Hey, sorry for setting a bit of a depressing tone with this ask but im a struggling baby trans girl

Do you have any advice for coping with the thoughts of "i will never manage to mold my body into a woman's body"?

Right now i am unable to start transitioning due to multiple reasons - both social (especially family) and hrt accessibility related - and my biggest issue with my body is that it's just.. annoyingly masculine. Ever since i was 14 my legs had more and longer hair than my 30-something old cousin's husband. Ever since i was 12 i started feeling too ashamed of my body to wear short pants and it was only this year that i started feeling a bit more ok about it (I will not disclose my age publicly, but i am in university).

And it's like. It's so exhausting to look in the mirror and not only not recognise the face as my own, but often actively hate it. To look at my body and to barely tolerate it anymore

There are some things that i've tried. I've trimmed my leg hair (to a fourth of its original size), and the instant my parents noticed they mocked me. I'm trying to let my hair grow but not only am i getting bombarded with questions of "when are you gonna get a haircut/let me give you a haircut" from all members of my family, it's also in that incredibly awkwards state which i know i will have to push through, but it still makes it even harder for me to look into the mirror

Once again, sorry for the tone of this ask, but do you have any words of hope or advice?

im sorry youre going through all of that. its incredibly difficult and i feel for you. i think that one thing that i frequently see from people in the earliest stages in transition is the struggle of feeling like they will never see themselves in the mirror. and i get it. i was 29 by the time i started hormones and a big part of why i was scared to do it was because i also thought that i was never going to look the way i wanted to. and whether or not we like it, there is safety in being able to say, oh if i dont look the way i want to, then its better for me not to try at all. its a horrible feeling but its one that you've lived with for years and there is safety in the familiarity.

but that's the thing - no one ever looks 100% the way they want to. i dont know a single person who hasnt had the struggle of looking in the mirror and wishing they could change something. and yes, we as trans people face that much more than most other people but it is a human experience to want to change and better ourselves.

after four years of being on hormones, i still look in the mirror and see things i want to change but also that feeling is much much less now. and its not just the hormones either. i like the way i dress because i wear what i want to. i like my hair because i decided i wanted to grow it out and change the color. i stopped molding my appearance to fit other people's expectations. and in doing so, i found that liking something about myself mattered far more than if other peopled like it. so shave your legs! grow out your hair! when people ask you questions, dont answer or tell them to fuck off! you dont need to make excuses for yourself because you dont need an excuse to be who you want to be.

im gonna be completely honest with you - it will not be easy. and youre not going to wake up tomorrow and suddenly find that your entire perspective has changed. in fact it is very likely, and very human, to continue to question the decisions you make. but always remember, you know who you are. and if you dont know, then only you are capable of finding out. and so i say with all the love in the world, i hope you find yourself and learn to love yourself in the process <3

hiii, could you write something fluff with vamp daryl and a fem reader that really likes to stay in the sun? and even tho daryl cant stay for long in the sun he likes watching her enjoy herself for afar💕😭 sorry for the bad writting english is not my firt language

my girl and her garden — daryl dixon🩰

in which vamp!daryl just loves to watch you in the sun

note: i dont have a specific kind of vampire in mind when i write this, so none of my vamp!daryl stuff is really the same.

REQUESTS ARE OPEN!

It never took long for you to understand what Daryl was. You'd grown suspicious long before he'd admitted it to you, noticing he'd never eat around you and would always go out to find his own food. He'd find reasons to stay inside if he could, not that sunlight burned him alive, but too much of it was harmful. It terrified him when he finally told you, worrying he'd be go back to being alone again. He didn't want to, but he enjoyed your company, he enjoyed waking up and working around you, surviving with you. So now the pair of you were stuck together. Of course, you had a lot of questions. "Will you outlive me?" "Will you stay the same forever?" "Will you get sick of me and eat me?" And he answered them all however he could. Daryl loved how different you were to him. He found comfort in staying inside, keeping to himself, and that had all changed when he'd met you. You loved being outside. You loved the sun kissing your skin, you loved gardening and doing everything you could outside. The cabin the two of you shared was fenced in and kept safe, thanks to Daryl. And had a lovely open area of grass, you'd even built flowerbeds, to plant and watch over your food. Even as it had been raining a lot, you enjoyed at least being on your porch, watching your crops flourish in the rain, listening to the heavy thrum of the rain against the leaves and trees surrounding you. It had finally starting to shine again outside and you almost leaped out of bed to get some UV on your skin. Skipping coffee and breakfast, you'd put on a summer dress you'd kept over the years, and off you went. The sun was beaming down onto your skin, onto your plants, fruits, and vegetables. You couldn't be happier as you bent down to admire the growing strawberries. Daryl had only just rolled out of bed, feeling the vacant space beside him and worrying. Only to see the door to your cabin open, and could hear your sweet voice humming quietly in the distance. He'd poured himself a coffee, standing at the door frame and fishing into his pocket for a smoke. He could do this for hours, he could make a profession out of this. Watching you, studying you, the way you smile at every bit of progress your garden was making. If he were to eventually die, this is what his Heaven would be. You looked up, to see the moody shadow at the door frame and smiled sweetly at him, lifting a hand to wave. He'd returned the gesture, flapping his fingers at you and inhaling deeply on his cigarette. You'd leaped up from your squatting position, running excitedly up to Daryl to show him your work. "Dar! Look!" He stubbed his cigarette against the wall of the cabin, not wanting to blow smoke around you. "What is it, honey?" You lifted the strawberry, a large, deep red, juicy looking one, and held it up to his face. "I know it's not to your taste, but try it! Look how amazing it's grown!" You held it to his lips and he'd taken a bite, holding your gaze almost seductively. You wanted to drag him to bed and show him a good morning. But there were more exciting matters at hand, like your marvelous strawberry. "That's amazing. Well done, my girl." He cooed, wrapping an arm around your waist and tugging you into him. Your stomach tightened quickly at the praise, and you'd accepting the affection from him. Daryl always knew how to make you feel special. "Better get back out there!" You hurried back outside, after handing him the rest of the strawberry, and got back to work. Daryl stayed where he was, comfortably inside and had the perfect view of you. The sun lighting up your skin, making you glow as if an Angel had come and roamed the Earth. A small part of Daryl resented what he was, it limited what he could do, especially with you. If he could, he'd eat, sleep, bathe, and make love under the sun with you. He wanted to enjoy it as you did, but he was content with watching you for now.

ranking the songs in the new matilda movie by how much they made me want to cry

2. miracle

1. every single other song made me want to curl up into a fetal position and SOB

been having wisdom tooth pain since saturday thats only getting worse and u kno what i understand him now i dont condone his actions but man,,,,i get it 💀

btw todd’s reluctance to join the dps because he doesn’t want to read (which is then accommodated for) and is scared to put himself out there (which is also worked through) being read as todd not wanting to go AT ALL, and thus neil making the proper accommodations (“todd anderson, who prefers not to read, will keep the minutes of the meetings”) and encouraging him to step out of the box that stifles him being seen as ‘forceful’ or like he can’t take no for an answer makes me insane with rage

screenshot dump

hey can we talk about how astarion, despite having the least connection to the main plot of bg3, still has the most content of all the companions

sometimes life w a v high pain tolerance means im still in pain but quiet abt it to not bother other ppl and sometimes it means im in such horrific pain for literally no reason (there is a reason oft just related to afab insides so ppl dont care) but i have to go to work anyways bc calling out is bad and somehow its ‘so brave’ to work while wanting to die as your insides torture you it feels like youre burning alive and your organs are breaking but hey we gotta go earn that dough right

the harsher parts of mental illness are always treated so so badly in media and it's genuinely very special to see someone handling them gently - especially because you've said it's very personal for you and that makes it so much easier to like? live in i suppose? because like you said the guilt can be overwhelming and the crushing weight of knowing KNOWING that you're one bad day away from wrecking an important relationship just out of pure FEAR can be so debilitating to live with especially bc people do fundamentally view that as just. a bitch response. knee jerk malice. but it's not half the time it's sheer fear (which doesn't excuse it but it does explain more) so it's nice to see that being treated like the actual complex response it is <3

yes omfg i need to stop getting surprised when taob winds up being incredibly cathartic for me bc i put a bit of myself in it and (shocker!) there are people like that who actually get it. like there are multiple people that to this day ACTIVELY dislike me because i not only said something bad to them but because i ON PURPOSE took the thing i knew would hurt them most and said it in the harshest way i possibly could. like that was a conscious effort on my part i went out of my way to think about what would hurt them and i just went for their jugular. but i wasn't doing it for the sake of meanness any more than i was doing it because they deserved it. like i said before there are two instances when i do this and that's as a defence mechanism or to self-destruct. i dont really do the former anymore - and that took YEARS to grow out of bc that was my Main Response to literally ANY conversation i didnt want to have. people are significantly less likely to ask you personal questions if you immediately try and make them cry when they do lol. this is where 90% of my 'i was a bitch in secondary school' posting comes from - but ironically the less i gave into the former the more it translated into the latter, so i lost either way and so did the people around me. i really dont think im that bad anymore bc i found ways around it and now i cant think off the top of my head anything even CLOSE to what i used to do that's happened recently, but i have YEARS OLD guilt from long dead friendships that i will - and deserve to - live with forever bc regardless of the reasoning behind it i still said terrible things. and like. it never gets talked about bc from an outside pov im very obviously being a complete cunt and who would want to sympathise with that

My digimon :]

Thinking about baby patty 20 dead 40 wounded

being mad at my parents for events long passed hours

Some days I'm pretty content with my childhood other days I'm ripping my hair out because it just doesn't add up !! someone is hiding things from me !! I don't trust anyone !!

.

uh oh i feel like i have a deeply maladaptative response to people knowing Literally Anything about me it's fine it's fine i'm handling it very well

not to be a whiny baby on a saturday afternoon but i wonder if my parents are aware of how obvious their favoritism is