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luveline · 1 year

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if you’re taking joel requests here’s one :3

touch-starved!joel who isn’t aware he’s touch starved but then extremely affectionate reader comes along and just always! touches! him! loving & intentional touches, casual touches—all of it drives him wild and he loves it!!

thank you!! I hope this is okay! Touch-starved Joel who wants you but doesn't know how to want you w/ mutual pining ♥︎ fem!reader 2k

Joel wishes you wouldn't work the same shifts as him. Wishes you didn't have to work any shifts at all, wishes you didn't know this life, but you do. He wishes you wouldn't pick all the high-paying, devastating jobs that he does, wishes you didn't insist on keeping him company. And above all, he wishes you wouldn't touch him, because he can't handle the way that he feels when you do.

Sharing shifts turns to seeing one another outside of the old meat market by accident. In turn, that becomes purposeful. Before he really knows it, you're comfortable enough to come by his apartment and you'll wait there even when he isn't home just to see him. Precious hours of your life spent curled in on yourself at his door.

Joel nudges your sleeping body with his shoe and then feels like the world's biggest asshole. He sighs, kneeling down despite his aching back, and shakes your shoulder. He notices how soft your jaw looks when you sleep and has to look away, lest he think about it too much now, and remember it later. You have this habit of chasing him into bed when you're not there.

Your hand wakes before your eyes do, and you curl your fingers around his wrist, half on his sleeve and half on his skin. Where you connect hums with heat.

"Why are you out here?" He changes his prerogative, feeling as though chastisement is more important. "You have no sense of danger, even now. Get up."

He doesn't speak without fondness. You'd have to look hard to find it, but it's undoubtedly there.

His tone has you awake and alert quickly, your gaze on his face. "I do," you say croakily, letting him pull you into a standing position.

"Then what are you doing out here?"

"I can't call first… You look tired."

"I am. I'm not staying up." He pulls his wrist from your lingering grasp. "Should've called."

"You act like you don't like me," you say without inflection, following him in through the door and closing it softly behind you.

He drops his jacket over the back of the couch and scrubs his face with both hands. His back aches from standing and heaving all day, his arms tight with a cramping tension.

If he were younger he'd turn around and wrap you up in his arms. He'd tell you what he really thinks of you, your head hooked in the crook of his arm, his free hand roaming lazily over your back. His pinky finger would run along the line of your jeans playfully, and maybe you'd laugh. You don't laugh as much as you should.

"Are you hungry?" he asks.

"No, Joel."

You'd lie even if you were.

He moves into the kitchen, makes himself a small glass of water, and leans against the counter. He tries not to drink it like a total pig knowing you're watching, but he's dehydrated and cotton-mouthed.

The window paints you in a weak light, like iced tea. You pick over his things and arrange yourself on the couch like a tired house cat, pulling your legs up and rubbing your cheek against the backrest. Shoulders to the arm, you're almost lying down. He could superimpose you into his sheets, imagining how you might look in bed, not naked or waiting or anything so salacious, just how you’d look getting ready to sleep. He wonders if you wear pyjamas, figures you likely sleep dressed as you are now in your shirt and jeans. Maybe you swap denim for sweatpants, maybe you don’t. Maybe you peel your shirt off, maybe your bra. He entertains a life where he gets to see it and finds it painful as wrapping his hand around a hot poker, because that life is alarmingly close to this one, if he were to take one small leap.

“Where were you today?” he asks.

He sees a flicker of humour flit across your face. He knows it as one of your tells — you'd thought about bending the truth.

"You don’t have to worry, I’m just… rundown. Felt sicker than usual, so I stayed home."

It's automatic for him to give you a once over as he would with anybody who feels under the weather. You haven't been unlike yourself, you aren't sweating or irritable. You're fine. You’re more than fine.

You have a strange inability to look after yourself. He believes in positive (and negative) reinforcement.

"Good girl," he says.

You smile at your hands, picking at nails he knows are scrubbed raw and clean as he crosses the room to sit with you on the couch. You're quick to push your legs over his lap, your jeans riding up until the rarely-seen skin of your ankles peak out.

"I had an incredible headache," you continue. "And I felt like the blood was rushing in my ears when I stood up but I wasn’t dizzy.”

You touch him and it's like all his agitation starts to numb itself. The weight of your legs has him forgetting his aching back and his sore arms. He stares at his closed fist by your foot, willing himself to touch you; all he wants to do is grab your leg, feel the dough and softness of it under his palm. You sit up a touch to brush a longer piece of hair sticking out behind his neck.

He pretends you aren't moving at all.

"Do you feel better now?" he asks.

Your knuckle brushes under his jaw. He feels the short hairs of his beard catching.

"I feel fine," you say. "How are you feeling?"

He turns to face you head on. He’s not going to answer your question. You already know he won’t, but you've asked anyway. He isn’t sure what to do with that.

“You really do look tired,” you say softly, concern knitting your brows together. He thinks it’s your most devastating look yet. “I don’t wanna keep you up, Joel, I’ll go home. You can get some real rest.”

He almost says Hey, I don’t want you to leave yet, and you’re already standing up. You look more sorry than you should, believing that you're a burden on him when you aren’t — you're a lightness. You drain the levy, and he can’t see himself getting any rest at all if you leave.

You’re saving him the awkwardness, climbing off of his couch and out of his lap to track down your shoes. “And, you know, you could shower,” you say, trying to infuse some life back into the room, “I know the cold water bites but we all gotta do it.”

He stands up too fast and feels an absence of noise. No blood rushing in his ears, no beating heart. He’s too tired, in every sense of the word, to ask for what he wants. He can’t ask you to stay.

You lean down to hook your finger into the back of your sneaker and stop at his expression. You stand a little taller. Whatever vulnerability he sees in you now, your short black socks against the floor, your sweet-eyed, tentative smile, he suspects he’d find it doubled in the mirror.

“Joel, I…”

He can’t ask you.

But that doesn't mean you can't ask him.

"Do you think I could stay, after all? To sleep. Just to sleep," you say. Your voice is quiet, like you're trying to spare yourself some dignity if you need to take it back.

He thinks about it. You, in his bed. You, sleeping as you had been in his hallway, your lashes skimming the delicate skin under your eyes, your neck craned in. You, with your hands under your cheek, your sluggish breathing, your heart capering only a handful of inches from his.

A beat. "You kick in your sleep?" he asks, cotton-mouth returned.

"No," you say. You laugh through it, making the word so thick it's almost sticky. Honey in sound.

It solidifies what he's said yes to. He doesn't know how to sleep next to you. He barely knows how to talk to you, and doesn't try as he leads you into his bedroom. Thankfully, you spare him. He knows you aren't the most confident person on the planet, and that each bold move you make is for his benefit. He tries to be unflinching in return, kicking out of his shoes and throwing back the blankets to lie flat on the sheets. You settle in next to him with little ceremony.

You keep your legs hiked up at first, your heels digging into the mattress near his knees. You turn your face to his, and he turns his face to yours. He can see your every wrinkle and line this close. You must be seeing his.

"You got lucky with the neighbour lottery, huh?" you say, not quite whispering. "It's silent."

He doesn't want you to stop talking, but he can't help himself. "Almost," he says wryly.

You know him well enough to smile. "I guess you don't need the quiet," —you turn carefully onto your side, letting the weight of your knees rest on his thigh— "'cause you work all day every day."

The opposite. The shit he sees on shift is enough to give anybody insomnia.

"I'm the bad neighbour."

"Oh, right, your radio." The back of your hand touches his arm. The slightest of touches but enough to make him realise how much he wants it. He can't remember the last time somebody touched him who wasn't you, not for years now. It's an amicable casualness he can't explain away. He wants it worse than a hydro.

"I might, uh, might cling a little, in my sleep. You can push me away, swears. Even if you gotta really fight me on it." You close your eyes, burrowing your face into one of his flat pillows. Your knuckles jump up his arm as you get comfortable. "Jus' shove me."

He closes his eyes. The dark of his eyelids is usually a torment, but with you this close it lulls him quickly and without finesse. "I'm not gonna shove you," he says while he still can.

He's on the precipice of sleep when your hand slides up his bicep. You feel along the soft ridging of his muscles until your fingers slot between his arm and his chest, and your nose is kissing his shoulder. It's as if the moonlight has heat and it's bearing down on him through the dirty windows as every stressed ligament, every tensed tissue in his sore body finally gives in to rest.

When he wakes, he's missed his morning shift start. You're clinging to him like you said you would, harder than he'd think possible considering your unconsciousness, with your lips pressed to his shoulder. He thinks it might leave a bruise.

He dips his face toward yours until the tip of his nose nudges your forehead and goes back to sleep.

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dinagifs1 · 1 year

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Troy Baker and Ashley Johnson in The Last Of Us Trailer (2022)

#the last of us #the last of us hbo #the last of us tv series #tlou #HOLY SHIT

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scrambledslut · 1 year

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#i had to #joel miller #the last of us #tlou #the last of us hbo #the last of us tv series #tlou hbo #joel tlou #joel miller x reader #barbie

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iseathegalaxy · 1 year

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the second he left the clothes on the bed I knew, so the fact that, while they're playing the piano, my dad went "uh oh someone's getting his throat slit" just slapped me in the face like how can you be so incredibly blind to such blatantly obvious things unfolding right in front of your own two eyes, my guy??

#tlou tv spoilers #tlou tv #tlou ep3 #the last of us tv series #the last of us #queer #lgbt #tlou episode 3 spoilers #tlous spoilers

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constance2425 · 1 year

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#the last of us #tlou #ellie williams #ellie #tlou ellie #riley abel #riley #tlou riley #ellie and riley #riley and ellie #ellie x riley #riley x ellie #the last of us tv show #the last of us tv series #tlou s01e07 #tlou spoilers

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itsdancingquen · 1 year

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"If I ever were to lose you I'd surely lose myself"

#the last of us #the last of us tv series #tlou #tlou hbo #tlou series #the last of us hbo #hbo tlou #ellie williams #joel miller #fanart #my fanart #my art #my artwork #digital art #digital drawing #digital artist #illustration #artists on tumblr

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akariamai · 1 year

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Soldier

Part 2

Pairing: Joel Miller x soldier!reader

Word Count: 1258

You and your assigned associate, Jeffery, were stationed near the riverbank. The purpose, as the two of you were told, was to prevent those who were infected from leaving the city and spreading the infection. Your superiors were clueless from where the virus originated from. They only knew ordinary people were turning into rabid beings, attacking anyone to spread their infection.

You’ve chosen to become a soldier due to your excessive need to help others. Your naïve mind wanted to bear the monstrosities of the government in the name of the people. The screams, off in the far distance, only grew louder as an airplane was going down, crashing into the ground, would haunt you till your last breath.

“What happens now?” Jeffery was terrified of the potential future for humanity. This was a nightmare no one would ever wake up from. Your superiors did not know what to do. It was prevalent when they gave rushed orders to your fellow soldiers.

You simply shrugged. The events before you reminded you of a movie. It seemed like the beginning of a zombie apocalypse with humanity failing to overcome the dead. From the ripples of chaos spreading like an infection throughout communities and the dead, who laid in their wake, rose once again. You wished it was a bad dream from watching horror movies the day before. You hoped to wake up in your bed to start your morning routine all over again. You knew; however, you would never wake up from this nightmare. It was your new reality.

You saw bodies running steadily towards you and your partner. Blood drenched their clothing and mouths. “Stay back!” He shakingly yelled. They continued to grow closer, too close for comfort, leaving you no choice but to shoot. Without hesitation, two loud gun shots rang throughout the river. Their bodies fell to the ground, completely lifeless, leaving the two of you in shock for a moment.

You both shook it off, knowing it was not the time to dwell on what happened, and moved on. You patrolled the area without too many infected coming your way. Everything seemed to come to a standstill. The screaming quieted it down, leaving you with the conclusion that people were dead, leaving the infected victorious. The world was coming to an end with few survivors left to rebuild society. The number of deaths will further increase as order no longer exists.

Your mind wondered if people made it out of the city, narrowly avoiding and escaping death, and what orders you and Jeffery would be given once you’ve encountered survivors. As the government didn’t have readily available information or knowledge of the infection, you feared you or Jeffery were infected and didn’t know it yet.

You walked in silence. Lost in your thoughts without leaving yourselves vulnerable. The unknown hovered over you like a darken cloud ready to overwhelm any happiness you might experience. The comms was silent as well. Leaving nothing but questions about the welfare of your comrades and the higher ups. They could be dead for all you knew or worse infected.

The sound of a door slamming open caught your attention. It could be another infected making their way towards you, but it could also be survivors. You and Jeffery ran towards the sound, guns in hand, hoping to save but eliminate it if necessary.

A man, carrying another in his arms, rushed out of the building. He didn’t see the two of you yet, too busy attempting to outrun one of the infected. It was approaching them ever so steadily, so you shot it dead. He stopped once he heard the gunshot and turned around slowly. His eyes searched for his savior, in this case, saviors.

Once you were able to see clearly, you noticed he was carrying a young and terrified girl. She was shaking terribly in his arms, and he comforted her softly, almost too faint for your ears to hear, “It’s okay baby. You’re safe.”

He must’ve recognizing you were a part of the military and inched closer to the two of you. Jeffery, not trusting them, aimed his gun towards them. “Don’t move!”

He did as he was told before pleading for one of you to help her, “My daughter’s hurt. Her ankle.”

“Stop right there!” Jeffery yelled again; his gun more focused on their figures.

“Easy now.” The man said, “We’re not sick!”

“Please stay right where you are.” You announced to the man, wanting to console the man and his daughter, “Call it in.” As much as you wanted to apprehend your partner, you didn’t want to panic the survivors in front of you.

Jeffery turned on his comms, “We got two civilians by the river, one of ‘em injured.”

The comms suddenly rang to life as he got a reply. They asked where the injury was located and the type of injury the civilian acquired.

“Ankle, sir.” You cut in, “Most likely a sprain. Worst case a broken bone.” From the angle you were at, the girl didn’t look like she was bleeding from her ankle. You hoped it was nothing too serious. The survival of doctors was currently unknown as this time.

Both you and Jeffery waited for an answer. Waiting for a location to a safe location to move them to. “Eliminate them.” It was not the order you thought would be given.

“I’m sorry, repeat?” You desperately wished you misheard the orders. You hoped the orders would change after they were repeated.

The man must’ve sensed a change in the air. His instincts were telling him something was amiss but there was no one except the two of you. He eyed the way your body seemed to shift the more the person on the other side spoke. He couldn’t make out what was being said so he tried to shift closer.

“Hey!” Jeffery frustratingly yelled, “No one told you to move.” Gunfire began to ring out in this distance.

“Yes, sir.” It seemed Jeffery was slowly accepting what he needed to accomplish for the orders given. Every breath he took, every shudder from his body, welcomed the news unexpectedly. He was preparing to kill innocent and unarmed civilians without deteriorating his mental state. “Yes, sir.”

You knew you couldn’t go through with it and maybe Jeffery knew as well. The two of you weren’t close but have crossed paths before the beginning of the end. He was willing to bear the burden of killing innocents for you, but your soul will still be tainted with their blood if you allowed them a meaningless death.

“Sir...” The man reiterated his stance, “we are not sick!”

The girl screamed as several gunshots rang out. Jeffery’s body fell to the ground swiftly, a body once filled with life now lifeless. It was you who saved them. It was you who would be haunted by killing Jeffery.

The man was scared for his daughter, his reason to live, and almost lost her to the command of a person. He owed you, “Thank you.”

The girl was bewildered by what had occurred. She was too shocked to thank the person who saved her and her father.

A cover story would be easy to fabricate. Jeffery simply was infected and tried to attack you after you “killed” the civilians you’ve found. “Take her. Get out of here.”

“Thank you so much.” Tears threatened to escape his eyes at the thought of losing his only daughter. He owed this soldier for their kindness; he owed them everything.

Masterlist

#Joel Miller #joel miller tlou #joel miller x reader #joel miller fic #joel miller imagine #sarah miller #sarah miller tlou #the last of us #the last of us tv series #the last of us show #the last of us series #joel miller x you #joel miller x soldier!reader #soldier!reader

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ghuleh-art · 1 year

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they found their light in each other

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aivelin · 1 year

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Joel hasn’t been to a bar i a long time.

#tlou #the last of us tv series #joel miller #pedro pascal #fanart

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the-abyss-of-fandoms · 1 year

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My emotions while watching TLOU tv show:

#the last of us #the last of us tv show #the last of us tv series #hbo max #the last of us part one #joel the last of us #joel miller #joel and ellie #joel and tess #joel x reader #joel x you #joel miller x y/n #joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #sarah williams #pedro pascal simp #pedro pascal

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luveline · 1 year

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grumpy!joel and sunshine!reader? like he is very gruff and short with people until his girl comes around and tess is like wow are you soft now?

tysm for ur request! disclaimer: I am not an expert in tlou I just think Joel is very fit and also scary ♥︎ tess and joel are roommates here (and also no hate on tess at all I tried to make her a realist rather than a pessimist but she may sound a little jaded) idk lol pls enjoy! fem!reader

Joel's asleep when you come around. Tess is stirring her drink, small spoon bouncing against the sides of her mug with a metallic tap-tap-tap as your familiar knock raps the door. She doesn't bother yelling, just opens the door to let you in.

"Hello," you say, though you wince when you spot Joel dozing on the couch. You drop your voice to a whisper. "Nice shiner, Tess."

"Thanks." She steps aside to give you free reign, rolling her eyes when you toe off your shoes.

You're not right in the head, in Tess' opinion. You're too soft for this life, and your continued survival feels like luck and nothing more. You know how she feels about you, and you know what she thinks: that to be vulnerable is to kill yourself. You don't feel the same.

Joel's flat on his back. You push him against the cushions of the couch to make room, perching at his hip with a small sigh. He couldn't have been with Tess when she got hurt, his face clean of contusions. No speckled bruising, no scabbing cuts.

You place your hand over the solid plane of his stomach and lean forward just a touch. You could kiss him.

"Joel," you murmur, hand sliding to his waist. His jeans are rough under your palm. "Wake up. I have good news."

He never wakes gently. His eyes scrunch, his lips tug down into a scowl. When he sees you, it takes a good long second for his agitation to fade into a more neutral expression.

"Hey," you say, smiling.

He doesn't smile back. "Where have you been?" he asks succinctly, voice rough with the lingering dregs of sleep.

"Why should I tell you?"

He almost pushes you off of the couch as he sits up and swings his legs to the side. His shoes touch the floor, and of course he sleeps with his shoes on, he's ready for everything.

"Don't play games."

You hum in delight at his dark tone and stand up before he can grab you, shivering at the feeling of his fingertips scratching your thighs. You backtrack through the room for your bag thrown haphazardly by the door. You pick it up, excited and scared at once, and scrabble to procure your promised 'good news'.

"I wasn't far."

"Your definition of far isn't one I trust," he says.

"She's a big girl, Joel," Tess says, sipping her drink. She winces at the taste but isn't deterred. "She can take care of herself."

And if you can't, who cares? You shouldn't be anybody else's problem, and to your credit you aren't. You take care of yourself. You take care of Joel, too, whenever you can, which is why you've brought him the book you found.

"Here, handsome," you say, holding it out with little ceremony.

Joel stands up to take it. He stares at the cover in silence.

"It's a shame they can't include a snippet on every page," you lament. "Like when they used to put perfume samples straight on the paper. I don't know what half of those songs sound like. Which is weird, right? The biggest Billboard hits and I can't remember them."

"And this is for…"

"Your codes. Your radio codes?" Your beaming smile starts to shutter. Maybe it isn't useful after all.

Joel knows better than to ask what you want for it. You never ask for anything, ever. You give and you give and at first he'd thought you were stupid, just plain dumb. Generosity is a myth and everybody has their motives. He'd been suspicious of your angle, rejecting you, talking down on you, practically spitting at you to get lost. And you'd listened, for the most part, but then he'd see you in line after shifts for cards, around dark corners talking to dirty FEDRA officers, and you'd always impossibly feel his gaze and pin him with a smile. You've eroded his reluctance over time, and now you're here, sprightly and pretty in his too-big apartment filling every inch with light.

He reaches across the gap and takes your hand. He squeezes, savouring the warmth of your smaller hand. You have delicate fingers compared to his, and they look smaller still enveloped in his grasp.

"I'll make you something to eat," he says.

You nod once, a pop of movement. "Thank you."

You're not the one who should be saying it but you're the only one who's willing to. Thank you has become synonymous with I owe you.

Tess lets her gaze flick between your two bodies, clearly startled. Joel drops your hand and it's too late, far too late, she's already gearing up to make fun.

"Is this how it's gonna be now?" she asks.

Joel huffs quietly. Tess talks with a brittle kind of love, the familiarity of knowing someone for a long time softening what would otherwise be ridicule. She thinks, without malice, that you and Joel are a bad idea.

"Hasn't it been like this for a while?" you ask, turning to face her, your usual sunshine attitude worsened by Joel's affection.

"You're fucking up my guy."

"Don't get stiffed so often and you won't need a bodyguard," you say lightly.

Joel snorts, tossing your catalogue of songs on the counter. He doesn't know if they have anything worth eating here, but he's gonna damn well try and find something.

"You're soft," Tess says to Joel, quick and quipping as she dumps what's left of her drink into the sink. "I'm going out."

Not much changes when she goes. You come to stand beside him at the counter, your elbow brushing his arm. He doesn't move away.

Joel doesn't understand why you stick around. Doesn't know what it is that makes you so sweet on him. The first time you met, outside the old meat market on the edge of curfew, he'd been standing watch as Tess made a deal. You'd slunk up on him from the right, and said, "You look unhappy," with your usual softness.

He'd turned to you in wonder. Wonder in the very worst sense of the word; what could possibly possess you to approach him? Agitation struck like the powdery head of a match against its box, fuck off on the tip of his tongue, and you'd said, "You ever hear that Bill Withers song? 'Ain't no sunshine without rain?'"

He'd thought you were a wannabe member of the resistance, and that fuck off had rolled right out of his mouth with ease. Your smile hardly wavered.

"It's 'when she's gone,'" he says now.

You look up at him, he looks down at you. His thick brows relax, and his brown eyes calm. It suits him, and you'd tell him, but you're confused.

"Huh?"

"That Bill Withers song. It's 'ain't no sunshine when she's gone,'" he corrects you, the you from the past. He's trying to tell you something without saying it out loud.

"Oh," you say. Your eyelashes kiss in the corners as you smile. "Right. What am I thinking of?"

"How should I know?" He doesn't sound mad, smiling at you very briefly.

"I don't know, I thought you knew everything."

That's not true. He can't know everything, because he doesn't have a clue in the world what he did to deserve meeting you.

—

please forgive any inaccuracies, I only played the game a little when I was much younger, and so this was made of my watching the first episode twice and some help from people / the wiki!! it's just for fun lol so I hope you enjoyed <3<3<3

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dinagifs1 · 1 year

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“Really? That fast?”

#the last of us hbo #the last of us #tlouedit #the last of us tv series #Ellie Williams #bella ramsey #tess servopoulos #anna torv #marlene #merle dandridge #nahh if i was ellie i would ask the same question

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scrambledslut · 1 year

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#he a baddie😵‍💫☝️#the last of us #joel miller #tlou #tlou hbo #pedro pascal #the last of us hbo #the last of us tv series #joel tlou #joel miller x reader

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darkeriddle · 1 year

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Ravaged hearts

Joel Miller x F!Reader

Summary: Joel has been denying his feelings for you but when you reunite with your old lover in Jackson, he finally breaks down

Warning: Swearing, angst, tears, sad Joel

Word count: 3.8k

Author's note: I love to make myself sad and I hope I ruined your day with this

also why did my gif become 240p when I rendered it from an HD clip, shite

You were never good with words. You've seen too many horrible things to be the same confident and open person you used to be before the world fell apart.

Not only losing your family but seeing your friends die in such ugly ways, you saw no purpose in life anymore. You were the opposite of friendly and helpful.

Which was why Joel Miller didn't trust you when he'd first met you. You were looking for Bill and Frank, worried and stressed ever since you heard an 80s song playing on the radio, just when he made it to town with Ellie.

You heard Bill mentioning Joel once when you two were talking about the security of his home. He mentioned that Frank brought people there to form a partnership which Bill hated but eventually accepted after a long time.

If it weren't for Ellie, you wouldn't have joined them. All you wanted was to isolate yourself and grieve your friends but it was hard to say no to the teen girl whose honesty and lingering gaze that sparkled with hope made you say yes.

Despite seeing you getting along with Ellie, Joel always kept an eye on you, never trusting you fully. Eventually, it took him days to tell you that the girl was immune to the cordyceps, explaining everything that led them to Bill's town.

Many things happened in half a year. You lost count of how many times Joel saved you and you never let him down in returning the favor if he needed help.

Spending months with both of them while traveling across the country to find his brother made you warm up. There were times when Ellie was asleep and Joel would find you to keep you company when he saw you awake at night. He opened up more and more which eventually led you to see his real face, a face of a broken and vulnerable man who lost too much.

You didn't realize how it happened, only knowing from the moment he comforted you after a nightmare that you had feelings for him. And sometimes when you saw his vulnerable gaze, you let yourself believe that maybe he did too.

But Joel never admitted any of that.

You hated how afraid you both were to tell the other anything but still stayed silent. If he didn't want to take the next step, you wouldn’t force him to do so.

In spite of Ellie's harmless teasing, the more she'd joke about Joel's feelings to you, the more tense you'd become. Not that Ellie had anything to do with your doubts and fears but you could never just laugh at her jokes regarding Joel. Your heart was aching each time you forced a smile on your face.

Arriving in Jackson felt like a dream coming true. You'd spent so much time on the road that you forgot how it felt to be a part of civilization anymore.

Joel was happy to be reunited with his brother, his face and eyes said it all. And while they hugged each other, finding comfort in each other's arms, you couldn't help but remember how much you've been missing your sister as well. You were happy for Joel but also envied him for being able to hug his sibling.

When you saw a familiar face in the crowd after Tommy and Maria showed you around, you couldn't believe your eyes. At first, you even thought that your imagination was playing games with you but when a pair of ice-blue eyes pierced through your soul, you knew it was real.

Your boyfriend - or whatever you were supposed to call who disappeared twenty years ago when everything went shit - was alive and well. Looking at Austin made you travel back to the times when everything was great.

He held you in his arms for minutes and you suddenly forgot about everything. The fireflies, Kansas City, all the deaths you'd witnessed, your feelings for Joel. His touch and scent made you young again.

Ellie looked happy that you could meet your love again while Joel's face was serious and flat. You didn't know what might have gone through his mind but decided to not care since he most likely never cared enough about you anyway.

You spent the rest of the day with Austin, at his house, sitting on his couch and talking. You didn't realize how much your voice could be heard until you felt your lips go dry from all the talking.

"I can't believe that you are here," he smiled and touched your cheek. You didn't push him away, only smiled.

"I can't either, so much has happened..."

"It's alright now, you are here with me," Austin wrapped his arm around your shoulders. Leaning into his presence made you relaxed and guilty. You never wanted to develop feelings for anyone else, let alone Joel Miller who was an emotionally available man and also a decade older than you but here you were with a torn heart toward two men.

Between the past and the present.

"Tommy mentioned that his brother is a closed-off person..." Austin started and your shoulders tensed.

"He can be," you admitted quietly. You didn't want to mention that lately, Joel has been more open with you, especially when he saw you in your most vulnerable state.

"How was it to travel with someone like him?" Austin asked. "I mean, he can literally murder someone just with his glare."

You chuckled tiredly as your eyes drifted to the ground.

"He is a tough guy," you said as you started to fidget with your fingers. “But he has a heart too.”

“I don’t doubt that, I just always wondered what makes a man this cold.”

Remembering the time when you were on watch a few nights ago and he woke up from a nightmare, he let you tell him that he wasn’t weak to miss someone, you felt your blood turn cold.

It took him time but in the end, he’d spoken to you about his daughter, Sarah, whom he lost after his birthday when the outbreak happened. While you tried to comfort him, you felt your heart break when you saw tears glimmering in his eyes as he remembered his daughter. His confrontation explained everything that you never understood about him. His distant looks, his strictness, and his uneasiness when either Ellie or you got close to him.

Everything made sense and it meant a lot to you that he trusted you with his grief and guilt.

You didn’t tell Austin why was Joel acting that way, it already took him months to address your closeness toward each other, it wasn’t your place to spill his secrets.

When Austin saw how lost you got in your thoughts, he started to talk about the old times, distracting you.

As you were sitting there with him, warmed up in his presence, resting in his arms, it felt like nothing has changed. You still felt something for him and when you remembered that Joel never tried to make an effort to get closer to you, you realized that you deserved better. You deserved someone who truly cared about you and didn’t think of you as a waste of time.

Before you knew it, you were leaning in and kissing Austin. Feeling relieved and sad that Joel probably never felt the same way as you did, you concluded that it was time to let go of him after holding into delusions for so long.

You couldn’t force someone to stay who wanted to leave.

If Joel truly cared for you then he would have done something about it instead of dancing around you while talking with double meanings. He was never straight about his feelings, maybe because you weren’t good enough for him but since you spent so much time in each other’s presence, he might have started to play with the thought of you being a physical pleasure.

But you never wanted to be just physical. You would have never been able to just distract him at night and act like nothing has ever happened afterward.

Accepting the familiar sadness creeping its way into your heart, you promised yourself to never think about Joel ever again.

And for the next few hours, you didn’t. Austin didn’t give you a chance to think about him again while he undressed you and spoiled you with his love and affection.

***

“Look at you, you are actually smiling,” Tommy teased you once he approached you later in the evening.

“Didn’t think I was able to?”

Tommy shook his head and you laughed.

“You jerk!”

“Hey, don’t need to be so harsh on me,” he put his hands up in defense while a smile flickered on his lips. “I saw you disappearing in Austin’s house, figuring you were the woman he always talked about ever since he showed up.”

Your eyes lit up. ”He talked about me?”

Tommy nodded. “All the time. I felt sorry for him when he told me when was the last time he saw you but the more he’d mention you, the more I wanted to punch him so that he would finally shut the fuck up for once.”

Instead of being embarrassed, you felt your heartbeat speed up. Austin was always an emotional man and you loved that he knew no shame when it came to you.

“I assume, you guys caught up with each other then?”

“Yes,” you nodded.

Tommy gave you a satisfied look. “I’m happy to hear that.”

“What about Joel?” You asked, rubbing your arm. “How is he holding up?”

“Mad that I didn’t answer his calls but he’ll come around, I hope.”

You nodded silently. You understood Joel’s frustration with Tommy’s missing and you felt just as relieved as Joel that nothing bad had happened to him.

“I think you got off the hook pretty easily if you ask me.”

“Why?” Tommy asked.

“If it was my sister who’d disappeared while living her best life with someone, I would have definitely punched her in the face for making me so worried over nothing.”

At first, Tommy looked startled by your words, but his face softened when a smile eased your expression.

“Where is Joel?” You asked, suddenly feeling helpless. You didn’t know if now that both of you reunited with your people made you officially separate ways. If so, you needed closure after everything that happened between you two.

“At the workshop, he seems a little lost,” Tommy admitted sadly.

“Probably because he doesn’t know how to act around all these people and Maria who is your…”

“Check on him for me, okay?” Tommy asked and you nodded.

“Of course.”

Tommy gave your arm a reassuring squeeze before he walked off, leaving you alone in the dark.

While you were walking toward the workshop, you were surprised to find yourself nervous the closer you got to the lights beaming through the windows.

You didn’t even know what to say but you knew you needed to see him.

Swallowing your worries, you pushed the door open and noticed Joel’s crouching figure sitting on the other side of the room.

When he heard you closing the door, he looked up at you in silence. He looked exhausted, overwhelmed, and sad at the same time. You wished you could help him fight his doubts and worries but he was never that good with words either to express his feelings.

Walking over to him, you took a deep breath as you came to a stop in front of him.

“Hiding from all the curious eyes, hm?” You asked, trying to sound confident and calm.

Joel’s eyes found yours as he touched the broken watch on his wrist. The little gesture made you frown but you didn’t say anything.

“Where were you?” Joel asked.

Ignoring when your stomach turned at the sound of his defeated tone, you took a seat in front of him while gathering your thoughts.

“At Austin’s house.”

Joel remained silent as he was studying you with intense eyes. You wanted to know what was going on inside his head but you were also afraid to let things come to the surface.

“Austin is…”

“Tommy talked about him.” Joel interrupted you, not wanting to hear you finish the sentence.

You held your breath as you took his sight in. You’ve never seen him like this and you didn’t know how to react now that you came to face a different side of him.

“I thought he died,” you admitted, dropping your gaze to the ground. “But meeting him again after all this time… it feels like now everything has fallen in its place.”

Joel moved his head to the side. “Has it?”

You narrowed your eyes and leaned forward. “What is going on with you, Miller? We went through hell to get here and you finally found your brother… and I find out that Austin isn’t dead. We did it. Why are you this cold now?”

Joel looked around the workshop, his expression dropping as he tried to bring himself to look into your eyes again.

“You never talked about Austin,” he murmured.

“Talking about people I love is not something I do quite often,” you admitted.

Joel’s eyes jumped up to you, not missing how you said love instead of loved.

“Love?”

You let out a shaky breath, holding into the edge of your seat and fighting the urge to run out of the shop and hide in Austin’s house from Joel’s intense glare.

“He is my boyfriend,” you encountered and Joel leaned back.

“Even after not knowing anything about him for… how many years?” Joel asked doubtfully.

You didn’t want to answer because you didn’t want to think of that now. It took decades but you finally found your other half whom you’d lost many years ago. You didn’t want to think about anything else at the moment.

“I know that he still has a place in my heart after everything that happened,” you stood your ground, not understanding why was he doubting your relationship in the first place.

He never truly cared about you anyway. He always made sure you knew that.

Joel looked visibly uncomfortable hearing you talk about Austin like that.

“What is your problem?” You snapped, losing the last drop of patience that you’ve had with this man.

Joel sniffed and clenched his fists while fighting his thoughts.

“Nothin’... if after everything you still want to be with him then just do it,” Joel said with a serious glare. “I ain’t stopping you.”

Crossing your arms over your chest, you studied the way his stormy eyes glared at you with uneasiness but also a glimpse of sadness.

“Why would I not want to be with him?”

Joel closed his eyes for a moment before his expression hardened. It looked like he was desperately trying to keep himself together.

“You two… uh…”

Not understanding his stutter, you shifted in your place as you glared at him.

“Yes, we did.”

Joel’s face fell as he slowly tore his eyes away from you. It looked like he didn’t want to know the details but still chose to fumble about it. And you weren’t in a mood to be merciful with him.

“I thought after all this time you cared for my happiness,” you said and he looked at his hands.

“I do… you know I do.”

“You don’t seem like who does.”

Joel took a sharp breath and glanced up at the ceiling. That was the brief moment that made your heart drop. Because if you blinked, you wouldn’t have noticed the tears he was fighting to hold back.

Feeling exposed and clueless, you looked at him as if he was trying his best to not fall apart under your gaze.

“So, what now?” he asked, his voice low and vulnerable.

“Well, you don’t need me anymore, so I guess I’ll just stay with Austin.”

Joel glanced up at you, tears blurring his vision. Your heart shattered at the sight of him trying to hold back his tears.

“Why would you think I don’t need you anymore?” Joel asked, his eyes never leaving you.

You shrugged, trying your best to keep your voice at bay. You didn’t want to cry. Not this time, not when you decided you moved on from him.

“I only helped you get to Wyoming and now we are here, I’ve done my part.”

Joel didn’t look relieved by your response. In fact, he looked more devastated as you tried to cut him out of your life now that you reached Jackson.

“Is there something I don’t know?” You tilted your head to the side as his lips trembled.

“I thought you…” his voice trailed off before he shook his head. “I thought that we…”

Realizing what he was trying to say, you tried your best to cover your sadness. He had his chance and he never took it, you had to remind yourself.

“I thought we had something,” he finished in a muffled tone. “Something more than just a partnership.”

Your breath got caught in your throat as he stared into your soul, not even trying to hide his sadness anymore.

You hated to see him like that but he got himself into this. Not you.

“I did too,” you admitted and his eyes lit up, not expecting an answer from you.

“You did?” his voice was husky and deep.

You bit into your lower lip and gave him a nod.

“I cared about you more than I should have,” you said, feeling pain aching in your chest. “And I always made excuses for you but I’ve had enough of being nothing to you.”

Joel gave you a desperate look. “You were never nothing to me.”

Dropping your gaze as you realized it was a mistake to come here. You didn’t expect him to admit his feelings anytime in this life and now that it happened, you didn’t know what to do.

When you refused to look at him, he slowly stood up and walked over to you. The closer he got, the faster your heart was beating, threatening to break through your ribcage.

Joel lowered himself to his knee with a grunt to be the same level as you were and reached out to take your hands in his.

Even if you wanted to, you couldn’t ignore what his touch has turned you into. His calloused hands made you feel safe and wanted which was something you’ve lingered for a long time while you were traveling with him.

“I tried not to care for you because I knew that I wouldn’t survive if something has happened to you too,” he said quietly, searching for your eyes. “I thought if I pushed you away then I would stop having feelings for you.”

His words both surprised and disappointed you. You always thought you’d done something wrong that made him the moody man he was whenever you were around him. You’d spent countless nights wondering how should you change to make him finally see you.

“If you really cared for me then you would have risked it,” you looked into his eyes with flushed cheeks.

Joel dropped his gaze to your lips before he rubbed your soft skin with his thumb.

“I know, baby, I’m a coward,” he admitted shamefully. “And you deserve someone who is not afraid to be honest. Someone like Austin. I just… I hate that you are with him.”

You felt anger crawl its way through your veins as his words echoed in your ears. I hate that you are with him.

You ripped your hands out of his grasp and stood up, silently ordering him to do the same.

“What is the point of all this now?” You asked in a shaky tone. ”You like to make me desperate just when I found Austin? Now that I’m happy you are quick to ruin it for me, huh?”

“No… that’s not what I…”

Wiping your eyes, you glared at him, burning down every bridge that has ever connected you to him.

“You truly are a coward, if you would have thought about how I felt instead of putting a wall between us then you wouldn’t have waited until the last moment to tell me how you feel about me!”

Joel didn’t answer because he couldn’t argue with your reasons. He knew you were telling the truth and it made him drop his shoulders.

“And you felt the need to tell me all this when Austin came back into my life? It took you this long to realize what you felt was real?”

Joel took a step back, your anger surprising him while also understanding why his speech struck a nerve in you.

“What do you want me to say to that?” You spread your arms.

“I just wanted you to know…”

“Well, it’s too late for that,” you said, your voice cracking. “I don’t want to be with someone who only values people when they leave him.”

Your heart was breaking into million pieces as you took his sad gaze in. Part of you wanted to close the distance between you two, pulling him close and never letting him go, showing him that he was worthy of love but you knew otherwise.

You were the only one between you two who tried to do something about your feelings toward each other while he shut you out every time.

He might have only noticed what he had when he lost you but what about your feelings? He kept sending you mixed signals, one day keeping you close to him only to push you away the next day.

You were exhausted from trying. And you didn’t want to chase dreams that would never come true.

“I thought this would end differently,” he admitted, almost whispering the words into the silence that fell upon you.

“I hoped it would too.” You admitted with tears running down your cheeks.

Joel stepped closer to you, his eyes holding many emotions as he cupped your cheek. You wanted to push him away, slap him, even scream at him for being such an asshole but his touch made you weak and lose your voice.

“I’m sorry,” Joel said, staring into your eyes before leaning closer to place a tender kiss on your forehead.

You were frozen in your place as his lips touched your skin, a tear dropping as he closed his eyes, falling onto your temple.

You would have never thought that you’d make Joel Miller cry and this was the first time you ever felt broken by his touch. Only if things were different…

“Tell Austin that he has an angel in his hands, he better keep her safe and love her the way she deserves to be loved.”

The way he was afraid to love you.

His words made your heart skip a beat. As you looked up at his defeated face, you saw him trying to give you a reassuring smile that only made your pain even worse.

“He will.”

With one last glance, you stepped away from him, wiping your wet cheeks before hurrying out of the workshop, and stepping into the endless darkness of the night.

That was the last time you'd spoken to Joel Miller.

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multi-fandom-imagine · 1 year

Text

A/n: I can’t express how much I love this!

The one thing about living far away from the city was that you had no people around you, the one down side of living in the outskirts of the city was that you had know one near you for help.

Which was troubling since you started to spot a large shaggy dog near the edge of your property. It scared you at first, you didn’t like to step outside when you started to see the animal. Though you’ve come to find out that it left you alone.

So hoping to gain the trust of the creature you started to leave out food for the animal at least in a thanks for not killing you when it easily could given its size.

You would leave out some meats in the morning then when you’d come home from work it would be gone and yet you would see a pair of glowing eyes watching you from the woods.

The large shaggy dog which you seemed as Shaggy first approached you when you went for a morning jog. You had happened to glance behind you to see the dog keeping pace. Yet you still couldn’t figure out the breed, it seemed to big for a wolf. Could it be a stray? Mix breed? Happy for the protection you continued on your run.

The second time the wolf dog approached you was when you were eating outside. You loved to cook and it seemed the scent managed to catch his attention, it was the first time he actually laid down next to you.

A whine escaping the dogs muzzle as it laid down, it’s body scooting close to you as it eyes the burger you were eating.

Sighing you shook your head, a small smile formed on your face. “Well I’m happy you enjoy my food.” A bitter feeling formed in your chest as you placed the burger informer of the wolf dog, it’s dark fur looked so soft. “My ex sure didn’t.” You muttered.

Letting out another whine, you felt the wolf dog rest his head on your knees doing his best to comfort you. Hand shaking you then placed your hand on his head slowly petting it.

At least you gained his trust and after this day it soon turned into an odd relationship.

Tommy did his best to ignore what Joel had said to him. You were different, you were kind, not to mention how good of a cook you were.

He knew you had the chance to call someone to get rid of him but you didn’t so now he was going to approach you as himself, well as a human anyway.

Adjusting his cowboy hat he slipped into the market place, the man easily picking up on your scent. It was so easy to tell you apart from the others, you smelt so good. Peaking down each isle to make sure he didn’t look to obvious the man slowly stepped near you. Clearing out his throat, Tommy tipped his head to you.

“Hello Ma’am.”

Nearly jumping at the voice you turned to whoever it belonged too. Feeling your skin grow warm you didn’t expect to see such a handsome man here yet you couldn’t help but sense something familiar from him.

“Oh! Hello..um how may I help you?”

Clearing out his throat Tommy tipped his head to you, a small smile on his face. “I couldn’t help but notice you and well I wanted to ask you out on a date.”

“A date…with me?” Swallowing thickly you tightly clutched the box of cereal. “I…I’d love too.”

And after one date turned into two, which turned into a week and soon a year has gone by and in that time you started to see less and less of Shaggy dog.

You couldn’t help be a little upset, you were worried. What if something happened to him? What if a hunter got him or some other animal?

Standing on your back porch you gripped the plate of food just hoping to see your furry little friend that you didn’t even notice Tommy slip behind you. The man wrapping his arms around your waist. “Why don’t you come back to bed darlin. It’s awfully lonely without you”

Sighing you lowered your gaze frowning as you placed the plate down. “Okay.”

“Something wrong Y/n?”

“I’m just worried….I haven’t seen Shaggy dog?”

Tommy snorted, how could he forget the little name you’d bestowed upon him though he did hate seeing you so upset, he really didn’t think it effected you so much though he did know that he had to fix it.

“Look Y/n….I gotta show you something.” Rubbing the back of his neck he slipped away then started to undress.

“Why are you getting naked?”

Tommy let out a scoff then gave you a crooked smile as he watched you. “Not about to ruin my clothes.”

Before you could comment you watched Tommy change, it was fascinating and something you couldn’t tare your gaze away from.

“Holy shit”

Then with a blink of an eye a very naked Tommy was now standing in front of you. “Ya I’m that dog you r been feeding and watching over you. You really won me over on that cooking and well I love you Y/n and I’ll explain everything but right now I want you.”

He hummed lifting you onto his shoulders as he stepped into your home then towards your bedroom, it was going to be a long night.

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