#dont mind how late im posting this
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Mew :3
Birthday boy!! I redrew that one cat hoodie I did ages ago. Ya love ta see that ✨glow up✨
#danganronpa#sdr2#teruteru hanamura#arty draws#dont mind how late im posting this#totally didnt forget my favorite 'ronpa boy's bday#totally not. of course not. (sarcasm)#he turned out so adorable i love him <3#definitely making this my new banner#like. the old one is cute but this one is cuter :3
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in light of tedtrent becoming so real, im also jumping on the tedtrent epilogue 😊
there's just no way ted wouldn't keep in touch with the others (and have weekly zoom meetings just like in the christmas special) and I just love the thought of the whole team having reunions once in a while.
and going back to trent's arc in s3, the sunflowers conversation, "And your daughter?" "She's never been happier." I think it could go the same for ted.. we've never really properly saw how henry felt about his dad being in london, it's always other people that told ted his son misses him, who's to say henry would rather see his dad happy because that in turn would make him happy too? he was there to win the whole thing, right? I just know ted’s story isn’t done yet when he still hasn’t learned to let others take care of him in return and who else to pair him with than the man who blew up his career because a man was nice to him (and also because they were so. so cruel for the fakeout tedbecca scenes for that finale) 🥺
I'm no writer so just pretend these are snapshots of a slow burn fic where ted visits london for their team reunion and slowly realizes that trent has a crush on him and they kiss about it 💛
#ted lasso#trent crimm#tedependent#ted lasso fanart#tedtrent#ted x trent#I HAVE SOOOOOO MUCH MORE THOUGHTS ABOUT THIS BTW its just that its 4am rn and i cannot type down my thoughts for the life of me </3#im just so not over that ending and how weird it felt for ted to end his story like that.. not like he can turn back to michelle since#dr. jacob is right there.. i want this man to feel loved and cared for and actually have a place he knows he can call home and that was#richmond for me.. to the family we were born with. and to the family we make along the way etc etc etc#ted lasso spoilers#<- FORGOT ABOUT THAT.#i can finally say i loved the ending for all the callbacks and stuff but I NEED THIS MAN TO BE HELDDDD!!!!! *everything explodes around me*#he even went back there WITHOUT BEARD :( his bestfriend for sooo long who was there for all their ups and downs. i dont like beard and jane#being together but the fact ted didnt even go to their wedding too like ...??! what is going onnnn#also graying lasso is just something so indulgent for me . hush#pn.art#JUST YKNOW!!! I HOPE YALL UNDERSTAND WHAT IM SAYING ITS REALLY REALLY LATE I PROBABLY SHOULDVE WAITED TILL LATER TO POST THIS BUT JAHJVAKDG#my memory is really bad too so i could also be misremembering scenes and im too eepy to check the scenes i had in mind so u_u#ALSO apologies that its taking me sooo long to draw things i recently joined a mc server and ive been playing it all day and night HFSJGFSH#im sooo scared of making these type of posts because i dont have the balls to make the wrong choices in other people's eyes but GRAAH!!!!!#<- i love tedtrent bUT WHAT IF PEOPLE THINK IM CRINGGGEEEE!!!!!#THATS ALL.... i have more drawings in mind that ill get around to later.. for now goodnight <3
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tired of the obsession with "ethical" vampires and also "good" vampires who don't eat.
i think there's a lot to be said about fatphobia and the glamorization of EDs in vampire media, particularly in more modern depictions... i don't want to place the blame solely on twilight because this was happening way before the 2000s but i do think that had a huge impact with meyer's weird obsession and unwillingness to depict the vampires as anything other than thin and pale (and her singular fat aka tall and curvy vampire is described as "intensely feminine" and we don't have time to unpack all of that in this post)
saying that vampire venom "melts the fat" off of people, or that the vampire venom turns a person into their "ideal self" - who is the one saying my ideal self would be skinny? why is that the ideal at all?
i also just find it soooo fucking boring to neuter your vampires in this way. the whole point is to explore these deep desires and impulses and especially in romance these power imbalances that come from human/vampire relationships. i find the "good" vampire to be such a cop out. why even make them a vampire. twc vampires are just glorified super soldiers that work for the government. twilight vampires are just a bunch of mormon models. there's no real substance to them. even if you wanted to make an argument about edward, it falls flat because stephanie meyer doesn't write him intentionally, she genuinely thinks this shit is romantic & isn't ever really interested in exploring their age gap or edward's hunger.
i think interview with the vampire (the show) approaches the "good" vampire in an interesting way with louis. the decision to make him a gay black man adds so much to his desire to be "good" (accepted) and there's more to it than just him not wanting to eat humans; he's worried about the way the world will perceive him. and he still has so much love for claudia despite how different they are and the things she's done (but ultimately he still chooses lestat over her!!!) and he tries to influence daniel's perception of her, too. i also like that they still actually show him eating, versus the cullens, who i don't ever recall being shown on screen (or in the book) eating anything.
when i write about the hunger in blood choke, i worried about how people would react to the hunting scenes in ch2. overall, way more positively than i expected. there's a lot more i want to expand on especially in the next chapter, and i worry about how it may look right now in the game's unfinished state. i don't want the hunger to be something bad, at least not at its core. everyone is hungry. everyone eats. and i wanted to make it so the vampires in my world could not just opt out of it. they can't eat animals, they can't sustain on blood alone, they have to eat.
when it comes to the mc, they struggle with the hunger, but it's more than that. like with louis, it's the combination of that visceral hunger but also being gay and gender nonconforming, someone who has always been an outcast in society struggling to find their way back in after having their memories and sense of self completely wiped clean. their hunger is a manifestation of this idea they have of their past self - the potential for them to become the next Standard - and their physical/sexual desire that they repressed for so long now untethered due to their lack of memories as well as waking up in a more accepting world.
i think this is a much more interesting way to approach the hunger as opposed to painting the actual act of eating as inherently evil. in twilight, all the good vampires don't eat, even when bella is a human she doesn't eat. in dracula, lucy is only ever good when she doesn't eat. and when she does eat, she becomes an evil, indulgent sexual demon that is a threat to all men and she has to be destroyed.
female vampires always get the worst of it; they are sexual deviants, they want to kill all men, they asked for it, they're disgusting and vile for desiring anything from food to sex to independence. this of course goes way back; again, look at lucy. even in more "progressive" vampire media like bit, the lesbian vampire is evil, hates all men, and is tricking and seducing her female companions into it.
it's interesting to see how far back these trends go. dracula and carmilla all the way up to the modern depictions today. the "good" vampire narrative almost never works; i think because the idea of what is "good" is always going to be influenced by the person creating it. edward is not a "good" vampire. he is a 108 year old man who preys on a teenage girl; this should have been far more important to his character than whether or not he, as a vampire, drinks human blood. but instead he's considered good because he only eats deer and he's skinny and white and looks like a model, and because stephanie meyer says he is.
i don't write all this to say that these topics can't be explored (twilight is terrible for many other reasons, and i think iwtv does do it well) but just to point out why, in my opinion, the "good" vampire is usually such a weak narrative. who decides what is good? and there are other ways to explore the themes of desire and humanity than just restricting their diet... just because your vampire doesn't eat humans does not make them automatically good. and to be frank no vampire will ever be ethical!!! that's the point!!!!
#hello. can anyone hear me#this is just a steam of consciousness rant. i dont know#also i still have like 2 or 3 episodes of iwtv left so 🙉#this was inspired by a video i watched on youtube the other day and also people complaining abt twc on the reddit again#and that post going around about how its probably way worse to steal blood from a blood bank than to just drink it from someone LOL#where people then recommend increasingly unethical ways for them to be ethical#like feeding on prisoners (jfc) or tricking people in a spa#even the hotel in blood choke is unethical. i wrote it that way. i purposefully made it so the woman changed her mind#but the mc nor hana care#anyways. sorry im watching a lot of vampire stuff lately lmfao#and im still disappointed by bit i will never get over it#ed tw
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a friend who'd wait :)
#im posting this very late because i was sort of weary of how it came out and ended up messing w it until it was like 4am oops.#and i have plans tmrw so... oh well! i did my best and ill put it out while i can!#and i tried to make the scene match barnard's colors lol#finn's ocs#finn's art#i know i said id do more sillay stuff with the simpler screentone only style but i had a couple more of these in me#and this is the first piece im making thats like an actual part of the story too rather than just setting stuff for fun#i wanna write something to go with it too but for now ill just sort of briefly explain the context in the tags here:#barnard has a pretty bad case of OCD and his compulsions have made it difficult to make friends in the past#he was never outright bullied or anything but people just didnt really have the patience to deal with it#he has compulsions that include stuff like walking through doors until it feels right and needing things to be perfectly aligned#which in group settings has lead to people having to wait for him to finish his rituals and join them#they might find it tolerable at first but eventually they grow impatient and hes just... not invited to stuff anymore#but juno is a newer member of the guild who ends up frequenting the same library. hes also kinda a little weird#and they dont become fast friends or anything but just sort of naturally spend time in the same place#though they never plan meetups they eventually fall into a routine. around the same time theyd just both be at the library#and read next to each other. and maybe talk a bit. and eventually they end up walking back to the guildhall together#since theyre going to the same place after all. and juno always waits for barnard outside the door#eventually barnard asks if this bothers him. juno kinda just tells him 'of course it does' without any malice or anything. just a statement#barnard is surprised and apologizes and juno says not to. but the next day juno doesnt show up at the usual time.#barnard assumes hes committed somekinda more by bringing it up. he ends up staying there late reading to get his mind off it & not ruminate#but when he leaves juno is in fact still waiting for him down the hall (see pic) having collected a bunch of books literally abt ocd#he fell asleep bc barnard stayed later than expected. and hes an eepy guy generally. and also one very bad at expressing himself#but now barnard gets that juno's 'of course it [bothers me]' had the implication of 'but its worth it' which no friend has previously done.#and from the interaction juno was also able to understand that this isn't something barnard just does for the hell of it so. he studies.#and checks a bunch of stuff out because he thinks it could help his friend too (theres ocd workbooks and such- i remember working w them)#and thats the point where they became more ''friends'' than ''pleasant library acquaintances''#from there on they also do get into juno's problems. whole other bag of worms. but this specific scene is more about bernard from his pov#sorry about when i said briefly explain. i lied </3#but compared to the whole sequence im picturing its brief so shhh
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(dailies 7.13.23 part 2)
mini animation studies for molly.. based on a few frames of helga sinclair in atlantis: the lost empire
i never finished or exported it properly but i like it still
#dailies delivery#animation#ocs#no id#molly#i was trying to avoid spamming the same chars too much but im changing my mind#how else will anyone get exposed to my ocs if i dont throw them out into the world over & over everyday#(words of a man posting late)
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kirby doodle dump (+ some small animation tests)
(this one from today) this dude lives rent free in my head, still trying to make his gijinka more interesting, i dunno, also trying to draw other types of hair, mainly curly (main reason i even wanted to change the one i had) here im just practicing, hold on im rambling and going in cir- next
remember last post when i said i was gonna drop some kirby doodles but choose to draw other stuff instead, from this one to down, these are those doodles. i scrambled to search for my crayons but i coulnt find my blues and purples, and also my pink, at least i have the others. sometimes i get the need to draw with stuff like that, im thinking about buying pastels, i rlly like the art i see with them, but im afraid i might not like using them that much and end up wasting money, it has happened quite a few times with stuff like acrylics.
he will.
welp, already knew abt the story, i just bought deluxe for the epilogue (fun fact, rtdldeluxe released on the 24 of february (if i remember correctly) two days before my birthday, needles to say i ate good that day (and also because the sploon3 dlc would drop two days later too) i also have a exclusive rtdldx poster for the pre-order :3 )
aaand then i procrastinated it and basically took up almost a year to finish the main mode and magoland missions, then beat magolor epilogue in like 4 hours, already kinda talked abt magolor epilogue in another post so basically, loved it, wish there was more stages there or to be abe to even further upgrade abilities.
rn im doing extra mode (a bit reluctant because im only doing it for the 100%) not rlly liking that mode a lot, but its ok, bad thing is that ill have to do the true missions in magoland, its gonna be a pain
first i was gonna make it a gijinka, but i didnt like how it was turning out so i did it with normal kirbs, i think it was suppossed to have some inplied kirfluff, i forgor
the grimm reaper and loaf, felt way too lazy to do fluff too so he's just there with the text, i love epic yarn so much, i have tried emulating it but it either requieres me to have a wii remote or runs like absolute shit. im thinking about someday getting a 3ds, not just for epic yarn, robobot, triple deluxe and also because i always wanted to try flipnote (it seems cool!) but that is if im lucky enough to find them at a good condition and affordable price
digital doodle instead, was gonna make an animation but got too lazy, im so inconsistent with my shading
i did make this animation, its more of a test, but it didnt work out that well
i do have this silly one tho
Jambuhbye!
#art#fanart#kirby#kirby fanart#silly#kirby gijinka#kirfluff#prince fluff#prince fluff gijinka#gijinka#animation#doodle#traditional art#digital art#can you tell i didnt know what to post#i did make an illustration but i dont like how it turned out#lately im not really liking what i draw tbh#but the sillies always invade my mind so i dunno
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Glad i was feeling it last night💀 i’ve gotta start drafting my post-midnight posts from now on
#i remember making that post in that i remember being very tired and crying over how much i love other gay people#my brain was like: i GOTTA express this somehow#im glad yall vibed with it though#me 🤝 you guys <-loving sapphic people so so much#i dont mind my late night dramatic posts so much since you guys seem to like them#im just not normally that emotional so i get a little embarrassed lol#so i’ll probably start drafting them and reviewing them when im awake before they get posted lol#thank u for putting up with my nonsense😅#rest assured that even when im not making random nonsense posts about how much i love you i still love you#just with a little less tears and overdramatics💀💀
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IK I HAVENT DRAWN IN FOREVER BTW IM WORKING ON CATCHING UP
#ITS JUST. BEEN SHIT TO GET MOTIVATED LATELY#ESPECIALLY WHEN IK NONE OF U CARE#LIKE WHY AM I BOTHERING POSTING THIS??? NO ONE GIVES A SHIT??? NO ONE LOOKS AT MY ART FOR MORE THAN A SECOND NO ONE CARES#WHEN THEY DO CARE ITS ONLY BC ITS A GIFT FOR THEM OR I SENT IT TO EM N THEY DONT WANNA BE RUDE#LIKE WHY FUCKIN BOTHER LATELY YA KNOW. LIFE IS JUST GETTING WORSE AND ANYTHING I COULD DO WITH THESE SKILLS I LOVE SO MUCH IS GOING#WELL UP IN FLAMES IF YOU DONT MIND THE WORDPLAY#N IK IT EATS YOU ALIVE TO CARE ABOUT WHO SEES YOUR WORK. IK ITS BAD N I SHOULDN'T DO IT.#BUT IF NOT EVEN ANY IF MY FRIENDS(BARRING MY BF XOXO LOVE U PYXE BUT LIKE I DO SEND U EVERYTHING STILL LOL) CAN EVEN BOTHER#JJST. EVEN LOOKING AT MY STUFF#WHATS THE POINT??#THE ONLY ART OF MINE THATS GOTTEN THE SLIGHTEST BIT OF ATTENTION LATELY HAS BEEN THE ISAT AU N THATS BC THATS A COMMUNITY STARVING FOR STUF#LIKE HOW MANY NOTES MY WANDERSONG STUFF GOT DESPITE BEING SO BAD#BUT IVE IMPROVED SO MUCH AND POURED SM INTO A COMMUNITY THAT DOESNT FUCKING GIVE A SHIT ABOUT ME?????#WHAT AM I DOING WRONG??!?!!?! SOMEONE TELL ME ID DO ANYTHING JUST TO KNOW WHY I CANT GET ANYONE EVEN THE PERSON WHO LOVES ME THE MOST#TO GIVE A SHIT JSUT ONCE#ill prolly delete this later. Im sry.
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i want to share a specific au of mine but im like. scared
me n my friendo have been ranting together abt for like 2(?) yrs n i was thinking of posting abt it n never did (i wasnt completely involved in the fandom at that time as i am today)
now that i am i wanna post it but im nervous
might tweak it a little not sure
(more of the rant in the tags, important ig)
#ninjago#i obviously dont mind if people wont like it/dont care abt it especially since its like.#a kid au#where nya and jay unexpectedly have a kid after s10#im rlly scared to post abt it but i have so many ideas in my head and my adhd ass cant handle ranting to myself#especially with how me n my bestie have been so busy lately we never talk#plus our different timezones#if any of u guys even just one person wants to hear abt it ill try my best#im also attempting to improve my writing skills. they suck#art and summaries will probably be more frequent until i ever decide to make a fic or smth#by now actually your free to ask questions since abt anything regarding the au since i dont want to do a summary just yet#ninjago jay#ninjago nya#jay walker#nya jiang#levi's ted talks#also if this post flops act like u never saw it
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.
#bo posting#vent#i just need. to talk idk#i met with a psychiatrist the other day and i had to tell her everything#and there were 2 things that shook me#there was a period of time where i was heavily dissociating and i dont remember well or at all#and she asked me what made it stop#and i. i dont know. i coukdnt remember. its streased me out so much that i dont fucking remember#and then she asked about SA and i told her vaguely and she asked if id ever seen anyone about it#and i choked. because no.#ive tried several times but i either couldn't afford it or it wasnt a service offered#ive also just veen so afraid lately#ive been isolating bc i feel scared and unsafe around ppl i shouldnt feel this way around#i cant ask for things or talk abouy my feelings out of fear that#that im too much or overwhelming or overreacting or upsetting or offending like#i dont. even know how yo talk about this bc i dont want#comfort for this?? i domt know how yo explain it i just#my mind wont let me accept that its real#like im so used to love bombing ig??? that my anxiety around comfort and not validation i forget the word but#it feels like a trap sometimes bc there were times where it was#im so scared to be alone but im terrified to let ppl in right now#unless its me talking to the public void ig??? idk#🤪
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Is it wrong to be a Taylor Swift hater?
Like... is it low-key leftover internalized misogyny?
Or does her music just suck?
#idk i could go on but why bother#ive been thinking about this a lot lately#like i really used to be EXTREMELY misogynistic growing up and i started hating tswift from the beginning and never changed my mind#but i cant tell if all my reason for not liking her are actually justified or if its just confirmation bias#and the first name she gave was taylor swift. and i couldnt help but laugh out loud. (over text#but i genuinely dont find her music interesting#i did like that blank space song the first time i heard it#but after listening to the words i realized i didnt really connect with it and didnt like it as much#but its got a really fun melody#idk its also kind of like that post thats like 'were you an OG justin bieber hater at age 13 just because?'#like is part of my disdain for her just stemming from my need to dislike popular things in general cause im a pretentious little indie lover#who knows idk#maybe i shouldnt hate taylor swift#hating taylor swift isnt a personality trait#but also i cant stop thinking about this one girl i matched with on tinder who said she was going into hearing medical sciences#because of the profound effect that music has had on her in her life#and i already knew exactly how she would answer this question just from looking at her but i asked her#what artists she enjoyed that had such a profound effect on her#and the first name she gave was taylor swift and i couldnt help but laugh out loud#(over text tho she did not hear me thankfully)#idk maybe i have nothing againt the woman as a person (i dont fucking know her so i cant) but im just annoyed by the concept of her#she has this like false success story of being a small town nobody who made it big or something#but that isnt even true she had a rich father who was able to move her across the country#and use his wealth and connections to jumpstart her career#i DO think it is impressive that she writes all of her own songs in an age where the mainstream music industry does not do that#but there are a million and one indie artists writing their own songs that i appreciate more#because theyre writing about things i actually care about#not to mention the way people believe with theyre whole heart that she is queer like come on yall...
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Oh mind electric we're really in it now.
#Cade.Txts#i think about tht song all the time.#when they say: Someone help me / Understand what's Going on Inside my Mind! / Doctor I can't tell if I'm Not Me!#I felt tht shit#like man.................me too.#idk tht bit of lyrics has always kinda hit me hard specifically.#Anyways how is everyone doin. sorry I don't ;ost much anymore.#I am posting on my stimblog mostly now BHINJGFDNI if u wanan see stimboards check it out.#im doing a series of stimboards on my favorite pokemon#so far got two boards out already d:)#Wanna keep working on it but i should also make gifs of stuff.#been kind of stressed by shit lately thts unrelated. worried about bigfoot.#he's been acting weird lately. real sluggish n tired. his teeth are bad- n we need to take him to get them checked#but it cost like. 600 to just get a few teeth taken from our dog frankie.#s o. -slides stimboard commission post on my stimblog- /nf#dont like advertising it. feels weird making things for money but if he does need teeyh removed#idk any other way i could make money for it.#hes just got me worried. he's a old man- even tho i always forget he is-#thinking about losing him scares me. am probably rly over thinking shit- he's old course he sleeps n lays around a lot.#but im stil worried.#ANYWHO. stimboard grind 24/7
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🎫 here's a gush pass ^^ feel free to gush about whichever f/o you want, however much you want, then send this ask to 3 other self shippers!
//No pressure!! but I hope you have a good day today anyway ^v^
AAKSSJHDISSS OKAY IM GONNA ANSWER THIS FINALLY WEEWEIWIWIWIE THANK YOU SO MUCH BY THE WAY 💞💞💞
ok so I had this thought about their physical appearances,, i think i made it obvious enough that i'm a fan of the concept of red being a little bit bulky than usual, combined with his 6'0" stature (all are my HCs) so hes like a really big bear. or.. usaring i don't know JSKSJSDHSK but yes basically that! big boy!! big pookie!!
now, now i started thinking lately what if jaide is somewhat the opposite of what red got? she's shorter and a little chubby, she buys a lot of food when she's outside and brings a lot of snacks when shes on the go and she always has a snack to offer to you if you need it :] he doesn't mind her physique and think its actually SUPER adorable - she's like a bouncy squishy ball of sunshine weeee (we'll expand on that soon)
when they're outside doing pkmn stuff together, i think jaide would beg him for a break time and he would sternly respond no, or like, "later okay?" and she would pout about it. if she saw a vending machine outside she is sure to eye on it like crazy and give him the wet dog eyes like "pookie can i get one 🥺" and he shakes his head and drags her (or even carries her) away from the vending machine and she's uueueueing (rip babygirl)
when they're at home however, or somewhere more private (basically, anywhere where red feels more comfortable) he would do everything to grab her tummy (preferably hugging her behind and latching on her waistline WEEJDHEE) and just. ~enjoy~ her presence and whatever the heck she's talking about since she likes to talk about anything related to pkmn biology aehehue and he's savoring every bit of it :] he love his chatterbox girlfriend frfrfr
and that's it :] THANK YOU FOR THE PASS WAWAWA 💞💞💞💞💞💞‼️‼️‼️
#the reason why i became more open about the whole plumpy topic was mostly because of this tiktok i found about a person who once had an ex#who didnt like her slight chub (but she didnt care) but her current partner would LOVINGLY GRAB HER CHUB and she's like#(gibberish while trying to explain her point but it made sense) I LOVED THAT VIDEO not only was it so funny but super inspiring to me!#i really dont mind about my how i look but lately i keep getting comments about how i need to lose more weight even if. WHERE???? I'M OK?#WHAT ARE YOU SAYING FR 😭 AND I DON'T EVEN CAREEEE#I SWEAR IM NOT VENTING BUT ITS LIKE BRUH LMAO OK#but yeah that's about it! :]#ask to tag (the weight topic mostly!)#~ mail#♥️ appleshipping#🍀 gush post
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is this hashtag paranoia or do ppl not interact w me a lot on this blog in a visible way. like replies n asks n shit.
#mod posts#my brain wants to believe that ive done something to make ppl wary of being seen interacting w me#but idk how rational that actually is#the idea that im just naturally weird in a way that i cant tell but everyone else can has been on my mind a lot lately#like in general not just online way u know#im not sure which one id consider more likely. that im just naturally someone that ppl dont want to be seen with#or that ive said or done something shitty that make ppl avoid me n no ones telling me abt it#or that im just imagining it all bc im deeply narcissistic and need to be publically adored so i dont feel like the worst being on earth#just one of those nights ya feel
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was thinking abt how cute it would be if the Revenge crew were given cameras by Stede to 'use however, document day to day pirate life! just have fun with it!' and what adorable pictures would result
then immediately had the thought of actual pirates/mariners in the past and if they'd had lil Polaroids or whatever disposable cameras available readily what an amazing repository of pictures that might have resulted in and got weepy
bc like. we have art from past eras of sailing of course which is gorgeous and makes me happy too but i mean like
alternate timeline where they had access to these things and we find out that all of them liked taking pictures of sea birds, but you can tell who preferred gulls to any others that fish over the sea. millions of copies of the horizon meeting the sea so it makes a gradient you could combine as one giant picture of that setting.
im fine but also we could have seen the sea in a way we can't now due to modern shipping practices and human pollution (including the ways we were already befuckening things yeah, but also, just the day to day beauty of it)
#text post#long post#adding to be safe as usual#trying to add in read mores on everything as well now that it FINALLY works on mobile for me#bc lately the vibe seems to be if it's over four lines ppl dont wanna have to scroll past it so im trying to be more mindful#but anyway the sea probably made them cry now and again bc she's beautiful like how the sea also makes ME cry in 2023#and now i wish i could compare beach/sea photo albums with sailors and pirates and mariners who are long since dead
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god wants me to kill myself sooooo fucking bad lately lol nice try bitch im queer
#you dont even fuxking know#the number of. literally impossible coincidences that have taken place to make my life just so much shittier lately#i have been sooo strong ive written like two dozen text posts just bitching and bitching about the sheer fuxking insanity of it and i only#posted like one of them im doing so good being so strong#that said i want to fucking die today lol this shit is melting my brain#it just never ends#the past two weeks have just been... so bad lol#i havent been able to see my bank balance in weeks i just know im so in the fucking hole it doesnt even matter#i havent had a working phone in a month#my family just vacationed in hawaii and im living in a moldy trailer#and the physical and mental health just go and go and go#and the mold grows and groes and grows#my friend offered me a top of the line pc for free and it felt like offering a homeless guy who loves music a grand piano#like yeah lemme just keep that under the bridge downtown where i stay lol#itll be fine#its like all the nice things id love to experience are dangled just out of reach of my fuckin cell bars lol#might fuck around and get addicted to a third substance in light of hope being a fool's errand in a truly random universe#life isnt guarunteed to get better no matter how long you wait or how hard you try actually and that is a hard fucking truth for everyone#alcohol is free and can keep your mind off how much mold & dust you breathe daily & breathed in the past 2 years & thats also a hard truth#also reading this i need to clarify in case anyone else reads this shitsheet. i do not want to vacation in hawaii. colonizer shit#what i wouldnt fucking do for just a week up by priest lake tho :(
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