#don't know why he always get picked on
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Your bonter x doctor reader has been my food for this days, and i just want to say thank you. Also, not a request, but just because i love chaos, how do you think bonten would react if because of an acident, the reader has a short lost of memory? Worst if reader cant remember them but remembers Mochi, dudes would cry (Sanzu for sure). When she gets her memories back i think some of them would be so petty, like "how could you forget about me" + the kicked puppy eyes.
Hello Anon 🤗, I'm so glad you enjoyed the doctor reader! And oh my gosh, this is BRILLIANT! I love this type of chaos lol.
Mikey - Be devastated you forgot him. You are his Peach, how could you forget the nights you both cuddled together? But he is glad you are still alive, he already experienced enough losses in one lifetime. Though he isn't exactly happy that you only remember Mochi but it's better than nothing. He refuse to leave your side even if you don't remember him. When he was having a nightmare, that triggered your memory and you woke him up by consoling him. His heart is in an emotional wreck and couldn't keep his tears from falling. The next morning, he took you to a tattoo parlor so you can get a tattoo that says 'Property of Manjiro Sano'. He wants it to be etched into your skin so that you will never forget him ever again.
Sanzu - He would be one of the executives who would be bawling his eyes out. You broke his heart even more when you only remembered Mochi. Of all people, why Mochi? Though it would be even worse if you only remember Takeomi. Sanzu always thought you have a soft spot for him. Like how could you forget his pretty eyes that you always admired? Were you feeding him lies? He couldn't take this anxiety anymore and thought you weren't looking when he was about to pop some pills. You slapped those pills out of his hands and yelled at him for breaking his promise to you. His eyes widens, your memories are back! He cried in joy and giving you the best kicked puppy eyes and will definitely guilt tripped the hell outta you. Sadly, it worked.
Kakucho - When you couldn't remember him, it felt as though you stabbed him in the heart. What's even worse is that you only remember Mochi. Did you only remember him because you felt more safe with Mochi? Did you not feel safe with him? Even though he is sad, he would still go out of his way to take care of you. He wants you to trust him. His caring nature made you remember him. When you told him, he pulled you into his arms and held you for so long. There were tears in his eyes, you wipe every tear and giving him kisses.
Takeomi - He would have the most reasonable reaction, he is grateful you are alive and you remembered one of them. It would have been a lot more harder on him, if you completely forget everyone and decide to up and leave. He would try to do some brain simulation to help trigger your memories by making you your favorite meals and taking you to familiar places where he took you out on dates. Unfortunately, it didn't work. As a coping mechanism, he needed to smoke. You started coughing and he immediately tosses his cigarette away. You thanked him and said his name, he was in shock. Did smoking help brought back your memories? He can't understand science behind it but he was happy he brought you back.
Ran - Would definitely be speechless when you couldn't remember his name. He has the most handsome face in the group and you only remember Mochi?! He needs to fix you, right now. Ran believes the true way to get your memories back is by touching. Your brain may not remember him, but your body will. He touches all the places he knew you liked. You started to remember him, his sadistic smile widens and will definitely punishes you for forgetting him. One of the punishments would be by collaring you with his initials and having you on a leash.
Rindou - He is definitely one of the executives to cry, but his will be out of anger and frustration. Why did this had to happen to you? And why did you forget about him? And what's so special about Mochi? This really hurt this poor baby. He takes out his phone and made you look through all the photos the two of you took together. There was an embarrassing photo of him that triggered your memory of that incident and you burst into laughter. Now you've done it. He made demands for you to heal his broken heart by giving him kisses any time he wants for a month.
Kokonoi - Feeling completely absurd that you forgot about him. Is your relationship with him not worth remembering? He brought a whole team of the best doctors in the world to retrieve your memories. He will search every nook and canny to buy you the best medications to help with short term memory lost. But it breaks him every time you still can't remember any details of anyone else except for Mochi. He refuse to give up. When you asked for something to drink and he made you your favorite tea. You took one sip and instinctively remember him. He couldn't believe one simple gesture trigger your memories. He wouldn't guilt trip you but he's not letting you off that easily.
Mochi - Feels relieved that you remembered him, he would be so sad if you forgot everyone. Because you are vulnerable in your state of mind, he felt overly protective of you. When the Bonten Trio were overwhelming you, he didn't hesitate to throw them out. What he thought would help trigger your memories is telling you fun and happy stories about all of them. The way he calmly talk to you, it was as though he helped you walk through memory lane. Your memories are back and he couldn't be happier. When Mochi gave the good news to the other executives, they all rushed to you immediately and demands to know why you only remember Mochi. They talked about all his flaws out of jealousy 🥲.
Albie ૮ ˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶ ა
#i actually adore mochi#don't know why he always get picked on#tokyo revengers drabbles#mikey sano#mikey scenarios#mikey imagines#sanzu haruchiyo#sanzu scenarios#sanzu imagines#kakucho#kakucho scenarios#kakucho imagines#takeomi akashi#takeomi headcanons#ran haitani#ran scenarios#ran imagines#rindou haitani#rindou scenarios#rindou imagines#kokonoi hajime#kokonoi scenarios#kokonoi imagines#mochizuki kanji#albiebabble#tokyo revengers#bonten
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@the-ghost-trader - ooooh, i love this! it has the potential to be so incredibly sad, too, like poor Damian just trying to carve out something normal for himself only for it blow up in his face
BUT, shockingly, i'm not about the angst today! not yet anyway 😇
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“So, how was your day?”
Despite his answering groan, Damian likes this. This. This whole… thing he has with Danielle. With Ellie.
And, yeah, he’s not exactly told any of the others yet, but can you blame him? For wanting to keep something, anything, to himself. Wanting to keep this small little slice of goodness he’s managed to carve out, untouched and unmarred by his family, by their other lives, by the rogues, the vigilantes, the assassins, everyone.
“That bad, huh?”
Being with Ellie is freeing. That’s the best way to describe it.
She knows. Damian surprised even himself when he told her—not about the others, mind, but he supposes it’s not hard to put two and two together and Dani has always been smarter than most—but it’s the best decision he’s ever made, and no matter what the niggling little voice in the back of his head says (the one that sounds suspiciously like Father), he can’t bring himself to regret it.
He won’t. Because having Ellie know gives him freedom.
She’s a safe place, a hand to hold, a warm, welcoming presence when things inevitably turn ugly. It’s the freedom to just be normal when everything else in his life spirals into stranger and more stressful missions.
“Richard is being insufferable again. I do not understand his incessant need to know everything about my life.”
“Oh? What’s he done now?”
“I was subjected to an hour long interrogation about my love life, like it’s any of his business. It’s infuriating!”
“Ugh, tell me about it. I get the same thing from Jazz, constantly. It can be suffocating.” Ellie says as she curls herself tighter into his side. “But it’s just how they show they care.”
“Yes, well, sometimes I wish he wouldn’t—”
“Hey!” Ellie pushes herself up to glare at him, punctuating her shout with a soft whack to his arm for good measure. “What have I said about using that word?”
“Yes, yes,” he placates with a roll of his eyes, “‘Be careful what you wish for.’ I apologise, it won't happen again.”
“Damn straight it won't.”
She maintains eye contact with him for a second longer before tucking herself back into his side, squirming around with a long, contented hum that Damian can feel rumble through him. He smiles and doesn’t complain even when he has to shift to give her more room after a particularly strong elbow jabs him in the ribs. It means leaving the warm patch on the couch, but he’s rewarded with another long, happy moan as she settles and Damian can’t bring himself to mind.
Ellie constantly makes noises. Little mews and hums and laughs and songs known only to her. It reminds him of a cat, sometimes. He likes it. It calms him down; it means she’s happy, so he's happy.
They settle back into the cushions and Damian lets the subject drop, not wanting to spoil the moment. Outside, the wind changes direction and from where he’s laying he can watch as the snow starts to come down thick and heavy. Hopefully it’ll mean a quiet night's patrol.
“Is that why you haven’t introduced me yet?”
“What?” He can't help it, he stiffens at the thought of losing his secret, of the scrutiny he'll be inviting if he lets anyone know.
“Are you worried I’ll embarrass you?”
Damian’s eyes snap down quick to reassure her, only to see her light, teasing grin. He lets out a breath of relief. It figures she wouldn't worry about that.
“Of course not, don’t be absurd. You could never embarrass me.”
“I don’t know,” she muses, her voice taking on a dangerous lilt, “that sounds like a challenge.”
“Believe me, having been subjected to Father’s Brucie persona at every gala I’ve been to, it would take a lot to embarrass me.”
“Alright, bet. I’ll get you, just you wait.”
“You’ve already got me.”
She flicks him on the nose. “You’re such a sap.”
He hums his agreement, enjoying the tinkling sound of her laughter. And then, before he can think otherwise, he asks, “Is that why you haven’t introduced me?”
“That’s different,” she scowls. “You know how hard it is to get there, there’s no signal, and Danny only gets a break like—oh, Ancients!”
Damian gets another elbow to the ribs as she bolts upright, a manic grin on her face that has him laughing.
“What is it?”
“It’s the holidays! It’s nearly Truce Day! You know I said I had a family thing around Christmas?”
“Yes?”
“Well, do you want to come to it? I can introduce you then! I mean, it’s going to be a bit formal and you’ll have to meet everyone, not just family. There’s going to be some banquets, you’ll have to sit through some long speeches and you have to be on your best behaviour at all times, okay? Absolutely no fighting, it’s called Truce Day for a reason!”
“What?”
“Yeah, it’ll be perfect! I think Jazz is going in a couple days earlier to help with the preparations, so I’ll get her to let Danny know—and fair warning, he will try to give you the shovel talk, but this is great! It’s Truce Day, so he can’t actually do anything about it!”
“I’m sorry, but you're going to have to explain a bit.”
“Yeah, I know, it’s a bit much—but that’s family, right? Danny can get pretty protective over me, which is why going on Truce Day is the best time to do it! He can’t even command the Fright Knight to stab you! It’s genius!”
“Ellie, what?”
“Like, yeah, sure, he’s the king, but even he has to obey the rules of Truce Day—and then once you’ve spent all day with him, he’ll see that you’re a fantastic, wonderful, kind, brilliant, smart, strong, capable person and he’ll get over himself and everything will be good!"
Damian collapses down onto the couch, the wind knocked out of him. This is… He had not expected anything like this at all. For all that Ellie talked about her family, she had never mentioned this.
“Did you… did you say your brother is a king?”
“Yeah! High King Phantom, have I…” The manic grin slips off her face as she turns round and notices Damian. “Have I not mentioned that before?”
“No. No, you have not.”
“Ah. Sorry. Probably should clarify that I’m also a princess.”
“Right. Yes, that follows.”
“And I’m not really his sister, I’m his clone.”
“What?”
Damian blinks and tries to say more, but he has no idea what he’s meant to do with… any of this information.
Normal. He thought she was meant to be his normal. Nothing could have prepared him for this.
Not that it changed anything, of course, of that he was certain. It’s just… a lot to take in. Overwhelming. But it's okay! He takes a deep breath, and another, and a sense of calm washes over him. Ellie makes one of her little hums as she cocks her head to the side to consider him and he can't help but relax at the normalcy of the sound. It'll be okay, he's dealt with stranger and he can deal with this.
“I’ve, uh… I’ve told you that we’re half ghosts, though, right?”
“What?”
#dpxdc#danny phantom batman#danny phantom crossover#damian wayne/dani phantom#do they have a ship name? probably but idk it sorry#this was fun!! damian is strong and smart and capable and he won't let this stop him!#sure it's a shock but what does that matter when he has the love of his life by his side!!#he can get through this! at least his girlfriend's brother/original/...father? can't get his knight to stab him#that's a point in truce day's favour - even if damian is regretting asking to be introduced#in ellie's defence she thought he knew! he's slightly liminal himself she just assumed he could pick it up! ... he could not.#when they actually get there damian loves it - he fits right in with all the ghosts#there's a little adjustment period where he is VERY prickly with everyone but he gets the hang of it very quickly#all the ghosts are very impressed with his willingness to throw down and he has to be reminded by a very stern ellie that it's TRUCE DAY#stop fighting!!#ah i really enjoyed this thank you for the prompt! i hope you enjoy it too!!#as always it came out a lot longer than i intended - i don't know why i even bothered with the whole 'five sentences'#it was obvious i wasn't going to stick to it smh#anyway i hope you liked it!!#(also but sorry i prefer to call her ellie sorry i know i'm in the minority here haha)#my writing#(shit how is it four in the morning eep)#cab writes
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Do you think Peter learned how to breakdance when he got his powers just to add flare to his movement?
i think peter parker had been trying and failing to breakdance long before the spider-bite, and is just happy to discover he finally has the upper body strength to actually pull it off now
#sci speaks#i don't think peter ever learns the genuine technique for anything. he freestyles.#he's an academic nerd. he is bad at sport and always will be. even if he's physically athletic he just doesn't learn the technique.#he'll always be bad at it. he doesn't get the rules#same as breakdancing he just freestyles. he will never know how to dance. and he'll never be able to floss either. he just can't.#wade can.#i also think peter could never master martial arts or anything because of that. he just relies on instinct.#i know he learns martial arts in the comics shuuut up i know i know he does but it's only because he loses his spider-sense.#i don't think he'd devote the time to learning a sport or dance or martial art.#i think he just doesn't see the benefit. he wings it. all the time.#“like yeah okay i could devote all the time to learning that. but i could also just. punch it.”#he's so funny he's so funny.#i love my apathetic loser guy who has SUPER STRENGTH but is also too lazy for sport.#he could become an olympic athlete. but he just doesn't wanna.#he could become a world-famous breakdancer. but he doesn't wanna.#he does all of those things but with no discipline whatsoever.#no discipline. that is why wade kind of hates him.#he picks up new skills so effortlessly but he has nOOO DISCIPLINE. he doesn't care about technique or rules.#but he pulls it off anyway. wade is fuming.
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🌋
#random personal stuff#personal whining ahead feel free to ignore#it's sinking in that the increase in the displaying of these 'jokes' at work is related to our boss no longer being here#it can't have been a coincidence that the picture in the inbox went back on top the very day we threw her her goodbye party#apparently this man thinks that she was the one who was pushing back against the nonsense?#and maybe she was - I don't know what went on between them#(though I always got the impression that she seemed a bit afraid of him for whatever reason and just let him do whatever most of the time)#but I'm tired of having to put up with this and angry at the situation in general#and I really will go and talk with the VP of Academic Affairs once I can get some advice from my communications major friend#so I can avoid just walking into her office and exploding#(I don't understand this I don't understand why he feels the need to display these images in the office & always about this now-completely-#irrelevant topic and even if it were relevant the 'jokes' are juvenile and mean-spirited and I know he thinks he's doing the Lord's work in#picking the kinds of books that he does but tell me exactly how this garbage is the Lord's work and what he thinks he's accomplishing with#this other than making himself look petty and giving me further cause for frustration because it isn't just the stupid pictures it's the#pervasive attitude behind them that I have had to deal with for years now and I wish I were a different person so I could get right in his#face and tell him that this is unacceptable and expect to be heard and regarded)
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Maybe the sadness would be bearable if there was some purpose! Not a purpose /to/ the sadness, but a purpose to /me/, something to DO, a reason for it all! But there is no Great Work, there is no grand destiny or life purpose! We are all just Some Guy and I just have to live with that fact!!!! Just live my life aimless and without a definitive teleological function!!! Hate this for me specifically!!!! You mean I just have to choose to live regardless!! And keep on going even though everything is uncertain and meaningless!!! You mean I don't have a definitive function that I can sacrifice myself to serve and therefore justify my own existence with!!!! Bro what the fuck!!! What the fuck is this!!!!!
#the ennui is getting to me#i cannot pick up Kierkegaard i have too much a headache for that rn#but just KNOW i am in my heart of hearts always hanging out with kierkegaard#thinkin abt how thara stopped wanting to kms when he found purpose again after evru#and how his calling is rlly his only reason to get up#im not saying that's GOOD and HEALTHY#i AM saying that i don't even have that#nothing i do matters and its AHHHHHHHHHH#i cleaned. that didn't help#im gonna go make soup maybe#probably also wont help#i love idealized cosy visions of life but also#i am so twitchy and on edge and the ennui is ever present#WHY WHY WHY WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO BE DOING
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You’re just so specil to me :) (Patreon)
#Doodles#Deltarune#Spamton#Blue Addison#Okay so /now/ I have it all out of my system. Probably. Lol#Decided to try something new with the colours for Blue - I think I like it! It's simple and readable#And also blue blushes hehe ♪#Yet more throwing things against the wall without much thought - why is Blue the only one getting Spam action? Well if he's the only one-#Just isolate them together don't worry about it it's fine lol#And then I started thinking about well Why would that be the case? What is is about Blue? *spreads hands* This#Lol#In reality it's probably just that Blue's the one that had the meet-cute and Spamton's just trying to take it slow#One is already a lot haha#I am proud of my self-control to not draw Queen's lips as one of his thoughts about blue things as well lol#Stop trying to put your mouth on blue things Spamton!#Always a treat to pull out my gold glitter pen haha I wish it scanned better :') I'll have to find a good alternative sometime#Blue knows he's just BSing him lol - but what if he does mean it?? No he doesn't lol#It's just funner to pick on him than tell the truth
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I think part of the anger I feel when things work and actually help is that it would have been this easy to help us and support us this whole fucking time if anyone who could have just tried for us.
#not to completely dismiss work weve done to get here but.#literally any help. any help at all would have been nice. from the people who are supposed to ensure health and happiness.#somewhere in here. once. there was a kid who just wanted the pain to stop. who didnt understand why nobody would help. so he stopped asking#it wasnt just you kid. you werent broken or unfixable and you weren't even crazy.#you were hurting. and you were hurting for so long you still don't really know what it feels like to not be.#and maybe it wont stop. maybe it will be forever. but you get people who listen. you might even learn to listen to yourself sometimes.#I'm sorry you couldn't be the one to make it here. I hope picking up where you left off will be enough to make it up to you.#We might always be carrying your body. I'll try to take it somewhere nice for you. I know you're tired. Just rest. We can take it from here#I'm sorry nobody cared to carry you until you were gone.#Sigh.#phlyaros' nonsense
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OPEN STARTER | Patrick Finch
"I condone lying. I encourage it, even. I recommend it. I could hardly live without it."
#;open starter#the wolf;patrick#the wolf;open#he's always the most difficult one GOSH#also you must envision he's saying this with this weird open deadpan stare where he#well how do i put it: he's clearly fucking with you but he does it with such an open genuine expression#i mean he does condone lying he's not lying here (LKDSG!!!) but he is also fucking around#so this is Patrick he's 37 or anywhere around that age he's agender primarily he/him pronouns bc whatever yknow#the agender vibes of WHATEVER i know what i'm talking about trust me i have a phd in agenderism#anyways he's an informant but about as unorthodox as you can imagine he's just fucking around and finding out frankly#very depressed very jumpy very good at hiding it lmao he's my darling ♥#he is very motherly somehow i can't explain it#he has somewhat of a history in accidentally attempting to adopt powerful young women i don't know why he???#knee-jerks into wanting to be a mother figure i don't know him that well you guys#like he met suki (ferre's kamipyre) for a few minutes one time and#days after he was wondering if she'd wore a jacket because it was cold out like--#men don't get the same kindness if you're a charming kind-hearted competent warm and humorous DAD kind of guy he's unfortunately#emotionally attracted to you? unfortunately because he hates it~ but if you're any other kind of guy you're just... you're some guy to him#yes if you're young he'll adopt you too but begrudgingly-- KLDGFGKLFDHGJF#if you're a they/them you're his kid already are you kidding that's your mum#OH I JUST HAD A TERRIBLE THOUGHT so do you know om*g*verse?? regardless of how you feel about it#it do be a thing and i just had this horrible thought about how if pat were a real guy in an established canon#he'd probs get the feminisation treatment amiright?? NO LISTEN HE USED TO BE A HUGE WOLF#AND HE'S ACTUALLY FILLED WITH SO MUCH RAGE AND WRONGED PRIDE#patrick is gentle when he likes you and because he's Smart he doesn't just BITE out of nowhere he's always been like that#Fenris was known for being INCREDIBLY well-spoken BUT ALSO A HUGE PROUD WOLF#LIKE BIG WOLF-- it doesn't show but he's Very Proud and STRONG and ??????#;queue#i picked a gif came back and realized i lost it there for a sec NO MATTER makes for good entertainment
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We won't ever get it, but I think it would've been cool to see an antagonist/client who hates Edgeworth specifically because of what he did as von Karma's student. Like someone whose loved one -- I want to say 'sister' because AA, but I think it'd be pretty cool if it was their father -- was wrongly convicted and given the death sentence because he silenced witnesses or presented faulty evidence or something similar, and there's no fix to it. The case ends with the truth being revealed and ringing hollow, because they don't want revenge, not really; maybe they just want the verdict overturned, but even that doesn't change anything, because the person is gone, and whatever damage could have been done has been done, and they just have to live with it, all of them. I think it'd be interesting to see how Edgeworth and the people around him handle that confrontation -- the idea that you can change and try to fix your mistakes the best you can, but there are some things you'll never be able to atone for. Not really. And you just have to keep living.
#and for phoenix especially the idea that you can love 'monsters' because it wasnt an accident that led to the wrong verdict being handed#it was a choice. a choice edgeworth made just like all the people whose crimes phoenix unveiled in court with triumph and fanfare#because it was justice.#miles edgeworth#phoenix wright#ace attorney#ace attorney phoenix wright#i feel like everyone knows edgeworth's done things to get innocent people convicted but they don't /know/ it you know?#we've never had to look at the effects of that head on and decide for ourselves how guilty or innocent those actions make edgeworth#dgs kind of did something like this with uhh spoilers major spoilers here look away barok and kazuma but theirs is slightly different#spoilers over. i'd like to think the client/rival is really lovely too. they obviously despise edgeworth but it's not like antagonistic#or particularly vengeful simply because there's no point. of course it ends with everyone reaffirming their loyalty to edgeworth#but i think it should feel at least a little lacking.#ofc a story like this wouldnt work any time after aai because edgeworth has come to his own conclusions about this by then#so i think it would have had to been before jfa or during jfa if at all which is why i said would've been nice#though i do think there's something to be found in the idea of him having settled everything and living positively only for this case#to come cleave his life in two. i think there's something to be said about how people who've wronged a person can go on to live happily#while you're left picking up the pieces of a broken life and pushing forwards because you have to. always carrying a pain you're never able#to reconcile. i think that's pretty interesting too#i think it'd be interesting if it was a client and if phoenix didnt know at first that he was going to try and oveturn edgeworth's case#it's only partway he realises and then he gets upset/defensive thinking it's some weird ploy to undermine either of them#but the client is just confused and tells him they came to him because he was good and he can refuse if he wants to.#and you have to choose to continue. to doubt edgeworth. idk i just think it would have been fun
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i hate the smell of perfume
#sorry. but when you're bombarded with it 24/7 bc your father doesn't know how to do things “just a little bit” then you'd hate it too#he always has to go over the top with everything even the way he talks like i can hear you you don't have to basically yell at me i already#-have regular headaches bc of you and also my lungs aren't getting any better from your overdose of perfume#why can't he use just a spray or two????#i have a sensitive nose and you're already on my hater-list#fuck off fuck off fuck off#vent#johnny's silly rambles#(sorry for being a hater on main but he kinda deserves it)#i've been saying this shit for years now#and then he stops for like a few month and then picks it back up again like i wouldn't notice it??? idk what he's thinking#probably not at all.#fucking piece of shit of a dad
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I love blorbo bingus from my brain. I'm going to put him through a pasta maker. Hes going to be like flat stanely by the time i'm done with him <3
#i am holding him like a stress ball and throwing him as hard as i can at the wall#have you ever mourned that which was still alive. and you can't go back to the people you remember or the guy you used to be#bc events since the time you left have changed you. and you might recognize them when you see them again. but they don't know you anymore#it's ''came back wrong'' except no one died. you left. and you changed. everyone else is the same and waiting for a son brother neighbor#who just. doesn't exist anymore. who died when wings were cut for the first time.#i'm so normal about blorbo from my brain i love him so much i need him crying in a ditch immediately#vibrating at a frequency that could shatter glass. ask me about wing clipping. ask me about it. please ask me about why it's so fucking bad#for your birds. hey do you want fun facts aboutw ing clipping :)#he did it willingly. :) it's possible to clip wings painlessly. they were not gentle with it. :)#on an unrelated note. flick has always existed as a way for me to like. process things i'm experiencing. bc i'm really bad at doing that on#my own. this is a habit i originally picked up with fanfic that my therapist encouraged bc. i'm bad at internal brain stuff. make it Outsid#and then i'm Better at it.#he has Always existed as a way for me to hold and turn things around and look at them.#he gets to let his mom go willingly. with fond memories. and that's what i'm going to try so sososososososo desperately to do if i must
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currently feeling some kind of way about the fact that Dick was apparently not technically adopted by Bruce, just his ward
#I FEEL PAIN IN THIS CHILI'S TONIGHT#only eldest child brightest star hopeful boy with the farthest to fall#bruce is his father but maybe there's a part of him that will always question if b sees him as his son#a part of him that will always kind of wonder why he was the one who was the most raised by the man and yet wasn't legally adopted#idk obviously i don't know hardly anything about canon just what i pick up from friends/tumblr/fanfic but this is getting to me#just... thinking thoughts and feeling feelings tonight#mostly bc of an absolutely GUTTING fanfic i just read that's gonna stick with me for a long time probably#Lu rambles#batfam#dick grayson
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i wish i could put into words the way i feel right now. i feel like i'm doing everything i can to do the right thing. the right thing for ME. but with every decision i make, i feel extreme guilt and second guess myself like crazy. like i dont KNOW what im doing idk if any of the decisions i am making are actually good for me. i am constantly in this state of isolation and loneliness, but when there's a chance for a potential romantic relationship i back away and ignore the possibilities of what could come from it. i don't want to be in love but i crave intimacy. i don't want to hook up and leave, but i want someone to hold me.
#like i met this guy at a bar#and he was friendly enough#i guess#and i was really drunk and had just enough confidence to flirt back and let him put his arm around me and buy me drinks#and i gave him my number then immediately regretted it#and now hes texting me and wants to hang out and i just dont want to#but everyone around me is like 'well why dont you just give him a chance'#my side said 'youre always saying you want to meet someone in person not on tinder so why dont you want to go out w him?'#and its like I DONT KNOW#i cant drive and i dont want to get picked up by him and be stuck w him#what if i want to leave??? i cant!!! its up to him to take me home#i want to date and i want to have more experience but i just dont know if i can do that right now#and i hate it because everyone around me seems to be so into dating and hooking up and being in love#why cant i just. be like them.#idk i feel bad but i cant text the guy from the bar back#i just don't want to ! but i feel guilty about it#i keep thinking#'what if hes the one for me?'#you know#what if im messing up something that could be potentially great for me#idk#my thoughts
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truly further [2 sides same coin] of billions tragic failing of either quant's writing that the effective Demand that taylor & rian must have a very special dynamic is all about going "well i'm epic & you're epic" at every stage, which is nothing, while winston and taylor can never have a dynamic b/c he's so Not Epic, despite that he's more similar to taylor in any ways that actually matter or could mean anything, while also if rian was ever peers with winston / had a reciprocal dynamic there, maybe we'd Have to have had more of an actual character from that role, but instead once again [no] b/c he's so Not Epic. billions writing getting an award for [okay. tmc trifecta] as the only option heading into s6 & giving us Nothing instead
#fr the one arc left is winston being sick of it like alright i'm outta here#wherein it's time apparently for rian to draw on the apparent nonzero affection she thinks she has for all that that means anything....#and oops it did nothing; she may as well have Again jumped in & volunteered info herself in the first place#and tbt rian could be indignant on lauren's behalf based on like 3 days of distant technical half coworkership#but Nothing re: taylor's participation in treating winston like that. nothing re: rian either. but you see....lauren was also epic#winston billions#when you're both Epic you're on the defensive about why you Don't date. except for when you're not!#like again so wendy thinks she & taylor were peers? why did They not have to explain why They didn't date? wendy being that cishet abt it?#we can't get an explanation for why rian would fuck That old man; just why it wasn't otherwise taylor specifically#this being the ''well it's how i'm So thoughtful abt things. & it's how i'm So Unthoughtful abt things'' In The Same Breath#like yeah yeah you dropped all pretense of [character: rian] for [young woman: inherently sexually available] like amazing#it was always like jesus christ but just increasingly dismal experience surveying the mess of nothingness & insults that was like.#again the Nothingness that was rian & pick your poison re: analyzing Power whether it's the ungodly thread of banging prince#or her casually being this general bully + personal abuser to her ''friend'' / coworker there & this is Completely Neutral to billions#perhaps Good! & there's just nothing else to the character. having her Not Leave also just further whittling away any sense of anything#again it's just like depressing lmao gotta get out of here#and as per usual the way that ripping off winston's character from getting to have focus; material; arcs; relationships etc just#impacts these other characters negatively too. rian's main traits having to be ''loves being a bully'' & ''presumed to have a vagina'' wow#billions doesn't even know abt the former which just makes it all the more amazing. taylor having ''nobody'' to talk to but rian for half#a season like WINSTON!! he was half their employees at that time & billions is still That resolute abt The Epics Vs The Losers#and being a Thee Epic is like [there's nothing there] like that was Really supposed to be rian's whole character & [there's nothing there]#the substance not in taylor going ''who's Epic like me'' but in who's Actually inherently intractibly offbeat & different & Knows This#embraces it works with it Has to embrace and work with it; suffers for it but thrives for it; is this secret weapon for it; can work w/You.#all the ways taylor had to water down talking abt themself to like wendy or axe or whomever tf....winston is right here#he's Understanding them & talking abt Them unprompted unguided just Getting It & Caring; doing 9000% better than these other Epic ppl....#lord. it's just amazing they were really this committed to like well yeah the real binary that really matters. the cools & the nerds#they really were like oh we love winston sm....we Love to write 3x03 endlessly where he gets shitted on & we have so much fun seeing that#we could've at least had the Consequences of [winston deserved to throw hands] like fr. rian; taylor; wags; dollar bill; wags again
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I love my friends
#i think im just going to talk in the tags for a moment. got a lot on my mind#for starters. the fnaf movie comes out soon. really looking forward to that. think its gonna be awesome and amazing and I'm super excited!!!#secondly. waiting on funds so i can buy that mask i saw the other day and some Halloween candy from Walmart#i . want to do little goodie bags for the kids in my building. but im too scared to go up to their parents and ask candy preference and#allergy concerns. so. idk. maybe I'll just save it. I think it's a cute concept but it makes me feel like my mother.#she loved to do little gift things for people. but it was always people that didn't like her. i don't want to be that way#i know my value. i know my time and energy means something. i don't want to waste it on people who don't give a shit. ya know?#not saying the kids are those kinds of people. not what i mean. but just as an overall thing. i don't like being like her.#...yeah. i dunno. you get raised by one person your whole life. you pick up some of their characteristics#i can't sob without sounding like her. safe to say i am a little emotionally constipated. so i seek other means to relieve that feeling.#like yesterday when i threw up. i played it off like that was a blunder on my body. but i know what i did.#hey. at least it's not the other method. right?. .. yeah. okay. i know. not great either#but it hurts. and I'm so fucking sick and tired of crying over her. genuinely. it's exhausting crying all the time#but that's the only way I can get those emotions out#I've tried to do the counseling thing. but other things made that impossible. then i moved.#and i tried the grief thing but instead i just got a talking buddy? he helps me get out of the house yeah.#but we dont talk about her#... i dunno. I'm just here.#guess i waited long enough. now you get a mini secret. every time i make an i love my friends post. I'm reminding myself why I'm still going#I'm usually sitting around somewhere in my apartment (desk couch bed) crying. alone. thinking about you guys.#so uh. thank you.#i love you guys so much. and i don't know where I'd be without you#probably dead.#💖#vent
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I feel like too many people don't understand that a bad person having normal human traits does not suddenly make them a good person
#& every person who thinks that way is sooo susceptible to abuse#like that's not a joke or anything like for real if you keep treating people as 2 dimensional#then you fall into the trap of ''they did 1 nice thing for me so they must not actually be bad''#you're allowed to like bad characters without scrambling to justify & write off their terrible actions & personality#like dude youre so desperate to not be caught liking something deviant youre using the same tactics as a H*rry P*tter fan#anyway i hope those people who like that asshole from ST never meet a Billy irl#cuz ive lived with Billys irl & it's not fucking fun. it's not interesting. it's living with an abusive piece of shit#just admit you think hes a good person because hes attractive. like youre fooling no one#if he didnt look like that youd call him a fucking freak. but he doesnt so hes just ''interesting to pick apart''#i can give you insight into that kind of person's brain: they literally would abuse you. they don't care. they think you deserve it#they can do nice things all they want but the ''niceness'' never quite reaches the same level the ''meanness'' gets to#theyre always paired together. they bought you an ice cream that costs less than a dollar? you owe them money plus interest#the reality of the situation is that every time someone like me sees you guys doing that#fawning over some asshole abuser & calling them perfect & explaining away their behaviour?#it literally sets me back. it makes me so fucking mad because that happens in real life. it's why the abuse never gets stopped#no one believes you because ''well they were nice to ME & look nice so i dont believe you''#i know how much you guys hate acknowledging apologism but like. that's abuse apologism right there
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