I just want to say I still appreciate you for being one of the few people I see and agree with re: Only Friends about Sand being everyone's babygirl and SandRay being everyone's ship. There's A LOT of meta, which I vary in liking, agreeing with, disliking, and not agreeing with, but no matter how many essays are written, I will go down believing a vast majority of the love Sand gets is cause of First and the overwhelming majority of love SandRay gets is cause of FirstKhao. It's the exact same thing that happened with Moonlight Chicken. I'm not even sure people realize they're doing it, but I see it. So, again, thank you for still talking about it cause sometimes I feel like I'm taking crazy pills. lol

firstly, thank you <3 <3 you're def not crazy or wildin out lol It's funny you mention this actually b/c I recently saw this tweet:

With a lot of replies and quotes from OhmNanon fans saying the tweet is spreading "misinformation" and to take it down. Also that it's "not true unless gmmtv makes an official statement".

but what's not true here? That Ohm and Nanon aren't going to do another BL together? Who cares? Or is this about "couple content" and "couple merch"? What's the issue here really?

GMMTV sells "couple merch" & does "couple fan meets, events" which shows to me they're not selling Bad Buddy, or Moonlight Chicken what have you, they're selling OhmNanon and EarthMix and FirstKhao and ForceBook. Contrast that with idk Riverdale, WB doesn't sell Cole/Lilli merch it sells Betty, Jughead merch. Or Squid Game, the merch is for the show itself, you might find Kang Sae-byeok, but you won't find HoYeon Jung (the actress) merch.

This all reminds me more of how kpop companies sell their idols; you buy merch for either the group or individual idol. You buy the BT21 items, or a Jimin blanket etc. And these companies bank on fans loving their idols so deeply they'll buy sixteen albums for the chance of getting such-an-such photocard of their bias member.

The way gmmtv promotes their "acting couples" is very similar to me - right down to the lightsticks even.

I can believe that some fans don't fall into these para-social relationships but it's pretty clear, to me from my observations of gmmtv fandom specifically, that a lot of fans do. The grow found of the actors, and the acting couple which influences how they'll feel about the characters they play to, at the least, a certain extent.

Like, I've seen people say their bias for Khao has influenced their feelings towards Ray. It can even be subconscious. B/c you don't just like Khao or FirstKhao you watch their "contents" of them together, see them being cute, want to support them as a couple, buy their merch or share things about them; that level of investment in them as people is going to effect how you view their work specifically the characters they play. Even more so b/c that's what gmmtv wants.

They knew what they were doing casting EarthMix in Moonlight Chicken even though Earth was a miscast - I stand by this, but someone like Peter Knight should've played Uncle Jim. Earth is to fucking young to play an 'Uncle' convincingly give the man some comedies pls he's so funny.

They knew what they were doing putting two of their most recognizable and popular acting couples (FirstKhao, ForceBook) in Only Friends to offset the "risk" of a high sexual series.

This got away from me but yeah, I don't think all fans feel that para-social connection to the actors, but gmmtv especially wants their audience too. And it absolutely starts to effect how fans engage with the media in question completely b/c they see the actors before they see the characters.

anyway that's my hot take

Age is but a Number

Sebastian Stan x reader

No warnings other than a swear or 2 and the age gap thing

°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°

You began working for Marvel in about 2015. At that time you were 17 pushing 18. At 18 going on 19 Civil War was your first full film, but it worked because you were playing a character who was older than you actually were, but needed to look young. Your character was also Bucky's love interest. Well, sorta.. In the comics you were, but the movies had a slower build, more subtle. Regardless, the producers had you both hang out before filming to gain a sense of familiarity. He was cool and you both got along quite well. He liked how you didn't act as young as you were. You liked how funny and down to earth he was. A lovely friendship built as time went on.

But here you were, 5ish years later, dealing with press stuff for Avengers: Endgame. You were 22, managing college with being an actress, and trying to have a life with your friends still. You loved being a student and having this job, everyone was cool with you doing most of your filming and work during your breaks. Yet, it still could get overwhelming. Luckily, Sebastian and you had always remained close. He helped you manage everything and deal with the intense world of acting. As you got older, he noticed how well you handled everything. Yes, you still acted like a 22 year old girl at moments, it was normal. But most of the time you always seemed older and more mature despite being the youngest cast member. He respected you, and even grew to like you. The media caught on about how you both hung out more outside of set. Obviously, dating rumors and notes of the age gap spread out and around the world. Yet, neither of you stressed about it or let it get to you. Brushing it off, both of you went about life as usual. Neither of you talked about the relationship possibilities. You wouldn’t admit it out loud, but you liked seeing some fans point out details about how he acted in a flirty, or different manner around you. It added to your girly fantasy of you being with someone like Sebastian Stan. Things never really shifted between you guys until a Jimmy Fallon appearance with Mark Ruffalo.

Walking backstage with the two men you turned and looked at Sebastian. “Your ass nearly got us fired! Not in a single trailer, yet you almost blew a plot point. I know we don’t know if it’s true or not, but still! When we come back for the game, I am not taking blame if something goes to shit.”

Mark looked between you guys, “The fact that I held up better than you is sad dude. Thank God Y/N jumped in. But how is that the topic you are focusing on? Don’t look at me like that. Jimmy brought up you guys being a thing now that she isn't seeing Tom's friend anymore and I felt your hands stop messing with each other behind me on the couch! You froze! Just admit you like each other. We’ve seen it all but confirmed since the kiss that got cut in Infinity War.”

You both stopped and you looked to Mark, “We were messing with each other. So what? Then he brought us up so we focused on him. And that kiss was only a casual peck for the scene. Shut up man, I’m gonna wait in the green room for the game. I hope it’s that film noir truth or lie game! I wanna see what they dug up on me haha!"

You walked off and Sebastian kept his eyes on you until you turned the corner. “She didn’t deny it did she? That she likes me?”

“You’ve got to be kidding me.. You’re over 30! Just grow a pair and talk to her.”

He hesitated, “She’s 15 years younger than me... I've known her since she graduated high school."

“What’s your point? Blake Lively is 11 years younger than Ryan. Jay-Z is 12 years older than Beyonce. George Clooney and his wife are 16 years apart. No one cares if you both like each other. Hell, Nick Jonas just married a woman 11 years older than him.” Mark looked at him like he was an idiot. “You like the girl, we all do. Go for it! She wouldn’t say no.”

“Really??” Mark simply nodded. Next thing he knew, he was heading to your green room.

He knocked and heard you say come in. You were sitting comfortably on the couch, scrolling on your phone and munching on snacks left by Jimmy and the crew. You looked up and said hey to him. He didn’t speak back and you looked up at him again. “What’s up man? You look like you saw someone get stabbed by the main curtain. "

He laughed a little and made eye contact with you. “Nah, I feel just a nervous though.”

You put your phone down, sat up, and looked up at him. “You were fine out there. What’s going on?”

“We get along really well right? And we have a lot of fun hanging out and talking right?”

“Yeah of course. What are you getting at here Seb? You’re being more random than usual.” You smiled at him in a questioning manner and invited him to sit next to you.

“Wow this is harder than it seemed in my head. I was just wondering if you would want to maybe, I don’t know...” He doesn’t really look at you, just the floor and rubs his hands on his pants. Suddenly, it seems to click for you.

“Wait. Are- are you asking me out?” You smile as you see him nod, still not really looking at you. “Hell yes I’ll go out with you. Since when are you so nervous to ask a girl out? You told me how you asked Jennifer Morrison out easily after meeting her.”

“Yeah well she wasn’t my friend first, and she isn’t 15 years younger than me.”

“Oh. That isn’t an issue is it? I mean well clearly not, you just asked me out. Hell Ellen and her wife are like 15 apart too." A knock on your door interrupted you. A guy with a headset on came in and told you to go to the main stage area for the game. You nodded and said you would both be out soon. You turned back to Sebastian and put your hand on his knee. “I would love to go out with you. Let’s just skip the awkward actual going out parts for the first date. Let’s do something slightly more serious than when we just hang. Sound good?”

“Yeah, damn you’re easier at this than me. But that sounds good.” He took note of how you said first date. The hope of more lingered. He stood up and held his hand out to help you up. Grabbing his hand he pulled you up and hugged his arm around your waist. Then the two of you met Mark and Jimmy and played Drinko much to your excitement!

SKIP TO THE DATE

You looked at your phone and remembered that Sebastian told you to just come in when you made it to his place. He insisted you come over and he could cook you dinner. Between all the press things, a dinner was a great choice. Neither of you had a home-cooked meal in forever. Plus, he wanted to show off. So walking in, you clutched the bottle of wine and tried to remain calm. 

“Sebastian?” You called out your heels clicked as you looked around. You could faintly smell something being made. Considering you saw no kitchen, you walked upstairs. The sight before you was adorable. He was dancing around to some music while stirring something around in a pan. He turned and saw you smiling as you watched him, but he also stopped dancing. “No don’t stop on my account.”

“Ha ha how clever. Sorry I didn’t hear you come in.” He took the bottle you brought and took your coat off for you. You thanked him and he laughed at the bottle. “Barefoot? Really?”

“Hey it isn’t pink is it? I had to pay some tuition bills yesterday, less funds than I anticipated. Figured this was better than nothing. Plus, my mom told me it’s rude to come to someone’s house for dinner empty handed.”

“Aren’t you such a lady. But I’m just messing with you, you brought it, so even then pink would have been fine. I’m just finishing this up, so you’re right on time. As long as I never drink peppermint schnapps again I’ll be fine. Mixing that with hot sauce, clam juice, and grape soda was horrible.” 

Looking at the kitchen area, you smiled. “Ha yeah I lucked out. Sunny D, whipped cream vodka, grape soda, and mountain dew? Hell I’m pretty sure I had that last semester at a Halloween party. But forget the gross stuff. Whatcha cooking? Creamy garlic shrimp, one of my favorites. How did you know?”

“I know you.” He said it so surely. And the bastard had the nerve to wink. Make you flustered. Well, two could play at this game.

You walked to get a couple glasses for the wine, making sure you sway your hips as you went past him. From your side eye you saw him check you out. “Like what you see old man?”

He didn’t even try to hide it. “I do. You look good Y/N, you always do.” As you went back to sit down and pour some wine for you both, he sat a nice plate of food in front of you. He went next to you and told you to dig in.

Taking the first bite let out a small, appreciative moan. “Holy shit. This is fantastic! I’m serious. Thank you for this. I’ve never actually had a guy cook for me, so really, thanks.”

“No need to thank me. Just keep going out with me.” His smile was so sweet. You just simply said of course.

"Can't say no to that." You smirked at him to the side of you as you both ate.

Once dinner was finished and cleaned up by the both of you he suggested you move to the living room balcony.

"Wait, you said a specific balcony. Do you have more than one?" He laughed as you both walked out. Wine glasses full with his better stuff after finishing the Barefoot you brought.

He stood next to you enjoying the view. "Yes there is another connected to the main bedroom."

"Wow. And I thought my campus apartment was fancy. This sure beats dorm furniture and faulty heating."

He chuckled, looking at you as you looked out at the city. "Why do you live on campus? I mean, you can afford a nicer place to finish school."

"Yeah but I cover rent for my roommates who truly depend on me for campus living so they can keep their scholarships. Going off campus would screw them over. Plus, I have too much money anyway. They wouldn't let me help with their tuition, so rent'll do." As you spoke you continue sipping the wine. It was enchanting and sparkling to see the lights of the city.

"How do you do it?"

"Do what?" You pondered as to what he could mean.

He turned fully to you and you did the same. He looked at you earnestly. "Stay normal when being a Marvel star? You balance getting a college degree and doing press tours world wide. I only do this and sometimes cannot stand it."

Shrugging you spoke, "Eh it isn't always easy. But managers and people working out schedules around my schooling have really helped. Plus, my folks, friends, and you guys have really helped. Especially you." You brought the glass to your face to hide a blush forming.

Sebastian pulled you by the waste, closer to him. You looked up and smiled at him. "Hey I was forced to be with you when we were younger. Only fitting I actually shaped you properly for the biz and so I wouldn't hate you." Ah that charm you fell so easily for. "I'm kidding. I like you for soo many reasons. I'll tell you them on the second date."

You put your wine glass down. "Good. I will love to hear those then. Because right now I don't wanna talk that much."

He laughed lightly. "Are you trying to make out with me Y/N? Ah darling, here I thought you were mature!" His hold around you tightened as you smiled.

You sighed as you ran a hand over his really toned pec. "Yeah.. mature. Not blind!" Your heart fluttered at the way he looked at you. Luckily, no more words were exchanged on the balcony til a while later when the sun finished setting.

Igniting Writing ‘Explore’ Contest 2019, Submission by Vince from Lake Erie Ink

Some good news to share with you all - we have our first entry for the Igniting Writing 'Explore’ creative writing contest, in collaboration with Fighting Words, Young Writers Project and Lake Erie Ink! Our first submission was sent in by Vince, from Lake Erie Ink, and it’s a great read, capturing the rebellious streak of bored teenagers and a supernatural twist! Have a read for yourself below:

Exploration was a godsend to the kids of Mountain Brook Street. Due to the amount of space around them deemed ‘private property’ there weren’t many places for people to hang out. Often times the kids on the street found creative ways to get around the rules or odd places to chill.

A lot of the families on Mountain Brook Street had their kids grow up there and then all leave. It was a very move-in-then-move-out kind of place. Despite that stigma, there was a small cast of families that never quite got the memo. One of these families was the Beckers. Thomas and Julie Becker had bought the house when they were newlyweds and despite having three kids of varying ages they hadn’t ever thought of moving out. Their youngest child, Richie, was definitely the most adventurous of the group. He was the youngest of the three, at 15. His two brothers, Randall and Donnie, were 21 and 30 respectively, so they were already out of his life at a young age. This meant that family visits and reunions were an absolute drag for him. On one hand he got to see his siblings, but on the other, he’d get scolded by old people he barely knew for trespassing, cheating, or whatever he’d done that week.

It was July 18th and his three cousins and two uncles were coming to town. He despised them and it’d been the sixth time this year that they decided to come ‘visit’ for a week. They all knew the real reason why they came over so often, but no one wanted to argue about it. Money was thin these days and, likewise, so was Richie’s patience about this whole ordeal. Summer vacation was an evil that he would never wish on anyone (other than his cousins, of course). He was alone to do anything his free will granted and he wasn’t happy about that. Richie longed for a chance to do mischievous things with others. He just hoped high school was going to be the haven for chaos that he’d always dreamt of. All his previous friends were one-off jerks who lived in the city and until this summer he never realized what it was like to not have people around. Luckily for him, there were a few younger neighbourhood kids that he could hang out with. One of which was always open for causing a ruse.

Gregory Palm was the perfect mixture of true neutral and chaotic evil. He lived with his parents, four siblings, three cats and a canary. Richie never really saw him as more than an acquaintance, but it was evident the feeling was not double-sided. Gregory trusted Richie with his deepest regrets and despite being a year younger was very trustworthy himself.

Today was a reckoning day for sure. Today was the day that Richie was going to do the impossible. He was going to ditch a family reunion. Gregory had told him about this place he found while wandering a few weeks prior, that was right between the steel mill and the salt mine (and processing plant) that had plagued them their whole lives. For a while ‘Private’ and ‘Property’ were the only two words he knew how to read besides the omnipresent ‘yes’, ‘no’ and ‘because’. It was just one of those things the kids of Mountain Brook Street grew up with.

Richie set off on his expedition early that morning. It was about 8:30am and the guests were due to arrive in about an hour. He yelled, “I’m going to Gregory’s house, see you later, bye!” very quickly towards the direction of his parents’ room as he stormed down the staircase to the front door. He practically leapt out of the house and slammed the door behind him. This was the beginning of a very long day. He made his voyage down the sidewalk to Gregory’s abode. It was definitely what people would classify as a fixer-upper, but it still managed to be menacing in its own way. Before even stepping foot into the yard he heard the somewhat loud voice of his friend. Gregory hung out the second floor window, dressed in a flannel and a vacation-esque floral t-shirt. He was waving down at Richie, who seemed to be shocked by the level of incompetence he was witnessing.

“Gregory, what are you doing up there? Aren’t you scared of falling? You could get hurt!”

“Shut up!”

After he gave his response Gregory pushed the window closed and ran downstairs faster than what seemed possible. He swung the door open and skidded to a halt in front of Richie. He was breathing heavily, hands on his knees.

“I told you, dude, I do a lot of things I don’t really think about first.”

“Seems about right!” Richie laughed.

“I didn’t ask for a response from the peanut gallery, did I?”

“Ugh, can it! Where is this crazy forest tunnel thing you were talking so much about?”

“Oh, yeah! Um, follow me!”

The walk was pretty long by any 14-15 year old’s standards, so there were frequent stops for water and jokes until they finally arrived at about 9:45am. Amongst the clouds of factory gas and industrial flower gardens there was a hole in the ground. It wasn’t an uncommon sight in the built-up areas between the many manufacturing plants, but something seemed to draw Richie closer.

“So, this is what you were so crazy about?”

“Yeah, I can assure you I didn't just bring you out here to any old hole!”

“Oh? What’s so special about this hole, then?”

“Look at this!”

Gregory took Richie by the arm and pulled him forward to look down.

“A staircase, Gregory?”

“Yeah, pretty cool, right?”

“I wonder what’s down –”

He was cut off by Gregory yelling, “Not it!” out loud and pulling his hand away from his friend’s arm.

Richie sighed. “So, you’re asking me to go down this suspicious spiral staircase in the middle of the woods between two big factories... by myself.”

“When you put it that way, it makes me seem like a jerk, ouch!”

“Well right now I don’t think that’s far off from the truth!”

Richie crossed his arms and turned around.

“Fine, fine, take this –” Gregory took off his bag, rummaging through the top portion and pulling out a Swiss Army knife on a keychain with pepper spray and a mini flashlight. “If you see anyone super crazy down there, you’ve got a weapon! I’ll stand up here and keep watch; I think our parents might be looking for us. I may or may not have told them I was hanging out with Tommy from over on Redwood Drive.”

“Gregory Marvin Palm, you lied to your entire household about where you were going? They have phones, you know!” This terrified Richie, although it did not cause him to leave this crazy place so soon.

He sighed, turning back around and releasing his arms from their criss-crossed position. Richie stepped on to the first step of the spiral staircase and smiled. “If I don’t make it out alive, put it on record that I told ya so.”

Gregory nervously laughed, as the other boy walked slowly down the descending pipe into the earth below.

It seemed to go on forever, down into the dark depths. Despite only being lit by the keychain flashlight, Richie could tell that the place was rather clean for what he would assume to be a sewer. He reached the bottom and walked down the long corridor extending from the final landing. There was an old-fashioned wooden door held together by metal and century old nails. He brought himself forward to grasp the doorknob and turned it. On the other side of the door, there was a huge open room, with slits in the ceiling, like water vents for rain. The walls and floor were decorated with flowers, fruits and vegetables of all kinds. It was a marvellous cacophony of darkness and life. Richie was comforted by the familiar smells, which brought him closer to the greenery.

All of a sudden, the door behind Richie slammed and he heard a ringing noise in his head. He had the Swiss Army knife in one hand and the rest of the keychain in the other. The ringing died down and he started hearing a shaky, strained voice. It wasn’t loud, yet he could still hear it. Panicked, he ran for the other door in the room that he hadn’t seen when he walked in. It was open, so he figured there was a way out somehow. The voice went in and out in his head. It sounded like a test recording of some kind. As he walked cautiously to the door, he yelled, “Gregory, this isn’t funny! Is this why you wanted me to come down here? To lock me in? You’re sick y’know!”

The voice shuddered before responding. “Who?”

Richie stepped into the second room, pulling the door open completely. There was a huge machine against the right wall, with someone in a black cloak standing in front of it. Richie was petrified with fear, which caused him to stand there blankly. The person in the cloak turned, showing his skull-like face. “Oh, I wasn’t expecting anyone! Hey! I’m not too sure what’s going on, but you seem a little worried, how about we sit down?”

Before Richie could say anything, he was sat down at a table across from this crazy skeleton-esque man. The guy was so goofy, that he couldn’t help but laugh in almost terror from being so scared before. This was of course terrifying, but not to the extent he was preparing himself for.

“Oh – um, well, before you say anything, I should probably get off my chest that I am completely and utterly deaf. I cannot understand, or lip read, but! That machine in there is for telepathy! I can hear and speak to you through brain waves! Pretty cool, right? By the way, I’m Death! Death himself!” Death stuck out his hand for a shake.

Richie obliged, shaking his hand. He went to open his mouth, before realizing that he can’t just speak out loud. Once they stopped their handshake, he started to try to speak telepathically.

“So, you’re Death himself?”

“Yeah, pretty sure I am!”

“Why do you, like, live down here with plants? Don’t you kill things?”

“Ouch! Um, not exactly. Death is at the end of life, so honestly, my job is to nurture and care until they’re too weak to support themselves anymore.”

“Weird. Why are you deaf?”

“Why? Do you ever ask someone why they have cancer? Why do they have a pet? I mean, come on!”

“So you’re not going to tell me.”

Death sighs. “Hearing is just a foresight that I cannot ever truly obtain in this mortal form. What you see now is much like a hologram of who I really am. I’m the new Death and unlike most before me I don't loathe Earth – I enjoy it. Much like people having to make sacrifices to be happy, I had to make a sacrifice.”

“Huh. I should probably get going. Gregory is probably freaking out right now –”

Richie went to stand, but Death got up before him and said, “Wait! Take this!” as he ran over to a potted plant with bright purple flowers. He walked back to Richie and handed it to him.

“You might not need this now, but here's a token of my thanks for visiting. Just remember that even if you know things are a certain way, you don’t have to take it as it is. There are a million things you can do in life and I hope that you do all that you want to before I see you again. Take care and goodbye!”

Richie woke up in a cold sweat, in an empty sewer, next to a potted plant and a staircase. No door in sight.

a friend just posted a pic on fb of the coffee shop we used to hang out at, taken way back in the day. it’s just a shot of the place taken from inside, looking out the big glass windows and onto the street of downtown chattanooga. but one friend pointed out that she could see another friend’s van parked across the street, and one of the baristas came on and said he’d taken the photo and then proceeded to post a bunch more. 

anyway i’m feeling nostalgic so i’m posting about it. memories behind the cut. 

i started going there when i was maybe 15 years old. i don’t remember why, but it’s likely that the artsy nerd club i was a part of (we stayed after school to watch amadeus and monty python and we’d sometimes go to the local art museum) went there after a meeting one day. or maybe someone told me about it. anyway, it was my favorite place to go. i would drink pots of tea, always trying new things. 

on my 16th birthday my parents got me a teapot from there and a gift certificate to buy tea with. i had that teapot til it broke a year ago. 20+ years! it moved with me to and from college, to nyc, california, texas, and back to california. damn. 

anyway after i’d been going for a while i started talking with the owner. his name was ian, and he was pretty young. he loved tea and coffee and he had a roaster where they’d make their own coffee. it was loud and lovely, and for a long time it lived up front, right by a little elevated area with couches. when it was running you couldn’t hear anything and had no choice but to either shout or be quiet. 

ian encouraged my love of tea, and offered to keep track of everything i’d tried in a little notebook that was kept behind the counter. i got to make notes on every pot i drank, and i remember writing “terrible! grass!” after my first pot of green tea (it was oversteeped--my fault--and probably made with water that was too hot--their fault). i had my first pu-er there, and fell in love with its damp leaf flavor and that turned earth scent that it has. i drank multiple pots of jasmine pearls and wrote a caffeine fueled poem about it with a friend. i loved that little coffee shop. 

i don’t remember when i went from hanging out inside to hanging out outside, but i feel like i was 18 or so. the older people (they were probably barely 21-25, fucking babies) sat out there smoking and drinking coffee. i developed a crush one summer on a guy who made me think of arthur dent for some reason (don’t ask because i don’t know) and we went on one awkward date and didn’t kiss, and now i wonder what’s happened to him and if he, too, wasn’t straight. who knows? someone, i’m sure, but i can’t remember his last name anymore so is it even relevant? 

i’d never felt cool til i went off to college. it was like leveling up without trying, like when you’re playing a game and do one action and suddenly all your stats are refilled and you’re like...this is unexpected? but i’ll take it? i think that’s why i decided i could really sit with the outside tables. that and my bff, who was dating someone who was friends with a lot of those people, would show up sometimes and sit out there. 

(if you’ve actually been reading along so far, here’s where i’m gonna introduce you to a bunch of people i’ve never talked about before and will likely never mention again. just so you have fair warning.) 

the cast of characters shifted a lot, but there were always the constants. scott, the barista, who was much older than most of the people hanging out but looked young and seemed young. i look back with adult eyes and question the relationship we had, but at the time i just thought it was cool that someone so much older thought i was worth hanging out with. but he was 30 when i was 19, and man that’s a lotta years. he had a summer where he hit on my friend and i constantly, after his wife left him and he was kinda floundering a bit. but it never went past flirting and it never bothered me, though like i said it kinda does now. we were still hanging out when i was 21 and we’d go get beers after the coffee shop closed at ten or midnight. he’d turn up obnoxious music really loud and i’d sometimes help close. 

there was gabe and george, brother and sister in a family of people with names starting with the letter g. george was tiny and cute and either very drunk or very hyper from coffee at all times. gabe was a nerd who was usually quiet but loved to play scrabble, and we’d take the board inside sometimes and battle one another. he was much better than me, i won’t lie. liz and ever were both writers who would play with us sometimes. ever had changed her name at some point (to ever; any name she had before is irrelevant) and when we met she explained the meaning of her new name, which i won’t give because damn it’s very google-able. 

she was a so fascinating to me, always talking about some feminist theory or philosopher, and i always felt so smart when we’d hang out. like a Serious Thoughtful Adult and not a kid. and liz was less serious but no less smart. she played scrabble a lot more and for a while we got pretty close. she took me out after coffee sometimes to a shitty bar with pool tables and tried to teach me how to play pool. she had her own cue and even though she was like 5′2″ she could break like nobody’s business. i never figured out how to do that part. 

alex would come with us sometimes. he was tall and handsome and rode a motorcycle, and was the first openly bi guy i ever met. one time he invited me over to his house and we laid around listening to the smiths and talking. he burned me a copy of their greatest hits that i still have, all scratched up so it probably doesn’t play anymore. he crashed his bike more than once driving drunk. dumb fuckin kid. now he repairs coffee machines and sails, i think. life is funny. 

a few other people ran in groups. meg and waide and the aforementioned jason and ardyce. some people called meg “big megan” and another megan (her family was really wealthy, rich southern politicians who knew the clintons and have a mention in sweet home alabama--the song, not the movie) was “little megan” because she was still in high school. i joked that i was medium megan, but the whole thing was awkward because big megan was fat and i was small fat and little megan was skinny. i’m gonna blame it on thoughtless dudes, but who the fuck knows? we all pretended not to mind it anyway. 

waide ended up being a connection with other people who i met later. my hometown is weird in that it’s actually a pretty big part of the southern punk scene, so a lot of punks i meet have spent time there, and anyone over a certain age probably spent time at the bar waide worked at (the stone lion, and then maybe also the pickle barrel) so he’s one of those people who i’ll end up mentioning even though we haven’t spoken in years. 

at some point a kid named ory showed up. i think he was 16 when he started coming around, and i used to call him puppy because he was excitable and silly, full of energy one minute and then mopey crashing the next. like a lot of people there he drank a lot and would be fucked up sometimes and make dumb choices. i always wanted to protect him. when i was 22 (and he was 19, i think) we ended up sitting together at the second lotr movie and having some kind of weird chemistry. that summer i drove him home one night and we had a super heavy make out with lots of clothed grinding. honestly the furthest i’ve ever gone with a cis straight(ish, he hooked up with a couple dudes but idk if he’d say he’s bi) dude and it was awkward in that we never talked about it? and then he came to visit me a couple years later in new york because he was in the navy, and he got super drunk and passed out on my couch and was a mess because he literally never stopped being a puppy. 

he’s fucked up now, fully cancelled bc he said shit about girls rock camp (really dude?) and also probably cheated on his wife on their honeymoon? idk, it was fb rumors and then he deleted. but i’d believe it, honestly. 

and then there were all these absolutely random downtown characters: dirty mark (a crusty punk who was drunk or high most of the time) and shirtless dave (yeah he really didn’t wear a shirt that much) usually came as a pair. sometimes dave hung out with a guy my friends and i called blue hair. he once hit on my friend and she panicked and gave him my number instead of hers because her brain didn’t make up a fake number fast enough. 

there was sandy the flower man, who just passed away a couple weeks ago. he’d get flowers from local florists and go around on his bike, stopping into the coffee shop or to bars with roses and carnations and daisies. people gave him money usually, but sometimes he’d just hand you a flower because he wanted to. i saw a picture from a memorial and there was a portrait of him that was sat on top of his bicycle, all of it surrounded with flowers on flowers. so pretty. it’s what he deserved. 

things changed around 2005 or so, i think. by that time, all the old baristas had left and the kids who came in were all weirdly religious and went to the christian college on the mountain. they made shitty coffee and sometimes played xtian rock and most of the old regulars couldn’t take it anymore. ian got sick around that time, too, and ended up selling the place. they stopped carrying much tea, if any. 

but they finally sold the space and moved in like 2015. i remember the first time i drove by and didn’t see the lights on inside. it felt like seeing a friend from grade school all grown up, maybe the kid you had a crush on but they have a family now and you don’t think they’d recognize you at all so you just have to walk away. gone. 

fuck this post is long as shit, i’m sorry for anyone on mobile. but damn it was good to get my memories out. 

so, a dude i used to go to high school with messaged me out of the blue the other day 

and me being me (world’s dumbest bitch award recipient 1990-present) i’m willing to give this the benefit of a doubt 

i mean...me also being the tired bitch i am just flat out asked him why he messaged me (i wasn’t mean about it, but after the chit-chat catch up stuff it’s like...what do you want from me?) 

and basically i guess he’s just in a place where he doesn’t really have a lot of friends in town and he doesn’t really talk to anyone from high school anymore, so he’s reconnecting with some folks and he remembers me being pretty cool, plus a good person to talk to and i guess he’s been having a rough time lately so basically it’s just “hey, wanna get coffee sometime and catch up/talk?” that kind of thing 

which again like...alright 

it wouldn’t kill me to make new friends or i guess in this case reconnect with an old friend even though we were never really that close in high school, but fine 

i’m still...suspicious because i dunno 

it’s weird because when i go out into public and just...exist, guys don’t bother me 

i don’t get flirted with, i don’t get harassed, nobody tries to get my number or anything like that, which y’know...is pretty nice although internalized misogyny has me thinking “damn, i’m really that ugly, huh???” but regardless like...that’s my jam, right? 

any of the attention i ever get is either from dudes online who don’t actually know what i look like or dudes who once had crushes on one of (of multiple of) my friends and after being rejected or realizing it wouldn’t work out they finally notice me and are like, “oh yeah, i guess that’s a girl. yeah, sure why not?” 

which...i dunno if this is a sign of what little confidence i do have or if it’s because i hate myself so much that either way i’m just like -___- about the whole thing because it’s not...genuine, y’know? 

just for once in my fucking life i’d like someone to take an interest in me not as an afterthought or because they’ve exhausted all other options or because they’re lonely but just...because it’s me, y’know? 

call me fucking nuts, but i feel like that’s...part of it? feel like that’s a pretty normal thing to want, idk

i’ve certainly liked plenty of people for who they are and their whole deal in general, not because of like...convenience 

and that’s already something i struggle with anyway because in the past i’ve had friendships that i don’t want to entirely discredit because i still feel like somewhere deep down there was...something there, but that nevertheless got to a place where it was just like...this person only keeps me around because i buy them things and/or am willing to drop everything to listen to/try to help them with their problems, but when it’s my turn it’s like...golly anna, i don’t know what to say. 

which, to be fair, for my kind of problems i really do just need to see a fuckin’ therapist about because i can’t expect my friends to like...deal with trauma i haven’t even dealt with in almost 10 years or have anyone waste their time trying to rationalize my irrational thinking when we both know no matter what’s said or done...i’m still gonna be super mentally ill about it so like...there’s that 

but especially when it’s anything to do even slightly pertaining to relationships or just...anything it really sucks to feel like the only time anyone wants anything from me in that department is as a last resort

because at least for the shitty friendships i’ve had, i’ve also had good friendships where try as my mind might, i don’t think i’m that person who’s only there because like...might as well, y’know? 

but with relationships and shit like that...no, i don’t have that reassurance 

and again, you can say “oh but anna, you just don’t see the full picture!” but honestly, H O N E S T L Y i don’t think anyone’s ever taken a genuine interest in me because if they have, it’s fuckin’ news to me, it’s never been brought to my attention and that’s not even me being oblivious like...it’s just not there 

at best, i’ve had some promising conversations on places like okcupid but shit tends to fizzle out pretty quickly and it never amounts to anything 

and again, i guess i’ll...give myself some credit here because i could definitely see how all things combined a dude just messaging me and maaaaaaybe being interested would theoretically be enough for me to be like “holy shit, holy shit, holy shit!!!!” but i’m mostly just...tired. 

i dunno

it may turn out dude just genuinely wants a friend and he’s casting out a net to people he thinks are cool and just trying to reconnect with people. i get that. 

i obviously love my online friends and i love my real life friends, but i don’t get to see my online friends that much and even my real life friends all live like ~2 hours away from me, so it’s not like i can just get off work and go meet up to hang out just whenever and for the most part, that’s fine, i’m not someone who constantly needs to be going out all the time, but there’s a part of me that’s like...yeah, it’d be nice if i had people closer to home i could just go get some coffee with or maybe grab dinner with sometime 

and if that’s the case like...hey, no worries 

but if it’s anything more than that i’m already dreading having to shut that shit down because i may not think i’m worth anything, but that doesn’t mean i need to like...exacerbate my problems by letting some dude use me 

and i hate to even think that because this dude may have the purest of intentions and, more likely than not, just sees me as a bro and would be thrown off if he knew i was even suspicious but...shit is what it is 

it wouldn’t be the first time a dude i went to high school with took interest in me seemingly out of the blue, but only come to find out it’s because they exhausted all their other options (usually my friends, so that was cool) and figured, “meh, this’ll do” or that one time i “””””dated”””” someone for a week and it turns out he was engaged the whole time??? yeah, that was cool. suuuuuuuper cool 

i mean...i’m not AT ALL fucked in the head about my self esteem and feeling like in spite of me wanting a relationship super badly that it’s never going to fucking happen for me because i’m either too ugly or too mentally ill or too boring or just...whatever for that to be possible, but on top of that let’s pile dudes who only ever perk up to me when they’re at their lowest and figure drinking gasoline when you’re dying of thirst is better than nothing 

it’s FINE 

i’m FINE 

do i need to go to therapy? uh-yeah, abso-fucking-lutely 

and i’m trying to take baby steps, i really am, i’ve been looking at local therapists and shit like that but at the same time i uh...i’m gonna have to...unpack a lot of shit i put in a box about ten years ago and just...never really dealt with 

and there’s a part of me that’s like...well, i made it ten years without opening that box, surely i can make it another ten. and then another. and then another etc. (not that i want to live that long anyway, but i also didn’t think i’d make it this far so surprise, 8 year old me who wanted nothing more than to just fuckin’ die. we’re still here, on this bitch of an earth in this fuck of an existence and we’re still...doin’ it) 

but i also know that it’s entirely possible one day all of that shit’s just gonna...breach the surface and i’ll likely have a complete and utter meltdown so that’s...not great 

also just in general, i have...a lot of shit i need to work on about myself, about how i feel about myself, etc. but boy oh boy is that a rough motivation to stir up when the conversation between you and you is basically: 

me: um, hey we should probably like...try to do something about all this? you’re almost 30, don’t you think you should...try to get better? try to be a better you? get a handle on your shit, maybe?

me: absolutely not, i fucking suck, i’ve always sucked, and if you think there’s something underneath all of this that doesn’t suck, my friend, have i got news for you. it’s all suck. all the way down. you know how you’re working on a project or whatever’s a good metaphor here, and you make a mistake, but you try to fix it or just keep going but shit just gets worse and worse and worse and eventually it’s not fixable anymore and from no way, shape, or angle could the finished product be considered good and you’d just do better to throw the whole fuckin’ thing out and start from scratch? 

me: i mean yeah, i guess 

me: okay, well that’s you, my friend

me: oh worm? 

me: worm 

so...y’know, it’s rough 

i’m not saying i won’t, i know this shit is tough no matter what and my situation is in no way unique it’s just...taking me some time to get to that point where i even feel like i deserve it or that i’d be willing to do it 

REGARDLESS i’m willing to give this entire situation a chance 

he said something about maybe meeting up saturday to get some coffee or something, so we’ll see if that ends up happening and how that goes and maybe once i actually talk to him face to face i can get a better read on the entire situation 

i just...at this point, i really just hope he wants to be friends 

i know a young, less jaded me would probably be freaking out because a guy i thought was cute in high school wants to hang out with me, oh boy!!! but present me is a little too cynical and definitely just...tired of feeling like i’m only ever a last resort of last possible option 

i guess i’ll...have an update by this weekend, maybe? 

although if dude says or does anything that makes it obvious he’s interested in something more i’ll probably just shut that shit down before it goes anywhere because i don’t really know him that well, but based off his social media it seems like he got out of a relationship not too long ago and it’s not to say you can’t be interested in someone else soon after, but i’m not...the person you want to talk to if you want a rebound, my guy 

i’m nearly a 30 year old virgin, i’ve got...literally nothing to offer you except for disappointment 

this kind of thing just...exhausts me because i feel like i can already see ten miles away how this ends and i’m just...so, so, so fucking tired of feeling like this. i’m so tired of only ever being seen as like...possible rebound option or vulnerable lonely girl ripe for plucking or, my favorite, the girl nobody pays attention to until they’re done fawning over my friends 

i’d honest to god just rather go the rest of my life being completely ignored and never bothered than to deal with that again and again and again 

but i’ll try not to get too ahead of myself and not be so pessimistic 

try being the key word here 

OK. So I finished binge-watching Black Lightning on Netflix and ...

... Oh my damn! I really didn’t want to give this show a chance because I’m vehemently anti-Berlanti-verse and just general anti-CW writing, but I’d be lying if I didn’t say that I’m on board for Season 2 when it airs this fall. 

I think a part of the reason this show works for me more than the other Berlanti-verse shows is because of Mara Brock Akil. She’s the executive producer, and I’d like to believe it’s her influence and leadership that makes the dialogue and characterization on Black Lightning just 10x more realistic and engaging than the hokey after-school specials that make up the rest of the DCtv world on the CW.

Add to that the fact that the acting is far better than what I’d expect from the CW universe, and I have to say...

I only started the show yesterday, and I’m already on episode 10 (of 13) finished. And now my biggest complaint is why didn’t this show get a full season from jump? But I shan’t dwell on the could haves and should haves. Instead, let me share why I’m enjoying this series so much:

The superhero is over the age of 40. Thank goodness! For a network dedicated to high cheek-boned youth and their parental figures occasionally offering a word of cliched advice, I’m so happy to see something developed outside of that superhero trope.

The main superhero has to juggle an actual family and full-time job. Now, like most superheroes, we don’t see him doing his job nearly as much as he should be when the action gets going, but it’s still somewhat believable that a high school principal can afford the life that he leads and have a family without going:”Where is all this money and time coming from?”

Team Anissa all the way! Granted, she did her old girlfriend wrong, and deserved to be called out on it, but she’s easily my second favorite character on the show. 

Speaking of family dynamic and Anissa, how much do I love the relationship Jennifer and Anissa have as sisters?! Like seriously. They remind me of real life sisters. Not “TV” sisters. Their dialogue and behavior toward one another -- whether they’re arguing or supporting each other -- is so on point, I feel like I’ve heard these conversations before in person between different members of my family.

The constant commentary on Black Lightning’s outfit is cracking me up. I like how every other episode someone on the street or in the neighborhood compares his outfit to something they saw in Parliament Funkadelic or Earth, Wind & Fire. :-)

Jill Scott. She was a wonderful surprise to the cast, especially in the role she played. I wish she had had more screen time because Ms. Scott just has the most magnetic presence, and I’ve never seen her get to play a role like this.

Ha! The Garfield High School mascot is a panther. I see what you did there! 

Other cameos I’m feeling: Senator Nina Turner. Roland Martin. Antonio Fargas. I would love to see more of this type of diverse cameos in the future.

Again, I know this is a CW show, so the younger audiences are their bread and butter. But I really like the 1970s music they have playing during Black Lightning’s fight scenes. I feel like it’s a great tip of the hat to the comic book’s 1970s’ origins, and well, most of the songs are just great jams. I appreciate the hip hop music too, plus the original songs written clearly for the show. But the ‘70s music is a nice touch. 

Soooooo ... Khalil? Can I get your number? Because damn if that child ain’t fine.

In episode 10, when that lady tried to drop her A/C unit and microwave on top of Black Lightning in the alley ... I damn near spit out my water! And when she said her name was, “Rent. Car-Note-Electric” I almost fell out of my chair. See, that’s something you just would not hear on Supergirl or The Flash.

Like most CW shows, one of my biggest problems with Black Lightning in the beginning is that they don’t write transitions well. For the first 5 episodes, you constantly feel like they’ve cut a scene that had some important information or character development for a scene they left in. Legends of Tomorrow did this a lot. I mean, a lot. But thankfully, as I continued to watch this show, that trait seems to have disappeared a bit and has become less of an issue.

I’m a bit thrown every time Tobias Whale makes a derogatory comment about Black people, then turns around and makes a derogatory comment about White people. Is it purely the result of self-hate borne from an abusive upbringing? Or is there a tad bit of genuine Uncle Ruckus lurking beneath the surface there?

Even though her attitude sometimes gets on my nerves, I love the exploration of a character with superhero powers who doesn’t want to be a superhero. We rarely see that explored in the mass media adaptation of comic books, so it’s a nice swerve compared to the current slate of superhero fare where we either see people eagerly wanting to be superheroes or we see villains reluctantly become anti-heroes, then superheroes. Jenn’s desire to just be normal in the face of the possibility that she might have a higher calling in life is a great trope subversion. 

The makeup on Gambi’s face while he was being beaten and after it had supposedly dried was not good. Dude, seriously. The makeup department dropped the ball on their end with those details. It didn’t look realistic at all and it was too over-the-top.

Another great trope subversion: The techie/hacker of this franchise is a man over the age of 60 instead of a teen or young adult under the age of 30. Sweet!

Can I just say the Pierce family is probably my favorite biological superhero family of all-time? Yes. Yes, I can.

Favorite line of the season: “You got to bring ass to get ass.” - Detective Henderson

Jefferson’s dad’s old house has a wood-encased floor unit television set with a push button remote. Awwww, that reminds me of my grandmother’s old TV set. 

I wonder if Gregg Henry ever gets tired of playing bad guys?

Khalil’s dreadlocks look ... not ... good. Either that’s a really bad wig or whoever twisted his hair has a broken hand.

Ahhh, so Syonide does know how to aim for the forehead when she shoots. Could’ve fooled me when she was fighting Thunder that first time. 

So I mentioned that Anissa/Thunder is my second favorite character. That means someone else is my first. And it is ... Gambi. I know. I know. Go ahead and take my Black Card away, but from the first episode on, all I wanted was an episode dedicated to learning his secrets. And not just secrets as they relate to Alvin and Jefferson. I still want to know about his past. Like, why did he say he was a “monster” to Proctor? He stayed in Freeland even after he left the ASA, but does he have family that’s missing him or looking for him? Did he look after Jefferson in an official capacity after Alvin died? Was he his legal guardian? Or was Jeff in foster care and visited Gambi a lot? That man has been some places and did some things, and I can imagine a ton of backstory there to fill in.  Yes, I know he’s the only white guy in the cast of mostly minorities, but to be frank, that just makes me respect James Remar more. I’ve been a fan of Remar’s for years. I even got to meet him 2 years ago at a convention in Philadelphia. And the man’s IMDB page is ridiculously long. Seriously, check it out. So he’s not hurting for work. He’s not up and coming. He’s not an older actor struggling to keep his name in the game. He’s a respected character actor who has a very successful career. The fact that he probably has white actors telling him to turn down this project because he’s “above” it, but he’s on the show as the anchor just makes me proud to call myself a fan.  Either way, Gambi is a cool cat with a terrible mustache, whose background is a mystery. And I’m a nerd who loves mysteries and lots of character development in my genre fiction TV shows. It’s a perfect match. But yeah, he’s the only white regular on the show, and he’s my favorite. You mad? Good. His role could’ve easily been played by another actor of a different racial/ethnic background and I would’ve felt the same about Gambi.  I pretty much like all scenes with him in them, especially when Gambi interacts with Anissa or Jennifer. That cool uncle vibe is sweet, and I think it adds a nice layer to the family dynamic on the show. Anyway, enough about him ... For now.

To sum up, I highly doubt I’ll ever go back to watching Arrow. Now that Jeremy Jordan has left Supergirl, I doubt I’ll be checking in on that show anymore either. Legends of Tomorrow is just ... ugh. But because I love Matt Ryan’s John Constantine so much, I just know I’ll probably peep an episode here and there throughout the new season. And I’ll probably be disappointed because ... ugh. And The Flash? I know a lot of people on Tumblr love that show, so I’m going to play nice and say nothing about it. 

But I’ll definitely be checking out Black Lightning season 2 and hoping that the common CW failings don’t work their way into the show. It’s a highly entertaining series, and a breathe of fresh air for this crowded genre. Here’s hoping season 2 is a full 22-episode season!

raising hell

SPOILERS BELOW 

okay I really learned my lesson last time about not typing this directly into tumblr so it's going into notepad first and then I'm pasting it over

I have angel's envy for the episode in general, which I will be drinking gradually as a special occasion just for S15 as it airs, and also devil's cut for this episode in particular because I hear buckleming wrote it and I'm toasting to crowley and drinking that one if/when something fucked up inevitably happens to kevin

I'm SO FUCKING GLAD to see osric in this btw just like. I love him he's so good I'm glad he's back

I've tried to avoid spoilers but from what glimpses I've seen before I could glance away it sounds like maybe some meta shit is getting into territory I was also going into with the kevin/crowley/castiel fic I'm doing? so super intrigued to see where that goes but also not getting my hopes up because I fear the writing is going to drop the ball

I love meta shit though I'm so here for it, I gotta double back for time travel shenanigans in Lebanon

okay anyway let's start

oh and apparently rob benedict had a stroke a while back?? and i'm so glad he's all right, here are the signs of a stroke if you need to refresh because you really ought to know what to look for https://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2012/09/03/too-young-to-have-a-stroke-think-again I had this open in a tab from someone totally different on twitter

I like the "road closed" sign we start with because it seems thematically on point for like... shutting down the infinite potential of stories as they are not done being told, and as all those doors close

it's not a buckleming episode unless it starts off with gratuitous violence against women

the amazon subtitles are spelling it "benzine" [sic] and it's pissing me off

I love jared playing sam playing an FBI agent who's nervous about delivering speeches

crams all this sam and cas footage into my mouth

I don't believe "belphegor" at all but I love seeing alex playing this part

this implication that belphegor has teamed up with a hunter previously.........

pretty impressed with these townspeople actually? their concerns are not unreasonable and they're right to be skeptical

pffffff at this parallel of sam addressing the living crowd vs jack the ripper addressing the ghost crowd

the makeup on the ghosts is pretty fuckin good, I like the wardrobe and hair too

I like the fake posters at the school for various fictional sporting events

castiel continues to have a conscience and I adore him

rowena "am I interrupting something juicy" eyes emoji

ruth is pretty fun, I like her necklace

I like that ketch literally has a gun that just kicks spirits out of people. like. ...why haven't they been using this technology the whole time. guess it's an endgame weapon.

hahahahha an attractive female demon named Ardat. ................me @ homestuck like oh Ardata got it

this is the first time i've seen adult amara? it's bizarre to see characters I've only heard of

dude's right to be very upset and worried about his neighbors and cas should tell them what's up honestly, I see sam's point about not inciting panic but on the other hand :\

no idea where this arthur/rowena thing is going except I do I guess

I really, really like castiel's take (which is also sam's take from the last episode) that even if their lives were written by chuck, their experiences still mattered, and are not rendered worthless because of external circumstances about how they came into being

are people seriously doing a "THIS IS A DESTIEL MOMENT" from this? like. i guess.

also i hate that cas is having to apologize for "dropping the puck". he didn't. fuck off. he didn't drop the ball. dean didn't give a shit about felix being killed anyway so what the fuck.

misha and jensen both have excellent delivery though

I do like seeing dean play off ketch and belphegor and rowena, it's a nice change of pace

dude these stunts of getting thrown into a wall or a shelving unit like I realize they're stunts but OUCH

ahhhhhh that's kevin i hear osric's voice

kevin got the other ghost to go away by yelling at them lmaooooo I love him so fucking much!!!!!

so we're gonna retcon that kevin has spent the last what, four??? four fucking years? not in heaven, but in hell or purgatory or just wandering earth? remember how a year on earth is forty years in hell?

I'm glad I specifically have the devil's cut to drink to kevin getting fucked over because I'm already enraged

** "DRINK FOR KEVIN" COUNT: 1 **

god he's been on the screen for less than sixty seconds and he was just never sent to heaven because god lied, I'm so glad I have bourbon for this. fucking buckleming, how do they keep getting put in charge of kevin episodes

I got up to get my kevin keychain to watch the rest of this episode with I'm so mad holy fuck I'm so mad, it just never stops

the amazon subtitles: "the vegetables and herbs are finely chopped and added to a SEXY pastiche of fragrant tripe"

thinking emoji, did you mean zesty....

I took like a 30 minute break because I was so mad just now about kevin being denied access to heaven like fuck you

the break was so long that amazon timed out, goddamn it

oh so we can't get kevin into heaven because god's not around to make an exception and god hates the winchesters and how god feels about the winchesters extends to their surrounding "friends" and family. amazing. this is bullshit.

** "DRINK FOR KEVIN" COUNT: 2 **

"whiny kevin tran! typical millennial." he should whine more. he has every right to be furious

also amazing that bobby and john manage to stay in heaven, and chuck didn't cast them down to hell along with mary out of spite when this all went down? so like... why not kevin. AMAZING!!!!!!

** "DRINK FOR KEVIN" COUNT: 3 **

sam has the dignity to actually look concerned instead of just annoyed

oh I like sam being linked to chuck lmaooooo

I do love this shot of a bunch of ghosts just hanging out in some suburban kitchen.

osric is so handsome I'm so glad to see him on this again

"you know how the hellspawn are, all they talk about is sam and dean, sam and dean" maybe the only time jack the ripper has been right about anything

not a fan of this extremely heteronormative bullshit courtesy of buckleming

also left-brain/right-brain is basically a lie isn't it

this fucking music. I'm so sick of buckleming

like I would be fine with this if it had been written by literally anyone else but this is the worst shit, nobody flirts like this

the road is "FAIR WYND", that's the cousin of zack fair and cid highwind

she hooked up with jack the ripper briefly? weird flex but okay

oh kevin is now being held GHOST HOSTAGE because dean told him to go do some reconnaissance

** "DRINK FOR KEVIN" COUNT: 4 **

also I paused on a screenshot that's extremely funny to me

oh I don't like hearing kevin screaming :(

drinking for kevin being tortured by jack the ripper trying to ghost-vore him

** "DRINK FOR KEVIN" COUNT: 5 **

I'm also waiting for the ghostbusters containment thing to backfire and swallow him too

DEAN: you can see them, how many are there "BELPHEGOR": 100 at least, more keep coming

convenient way not to animate 100+ ghosts

oh ketch took off the fucking iron, or maybe it fell off when he was hurt?

good job rowena for real

CASTIEL: I tried to heal him, but it didn't work. I don't know why. SAM: You're probably just tired, Cas. We all are.

for fucking real the biggest sastiel mood is taking naps

also this is troubling

it's like legitimately weird to see them call an ambulance on this show? I guess since they're posing as FBI agents it's more feasilble but

SAM: I'm sorry, Kevin. I wish there was some way to make this right. KEVIN: Me too, but there isn't. And sometimes you just gotta accept that.

actually fuck you lmao holy shiiiiiiiiiiiit omg fuck this

I'm about to drink the rest of the kevin-designated devil's cut

"there's nothing to keep him tied to earth, he'll go crazy!"

hey what about y'know

his mom...........................................

I'm screaming

"I love you guys" osric I know you love them IRL but this is so unfair for kevin the character

I like alexander and osric in the same shot, that's kind of fun, I enjoyed their panel I watched

and there's him waving goodbye. this is so unfair. time to down the rest of this

** "DRINK FOR KEVIN" COUNT: 666 **

to kevin, and to osric

thank fuck I was already in the middle of writing fix-it fic, this is injust

I have such mixed feelings because I'm so happy to see osric back but like AT WHAT COST, the worst timeline

there's a finality to this too like he's not coming back after this unless there's massive all-cast-reunion episode at the tail end in a paradise party AU but I doubt it

goodbye Kevin, this sucks :(

I'm more motivated than ever to finish this fic

"Even on your best day, you couldn't force my hand." is a pretty good line

also negative space is not inferior or "backup vocals"? it's part of a composition

you fucking know what buckleming is that WE CAN FIGURE OUT THAT THERE'S A NARRATIVE PARALLEL ABOUT HER LEAVING HIM TRAPPED WITH HIS CREATION, WITHOUT YOU SPELLING IT OUT jesus christ

bluhhhhhhhhhh I liked the premiere a lot more

OC meme answers

Filling out the previous post.

1. Your first OC ever? The earliest character I remember making was an armored flamethrowing bad guy named Cinder. I made him to be an antagonist for my brother's OC. Cinder is an industrial saboteur in his current incarnation. 2. Do you have a personal favourite among your OCs? I am probably most fond of Nick Chapel, Psychic Detective. 3. Have you ever adopted a character or gotten a character from someone else? Several. A good handful of my characters were PCs in tabletop games I ran. 4. A character you rarely talk about? The less developed they are, the less I talk about them. 5. If you could make only one of your OCs popular/known, who would it be? I have several favorites but I think the world would get the most milage out of Man Man. He always manages to be in the wrong despite his best intentions. 6. Two OCs of yours that look alike despite not being related? There are trends. Open shirts. Facial hair. Tattoos. Sunglasses. No capes. 7. Are your OCs part of any story or stories? I'm building fuel for several stand alone books set in a common universe. 8. Do you RP as any of your OCs? If you do, introduce one of your RP OCs here! Nick Chapel and Swingin' Johnny Go both began as Old World of Darkness characters. Nick was my Gangrel and Johnny was an Ecstatic mage. 9. Would you ever be willing to give any of your OCs to someone else? I would give back what I have borrowed. I might lend an OC if said OC was already well established and characterized. 10. Introduce an OC with a complicated design? What, visually? Probably Upside Downe is the most complicated because he's more of a celebrity (of the modern fashion) than a superhero. As such his look varies from day to day but is always flamboyant. In his early conception I took some inspiration from Dennis Rodman. Nowadays he's closer to Red Foo. 11. Is there any OC of yours you could describe as a “sunshine”? Maybe el Constrictador. 12. Name an OC that isn’t yours but who you like a lot I tend to be drawn to any character who is a fanatic or a literal angel, preferably both at the same time. 13. Do you have any troublemaker OCs? Lady Angst is true to her name. 14. Introduce an OC with a tragic backstory I try to stay away from that trope since it's done into the ground in the superhero genre (see women in refrigerators.) That said, I suppose Maxine Force has seen some tragedy of late; her husband died suddenly and painfully, Maxine tried to transfer his consciousness into an AI, and then said AI was overwritten and appropriated by enemy agents, resulting in a twisted android mockery of a good man. 15. Do you like to talk about your OCs with other people? AD INFINITUM 16. Which one of your OCs would be the best at biology (school subject)? Definitely Professor Pinnacle though Man Man is a close second. 17. Any OC OTPs? Lady Angst/Swingin' Johny Go, as well as Zapatta the Mystic/Maid Malice 18. Any OC crackships? Idano, I guess Nick and Melanie Plutarch. That's going nowhere. 19. Introduce an OC that means a lot to you (and explain why) I'm still working on this character but Quanta is based on a teacher I respect. 20. Do any of your OCs sing? If they sing, care to share more details (headcanon voice, what kind of songs they like etc)? The Fat Lady is a coloratura and an amazing improvisational singer, though she tends to shatter all glass in the vicinity. Johnny is the front man of a swing band and can also use his sonic powers to manifest music but he says it's just not the same as a live performance. 21. Your most artistic OC Again, Johnny. In addition to singing and playing, he crafts string instruments semi-professionally. 22. Is there any OC of yours people tend to mischaracterize? If yes, how? I have to be very deliberate in my depiction of Solomon King. He's a guy wearing a flag so I have to be clear with his characterization and his ideals, or else people would just project their personal politics on him. 23. Introduce OC that has changed from your first idea concerning what the character would be like? Thorn was originally just some generic beefy white dude in his 20s with plant powers. The current Doctor Thorn is 50 or older, a genius botonist, black, an amputee, and very cynical owing to the public's past reception of his race. Hell, public's not crazy about him right now. 24. If you could meet one OC of yours, who would it be and why? I would meet the Stregga Sisters so I could ask what their deal is. I need to develop them. 25. The OC that resembles you the most (same hobby, height, shared like/dislike for something etc?) As a younger man, that would most closely be Johnny but now I'm turning 39 and I identify more with Nick. We both prefer classic movies. 26. Have you ever had to change your OC’s design or something else about them against your will? I was confronted with how 7 out of 7 of my most significant American figures were all male so I gender-swapped Maxwell Force into Maxine. S/he's more interesting now. I have plenty of female characters (close to half) and a loooot of female second bananas but the lack of female leadership is still something I'm struggling with. 27. Any OCs that were inspired by a certain song? Actually, the first plot scenario and its main perpetrators came to me in a dream, complete with a rap song. So in particular Edifice Wrex is the rapper of my dreams. 28. Your most dangerous OC? DEFINITELY the Chokester. Imagine the Joker crossed with Venom and classically trained in traditional European buffoonery. 29. Which one of your OCs would go investigate an abandoned house at night without telling anyone they’re going? Several, really. Nick, Zapatta... Lady Angst would live cast it. 30. Which one of your OCs would most likely have a secret stuffed animal collection? La Nina maybe. Of course life on the road would mean nowhere to keep it... 31. Pick one OC of yours and explain what their tumblr blog would be like (what they reblog, layout, anything really) Let me point out that I myself have been involved with goth culture since about 1995. That said, Lady Angst is heavily involved with social media and reblogs all the most ridiculously stereotypical goth stuff with plenty of vaguebooking thrown in as she bemoans her personal situation and throws shade at people in the community. She has the worst kept secret identity in the whole long underwear game. 32. Which one of your OCs would be the most suitable horror game protagonist and why? Spiderbite Emma is a pragmatic survivor. Plus she can turn people into wolves so she's got that going for her. 33. Your shyest OC? I've gathered many brazen personalities, them being superheroes and all. That said, probably Catfight. Her anthro-feline body is a constant target for unwanted attention. 34. Do you have any twin characters? Not at this time. 35. Any sibling characters? Reveal: Angst and Emma are sisters! Don't tell no one. Be cool. I'm still cooking the Force family but there's the young adult Gail Force and the tween Maxwell (found a new use for that name.) 36. Do you have OC pairs where the other part belongs to someone else (siblings, lovers, friends etc)? Nope. 37. Introduce an OC who is not quite human Like all of them. I just got finished fleshing out a OC who's a sasquatch, Professor "Squatcho" Henderson. 38. Which one of your OCs would be the best dancer? For all her flaws, sucking at dancing is not among Lady Angst's failings. Zapatta is two thousand years old and lascivious so he can probably cut a rug. For that matter and for similar reasons Santacles would know every winter folk dance there is. 39. Introduce any character you want I have a fondness for the Keeper, a combo speedster/tank. She’s Britain’s most popular hero, goalkeeper themed, and seven and a half feet tall. She was born out of some RPG build experiments, the idea being that her low end cosmic awareness tells her what’s happening, her speed helps her intervene, and then her thick skin absorbs the hit. 40. Any fond memories linked to your characters? Feel free to share In my early 20s I used to hang out at night with friends of mine in the local all night diner, drinking unlimited coffee, playing games, eating the breakfast buffet, etc. We were all either just out of college or just out of high school and we were all commiserating our bleak futures. I would sketch and color a character pic every night. Most of those characters are scrapped now but a few (like Sonofagun) have made the cut. The pictures got moldy in storage, sad to say. 41. Has anyone drawn fanart of your OCs? If yes, maybe show a picture or two here (remember sources & permissions!) See above. 42. Which one of your OCs would be the most interested in Greek gods? Many of them ARE Greek gods. My Mary Sue, Mail-man would be most genuinely interested. 43. Do you have any certain type when you create your OCs? Do you tend to favour some certain traits or looks? It’s time to confess See above, #6. 44. Something you like about your OCs in general They are diverse and few have anything stereotypical about them. They are all their own people. 45. A character you no longer use? NEVER ASK ME ABOUT STEVE 46. Has anyone ever told you that you treat your OCs badly? Nah. I'm so wary of fridging characters that I don't heap much abuse on them. Plus, there's a revolving door on death. 47. Has anyone ever (friendly) claimed any of your OCs as their child? As I've said, some are on permanent loan from their player parents. 48. OC who is a perfect cinnamon roll, too good for this world, too pure Nah. Maybe Catfight. She's trying to get into Man Man's crew and it's going to be disastrous. 49. Which one of your OCs would most likely enjoy memes Probably Magnum Opus. 50. Give me the good ol’ OC talk here. Talk about anything you want Top Rocker of Earth has a passing similarity to Lobo in that both are cosmic bikers and general nasty asskickers but in truth Top draws most from Terrax the Tamer. If you want, you can tag your ask answers with #yetanotherOCmeme so I can check them out too `v´9