing in the woods to sleep.

"So what did you do before..." Ellie gestures to the land around her. Joel glances over to you but you ignore his gaze.

"I was a kid when it happened. I think I was 10, maybe 11 years old." You smile softly at the faded memories of your childhood.

Spending nights with your family, your friends. Going to school and playing on the playground, making friendship bracelets and playing tag. It feels like a lifetime ago.

"I uh, my family was shipped off to the QZ. I was the only one to make it." A heavy tension fills the air as you try to remember your family.

Try to remember their faces, their voice, their laugh. Joel frowns, he never knew that. When you first met it was an unspoken rule to never speak of the past. That rules was broken once or twice.

When he slept he'd mumble a name, Sarah. You didn't know who she was but its clear she meant a lot to him but you never worked up the courage to ask him about it.

"Damn." Ellie whispers and Joel looks at her.

"It's alright, it was a long time ago." You shrug your shoulders and try to shake away the pain.

"I never met my parents. Raised in an orphanage and sent to a shit school." She grimaces at the very thought of school.

"The school really is shit." You remember being forced to go to "high school" in the QZ.

Ellie looks to Joel but he leans against a tree with his eyes closed and arms crossed. She takes it as a sign to try and sleep as do you. You tuck your pistol under your backpack that was being used as a pillow and mange to fall into a restless sleep.

"Rise and shine." Joel's gruff voice wakes you up. Your head is groggy as you sit up. A jacket that isn't yours slides off your shoulders. It's Joels.

"You looked cold." He doesn't meet your eyes as he packs up his bag.

"Thanks." You hand it back to him and he takes it with a bit of reluctance.

"I was cold too." Ellie pipes up. Joel looks at her before putting his jacket back on.

"Too bad."

- - -

You breathe a sigh of relief at the sight of a familiar gated community. Bill and Frank were always kind to you, well Frank was. Bill was untrusting of you and Joel but you couldn't really blame him. Joel wasn't too trusting of him either.

"Bill? Frank?" You call as you enter the house. Its eerily quiet. Something isn't right. Joel brushes past you, putting his hand out to stop you from moving any further.

"Stay here." You roll your eyes as he takes off upstairs, his gun gripped tightly in his hands. You thought that maybe things had changed but he slips right back into old habits. Making you stay while he goes off into a possibly dangerous place.

You tell Ellie to be careful and head into the kitchen. Your heart falls when you notice the rancid food on the kitchen counter. Clenching your fist you make your way back into the main hall.

Ellie stands there with Joel, a letter in her hands and a sad look on her face. You keep your eyes glued to the floor as she reads off Bills last words. It's too much to handle. They loved each other, it amazed you how they managed to find that happiness, that peace in a world like this.

"I used to hate the world and I was happy when everyone died. But I was wrong because there was one person worth saving."

Ellie glances up to you and Joel and you can't take it anymore.

"Excuse me." You say quietly as you walk out the front door.

Taking a deep breath you sit on the porch. Covering your face with your hands you focus on your breathing. Death is something you're all too familiar with in the QZ. But for some reason, it just hurts. It hurts so bad.

The door creaks open, the sound of footsteps start and then they stop. Looking up you stare in front of you, watching the flowers blowing in the wind. You know its Joel. He's got the letter in his hand and he can't help but feel a sense of guilt as he stands next to you. Guilt for what? Too much to say.

"Do you think they were happy?" You ask, fiddling with the strap of your bag.

"I do." Joel says, a small crack in his voice almost goes unheard by you.

Taking a deep breath you wipe your eyes and Joel offers you a hand. A peace offering. You hesitate at first, only looking at his outstretched hand. But to Joel's and honestly your surprise you take it. He helps you up and doesn't let go of your hand.

"I-" Joel starts, he rubs his thumb across your hand.

You look down and gasp lightly. His knuckles still hold the scars from when you left. You never saw what he did but you heard it. There's a large cut across the back of his hand. Jagged and barely healed. Even though he drove you away you can't help but feel a little guilty but to him the injuries on his hand are his fault and his alone.

"Joel.." You gently lay your hand on top of his. He closes his eyes and relishes in your touch. The time spent without you has felt like a lifetime. He missed you so damn much.

"I'm not..." He struggles to find the words, he always struggles to find the right words.

"They have hot water! I'm going to take a shower!" Ellie peeks her head through the door, a happy look on her face.

"Oh." She awkwardly stares at the two of you. Silently slipping back out of view. You take a step back, gently taking your hand from his grip.

"I'll go look for some clothes." As you walk into the house Joel sighs. Looking down at the letter, he reads it over one more time before heading back inside.

Bill didn't like him. He didn't like Bill. But he respected him. He didn't agree with a lot of what he did but Bill was right about one thing.

There is someone worth saving.

#Joel miller #joel miller x reader #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller x you

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roarriita · 1 year

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the chick from apartment 512 - ellie williams (1)

femreader!xelliewilliams!

content warning: explicit language, mentions of drugs and alcohol, sexual thoughts

// summary: moving into your new apartment was fairly easy. you left ‘home’ with just your government papers, banking cards and whatever clothes you could find at your parents crampet and cold house. although the neighborhood was a bit shady and the apartment elevator made an eerie sound whenever it'd start up, it was all you could afford, and it beat crashing another night at your friend's house. move in day proved to be better than expected when you catch sight of your new neighbor. her auburn hair and green eyes seemed to be all the proof that you needed, to know that this new chapter of your life would be worth paying attention to and not just skimming over. //

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you walked around your new place and sighed in satisfaction. "this will do, for now." you spoke out loud. your best friends since high school, turned to you, one holding a worried expression and the other smiling from ear to ear.

"i'm so proud of you!" jesse came up from beside you and gave you a tight side hug.

"now are you saying that because you're genuinely proud of me for getting my own place or because i won't be in the way of you and dina's sexy time."

"(y/n), why can't it be both?" jesse asked. you scoffed but couldn't help but smile at his response. you escaped from his grasp and stood in front of the perfect couple.

"i still don't know how to feel about this." dina admitted. "this building isn’t really up to code, i mean, a rat literally corned jesse in the elevator when he was on his way up with your new microwave."

"babe, what the hell." jesse said, embarrassingly. "you said you wouldn't tell anyone."

"it'll be fine, d." you crossed your arms, looking around the floor in uncertainty before looking back at dina. "yeah, yeah, it’ll be fine! i'll just make sure to keep the place extra tidy."

your voice was not convincing at all. "oh, come on (y/n), it's not even just about the rats, the hallways reek of marijuana and booze."

"you smoke weed all the time?" you immediately retorted.

"well, that's different. i'm a homeowner, i can smoke however much i want without having to take into consideration how my neighbor from 3 feet away would react." dina said.

"i'm not even reacting dina. being friends with you guys for the past six years has built up my tolerance." you remarked.

dina groaned, storming over to the window. jesse, who was still thinking about the way dina put his business out there, spoke again. "i am never telling you anything again." he then went to the kitchen area, to look for a snack.

"look, there’s blood right there on the sidewalk." dina pointed. you sighed, annoyingly as you walked over. "and it looks fresh."

you examined the splotch to where she pointed at and rolled your eyes. "what are you? a detective?"

"no, i'm a journalist, which is almost the same thing." dina responded before turning her body back to you. "but back to the point, i don't think this place is right for you. i feel like you rushed into this. why don't you just come back with jesse and i until you find somewhere else..." glancing outside and then back at you, she finished. "preferably with less crime."

"no, no!" jesse said, with his mouth stuffed of hot cheetos. "i will not listen to another true crime podcast at 2 in the morning. i'm still so confused as to why you choose to listen to that stuff at 2 in the damn morning?"

"i get bored." you shrugged.

"ugh, enough with the getting off topic. (y/n), you're coming back home with us." dina stated.

"no, i am not." you replied. "i am staying here. i signed the lease, i got the apartment keys and i've already moved in all my stuff, plus the new furniture i had to buy to make this place look less sad. i am staying." after a moment of complete silence, you then added. "i'll also lose my deposit if i break the lease and i will need my 400 dollars back eventually."

"oh my god, if this is what having children is like, i don't want them." dina wrapped her arms around you. "i just want you to be safe."

you embraced dina back. "i’ll be safe, d. i'm a big girl who can take care of herself and if i do see a rat, i'll just call jesse over to coward in the corner again until it goes away." you then mouthed for him to stop eating your cheetos.

"asshole." jesse cursed under his breath as he turned around to put your chips back.

dina chuckled with tears in her eyes. she pulled away but held onto your shoulders. "promise you'll text me everyday and call at least twice a week?"

"promise." you responded with a small smile. dina hugged you again, this time holding on for a few seconds longer before pulling away. "okay, i guess we better go and let you get adjusted."

jesse gave you another hug and placed a sincere kiss on top of your head. "stay safe, weirdo."

"you too." you said as you walked them to the door. once they got on the elevator, you went back inside your small apartment and double locked your door.

you decided to spend the rest of your day unpacking and decorating. for the first time in your life, you were officially on your own. you were terrified of course, but a part of you felt exhilarated. you were the type of girl who went about life on the side lines. you were always there, physically but mentally, you were somewhere else. somewhere far away from the pain and humiliation being in your present-self caused you. and so, you skimmed through life. only taking notice of the big things, the things that were hard to miss and ignoring whatever didn't stand out. it was sad but it was how you survived.

a knock on your door pulled you out of your thoughts. you slowly made your way up to the front door and looked in the peephole. it was a delivery man. you hesitantly opened your door. "can i help you?'

"is this apartment 511 where a miss.williams resides in?" the man asked.

"you got the first half right." you tell him. "i literally just moved in today so i don't even know if that package belongs to one of my neighb-"

you stopped talking when the apartment across from you and a few feet over, opened the door. "sorry, that's me!"

"you're ellie williams?" the guy asked.

"no, i'm her- her-" the girl who didn't even know what she was, said. "her friend. i can take it for her."

"that's nice and all but i really need the owner of this package to sign a form first." he told her as he walked over to her.

the girl groaned annoyingly before calling out for her friend. "babe! he needs your signature!" as she went back inside the apartment, you felt the urge to do the same. the problem was resolved and your assistance was no longer needed, not like you helped much, if any, to begin with.

right as you were about to turn away, your new neighbor approached her doorway. you couldn't resist the urge to stare at her. she had dark green eyes, short, auburn hair and freckles all around her nose and cheeks. you could've sworn dina was the prettiest girl you've ever seen until now. she also wore a black tank top with grey sweatpants. "hey." her voice held a bit of rasp to it. "you need me to sign?"

"yeah." the guy responded as he held out his clipboard. you watched as her toned arms reached for it. your eyes then lingered over her long fingers as she signed the paper, and you could also detect some ink on the sleeve of her arm. your brain itched with the curiosity of what her tattoo was. once she was done, she handed the guy the clipboard back and took her package. "thanks."

"no problem." the guy responded, before walking away. your eyes were still on her arm since you didn't even realize the delivery guy had left. your new neighbor with the pretty eyes and cute freckles noticed you standing there as your eyes bored into her arm.

she coughed in order to get your attention. when your eyes met hers, your cheeks flushed. "it's nice right? it hurt like a son of a bitch to get but it does well with the girls." a playful smirk laid on her lips.

your voice was caught in your throat. you didn't know how to respond or what to think. you were already horrible with human interactions but even worst with girls who looked like that. "i- uh- i- um-" you stuttered like an idiot making the girl across from you lightly laugh.

absolutely hating the feeling of someone teasing you like this, you tried gathering up your composure and coming up with something to respond with. you smiled as it was in your nature to, it was like a reflex for the times in which you were lost for words. "cocky is not a good look on pretty girls." you scoffed before heading inside your apartment and shutting the door.

ellie genuinely smiled at your response and even let out a small chuckle before heading back inside. when you heard her door close, you pushed your back up against your own door and slid to the floor. with your knees pulled up to your chest, you cupped your warm cheeks and tried focusing on getting your heartbeat to slow down. first day, at your new place and you've already embarrassed yourself, how lovely... just so lovely...

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part two, here

// a/n: yes, this was inspired by an amazing song from selena quintanilla!! i’m not sure if i want to make this an official long-fanfic or just a one-shot but i really just wanted to write something new before starting chapter 6 of roommates. i really enjoyed it, especially writing dina and jesse. i’m definitely going to write more of them in my other series. anyway, thanks for reading and i hope your having an amazing day and if not i am sending wishes for that to change immediately <3 //

#ellie x female reader #ellie williams fanfic #tlou #tlou2 #ellie williams au #elliexreader #neighbor trope #masc ellie #cocky ellie #nervous reader #dinatlou #jesse tlou #dina and jesse

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kjhbsies · 8 days

Text

Chasing Shadows

HELP PALESTINE • daily click • donation links • ways to help • why you should not buy/support TLOU2 remaster

Football Player!Ellie x Classy fem!reader

Synopsis: Haunted by past mistakes and paralyzed by the feeling of being vulnerable, Ellie finds herself determined to win you back. Finding it hard to possibly feel a genuine liking to you, what was once just a bet turned into something more. Following you to a summer camp, will you be finally forgive her and open your heart once more?

wordcount: 8, 265 PART I: PART II: PART III

The street was bathed in the soft glows of the street lights, illuminating the face of the person who betrayed you tonight. You shook your head in disappointment, eyes brimming with hot, wet tears from a mixture of sadness and anger.

“Please…” Ellie’s voice quivered, lips trembling as she tried walking towards you. But you immediately retracted, one foot stepping backward, making Ellie stop in her tracks. “Let me explain.” She says in a tone with what you believed was regret. If she can even feel something like that.

“What for?” You spat, face growing scorn. “You won, Ellie! You fucking won the bet. It’s done. You’re the king, again. And I bet you’ll enjoy your throne after you wake up, and I hope you do. I hope every time you try celebrating your victory, you’ll think of the person who only showed you nothing but genuine feelings even though everyone warned her not to do so.” You wiped your tears harshly.

Ellie sighed, trying to keep her tears at bay, not wanting to show what she truly felt inside. Sorrow. Pain. Darkness. “Let me make it up to you, Yn…”

You repeatedly shook your head, “Haven’t you done enough, Ellie?!”

“I want to fix things with you, please!” She begged, wanting to hold both of your hands and kneel in front of you. But she couldn’t. She couldn’t go near you, you wouldn’t let her.

“Was that part of the bet too?”

“No, no!” Ellie blinked rapidly. “I like you…” She admitted, eyes beating loudly. This was the first time she’d ever say it, and it’d almost feel so good vocalizing it in the air if it weren’t for this ugly situation you two were in.

“How do you expect me to believe that?” Your jaw clenched, internally scolding your heart for still fluttering at her words. You turned around, walking away immediately. Your footsteps echo through the pavement, and you can hear Ellie calling out for you.

“Wait!” Ellie called out, voice trembling with emotion that you couldn’t decipher. “Just at least let me drive you home, please!”

Just as was Ellie trying to reach for your arm, you harshly stopped and looked back at her. Meeting her glassy eyes with a pair of angry ones. “Try to follow me, or I’ll never talk to you again!” You shouted before continuing with your tracks.

Ellie felt like her whole world was crumbling in front of her as she walked you away. She felt like her heart was ripping into pieces as she stared at your shaking shoulders, while your hands were wiping away the tears from your eyes.

For once, Ellie felt hopeless.

With each step you take, Ellie can feel her heart shattering into a million pieces, unable to pick them up. The weight of your absence lies upon her shoulder, making it for her difficult to even move a limb.

She watched you call someone else on the phone, crying. You were so close, yet so far from her touch. A sinking feeling washed over her, and a deep realization filled her thoughts: that you are not going to be by her side again. And how can she function when you’re the one who gives her the motivation to wake up every day?

A figure walked out of the car in front of you, approaching you. Ellie watched as the girl gently ran her hands on your hair, trying to soothe your feelings. You wept, however, but she held you gently. Soothing your feelings with words she couldn’t hear.

You walked inside the car, leaving Ellie’s line of vision. The girl you were with looked where Ellie was, finding in her in a pitiful state that Abby couldn’t even tell that this was the same person who ruled the field with such confidence and pride just a few hours ago. The two locked gaze for a minute before Abby decided to walk inside, ignoring the watchful eyes piercing through her back.

As the car left Ellie’s vision, her shoulders dropped. Knees buckling and falling into the ground. She looked down, finally letting the tears that she held on for too long.

And so she cried, for what seemed like forever.

Ellie might have won the game, but her kingdom was nothing but a hollow shell, devoid of warmth and light you brought into her life.

“I knew it was too good to be true.” You overhear Nora in a frustrated tone.

Your brows knit together, forming deep lines on your forehead as you grumble. Your head was aching, and your eyes felt tired and puffy from crying last night. You, however, tried standing up slowly, not having the energy. You opened the door of the guest room, eyes falling on the two figures standing in Abby’s apartment’s kitchen.

“You should not say anything mean to her. She’s in pain.” Abby says in a hushed voice.

“I know but-”

“What are you two doing?” You asked, startling Nora and Abby.

“Just talking,” Nora said, walking up to you.

“Are you okay?” Abby asked, her voice filled with deep concern as she sat you on her couch.

“Yeah, just a little groggy.” You cleared your throat. “What were you talking about?”

Nora and Abby shared looks, the blonde shaking her head, telling her friend not to say something. But the girl only crossed her arms in front of her chest, ignoring Abby’s gaze.

“About last night,” Nora answered.

You looked away, eyes squinting at the blinding light illuminating from the windows. “What about it?”

“I knew she wasn’t good for you. Why don’t you listen to me?” Nora exhaled frustratingly. “I’ve never seen you so devastated, Y/n. It’s deeply concerning.”

“Nora please…” You begged, wanting to drop the topic.

“Why would you think that she wouldn’t do something to you? She’s a deceitful Casanova! I thought you were smart, Y/n.”

“That’s enough!” Abby stood up, lightly pushing Nora away.

Your eyes prickled with tears, looking at her with bitterness across your face. You faced her, standing up abruptly. “Were you happy that you were right? Was that it, Nora?!”

“Hey,” Abby went in the middle, breaking off the starting fight.

“Fuck, yes, I am! I hope you’d fucking listen for me once!”

“Well then, congratulations! Thank you, Nora, for rubbing my mistakes all over my face. I hope it feels so good to be an all-knowing bitch!” You screamed, grabbing your bag at the coffee table and walking out the door fast. You heard Abby going after you, but you ran inside the elevator quickly, ignoring the looks of disgust and concern on the faces of the people beside you as they looked at your state: hair and clothes being a mess, with a tired face, alcohol reeking body, and a pair of bare feet.

“What the actual shit…?” An old man shook his head at you disapprovingly, making you even break down into a fit of tears.

The scented candles you once put on to relax your brains filled your nose, its lavender scent calming your nerves as the steam of hot water streaming down your body, enveloping you in a warm hug. With each droplet falling into every inch of your skin, you wished that it could also wash away the bitterness and resentment that clung to your heart.

Hours had already passed by as you stepped inside the shower, but you remained lost in your thoughts – filling your brain once again with a haze pure of anger and sadness. You tried shaking it off, lightly pulling down your hair as you desperately wanted to forget her stupid face. But your brain couldn’t stop imagining the event last night, how stupidly good she looked, how you stupidly kissed her, and stupidly fell for her antics. Despite everything, you couldn’t stop thinking about how you couldn’t fully hate her.

Your love for her weighed more than what she has done. But still, you couldn’t bring yourself to easily forgive her.

You sighed, plopping down on the bed after the long bath you took, not caring what time or what day was it. Abby got you covered. She texted you once you got to your apartment, saying that you shouldn’t come to the school today and just get some rest. She also apologized for Nora’s behavior and you scoffed at that. She shouldn’t be the one doing that, she’s not at fault. But, oh, well, Nora wouldn’t apologize. It’ll hurt her pride.

You didn’t respond, but Abby texted you once again, saying that Nora made you an excuse letter, saying that you were sick for the day. Abby thought that it was her way of saying I’m sorry, and you just sighed.

She also updated you once she gave it to Mrs. Garcia, catching Ellie’s figure slouched down her chair, head resting on her arms that were laid out on her desk. It’s as if Ellie was in a trance, she says, just staring at the empty chair beside her that was supposed to be your seat. Abby also caught her curious glance at her figure, asking you if she probably recognized her but you couldn’t tell her the exact answer. You were confused, too.

You buried your head in your pillows, staring at the ceiling. You can imagine how pitiful Ellie looks, and for once, you’d offer millions just to hear her thoughts.

Ellie immediately threw herself on the couch in her shared apartment with Dina, feeling the exhaustion penetrating to the very core of her being, leaving her feeling drained and depleted – both mentally and physically. She buried her face in the soft plush of the pillows, sighing heavily. She didn’t tell anyone about what happened between you two, and she very much ignored every single one of her teammates, not wanting to feel like the total sore loser. Especially with Dina who has been telling her not to do this since the day she knew about the bet. Ellie could imagine how she would scold her for hurting you. And maybe she deserves it.

Dina, who was sitting on the floor of the living room, glanced at Ellie while different art materials were sprawled out at the coffee table, including her laptop. “What was that?” She asked, brow-raising up before going back to what she was doing.

“Nothing.” Ellie lied, heart racing at the thought of telling Dina where she went wrong.

“No, not nothing. Stop lying to me and tell me everything.” Her brows knitted, getting frustrated at the hand-made card she was designing. Ellie remained silent, and Dina had to pinch her lightly.

“Ow! Fine!” Ellie sat up, soothing her leg. “Y/n knew about the bet after we kissed.”

Dina stopped cutting the paper and looked at Ellie with pure disbelief, “What?!” She exclaimed, and Ellie only gazed down her lap, fiddling with her fingers, not wanting to see the disappointment on her face. “I knew this wouldn’t go well!”

Ellie sighed once again, “She won’t forgive me.”

“Hell, yeah. You played with her feelings, Els. That’s not fair.” She shook her head repeatedly. “She’s a nice girl, she doesn’t deserve it.”

“I know,” Ellie answers, almost in a whisper. Feeling the guilt consuming her once again. Her chest tightened as if her heart were squeezing, making it difficult to breathe.

Dina sighed, “You must face the consequences of your actions, Ellie. I won’t nag you with all of your shitty decisions in life but I do hope that you’ll reflect on what you’ve done.” Dina looked up at her, meeting her green eyes. “You don’t have to be the same cruel, heartless person everyone believed you to be. Maybe it is hard to admit that you like somebody, and I understand that your feelings might get mixed up and fight with your mind. But that’s what the heart wants, deep inside, that’s what you want, and burying it with the ugly thoughts that you shouldn’t fall in love with someone else because you’re you, wouldn’t do well. Do you understand me?”

Ellie nodded reluctantly.

“Now help me with the invitations and I might give you one.” Dina pats the space beside her, and Ellie can’t help but smile lightly before sitting down on the floor too.

“What’s this for?” She asked, wanting to touch the freshly made one but Dina swatted her hand immediately.

“It’s for this year’s camping trip. It’ll be held next week when the break starts. It’ll be exclusive only to those who attended last year’s camp, and those whom the camp councils will choose who attend. And since I’m this year’s head committee of the arts committee, I am the one in charge of the making of the invitations.” She explained.

“Will Y/n be there?”

Dina sighed, “Yes. She always is.”

“If I help you… can I get an invite?” Ellie looked at her expectantly, eyes widening with a small light of hope flicking around her mind.

“Fine. Only if you’ll be good.”

Ellie almost squealed in glee, immediately gathering the things she would need to make another card. She copied Dina’s work, and with so much skill that it looked better than the one her friend made.

Ellie would do everything she could to make amends, even if it meant making a hundred batches of handmade invitations until midnight.

Ellie couldn’t even lift a limb today, and Dina basically had to pull her away from her bed just so she’d get up. It was an important day, as all of the students who participated and won the university’s national-wide intramurals were going to get recognized in front of everyone. The Rising Phoenixes’ were the highlight of this year, bagging the 6th win of the women’s football team, and will be going to compete internationally.

But Ellie couldn’t handle the humiliation she had been feeling at herself. Sure, her friends didn’t know what happened, and everyone still thinks highly of her, but Ellie couldn’t go in front of the stage knowing that you would be there. Ellie tried calling in sick, but her coach wouldn’t let her not to attend the recognition, knowing that it would be just as important to him as it was to Ellie.

Ellie stood in the middle of the stage, accepting the huge medal that purely recognized her skills and abilities. She tried to get that smug smile on her face, posing for the pictures. And you watched, trying to hide behind the people in front of you, not wanting Ellie to know that you were there. Still silently supporting her even when she did you dirty.

You sighed, excusing yourself as you tried to get away from the swarm of people trying to desperately get in front, admiring the players. Ellie’s heart raced as she craned her neck, her eyes scanning the crowd in search of you. She wanted to get out of this place or else she’ll get suffocated. So she politely excused herself, declining a girl who wanted to get a picture with her.

Ellie needed to find you, to redeem herself after that night, but you seemed like sand — always slipping out of her fingers.

Her breath hitched as she saw a familiar figure, walking through the busy hallway. Ellie’s footsteps rang through the tiled floors as she hurried after you, her heart busting in her chest as longing grew quickly inside her. With each desperate stride to come get you, Ellie silently cursed as you pushed yourself at the swarm of people, making it hard for her to spot you.

“Wait!” She yelled, making other people look her way. “Y/n, please, just listen to me!” She exclaimed, small tears started forming at the corners of her eyes.

Your throat hurts as you pretend not to hear her voice calling out to you. The once hurried walks almost turn into running. You wanted to get away from her. You don’t trust yourself in front of her. You knew that if you were left in a room with Ellie, no matter what she did, she could just tell you that she loves you and you’ll come running back in her arms.

“Please!” Ellie cried out, voice filled with anguish. “I need to talk to you!”

But you remain out of her reach, just always a few steps ahead. Ellie’s heart sank as she realized that you could probably hear her, you just didn’t want to talk to her, you didn’t want to listen to her explanations and apologies.

“Hey, man, that’s alright.” Jesse came beside her, wrapping his hands over her shoulders, gently tugging Ellie away from the crowd.

The girl couldn’t even fight back, she just let Jesse take her wherever he went as her vision blurred, tears started falling down her shirt. Her mind is full of despair. Thoughts of wanting to just catch you, even just for a couple of minutes, and she’ll try to make up for whatever shitty thing she has done to you. But now, as she walked with her head down while a huge medal was sitting around her neck, she felt like a loser more than ever.

Everything after that seemed like a blur. Ellie’s stare was blank as her head rested at Jesse’s car window, just gazing around the scenery with a heavy heart. Ellie vowed to herself not to stop trying. She had to earn your forgiveness, no matter how hard it is.

“I told Dina you were safe with me, and we’re just in our usual hangout place,” Jesse says, sitting at the cold concrete floor of an abandoned beach house. “Luckily, I still have a stock of beers in my car.” Jesse offered her one.

“Thanks, man,” Ellie says, looking at the beach in front of her.

“I’ve never seen you like that before.”

“Yeah, I was surprised as well,” Ellie answered, immediately emptying the first can of beer. She reached out at the box, opening another can.

“Dina told me everything and all I can say was…” Jesse clicked his tongue, lightly shaking his head.

“Yeah, I know, I’m a shitty person.” Ellie nods to herself.

“Nah, I think you’re just a normal person who makes a mistake. I mean, you’re just scared, and I do understand why you did what you did. However, it does not mean that it’s right.”

“Scared?” Ellie scoffed, looking at Jesse.

“What? Did I say something incorrect?” Jesse raised his pointer finger at Ellie’s face.

“Yes, man, I think you’re perfectly wrong,” Ellie answered, raising hers, too.

“Admit it or not, Els, only a cowardly person would do such thing like that,” Jesse says in a serious tone. “Accepting a bet to kiss a girl even if hurting another person’s feelings just to win and for what? Just to make everyone respect you since you’re their captain? Just say it, Ellie. That being a Casanova just shields you from what you truly are because deep inside you’re scared of being vulnerable with someone else.”

Ellie’s jaw clenched, still looking at her friend with knitted brows. She wanted to quip back and say something mean to him, but she knew that Jesse was right.

“You couldn’t fix everything if you can’t even proudly tell that you like Y/n. If you’re going to live yourself trying to hide from everyone about what you truly felt, then you truly won’t change, and Y/n won’t forgive you.”

Ellie sighed, looking down at her lap. Her brain started swirling as she thought about everything. “I guess I just always have to prove myself to everyone. That I can do everything, and no one could hinder that. I’m their captain, and so I should be the one who’s always in control. Not the other way around.” She emptied her second one, immediately opening up the other. She took a deep breath, closing her eyes. “I stayed away from affection because I was surrounded by people who think that loving someone was a weakness.”

“That’s not true at all.” Jesse defended. “I think being able to freely admit to someone that you love them was a sign of true bravery. Admitting that you were willing to risk everything for them isn’t weak.” Jesse put a hand on Ellie’s shoulder, looking straight into her eyes. “You are not weak.”

Ellie’s face softened, glancing away.

She sighed, how she wished that the ocean could swallow her whole. Maybe the crashing waves could mimic her troubling emotions. Maybe then she wouldn’t feel lost and alone.

The school year had ended, and the warm sun bathed your apartment in a golden glow. The humidity has been high, sucking all of your energy one by one as doing such simple tasks will have you drenched in sweat. So, here you are, lying on your couch, enjoying your freedom as you stare at the movie on the television, your thoughts flying away.

Abby was out for today, having been running errands that her dad specifically asked her to do. She hated it, going from city to city to talk to someone, get some confidential files, and so on. But, knowing her dad, Abby couldn’t do anything but comply. Besides, her overflowing allowance was his only way of shutting her up.

You and Nora were good now. Two days after your fight, she had been texting to talk to you, putting her pride aside. But you knew Abby had to firmly ask her to apologize to you before she did. You understand her concerns, knowing that she’s just an overprotective friend for you. It’s just that she did that in such a bad way, opening some opportunities for a misunderstanding — which you two had just done. However, you already accepted her apology, making her vow not to do it anymore.

And with Ellie, you did not know what to do. It’s been almost two weeks since that night happened, and the wound is still fresh as that day. You blocked her from everything, not wanting her presence to loom over you. But, it’s not effective as you still couldn’t stop thinking of her. You can’t get her out of your head, images of her face come flashing into your mind, haunting you in your dreams. You tried drowning your thoughts, distracting yourself by reading books, watching movies, and putting your headphones on 24/7, but the sounds of her screams and pleads for you came echoing to your ears no matter what, consuming you whole.

You sighed heavily, trying to focus on the scene on the television to escape everything when a sudden knock came on your door. Surprised and skeptical, you made your way to answer it. Abby was coming this afternoon, but you figured out it wasn’t her because she has your apartment keys.

Opening the door, you found Dina standing on your doorstep, offering a warm smile at you.

“Hey!” She greeted. “I hope I’m not interrupting you,” She said sheepishly.

You immediately shook your head, “No, not really. I was just watching a movie. Come inside!” You opened your door widely, and she stepped in. “Do you want anything? It’s hot outside, I’m surprised you can handle the heat.”

“Any cold drink would be fine, and yes, I don’t have a choice but to do this.” Dina chuckled, following you to the kitchen, and sitting at the barstool as she watched you make a juice.

“What for?”

Dina opened her bag, getting an invitation letter for you. Your eyes dropped to the small piece of paper she slid as you offered Dina the drink which she gratefully accepted.

“Oh, I didn’t know it’ll be too soon.” You said, opening the letter.

“Yeah, the council thought it’d be fun to hold a camp a week after the school had ended. Most of the campers liked to travel in May, and so we decided to hold it in April.” Dina sipped at the juice, looking at you. “How are you? I mean,” She sighed. “I know what happened.”

You cleared your throat, inhaling sharply. It had slipped your mind that Dina is Ellie’s best friend, and she knew everything. Humiliation ran through your face, looking away. “It’s embarrassing…” You admitted.

“I know, sweetie.” Dina placed her hand on top of yours. “I knew about the bet, and I was actually about to tell you everything that night but Ellie butted in. I’ve been warning her since the very first time but she’s persistent on doing it. I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your fault.” You shook your head, trying your best not to cry. “It’s mine. I should’ve known better than falling for her.”

“Oh, Y/n…” Dina whispered.

You smiled at her through bloodshot eyes, “I’m gonna be at camp. It’ll be a nice distraction from her.”

Dina hissed, “Actually… Ellie’s gonna be there too.”

Your brows knitted. “What?”

“She figured you’d be there.” Dina sighed heavily. “It’s fine if you won’t accept the invite, okay? I’ll just vouch for you-”

“No, no, no.” You shake your head, not wanting to cause Dina any more trouble. “It’s fine. I can just… ignore her.”

“Are you sure?” Dina asked, hesitantly.

“I’ll accompany her there.” Abby suddenly butted in, her presence making you two in shock. Abby flashed Dina a boyish smile before extending her hand, “I’m Abby Anderson.”

“Oh yeah, I knew your father.” Dina smiled. “I’m Dina.”

You looked at Abby, “What are you saying? Your dad won’t agree.”

“He will. He promised that this was the last time he’d given me a task. I’m a free woman now.” She gestured both of her hands in the air. “So,” Abby looked at Dina. “Could I get an invitation? I’m just gonna keep an eye out for my idol Ellie.”

You and Dina exchanged glances.

The sun dipped low on the horizon as you hopped off the bus, scanning your eyes through the scenery in front of you. Nostalgia hit you as you smelled the fresh breeze of the campsite, a place where you spent every year of your summer. You started smiling to yourself, trying to calm your wild heart as the thought of spending the whole week with Ellie started forming.

A small touch at your back made you flinch, pulling you back to reality as Abby’s tall frame stood over you, blocking the rays of the sun.

“I’ve never been into any campsites. Ever.” Abby says gleefully, being amazed at every single thing from the scenery during the bus ride, and here in the camp.

“That’s because you are very rich and you spend your summers in Greece or whatever,” You said.

Abby looked at you, offended. “I’m not very rich!” She argued.

“Yes you are, sweetie, you grew up having a Lamborghini for your school service.” You placed your hand on her shoulder, nose crinkly as you tried not to smile.

At the distance, far from your consciousness, you didn’t know that Ellie was at one of the picnic tables in the distance, trying to ignore the girls who started sitting beside her and trying to flirt with her as she only looked your way. Her eyes darkened, and her jaw tensed as she followed your figure walking beside your friend, Abby, to your respective shared cabin.

Her fist clenched, the weight of guilt and regret tugging down on her like a suffocating blanket. She had messed up, she knew that, but seeing you smiling and laughing with another girl only served to deepen her sense of shame and loneliness.

The lunch continued at the campsite’s central meeting house, where Joan, gladly thanked every camper for participating in this year’s camp. Dina welcomed you and Abby, gesturing to you where she was seated.

Jesse nodded at you, absolutely devouring the piece of croissant on his table. Where he got that when the buffet wasn’t even started, you didn’t know, nor did not bother to ask. Unfortunately, you and Abby were seated in front of Ellie, who was already looking at you intently. Her eyes screamed with frustration and irritation for no one knows what. Her ringed fingers were clasped together at the table, and you gave her a tight-lipped smile, not wanting to stir any trouble and trying to keep it civil.

You looked at Joan, trying to avoid even glancing at Ellie's face.

She looks so good.

How can she make a simple black shirt that good? And oh, not to mention how her tattoos were fully exposed, whilst her auburn hair was in a half-up bun. You mentally scolded yourself for the fluttering feeling in your stomach, muttering curses under your breath.

Abby leaned into you, whispering in your ear. “What is wrong with you?”

“Nothing.” You hushed her.

Ellie watched the interaction in front of her. Her heart sank a little as she looked at how close Abby was to you — something that she couldn’t do.

You intently listened to Joan who was explaining the rules of the capture the flag, especially to those young campers who couldn’t help filling the meeting house with anticipation and excited cheers and chatters for their team. You, Abby, Ellie, and Jesse were assigned to Dina’s team, and Ellie couldn’t stop feeling a small light of hope to have an opportunity to talk to you.

The lunch quickly ended, and everyone was given an hour to get their team’s respective shirts at the tent and to make the team leader strategies to win the game.

Abby excused herself to go to the bathroom quickly, and Ellie found herself walking behind you, her heart pounding in her chest as your familiar perfume filled her nose. Her heart warmed with such longing and desperation, but she couldn’t find the right words and the courage to speak up.

You, however, were fully aware of her presence behind you. You spent many times with Ellie that you can even recognize her shadow. You tried calming your beating heart as you carefully watched your steps going inside the tent, knowing that she was just right behind you.

You took an abrupt stop from walking, making Ellie’s chest bump into your back.

“Oh, sorry.” You quickly apologized, feeling embarrassed.

“It’s fine,” Ellie answered softly, scratching the back of her head.

You grabbed the red shirt, indicating the color of your team, and Ellie did so. As she was about to open her mouth to say something, Abby immediately appeared behind your back.

“Dina says we should now go under the large oak tree.” Abby pointed, cutting the potential conversation between you and Ellie, and you did not know whether to feel relieved or sad.

Frustration boiled beneath Ellie’s skin as she clenched her fists, her nails digging through her palms so hard. She could feel getting annoyed at the presence of the newcomer, her madness bubbling through her heart, threatening to spill at any moment. But as Dina gathered her team, she couldn’t do anything about it, and mentally advised herself not to let her emotions get over her.

With a deep breath, Ellie pushed down all of her anger and frustration. She vowed to herself that she would make things right, and no one could stop her from doing so.

Not Natalie.

Not even the gods.

And definitely not Abby.

The soft rustling of the wind against the leaves somehow made you at ease. After the game started, you tried to quickly make your way to the forest, knowing that this area wouldn’t be covered by the game. Not wanting anyone to catch you, you quickly ran away, hiding in the bushes as everyone made their way where each other’s flag was.

Abby, bless her, didn’t even notice that you weren’t by her side since she was overly enthusiastic with the game as she hadn’t even played it before. And so there she was, running and defending herself as she tried to make her way to the opponent’s flag, enjoying every bit of it.

The familiar forest enveloped you in its embrace, providing a small sense of comfort as you sat on one of the tall trees. You sighed, ears perked up to hear the birds singing, knowing that you were not all alone.

The weight of holding the burden of being a plaything fell slumped on your shoulders, dragging you whole. You bit yourself, trying to face the dilemma of forgiving Ellie. If you choose to give her another chance, you’ll betray yourself. But if you choose to ignore her, you’ll betray your heart.

So what would you do?

Lost in your thoughts, you sighed, massaging your temples while your eyes were tightly shut. The ache in your heart was refusing to go, memories of you and Ellie came running down your thoughts. Unbeknownst to you, Ellie had been searching for your presence, her heart was deep with longing and regret.

A soft crackle of the leaves made your train of thoughts stop, abruptly standing. But before you could even lift a limb, Ellie appeared in the woods.

Your eyes widen, wanting to get away from her as soon as possible. And Ellie noticed how you were alarmed by her, a small pang in her heart as she watched you scramble to your feet. Trying, but failing to go away as she was blocking your way.

“Please… I want to talk to you.” Ellie said, almost in a whisper. She maintained to keep her distance, not wanting to scare you into running away.

“For what, Ellie?” You said, dejected. “Wasn’t that enough? Why can’t you leave me alone.”

“I can’t!” She exclaimed, a lump forming in her throat as she tried not to cry. “I like you, Y/n.”

You laughed with no humor. Despite feeling an ache in your chest, your heart beats wildly against it. Tears started streaming down your face, breaking Ellie’s heart into pieces. “And how could I believe that? You lied to me not even once!”

“I’m sorry,” Ellie says, voice trembling. “I’m so so sorry. Please just give me another chance to make things right. I’ll prove to you that I do like you.”

You did not answer. You couldn’t bring your eyes to look at her gaze. You can’t. It’ll break you more than you’ll ever know. Countless of doubts started forming in your mind, not trusting the words coming from her lips. Uncertainty gnawed on your mind, clouding your thoughts and poisoning your judgment.

“I don’t know, Ellie…” You whispered, your gaze is on the floor. “I want to believe you but I just…” You trailed off, shaking your head. “I don’t know if I could trust you again.”

Tears welled in Ellie’s eyes, blurring her line of vision. The huge weight of your words came crashing down on her, breaking every inch of her body. She hoped she could find the energy to run after you, beg for your forgiveness once again. But faced with the reality, Ellie knew she had to respect your decision. She shouldn’t dictate what you should and should not do. Ellie hurt you, and if it was the consequences of her actions that Dina was talking about, then she’ll gladly face it.

She just hoped that you’d still be there when she changed.

Maybe.

Tension was thick as Ellie remained to keep her distance away from you. Realizing that there’s nothing she can do in the meantime, she wanted to give you some space. It’s the least she can do for you, knowing that what she did broke you in many ways she could ever imagine. Ellie’s heart ached as she took a glance at your puffy face, evidence of how shitty she truly was.

The breakfast were held outside the meeting house, a long table were set up by the camp counselors, providing a very-well decorated table and chairs with different sets of vases with colorful flowers. Dina were as busy as ever, but she couldn’t ignore the slump face of Ellie as she was fixing the chairs.

She didn’t comment on that, even when you and Abby decided to sit at the other side of the table, far away from Ellie. She noted how quiet her friend was, fully knowing that something happened last night. Dina has an idea, but she couldn’t bring herself to ask Ellie or you, not wanting to stir any more conflicts.

“You alright?” Dina asked softly while everyone was done with their meal. Grabbing a garbage bag, she started picking up the paper plates, and the disposable cups and plastics.

“Rough day.” Ellie only answered with a rugged voice, helping her friend out.

“Abby,” Dina called, making the blonde girl look at her with raised brows.

“Yeah?” She asked from the distance, and Ellie tried not to furrow her brows, getting annoyed even by the tone of her voice.

“Can you and Ellie get the garbage bags and throw them at the disposal?” Dina kindly asked, making Ellie’s head turn at her harshly.

“What? Why her?” She asked, annoyance evident in her tone and expression.

“No problem!” Abby beamed.

Dina widened her eyes at Ellie, giving her a warning look. The auburn-haired girl muttered curses under her breath, knowing that she couldn’t do anything about it or Dina would kick her out of the camp whenever she wanted to.

You casually went to Dina, offering her a tight-lipped smile as you helped her clean the area that she was cleaning.

“Would they be friends?” Dina asked, glancing at Ellie and Abby’s backs.

You chuckled, shaking your head. “Abby idolizes Ellie, I don’t know about her though.”

Dina smiled, falling silent for a minute. “Are you okay?”

“Still living. That’s what matters, right?” You joked.

“What’s on your mind?” Dina asked, placing a gentle hand on your shoulder.

“I…” You shut your eyes, shaking your head. “I don’t know if I could trust her again, you know. She told me she likes me. But I don’t know if I could believe that.”

“You could choose not to, Y/n. You could choose to ignore Ellie if you want. Do you?”

“No,” You whispered. “Funny thing is… I can’t do it. Ignoring her would mean hurting myself more. But forgiving her that fast would mean that I’m weak.”

“No, you’re not.” Dina held both of your hands, squeezing it gently. “Forgiving doesn’t mean you are forgetting or excusing her actions. You can do it slowly, let her gain your trust once again, and see if it will work. I have known Ellie since we were kids, and I can tell you how much she truly regrets what she did to you. Did you know she helped me make the invitations until 2:00 in the morning?”

“Really?” You smiled despite the tears threatening to fall from your eyes.

“Yeah, she did. I never saw her that dedicated in my life until you came. Y/n, she likes you. Truly.”

You stared at Dina for too long, nibbling your bottom lip. “Oh yeah?”

“What’s up with you and Y/n?” Abby asked Ellie, tailing her as she dumped the garbage bag forcefully at the pit.

“None of your fucking business.” Ellie glared at her.

“Woah, woah,” Abby said, raising her hands in the air. “What did I do? Why are you pissed?”

“Exist,” Ellie answered sternly. “Listen, dude, why don’t you go away? You already have Y/n, what more could you possibly want from me?”

Abby’s brows furrowed, “I don’t– Oh wait, you think me and Y/n were together? Is that why you’re so mad?”

Ellie muttered a curse under her breath.

“Oh, yes, you did.” Abby giggled but stopped when Ellie shot her a piercing glare. “We’re not together. We’re friends.”

“Friends, huh?” Ellie scoffed.

“Wait– why are you the one who’s getting mad at me? That’s supposed to be the other way around! You hurt my friend, Ellie. And even though I was your super fangirl, nothing about what you did to Y/n was right.”

Ellie stopped in her tracks, almost dropping the garbage bag she was holding. Her jaw clenched as she listened to what the blonde girl was talking about, setting aside her annoyance at her for just a couple of minutes.

“I was the one who pushed her to befriend you. You should be grateful to me,” Abby threw the garbage beside her. “She believed in you, Ellie, just like what she does to everyone. Y/n is a great person and I didn’t know why you just took her for granted.”

Ellie slowly dropped the thing she was holding. She gulped as she made sense of what Abby was saying.

“I know,” Ellie agreed. “I’m a dick. Don’t worry, I’ll stop chasing her for now.”

Abby’s head whipped at Ellie’s direction, “Now when did I say that you should do that?”

“Should I not?” Ellie asked, puzzled.

“No. Just one little push, okay? Just show Y/n that you’re sincere. Can’t you do that?”

“I can,” Ellie nodded, mostly to herself.

“Alright.” Abby smiled, patting her hand on Ellie’s exposed shoulder with the tank top she was wearing. Unbeknownst to the auburn haired girl, Abby smeared dirt on it.

Ellie’s nose flared as she fakes a gag at the smell, “Fuck you, blondie!” She yelled, eliciting a loud laugh from Abby, echoing through the forest-clad area.

The crackling flames over the bonfire perfectly illuminated the different faces of the group who were gathered around it. The adults decided to sneak over to do a spontaneous midnight activity and snacks, bringing different snacks, candies, and even alcohol that they hid from their luggage. Even the camp counselors were around, and some of them came up with the idea to call everyone to come out when the kids were already fast asleep.

You found yourself sitting in front of Ellie, giving you the perfect view of her face, the flickering lights casting a shadow on her face, making her green eyes pop as she watched the dancing flames, seemingly lost in thoughts. She did not even notice that Dina had sat on her left side, along with Jesse who was already opening a bag of chips. She did not even move when a girl you were not familiar with started sitting dangerously close to her, the proximity making your left brow arch slowly. The sad girl elbowed her friend, whispering something in her as she kept glancing at Ellie, a blush creeping on her cheeks.

“Oh, my god, we’re going to grill marshmallows just like what I watched in the movies,” Abby leaned in to whisper at your ear, excitement filling her voice as she clapped lightly.

You were about to say something, when someone yelled to play a game. Clapping his hand to gather everyone’s attention, he started to speak.

“I’m so happy to see old and new faces here in camp. I’m Luke, the vice counselor. A pleasure to meet all of you.” He says. “We’ll go crazy tonight, everyone. Let’s open the booze!”

Everyone yelled in excitement, popping the bottles simultaneously. Everyone started filling the massive container with blocks of ice, different candies, and of course, different mixes of alcohol to create the perfect drink for the night.

“Why don’t we play the game of truth or dare?” The girl beside Ellie suggested, a mischievous glint forming in her eyes as she took a glance at Ellie. The bottle spun, its neck pointing in Ellie’s direction.

“Oh, fun!” Another girl says, an eager smile forming around the corners of her lips. “Truth or dare?”

“Truth,” Ellie answered sternly.

“Boring!” She laughed flirtatiously, making your brows knit. It did not take long for Ellie to notice that your face started growing in pure annoyance, something that she picked up on for being with you for so long. Something inside her stirred, making her sit straight as she tried to ignore your gaze that was boring into hers. Ellie tried to remain looking at the girl who was talking to her, not wanting to lock eyes with you for a moment. “So tell me, Ellie, do you like someone?”

Everyone said “ooh” in unison, waiting expectantly for her answer. Ellie remained silent, her eyes locking with yours for a moment before you looked away, your expression guarded but your heart started beating too fast.

Ellie sighed, taking the hint that you did not want to be involved with her. “Can I just take a drink?” She asks, and everyone laughs, pouring her cup fully.

“Now that’s not boring!” The girl beside her exclaimed, feeling hopeful that she would have a chance on the girl.

You gulped, seemingly puzzled at what you are currently feeling right now. Perhaps, were you disappointed at her answer? Why does a small part of you want for her to express how much she likes you? Even though you made it clear last night that you don’t want her presence near you.

Dina looked at you and she gave you a tight-lipped smile, and you were unsure what that meant.

“Was it just me or did those two girls want to bang Ellie?” Abby asked, looking at them with a curious stare.

“Just shut up, Abs.” You rolled your eyes before taking a huge sip on your cup. The bitterness of the alcohol drew a sharp line on your throat, eliciting a small groan out of you.

The game continued, the dares becoming increasingly daring as the night wore on. But when the bottle’s neck finally landed on the girl sitting beside Ellie, her friend wasted no time in daring her to kiss the person in the group that she found attractive.

With a sly grin, the girl continued to lean towards Ellie. Ellie panicked, taking a glance at you, and was met with a glare from your eyes. She physically recoiled, her tattooed hand pushing her chest to keep her away. Everyone shouted in unison, teasing the girl beside Ellie.

“Don’t do that shit with me,” Ellie glared at her.

“You’re turning me down?!” The girl asked, offended. “Oh, my goodness. No one has ever done that to me! This is so embarrassing. I bet the girl you liked wasn’t even pretty!” She yelled, feeling the tears brimming at the corners of her eyes.

“Actually…” Abby, Jesse, and Dina said in unison.

“This is so ridiculous,” You said, shaking your head as the tension made you feel uncomfortable. You immediately get up, grabbing your cup full of alcohol to take it with you. The crackling sound of the dried leaves filled the air as you walked away, disappearing into a small part of the forest — not far away from the gleaming lights of the camp.

“Y/n?” Ellie asked gently, tailing you.

You stared at her, and part of your brain started swirling as the alcohol slowly consumed you. You leaned into the tree, feeling exhausted at everything as you kept your gaze at her.

“Why didn’t you kiss her?” You asked, challenging her.

“Are you serious?” Ellie laughed sarcastically. “I think I made it clear that you are the only one I like. I still do.”

“Then why didn’t you say it earlier?”

Ellie gulped, “I… don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

You nodded, taking her reason as a valid one. “What if… that’s what I truly want? To hear you shout that you… like me.” You said, voice faltering at the last two words.

“You think I can’t do that?” Ellie asked you back. “I like you, Y/n Y/l/n!” She yelled at the top of her lungs, as loud as she could, her words echoing through the silent night, scaring the birds who were resting on their respective nests.

You couldn’t stop smiling at that gesture, so you tried to move your head away from her gaze, hiding your face. Ellie felt a warmth surging in her heart as she took a step forward at you. She lifted your chin, wide green eyes staring at yours.

“Alright, hear me out.” She says, making both of your brows lift as you anticipate what she’ll say next. “I know messed up… big time and I’m ready to earn your forgiveness. So, here’s my proposal…”

You raised a brow, curious to see what Ellie had in mind. The corners of her lips twitched into a playful smile, her eyes glinting with joy as she outlined her plan in her mind. “I propose to dance in front of you.”

“Jesus.” You shut your eyes, laughing at her suggestion. “You might scare the living creatures in here.” You joked.

Ellie danced, however. Making ridiculous moves as she waved her hips, trying to jiggle her butt. You laughed harder as she tried to mimic Michael Jackson’s moonwalk, but failed as she tripped and fell into a pile of leaves.

“Oh god…” You shut your eyes tightly while smiling like an idiot. Even though her moves were not as good, there’s something about it that you find… charming. You sighed, walking nearer to where Ellie was. You offered your hand to help her stand up, and she hesitantly accepted it.

Ellie gently wiped off the leaves and dirt that stuck on her pants before looking at you once again. The moonlight illuminated your face, making her breath hitch as she finally saw you in this proximity. Something that she never thought she would miss. Ellie can finally look at your face and smell your perfume, and her heart warms as she tries not to kiss you right there and then.

“I can’t believe that you thought I was going to fall for that.”

“Well, did it work?”

You smiled before gripping his collar and smashing down your lips with hers. “Yes, captain.”

taglist: @liasxeatt @darkerstarsstuff @amberputh @bready101 @teawithnosugar @elliesaturnsoftdrink @elliewilliamgfooc @machetegirl109 @lazcylies @kawaiibreadbouquet-blog @missladyhope @stvrs13 @vqxen @mikellie @villainousbear @daribakugo @elliessweetheart @chxrryvalxntins @lulith05 @anyscz @elliessluutt @lively-blues @gasliightt @tphmnv @sofiaaasblog @shiimer @nobodyykxox @disguisedfangirl @sukolover @elliewilliamsblunt @ellishamae25 @marrycv

#ellie williams fanfic #ellie williams x female reader #ellie williams x reader angst #ellie williams #ellie williams x reader

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handsonurknees · 1 year

Text

intertwined, sewn together

joel miller x f!reader

a/n: this is probably really ooc but this is my first time writing for joel. i really took a narrative approach with this (which i don’t usually do) so if you don’t like it then please tell me! i just couldn’t resist world building…

warnings: touch starved joel, angst, hurt/comfort, fluff, mentions of getting shot, joel if he was even more babygirl

wc: 1.9k

the sun had just begun to set when you, joel, and ellie had finally found a place to camp for the night. it was a sad dilapidated excuse of a house, but there was a roof and unbroken windows, so it beat sleeping on hard frozen soil. when you first enter the structure, ellie sprints past you, almost knocking you over.

“holy shit! i don’t think i’ve ever been this happy to be in a house with rotting floorboards and broken furniture.” she laughs, flopping down on a stray floral cushion that seemed to once belong to the couch frame against the far wall of the small living room. a wide smile overtakes your face, but when you turn to joel he looks stern, surveying the house.

“yeah well, i wouldn’t get too comfortable.” he states dryly, entering further, the loud stomp of his boots following him. “i don’t trust this place.”

“you never trust any place.” you tease, but by the way his face contorts into an annoyed look, you can tell he’s not in the mood for teasing. ellie gets up, brushing dust off her pants and grabbing your arm to stay back while he searches the rest of the building. once he’s at least two rooms over, she leans in towards you.

“is it just me, or is he more pissed off than usual?” she asks

“it’s definitely not just you.” you mumble out in a huff.

“wasn’t he just fine like, two hours ago?”

“you’re asking me for what reason exactly?”

“i don’t know. you always fix him when he’s being an ass. it’s like you’re magic or something.” ellie explains. she always does this kind of thing to you. acting like you and joel had some sort of connection; like you and him were two halves of a brain sewn together. really, you just knew him. you knew what made him smile, what made him laugh, what made him angry. ellie obviously knew you two were old friends, but what ellie didn’t know was that you and joel knew each other before the outbreak. back in texas, you had a daughter, one ellie’s age. her and sarah had been in the same classes for almost their whole lives, but when the outbreak hit, you and your daughter fled and managed to get to a small town on the border of arkansas and missouri. there, she had gotten bitten and then shot by the only man you had began to trust since your ex left. that’s when you ran away and ended up in the boston qz, running into an old friend who convinced you to stay. the old friend that you have spent the past 18 years since with. so instead of explaining this all to ellie, everytime it’s just:

“yeah right.” then as if on cue, joel emerges from the back of the house and looks at you, then at ellie.

“i suppose it should be fine here. but only for one night.” he says gruffly, his hand instinctively settled on the gun on his hip. ellie pumps a fist in the air and runs deeper into the house. you feel the urge to celebrate a night not spent on damp wet leaves as well, but something stops you. the something that hangs onto that annoyed look and that stern glare. something that makes you reach out.

“joel?” he looks out the window, yet still hums impatiently in response. “what’s up?” you pry.

“why you gotta be so nosy?” he snaps, making you take a step back.

“i’m sorry, i just worry about you. you know, when you get all standoffish. you’re not alone, joel.” the words come out as gentle, even though on the inside his reaction stings you. the hiss of hot iron against your heart.

“well you don’t need to worry, alright? i’ll take care of myself, you take care of yourself.” he retorts, words like daggers in your side. of course joel was classically cynical and rude, but you always had felt he was different with you. no matter how self-centered that sounded, people around you agreed too. joel just so happened to be more tolerable when he was around you, it was a fact. this however, was not the first time he had snapped at you. and even though it happens every so often, it still cuts like a dull knife.

“okay, joel.” is all you say before exiting the room and search for some kind of pillow or mattress to sleep on. as you dig through musty closets, your brain aches, racking itself for the reason why joel was acting the way he was. each time, you come up with nothing. once you find a pillow and a frayed rug, your mind shifts to setting up a bed.

once the sun has nested beneath the horizon and the stars come out, you return to your room from ellie’s after she had fallen asleep to you telling stories from before the outbreak. as you take in your makeshift bed once again, a melancholy feeling overwhelms you. this feeling of looking a tattered rug and a dirty pillow in a battered room and being relieved that you have the privilege of sleeping here. a heavy weight settles on your shoulders, one you feel every so often that reminds you that this is how you will live the rest of your life. that you will never see this world go back to “normal”. what really gets you is the thought that this is all that ellie has ever known. or any kids for that matter. and when the sadness becomes to much you can’t hold the tears behind your eyes anymore, you turn around and leave the room. then you find yourself in a position all too familiar, fist hovering over joel’s door. ready to reach out.

“is that you, ellie?” he says from the other side of the door in response to your knocking. you could hear the floorboards creaking as he approached the rotting divider between the two of you.

“no, it’s me.” your voice is small, weary. a voice he recognizes and opens the door for with a sigh.

“what’s wrong?” he questions, noticing the glisten in your eyes from tears that had threatened to spill only seconds earlier.

“you tell me first, joel.” you cross your arms. he narrows his eyes, then reluctantly opens the door more with a sigh, prompting you to enter. when he closes the door behind you and you sit on the floor, he follows suit.

“don’t know what you’re talking about. i’ve been fine all day, you’re the one who’s crying.” he gestures to his own face as if it’s your own.

“oh come on, even ellie noticed you were off. and she thinks you are a perpetual asshole, so obviously you’re more asshole-y than usual.” his face stays flat, not showing any emotion like earlier, but this time he’s actually listening.

“there is no ‘reason’ okay?” he hesitates, “i just can’t seem to wrap my head around all this.” your brows knot together for a moment, wondering if maybe he is thinking the exact same thing you are. but then, he continues. “it just feels wrong. i look at ellie, and i see her. and it scares me, you know?” his words are warm with vulnerability, something you know only is heard when he is really, truly opening up.

“oh joel…” you exhale steadily to keep composure before continuing. “i do. i know. for awhile, i thought i was trying to replace my daughter, but then i realized something so so important.” you instinctively reach for his hand, not noticing when he jumps from the gentle touch, “we all will have many loves in our life. that’s the way it is for me, for tess, for ellie, it will be that way for you.” he swallows and you feel his hand clam up in yours, but you don’t let go. “it’s okay to heal.”

“how do you always have an answer for everything?” his voice almost sounds boyish, the way each word leaves his mouth like it might break. “i swear, you are the wisest person i know.” you laugh quietly and break from his gaze, but his free hand shakily finds your face and guides your eyes back to his. “i mean it.” he affirms. you lean into his touch, your laughter settling into a soft smile.

“you know why i came in here?” you ask so quietly, as if not to wake up a sleeping baby. his hand falls from your face and leaves a tingle in its wake.

“why?”

“because i don’t know what to say to myself right now, and i figured you might.” you search deeper into his eyes before continuing, “because i think you’re the wisest person i know.” his look of understanding fades and contorts into something more playful.

“you making fun of me?” he says in mock-offense. “i was just trying to compliment you.”

“okay, i know it sounds that way, but it’s true. i mean i have have known you for god knows how long, and you still impress me every day. did you know that?” his face falls again, this time into a look of content. honestly you didn’t even know you felt this way until this moment, but you weren’t going to stop now, not when words were begging to escape your mouth. “-and you know me, you know me better than anyone else. you care so much, and don’t get me wrong, you are stubborn as a bitch, but i know you too. i know that you care.” his eyes soften with every word in a way you’ve never seen before.

“i was thinking about how life will never go back to normal. we will live the rest of our lives being ecstatic to have a roof over our heads and feeling blessed to have enough food to survive.” you continue, mouth starting to dry up. “and even though it’s depressing and-and awful to think about, i cannot think of anyone else on earth that i would rather be living through hell with, joel.” it gets quiet for awhile, a comfortable silence hanging in the air.

“i have no idea how i became lucky enough to have someone like you think all that of me.” is all he can say. your brain goes into overdrive by his words and crash into him, wrapping your arms about him. then, for the first time in a long time, he hugs you back. strong arms, secure around you. an apology you accept greedily, reveling in the feeling of his embrace. his thumb carefully tracing circles on your back, his face buried in your shoulder, all things you don’t realize are him feeling the same way you do. when you break apart, when two hearts sewn together rip, when two strings that were once intertwined unravel, you feel the urge for more. feelings you hadn’t known were there brewing in your stomach.

then, his hand meets your cheek, and yours meets his, you lean in until your foreheads touch and your noses brush. suddenly everything leading up to this moment is washed over with a newfound clarity. you both shake with a nervousness neither of you had felt in a long time as the gap between two lips is closed and the rest of the world disappears. you had not realized how much you missed the feeling of another person’s intimacy. the kiss wasn’t rough or even necessarily passionate, but more clumsy and gentle. you touched each other like you were made out of glass, careful not to break the other as teeth clashed and unspoken feelings built up over decades were silently spoken.

and right then you knew, that this was exactly where you were meant to be.

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x-liv25-jamieswife · 17 days

Text

avery head canons

@ariscats requested these, and avery's my fav girl so of course i'm gonna make them. hope you like them<3! (i apologize for any spelling mistakes). @catapparently helped me with some of these.

avery loves phoebe bridgers

she's also secretly a swiftie (she was a hugeeee love story stan when she was younger bc she dreamt of a love like that)

she relates to nothing new (ft. phoebe bridgers). she's always blasting that song in her room, crying. (jamie finds out she feels like that song and tries to comfort her by telling her she isn't just something that everyone will get tired of eventually).

she lovesss thrifting her own clothes.

avery pretends to hate her new wardrobe but she secretly likes it.

she used to only drink black coffee but then she found out she actually really likes flavored coffee (vanilla, caramel etc). she loves making her own little coffees at home (xander loves it too)

she went to the eras tour with a reputation/midnights crossover outfit

she loves candles, she has a ton of them in her room

the sheffield grayson kidnapping affects her more than she lets on (sometimes she imagines sheffield walking behind her while she's taking walks and stuff or she'll see his face everywhere)

she has an addiction to those shitty app store games

she used to be a huge star wars fan. she would force libby to watch the movies with her.

sometimes, during family dinners, she'll look at all the people around her (libby, max, the hawthornes, rebecca, etc) and think about how lucky she is to be loved by so many people. she sometimes tears up cause she used to wish to be that loved when she was younger. jamie always notices but knows that she doesn't like it when people point it out.

she loves fanfiction (xander and max introduced it to her)

she loves taking pictures of nature (her and grayson have a shared aesthetic insta account where they post all of their pictures) (i personally really love this one)

avery used to have a percy jackson fan account on insta when she was really young (her mom was her biggest fan) (the hawthornes found the account and find it adorable)

she's a huge percabeth shipper

her favorite book genre is murder mystery (holly jackson stan)

she used to love editing (there was this one percabeth edit of hers to my blood by ellie goulding that went viral)

her mom and her used to love watching rom coms

she used to wonder why no one wanted to be her friend when she was younger (cause she only has max)

ok this one's a bit dark and sad, but we all know she grew up poor in a shitty old town, and that's where you find all the weird creeps. based on the books, she seems to not really be comfortable with physical touch from strangers, so i hc that the reason why is bc walking home from school, she'd sometimes be harassed by these creeps.

she has scars from the bombing and the attempted shooting. she's insecure about them, but jamie always tells her they look beautiful (he also tells her they're proof of how strong she is)

she loves the beach (jamie brings her on dates there all the time)

she tends to get hate comments about her looks (this isn't really a head canon since it was kinda implied in tbh when those people were whispering about her looks (i may be imagining this). sometimes she gets insecure, but jamie always makes sure she knows how beautiful she is by kissing her and whispering sweet nothings in her ear etc. (this one was more of an aj one but oh well, i can never escape them)

avery has really good taste in clothing. her fans are always commenting about how hot she is.

she was times person of the year once

(this one is based off of a pic i saw on pinterest) avery once did a shoot for vogue where she wore a suit vest and nothing underneath and everyone went crazyyy (jamie too). (i'll insert a pic at the bottom)

she's convinced people hate her

she sometimes has nightmares about jamie breaking up with her (jamie proves her wrong in bed if you know what i mean)

she loves interacting with fans (she comments on posts, take pics with them in public, etc)

when libby and her used to live together in lib's apartment and they were struggling to buy food bc of money issues, avery would always leave the food to libby and tell her she ate at the diner (she actually didn't bc she once tried to steal some food but got caught. she didn't want to lose her job so she stopped).

avery secretly loves heels (they make her more confident)

her and rebecca vent to each other sometimes (avery feels really comfortable with her).

she lovesss sushi

absolutely love my girl avery (fav character of all time). i sort of see myself in her so i might be projecting in some of these. she's so underrated and it pisses me off (she easily solos all of the brothers).

#the inheritance games #the hawthorne legacy #the final gambit #the brothers hawthorne #averyjameson #avery grambs #jameson hawthorne #grayson hawthorne #libby grambs #xander hawthorne #maxine liu #she's my favorite character ever

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elliespassagerprincess · 7 months

Note

The air is getting crisp fall is coming so a bôa song is definitely needed can you do twilight by them

Twilight - (ellie williams x reader)

hi anon! Your wish is my command! Ugh I wish it was fall where I live, it's literally so fucking hot lmao... I hope you enjoy it <3

this story is based off the song Twilight by Bôa, if you can please listen to the song as you're reading:)

Pairing: ellie x fem!reader

requests are always open, feel free to leave one!

HUGE Warnings: descriptions of violence, murder, death, gore, sadness, small mention of depression and graves (don't read this if you aren't in the right mental state)

Summary: In which you couldn't win Ellie's heart

Authors note: ladies and ladies, the violence is back! Idk man it's been a while since I've written something like this. Remember you are loved <3

Your word and my word and her word is

Yesterday, today and tomorrow

And twilight gives me, an inner sanctity

And you're feeling, and you're hungry for her

And you don't understand it

But you know you haven't planned it

Your feelings and mine are all lonely

And dawn comes you're there lying with me

And you reach out to touch me, but I am in the twilight

You heard Ellie let out a sigh as she continued venting to you about Dina.

Stupid Dina.

Seems like all Ellie could talk about was her.

Why her? Out of all the people on the fucking planet why did it have to be Dina?

"She said "hey Ellie" and she didn't even smile with me! like what the fuck???" Ellie practically yelled with frustration.

You rolled your eyes at Ellie.

"Ellie calm down maybe she had a bad day"

Ellie stopped pacing around the room to look at you.

"Yeah.... you're right! She doesn't hate me she's just tired" Ellie said with a small smile.

You watched as Ellie lowered herself onto your bed and she looked up at you with a shy smile. She reached out her arms in your direction "cuddle?" she asked softly.

You let out a sigh as got into the bed spooning Ellie. She let out a hum of satisfaction.

"Ellie you need to stop doing this"

"doing what?"

you only shook your head and thought: "making me fall in love with you"

"friends don't cuddle" you brought up.

"Friends do" Ellie argued.

"Dina wouldn't like this" you added.

"well Dina isn't here right now" Ellie spoke matter of factly as she snuggled closer to you.

All you did was sigh as you brought your hand up to scratch Ellie's head. She let out a moan and she closed her eyes.

"You are a great friend, you know that?" Ellie spoke through a yawn.

Yeah, you were a great friend.

Your feelings and mine are all holy but,

You know and I know it's untrue because

When day dawns you're there lying with me

And the dawn can fly away

And you know I love you but you know that

There's nothing you can do about it

Because you love her, and you still want me

If I could be her... but I'm not her and she's not me

And you're somewhere different, on a different planet

You loved Ellie. You loved her a little more than a friend should.

Every time you saw her, your heart raced. She made you feel hot by just giving you a smile. Ellie made you feel things. Things you've never felt before.

You loved her.

But you knew she didn't feel the same.

You lay many nights next to Ellie, listening to her complain about Dina who's oblivious to Ellie's feelings.

It hurt you.

Seeing how Ellie always smiled when Dina walked into a room. Seeing how excited Ellie got, every time Dina said something. Every time Dina complimented Ellie, she almost exploded with joy.

It made you sick.

You tried being Dina.

Maybe Ellie would love you if you were someone else.

Maybe it was the way you did your hair? Was it the way you dressed? Was it the way you looked? What made Dina so special?

You tried cutting your hair the same length as Dina. You started dressing like her. You even copied her stupid music taste.

You tried. You tried so fucking hard.

But you could never be her and Ellie would never see you like that.

You knew Ellie loved you. She wanted you, but not in the same way you wanted her.

You were her best friend.

The girl she could go to with her problems, the girl who would help her with her hair and outfits.

You were nothing more than a friend.

You wanted to be Dina and you prayed to the gods that you could become her. But you didn't. You were nothing more than a friend in Ellie's eyes.

You saw how much Ellie's crush on Dina affected her.

How much it hurt her knowing that Dina most probably doesn't feel the same. And you being the amazing friend that you were, you decided to help Ellie.

You made it your mission to get them together.

Even though it hurt you knowing Ellie would never love you, as long as she was happy, you'd be happy too.

That's how you got yourself in your current position. Sitting across Dina in her apartment.

"So" you stared as you took a sip from the orange juice Dina gave you.

"we need to talk"

"about?"

"Ellie" "What about Ellie? Dina asked confused.

"do you have feelings for her?" you asked.

You watched as Dina burst out laughing, you watched as she threw her head back from laughing.

Anger sparked in you.

Why the fuck was she laughing? What's so fucking funny about liking Ellie?

After a while of Dina laughing, she slowed down breathing heavily before she let out a "Why would I like her? She's weird".

You felt your eye twitch before all hell broke loose.

How dare she say that about Ellie?

Your Ellie?

Ellie loved her so much and this is what Dina had to say?

This was the girl Ellie loved. She didn't deserve Ellie. If only she knew the amount of tears Ellie cried for her.

fucking bitch

You leaped from where you were sitting onto Dina, you straddled her as you punch her over and over again.

"How-"

*punch*

"dare-"

*punch*

"you"

*punch*

You don't even know how long you sat on her, and listened to her beg.

"Please" she whimpered as she tried getting you off her.

You eventually got off her breathing heavily as you looked down at your hands.

Your knuckles were bruised, and your hands covered in blood.

Dina's blood.

You looked over at her, seeing her slowly breathing. She didn't move, she didn't even make a sound.

Maybe she was unconscious.

You couldn't even recognize her with all the blood and bruises.

If Dina woke up, she would call the police. She would tell Ellie. Ellie would hate you.

You couldn't let that happen.

You slowly walked back from Dina, as you heard glass shatter. Your head snapped in the direction of the sound.

You saw pieces of glass scattered everywhere. And your orange juice was all over the floor.

Fuck you wanted to drink that.

You slowly bent down to pick up a shard of glass, and you held in your palm.

You walked towards Dina and you slowly pushed the glass into her trachea. You watched as the blood seeped from the wound.

You took a step back, leaving the glass shard in place. The blood dripped all over her throat and clothes, blood came out of her mouth.

Soon after Dina stopped breathing.

You killed her. You fucking killed someone.

You knew you made the right decision by killing Dina, because now you finally had Ellie to yourself.

And you still want it

The inner sanctity

And it's an evil

But the evil is necessary

And you're still hungry for her

And you still want her loving

But she doesn't love you

You watched as Ellie sat next to Dina's grave. She was sobbing.

Why the fuck was she crying over someone who didn't feel anything for her?

After Dina's death Ellie really struggled. She struggled to accept that the girl she loved wasn't here anymore. And what hurt Ellie the most was that Dina never knew.

Dina never knew the love Ellie had for her.

You watched Ellie spiral. You watched how she suffered.

Your plan was get rid of Dina, not the hurt the girl you loved.

Late at night when Ellie would lay in your arms you would sometimes feel regret for what you did. You didn't know it would affect Ellie the way it did, and you never wanted to hurt her. The guilt you felt soon get's replaced with pride when you realize that you got rid of the girl that was only going to hurt Ellie.

You saved Ellie. You saved her from rejection and embarrassment.

You knew she would get over it eventually.

Ellie's life wouldn't stop because her crush died. At some point she'll just have to accept it and you'll be here waiting for her with open arms.

You quietly walked towards Ellie as she sobbed next to Dina's grave, you raised your right hand putting it on her shoulder.

Ellie looked up at you, and in her eyes you could see how broken she was.

"It's ok Ellie" was all you said before she continued to sob into her hands.

You let out a sigh at the sight.

Months after Dina's death you realized that Ellie wasn't going to forget so easily.

You watched as she printed out pictures of her and Dina, and she placed it all over her apartment. You watched as she went to Dina's grave every week.

You listened to Ellie cry almost every night.

Even though you knew Dina didn't feel anything for her, Ellie still wanted her. Ellie still craved Dina.

Yes, she got affection from you, but you were never going to be enough.

All she wanted was Dina.

And you knew in the years to come Ellie wouldn't be able to move on and forget.

Even though you were there for her through everything. Even though you showed her nothing but love, the only person Ellie ever wanted was Dina.

She wanted Dina's love. Dina's care.

You were nothing but a friend. The realization made you sick.

You did everything for her.

You even killed for her.

But you'll never be Dina.

All you could was comfort her and hope, she'll one day feel the same.

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brighttears · 1 year

Text

Just Come With Me

Joel Miller x reader

No physical description, gender neutral, no use of y/n

Summary: Haunted by your past, Joel and Ellie stumble onto standing in front of a rope with your feet at the edge of a chair. Joel persuades you to come with them instead.

Warnings: Death, basically attempted suicide, language, drinking

Word count: 2k

A/n: If this doesn’t flop mayhaps I will carry it on (edit: i actually have no idea how to continue this so maybe not)

—

All you can hear is your own gasps, you have no control over your lungs and your heaving chest is attached to some other brain. Other than that, it is dead silent and everything is completely still.

He is completely still.

Gunpowder smoke and iron invade your nose and the weight of the pistol in your hand comes back into your awareness. It slips from your hand and bangs on the wood floor. The sound startles you back into reality and you grab it up again and then repel yourself backwards, slamming the door shut.

His bedroom door.

You catch yourself on the banister before you collapse, knees weak in your trembling legs.

Your lungs burn and your face is hot and wet with tears that had been falling involuntarily. Your thoughts whirl around your head like a school of fish in muddy water, but one comes through loud and clear.

He’s dead he’s dead he’s dead he’s dead he’s dead he’s dead you killed him

You cry out, like an animal, like an infant.

You bound down the steps to the first floor of the house you grew up in, unsure of what else to do. Not thinking clearly, you run straight out the front door, the only thing on you being the clothes on your back and the heavy pistol in your hand.

–Five years later–

The pain is dull but never leaves. For years now you’ve been caged in with this demon; you’re covered in the nicks and wounds from when it lunges and bites, and you thought you’d get used to it over the time or find a way to kill it–you’ve tried drowning it, choking it, bashing it’s head into the ground, but every time, all it ends up doing is exhausting you and chipping away at your hope and willpower.

You are so tired today.

The nightmares have picked back up–it must be the season; the smell of summer to fall will always smell like him–and you’re getting even less sleep than usual. At least you can sleep now, though.

A rotten apple sits in front of you on the dusty dining room table of some long-gone stranger’s house, and it’s all you’ve got left. That and the noose tied to the lighting fixture hanging above it. Your mind’s mouth waters at the thought of it. So you get up from the smooth, dark oak chair and push the matching table loudly out of the way. Then you drag the chair back to the center of the room below the light. Standing on it now, the rope sways gently and casually in front of your face. You adjust your feet steady on the chair.

You're surprised at how your heart heats up, beating rapidly in your chest. You’re ready though, you know you’re ready for this. You’ve gone as far as you can. No matter how far away you travel, you’re never far enough, and you never miss him any less.

You’re just fucking exhausted.

You clear your throat.

Why are you hesitating? What are you waiting for?

Just as your hand touches the abrasive, knit rope, loud footsteps and then a second softer set sound from outside the front door, stepping up onto the porch slowly, pausing, trying the knob unsuccessfully. You breathe out in relief, thinking they’ll leave since you’d locked the door. But then there's a loud bang, and then another, and the front door swings in violently.

Shit.

Well, maybe whoever it is will just shoot you, save you the trouble. So you wait, hands at your sides. You don’t even have a gun anymore, but maybe if you reached back like you did, they’d feel they had no other choice than to shoot. Then they wouldn’t even have to feel guilty, seeing the noose and just think aw, that’s sad. But they were about to die, anyway. At least they went out quick because of me instead of choking to death.

A man emerges and darts his rifle to his left first–Damn, good for him I don’t have a gun–and then to the right, eyes going wide when he sees you. He starts to lower his gun, staring.

“Just shoot me.”

He doesn’t respond or take his eyes away from you. A young girl pops her head in and says “Shit.” when she sees you. The man puts his hand back to keep her away as he takes a few slow steps towards you.

“I’m not gonna shoot you.”

He’s a big guy, not that tall, but solid. His hair is dusted with silver and he's got deep, dark eyes. He’s definitely threatening, but he’s got pity in his eyes, looking at you.

“Why not?” you feel your face heating up with the threat of tears.

“Just… step down from the chair.”

“No.”

“We can talk. Just get down. I’m not gonna shoot you.”

“Fuck.” you murmur to yourself and look down. Your hands are shaking and your legs are starting to now, too. Then he’s standing closer to you, rifle slung on his back. He reaches his hand out to yours to take.

“Come on.” His voice is soft.

God damn Good Samaritans.

When you don’t move, the stranger gently slips his hand into yours. “Come on.” He pulls slightly and you follow it, stepping back onto the floor. You move your eyes to stare into his, trying to look as menacing as possible. Your eyes are bloodshot, waterlines rimming them with red and bleeding into the dark circles drooping under them. You don’t know why your bottom lip is quivering but you bite the inside of your cheek to try and still it.

Mr.Good Samaritan lets go of your hand, his eyes only softening as he looks you up and down.

“Ok. Let’s just talk now.”

Neither of you say anything. The girl stays staring from the doorway.

“Look I’m… I’m not very good at this. But, just, don’t do that.” he raises his eyebrows and puts his hand out, motioning toward the rope.

“Why not? I killed my brother.” A tear makes a run for it down your cheek and one follows from your other eye. “I shot my brother. I saw him get sick, I watched him turn. And then I shot him. He was only five. I watched him get bit and then I watched him get sick and then I shot him.” you can’t stop your voice from shaking.

The stranger’s face softens with more pity.

“I killed my little brother.” You whisper. “Five years ago. And I still have dreams. Every single night.”

He looks down and blinks hard.

“Look, I know…”

“You shot your brother?” You challenge his response.

“No, but I’ve lost people. And I have dreams, every night.” His voice and eyes are soft but serious. He takes a deep breath and glances at the noose. “I held m… my daughter,” the kid’s eyes leave you to dart to him, “I held her, while she died. I held my hand down on where she got shot, she died in pain, and I watched her.” He breathes out through his nose. “It’s gonna be hard to find someone these days that hasn’t seen family die, someone who hasn't had to shoot someone they love.”

The faucet’s going and you focus effort on keeping his gaze. He glances at the rope again.

“Why don’t you just come with me.”

“Why don’t you just shoot me?” there's desperation in your whisper.

“I’m not gonna shoot you.” He shakes his head slowly and raises his hand up towards you, “Okay? I’m not gonna shoot you. Just, come with me.

There’s no reason to stay here other than the noose and it seems like this guy’s not going to let you hang yourself. The only other thing you have is an inedible apple. What else is there to do? Why not?

You nod.

“Ok.” he sighs and looks back at you as he starts to walk out, making sure you follow. The girl walks backwards in front, examining you.

He keeps glancing back at you on the way to the baby blue pickup truck pulled up a handful of yards away from the formerly impressive, large house. He grabs the girl’s wrist to pull her around to his side and pops open the rear door, she grumbles. You feel a headache coming on as you hop into the passenger seat.

“You got any water?”

“Uh, no. I got um,” he pulls a small, silver, curved flask from the door pocket, “whisky,” he offers.

“Even better.” you take it and throw some back. You used to grimace like crazy at whisky, but after about a year of trying out drinking the pain away, your tolerance has gone up.

A voice from behind you, “Can I have so–”

“No.”

You hand it back and he takes his own swig. “Hey, drinking and driving.”

“Didn’t seem like you were too concerned with safety a couple minutes ago.” you snort, he smirks and the girl in the back laughs. “Speaking of which, seatbelt.” you raise your eyebrows at him. “Seatbelt.”

“Fine.”

He turns the key and the car vrooms to life. While he changes gears the backseat speaks up, “Hi, I’m Ellie.” She smiles warmly “...Joel,”

“Oh, uh, Joel.” He puts his hand out and you shake.

“What's your name?” Ellie asks.

You lean back to look at her, “Mmm. Why don’t you just call me ‘stranger’?”

“Stranger it is.” and with that, you hit the road.

When your head starts to clear, you ask, “Where’re we going?”

“Well, I’m going to Wyoming.”

“Why Wyoming?”

“Uh… my brother.”

You nod.

“Look, uh… I’m sorry.”

“Thanks.”

He glances at you a few times, breath hitching like he’s trying to find something to say, but instead he just passes the flask back to you. You take it without a word.

It’s quiet for a while as you bump along the country road, tall grass blurring through the window you stare out of, head resting against the glass. Surprisingly, it’s a pretty comfortable silence. You do acknowledge the strangeness of the situation, this stranger, ‘Joel’, deciding not to kill you, another stranger, and instead taking you into his car to, supposedly, take you to Wyoming with him. It crosses your mind that maybe he’s still going to kill you, but these days, people don’t waste time hesitating. Not that you’d put up a fight if he did, anyways. You chuckle to yourself.

“What's so funny?” he glances. His voice sounds like he’s trying to be threatening but now that he’s spared your life you can’t really see it.

“This. It's just, you know, a weird situation.”

“Well, it’s a weird world.”

“So, your brother huh?” you sit one foot up on your seat while you ask, leaning your elbow on it to rest your cheek, head turned towards him waiting for his response.

“Yeah. Well uh, I’ve gotta go get ‘im.” Joel grips the wheel.

“You from Texas?”

“Sure am.”

“How’d you guess?” Ellie speaks up again. Joel glares at her from the rearview mirror.

“You said you have a daughter,” Joel’s eyes linger on you at your use of the word ‘have’ but you don’t correct yourself. You didn’t ‘use to’ have a little brother, you have one, and he’s dead. “do you have a wife?”

“No.”

“Since before or after?”

“Before. You have any other family out here somewhere?”

“Nope.” you lead your head down towards your knee, hand reaching around to itch the back of your neck.

“Alright.”

“What’s your brother like? How old is he?”

“He’s ‘bout 45. Kind’va dumbass, but he’s a hard worker. Impulsive. Optimistic.” theres a little venom in the last word.

“You like him?” you set your cheek back down on your hand.

“I love ‘im.”

“How do you know he’s in Wyoming?”

“Well I’m not certain of it, but it’s the best I’ve got.”

“Do you know he’s alive?”

Joel sucks his teeth. “Stupid question.”

“What if he’s dead?”

“You ask a lotta god damn questions.”

“Guess so.” you lean back and cross your hands behind your head.

“Well, you’ve gotta be special cause I ask even more questions than you and this is the most that’s come out of him in daaaayyss.” Joel turns back to give Ellie another glare.

“Ok, well, my turn.” he eyes you, “Why were you… you were gonna…”

“Kill myself?”

“Mm–uh, yeah,”

“Well, I’m tired. I’m tired and I don’t see the point of it anymore. Everyone I love is dead. I’m hungry and scared all the time and I haven’t slept well in 20 years. When you found me all I had was that rope and a rotten apple. It was either wait a few days to starve to death or, you know,” You mime yourself choking on a rope, sticking your tongue out. Joel tries not to laugh, Ellie doesn't. “The world has fallen the fuck apart.” you continue, “We’re barely living. Everything is fucked. I mean, why are you still here?”

“I keep going for family.”

“And cargo.”

“And cargo.” he adds on.

“Well then what’s my excuse?” You face him directly, resting your chin on the back of your laced together hands on your knee. Joel gives you a double-take, looks to the road again, and grips the wheel.

"I’m not quite sure yet. But… we’ll figure it out.”

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