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glitterinmyveinss · 5 months

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// say yes to heaven //

johnny knoxville x reader

authors note: Johnny goes by PJ, some things might be innacurate apologies in advance, mentions of homophobic slurs (i can say it)

❥༄ It's a warm july evening, the sunset sky looks like cotton candy, the kids are still out playing, and me and pj are on the steps of his trailer drinking some cold beers. i've known pj ever since me n my mom first moved to Tennesse at age 5. i ponder back on that moment, the memory still fresh in my mind.

❥༄ "y/n! get your boxes from the back of the uhaul girl!" my mother shouted. i sighed and made my way from the empty field to the back of the van we came in while my mother put her belongings inside our new home. a boy around my age with dark chocolate hair, warm brown eyes, and a horrendous haircut came up to me. "are you my new neighbors?" he asked enthusiastically. i nodded shyly. "cool! i'm pj by the way. my trailers right there." i glanced over to where he was pointing. i noticed a brown trailer with white stripes, white steps, and various beer cans and cigarette butts littering the patch of grass in front. i turned back to him and introduced myself back. "my names y/n. my parents divorced so we moved here." "mine are divorced too! wanna be friends?" we've been inseparable ever since.

❥༄ i set down my can with a sigh and put my hands in my hair. i've lived in the same trailer ever since, things never really got better for me and my mom. i started working at the local jcpennys working the beauty department but that's it, and Pjs been working with his dad at his auto repair shop ever since we were 13. pj turned to look at me, his brows furrowed and his eyes fixated on me. "what's troublin' you doll?" i picked my head up with a sad smile. i loved when he called me that. "whens it gonna get better peej?" i let out a dry chuckle. "i mean are we just gonna stay in this town our whole lives? living pay check to pay check?" he huffed and turned away from me. "i don't know y/n...why are you bringing this up?" "because i don't want that to be my life pj. maybe it was good for our parents but...don't you want different?" he took another sip from his can and a long drag from his cigarette and was quiet for a while. "of course i want different but it's not that simple y/n...plus the world needs workers like us and our parents anyway." i couldnt belive what he was saying. it was so out of character for him. he was never one to conform to society despite us growing up in the south where you'd get called a fag for just about anything. but people didn't care when it came to pj. he could be wearing a tutu and still look cool. that's why i didn't understand why he was giving up his future to stay in a town like this when the world had so much more to offer him, to offer us. "you know, i don't get you sometimes pj." i threw my can on the porch and sat up. "when are you gonna wake up y/n?" he shouted at me. i looked at him wint utter confusion painted on my face. he stared back at me with those piercing dark eyes. anytime i looked into them, it was like i was stuck in place, and like the rest of the world was no more, just me and pj. "w-what do you mean?" i spoke. he scoffed at me and continued, still shouting. "do you think it's that easy? that we can just leave this all behind and start a new life like that?" i huffed in frustration and crossed my arms, "that's not what i meant and you know it. i just meant that we both have dreams pj. what about your writing?" he turned away from me and shook his head, his eyes were even darker now due to his mood. i noticed there were imprints on his can due to his grip on it. "what about my writing y/n? you heard my dad." a while ago, pj shared with his dad his dreams of being a writer, and how he wanted to write for this magazine in LA, just to get his foot out the door. his dad didn't take it well at all and said he better get the wrench he asked for because writing won't pay the bills. i stayed quiet, not knowing what to say. pj got up to stomp his cigarette out. when he was done he locked eyes with me. he stared at me with such intensity, it made my knees buckle and my stomach flip. maybe it's a good thing he wore shades 99.9% of the time. i wanted nothing more than to reach out and hug him, let him know that anyone who doubted him didn't know what they were talking about. that me and him could make it on our own. but we were just friends. and he was even more stubborn drunk than he was sober. he turned to go inside then stopped. "you better get home y/n...it's getting dark." i felt the tears sting the corners of my eyes, like bees in the summer time. this wasn't the first time we fought like this, but it's the first time he didn't invite me in afterwards. usually he'd say something along the lines of sorry, or how he has some left over apple pie he needs help eating, really he would say any excuse. but this time, it was like he wanted nothing to do with me. "you're a coward philip and you know it." i shouted. "you have just as much potential as anyone else in this world to do something great, but you're scared!" he stayed with his back towards me, his fists clenched and his head low. "leave y/n."

❥༄ i stared at him until my vision became blurry with tears, which didn't take long. i've always been emotional. i ran away from him, in the direction of our old elementary. i always went there when things became too much to handle and i just needed somewhere to escape to. once i got there i sat on the old rusty swings that squeaked each time you swayed. i felt like shit. maybe i was too hard on pj. it's just that all i wanted was for me and him to have a good future. maybe the reason why i got so mad was because i imagined our futures would be us as lovers, not best friends. i wish i brought one of those beers before i left. i heard rustling coming from my left side and when i turned to look, i saw pj. i turned away and stared at the ground. it was quiet for a while while he sat on the swing beside me. "i'm sorry doll. i didn't mean to yell at you like that, you know how i get when i drink coors." i began to sob as i spoke, "no peej i'm sorry, i was too hard on you." i put my head in my hands and hid my face. pjs eyes scrunched up as he began laughing at me. "oh come on y/n, no need to bring out the water works. we're all good girl" he moved his hand and began rubbing my back. i sniffled and picked my head up, turning to him with a small smile that he returned.

❥༄ it was like that for a while. just me and pj swaying back and forth, till he spoke up. "you know i'm not a coward y/n..." i faced him and frantically began explaining myself. "i know pj i'm sorry it's j-" he cut me off. "the only reason why i'm not doing what i want is because... i wanna keep you close to me." i stayed staring at him. my eyes wider than usual, and my lips tucked between my teeth. "the magazine i wanna write for is based in LA. that means i would have to move there." i remained quiet. he turned to look at me. "come on y/n say some-" it was probably the alcohol more than me, but out of no where, i decided to kiss him. his lips were warm snd soft, i could still taste the cigarettes and coors on his breath. i felt euphoric and nauseous all at once. i pulled away awkwardly and faced him. "i'm sorry peej, i don't know-" he cupped the side of my face and pulled me in for a second kiss. after a minute we pulled away, but we were stuck staring at eachother, like one would disappear if the other dared to look away. "i'll go with you." i spoke, barely above a whisper. pj scrunched his face in confusion. "pardon?" i rolled my eyes at him. sometimes he was such an airhead. "i'll go with you to LA. just say the word and i'll go pj." he stared at me with a goofy crooked smile and picked me up from the swing. i squealed as he threw me over his shoulder. "let's start packing then. we'll get the first flight out as soon as we're done." even though i was upside down and felt dizzy, i couldn't be happier.

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knoxvillesjackass · 1 year

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hello! I had an idea of No Nut November with Johnny x female reader. The jackass guys all dare each other to do it and the winner couple is who lasts the longest. When his girlfriend finds out, she keeps teasing him and it all ends in smut!! Love your stories!! ❤️

𝐧𝐨 𝐧𝐮𝐭 𝐧𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐦𝐛𝐞𝐫 - 𝐣.𝐤

im so happy to finally see a smut request!! pls, send some more, because i want to get better at writing it! also, do you guys enjoy reading it or do you like fluff and/or angst better?

warnings! edging, oral sex dom!johnny x sub!reader? ( reader receiving and giving), dirty talk, very dirty hihi

words; 3.375

It was bizarre. Annoying, really. You’d given him every opportunity in the world to rail you, blow your back out and make you incapable of walking for the day…All of your attempts were shut down, which was new for you.

Usually, all you had to do was send the smallest signal to Johnny, and he would be ready at any time, but the past two weeks had been different.

He’d been avoiding you, it seemed. He only kissed you when he left for work, and he’d even slept on the couch for some nights.

You’d been left confused and a little hurt by it all. Had you done something wrong, or was he perhaps just not attracted to you anymore?

The thoughts killed you, but it killed him even more. If it hadn’t been for that stupid bet….

“A month without sex? You’ve gotta be shitting me,” Johnny shook his head as the room erupted in laughter, but he was totally serious.

He couldn’t believe that he was the only one objecting to this nonsense. The concept was idiotic and frankly childish.

Steve-O had been the one to bring it up during lunch break. Everyone had shrugged it off, but as the tension grew thicker throughout the day, everyone suddenly began to take it very seriously, Johnny included.

So, as stupid as he thought it was, Johnny was knee-deep in the ‘No Nut November’ phenomenon, even though he hated the idea.

You and Johnny had sex a lot. No shame in that. Just two adults, who loved each other very much. What Johnny did feel off about, was that all of his friends knew just how much sex you had. How? Well, at every given chance to escape the craziness of the crew, the two of you did. And you didn’t do it to have conversations and drink tea. No, you did it to fuck.

Johnny had been labelled as the guy to fail the quickest, and it didn’t sit right with him one bit.

Luckily for him, his self-control was a different ball game. He had more control than all of the jackass guys combined. If there was a will, there was a way, and Johnny never let himself down once he had a goal.

“Oh, y-you’re participating?” Steve-O asked Johnny, who shrugged and nodded. “Yeah,” he huffed, and the room once again erupted in laughter, this time, it sounded more ridiculing than anything.

“What?” He asked confused and scoffed as he stared back at his wide-eyed friends. “Dude, you’re not going to last for two days,” Pontius grinned, Johnny returning a simple growl. “Let’s just fucking see, shall we?”

“Hi, baby!”

You grinned excitedly as Johnny entered your shared apartment. You wrapped your arms around him tightly, furrowing your eyebrows at once when you didn’t feel him embracing you.

“Are you okay?” You asked and unwrapped your arms around his waist, looking up at him innocently. “Y-Yeah, I’m fine, Y/N, I’m just tired. Think I’m gonna go take a shower,” he commented, his eyes focused straight ahead and not down at you.

“Oh, okay. Well, I could join,” you smirked and winked at him, but he merely shook his head and smiled politely before disappearing to the bathroom.

Well, that sucked, you thought.

He was probably just tired. He’d been working long hours, and maybe all the man needed was some space.

You’d attempted to be the understanding girlfriend, even when you felt ignored by Johnny.

The first few days went by okay, although the hours seemed to get longer as the days went by. The week overall was manageable but when the second week struck, Johnny was beginning to struggle.

The day of your anniversary, you'd made everything really special for Johnny. Dressed up nice, cooked some good food, and made the bathtub the perfect place to end the night, together.

When he'd come home, he'd acted just as you'd feared.

Distant and seemingly blind to the effort you'd put into making your fourth anniversary a special one.

The dinner was awkward and you hated the tension. You broke the silence every minute, asking him questions to which he answered with simple and short sentences.

"I have a surprise for you," you smirked. Maybe what he needed was some extra spice, and that was what you were going to give him.

"A surprise?" He asked as he was washing the dishes. He jumped when he felt your arms snake around his waist. Johnny moved away and coughed. His boxers were starting to feel tight, uncomfortably tight.

You grabbed his hand and dragged him to the bathroom. You'd scattered rose petals on the floor and lit some candles. It was the most romantic bathroom you'd ever seen, but Johnny didn't seem to agree.

"O-Oh, Y/N," Johnny coughed nervously and slowly backed out of the bathroom.

"Did I do something wrong? Are you trying to punish me or something? Please, tell me what's going on!"

"No, Y/N-"

"Then why won't you FUCK ME?" You shouted and sniffled. Johnny's heart tore a bit. He wanted to tell you, he really did, but with the mood and how you were feeling, it didn't seem as if it would've been a massive help in his eyes.

The next days were rough. You were upset, understandably. Johnny continued his odd behaviour and you were just about done with it all.

“Just tell me now; when did you give in and how was it?”

Bam stood like a little child next to Johnny and giggled, but Johnny rolled his eyes underneath his sunglasses and sighed.

“I haven’t given in yet, and I’m not going to, so you might as well quit bothering me.”

Bam scoffed at the answer he got from Johnny, but he hadn’t expected much else, considering Johnny’s recent behaviour.

He was in a pissy mood. He was at conflict with himself at all times. The whole dare had transformed into something beyond his control. He was so competitive, sometimes it scared people.

Johnny sat down in the conference room, where the crew held their weekly meetings. He cursed to himself and looked around. Pontius, Steve-O and Jeff sat and looked at him with smug grins.

“How’re you holding up over there, Knoxville?” Jeff asked, to which he received a middle finger from Knoxville.

“It’s been a long time since I've seen Y/N around? When is she coming by again?" Pontius pouted. Just the thought of your name at this point, could get Johnny hot and bothered.

"I-She's not," Johnny mumbled and rubbed his sweaty forehead. Was it just him, or was it starting to get super hot?

"That's weird. I talked to her this morning. She said, she's dropping by to say hello," Jeff said and immediately, Johnny tensed up.

"What?" He asked. He hated to even think it, but you were the last person he needed to see now.

"Y/N!" Wee-man yelled as soon as he saw your figure in the doorway.

Johnny hid his face in his hands as soon as he heard your voice. He imagined you saying his name, moaning it, screaming it.

"Hi, guys," you smiled and entered the conference room, greeting all of the guys with a hug, moving your way around the table until you reached Johnny. "Hi, babe," you smiled and leaned down to plant a kiss on his lips, although he moved away almost immediately.

You scoffed and stood up. What had you expected? He'd only been treating you like that for the last two weeks.

"Well, I can see that I'm not wanted here," you mumbled but were quickly met with reassurance from everyone but Johnny.

"Why would you think that?" Jeff asked, "we love having you here, Y/N."

"You might, but I think Johnny feels a bit different," you hissed and glared at Johnny, who slapped his forehead.

Suddenly, Ehren began laughing hysterically, to everyone's surprise. "Wait, you haven't told her yet?" He grinned and the boys slowly caught on and joined Ehren's laughing fit.

Johnny was so not having it. His fists were curled and his jaw was clenched. And you, you were utterly confused as to what was going on.

"Told me what?"

You raised your eyebrow and looked down at Johnny, who refused eye contact at all costs, the guilt weighing him down like uranium.

"We dared each other do the no nut Novem-"

"Don't even finish that sentence," you said and cut Ehren off. You were quiet for a few moments, trying to assemble yourself before speaking up.

"You wanna explain yourself, asshole?" You spat and looked down at Johnny, who sighed and looked up at you.

"Y/N, I'm so so-"

"Do you guys know how long it's been since I've had sex with my boyfriend?" I asked into the room and the guys all chuckled.

Of course, they knew. They were a part of it too, after all.

"Two weeks!"

It didn't sound like a lot, but anyone who knew you and Johnny understood that this was totally out of the ordinary.

"You're telling me I have to wait two weeks before he can bang me? How many of you guys are still in this bullshit?" You asked loudly to which Pontius, Jeff, Ehren and Wee-Man's hands went up.

"Fuck this," you sighed. You knew just how competitive Johnny was. Nothing could get in his way. Literally nothing, but then again, if anyone had the slightest chance, it was most definitely you.

"Y/N?"

You sighed at the sound of Johnny's voice.

Your fingers were curled inside of yourself as you lay spread across the bed.

You continued, although the sound of Johnny's footsteps came closer and closer.

You closed your eyes and began rubbing your clit, letting out a quiet moan.

"Y/N-fuck," Johnny breathed out when he walked in on you pleasuring yourself. His cock was throbbing at the sight of your naked body, but he denied all of those feelings and shuffled out of the room. The sight had made him hard as a rock.

"Johnny!" You called out. An idea had popped into your head.

He opened the door and peeked in. Your legs were spread open and they were trembling with anticipation.

"Huh?" He asked you. His eyes were almost closed. He couldn't bare to see more.

"Look, I know you're not allowed to cum or whatever, but I'm horny and I need your help," you stated and Johnny's eyes opened wide. You might be on to something, he thought.

Pleasuring you always brought Johnny pleasure, he didn't even have to pull his dick out for this one.

He smiled and rushed over to you.

He wasted no time digging his two fingers into your cunt, plunging them in and out of your wet entrance. His head rested between your legs as his tongue made contact with your clit. You reached down and grabbed a handful of his hair. God, he loved it when you did that.

What he loved, even more, was the way his name sounded when you screamed it out of pure pleasure. "Fuck, Johnny!" You cried and grabbed his one hand that wasn't fucking your cunt and pulling it up to your breast, signalling for him to massage it, which he did, gladly.

Johnny smiled against your folds and licked them up and down, ever so often pinching your sensitive clit between his lips, which drove you crazy.

"I-I think I'm g-"

"Look at me, babydoll," he ordered and you followed, looking directly into his dark brown eyes. You couldn't contain the eye contact for long though, because your eyes rolled into the back of your head and you let out a loud cry as you reached your awaited orgasm.

You tugged at Johnny's hair and breathed in loudly, trying to gather yourself.

"J-Johnny, just fuck me already, please," you sobbed and looked at Johnny.

The offer was so tempting, but he just couldn't. He snapped out of his thoughts when he felt his jeans tightening to the point of it being uncomfortable.

"O-Oh, shi-" he hissed and suddenly flew away from his position. You looked him up and down, eyes landing on the massive boner, he had packed. You held back an evil laugh as Johnny stormed out of the room. "Where are you going?" You yelled as you stood up from the bed.

"I-I'm just gonna go for a drive!" he yelled back and slammed the door. He wasn't angry with you, and you knew that. He was angry with himself. This bet was starting to get really fucking old.

The next days were seriously awful for Johnny. After helping you out, he realised that it might've been a bad idea.

The only thing on his mind was the feeling of your pretty cunt against his fingers and the sound of your screams still rang in his ears every now and then.

And you'd, of course, been making his life a living hell. Walking around naked in the apartment or dressing up in your sexiest lingerie.

Johnny kept himself together, though, and you had to give him credit. He'd handled it all very well, better than you ever could.

(random a/n; this same-ish story, but where the reader is dared?)

The end of November was just around the corner, thankfully. Sure, Johnny's hands were equivalent to magic, but nothing beat the feeling of his cock ramming into you.

You couldn't wait, quite literally. Johnny was so much better at staying committed to a dare than you. You needed him. Like, really needed him.

"Johnnyyyy," you whined and threw yourself at him like a little toddler,

He wasn't as sensitive as before. It seemed that the roles had taken a 180 because you were hornier than ever.

Johnny was sitting with his computer when you suddenly planted yourself in his lap and hugged him tightly.

"What's going on?" He asked and rubbed your back.

"I want it so badly," you whispered and bit your lip. Johnny stiffened up and shifted uncomfortably around on the couch. "Three days to go, Y/N," he comforted you, but that wasn't good enough. "No, but like, now," you said and reached down to straddle his cock. He let out a yelp and lifted you from his lap to the seat beside him as he stood up and paced around.

He was frustrated. It was really not fun anymore. Actually, it never was.

Johnny hurried to his phone and put the phone to his ear.

"Chris, you tell me now and be honest; who's still a part of this November bullshit?" Johnny asked. You smiled to yourself and crossed your fingers.

No one, please say no one.

You couldn't quite hear the rest of the conversation. You didn't really care either, because when Johnny came out, he had darker eyes and a wicked smirk on his lips.

"Go to the bedroom and take your clothes off. I'll be up in two minutes."

You squealed with excitement and ran up the stairs faster than ever.

You stripped out of your clothes and threw them to the side, feeling a knot in your stomach, waiting to be untied.

Johnny entered the room. He'd taken his shirt off on the way up the stairs.

"Get on your knees," Johnny ordered and you did so immediately and without protest of any sort.

The room was pretty dark, but you could still see Johnny's crooked smirk.

He approached you, stopping when he stood right in front of your kneeled figure.

He brushed some hair out of your face and cupped your cheeks as you stared up at him, batting your eyelashes.

He gathered your hair into a ponytail at the back of your head and tied it with the hair tie he had around his wrist.

"Fuck, I've missed your mouth," he moaned and unbuttoned his pants, not even bothering to pull them all the way down. And you were just as desperate to please him again, so without waiting any longer, you took a hold of his rock-hard length and gave it a few pumps. Johnny threw his head back when you put just the tip into your mouth. Impatient and understandably needy, Johnny skipped your slow tempo and grabbed the back of your head, pushing his cock into your mouth fully.

After four years of dating Johnny, your gag reflex was pretty much non-existent.

He began gently thrusting himself into your mouth and then sped up until you eventually could feel his tip at the end of your throat.

You watched with tears in your ears as your boyfriend had lost himself in you, thrusting himself into your mouth again and again until he was a mumbling, moaning mess, cumming down your throat.

You swallowed and Johnny watched you in admiration as he offered you his hand to help you stand up.

Your lips crashed together for the first time in weeks, and you moaned into the kiss when you reached the bed. Johnny put a hand behind your head and the other one on your back, slowly lowering you on the bed as he hovered over you with a hungry, lust-filled gaze.

You were merely wearing his t-shirt and a pair of old shorts, which Johnny quickly tore away, your underwear following. He pulled the shirt from over your head and admired your naked body for a while, before snapping out of his trance to return to his duty.

He began placing kisses down your chest but you pulled him up when you saw where he was going. You grabbed his hand and forced it down to your dripping cunt. "I don't need anything, I just want you to fuck me," you nodded and Johnny smiled. Foreplay was always a big thing in your relationship. It was a way to ensure that both parts were 100% ready, but there was no doubt in your mind; you were ready.

"You're still on the pill despite this stupid bet, right?" He asked and you nodded. He knew how bad you were at forgetting it, and he often scolded you for it.

"Good girl," he whispered raspily. That made your heart melt.

His tip was at your entrance, and you wondered if the three weeks had changed something within you. Was it going to hurt after that long with no sex?

You shook every thought off when Johnny placed a kiss on your forehead and slowly pushed into you.

"Ah-!"

Johnny looked at you with wide eyes. You apologised quietly.

"It must be because it's been a while," you said and Johnny nodded, understanding what you were feeling.

He continued pushing his member into you and watched you closely as you clenched your eyes shut and dug your nails into his wide shoulders.

He rested for a while, waiting for your sign to move, and when that sign came, he began pumping in and out of you slowly but deeply.

You grasped onto him and pulled him as close as possible while also wrapping your legs around his waist. "F-Faster," you moaned with closed eyes and Johnny grunted as he sped up, fucking you at an impossibly fast pace.

Everything seemed to go dull for a short moment. Your pussy clenched and your belly contracted tightly when a wave of pleasure hit you like a thousand bricks.

"I-Oh, my God!"

Your nails dug deeply into Johnny's back and you scratched them up towards his neck, where they rested, fiddling with the ends of his brown hair.

"Look at me, baby," Johnny ordered and continued his thrusts. You had to collect yourself before even listening to his orders, but Johnny was impatient and close to an orgasm, so he didn't have much time.

"Y/N, I said look at me," he repeated. The tone made you look at him immediately and you bit your lip and moaned loudly as you watched him orgasm for the second time that night.

"Fuuuck-urgh, baby!"

He trembled and with one last thrust, he pulled out of you and fell down beside you with a heavy but satisfied sigh.

"This November has been the best and worst of my life," you sighed and Johnny laughed in agreement as he kissed your forehead and snuggled you closer.

probably my favourite smut i've ever written, but what do you think?

#johnny knoxville fanfic #johnny knoxville jackass #jackass #jackass x reader #johnny knoxville #jackass imagine #chris pontius #dave england #ehren danger #preston lacy #ryan dunn #wee man #johnny knoxville fluff #johnny knoxville smut #johnny knoxville imagine

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dilfville · 2 years

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My stress level is April Margera in every episode of Viva La Bam.

#jackass #bam margera #april margera #viva la bam #jackass forever #jackass x reader #johnny knoxville #jackass edit #chris pontius #cky crew #ryan dunn #steve o #ehren mcghehey #dave england

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b4mpyre-k1zz3s · 3 months

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The Blue Eyed Bandit

When a wanna-be cowboy rides in all the way from Tennessee, he’s laughed out of town, but Y/N can see something in him that others can’t, especially when their town becomes the target of ruthless gang of bandits.

Johnny Knoxville X Fem!Reader

(Cowboy!Au, Angst, Fluff)

5.9k Words

Warnings: Extremely suggestive content, prostitution, flirting, drinking, bar fights, guns, stalking, blood, wound care, knives, makeouts, hickeys, description of injury, gun sucking, degredation, groping, (attempted) kidnapping

An: I’ve wanted to write a story about Johnny as a cowboy for a while XD This was inspired by a lot of things, but especially the Mexico episode of Viva la Bam! I specificly wrote this story to be set in the ‘1850s, though it’s not explicitly stated. I did more research for this fic than any other I’ve written before, on topics from wound care to desert fruits and breeds of horses! It was super fun to write so please let me know if you would be interested in something similar to this in the future!!

You were lucky. It’s odd to say that working as a prostitute in a parlor house would be the luckier of any number of options, but it was. Leaning against the dry, rotting wooden post that held up the roofed porch of Madame Evette’s Gentleman Parlor, your current place of board and employment, you rolled this idea of luck around your mind. There’s always worse options, like that brothel up the road that had half its staff wiped out in the last smallpox outbreak. Working here, you always had a hot meal, warm baths, proper living quarters, health insurance, and much more reputable clients. In fact, you had started to get familiar with your regulars because nobody new ever seemed to come there. Looking out at the high, sandy bluffs that framed the desolate, arid New Mexico landscape, you realized that this was a town that new people didn't want to come to, but whose citizens seemed to want to leave by any means.

Lost in thought, you hardly noticed when a man walked up to the creaky railing you were leaning against until he tipped his hat at you with a warm, half smile, “Howdy, ma’am.” It shocked you how cordial he acted to you of all people. Still, you met his eyes. “Hi.” You recognized him- one week ago, this wanna-be cowboy from out east rode into here of all places to pursue his wild west fantasy, and he was already the laughingstock of the town. Still, you humored him a little, “What can I do ya for?” While he was a little dorky, you recognized the charming air he had about him that none of your other clients seemed to possess as he made conversation, “Well, I was under the assumption that this is the place for a gentleman like myself to find some company and,” Holding out his palm flat to take yours, he spoke low and with an accent you couldn’t quite place, “I would be delighted to be graced with yours.” Part of you assumed this was some sort of cruel trick he was pulling, treating a woman like you as a common lady, but you gave him your hand anyways.

Just then, the Madame caught sight of this through the window and swiftly came storming outside with a broom, “Keep those dirty paws away from my girls!” The commotion seemed to draw a good deal of attention as some of the girls inside peered out the door in various states of undress to giggle at the spectacle going down on the porch, and then there was you, caught in the middle of all this. “This is a proper establishment! You can take those dusty boots of yours down to the whorehouse across the street!” She chased him out into the streets, and there went the cowboy, ducking down an alleyway, laughing to himself.

You and the rest of the girls spent the evening lounging about the well furnished parlor, drinking wine in your garters and stockings while you entertained tonight’s men. Despite what people may think, your interactions with patrons didn’t start in the bedroom- there’s some drinking and singing and fraternizing one would usually have to get past before the fun stuff started. But the whole time you were chatting up the fat cat town banker while he puffed away at his cigar, you couldn’t help but think back to your interaction with that cowboy from earlier. There was something different in the way he treated you- how he saw you compared to how the rest of the town did. Most of the men you tended to wouldn’t be caught dead in your presence outside of this place, but he felt no shame in the slightest to interact with you. In fact, he seemed to have taken a liking to you. The thought made your chest feel warm.

Then, out of the blue, there was this great commotion outside, loud enough to rattle the crystal chandelier that hung from the ceiling. Oh. This couldn’t be an earthquake- earthquakes aren’t usually accompanied by the whip cracking sounds of gunfire. Oh. This had to be a saloon fight gone bad. You nearly fell to the ground as everyone in the parlor flooded out the front door for a chance to bear witness to this spectacle, and of course you followed shortly behind because while you were a lady, you were never one to miss a good fight. There was always something or other going on in this town, whether it be a shootout or a bank robbery, so most people were sort of desensitized to it at this point. Dashing out onto the dusty streets, all indigo from the night, so many people crowded into the little tavern next door that you would’ve thought the cheap wooden floors would’ve given out from sheer weight. The place was buzzing. You weaseled in, squirming past people. At first, all you could see over the heads of those in front of her was the town bartender Steve, the one with the shaved head, cautiously emerging from where he had ducked behind the counter, all pale under yellow lamplight. The bar in front of him was completely splintered and half of the bottles that sat behind it were shattered, sticky amber liquid draining down the walls and to the floor. The whole thing was pretty damn tragic- you knew Steve, and by extension knew how he had been busting his behind, having practically built this place from the ground up and kept it running with only a couple saloon girls for help. It was his way of fulfilling a passion you always found to be pretty selfless: making people happy. Albeit, it was through alcohol and cheap bar tricks, he still took it seriously, like it was his baby, and in one moment it was destroyed.

As you squirmed closer to the front of the crowd, that’s when you caught it. A blur of mauve then step on a chair, step on a table- crash! A man leapt out of a window with an armful of cash, green bills fluttering in the air with the sparkling shower of glass. Immediately, you recognized him, but anyone in town could with one look at that purple mink duster with the strange heart symbol on the back that hung from his shoulders or with a glance at that face that was just made for wanted posters. But just like that, he disappeared into the night. And there, on the floor at the feet of the people who had front row seats to all this, was the cowboy from earlier, and he did not look good. Well, he looked good, but he looked unwell, especially with the slowly growing red stain on his shirtfront. “My, my, my…you gotta deathwish, boy? Or are you just plain stupid?” A man standing at the front of the crowd glowered down at him like he was horseshit on his shoe, “Ana’body five miles round’d know not to mess with them bandits.” If it wasn't bad enough, he had picked a fight with the leader of the meanest gang of ruffians in the west, this ruthless fellow that went by the name Bam on account of all the chaos he caused wherever he set foot and that subtleness wasn't necessarily his style. Of course he didn’t know what he was getting into, but the bandit king was gone, and everyone had forgotten about the cowboy that was still bleeding on the hardwood, so you ran over to the bar for a wet towel. Still shaken up, Steve handed you the bar cloth he was unconsciously gripping and, as the townspeople filtered out, you went to tend to the man in the ground.

“Whats’re name, cowboy?” It was pity that urged you to help him, surely. As you peeled away the dark cloth that stuck to his skin, his chest rose with heavy breaths. He watched with half lidded eyes as you dabbed away the blood that was steadily trickling from where he was grazed with a bullet, swallowing as your hands ghosted over a faded tattoo of a woman’s name on his chest before he murmured in a voice still hoarse, “Johnny.” Smiling softly, you finished up cleaning his wound, “Well, what you did back there was mighty brave, Johnny.” Now that you got a look at him, you couldn’t deny that he was a pretty well shaped young man. Cracking an exhausted grin, he let out a labored chuckle, still polite despite the circumstances, “Well thank’y, ma’am.” Gazing up at you with those blood loss dazed eyes, Johnny murmured, a little embarrassed, “I’d invite you back to mine, but I don't think it’d be your style, considering. I, uh- I’ve been sleepin’ in the horse stables for the past week…” There was something undeniably endearing about that fact. You helped him to stand as you went to pull yourself up, “Well, what about tomorrow? We could have lunch together.” Stumbling to his feet, Johnny drawled, “That sounds like a fine idea.”

So you dressed up nice that Sunday in a dress you “borrowed” from one of the other girls that worked at the parlor with you- this vibrant pink dress, the color of ripe red pitaya fruit. The usually lively streets of the town were deserted on Sunday mornings, and since you avoided leaving the parlor during the day due to the looks you got on the street, Sundays were the only day you really went out for fresh air. Johnny was already waiting for you in front of the bar, still in the same clothes as yesterday, bloodstains and all. Seeing you fully dressed for the first time in a sort of ‘you clean up well’ moment, he looked you up and down before a smile crept onto his lips, “Why aren’t you at church?” You shrugged, “I ain’t exactly the churchgoing type, and if I was, they don’t take too well to my kind. You?” The two of you began to walk down the dusty streets, the midday sun beating down and warming your skin. Johnny walked in step with you, inching a little closer, “Well, neither am I.”

You ended up at this little oasis up on a hill at the outskirts of town- one of the few green places left in this god forsaken place. Sitting down on the grass under a Blue Jacaranda tree, you set your woven basket that you carried the food in down and you caught Johnny nearly drooling as you opened it. It was all food you found lying around the parlor- fluffy pink and white conchas, warm boiled esquites, and a package of salt pork wrapped in brown paper and twine. Handing him one of the pastries, he tore into it like a starved man. Noticing your surprise at his eagerness, Johnny stopped himself and added bashfully, “Sorry…In- In all truth, ma’am, I’ve been livin’ off’a bar peanuts for the past few days…” It was believable- that cowboy was looking mighty thin. Of course, he went right back to eating.

The two of you talked for a while. He told you all about the mishaps that happened to him on his journey there all the way from Tennessee, a part of the old Southwest territory, and about how before he realized he wanted to move out west to pursue his cowboy dreams, he was a writer for his town’s newspaper. There was no shortage of stories with this man, and you couldn’t complain because he spoke with this vividness to his words that just captivated you. Johnny asked you about what it’s like in your line of work. You told him that you grew up on a farm and came here for a better life, some life that turned out to be. But as long as you had a clean bed to sleep in and warm meals, you’d be pretty content.

“So,” You started after a silence, “How’s that wound healin’ up?” Swallowing what was in his mouth, Johnny loostend the top few buttons of his shirt and pulled the collar to the side over his bicep, exposing the half scabbed over pink flesh. Maybe it was just an excuse to touch his chest, the intimacy made more so that you were leaning over his body as he sat up on his elbows, looking down at you. Fighting back a blush from creeping onto your cheeks, you blinked and met his eyes, “It, uh…doesn’t look infected, no.” As you pulled away, your gaze lingered on his still open shirt, “Is that your woman’s name- on your chest?” Johnny glanced down at the name scrawled on his tan skin, “Nah. S’my daughter’s.” Never in your days could you imagine a man as young as him a father. Still, you couldn’t help but ask, “So she’s waitin’ for you with your lady back home?” Shaking his head, he smiled gently as if remembering something fondly, “Oh, no- my little girl’s all grown up. And my wife,” he wiped some crumbs off of the side of his mouth, his voice falling a little serious, “well, she left me ‘bout a year ago this November.” You asked for an inch and he gave you a mile. At this point, you couldn’t deny that you were interested in him, but you still maintained your stuff demeanor, “Well, I’m sorry to hear that.” Glancing up at the sky, you shielded your eyes with your hand, “S’noon. Church should be letting out soon.”

Conversation was light as you walked back in town and he dropped you off at the parlor like a gentleman. You made a resolution that this would be routine- outcasts like you needed to stick together after all, or at least that was what Johnny said. It was cute, in a way, all this wisdom he had. As the two of you were chatting as you passed an alleyway, you saw something out of the corner of your eyes- this dark figure and a glint of something diamond blue that sent chills down your spine. But when you turned to take a second look, the shadow disappeared.

That next morning, you and some of the other girls were relaxing on the porch in your frilly underclothes and chatting because you had no clients and, in your line of work, that is what you call advertising. Every now and then a man passing by would whistle at you and you’d have to go up to the rail and flirt with them a little, standing just where you did on that day you first ran into Johnny. His plight still occupied your mind. Poor guy- his daughter left him and so did his wife. He’s probably a very lonely man. Before you could get to thinking about how you would be more than happy to help him out a little with that loneliness, your attention was drawn elsewhere. It seemed that you were too slow to notice the panicked looks and the people starting to make themselves scarce until a hush fell over the street and the air was so tense you could cut it with a knife. Just as you could’ve sworn you could hear yourself sweat, that’s when you saw him.

This hulking, dark mass looked like a vulture on the prowl as he sulked past a roadside fruit stand. There was no question who this was. Your blood ran cold at the dark chuckle that reverberated through the bandit king’s throat at the poor, shivering man who owned the stand as Bam snatched something out of one of the baskets full of fruit, not bothering to pay for it. He was subtle and silent there, something nobody had ever known him to be. Flicking his Bowie knife out of its leather sheath, the silver blade glimmered under the hot southwestern sun like sparkling hot oil as he wasted no time carving the skin off of that pitaya fruit. Though his eyes were concealed under the shadow of the brim of his hat, you felt Bam’s chilling gaze on you from that predatory grin he wore as sticky, red juices bubbled up around the Damascus steel, smearing across his blade and dribbling down his fingers. As if to emphasize a point, he dropped the now discarded peel to the ground and brought the knife to his lips, a serpent-like tongue flicking out to lap at the last traces of sweet nectar from the sharp, glinting edge.

And he smiled at you.

A cool wind blew through the air as you and Johnny sat down at the top of the hill that Sunday. “You know, ma’am,” Sitting with his legs out, cowhide boots stretched out in front of him on the grass, he turned to you, “I never caught your name- your real one, I mean.” Glancing up from the basket, you shook yourself from your thoughts of your encounter with Bam that last week, swallowing before you replied, “It’s, uh- it’s Y/N.” A warm smile spread across his face as you spoke, the corners of his eyes crinkling up. “Y/N. That is a mighty beautiful name.” That warm feeling- that same feeling as before, swelled up in your chest as you stared out onto the golden desert that seemed to stretch on for miles in the early morning sun. “Johnny.” You cleared your throat, “Is this how you expected it to go? Life, I mean.” God knows that you didn’t. You came here looking for a better life. What a sham that was. It was rare that you really got to feeling sorry for yourself, but sometimes, and especially after what happened, it was hard. Feeling nauseated, you hadn’t touched a crumb of the food you brought for the both of you, while Johnny had eagerly gotten through more than half the basket by the time you spoke up. “If you’re askin’ me if I thought I’d end up a cowboy, traveling the land and rightin’ wrongs, I would say yes.” He added hurriedly, a little embarrassed, “But, so far in this town, that ain’t exactly what I’ve been doin’...”

“So, you’re not gonna stay?” Unconsciously, you had inched just a little closer to him, nearly laying your head on his shoulder as the two of you talked. This clearly didn’t pass under Johnny’s notice as his voice fell sweet like honey against your ears, “Well, I didn’t say that. What I mean is, “ He turned toward you slightly, so close to your face that his lips nearly brushed against your cheek as he spoke in a low, slow voice, “all I’d need is a reason to stay.” You only then just noticed how, with the way your face was tilted towards his, your lips were nearly, almost touching. And then they did. But it felt nice- different from the sloppy men who had stolen kisses from you before. It felt soft, and natural. Almost upon contact, Johnny sat back with wide eyes, surprised at his own impulsive actions, “O-Oh lord…” His voice got real quiet, nearly wavering, as he blushed softly, “That may’ve been the least gentlemanly thing I’ve ever done.“

You stopped him, placing a hand against the soft fabric of his dark, half unbuttoned shirt front and leaning back in to gently press your lips to his, your eyelashes fluttering shut. Johnny’s warm muscles were initially tense under your touch but as he relaxed into the kiss, so did his body, letting out a soft groan against your lips. You had never made a man blush before, much less react so earnestly. Reaching out to you, the cowboy’s hands found purchase in your clothing, calloused fingers tangling into your calico dress as he hurriedly undid the brass buttons. Your heart fluttered in your chest and your head swam from the passion and desert heat as you started to think that this was maybe what love was supposed to be. Johnny’s breath came out in hot pants against your newly exposed skin as he hungrily sucked mauve blotches onto your neck and chest, his facial scruff tickling a little as he practically devoured you. But he was gentle with it. So sweet and gentle.

Nothing could have pulled Johnny away from you then, not even the gunshot that cracked out loud in the town below while the two of you were still caught up in the heat of the moment, so you were the one who had to pull his face away from your bosom by his hair. You could feel his breath fanning out against your skin as you sat up to get a better look at the commotion. Howling and cackling like twin coyotes, off rode the bandit king away with his fair haired cohort, arms full of loot from their latest hit- the town general store. They had swiped a small fortune in gunpowder, dynamite, and tobacco. Of course, this drew the townspeople away from church early, especially when one of the two young men who owned the store ran out, shouting and brandishing a shotgun. He fired three or four shells in their general direction, but his shots didn’t come near the hides of the bay mustangs nor the bandits that rode away on them, kicking up dust.

Johnny went back to the horse stables that night and realized just how much everything was looking up for him. He had a roof over his head, the favor of a lovely woman he would quite frankly lay down his life for, and hot meals every night courtesy of the man who owned the stable, a fellow by the name of Chris who he had gotten to know pretty well. In fact, besides the town bartender Steve, he was his only friend, but it was hard to count Steve as a friend because he was always tacking extra tequila shots onto Johnny’s tab while he distracted him with some trick he picked up in the circus. Still, he could let that slide because business was business. Chris, on the other hand, was just a sweet guy who loved horses, and he had taken such a liking to Johnny’s horse, Noami, that he let him sleep in her horse stall there free of charge.

So that explained why he was in the stables in the middle of the night, laying back against her shiny, chestnut coat as she slept with her head against his chest, snoring softly. Funnily enough, it was the horse sleeping against him that woke up first when a dark figure hopped the front gates into the stables. Blinking awake after she stood up, Johnny sat up curiously to catch sight of the silhouette opening stall doors. He thought about Chris- all those nights of charity and companionship, just for him to let some two bit their run off with his buddy’s pride and joy? Oh, no way in hell he was going to let that happen. A flash of emotions went through his mind as he threw himself to his feet and stood up to block the front gate. Johnny’s voice was nearly a growl as he gazed across at the bandit who was currently trying to make off with Jezebel, Chris’ prized palomino mare. “Y’aint leavin’ with her.” Though he didn’t initially recognize him, Johnny put two and two together quickly.

Bam was dead quiet, only visible as the tombstone shape he made in the darkness as he got low, light glinting off of the silver spurs affixed to his heels. Then, all at once it was as if the cowboy had taken a steam engine to the solar plexus, while in actuality it was a black suede wrapped fist that had knocked the air from his lungs. Still, Johnny stayed on his feet, coughing hard and hitting him with a poorly placed uppercut that knocked that hat clean off of his head. Bam sputtered, his mouth now bloodied and dripping onto the sand as he ducked down, taking a step to the side as his right hand reached for the gun afixed to his hip. It was no wonder the bandit king would fight dirty. Before Johnny could duck away, cold steel collided with his orbital bone in a skillfully placed pistol whip and he was knocked out cold. As the cowboy’s body fell limp to the ground, Bam huffed and spun his trusty piece around a finger before slotting it back in its leather holster, shooting a look at the man below him that spelled out that his resistance would not go unpunished.

When Johnny woke up, the first person to come to his aid was the stable owner himself. Chris picked him up under the armpits, lugging his half awake self over to a wooden chair in a corner and leaving him there as he went to fetch some medical supplies from his home next door, leaving the door open as midday sun flooded in. Blinking awake, the first thing Johnny did was look around to see if maybe what had happened last night was a bad dream and that the horse was still waiting in her stable, which was especially hard given the purple swelling around his left eye, but her stall door was wide open from the previous night. As Chris returned with a leather medical bag, Johnny coughed, his voice gravelly, “He- he got away with Jezebel…” This was a low point for him. It seemed that no matter how or when he tried to intervene, there was nothing this cowboy could do, even for the man who had shown him such charity. Kneeling down and threading catgut sutures onto the curved needle, Chris seemed forlorn, yes, but there was an appreciative inflection to his voice as he stitched up the split in Johnny’s cheek, “But he could’ve gotten away with a lot more if you weren't here. I’d say that makes you a hero in my book!” Turning it over in his head, he decided that maybe he had a point with that, but he still wasn't going to tell Y/N. She didn’t need to know. As the needle pierced the cowboy’s skin, he winced, sucking a breath in through his teeth. As Johnny peered down at the dried blood that certainly wasn't his that still remained on his knuckles, he swallowed hard, his voice still tense and very grave, “I’ll get’re back for you. Promise.”

So you heard no word of the stolen horses the next morning and went about your day without a care in the world, tending to clients as usual. You were especially busy that night, feverishly going from man to man, doing your thing and racking up quite a sum in commissions from all the whiskey you pawned off. In fact, you were so focused that you nearly jumped when you heard your name, “Y/N.” Madame Evette tapped you on the shoulder, drawing your attention away from the client you were currently entertaining, “Room seven. There’s a gentleman waitin’ for you upstairs.” It struck you as odd because while men who wanted to skip all the fluff wasn't that uncommon, it didn’t happen every night. Apologizing to the fellow you were talking to with a red lipsticked kiss on the cheek, you turned to hurry up the creaky staircase, making clicky noises against the wood in your little heeled boots.

Wandering down the hall of rooms upstairs, you cracked open the door of room seven to darkness inside from a put out lantern. Oh, poor guy- he must be shy. That makes the whole no canoodling thing make more sense. As you closed the door behind you, you noticed that there was just enough light from the moon trickling in the open window that you could still see a general outline of the man sitting in the wooden chair at the far corner of the room with his knees about a mile apart as you approached him, doing your little flirty routine, “So, what can I do ya’ for, handsome?” Wordlessly, the figure gestured down with two fingers and you knew what he was asking for, especially after he shifted his hips to sit lower in the chair with a huff. Getting onto your knees, you positioned yourself between his thighs, the floor chilling the skin of your bare legs. Reaching out, you started to undo his pants, and while the downstairs parlor was consistently noisy, the soft metallic clinking of a belt buckle was the only noise in the otherwise silent room. Your lips fell open and your eyes suddenly went wide at the sudden, unmistakable ice cold feeling against your forehead.

It was the muzzle of a revolver. The voice that rumbled out of the man above you was nearly a snarl as he spoke through his teeth, “You make one peep an’ I swear to god,” he pressed the tip harder against your head for emphasis and you could swear you heard a smirk in his voice, “I’m puttin’ this bullet in your fuckin’ skull.” Your heartbeat pounded in your ribcage as you felt your head swim and you thought that this is what it feels like to be a jackrabbit caught in the jaws of a coyote. Quivering, your gaze nervously trailed up his body, and you could feel the color drain from your face when your sight fell upon his glinting, all too familiar vulture eyes, flickering like blue hot steel. Click. The bandit king slowly pulled back on the hammer, his hand so close to your face you could see his fingers curl around the mother of pearl handle and read the words etched into the barrel as he tightened his grip with his finger on the trigger. And he chuckled this deep, predatory laugh, grinning down at you with a mouth full of fangs as he spoke slow, deliberately, “Now you’re gonna stand up nice n’ slow with those hands b’hind yer back- and you are gonna be real quiet.” Frozen in fear, you couldn’t move under the shadow that looked over you even if you wanted to keep your brain inside your skull, which you really, really did. “Y’takin’ me fr’a fool, whore?” Bam’s thick accent deepened with agitation as he spit his words, nearly barking, “I said,”

“Stand. Up.” A gloved hand roughly tangled in your hair and yanked you up on shaky deer legs, forcing you to weakly comply much to his satisfaction with the gun still snugly pressed against your forehead. Standing maybe six inches away from you, you picked up on the distinct scent of alcohol and tobacco on his breath. With how his gaze lingered at your lips, you could tell he was getting an idea of something else he could do with that gun, but he just nodded, relenting just slightly at your compliance, “That’s it, girl. Now turn around.” Standing up after you, Bam jabbed the revolver between your shoulder blades making you arch your back as he harshly grabbed your wrists and deftly bound them with the red bandana he wore around his neck. Pulling the gun away from your spine for a second, a warning shot cracked out through the ceiling that made you jump, your eyes nearly bugging out of your skull in fear as you yelped. But your terror was funny- so damn funny to Bam as he pushed you along, the burning hot muzzle returning to where it once was.

The scene downstairs was absolute chaos after that bullet went through the ceiling. Startled patrons and half clothed women scrambled outside, flooding into the streets and attracting quite a bit of attention, especially from the cowboy that was lingering outside the horse stables before he was set to retire for the night. Even though every instinct in him told him to stay away based on the outcome of his previous heroic efforts, Johnny’s body lurched forward almost involuntarily, dashing towards the chaos that Madame Evette’s Gentleman Parlor had become. Pushing past frightened patrons, he stormed in right as Bam was walking you down the staircase as you stumbled in front of him. Your panic-stricken eyes met Johnny’s (or at least, the one eye that wasn’t swollen shut) as he stared at the scene in front of him, his tone stern but his fear giving way to a trace of vulnerability in his voice after he swallowed hard, “Let her go.” The man behind you tugged you back hard by your bound wrists as the gun relocated to your temple, wedging you in place between the weapon and where the bandit king rested his head on your shoulder, nuzzling against your cheek. “Oh, no way…” Bam held eye contact with Johnny as purred into your ear, speaking melodically as he taunted both you and him, “I gotch’re woman…an’ I don’t feel like givin’ her back.” Adding insult to injury, with his torso pressed snug against your back in a crude imitation of intimacy, his free hand, which was sitting on your hip, slid up your body posessively, reaching to roughly fondle your chest as he let out a low, predatory growl, his gaze challenging the cowboy across from him.

If you could’ve seen the white hot fury in Johnny’s eyes. Blinded by rage, he didn’t even consider using the pistol tucked into his holster, instead lunging to tackle Bam to the ground. You slipped out of his tight grasp just in time, clamoring to safety on your hands and knees on the hardwood floor as the cowboy just wailed on the guy. The struggle between the two was like watching two bighorn sheep with their horns locked in conflict, a blur of instinct and emotion, all rabid and teeth and fists. Letting out shuddering breaths, all you could do was watch the violent scene in front of you with your heart pounding out of your chest, not daring to move an inch. The only thing that could’ve pulled Johnny off of the man beneath him was when the town sheriff stormed in, grabbing him by the back of his shirt collar and throwing him off of the bandit king, or what was left of him as he lay limp on the ground. He was beaten to a pulp, almost literally- just a wheezing, bubbling mess of blood and bruising with a few teeth missing. Pulling Bam up by his sweat soaked black curls, Sheriff Tremaine held him to dangle in the air, glaring at the man in his hand with unadulterated disgust, “You’n you’re little gang’re goin’ away for a while.” There was no doubt that he had witnessed the brutality the cowboy inflicted, especially with the blood still dripping off of his still raw knuckles, but it seemed that he would let it slide this time, glancing to you and Johnny and tipping his hat, “We’re gonna get to roundin’ up the rest’a these bandits.”

Without a proper leader, the most fearsome gang of criminals in the west were left with nothing to hold them together, letting the sheriff's men easily pick them off and throw them in the slammer where they rightfully belonged. Life, for once in that godforsaken town, was peaceful. And Johnny? Well, after he was credited as the man who took down the bandits, he was hailed as the town hero, especially after he helped rebuild the bar and returned Jezebel to her stall at the town stables. Even Madame Evette had taken a liking to him, permitting him to come and go to the parlor whenever he felt the need to visit you- on the condition that he got a new pair of boots.

#jackass #bam margera #johnny knoxville #ryan dunn #chris pontius #steve o #ehren mcghehey #dave england #jeff tremaine #jackass fanfiction #jackass fanfic #fluff #cowboy!au #angst #jackass x reader #johnny knoxville x reader #yes I know pitaya isn’t realisticly that juicy but for euphemism purposes #Spotify

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cael9m · 2 years

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these pics of jk aren’t seen as much as they should be

#ryan dunn #bam margera #jackass #chris pontius #johnny knoxville #steve o #<3 #johnny knoxville x reader #dave england #ehren mcghehey #preston lacy

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stratossphere · 1 year

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tennessee whiskey. | j.k

johnny’s a little drunk, and when johnny gets drunk, he gets messy. in more ways than one.

warnings: drinking all around, hint of weed and cocaine use, johnny and reader are broken up, slight relationship angst, fluff at the end

word count: 5.6k

taglist (let me know if you want to be added!) @asskickedbygirl

— —

You were making mistakes tonight. You had realized it as soon as you’d arrived at the bar everyone was holed up in for the night, because the first sighed you’d laid eyes on upon entering was Johnny Knoxville himself up on the bar with no shirt on doing push-ups. You’d been the last one to get there due to the fact that you’d been working until late, and you could tell that they had clearly started the drinking (and probably drugs, by the looks of it) without you.

"Y/n! I was starting to think you weren't even coming anymore!" Ehren was the one to intercept you when you passed a couple making out near the door, and you smiled as you watched him stumble over someone's foot on the way over and almost land at your feet before catching his balance. "Dude. Everyone is like, super trashed."

"I can see that. I don't have anywhere to be tomorrow, so might as well catch up." You said, shrugging and stepping around him to aim in the direction of the bar before motioning for him to follow behind you. You were aiming on avoiding your attention-seeking ex-boyfriend, so you headed for the opposite corner of the bar, where you could see Bam and Pontius with a deck of cards.

"Party's here." Ehren announced you to the both of them as you rounded to their side, drawing Bam's intense concentration as he attempted to set a card on top of the card tower they were actually doing a decent job of building up.

"Well good evening, madame. You are very late to the party." Pontius said, motioning to a stool with Ehren's jacket thrown over it and an empty one beside it. "Seats are open for viewing on what is going to be the world's largest card tower."

"Don't mind if I do." You said, grinning as you sat down next to Bam and watched him gently place his card. He let out a silent cheer to himself when the card tower remained, fist pumping in the air and almost hitting you in the shoulder in the process.

"Card skyscraper, man. 'Tower' doesn't mean jack shit." He corrected Chris, pointing a finger at him before turning to you and motioning to the pile of suspiciously filled pint cups that was sitting next to his elbow. "These are all liquor bombs, if you're interested."

Liquor bombs were just mixing every liquor and beer that they could get their hands on into one glass, and was a sure shot into starting a night that you wouldn't remember. It was a dangerous game, and consuming two pint glasses of it had left Ryan on his ass for a day and a half. You took a glass anyway.

"You better not have done anything gross to these. I'm not in the mood to drink anyone's jizz right now." You sighed, taking a sip out of the glass and immediately coughing when a horrific blackout-inducing blend of liquids burned their way down your throat.

"There's absinthe and a lot of tequila in there." Ehren snickered, motioning to the Absinthe bottle that was on the shelf closest across the bar from him. You winced, shivering as you tried to keep the sip down. Bam snickered at your earlier statement.

"I thought about it. But I thought you'd rather drink someone's jizz the old-fashioned way." When you shot him a sour look at his statement, he motioned over to Johnny, who had stopped his push-up marathon but was now leaning heavily over the bar as he talked to the bartender. "He sure as hell wants you to. He's like, trying to auction himself off to you, dude."

"Ugh. Please don't start." You groaned, taking another large sip of your liquor bomb at the introduction of Johnny as a conversation topic. This happened every time you all got together and Johnny was acting like...Johnny, but you never liked it regardless. "He could be completely naked and three inches from me for all the fucks I give. I'm not interested in...all of that."

"Yeah, but you say that every time. And then all of a sudden he's your shining star all over again." Ehren pointed out critically, leaning back in his seat slightly to get a look at whatever Johnny was doing. You had your back turned so you couldn't see, but you assumed it was something even stupider than what he had started out with.

"Hey. Give her some credit. She's been Knoxville-free for three months. That's your longest streak yet." Chris high-fived you for your not-so-amazing feat, but you took the praise regardless, grinning despite Bam's scoff of disbelief right in your ear.

"Yeah, we'll see how long that lasts." He muttered, wincing when you elbowed him. He was supposed to be your number one supporter, and yet somehow he always seemed to be the one doubting you. "By the way, here's your night's worth."

You looked to him in surprise as he reached into his pocket, pulling out a pack of Menthol smooths out of his pocket and popping it open only to reveal that it was filled with rolled joints. A huge grin quickly spread onto your face, and you snatched the box out of his hand before he had even gotten the chance to shut it again.

"You're the best. I thought I was going to have to rob Steve." You said happily, slipping the pack into your jacket pocket and silently making a mental note to take a smoke break outside in the next few minutes. "Speaking of. Is he here?"

"Uh, yeah. He's somewhere. I think he's in the bathroom getting his sinuses dusted." Pontius motioned to the bathroom behind him, a knowing grin on his face. You knew that was more than likely very true, so you didn't do any further investigating, instead focusing on the card tower.

"So, are you turning this into a skyscraper or what? Because it looks like shit right now." You observed, motioning to the sorry excuse for a card tower on the bar between them. Bam was letting out an irritated groan before you had even finished speaking, and he immediately picked the deck of cards back up.

"We're getting there, asshole! Drink your fucking liquor bomb and shut up." He snapped, kicking your bar stool further away from him in what you assumed was an attempt to keep you from disturbing him in any way as he started to concentrate on laying his next card.

"Yo. Y/n. I got a bet for you." Suddenly, you felt a hand clap down on your shoulder, and you didn't even have to look back to recognize Ryan Dunn's voice. However, you frowned, because bets and any of the Jackass crew never went well together, and Ryan happened to be one of the worst. You turned around to see him standing behind you with a hat you recognized to be Dave’s on his head backwards.

"Is it gonna be bad? Because I'm not even drunk yet, and I'm kind of tired." You asked with a grimace, holding up your barely-touched liquor bomb for proof as he shouldered through you and Bam to grab a stool for himself.

"I bet you can't make Knoxville cry by the end of the night." He announced his bet proudly, and you heard a crowd of snickers from everyone that was sitting around you. For a second you mentally face-palmed because of course it was some dumbass shit like this, but then you just scoffed.

"That is so fucking easy. He's like, the world's sloppiest drunk." You boasted. You couldn't count how many times you’d left the bar together with his face buried in your neck and his tears leaking down onto the collar of your shirt past three in the morning. You then turned back to look over at the bar, and sighed when you saw Johnny still talking loudly to the bartender as he swayed on his feet despite the heavy support of the bar. "Case in point. Look at that fucker."

"Psh. He's not even that drunk. Send him over one of the liquor bombs." Pontius encouraged, motioning to your collection of different ominously colored glasses that you all were harboring on your portion of the bar.

"I don't want to bring it to him." You shook your head, putting your hands up as you verbally stepped out of interacting with Johnny so soon. If you were going to make him cry, he was going to have to come to you. Which really wasn't as difficult as it sounded, considering he usually ended up doing so once he'd had a few good shots in him.

"Well I don't want to talk to him. He's going to be all weird and try to arm wrestle me." Chris scoffed, also stepping back and leaving both Bam and Ehren up for takers. Bam wrinkled his nose, and then Ehren let out a dramatic sigh.

"Fine. I'll do it. But I'm saying that Y/n sent it over so that he gets the idea." He grumbled, reaching over your shoulder to grab a glass that you had specifically avoided when choosing your drink due to the deep green color it possessed. You didn't even want to think about what was inside of that. You didn't exactly want him to say that it was directly from you, but you knew that it was a smart idea in order to lure Johnny in your direction, so you let it slide.

Johnny threw an arm around Ehren's shoulders the second that he was in reaching point, and you, Bam, Ryan, and Pontius all watched as Ehren attempted not to spill the drink upon handing it over to Johnny. You tensed up when Ehren spoke, and then you watched Johnny's eyes search until they found you from across the bar. His eyebrows raised slightly, and when you motioned for him to drink, you watched as he downed the entire thing in one go.

Ehren looked as disturbed as you felt when he looked back at you all, and he muttered something to Johnny before Johnny was getting up on unsteady legs and following him towards you. Bam let out yet another whine.

"Ugh, he didn't say he was bringing him over here. I don't want to do arm wrestling either." He complained, dropping his head onto your shoulder dramatically as if he was the one that was tasked with making Knoxville cry. You really had never met someone who complained as much as Bam did.

"Get off. You have to talk to him before I do. Just for that." You shoved his head away from you, knowing that even that gesture would put Johnny in a drunken bad mood that you really didn't want to deal with.

"Are you guys really arguing over having to interact with Knoxville? Of all people?" Ryan rolled his eyes, clapping both of you on the shoulder as he got up to intercept your inebriated ex. "I'll talk to him, you fucking pussies."

You and Bam both looked at each other with solidarity in the form of a 'I'm not a pussy' pout, but weren't given much time to discuss the topic due to the fact that Johnny was basically stepping on Ehren's heels as he arrived at your portion of the bar.

"You guys are making liquor bombs, and you didn't even invite me over?" He scoffed loudly as he stepped around you, his arm narrowly missing your head as he reached over you to get another glass. Ryan offered Johnny his stool, which he accepted gladly but almost missed when sitting down.

"We're building a card tower. Busy." Ryan supplied, motioning to said card tower, which had received two more cards from Pontius since you’d last looked. Bam put out an arm that gently held Johnny away from the bar, because it was easy to tell that if he got too close, the card tower was going to cease to exist.

"Don't drink too many of those, man. We're going for press tomorrow." Bam chuckled as he watched Johnny swallow down his glass like a man on a mission. If you weren’t so hellbent on keeping yourself out of his direct attention, you would've also voiced your concerns. But you were tasked with making him cry, not making him smart, so you stayed out of it.

"If anyone else is interested in dusting their sinuses, Steve-O's offering in the bathroom." Johnny was clearly not interested in the card tower, and he motioned vaguely towards the direction of the bathrooms as he quoted Pontius exactly on what your friend was spending his night doing. As if on cue, Johnny also sniffed and wiped his nose, and suddenly you made the connection.

"You bumped?" You asked in surprise, not able to help yourself from commenting. Johnny wasn't really one that leaned towards hard drugs hardly ever, and it was actually rare that you had even been able to convince him to smoke weed with you, so you really couldn't contain your shock. His eyes turned to you ridiculously slowly, as if you had just committed a war crime by speaking to him.

"Yeah, Y/n. I'm an adult." In a moment of perfect acting, he was able to completely mimic a sober, stressed out Johnny when he was asked if he was about to go have his fourth cigarette in an hour. You immediately sucked in my cheek and bit down to prevent yourself from answering with just as much snark.

"Y/n, weren't you going to go out and smoke?" Bam asked, not even looking over at you as he placed a card even with Chris' very carefully, but effectively saving you nonetheless. You glanced down at the cigarette box peaking out of your jacket pocket, and let out a soft sigh.

"Yeah, man. Any of you are welcome to join." Except for you, Knoxville. You slid off of your bar stool, silently wishing that smoking weed in public places was normal so that you didn't have to go stand outside of a shady bar in the dark by yourself late at night. You weren’t really in the mood to get catcalled by grimy men who had just finished throwing up in the dumpster down the alley.

Despite your offer, you found yourself making your escape on your own, the clear sight of Johnny's eyes on you as you slid around people to get to the front door. You weren’t sure if everyone was there, but you didn't run into anyone you knew before you had made it outside to the thankfully empty bar front.

Unfortunately for you, just as you were starting to think that you had gotten a break, you promptly realized that you didn't have a lighter. You’d come in the clothes you’d worn to work, and you obviously weren’t lighting up in front of everyone at work.

And then, just as you were getting ready to head back inside and bum a lighter off of someone, thinking that your situation couldn't get any worse, someone busted through the doors and onto the sidewalk a couple feet away from you before you could even move in that same direction. You glanced to the side to see if it was someone who looked like they had a lighter, only to see someone who you knew absolutely had a lighter.

"You said anyone!" Johnny must've seen the disapproving stare on your face when you spotted him, and he immediately fumbled in his pocket before fishing out a lighter and holding it out to you. "Just a couple hits, Y/n/n!"

"Don't call me that." You snatched the lighter out of his hand, pulling one of the joints out of your box and sticking it between your lips. It was kind of sloppily done, which meant that Bam had rolled them himself instead of Ryan, who usually did them for you, but the sentiment was there, so it didn't bother you. Once you had the joint lit, you took a long drag, inhaling until you couldn't anymore and then wincing when you felt the burn rising in your throat.

"Here." Johnny's voice drew your attention back to him, and you looked down at the glass he was holding out to you. It was his liquor bomb, which was almost gone by this point, and the glass looked grimy like his fingers and mouth had been all over it. You shook your head as you cleared my throat a couple times and exhaled a heavy cloud of smoke.

"I'm fine." You muttered, taking a couple steps forward and then sitting down on the curb. "You know, you're gonna crash like fucking hell tomorrow if you keep it up tonight."

Okay. You could only keep your concern to yourself for so long. And everyone else was inside, so it was fine. It's not like you were asking him to tongue you down.

"I know." He didn't really sound like he cared. You could feel his presence from where he had moved to stand right next to you, and there was black converse in the corner of your vision, but you didn't look at him. He cleared his throat. "I'm bleeding."

Sometimes, you really wondered how you had ever seen the appeal of basically becoming the full-time babysitter of the most accident-prone person you had ever met in your entire life. You knew his looks had a certain deciding factor, but not even that could top the stress of bandaging injuries and fixing messes left and right.

"What?" You turned back to look at him in surprise, because obviously you couldn't ignore that, only to see him holding out his scarlet-soaked hand. Your eyes widened considerably, and you shot into standing position. "What the hell? Where is it coming from?"

"I hit my head on the bar." He looked mostly unbothered, his eyes unfocused as he looked for somewhere to wipe his hand off. You stopped him before he could press the palm of his hand to his pants, holding his hand away as you mentally looked for the strength to deal with your piece of shit ex boyfriend.

"Bend down." You sighed, waiting until he had done so before moving to stand on the curb so that you had leverage and could inspect his head. He indeed was bleeding from his scalp, close to his hairline where blood was close to pooling down onto his forehead. It didn't look serious, and he didn't seem to be in any pain, but head injuries always bled a lot, and he needed to be cleaned up. You let out a dramatically irritated sigh. "Finish your drink and come inside so that I can clean off the blood."

You were supposed to be keeping your distance. You had promised yourself when you’d forcibly pushed him out of your apartment three months prior that it would be your last breakup. It would be your last breakup, and there would be no next makeup. But, despite that promise, he always seemed to find a way to weasel his way into your daily life, and you found yourself taking care of him even more than you had when you were dating him. You hated yourself every time you did it, but you couldn't really say no. And you were together more than you were apart due to your friend group, so you didn’t really have an option.

You got a couple of questioning stares when you passed everyone at the bar, and you just shook your head irritably at Bam when you grabbed another liquor bomb on your way towards the bathroom. The blood was now on Johnny's forehead, so it wasn't exactly a secret what you were dragging him away to do, but no one else really seemed to care about that.

The men's bathroom was locked, which you kind of anticipated because you knew exactly who was in there, but you really didn't want to converse with Steve-O in his current state, so you just pulled Johnny right into the open single-stall women's bathroom and locked the door behind the both of you.

"Drink up." You handed him the liquor bomb, leaving him to settle as you turned around to collect paper towels and wet some of them. You were going to enlist a medic to just start following him around so that you didn't need to spend your nights where you were supposed to be having fun patching him up when he inevitably let the liquor hit. You knew giving him more liquor probably wasn't the smartest idea, but it would increase your chances of him leaving you alone, and it would also increase the chances of him crying. Like you said; sloppy drunk.

"You're such a sweetheart, you know that? I miss you." Johnny rambled, and you glanced over momentarily to see him swaying around before giving up and just collapsing down on the closed toilet lid. Your shook your head as you turned towards him with an arsenal of paper towels.

"No, you don't. You're drunk as fuck." You reminded him as you pressed a damp paper towel to his head, your free hand cupping his head just under his ear to keep him from moving around. You could both see and feel him leaning into your touch the way he always did, but you were trying your best to ignore it.

"I don't care. I always miss you." He pouted as he took a smaller sip of his new liquor bomb, wincing as you wiped the blood away from his cut and from his forehead. You fought the urge to scoff, instead settling for just frowning.

"Stop upsetting yourself." You said softly, tilting his head forward slightly so that you could see his cut better. You were hyper aware of the fact that the current position of his head allowed him to look directly down your shirt, and you could tell he was in fact utilizing that advantage. You rolled your eyes but held my tongue on the subject. "You know, doing push-ups on the bar isn't going to get you the attention that you want."

"Why not?" He sounded genuinely surprised by your breaking news. You took a deep breath, knowing that he was sensitive under the influence of alcohol and that you really didn't want him to cry before you had Ryan there to witness your victory.

"Because it's stupid. Nobody gives a fuck about it." Clearly you didn't take a deep enough breath, because your words came out a lot harsher than you intended, and that immediately reflected on his face. You winced. "I meant…you don't need to do push-ups on the bar to get m–everyone's attention. You're welcome to join our card tower party."

"Okay." Johnny's voice had softened considerably, and when you relaxed your hand where you had been holding his head down, his eyes didn't move from the floor. You patted his scalp and forehead dry, making sure that he wasn't bleeding anymore before you gently tilted his chin so that he was forced to look at you.

"Are you going to be okay?" You asked gently, letting yourself break for a moment in an attempt to cure his pouting. His hand drifted up to touch the cut you had just finished cleaning before he nodded hesitantly.

"I'm gonna finish this." He said, mostly to himself as he held up his glass to you like he was showing off how much was left. You coaxed him into getting up so that you could wash his still-bloody hand off in the sink, allowing him to continue to drink as you did so. He watched you in complete silence between drinks.

"Don't do any more coke. Steve laces his with a bunch of other shit that you don't need." You said after a second of silence, your thought prompted by the sound of Steve-O’s laugh echoing through the shared bathroom wall.

"Okay." He said again, nodding obediently as you scrubbed his hand with yours under the lukewarm water from the bathroom sink. If you were together, Johnny would've been pressed up behind you this entire time, but thankfully he was keeping his distance now, standing as far away from you as he could get while still staring at where you were cleaning his hand in the sink with both of yours. You knew he could probably wash his own hand, but whatever.

Finally, once you had gotten him completely cleaned up, dried off, and filled with liquor, the both of you emerged from the bathroom, heading in the direction of where you could see a much-larger card tower before you re-joined the group.

"Did you make him cry yet?" Ryan asked in your ear as Johnny occupied himself with marveling over the card tower, crossing his arms as he narrowed his eyes at you. "Or did you skip straight to fucking?"

"Oh, fuck off. I was sitting out there, and he literally let me get one hit in before he came out with his head bleeding." You complained, wishing that you’d just gone home instead of hauling your ass out to a bar where all of your friends were trashed and you weren’t. "And he almost did. But I've got a finishing move, so just hold your damn horses."

"Finishing move? That's the lamest shit I've ever heard." Bam scoffed, leaning backwards into you so that he could overhear your conversation but not alert Johnny at the same time. You elbowed him, watching as Johnny gulped down the last of his third liquor bomb. Yeah. He was definitely going to become a mess in the next ten minutes.

"Let me work my magic in peace, asshole." You snapped, glancing at Johnny one more time before turning back to Ryan. "Can you go put 'Tennessee Whiskey' on the jukebox? George Jones version."

A long time ago, Johnny had promised you that Tennessee Whiskey was 'your song'. You think it was just mostly because he loved that song, and it reminded him of home, but he made you dance with him every time he heard it. Obviously you didn't do that anymore, but this was different. It was a bet, and he was already drunk. You wouldn't have to dance with him for long.

"Aw, dude. I totally forgot about that." Bam snickered as Ryan disappeared to do your bidding, taking a sip of his beer as he watched Johnny beg Chris to let him put a card on. You nodded, grinning and sitting back down next to him.

"But once you see him crying, you have to pull me out, because I don't want to keep dancing with him. I'm gonna end up sleeping with him if we dance for too long." You ordered, shooting him a warning look. You hadn't smoked much, but the liquor bomb was slowly getting to you, and you knew that your common sense was ebbing away more and more by the minute.

"You know, I don't understand why you don't just throw in the towel and fuck him again. It's not like either of you aren't still cock-in-hand for each other." Bam sighed, shaking his head like Johnny’s and your separation physically pained him. You threw a hand in the air, letting out an indignant noise.

"We've discussed this. He won't nut up and commit, so I kicked his ass to the curb. You don't drag trash back into your house after you've brought it out, Brandon." You said dryly, using his government name to stress the significance of your breakup.

"Jesus. Don't sugarcoat it." Somehow, Johnny had intercepted that part of the conversation, and was suddenly facing the both of you as he blinked sloppily at your harsh symbolism. He looked like shit, and you silently thanked heaven above that he'd plowed through every single one of the liquor bombs that had been on the table, because you really weren’t excited to see the aftermath of what would be if he had another glass. You waved him off.

"Fuck off." You said dismissively, praying that Ryan's jukebox selection would kick in faster so that you wouldn’t have to concern yourself with an argument before you finished the task at hand. He looked like he was going to say something that you definitely wouldn't have liked, but just in time, you heard the beginning of George John's voice. His eyes immediately clicked in recognition, and his glass slammed on the counter.

"You're joking." He said dramatically, reaching out and pulling on your hand. "Y/n." Gasping out your name like a plea for you to let him pull you along towards the wider part of the bar, his eyes were practically begging. You made a face.

"PJ–" You started, pretending like you were going to say no just to fuck with him a little bit so that it didn't seem like someone had picked the song on purpose. He yanked your hand gently and repeatedly.

"Please! Just for a little bit! I’ll never ask you for anything again!" He whined, pulling you hard enough to where you were forced to stand up. You turned back and smirked at Bam before you sighed and gave him the OK to drag you along, immediately being pulled away from the group and towards an open space in the middle of groups of people.

"Do not try anything." You warned as Johnny wrapped his arms low around your waist, a beaming grin on his face as he started to sway you back and forth to the music. George John's version was his favorite, and you could already hear him humming along.

"Shh. Just listen to the music." And before you could even respond, he had his face dropped down into your neck, and there was no longer any space between you as his arms tightened their grip around your waist. You sighed and wrapped your arms around his neck, running your fingers up the back of his neck and into his hair the way you knew he liked. He was now humming gently in your ear, and you could hear the crack in his voice from too many cigarettes as he sang.

God, you were going soft. How could you not? He was wrapped tightly around you, and he was humming the same song that he always hummed when he was showering in the morning. Plus, just as Bam had so eloquently put, you really were still ‘dick-in-hand for him’, and you would’ve been lying to yourself had you said you didn’t still love him. You were trying to force yourself not to, but so far it had been a failed attempt.

"This is still our song." Johnny mumbled, and in a moment of small victory, you realized you could hear the telltale shake in his voice. Yep. Three liquor bombs were definitely triggering the water works. You kept your fingers in his hair, swaying him around and rubbing his shoulder with the hand that was rested over it.

"I know." You said softly, enjoying yourself for a moment as you held Johnny to the soft sounds of George John's voice. To give yourself some credit, you weren’t lying. Even if you two never ended up back together again, you would still picture his face and hear his voice every time you heard this song. He had ingrained it into your brain. He sniffled.

"I miss you." He repeated what he'd said in the bathroom, and this time there was so much emotion in his voice that you were really starting to believe him. “I miss you so goddamn much. I can’t live without you, babydoll.”

You leaned back, forcing his face out of your neck, only to confirm that he was in fact crying. His eyes were rimmed with red, and he looked like a kicked, admittedly drunk puppy. You glanced back at Ryan, who was watching the both of you intently, and tipped your head to the side so that he could get a perfect view of a crying Johnny Knoxville for proof. You saw him laugh, and then promptly realized that Bam, your rescue agent, was nowhere to be seen. Perfect. You were going to have to stay.

"You'll be okay." You consoled, resting your hand on his arm where his hand was still on your hip. His skin was warm despite the chill in the bar, and you silently wondered where exactly his shirt had ended up. He shook his head adamantly.

"No, I won't. I need you." He whined, his face suddenly noticeably closer to yours than it had been a couple of seconds before. You felt your heart ache, and the liquor inside of you screaming to wrap him up in your arms and never let him go again. God fucking damn it.

Liquor always overpowered common sense. It was a well-known fact, and it was something that you had to accept if you planned on drinking. That's why, despite your best intentions, you slid your hand up to his neck and pulled him down, pressing your lips to his as you wiped the tears from his eyes. There had never been a time where you’d danced to 'your song' and hadn't made out, and you weren’t about to spoil a tradition. You knew that everyone else was definitely watching, and that you were going to be facing a heaping pile of liquid regrets in the morning, but at that moment you couldn't find it inside of you to care. You loved him too goddamn much.

“PJ, why don’t I take you back outside so you can get a little fresh air.” You could still hear him sniffling and despite you wiping his eyes, the tears were still coming, so you broke away to motion towards the side door. Johnny shook his head adamantly, his arms tightening around you and his forehead dropping against yours.

“No. Just wanna stay here and dance with you.” He mumbled, pressing another kiss to your lips and then swaying you back and forth with his cheek pressed against yours. “Stay with me, okay sweetheart?”

“Whatever you want, baby. Whatever you want.”

#johnny knoxville #johnny knoxville x reader #johnny knoxville fic #jackass #jackass mtv #jackass imagine #jackass movie #bam margera #ryan dunn #danger ehren #chris pontius #steve o #this is one of my favs that i’ve ever written

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dunnswrld · 2 years

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The "Enhancement" Pill

a/n: This isn't a request but this idea has been lingering in my mind so I thought why not write it!

prompt: The boys come up with stunt where they all take sex pills and see who caves first, unfortunately (and fortunately) Johnny has you..

warnings: SMUT! swearing, sex pills, fem!reader, sub Johnny kinda?!?

"Hi I'm Johnny Knoxville and this is the Enhancement Pill." Johnny sighed as he held the small pill in one hand and a bottle of water in the other. "Man do we really have to do this?" Dave asked with a pain looked on his face. "Yes just take them already." Jeff spoke annoyed. "Well the whole world is about to see my ding ding harder than a turnbuckle." Johnny said with a laugh, everyone else joining him.

The whole idea of the stunt was that five of the Jackass boys, which in this case was Johnny, Dave, Steve-o, Chris, and Bam would take sex enhancement pills and whoever was able to keep it together the longest would win the challenge. Though there was no prize, just bragging rights.

"Fuck it dude." Steve-o said as he quickly downed the pill, not even having to take it with water. At that point the rest of the guys didn't want to seem like pussies so they all downed their pill. "God this is going to fucking suck major ass." Bam said as he realized what he just did, rubbing his hands down his face.

"Who takes sex pills at 10am?" Chris said with a goofy smile, "Idiots like us do." Steve-o laughed.

It was only two hours later and the cameras were rolling as the five boys sat inside the office at a table in a circle. A blush spread across all their cheeks.

Bam laid with his head rested down, Steve-o laid back in his chair staring at the ceiling trying his hardest to shift his mind to something else, Chris sat stiff and still for the first time in the history of Jackass, Dave had his head in his hands every so often shifting his hips, and lastly Johnny sat with his hands covering the tent in his pants and his sunglasses covering his face.

"This sucks!" Bam said muffled into his arms, laughs being heard through out the room. "It isn't even enjoyable it just hurts." Chris said as he rubbed his hands down his face. "God I really hope my mom doesn't watch this movie." Johnny said as the camera panned over to him, trying his best to make light of his situation. His hands remanded over his boner trying his best to stay modest in this situation.

"Come on it can't be that bad." Jeff said with a cocky snicker, "Shut up Jeff!" The whole table said in union. "God I don't think I've ever been this turned on over nothing in my life." Dave said, audibly in pain. Jeff jokingly ran his hand down Dave's back which was quickly slapped away by Dave. "Dude I'm not even kidding do not touch me right now." He snapped. Chris couldn't help but chuckle.

"Shit I don't think I can sit here much longer." Steve-o laughed breathy as he began to tap his foot. "Same here." Bam said with his head down. "You two would be the first to cave." Ehren said behind the camera. Bam's head snapped up to look up at Ehren with a angry confused look. "What the fuck does that mean?"

Johnny was cancelling out the bickering of all the boys as he only had one focus which was you, his girlfriend. His pants seems to tighten more uncomfortably as he pictured you in that white lacy matching bra and underwear you wear that he loves, or when you whine into his mouth when you two kiss, and the noises you make when he is going down on you.

If Johnny kept thinking of you there was no way he would be able to last in this challenge.

"Whatcha thinking about Knoxville?" Wee-man chuckled, the focus of the cameras panning over to him once again. "I have no shame in saying my girlfriend." Johnny said with a smile that told the viewers what kind of thoughts he was thinking about you. "Good thing she's coming in today to bring lunch than right?" Wee-man laughed.

Johnny's face went pale as it set in that you were bringing in lunch for everyone today since it was Friday. "Ah fuck." Johnny said quietly. "What's the time?" Johnny turned and asked the crowd of people behind the cameras. "Almost 12:40." Someone said, Johnny groaned loudly as he realized you would be here at any moment.

You were the first and last person he wanted to see right now. Johnny put a hand on his face. "Tell her not to come in here with the food I can't see her right now-" "You don't want to see me Pj?" Johnny's head whipped to the familiar voice of you. He saw you holding four pizza boxes that were meant for lunch. "No that's not what I meant I-" "He took a sex pill and can't cave or he loses the challenge." Ryan said with a devilish smirk.

The room was silent until it was soon filled with your loud laughter. "Oh you're fucked." You said between laughs, Johnny's face a bright red. You reached over your boyfriend and set the four pizza boxes on the table. Johnny's hand went to your lower back by habit, rubbing up and down slowly. "Handsy?" You said poking his cheek lightly and walking away from the table. Johnny's hand staying on your lower back till you were too far away for him to touch.

Chris was the first to grab a pizza box and open it Steve-o reaching over to snag a piece from the box. Everyone soon began to grab slices of pizza, everyone but Johnny. He was too focused on you and how great you looked today even in just a Jackass t-shirt and jeans. He watched as you exited the room, most likely to go find paper plates for everyone to use. Johnny was quick to stand up and head to the door.

"I'm gonna go use the bathroom." Johnny said to everyone, okays were heard through out the room really not caring where Johnny went since they all were focused on the pizza right now, the other four boys who took the pills finally not focused on nasty thoughts. But that was until Chris realized Johnny had a hard on just like him and the three other guys. "Hey wait is he going to jerk off?" Chris said with a mouth full of food. Bam began looking around the room for Yn. "More like fuck Yn." Bam chuckled. "Lucky asshole." Steve-o grumbled.

Johnny sped walked down the long hallway, his hands still covering the tent in his pants. He peaked into each room he past praying that you'd be in one that was empty and had a lock on the door. Johnny hit the door of the supply room where he saw you just like he expected looking for paper plates.

"Oh Johnny! Do you think you could grab the paper plates off the shelf for me? I can't reach them." You said to your taller boyfriend. Johnny walked into the supply room and shut the door behind him using the hand that wasn't covering the tent in his pants. You heard a small click from the lock on the door signaling that Johnny had locked it. "Uh Johnny?" You asked, furrowing your brows at him.

"Listen, doll, I am harder than a bolder right now and all I want is for it to go away- could you help me out, please?" You looked at your boyfriend, seeing your refection in his black sunglasses. "In here?" You said gritted through your teeth. "No one will hear I swear! They all are in the room way down the hall." Johnny said as he pointed in the direction of the room.

You stood there for a minute thinking of it, it's true that no one would hear unless they came down here. But even if they tried to get into this room the door was locked so there wouldn't be a way for them to see you and Johnny.

"Well are there cameras in here?" You asked quietly, "No there isn't, they took them out last week cause they were planning on getting new ones." Johnny quickly responded to you. You rubbed your lips together realizing that it was private and no one would really see you two. Plus you couldn't lie, Johnny begging for you like this was really getting you going.

"Ok but it has to be quick." A weight was lifted off Johnny's shoulders as he heard your words. "Oh you are the best." Johnny said as he walked over to you, crashing your lips together. Johnny wasted no time deepening the kiss quickly making it messy and needy. Johnny's hands running up and down every square inch of your body he could easy access.

Johnny began to push you both back till the back of your knees hit the back of the old table causing you to sit on the table. You wrapped your legs around Johnny, tossing your arms around his neck. Johnny pulled away from the kiss and began to undo his belt, "I'm sorry doll but I can't wait much longer." He chuckled softly. You began to unbutton your jeans as Johnny pulled his belt off of his pants and move onto the button on his pants.

You pulled your jeans down to your ankles and Johnny did the same. You looked down at his boxers to see his very visible boner. Then looking up at Johnny who had taken his sunglasses off and put them onto his head. A blush spread across his cheeks and his eyes hung low, he looked like he was craving something.

"You're so beautiful, so so beautiful." Johnny said as he pulled his boxers down, not breaking eye contact with you. Johnny's hard sprung up out of his boxers, his tip was leaking with pre-cum and was a angry red color. You swallowed the lump in your throat as you felt Johnny's hands pull down your underwear.

"This won't take long." Johnny breathlessly laugh. Johnny moved closer to you as you put your hands behind you on the table offering more support. He rubbed his cock slowly between your folds as he let out a whine, tilting his head backwards. Johnny then slowly entered into you, a groan coming from his lips as he looked down at the sight of you taking him in.

"Sh-shit." Johnny said as he dropped his head into your shoulder. You decided to take action and move your hips up and down groans coming from Johnny's lips as you did so. "Just like that- ah! You treat me so good doll." Your bottom lip sucked between your teeth as you listened to Johnny's words, your face becoming hot.

Johnny began to move in and out of you at a steady pace, not to fast, not to slow. The sound of skin clapping and breathless moans quickly filled the room, the idea of being quiet was quickly thrown out the window.

"Feels so good Johnny." You said as you wrapped your arms around his shoulders. Johnny didn't respond to you he only let out a moan as he quickened the pace of his thrusts.

"Oh god doll, I'm so close." You could tell he was close from his high pitched moans and whimpers. "Keep going Johnny don't stop."

"Oh god doll you feel so good- I'm gonna cum-" Johnny said, he began to babble about how good you felt and how much he loved you. Saying stuff like:

"I love the way you make me feel, I love it so much."

"You are the best thing that's ever happened to me."

"Wanna make you feel good too doll."

Johnny's hips buckled, as he finally hit his high. Moans and whimpers coming from his lips as you began to move your hips onto his, trying to help him ride out his high as you hit your high; a high pitched moan coming from your throat as you did so.

Johnny and you both sat there for a minute panting as you both tried to get the energy to begin to clean up. "You're lucky I'm on birth control." Johnny laughed at your words. "I am very lucky."

Johnny picked his head up from your shoulder and slowly removed himself out of you. Johnny looked to the shelf to his left and grabbed several tissues from an open box. Johnny gently cleaned you up before he cleaned himself up, pulling his boxers and pants up along with putting his belt back on.

Johnny gave you a peck on your lips as he gently helped you off the table, he bent down to the floor and pulled up your underwear and jeans up for you. Even buttoning up your pants for you. Johnny gave you another kiss but this time on the cheek.

"I love you." He smiled, "I love you too, horny bastard." Johnny laughed as you both walked to the door. Johnny paused and reached back to the shelf grabbing the paper plates you had originally gone in the supply room for. You opened the door, the lock clicking open as you did so. You were expecting a empty hallway but when you opened the door you saw a group of people and camera pointing in your face.

"Oh god." You said as you covered your face from embarrassment. Johnny was behind you holding a stack of paper plates. "So what were you two doing?" Bam teased. "Grabbing paper plates." Johnny said with a cocky smirk that gave away what you two were really doing.

"You must think I'm stupid if I'm eating off a plate that you just touched after fucking!" Wee-man said earning a large laugh from the group of people, everyone but you.

"God this is so embarrassing... wait don't put this in the film! My mom is going to watch this!"

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princessthatcantfuckingsleep · 3 months

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The Jackass™ girl Growing up with bam & Ryan♡♡

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olivia091108 · 4 months

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How to be a jackass:part 1

Summary:meeting bam and Ryan in westchester

Word count:3306

So far filming for season two of jackass has probably been the best time I’ve ever had even though I’m getting injured or pranked every day.

All the guys are great and at first I thought it’s gonna be awkward not only being the new person but being the only girl.Thank god I was wrong for once I don’t think any of them actually cared as long as I actually did gnarly stunts.

The only people I haven’t met are the boys from westchester but Jeff says that we’re gonna film a group stunt with all of us soon.

I’ve done some mediocre stunts like pouting glitter in my eye which didn’t come out for a week and licking a mouse trap Owch. I also did one with wee man where he dressed as a baby and put in a pram and when people would ask to see ‘my baby’ they would be kinda disturbed.

Today I walk on to set and check the stunt list. Today I’m gonna get a pregnant belly strapped to me and walk around town drinking some beer.

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Time skip

After getting a mean old lady shouting at me for ‘destroying my baby’ Jeff called all of us over and told us that at 5:30am to meet here because we’re driving to westchester tomorrow.Jeff actually banned us from going out after like we usually would do we finished for the day and I got the bus back to mine and my sisters apartment

Don’t get me wrong I’m excited but really 5:30 I’m sure there’s no harm in waking up later. I walk into the apartment and go to my room to pack since we will be staying there for 5 days.

I walk into my room and start packing stuff but I can’t find one of my favourite tops so I walk into Ella’s room to see if she’s taken it and I barge in without knocking to see her and Oliver mud sex scrambling to cover themselves with the sheet.

“Get out!”

“In a sec do you have my blue top the one with the buttons”

“Are you serio-“ I sigh and lean against the wall and she knows I won’t leave until she gives it to me. “It’s in my closet” I walk over and grab it off the hanger and scrunch it up in my hands

“Oh yeah by the way I’m gonna be gone for a few day”

“Leave!” She throws a pillow at me but I dick out the room before it can hit me

An hour later ella and Oliver knock on my door and wait for me to reply before walking in with very serious looks on both their faces.

Y/n we need to talk to you about something. You can’t just walk in without knocking we don’t have any privacy with you.

Alright I’ll knock next time

“It’s not just the knocking you always come home late and wreck the houses remember you broke olis computer at like 5:30 you never clean up after yourself and we just think that you should move back with mum and dad because we can’t keep living with you.”

“What your kicking me out I pay rent here”

“You don’t even pay a quarter y/n your’e basically living here for free.I rang dad he said it was fine you moving back soon”

“You know I can’t do that el”

“You could always get your’e own place I could help you have the money know”

“Fuck you. you know what I’ll leave right now.” I grab all my clothes in my wardrobe and try to shove it into my small suitcase and mange to mostly zip it and I grab a few personal thing and hold my piggy bank under my arm before leaving

It might’ve been a irrational idea because now I have nowhere to stay for the night and I can’t go to my parents not how I left there

It’s 1am I might as well go to set and wait till morning but with busses not running I have to walk 5 miles uptown.

Once I get there I only have to wait 2 and a half hours so I set my suitcase down and use it as a seat I dig around in my pocket for the taser I took from Johnny just in case.

I feel a hand grab me and by instinct Tase whoever it was. By the time my eyes have adjusted I realise I must’ve fallen asleep and everyone’s here to go to westchester.

While Jeff is complaining the taser Dave asks if I’ve been here all night. Nah I just thought I should get here early yknow only been here half hour.

We separate into 3 cars to get there and I’m in with Johnny Dave and wee man. I’m in the back with Dave and decide to use the 6 hour car drive as an opportunity for some sleep since I got 2 hours max last night.

—————————————————-

I wake up not being able to breathe and feeling plastic on my face I try and pry one of my friends hands off of me but it’s no use and I have to rip the plastic bag now being able to breathe properly

I hear Knoxville’s laugh and a Camrea is pointed in my face all that adrenaline woke me up quick but I’m still not wide awake and I just flip him off while sitting up and stretching being confined in a car really isn’t the most comfortable thing in the world.

“Cmon y/n we’re here grab your bags.” I take my almost bursting suitcase and walk it into the large house we will be staying at. I hear taking and follow it to the living room seeing Johnny talking to the two boys I recognise from episodes but still haven’t met.

Jeff introduces them the one with the dark hair and blue eyes is bam and the blonde one with a beard is called Ryan. We all introduce ourselves and start chatting and getting to know eatch other. Another girl is here called Jenn she’s bams girlfriend she seems nice but I haven’t spoken to her much

I excuse myself to the bathroom and i see a blonde lady in the kitchen and ask her if she needs a hand. If you don’t mind that would be great

“I’m April bams mum it’s so nice to have you all hear but I am a bit worried honestly”

“Im y/n thanks for letting us stay and I promise I will try to protect you and your house.”

Me and April talk about all kinds of things and I soon meet her husband Phil who is such a sweetheart and it makes me feel even worse for him seeing how bam treats him.

I’m sorry your supposed to be getting to know eatchother and I’ve stolen you away thanks for your help with the dinner.

“Oh it’s no worries you seem wayy more interesting than them boys.”

Speaking of Chris has snuck up behind me and lifted me up and body slammed me onto one of the sofas it wouldn’t of hurt that bad if people weren’t sitting on it.

I sit up and move off of whoever I fell on and jsut laugh it off and I start talking to Ryan about some of his stunts and his life and what not. While telling me about cky videos and high school with his friends bam started to join in adding to the story.

After an hour of talking to the two of them we got along really well and had quite a few things in common with them. We got called for dinner and while I was eating I could feel myself drifting off even though I slept in the car for 6 hours.

I ended up face planting into the food which made everyone laugh and while I used the bottom of my shirt to wipe it off the topic of rooms came up.

Some people were gonna have to share because there’s not enough rooms Steve o and pontius are sharing as well as Dave and ehren. Johnny is with me and wee man and Preston are together.

We all go to our rooms and get unpacked and settled. “Yknow we’re only here for 5 days don’t you”.

“Can’t a girl have options” i didn’t want to tell Johnny about getting kicked out I just wanted to have fun here. While I get changed into my pjamas I get into bed and shut my eyes trying to fall asleep but either from the excitement of tomorrow or because I napped today I couldn’t.

I looked at the clock and it was 12:34 Knoxville was asleep by now I could tell by his heavy breathing. I decided to go downstairs and have some water so I snuck out of my room and when I got downstairs I see Jenn down their about to leave

“How come you aren’t staying?”

“Bams just being a bit of a dick right now but I’ll see you in a couple days bye”

I sit in the kitchen having some water and once I’ve finished I still don’t feel like sleeping so I decide to look around. As best as you can in the dark. I quietly open the front door and step into the garden it had a skate ramp and a swimming pool in it. I went to go back inside but the door is locked I’m not gonna ring the doorbell or id wake everyone up.

I walk round the back and I see a window open so I jump from the ramp to the roof and pull myself up I walk along to reach the window but I see something move next to me. It’s a squirrel. Shit I’m fucking terrified of them they’re Satan reincarnated.

“Oh my god oh my god stop”I try to move as quick as I can to the window and quickly climb in to the room and close the window quietly while repeating those words.

“Jenn I told you to go away”bam room shit. I don’t answer and attempt to just get out of the room but I step on something and it slips out from under me and I fall onto the bed.

“Shit sorry.” Bam leans over and turns his bedside lamp on and rub his eyes. “What are you doing”

“I got locked out of the house then I had to climb threw your’e window to get away from the squirrel like I said sorry and night.”

“Are you on something” bam asks not believing me. I pull a confused face not knowing why he would be confused. “ why were you running from a squirrel?”

“Cos they’re fucking scary haven’t you seen Charlie and the chocolate factory?” At my distress yknow way he does. Laugh.I soon join in and we’re just sat they’re laughing together in His room.

Once the laughing stops he breaks the silence. “How did you even get up here?”bam asks thinking back on my story “I jumped off your ramp.you any good at skating”

“Yeah pretty good you?”

“Stepped foot on one once and fell onto someone’s bed. It seems pretty cool other than that though”

“I could teach you sometime.”

“I’ll hold you to that bam” me and bam speak about anything and everything with me now sitting above his covers on his bed and we switched the lamp off.

He tells me all about his family and when he asks about mine something in the room shifts it’s awkward.

Well I actually left home when I was 16 because me and my mum never got along she always preferred my sister i always hung out with my dad but I didn’t have many friends but these girls invited me to hangout with them and I snuck out an we went to some abandoned school and we would go there smoke some weed and whatever and once we were spray painting and the police turned up my friends ran and a policeman got me and I kicked him in the balls and they took me to jail and when my mum got that call she went crazy she said she was so disappointed in what I’ve become and that she won’t bail me out because she didn’t actually want me to come home. My dad eventually came in and took me home but I got there and my room was all boxed up and she kicked me out and said she didn’t want to see me again so I moved in with my sister.

“I’m really sorry I didn’t know”

“Yeah well how could you I don’t tell anybody so I’m could u try not to mention that”

“Pinky promise”we interlock pinkies and I kiss my hand and he copies.the conversation moves on and soon enough we’re shushing the other to stop Laughing until I notice the clock and see that it’s 2:12 and I can tell bams tired and I am as well.

“Wait y/n it was cool talking to you and if you need to talk I’m always here.” I grab a pillow an throw it at hand face. Don’t get all sappy now bam I thought you were supposed to be a cool skater boy.

I leave and head back to my room and wriggle into bed having to shove Johnny over a bit and for a second I lay there thinking about bam and how much I trusted him I wonder what tomorrow will be like before I know it I’m out like a light.

This one was acc really long

Omg guys I’m so pissed I wrote this like a week ago but I didn’t press save and I LOST RVEYTHUNG the first one was way better

Requests always open

-liv

#liv’s writing #jackass x reader #bam margera x reader #steve o #bam margera #johnny knoxville #dave england #danger ehren #wee man #preston lacy #ryan dunn #chris pontius

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