https://www.tumblr.com/kyxworld/745266291659751424/hi-i-hope-youre-doing-well-today-when-i-go

how do i stop identifying as human? i notice “ ” but idk nothing “clicks” and i know you guys say there’s nothing to reach but obviously i still think i am human so “i” feel so lost

you just stop… once you know, you’ll never see things the same again.

this takes me back to one of the examples i gave, imagine you were wearing a blindfold all your life and have been told that “you’re blind”. once you remove the blind fold, you’ll realize how you never really blind. even if you put the blindfold back on, you know that you’re not blind.

there is nothing to click, there’s no one feeling lost, there is nothing to understand here other than you’re not a limited human you think you’re. there’s no circumstances, no changing, no suffering, no-thing. you’re awareness experiencing itself, you’re the silence behind this all, you’re just the screen on which the scenes change and move. the only thing real thing here is brahman, self, “ ”, that, everything other than “ ” is illusory, not real, doesn’t have power over you, it’s the other way around.

doubts, thoughts like these are baseless and trivial. you’re placing heavy importance and being aware of someone who is “lost” and who doesn’t seem to “click” with this concept.

only thing AV/ND talks about is oneness is all there is. it’s no rocket science. it’s about knowing what’s real here is awareness, and everything else is an illusion. so nothing is separate, it’s all you. only you.

Does anyone else have a favorite character that's become something completely separate from their source material to you? Not like they're divergent from canon necessarily. They are just, to you, not what they are to everyone else.

Ohh hi hi I know this might be weird but I finished tsats last night and I wanted to know what you think about it :)

OMG HELLO!!!

it's not weird at all!!!

ooh! i have mixed feelings about tsats. it's not my favorite riordanverse book but i still loved it!! really the only general complaint i had about it was that the pacing felt a bit off at times (and the lil percabeth cameo felt kinda weird but i was just happy to see my babies agin)

i loved solangelo and i think the hate tsats is getting for writing nico "out of character: around will is annoying and dumb. he's a traumatized teenager who has been through Tartarus and back (hehe literally) and he deserves to be slightly cringy and cheesy as hell with his also traumatized bf. they're young, dumb, and in love and i loved it.

i also saw some people talking about how "toxic" solangelo felt and i have thoughts. again, they're both teenagers who are traumatized as fuck. all couples get into arguments and especially with everything those two have gone through it would have made absolutely no fucking sense if they were just sunshine and smiles all the time.

sorry i got a little carried away there. i actually started writing out a post about this but never got around to it.

n e wayz!

in summary: i liked it!! it's not my favorite but i really enjoyed the read (i also cried a lot. there were a lot of therapy moments that made me bawl but i loved it so) and will defend the book till my last breath!

i would love to hear your thoughts on it too bestie!!

the funniest meltdown ive ever had was in college when i got so overstimulated that i could Not speak, including over text. one of my friends was trying to talk me through it but i was solely using emojis because they were easier than trying to come up with words so he started using primarily emojis as well just to make things feel balanced. this was not the Most effective strategy... until. he tried to ask me "you okay?" but the way he chose to do that was by sending "👉🏼👌🏼❓" and i was so shocked by suddenly being asked if i was dtf that i was like WHAT???? WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?????????? and thus was verbal again

at some point it's just like. do they even fucking like the thing they're asking AI to make? "oh we'll just use AI for all the scripts" "we'll just use AI for art" "no worries AI can write this book" "oh, AI could easily design this"

like... it's so clear they've never stood in the middle of an art museum and felt like crying, looking at a piece that somehow cuts into your marrow even though the artist and you are separated by space and time. they've never looked at a poem - once, twice, three times - just because the words feel like a fired gun, something too-close, clanging behind your eyes. they've never gotten to the end of the movie and had to arrive, blinking, back into their body, laughing a little because they were holding their breath without realizing.

"oh AI can mimic style" "AI can mimic emotion" "AI can mimic you and your job is almost gone, kid."

... how do i explain to you - you can make AI that does a perfect job of imitating me. you could disseminate it through the entire world and make so much money, using my works and my ideas and my everything.

and i'd still keep writing.

i don't know there's a word for it. in high school, we become aware that the way we feel about our artform is a cliche - it's like breathing. over and over, artists all feel the same thing. "i write because i need to" and "my music is how i speak" and "i make art because it's either that or i stop existing." it is such a common experience, the violence and immediacy we mean behind it is like breathing to me - comes out like a useless understatement. it's a cliche because we all feel it, not because the experience isn't actually persistent. so many of us have this ... fluttering urgency behind our ribs.

i'm not doing it for the money. for a star on the ground in some city i've never visited. i am doing it because when i was seven i started taking notebooks with me on walks. i am doing it because in second grade i wrote a poem and stood up in front of my whole class to read it out while i shook with nerves. i am doing it because i spent high school scribbling all my feelings down. i am doing it for the 16 year old me and the 18 year old me and the today-me, how we can never put the pen down. you can take me down to a subatomic layer, eviscerate me - and never find the source of it; it is of me. when i was 19 i named this blog inkskinned because i was dramatic and lonely and it felt like the only thing that was actually permanently-true about me was that this is what is inside of me, that the words come up over everything, coat everything, bloom their little twilight arias into every nook and corner and alley

"we're gonna replace you". that is okay. you think that i am writing to fill a space. that someone said JOB OPENING: Writer Needed, and i wrote to answer. you think one raindrop replaces another, and i think they're both just falling. you think art has a place, that is simply arrives on walls when it is needed, that is only ever on demand, perfect, easily requested. you see "audience spending" and "marketability" and "multi-line merch opportunity"

and i see a kid drowning. i am writing to make her a boat. i am writing because what used to be a river raft has long become a fully-rigged ship. i am writing because you can fucking rip this out of my cold dead clammy hands and i will still come back as a ghost and i will still be penning poems about it.

it isn't even love. the word we use the most i think is "passion". devotion, obsession, necessity. my favorite little fact about the magic of artists - "abracadabra" means i create as i speak. we make because it sluices out of us. because we look down and our hands are somehow already busy. because it was the first thing we knew and it is our backbone and heartbreak and everything. because we have given up well-paying jobs and a "real life" and the approval of our parents. we create because - the cliche again. it's like breathing. we create because we must.

you create because you're greedy.

Losing my shit about this article in which a transphobic Tory was so busy panicking about existing in the vicinity of a Trans that she almost certainly misheard "jeans" as "penis" and decided that not only was this a problem with the other woman, but also that the world must be informed of this pressing danger.

"a trans woman! I had to stand directly behind her....I thought, 'this is going well', I'm handling The Situation fine'..."

translated: I saw a tall woman with broad shoulders. How would I get out of this alive? I thought. she has a PENIS. PENIS PENIS PENIS. through some force of PENIS I mean will I managed to PENIS behave normally towards her. My hands were PENIS PENIS PENIS shaking as I tried to dry them. summoning up all my PENIS courage I said 'dryer's crap innit'. she turned to me and said " yeah I'm just goiPENIS PENIS PENIS"

It's been a week and I'm still shaking. This proves trans women are the problem and I'm not weird. I'm fine. It's fine. If you think about it I'm the hero hePENIS!!!!!

very this

I hope you don’t mind me dropping in asking for unsolicited advice, ignore this ask if you want of course, but I know you’ve discussed the not so fun sides of writing before and I need your help in that way.

Have you ever wanted to quit writing because no one interacts anymore? I have ideas I love and want to share but I know that if I did I’d get three notes and they’d all be likes. I don’t want to quit because I fucking love writing, but then again I do want to quit just to see if anyone noticed if I did, you know? Not even mutuals interact anymore, I get one like from them on occasion but that’s it so it’s not even that I have a small circle of people that I can rely on to interact.

I apologise again for leaving this type of thing. I am somebody you know hiding on anon, rest assured I’m not a rando, but yeah. Once again ignore this if you want to! There is no obligation to answer, I’m just at a threads end, thanks.

hello! i do not mind at all, please come for advice whenever! i've been thinking about how to answer this all morning, so please forgive me for the long ramble.

first of all, i am sorry to hear that you're feeling this way. to answer your first question: of course i have felt this way (and still do, depending on the day!). when i first started posting the longest fic i've ever written, it wasn't showing up, no one was reading it, and i spiraled massively. i thought about deleting this blog, i thought about never going on tumblr again, i thought about taking an indefinite break. but i had to really sit back and be like, what the fuck is my problem? i don't meant to imply that you shouldn't be feeling this way, that's not what i mean at all. however, i think that there really is value in genuinely not caring about notes, genuinely not caring about engagement, and just writing for yourself. that's easier said than done, trust me, i know. but i think i've reached a point in this blog where i don't really associate the value of my work with people seeing it. this has helped massively. i write because i want to. because the stories i want to tell, i want to tell them for me. i know that i can say this easily because if you look through my blog, you'll see that i do get notes! i do get reblog and comments and such, so i know that this sounds hollow.

it's pretty clear to me that the stranger things fandom is in a bit of a lull, which is natural! people come and go from things they like and that's perfectly alright. i myself have felt a waning interest in writing steve and eddie, though i am trying to maintain those masterlists for the people who follow me for that. i don't think we can fault people for moving on, moving away, or taking a break! but that doesn't change the fact that its discouraging and can even feel like betrayal, especially when that distance comes from mutuals.

here's my take on mutuals: i have made some really lovely friends on here (of which you are one, i am sure), but i don't ever hold them accountable to read or reblog or interact with my content. i want to talk to them because i want to talk to them! in fact, i talk about anything other than writing with most of them. i want to follow them because i really enjoy their stuff, and whether or not they want to interact with mine says nothing about our friendship or the quality of their person, you know? i don't ever want a friend of mine to feel pressured to support me on here, because we're all meant to be having fun and making sure our blogs are what we want. i see a lot of discussion about the tumblr honor code that's long gone, and i do think to a degree passivity on tumblr has increased, but i don't think we need to go at each other for that. you do not owe me something because we follow each other. i know that you might be like, "emma, are you serious? you don't support me, you don't support other people, this is just an excuse!" maybe so! i just think you should enjoy this place however you want to! life is hell and we need to take hold of joy with both hands where we can find it. that is how i am treating myself, too.

so, all of that said. my advice, which you can take or leave because i don't know if it's any good, is to renegotiate a healthy relationship with your blog and writing. write something for you and never post it anywhere, just to see how it feels. turn off tumblr notifs, take a break from notes, and just make something that you're proud of. if you're proud of it, then you've won.

anyway, i am sorry you are feeling down, and if you decided to leave, i am sure that i (and others) would miss you dearly. this should be a place of refuge, a place of community, and if it stops being that for you, it's not worth keeping it around like a festering wound. i can't tell you what to do -- i just want you to be happy and healthy. i love you!

if you took a language class in school (any level, any language) did your instructor assign you a name from that language? like, when i took french in high school i was assigned a "french name" that i had to use in that class. did anyone else experience this?

while teen while goblin while aroace while injured while doing your best

missing ranchers forever and ever and ever (a redraw of THIS from a year ago)

[click for better quality! + closeups under the cut]

Charles answering with “we have a good relationship” to a question about beating Max is like the direct opposite of Lewis answering with “I remember the first time i looked up the girls. When I met my girlfriend. I remember the first time having sex” to someone asking if he remembered meeting Nico

Lewis tries and fails to deflect in the most unconvincing way possible, Charles chooses to expose himself very clearly

Weird tactics but ok guys 🙄

despite being more often than not a "rules as written" fan over "rule of cool", i really do love me a good "rules be damned, i'll give you this awesome moment" call. like matt giving fcg the otohan kill despite what her hp was at or brennan giving cerrit an extra mage slayer reaction attack at the end of calamity. honestly, if anything, i think the fact they mostly play by the book makes these moments even better because it really has that extra weight towards those decisions to put the rules aside.

SYDNEY SWEENEY for Frankies Bikinis (March 2023)

what if u drew pitch vriskan what then?

take this away from me before I spend any more time on it

It's honestly wild to me that ToA went through so much trouble to emphasize the fact that Will did not magically fix all of Nico's problems and was explicitly not Nico's only doctor.

Only for TSATS to have Will fix all of Nico's problems and have Nico be entirely reliant on him the entire book and literally helpless without him and LITERALLY have Nico's problems be magically removed.

thank you for the good michael x jeremy x gn reader fics, ao3