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lyrebright · 1 year

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I posted 500 times in 2022

That's 187 more posts than 2021!

62 posts created (12%)

438 posts reblogged (88%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@lyrebright

@starcrossed-sky

@causalityparadoxes

@vaspider

@rinastray

I tagged 250 of my posts in 2022

Only 50% of my posts had no tags

#xbc3 - 34 posts

#lyre does tma - 31 posts

#lyre rambles - 19 posts

#niafic - 14 posts

#lyre writes - 11 posts

#laugh tag - 7 posts

#critically acclaimed mmorpg - 6 posts

#tma - 5 posts

#inspo - 5 posts

#lmao - 4 posts

Longest Tag: 137 characters

#first of all his almost breakdown centered in around having to read the ones that need the tape. thinking about what i observed in mag032

My Top Posts in 2022:

niafic wordcount progress

10k!

23 notes - Posted September 5, 2022

i am going to finish this noelfic chapter for pride month i swear on all that is good and gay

27 notes - Posted June 2, 2022

I think a lot of people online these days that consume media and participate in fandom completely misunderstand and disregard the value of tragedy

59 notes - Posted May 30, 2022

Season 2 of The Magnus Archives was an experience.

Season 1 was fun and atmospheric, but even as the plot outside of the statements became more and more prevalent, the vibes of it were still very anthology horror. From the start, S2 diverged from that with the addition of Jon's supplementals at the end of each statement--with the meta plot and the statements being far more tightly interwoven. The mystery is no longer whether or not what is going on is real, or Jane Prentiss: Prentiss is dead, and we know the supernatural is real for certain, and more to the point, so does Jon, and he always has.

Hearing that in MAG039 that Jon has always believed the "real" statements--the ones that would not record on modern equipment, only on tape--but had pretended not to because he felt watched was something of a reframing of everything for me.

Until then, I hadn't really thought about how, oh, yeah, they're still doing the bogus ones that record easy peasy as well as the ones we hear.

Maybe it would have been easier to keep it in mind if I was listening to the episodes as they aired (like one a week, I believe?) instead of binging them. Like...that would have really sold the toll you can hear them take on Jon. Once a week, you encounter a statement that won't record like the rest, and the dread creeps up on you as you know, you know, what is written down here on these pages is different to the vast majority of what fills the archive, and you desperately do not want to think that means it is real, but you sit down with your tape recorder and you do your job and as you recite those awful awful words you can Feel you are not alone. Something Is Seeing You.

It Really makes the accidents he makes re: dates and names in some statements more understandable, actually. And explains why he doesn't want to re record them to fix those mistakes--sounds exhausted at the very idea.

I was keeping this in mind as I went through S2, using it to inform my new understanding of Jon's character and the progression of his arc and development--

--and then the finale, and perhaps more pertinently, the first episode of S3, broke that understanding once more down to its foundations.

(Keep in mind that I have not seen past MAG081. I stopped myself from progressing further so as to not give myself even MORE backlog on my liveblog posts to finish, and to write out my thoughts on Jonathan Sims as he and they stand right now, before canon gives me more to work with.

I reiterate: I have only seen up to MAG081, 'A Guest For Mr. Spider;' please do not spoil me for anything further along in canon.)

The revelation that MAG081 gave me is both very layered and very simple (and, I'm sure, has been discussed to death already because I am very late to this party :P): Jon's character is best understood through the lens of his trauma.

Of course, it makes his hatred of Leitners make so much more sense, as well as his hatred of spiders--I think it personally even made some things click as to why he was so quick to believe Jane Prentiss as Real when he denied other events with similar amounts of evidence; while I have since come to the conclusion that whatever the spiders are, They ARE Their Own Thing, I was initially lumping them in with the other bugs, and Jon, encountering a worm woman, could very well have done the same--these are things he has survived, and thus fears all the more intently, because he knows them.

What's quite a bit more telling about Jon As A Person to me, though, is the things he says in his own statement that he seems not to think much of. Jonathan Sims was, by his own words, a "deeply annoying child," and I can't begin to explain how much that hurts me, as an ND adult who related to a lot of how he explained his reading habits, though in the other direction (I would fixate on only one thing and read it and only it for weeks).

It opened up my eyes to the fact that Jon definitely sees himself in a negative light. I'm not sure just yet how deep that self hatred runs, but there's no denying it's there. Somehow, he buried his pessimism under his mask of skepticism and snark, but it's almost more real than either of those things, and it's only aggravated by the survivor's guilt he carries even to this day.

It's a lot. This man--I don't yet know Jon's exact age, but from context clues of his personal timeline he has to be around thirty, I think? Maybe just before or past it?--underwent a severe trauma at the age of eight. It's very much understood that the first decade of life very much does inform a lot of who you'll grow up to be, and Jon didn't undergo anything so easy to explain as a car accident or physical abuse. No, on top of the already damaging record of being an orphan and being raised by a grandmother he knew resented having to do so, Jon's greatest childhood trauma came in the form of watching a bully twice his age getting taken by a giant spider that had initially been aiming for him.

That's...not something you can explain, and have believed, and Jon knew that. But it also means it's something he couldn't get support for; it means that even as he knew it was real and remembered it as real he was likely asking himself: Was That Real? and that sort of doubting of your reality is damaging for anyone, let alone a child under ten!

Is it any wonder, then, that he found himself drawn to puzzling out the paranormal? Is it any wonder, then, that when encountering more cases of true encounters, that his idea was equal to the childish and simple ideal of If I Can't See You, You Can't See Me?

And is it, then, any wonder, how spectacular a mental breakdown he has in the lead up to the S2 finale?

Going into TMA, I was told by almost all my friends who have listened to it that I was going to like Jon. "He's your type," they told me, "total blorbo material," and listening to the early episodes I could only think...surely not. What do they think of me?

But I first started to change my mind around the time of his first live statement; Naomi Herne. Maybe I read this differently than most, but for all his bluster and terrible bedside manner (which actually got him a complaint, which is still hysterical, I'll be more lovely, he says, like this is something he's been harped on at before, in those exact words), I sincerely do think that when he suggested she reach out and maybe speak to someone: he was being sincere. She just took it poorly, because Jon had spent the rest of their time together acting poorly.

This is a running theme as time goes on--even more so throughout S2, to be honest. But it doesn't just start after the trauma of the S1 finale; Martin is being menaced by Jane Prentiss, because he encountered her trying to prove himself to Jon's exacting standards, after Jon has spent the rest of the season thus far being hypercritical of him? With MAG081 in mind, it's easy to see how Jon's survivors guilt immediately kicks into gear and berates him for how he's been acting when he knows, he knows that the supernatural is out there and it's deadly.

He immediately tells Martin to stay in the archives, where he thinks it will be safe. And this compassion continues as a core part of his character, even if that's really all we get to see of it--the core, under the mask. He's gentle and concerned with Sasha in her live statement, too, and immediately goes to argue with Elias about better "defenses" for the archives with new knowledge in mind. And it doesn't end there! He's still a snarky little bitch about it, but each interaction with Melanie throughout S1 and S2 made me :D. And, one of perhaps the most standout moments in my mind, currently:

Helen Richardson. God, I'm still having so many feelings about that episode.

Imagine you're Jon. You've spent all this time thus far trying desperately not to see the things you are seeing so as to not be seen by the thing you are sure is seeing you, but then a worm woman attacks you, and you're badly scarred, and your predecessor was murdered, and there's an itching sense of Something Is Wrong, Someone Here Is Lying To Me that you cannot shake, and it is only aggravating your paranoia. On top of that, you can no longer hide your head away in the sand; you have admitted your skepticism was an act, you are throwing yourself headfirst into chasing after the spooky things you've only been reading about up to this point because you need answers, and even when you're not running around in creepy tunnels, you cannot escape the new reality that you have found yourself a part of because it is now choosing to intrude on you directly.

Jon's instant connection with Helen--and his recognition of Michael and, no doubt, his subtle, unconscious fear that Helen could have very well been Sasha--is currently one of the most tragic things that have happened in TMA, outside of Sasha herself (don't worry, ha, I am Bracing For Worse).

Jon's history with the live statement givers isn't the greatest; outside of Martin and Sasha, they all seemed to find him short or abrasive at best, even if they didn't all lead to a formal "knock it off" from Elias. But with Helen, he's sympathetic, he's empathetic, he's gentle, he believes her, and when she's taken once more by the very monster that she had managed to escape, right from his office--well, he attacks that monster. Give her back, he says, of a woman he's known for five minutes, and gets stabbed for his trouble.

I am not a brave man, Jon says of himself, but I think that's more of his negative self framing, because you can be brave and still afraid, brave and still a coward; the antithesis to bravery is not fear, it is antipathy, and if there is one thing Jon is firmly good at it is feeling things, deeply.

Helen, I think, is the real firestarter to the pinnacle of this part of Jon's development, that culminates in all that Sasha was. When he was a child, a monster snatched away a life right before his eyes, one he can't help but feel like should have been his own.

And when he was an adult, two monsters did the same to two women he felt a connection to--though he didn't realise the first one had happened til much, much later.

S2 had me riding a highwire of tension. I've mentioned in my liveblog posts that what happened to Sasha struck at a personal, deep-seated and fairly irrational fear of mine, so I was waiting, the entire season, for something to happen with Not!Sasha. Hearing Jon later muse that his paranoia was aggravated and worsened by the presence of Not!Sasha was honestly highly validating, because it was doing that to me, too.

See the full post

74 notes - Posted July 9, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

so! you want to rip a fic from fanfiction dot net?

I’m sure at this point we’ve all seen the posts about FFN’s inevitable demise. Not to downplay how much that would suck, for all we riff on FFN--but people have been saying that for literal years at this point, and while I do not doubt that FFN is dying, it’s probably not going to up and vanish on us in the next week. It’s got some good time of chugging and wheezing along left yet.

But among the panic there are people asking sincere questions about what can be done to save fics from FFN in the case of the site going down and taking literal decades of fandom history with it, and I’m seeing a surprising amount of people saying that the only way to do it is to either screenshot the fics or type them out yourself because copy/paste does not work on FFN. And that is just blatantly not true. There are many ways in which you can save fics from FFN. Here are just a few:

You can copy/paste directly from the mobile site. This is probably one of the easiest methods for anyone to do. Just click on the URL of the chapter you’re reading, and change the www. to m. Hit enter and the page will reload in mobile mode. You can now copy/paste the chapter right into a word document. You will have to go chapter by chapter.

CTRL+S. Go to the fic you want to save, and hit ctrl+s. Save the damn webpage. This will keep it in the exact format of the webpage, which you could see as a pro or a con, but it will also keep the ads, which does suck. You’ll also have to go chapter by chapter with this method but it does go a lot faster than manually copy/pasting the text.

HTML to PDF. This method I’m admittedly a little less sure about, since when I used it it was like, 2013 and I was in highschool so I’m not sure how viable it still is, but--just a quick google search should find you a website that will let you save a webpage as a PDF file. I have folders and folders of fics I saved back in highschool using this method. It will again have to go chapter by chapter and just like saving the webpage will keep the format of the site intact--down to keeping the ads.

Use a fanfiction downloader. Two I’ve been using for years are FF2eBook and FicHub. You put in the link of the fic you want to download and it converts the entire thing into a file for you. Yes, the entire thing--you don’t need to manually go through chapter by chapter. By default, both sites download in epub format, though FicHub does have a few other options. I’ve never really experimented with them though because I’m personally fine with epub, and there are a million epub to pdf (or other file type) converters out there.

And there you go: a handful of ways for you to save your favourite fics before FFN goes under. Again, I don’t think it’s something to be too worried about, but the best time to do your part for fandom preservation was yesterday. The second best time is to get started right now. There is no reason to wait for FFN to be on its death bed to start saving fics. I’ve been doing this for years just so I have fics to read offline.

I’m a little too young to have been around for livejournal, but I was one of those weirdos that posted their first fics on quizilla. I remember when quizilla just...changed. And so much was lost. Looking back, almost none of what was posted on quizilla was actually good, but it was still something that someone put time and effort and passion into creating, and it was important.

There is almost no way that when FFN inevitably goes down that its entire archive will be saved. But we can do our best to save as much as we can. Stop panicking and start saving.

1,129 notes - Posted September 20, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review

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phanfictioncatalogue · 2 years

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5k-10k Words (6) Masterlist

Links Last Checked: February 21st, 2023

part one, part two, part three, part four, part five, part seven

A Picture Lasts Longer I 9k I (ao3) - satans_spaghetti

Summary: Dan and Phil are rival hitmen and meet irl at one of their jobs but they’re undercover, so they begin forming a relationship as their aliases. (One part)

A Piece Of You I 8k I (ao3) - Spring_Haze

Summary: When Dan travels to the English countryside to participate in the BBC's Writer's Retreat, he and Phil do everything that they can to stay connected, despite the miles between them.

This fic is based on the BBC's Writer's Retreat that Dan attended in May 2019.

Crisis Over The Blue Moon I 7k I (ao3) - AmazingFrerard

Summary: In which two of England's favourite Youtubers have superpowers.

Crossing Lines I 8k I (ao3) - ordanary

Summary: They’ve been fake married for four years, and as their contract is coming to an end, Dan wonders if now might be the best time to tell Phil he’s been in love with him since 09.

Down In The Forest I 5k I - paradisobound

Summary: Dan Howell is the heir to the throne in his kingdom, due to marry and take the seat within the year. However, he doesn't want that. Running away to the clearing outside of his kingdom every night, he meets Phil, who is from a neighboring kingdom. As Dan develops feelings for Phil, he realizes that his crush on Phil is actually problematic in more ways than one.

Fade To Black I 7k I (ao3) - sierraadeux

Summary: Films, flirting, and other things that start with f.

Fall To Your Knees (Bring On The Raptures) I 5k I - shinedan

Summary: When Dan watches his dream of being a professional pianist dangle dangerously in the balance after injuring his wrist, he discovers that damaged nerves hurt less than damaged spirits. When Dan meets a cacophony of a boy who later becomes his best friend, he discovers that he gets to decide whether or not fate is a gift or a curse.

i jump for my phone every moment it lights up I 5k I (ao3) - natigail

Summary: Dan left YouTube behind to become an actor, but years later when coronavirus hits and forces him into self-imposed quarantine he rediscovers an old passion of his - AmazingPhil. He hadn’t counted on becoming internet friends with him, or falling in love for that matter.

Love Like You I 8k I (ao3) - xoPrincessKayxo

Summary: Fairy!AU- Dan and Phil are happy being the Guardians of the Fairies, making sure each fairy chooses the right path for their child. Until one day, when they make a decision that changes everything

missed connections I 6k I (ao3) - sierraadeux

Summary: of routines slipping from desperate fingers and not knowing how to navigate.

ring the bell I 8k I (ao3) - indistinct_echo

Summary: He needs to reacquaint himself with his body, remind himself that it’s merely a tool for moving through the world and not a decoration intended for everyone’s viewing pleasure but his own.

When his fingers brush over velvet and metal in his search for the jumper, Dan knows exactly how to get the reset he needs.

slutty, slutty soulmates I 6k I (ao3) - sierraadeux

Summary:

Easy, not stupid. And maybe Dan does have some standards. Not like he’s thinking about settling for anything while he looks the guy up and down, so many of his boxes ticked it’s honestly a little overwhelming. or soulmates and where not to find them

Spoilers I 5k I (ao3) - fictropes, ahappyphil

Summary: “Fuck.” His younger self lets out a shaky breath, then he manages to compose himself enough to ask, “Do we have a dog?”

Super Amazing Project: Unsolved I 6k I (ao3) - yikesola

Summary: They find a hallway once they’re inside with a big, wide, broken window. It lets in more than enough light to film and the shot of the graffitied wall behind them is interesting. Phil sets up the tripod. They stand in frame, a safe foot of space between them. They both clear their throats. “Hey guys, and welcome to another episode of The Super Amazing Project!” A fic about canon divergence and hauntings.

then you walked in and my heart went boom I 6k I (ao3) - kishere

Summary: Sir Philip of Lester is being married off to the Crown Prince of England, Daniel, a man four years his junior. He doesn’t understand why, especially when Daniel seems to have no interest in claiming him as his omega.

When Winter Met Summer I 9k I (ao3) - cactusgal

Summary: A little love story about two feuding spirits who control the earth. One controls the cold and one controls the heat and they constantly battle for control on the planet. Mother Nature, who has taken the planet under her wing, finally decides it's time to do something. Inspired by Heatmiser and Snowmiser from A Year Without a Santa Claus and the Panic at the Disco song "When the Day Met the Night".

You Light Me Up I 8k I - icequeenjules26

Summary: From their 17th birthday on, wizards could try performing a spell to find their soulmate via marks on their arm. Phil was anxiously waiting for the day to perform it, but he never really expected it to fail…

Young Hearts I 8k I - placingglaciers

Summary: In which it is the last day of the fair and Dan is alone and needs someone to go on rides with. What transpires does not go according to plan, but that’s alright as Dan doesn’t mind falling in love, even if it is just for one night.

#phanfictioncatalogue #phanfiction #phanfic #phan #masterlists #5k #5k masterlist #10k #10k masterlist

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theangrycomet · 3 years

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HeadCannon: Ben Tennyson and Steven Universe can’t stand one another.

Ben and Steven, while they have many things in common, would NOT get along, despite both being pretty friendly people.

This is going to be a long one folks

Methods of Addressing Problems: Combat vs Pacifisim

Ben:

Do no harm but take no s***

Fight and subdue the person causing the problem

Attempt to work out a peaceful solution

If that doesn’t work, rinse repeat until someone of authority can help or opponent gives in

He ensures that his opponent can’t cause any more harm/trouble to those around them BEFORE trying to discuss a solutions

Steven:

Sing and dance it out

Attempt peace discussions

Sing song about friendship/ the problem/potential solution or the combination thereof

If that doesn’t work,repeat

If person causing problem engages in combat, use defensive tactics and continue to attempt peace, (song is optional at this point)

Poof only if necessary

Give person time after and continue peace talks

Generally his fights are in less populated locations. Not nearly as many people are indangered when he has to fight so his surroundings are expendable.

How they Grew up and how it affects their intergalactic view

Ben has had to fight multiple sides in conflicts he didn’t fully understand. He’s had to learn that there

Multiple sides to any problem that require multiple views on how to fix things

No such thing as a simple, long term solution

Learning to delegate problems to the appropriate people and leaders

Peace Treaties are more complicated than you’d think

Society as a whole is more important, though individuals have a strong impact as to what happens to it

Steven fought the tail end in a two-sided war between a resistance group and an empire

Usually 2 sides to a problem

No war = no more political responsibility for Steven

See Steven Universe Movie and Steven Universe Future

Delegating problems to individuals to solve for themselves

Little Homeworld

Individuals are more important than society’s designated roles for them

Whose in charge in space

Ben:

There are still laws in space, and while you may not agree with them they are there for a reason

Hence Loopholes

Plumbers will attempt to do the correct thing (this is not necessarily the case, but it’s Ben’s perspective)

Steven:

Free frontier unless you’re on planet, and even then the laws will not be in your favor so you can get away with ignoring most of them

No one really enforces law off planet

It’s up to your to fix problems

Gems Cause Ben problems

This is where I dive more into head canons, but the Impact of Gems going across other planets with the Idea that they can do what ever they want is likely bigger than Steven first imagined.

Economics: With Gems going to other inhabited planet, they single handedly wreck their economies

Causes shrinking working class

They don’t buy anything, so the flow of money becomes stagnant

Only the people who don’t need to eat, drink, or seek medical help (ie the Gems) can continue to work in increasingly harsher conditions

Once they reach complete economic collapse, the Gems simply move on to the next planet

Steven refuses to address this problem, Making it Ben’s problem

Law: Gems don’t Respect planetary government authority nor plumber authority

Steven also refuses to do anything about this

Little Homeworld teaches Gems they can do anything they want after all

War: Conflicts over new territories would break out in mass.

With the mass withdrawal of colonies, thousands of fully formed, extremely technological planets are left unoccupied and unused.Hundreds of wars break out to claim these new territories

The Gempire doesn’t keep track of unoccupied colonial planets so they don’t know nor care

Every planet wants Ben to fight for them

Spends a lot of time negotiating peace treaties

Political Power

Both think the other has WAY too much political sway just because of who they are related to and the fact that they have cool alien powers that they totally abuse

Conflicting Personalities:

The boys are polar opposites in ways that would grate on the others nerves

Ben is arrogant and cocky whereas Steven is humble and modest

To Steven, Ben seems like a jerk

To Ben, Steven seems like a wimp

Defensive Mechanisms/ Dealing with Frustration:

Ben uses his arrogance and laid back manner as a mask to cover up how much heroing takes a toll on his mental, emotional, and psychological health

Resulting in Ben refusing to open up about how he feels on a deeper level, even with people he trusts

Steven’s powers and LITERAL being depend on his ability to be honest about how he feels, both to others and himself

Resulting in Steven trying to push others to discuss their problems mutually in order to find a solution

Both are REALLY bad at acknowledging when their family is hurting them, and get defensive about it

I’m not going into how Gwen and Kevin were outright s***** partners in crime fighting to Ben at times

See Steven Universe Future episode with White Diamond

Contrasting Views on Romantic Relationships

Ben’s Romantic Luck is terrible, and he knows relationships take the time he doesn’t have to give

Additionally, in the words of Rook, his intergalactic fame as a Hero precludes all of his Relationship attempts

Not only is he wary of new relationships, his is weary of them as well

Steven knows that relationships are formed on communication, love, and trust

See his Relationship with Connie

Envy

Ben, whether he’d admit it or not, would be envious that Steven doesn’t have nearly the amount of problems as he does [from Ben’s perspective, not necessarily true to fact]

No constant calls for help for things the Aliens can handle by themselves

No random attacks from people who want to prove themselves

No irritating fans prying into his life

Steven’s actually able to maintain relationships, both platonic and romantic

No public hatred

No plans to slaughter you from numerous terrorist groups

Steven would be envious that Ben doesn’t freak out over what should be traumatizing incidents, and that if Ben really anted too, could completely get rid of his powers [from Steven's perspective, not necessarily true to fact]

No break downs

No outbursts

No one misidentifying him

No cleaning up past mistakes made before you were even born

The longer they know each other, the more irritating the other would become in their eyes. Once Ben goes Ben 10k, I wouldn’t be surprised if there wasn’t a full out brawl or two.

Now, would they be able to play nice in the sandbox and play it professional? Of course.

Just... don’t leave them alone in a room unsupervised for too long.

[Though I will admit, due to Reboot!Ben having less experience (meaning less BS to put up with) and being easier going over all, I think he would be fine with Steven, until his dimension’s Alien’s got caught up in the Gempire mess and started coming to Reboot!Ben to fix it. Than he’d be annoyed.]

#Ben 10 #Ben 10 OS #Ben 10 UAF #Ben 10 Omniverse #Ben 10 Reboot #Ben Tennyson #Steven Universe #and Steven!#Character Analysis #Relationship Analysis #Headcannons #AngryComet Rambles #This applies to my AU's #Leave your opinions below

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turning-dreams-into-chaos · 3 years

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Banished (Part 55)

~Banished Master~

Word Count: 4.7K

~Master~

*Based off episode 4x10 of the 100, Die All, Merrily*

*Bold/Italics are Trig!*

A/N: *same as last chapter*PLEASE READ! So, I’ve made the decision to go back to only writing the parts of the episode that Y/N’s in or parts I deem necessary. I’m just getting tired of writing out 10K parts and not hitting 100 notes. It’s too much work. I haven’t hit 100 notes for this series in a while. I can’t promise when the next update will be because it depends on the response I get to this one. Thanks everyone and thanks for being patient with me!

Previously...

“Lexa trained me in grounder combat.”

His eyes grew wide at your whispers. “No. That’s not an option.” He said before beginning to head back inside but you grabbed his arm.

“Bellamy.” You said, getting him to pause. He hesitated before turning to you, licking his lips out of worry. “We fight or we die.” You reminded him. Bellamy was about to object before you watched him furrow his brows, coming back to look over the ledge. You followed suit, trying to see what he was looking at before seeing a familiar face riding in on a horse. “Octavia?” you whispered, feeling Bellamy grip your hand tighter as he remembered the last he saw of his sister, running away from him for what he had hoped wasn’t forever.

Octavia stopped her horse when two men approached her, her eyes flying up to see you Bellamy looking down at her with two very different expressions. As the men got closer, her attention shifted and she got her mind back on track as she spoke to them. “I’m here for the war.”

No matter the outcome of this conclave, people were going to die. Whether it is your people or not, it wasn’t going to be good. You had been pacing back and forth in some random room in Polis, trying to set your mind straight. Your hands shook and you let your eyes close so you could focus on breathing, finding it hard to do so as you heard the chatter outside. People from every clan gathered around to watch the fighters accept their sigils to fight. Octavia would be one of those fighters, you’ve tried to get her to listen, but she’s refused.

Without waiting for your stress to eat you more, you left the room quickly, heading down to where you knew Octavia sat. People eyed you as you came outside, sending various glances your way but you couldn’t care, you just needed her to listen.

She was staring off at the ground when you entered. “You’re really going to do this? Risk your life for everyone?” She didn’t look at you, but you knew she was listening. You stepped towards her, clenching your fists. “O-“

“Why would you do it?” She asked, finally meeting your eyes. Your steps fell and you couldn’t give her an answer. Your people treated you like you were expendable. You wouldn’t be doing it for them.

You moved slowly, sitting next to her and looking ahead like she was. “If you do this,” you whispered, looking at her as she did the same, “If you do this, you win. Not for our people, not for me or Bellamy, win for you.” You took her hand, seeing her glance down briefly at them before she squeezed yours.

“I’m planning on it.” She assured you and you offered her a small smile before you could hear Gaia begin the ceremony outside. You took a deep breath, standing up, and looking at her. You didn’t say anything before turning to the door, not surprised to see Bellamy standing there. You pass him when you leave, pausing to look back at Octavia and to smile at him before leaving the siblings alone.

Clarke was standing outside as you walked out. You gave her a look but said nothing, just standing next to her. “You offered to switch places, didn’t you?” Clarke asked and you nodded. You were predictable, you didn’t want to risk Octavia’s life. Clarke put her hand on your shoulder before she was gone, heading to get Octavia.

You listened to Gaia, seeing other fighters get their sigils before Octavia walked past you with Clarke and Bellamy following right behind. The three of you followed Octavia, stopping to stand beside Kane and Jaha. “Octavia kom Skaikru, step forward,” Gaia shouted as you picked your head up, watching your best friend walk up to her and a necklace placed around her neck.

“She’ll be fine.” Clarke mumbled under her breath as you watched on, meeting Roan’s eyes, who stood next to Octavia before he looked away.

“Of course, she will.” You spoke harshly, feeling Bellamy’s eyes on you but you kept staring at Octavia. “She’s a warrior.” You swallowed thickly, trying to believe your words.

Gaia explained the rules, mainly to the participants, but everyone listened, know the fate of their lives lived in someone else’s hands. “We honor those who fall by the sword, but honor the one who yields it the best.” Gaia finished and no sooner than the words left her mouth did the last person you expect to show arrived.

“That would be me.” Luna, who no longer had a clan, wanted to fight. Everyone spun around at her voice, surprise striking everyone’s faces. Luna walked right between you and Clarke, almost hitting your shoulder with her walk as you pushed back into Bellamy, feeling his arms wrap around you instantly. She walked up on stage and stood before the flame keeper. “I’m Luna kom Flokru and I’m the last of my clan.”

“I know who you are.” Gaia snapped at her. “The Natblida who ran from her conclave.”

“I’m not running from this one.”

Despite Gaia’s disdain for Luna’s presence, she presented Luna with a sigil. “Accept this sigil, Luna kom Flokru, but with your clan gone, who will you fight for?

“I fight for no one.” Luna turned to the crowd as you all grew confused. “I fight for death!” She shouted and your stomach sank.

Murmurs set bout the crowd as Bellamy looked at you, pulling your attention off Luna. Luna held the vigil. “When I win, no one will be saved.”

Clarke grabbed your arm, tight with fear as you glanced around the now roaring crowd. “This isn’t good.”

---

To say you were nervous before the Conclave began was an understatement. You couldn’t keep your thoughts at bay as you stood with Kane, Bellamy, Clarke, and Jaha, each of you silently expressing your concern. Kane kept glancing at you, seeing you staring off, but he never said anything, knowing you wouldn’t want to talk to him.

“Skaikru.” Gaia called as she walked up behind you. “Three advisors to the Worgeda. The rest of you report to the safe zone, now.” You nodded, thanking her as she walked away before you took a deep breath.

“Come on,” Kane said as he looked between you and Bellamy, obviously knowing you two and he would be the ones going. “We have to get her ready.”

You nodded and turned to leave before Jaha grabbed Kane’s arm. “This conversation isn’t over.” He almost growled as you narrowed your eyes at him. “The death wave is coming and we’re risking the fate of our people on a blood sport?”

“The fate of everyone.” You cut in, getting his eyes on you. “You heard Luna.”

“She’s just one of 13.”

“You’re wrong.” Clarke helped you, knowing Kane wasn’t seeing what you both were. “She’s a nightblood novitiate, she’s trained in combat exactly like this.”

You nodded. Lexa trained you much like she was trained, much like Luna trained, you didn’t know what she was capable of. “You want us to cheat?” Bellamy asked as your eyes widened, glancing between them.

“No.” you tried not to yell, not wanting to attract outside attention to your group. “If we break the rules, we lose, and if we lose-“

“We die.” Kane finished for you.

Jaha scoffed. “The rules are not the problem, the game is. If we stop Luna and Octavia finds a way to win, does anyone truly believe that the grounders will accept Skaikru as the lone survivors?”

Everyone looked at you. “Yes.” You told them and Jaha groaned, finding lies in your words. “The conclave is sacred.” You assured them. “They will honor the winner and like it or not, we’re grounders now.” You turned to Clarke. “Get everyone to the safe zone. Bell, Kane, and I will get Octavia ready.”

She nodded and Jaha and she walked away, rounding your people to the safe zone. Kane left as well, heading to Octavia as you and Bellamy stood there. He watched Clarke leave. “She should go with you two.” He mumbled and you looked back at her before meeting his eyes.

“Are you crazy, Bell?” you asked, stepping closer to him and grabbing his hand.

“I wouldn’t know what to say to her.” He admitted with a sigh, squeezing your hand.

“You’re her brother, she’d want you there. Not being there when she’s about to fight for her life is worse than saying the wrong thing.” You offered him a soft smile and Bellamy nodded in agreement that he should be there. You pecked his cheek, getting ready to walk up with him before seeing Roan standing not far away, talking with some people. “Hey,” you said, getting Bellamy to stop walking. You threw a glance at Roan briefly as Bellamy’s eyes followed. “I’ll meet you up there?” Bellamy hesitated but nodded, watching you start over to Roan before he headed up the tower.

“Can I have a word?” You called out to Roan as he turned around, Echo too. “Alone?”

Roan didn’t command Echo to leave this time, obviously not trusting you since your attempt at becoming the commander. You didn’t push it. “What is it?”

“Luna can’t win. If she does, it's over for both of our people.”

“The time for alliances has passed. I’m fighting for my people today.”

He started to walk away but you spoke up, not letting him leave. “Can you beat her?”

“Of course, he can.” Echo snapped at you. “She bleeds like everyone else.”

“I wasn’t asking you.” you snapped back, narrowing your eyes as Echo and you glared at each other, a mutual hatred filling the air. You focused on Roan, seeing him glance between you both. “Can you beat her?” you asked again.

“I know it’s hard for you to accept that it’s over Y/N, but it’s over. You’ve made clear you have no respect for our traditions, but this tradition isn’t about respect. It’s about blood and if my blood spills here today and all hope is lost for my people, then I don't give a damn who ends up inside that bunker or if anyone does.”

He fell quiet and you just looked at him, disappointed in his words. “I guess that’s the difference between us, Roan.” You began with a shrug. “I want humanity to survive, even if it's not my people.” You started, not giving him another word. He watched you walk away and stop, turning to him. “Good luck today, Your Highness.” You spat the words out before you were gone, leaving Echo and Roan on the battlefield, unaware of the thoughts, much similar to ones of your own people, that were flooding Echo’s head and she followed Roan up the tower a few moments later.

You barely got into the prep room before the war drums were supposed to sound and you rushed over to Octavia, Kane, and Bellamy, seeing Octavia’s face soften. “You’re here.” She sighed out as you nodded and pulled her in for a hug.

“You thought I was going to miss my best friend fighting?” you asked her as you pulled away, seeing every other fighter head to their starting points. Kane patted Bellamy’s back, nodding to the side to give Octavia and you a moment. “Yu gonplei nou ste odon.” You whispered to her, squeezing her hands tightly. “Your fight isn’t over.” You repeated in English, knowing you were going to have to let her go. “You’re a warrior Octavia, so go out there and kick ass. I believe in you.” She smiled at you, letting you pull her in for a last hug before she had to go, the war drums sounding as everyone lined up to march to the battlefield. “May we meet again.” You mumbled and watched her go.

A pair of hands wrapped around your waist as you leaned back into Bellamy’s chest, twisting your head to look up at him with a sad face. “She’ll be fine.” Bellamy whispered but you knew he wasn’t fully believing himself. You turned fully, feeling his hands dip to your waist as you press your hand to his cheek.

“She’ll be fine.” You repeated his assurance before taking his hand, leading him to where Kane was waiting for you both.

Not knowing what was happening on the battlefield worried you beyond words. You wished you had been the one fighting. Your chance at survival might not have been much higher than Octavia’s, but at least you knew what was happening. This was torture. Octavia could dead this very second and you’d have no clue. Your leg bounced as you sat, thinking of anything you could as Bellamy stood next to you, wishing to calm you down but finding his nerves just as hard.

When Gaia came back from the balcony, you were on your feet immediately. “The first two champions have fallen.” She said and your hands grabbed Bellamy’s and Kane’s, not caring about your feelings towards the man as you all watched a Grounder walk to the clans who lost their chances in the bunker. “Gael Kom Ingranronakru,” she said as the clan’s fire was extinguished, “Yu gonplei ste odon.” Your heart sunk for the clan, but you couldn’t help the relief wash over you briefly before the next clan was revealed.

The man walked closer to you, right in your direction and you swore you stopped breathing. “Please don’t be her.” Bellamy’s voice cracked when he whispered, holding your hand tight as you leaned your head on his shoulder.

“Fio Kom Trikru,” Gaia said as you let out your shaky breath. “Yu gonplei ste odon.” The fire was put out.

“Oh my god.” You whispered, standing still with Bellamy and Kane. Bellamy pulled you in for a hug, burying his face in the crook of your neck as you held him close. “She’s still alive.” You said to him. “She’s still alive.”

Over his shoulder, you saw Indra and Gaia, both of them looking crestfallen for their fellow Trikru, as well as their chance at survival. You kept hugging Bellamy, seeing them hold each other well and you felt for them.

---

It never got easier with each mention of death and the fires dwindled to barely a few. 13 turned to 11 turned to 8 turned to 6 and soon it would be 1. “I’m gonna go lookout.” Bellamy told you, getting you out of your thoughts as you nodded at him, letting him go watch the conclave. You were seated on the side of the room, hearing the sadness of the fallen clans. Your eyes found Indra, standing off as well as you ventured over.

“I’m sorry about your champion.” You got her attention.

She looked at you for a moment before nodding. “Thank you.” She spoke, her eyes downcasted before glancing to the Skaikru flame, as bright as ever. “It seems Octavia is doing well.”

“You trained her. She’s a warrior because of you.” you said. She didn’t answer you, only watching the flame burn lightly. “Indra, if Octavia wins,” you began before stopping and taking a skipped breath, trying to find the words. “If Octavia wins, I want you to know you have a spot in the bunker. You and Gaia, it’s yours if you want it.” You knew making a promise like that was tricky, there was no assurance of room, but you needed to make it. You had to. Indra didn’t say anything, she didn’t have to, she just nodded and you took that as enough. Her arm reached out and you glance down at it, sharing a small smile before shaking it.

You headed out to the balcony, seeing Kane and Bellamy already there. “Any news?” you asked mere seconds before Gaia announced that Sangedakru is finished. Your face fell immediately.

Bellamy however looked confused. “What’s wrong?” Kane asked as you focused on Bellamy, putting a hand on his back.

“Blue cliff warrior just killed him with a bow. I saw it.” He said, his brows furrowing as you glanced to Kane, seeing him confused as well.

“I don’t get it.” You admitted, unsure of what’s making the men uneasy.

Bellamy enlightened you. “Kane and I saw her before the fight. She didn’t have the bow, she had two swords.”

“Maybe she picked the sword up.” You offered, trying to figure out what was happening. Bellamy pushed past you, however, returning inside as you and Kane followed. He looked around and shook his head. “What’s wrong?”

“Echo’s gone.” He said before taking off. Kane followed after him but you stood there, looking around the room and back at the balcony before following as well.

Kane was trying to stop Bellamy as you caught up in the hallway. “You don’t even know it’s her. It could be anyone down there.” Kane tried to reason.

“It’s Echo.” You told him, avoiding looking at them.

“How do you know?”

You looked to Bellamy, giving him a defeated look. “Because I think gave her the idea when I went to talk to Roan.” Bellamy’s face fell and you nodded, taking in your mistake. “I-I didn’t think she’d-“

“It’s okay.” Kane assured you, putting a hand on your shoulder and he was surprised when you didn’t push it off. “Gaia’s scouts will find her and Ice Nation will be punished.”

Bellamy wouldn’t hear of it. He started to leave before Kane grabbed his arm, keeping a hold on both of you. “They’ll never catch her,” Bellamy said, trying to get Kane to see. “Echo’s a spy, this is what she does.”

“You listen to me.” Kane said, using his authoritative voice you very rarely heard nowadays. It reminded you of when you were younger, watch Uncle Marcus on the Ark. “You get caught on that battlefield and we all pay the price. They'll execute Octavia, and all our people will be left to die.”

“If I am right, then Azgeda has two people in this fight, and we die anyway. And you think I should just stay here and do nothing?”

“No.” you spoke up, the gears turning in your head. “You wait until nightfall. No one will see you.” Bellamy hated leaving Echo out there, the possibility of her killing Octavia higher with every passing second but you were right. Nightfall was your best bet.

---

Nightfall couldn’t have come quicker, but unfortunately, you still needed to wait. There hadn’t been any reported deaths lately and it made your stomach knot. You needed to distract yourself. Luckily, or as much luck as you get, Kane was coming your way. “How are you holding up?” He asked as he took a seat on the ground next to you.

You shrugged, unsure really how you were holding up. This was terrifying. It was worse than when you were kidnapped by the grounders, at least then you knew what they were doing. Here you were in the dark. “I hate this.” You mumbled, dropping your head in your hands.

“I know. I do too.” He admitted, rubbing your back and you moved from his touch almost immediately, still mad at him. “Y/N-“

“The world’s ending Kane.” You cut him off. He nodded. “I’ll forgive you, I will, but not just like that. You betrayed the alliance that I risked everything for.” He swallowed as you stressed your words, trying to get him to see how bad it is. “I asked Roan if he could take Luna and he refused to side with Octavia fighting because of what you and Abby did.”

“I know.” He said and you scoffed, leaving it at that. Your conversation was interrupted by Gaia, announcing another clan’s demise, and no sooner than she had, did a woman start holding her fellow clanmate tight, crying out lightly for her son.

You couldn’t look away from the sight, watching the tears fall freely as your throat closed up. However, the scene reminded you of one thing, one thing that Kane might know the answer to. “Kane?” you whispered, tearing your eyes away to look at him, seeing his eyes become glassy before he met your eyes. He beckoned for you to continue and you hesitated.

You needed this. You needed answers.

“Did you know my father couldn’t have kids?” Kane’s face slowly fell. “Oh my god.” You whispered out of shock. He knew. “Oh my god!” You stood up, feeling your heart racing as you grabbed the wall, trying to get away from him but he just grabbed your arm.

“Y/N, wait.” He kept his voice low, glancing around and hoping no one was watching you both. You pushed him off, your hands shaking more than he’s ever seen as he let you go, following you as you rushed out of the room. “Y/N!” he called as you reached the hallway, running down it without any care. He ran after you, coming to a stop as you ended in an empty room and he watched you pace back and forth.

“You knew!” you yelled at him and your voice cracked and you clasped your eyes tight. You stopped moving, focusing on your breathing. Breathe in. Breathe out. Your hands clenched involuntarily as you fell onto the couch behind you your eyes slowly opening to see Kane moving slowly next to me. “How long have you known?” you tried your best to remain calm, but you didn’t know if you could.

“Since we sent you down to earth. I found a letter your mother had written to me before she passed.”

“Before she killed herself, you mean.” You corrected him and Kane reluctantly nodded.

“She told me everything in the letter.” He was staring off, remembering the small print your mother had left, telling him everything he needed to know, all on a little piece of paper.

“What else did it say?” You asked scared of the answer. If she told him everything, then there was more you didn’t know, and damn it, you needed to know. “Kane.”

“She told me,” he paused, reaching for your hand and without knowing any better, you let him take it. “I’m your father.”

His words died on your ears, your brain was suddenly unable to process anything as you looked at him, seeing the scared in his eyes as you shut down listening to him tell you how it all happened.

---

Bellamy had been looking for you and Kane since nightfall came minutes ago, but neither of you was to be seen. He was about to just leave, to go stop Echo without telling you and Kane before you came walking into the Throne Room, eyes red and wet and Bellamy was by your side in an instant. “What happened? Are you okay?” He wiped the tears from under your eyes as you nodded, meeting his eyes.

“I’m going with you.” you told him, licking your lips that were covered in stress bites from your teeth digging into them.

“What?” Bellamy asked, still concerned about you. “No, you should stay here, make sure nothing looks suspi-“

“I’m going with you.” you said with more force, and Bellamy’s mouth clamped shut, watching you glance over your shoulder to Kane who walked in at that moment, looking as bad as you had. “Please.” Bellamy had no idea what happened to you, but when your voice cracked, he wasn’t going to say no again.

The two of you snuck out as quickly and carefully as you could. You were in front of Bellamy, your knife drawn just in case as you led him around Polis. You were about to turn down a free corner before Bellamy grabbed your hand and you stopped, glancing back to see him pointing to Echo, donning a mask and her bow and arrow. You changed routes, heading to her position before stopping and pressing Bellamy and you flat against a wall.

A fighter from another clan had started to approach your position. Bellamy’s eyes found yours before he glanced off, seeing Luna approach and you both watched silently as Luna killed him faster than you ever could. You took a deep breath as his body fell and Luna walked away, using the moment to grab Bellamy and keep running.

You came upon Echo, hiding out in a building and firing arrows out a broken window. Her bow was drawn and she was amazing at Octavia through the window below. Bellamy went in first, opening the door and drawing her attention. Echo turned around, firing at the door before you rolled inside, keeping low as he knocked her down. You grabbed her bow off the ground as Bellamy jumped in, ripping her mask off her face and pinning her down, choking her in the process.

“Bellamy!” you whispered, about to help him before Roan appeared, knocking Bellamy off Echo. You were about to fight him, thinking he was another champion, or worse a scout before you realized.

“I should’ve known none of you could stay away.” He grumbled and pointed his sword at Bellamy and you as you helped him up. “I heard you all the way down the street. You're lucky I wasn't a scout.”

“We came to stop her.” Bellamy grumbled, pointing to Echo. Roan looked to you and you nodded.

His sword turned to Echo. “Explain yourself.”

“I was only trying to help save our people.” She tried to defend herself, using your plead from earlier as her point, just like you assumed.

“I am not my mother. I'm not willing to cast aside honor for power.”

She stepped forward, afraid of what her king would choose as her punishment. “No one has to know.”

“You misunderstand. I will not allow your dishonor to give Luna an advantage, and you will not shame our clan ever again.” You furrowed your brows, looking to Bellamy as you both watched them. You are Azgeda no more.” Your mouth fell open as Echo tried begging but he wouldn’t hear her out. “You're banished, Echo, and when I win this conclave--make no mistake-- there will be no place for you inside that bunker. Now get out of my sight, and off this battlefield without being seen, or know that you are the cause of the death of our people.” Echo, for once this night, listened and left without another word.

Roan turned to Bellamy and you. “I take it by your presence that Octavia's still alive.”

“That's right.”

Roan glare flickered between Bellamy and you, his sword separating the two of you from him. “If I call for a scout, she'll be executed right now,” he threatened. Bellamy grew tense next to you, but you knew Roan, he’d never take the fun way out. “but what fun would that be?” His eyes landed on you. “Besides, you still owe me that favor.”

“No, I don’t.” you stated simply, seeing Roan’s eyes narrow. “I’ve paid up already.”

“By what means?”

“Bellamy and I could’ve easily told Gaia and the scouts what Echo was doing. But we didn’t. Instead, we risked our lives and Octavia’s for you.”

You stood your ground, seeing the smirk on Roan’s face as he dropped her sword. “You two really think she can win, don't you?”

Bellamy and you shared a look, knowing exactly what Octavia’s capable of. “I wouldn't count her out if I were you.” Bellamy told him. “She's survived harder things than this.”

“Before she dies, I'll tell her she's lucky to have you as a brother.”

“I got a better idea.” Bellamy countered. “After she guts you and before you die, you tell her I was the lucky one.” You smiled at Bellamy, despite the situation you found yourself in. Octavia was going to win. You were sure of it.

---

Bellamy and you had to sneak back into the tower, which was easier said than down. You stayed together, looking around corners before the tower was in front of you. You were almost there. Bellamy and you shared successful looks, about to take a step forwards before a hand was placed over your mouth and nose. You started screaming for Bellamy, hitting whoever it was that had you before you slowly grew unconscious and fell into their arms, much like Bellamy had as well.

---

Your head was spinning as you came back but you ignored it. “Bellamy?” you gasped out before looking around, letting out a groan as you saw Bellamy wake up in a chair next to you, and Clarke and Jaha were leaning over a chair.

Bellamy and you slowly began to realize where you were. “What the hell did you do?” He asked them as you both stood up, Bellamy approaching them as you looked around the bunker.

“If only one clan could survive, It might as well be ours.” Jaha answered as you stood shocked.

“Clarke you agreed to this?” you didn’t want to believe it, that she would agree to a plan like this.

Until Jaha managed to render you speechless. “It was her idea.”

They chloroformed you both, took over the conclave, and left Kane, Octavia, Indra, and Gaia outside. “We did what we had to.”

Skaikru betrayed them all.

ALL TAGLISTS CLOSED

Sorry if I forgot anyone!

Permanent: @literal-fand0m-trash @nathaliabakes @colored-confetti @btsiguess-kpop @galacticstxrdust @independentgirl @hollymac79 @emcchi @rauwz @chewymoustachio @smilexcaptainx @faith-quake @johnmurphyisqueer @kettnerjanea @teenagereadersciencenerd @ladykxxx08 @annasofiaearlobe @awritingtree @ananad1 @agentnataliahofferson @the-unmanaged-mischief @wonderful-writer @theonly1outof-a-billion

Bellamy: @jodiereedus22 @mysterioustruffle @danielabetancourth @a-sweet-little-fangirl @werosies @brxghtlelune @gxvrielle

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#Bellamy Blake x Reader #Bellamy Blake imagine #Bellamy Blake series #Bellamy Blake #Bellamy Blake fanfiction #The 100 x reader #the 100 imagine #the 100 fanfiction #the 100 series #Banished #New part #part 55 #the 100

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duhragonball · 3 years

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I was thinking about Goku and Krillin's friendship and it occured to me that they spent months training with Roshi together but then only saw each other for maybe a day every few years. Have you ever had a realization that tripped you out like this?

This is a really good ask, anon, and I just wanted to take a moment to say so.

I have had a few ‘a-ha’ moments like these, but I’m kind of blanking on specific examples. I’ll see what I can come up with.

1) For openers, there’s the whole thing where the Red Ribbon Army has a Dragon Radar, but it’s nowhere near as sophisticated as the handheld one Bulma invented. I think the same holds true for Emperor Pilaf, but his gang is only three people. You’d expect the RRA to have the best equipment possible, because that’s their whole deal, and by normal standards they probably do have the best possible Dragon Radar... but Bulma’s is simply that much better, because she’s on another level. And it’s easy to overlook that, because Bulma’s supposed to be a genius teenager, like Donatello in TMNT, but the RRA’s Dragon Radar is the first hint that she’s even more special than we could have guessed.

2) Rewatching Dragon Ball in 2019, I gained a new appreciation for the filler episodes where Mr. Popo trained Goku. The first time I saw them, I was hoping we’d see Goku grow up and make progress over the three year gap, but instead they just focused on his early days on the Lookout, with Popo just saying things and Goku failing to understand. It was very frustrating to watch.

But in 2019, I noticed that all those episodes get paid off in the Piccolo Junior fight. Popo kept telling Goku to be “quicker than lightning” and “quiet as the sky”, and Goku just couldn’t figure out how to do that, let alone fight at the same time. He had to unlearn all the stuff that had helped him defeat King Piccolo, and he couldn’t do it... at first. But by the time he fought Piccolo Junior, he put it all together, as demonstrated with his big finishing move. Piccolo thought he had vaporized Goku, only for Goku to fly up into the air and crash into him. Why didn’t Piccolo sense Goku’s presence? Because Goku had learned to become as “quiet as the sky”. Why couldn’t Piccolo dodge it? Because Goku had learned to become “quicker than lightning.” So it vindicates those filler episodes pretty nicely. They weren’t just marking time, but they were setting up what the manga was going to do later.

3) I think last year, it hit me that Vegeta had probably never lost a fight before he went to Earth. That alone isn’t probably any big deduction. The only people stronger than him were all working for Frieza, and he knew to steer clear of them until he was ready. But it explains why he was so giddy about the zenkai effect. He had always known about it, but he never mentioned or cared about it until he experienced it for himself after losing to Goku, and then Zarbon.

Yeah, I think this occurred to me during a conversation about Vegeta killing Nappa instead of helping him. In theory, Nappa could have recovered and gotten a lot stronger, just like Vegeta did. But Saiyans Saga Vegeta didn’t care about that. He only gave his henchmen one chancemand discarded them as soon as they lost. This attitude would also explain why he never dared to challenge anyone at a higher level. He knew no one would show him any mercy, so the zenkai boost would have been meaningless to him.

So he might have regretted killing Nappa after he experienced the zenkai firsthand, although he was so drunk on his own increased power that he probably never stopped to consider it. But before Earth, Vegeta probably dismissed the zenkai as a crutch for lesser Saiyans. In his mind, a truly great Saiyan never loses battles in the first place. Or so he believed, until he lost a few times, and became stronger for it, and had to reconsider.

And that also explains how he warmed up to the Super Saiyan Legend over the course of one afternoon. He and Goku made such sick gains that week that he started to wonder if you could zenkai your way to Super Saiyan, and then he was begging Krillin to shoot him just so he could get a step closer.

4) In the same vein, it occurred to me at some point that Bardock was probably stronger than King Vegeta, and neither of them realized it. Maybe it was just a dub-ism, but I’m pretty sure “Father of Goku” has a line about Bardock’s power level being 10000. At the time it was released, 10k wasn’t that big a deal, but in the Saiyans Saga, Vegeta was somewhere around 18-24k. Later, he would claim to have surpassed his father as a child, so I think it’s fair to assume that King Vegeta must have been in that 10,000 neighborhood.

Which makes a nice subtle commentary on why the Saiyan Kingdom failed. They tried to breed better warriors, putting all their stock in the royal family, when the true secret lay in warriors like Bardock, who were constantly getting clobbered and healed. Prince Vegeta only started to make real progress once he began fighting on that same regimen.

5) Also about “Father of Goku,” Frieza only wanted Planet Kanassa subjugated because of the psychic powers of its inhabitants. I think the dub insinuated that the planet itself gave people those powers, but whatever the case, Frieza heard about these people with unusual powers and wanted them stamped out immediately. Just like he wiped out the Saiyans over the Super Saiyan Legend, and just like he planned to destroy Namek to prevent anyone else from using the Dragon Balls.

In short, Frieza fears and despises legends. Why? Because he’s so powerful that real people can’t hurt him, so his fears naturally turn to half-truths and folklore. He chases down ghost stories and rumors, because let’s face it, what else does he have to occupy his time. That’s why King Cold was happy to have the Saiyans working for him, while Frieza wanted them all dead. Cold didn’t share Frieza’s hangups. Cold barely knew what a Super Saiyan was, while Frieza thought about it all the time.

6) One day I thought about that timeline where Cell killed Trunks and took the time machine to find the androids. That specific timeline is pretty much empty. The Z-fighters are all dead, and so are all of the androids and Trunks. They don’t even have a Cell anymore because he went back in time and never returned. There’s still a population, I guess, because the Trunks of that world wouldn’t have just stood by while Cell absorbed everyone on Earth, but that’s about it. Bulma might have survived Cell’s attack on Trunks, but she’d be the only “name” character on the board. It just sounds like a pretty depressing world. Maybe this was the timeline Whis picked out to relocate Blunks and Future Mai in Dragon Ball Super.

7) It sort of blows my mind that the entire Majin Buu arc takes place over a couple of days. Like, episode 207 through 250 all takes place over one day. We know this because Goku only had 24 hours to be back in the living world, and that time was cut short by his use of SSJ3. Then the Elder Kai started doing his ritual to make Gohan stronger, and that took like 25 hours, I’m pretty sure. That wrapped up in #262, and there was no break in the action from that point onward, all the way up to the defeat of Kid Buu in #287. So yeah, eighty episodes over two days. It’s practically real-time footage, save for skipping over the Elder Kai’s ritual and Goten and Trunks practicing and sleeping.

It’s hard to catch on to this, though, because so much stuff happens in the anime version that leads you to think that it’s a much longer span of time. After Vegeta wrecks the stadium, the anime can’t decide whether or not Mr. Satan would stay there or return to his dojo. In the Fusion Saga, Mr. Satan wanders from Buu’s house to the nearest town, then he wanders to the next town over, doing his “Last Man on Earth” bit, except this all happens during the Gotenks/Super Buu fight, which barely lasts half an hour. In the afterlife, Chi-Chi is worried that she can’t find Gohan, but she wouldn’t have even been there that long, and wouldn’t she still be in line to meet King Yemma? She was one of the last Earthlings to die, so how did she end up in heaven so quickly?

8) I used to think Movie 13 (the Hirudegarn one) was canon, but the last time I watched it, I noticed all these glaring problems. They use the Dragon Balls in this one, which means it has to be set six months after the wish to make everyone forget about Majin Buum which means it’s been a year since Kid Buu was defeated. Okay, fine, except Gohan and Videl are still in high school. Shouldn’t they have graduated by then?

More importantly, their high school and Bulma’s house seem to be in the same city. I guess that’s an easy mistake to make. It took me a long time to even notice, but Orange Star High is in Satan City, which is a totally different place from West City. I mean, right? They’re not terribly far apart, but they’re not the same place either.

Then again, they seemed to make the same error in Episode 287, where Bulma’s out shopping and Great Saiyaman 1 and 2 foil a robbery. Are they in West City or Satan City? Maybe there’s more to this...

#ask duhragonball #dragon ball #Anonymous

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bettsfic · 3 years

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hey there! i apologize if this has been asked/answered before, but: do you have any advice on figuring out how to structure chapters of a multichap fic? it's my first time writing multichap in years and im kind of overwhelmed thinking about how to decide what to include in each chapter, where to end chapters, and what makes a strong choice for these things.

i write a bit about that here, but it’s more about how to get started. i also have a bit about plotting in the masterdoc linked below.

personally i believe the project will tell you how it wants to be chaptered and it will become evident once you get far enough. for me, once i get about 10k in, i can step back and look at the natural breaking points of the story and annotate where i think those breaks belong. then i split everything up into their own documents and continue. but i usually let that first chapter guide the pace of the remaining chapters.

ideally i like the first chapter to end on the “hook.” not all fics have to have hooks but i try to write them into mine. for me a hook is like a vehicle. at what point do the characters get stuck together in a moving box traveling very quickly down a metaphorical path? whenever that happens, that locking-in moment, that’s usually the end of my first chapter. sometimes that takes 2k words. sometimes 10k.

for fic specifically, a lot of my chaptering depends on the overall length of the fic and how much time i have to post. it takes me a loooong time to polish and post a chapter, so the shorter my chapters, the more of them there will be, the more comments i’ll have, the longer it’ll take to post. sometimes i don’t have the energy for that, and sometimes when i’m not well that kind of project will keep me grounded and stable when i’d otherwise be miserable. so chapter length can sometimes be about biting off the right amount to chew. if you can only focus on a thousand words at a time without getting overwhelmed, then that’s going to be now long your chapters are. if you can’t stand the thought of updating more than once a month with a behemoth 20k chapter, then that’s what you do.

i also try to end chapters at a precipice. not a cliffhanger (although i do enjoy throwing in a cliffhanger from time to time), but a moment of an emotional high or low. i don’t like ending chapters on beats of harmony when the action is at a lull. i try to end them with a distinct direction of what will happen next.

more context on that: consider the way tv shows end each episode. with sitcoms, generally each episode ends in a place of harmony. with one-hour dramas with a season-long arc, that harmonious moment generally hits at minute 10 of each episode, and ends on a moment of intensity, so you tune in next time. comic books work similarly, so you buy the next issue. (i learned about comic book pacing specifically from a Q&A with benjamin percy, who wrote the craft book thrill me.)

of course, i don’t mean this prescriptively. i don’t think there’s any right or wrong way to chapter. you could end a chapter mid-sentence if you wanted. as a reader it would be annoying but there’s nothing to say you can’t aggravate your readers, if that’s what you’re going for.

i hope this helps!

my carrd | writing advice masterdoc

#writing advice #Anonymous

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thethiefandtheairbender · 5 years

Text

i don’t hate you too :: why maiko works

There’s the common fandom consensus — and misconception — that Zuko and Mai’s relationship is based on apathy or cruelty and that they fuel this apathetic life view in each other. That their relationship is based on shared misery. Most of this critique is directed, whether consciously or not, towards Mai for her aloof, apathetic attitude, or claiming that she is just another abuser in Zuko’s life.

All of this could not be more wrong, and here’s why.

The first thing that needs to be understood is that Mai and Zuko are both survivors of emotional abuse. Mai is abused by both her parents and Azula, and Zuko is abused by his father and Azula. Both Mai and Azula acknowledge the abusive nature of Mai’s parents, who are rather like Toph’s, strict and controlling in an upper class lifestyle. Zuko eventually comes to firm stance against Azula and stands up to his primary abuser, Ozai, while Mai eventually stands up to hers, which is Azula. And how these dynamics affect them, and how Azula effects their relationship, is something I’ll get into earlier, but simply put: if you don’t think that Mai has suffered from emotional abuse, then you don’t understand her character, and you frankly have very little sympathy for female survivors who don’t respond to their abuse in ways that you find acceptable or likeable.

Okay? Okay.

Onto more parallels between them, Mai and Zuko are both are also high ranking nobles in the Fire Nation with a shared base understanding for royal etiquette and expectations. Each character is deeply unhappy as a result of all of these circumstances, and see being taken from the Fire Nation as a cause; Mai is ‘bored’ and unhappy in Omashu, and Zuko is bitter and angry in his banishment, having traversed seemingly most of the Earth Kingdom sea before turning his search to the Southern Water Tribe. Both want a way out; Zuko is presented one by Aang’s appearance and Mai is ‘given’ one by Azula. Each way out is their primary narrative purpose for the first book of each of their characters. However, by the second (Earth for Zuko, and Fire for Mai) their motivations and circumstances have in some ways radically changed.

To a certain degree, they both wear masks to hide their true intentions. Mai hides behind the apathetic nature she’s largely created as a survival tactic, and Zuko hides behind the Blue Spirit, and both masks are thrown away in a moment of truth, in the wake of a Selfless deed. They’re both the older sibling in their families, seemingly less loved than their younger sibling as well, and both wield sharp metal items (Zuko’s dual swords and Mai’s knives) that represent their natures.

And with that all said, let’s begin.

[Warning: this got way longer than expected so just... get prepared for like 10k of meta lmao]

BOOK TWO: EARTH

Return to Omashu written by Elizabeth Welch Ehasz

As this is Mai’s introductory episode I’m mostly going to be talking about her, but I will get more in depth to Zuko as well. This episode develops most of Mai’s primary relationships, including foreshadowing her future one with Zuko, showing that it was in the cards early on.

Mai herself is introduced within the primary context of her family and her apathy. We already know a bit about her before this too, though, as we know Omashu has come under Fire Nation occupation and that, judging by the clothes and soldiers, these are the Fire Nation people who have come under control of the city. And Mai’s mother makes at first glance, not an insidious response to her daughter:

Mai: There really is no fathoming the depths of my hatred for this place. Michi: Mai, your father was appointed governor. We're like royalty here. Be happy and enjoy it.

For a moody, broody teenager, this isn’t terrible advice. But notice when her mother mentions that her father is governor, and that’s why they’re here, Mai’s face hardens. And we will only see in time just how much she’s had to personally sacrifice for her father’s political career.

Her mother also doesn’t say in a well meaning way with a smile. She says it like an thinly veiled order. She says it like a shut down. And it shows that in Mai’s own family, her indifference is different than dislike. Her apathy and silence is acceptable. Her verbally expressed opinion of dislike and disdain is not. But Mai doesn’t listen to her mother’s shut down or her mother’s side eye, and simply continues:

M: I thought my life was boring in the Fire Nation, but this place is unbearably bleak. Nothing ever happens.

This is a similar echo to Aang and Toph’s conversation in “The Blind Bandit,” where they have this exchange:

Aang: Then why stay here where you're not happy? Toph: They're my parents. Where else am I supposed to go?

Mai has no way out. Ty Lee had left who knows when, which means that for perhaps a year or more, Mai and Azula were alone in the Fire Nation. Then, her family was moved to Omashu, where they are clearly hated occupants and her mother is concerned about her baby brother. She hasn’t had contact with Zuko in years, and Azula has left to go hunt down her brother and uncle (although it is unclear if that is before or after the move to Omashu, but it seems to be before). Mai is not happy here and she makes that clear... but where else is she supposed to go?

Then, Aang stops the assassination attempt on Mai and her family, and puts a target on his back. Mai attacks first with a smile on her face — taking down Earth Kingdom rebels is at least something to do — before her family’s guards even make a move. She then continues the pursuit, getting quick close, before the Gaang are swept underground by the actual Resistance, and her life goes back to being unbearably bleak.

I will say the fact that Mai is introduced outside of her relationship with Azula — unlike Ty Lee — shows that she was always going to have a larger role to play and ultimately a larger arc to grow through, so it is nice consistency. Mai exists outside of the strict lines of the war and her relationships with other characters — at least at first — which honestly makes her most like June out of the minor characters. Except where June is brash and sassy and therefore likeable, Mai is quiet and calm and despised. Can you see I hate the misogyny and double standards yet?

The next time we see Mai is with her entire family, including her father. They’re standing on the balcony watching the plague ridden Pentapox citizens stagger toward the city gates. Her parents somewhat panic and act rashly, her mother horrified and her father deciding to drive them out of the city. Mai however doesn’t react to anything about the plague, which makes me think that if she’d been in charge, Sokka’s plan wouldn’t have worked because she wouldn’t have made a hasty decision, because Mai always tends to work things through and weighs her pros and cons (but more on that later).

Then is when Mai’s family discovers that Tom-Tom has gone missing and has been “kidnapped” by the resistance.

Mai doesn’t show any outward emotion, but she still assists her mother with Michi’s emotions, too. Her lack of an outward response on her face does not indicate a lack of caring or a lack of empathy. Then, Azula shows up, and this is Mai’s face upon first glance:

But then Mai bows, smiles, and cracks a very morbid joke, showing off the sense of humour she does have:

Mai: Please tell me you're here to kill me. Azula: It's great to see you, Mai. Mai: I thought you ran off and joined the circus. You said it was your calling. Ty Lee: Well, Azula called a little louder.

This quick scene says so much about the dynamic between these two girls. First is that Azula and Mai don’t actually hug, although Ty Lee does hug Mai who returns it a bit more reluctantly. Then there’s the way that Mai gauges the situation. Why is Ty Lee here and not where she was happy? And Ty Lee gives a cheerfully delivered but important point of information: “Azula called a little louder.” AKA Azula isn’t going to take no for an answer. So Mai then absolves herself of picking a battle that Ty Lee has already lost, and because Mai does not know what the mission is and does genuinely want to get out of Omashu. So she goes along with Azula’s request: “Count me in. Anything to get me out of this place.”

She agrees before she knows what Azula’s mission is, unlike Ty Lee, who doesn’t express any reservations about hunting down Uncle or Zuko, only about leaving the circus. And once she’s said yes, Mai cannot back out without coming off as disloyal, which is a bad thing to be, as it’s Azula, and Zuko and Iroh are fugitives.

And then there’s the hostage exchange itself.

Mai: You brought my brother? Aang: He's here. We're ready to trade. Azula: I'm sorry, but a thought just occurred to me. Do you mind? Mai: Of course not, Princess Azula. Azula: We're trading a two year old for a king. [Looks up at Bumi.] A powerful, earthbending king? King Bumi: Mmm hmmm! Azula: It just doesn't seem like a fair trade, does it? Mai: You're right. [Azula smiles slyly while Mai walks forward.] The deal's off.

Azula springs this on Mai. And what can she say, really, except to bend over and let Azula have what she wants? The use of a title, the fact that Mai already knows that this is likely going to go against what she wants, because that’s what Azula does, and that’s what Azula did to Ty Lee, exerting power until her ‘friends’ submit, is how their dynamic has been for a very long time. And while Azula has a point, it is undeniably cold, and not an opinion that Mai expressed whatsoever. And we see Mai consider what to do next. Again, weighing the pros and cons of whatever decision she’s about to make.

She knows that is a test and a setup. Why would Azula bring this up last minute, when she already had all the information beforehand? Because she wants to exert power over Mai. Azula wasn’t displeased when Ty Lee declined her proposition because that gave her a chance to make Ty Lee submit. Mai, meanwhile, went along with Azula’s offer and was pleased about it. Azula exalts Mai over Mai’s parents, but also wants to make sure Mai knows her place is still below Azula’s wants and wishes. And Mai has very little choice but to comply, and she shows that she knows it, like before: “Of course not, Princess Azula.”

It’s only at the end of the episode that we get the hint of foreshadowing about Zuko, and that Mai is not on board the same way Ty Lee or Azula are. She’s asking for clarification, because again, she’s already and agreed and knows she cannot back out. Even if Ty Lee points out a bright side, somewhat, that makes Mai have the widest smile she has all episode.

Mai: So, we're tracking down your brother and Uncle, huh? Ty Lee: It'll be interesting seeing Zuko again, won't it, Mai?

And this says so much about Mai’s character and her relationship with Zuko in just a few seconds, but I’m going to wait to talk about it once we get to “The Awakening.”

For now, let’s look at “Zuko Alone.”

Zuko Alone written by Elizabeth Welch Ehasz

The flashback Mai has in Zuko’s memory is brief, but tells us so much about her character all the same. The first thing it does is establish the trio’s childhood dynamic, Azula and Ty Lee’s closeness, Azula’s competitive/cruel nature, Ty Lee as an innocent and complicit enabler, and Mai’s more introverted nature.

And it also explicitly establishes Mai’s feelings for Zuko that she’s had since they were children, confirming the romantic tease Ty Lee gave Mai at the end of “Return to Omashu.”

Mai’s feelings for Zuko were something she kept private, shown through action rather than word, and that they were always something that made her actually, genuinely, happy. When Azula runs over and asks Zuko to play, Zuko says, “I am not cartwheeling,” already showing that of the trio, he is the most like Mai, who chooses to sit out of the cartwheel game herself.

The fountain incident happens, and while Zuko angrily storms off, Mai makes her displeasure known to Ty Lee and Azula directly:

Ty Lee: Aww, they're so cute together! Mai: You two are such ... ugh!

Zuko doesn’t say anything to Ty Lee and Azula though, which is strange, because he makes his ire at his sister and Ty Lee in other episodes very clear. The only reason I can think of is that he knows whatever he might say to them could also hurt Mai (although I don’t think he knows she has a crush on him) and when he does storm off, he says, “Girls are crazy!” but again, it doesn’t seem to be directed at Mai. He’s angry about the situation, embarrassed, but not at her. And I think that’s an important distinction there too.

Mai’s Hints of Disobedience, Her Relationship with Ty Lee, and Azula’s Abuse

Mai and Ty Lee, overall, have a good relationship. It’s not perfect but it is very much there, even if Ty Lee sometimes teases Mai in ways she doesn’t find funny (“Mai gets to wear makeup that isn’t totally depressing?”) or goes along with Azula’s plans with much more vigour (being somewhat angry at the Kyoshi Warriors, always following Azula’s orders, the water fountain prank when they were kids, etc). Ty Lee is one of the people where despite Mai’s indifferent attitude, she’ll still engage with Ty Lee even in trivial matters, like what word she’s searching for in “The Chase”: “It’s got an ‘uh’ sound?” “Clumps?”

Mai and Ty Lee are set apart from Azula. They’re both nonbenders, her friends, and to a certain extent her minions. They also never actually fight Zuko in this season. They fight the Gaang a few times, but any other time Azula has run into her brother she’s been on her own, like in “The Avatar State,” and “the Chase,” where she sends Mai and Ty Lee after Katara and Sokka instead, leaving Aang, Zuko, and Azula to have their three-person stand off.

Her and Ty Lee are both friends and abused by Azula, too. Ty Lee is more overtly loyal, complimentary, and listens to everything Azula says largely without question after she tried to decline to come the first time. Mai, however, is more careful and more disobedient. She refuses to go in the muddy drill — “She can shoot all the lightning she wants at me. I am not going in that wall sludge juice.” — when Azula isn’t around. She waves a dismissive hand and says, “Just take the Bear,” when Toph and Sokka come for Bosco, and Azula isn’t around.

Mai disobeys whenever Azula isn’t around to directly see it... until she does, but again: that’s for later.

The one time Azula has Zuko in her grips is in “The Crossroads of Destiny,” and he has no contact with Ty Lee or Mai, captured by Azula’s turned Dai Li guards. He’s then kept in the crystal catacombs, and by the time he emerges and actually would have seen Mai or Ty Lee, he’s firmly placed himself back on Azula’s side, having aided her in killing the Avatar and betraying Iroh. He’s doubtful his father will take him back because he doesn’t have the Avatar, but Azula is not, and Zuko goes home anyway.

So while Mai and Ty Lee are part of the team to bring Zuko in, they never have to personally do it, and we don’t actually know how they would’ve responded to the boy they used to know as children, once they saw him again. And whether Azula was with them too.

Take this exchange from 2x01, for an example:

Zuko: You lied to me! Azula: Like I’ve never done that before.

This is the first time we see Azula lie to Zuko, and yet this exchange makes it clear that this is a normal part of their dysfunctional dynamic. And by Mai’s calculated response, it’s clear that this hostage exchange isn’t the first time Azula has lied or set Mai up to be humiliated or disappointed, and Mai knows it:

She’s just stopped being surprised.

BOOK THREE: FIRE

The Awakening written by Aaron Ehasz

This episode is an extremely important one, and not just because it’s the one that makes these two canon. The first is the context that the first scene gives to their relationship. For starters, the fact that they’re beginning their relationship before Zuko is fully back home and accepted means that Mai loved him all throughout his banishment, regardless of the fact he was disowned and disgraced, she loved him still. For three years, with no legitimate hope of ever seeing him again. And that Zuko’s feelings, whatever he felt for her before he left (because it is a little less clear) persisted throughout that time with only one real detour (Jin from Ba Sing Se).

The second thing is that Zuko is up in the middle of the night, troubled... and Mai goes after him. She notices he’s gone (whether that means they’re sharing a room / bed or not is up for debate, but they are older and clearly a more physical couple, regardless) and goes to check on him. Mai, who ‘doesn’t care’ about anything is already making it clear she cares about him a whole lot. And already, she’s smiling.

Mai: Aren't you cold? Zuko: I've got a lot on my mind. It's been so long, over three years since I was home. I wonder what's changed. I wonder how I've changed.

And Mai gets a lot of hate for her response in this scene, however, look at her face when Zuko says this and she realizes he’s not just out here for some air, but that he’s worried. She’s quite concerned and shows it, and she listens to him. She doesn’t cut him off or call him dumb. Zuko opens up to her in a rather dramatic fashion and without any preamble. She asked if he was cold, not if he was okay. He’s still in his monologuing ways — understandably so, but I also think it’s understanding that Mai cracks a bit of a joke that fits her sense of humour.

Mai: I just asked if you were cold, I didn't ask for your whole life story.

When it doesn’t cheer him up the way she hoped, Mai changes tactics.

Despite her reservations of physical affection with Ty Lee and Mai, and even her family somewhat, Mai does not show any reservations about being close with Zuko, offering physical comfort, and touching his scar, and he wholly lets her. She turns his face towards his for a kiss that he leans into and returns, and she tells him quite simply, “Stop worrying.”

I think she says this for a few reasons. The first is that it’s true. There’s nothing Zuko can do, they’re on a ship to go home and he’ll just have to wait and see. He’s worrying about something he can’t control, and therefore needs to work on letting it go. Then there’s the fact that simply willing away emotions is something her family has told her to do time and time again, and while she delivers it in a soft, loving way, it’s something she’s learned to do, and something Zuko has not.

Like I said as my preface to this meta, both Zuko and Mai have suffered from longterm emotional abuse and struggle when it comes to their emotions. However, they always try with one another and eventually work through their issues, as well as having a unique common ground and understanding of one another that no one else does.

Sure, Mai’s joke falls flat, but I think it’s better than some of the things Uncle Iroh says sometimes to try and make Zuko feel better, that A) Iroh doesn’t actually believe but is just being used to try and placate Zuko’s bad moods, and B) don’t work anyway, like:

Zuko: I want my father not to think I’m worthless. Iroh: I’m sure he doesn’t. Why would he banish you if he didn’t care?” That’s also not true, but just to placate his bad mood.

From 2x01, “The Avatar State.” This scene from Zuko’s perspective shows that Mai’s feelings for him haven’t changed, nor has his feelings for Mai. At home and beyond, their feelings for each other have remained the same even when Zuko was stripped of everything, and even when he goes home. So yeah, no wonder (pointed reminder) the official transcript for the episode says that Mai succeeds in making him feel a bit better:

The two kiss. Mai exits, and Zuko stays there with an expression of relief on his face.

This carries on to the scene of Zuko by the duckpond. He’s clearly missing his mother, as that was their spot when he was young, and he’s worrying about his father. When Azula approaches him, it’s both with a quip and possibly some real concern, and Zuko tells her the truth.

Azula: You seem so downcast. Has Mai gotten to you already? Though actually, Mai has been in a strangely good mood lately. Zuko: I haven't seen Dad yet. I haven't seen him in three years, since I was banished.

It’s not about Mai. And it’s not until Zuko’s paranoia about Aang’s survival sets in that things begin to go wrong, so let’s look at some fluffy Maiko, shall we?

The Headband by John O’Bryan * (the first episode in this meta so far to not be written by an Ehasz; fun fact he also wrote ‘ember island players’ and ‘the great divide’ that’s some true duality of man right there)

Another fun fact about this episode: the only time we see Zuko be happy in it is with Mai. They plan a picnic together as a date and go up to watch the sun set by the palace and makeout. Because they’re totally passionless and unromantic and don’t enjoy each other’s individual company at all, right. Mai even makes him laugh and they exchange their version of I love yous.

Mai: Orange is such an awful color. Zuko: [Snickers.] You're so beautiful when you hate the world. Mai: I don't hate you. Zuko: I don't hate you too.

And they’re both pissed when Azula interrupts them.

Zuko ignores Azula’s request to speak with him — “Can’t you see we’re busy?” — and Azula turns to the easy target she knows she can always control, at least to her own knowledge (as Mai’s little signs of disobedience is never when Azula is actually there): Mai.

Azula: Oh Mai, Ty Lee need your help untangling her braid. Mai: Sounds pretty serious.

Mai presents neutrally because that’s her mask. She gets up and leaves because again, she cannot say no to Azula, because Azula is the princess and because Azula holds the power in their dynamic. But Mai makes her displeasure known to us, because we’re the only ones who get to see her expression once Azula cannot:

Mai may submit, but she doesn’t take things entirely lying down. And the differences in her dynamics with Zuko and Azula individually are never put into starker contrast than in

The Beach by Katie Matilla

(she also wrote “the Storm,” Zuko’s story/date in “the Tales of Ba Sing Se,” and a Maiko heavy connecting comic, “Going Home Again”)

The Beach is an episode that does a lot to develop all four Fire Nation kids. It’s the first time Azula’s life as a tragedy is explored and considered, and how these four teens do not know how to function well in normal situations with other teens their age. This episode is also where I think a lot of people base their critique of Maiko, and often take the episode as a reflection of of their relationship as a whole, when really it is their relationship at its worst. They’re awkward teenagers, both of whom are bad at expressing their emotions, and Zuko is at a particular low point. It actually speaks to the strength and closeness of their relationship that Zuko’s inner turmoil affects them that much and that Mai is in tune with it.

He’s incredibly angry about everything, more or less, and right off the bat, too.

Ty Lee: It's going to be great to hang out on the beach and do nothing. Zuko: [Angrily.] Doing nothing is a waste of time. [Rises from his seat next to Mai.] We're being sent away on a forced vacation. I feel like a child. Azula: Lighten up. So Dad wants to meet with his advisers alone, without anyone else around. Don't take it personally.

It’s a weekend for having a fun beach vacation, and Zuko is pissed about something Azula is completely calm about. That’s a hopeful start, right?

Mai tries to withstand his anger by mellowing him out. As someone who shares an indifferent attitude towards many of the things Mai does in this episode — largely parties and sun bathing on the beach — we also see that’s not all sides of her. She covers Zuko’s eyes with Lo and Li disrobe because he nearly vomited just seeing an old bathing suit picture of them:

She even seems to be having a pretty good party at the beach, as she and Zuko sit under an umbrella together and don’t seem to be interested in sunbathing.

Then Zuko gives her the shell that was literally lying right next to him, purely because it’s pretty and “Don't girls like stuff like this?” Girls, not Mai specifically. Mai scoffs and Zuko angrily tosses the shell away. I may be in the minority here, but if you’re going to give your partner something, you should both put a little more thought into why you’re giving it to them, and how to receive it. But in the grand scheme of things this is a little stumble, not a large one.

Zuko gets them ice cream afterwards, which is sweet. Until the ice cream falls off and onto her lap. And Mai doesn’t get upset. She’s very monotone, sure, maybe a bit sarcastic, but we know she’s no stranger to voicing her displeasure with something, and she doesn’t here: “Thanks. This is really refreshing.”

Then, once they arrive at the party, Zuko’s jealousy begins to rise. (A quick aside: jealousy can arise in any partner, is not their partner’s fault, and speaks to greater insecurities of the person who’s jealous, btw).

Zuko: He thinks he's so great. [To Mai.] Well, what do you think of him? Mai: I don't have any opinion about him. I hardly know him. Zuko: You like him, don't you? [Mai sighs and walks away.]

Zuko’s jealousy is not based in anything real. Ruan-Jion may show interest in Mai, which can understandably get on Zuko’s nerves as she’s quite clearly his girlfriend, but Mai hasn’t done anything to encourage it. Mai explains herself well, but Zuko won’t take her at her word, and that sets the stage for the rest of the party. Mai seems gloomy, but the party isn’t why she’s not enjoying herself. Zuko, who’s disgruntled and angry at everything, is.

Mai: I'm bored. Zuko: I know. Mai: I'm hungry. Zuko: So what? Mai: So, find me some food. Zuko: Sure.

Mai is the one expressing herself here, outright, and Zuko doesn’t care. He doesn’t try to solve the issues she’s presenting, either. And while they’re sitting on the couch together, they’re not being affectionate, facing away from each other. And perhaps this is all because the efforts Zuko made earlier with the ice cream and the shell fell flat and Mai told him so, but still.

And then there’s their breakup in this episode, too. Mai starts talking to a boy at the party — which she is allowed to do, by the way — and is actually enjoying herself. Her posture’s shifted, she’s smiling, and is still keeping her distance from the guy. And while Ruan-Jion is the one talking (no surprise there) Mai is listening.

Then Zuko comes back, gets incredibly jealous, pulls the guy away, and then pushes him into a vase, breaking it, and that’s when Mai stands up and takes a stand for herself, and their fight escalates, and they both call each other out on issues in their relationship:

Mai: Zuko, what is wrong with you? Zuko: What's wrong with me? Mai: Your temper is out of control. You blow up over every little thing. You're so impatient and hotheaded and angry! Zuko: Well, at least I feel something, as opposed to you. You have no passion for anything! You're just a big blah!

But let’s go over why Mai breaks up with him, shall we? Zuko first was the one acting out. Mai responded poorly to the shell because it was a shallow gift without much thought put into it, didn’t really react when Zuko accidentally got ice cream on her lap, she was trying to engage him earlier at the party but it didn’t work. Then when she’s enjoying herself, he comes over and flips out over nothing, gets into a physical fight with someone, and when she addresses it, he implies there’s something wrong with her instead (“with me?”) and doesn’t take responsibility for anything. Then he insults her again in a way he never has before, and Mai makes her boundaries clear.

And I think the main reason why this gets to her is because she has made it clear she cares for Zuko in action and word before this, but he can’t see that in his moment of anger. He can’t understand the way she expresses love and instead just assumes she doesn’t feel anything for anyone, let alone him.

Even if we immediately know that’s not true when her face falls after she says, “It's over, Zuko. We're done.” She’s not happy about this either, but she feels like it’s the best way out and that they’re not working.

Zuko is too angry to see beyond it, and he can’t see the way she loves him, and he’s being incredibly difficult to be around. (Mai also hasn’t gone through the full extent of her arc, either, though, so she still has room to grow as well.) Then on the titular beach, Mai makes the first move to reach out to him with a simple hey. Zuko brushes her off with an accusatory, “Where’s your new boyfriend?” Mai hardens and then pushes Zuko away when he tries to wrap his arm around her and suddenly be caring.

Reflective of the worse, remember? And even then they work their way back to each other, which says a lot, but we’re not quite there yet.

Around the fire, Zuko starts burning an old family portrait, and when Ty Lee questions him on it, he goes after her verbally and really is rather cruel, and Mai tries to step in (whereas Azula just laughs and then is annoyed because she’s heard this ‘sob story’ before).

Zuko: No, you don't [know me]. [You're stuck in your little "Ty Lee world" where everything's great all the time. Mai: Zuko, leave her alone. Zuko: "I'm so pretty. Look at me. I can walk on my hands. Whoo!" Circus freak.

This leads into the most well known scene from this episode, I think, or at least the one for me that makes it a favourite. The teens start sharing and talking and even Azula opens up and reveals a trace vulnerability (that we will see how deep it runs later, but that’s a meta for another day).

Mai: [to Ty Lee] Attention issues. You couldn't get enough attention when you were a kid, so you're trying to make up for it now. Ty Lee: Well, what's your excuse, Mai? You were an only child for fifteen years, but even with all that attention, your aura is this dingy, pasty, gray ... Mai: I don't believe in auras. Zuko: Yeah, you don’t believe in anything. Mai: Oh, well, I'm sorry I can't be as high-strung and crazy as the rest of you. Zuko: I'm sorry, too. I wish you would be high-strung and crazy for once instead of keeping all your feeling bottled up inside. She just called your aura dingy. Are you gonna take that?

Again, this shows that Ty Lee isn’t always the most sympathetic to Mai, but neither is Zuko in this scene. Mai continues to hold her emotions close to her chest and using dryness as a defense mechanism. Despite Zuko’s quick jab, he softens into something akin to honesty, to something other than angry or awkward for really the first time this episode. Zuko’s apology, which is the first one he’s given her. Then Zuko expresses what he couldn’t at the party in his anger, which is that he wants Mai to be more open with him, and he talks about what actually bothers him. It’s not that she’s ‘gloomy.’ He actually likes that side of her. What bothers him is her way of “keeping all of [her] feelings bottled up inside,” which is something that Mai can work on.

And Mai reacts to it. She doesn’t look dispassionate or angry or disengaged. She looks sad, mulling it over, and choosing her next works carefully. Everything she says next she does so very plainly, but it’s clear emotions are rising within her, especially once she talks about her parents.

Mai: What do you want from me? You want a teary confession about how hard my childhood was? Well, it wasn't. I was a rich only child who got anything I wanted ... as long as I behaved and sat still, and didn't speak unless spoken to. My mother said I had to keep out of trouble. We had my dad's political career to think about. Azula: Well, that's it, then. You have a controlling mother who had certain expectations, and if you strayed from them, you were shut down. That's why you're afraid to care about anything, and why you can't express yourself. Mai: You want me to express myself? Leave me alone!

This is the closest we see Mai stand up to Azula until the Boiling Rock, and it’s probably for similar reasons she got angry at the fountain incident as a child. She opens up, largely to Zuko, and then Azula butts in with a smile and very little consideration for psychoanalyzing Mai as anything other than a pet project. And while Azula is right about the first half, I think what irritates Mai is that Azula is wrong about the second half. Mai isn’t scared to care about things, and she would express herself more, if it wasn’t for Azula exerting power over her.

Zuko: I like it when you express yourself. [Approaching, attempting to put a hand on her shoulder.] Mai: Don't touch me! I'm still mad at you. [She sits.] Zuko: My life hasn't been that easy either, Mai. Mai: Whatever. That doesn't excuse the way you've been acting.

Mai rejects Zuko in this instance because she’s still angry, at him and coming off from Azula, but also because she’s fixed what her issue was with him. She’s opening up and continues to express herself, but Zuko hasn’t fixed his issue that led to their breakup. And I honestly think that, “Whatever. That doesn’t excuse the way you’ve been acting,” is one of the most important lines in their whole relationship, because it says that Mai will hold him accountable, she understands his past as an explanation but not an excuse, she won’t lower her own standards just to be with him, and that she holds a certain amount of respect for him but also for herself. She’s not the soft hearted uwu girl who’s going to stand by the angry, broody boy who’s secretly sad inside and let him treat her poorly or unfairly.

She’s going to demand better and also help and support Zuko meet those - in my opinion - pretty basic standards. And Zuko’s speech and admittance here does so much for his character as well (and always makes me cry):

Z: For so long I thought that if my dad accepted me, I'd be happy. I'm back home now, my dad talks to me. Ha! He even thinks I'm a hero. Everything should be perfect, right? I should be happy now, but I'm not. I'm angrier than ever and I don't know why! [...] I’m angry at myself!

Zuko admits that he’s lost and in pain and angry, not at her, but at himself. He may have been taking it out in unhealthy ways, but now that he knows, he can move forward.

And that’s why, despite their breakup, once the root of his pain is divulged, Mai forgives him for his earlier jealous behaviour. And she also puts herself in a vulnerable place by being open in front of him, and in front of Azula no less, which opens Mai up to the same verbal abuse Azula was giving Zuko a moment earlier:

Z: Because I'm confused. Because I'm not sure I know the difference between right and wrong anymore. A: You're pathetic. M: I know one thing I care about. I care about you. A: Well, those were wonderful performances, everyone.

And Azula’s disregard of this relationship, of Mai’s feelings for Zuko, ultimately become part of her downfall, but we’ll get to that later. Mai making up with Zuko here again shows the unconditional support she has of him. Zuko admits his issues here, but he doesn’t resolve all of them. They’re too complex and confusing for that. But Mai shows she’ll stand by him through it so long as he’s trying, while he figures out what right and wrong is. And as we see later, she does. She really really does.

If this episode is Maiko at their worst, then it is also them at their best. Because they’re two emotionally damaged people who do their best to work through their issues for one another, and because of one another. They inspire emotional openness and work for their relationship in a way that nobody else ever does for them, a relationship free of Zuko’s people pleasing tendencies and Mai’s tendency to just flat out shut down. (Clarification: while Mai still bottles up her emotions with Zuko, she is also more open with them to him than anyone else in her life, and that should count for something.)

[ A side note: There are some emotional things Mai has adapted from Azula (they’ve been friends for years, which isn’t surprising), like: “You want a teary confession about how hard my childhood was? Well it wasn’t.” --> “I don’t have sob stories like all of you. I could sit here and complain about how our mom liked Zuko more than me, but I don’t really care.” And we both know how true those statements are.

Mai, however, sheds these tendencies, while Azula falls deep into them. The difference is that Mai selflessly loves people she cannot control and does not try to even when they’re leaving her, and Azula controls the people she loves so they can never leave. The Fire Nation upper classes, man. A million different ways to get fucked up emotionally. ]

Nightmares and Daydreams by John O’Bryan

I’m not gonna lie: this is the episode I skip most often (yes, even over “The Great Divide”). Aang’s plot is just a bit too wacky for me, and I don’t mind going from the intensity of “The Puppetmaster,” directly into “Day of Black Sun Parts I & II.” That being said, it is an episode where Zuko’s B-plot absolutely shines and shows us a pinnacle moment in his redemption arc... and one which only Mai is repeatedly privy to.

Zuko is revelling in being a prince, seemingly unperturbed by his dual Sozin-Roku heritage. He and Mai are also at their happiest, having regular, cute dates that involve cuddling, fruit tarts, and ordering servants around. Both of them like this side of Fire Nation noble life, and with each other, they can be relaxed and comfortable together.

Mai lives right next door and the fact that she waits for him by the door to watch him walk — or rather, take the royal palanquin — is absolutely adorable to me, tbh.

They’re being dorky teenagers in love, setting each other up for compliments and enjoying their shared status. Zuko even makes her laugh, and he’s even a little smug. Unlike with Jin in Ba Sing Se, Zuko isn’t awkward about making attempts of being flirty with Mai. His attempts during “The Beach,” may have worked, but he was still comfortable because Mai has first and foremost been his friend and a romantic interest of his for years. Their past informs their relationship in both negative and positive ways, but this comfort and security, I think, is definitely a positive. (Or maybe I just have an added affinity for long term friends turned lovers, for obvious reasons.)

I don’t think we’ve ever seen either of them look happier at this point in the series.

Mai: I guess there's some nice perks that come with being royalty. Though there's annoying stuff, too. Like that all-day war meeting coming up.

Yes, this is gonna be another ramble on Mai, thank you very much. The first is her use of royalty. We know for Mai that status isn’t enough to make her happy. Her family was treated “like royalty,” in Omashu, and yet she was miserable and bored there. Here, she’s happy and content, because she has Zuko. It’s also a statement on how serious their relationship is, that Mai can appreciate Zuko’s royal perks and he’s happy about her saying so, because they can imagine a future together, where Mai is royalty as his wife.

Then, there’s the fact that this is the first time we hear Mai’s opinion on the war. The all day war meeting is annoying, likely because she feels as though the war is already deftly won now that Ba Sing Se has been taken. However, this sets up Zuko’s reaction, and how she’s improved in dealing with his bad moods.

Zuko: War meeting? What are you talking about? Mai: Azula mentioned something. I-I assumed you were going, too. Zuko: I guess I wasn't invited.

Mai is genuinely apologetic and knows she struck a nerve, a deep wound Zuko has had for a long time, and she gives him space. Later, though, after Zuko has left to discuss things with Azula and come back in an even worse mood, there’s still subtext to be read. The first is that Zuko is pissed, and yet rather than brood alone in his room (like he did on his ship with Iroh all the way back in Book One) Zuko goes back over to Mai’s house. He at least wants the company and doesn’t feel like being in the palace right now, likely to feeling humiliated, and Mai’s is a safe place he can go, and she welcomes him into it and tries to cheer him up.

Mai: Zuko, it's just a dumb meeting. Who cares? Zuko: I don't. Mai: Well, good. You shouldn't. I mean, why would you even want to go? Just think about how things went the last meeting you went to. Zuko: [Sighs.] I know.

Mai changes her tune in an attempt to help him, and this is one of the few times Zuko actually talks to someone about his duel with his father, however short this exchange is. One of the things I always notice when rewatching the show is that Zuko never actually tells anyone what happened to him. He reminds people of his burn (to Ty Lee in “The Beach) in a rant, or people remind him of it, but it doesn’t seem to be public knowledge in the Fire Nation (his Book One crewmen didn’t know it) and he never tells anyone it himself directly. Not anyone who doesn’t already know. Again, not having to explain his past and having someone who understands it because she was there is good. Zuko is someone who also doesn’t open up often, and if Mai didn’t have this background of him, if she didn’t know his father’s approval was so important, she’d likely be very lost and frustrated.

As it is now, she’s just saddened for him. She’s trying to get him to let things go with reasoned facts, and Zuko keeps agreeing with her, and once they talk about his Agni Kai, Mai switches conversation topics in hoping of cheering him up.

Mai: You know what will make you feel better? Ordering some servants around. I might be hungry for a whole tray of fruit tarts. And maybe a little palanquin ride around town. Double time.

She’s a loving partner who tries and knows that these things were making him happy only a day ago, so maybe it could do the same again. But when Zuko shrugs her off, she realizes that even though he’s in her house, he likely wants to be somewhat left alone and this is something only time can fix. It doesn’t mean she’s not deeply disappointed at not being able to help him, though.

Zuko does stay until the next morning though (make of that what you will ;)) and Mai is preparing tea for them when one of the royal servants comes in.

[Zuko is lying down on the arm of the couch, while Mai is making tea. Just as she is about to give him a cup, someone calls for him. Servant: Prince Zuko, everyone's waiting for you. Zuko: What? Servant: The high admirals, the high generals, the war ministers, and the princess have all arrived. You're the only person missing. Zuko: So, my dad wants me at the meeting? Servant: The Fire Lord said he would not start until you arrived, sir.

Mai is happy for him, and Zuko shares in this happiness with her. They both know what she was saying the previous night was an attempt at comforting him, even if they both knew it was a big deal to him. This should be everything he wants, and it is. It just doesn’t end up being what’s right.

Mai waits outside the meeting for him. Although it’s not clear whether she waited there all day, I wouldn’t be surprised, considering, in her own words, what happened at the last war meeting he went to.

AKA, Mai is supportive when she’s in a position she actually can be. When she can help Zuko with something, she will. He’s not always receptive to her help, but she puts it out there, especially because she’s been growing since “The Beach,” with him and he has with her. They’re more open with each other, and she’s happy for him when he explains how well the meeting went... at first.

Mai: So, how did it go? Zuko: When I got to the meeting, everyone welcomed me. My father had saved me a seat. He wanted me next to him. I was literally at his right hand. Mai: Zuko, that's wonderful! You must be happy. The two stop at a picture of Ozai. Zuko gazes at it.

This is everything he had wanted, especially after feeling humiliated and angry the past day or so. It’s not wrong for her to think that he would be happy; he knows he should be, by all means, which is even more unsettling. And it’s no wonder considering we see what this war meeting consisted of in the first part of Sozin’s Comet, but still. But when Mai sees that Zuko isn’t happy, her expression falls too, and Zuko admits the internal turning point of his entire redemption arc to her:

Zuko: During the meeting, I was the perfect prince. The son my father wanted. But I wasn't me.

And that’s all the heads up she gets before he leaves her in Day of Black Sun.

Day of Black Sun: Part I by Michael Dante D’Martino

And the first thing Zuko does once making his decision, after taking off his armour? He writes Mai a letter, somber and serious. There’s also parallels with the Kataang kiss and Aang flying off being in the scene directly before Zuko leaves the letter for Mai in preparation for him leaving, too.

Zuko: I’m sorry, Mai.

This means that at some point they got a painting done together, which is adorable and sentimental and does show off their more mushy, romantic side with one another. He faces his father head on because he has to, he needs to hold that man accountable, but he can’t bring himself to tell Mai in person, because that would be too painful. Leaving Mai is his one regret in all this, the one person he loves, and it’s something that “The Boiling Rock Part I,” only elaborates on.

The Boiling Rock Part I by May Chan (also worked on “going home again,” and was a staff writer on book three from “the puppetmaster” all to the way to the final episode)

On the way to the Boiling Rock, Zuko and Sokka have their infamous “that’s rough buddy,” conversation. I adore that line, but I actually want to focus on what comes before that, because I think it’s really important, too:

Sokka: I think your uncle would be proud of you. Leaving your home to come help us? That's hard. Zuko: It wasn't that hard. Sokka: Really? You didn't leave behind anyone you cared about? Zuko: Well, I did have a girlfriend. Mai. Sokka: That gloomy girl who sighs a lot? Zuko: Yeah.

When he says Mai’s name, you can just hear the happiness and fondness and the smile in his voice. Just thinking about her is enough to make him smile like this:

Mai was what made leaving his home and family hard. Mai is the one person he cares about, the same way he’s the one person she really, truly cares for. For two apathetic and angry teenagers, the fact they can be soft and vulnerable to and with each other, that their version of ‘I love you,’ is “I don’t hate you,” speaks volumes to how well they understand each other and how they’ve adapted to one another’s issues with expressing emotions. No wonder he loves her. She makes him the happiest we ever see him, even when she’s not directly there.

Before he remembers why he had to leave her, and reveals that he did it because he wanted to protect her: “Everyone in the Fire Nation thinks I'm a traitor. I couldn't drag her into it.”

But the next episode shows that Zuko has forgotten about Mai just as well as she’s forgotten about him.

The Boiling Rock Part II written by Joshua Hamilton

Just a quick note: more parallels between Maiko as a romantic couple, with their scene in a cell and Suki and Sokka’s scene in a cell being contrasted with one another (Sukka is also contrasted with Kataang and similar results in “The Serpent’s Pass,” fun fact). Because I love parallels and can’t resist pointing them out, as if this meta wasn’t already long enough. Anyway:

I love the detail that Mai keeps the door open and Zuko unshackled. While it could be difficult, Zuko could still make an escape attempt if he chose to. There are no other guards around. But he sits, and stays, because he doesn’t want to leave. He doesn’t really want to have this conversation, but he knows he owes it to her. Mai, for her part, heard her ex-boyfriend was in the worst prison of the Fire Nation and made sure she got to Zuko before Azula did, and came largely to try and get an explanation out of him, amid her hurt feelings.

Zuko: How did you know I was here? Mai: Because I know you so well. Zuko: But, how- Mai: The warden's my uncle, you idiot. The truth is, I guess I don't know you. All I get is a letter? You could have least looked me in the eye when you ripped out my heart.

Zuko is beyond regretful. He never wanted to hurt her. He knew what he needed to do and didn’t want to drag her into it and have her life ruined in the process. He managed to protect her, physically, but he hurt her emotionally, and now he’s being confronted with it. Again, we have Mai being very upfront: “You ripped out my heart.” She loved him, and he knew it, and she knew that he did, and he couldn’t even tell her in person. She’s hurt about being broken up with, yes, but mostly about the fact he didn’t say it to her face, and he didn’t even say goodbye.

Zuko: I didn't mean to - Mai: You didn't mean to? "Dear Mai, I'm sorry you that you have to find out this way, but I'm leaving." Zuko: Stop!

If Zuko hadn’t meant to hurt her this badly, he could have told her in person. He didn’t mean to, but he did, and his letter makes it clear that this was the path he chose. He starts off his letter by apologizing that his letter is how she’s finding out he’s leaving. Not his best move by far. Yet when Zuko tells her to stop, Mai listens.

Zuko: This isn't about you. This is about the Fire Nation! Mai: Thanks Zuko, that makes me feel all better.

And while Zuko is right, I can also understand why it just twists the knife in deeper for her, because he’s basically saying, “I didn’t take your feelings into account. I hurt you and it wasn’t even about you.” There’s a certain sting to feeling disregarded, or discarded, and now Mai has felt both. (Also, because I’ve seen people call Mai abusive for throwing a piece of paper at him, it’s a piece of paper. He may rub his head, but it doesn’t fucking hurt. It’s a piece of paper.)

Zuko: Mai, I never wanted to hurt you. But I have to do this to save my country. Mai: Save it? You're betraying your country! Zuko: That's not how I see it.

Although Mai, understandably, disagrees, she still hears him out. She came here, ultimately, for a better explanation because she knows there must be one. She still debates and engages. She’s not wholly shutting him down. (And if you want a really good meta about why Mai doesn’t see the Fire Nation’s war as flat out evil, beyond me saying “propaganda, privilege, and indoctrination” here’s a really good, overall short meta that goes into it more in depth that I would really recommend.)

This scene is also one of the big reasons why Maiko is appealing to me. You got two privileged kids growing up in messed up circumstances who have different political views and experiences, yet they love each other deeply despite Azula’s manipulation, the damage their families have done, and rather heavy disputes. While also being childhood friends to lovers separated by shame and honour for three years yet their feelings never go away. The angst and fluff factor is insane, as the various stages of their relationship inform them. It’s ripe for potential. What’s not to love about that?

Despite their circumstances, too, even just the idea of Mai being a woman who needs protection is enough to make Zuko chuckle.

Male guard: Ma'am, there's a riot going on! I'm here to protect you! Mai: I don't need any protection. Zuko: [Gives a slight chuckle; proudly.] Believe me, she doesn't. Male guard: I'm sorry, but I'm under direct orders from your uncle to make sure nothing happens

Part of this makes me think that maybe Mai is the one who got Zuko interested in dual blades in the first part, given her affinity for her knives and arrows, but we don’t know when they started to develop their skills with their respective weapons, so it may have been when they were apart.

Then, Zuko sees his way out after their conversation has reached a standstill. He firebends, leaps to the door, and locks it, and then we get another moment that always makes me cry.

Exiting, Zuko closes and locks the door, trapping Mai and the guard in the room. He looks at Mai through the slit in the door with regret, while she stares back in anger, before running off to join his friends.

Mai would be perfectly in her right to absolutely hate him. He breaks up with her in a letter, is branded a traitor and therefore brings shame upon her reputation, too. He joins the Avatar, doesn’t give her really any more of an explanation, and then locks her up in a cell and runs off to help some prisoners escape her uncle’s prized prison. Azula and Ty Lee are right there on the gondola and can see everything. There is no easy disobedience, or even good reason to be disobedient, anymore, except for one thing:

Mai loves him. So she commits treason, stands up against her primary abuser since she was a child, Azula, in open defiance, for the “jerk who dumped [her],” all to save his life and make sure he gets away safely. Never mind what happens to her. She was willing to die for him at worst, and rot in prison for who knows who long at best, all on her own. Not because he convinced her of his viewpoint (there wasn’t the time nor explanation) but because she loves and she trusts him.

And Mai decides that if this is how she’s going to go out, she’s going to drag Azula for it, too.

Azula: Leave us alone. [The guards give the Fire Nation salute and exit. Mai raises her head a little, looking defiant.] I never expected this from you. The thing I don't understand is "Why?". Why would you do it? You know the consequences. Mai: I guess you just don't know people as well as you think you do. You miscalculated. I love Zuko more than I fear you. Azula: [Her intrigued expression contorts into one of absolute rage.] No, you miscalculated! You should have feared me more!

Mai was admitting she didn’t know Zuko as well as she thought she did earlier in this episode, while Azula was smug over being a people person. Now their viewpoints have switched. Mai put everything on the line, including her own life, because she trusts in who Zuko is and his belief that he’s saving the Fire Nation, whereas Azula cannot comprehend love being more powerful than fear. And yet it is. And it proves to be so again, when Ty Lee chi blocks her, and all three girls are taken by surprise of it, Mai and Azula in particular, before Azula casts her two best friends into prison for life.

This also creates another Mai-Zuko parallel. Both are prepared to defeat her, yet are actually saved by a companion (Ty Lee and Katara) who immoblize Azula instead.

Mai and Ty Lee have finally stood up to their abuser, and while Mai was prepared wholly to stand alone, the fact she has Ty Lee just reaffirms that Mai has now chosen to not be alone in life, either. She will not be Azula’s pawn, and she will love who she loves, without fear, now. She knows that Zuko cares about her, she knows that the tides are changing because the impossible has just happened in more ways than one, and Ty Lee has finally chosen Mai when it mattered the most.

Azula thought Mai was too afraid to care about things, and Azula could not have been more wrong. And that’s not even the last of Maiko’s delicate character writing, which takes place in Sozin’s Comet, Part 4.

Sozin’s Comet Part 4 written by Aaron Ehasz, Bryan Konietzko, and Michael Dante D’Martino

It is early days after the war. Ozai has been defeated and jailed, and word of Zuko’s coronation has gone out. With messenger birds, this may have been maybe within the first week at least of him being Firelord, given where he is in his recovery from his wounds at the last Agni Kai. He hasn’t been crowned Firelord yet, so the power vacuum hasn’t been empty for long. This scene also takes place before Zuko walks out to be crowned and sees all the freed soldiers and prisoners of the Gaang’s allies, so yes, him being surprised to see Mai does make sense, and doesn’t mean he wasn’t thinking about her:

He’s also completely thrilled to see her, and see that she’s unharmed. He knew she wasn’t killed, which means he must have asked someone at some point in these early days (he couldn’t have known that from “the Boiling Rock Part 2” because he leaves the island before Mai’s final confrontation with Azula). So even if he knew she was in prison, seeing that she’s okay must mean the world to him.

Zuko: Mai! You’re okay! They let you out of prison? Mai: My uncle pulled some strings. And it doesn't hurt when the new Fire Lord is your boyfriend.

Mai helps Zuko get dressed in a way that makes it very clear she’s done so before (again: make of that what you will) and in a way that’s very intimate and tender. As soon as she shows up, Mai makes it clear she’s glad to see him and she’s already starting to take care of him. But Zuko still wants further clarification, given where he left things.

Zuko: So does this mean you don't hate me anymore? Mai: I think it means I actually kind of like you. But don't ever break up with me again!

She touches Zuko’s face on the unscarred side in their last scene of the season, a parallel to when she touched his scarred side in their first, because Mai has loved him both before and after his redemption. Zuko is now in a better place than every to accept that love, as they move forward together into a brighter, happier future free of abuse, and free of war.

Mai even smiles into their kiss. He’s Firelord, friends with the Avatar (she’ll get more details later) and they can be happy.

Then is the other line that gets Mai a lot of hate: “But don’t even break up with me again.” First off, if your boyfriend breaking up with you led to him almost dying, and then you almost dying, at the worst prison in your nation, I think it’s a fair warning to give. Second, like before, she and Zuko were already planning on being together for a long, long time. Now, they have the rest of their lives, and they know it.

They settle into a warm, peaceful hug, as they are now exactly where they want to be: in each other’s arms, happy, and content.

Weeks or months later, as Sokka’s leg and Zuko’s wounds have healed, everyone is at Iroh’s teashop in Ba Sing Se. Mai has fully been brought into the fold as part of the Gaang, playing Pai Sho with Suki while Katara looks on in interest and Zuko gives his friends and family cups of tea. Mai and Zuko are included together, side by side, in Sokka’s painting, although they both have critiques.

And that’s their journey, but why do I say they work in ways I haven’t already?

Mai gives Zuko a reason to love the home that spurned him. She’s a bright spot in a noble class full of abuse and cruelty. She trusts him and is very aware of his flaws, yet loves him anyway and encourages him to work on himself. She wants him to be genuinely happy and always works her way around to be okay with the sacrifices (sometimes, her) that has to happen in order for him to get there. She ultimately has a very forgiving nature, loves Zuko and their people, and knows the etiquette required to be Fire Lady. She loved him throughout his banishment and in spite of her entanglement with his family. She’d keep from rushing into things, she knows how to handle his bad moods and temper reasonably well, doesn’t let him make a victim out of himself, and they also know how to have fun together, even if it’s in unconventional areas. Producing an heir also shouldn’t be a problem. She balances out his emotional side, always weighs the pros and cons and remains calm and rational when it matters which would be valuable in political issues, while also being able to share her own deeply passionate side with him.

Zuko gives Mai something to believe in. Mai has cared about many things in her life; she just doesn’t always show it, and Zuko is the exception. He rewards her care and concern and openness, and encourages her to show more of it. He wants her to express herself and he gives her a safe place to do so. Mai also finds something to believe in with Zuko. He has a good spirit and a kind heart and she knows this, knows that his anger is something that can get the better of him but that it’s not who he is. She knows that he’s had a hard life and yet believes his life and his character can become better too, and that his bruised past doesn’t have to hold him back. He makes her laugh, can help her make a difference, and helped her stand up to Azula and break free of everything that was hurting her. Just as Mai supported Zuko throughout the last stages of his transformation, Zuko was the pinnacle of hers, and in it, they each become better, happier, healthier people.

That’s not to say Maiko is a perfect couple. They’re not. They’re still going to have issues and hard days, and years undoing the abuse they went through, Zuko in particular. They don’t have to be your favourite couple either. But they are a grounding force of happiness for one another that have stuck by each other through so much, Mai there for Zuko in moments where even Iroh wasn’t.

I don’t think it’s such a bad thing that they’re going to spend the rest of their lives with one another, and I hope you can agree.

And if you made it this far, thank you for making it to the end of this very, very long meta. I hope you enjoyed it.

#atla maiko #zumai #zuko x mai #atla mai #avatar: the last airbender #atla meta #analysis series #mine #otp: i actually kind of like you #analysis #this is over 11k i wanna die

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thekidultlife · 3 years

Text

THEKIDULTLIFE’S LEANNE: UPDATES

You have all seen Hyeri's announcement last night about her indefinite hiatus. I would be lying if I would say that I didn’t become sad that I might be the only one who would be posting here for a time, but we have discussed this already and everything has been sorted out! All is good. I just felt like I needed to post these updates so y’all know what to expect from me in the coming weeks/months! For starters, this is my current writing process:

I am going to finish a whole story/series first before posting. I will try to post one-shots as frequently as I can, but for the series, if you don’t get to see me posting them for a while, it’s because I still haven’t gotten around to finishing all the parts. I don’t want to post one part and then take too long with posting the next part again, so until I finish everything, I won’t be posting what I have finished writing. I really don’t want to leave parts hanging anymore.

My writing style is stream-of-consciousness and relies heavily on inspiration, so if you find it funny that I am kinda “prioritizing” a series or a story when there are other stories that you feel need to be written first, then please know that it’s not because I am discontinuing it or getting tardy about writing the “older stories” that I have. It’s just that how I write is based on which story I feel inspired to write about at the moment. Sorry if some of the series/stories below will take longer :(

The Return of Superman | ⏸

SVT Playroom | Pt. 1 📝 | Pt. 2 ✍ | Pt. 3 🤞| Pt. 4 🤞

Episodes 7-10 🤞

OUTLINED? Yes. My outline looks good, but whenever I try to write it, it just doesn't come out as good as I wanted it to be. I'm still searching for the right inspiration to write this...

The Skin Deep | ⏸

Yoon Jeonghan | ✍

OUTLINED? No, but Jeonghan's is almost completed. The reason why I can't write this yet is because TROS Season 1 is not yet over, and The Skin Deep will have references from TROS because it's like a mini-series that focuses on the SVT dads' love lives, since TROS is focused on the kids.

Through The Seasons | ✍

Yoon Jeonghan ✍

Jeon Wonwoo ✍

OUTLINED? Yes. Each of the fics for TTS will be at a minimum of 10k because the plots with the seasons are huge and I am currently at 3k words (setting the story and the first part).

Autumn Playlist | ✍

Teaser 📝(This is actually named as Part 1 but it’s the teaser! Lol sorry for the confusion y’all!)

Part 1 ✍

Part 2 ✅

Part 3 ✍

OUTLINED? All the chapters are based on songs, so, yeah. It's kinda outlined. This might come out sooner than the other series because I have been enjoying how the story is turning out!!!

One-Shots:

Illicit Affairs ✍

Mirrorball ✍

Minghao Soulmate!AU 🤞

Seokmin Pregnancy!AU ✍

Narcos-inspired AU for Vernon🤞

WARNING: These will all be rated 18+, except for the Soulmate!AU for Minghao. Read at your own risk. I will put in the appropriate warnings and tags so that our readers who are minors could stay out of this!

Drabble Requests Remaining: 9

Thank you so much for your patience. We value every one of our readers and we are not blind to the fact that y'all get disappointed when we do not give updates regarding any of our unfinished works. :( Thank you for being understanding! We write for us, but we won't kid ourselves: we write for you, too!!! We get happy when we post something because we know that you will get happy!

Please continue to stick by this blog. While Hyeri is still on hiatus indefinitely, I will promise to deliver the WIPs above and will be reblogging this to give updates about how far along I am and how I am doing.

If you have any questions abt other works that I might have missed putting here, please do send your ask! Again, thank you very much for being understanding!

- Leanne.

#thekidultlife #seventeen scenarios #seventeen imagines #seventeen fluff #seventeen angst #seventeen smut #updates

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nordic-language-love · 4 years

Photo

Norwegian

Read 104 pages Odinsbarn

Read 4x articles

Watched 1x Folkopplysning episode

Watched 3x Nytt På Nytt episodes

Watched 1x Side Om Side episode

Listened to 0.5x Ernæringsklubben podcast

Finished written tasks about language skills and vegetarianism (not yet posted)

Wrote 2420 words of fiction

Italki session

Speaking practice: talked about health & nutrition, learning languages, circus arts and bread

Finished difficult words vocab list + started random vocab list

Duolingo: repaired various skills, increased Theatre skill to level 3

Japanese

Watched 1x Pokémon episode

Kanji!: lessons 8-12 + reviewed lessons 1, 4 & 7

Drops: kanji

Character drills

Duolingo: Katakana 3

Norwegian

I’ve decided to turn subtitles back on for watching TV shows for the time being. It’s been good to test my listening by turning them off (and sometimes they can be more distracting than helpful!) but I feel like I need to work on my vocabulary more, so it helps to have subtitles on so can note down new words to look up afterwards. It’s great that I no longer need them to understand the main points of any given TV show, but I want to do more than just get the gist of things; the goal is to understand more or less everything!

My italki session this week went better. I still felt like everything was badly-worded but I actually managed to speak this time. I’m still not sure whether to keep using both tutors and alternate each week (a lil expensive, but they challenge me in different ways and two weeks feels like quite a while to go between sessions) or just drop down to one. Or maybe try some others out. Thing is I had a little look at other tutors but they’re either really expensive (like fuck am I gonna pay £20-£40 for a lesson), don’t have time slots that suit me or just don’t give off the right vibe (seriously the number of intro videos I’ve clicked on and gone “nope” within the first 10 seconds is ridiculous, guess I’m picky about tutors lmao). I’m kinda happy with the ones I have anyway, so I guess there’s no real need to try out any others rn.

Also, I’ve written an absurd amount of Norwegian fiction this past week. I doubt I’ll be able to keep it up, but it was quite nice to get into the flow of writing and smash my “write 5000 words of fiction” goal I made at the start of the year. I’m tempted to see if I can make it to 10K now. Of course, it’s all garbage: I’m sure the grammar’s wrong and the dialogue sounds unnatural (not to mention I have to look up at least one thing every time I sit down to write), but I think it might be a good way for me to do first drafts, because I don’t care so much about making it “good” and more about just getting my ideas down.

Oh, and I finally finished my book! I might try writing a review later this week :)

Favourite moment: Getting really into my writing and managing to write nearly 1000 words of fiction in one day

Japanese

I’ve chilled out a bit with Japanese this week. I’m enjoying learning kanji, but I feel like it’s time I started learning some grammar and actually stringing some sentences together. I’m tempted to ask for a textbook for Christmas. But I’m also kinda missing Spanish atm so idk whether to go back to learning that? And I still miss Finnish. Idk, we’ll see. Anyway, I plan to work a bit more with Duolingo this week so I can try to learn some vocabulary in context and some actual whole sentences.

Favourite moment: Realising I could still write all the hirigana and katakana from memory after not drilling them all week

Productivity Grid

Wow yeah I did a fair bit of Norwegian this week lol. Gotta make sure I don’t start slacking in other areas though!

Some goals for this week:

Write another 500-1000 words of fiction

Write a book review of Odinsbarn

Finish reading the book I abandoned so I could read Odinsbarn instead (oops)

Stretch on at least 4 days (ideally 5 or 6!)

Finish my damned TYL course ughh

#stealing the favourite moment thing from lagom-languages aka one of my favourite people <3 #progress report #languages #language blog #langblr #learning languages #norwegian langblr #japanese langblr

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imtryingmyfuckingbe · 4 years

Text

Werewolf of Portland

Pairing: Dean x FBI!Reader

Word count: 10K

I’m not good a summaries, but I drew inspiration from anytime the boys give actual FBI Agents the “talk”, as well as that episode where Jody calls them out for using Bobby as their “supervisor”. This is a repost because I accidentally deleted the original, but it gave me time to edit it better. I’m thinking of doing a second part if I get enough feedback or requests for it, so please, please, please tell me what you think. I’m hungry for feedback haha. Also I know nothing about Portland or official FBI Badges so please keep that in mind as you read.

Warnings: Canon violence, profanity, and a plot twist I didn’t even see coming

Werewolf of Portland

The repugnant, putrid scent overcomes the clearing, spread by the gentle breeze. Despite the green grass littered with wild flowers, the unforgiving scent of rotten eggs clings to the workers’ hazmat suits. Flies buzz incessantly around the body, like that of an opaque blanket if adorned with beady eyes and veiny wings.

While the forensic cleaners work to gather the corpse’s remains for transportation, Agent Y/L/N stands at the edge of the control zone. Her day started at 4:39 in the morning, wherein she spent the next five hours scouring the field alongside her team. Even with her duties tended to, she refuses to leave the scene. The sparse clues yielded in the first examination plague her mind.

No fingerprints, no shoe prints, no footprints, no DNA; the list of what they don’t have extends further than what they do.

The body itself— what little the attacker left of it, at least— covered the majority of the scene. Torn to pieces, heart removed; remains scattered. She hopes the coroner can get something from her examination. The lacking evidence in addition to this being the fourth body found places an insurmountable weight on Y/N’s shoulders.

The public’s outrage cries for the FBI to put the criminal behind bars, but they’re no closer to identifying witnesses, let alone a culprit. Y/N signs, running her hand through her hair. No matter the amount of cases she faces, no matter how gruesome, she never lets it desensitize her. If she becomes numb to the pain of blood and guts, she fails to invest herself in solving the case.

Turning from the scene, she instead takes in the myriad official vans and workers putting about. Her partner speaks with forensics, gathering whatever helpful information they can provide. A small side glance her way and the lift of his hand by his side, he beckons Y/N over. However, her lead feet refuse to move. Still engulfed in the horror show behind her, she takes a moment to collect her thoughts.

Y/N struggles to keep her emotions in check. Rage courses through her veins at the heinous acts humans commit, to fulfill sadistic pleasure or cure one’s demons. Unfortunately, in the FBI, she must swallow her anger and sadness, replacing it with a monotone voice and calculated expressions. Taking a breath, she departs from the border and heads towards Agent Colt.

He finishes speaking with the worker, who leaves the partners in peace.

“They’ve got nothing. We’ve got nothing. Not for this one, not for the past three.”

She already knows this. A thought tickles the back of her mind, but she cannot name it. “All right. Maybe they got sloppy; maybe this time the coroner will get something. Anything.” Elijah rolls his eyes, pursing his lips and rubbing his chin. Y/N knows he’s saying We can’t base our investigation on maybe. Another sigh. “Fine, let’s run through this again.”

Elijah leads the way to their company car. “So, the heart. That’s the main focus. It’s missing.”

“Yes. This points to it being personal. It takes a lot of passion and hatred to rip through someone’s chest and remove their fucking heart. Which, another thing, the hearts aren’t just removed. They’re taken.”

“Right. Okay, haphazard blood splatter; no pattern. I’d say our killer is disorganized. Listless.”

“Not completely. I mean, there’s an even month between each murder. That leans more towards organized. There’s ritual. It’s not really first come, first serve, ya know?”

Elijah pauses at his door, fingers clasped tightly around its handle. He worries his bottom lip between his teeth, staring off into the distance. Y/N knows that look. She’s seen it in herself, survivors and fellow agents. He’s not looking at the clearing, but trying to connect the dots. Perhaps the weight of solving this doesn’t rest solely on Y/N’s shoulders.

As Elijah returns from his reverie and yanks open the car door, Y/N hears a deep, raspy voice greet the local law enforcement. Her partner settles into his seat, staring at her with drawn eyebrows and pursed lips. She holds up a finger.

Casting a quick glance behind her, Y/N finds two suits mid-introduction with the sheriff. The pair hold up identification booklets, much like the one in her pocket. Their suits hang too loosely off of their bodies, their dress shoes too scuffed. The longer she watches their body language, the larger the pit in her stomach grows. She turns around to lean against the car, keeping focus on the men. They talk for a moment more before the sheriff nods in her direction.

Y/N watches their shoulders tense, standing taller from the rigidness. Yes, she muses, something is off.

The window she leans against pulls on her coat as Elijah rolls it down. “Hey, you coming?”

Pondering for a moment whether she should let him in on her instincts, Y/N decides against it. “Yeah,” she leans down, poking her head through the window. “I’m going to stay here, actually. I want to see if I can squeeze anything else out of the uniforms.”

Elijah chuckles. “We’re uniforms too, you know.”

She returns the laugh. “Right, well, you head back to the office. Make a fresh pot of coffee, too. I’ll meet you there.”

He holds two fingers to his forehead before dramatically sweeping them across his face. “Aye, aye, captain.”

Y/N stands as he rolls the window back up, patting the roof. Elijah peels off while she returns her attention to the still-gawking men. Their postures only straighten as she nears; if they stood any more rigid she’d swear they were wax figures. “Harold,” she acknowledges the sheriff. He nods. “How’s it going on your end?” Y/N keeps the men in her peripheral but focuses on Harold.

Harold’s eyes shift to the pair, then back to Y/N. “As I was telling your fellow agents—” at this statement, the men share a glance, “—still nothing.”

“Right, well I want to go over everything again. Give me a moment.” She finally turns to greet the supposed agents. “Gentlemen, to whom do I owe the pleasure?” Scanning their faces, she studies them for any quirk of the lips or perspiration on the brow.

The taller one speaks first. “I’m, uh, Agent Pert and this is Agent Bonham,” he gestures next to him.

Pert and Bonham? Really? She refrains from rolling her eyes.

Instead, Y/N doesn’t respond, using the pressure of silence in her favor. Harold clears his throat, uncomfortable with the tension. She ignores him, keeping focus on the men before her. Most of her suspects break under her gaze; very few can sustain their façade in an encounter with her steely eyes and stiff posture. Harold excuses himself, unable to withstand her harsh eyes. The men continue to stare, neither willing to relent. Unfortunately, this renders them at an impasse. She, too, will not look away or speak.

Agent Pert concedes, taking the lead. “Right, well, we’re here from DC to investigate the murders. What have you got?” His voice imperceptibly wavers— if untrained, Y/N wouldn’t notice the quiver— the corner of his lip twitching.

Ignoring his request, she commands, “Let me see your badges, agents.”

Another conversation through a shared look before they hand them over. They’re good, the badges. A smidgen off center of authentic. If not for the incorrect serial code and too high insignia placement, Y/N would accept them at face value. She closes the booklets and pockets them, earning a small Hey of protest from the short one. Cocking an eyebrow, she dares them to challenge her.

“Impersonating a federal agent is a crime, I’m sure you know.”

“Impersonating a— call our superior and check! Let me see your badge!” Crew cut exclaims, indignant.

“I’ll lend my badge after I’ve talked to your superior officer.” She wonders how far they intend to take this rouse.

With their business card in hand, she retreats a few steps. As she dials the number the little whisper in the back of her head pesters her further. The questionable agents and unsolvable case remind her of… something.

“Agent Willis,” a voice grunts.

“Willis? What’s your outpost?”

“Headquarters. Who is this?”

“Agent Y/L/N. It appears I have two of your agents here; I’m sure some wires crossed when you sent them down? What were your orders for Agents Tyler and Grohl?”

“Who are you to question my authority, Agent?”

His growl pulls the pressing thought to the forefront of her mind. 2005, in Cincinnati on her first case. Similar to her case today: bodies piled up with no leads and peculiar circumstances. She ran into someone claiming to be FBI, too. Fresh from the academy with the weight of the world on her shoulders, she accepted his excuse of bureaucratic miscommunication; why don’t we work the case together?

She laughs. “Wait, hold on. I know you.”

“Noyoudon’t,” he spits out, too quickly.

“Yeah, I do. Fuck, what’s your name?” she mumbles, more to herself than him. “Singer! Ohio, we worked a case together. Culprit never caught and you went on your merry way.”

He blubbers, failing to produce a proper excuse. “I don’t know a Singer, Agent.”

She rolls her eyes, finally turning to face the men. The stricken look on their faces only further points to the truth. “All right, Willis. Even if that were true, you also don’t know your agents’ names. They introduced themselves as Pert and Bonham. Really, Singer? Rockstars’ names?” The humor of the situations drains, replaced with its severity. “All right, I’m taking your men in. If you know what’s good for you, you’ll stay put and wait for mine to come get you.”

“Wait— Y/L/N, right? Hear me out,” he pleads, urgency ringing clear in his voice.

“You have ten seconds.”

“Listen, they’re there to help. Your attacker ain’t what you think it is. I closed that case in Cincinnati, thanks to your help. But, it wasn’t a person. It was a vampire.”

She laughs again, this time wild and unbelieving. “Yeah, right. And this one is a fucking Chupacabra.”

“No, it’s not. We think it’s a werewolf.”

“You’re fucking nuts. No, I’m calling this in.”

“Y/N. Wait. Talk to them, please. People are still in danger. Their names are Sam and Dean. Winchester.” The desperation in his voice settles with unease in her chest. Her time on the force yields too much experience in discerning honesty from duplicity.

Rather than respond, she ends the call and returns to the newly named Winchesters. They stand unmoving, shoulder to shoulder; if not for the wind tussling the tall one’s hair, she’d think they were statues. “So.” They squirm under her gaze. “Which one of you is Sam and Dean?” Their eyes widen at her remark, startled by her knowledge of their true identities.

Crew cut juts his chin out and squares his shoulders. “I’m Dean. That’s Sam. Why don’t you tell us who you are and how the hell you know our names?”

“I’ll be the one asking questions, gentleman. I’ve half a mind to put you in cuffs. First, you impersonate a federal agent; second, your pal Singer brings up werewolves? Sounds like three peas in a pod headed for St. Christopher’s Asylum to me.” Neither respond. “Thirty seconds, boys. You have thirty seconds to make me believe you or the only way you’re leaving is in cuffs.” For emphasis, she pats her hip, whereupon the cuffs hang.

The pregnant silence leers on.

“25.”

Sam sighs, running his hand through his hair. “All right. There are things in this world that you don’t know about; that not many people know about. The bumps in the night, the clichés; most of them are real. Have you had anything happen to you that you can’t explain? Or had an unsolvable case?” He pauses for her answer, but she only looks on, hands on her hips.

Vampires? Werewolves? What the fresh fuck? Her mind reels with the implications of his statement; even still, it doesn’t feel wrong. A few cases come to mind instantly: the serial killer who left victims’ eyes burnt out, people torn to shreds in supposed animal attacks by nothing from these parts. How many victims faced the unknown rather than human wrath? She can handle psychopaths, serial killers, the insane. She knows that evil; deals with it regularly. But the supernatural? No.

“Right, well, we hunt those things. We take them out,” he gestures between himself and Dean.

Y/N’s hands drop from her sides, falling limp at her thighs. “Just you two?” She whispers, cold and disbelieving.

“No,” Dean speaks up. “Not just us. There’s a lot of us out there.”

“Listen, I’m going to need more than just your word. I don’t know you, and I sure as hell don’t trust you. What can you give me that will make me believe you?” Despite not wanting it, she needs proof. Plus, if they turn out to be nuts, she can lock them up and toss the key; no harm, no foul.

They nod once, curt but understanding. Sam takes a step forward, hand raised in her direction. “This’ll take a leap of faith, Agent…”

“Y/L/N.”

“Agent Y/L/N. Let us work on this with you,” Sam implores. “And if we’re wrong, you can book us yourself.”

“Sammy, hold up. Who’s to say we can trust her either? She’s just some Fed. Who’s to say she won’t cuff us anyway?” Dean protests, turning towards Sam.

While the two quietly argue, Y/N takes a step back. Running her tongue over her teeth in concentration, she ponders the options. Even if Sam offers her control, she knows their type: they won’t let her actually take the lead. Dean reminds her of her father, and that man never relinquished supervision. In order for this to work in her favor— seeking the truth, protecting the public— Y/N must fulfill the role as the dutiful public servant. Perhaps they’re not fucking lunatics, and this thing turns out to be real, she’d be way out of her element anyway. Still, she refuses to give up control.

Staring off towards the field, where the body once laid, she contemplates the little evidence recovered. Vics torn to shreds, no prints, no DNA. Local PD swears it’s a cougar, an animal indigenous to the area. Even still, animals are simpler than humans. They kill for sustenance or safety. The brutality of this kill, the length of the claw marks, lack of fur, ritual occurrences; it all points in the wrong direction. Y/N would quicker say some furry decided killing offers more sexual release over cosplay than call it a fucking cougar.

“If you expect me to try to trust you, or at least what you say, then I need your trust, too. This goes both ways,” she interrupts. The men cease their heated discussion, turning towards her. “I don’t like what you’re telling me. I don’t want to believe it. But… I trust my gut, and I think you guys are either great liars or telling the truth.” Sam smiles, but Y/N holds up a hand. “However, I will not put my eggs in one basket. I need insurance that you’ll hold up your end of the bargain. This means I’m taking point, and you guys are consultants. Anything you know, you tell me. Anything you find, you tell me. Anything you do, you tell me. Capiche?”

Sam nods before Dean, nudging his side to encourage his agreement. Dean tosses his hands in the air. “Fine. Where to next, Agent?” Venom drips with each word.

“I need to get back to the station. My partner, Agent Colt, will be—”

“Colt? Agent Colt? The irony.” Dean interrupts. Sam elbows him again, and Y/N chooses to ignore him altogether.

“I’m going back to the station. I’ll talk to the Uniforms and tell them to give you anything pertinent to this specific scene. Anything to do with the others can wait until tonight. Meet me at Carlton’s, off of Hamilton street. I’ll bring the files for the other Vics.” She hands Sam her business card, not trusting Dean to keep it.

“What about our badges?”

Y/N rolls her eyes, exhausted. “Fuck, man. I’m trying my hardest to ignore the federal crime you committed right in front of me. Prove you’re right and you’ll get them back. Until then, you’re consultants employed by the Bureau.”

She pushes passed them, heading towards Harold. Their boots crunch on the gravel as they lag behind her. He halts his conversation with one of deputies upon their arrival. “Sheriff, these two are fresh blood from the academy.” She juts her thumb over her shoulder. “HQ thought this would be a good case for them to learn on the job. Tell them anything you know and let them case the scene. I’m going back to the station to meet up with Elijah.”

“But—” Harold begins. Y/N levels him with sharp eyes and pressed lips, stopping him in his tracks. “Right. Okay. Follow me, Agents.” Sam and Dean shoulder passed Y/N, catching up to the Sheriff with a few long strides.

Y/N stands for a moment, hands in her jacket pockets, watching the two men. If this turns out to be a rouse— if she let two criminals onto the field with her permission— that’s her head. Shaking the thought away, she turns. She’s able to hitch a ride back to the station with the forensic profilers.

———————————————————————————————————

Elijah spared his questions when she returned, thankfully. Instead, he shoved a hot cup of cop shop coffee into her hands before continuing their earlier evaluation. “Right, can’t be disorganized, but he’s definitely passionate. That shows connection to the victims.”

Y/N sips her coffee. Forcing the bitterness down her throat, she also swallows her new knowledge. She must work this case like any other, for it might be. “You think it’s a man?”

Around the bite of an apple, he says, “Yes. Female offenders aren’t typically serial murderers; they’re passion killers. Black Widows, Angels of Death, you know the type.”

“I do, but Wuronous diverged from the typical female murderer.”

“Yeah, that’s one of many. Most other women utilized poison for their kills. The ME didn’t find any traces of cyanide, arsenic, or tetrodotoxin— nothing. Doesn’t fall in line with what we know.”

Y/N simmers. She knows this, of course. “Let’s keep the possibilities in mind.” She sifts through the crime scene pictures, lining up the photos of the different victims side by side. “Placement doesn’t seem to matter, so that leans away from obsessive compulsiveness. The offensive wounds support this, too.”

“Y/N, what are we reaching for? We don’t have a profile, a motive; nothing.”

“Not true. Let’s lay it all out, one more time. Hearts are taken, gruesome attack wounds, lower body left alone. Maybe these are passion killings, and the only thing in common with the victims is the killer. I mean, people come and go all the time here. Maybe they knew the Unsub outside of Portland. The ritualistic pattern of the murders makes me think the killer stalks the victims in the month down time; gets to know their schedule, comings and goings. They’re all aged between twenty-five and thirty-five. Maybe the killer is attracted to the ages rather than physical descriptions. Also—” Y/N stops, sighing.

Even as she tries to string everything together, she knows Elijah is right. Too much of the evidence contradicts any profile they could scrape up. Ritualistic but not obsessive, disorganized but keeps to a schedule, passionate murders between unrelated victims. Nothing points them in any definitive direction. They’re grasping at straws here.

Sam and Dean creep to the forefront of her mind. She downs her coffee in one go. It heats her stomach, and she blames her rising temperature on the beverage rather than brimming anger. Clenching her fists, she crushes the paper cup. Elijah reaches over to rub her shoulder, massaging her tense muscles. “It’s okay, Y/N/N. We’ll catch this son of a bitch,” he encourages, misunderstanding her frustration.

She rubs her eyes, forcing them open. Wordlessly, Elijah fills hands here a new cup of coffee, topping himself off as well. They sit in silence, pouring over their respective files. The victims must have connections; even if Y/N allows herself to believe the Winchesters, she can’t believe monsters don’t have rituals. Psychology reaches further than humanity— scientists observe it in animals. In order to keep hope and keep going, Y/N trusts in the knowledge that all things in existence operate off of some code.

Another sigh, another gulp. “One more time. From the first victim. Elijah, there has to be something.”

He purses his lips, clear indignation warring his exhaustion and winning. Even still, he nods. “All right, Vic One: Stephanie Lane, age 27. She worked at the local vet clinic on Broad Street. Usual nine to five, Monday through Friday. Killer got her leaving work Thursday night, July Fifth, around six p.m. Scratched her up, took her heart. Passerby found her body two days later.” He wets his lips, staring at her file.

Y/N nods in confirmation, already well aware of the facts. With a fine-tooth comb, they revisit each victim after Stephanie Lane. Jonathan Grism, Marcus Kent, and, the most recent, Gabrielle Shaw. All with varying occupations and seemingly no connections, aside from enjoying the casual run or grueling hike. Despite their apparent love of nature, the Unsub chose to kill them in their daily routine.

On a whim, Y/N searches each date (July 5th, August 3rd, September 2nd, and October 1st) for any similarities in the dates, coming up short and further exasperated. Elijah keeps to himself while she abuses her keyboard, refusing defeat. Only on her fifth page of Google searches does she find anything worth noting; unfortunately it supports the Winchesters. Each murder occurred on a full moon.

She slams her laptop closed, finishing her coffee and crushing her cup. “I need a break, Elijah. Just some time to clear my head and get fresh eyes.” She stands, tossing her cup into the wastebasket. Elijah leans back, clasping his fingers behind his head. “I’m getting some sleep. You should too. You look like shit.”

Elijah laughs. “Thanks, Y/N/N. You don’t look too much better yourself.”

She shoves his shoulder as she passes, shouting a goodbye over her shoulder. Elijah hollers something back, but she’s already out of the front doors. The crisp air helps the fog in her head, supplementing it with aches in her bones. Her boots crunch leaves with each step, and she forces her focus onto the noise.

Crunch, crunch, crunch.

Werewolves?

Crunch, crunch, crunch.

The supernatural?

Crunch, crunch— smack.

A broad chest stops her, calloused fingers grasping her upper arm to steady her. Y/N looks up, palms pressing against a soft t-shirt, into effervescent green eyes. Dean grins down at her, the left corner of his lip tilted in an almost-sneer, if not for the mischief in his eyes. She rolls her eyes, pushing back against his firm chest. He releases her, hands up in mock surrender.

“Agent, fancy seeing you here.”

“Where? Outside of the station where I work? Must be kismet.” Sarcasm drips from her words like venomous honey, sickly sweet and sticky.

“Well, to be fair, you did say to tell you anything we find, so here I am.”

Her heart stutters, excited. They found something. This could be the end of the murders. Straightening her back and returning to Agent Y/L/N— locking Y/N into a tight box at the back of her mind— she faces Dean head on. “All right, what have you found?” Her voice lacks the previous emotion, all business and no play.

Dean sighs, a look flitting across his face and disappearing before Y/N can place it. “Walk with me.” He turns on his heel without awaiting her response, starting down the sidewalk.

She follows, despite the annoyance burning the bottom of her feet with each step. They continue down the street in silence, save for their steps and the seldom passing cars. While she wants answers, Y/N knows pestering delays the process. Dean seems like a man who has been through the ringer a couple times. If he shares similarities with herself, he won’t share anything until he’s ready— another form of control she wants to rip from his fingers.

By the time they reach the doors to the Sunshine Diner, Y/N must clench her fists to bury the frustration of unanswered questions. Dean holds the door, motioning for her to go in. In the back right corner of the restaurant sits Sam, typing furiously on his laptop. So. It appears Dean did search for her once they found something. Pleased at the notion, she lets some of the annoyance roll off her shoulders.

Dean settles in next to Sam, Y/N taking the opposing side of the booth. “So, get this,” Sam begins. “Your murders started four months ago, right? Well, turns out a small werewolf pack traveled from Washington to Portland because they drew too much attention to themselves. One of our connections in Seattle worked the case until they completely disappeared, no trace, no nothing. Within a month of leaving Washington, the Portland murders began.” He finished, peering at her through the too-long tendrils of his hair.

Y/N schools her face into indifference, despite her racing heart and sweating palms. He sounds so sure and calm, like they run into werewolves grocery shopping. Dean looks at her, too, sharp eyes searching for anything in her expression or body language.

For a moment of reprieve, the waitress approaches the table. Rushed and rough, the trio relay their orders: Sam an egg white omelet, Dean the Bacon Supreme, and Y/N another black coffee; she ignores her shaking hands and clammy skin. The server jots down their choices, rushing off to the next table.

Y/N clasps her fingers together, leaning forward. “That sounds like a nicely wrapped present with a bow on top. I need your process. How did you come to this conclusion? Who is this supposed hunter?”

Sam squints at her, mouth agape. “Those are your questions, really? Nothing about werewolves?” He turns to Dean, bewildered. Dean shrugs, looking all too comfortable for the topic of conversation.

The server returns with their drinks, setting the three coffees and one orange juice in front of the respective customers. As if purposefully slow, she takes her time to offer creamer or sugar, unaware of the tension. Dean taps one of his fingers on the surface of the table while Sam makes polite small talk with the waitress. Y/N continues to study the men before her. Finally, the server leaves once more.

“Listen, if I’m going to believe your bucket of crazy, then I’m going to believe it. So, no. I’m not going to ask about werewolves, I’m asking about the details of your research. I need to know how credible you are.”

This time, Dean leans forward, staring straight into her eyes and speaking low. “The hunter we know in Washington, Richard, kept track of them enough to know their comings and goings. He put out the word through the Hunter grapevine that he needed help with the… extermination of the pack, but by the time anyone could come to help, they migrated south. To here. We know it’s this pack because the victims share the same hobby: doing shit in nature. Runners, hikers, whatever. It makes them easy targets—”

“— Except they weren’t killed on hikes or runs. They were killed after work or errands or—”

Dean continues speaking, as if she hadn’t interjected. “—This specific pack only eats the heart, a common characteristic of werewolves. However, a lot of them eat more of the body, and depending on what they eat points to which pack is most likely to be the attacker. These sons of bitches blend in, except on the full moon, where they go apeshit for hearts. Richard identified the pack leader; Sam found where they’re holed up in. Good enough for you, Agent?”

She wants to slap the pleased look straight off of his plump lips and pretty green eyes. Instead, Y/N props her head up in her palm, keeping her eyes level with Dean’s, swallowing her ire and replacing it with feigned kindness. “Yes. When are we going to get them?” The thought of coming face to face with a monster rushes like winter water through her veins. She reminds herself she deals with monsters on the daily; hers only lack claws and fangs, and whatever else. The circumstances only vary slightly.

“We? There is no ‘we’, sweetheart. We kept you in the loop, like you asked, but you don’t know Jack from Shit about how the gank these fuckers. You do your job, and we’ll—”

Y/N raises her hand, silencing Dean. “Listen, sweetheart, I know the area. I’m guessing they’re staying at the Crest Apartments off of 205, right? Developers left it abandoned when the surveyors refused to clear it due to landslide likelihood. I know the woods, the city, everything. As for what I don’t know, you can teach me. I may not be trained in proper monster lore, but I know how to fight.”

Dean leans further forward, meeting her at the halfway mark of the table. He lowers his voice, speaking gruffly as if to admonish. “You might be an agent in the normal world, but to us you’re just a civvie. No matter what you think you can do, no matter what you think you know, you’ve never faced these things in real life. I’m not about to put your stubborn ass in danger just so you can prove a point.”

Y/N opens her mouth to retort, but Sam grabs Dean’s collar and pulls him back. “Enough with the pissing contest. I get it: you’re both badass,” he interrupts, at his wits end. “Listen, Y/N,” he begins, softer. “I’m sure you’re good at what you do. You got the location correct without any intel, save for what you know about your city. But Dean’s right. If you come, you’re more of a liability than helpful.”

Y/N closes her eyes, taking a deep breath and holding it for five counts. When she exhales, she forces a smile upon her lips, albeit a bit sardonic, and opens her eyes. The men stare at her, awaiting her response. She stands, instead, straightening her jacket. “Gentleman, I’ll see you tonight. Bring an extra weapon, seeing as I’m sure normal bullets won’t kill a werewolf. Nine o’clock?” Rather than wait for a response, she nods her head and departs onto the street once more.

———————————————————————————————————

From the moment she stepped outside of the diner to the moment she parked her car behind Sam and Dean, her phone rang. Y/N assumed the alternating unknown numbers belonged to the brothers, likely wishing to dissuade her from joining their crusade. She ignored them, deleting any voicemails they left. She knows they’re right; she doesn’t know left from right when it comes to monsters. But it’ll be a cold day in Hell when she lets some terror run rampage in her city.

Instead, she chose to bide her time researching werewolf lore between several more cups of coffee. Luckily she came across a duo well versed in their knowledge: the Ghostfacers. Although they posted their most recent content a year ago, she assumes lore stays the same. Silver bullet, shot to the head or heart, werewolf down for the count.

Y/N alights from her car, closing the door. Sam and Dean stand at their trunk, rummaging through— an entire arsenal of weapons? Y/N still has half the mind to arrest them. First impersonating federal agents to knives and machetes and guns in a hidden compartment of their car? She forces anxiety down, instead choosing once again to believe Sam and Dean are not raging psychopaths. Every bone in her body screams to cuff them and book them; her entire career banks on capturing nuts jobs like these two.

Still, she makes her way to their car, stopping at her front bumper to lean on it. “So. Silver, huh?”

Sam turns to face her, loading his .45 absentmindedly as he takes in her appearance. Gone is her official suit, in its place jeans, boots, and a well-worn long-sleeve. Dean rummages through the trunk, ignoring her presence. “You researched,” Sam replies, more so a statement than a question.

“I don’t go in half cocked. Pun intended. Got any leftover bullets? I’ve got a .45, too,” she muses, patting her hip for emphasis.

Dean sighs, rubbing his temple with his free hand, the other occupied with a magazine. “For the last time,” he begins, turning to face her, “I don’t want you here. We don’t want you here. If things get hairy in there, we can’t protect you, Y/N. You’re a liability. You don’t know—”

“— Jack from shit, yeah, yeah,” she dismisses, waving a hand. “Stow the crap, I’m coming. Now, do you want me going in defenseless or do you have silver to spare?” She stands straight, squaring her shoulders and holding her head high.

Sam covers a laugh with a cough, his attention trained on Dean. Y/N forces her unwavering gaze onto him, who in turn rolls his eyes. His shoulders sag in defeat as he returns attention to his trunk. Wordlessly, he passes her a simple pistol, already loaded. She adjusts her grip, searching for a comfortable hold.

“Thanks.”

Dean barely nods his head. Y/N leaves the pair for a moment, returning her own gun to the glove box and locking it.

Upon her return, Dean closes the trunk with a deafening slam, leaning against it. “All right, let’s get some things straight. We go in first, you follow. We’ll call clear and then we move forward as a group, understood?” Y/N wants to roll her eyes— Dean seems to forget she works raids on the regular— but she nods. “Good. We counted five. You see someone who isn’t us,” he motions between Sam and himself with his gun, “you shoot. Bullet to the heart will do the job.” He delivers a pointed look in her direction, awaiting confirmation.

“Got it.”

He looks at her for a moment, his eyes alight with enough fire to bore holes into her clothing. A familiar look hides behind his façade of rage; it rests on the tip of Y/N’s tongue. Perhaps a concoction of grief and hope. She sees it in herself when a case grows too heavy; grief for the pain and hope for the end. In this moment, Y/N feels like she knows Dean.

The moment breaks when he shakes his head and walks heavy footed to the building. Sam falls in line with Y/N, resting a hand on her shoulder to slow her. She cranes her neck to look him in the eye, skin burning whereupon his palm rests. “He doesn’t want casualties. He doesn’t have the best way of showing it, but Dean cares about people. He’s got enough blood on his hands.” Sam squeezes her shoulder, sparing a tight lipped smile, before dropping his hand.

A few long strides puts him next to Dean, shoulder to shoulder. Y/N hangs back, processing Sam’s vague confession. She understands the need to protect others. The most pressing motivation for joining the Bureau stems from this desire. These men fight in a war separate to her own, but not dissimilar. They’re two sides of the same coin, both Y/N and Dean aching to save, save, save.

She shrugs her shoulders, pushing the nerves building in her chest down to her toes. If Sam and Dean tell the truth of the awaiting horrors, she needs to ready herself. In matters of life and death, anxiety only increases the chances of death. Adrenaline only carries her so far before it peters out.

Dean stands at the front door, gun raised and legs parted. Sam stands to the side, hand on the handle. Y/N, as promised, stands back and behind Dean. With a nod from Dean, Sam pulls the handle, opening the heavy door. The brothers file in first, flashlights illuminating the unfinished floor and walls.

Their footsteps echo as they clear each room, a foreboding cadence through the empty halls. Dean looks back at Y/N, ensuring she still follows. She keeps her gun pointed to the ground and her senses open. At the first corner, Dean holds his arm out. Sam and Y/N flatten themselves against the wall while Dean looks around the corner. He nods, stepping out into the open once more.

A crunch from the right hallway drags Y/N’s attention from the brothers proceeding to the left. Peering down the corridor, she finds it empty. Just as she turns to catch up, another crunch sounds, followed by a squelch and a footstep. Looking behind her, Y/N finds Dean and Sam halfway down the hallway. “Dean!” she shouts as quietly as she can. He doesn’t turn. “Dean. Sam!”

Nothing.

She sighs, frustrated. One side begs her to run down the hallway to warn them; the other implores her to follow her gut and the noise. Another wayward glance in their direction and Y/N turns right. She steps carefully, avoiding debris. Heel, toe. Heel, toe.

The further she travels down the hallway, the darker it gets. Footsteps and low voices grow closer as she reaches another left or right turn. She presses against the left wall, sparing a glance down the right corridor. Empty. The left hallway, however, offers cover to three silhouettes crowding in front of a closed door. She startles back, heart hammering against her ribs.

Y/N holds her breath, calming the relentless anxiety in her chest. Breathe in, hold four seconds, breathe out. Rinse and repeat. She looks back to where she last saw Sam and Dean; they’re gone. Great. Now she's truly dug herself an early grave.

With one last breath, Y/N turns the corner, aims and shoots. One of the people— werewolves— yowls in pain, collapsing to the ground. Yellow eyes glow in the dark, the only light from their end of the hall. Guttural growls roll from their chests as they stalk towards Y/N. She fires again. It hits the plaster, sending dust and shards flying.

“Fuck.”

The monsters pick up speed, running full force in her direction. She fires one more time, hitting one in the leg. It crashes to the floor, knees hitting the ground with a sickening crack. The other continues. Y/N whips around, running down the hallway towards Sam and Dean— she hopes. Her feet thump with each step and she pays little mind to the trash and tools on the ground.

A foolish mistake, it seems, as she stomps on an empty chip packet. Her right foot slips from beneath her, sending her careening to the ground. The side of her head smacks against the concrete. Her vision blacks for a moment before the pain spreads in webs from her cheek to her neck, down her back. The heavy footfalls of her pursuer sound muffled compared to the needling throbbing in her head.

With a groan, she pushes herself onto her hands and knees. A hand on the wall stabilizes her, she clambers to her feet. An unfortunate time to do so; the werewolf runs full force into her, slamming her onto the ground once more. Autopilot takes over as she raises her palms to the man’s chest, pushing as hard as she can.

He snarls, snapping his teeth as he tries to reach her neck. Y/N blocks his throat with her forearm, using her spare hand to blindly search for her gun. Instead of the handle, she grasps a wrench. Good enough. With as much force as she can muster, she clobbers the werewolf’s head. He falls off of her, a hand pressed to his bleeding forehead.

In the second of reprieve, she spots the pistol a few feet away. She throws herself through the air, grabbing the handle before turning onto her back, the gun pointed towards the monster.

He dives after her. Bang. The shot rings out through the hallway. His body tenses before relaxing completely, eyes half lidded and empty. Y/N rolls out of the way as it collides with the floor. Her breaths come ragged and short, but the fight persists. The unforgiving footsteps of her aggressors afford little time to catch her breath; she pushes herself up once more.

Panting, but not yet done, she turns towards the thundering steps. Sam and Dean race towards her, guns at the ready. “Oh, thank God.” She drops her guard and lowers her pistol to her side, leaning against the wall to catch her breath.

Dean reaches her first, fire in his eyes and coating his words. “What the fuck is wrong with you? I told you to stay with us, Y/N!” He grabs her chin, calloused fingers tilting her face to get a better look at her wounds. He pulls back, lifting and examining each arm. Y/N, too spent, lets him search for whatever he wants to find. She feels the welting of a bruise on her right cheek and a trickle of blood from her forehead.

“I got— I got three,” she gasps, watching Sam turn the werewolf over.

Dean releases her, shaking his head. She touches her cheek, wincing at its sensitivity. “Oh, how nice. You also almost got yourself killed. I swear to—”

“—Dean,” Sam warns. “There are two more. We can worry about this later.”

“I got— I killed one of the others, but the third one I just hit in the knee.” Admitting to killing something, despite it being a monster, settles heavily in her stomach. She presses her hand to her lips, forcing her lunch to stay put.

No time to puke, Y/N, she scolds herself.

Shaking her head, she compels herself to focus. She nods at Sam and Dean, who take their positions at the front once more. This time she has no intentions of abandoning their protection. They stalk forward, albeit not as carefully as before; the ruckus certainly alerted the rest of the pact to their presence. Turning the corner, they find the werewolf Y/N shot first. A trail of blood leads the room they convened outside of, the door open this time.

The trio step lightly and quickly to the room. Dean peers in before entering. Inside, the wounded werewolf leans against the wall, a hand pressed against his thigh. Dean shoots him on the spot, wasting no time. Another body lies in the corner, torn the shreds. Aside from the two corpses, the room yields no tell-tale signs of the rest of the pack. Even still, Sam and Dean survey every nook and cranny. Y/N hovers by the door, working on slowing her breath and calming her heart.

She peaks out into the hallway, just in case. The darkness limits her view, but she can’t hear anything either. Her ears ring, a relentless low buzzing from hitting her head and firing her gun too closely. Dean places a hand on her lower back as he passes, alerting her to his presence. The warmth spreads through her body, even when he lets go and walks ahead.

“Do you think they left?” she wonders aloud. It’s what she would do, but packs could think differently than humans.

Sam walks next to her, looking at her in his peripheral. “Maybe. But we want to clear the whole building, no stone left unturned and all that.”

She nods, instantly regretting it. Her brain tumbles around her head, hitting the walls and throbbing. Y/N rubs her temple, but says nothing. Lord knows Dean would already have a smartass retort on the tip of his tongue. Instead, she concentrates on putting one foot in front of the other.

They clear the first floor easily, no signs of the last two. Dean leads them back to the front of the building to the stairwell. The door refuses to open, no matter how much force they use. The handle turns, but something on the other side blocks its pathway. Sam and Dean brace their backs against the door, plant their feet on the ground, and push as hard as they can. It budges slightly, only enough for them to see inside.

One of the railings torn from the stairs leans against the door, while another, wedged between the railing on the door and the first step of the stairs, holds it in place. They’d have to get in there to open the door. The brothers try once again, opening it a smidgen further.

As Sam and Dean discuss the next step, Y/N formulates her own plan. She knows the boys, Dean in particular, won’t like it. Stepping closer to them, she chooses to stand next to Sam, hoping for his support.

“Listen,” she interrupts. Both brothers run their attention to her, Sam’s eyebrows raised and Dean’s drawn down. For a moment, she wonders if they have other facial expressions or if they always look this perturbed. “I can fit in there,” she motions to the opening in the door, a crack about a foot wide. Dean opens his mouth to disagree, but she holds up a hand. “I’ll get in there and move the railings so you guys can get in too. Quick and simple. Won’t go off on my own, promise.”

Sam and Dean meet eyes, silently coming to an agreement. Dean pinches the bridge of his nose, sighing. “Fine. Be quick.” He sets his steely gaze upon her face. “And, I fucking swear, Y/N— if you go off by yourself I will kill you.”

She rolls her eyes. “Sure, you will.”

She shoves passed him, knocking his shoulder on purpose. He grumbles something under his breath, but moves out of the way. A deep breath in, Y/N sidles through the opening. She barely makes it, struggling to get around the railing. Once inside, she grasps the leaning railing, using her whole body to pull the steel from where it’s wedged. Inch by inch, she gets it out of the way.

It hits the floor with a reverberating clang, settling in the alcove beneath the stairs. The other falls to the ground, closing the door with its force. Y/N sighs, throwing her head back in frustration. Fists bang on the other side of the door, Dean shouting her name along with profanities.

“I’m fine, you oaf. Give me a second,” she yells back, exasperated.

“Hurry up, Y/N.”

She groans, sinking to her knees for more leverage. Breathlessly, she retorts, “I. Am. Trying.” With a grunt, she pushes the steel into a vertical position. “All right, you should have enough—”

“Need a hand?” a low voice taunts from above.

Y/N looks up. An unassuming woman stands at the platform of the first level, hands on her hips and an all teeth grin baring her lips. “Dean?” she yells, urgent and frightened. The door opens with enough room for Sam and Dean to squeeze through.

Dean barges in first, gun raised. He casts a glance at Y/N, following her gaze to the landing. Mechanically, he pulls the trigger. The woman falls with a thud. Y/N lets out a breath, hands white knuckling the railing and eyes trained on the body. Sam grabs the metal while Dean pries Y/N’s fingers off, more gently than he’s been with her all day.

She looks at him, eyes wide. As much as she wants to act fearlessly, she’s seen more people— things�� die in front of her today than in her entire life. Dean nods, as if to say It’s okay, we get it. She steps back, letting him take the railing. Together, the brothers shift it to rest upon the other.

Y/N closes her eyes, clenching and unclenching her fists. Her nails dig crescents into her palms, the stinging centering her. Okay. Okay. I can do this. Her skin burns under the gaze of Sam and Dean, even if she can’t see them herself. Opening her eyes, she focuses on the men before her.

“You good?” Dean asks, warm and low, a hand reaching out to her.

“Yeah. Yeah. Let’s go.” She motions before her, allowing them to take the lead again.

Four down, one to go, Y/N reminds herself with each step. The task seems less daunting with the odds in their favor at three against one. On the second platform, they exit into the hallway. The builders didn’t get so far as to hinge a door to the opening, thankfully. The trio stalk down the corridor, straining to hear anything out of place.

The end of the hallway yields a wall and two doors opposite of each other— one opened and one closed. The brothers broach the entryway of the open room, clearing it with a quick sweep. Similar to how they entered the building, Dean stands in front of the closed door while Sam grasps the handle. Pushing it open, Dean rushes in, Y/N and Sam following closely behind.

The door slams shut behind them. Y/N whips around, ready to fire and finish the job. She stumbles, lowering her weapon, jaw dropped. Dean steps in front of her, half blocking her from— “Elijah?” Dean looks back at Y/N, brows furrowed and lips parted. Sam rests a hand on her shoulder, steadying her.

“Y/N, Y/N, Y/N,” he taunts, almost as if scolding her. “I see you’re running around with scum. I thought you were better than that.”

She shakes her head, struggling to wrap her head around the man before her— her friend— being a monster. “What— how…”

He rolls his eyes. “Wah-how? Blah, blah, blah. You were always so naive.” He twirls a knife between his fingers, a small smirk dancing on his lips. Y/N looks away, unable to handle Elijah being the culprit she sought so long to capture. “When they came to town all those months ago, I caught one of them. I was ready to cuff ‘em and book ‘em, like we’re trained. But Eddie, the one you shot in the leg, Y/N, presented an offer I couldn’t refuse.” His voice glides like silk over her skin. It takes everything not to vomit.

“Only downside is once a month I’d get a little craz—”

The shot rings clear in the air, stopping Elijah’s tirade. Y/N’s head shoots up in time to watch him crumble to the ground. He settles with a soft finality, folded over himself. Dean turns around, saying something, but she can’t hear him. She shakes her head, tears stinging her eyes. Her knees give out, collapsing. Sam falls with her, softening the blow.

She pushes off of him. “Get off of me, get off of me,” she screeches, banging her fists into his chest until he releases her. He holds his hands up in surrender as she scrambles a few feet away.

Y/N rests on her knees, forehead touching the cool ground as if in prayer. Dirt and dust grind in her wound, she knows, but she can’t feel it. She can only replay Elijah’s fall. The separation of the man she knew and the man who he became felt too small. She never noticed a difference. He acted the same: kind, funny, a good agent. A good friend.

Her sobs wrench in her chest, burning her throat. She wants to scream, but it comes out strangled, reverberating from the ground back to her— furious and despairing and inconsolable. Running her fingers through her hair, she grips the roots needing something to hold. Everything feels new in a terrible, sickening way. Just yesterday she believed she and Elijah would put the murderer behind bars. Now, she knows monsters exist. She fought one. She knew one.

Y/N breathes in, steeling herself. The man she knew died four months ago. She pushes herself onto her hind legs, wiping her tears. The burn of her fingers against her wounds calm her. Dealing with physical pain numbs the emotional. She presses her fingers to the bruise, hissing but reveling in the tenderness.

She struggles to her feet, all too aware of the aches in her legs, and turns to face Sam and Dean. They stand by the door, leaning on the border. In her moment of desolation, they moved Elijah somewhere. Out of her sight. Not wanting attention, or Are you okay’s, she pushes past them, avoiding contact. Silently, they follow her to the stairwell and out onto the street. The cool air dries her tears and fills her lungs. For the first time since peering around that godforsaken corner, she can breathe.

Sam and Dean keep a respectable distance, letting her lead them to the cars. Wordlessly, Y/N returns the gun to Dean’s grasp, leaning against her front bumper. She tilts her head back to gaze at the waning moon.

“You good?” Dean asks, settling next to her.

She looks at him, really looks at him, for perhaps the first time. The green of his eyes highlight the bags beneath them. His laugh lines contradict the exhaustion heavy on his lips. His shoulders hang low, weighed down by the knowledge of darkness and pain.

Y/N sighs, accepting the beer he offers her. “I’ll be all right.” She means it. Maybe her monsters don’t have fangs and claws and familiar faces, but they’re monsters all the same. “You know what’s funny?” Dean raises an eyebrow, taking a swig of his El Sol. “I’ve seen worse,” she giggles.

Dean looks away, shaking his head with a low chuckle. “Yeah? Like what?”

She sips her beer, too, thinking of a good story. “One time there was this weird inbred family that captured people and hunted them down. Had a barn with cages and shit. They kept their victims cars in a junkyard-graveyard thing, and—”

Sam and Dean share a look before busting out laughing. She glances between them, offended at their mockery. “All right, I’ll keep my stories to myself, then.”

“No,” Sam gets out between bursts. “No, we, um— we hunted those guys. Thought they were monsters. Turned out to be hicks with too much time on their hands.”

It’s Y/N’s turn to laugh. “No fucking way! Must’ve just missed each other.” She shakes her head, taking another sip.

“Small world,” Dean whispers into his bottle.

They settle into a comfortable silence, the tension from the day drained. Y/N lets her mind wander— from meeting these men to now, and everything between. She tries to think back to before all this; before yesterday. The person who stood on the outskirts of the caution tape versus the person who sits on the hood of her car are miles apart.

“Oh, that reminds me.” She pushes off of her bumper, unlocking her car. From the inside door she grabs two small booklets. Y/N passes the fake badges to the respective users. “A few tips: don’t use famous names. That’s the first thing that gave you away. Secondly,” she takes Dean’s badge back, opening it up. “Your official federal insignia is too low. It should be square with your picture. And your serial code is the wrong date. The first number—sometimes letter— is the year this was manufactured. We get new badges every two years, alternating between numbers and letters. Right now,” she says, opening her own booklet, “we are on letter Q.” She passes the badge back to Dean, who pockets it.

Sam nods, “Thanks for the information.”

“Yeah, I just love helping people—”

“— impersonate federal officers,” Dean and Sam interrupt, saying it in unison.

She laughs. “I’m glad you guys didn’t turn out to be crazy.”

In another pocket of silence, they finish their beers. Dean grabs the empty bottles, tossing them into a beat up green cooler while Sam turns to rest on the side of the Impala. Y/N readies herself to say goodbye, ignoring the ache in her chest. She refuses to admit it aloud, but she wishes she met them under different circumstances. She wishes she met Dean under different circumstances.

Despite only knowing him for two days, Y/N can see herself in Dean. He bears the same weight she bears. Plus, it doesn’t hurt that his eyes remind her of fresh cut grass at the beginning of fall. Paired with his smell of cinnamon and gunpowder (a scent she knows all too well), she can’t help but want to know him. If they had met in a bar, she would definitely have taken him home.

Dean returns to her side, this time shoulder to shoulder. “You think you can handle that?” he inquires, pointing to her forehead and cheek.

She touches it gingerly. “Yeah, I think so.”

He nudges her shoulder with his, and she looks up at him. “You did well, tonight. Better than I thought you would, honestly.”

She grins, shaking her head. “Yeah, that’s what you get for doubting me.”

He looks ahead again, and she does, too. The sky brightens as the sun returns for its reign. The fatigue from the last twenty-four hours settles in, and, without much thought, she rests her head on Dean’s shoulder. He tenses for a moment, and she feels him look down at her, but he lets his shoulders sag again. He places a hand on her thigh, squeezing it gently, as if to say I’m right here. I’ve got you.

At least, she hopes that’s what he means.

The sun finishes its creep into the sky and the stars fade into a blanket of pink, orange, and purple. Y/N and Dean hop down from the hood of her car and Sam meets them between the bumpers once more. Sam dips down to hug Y/N first, wrapping his arms around her shoulders and squeezing tight. She fights not to groan when his grasp aggravates the aches in her bones. He releases her, casting a smile in her direction.

“Thank you for your help, Y/N. Here,” he passes her a torn piece of paper with two numbers scrawled across. One has an “S” next to it, the other a “D”. “These are our numbers. Call us if you run into anything else.”

She nods, grinning too. “The same applies to you guys. It doesn’t hurt to have someone on the inside.”

He pats her arm before taking his leave, settling into the passenger seat. Y/N turns to Dean. He doesn’t look like much of a hugger, so she extends her hand for a shake. Rolling his eyes, he grabs it, but wraps it around his waist. Dean envelopes her in his arms, holding tighter than Sam with one hand in her hair and the other barred across her shoulders. This time, she welcomes it, in spite of the pain.

He lets her go, but keeps his hands on her shoulders. “I mean it, Y/N.” His voice is low and sinful. “If you need anything, call us. Call me.”

“Anything?” she drawls playfully. He nods, regardless. “Even just to talk?”

Dean laughs. “Yeah. That’d be nice.” His right hand travels up to her neck. She wraps her fingers around his wrist, not entirely sure of his intentions but welcoming anything. He pulls her close, pressing his lips to her forehead. “Get home safe, Y/N,” he mumbles upon releasing her.

“You too, Dean.”

She waits for him to get in his car before she clambers into her driver’s seat. Her bones creek as she settles. Twisting her keys in the ignition, she rolls the windows down and heads home. Werewolves of London blares across her speakers, and she laughs. Yeah. She’ll be all right.

Taglist:

@angelicthreads

#dean winchester #dean winchester fic #dean winchester fanfiction #dean x reader #dean winchester x reader #fbi!reader #supernatural #supernatural fic #SUPERNATURAL AU #werewolf of portland

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