#edit: ok here’s each person in the pics in order:
Text
manifesting…
#homoerotic girl band when.#when is it my turn.#edit: ok here’s each person in the pics in order:#talena atfield (kittie)#courtney love#amy love (nova twins)#miki berenyi (lush)#igirl#brody dalle#jennifer finch (L7)#joan jett & cherie curie#lita ford
483 notes
·
View notes
Text
wtFOCK season 3, episode 4 reaction
Kiss kiss fall in love? More like kiss kiss stay away from me.
I have to warn you. This is the episode where I lost it. I had to go back and edit so much unhappy capslock out of my notes.
Episode 4
Clip 1 - Het drama again
Zoë shows Milan a video of the shooting prank. Milan asks about romance on the trip, Robbe says there were too many people and too little privacy.
Senne and Zoë have tension because Zoë is pissed that Senne was partying? And that he was posting pictures of parties on IG when she wasn’t there? I mean … look, I’m never a William fan, but this seems like Zoë’s problem. If you can’t trust him to behave when you’re gone, you SHOULDN’T BE WITH HIM. And if you feel like you can trust him, this dude going to bars or whatever shouldn’t bother you. At least it seems to be portrayed as Zoë’s issues. Milan mentions that she’s jealous. He seems to like Senne, and I do find that dynamic cute so far.
I do appreciate that the Noorhelm drama this time is boring and not like “Senne was mad about how Zoë handled her sexual assault” levels of offensive.
That being said ... Robbe’s story. Where.
If you’ve been telling a very tight story so far, where Robbe’s personal journey has been steadily progressing clip by clip, then a clip like this wouldn’t be that bad. We absolutely have not been watching a tight story. Even with the next clip of Robbe doing some introspection, I’m like ... can we not make every scene count toward his story when there’s so much catching up to do? Ten seconds of Robbe looking vaguely troubled out of a two-minute clip that’s mainly about Zoë and Senne’s relationship does not count. A better writer would find some way to make Zoë/Senne parallel to Robbe/Sander, like how Noora talking about William and “if he loves you, he’ll choose you” in the first clip of episode 4 is relevant to Isak sitting there texting Even and Even choosing his plans with Sonja over Isak.
Clip 2 - Milan and Robbe talk gaydar
Robbe checking out Sander on Britt’s IG … finally, some cyberstalking. Did he take a screenshot of a pic of Sander? Lol.
Milan sits down and asks Robbe his opinion of a guy on Grindr, sexy or not? Robbe is lukewarm, giving neutral answers, Milan says he’s allowed to have an opinion on whether a guy is hot or not.
It feels SO WEIRD to have this clip so late, and I’m trying to like … recalibrate my brain so it’s not just because it’s later than usual. I don’t inherently hate if a remake changes up the order of clips. But the problem is that we’re now FOUR episodes in and it feels like Robbe’s sexuality crisis has just begun, I guess? Or rather, efficient storytelling would start out with this clear view of what Robbe’s issues are, rather than muddling into it a few episodes in.
Milan’s all, this guy says he’s not gay, but he likes to blow guys. This turns into a conversation about Milan’s gaydar and how to know if a guy is gay. In the original scene, the purpose of this conversation with Isak and Eskild was there as a way of Isak figuring out if Even was gay. That ... does not really fit this version, because this clip is so late in the season. Isak was getting Eskild’s wisdom right after meeting Even, when he had nothing but a BJ reference to go on. But Sander eyefucking Robbe while kissing Britt and leaning in to kiss Robbe should be pretty big clues to Robbe that Sander likes men, no? And that he likes Robbe specifically. Yeah, Robbe might be doubtful because Sander is still with Britt, but nothing new has happened since the almost kiss to make Robbe doubt! It would make way more sense if they’d adapted the opening clip of OG season 4, with Even texting Isak that he had plans with Sonja, into the clip prior to this one. If Robbe had texted Sander an invitation to hang out, or even just a “hey, what’s up?” and Sander wrote back “plans with Britt” then it would be an understandable transition for Robbe to have some doubt about Sander’s sexuality in this clip, like hey, maybe he’s not actually into me, after all.
The scene might make sense if you think about Robbe listening and applying Milan’s words to himself. Thinking about how there’s “something trapped in them that desperately wants to come out.” Wondering if it’s obvious to other people that Robbe is gay. It still doesn’t quite work and I actually doubt that was their intention (I think it was all about how to detect if Sander is into guys) but I am searching for any scraps of Robbe introspection, so.
OK, at least they had Robbe immediately look up Grindr (I laughed that he searched “grinder”). Good! Sexuality conflict! Why is it so late! Although it was probably more about trying to find Sander rather than a personal move on Robbe’s part.
This is a very gay song, btw (I Like Boys by Todrick Hall).
Clip 3 - Robbe and Yasmina talk het drama
Aaron talks to Robbe about sitting close to his teacher to see her boobs and the teacher saying she knows why he’s sitting there. I highly suspect this is just a dream Aaron had, unless the teacher said it in a pissed off way. Throw his ass in the back row, big-breasted teacher!
Robbe meets up with Yasmina. Yasmina wants to know the dirt from the seaside, Robbe fills her in. Soooo are they good friends, or what? He tells her about Aaron and Amber and they laugh and stuff. I mean it’s cute and all but like … where is this coming from? Did they become great friends in the S2 that I didn’t watch?
And that’s the whole clip … again, I ask what was the point?
To establish that Robbe and Yasmina are friends? Way to undermine the development and importance of that relationship by basically cutting through the buildup and hard work to the payoff. Sana and Isak meant more to people BECAUSE they started off prickly and grew to like each other and respect each other via their actions and words, right? That their conversations were more interesting because of their opposing views and resulting friction? That the friction was extremely relevant to the religion discussion?
Was the point to talk about Aaron/Amber and how Amber supposedly isn’t interested? We don’t need Yasmina’s commentary on that at all since we could see how Amber herself reacted to Aaron. Like if Yasmina was all, yeah, Amber couldn’t stop talking about Aaron, she says she doesn’t like him but I think she does, then I guess I could see the relevance of this conversation since it’s “new” information ... but it’s just the same shit we already know. And again: why spend so much time on a SIDE HET ROMANCE during a gay character’s season? Two of out three clips in this episode so far have been about side het romances!
This clip was just not needed at all except to set up Robbe and Yasmina so the impending religion conversation feels mildly less like two characters who have barely spoken on screen suddenly have an intense and somewhat personal talk. Something they could have done in earlier episodes instead of the other repetitive, unnecessary clips they’ve done this season.
Clip 4 - Dance chicks
At Noor’s dance performance, Robbe’s pals are drooling over the performers (and honestly being rather inappropriate and distracting). At least they got Robbe’s lack of interest right. Even though they have established this FIFTEEN THOUSAND TIMES with the lack of interest in Noor, like this clip almost doesn’t feel necessary at this point! If they’d had it earlier in the season, sure, but now it feels redundant. Like we really super mega get it by now that Robbe’s not into the girls.
The instructor thanks the performers at the end and Robbe says that he was “so gay.” Hey, except you know what? THERE IS NO BUILDUP TO THIS MOMENT. ABSOLUTELY FUCKING NONE. Except for the homophobic jokes from his friends in the previous seasons, but there’s nothing I can recall in this season. But more importantly, Isak’s similar comment was prompted by him taking the gay test in a preceding clip. Taking a quiz about generalizations of gay people, rooted in homophobia! Which Isak applies to the dance teacher! In order to distance himself from being gay! WE GOT NONE OF THAT HERE. For fuck’s sake.
There is no setup or reason why Robbe goes from being somewhat neutral about gay people with Milan asking him about the Grindr dude two clips ago - where Robbe is just kinda like, yeah OK, whatever, you think everyone’s gay, Milan (but he’s not overly grossed out or homophobic) - to this moment where he’s making a derogatory comment about a person he perceives as flamboyantly gay. This scene just happens because it did in OG. And the thing is, obviously you can attribute Robbe’s reasoning here to internalized homophobia. We know internalized homophobia exists and why he has it. But this is a scripted narrative, and any scripted narrative needs to have things happen for a reason rather than just because.
I remember complaining that Skam Italia had a bizarre take on this scene. But that’s nothing compared to the laziness on display here.
Jens is like WTF at Robbe’s “so gay” comment, it’s clear he’s not feeling it. I do like that Robbe gets defensive when Jens scoffs at him. They ask Robbe why he’s such a downer lately and if it’s because of his dad, or because of the Vlogs. Robbe blames the vlogs and yells and walks off, they’re confused.
Lol I just realized that I don’t think there was any followup to the prank from the seaside trip that had Robbe all pissed off. Nothing to show that the boys reconciled or that Robbe didn’t get over it right away.
I have a big problem with the way the boy squad is characterized so far, and it might be because they come across as more self-absorbed than other boy squads, as well as having a more superficial bond. I feel like so far they’re a rather cynical take on teenage boyhood. Again, not expecting them to be perfect or to be overly mature, but this show has to do a lot of work to make me believe they have the empathy or maturity to deal with Robbe’s situation kindly. (EDIT from the future: lol)
Clip 5 - Robbe and Yasmina talk religion
Oh shit, somehow I didn’t connect that dots that Aaron mentioning the teacher’s boobs would lead to THE boob teacher making an appearance! Unless there are multiple teachers with notable breasts at this school.
Another scene of Robbe not interested in breasts ... I mean, not to sound like a broken record, but this would have been good about three episodes ago.
The teacher is talking about religion and Darwininsm and creationism, which prompts Robbe to complain about how people still have religious beliefs in 2019.
Heavy fucking sigh. Have we gotten ANY religious moments from Robbe’s mom this season? Or from anyone else? Do the writers realize that Isak grilling Sana about religion was prompted by his OWN MOTHER’S religious beliefs and his fear of her judgment of his sexuality? No? Not surprised.
For real, Robbe just complains about religion out of nowhere … and like, obviously religious homophobia isn’t a rare thing, it exists. But it has not been established why Robbe in particular cares about the effects of religious homophobia, compared to say, the casual homophobia of his friends, or gay stereotypes, or gay bashing … we don’t know why religious homophobia has PERSONAL relevance in Robbe’s life. And yes, this is a concern for every gay person! But from a STORYTELLING perspective, there should be some focus as to what Robbe’s main fears are about being gay. Lack of acceptance from his peers? His family? Religion? Violence? Homophobic slurs?
I would say based on previous seasons, the most compelling basis for Robbe’s internalized homophobia would be the homophobic attitudes of his friend group. A revised take on the dance chicks scene might have been done with this in mind, but it wasn’t, and so it’s all just very muddled.
Anyway, Robbe goes on this tangent and asks Yasmina why she believes in God. The teacher voices what I thought and is like, why the fuck are you talking in class?
Again, there is NO BUILDUP to the involvement of religion at all. They have this shoehorned in friendship, I guess so he can ask her. He does bring up homosexuality at least, and how religion is so black and white.
Yasmina asks him what he believes. ONE THING they got right: they had Robbe challenge Yasmina on an intellectual level, and so Yasmina challenges him on an intellectual level right back. Because a lot of their dialogue is lifted right from OG, that’s why it works. LMAOOOO. Yasmina points out that homosexuality is an evolutionary “dead end” so therefore it can’t be genetic, so what is it? A disorder? A choice? I will also give some credit for her invoking the most anxiety-causing options to get under Robbe’s skin.
But the tone of their friendship does come across very different, because in the previous scene they seemed like good chums who had a rapport, and here it’s like Robbe lashed out at her for no reason, even less than Isak did with Sana, because Robbe just decided to torch his friendship with Yasmina out of the blue. I guess the answer is that Robbe is cranky so he decided to grill Yasmina over religion, but again, the fucking question is: why was he cranky? Two clips before this one they were on warm, friendly terms. In the last clip, he lashed out at his male friends, but that has nothing to do with religion. What the writers are asking us to do is basically just imagine all the stuff that’s happening in Robbe’s brain instead of doing their jobs and showing it to us. You don’t have to spoon feed us but you don’t also get to stick a few peas on a plate and wonder why we’re going hungry.
(REALLY. IT WAS NOT PROMPTED BY ANYTHING, NOT A TEXT FROM HIS MOM. WHICH IS WHY ISAK WAS UPSET AND LAUNCHED HIS INTERROGATION AT SANA.)
(CAUSE AND EFFECT, MOTHERFUCKER)
Clip 6 - Bowie playlist
Robbe is doing homework when Sander sends him a Bowie playlist. Robbe listens to Space Oddity and has a brief Moment. It’s very nice but wow, wouldn’t it be even better if Robbe fell for Sander listening to that? Say, in the last episode? Before they almost kissed? And before Robbe was suddenly declaring himself a Bowie expert to Noor?
Sander calls him, I like Robbe fixing his hair before he answers. It’s a video chat, gotta look his best! They have an actual conversation about Bowie and they flirt. Sander invites Robbe to the cafe later and Robbe is happy except then Britt is in the background and apparently she’s going with them, so it’s not a date after all, oh no. Robbe’s actor is good at subtly conveying his disappointment here.
Robbe hangs up and sticks his head against the bed (lol) and then goes back to Grindr. He immediately gets messages for horny sex and then gets rid of Grindr.
At first I was like, yay, this clip had a clear point and a sense of cause-and-effect, but now I’m like ... ehhhhh. Because the purpose of Robbe checking out Grindr is either A) so he can look for Sander or B) so he can check it out as a general way of exploring his sexuality (or both). The suggestion is that it has a lot to do with the former, because it was part of Milan’s advice as to how to find out if someone’s gay. But it’s a little weird here, because Robbe just saw that Britt was coming along to the cafe, so he should be discouraged about Sander. I mean, I think it’s still possible that he’s trying to figure out if Sander likes him because he’s getting mixed signals between the playlist and Britt, but it’s just a little off. And as for option B, I’m not sure why now of all times is the best time for that, like if you think about it, the sting of getting his hopes dashed should be the predominant emotion here, would he go straight to Grindr just to be like hmmm, maybe I’m into dudes?
And it bugs me because there is a super easy fix to this clip! Just have Sander send the Bowie playlist, Robbe listens to it, and as he’s daydreaming and smiling a bit, he gets out his phone and checks out Grindr, ready to search for Sander. But there are too many sex messages so he’s just like WTF and gets rid of it. Then Sander calls and they have this conversation that ends in Robbe being reminded that Britt is still in the picture. (Or he doesn’t need to get the sexy messages at all, I mean they’re kind of funny but I’m not sure they’re plot-necessary here.)
Noor texts him that they’ll meet up later. It’s not 100% clear but it sounds like she knew about meeting up with Sander and Britt, so that means Britt probably told her previously. Which is a little bit of different context from OG, because I was under the impression that Even asked Isak to hang out with them hoping that they’d be alone, and then somehow Sonja found out and made it into a group thing with Emma, making Even grumpy. With this it seems like it was planned as a group thing from the beginning, Britt knows they’re meeting up later.
Or wait, when Sander says he’ll give Robbe advice at the cafe later, does that mean Robbe already knows they’re meeting up? That would make sense because it’s what happened in OG (Even invited Isak in an earlier clip and then Isak found out Emma and Sonja were coming in a later one). They’re incorporating all kinds of OG elements in this episode so I wouldn’t be surprised. But I assumed that this was the invite because we didn’t see Sander talk to Robbe earlier this week? Shouldn’t we have seen that clip since it’s the first time they’ve interacted since they almost kissed? I checked the texts for this episode and I don’t see anything like Sander inviting Robbe, either? Did I just miss something? What is going on?
Clip 7 - Robbe is late to meet Noor
Later that day …. Robbe rides a bike. Very fast. The music is dramatic! This would not be out of place for an O Helga Natt scene
And yet it’s not OHN, it’s Noor? Noor seems annoyed. Because Robbe is late. OH NO THE TENSION WHATEVER WILL WE DO. WE CARE A TON ABOUT ROBBE AND NOOR.
Noor is super pissed at him and starts screaming and shoving at him. What the actual fuck? She complains that she thought he was dead or something and is mad he didn’t even send a message. She says fuck you and walks off. Robbe follows her on the bike.
I don’t know how popular this opinion is, but Noor did not come across as great here, like when I watched it I was baffled at her response. I say this as someone who is chronically early and also gets annoyed at lateness. She has every right to be annoyed that Robbe is late and that he didn’t message her to tell her he’d be late, and I get that there’s supposedly more to her reaction than just this one incident. But the screaming and especially the shoving at him is just WTF.
Also, she told him to meet him at 19:00, and the beginning of the clip is at 19:21 (I see what you did there) and Robbe arrives like a minute or two later. So he’s 20 minutes late, which is certainly annoying, especially because it’s dark and chilly outside, but IMO not a cause for “I thought you were dead or in an accident!” and the OTT reaction.
Clip 8 - Robbe and Noor fight
Sander and Britt are in the cafe, Robbe and Noor argue outside about him giving her mixed signals. Has ... he ...?
OK, I’d say I half-see her case, and I half-don’t. If Noor can somehow sense Robbe’s disinterest during their makeouts or lovey-dovey moments or w/e, then I can buy that. I think there are slight moments where he doesn’t seem into it. But Robbe has put so much more genuine effort into their relationship than Isak did. He hasn’t even turned Noor down for sex, really, they’ve just gotten interrupted every time, or she’s thrown up. He didn’t want to go to her dance performance except then he told her he would go approximately thirty seconds later. He went to her dance performance. He went to the seaside with her and kissed her and slept in the same bed with her. This is the first time he’s actually fucked up with her.
Noor sounds ridiculous right now. “Do you still love me?” Uhhhh what??? You’ve been dating for less than a month, really? Did he tell her he loved her at any point? I’m serious, is there some material I missed? Some nuance in the language that didn’t completely translate?
I get it, I’m watching insecure overdramatic teenagers! I’m just wondering if I’m supposed to be on Noor’s side here. They could have portrayed this less OTT and more fitting to Robbe’s actual offenses.
Anyway Robbe and Noor have a screaming fight in the street and he says he can’t breathe anymore because of her. I can buy that even if it’s dramatic because he’s feeling trapped by her due to his sexuality. She walks off, Sander and Britt come outside. Britt goes after Noor and hugs her, Sander sings Space Oddity to signify the crash and burn of Robbe/Noor. He has on a Pink Floyd shirt so at least his musical taste is more varied than Bowie.
Clip 9 - Robbe and Sander by themselves
Robbe and Sander drink alone at the bar, they don’t think the girls are coming back. Sander texts Britt and then tells Robbe they’re going to do something else. He shows him Britt’s text saying that Noor needs some time alone. I mean. this drastically changes the context of them going off together … it’s not because they want to be together, necessarily (although they do) but it’s by default now.
So they leave.
Yeah, I do not love what they did with this scene. It’s short and to the point but I want to point out a few things.
First, because again, there’s no need to break up most of these clips into such short, choppy scenes just because 15 or 20 minutes have passed in-universe. It might be exciting if you happen to be watching and following at the exact time these are being posted, but it also messed with the flow of the scenes and the build of emotions. Imagine if we cut off after Isak and Even left Emma and Sonja and then 10 minutes later we got them riding around on a bike. We’d missed that beautiful transition from the silent, empty room to Isak on the bike and then Head Over Heels kicking in. That’s one of my favorite moments in season 3 and it’s because of that transition. It’s because I was sitting there watching this uncomfortable scene and wishing Isak and Even could be alone and then they got to be alone and my stomach swooped! If you break up moments like those, there’s just not as much build. (Or imagine - horror of horrors - an O Helga Natt where Isak gets the text from Even and it cuts off after he runs out of the church and then resumes when he arrives at the school, so we don’t see his journey. You lose so much.)
Second, there is a curious lack of romantic/sexual tension in this scene. It’s there on Sander’s end, I think, or at least you can read it there due to his focus on Robbe and even some of his body language. Robbe, on the other hand, seems more upset that his girlfriend who he doesn’t even feel genuine attraction to has walked out on him rather than the fact that he is sitting next to the boy he’s crushing on, alone together, right before they share their first kiss later that evening. And it just makes me want to know why.
I don’t blame Robbe’s actor at all, because it’s the director’s job to tell him how to play the scene. But I rewatched this scene trying to be generous, and there is not a single shred of attraction or tension from Robbe toward Sander. He checks the cafe door when it opens, he asks Sander to text Britt, and when Sander suggests they leave, Robbe’s first instinct is to ask what if Noor comes back. He sits there moping into his beer the whole time. He doesn’t sneak looks at Sander. He doesn’t try to talk to Sander about anything except Noor and Britt. No banter, no discussion that’s focused on them, Robbe-and-Sander, you know, the main couple of this season (supposedly). It doesn’t even feel like he’s consciously trying not to look or interact with Sander because of the romantic tension. No, it genuinely feels like Robbe’s #1 thought right now is Noor. Does that make sense to you? It makes sense for him to be a little out of sorts due to the fight, but does it make sense that Robbe seems to have no perceptible reaction to being alone with the guy he likes? Does it make sense that they didn’t take this chance to throw in some romantic and sexual tension in order to pave the way for the kiss that is going to happen very shortly? Gotta say that I think this scene exemplifies my earlier complaints about how Noor was so prevalent early in the season and how Robbe/Noor was built up. Because once again, Robbe/Noor has taken precedence over the undeveloped Robbe/Sander pairing.
Finally, as I said above, the situation makes it so that Robbe and Sander are on their own by default, not by choice. Combined with the bizarre lack of tension, that makes this scene fall totally flat. There’s no sense that these two really really want to be alone together. There’s no joy in them running off together. Robbe actually seems reluctant to go off with Sander. And not even because he’s fearful of what might happen, ooooo things might get a little gayer than I can handle right now, but like he’d rather sit here and drink and think about his girlfriend.
It’s like they were concerned that Isak and Even were too mean to Emma and Sonja so they decided Robbe and Sander would only be alone because it was the girls’ decision to leave them, not the other way around. We even get that text from Britt so we know that Noor totes isn’t coming back and it’s OK for them to leave. I have no idea what their actual motivation was to construct the scenario this way, though. I would love to know. (The answer would probably annoy me so I’m better off not knowing.)
It’s little stuff like this that makes me want to sit down the writers/directors/whoever’s behind wtFOCK and have them watch scenes from Skam S3 and write an essay on the construction and execution of clips. Do some homework about timing, tension, narrative structure, and everything else that makes S3 work.
Clip 10 - Smooch time
It’s 21:21 so you know what’s happening. Also, bullshit! Why is this happening so fast. You haven’t earned this!!!!
Sander buys them booze. The Sander actor is very good, honestly. I like his screen presence. It is a testament to his abilities that this relationship is working for me at all, because it sure ain’t the writing. (Robbe’s actor is doing well, too, but the writing is dragging him down since he’s present for all this nonsense.)
This scene of Sander and Robbe drinking and riding bikes is genuinely good on its own and they have strong chemistry when they’re allowed to show it. They have easy banter and interaction, there’s a callback to the booking.com reference from when they met. Really, this part makes me sad, because I can see the potential here! If the writing was GOOD, if the story had a legit direction, if it was just better storytelling all around … this season could have been wonderful, they had the right guys to do Isak and Even’s story justice. Instead it’s like this one terrific moment in a sea of wtFOCK.
If they go in the pool I will roll my eyes. C’mon, guys, you DO NOT HAVE THE SYMBOLISM to do this scene. It had a meaning in Skam, in most of the remakes it’s just an arbitrary location.
Yep, it’s a pool.
Sander takes off all his clothes so he jumps in bare-assed, and Robbe laughs. Sander yells at Robbe to get in the pool so Robbe does a fucking striptease while Sander watches, more or less, and he’s about to get in the pool in his underwear, but Sander is like “all the way or no way” so Robbe takes off his underwear after a brief moment of hesitation and jumps in. So they’re naked in the pool. Cool cool cool.
Seeeeee, on the one hand this COULD be a moment of liberation, I could see it, taking off the clothes and jumping in as a representation of abandoning the stale hetero life or w/e. But I don’t think wtFOCK has built anything resembling a clear arc for Robbe, to the point where this act means anything, really. (Can you imagine Isak doing this in episode 4? I don’t know if it fits his character at that point, but I could at least be like, OK, this is part of his ~rebirth and I think we’ve built him up enough that this moment of liberation feels like a culmination of something.) I’m also not totally sold on the way they presented this, like we’ve got a closeted gay kid alone with his crush and the crush takes his all his clothes off and then Robbe takes all his clothes off with only the barest reluctance (but he’s not like … distressed or worried, just kinda like “aw, man!”) For some closeted gay kids? Sure, guess I could see it! But in the context of “this kid is struggling with his sexuality and he’s alone with the boy he likes and he’s supposed to be going through Some Shit”? Why doesn’t this have a bigger reaction in Robbe? Since they are drunk and not necessarily overthinking things in the moment, however, I will let this slide. Cynically I think this is mostly about trying to make wtFOCK Sexxxxy. I’m not a prude and I don’t have an objection in theory to a teenage couple skinny dipping together, but wtFOCK has a trend of taking a thing that happened in OG and going “How can we do this but more?” and these remakes know Evak is the big sell in fandom, so. They’re making it spicier. (EDIT from the future: Jumping ahead to later content on wtFOCK ... they very much are trying to make it Sexxxxy.)
Also, these guys just haven’t had a lot of buildup yet! And I can see like … rewriting this scene so the first kiss isn’t necessarily some epic release of a simmering tension and growing love, but more of a tentative, pivotal moment with a gay kid kissing a boy for the first time, and having the relationship grow from there. But wtFOCK isn’t doing that, it’s trying to do the Evak thing with the epic romance, and they haven’t earned it.
They go underwater for the breath-holding contest, Sander tries to kiss Robbe (Robbe’s eyes are pointedly closed so this feels like some unnecessary POV breakage) and Robbe shoves him back. He’s still in a good mood, though. They go back underwater and Robbe kisses Sander. Yay, I guess.
Lol, I don’t actually want to sound like a bitter asshole. The song choice is lovely! The cinematography is pretty good! And like I said, they have nice chemistry. It’s just that the storytelling has been so messy up to this point that I can’t get too invested. The very first clip I saw in real time for Skam season 3 was the pool scene - I had just discovered the show a few days prior, and I kept watching the clips on repeat. I could not get enough of this story. I really really needed those guys to kiss. Yeah, I recognize that at the time the story was brand new and this wasn’t the fourth iteration of the same pool scene and the sixth first kiss for this couple, and you really can’t recreate that feeling of not knowing what comes next in a remake like this. Still, I think that if the writing had just been better, I could have been happy and invested in this moment.
I also think that the pool scene in particularly has a tendency to get written in kind of a rote way in the remakes. Some of them have put their own spin on it - I had plenty of criticisms of Skam France’s S3 but I did enjoy their first kiss and I praised that they made up their own symbolism - but some of them have gotten so close to the original, the exact same banter, the interruption at the end, and it doesn’t feel natural for those versions of the characters. I’m not sure if the remake showrunners think that the original scene is something the fans want to see or if they’re being lazy or if they think the OG is just that good (which it is, lol). I don’t think any remake has been that faithful with their O Helga Natt clips, by comparison.
Anyway they get caught, yadda yadda.
Clip 11 - Morning after the pool smooch
Robbe gets up and sees Zoë looking at Senne, seemingly hungover, on the couch. She makes coffee to spite him since the coffeemaker is loud.
Zoë asks Robbe about last night and says Noor was at the door. Robbe doesn’t tell her what really happened. Apparently Noor looked like she felt bad. I don’t think I can handle more Robbe/Noor, guys. I appreciate that OG didn’t drag out Isak’s thing with Emma once he kissed Even, but I’m not confident this won’t happen here.
Zoë asks if he’s all right. Man, the most effective relationship this season is probably Zoë and Robbe? Which is fine! But like … boy squad ain’t great, Sander and Robbe aren’t well developed, they fucked up Yasmina and Robbe already, Milan and Robbe are way behind schedule…
What if the reveal were that Sander were in Robbe’s bed?
It’s not. Instead, Sander texts him as a cover of Space Oddity plays. Robbe has angst and blocks Sander on WhatsApp. Ohhhh my. Another thing I appreciated about OG? That Isak was all in after he kissed Even, and that the angst came from different places besides the typical gay coming out storyline of “kissed a boy, regretted it, went back in the closet temporarily.” Not that it’s unrealistic, just that it’s done so much.
I think we’re supposed to take away that Zoë saying Noor was there looking sad made Robbe reconsider what happened with Sander? Or just general internalized homophobia. I don’t think the latter is totally out of Robbe’s characterization based on what we’ve seen so far, although I wish there was clearer writing so it felt more like “Robbe has internalized homophobia that made him block Sander” and less like “????? internalized homophobia I guess.” Again, I’ll letting this slide because I can also rationalize it as him being a little drunk last night, and now that he’s sober he regrets his choice, even if I don’t think this is a great choice at this stage in the season.
Clip 12 - The heaviest of sighs
The subs helpfully gave a trigger warning for homophobic slurs so I knew this was going to be “good.”
Robbe is listening to music as he goes home. Sander comes up to him, smiling, wanting to know why Robbe blocked him. Robbe says to leave him alone, that Sander got him drunk and took advantage of him.
L M A O welp, this would soooo kill this ship for me if I were invested.
FIND SOMEONE ELSE, SANDER, YOU DESERVE BETTER
Oh, so Robbe also shoved him and called him a dirty f****t! What a great romance!
No, really - this is the EXACT THING I was so glad that Evak DID NOT DO. I’m not saying their romance has to be free of flaws, that there can never be fuckups, that Isak can’t ever hurt Even and vice versa. But this is such a common and ugly trope in gay media.
Robbe goes inside and slams his door, Milan asks what’s wrong, Robbe tells him to leave him alone. We get Milan’s POV and not Robbe’s at the end.
Anyway lmao. wtFOCK indeed.
Did you enjoy the cuddle scene in Skam, where a same-sex couple got to be tender and sweet and open with each other for almost seven minutes? A clip that felt refreshing and even revolutionary for its normalization of gay intimacy? Hahahaha, fuck you.
Okay, seriously though. It’s not a problem that we didn’t have the cuddle scene immediately after the pool scene. It’s not a problem that they want to change up this storyline and make it their own - though again I would ask the creative powers at wtFOCK why they’re making these particular choices. It’s not a problem if Robbe and Sander’s relationship has some extra bumps along the way to their happy ending.
WHAT EVEN PROMPTED THIS CHANGE IN ROBBE, like I get the answer is “internalized homophobia” but Robbe was BUCK NAKED WITH SANDER IN THE POOL so like. Can we please get SOME context for why he suddenly had a freakout? Can we please get some narrative structure with cause and effect? Can we get a fucking reason that Robbe went from 0 to 100? Because if it was just the blocking Sander on WhatsApp, that’s one thing, but accusing him of sexual assault and calling him slurs is so vastly beyond that. If we’re supposed to take away that Robbe feels bad about Noor, that still doesn’t explain the ugliness of his reaction, rather than just telling Sander that he has a girlfriend and it was a mistake or whatever.
I’m going to add that I understand that Robbe went through some additional homophobic shit from his friends in previous seasons - I remember Moyo saying crappy things to him in S1, and I watched a S2 scene where the same thing happens. So I can understand if Robbe’s internalized homophobia is very strong. But they’ve also cut out so much stuff in this season that added to Isak’s internalized homophobia (no mom’s religion making him anxious, no gay test, no gay generalizations from Emma...) If they want to rely on internalized homophobia from previous seasons, then we really need a reminder in this season, such as his friends making homophobic jokes, which I do not recall hearing so far. And they need to show what happened between the kiss to provoke such a homophobic reaction.
After Sander said that thing about not knowing if anyone would ever love him … why did they do this? I love me some pain in storytelling but this isn’t just angst, this is needlessly cruel.
There is, believe it or not, a middle ground between “conflictless fluff” and “cruel homophobia and assault allegations” where you can have some tension, even have Robbe have a freakout, without bringing in this kind of material. Robbe could have told Sander to stay away without accusing him of assault or calling him slurs. He could have said he wasn’t gay or that it was a mistake or even “I was drunk” without following it up with “and you took advantage of me.” All of these options might have stung for Sander and for any viewers who were hoping for morning-after cuddles, but they also create conflict without pushing it over the edge into OTT cruelty.
HOW I WOULD REWRITE THIS EPISODE:
Ahahahaha
So far this season is like a disconnected set of scenes from Skam S3 with bonus filler scenes and unnecessary clips about non-Robbe things. It’s getting hard to think about rewrites because the point, if you will, so often so unclear. It’s also hard because this episode squeezed in so many OG scenes that were missing from earlier in the season that it’s like, well, shouldn’t we have had this a few episodes ago? Should we just leave them out now?
Okay. Start by getting rid of the first clip in this episode that’s mostly about Zoë/Senne, bump up the Milan clip. We start with Robbe looking at pics of Sander on IG, Milan comes in and asks if there was any romance on the trip, then they get into the Grindr talk, etc. The Grindr talk makes more sense before Robbe almost kisses Sander, but like. We can’t do anything about that now. What might be better is if the whole “how do you know if a guy is gay?” thing takes a swerve into not just Robbe trying to figure out Sander, but to something uncomfortably close to Robbe’s own behavior (like IDK, referencing body language and how a guy will lean in closer, like Robbe did with Sander) and then Robbe gets cranky because he’s worried he’s too obviously gay to other people. After Milan leaves, he starts looking up stuff like “how to act straight” or “how not to seem gay” or whatever. That leads us into the next clip...
... the dance chicks scene. Now we’ve seen plenty of Robbe being disinterested in girls already, so this time we’re going to show him trying to be interested in girls instead. Like he’s watching his friends’ annoying horny reactions and he’s clearly trying to imitate them and join in, but we can see that he’s awkward and not totally feeling it. But he’s trying. Then after the performance, Robbe makes the comment about the dance instructor being so gay.
There is a problem, IMO, in that Robbe’s friend group has been shown to be more homophobic than the average boy squad (as seen in S1 and S2). And frankly I don’t really believe yet Jens is the type to shut down a homophobic comment. Like in S2 Moyo and Robbe straight up start calling each other f*gs and Jens is like chill, no one here is a f*g, but if there were, you should date each other. That’s his idea of intervention. So I’m not sure how to handle that.
I don’t love this idea, because I hate what they’re done with Moyo in particular, making him pointedly more homophobic (to be discussed in a future reaction) but Moyo and Aaron could perhaps laugh at Robbe’s comment and start riffing off it, while Robbe is sitting there pretending to laugh but looking increasingly uncomfortable, and Jens notices something is off with Robbe, and he tells the guys to knock it off, the guy is gay, so what? Big deal. Then aside from the other guys, he asks Robbe if something is wrong, and Robbe snaps at him or attributes it to family problems again.
I was going to also say that the setting for this clip doesn’t really allow for Sander to swoop in, like Even did to return the snapback, but actually maybe it could? Noor could have invited Britt and Sander to watch the show, right? So maybe when Robbe makes this gay joke and his friends are laughing, Sander comes up while Britt is talking to Noor and is like, hey guys, what’s up? Robbe’s friends are just like, oh nothing, did you see how gay that guy was? Then Sander is like, sorry, what’s the problem with being gay? He tells them off a little. Meanwhile Robbe is standing there awkward as fuck, not looking Sander in the eyes, while Sander is looking at him for backup, but Robbe just makes an excuse to bolt. Maybe he walks past Noor without saying anything, so she looks confused.
Now onto Robbe and Yasmina. Man, I truly hate saying this. But: If you are not going to incorporate other religious themes into this season, then you don’t need to redo the Isak-Sana friendship. Again! I don’t like suggesting this! But what actually is Robbe and Yasmina’s relationship bringing to this season when it’s portrayed like this?
They left out the weed blackmail, which is really just a plot device in OG, but it’s a plot device that sets up Sana and Isak’s thread. It also gets Isak to kosegruppa to meet Even, something which is irrelevant here.
Sana’s main tie to S3 is Isak’s mom. Isak’s mom is religious, that makes him anxious, and it’s a hurdle to coming out to her. Robbe’s mom is not religious, Robbe’s internalized homophobia doesn’t seem to have anything to do with religion specifically other than this one scene with him and Yasmina. It’s just a disconnected tangent. What’s more, what is Yasmina’s eventual advice going to do for him? Sana’s advice led Isak to come out to his mom.
I really like Yasmina. If there’s another way that her presence is relevant to the themes of this season, by all means let’s find it and include her. As it is, either make it that Robbe’s mom is religious and include the Robbe-Yasmina subplot, or don’t and leave it out.
I would love to see in-depth and meaningful friendships develop among all the characters in the Skam squads, just because I love all those kids. Jonas and Vilde? Even and girl Chris? Eva and Mahdi? I don’t care how random, let’s have them all! But there is a finite amount of time per season, and we can’t extend time for all possible relationships - just the ones that are most relevant to the story we are trying to tell.
I mentioned above a fix for the Bowie playlist clip that makes it have a little more sense to me. If you include Sander in the dance chicks clip like I said, you could have Robbe thinking about Sander again and wondering if he’s into men since he called out the boys’ homophobia. That’s how he ends up on Grindr. Then Sander sends him the Bowie playlist, Robbe listens, Sander calls and they talk, Robbe apologizes for bolting out of there the other day. Sander invites him to the cafe later, Robbe’s all :D until he realizes Britt is there and is coming too, then he’s :(
He’s late to meet Noor and Noor is upset, but not like ... screaming and shoving at him. She’s more snippy and passive-aggressive, she walks off. She says she’s upset because he ditched the dance performance without talking to her, and then he’s late to meet her, it seems like he just doesn’t care that much. They have a fight but it’s like a normal fight and not The End of the World. Just tone down Noor’s OTT anger and make it more natural.
I don’t have a preference in this version whether Noor and Britt leave the cafe and Sander and Robbe know they’re not coming back, or whether Noor and Britt just go to get some air and cry it out and Sander is like fuck it, let’s leave. The important thing for me is that Robbe sits there with Sander, painfully aware that they’re alone, and there’s lots of tension and awkwardness and his brain is clearly hyper-focused on the proximity of Sander’s knee to his own. They banter and flirt and then when Sander suggests they leave, Robbe acts like he wants to go.
Don’t do a pool scene for the first kiss. Give a shit, make it your own. Except IMO they have done so little to establish this relationship in terms of larger themes or symbolism that they have nothing to choose from.
Man, what if THIS episode was about going to the seaside, after they had been talking for several episodes, and they kissed in the sea when they were alone? That would be at least somewhat plausible? A take on the pool scene/underwater kiss that wasn’t the exact same.
You could do something related to graffiti, perhaps? Instead of breaking into a pool, they break into the tagging place or wherever. Or something else related to Sander’s artwork, because I know that this comes up in their version of O Helga Natt.
I’m not wild about adding this blip in Robbe and Sander’s relationship after the kiss, because of how much ground we need to cover the rest of the season (it messes with the pacing yet again) and also just because I like that Skam didn’t do this expected route. However, if they wanted to make Robbe try to shut out Sander again: the strongest case for his internalized homophobia seems to be his friends. So have him meet up with them again the day after kissing Sander. His friends bring up Sander and how weird he was at the dance performance about the gay instructor, like it’s just a joke! He took their comments way too seriously! Is Sander gay or something? And maybe Robbe tries to defend Sander - no, he’s a cool guy, really - and then his friends are like, pffft, what, do you have a crush on him? Robbe denies and everybody chills out, but Robbe seems troubled. Maybe this is when Jens finally gets a fucking clue and realizes something’s up with Robbe, and in the future there’s a scene where he shuts down gay jokes. For now, though, we do see how Robbe would feel compelled to go back in the closet. Sander texts him and Robbe blocks him.
Now we come to the worst part. So. Take out Robbe calling Sander a sexual predator and a homophobic slur and pushing him, that’s for sure. If he must reject Sander, do it in another way. “I’m not gay.” “I was drunk.” “It was a mistake.” “I have a girlfriend.” It’s not actually hard to do this clip without adding this ugly taint to their relationship.
Since I’m trying to think of rewrites without just copying Skam, here is a radical change on how to include a post-kiss freakout from Robbe earlier on so the pacing isn’t as odd. In previous recaps, I suggested Sander should be introduced earlier as a mysterious stranger that Robbe is trying to find. Well, maybe we can rework that. Robbe and the mysterious stranger share a kiss in episode 1. They’re hiding from the police or security or something after getting busted at a party or while tagging or w/e, and they’re both a little drunk and high on adrenaline, they’re smiling and laughing because they actually got away, and it just ... happens. The mysterious stranger can initiate it, but Robbe tentatively reciprocates before running away. Robbe freaks out and it’s after this that he starts heavily pursuing Noor. Because, you see, he’s not gay, he was just drunk, and it was all that other guy’s fault. But at least he doesn’t have to see that random guy again, right? No one will ever know. Just like no one will ever know if late at night when he can’t sleep, he does a Google search to see if he’s gay if he liked kissing a boy or if he can’t get it up with his girlfriend. Or if he goes on Grindr to see if he can find the mystery dude. It’s a bust and Robbe gives up and settles into dating Noor. Except in episode 2, OH SHIT, he’s introduced to Sander again via Noor, and it’s awkward and fuck, Sander has a girlfriend. Well, that’s good, right? Totally not a bummer. Anyway, Robbe tries to avoid Sander or tiptoe around him but they end up spending time together because they’re stuck at the seaside under the same roof. Maybe they directly address the issue by Robbe saying he’s not gay and Sander being like “me neither” (which technically is not a lie, lmao) and brushing it off as a mistake, or maybe they both pretend that it never happened. Maybe Robbe is more aggressive about it at first and Sander is like, whoa dude, chill out, I’m not going to tell anyone. Still, they get to know each other, there’s heaps of sexual/romantic tension, and in episode 4 (or 5 or whenever) they kiss again and it’s Epic.
This arc is definitely not the same as Isak’s or Evak’s and I absolutely won’t claim that it’s in the same league as what Julie Andem did, but I can see a narrative arc like this making some sense. Better than trying to do Isak’s arc half-assed.
It occurs to me just like … how little we know about any of these characters in terms of subtext or something? No hints about Sander’s background, really? Let’s get some clues in there.
I think something I miss about Skam was how kind it was. How all the characters were at heart, good people capable of the most generous love and empathy. And maybe we’ll get there with these characters in the end, but overall, so many of these people just don’t feel like that! There’s so much more ugliness and cruelty involved in this story, and it doesn’t feel like it’s done with good intentions, like to show the audience how to handle these situations and to heal.
There’s this weird attitude of defense where cruelty, tragedy, and negative events are defended in the name of realism and there’s a backlash to the backlash, acting like the critics just want fluffy plotless hand-holding and cuddling, a conflict-free season, or a story where no one makes mistakes. And it’s like people forget that in Skam season 3, the story was FULL of angst! We know Evak get their happy ending but like … from episode 1 all through O Helga Natt, the story is packed with conflict. People hurt each other. Even in episode 10, not everything is perfect. It is very possible to do angst and conflict without this ugliness. Like … I have to assume people weren’t here for episodes 5 and 6 of Skam S3, or for the hotel scene, or episode 9 up to OHN, because I can assure you, there was no lack of angst. There was just a lack of shock value gratuitousness.
As always, let me know if I missed something due to cultural or linguistic context.
26 notes
·
View notes
Note
Can I please request a soulmate AU drabble with HT Papyrus for the “You have a birth mark that represents your soulmate and aches when you're close to them, the pain stops when you touch them” AU? I think that one is neat!
Ok, some things about this. This'll not just be a meet cute, it's gonna be a search for the meaning of their mark. Settings and POVs are still the same. And I'm going to assume that the gender is female, just to make my life easier.
You stare at your birthmark, then turned to your beloved boyfriend. Grinning happily, you showed him your arm with your mark tattooed on it.
"Do you remember how we met, Sweets?" He smiles at you, leaning down to peck your lips.
"Of Course, Pumpkin. You Were The Cutest, Sweetest One Of The Crowd." You felt your face heat up.
"Sweets..."
"Oh Silly Me, I Forgot. You Were Also The Loveliest Woman I Have Ever Laid Eyes On."
"Darling please..."
"No, You Deserve To Be Complemented. You're Amazing." You were speechless.
"Nyeh Heh Heh." He was laughing. At you.
"Hey!"
"Sorry, Pumpkin. You Just Look So Cute, Just Like When We Met." Oh. Right. That.
You were speechless as well when you first met your sweet, sweet boyfriend.
It was a fine day. The skies were blue and the winds softly caressed your cheeks. It was the perfect time for a nice cup of tea at the scenic Cafe.
You ordered your tea and sat at a outdoor table, relaxing beneath the shade of the umbrella. Then suddenly your birthmark starts to ache.
Startled, you grip your arm with the birthmark and frantically scanned the crowd to see if you can spot a person with the same problem that you have.
Then you spot him.
A tall skeleton, wearing braces and leg supports, holding his hand in obvious pain.
He spots you, and your eyes meet. You stared at each other for a while, forgetting the pain in your arm.
You were rudely reminded though, as he came closer, and gripped your arm tighter. You winced and closed your eyes trying to ignore the pain.
Then, a skeletal hand touches you, and the pain disappeared.
You open your eyes and saw... A t-shirt in your face... You looked up, craning your neck, and you saw the face of your soulmate.
He looked down at you. He's a skeleton, wearing casual clothes. You faintly remembered that Monsters had recently emerged from Mt. Ebott. But that wasn't your first thought, your first thought was, he's so... Large... And his face... His demeanor... It reminds you of a giant bear, a giant Teddy Bear.
"You're So Small." You suddenly feel offended.
"Hey! That's only because you're so large!" He chuckles.
"I Don't Mean To Offend You. Being Small Isn't A Bad Thing, Just Makes You That Much Cuter." You feel your face burn at those words.
"You're the one who's cute, you giant teddy bear." He blushes orange.
"Teddy Bear? Am I Not Scary To You?" You raised an eyebrow.
"No? Should I?" He frantically waves his hands.
"No, No, It's Better To Not Be Afraid."
You both fell silent after that.
"So, do... You want to join me in enjoying the beautiful weather?"
"I'm Afraid I'm A Little Bit Busy. I Need To Get Groceries."
"No worries, I'll go ask the waiter to put my drink in a take out cup. And we can go together."
"Sure."
And that's how you met Sweets, your sweet boyfriend. You had gotten his number on that very day and gotten together a while after then.
"You Really Were Adorable. Calling Me A Giant Teddy Bear." He smirked.
"It's the truth." You peck his teeth, being careful with the jagged parts.
But, something still bugs you to this day...
"Sweets, baby?"
"Yes?"
"What do our marks mean?" He freezes.
"I, I Don't Know..."
You both stare at each other. And burst into a fit of giggles.
"We-we've been together for, so long-"
"-And We, Never Knew The Meaning Behind Our Marks!"
Your giggles slowly die down, and you sigh.
"We should go search it."
"Yes. We Should."
"Together?" You look at him.
"Of Course."
He stood up and swiftly picked you up. You squeal.
"Sweets! Your legs, baby! Put me down!"
"Oh Please, It's Not Like I Couldn't Lift A Bunch Of Grapes."
"I'm not a bunch of grapes!"
"Same Thing, Pumpkin." You blush, covering your face with your hands, you let him carry you to his bedroom.
He plopped down on the chair in front of his desk and adjusts you to sit comfortably in his lap. Then he opened up the laptop.
"Let's See, We'll Start With My Mark. I've Got A Swan With A Strange Looking Cross In It." He said as he looked at his hand.
"Let's start with the swan. Swan...meaning... There! Spirit animal?" You look at the screen curiously.
"It Says Here That The Swan Spirit Animal Means Purity, Grace, Beauty, Love, Elegance, Divination, and Balance."
"It says here that it also means inner beauty, grace in dealing with others, union, loyalty, and peace..."
You look at Sweets with a questioning look.
"It's Not Wrong. You Really Are All That. And I Love You Because Of That."
He leans down to give you a quick peck on the cheek. You giggle.
"Ok, ok, let's search the cross. Cross...tattoo...meaning..."
"Christianity? That Doesn't Seem Right."
"Wait, wait, look! There's a Celtic meaning here!"
"You're Right. It's Says That It Means Balance, Faith, Hope, And Wisdom."
"I- Am I like that? Is it wrong? Should we-"
"No. It's Exactly What I Think You Are." You turn to face Sweets, his pupils have become the most adorable little hearts. You flush at the sight.
"R-really?"
"Why Would I Lie To You My Love? You Helped Me Balance My Life, And You Gave Me Hope... Every Meaning Of My Mark Is Perfect For You."
Your heart swells at his sweet words and you hug him tightly, pressing kisses all over his skull.
"Oh, you sweet, sweet skeleton! My favorite teddy bear!" You continue to kiss his skull until he gently pushes you away.
"Come On, Pumpkin. We Still Need To Search Up What Yours Meant!" You pout.
"Alright, fine. But I'm gonna smother you with kisses afterwards." He laughs.
"Alright, That's Fair." You turn around and reached for the keyboard, but was stopped by Sweets.
"Ah, Ah, Ah. You Helped Me Search, So Now I'll Help You Search." You huff and pout but still complied.
"Well, my mark has a turtle with a maze-like design as the shell."
"Ok! Turtle...Meaning... Done!"
"Long life? That seems a bit off as well..."
"Perhaps It's Another Spirit Animal Like Mine!"
"Oh yeah! There! It means the ability to stay grounded, slowing down, pacing yourself, determination, persistence, emotional strength and understanding, and ancient wisdom."
"Well, I Can Understand Slowing Down And Pacing Myself, But I Don't Know About The Rest..."
From his tone alone, you can tell he's doubting himself. If only he could see things from your eyes... Well, that's why you're here, to remind him of the monster he truly is. You turn to face your, sad-looking boyfriend.
"I think it's the perfect description of you."
"Huh?"
"Yeah. You've left the underground with your sanity, haven't you? You've 'stayed grounded' and had 'the emotional strength' to make that happen. You've grown, you can 'understand' people's 'emotions' when they see you and get scared. But you didn't just give up, you stayed 'determined' and 'persistent', and in the end, you got your happy ending and your happy beginning to a beautiful future. And having been though all that, you gained 'wisdom' that only a handful of people could understand. The turtle spirit describes you perfectly."
His eyesockets watered and he embraced you tightly.
"Thank You... Thank You..."
He pulls away only to pepper your face with kisses, being careful of his jagged teeth, and his hands slid up to pet and caress your hair lovingly. You giggle and attempted to pull away after a small while.
"Come on, Sweets. Love, we haven't finished searching, there's still the- mmf! Hah! Maze part!" He cut you off in the middle with a sudden kiss, but you managed to pull away and finish your sentence.
"Alright, Pumpkin. Let's See... Maze...Tattoo...Meaning... There!" You turn to look at the screen.
"Search of self? That seems not quite right... Wait. Add the word 'Celtic' in! Maybe, this is the same as the cross!"
"That Seems Like A Good Idea! There. It Means Clarity, Searching, Light, And Being Lost Then Found."
"Oh! That makes much more sense! It's perfect for you." You turn to face him again.
"Do You Think So?"
"I know so. You are a bright light in my life. You've been though that treacherous time in the underground, 'lost' yourself, then came out, 'finding' yourself once again... All of those words, they fit you perfectly." His eyesockets watered again. And he immediately pulled you in for a deep, passionate kiss.
When he pulled away, you both gazed lovingly at each other. Sweets spoke up first.
"Let's Continue This On A More, Comfortable Place."
"Bed?"
"Bed."
He adjusted your position on him and picked you up again. You squealed happily as he carried you to the bed, stealing kisses every few seconds.
When he finally plopped you down on the bed and crawled over to you, you grabbed his skull and pulled him into another passionate kiss. He falls on top of you, having not expected that. But he quickly recovered, and rolled you both on your sides so he doesn't crush you.
You both were lost in both your affection for each other. You may have forgotten to check the time, and might have lost a lot of time in the process. But, there's nowhere you'd rather be.
There. Done. That marks the end of my trip, and any large portions of free time. So, any requests after this one would take a while for me to finish. Well, more than 3 days at least. Hope y'all enjoy this fluffy as hell soulmate AU oneshot!
Also, birthmarks of both are below.
(1: Sweets's mark, 2: Reader's mark)
(Also, pics not mine, I just edited it.)
58 notes
·
View notes
Text
Illustrator Tutorial
So for quite a while I’ve been mulling over the idea of making a tutorial of how I create art in Adobe Illustrator. I’m not the best at explaining things but I just thought I’d share how I make my art! Warning—this is a super long post. And it’s not exceptionally interesting. Sorry about that….
I draw traditionally, so when I’m satisfied with my drawing, I open up Illustrator, make a new file, and place the artwork in it.
This is how I set up my file and work space. My layers are at the right of the screen (the top layer is my drawing layer, the bottom layer is my “sketch” layer, locked and usually set on 65-72% opacity). If I wanted to change the size of my Artboard (the file, basically) I would go to the Artboard window (located above my layers) and make my changes there. To the left is the Toolbar. It contains a ton of useful tools, such as the Selection tool (basically the “mouse”), Direct Selection tool (helpful for editing line work), the Pen tool (what I use to trace over my drawings), Type tool (for typing), Rectangle tool (for making quick shapes like squares, stars, circles, etc), Shape Builder tool (for merging shapes), the Hand tool (for moving the screen around—if that makes sense…) and the Zoom tool (lol pretty self-explanatory). There’s many more tools of course, but these are the ones I utilize the most. (Uh unfortunately the tools I am using aren’t showing up in my screenshots while I work…so I’ll just point them out as I use them)
Now that I’ve got my file set up and drawing in place, I trace over it with the Pen tool. There is also another way to make line work. If you’ve got nice line work that you’re satisfied with you can simply select your drawing, then click “Image Trace.” Illustrator will make a vector image of the drawing. Personally I don’t like making line work that way because, well, I’m sorta odd when it comes to line work and I prefer to use the pen tool.
When I make a shape and connect two anchor points together, they make a single shape, like this head. You don’t necessarily have to make shapes in Illustrator, but it does make things easier imo.
To edit my line work, I select the line work itself using the Selection tool, then go to Object>Transform>Reflect.
Another window will pop up, and from there, I can choose if I want the image to be flipped horizontal or vertical. Then I click “Ok.”
I make edits using the Direct Selection tool. Then I flip the line work back to how it was. I can do this by right clicking the line work and going to Transform>Reflect. The same window will pop up again, and I click Ok.
But how do I make lines in Illustrator? I use the mouse when I work in Illustrator (I used to just use my laptop’s track pad, but uh…I highly suggest that you don’t do that! Using the mouse is a lot easier on the hand, and the track pad is pretty bad for carpal tunnel). You can also use a Wacom tablet or whatever, but I prefer using a mouse. Anyway, to draw in Illustrator using the Pen tool, simply click anywhere on the canvas to make an anchor point and drag the mouse away from where you clicked. As the mouse moves around, a line will follow it. If you click again, a straight line will appear.
To make curved lines though, after you click on the canvas, drag the mouse around to make a curved line.
To merge shapes, select each shape with the Selection tool (click on a shape, and while holding down the Shift key, click on another shape. Two shapes are selected at once now…or just drag the Selection tool over multiple shapes at the same time).
Drag over the selected shapes with the Shape Builder tool…
…and one shape will be formed.
So that’s how I make line work and shapes in Illustrator. If I want to rearrange which shape is “in front” or “behind” another shape, I select the shape, right-click on it, go to Arrange>then Send to Back or Bring to Front.
If I want to make a duplicate of a shape, I select it with the Selection tool, click “alt” (on Windows) then drag the new shape away. Then I de-select it.
When building shapes, sometimes I have to “delete” part of a shape so that it doesn’t show up in the final illustration. For example, when I make pupils. To do this, I select the shapes that have to be edited: the iris, pupil, and the eye itself. The eye won’t change, but in order to make the iris and pupil fit inside the eye, I’ll have to select it. If I don’t then all I’ll manage to do is merge the iris and pupil together.
So after they’re all selected I use the Shape Builder tool and drag it over the part of the iris and pupil that I don’t want anymore. While doing this I hold the “alt” key down, so that when I’m done editing the eye, the extra shape will be deleted.
And finally the line work is DONE!
Now to add color. To change the color of a shape, I select it with the Selection tool then change the color from the Swatch window.
When the artwork is colored, I get into the intricacies of line work! I like bold line work, and I like to create tapering lines for legs, mouths, and other little details. To make a bold outer line, I select all the major shapes that form the “outside” of the image, make a copy of them, and send them to the back (Arrange>Send to Back)
To make the lines bold I change the stroke to a 5 pt. Oval (the upper left section is where the lines, or “strokes,” can be edited) then increase the stroke weight to 4 points.
I slide all the shapes back behind the “front” shapes like so.
For the front leg, I don’t want to keep the line work near the shoulder odd-looking like this.
So I use the Direct Selection tool, select the anchors at the shoulders, and move them around till I’m happy with how they look.
To further edit my lines I can select individual lines and change their shape from the “Uniform” line to any design I want. I like using this triangle-shaped line for whiskers and toes. Then I can edit the stroke width to be bigger or smaller.
And finally, a cat is born!
I’ll go over how I make backgrounds too. It’s not all that interesting though XD When I make backgrounds for my Warrior Cat drawings, I like to include patterns and gradients in them. First though, I make a simple shape.
I try to avoid tangents at all costs so I use the Direct Selection tool to move the anchor points and lines around the main drawing. (BTW a “tangent” is when two lines touch each other without intersecting. It isn’t the most desirable thing to have in a piece of art). For example, the edge of the background square touching the bottom of the cat’s foot forms a tangent.
When I’ve settled on a final design for the background shape, I make a pattern to fill it.
I like to keep my patterns simple, so for this one, I made a circle pattern. To make the pattern, select the shapes you want for the pattern…
…go to Object>Pattern>Make. A window will pop up saying that a new pattern has been added to the Swatches panel; click ok.
In the dialogue box to the far right, the pattern can be edited even further. When I’m done editing it I click “Done” in the upper left corner of the screen.
And a new pattern has been added to the Swatches! I make a duplicate of the background shape and change the Fill color to be the new pattern.
Then I slide the patterned box in front of the orange one, but behind the cat, then I adjust the opacity.
I make a third copy of the background shape, move it in front of the last two shapes, then click on the gradient box in the gradient window. It automatically makes a white and black gradient in the shape.
To edit the gradient I click on the Gradient tool in the Toolbar. Then I can adjust the direction of the gradient.
In the gradient window I can change the colors. I also change the opacity of the shape and switch it to “Overlay.”
I add a bold white line behind the illustration, add my watermark, and I’m done!
If I want to add shadows, I draw them over the illustration and adjust the opacity of the “shadow-shapes” till it looks decent. I change the shadow-shapes to “Multiply” as well. (I uh was just too lazy to add them to this pic but I have examples of cell-shading in a lot of my other pics).
Like I said, I’m not the best at explaining things, so here’s one of my speed drawings that show me using all the tools mentioned to make my drawings: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hD3wA_pwn4k
To finish this long (and probably boring) post, Adobe Illustrator is a vector based program. It doesn’t utilize pixels—I am NOT eloquent enough to discuss the differences so here’s a few sites that do:
https://stinajones.co.uk/the-difference-between-vector-and-pixel-graphics/
https://www.printcnx.com/resources-and-support/addiational-resources/raster-images-vs-vector-graphics/
https://www.ionos.com/digitalguide/websites/web-design/pixel-graphics-vs-vector-graphics-a-comparison/
Anyway I hope this was useful, even if in a small way! If any other Illustrator artists have tips, tricks, or tutorials they’ve made or have found useful, please share!!
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
‘if you love me, don’t let go...’
First chapter of my yumagna fic is out ladies and gentlebabies!
Chapter: 1/6
Characters: Yumiko & Magna
Pairing: Yumagna
Fandom: The Walking Dead
Format: Multi-Chap
Summary: At some point, you just have to let go - or so Yumiko keeps telling herself.There was never any letting go of Magna.
Links: A03, FF.NET
[watermark is from my instagram yumagnas.home don’t worry i didn’t steal the pic ;)]
A/N:
[The rape/non-con is there for Magna's cousin and it will only ever be in references I will not be writing anything detailed about it because I don't want to trigger anyone and this isn't the story for writing about something like that as I would not be able to give it the time and attention it deserves]
Small note: Magna's cousin is called Maisie in this and I've also given her a brother called Morgan.
y'all are going to hate me because yes, this is going to be over 20000 words about a single night. And probably not even the whole night. but there's also flashbacks so it's OK? In my defense, we've gotten very few conversations with these two so there was a lot to talk about. I can't be held responsible for my actions. blame the writers.
I’m honestly a little worried that I’m going to bore people to tears because there’s really no plot. It’s just yumagna being soft and finally sorting out their shit.
I'm also working on a short oneshot - for real this time it's actually going to be short - that's set in the indeterminate future after this. It's basically just going to be pure fluff which you should knew is unheard of - I never write fluff. So hopefully it's not terrible.
There be angst here, lots of angst, but also comfort - if you’re familiar with my writing that won’t be a surprise to you.
I don’t have much hope for canon so I decided to do what I could to fix the mess they made.
I normally wouldn’t reveal anything that’s going to happen in a fic but y’all have been tortured enough already so just know I will absolutely be getting these girls back together, it won’t take more than a night, but it will take about 20000 words. Most of the story is written out already I’m just doing post-edits so I’ll update daily :)
If things seem a little disjointed it’s because I wrote everything out of order and it’s been a bit of a struggle to get everything to fit into place. I also haven’t slept more than 1-4 hours a night for the past three weeks, have been getting constant migraines and blood sugar crashes so I’m gonna apologize right now if there are any mistakes. I’m super sorry.
This is for the yumagna fandom cos I wanted y'all to have something nice with everything that's going on. I would also like to give a special thanks to Abbey and Mina who acted as my sounding board throughout this whole thing and were very patient with me - love you guys :)
....
"If you love me, don't let go
Hold
Hold on
Hold on to me
'Cause I'm a little unsteady
A little unsteady . . . "
- Unsteady by X Ambassadors
. . .
Nightmares had always been an issue, though less so in recent years. Magna had gotten almost gotten used to having a full night's sleep, barring the occasional pillow snatch. Back before all this started, she'd been on medication for PTSD, but well, it was kind of hard to fill a prescription in the middle of the apocalypse - and, well, the apocalypse had only added to the previous need for said medication. At least she was in good company. These days, it was more of a surprise if someone wasn't experiencing some form of post-traumatic stress, and that was a somewhat odd reality to wake up in, day after day. For years, this thing had set her apart but now? Now it just made her like everyone else.
Miko had nightmares too.
It was what had led to them sharing a 'bed' in the first place, way before things between them moved beyond the confines of friendship. They'd fallen asleep by the fire one particularly cold night, curled around each other for warmth, and they hadn't awoken until morning.
It had been something of a revelation.
On Magna's end, she suspected it had had a lot to do with trust. She'd trusted Miko not to shove a shiv into her side or try to cop a feel whilst she slept, trusted her even more to have her back if things went south during the night. She'd been . . . safe. Magna wasn't used to people being safe - she wasn't quite sure what she offered Miko in return, though; maybe the same thing.
Of course, in many ways Yumiko wasn't safe. There was nothing safe about the way Magna felt about her. Or the way those feelings seemed to be returned. She knew Miko had had a girlfriend in college who cheated - and when the other woman had told her that, a vindictive part of her had hoped the bitch had been one of the many, many people to meet their end by sicko teeth. Miko had smacked her on the arm for that comment, exasperation tempered by fondness and reluctant amusement.
She'd realized in her time away, that this past hurt would have only sharpened Magna's betrayal. Trust was important to Miko - hell, it was important to Magna - and she had broken hers by lying, lying for years. She hadn't thought of it that way when she'd been doing it. The secret had weighed on her, yes, but she'd been viewing it from a place of hadn't really considered how it would hurt Miko, only what it would do to their relationship if it had ever come out, what it would do to her.
That, more than anything, had made her realize that Miko had been right to kick her out. More than right.
Which is why she could hardly believe that they were here now. That Miko was letting her head rest in her lap, that she had invited her to do so. Sitting back against a tree and patting her thigh with a small smile her way when Magna had gone to settle a short distance off. The way she had nearly fallen over herself to accept that invitation was almost embarrassing but she couldn't bring herself to feel self-conscious about it, or to second guess the action. They'd done this as friends too and she was glad it wasn't something she had sacrificed with their relationship.
She'd been attracted to Yumiko from the moment they met. It was hard not to be. She wasn't blind - hot lawyer lady in a suit, how could she not notice her in that way? The woman had entered into her dilapidated life with a sureness and determination that was hard to dismiss. Intelligent, strong, and fighting for her.
No one had ever fought for Magna. Not until Miko.
(really, she'd been screwed from the start)
Of course, the person Yumiko was fighting for was little more than an illusion. If Miko had only known the truth then . . .
She probably would have dropped her like a hot potato, just like everybody else. She probably would have been wise to.
Or maybe she wasn't giving Miko enough credit. After all, she was still here now. Carding her hand through Magna's hair in a soothing motion as she pretended to sleep - and Miko pretended to believe her. She knew the truth now, and still she kept close. Maybe they weren't together anymore but that had been as much Magna's choice as Miko's. She couldn't let herself get to that place again, where she was so terrified of losing something, she ended up destroying it.
And God, Magna was so tired, so tired of being afraid, so tired of being angry.
Just so tired.
('I can't do this anymore.')
She needed a distance between them, even if she didn't want it. Romantic relationships had a tendency to blow up in her face. But friendships . . . well, they tended to be more reliable. After all, she had been friends with Miko for years and things only turned sour after they had crossed over the safety of that border into something more.
(things turned sour because you couldn't stand keeping it a secret from her anymore. The same thing would have happened if you'd still been only friends)
She shifted uncomfortably, remembering at the last second that she was supposed to be asleep. But Miko only stilled a moment before continuing with her motions, allowing the deception to maintain itself.
The relief passed her lips in a shaky exhale.
Magna couldn't bring herself to talk anymore. She was drained - both emotionally and physically - and the thought of pulling any more words out almost made her cry from exhaustion. And Miko seemed to sense that, almost as soon as Magna had first fallen silent. But then, she'd always been good at reading her.
She was observant. Like Connie.
Squeezing her eyes shut tighter, she immediately regretted the action. In the darkness, all she saw was her friend's face, disappearing into the crowd of sickos, possibly never to be seen again. Of course, Magna hadn't seen that at all. She'd kept her gaze ahead, too wary to look around and give away the disguise, but she had felt Connie's hand slip from hers, the ache of the empty space it left behind. Her imagination filled in the blanks now, even adding in a few colorful extras - wide eyes, a silent scream, falling beneath the weight of too many bodies, torn apart. Gone.
So many people were just . . . gone.
"Do you think she survived?" The words hung in the night air; foreign, distant. Magna blinked, unsure if they'd really come from her. She couldn't remember opening her mouth. But her tongue felt thick and heavy, her lips cracked, she could taste the metallic hint of blood caused by the effort.
Miko paused. Just a second, her fingers tangling in Magna's hair a little too tight, almost painful, then a breath, and she returned to smoothing it back. "You did."
"Barely. I was lucky."
"And there's no reason she won't be, too. Connie's smart, strong. She could make it."
Magna could think of a hundred reasons. A thousand.
Her stomach turned and she closed her eyes, opening them in a snap when Connie's face answered her. She trembled. "I should have stopped. I should have looked for her."
Miko didn't hesitate. "Then you'd be dead. Might even have gotten her killed as well. All for nothing."
At least, I wouldn 't be feeling like this.
Magna opened her mouth to argue but found that she didn't have the strength. She closed her eyes again, inhaling the scent of the woods, of the leaves and dirt beneath their bodies, of Miko. Especially Miko. "What the hell am I going to say to Kelly?"
If she wasn't dead.
What if they were the only ones left? Her and Miko. Bernie gone. Connie gone. Kelly gone. Luke gone. She'd failed to protect them. All of them.
And she'd thought she'd cried enough tears but her eyes burned and she rubbed at them fiercely, like there was dirt, like if she could just get it out the fire would vanish and she wouldn't crumble to ashes in its grip.
And there was Miko's voice, all at once gentle and firm, pulling her back. "She won't blame you. She knows you. You've always fought hard for us. As hard as you can. This just wasn't a situation in which you could."
Magna nearly scoffed.
No, she could have fought. But she'd gotten scared. She'd hesitated. She hated being fucking scared (small and shaking, hugging Morgan to her chest as Daddy's voice got loud, so loud, why was it so loud?). It was such a useless emotion. And now it had probably gotten Connie killed.
Miko tugged at her hair slightly, gentle but scolding. "Seriously, Magna. You couldn't have done anything. If anyone should be feeling guilty it's me."
Frowning, she turned her head in her grip to look up, a strand of hair snagged but she didn't mind the pain. "What are you talking about?"
But Miko shook her head, refusing to meet her gaze as she focused on raking her hands through Magna's hair, avoiding the knots with an ease born of years of practice. "I should have been there with you. I shouldn't have stayed behind that day."
And then you might be dead, too. Magna shuddered at the thought. Her worst fear, worse than Miko choosing to leave her, being taken from her. Forever.
And it wasn't even a what-if situation. It felt inevitable. This was the apocalypse: their expiration dates were always inching closer.
"I'm glad you did." Even though Magna couldn't see her face, she sensed her hurt, felt the flinch of her hand. "I couldn't lose you. Not like that."
Giving up on getting Miko to look at her, she settled back in her lap but kept her eyes open.
Yumiko's voice was caustic when she responded, fragile and harsh all at once. "I thought I lost you." The hand resumed its stroking, stiffer now, almost angry. "At least if I had been there I could have helped, and I would have known. I would have known if you were okay."
Not if you got out with Kelly.
But, no, Miko wouldn't have left them, wouldn't have left her. She would have seen her double back with Connie and gone after her too - like Magna, she was always watching. Maybe she would even have noticed and gone after Connie first - she was equally as protective of their group - and then Magna would have been the one left behind, to wonder, to fear.
Thinking about it, that probably would have driven her to punch Carol, too. Though her fuse had always been a lot shorter than Miko's.
Now, she snorted at the sudden memory. "I can't believe you punched Carol. I've never seen you like that." In a way, it had scared her. She was so used to Miko being the calm one, forever in control. She was the one who reined Magna in.
Okay, it had also been kind of hot. Even half-dead on her feet, she couldn't fail to notice that.
"To be honest, neither can I." There was a wry note to the older woman's tone, and Magna wondered if she was smiling, almost risked looking up again to find out. "I don't regret it, if that's what you're wondering."
"Not like you to kick a dog when it's down."
"Not like you to be so forgiving."
She scoffed. "I'm not. Connie's gone. Probably dead and she-" Magna swallowed, collecting herself. "I'm not forgiving. I just don't have the energy to be angry anymore."
"Well that's definitely not like you." Miko teased, hesitating for a moment before severity bled back into her tone. "Are you going to be okay?"
She closed her eyes, sighed. Why was she so good? "You don't have to worry about me, Miko."
Scoff. "Another lie. I found a grey hair the other day, thanks to you."
"Oh and it couldn't have possibly been the literal end of days that we're stuck in?"
"Have you met you?" Another tug at her hair, this time playful and, for a moment, Magna could breathe easier. "Seriously, though, are you going to be okay?"
For a moment.
She shifted, hair pulling painfully but that was almost welcome. "I'll be fine. I'll be a lot better once we find Kelly and Luke."
"And Connie."
"And Connie." She wished she could feel more hopeful on that front. Miko squeezed her shoulder and she relaxed slightly, trying to push the dark thoughts away for now. There'd been too many of them tonight already. There were always too many. But just for tonight she wanted to escape them, to hide away in Miko's lap and absorb every touch, every smell, every word . . . that she had come so close to never experiencing again.
. . .
"How can you lose me? You've owned me from the first moment I saw you."
― Dianna Hardy, Cry Of The Wolf
. . .
The full gravity of the world ending fell upon Yumiko within a matter of hours, there'd been no time to trivialize or hope. Right from the start, she'd felt the impact.
Her mother had been a doctor in the old world and she'd been working a shift at the hospital when the outbreak hit the city and surrounding areas. Yumiko's stomach still turned at the memory of calling her up from the safety of Magna's apartment, her eyes trained on the insanity playing out across every news station, her heart pounding as she pleaded, pleaded for the other woman to pick up, to be alright, to-
But the phone had rung and rung. One, two, twelve phone calls later and nothing.
----
Unable to sit and wait any longer, Yumiko swiped her abandoned keys off the table and marched towards the door, ready to drive over there right that second and make her mother okay. She was smart, her mother was smart, and resourceful, and she'd never stopped practicing krav maga - and Yumiko would definitely come to regret refusing all those classes the woman had tried to get her to enroll in growing up but she 'd been focused on her books and her studies and all her dreams for a future that fighting never entered into-
Her mother would be fine .
But a hand grabbed hers - strong, nails almost biting into her skin - and pulled her back. "You can't go out there."
Magna.
At some point, she 'd forgotten the other woman was even there, just whose home she stood barricaded within.
"I have to get to the hospital, my mother she-"
"Yumiko, you saw the news - hell, you just almost got your face bitten off by one of those sickos - the world's fucking lost it. " Her face took on an expression of incredulity. "And you want to go to the fucking hospital? No, no way."
Yumiko clenched her jaw, trying not to snap. "She's my mother. I need to make sure she's okay."
"I know, OK? Trust me I get it but . . ." she took a breath, frustrated and Yumiko could detect an air of desperation in the way she closed her eyes, pressed her lips together. "But you just, you can't, okay? They said that part of the city is already overrun and it's a hospital . The amount of people in there, dying people . . . it's a death trap."
Yumiko looked away, knowing she was right but unwilling to face it. It was her mother .
For a spiteful moment, she wondered whether Magna really did 'get it'. As far as she knew, the other woman hadn't visited her own mother since she was a child. Yumiko didn't even know if she was still alive - or if Magna knew for that matter.
"Look, I . . . " Magna shook her head. "If I thought that it could work, that we'd be able to help, hell even be able to get in there, I would drive you myself."
"You don't have a license." She wasn 't sure why she said it, why out of all the things Magna was saying, that had stuck out the most. But it was the only thing she had the means to protest.
Magna huffed. "Fine, I'd let you drive but that-that's not the point. Miko, we don't even know how to kill these things. I stabbed that guy in the neck and he barely even flinched. The dead are eating people, I can't . . ." She shook her head, lost for words. "I can't protect you from that."
Yumiko cursed the way those words made her stomach flip - not the time. Her phone felt heavy in her pocket, useless, and her mind was a violent hellscape, tossing up image after image of all the situations that could be keeping her mother from answering but . . .
Fuck it.
She was right.
The world shook for a moment, shaky legs almost falling out from under her as she allowed herself to sink down onto the floor, hiding her head in her hands. She was right . The darkness made everything still and she could imagine for a moment that this wasn't really happening, that it was just some big nightmare, that-
People were fucking eating people, for god's sakes. Dead people. How could this be real?
There was a pause, the sound of shuffling, and she felt a stiff form settle down beside her. Hesitantly, an arm came around her, too lose, too distant, but there. "I'm sorry."
Yumiko shook her head, forgetting entirely Magna's discomfort when it came to any kind of physical intimacy - hell, any kind of intimacy in general - and allowed herself to collapse. Falling into her, she buried her head in the other woman's chest, hands coming up to latch onto the fabric of her shirt, desperate for something, anything to hold onto.
Magna flinched and her body became like a rock, rebelling at every place of contact between them.
Remembering herself, Yumiko moved to withdraw, "Shit, sorry, I-" but the arm around her tightened, keeping her in place. Slowly, she felt the muscles against her force themselves to relax as that arm found a surer purchase, pulling her closer. After a moment, she felt the slight weight of a chin coming to rest on her head, a hand coming up to find one of hers. Disentangling Yumiko 's almost rabid hold, they wrapped around her and squeezed, held tight and this-
This was better.
"Stay."
She did.
. . .
"I am your friend. a soul for your soul. a place for your life. home. know this. sun or water. here or away. we are a lighthouse. we leave. and we stay."
― Nayyirah Waheed
. . .
Magna knew that Miko's upbringing had been a fair bit more stable than hers. Parents divorced at nine, yes, but that was terribly common wasn't it? (and neither of them had tried to shoot the other.) She'd graduated at the top of her class, whilst Magna had been kicked out of three schools for fighting before her aunt and uncle had given up and stopped sending her. It wasn't a huge loss. The only classes she'd been doing well in were art and P.E. And whilst she had missed those it was a relief to get away from the taunting students and judgmental teachers.
Considering her criminal record that kept her from working at anything other than a seedy truck stop with its overly handsy customers, that had probably worked out for the best. Good grades wouldn't have been of any help to her by then.
She still laughed sometimes at the memory of Miko popping by on her shifts, how out of place she'd looked, sitting on a rickety stool behind the counter whilst Magna tended customers, still dressed in a suit from work that never seemed to wrinkle.
The pair of them had garnered more than a few looks.
But Miko had been at ease with it, picking at her fries - the only food on the menu that would probably pass a health inspection - making small talk, interjecting with the occasional complaint about Jerry, the company vulture, who kept trying to steal her clients. Magna had been confused by the attention, wary even. She'd wondered if the lawyer checked up on all her former clients like this, or if she was just a special case. She hadn't asked - she hadn't wanted to know the answer, to face the inevitable 'yes'.
A part of her had wanted to scare her off, had hated the way she got instantly on edge as soon as she saw Miko's form enter in the door, the way she felt even worse when she watched her leave out it. But another, more secret part, had been starved for company; the kind that didn't make her want to punch someone, anyway. So she'd held her tongue, and slowly let down her defenses.
Until one night, a trucker had gone to bite a chunk out of Miko's face.
It had been her turn to work the truck stop diner connected to the store, and Yumiko had been leaning against the counter, nursing a cup of too-sweet hot chocolate and conversing with her between customers. She'd just glanced down at her phone after hearing a ping and Magna had looked up at the sound, glimpsed the man lumbering closer, closer - too close.
She'd never been so glad of the quick reflexes life had beaten into her, because in that moment she hadn't needed to think. She'd shoved Miko back, a little too forcefully since she ended up hitting the ground with a smack that made Magna wince - but it was enough.
Her hand had been grabbing the knife from beneath the bench before she even registered, her arm jolting with the shock of sinking it into flesh that gave way too easily as she leapt across the counter, blood spattering against her face in a terrible sort of deja vu, her stomach turning - fuck fuck fuck - but he didn't fall, didn't scream; and then she'd grabbed Miko, tugged her up and ran, ears howling with the sound of all hell breaking loose around them. The police sirens in her head hadn't been real, she'd known they weren't, they couldn't be, not this soon, but her heart pounded in her chest from more than just adrenaline and fuck-
She'd done it again.
And just when she was finally starting to get used to freedom.
She hadn't realized until later that night, hauled up in her apartment - it had been closest and neither of them had really wanted to be alone after that - and watching the actual End of Days unfold on international television, that it had been the first time they'd touched. Magna had always kept a certain level of distance and Miko had never tried to cross it. Not until later that night, when Magna had reached out to stop her from leaving, when she'd collapsed into her arms with an ease that made Magna want to run out the door instead . . . and later when Miko grabbed her hand as she was heading to bed. It was just a moment, just a brief squeeze accompanied by a weak but grateful smile - but Magna had felt her heart try to escape her chest at that smile, at that touch . . .
It had just been a push. Barely anything compared to getting someone out of jail at least twelve years - though more likely an entire lifetime - earlier than expected. Especially when she still hadn't known that the person she'd been fighting so hard to free wasn't nearly as innocent as she'd assumed.
Somehow, the most surprising event of the night, was that Magna hadn't minded the touch, hadn't pulled away. More shocking, she'd missed it when it was gone; had felt empty each time Miko left her grasp, yearning to reach out and-
And that was when Magna had known she was screwed.
Miko told her that she'd known the same thing sometime around the third day of planning their trial strategy.
Thirteen years later and they were still pretty screwed.
. . .
"I've spent much too long in the space between staying and letting go."
- Perry Poetry
. . .
A/N: So this story has turned out to be a lot more Magna-centric then intended and that's not because I love Yumiko any less, I just find it easier to get inside the heads of characters like Magna. I'm used to writing somewhat dysfunctional people with more than a bit of trauma (probably cos I have a bit of trauma of my own lol). You know, the loveable walking disasters of the world. She might come off a bit ooc in this and that's partly because I'm still familiarizing myself with writing her and because she's a tad bit fragile after everything that's happened, which i think we all saw in last episode - Miko is also feeling pretty fragile for the same reason. Speaking of which. What. The. Fuck. It makes zero sense to me that these two would make up but still not get back together and I'm gonna sue the writers for torture if this keeps going on. So I had to write a fix-it fic. And I also felt like there was a lot these two still needed to talk about that I'm not entirely confident the show will ever address so voila a fic was made.
Also, just gonna note going forth that Magna’s own feelings about herself aren’t necessarily a reflection of my own feelings about her character. Girl’s got some insecurities to sort through. Likewise, her judgments - good and bad - about Yumiko aren’t necessarily true, either, for the same reason. It’s one of the causes for conflict in their relationship.
So there are probably two ways to look at how these two might have noticed they had feelings for each other: a) these two idiots have been in love for 13 years and were both too chicken and oblivious to do do anything about it, or b) their love developed slowly from the bonds of friendship over a very long time. I like both options but I decided to go with the former for this fic.
The series titles is from the song You by Keaton Henson. If you're familiar with the song - my Lost Girl buddies will be - don't worry nobody is going to die! that line just really fits them so much, and it's also about accepting the fact that you might lose the one you love but that doesn't mean you should be afraid of loving them or living your life.
. . .
OK, just gonna do a little shameless self-promotion, hope you don't mind :)
I made a yumagna vid so if you haven't seen it already and you're interested it's here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=grzrpr0QZEE
(I'm gonna do more so if you want to stay in the loop subscribe to my youtube channel. I'll probs end up doing a short one for Unsteady because of this fic but I'm holding out till we get a yumagna hug)
I have an insta for yumagna called @yumagnas.home . my multifandom one is @bonnielextra (lots of awesome women that i make edits for just fyi) and my personal one is @cissyalice. Hit me up so I can follow some more yumagna stans!
My twitter is @bonnielextra and @welcometocaritas (for my edits). Currently just a lot of crying about yumagna on the first one.
And my tumblr is welcometocaritas. Obviously no pressure to look at any of these but I just thought I'd put them in just case :)
#yumagna#magniko#the walking dead#nadia hilker#eleanor matsuura#yumagna edit#yumagna fanfic#magna twd#yumiko#yumiko twd#mypost#My posts#myfic#my fic#my edit#myedit
12 notes
·
View notes
Text
When Shawn Met Willow
We’ve worked on this beginning piece for a while now, and we are SO excited to introduce you to the family we’ve been dreaming up for months! Because we wanted to give you the whole picture in terms of how these two started, this one is extra long - we plan on writing shorter blurbs to continue this Family!Shawn theme, and will probably go back and elaborate on other parts of their life together… stay tuned, but for now: enjoy!
WORD COUNT: 6.1K
-
“Large Americano, ready at the bar!”
The coffee shop was as busy as could be expected of a rainy Monday morning.
Willow hated the pushing and shoving that was absolutely unavoidable, as every person in the building waited for their drink. The artisan coffee house hadn’t caught onto the mobile ordering system, and she hated them for it.
She managed to make her way to the counter, but just as her hand reached for the paper cup, someone else beat her to it. Turning her head to face the person obstructing her saviour, she let out an “excuse me, sorry...” and withdrew, slightly in embarrassment.
“No, no, you’re good. It might be yours anyway… why aren’t they calling these out by name?” the man joked. She looked up, noticing the kind smile on his face (clearly not local, you’ve not known anyone to smile in this part of the city, especially not on Wall Street) and mustered a chuckle.
For a moment neither of them said anything, as if time froze - just a second - allowing their eyes to meet. As the barista impatiently called out the next drink, the man cleared his throat. His eyes wandered for a moment, then widened at something behind her - “fuck, it’s eight already? Uh - here, you can take this…” he said, ushering the cup toward her.
And with that, he was off.
Her eyes followed his rushing figure before rolling her eyes and taking the drink, nodding her thanks at the barista. Willow maneuvered her way out of the overly crowded place and took a long awaited drink, not yet ready to face another tedious day at her internship. As she lowered her cup, she noticed a scribble on the sleeve: “Sean,” next to a single “A” for Americano.
“Damn it,” she muttered with her shoulders slumping, wishing she had checked before he’d vanished into the crowd. For a tall guy, he blended in quickly.
Back upstairs in her little cubicle of hell, Willow was met with another day’s supply of merger and acquisition paperwork.
She let out an exasperated sigh.
“Dude, it’s not even nine yet. Lighten up!” Claudia pulled a pencil out of her hair, throwing it in Willow’s direction.
“Ow! Jesus, Claud.” she said, turning around to reach for the pencil. As she did, she glanced out the window and caught sight of a small crowd forming under the building.
“Huh. Do you know what that’s about?” Willow asked, motioning towards the group.
“If it’s not one of the Obamas, I’m not interested.” Typical Claudia, Willow thought and rolling her eyes at her colleague.
As the hour went by, the crowd continued to grow into a pretty substantial mob of mostly teenage girls. Maybe Harry Styles was in the building.
Willow refocused for a few hours, paying little attention to the happenings outside of her field of vision. At around noon, she got up to fetch her egg salad from the fridge when she noticed something - or rather, someone - downstairs with the mob. Was it that guy from this morning? He was leaning in every few seconds with each girl, taking… selfies? He definitely wasn't so lost in the crowd now.
-- one year later
A failed relationship with the top investment firm in New York City drove Willow as far away from the industry as she could go. Something about the harrowing reality of corporate America sent her running to the West Coast: she was not cut out to be a tycoon, no matter what her Bachelor's Degree in Business Administration & Economics said about her.
Sitting in her favourite coffee shop in Los Angeles, Willow intently studied her laptop with her camera sitting on one side of the table, and her freshly delivered Americano steaming on the other. The screen receiving her whole attention as she edits her photos from last nights Panic! At the Disco show at the Forum. She’d chosen a quieter area this time, wanting a little privacy and quiet as she worked, a change she’d needed from previous endeavors that hadn’t worked out the way she had planned.
“Panic! At the Disco? Is that from yesterday?” Willow turned around as someone clearly took notice of her work.
“Uh, yeah.”
“I was there!” Fuck. Why did he look so familiar?
“Amazing, wasn’t it?!” Willow tried not to stare, but tried to place him in her head. She swore she’d seen him before.
“Yeah, they always put on a good show! That’s an awesome picture! You work for the venue?” Leaning forward to observe her screen, in a slight awe.
“I do, I’m practically a part of the furniture at this point.” The man laughs, and with a small smile on his face comments “I know the feeling.”
“You work there too? I’m sure I’ve seen you somewhere.” Her curiosity getting the better of her.
The man leaned back again as his smile widened a little, humbled by her question. “Mhm, I guess you could say that,” he replied.
The flash from a camera nearby interrupted the moment; it was coming from outside of the shop, the glare intensifying through the window.
“Shawn, we gotta go!” a desperate voice called out, and her new acquaintance turned to respond.
Then it clicked.
Shawn.
“I remember now! New York City last year. I owe you an Americano!” Willow was reminded of that day, and the pieces of the puzzle starting to fall together.
Shawn looks surprised, that was the last response he was expecting, when his eyes flash with a newfound recognition.
“Oh! That was you? Wow, that’s, wow. I did not expect that at all.” Shaking his head and pointing to the screen, “what brings you to-” Another flash through the window and the imposing man calls Shawn’s name again.
“You better go before he drags you out of here, he looks like he’s seriously contemplating that option,” she suggested, hyper-aware now of the men with large cameras relentlessly snapping pics of… Shawn?
“Wait, can I get your Insta? I'd love to see other things you've posted. You're clearly talented at this, and I live for live shows!”
“Uumm, ok, yeah, but I don’t always follow back though… it’s @actuallywillow, pretty simple really!”
“Thank you! I gotta go, if you're working the show at the forum on Friday, I might see you there!” And with that, Shawn turns and makes his way out the door and out into the hoard of men with intruding cameras.
“Um, okay?” Willow spoke in the direction of where Shawn once stood, slowly turning back to her laptop and shaking her head. This was not how she had expected today to turn out.
Iwishiplayedbass started following actuallywillow
Iwishiplayedbass liked your post
Iwishiplayedbass liked your post
Iwishiplayedbass liked your post
Iwishiplayedbass liked your post
Iwishiplayedbass sent you a message
Hey! Its Shawn, you have some serious talent in photography! I hope I see you again soon!
Hi! Thank you. There seems to be a trend growing with us, so I’m sure I’ll see you again soon.
Actuallywillow started following iwishiplayedbass
Anticipation for the show had Willow in quite a state. She was usually a calm young woman, but she had really worked herself into a fit of nerves over this. What were the chances of her even seeing Shawn anyway? In an arena that holds 17,500 people, ha! She checked over her equipment one last time before entering the familiar building through the side.
Once inside, she was greeted by posters and cardboard cut-outs of Shawn Mendes everywhere, complete with a fanbase of mostly 13 to 18 year old girls.
Willow’s contract with the Forum was unlike her past experiences on Wall Street; they let her do pretty much whatever she wanted as long as she consistently got great content during events. Not a problem, since she was a natural behind the camera. She roamed around for a while before the opening acts took their place, silently observing the crowd.
Was she really this out of touch with pop culture? How had she so gravely misunderstood this guy’s stardom? Probably because he seemed so down to earth during both of their coffee shop interactions - hell, she was surprised that a man this famous still bought his own coffee himself!
A few quick Google searches confirmed that Willow was not a dinosaur - Shawn’s career seemed to have exploded overnight. These Google searches also absolutely confirmed her growing interest in this handsome young man; there was just something about his smile. And his eyes, those eyes look special.
The house lights dimmed and the hollow sound of an electric guitar filled the indoor venue, tearing through her mental haze. Shit, she had a job to do.
Camera held against her body with one hand and her Forum Employee ID in the other, she flashed the security guards as she weaved her way to the front. Pure joy and excitement was pulsing through the walls of the arena, and the audience nearly went insane when a tall, unmistakable shadow appeared behind a layer of fog. While her heart was undoubtedly racing at the sight of him, Willow quickly aimed her Nikon at him, determined to snap some good shots.
Aside from the fact that Shawn was a total heartthrob, the concert ran smoothly. She noted that he was a great performer, high energy and clearly loving every bit of it. As the show was winding down, she felt the temperature of her body spike up as he bounded down the metal stairs leading down to the level of the crowd.
Fuck. He was right there. And coming closer. Fuck. Get your camera! Don’t mess this up! C’mon Willow! GET IT TOGETHER!
He was feet away from her, so close that she could see the sweat glistening off his dark curls in a beautiful, messy, well-entertained heap. She took the opportunity to click away at her camera, capturing his interactions with fans in the front rows as he hugged, smiled, and thanked each person individually. Willow watched and realized he had the it factor. He had the power to make every girl feel special. The sincerity that radiated off him was like a sharp blow to the fantasies that she had subconsciously been entertaining all night - the ones where she magically ends up with this rockstar, too much like a fanfiction written online. While a little voice in her head wanted to believe he was flirting with her yesterday, asking about her photography… she realized that was just the nature of his personality. It had to be.
Suddenly numb from the thoughts, the pictures became easier to take; the fire that was building in her chest a few minutes ago had been put out. He was inches away when she lowered the camera from her face. Another great image for the books. Wait, is he talking to her?
Willow leaned in - the deafening noise of the cheering and instruments was drowning everything out, even her own thoughts.
“WHAT???”
“Can you send me that picture?”
She smiled and nodded: he recognized her. Did he know she was there this entire time?
Shawn smiled back at her, eyes alight with excitement before turning back to the deafening crown. Willow needed a moment to breathe, how had this even happened? How had she not even known? Someone brushed past her, bringing her back to reality. She would have time to analyze later, and bought her camera up before he got too far away. She knew she was just given the photograph of a lifetime, how many other venue photographers got that close to someone like that, someone who she hadn’t even recognised!
With the show coming to a rapid close, Willow planned for a quick escape. She wasn’t sure she would be able to face him again, not in her slightly overwhelmed state. She snapped some final shots, his final moments on stage with his hands in the air and beaming smile on his face, the perfect set up for the perfect shot.
The house lights come up and Willow feels like she can breathe again. The air is stuffy and the energy is still electric, alive with adrenaline mixed with raw emotion that you just can’t find anywhere else. She takes her time heading back to her area, praying he had done the usual ‘leg it to the bus before the band was finished so they could leave the arena without having to maneuver through thousands of people’ thing the majority of stars do following a show and safely make it back to her area. What she didn’t expect was to find a message on her phone from the rockstar himself.
Iwishiplayedbass sent you a message
Hey! I’m really glad i saw you! That sounds creepier than it is, i’m sorry. But, what are you doing now? I’d love to see those photos, and I’d really love to see you. Please say yes? We could have some In n Out???? And just get to know each other?
-- 2 years later
Willow could tell Shawn was nervous. She could tell in the way his palm was sweating in hers, and the way he continuously muttered under his breath. It was also in the way he deflect everytime she asked ‘what’s wrong’ and ‘are you ok?’ with a tight smile that doesn't reach his eyes smile and a “yeah, I’m just ready to be home” before lifting the hand that is holding yours to kiss the back of it and dropping it to swing back and forth between the two of you.
Leaving the airport in Toronto was a hassle, Willow still couldn’t wrap her head around particular fans obsessive need to see Shawn for the few moments between the arrivals gate and the black car ready to pick him up right out front. Shawn’s on edge attitude was not helping the situation at all. The two were maneuvered through to the car with the help of some airport security and Shawn ushers Willow in first before sliding in next to her and taking her hand again. Shawn seemed less tense now, the only sign was his leg bouncing occasionally as he was chatting about random things he loved about tour but how happy he was to have some time off with her.
Pulling up to their condo, Shawn gets out of the car and pauses, pulling out his phone and fires off a quick text before helping Willow out of the car. Making it to the condo was a feat within itself, and Willow kind of hates just how much Shawn takes on tour when it time to bring it all home. Its mid-afternoon when they finally haul it all into their condo and all Willow wants is some food, a nap and cuddles with her favourite man on the couch and absolutely zero contact with the outside world for at least 3 solid days.
“Shall we order something? I’m starving and craving a pizza!” Willow called out from the bedroom, having changed into her Harry Potter PJ’s, only to not receive a response from Shawn at all. She makes her way to the living room calling out for Shawn again, confused.
“Shawn? Shawn! Are you ok? Please tell me you have not fallen asleep on the couch, you know what that does to your neck-”
Willow stopped suddenly and gasped at the sight before her. Many candles and fairy lights softly illuminated the open living room and an easel propped up against in front of the window overlooking the Toronto skyline with a large canvas filled with many photographs and memories leaning delicately against it. Looking around, Shawn was nowhere to be found as she stepped closer to the easel. Upon closer inspection, she found the page filled with an array of pictures and lyrics Shawn had written about you scrawled across various parts of the page. Willow raised her hand to touch her favourite lyrics with a soft smile on her face, before turning to find the man behind all of this. As she turned, she’s met with the sight of Shawn on one knee with a nervous smile gracing his face and a ring box resting closed in his hands.
Willow stepped forward to stand in front of him, tears gathering in her eyes and she raises her hand to cover her mouth.
“Hi, honey" Shawn says and inhales deeply and lets out a deep breath, letting his shoulders relax a little before continuing.
"I uh, I've been thinking about doing this for a while, and I know we've talked about it a few times, but I couldn't wait anymore and I've had the ring for a while - I'm rambling, sorry-” Shawn cut himself off, closing his eyes and taking another deep breath.
“I love you, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you, I want everything with you, absolutely everything. Please, will you spend the rest of your life with me? Willow, will you marry me?"
And Willow, with a wide smile and teary eyes, reaches to take his head in her hands and smoothing her thumbs over his cheeks.
"Yes. Yes of course I will. I would love nothing more. Oh my lord Shawn." And she kneels to his level, and kisses him deeply, putting as much love and happiness she could possibly muster into it.
Shawn pulls back first and opened his eyes, looking at her in utter adoration, almost unable to fathom the fact she had said yes. His right hand finding her left one that was still resting on his cheek and turning his face slightly to kiss her palm, before pulling it away to place the ring he'd bought her months ago on her finger, where it would sit for as long as they both shall live.
-- 1 year later
The warm summer air swept between the concrete pillars that lined the breezeway. Any moment now, Shawn and Willow would emerge from either side of the outdoor hall for their ‘First Look’ and exchange a few moments with each other alone, before the day’s ceremony. The rented estate stood still on the cliff of a La Jolla suburb, away from the hustle and bustle of the main beaches.
Shawn was standing exactly halfway down the stairs that lead to the building, facing the cliffs and awaiting his bride-to-be, hands folding and unfolding as the reality of the day set in. Connor and Josiah were there with him, all set up and ready to go for the photo-op.
“How are you feeling, Shawn?” Connor asks and focuses the camera on Shawn.
Shawn takes a deep breath and smiles, looking up from his feet and his hands pausing their nervous motions. “I’m nervous, but so happy. I’m getting emotional already. I can’t wait to see her though, she’s going to look so beautiful and I know I’m gonna cry. It’s funny, I go away for months at a time, yet I can barely stand to be away from her for 24 hours. Makes it easier though, knowing what we were apart for. Makes it that much more exciting.”
The white double doors on the south end slowly opened, and Willow stepped out adorning a pure white gown. The floral-embroidered bodice canopied over her chest, its leaf detailing working up to her collar bones as if they were straps. She picked up the vintage dress a few months earlier, while vacationing in Italy - err, while visiting Shawn during his last Europe tour.
Willow timidly walked out to a set of stairs facing the eastern courtyard, where her husband-to-be awaited, his broad shoulders facing her. He was acutely aware of her existence; he could feel Willow’s energy in the gravity of the atmosphere at any given moment - maybe this was a good indicator that they were meant to be. The gentle graze of her small hands cupping his eyes from behind eased his nerves instantly. The second her hands were on him, Shawn let out a sigh, and he felt as if he could breathe again. He knew he was being completely irrational, but all the thoughts of ‘she’s gonna leave’ and ‘what if she changed her mind’ were replaced with feeling her, right there behind him.
This part they had talked about a lot. The pair were almost more excited for this intimate briefing than the actual wedding. They knew exactly how they wanted it to play out, knowing everything was in safe hands with Connor and Josiah around to capture every special moment. Willow wanted to keep Shawn in suspense for a short amount of time while she posed behind him. After a few moments, she gave him the cue by gently tapping his shoulders.
“Okay lovely, you can turn around now.”
His heart rate spiked as he felt the well-anticipated tap, a feeling halfway between anxiety and euphoria coming over him as he dipped his head to turn behind him, shifting his body to match. All the air in his lungs escaped as he laid his eyes on the woman he was convinced was a goddess.
“Oh honey…” he let out under his breath as he bought his hands to his face after gazing lovingly at her, rubbing his eyes as if to make sure he was seeing correctly and to wipe the already welling tears in his eyes before he reached for Willow’s hands, carefully pulling her closer. “You are so beautiful” he finished, as if that wasn’t obvious enough already. He never wanted to look away from her; he was convinced that there was nothing else in the galaxy that he would rather look at. Ever. This was it. He wanted to continue standing there for all of eternity, taking in the sight of his bride - the most striking person on the planet. He took a few moments to study the soft curls tucked behind her ear, the beaming smile he fell in love with lighting her whole face up. Shawn closed the small gap between them and wrapped his arms tightly around her waist, pulling her into a hug, and kissing her square on the lips.
“Shawn! You can’t kiss me yet!” Willow exclaims with a laugh, indicating she wasn’t really mad at him.
“I can’t help it! You just look so gorgeous,” he defended himself, not ashamed in the slightest. He carefully steps back, wanting to take all of her in.
The delicate bouquet rested in Willow’s hands, small with pretty pink and white flowers and vibrant green leaves tied with a white ribbon and finished with a neat bow. A matching boutonniere adorned Shawn’s suit jacket, right above his heart.
“Shawn, you look…” and Willow paused, contemplating for a moment as she took all of him and raised her hand to his cheek “... perfect.” She sucked in a small breath before letting go into a lighthearted chuckle. “Hubba-hubba, handsome. How did I get so lucky?”
She let go of his face for a moment to dramatically fan herself with her free hand, not once breaking eye contact. “Seriously, you are a freaking stud. I’m so nervous Shawn, can you tell? Phew. I’m freaking smitten with you though.” She laughed, feeling her body tingle with buzz as she internalized the moment. Her candor and humor in the most serious of moments reminded him why he wanted her to be his partner for life. For better or for worse, they would get through it together in high spirits.
Willow was absolutely correct: what a stud he was. Dressed in a sleek black suit that fitted him just right, a nicely pressed white shirt, black vest, a pale pink bowtie and finished off with a silver handkerchief tucked neatly into his top pocket. His hair was longer, curlier than ever having soaked up plenty of vitamin D from the summer sun. Willow fought the childish urge to run her hands through it. His cheeks were shaded pink, a lovely contrast to the sleek black and white look he had going on and his eyes were wide and bright, looking directly at her, not wanting to miss a single moment.
“Do you love it?” Willow asked, gesturing to her dress.
“I love it, I love it, I love it. You look so beautiful, you’re gorgeous. I’m so glad you said yes, I’m so glad I met you. You mean the world to me. And I never want you to take this dress off. It highlights everything I love about you.” Shawn nearly choked, his throat closing up and tears pooling in his eyes and he pulled Willow to him again, head nuzzled into her neck, placing light kisses and whispering softly to each other as Willow’s arms make their way over his shoulders, sharing a moment of solitude as the overwhelming feeling of love washed over them. Neither of them could truly believe this was happening.
“This is our wedding day! We’re getting married!”
“I’m so excited!”
“So am I!” Willow giggled, her hands running up and down his arms, completely unable to resist touching him.
“Do you wanna go get married?” Willow asked her husband-to-be.
“Yeah, let’s marry the heck out of each other.”
-- 1 year later
There’s something special about Saturday morning. Nothing exquisite, nothing especially extraordinary - yet every Saturday morning with Shawn and Willow was still special. Late breakfast, usually involving the two of them in the kitchen fixing up a new dish they scrolled past on a nutritional instagram account during the week. Granted, their attempts usually took three times the amount of time as suggested by the minute long clips, and never turned out quite as colorful or delicious. Nevertheless, the routine was comfortable; Saturday mornings felt like the embodiment of home.
This particular Saturday morning in early spring was special-special… Willow had left out a stack of insurance pamphlets that she had been looking into. The pair had gone over this sort of thing before, earthquake and flood insurance for their abode in California, top-tier health and dental insurance overall.
“Honey, what is this about? Life insurance? I know I’m not like, the greatest… adult ever, but aren’t we a little young to be thinking about this? I mean really, who is going to benefit from life insurance if we die in some freak accident? Buddy?” Shawn questioned, motioning toward the cocker spaniel sitting on the floor under him.
“Well, our family is growing, Shawn. We’ve gotta be prepared! Plus, why not do it now? Saves us doing it in the future, don’t you think?” Willow throws out casually, knowing exactly what she implied. She looks up at him from her position across from him at the kitchen island to see him sitting rigid and staring straight at her, mouth slightly agape, mid-bite of his cereal. He looked comical, and Willow couldn’t help but laugh.
“Are you, are you saying what I think you’re saying?”
“What do you think I’m saying, Shawn?”
“That- that you’re…” Shawn pauses, and Willow raises her eyebrow and smiles, examining his face “...pregnant?” Shawn mumbles the word, his mind still not fully comprehending the concept.
Willow nods her head and brings one shaking hand up to her mouth, and the other squeezed her abdomen a little. She’d know for a little over a week now and had this moment planned. Now she was here, finally telling him and watching his reaction. It was real now. So, so real.
Shawn moved suddenly, dropping his spoon on the marble. He raced over to her, picking her up and swinging her around, tears falling from his eyes, his face twisted up in happiness.
“I CAN’T BELIEVE IT, ARE YOU SERIOUS? Honey are you serious? We’re having a baby?”
“Well, I’m having a baby, but yeah, you’re gonna be a daddy.”
The looks of pure joy were all over their faces, Shawn still holding her at his eye level and Willows hands found his cheeks, her thumbs moving to wipe the tears away. The overwhelming emotions shared between them needed no more words, their eyes saying more than could possibly be said out loud. Shawn slowly moved to the couch in the conjoining living room and gently placed her down, using more caution than ever before. He knelt in front of her, moving his hands to her belly and resting his head against her thighs, shoulders shaking as he let out a few more tears as Willow’s hands find his hair, softly massaging his scalp and laughing. A beautiful moment between the parents-to-be.
-- 8 months later
‘Baaaaby! Come stretch me out!” Willow was laying on the floor of the new nursery, her belly so big she couldn’t see her feet. Shawn appeared in the doorway a few minutes later, walking over to pick her swollen feet up like clockwork. Especially in the last 10 weeks or so, Shawn’s main role in Willow’s life was as none other than her resident massage therapist and yoga partner - she was already amassing a list of pregnancy superstitions and quirks to ensure that her pregnancy would be as easy as possible. Shawn tried to point out that most of the things on her list were not rooted in any kind of science, but he knew not to do that again. He learned that it was best to just go with it.
With both her legs now in the air, as high as her body would allow her to go, Shawn stood in between them, pulling and pushing them in different directions. Willow was sure that flexibility was the key to a flawless natural birth. She tried to convince her husband to entertain the idea of a home birth, complete with a doula and everything… but Shawn was visibly uncomfortable with the idea. She wanted to be able to say she’d done it the old-fashioned way, but this was her first go around. She finally agreed that an epidural would probably be nice.
Suddenly, Willow could see a crinkle appear between Shawn’s eyebrows, as if he was squinting at something. Panic came over her as he continued to knead at the bottom of her feet, still in the air. “Wait, what is it? What’s the matter?” She questioned.
His intention was not to cause her any undue anxiety, but Shawn had noticed a growing darker spot in Willow’s lavender maternity leggings. It looked… damp. Did her water break? But… if that was the case, surely she would’ve noticed by now, right?
“Um… I’m sure it’s nothing. Are you feeling… different at all, love?” Then it hit. The first contraction.
Just as he asked the question, Willow rolled her head up and back into the carpeting, squeezing her eyes as tightly as she could. “Oh my god. I think that was a contraction!” she squealed, enduring what almost felt like a reverse-period cramp for a few seconds.
As she steadied her breathing, Shawn’s eyes widened and he set Willow’s legs down. “ACTIVE LABOR. CONTRACTIONS MEAN WE’RE IN ACTIVE LABOR!” He had studied four books on the whole birthing situation alone, and Willow couldn’t help but giggle to herself as she was sure that his last sentence came directly from the text. Shawn was so calculating, so methodical about the whole thing.
“Okay, not to alarm you or anything sweetie, but I think your water just broke - STAY THERE. I’m going to call the hospital and get your overnight bag. DON’T GO ANYWHERE, PLEASE.” He was rambling on at 100 words a minute, scrambling to find hospital records, the checklists he had prepared for this moment, and his phone. Willow laid out on the floor, surprisingly calm. Did he just tell me not to go anywhere? Where the hell would I even go? How the hell am I supposed to even get up and off the floor by myself? Willow rolled her eyes, deciding to move when Shawn was ready to leave. She had a feeling it would be a long day.
The drive to the hospital was short, Shawn having mapped out the shortest and most effective route months ago. At the time, Willow had thought it was slightly overdoing it, but she was suddenly very appreciative that he’d put the effort into it. Willow was hunched over her belly, rubbing circles with her hands in an attempt to soothe the pain. Shawn had both hands on the wheel, focusing on getting there as safely as possible while instructing her to breathe.
“Breathe, honey, we’re nearly there, I promise we’re nearly there.”
“Shawn, please, I am breathing, I need you to breathe, ok? Breathe.”
“Ok ok. Honey?”
“Yes, Shawn?”
“I’m kinda freaking out.” Shawn mumbles, brain going crazy over the fact that their little baby would be here soon.
“I know, I can tell. I am too. UGH-” Willow exclaims, hunching over again.
“We’re here, we’re here, we made it, its ok honey.” Shawn pulls into the hospital car park, pulling into the closest available spot.
Shawn legs it to the passenger side, unbuckling her seatbelt and helping her stand, one arm around her middle, the other shutting the door and grabbing her hand, cautiously guiding her forward.
Willow rests sleepily on the hospital bed, sweaty and exhausted after 10 long hours of labour the first Mendes child had arrived. The new parents had been given a brief chance to see their newborn, Willow holding their lil bug for just a minute, before the nurses insist they clean the newborn up.
Willow looks tiredly up at Shawn, who had held her hand and talked to her the entire time, letting out a quiet “We have a baby.”
“We do. We have a baby. Oh, you were so amazing, I swear, you just, you had a baby. I love you, I’m so proud of you. You only nearly broke my hand like, 7 times!” Shawn giggles lightly, and leans down to kiss her nose, then her lips, resting there and squeezing her hand.
“Oh, could you ever forgive me?” Willow asks dramatically with a grin, when her expression becomes wistful. “... so small, I miss my bug already.”
“I know honey, they’ll be back in a minute. I love you.”
“I love you too Shawn. We’ll have to call our parents soon. Surprise them with the news their first grandchild is finally here.”
“My mum is gonna yell at me for not calling sooner.” A mischievous smile crosses his face at the thought, so grateful they hadn’t been spotted entering the hospital, allowing for a complete surprise on their behalf.
“They’re all going to be so mad, but we’ll show them a picture and they’ll forget all about it. They’ll be so distracted and excited that we’ll be the last thing on their minds!”
At that moment, the nurse walked back into the room holding their little bundle.
“Here you go, all clean and healthy. Who wants the first hold?” the nurse spoke, looking expectantly between the pair. Shawn and Willow shared a look, before Willow gestured to Shawn.
“You’re up first, daddy.”
Shawns eyes glass over, squeezing Willows hand once more quietly asking “are you sure?”
“Yeah handsome, go”
And with that, Shawn stepped forward to take their baby in his arms. The nurse carefully guiding him, positioning the baby into his arms, and letting their bug nestle into his arms. Shawn stared, absolutely enchanted and unable to look anywhere else. He needed to sit down. Beginning to walk slowly to the bedside chair, Willow softly stopped him, and gestured to the gap on the bed beside her. Taking a seat beside her as delicately as possible to not disturb the resting baby.
“So pure, we made that. I can't believe we made this… life." Shawn was smitten already, he knew he'd do literally anything for his baby. Their baby.
"I- I know. We were talking about how big my belly was, but look how small bubs is. I'm in love all over again." Willow was just as enamored as Shawn, resting her head on his shoulder, giving her a perfect view. "I'm so happy. I love you."
Shawn kissed her forehead, murmuring "I love you too, you're so strong. Do you, do you wanna hold?"
Willow hummed in response, shuffling slightly so she could lie back comfortably before carefully taking the bubs in her arms, resting her on her chest, then, with Shawn's help, slowly lowering to the bed. Willow had one hand resting on the bubs' back, her other holding the small hand, gently soothing her thumb backwards and forwards across the soft skin as Shawn's hand comes up to cup his baby girls face.
"Welcome to the world, Harlow Mendes."
#Shawn Mendes#Shawn Mendes Blurb#Shawn Mendes Fanfiction#Shawn Mendes Dad#Shawn Mendes Fluff#Shawn Mendes Soft#Shawn Mendes Fic#Shawn Mendes FanFic#Shawn Mendes Imagine#Shawn Mendes OneShot#Dad!Shawn#Family!Shawn#Husband!Shawn
190 notes
·
View notes
Text
Les lettres d’amour
les lettres d’amour (the love letters) / one shot
pairing: yuta x female!reader
genres: angst, fluff, fuckboy!yuta, college!au, roommates!au
word count: 3.5k
warning: alcohol, language, drunk sex (no smut though srry)
summary: “you should have never read this.” or when everything goes downhill after your really hot roommate finds your love letters one day.
a/n: proud of this one, probably one of my best works. (kinda inspired by tatilb, i just love the book series so much!) last edit: 18.09.16
[ masterlist ]
your apartment was a mess, boxes were scattered all over your old apartment because it was moving day. you were helping the movers put the boxes in their truck. you were forced to leave the apartment because the rent was getting impossible to pay. thankfully, you found another one, it was perfect. it was spacious enough, closer to school and the rent was significantly cheaper because you split it with a roommate which was perfect for the typical broke college student.
you only met the landlord, an old lady who owned the complex for over thirty years. she had strands of animal fur on her clothes because of the stray cats that hung out around the building. she had a bright smile so you weren’t worried about the landlord. you were more worried about the owner of your new living space that you still haven’t met.
you hoped that they would be nice and respectful, obviously. you wish that your roommate would study in the same field of science as you so that you guys had at least one thing in common. ideally a girl because you really did not know how to interact with people of the opposite gender. yes from your twenty something years of your existence, you still were clueless about how to keep up a conversation with a guy, let alone befriend them.
it was not rare for you, though, to develop crushes.you never did anything with them because you were always hoping that they would magically notice you and fall for your “quirky” personality. your current one was nakamoto yuta. yes, the captain who got a scholarship because of his outstanding soccer skills. the japanese guy with the charming smile. he was also in the same major as you, biotechnology. every time you saw him in class, he exuded with such confidence that made him extremely attractive. and honestly, you would die for his smile. you loved it. rumours said that he hooked up with a lot of girls, ranging from freshmen to seniors. it was not in your habits to develop crushes on “players” but you really couldn’t help yourself.
you crushed so hard that you let your feelings flow through words on paper. you weren’t too good at writing, your word choices weren’t always the fanciest but it perfectly conveyed your feelings in a simple manner. you wrote five total. all stored in a shoe box where you put all of your precious belongings. if the building was burning down and you could only save one thing, it would be the shoe box.
you entered the apartment. it was squeaky clean. the smell of cologne was subtle and wasn’t overpowering (just like you liked it). you walked around and visited every room. you went into the bathroom. you opened the cabinet and found shaving cream, razors and skincare for men. you were now more curious about your roommate and wondered who could it be.
you quickly settled in. you didn’t like when things got messy and laid everywhere on the floor. you unpacked as much as you could. after three hours, you were practically done. you just had to organize your clothes by colour. while you hung the last piece of clothing on your rack, you could hear the door getting unlocked. you hurried to greet your roommate to make a good first impression.
you heart was beating from excitement and nervousness. when the person entered, you introduced yourself with a “hello, my name is-“ and before you said your name, you were shocked at who was standing in front of you, he was holding the apartment keys. you blinked twice to make sure it was him.
the long messy hair, the intense gaze, it was definitely him. his arm were around the waist of a girl you never saw, probably an art student. you heard he was a sucker for art girls. one eye contact exchanged with him made you understand that you should be leaving. embarrassed, you bowed, took your bag and left.
the moment you stepped foot out of your entrance, you received texts from your best friend, yerim, to meet up at a place to catch up. you were so caught up by the moving and the endless assignments that you basically did not have a social life.
you joined your friend at a cute trendy restaurant and ordered your food. it didn’t take long before she asked you who your roommate was.
“it’s yuta,” you said while taking a bite of that cheeseburger.
yerim almost choked on her milkshake.
“yuta as in nakamoto yuta?”
you nodded your head. she knew of your huge crush on him. you were always gushing about this boy.
“i wasn’t even able to greet him! the moment he entered the apartment, he was holding some girl.”
“do you wish to be that girl?” she teased. you hit her shoulder and yerim winced in pain.
you unlocked the door, hoping that the girl would be gone. it’s been literally 6 hours since you left. you placed the shoes on the mat. the heels from the girl were not there anymore. you checked the clock.
12:23 am
“hey princess, i’m nakamoto yuta.” he was at the dining table eating some fried chicken. you tried to be calm when he called you princess. you told yourself that he probably set that nickname for every girl and that it didn’t mean anything.
“hello! i am y/l/n y/n,”
“sorry about earlier.”
you shrugged, you didn’t really care but it was kind of a dick move to bring a girl when you just moved in. you sat in front of him, took a piece of fried chicken and ate it. yuta looked offended that you took a piece of his chicken without permission.
“you gotta make up for earlier, that was awkward for me.”
he took your excuse.
silence.
“ok so let’s set some ground rules.”
he nodded his head.
“don’t bring home girls when i’m there, at least, don’t let me see the face of the girl you are gonna hook up with.”
“ok my turn, i do the laundry and you do the folding!” he smiled brightly.
“wait let me take a piece of paper, i need to note that down,” you said while grabbing a pen and cute paper from your stationery collection. you loved collecting pens, washi tapes, paper, sticky notes...
twenty minutes later, you finally settled on some ground rules.
1. yuta needs to be subtle when he brings girls home.
2. yuta is in charge of the laundry.
3. y/n does the folding.
4. both are responsible for cleaning the shared space.
5. y/n and yuta take turns for the cooking because they both suck at it!
both of you were happy with the rules and even shook hands to seal the contract. when you both touched hands, it finally sunk in. yuta, your crush, was your roommate. you thought this only happened in books or movies but here you are.
that night, you could barely sleep. you were thinking of when yuta smiled at you brightly. you never saw it up close but gosh was it ten times more beautiful. you liked how his eye lit up. you even wrote another letter that night and carefully putting in the shoe box.
a few months passed, you guys got a lot closer because of the time spent together. on friday nights, you guys frequently watched movies and anime together. cozied up while catching up to hunter x hunter together. when you both got tired of it, you either watched sci-fi films (his personal favourites) or rom-coms (your favourites). you couldn’t help yourself but get bored while watching sci-fis so you always ended up sleeping on his lap while wearing his hoodie that you stole from folding the clothes. the next morning, he wasn’t there because he always woke up early every day to practice at the soccer field.
college was still kicking your ass, so it wasn’t rare now to see you in the library finishing a last minute assignment or studying for the next exam. thankfully, yuta and you both had the same majors, so you guys always encouraged each other with several cups of iced coffes and forced yourselves to not procrastinate. contrary to a lot of people’s beliefs, he took his studies at heart and worked incredibly hard.
if you weren’t watching tv nor studying on fridays, yuta dragged you into those college parties. he made sure that your social life wasn’t stagnant. it pushed you out of your comfort zone. going to a lot of them forced you to interact with other students and you were even able to befriend some. you eventually ended up becoming friends with yuta’s best friend, sicheng also known as winwin.
you enjoyed drinking cheap beer but you always passed out because you were a really light drinker. your roommate always carried you on his back and you always woke up the next morning feeling extremely hungover but with a clean face; the smudged eyeliner and concealer disappeared. he would take the time to clean your makeup off and you appreciated that so much.
the amount of time you spent outside of school sparked some rumours that you guys had something special going on. at least, on the stage of seeing each other. yuta always posted some pics of you on his instagram and you carelessly wore his hoodies to class. but it was also because he also brought a significantly smaller amount of girls at home; it’s been maybe a month since he did and you were happy about it because hearing girls moan and scream his name wasn’t the most pleasant when you were just trying to study. the guy always denied the rumours while you were wishing that he, at least, would have a small crush on you.
spending that much time with him definitely made you fall for him deeper. you found out a lot of quirks that made him endearing. like how he was always fed the stray cats. the fact that he didn’t sleep with any pillows made him even more unique than what he already was. you also liked it when he put on your favorite earrings of his. and him calling you princess never failed to make your heart beat.
you were currently completing your eye makeup look while listening to a random playlist. yerim was still deciding on what to wear. you let her choose her outfit from your closet because she claimed that she didn’t had anything to wear anymore (her closet was huge though). she was trying to find the perfect pair of boots to match her clothes when she found a shoe box. she couldn’t help but open it and found the letters.
you were still focused on getting your eyebrows even so she rapidly shoved them in her handbag then, excused herself to go to the bathroom. yerim locked the door and started reading your letters. amazed would be an understatement for how long you had feelings for the campus’ japanese prince. one of the letters were even from freshman year! your best friend didn’t want to let those letters go to waste so she sneakily slid them under his bedroom door, a smirk plastered on her face.
there was a change of dynamics between you and yuta and you had absolutely no idea why. he was distancing from you. he didn’t let you fall asleep on his lap anymore nor was he much excited about watching anime together with you. you didn’t know where you screwed up and you badly wanted to fix things but didn’t know where to begin.
you told yourself that you just had to let him alone for a while and everything would be back to normal again in two or three days.
after a whole week, things were still the same. you became so desperate that you naturally drifted away from him. no more movies on friday nor going to parties together nor studying late at the library. you hung out with sicheng more though. it didn’t take much time before you confided all of your feelings to him. he assured you that yuta appreciated you and suggested that you should talk to yuta. you were probably exacerbating the whole situation by not talking to him but you couldn’t understand his actions and it felt too overwhelming thinking how you guys currently acted like strangers living in the same space in a short amount of time, to the point, you did all of your own chores. you eventually ended up giving back his hoodies, even though you were emotionally attached to them due to their smell. it exactly smelled like him and you loved it.
he also went back to his old habits, he brought home girls but he was respectful and tried to do do it as discreetly as possible and avoided doing it when you were around. it wasn’t rare that you had bad nights of sleep because of how much noise it got during the night. thankfully, it never lasted too long.
your didn’t go to parties nor friends to meet up (yerim is always busy) so you didn’t have anything to do of your friday nights anymore so you cleaned your room, especially your closet. you thought it would be a good time to do spring cleaning. it made you think of things other than yuta. he was only a being lingering in the back of your mind.
when you got rid of those platforms that you never wore, you saw the shoe box. you slowly opened it, you swear that you could’ve let out a scream right now. you were internally freaking out because there was nothing in the box.
and everything added up.
the way yerim encouraged you to talk to yuta. the way he ignored you. it all made sense. your best friend probably shoved the letters under his door when you were busy doing your makeup. you tried to get get mad at her because it kinda ruined your relationship but you couldn’t bring yourself to it, she was probably trying to make this work.
you wailed all night under your bed sheets while listening to meaningless exchanges out of pure lust through the thin walls. he was never supposed to read those letters because you were scared that this would happen, that you would lose him.
never in your life, you thought you’d find yourself in the bedroom where a party was hosted, completely drunk, sucking someone you only vaguely knew the name of. it was something like jaehyun, you had no idea. what you heard were only grunts and fucks. you honestly didn’t know what you were doing, and why you were doing this. the effect of alcohol was taking a toll on you.
when you and jaehyun were done, you didn’t feel anything. you only thought of yuta. you were only reminiscing him feeding the stray cats, him holding the cup of iced coffee for you and him playing with your hair when you were studying because he wanted to take a break. it was always him and he was always on your mind.
sicheng probably sensed something wrong when he didn’t see you for a whole hour. and he finally found you in the bathtub, crying, your mascara was ruined. to be honest, it wasn’t a pretty sight.
sicheng texted yuta. your roommate quickly came over to bring you home. yuta’s gaze softened when he saw you crying, he felt bad that he wasn’t here to emotionally support you.
“come on princess, let’s go home,” he said softly.
you nodded. he successfully dragged you out of the bathroom. he was carrying you on his back, your chin was rested on his shoulder. his cologne felt like home. you were barely able to, but still mumbled words like “i miss you.” and “i love you.” under your breath. he quietly walked to the apartment complex. he tensed up when you said something about you sucking jaehyun’s dick and how you didn’t feel anything afterwards but it filled the hole of your heart, that represented yuta, for a short while.
he took off your makeup and put you to bed, when he was about to leave the room. you let out a wait! come here please. he got closer to you.
“what princess?”
you took clumsy steps and could now feel yuta’s breath on your skin. you tiptoed to be able to kiss him but he stopped you and made you lay in bed.
“yuta, am i that repulsive? is that why you don’t want to kiss me?” you asked while whimpering.
“no, no, i just don’t want you to regret your actions because of the effect of alcohol. i don’t want to take advantage of you. i am not that type of guy. let’s talk about this tomorrow okay princess? dream well.”
he turned the lights off and you doze off.
you woke up with a huge headache. last night was a blur for you. you checked your phone. you received tons of texts from jaehyun and everything was crystal clear now. you wanted to crawl under your bed forever due to embarrassment. you couldn’t believe you said all of these things to yuta.
you forced yourself out of your bed. you prepared a simple breakfast: toast and orange juice. yuta had practices on saturday so you didn’t really see him. you received a notification from yerim.
yerim: girl, are you okay? i heard from sicheng that you drank a lot yesterday.
you: yeah, i did. yuta brought me home so we are cool but i did embarrassing things...
you told her all of the events that happened yesterday from beginning to end.
yerim: y/n, you should just tell yuta in real life that you like him. what are you so scared of?
you: have u ever heard of the word rejection?
yerim: you are so dumb to think that he isn’t head over heels for you.
you: how do you know that huh?
yerim: full offense but everyone knows that he is whipped for you. it’s been the talk of the school for weeks. he smiles so much around you. AND he posts about you on his instagram when y’all aren’t even dating??? you guys basically acted like a COUPLE. just square up bitch.
yerim: and even if he rejected you, it wouldn’t hurt as much..
yerim: i am coming over btw, soccer team is in the finals and we need to cheer for them. he’ll be very happy to see you in the crowd tonight, i assure you (;
you smiled, you loved watching him play soccer. he was so focused and you admired that.
you and yerim arrived at the field ten minutes before the match started. thankfully, you were able to get two seats at the front, where you could see them the best. yuta saw you and waved. you asked your best friend to keep your stuff safe and walked up to him, a letter in your right hand.
you felt your heart beating faster every time you took walked closer and closer to him.
“hey yuta! i u-urm have something to tell you,” you said shyly.
he raised one of his eyebrow, waiting for what you had to tell him. you were obviously nervous and before you could even utter a word, the coach yelled at you for disturbing practice time.
fuck it, you thought. you gave the letter in his hands.
“only read this when you guys win! promise me.” you couldn’t let him answer because you quickly ran back to the bleachers. the match was about to start so he put the letter in his bag and got in line, ready to bow. the whistle started blowing.
all of the players were somehow moving gracefully and the ball was always moving smoothly. you were always amazed at how yuta was so concentrated, there was determination in his eyes and you really admired how serious he got when he wanted something. this time, he wanted to win, badly. the match was intense, both of the teams had similar skills, so it was hard to predict who would take home the trophy. there were only five minutes left and there was a tie. your heart was beating, you were seriously hoping that your uni would win.
your team currently had control of the ball and were trying to pass to the offensive part. yukhei, one of the teammates passed the ball to yuta and literally two seconds before the end, he was able to shoot the ball to the net. everyone held their breaths back until the score board had its final buzz, changing the score from 2-2 to 3-2.
all of the crowd went crazy, they were all cheering loudly. your college team just won the nationals! the teammates all shook hands with every opponent. when the trophy was handed to yuta, team captain, his teammates all stood around him. they were celebrating between themselves, all of the blood, sweat and tears were suddenly worth it and the trophy was only the tip of the iceberg.
when yuta saw you, he ran to you. hugged you. he was overjoyed.
“now you can tell me what was in that letter.” he whispered into your ears.
you broke the hug, and were finally able to admire his face. sweat was dripping from his hair, making his skin extremely dewy. he had the smile where his teeth showed. he was literally glowing.
“dear yuta, i love you for an infinite amount of reasons and i hope you feel the same.” you never thought in your life that you would be confessing to a boy.
“dear y/n, i am in love with you. i always brought girls home because i wanted to get over you but i couldn’t because you drive me crazy y/n. especially yesterday, you looked like a mess but you were still pretty.”
he didn’t need to say more because your heart was ready to burst from happiness. you tiptoed and kissed him. he held your waist. he was excellent at this. when you finished, yukhei yelled “finally! they’re officially together.” followed by the team cheering.
“oh and i am taking your hoodies back.” you murmured in his ears.
#yuta imagines#yuta scenarios#smtownnetwork#yuta#nakamoto yuta#nct imagines#nct scenatios#nct#nct 127#yuta imagine#yuta scenario#nakamoto yuta imagines#yuta nakamoto#yuta x reader#yuta nakamoto imagine
382 notes
·
View notes
Note
Dear sweet lord. Ajw has just casually suggested that Darren and Chris have struggled with depression over their “closeted relationship.” Now, they could both struggle with depression, they aren’t exempt from mental health just because they’re rich/famous. Anyone can be depressed. But you don’t just go around making those assumptions about people you don’t know. What in the hell?
Ajw didn’t write the post but she did reblogged it and she only reblog what she wants to convey as truth.
The post is essentially masterpost of what convinced justcantgetenoughcc’s that Chris and Darren are married. Every single piece of evidence is more juvenile and asinine than the last. She “saved the best for last” and just wait...
This post proves how little the cc fandom needs to believe anything they want to believe because everything CC is made up in their heads. If you are writing the story, you don’t need much to prove it is true. They live in a world of baseless nonsense.
I will admit, I am shellshocked at how absurd this is. I’m used to their cruel and baseless attacks on Mia and their petty criticisms of everything Darren, but to be confronted with proof that the foundation of “CrissColfer are married” trope is nothing more than air shook me.
So...let’s look at it...(my comments in parenthesis).
One of the WHAT IFs that has been haunting me…
justcantgetenoughcc
We know they got engaged over the 2012/2013 NYE holidays.
(”we” don’t actually know)
(Wait...this goofy joke between Chris and Alla is what they are basing the engagement on? Chris telling his publicist that she would have to cover up “lots of stories, per usual” is it? This is clearly a joke because Chris NEVER does anything crazy...that’s why it is funny. Why would he Tweet that if it was true? He is smarter than to Tweet “don’t forget we have to hid the body tonight”.
(The bird reference... I know I once know what it means= but I can’t remember. How is it a reference to Chris is engaged to Darren?).
(This is the “ring” they have sold their souls swearing is on his finger and that it indicates he is engaged TO Darren. I don’t even know if there is a ring there and he clearly never wore a ring after this blurry photo SOOOOOOO...NOPE)
(I know someone told me about where Darren went during this same Glee hiatus and where Chris was returning from in this pic. If someone can fill in the details of this trip and I will edit this post. Maybe Chris went to South Africa? Maybe? And Darren went where?)
And yet they went ahead with the FAKE encage in January 2018.
—
I always believed Chris and Darren were married. There were a lot of serious hints in that direction from the guys themselves.Like the wedding in the woods and Alla’s hints to name a few. (Here we are seeing them once again hang their hats on their TLOS theories. The wedding in the woods is related to Darren and Chris exactly how? Alla’s hints to name a few? What few? You showed one Twitter exchange. This is a case of you wanted it to be true so you just believed it was true and then filled in “proof” to suit you and since you don’t listen to anyone who disagrees, you didn’t need to make your proof very foolproof)
Offering this as an admission that we weren’t always told about their personal lives. So marriage could fall under this category of sometimes true rumors?
(Um...yes? So Chris saying this in an interview is what you are using as your proof? ok?)
We even noticed and speculated that Chris wore his actual engagement ring in the Glee “The Proposal - 5.01” episode. I mean that’s the ring that Darren/Blaine slipped on Chris/Kurt’s ring finger and they switched it back to the Glee prop ring later. Many of us noticed the rings were slightly different after.
(Ok, this is nuts. Chris did not suddenly pull out his ring- after NOT wearing on for 2 full years- in order to wear it for some of a scenes in Glee. Many of you “Noticed”? Ugh)
***WHAT IF NOLA was just a FAKE wedding if you take into consideration… no rings, no wedding bouquet to throw, no real ceremony, no real family stepping out with the couple and other inconsistencies… It was funny that Darren’s recent casual pap-walk outfits were more dapper than his wedding suit in NOLA. There are several posts out there laying out all that in detail.
(So, here we are... Darren says he is straight for 9 years, he says he loves Mia in several interviews, says he is lucky to have her in several award speeches, he says he is engaged to her. He let us see small glimpses of their life together- at their home and their bar, a bar which he said he owned with her and he called it their “bar baby”. On the day they are clearly getting married- I can tell because their family and friends are all there, Mia is wearing a big white wedding dress and Darren is wearing at tuxedo, there is a photographer and several wedding attendants=wedding. On the day there is an obvious wedding YOU believe it is a FAKE wedding based on some untruths you refuse to stop repeating- namely that the paparazzi photos were taken after the wedding simply because ENews- had NO insider info- speculated they were coming out of the wedding because they saw a bride and a groom. You also believe that those photos were somehow representative of the entire wedding rather than just what they are- the bride and groom headed to the car that took them from the cocktail party to the wedding. They took pictures while they were in that gorgeous care. So after Darren told us that he and Mia were engaged and he spoke about their wedding many times in the press and we saw photos of lots of people attending the reception and we know their best friends were there and Vera Wang was there but you believe the wedding was fake because they didn’t share photos of the actual ceremony. You believe however, that Chris and Darren are married because you have a grainy photo of Chris you claim shows a ring that he wore once, a satirical exchange between Alla and Chris about covering up his bad behavior, another joke about untrue rumors, a joke about a bird and a made up story about 2 rings during the Glee proposal scene? Cuz that is all perfectly logical and exactly what a grown up would surmise from this evidence. Simply for the sake of the truth I must say: The photos of Darren and Mia we have seen of them coming out of the hotel were taken before the wedding. ENews were wrong. We know this because they now have rings and because the wedding was held at the Museum. It’s funny to me that CCers can’t accept this fact when you listed some of the reasons yourself :No rings, no bouquet, no family... not that you have to have any of those things to make it a real wedding. A real wedding is simply a vow which can be a simple as “do you promise to take this person in sickness and in health blah blah blah” and an officiant has to sign a marriage certificate. That is all it takes to be a real wedding-everything else bells and whistles. I got married 24 years ago and didn't throw a bouquet because the tradition is outdated and tired. We will never see the vows or the family “stepping out” whatever that means- because that is private and for them and not us)(I don’t understand the comment about Darren’s causal pap walk is more dapper than his wedding suit...please don’t tell me they are claiming that his zebra pants and Dalton sweatshirt are “more dapper” than his beautiful designer tuxedo because that is beyond juvenile and petty. That is something a 10 yo would say. You might not like Darren’s wedding style, but the wedding was for Darren and Mia and not a fandom of haters)
They were so young and so ill-prepared for the harsh bearding and constant separations they were subjected to. Not to mention the pressure both the beards put on them. They may’ve broken up a couple of times - with all the cruel and intense contrived situations and beards/bearding that played out right in front of our eyes and quite possibly other behind the scenes nightmarish scenarios thankfully hidden from us…
(Now we get to the fantasy portion of the show...the fanfiction he/she is writing as they go along...this kind of speculation where strayers are victimized is never a healthy way to think about someone you know very little about. This is a classic rescue fantasy)
Chris and Darren don’t seem to be the type who will run out and get divorced at the first sign of any discord. They were too in love and they thought they were “IT” for each other and no strangers to being under PR pressure. Depression even. Both of their parents have/had solid marriages and no one needs to be told of Chris’s childhood circumstances. I don’t think either one would cave under pressure of any kind or over a few spats.
(Here we get into absolute fanfiction. Nothing is rooted in any sort of reality...this is their fantasy playing out in their heads in minute and inappropriate detail. It is NEVER Ok to fantasize about someone else’s mental health or to put a diagnose on a stranger. Depression isn’t something you use to justify your concern. We know nothing about their parent’s marriages. Nobody ever knows what happens behind closed doors).
Translated, that would mean their marriage is still very much intact, despite the storms they had to continuously weather. (ugh)
It wasn’t just me spinning a tale with my vivid imagination. A lot of the fandom believed CC to be married.
(You are right about this-it is the entire fandom spinning a tale with a vivid imagination...that doesn’t make it any better).
There are so many CC hints out there that are so adorable. (I can’t wait)
Just like Darren’s touch or the sweep of his hand over Chris’s back EVERY SINGLE DAY… as he was leaving the stage after their Klaine routine at Glee Live. It wasn’t done for anyone else’s benefit - BUT JUST FOR CHRIS… as the stage lights were turned down or off completely. The cameras caught it in the subdued lighting. And we, the CC fandom ran with it.
(I never watched Glee Live and wasn’t aware of the CC fandom’s bananas back then- so I have no idea what this is even about...anyone? anyone.. Bueller?).
Glee Live was in 2011 but Hedwig on Broadway was from APR - JULY of 2015.
One of the biggest CC hints for me was the Chris Col-FUR that Darren introduced into his Broadway show, specifically on Chris’s birthday - May 27, 2015 and kept it going all the way to the closing show on July 19, 2015.
(riiiggghhhttt because a funny, clever joke -on stage- about a former costar is PROOF they are married.)
Why “Chris Col-FUR on Hedwig in 2015”,unless THEY WERE ABSOLUTELY AND UTTERLY IN LOVE and SERIOUS ABOUT EACH OTHER?!!!
In 2015!!!
(The leap in logic here is astronomical and scary. Why did he tell the joke? Because it is clever and funny. They were friends. The joke doesn’t need for them to be anything more than friends for it to work. “I know a guy”. It wasn’t “I’m fucking a guy”)
Look at this set of tweets from Belasco, from the same day - Chris’s birthday.
(aaannnd here we see how gullible the fandom can be when it suits their needs. Anyone can tell a story and as long as it proves CC is real, nobody questions it. it doesn’t matter if it is stupid-like the one where Max Adler saw a girl wearing Darren’s merch sunnies and asked “are you a fan of Darren’s” and without being asked, he proceeded to just unload about how awful Mia is, how everyone hates her, how Darren is such a pushover he doesn’t know how to get rid of her. The story is basically Max sees sunnies, asks if she is a Darren fan, and then speaks for 10 minutes straight about the evil Mia, they wrap it up with small talk about the area and everyone leaves. There is DisneyPrincessModelWorld who has been trolling them with “insider stories” and “the ghost” for years, and now we have this nonsense...)
Darren looked up on many days and you don’t need me to offer any clarification here.
I have trimmed the pictures to get past the new rules.
(Yes, Darren TOTALLY looked to the rafters where Chris was often hanging from his bat wings. He would spend the show sending heart eyes down to his lover- and Darren, who is so terrified to breach THE Contract that he married a woman he detests, couldn’t help himself...he had to sing to his man and look up, giving away Chris’s hiding place show-after-show. Risking being caught was worth it to sing to his man and to gauze longingly in to the darkness where he just KNEW Chris was hanging)
(oh look, the BEST is last....)
Keeping the best for last…
(Oh, another lie posted to social media that the CC fandom ate up because CC Confirmed. Damn, I was expecting something concrete...some real proof...this was the “best” after all. Instead we have a completely absurd fabricated quote written either BY a CCer or for a CCer)
And YET…
We are being asked to believe that Darren ran off and married his beard… - who was supposedly in a relationship with another man (there are rumors about beard being married to Hudson) the best part of 2014 - 2018. Give or take… as I don’t follow them or track them.
(Yes, you are being asked to believe that because that is what happened- there are photos and a hundred or so guests who witnessed the entire 4 days of events leading up to the wedding. There are candid photos of the reception inside the museum posted on their friends’ social media). (This might be my favorite statement “There are RUMORS about beard being married to Hudson”, who could have started those rumors? and of course, rumors make it true so this is a slam dunk)
Now, if it was all in our imagination, that would be one thing.
(It absolute is ALL in your imagination. Everything here- including “the best you saved for last” is just your imagination, but I’ll play along...whatchagot?)
Pic courtesy - Just Jared
My apologies for posting her picture. Forgive me for not masking her face as I need to make the point below.
(You are NOT forgiven, it is Darren’s wedding day after all and you claim to be his biggest fans so posting his bride shouldn’t be a problem)
Why do they all (including Ashley Weston) look like ‘deer caught in the headlights’ immediately after?
(Oh, THIS is your Proof? Proof that Darren and Mia didn’t get married? a picture of a bride and a groom and some of their groomsmen. You aren’t doing very good here. Your “proof” is a photo of everyone looking shellshocked coming out of a building on their way to their wedding ceremony? Well, let’s think really hard...thinking... thinking.. why would they look shellshocked? Maybe because they were ambushed by paparazzi they weren’t expecting and didn’t want)
As if they have no clue what to do next. I have never seen a newly-wed couple with that same expression.
(Yes, I would imagine that is exactly what they are thinking...worrying that the paparazzi just spoiled their opportunity to get married without the world knowing. Worrying that they might get ambushed by multiple paparazzi at their reception creating a nightmare. Worrying that the paparazzi might get inside the museum and catch the wedding itself. I actually believe you- I am sure that you have never seen newlyweds ambushed by paparazzi. I think this is the first thing you have said that is actually accurate and credible)
Now we have ajw’s tags:
#i always though CC was married as welli don't want to make any firm statements yetbut i lean it was staged and not real hence why the did it in NOLAI am sure however there will be more pics of the sham ceremony and suchthey fucked up the encage royallythey need to at least make this seem a little more real
(I am shocked that she actually believed they were married. I thought she just said that to convince her minions. I mean on Saturday night I figured out she meant it. Watching all of them go right back to the very techniques and beliefs the led them to such a meltdown on Saturday is interesting. They have no adaptation skills and no self preservation instincts. I love that she keeps stringing people along like a good narcissist. “I will be announcing my pick for _____(insert some swamp dwelling bottom feeder) for _____ Cabinet position). I love the rationale the it was in NOLA was because it was staged....because Hollywood isn’t perfect for staging a fake something. I can’t believe she said “fucked”. I didn’t know she had it in her. So she’s back to doing everything she did before she decided she needed pull back some. She’s back to harassing Mia, victimizing Darren, claiming she is his biggest supporter because she will rescue him from the horror that is Ryan Murphy. blah blah blah).
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
Megaman Summer Fanart Contest (Part 1.1) Starts Now!
OK, so maybe late Summer/early Fall is more fitting, but whatevs...
Now that the normal Summer contest results have been posted, it’s time to immediately jump into the next phase, which is to help celebrate the release of Megaman 11. (Get it now, the 1.1? I’m the cleverestest guy in the world XD)
This contest will be more of a participation raffle than an actual contest based on your skills or any given theme, though. So it doesn’t matter how good of an artist you are, as long as you want to draw the Meggermans, you have a shot at winning!
In honor of finally getting a long-awaited new Megaman/Rockman game after all these years, let’s draw art based on Megaman 11!! Simple as that. New Robot Masters, style updates for favorites like Roll and Wily, new enemies like Evil Eddie, as long as it pertains to Megaman 11 or has some aspect of Megaman 11 in your pic, it is fair game.
“But Miyabi, we only know what 4 of the Robot Masters fully look like right now. What if the others aren’t revealed in time to draw something with them?”
Well, good point. I suppose that is a little limiting. Well, then let’s add something else new to the mix: Mega Man: Fully Charged! You can draw art of any kind that features the new Robot Designs and characters from the recently released animated show, too! Any art featuring MM:FC characters are also fair game!
“But Miyabi, there are only like 8 Robot Master characters in that show. That’s not enough, either! Also, I’m that person who hates Fully Charged and is not ashamed to tell you that. Why are you doing this to me?”
Well, also a fair point. But that doesn’t mean I’ll hinder your creativity. If you want to dream up a Fully Charged-styled Charge Man (He deserves it. And will totally fit in the Thomas the Tank Universe when he shows up) or Harpuia, even though they don’t exist to our knowledge yet, go for it. We’ve already seen easter eggs for X, Zero and more in one episode, so if you want to create a Fully Charge-styled character from any standard Megaman series, go for it. Hate Air Man’s design? Want to better Mega Mini? Show us what you think he should have looked like in your take. If it’s based on MM:FC, I’ll allow it!
“But Miyabi, I want to draw gorgeous ‘Android 21 Crimson Viper′ pachislot Dr. Light!”
Go on...
I mean, sure! That’s a new spinoff I guess we can celebrate, too! If you like any of the interesting pachinko slot machine game’s character designs, you can draw that, too.
“Hey, Miyabi, don’t forget about Megaman in Smash!”
Well, we haven’t seen anything super new, other than Zero’s assist trophy introduction, and the updated Final Smash partners. But fine, you can draw Smash-styled Megaman pics, too.
So, essentially, what I’m saying is: to celebrate the rebirth of the franchise in this, the twilight of the 30th anniversary, I want you to draw something, anything, involving any of the new Rockman/Megaman properties that have been revealed or will be launched this year.
So, no judging? Nope.
You are welcome to draw as many pictures as you want. For each picture you submit, your name will be added for a chance to win in the raffle. This contest is completely up to chance. But the more times your name is in the raffle, the better odds you have to win!
So, what are you waiting for? Let’s celebrate the fact that Mega Man is alive again in so many different iterations in 2018!! And then let’s have some fun playing that new game!!
Prizes:
This is going to be fairly simple for now. I have the right to change my mind on any additions, but for now, this is what I’ll go with.
(6) Winners - I’ll pay for your copy of Mega Man 11. Estimated value - $30. Sorry, no super hyper limited editions right now. I don’t want to guarantee something, if I’m not sure I’d be able to secure one. We’ll see if that changes during launch week. If you’ve already preordered, I will gladly just Paypal you the money to cover your existing purchase.
(1) Winner - A copy of the Prima Games Mega Man 11 hardcover book
(1) Winner - A copy of the Mega Man Robot Master Field Guide, generously donated by @silentally
SUBMISSION GUIDELINES:
Only submit your own work, as usual. All art must be newly created, on or after today, August 10th, 2018.
While normally, I tell you not to post your art to any of your social media accounts/art sites, in this case, there is no judging. So you are free to post it at any time, and get all the accolades you deserve before the contest deadline.
Please still submit your entry to me via e-mail at rock2125[at]hotmail[dot]com, or PM/note me a link to your pic. I’d rather be safe, in case somebody forgets to ‘@’ me or doesn’t get my attention via a normal upload/post. So still, please send it to me! Confirmed entries will be updated on a list here, as usual.
If you are not interested in a specific raffle prize, please let me know when you submit. I have no problem excluding you from a chance at prize if you don’t want it.
As usual, kids, get your parent’s permission before entering first.
Any questions, let me know!
DEADLINE:
All submissions must be received by Sunday, September 30th, 2018, before 11:59 PM, CST. Mega Man 11 releases that following Tuesday on October 2nd, so the deadline coincides to try to get prizes ordered/paid for as close to release as I can for you.
Confirmed Entries:
@simmering-sun, @ingopotato,
47 notes
·
View notes
Text
`30 years too early
todomomo week day 3: Future. What happens when Aizawa introduces a random boy named Kazu to them, asking for them to help him get back home?
genre: comedy/fluff
-On a seemingly normal day, todoroki and momo went to school prepared for their weekly math quiz. Math wasn’t todoroki’s best subject, but after Momo’s help the day before, he was slightly more reassured that he’d be able to get an A on this, perhaps even an A+. But right before their first class started, Todoroki over hears Momo and Jirou discussing about some ‘stalker’
-”Who’s stalking you, Yaoyorozu.” Todoroki didn’t even hide the fact that he was eavesdropping. “Is it …” He nodded his head towards Mineta with a glare, and Momo shook her head. She then told him some boy, around their age, had been following her to the dorms.
-That’s really strange seeing how UA’s security system should be top notch? Unless this kid was also a student?
-So after school, Todoroki, Momo and Jirou walk back to the dorms together. He needed to confront whoever this creepo was. Oddly enough, the stalker didn’t show up that day, and Todoroki was left a little disappointed.
-Aizawa called Todoroki and Momo to the office the next day during lunch and Momo had an eerie feeling that something was up. She had sensed sensei eyeing the two of them once in awhile during class AND he would be randomly chuckling too sometimes. What the heck was going on?
-”Maybe I failed the math quiz,” Todoroki suggested, hands in his pockets while walking down the hall beside Momo, “I can’t think of anything else.”
“But why would Aizawa sensei call me too? And no way would Todoroki-san fail that quiz! I have faith!”
Momo raised her arm enthusiastically to illustrate her point and Todo grinned.
-The big reveal sat in his office when the two had arrived…
“That’s the person who’s been following me…” Momo said and Todoroki scrutinized the kid who sat beside Aizawa stiffly.
Aizawa was attempting to stay loyal to keeping the secret but his comical expression betrayed him. Then the teacher broke into full on laughter. Todoroki raised a brow.
“Sorry, just that I’m so happy for you two,” Their teacher said.
Even more confusion.
The boy shuffled in his seat and opened his mouth to speak, eyeing Todoroki and Momo like they had something he wanted.
“Gramps please.”
“God, I’m still not used to you calling me that,” Aizawa said, “Guys, this is Kazu. And no, before you ask, this is not my grandson. Not really anyway.”
Todoroki and Momo nodded to him and mumbled a greeting.
“Well? Fully introduce yourself.”
Aizawa had that damn smirk again and Kazu seemed less uncomfortable now, standing to approach them. Todoroki was getting extremely impatient.
“If this isn’t important, I want to get back to having lunch.” Todoroki shifted closer to the door and Aizawa stopped him.
“Hey, don’t you want to talk to your son?”
Todoroki exchanged glances with Momo. Is this some early April Fools prank?
“What son?” Momo darted her gaze from Todoroki back to Aizawa and then to Kazu.
“Your son. Both of you,” Kazu finally spoke, his voice was deep, “My full name is Todoroki Kazu. My father is the hero Shouto, and well, my mom is Creati.”
-BTW Kazu has full short, black hair, blue eyes, and a perky nose like Momo
-”What? What the hell?!” Momo said and she mumbled an apology to her mother because Yaoyorozus don’t swear.
Aizawa’s rolling over seeing Todoroki’s jaw slack. It’s rare to see the great Todoroki acting ‘uncool’
-Kazu began to explain that ‘apparently’ some friend of his sent him back in time? With his quirk? And the only way for him to return to his own time is if he fulfills his purpose of coming back…which was…?
Ah screw this. This was friggin’ crazy. Nothing was entering Todoroki and Momo’s brain in coherent sentences. How can they believe this. Heck for all they know, this could be some random kid making this stuff up.
But if it’s true then Kazu’s friend needs to be friggin’ locked up for being so OP.
After Aizawa stood back up from lying on the floor in his worm suit (and he finally stopped laughing) Kazu took out his phone and showed them a family picture of them. Todoroki, appearing way taller than now, with his 5-o-clock shadow, an arm slung around an older (and even more beautiful) Momo. The latter had both of her arms around Kazu, who was holding a giant wrapped present, and she had shoulder length hair as well. The bright grin that graced her lips was shiny with lipgloss. This family picture looked really natural, and the background seemed to be at someone’s house, presumably their own.
-Okay so during this Phase of Awkwardness, Todoroki and Momo went from standing next to each other to standing FAR from each other. Momo gulped for the third time. The only thing in her mind was:
Their SON flew back from the FUTURE. THEIR son. THEIR SON. SON. THEIR. TODOROKI-SAN AND I. US. SON. WHAT. DOES…DOES THAT MEAN TODOROKI-SAN AND I GET MARRIED? I CAN’T…I CAN’T TAKE THIS
-Todoroki of course was crossing his arms, still in complete denial, super weirded out but trying not to show that on his face, and just studied Kazu with eyes that could drill a hold through his head.
Kazu returned a gaze just as stern.
Perhaps this WAS his son.
-Aizawa then explained that he caught Kazu snooping around and given the anomaly that their security system was picking up, he had to confront him. Aizawa suggested Kazu stay here in one of the guest houses with little to no contact with the outside world in case it changes things in the future (ok don’t think too much about details ‘cas time skipping crap is annoying and I’m not a physicist).
“So how do we help you get back home,” Todoroki started, “Assuming you’re speaking the truth.”
“Dad you’ve never changed. I wonder why Mom loves you so much sometimes given your emotionless facade.”
Todoroki grunted. Seeing Momo’s look of disapproval, Kazu quickly straightened and cleared his throat.
“So I would like you to help me take a picture of Uncle Izuku’s room? Just the posters. My friend needs it. That’s my purpose here since my friend can’t send herself back to the past.”
Aizawa nodded his head a few times interested at the turn of events.
“Is your friend…related to Midoriya-san?” Momo asked but Kazu pinches his fingers together and does a zipping motion across his mouth.
“I shouldn’t say more than I have to. As Gramps said, it’d change things.”
- After knowing how to help Kazu, their teacher ordered Todoroki and Momo to head back to class now that lunch break was almost over. How was their homeroom teacher expecting them to act after knowing this? Momo avoided Todoroki’s gaze and ran up the hallway herself.
Like her, Todoroki had so many questions. For example, when did Yaoyorozu and him get married? How did they even reach that stage? Does Kazu have siblings…meaning did they have more children? Is he the top hero or is Midoriya or is someone else? Do they have contact with Bakugou or Mineta? Where’s his mother? Where’s Endeavor? Does Fuyumi have a family of her own too? And how about Midoriya…does he marry Uraraka like most people predicted?
So many questions.
But the biggest question really was …what the heck is Kazu’s quirk?
-Of course that night Todoroki and Momo didn’t sleep well. Momo found Todoroki sitting on the couch at the lobby and she reluctantly joined him. He scooched over and let Momo sit beside him with her mug of hot tea (decaf) in hand. They discuss all the things that were swirling in their heads and figured tomorrow would be a good time to ask Midoriya about his posters.
“What do you think our-” Todoroki paused and continued, sensing Momo’s heated gaze, “son’s quirk is?”
“I don’t know, maybe fire like yours? He did seem to have a fiery look in his eyes.”
“I actually think it might be forging things, like you.”
“Huh. Really?”
“Yeah, its a great quirk, I’d hope Kazu has that.”
They both stop to laugh and yes this was totally ludicrous, and seeing how Kazu’s around their age, calling him their son seemed to be awfully funny. Heck, getting used to the idea of both of them being parents together was already absurd enough.
-Midoriya allowed them to take pics of his merchandise with Momo making the excuse of “Todoroki-san and I both want to study All Might’s history and his rise to fame so thank you for letting us take pics of your collection!”
‘Course Kazu only wanted the posters so they gonna forward only those pics to him. Just didn’t seem as suspicious if they took pics of everything.
Midoriya assured them that there was no way they could find some of the limited edition merch anymore and both of them just nodded wearily.
-Okay so after Momo sent Kazu the pics. Momo’s like “Well, I think you need to at least give us a reason why your friend needs these?” And then Kazu sighed.
“Fine, she wanted to find a replica or something of one of these posters ‘cas her dad lost it. That’s all.”
Momo smiled. Her dad must be Midoriya then.
(The three of them are in an alley somewhere btw. Looking suspicious LOL)
Todoroki then goes “And…one more thing. What’s your quirk?”
“Oh, that’s simple, its ice creation.”
“Isn’t that just making ice like me then?”
“Nope, its a fusion of you and mom’s quirks. Why don’t I demonstrate since no one’s around anyway.”
Kazu opened his palm.
Todoroki and Momo focused on it. They blink.
All of a sudden, a dog figure made completely of ice appeared out of his skin and the dog started to move and sit and play dead and all that.
“That’s beautiful.” Todoroki said. He’s very proud. “It’s a very impressive quirk, just like yours, Yaoyorozu.”
Momo blushed at the compliment and Kazu smirked after melting the dog within his finger tips.
“I guess you’re pretty cool too when you’re young, Dad. And of course Mom is as patient as she always will be. Any time now,” Kazu said, “I’ll go poof and be gone back to my own time. year 2048.”
Momo patted his head affectionately. It’s sorta sad how she met him for such a short amount of time (but Kazu reassured her that there are many years to come where they will spend lots of time together).
There’s a connection between them, there really is no doubt about it. She sent Todoroki a knowing smile and he took a deep breath.
30 years later, they’ll have a son named Kazu. Who knew.
Bonus:
thanks for reading my weird fanfic/headcanon thing!
- so the friend of Kazu is actually the child of Midoriya, the mom…I don’t know :P
-Kazu was able to get through UA security despite it showing an anomaly is ‘cas Kazu is gonna be a UA student 30 years later and they use a security system with the same foundation just updated of course
-Kazu’s stats are pretty much like Momo’s
-Kazu’s name means ‘peace’!
-Yes, Kazu has siblings ;)
910 notes
·
View notes
Text
Ep.8: Coastal Break // MIAMI,
FLORIDA
You’d think with me being in Miami, one of the most stunning places I have visited to date, and also a place with such a lively atmosphere, I would have been up and out bright and early taking it all in. Not this guy though! Instead, I stuck to what had become my routine at this point and hit breakfast up with my laptop.
I spent the morning posting up the final DC blog and tweaking the pictures from it, too. So far on the trip, I had been touching up all the pictures off my phone from each city, but then only using maybe 10% (if that) for pics to post up on the likes of Instagram or in the actual blog. So, I have essentially been spending a lot of time touching up pics that haven’t even been getting used.
After editing all the Washington pics I decided that moving forward I would just edit what I need to use because otherwise, it all gets a bit tedious and time-consuming. When you consider how little time I spend in each location this makes it a very impractical approach.
Anyway, once the pics and what not were done, I began to look at my options for getting to Orlando for Universal Studios.
Turns out that the one day-one park ticket came to $120 in total, and the bus there was an extra $25. Ouch! This was not helping my already overspent budget. Busline specifically do the Orlando - Miami run so I went with them over the usual Megabus, Greyhound, etc. Next up was accommodation. As there were no Hostels around Orlando, I decided to go for Air B&B for the first time in the trip. I found a place a short walk away from the park which came to about $90 for two days in total ($60 for the room plus the usual taxes and crap they drop on you over here.)
With all the admin taken care of, I finally decided to head out. It was around midday at this point so I caught the sun at its peak. I set off south down Ocean Drive this time, toward the base of South Beach. My plan today was to walk to the pier and check it out, head up to Little Havana and then travel over to Bayside Market.
A quick 15-minute stroll through Ocean Drive and South Pointe Park eventually got me to the pier, and from here you could see the whole run of South Beach Coast as it extends North out of sight. I took a few snaps and then decided to walk to a nearby carpark to book an Uber.
The use of an app like Uber is pretty essential if you’re on South Beach and are looking to get about. The problem with the area is that its public transport is pretty poor and it’s also quite slow. Additionally, Miami’s South Beach is pretty boring with the exception of the beach and stores along the front, so if you want to do anything except lounge around, you need to travel off the small island to get there, which, takes a good 10/15 minutes.
Miami Uber also offers an option called Uber Express. This is very similar to Uber Pool where other people share your journey for a reduced fee, except that rather than only picking people up on your route, it also picks people up away from your route. This inconvenience comes at a significant discount, however. For example: Say a normal Uber is $15-$20, The Pool would be $10-$12 and the Express would be around $5/$6. It’s a huge saving if you’re using it lots and have the extra 5/10 minutes spare. Another side factor of using it is that it may ask you to walk for a few minutes to meet the driver on their route, as opposed to the usual pick up from wherever you set the marker. Still, I highly rate it!
Ok, I will stop plugging Uber now (at least until they get me on commission!). I ordered the Uber Express but didn’t walk to the marker due to some initial confusion on my part. To cut a long story short, the driver and I spent too long trying to find one another, and the app timed out and canceled the ride. As the driver was leaving a nearby carpark, however, we spotted each other. I spoke to him in person and we agreed to try ordering through the app again. This wasn’t working properly though so I just offered him cash up front. This way, he saved out on having to pay Uber their cut and I could just get to where I wanted nice and quick. I jumped in and he took me to Little Havana. To be perfectly honest, I was a bit shocked at it upon arriving. It just looked like a pretty poor area and didn’t really have anything going on there. Even on its main street, it was bare with the exception of the food stores and restaurants. I didn’t even get out the car in the end. Instead, I said to the driver who had driven me around Little Havana patiently that I would give him some extra dollar to take me to Bayside instead. So we did that!
I should probably note my use of Samsungs translate app (S-translate) during this time too… There are so many first language Spanish speakers in America who struggle with English, especially in Miami, that trying to communicate in English with them is virtually impossible. I found the S-Translate app really helpful for helping with this. You can speak into it or type, and it translates to whatever output language you choose from the system. Naturally, it helped massively with talking to the driver to make sure we were both on the same page. I was lucky that he was a really nice dude and was happy to keep running me around town. I must have been in that Uber 30/40 minutes by the time he had dropped me off and he stayed super friendly start to end. He even allowed the payment total to be up to me. Absolute gent.
After I had arrived, I didn’t end up spending too much time at Bayside Market in the end. There just wasn’t an extensive amount of things to do there really. If you’re not dining at a restaurant, Taking a boat/bus tour or shopping, there isn’t much besides viewing the marina to do.
Yet, oddly enough, like Little Havana, it was highly recommended online. I do have to note that there is a small Amphitheatre like area there which does host several free shows throughout the day too - I just didn’t happen to be there when one was running. So, if you planned it right you could probably spend a few hours there enjoying yourself. Once I was done walking around taking pictures I decided that I would get a few shopping items and some food while I was by the main city.
After I had arrived, I didn’t end up spending too much time at Bayside Market in the end. There just wasn’t an extensive amount of things to do there really. If you’re not dining at a restaurant, Taking a boat/bus tour or shopping, there isn’t much besides viewing the mariner to do. Yet, oddly enough, like Little Havana, it was highly recommended online. I do have to note that there is a small Amphitheatre like area there which does host several free shows throughout the day too - I just didn’t happen to be there when one was running. So, if you planned it right you could probably spend a few hours there enjoying yourself. Once I was done walking around taking pictures I decided that I would get a few shopping items and some food while I was by the main city.
I wrapped up the errands in an hour and decided that as it was still early in the afternoon I would head back to South Beach and catch some rays on the beach. I called another Uber and made my way back to my hostel. From here, I dropped off the non-essentials and head down to the beach. I must have spent 30 minutes walking up the golden shores covering the whole length of the Ocean Drive section before doubling back on myself and finally settling close to the stretch of sand 5 minutes from my Hostel.
I spent a bit of time tanning here (burning…) before deciding to move further up the beach. I was trying to find somewhere a bit lively to pitch up but there wasn’t anything really going on around 4pm. Just sunbathers and families doing their thing. I spent a bit more time here and decided to make my way back. It was then, getting up for the second time I realised I had burned. I could just feel it all over my shoulders, neck, and for the first time ever, the back of my legs. Even though I had been spraying myself with Factor 30 regularly *sad face*. I seemed to have mostly burned around where my vest was, so I take it that the vest had rubbed it off. up top. My legs I just hadn’t topped up after dipping my legs in the sea so it’s no surprise that they burned.
After getting back from the beach I had a quick shower before attempting to go back out to the shops for some aftersun cream and some snack essentials. It was at this moment I got held up for about 45 minutes at the hostel. A spontaneous thunderstorm hit us from nowhere, so strong that is was blowing chairs around the front porch of the hostel. From blue skies to that in the sake of 20/30 minutes. Mental!
I eventually made it out to the shops though, picked up what I needed and head back to relax at the hostel on my computer.
That was pretty much a wrap!
Fin.
#USA#Miami#florida#travel#traveler#traveling#instatravel#blog#blogger#blogging#welsh#nomad#ontheroad
1 note
·
View note
Text
masterpost of all the plant books i own
this is all the plant books i own minus some suuuper vintage ones that dont matter so imma just gonna. put the casual books up top and all the others under the cut
there are many. my interests are diverse. be warned
FOR PEOPLE CASUALLY INTERESTED IN HAVING A GOOD PLANT TIME
The Plant Messiah - Carlos Magdalena
Reaching for the Sun - John King
Brilliant Green: The surprising History and Science of Plant Intelligence (Kindle Edition) - Stefano Mancuso and Alessandra Viola
In Praise of Plants - Francis Halle
The Hidden Life of Trees: What they Feel, How they Communicate (Kindle Edition) - Peter Wohlleben
Botany for Dummies (Kindle Edition) - Rene Fester Kratz
Lab Girl - Hope Jahren. This was given to me by my dad because he heard it was about a female botanist and her fun botany adventures but I haven’t read it yet because it’s currently popular and I’m petty and an edgy stubborn teen that must Avoid Popular Things(tm). that being said its supposed to be really good so putting it here out of the admittance that it’s probably really good and I should read it
TEXTBOOKS AND ACADEMIC
Aroids: Plants of the Arum Family - Deni Bown
Encyclopedia of plant Physiology Volume 18: Higher Plant Cell Respiration - Editied by R. Douce and D. A. Day
Genomics and Breeding for Climate-Resilient Crops Volume 2: Target Traits - Edited by Chittaranjan Kole
Life Processes of Plants - Arthur W. Galston
Green Plants: Their Origin and Diversity (second edition) - Peter R. Bell and Alan R. Hemsley. This is the official textbook for the Botany course at my University. I think of it as “Level 2 botany”?? Like, it’s harder than a college Biology course and rather challenging for me as an undergrad, and I wouldn’t recommend it for beginners, but it’s not as hard as a professional course/reference book.
Pitcher Plants of the Old World Volume 1 - Stewart McPherson
Pitcher Plants of the Old World Volume 2 - Stewart McPherson
New Nepenthes Volume 1 - Stewart McPherson
Introduction to Organic Chemistry (third edition) - William Brown and Thomas Poon
Biology of Plants - Raven, Evert, Eichhorn
Arctic Adaptions in Plants: Monograph Number 6, 1972 - Agriculture Canada
REFERENCE AND NOT QUITE A TEXTBOOK
Taxonomy of Flowering Plants (second edition) - Porter
Common Fossil Plants of Western North America (second edition) - William D. Tidwell
Botanical Microtechnique and Cytochemistry by Berlyn and Miksche. This is from like 1931 lol
Mountain Wild Flowers of Colorado (Museum Pictorial) - Roberts and Nelson
The Botany Coloring Book - Paul Young
The Origin of the Species - Charles Darwin
Iowa’s Living Roadway: Plant Profiler - Iowa Department of Transportation
HORTICULTURAL AND GREENHOUSE CATALOUGES
Miniature Orchids and How to Grow Them - Rebecca Tyson Northern
The Plant Propagator’s Bible - Miranda Smith
Snowdrops - Gunter Waldorf
Modern Miniature Daffodils: Species and Hybrids - James S. Wells
(Catalogue) Proven Winners 2015
(Catalogue) Proven Winners 2017
Hummert’s Helpful Hints (4th Edition) - Hummert????
(Catalogue) PanAmerican Seed and KieftSeed 2018/2019
(Catalogue) Ivy Garth 2016
NOT COMPLETELY BOTANY RELATED
Protein Structure: Molecular and Electronic Reactivity - Edited by R. Austin, E. Buhks, B. Chance, D. DeVault, P. L. Dutton, H. Frauenfelder, V. I. Gol’danskii Okay so I ordered this for my research project and then realized when I got it that it’s waaaaayyyy above my level. Like, not even in my field. I will never in my life be able to comprehend this book but at least I got it for $4
The Biology Coloring Book - Robert D. Griffin
Introduction to Protein Structure (second edition) - Branden and Tooze
Molecular Biology: A Very Short Introduction - Aysha Divan and Janice A. Royds
Seven Brief Lessons on Physics - Carlo Rovelli
Field Notes on Science and Nature - Edited by Michael R. Canfield
The Machinery of Life - David S. Goodsell Okay so this is all about molecular machines and stuff??? Like the mechanical components of ATP synthase and all the rest of the literal machines in biological things??? there are also colored electron microscope pics. its really cool
The Vital Question: Energy, Evolution, and the Origins of Complex Life (Kindle Edition) - Nick Lane Discusses why we’re here and how life happened via evolution
Letters to a Young Scientist - Edward O. Wilson this is like the BEST science book and it’s won multiple awards and if you’re a young person going into science AT ALL you should read it 200% rn go read it NOW
(SCIENCE) BOOKS I WANT TO GET (not all about botany but most are)
Life's Ratchet: How Molecular Machines Extract Order from Chaos - Peter M. Hoffmann
Mesostic Herbarium - Alec Finlay a collection of botany and plant poems
We Have No Idea: A Guide to the Unknown Universe - Jorge Cham and Daniel Whiteson
The Seven Daughters of Eve: The Science That Reveals Our Genetic Ancestry - Bryan Sykes This was recommended to me by a teacher after hearing of my interesting in AOX, a specific plant mitochondrial protein. it talks about using mDNA- DNA strands contained in the mitochondria that are inherited only from the female sex in each and every species of living thing with a mitochondria; for example, we inherit all our mDNA from our mothers, and plants inherit all their mDNA from whatever plant provided the ovary during its conception- to trace our ancestry through the ages to 7 specific women in Africa a super long time ago. He said that it’s impossible to put down.
The Cell: A Visual Tour of the Building Block of Life - Jack Challoner
A Garden of Marvels: How We Discovered that Flowers Have Sex, Leaves Eat Air, and Other Secrets of Plants
The Wild Trees: A Story of Passion and Daring - Richard Preston
When Life Nearly Died: The Greatest Mass Extinction of All Time - Michael J. Benton ok so earth has gone through 5 major extinctions in its life and this one talks about the largest one that scientists literally call “the great dying”. it casually wiped out 90% of all life on earth and every species of thing alive today is descended from the survivors of that. sleep well
The Botany of Desire: A Plant’s-Eye View of the World - Michael Pollan
Weeds: In Defense of Nature’s Most Unloved Plants - Richard Mabey
The Language of Plants: Science, Philosophy, Literature - Monica Gagliano and John C. Ryan
Botany in a Day - Thomas J. Elpel I watched Elpel’s youtube lecture going over this book, and I can verify that it’s great as a starting point for people learning basic plant ID! It’s very simple and applicable and I need to buy the book and read it
444 notes
·
View notes
Text
June 21, 2020
Photography is a lost art doomed now to become just another expression of the mundane without depth or character. Our love of life is dwindling with each new revelation of pollution, wars, crime, rape, murder as the 1% continues to put profits over human beings and mother earth.
Photography is no longer about intervention in the cruelty in life by documenting the horrid conditions of people, dehumanized by the criminals and the rulers of countries.
The photojournalist used her instincts to put herself in a precarious, deadly situation in order to tell the world, is this who we are, is this the best we can rise too by showing us the brutality of violence of wars against the poor and the abandoned people with no voices to yell at their rulers why have you murdered us and the answer was profits.
We are just empty bodies without an underlining intent or motivation to really perceive the world as it is and in that revelation try and make changes that are necessary for this planet and people to survive.
Cameras now can think for you. Every photo taken is a replica of someones earlier work. Originality is no longer necessary for what is original when we can just make it up and photoshop the image to represent a lie or even better yet a crime.
Just think of it you will not have to make an effort to create images of your family anymore, those insightful moments that tested your patience in order to capture that one moment of your son’s first birthday party, trying to blow out the candles on his cake with such a proud expression on his face, to the cheers of your family and friends.
Now you can host a birthday party, a dinner party for your friends or an impromptu get together with business partners and all the documentation of the event you need is just a flip-of-a-switch away, your own in-house and office surveillance cameras hidden in every room strategically placed behind framed prints that once marked you as a photographer now takes images of the festivities.
This is done automatically without a personal intuitive purpose, now just set the quantity of images you need taken and let the technology do the work for you. How simple is that? I know what you’re thinking, what about when I am out and about on the town or having a quiet moment with a friend how do I get pictures of that. I don’t want to stop anything and ask for people to pose, I just want pictures taken pronto and the images sent back to my home computer so later I can see myself and others and know I looked good and they looked ok but I need to be discreet. No one must know I am stealing photos of them. You never know when they might come in handy. And no I am not a spy or pervert just cautious when it comes to get togethers.
Welcome to the new world of scheduling your very own photo shoot. Not with lights and assistants but hidden cameras installed for your night out or your night in. Just call ‘sneaky photos’ we have cameras set up everywhere, just let us know where the event will be held and voila, your covered no flashes distracting your get-together and our prices are reasonable and we do ask for a little hush money to keep the media quiet from investigating privacy issues.
Instead of thinking about the person you are interacting with you will be thinking about how you look and act towards the hidden camera. You can't wait to see what pics this mechanical beast took of your little foray.
And once the party is over you won't live your life through conscious memories of that day but will have to look at your life through the eyes of an objective device that has no feeling toward you or your inner purpose, a surveillance camera in your own house, wow. What a brilliant idea for those that don’t have time to think before they take a photo, now something else can do your thinking for you. Just kick back and lose site of your own unique personal vision and let a mechanical device do the job for you, for who has the time to create images and then download those images and edit those images and caption those images and color correct those images and spot those images, that is just too much work for the new man and woman in this world of ego’s and image status, facades of speciality when in fact all prominent change has been worn in high fashion, a spectacle enjoined by the wealthy put on centuries before we were even born and then are suddenly regurgitated again as new in a cycle of a copycat existence with originality of spirit, ignored and demeaned.
So don’t fret why not have all that taken care of by the hidden cameras documenting your life for you, so you can relax and just ignore others for your own ego’s pleasure.
We are living lies and we are helpless in our inability to take charge of our own feelings through the force of the photographic experience by allowing technology to worm its way into creating an easier way not to take your own visualized images through pictures taken not only by camera implants in rooms and homes but also the automatic cameras that have auto exposure, auto focus, auto wind, auto color corrections, and the best part about it you don’t have to think or spend time seeing the beauty of people or of nature but you will feel secure in allowing a mechanical device to do the thinking for you. Lets not call it photography, lets call it instantaneous visualization of surfaces without depth, these images don’t do anything for your creative heart and your personal unique visual expression but just a quick documentation to let others know that that is me, me, me see where I was and what I was doing, Look At Me People!! here I am and here I was. This selfish existence we live in is now an automated system of a collective intellect telling us what is good and what is bad and what we can’t do and what we are allowed to do! Freedom of our intuitive self is being undermined by technology and the incessant eating away of our mental and physical worth as human beings as the powers that be experiment in controlling our lives through redundant copycatted experiences, the latest fads that distract us from the real truth the absolute control over our lives through social media and military madness. Your had held devices are a means of psychic manipulation and it works as an ankle monitor so they know exactly where you are at all times. And then the ads show up, buy this, buy that, everything is on sale, even your personal life is a mirage of individuality.
We have already crossed over the line, becoming impotent, lackadaisical representations of the status quo and when anything of importance happens to spur us into our real selves again and act in unison with others as a unified powerful force expressing the outrageous control of our lives by the elites that own our government and control the population through key words that ring true to the bullying minds of racists to do their bidding through propaganda that is coherent misdirection, we the people buckle and retreat in self pity for who are we to fight the corporate monsters of avarice and think first and read between their words of lies and exaggerated truths that they have invented to protect their monopoly of control over us.
If only people would let go of their external facade and just be present in their own moments with a camera or without one but just be open to the infinite universe of unique experiences for what it holds in front of you is a life journey worth taking.
Instead you have substituted, that which can give you insight into your life and others by immersing yourself in your perceptive intuition of a scene, your courage, and replaced it with a narrow understanding of empathy for others, only those that have the same hate and bigotry you do, your selfish anger at loss of your self worth and then projected onto others, your anger and blame and you have convinced yourself that other people are taking something away from you when in fact you have been duped by the powerful forces of greed by using words that incite in you hatred toward an enemy that is an illusion, a bad movie script.
When violence around the world is escalating along with poverty and wars how are human beings supposed to act. Human beings will naturally sacrifice everything to save their family’s from poverty and death. The rich oligarchs are the ones that have put this planet in peril and they are the ones manipulating these racists thugs to do their dirty work for them. And they act just like Pavlov's dog looking to jump for their treats toward self annihilation by blaming innocent people for the corruption in politics and in corporate businesses.
“The Fool On The Hill” how can people be so blind to the fact that they are being manipulated to hate others when the true hate comes from the elite’s wealth and the military industrial complex.
We are objects being placed outside our visual consciousness diverted by the media as products to sell hate and hair cream to.
This will continue your growing awareness of the existential reality of your own non-existence. We have experienced existentialism on a massive scale throughout our individual lives and we will reap the benefits of being alone in a dark foreboding blackness by the increasing fear of others, hate, violence, greed, manipulations etc... and in order for you to feel superior and “real” you will be told you have to dominate the human species with promises of an illusion of power that only exists if we allow them to continue their crimes of disillusionment.
We are living this today. The continuing reality of people as objects, a narrowing of the mind's perception of individuality between independence and the herd mentality. The wealthy see themselves as 'Titans of the old Roman Empire of profit'.
The way to beat existentialism is to open your mind to the new possibilities of triumph over self indulgence.
Social Media controls the information that is fed to us in diluted form in order to pacify the masses in corralled thinking, one answer fits all their con games.
Are we strong enough, determined enough to finally realize that a good life exists for those that can move away from the automated formula's of the wealthy and begin again to use their own mental capabilities to explore their own inner directions with confidence in their purpose?
We all carry our own albatross around our necks that deny us our hopeful vision of some quality in a person or a nature scene that is new and original not for profit but the sharing of a personal idea.
Technology as it becomes more and more invasive will demand more and more power from the masses. The ultimate goal of technology is to do the thinking for us. Any questions you may have can be instantaneously answered not by your own individual study of the facts but by a wordy cliche that answers nothing but siting the meekest of sources. These sources are owned by the corporate wealth paid to use attacks on anything that will undermine their quarterly profits.
As life becomes more and more complicated humans do not want to have to think for themselves that is too much pressure on an already stressful work environment and home life. So we look for words and actions that can pull us along with the flow of times cruel endings whereby we don’t do much in the way of helping others but look away and we then allow ourselves to feel better for doing nothing.
Why be an independent thinker that can put stress on your delicate skin and confuse an already stunted mind.
As we distract ourselves more and more by words and ideas that are at best trivial, our conversations become more repetitive. An accumulation of junkyard thoughts that have as much purpose as a devout atheist becoming pope.
We allow our minds to take the least path of resistance and this leads down the path of fascism which the united states is severely in the grip of right now this very second.
Photography is creating a newness to the visual scene. Not a cliche of anothers hard work.
But now in this streamed lined repetitive necessity of the herded instinct we seek an assembly line of casual, meaningless imagery that doesn’t excite or instill in the viewer anything at all but ordinary feelings of a lost existence, people deprived of their individuality now seek the comfort of conformity within the workings of their constructed lives of ignorance or false hope.
Nowadays new imagery with an intuitive truth has a limited value, a passing fad of human folly and violent aggression. The powers that be insist on violence to regurgitate the simple minds inability to think out of the box he is confined in. By ignoring the path toward deliverance and independence these men of greed intrude and control all our feelings by a misrepresentation of truth for their own deadly profits.
When you create a worthy image from your subjective intuition you have transgressed the formality of controlled thoughts and have entered into a world of anarchy.
The only meaningful subjects for prints nowadays is hollywood glamour. And the tidbits of truth that make us jealous of the perfect hair, the perfect eye, the perfect nose and body. Exterior perfection hides a shallow interior an interior conformed to live in material dependency.
0 notes
Text
NJCon Through A Dreamer's Eyes...
My Memories of the weekend. It’s long, so it’s under the cut.
I know I’m going to forget things, but here’s what I remember most: (in no logical order)
Jason Manns is a really cool dude. We had a few moments that made me think some thoughts. My selfie with him is one of my fave pics from the weekend. We’re totally in love. Lol.
Emily Swallow is a beautiful bird who has been magicked to us from the 1970s and I want to have a sleepover girly party with her and I told her as much. She’s beautiful.
I’m fairly certain that Kim Rhodes and I are the same person.
I want to bed Brianna. And I have no shame in saying that.
Ruth Connell is the most adorable being to ever walk the Earth AND she can fucking sing like an angel and I want to put her in my pocket to keep her forever.
Shoshanna is an absolutely beautiful soul. Her panel was incredible and I cried through most of it. Immediately bought an auto with her afterwards and I’m so happy that I got to meet her. She’s just… an exceptional human being.
Louden Swain!!! So… this is funny. I have always loved Mike. He’s adorable. I said as much when they took the stage on Friday, and April (who just met my husband) says, “Yeah, because he’s an Asian version of Bill (my husband)” to which i was like “Naw…. OH MY LORD you’re right!” lol. I even sent Bill and picture and he goes “Yeah, that’s me!” lol. So… I go to get my CD signed, and I was going down the line and I said “Hi” to Billy, bc … whatever. He gets enough attention. I told Steven about my 10 year old being a drummer and he was like “Awe, cool!” And then.. I get to Mike. I put my hands on the table and leaned over and said: “You wanna hear the most awkward thing you’ll hear all weekend?” He looks up and says “YES!”. “I love you and you’re adorable and I just realized it’s because you look just like my husband.” And he turned pink and giggled. I walked away very proud of myself! Lol.
Jake Abel. Jake… Abel…. He grew up, dude. Wow. That man… is gorgeous. His panel was awesome and we all walked away with a twinkle in our eyes. Well, then we get to his autograph, and April is all cute and nice to him. I get up and lean down on the table (this apparently is my “you listen here, sonny” move of the weekend) and I said, “You sir, are incredibly charming. You panel was great.” And he said “I love compliments! Keep them coming!” April chimes in with “You converted her! She hated Adam!” And I was like “Hold up, I don’t HATE Adam… OK, I did… “ Turn back to Jake and wag my finger at him and go, “You are charming as fuck. Keep it up” And he laughed. He’s fucking charming, and he needs to know that. Lol
JDM: That man OOZES testosterone. I don’t even like him, but he walked passed me and April and my knees actually buckled. He is SEX on legs. I’m not even exaggerating. And he’s so sweet and kind and just amazing.
Rachel Minor was beautiful and so sweet and just a lovely person. Her panel was great and she was truly excited to see everyone. For her autograph, I don’t know what happened, but I just about started to cry, so I turned my face away and she said “No, No, it’s OK” And she grabbed my hand and squeezed me a bit. She was so … she’s just a kind unicorn and that’s the end of that. I will love her for the rest of my days.
Karaoke was LOUD and hilarious. Emily was my favorite thing ever and she wore a Tiger costume and did the running man. She is literally adorable.
SNS- AMAZING. Like, I could probably do 3K just on that, but I won’t. Just know it was very emotional for me and I cried hard. HARD.
MARK SHEPPARD: He was my first photo op. I was a little nervous, but I pushed through. I walked up and said “I have always loved you, Mark.” He smiled and I went to hug him, but he turned me and pressed his cheek to mine for the photo. He was solid and real and I was like “Holy crap”. After the photo, he’s still got his hands on me and I said, “We’re all going to miss you.” And he squeezed my shoulder. I walked away, hit the door and started crying. I don’t know what it was, or why, but I cried. He has been in every single show I’ve ever loved, and … he’s just… MARK. So cool. His panel was FUCKING HILARIOUS AND I LOVE HIM. My auto with him: I have my box ready to sign, but I have a specific place I need J2M2 to sign it, because I’m insane. So… It went something like this:
Me: Hi Mark!Mark: Hi. (kinda smile. He goes to sign the top and I waved my hand over it)
Me: No! Could you please sign on this side?
Mark: No.
Me: Please?Mark: Where?
Me: Here (shows spot)
Mark: No.
Me: Please?Mark: Why?Me: Because I need you to sign in here.
Mark: Why?Me: Because I love you.
Mark: No.
Me: Fucking Sign It!Mark: Well, tip it up!Me: THANK YOU!
Mark: *Smirk*
It was magical and I love him so much.
MISHA COLLINS: I woke up Saturday morning and my first thought was MISHA!!! So… I go in for the auto, and amazingly I’m not too nervous. I see him standing there and I think “fuck, he’s skinny” lol. I watch him do his thing, some girl jumps on his back, another does a silly pose. Then these girls are asking him to do something and he’s saying ‘no’, he doesn’t want to, but they insist, and so they pose with him “smacking” their asses. It kinda seemed like he wasn’t happy with it. So, anyway, I get up and I’m like “Hi Mr. Collins!” And he says Hi, and then I was like “Um… dealer’s choice.” So we smushed together and he gave like a finger gun. It was cute, but I walked away kinda disappointed. Like, he wasn’t MISHA. It was weird. Later at his panel he explained how he’d been traveling for like 17 hours to get there and had taken a sleeping pill and then not slept on the plane, so apparently not-Misha was just exhausted-Misha, so I gave him a pass. We’re cool again. He’s still Misha. BTW- we got TWO Misha panels because of a JDM time issue on Sunday and it was awesome. He is … well… Misha. He’s funny and filthy and I love him. Sigh.
His auto: I had him sign “Sam’s side” of the box. Because I know Crowley and Sam hate each other, so I split up my Destiel for Sam’s sake (did I mention I’m insane? OK, cool)
He goes to sign THE TOP! So I said “i’m so sorry, I gotta direct you to sign over here” and he kinda was like “Fuck you, I do what I want” But he did. IN GOLD. Everyone else signed in silver, but Misha used GOLD because… it’s fuckin’ Misha. Anyway… I said “I know you must be exhausted, but thank you so much for being here. You are fucking amazing.” And he looked up… and Winked that big-ass, Misha wink. And I was like “fuck yeah” Misha.
JENSEN ACKLES: What do I say about Jensen? Do I describe how I could barely look him in the face? I guess I’ll be honest and tell the truth as it happened to me….
I shared an op with my Stephie (bless her for snatching that up for us). I was fine on line, we get in the room and I start freaking out. Halfway up the line I turn to her and say, “I don’t feel good” And she goes “You’re fine” and I’m like, “I am. I got this.”
Then I feel it. I know I’m going to cry. It’s so tight in my gut and it’s working it’s way up. Now, my fear before hand was being taken out of line in my Jared op, so for this to be happening for Jensen kinda shocked me. So, I finally see him, and I grabbed Steph’s arm and I remember saying “THIGHS” lol. But then all hell breaks loose inside of me. I start shaking and the tears are coming. We get two away, and I spin around away from Jensen and say aloud, “I AM NO OK!” So the I’m Alive lady steps towards me, but Steph calls her off and just spins me back around, has her hand on my back and she’s like “It’s OK, bring it down. You got this.” And SOMEHOW I managed to suck it all up and walk over to Jensen.
Now, here’s where it gets blurry. I look up at his face and I go, “Oh My God!” And I run to him. He opens his arms, and I duck under one, and Steph the other. I have my arm around his back and I didn’t know what to do with my hand, so I shoved it up under his arm. Lol. So I’m… in Jensen’s pits. And … I took a deep breath. (did not like his smell. Don’t hate me. It did not agree with my nose. lol) Anyway… then I said thanks and walked out. NOW- STEPH Says That I also said “I WANT TO SQUISH YOU!” But I clearly blacked out, because I do not remember that. Anyway, next thing I know, we are standing outside (edited for adult content) and I am full on panic attack. My entire body is shaking. My stomach is quaking, I can’t breath. I’m just clinging to the balcony bricks like “HOLY FUCKING SHIT” and I takes me about thirty mins to calm down. I go back to the room and kick April out and I just cried. Like, full on, sobbing tears. Then, dried off, took a shot of whiskey and moved on with my life.
I met Jensen twice more that day, but I’ll save those for later.
JARED PADALECKI: I was not nervous. I was not emotional. I got online, and I was fine. I saw his shoes first. And then as we got closer, his legs, then his hands, and then finally his face. I started to get a little choked up, but the girl behind me was full on crying, so I turned and said to her “You listen to me, Jared is a ray of sunshine and he’s about to make everything ok” And she calmed down. I think telling her to stop crying actually kept me from crying. OK. So…
The song playing when we walked in was Bad Company “Shooting Star” And I was air guitaring to keep my hands from shaking. Then it changed to Tiffany “I think we’re alone now”, and Jared did the BOOTY DANCE!!! And I died a little.
Then he gets a phone call. He says “i’m so sorry, it’s the wifey” So he steps back a bit and answers, then he’s talking to his kids and his face is just… he’s so smiley and happy and peaceful. He kept coming back to the line like “i’m so sorry, just a sec” and we were all like “do what you gotta do dude” I could watch him talk on the phone forever.
Then… right next to me Rachel shows up from the back door to say hi. And he drops to his knees and is talking to her, and he’s so focused and loving and they chat and I’m just like “Is this man for real?” He is.
He comes back to line finally and walks towards the giant light and says “I’m Burning up!” And lifts his shirt to fan himself and there it is: Padabelly. I saw his light brown leather belt and a tiny tiny line of his Saxx and I … yeah. Anyway…
So I get up to him and he turns to me and smiles so beautifully and I said “Hi!” And he says “How are ya?” And I said “I’m aldhflUKeglKShg”. A weird squeak comes out and I just lunge at him and bury my face in his chest. So he kinda shrugs and we take a hug picture.
I walked away… I swear to god I have never felt so happy in my whole life. It was like my body was floating on a cloud. My heart was full of cotton candy and unicorns. Jared was so genuine, and enjoying being there and so so happy. And if Jared Padalecki is happy, there is nothing wrong in the world.
We made it back to the hotel room and I burst out singing and dancing “I’ve got everything that I need, right in front of me” And I think I scared April, but it was appropriate. I was so so happy.
More on Jared coming up.
J2 Panel was awesomesauce. I’m sure you’ve all watched it.
J2 Photo Op: I was cool as a fucking cucumber. I walked up to them like “sup, bitches?”. Lol
Jared was closest. He turns and smiles and says “hi!” And I go “Hi again!” And I go over to Jensen and I said, “Could I do the selfie pose, please?” And he seemed kinda annoyed, maybe because I was all smiley with Jared and not him, but whatever. So he signals to Chris and they set up. I pull Jared’s sleeve and he leans his ear down to me and I said, “I got your Bedazzeled reference right away. I was the person laughing.” And he went “Nice!” And laughed that ‘tossing head back’ laugh and I died a little more. I MADE JARED LAUGH!. OK… so we take the picture and then I thank them and I’m out. I LOVE THIS PICTURE SO MUCH! And I got Jensen smoulder!! Yesssss.
OK, so… lots of panels, lots of stuff. Awesome time.
But the end of the evening Sunday, I was totally exhausted and we hadn’t eaten like, all weekend. So I’m delirious. Apparently… tired + hungry = Beka goes Nuts. And in that insanity, I apparently decided that I hate Jensen. He took the brunt of all of my exhaustion. Irrational anger flowed towards that man well into the midnight hour. Just “God, I wanna… grrrrrr…. Fuckin’ Ackles!!” No reason, no explanation, just irrational annoyance with that poor poor man. LOL.
JARED AUTO: In line, there’s like three people crying hysterically and telling him their sob stories and I’m like “OH For Fuck’s Sake” So I turned to Bronwyn and I’m like “I gotta make him laugh” Because I’m just like that. I gotta lighten the mood. So I go up and show him the box. I opened it up and he looks and smiles “oh cool!”. I’m like “could you please sign on Sam’s side?” And there was a little confusion, because the box is the front of Impala, so it’s kind of backwards. So he’s like “here?” and i’m like “no, here” so I reached around it and pointed and he put his hand over mine and was like “Ok, cool” And JARED TOUCHED MY HAND!!
So he signs and I said “Thank you so much for Sam and for all you do.” And he smiled and looked me in the eyes and I go, “I just love you!” And… kissie faced him. As in, I smushed up my lips and blew him three quick kisses. He laughs and smiles and I quickly move away. APPARENTLY as I’m not looking, he kissie faces me back and goes “Love ya!” Of course I missed that. Stupid Beka. lol.
JENSEN AUTO: As I mentioned, I hate him by now. Just… “Goddamn it Jensen” for no reason.
So we get up to him and I hand him the box and I said “Good Evening, sir.” And he says “Hi.” he signs and I go “Thank you.” And walk away. Because… I have nothing to say to him. Lol. Poor Jensen. I kinda want to send him an email like “sorry I hated you for 6 hours for no reason” lol. I can’t even believe myself. I couldn’t look him in the face because he’s so beautiful but damn it, if I didn’t wanna pop him in the nose. Future Reference: EAT AT CON you stupid Beka. EAT. lol
So… That’s that. I will say, now that I’ve eaten and rested a bit, I no longer hate Mr. Ackles. Which is good.
I’m sure I forgot loads of stuff, but that’s what I need to get out right now.
In summary: Jared is exactly what you think he is. He’s light and love and hope and beauty and I will never not be totally in love with him.
And Jensen is Tired!Beka’s arch enemy. Who knew?
;)
56 notes
·
View notes
Text
nineteen firsts and one last
-SNOWBAZ-
Summary: It’s Simon’s nineteenth birthday. He’s not expecting anything unusual, just some messages from his tumblr friends. But Baz has different plans.
Word count: 3.7k
Rating: T
Tags: tumblr au, friends to lovers, distant relationship, first meeting
Ari: This is just an edit from last year’s fic, because I didn’t like the format. Happy 20th birthday, Simon ♡
SIMON
I wake up to the doorbell ringing. I look at the clock. 5:59 am. Fuck. Who could it be at this unholy hour? Probably my father, coming back home drunk after a night of partying. Damn, why didn’t he stay in the hotel, as usual?
The doorbell rings again. “I’m fucking coming, dad!” I yell.
I put on some clothes and go to the door. I open it, ready to scowl at my father but, instead, there’s a delivery girl looking at me through her pointy glasses.
“Good morning,” she says. “A packet for Simon Snow.”
“Uhm… that’s me,” I tell her, a little bewildered.
She gives me the packet and makes me sign a paper. I tell her thanks and make to go back inside. “Wait,” I shout before she leaves. “Next time, could you come, I don’t know, in the afternoon? When I’m not sleeping?”
“Sorry, the sender wrote specific instructions to deliver this on 21st June at precisely 5:59 am. He even paid an extra and called the company to make sure we followed the instructions. Sounded rather bitter. I wouldn’t risk my job,” she explains. Ha. Like dying her hair blue wouldn’t risk it. Though, I have to say it looks awesome on her dark skin.
“Oh, in that case… Thanks. Have a nice day,” I wish her.
“See you later!”
I close the door and go to the living room, to open the packet. It’s a basket full of fresh-baked cherry scones and some blocks of butter. There’s a card with a note. It reads:
Some like it hot (page 38)
5:59 am - First breakfast to your door
I’d bring it to your bed if I were there
Baz
(Gampire Chaz to my Craigon Rain)
Oh my God. Baz. Right, it’s my birthday. It’s nice of him that he remembered. Baz is my best friend on tumblr. Well, he is my best friend, period. Although I’ve never met him in person, I feel like we’ve known each other for years. And to think that we used to be at each other’s throats!
When I first read the book A Charmed Life, I became hugely obsessed with its characters—i.e. the protagonist, a half-dragon named Craigon Rain—so I created a tumblr blog to obsess about them. At that time, there were very few people in the fandom: gampire-chaz-loves-craigon-rain (Baz), rainchaz61 (Penny), tape-exists-and-im-glad-for-it (Agatha), trixiethelesbianpixie (Trixie), gampirhys (Rhys), so-noted-rainchaz (Niall), and craigonsnowrain (me). And we were like a little family.
But I hated Baz. And he hated me. We would make stupid competitions to see who had the most notes on their posts. I finally gave up because the fucker draws the most brilliant fanart. So I decided to befriend him and make some projects together.
A smile draws in my face as I eat the delicious over-buttered cherry scones. Just the way I like them.
I grab my cellphone to send a thank you message to Baz.
When I’m done with breakfast, I scroll down my dash on tumblr. No happy birthday message. Well, it’s still early. Not for Baz, though, he lives in England, so it must be the afternoon already.
I decide to watch TV for a while—I have nothing planned for today. The fact is that I don’t really have any friends in real life. I don’t know many people here in Nebraska, and the ones I know are complete idiots. So my plan is to stay in all day and read a freaking lot of Rainchaz fanfiction.
After a while, I turn off the TV and go to tumblr on my laptop. Oh, one notification: gampire-chaz-loves-craigon-rain mentioned you in a post.
I open the link and it’s a beautiful doodle of me and Baz, fighting a chimera—as in one of the book’s scenes. I’ve posted some pics of me before, so he has references. The post says:
“Do it. Fucking unleash. Now.” (page 5)
First doodle of you (and me)
Baz
I hit reblog and add:
“I can’t. It doesn’t work like that.”
BTW it’s fucking WONDERFUL!! tysm <3
I’m reading a smutty Rainchaz fic when the doorbell rings again. It’s not that I’m gay, I just love the characters so much. And the smut is great, I love it. The authors in this fandom are just brilliant.
I look at the clock. 7:59 am. It’s still too early for dad to come and I’m not expecting anyone. (Ever.)
I open the door and the same delivery girl brings another packet, this time smaller.
She smiles at me and says, “You know the procedure.” I sign the paper and she leaves with a “See you later!”
“Later,” I reply.
I go back into the apartment and open the packet. It’s a book. The book. A Charmed Life. I go to the first page and, holy shit, it’s signed by the author! It’s so difficult to get a signed copy, I’ve been trying for months, but the author is not very sociable. She wrote:
To Simon Snow,
May you fight your own battles and forge your own wings.
Cather Avery
Wow. It’s perfect.
There is also a card with a note that reads:
“It’s the good things that’ll drive you mad with missing them.” (page 11)
First signed copy of your favourite book.
(I miss you even though I’ve never met you)
Baz
Jesus Christ. This is the best birthday present of my life. I take a picture of it to post it on tumblr and add: @gampire-chaz-loves-craigon-rain I wish you were here so I could hug you into oblivion! Thank you, best b-day present ever <3
I grab my old copy of A Charmed Life—don’t want to ruin this one—and start running through its pages. With all these gifts I feel like re-reading it. Again. I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve read it.
It’s a Young Adult fantasy novel about a very special chosen one. A chosen who doesn’t want to be chosen. Craigon Rain is the last half-human, half-dragon alive. He’s never met his mother—that’s where he got the dragon part. His father wants him to take part in a battle that’s not his own. A battle against the vampires. At first Craigon—the half-dragon—obeys his father’s orders until he meets Gampire Chaz, a teenage vampire who finds himself in the same situation as Craigon, but on opposite ends. The two boys fall in love, defying everything that’s been established by their families and it’s precisely their love the thing that saves them all.
I identify myself quite a lot with Craigon Rain—my name is Simon Snow, see the irony. I never met my mother either and I also think my father is the responsible of everything bad that happens in my life.
Baz identifies himself with the antagonist, Gampire Chaz—only because he’s got brown skin like him, and their middle names rhyme. The moron.
My phones buzzes and I leave the book on the table. Another tumblr notification: gampire-chaz-loves-craigon-rain mentioned you in a post.
I open the link. It’s an aesthetic with six pictures of us—separately, duh—and three pictures with vampires and dragons. It’s beautiful. Under the post, Baz has written:
“Strong. Graceful. Fucking ruthless.” (Page 14)
(You are)
8:59 am - First aesthetic of us!
Baz
I hit reblog and add: This is too much Baz. I can’t even!! tysm <3
I can’t believe any of my tumblr friends—we call ourselves raindrops—has wished me a happy birthday yet. Except Baz, sort of. I mean, he hasn’t said it explicitly. Penny lives in India and Agatha in France, I think they should have posted something by now… Now that I think of it I have no clue where Rhys, Niall and Trixie live… Well, Niall is clearly asian but that doesn’t mean that he lives in Asia. I don’t know.
I’m hungry. Thinking too much makes me hungry. Thinking makes me hungry. I go the kitchen to see if there’s anything to eat.
Nothing. Fuck. I’m gonna have to go buy something.
I go to the closest supermarket and buy some popcorn and a peanut butter cup ice cream. Perfect combination for fanfiction reading.
As I climb the steps to my apartment, I bump into the delivery girl from before.
“Hey, watch out,” she scowls and extends me yet another package.
I sign the paper and tell her, “later?”
“Later,” she answers, with a smile.
Once I’m inside, I open the packet—the third one today, and it’s only 9:59 am.
There are some papers inside the packet, a photo of a star, I think?
I read the note that Baz has left:
“Twinkle, twinkle little star!” (page 260)
9:59 am - First star
(These are official documents that prove that this star is named after you and is now yours.)
(Sorry I couldn’t give you the Universe, but this is a star-t.)
(Yes, I knew you wouldn’t understand shit of what the papers say.)
Baz
I’m at a loss of words. What the fuck. It must have cost him a fortune. Well, it must have cost his father a fortune. I guess they can afford it.
I send him a message on tumblr: got the star. what the actual fuck? speechless.
And then I add: why arent u replying to any of my posts? u ok?
Right after reading the first fic, halfway through my ice-cream, the doorbell rings again. 10:59 am. I’m guessing it’s not dad, just yet.
I open the door, and a familiar blond haired girl with the most beautiful brown eyes I’ve ever seen is standing there, looking bored.
“Agatha!” I scream.
“Happy birthday, Simon,” she smiles at me and kisses my cheek. “I’ve come to bring you your next gift.” She shows me what seems like a tattooer box.
I know what Agatha looks like and that she’s a professional tattooer. She’s posted several pics on raindrops faces day. And the rest, too. All except Penny. (She says she can’t be bothered to take a selfie.)
“Agatha!” I shout again. I still can’t believe it. “Come in,” I add.
We sit on the sofa and she gives me the next note. It reads:
“Flames and Blazes—The Art of Burning.” (page 203)
10:59 am - First tattoo
(This is a combined gift from Wellbelove and me)
(I made the design and she’s going to tattoo you)
(You actually asked for it, so it’s no surprise)
Agatha shows me the design. It’s a constellation. And there’s fire surrounding it.
“Simon,” she says. “This is going to hurt.”
“It’s wonderful, Agatha,” I say when it’s finished, looking at my back through the mirror. “You could’ve been gentler, though.”
“I was gentle, Simon, believe me,” she replies.
The doorbell rings again. I think that it has rung more in one day than in nineteen years.
“Lunch,” Agatha says, and goes for the door. She opens it. “Hi, Penny,” she says to the delivery girl.
What?
“Penny?” I ask, stupidly.
“Sorry, Simon, it was too fun seeing you all clueless,” she apologizes.
“I am still clueless,” I retort.
She takes me into her arms and gives me a tight hug. “Happy birthday Simon! Let’s have lunch. Where’s the dining room?”
“Uhm, here, in the living room. I eat in the living room.”
“Oh, your note,” Penelope says as she gives me the card.
“Because roast beef and Yorkshire pudding are fucking real as Rain.” (page 84)
11:59 - First roast beef and Yorkshire pudding from Watford
(Because you haven’t eaten real roast beef if it’s not from England)
(And Watford Restaurant serves the best one)
(Enjoy your meal)
Baz
We sit on the sofa and start eating our lunch. I’m so happy. It’s like we do this everyday. But I miss Baz. I miss him so much. Where the fuck is he?
We finish eating and Penny looks at her watch. “It’s 12:59,��� she says. “Dessert is here,” she smiles wickedly.
“Open the door, Simon,” Agatha says.
I go for the door and open it.
Baz.
Baz is here. With a cake in his hands.
Baz is here. And I can’t hug him.
“Baz!” I say, grinning widely.
“Hey, Snow, happy birthday,” he says, and hands the cake to me. There’s a card on it, too.
“But he just stood there for as long as he could stand it. I don’t know how he resisted the pull; I felt like my intestines were going to burst out and wrap around him.” (page 167)
12:59 - First meeting
(I’m here.)
Baz
Baz looks like he’s trying to hide the huge smile that’s drawing in his face. But I can see it.
“Fuck, Snow,” he says, finally giving into the smile. “I wanted this to happen at 1:59 pm, but here you go.”
“What?” I ask
He takes out another card from the back pocket of his jeans and reads it.
“Trying not to crack a smile. Page 517.”
Then, he looks at his watch and adds, “ 1:01 pm, first smile. First real life smile from me to you.”
“The presents are getting better,” I say, trying not to smile from ear to ear.
We eat the cake on the sofa. Baz tried to oppose to it, but I don’t really have a table with nice chairs to sit down and chat while drinking tea. I’ve never had anyone come over.
We talk about our lives. Well, they talk about their lives and I listen. And look at Baz. His eyes are prettier than I had imagined. And oh my God, his skin. It reminds me of toffee. It has such an appetizing color it makes me want to taste it.
After a while, Baz leads us downstairs and into a cab that’s parked in front of my building.
The taxi drives for around twenty minutes before it comes to a stop. “We’ve arrived,” the driver anounces.
Baz tips him and gestures us to follow him. We enter a place called The Wavering Wood Cafe.
“Happy birthday!” Rhys, Niall, Trixie and other fellow raindrops I identify from tumblr say at the same time as I go through the door.
“Jesus,” I say. I’m stupefied. A surprise party. For me.
Baz hands me another card and our fingertips brush. He cracks an undecipherable smile and looks away.
I read the note.
“It feels like a party.” (page 40)
2:59 pm - First birthday party
(First of many to come)
Baz
I’m having a great time. It’s so fun talking to all my tumblr friends in real life. I finally got to meet Keris, Trixie’s girlfriend. She always posts pics of them together. (Penny finds it gross.) (But that’s personal. She doesn’t like Trixie.)
I keep giving glances towards Baz’s direction. I don’t know why I can’t stop staring at him.
Suddenly, my phone buzzes. It’s a tumblr post from Baz.
I open the link. It’s a fic. It’s called Snowbaz. Not Rainchaz. I read the summary:
“Because I’m disturbed.” (page 205)
“Ask anyone,”I think out loud, smiling. And then continue reading the summary:
3:59 pm - First fanfiction about us
Baz
I start reading the fic. It’s all fluff and love until the last part. Smut. I read it all. And love every word. Fuck.
I look at Baz. He’s already staring at me. I step towards him.
“Hey, Snow,” he says. “Ever tried a flaming shot?”
“I’m underaged, you know.”
“Not in my country,” he smirks.
“Okay, fine, give me a shot.”
“A flaming shot, Snow,” Baz says. “Here.”
He hands me a small glass of liquor and sets it on fire with a lighter. He does the same with his glass.
“To us,” he says.
“To us,” I reply.
He blows out the fire and drinks all the liquor. I mimic him. Ugh. I grimace.
“Sharing a room with the person you want most is like sharing a room with an open fire,” Baz starts saying, looking directly into my eyes. “He’s constantly drawing you in. And you’re constantly stepping too close. And you know it’s not good—that there is no good—that there’s absolutely nothing that can ever come of it. But you do it anyway. And then…”
“Then you burn,” I finish. God, his eyes are fire.
“Page 177. 4:59 pm, first flaming drink.”
“First drink,” I correct.
He laughs and orders a couple more.
We have a couple more shots and talk about our favorite AUs. We talk more than we drink.
Suddenly Baz looks at his watch, and then back at me. With the same blazing eyes from before. He stays silent, just looking at me, for a moment. He looks hesitant.
I think he’s going to kiss me.
But he doesn’t. He keeps staring. Some minutes pass. I stare at my watch. 6:10 pm. Where’s my 5:59 pm gift?
“Simon…” Baz starts, flaming shot in his hand.
And then I kiss him.
We kiss for a long time. Then I let go and make him reach for me. And we kiss again.
After a while, we break the kiss and smile at each other. I’m grinning. I can’t help it.
“I was going to say You were the sun, and I was crashing into you,” Baz says. “But I guess the best quote for this is And then HE kisses ME.” He can’t hide his grin, either.
“Page 342,” I say. “6:10 pm, first kiss.”
“Shite, what time is it?” He asks, already looking at his watch.
“6:50 pm,” I answer, moronically.
“Let’s go have dinner, Simon. You and me, only.”
“Okay,” I say. And I follow him to the next room.
There’s a small table for two with two candles. It’s always fire with Baz.
We sit down and he takes out another card.
“You smell like something I’d gladly eat, page 421,” he says, staring at my eyes. “6:59 pm, first romantic dinner.”
I blush.
After dinner, we all go to a pub. It’s called The World of Mages.
It’s great and I’m so happy to be surrounded by friends and the person I like. Baz. That’s new. Liking boys. No, not boys. Only Baz. Wanting to kiss him over and over again.
He takes my hand and says, “Want to dance?”
I nod and smile at him. I’m crap at dancing but I don’t care.
Baz puts his hands on my waist and leads me through the song. Queen’s Bohemian Rhapsody.
“I should have known that this is what it would be like to dance with Craigon Rain. Fighting in place. Mutual surrender,” Baz whispers into my ear. “Page 508. 7:59 pm, first dance.”
I place both my arms around his neck and slump into him.
We’re still at the pub. Dancing. Well, at least I’m trying.
“What are we going to do?” I ask him. “You’re going to leave back to England.”
“I know,” he answers with a crack in his voice. “We’ll figure it out, little puff.”
“Baz,” I say. “What’s the next gift? I think I have a better idea.”
“Huh? I was going to take you for a drive…”
“I want to be your boyfriend. Your terrible boyfriend,” I say. “Page 390.”
Baz looks surprised. He places both his hands on my face and kisses me, tenderly. “Of course,” he says. And kisses me again.
“8:59 pm,” I say. “First boyfriend.”
And I kiss him again.
After the pub, we say goodbye to our fellow raindrops. There’s a lot of hugging and kisses on the cheek. God, I’m gonna miss them.
“We have to do this more often,” I say. Even though I’m broke. But I’ll find the money somehow.
They all agree.
Once they’re gone, it’s just me and Baz.
“Let’s go back to my apartment,” I tell him.
“What if your father is there?”
“At this time? Not likely. He must be out, drinking again.”
“Okay,” he says.
We go to my apartment and settle in my room. It’s full of constellations on the walls. Because I love astrology. Hence the tattoo.
“Baz, you haven’t seen it,” I say.
“Seen what?”
“The tattoo, idiot!”
I take my shirt off and show it to him. He places his fingertips on my back and starts tracing it. The touch sends shivers down my spine.
“So beautiful…” Baz says.
I turn around and look at him. I reach for his shirt and take it off. Eyes locked on his. I close the distance and kiss him. And then my hands go down. I can’t stop myself. I kiss every spot of his dark olive skin. And I want more. And I can see that he wants, too.
So I take more. I take it all. And I give it all. To him. To Baz.
“Because we match,” I say after a while. My head is resting on Baz’s chest. Our fingers laced. “Page 420.” I look at my watch. “10:58 pm, first time.”
“When did you start giving yourself birthday presents?” Baz asks.
“I think it was when I did this,” I answer. And I kiss him.
“God, I love you, Simon Snow.”
“I love you, Baz.”
“Fell in love, didn’t you?” He smiles.
“10:59 pm, first I love you,” I say.
I go with Baz to the airport. I’m sad that he has to go. But I’m happy that he came. And he’s going to move to the States with his aunt, Fiona, next year. So I just have to wait for a year. And I’m going to visit him soon. Maybe for his birthday.
He looks at me with watery eyes. He holds my hand so hard it hurts a little.
“I’ll come to England, in a couple of months,” I reassure him. “And then you’ll come back. We’ll be seeing each other a lot. You won’t get rid of me that easily.”
“When I come to live in America with Fiona, I’m going to haunt your door day and night.”
There’s a shout for all the passengers of the flight to Southampton Airport.
Baz kisses me, before letting go.
“Goodbye, Simon,” he says. “This is a first and a last goodbye. Because the next time I see you, I won’t let you go for anything in the world.”
“Go on, then,” I say. “Carry on, Baz.”
-FIN-
#snowbaz fanfiction#snowbaz#simon snow's birthday#carry on fanfiction#listen#i know this sucks#but hey it was from a year ago
123 notes
·
View notes
Note
1) Okay, I'm late (bc rl sucks), but I'm back and I'll gradually address everything. "Also do not feel any pressure to respond to my multiple essays! I understand completely!"The same goes to you, bc I feel like I'm bothering you too much. That being said, I truly enjoy talking to you. Not only you offer fresh/perceptive insights into the characters' minds (which made me a. reconsider scenes and motives, b. wanna rewatch S1 --some scenes you're commenting on are SO fuzzy in my head-- mind you,
2) 2) I’m already rereading the book), but you also provide such hilarious, sarcastic lines (some of them are absolute killers).
3) personalities” I know you have an inkling of who’s who. :D But damn, that ‘lesbianing’ bit had me giggling. Kudos, fellow anon. Since we’re on the subject, I have another question about your fic (if you don’t mind): is it post s2 or s1/s2 canon divergent? b) “Add horrid fangirls to that and it’s a big ass no lol.” Ugh. Fandom smh manages to sour my opinion of characters/ships/series I personally like. Especially when fans start pestering the creators to cater to their whims or harass actors
4) or start ship wars. Double ugh. c) “So, that’s the Mass Effect connection!” Two more similarities: i. Mass Effect’s Miranda Lawson got a lot of fandom hate back then (even though she was a famous character), just like Serena. ii. She has a back-and-forth, bickering (hateful but not THAT complex) relationship with another female character. d) “I have seen Westworld! Well, okay, just the first season. I got too tired/confused to get past the 2nd season premiere.” Oh, sorry. I shouldn’t have
5) assumed. Believe me when I say it’s a good thing you stopped watching when you did. The overall quality of the series remained pretty much the same (e.g. acting, cinematography, direction), but, oh boy, some new plot twists (which I usually like) are SO OVER THE TOP in order to impress (?) the audience. It’s reached a point where some characters are unrecognizable, bc they’re servants to the plot. Maeve has a lot bigger arc in S2 and Newton is thriving (imo, S2!Maeve >> S1!Maeve), but so is
6) Strahovski/Serena. :D e) “don’t go around bitching at people who say shitty things or stuff I don’t agree with, or blocking anybody who doesn’t like her."Ah, another thing we have in common. There were times I’ve been blocked by fandom people (with beautiful edits) that I NEVER interacted with (except for maybe reblogging from each other). That’s not me complaining. Like I said, each to their own.I just find this phenomenon funny at times. Story time. Once, an out of nowhere anon (whose msg I
7) didn’t publish, bc drama is SO not my thing) said they’d block me, bc of an uploaded gifset for a canon pairing (which wasn’t to their taste apparently) that was tagged as #[series]edit (although the ship!portmanteau was right there, too, so that people could easily block it). I remember being like: "Okay. Good for you, anon!” LOL. f) “I dunno if you see spoilers but there’s one about them.) She needs therapy so much more than a cutesy feelgood storyline.” I did NOT actually, but feel free to8) enlighten me.
——–
I am sort of back! (RL does get in the way of incredibly lengthy essays about fictional TV shows!) NO APOLOGIES NECESSARY!! I am just so happy I get to read all these excellent thoughts, analyses, and feelings you have! (and that we clearly share lol, including the sheer amusement of your writing!). I really want to write more at the mo but my hands are doing that weird old lady thing where you can see the veins popping out and it makes me v uncomfortable to look at. Especially since I have little baby hands. I hate it.
Ok, I’m now kneeling on the floor and the computer is on the kitchen island. This is better. I cannot see the top of my hands.
SO. Where was I? OW. my kneeeessss. This is a bad idea.
I’m so lost. Fic question. right. It’s post-S2. Like… quite post-S2. I didn’t even deal with HOW or WHY June is back in the Waterford’s house tbh cos I can’t be bothered to sort that out. (Thanks, show.) So, it just assumes that for some reason, she’s back. Which, if the BTS pics/video is to be believed, that’s the case anyway.
Fangirls (and boys ofc) ruin so much for me. Even if I like the same thing initially. Ugh. Then sometimes they’ll annoy me so much that I end up liking the complete opposite of what they like. Dunno why.
No worries about Westworld! It’s a reasonable assumption! Please don’t apologise, my friend. I do agree that Thandie was very good in S1. IIRC, her character was my fav (other than Clementine lol). Yvonne S2 was just next level shit to me. Like, what you’re saying makes me wanna give S2 WW another shot but when shows get overcomplicated, they’re not much fun anymore when I’m like “BUT WHAT IS HAPPENING LOL”.
>> “There were times I’ve been blocked by fandom people (with beautiful edits) that I NEVER interacted with (except for maybe reblogging from each other)”
EXACT SAME. It was actually in THT fandom most recently lol. Like, I reblogged one of their pretty edits once. Ever. I didn’t even say anything snarky or bitchy or rude in tags. I don’t think I added any commentary at all. Next thing I know? BLOCKED. Never interacted with them in any way whatsoever. (Typical N/J fangirl lol.) It’s the strangest behaviour and it’s that kind of thing that sours me towards sects of fangirls, and sometimes even the characters they like. Maybe that’s just petty but I think it actually just reinforces pre-existing feelings I had towards the character or pairing.) The only blogs I block are ones that are gross, RP, or spam. (RP blogs is a long history of them stealing and spamming and adding awful commentary to my posts way back in the day, so I just… block em. lol.)
>> “they’d block me, bc of an uploaded gifset for a canon pairing (which wasn’t to their taste apparently) that was tagged as #[series]edit (although the ship!portmanteau was right there, too, so that people could easily block it). I remember being like: “Okay. Good for you, anon!” LOL.”
Oh. My… WHAT. There’s a very odd sense of entitlement here that seems so peculiar to me. Like, that’s what the blacklisting feature is for? I’ve put every version of my most despised pairings, characters, etc. and it works? Very rarely does it miss on. I guess we’re just dramaphobic, mature old fandom farts. Like, “Kids, let me sit you down and tell you about this site before you could block things. Before even XKit was invented…” Not to mention every other website ever lol.
HOLY GROSS… I just got up and a centipede fell off me!! WHYYYYYY. THIS IS WHY I DON’T SIT ON THE FLOOR. (we live near the beach/woods so we get lots of bugs no matter how clean we are…) no more painful kneeling for me i guess…
OKAY. Spoilers. It’s not much but other than the June in Martha costume (which was shown in the teaser Superbowl trailer anyway by now)… there were set pics of Emily, Sylvia, Nicole, and Luke all happy and smiling. IIRC. I can’t find the post anymore. So it may not have been in character. But I dunno… it all seems… too easy? Like, I’m glad Emily is safe but omg. She’d better not be all hunky dory “I stabbed a lady and threw her down the stairs, murdered another, and ran a dude over with a stolen car, but now I’m Canada, I’m all healed!” (Not including the heart attack/crotch kicking here cos that was fair play to Emily. She deserved that.) Like, honestly, as much part of me was like YESSSS at all of those, still… that’s grievous bodily harm with intent to kill, flat out murder, and vehicular manslaughter. For Emily to do those things, you don’t do those crimes without being really broken and damaged. And… yeah. That doesn’t magically disappear when you hop over a border.
0 notes
Last Seen Blogs
sweetmugofcocoa
Writing is hard, but stories have to go somewhere
local-f
Ⅎ
petit-atelier-de-poesie
Petit Atelier de Poésie
knittenny
Liz Kresch Knits
struensee
Johann Friedrich Struensee