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hercleverboy · 4 years

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the right moment

spencer reid x reader

summary ↠ for months, spencer has waited for the right time to propose to the reader. before he gets the chance, he gets in trouble in mexico.

category ↠ angst/fluff

warnings/includes ↠ prison reid arc,

word count ↠ 2.4k

“but if I sit in the rain, maybe I can drown in something other than my thoughts.” — j.w

For 8 months now, Spencer had been carrying the little velvet red box in his pocket. It was near enough always with him, almost weighing him down. For 8 months he had waited for the so called ‘right’ moment to propose to his long term girlfriend. Y/N was none the wiser, not even realising her boyfriend was even considering proposing, let alone had carried the ring around in every pair of bottoms he wore.

Before meeting and falling in love with Y/N, Spencer thought all this talk about there being a ‘right’ moment to propose was silly. Wasn’t it just as easy as getting down on one knee and asking?

Spencer liked to remind himself he once thought that way. How wrong he was. He couldn’t have guessed just how damn nervous he would get. Palms sweaty and breaths heavy, he was just so fucking nervous and he couldn’t figure out why. A big genius brain and he couldn’t pull it together long enough to ask the woman he loved to marry him. The ‘right’ moment never seemed to come. Sometimes he looked at her, looking so beautiful in whatever dress she’d worn to date night and he thought, “Okay, this is it, I’m gonna do it” but his nerves got in the way and when he could finally breathe normally, the moment was gone.

As if he didn’t feel like enough of a coward, the relentless teasing from the team didn’t help.

He’d walk in to the bullpen in the morning and be immediatley bombarded with questions.

Garcia would be first, nearly choking on her morning coffee in excitment as he walked in. “Dr Reid!” She exclaimed, making Spencer wince and prepare himself. “As you know, I got lunch the other day with your gorgeous girlfriend, and couldn’t help but notice there’s still no ring on her finger.” She questioned.

Spencer had simply chuckled, shaking his head. “Im working on it, Garcia. I promise.” He hoped that his response had satisfied the team enough to leave him alone, but no. Derek emerged from the meeting room, a shit-eating grin on is face.

“Hey there, pretty boy. You made that stunning lady your fiancee yet?”

Spencer just shook his head and huffed.

“You do plan on proposing sometime this decade, right Reid?” He teased, as JJ came up behind him.

“You’ve still not done it? Come on, Spence!” JJ laughed. “Y/N will say yes, I’ve told you a hundred times!” She was the one Spencer had asked to go with him to chose the ring all those months ago. “That ring is too beautiful to sit in a box forever, so get on with it!”

Whilst he pretty much always carried the ring with him, the only exception was in the field. It was much too precious to lose while chasing an unsub. Although as soon as they were on the jet on the way home, he would fumble with the box in his hands as he stared out the window. The team would share a look. As much as they teased him, they were really just trying to persuade him to do it. Though, they could clearly see how nervous the young doctor really was. It was sweet, as much as it was silly. Spencer feared rejection, but the team all knew Y/N well enough to know that she wouldn’t waste a second saying yes when he asked.

He planned to make it a big moment, a fancy dinner, ending with them back at their apartment, with rose petals scattering the bed, the room lit with candles. But if it wasn’t his stupid nerves getting in the way, it was his work.

First it was him nearly dying at the hands of Cat Adams. That night, he just felt lucky to be able to go home to Y/N, who was waiting with her arms open for him to crash into. Then it was Morgan leaving the team to be there for his son, which Spencer wholeheartedly understood. He knew that if him and Y/N had a baby, he’d definitley consider making the same decision. But again, after effectively losing his best friend, Reid figured it wasn’t the time for a proposal.

Finally, the time came where he finally thought he’s was going to do it. He set a date, making preparations a week in advance. He ordered a dozen red roses and vanilla scented candles for the occassion, he planned their entire evening to a T. It would be perfect. Nothing could go wrong.

but then everything did.

His mother was only getting worse, and he decided to make one last trip to Mexico before he proposed. Y/N knew where he was going, and whilst she understood it was for his mother, she couldn’t help but worry. He’d soothed her worries with a kiss to the forehead, promising he’d be back in a few days.

Next thing he knew, he was being held in Mexico on murder and drug charges. Emily was there and he could see how hard she was trying to help, the rest of the team were aswell, but Spencer was clueless as to how he got there, missing periods of time from his memory. He was appreciative of the teams attempts to help but he knew how these things went.

As he stared at the greying walls of the holding cell, he couldn’t help but regret not proposing when he had the chance. Now he might never get one.

She was there to meet him when Emily managed to bring him back to Quantico, tears rolling down her cheeks as she hugged him tightly. He hated how the cuffs over his hands prevented him from holding her. He tried to soothe her, and Emily promised that everything would be okay. All he could think about was the little red box sat in his bedside table drawer at home.

He didn’t get to see her again until they were at the courthouse and he was denied bail. He watched how her face fell and the tears spilled as he was dragged away. He called out to her. “I love you so much.” and then he was gone.

He let her visit him in prison. At first he thought it might be selfish, he didn’t really want the men in there looking at her. But he needed to see her, she was the only thing holding him together, keeping him from completely giving up and falling apart.

His eyes connected to hers through the glass that separated them as she took a seat, offering a smile that she hoped would reassure him she was okay.

“Hi.”

“Hey, baby.” He murmured, and his arms ached to hold her in any way, to even just graze his thumb over her fingers.

“I miss you.” She whimpered, and he could see how strong she was trying to be for him. He thought she was so incredibly strong. He knew he’d break down if the shoe was on the other foot.

“I miss you too sweetheart.” He said it as a promise. A promise he would get out. When he sat in his cell at night, he promised to himself every night for three months, that should he ever make it out he would waste no time getting down on one knee.

When he was finally free, she waited anxiously outside the prison, Garcia holding her hand comfortingly. He walked through the gates and it was mere seconds before she was running to him, throwing her arms around him. He’d held her so tightly, the light of his life, the first light he’d seen or felt in 3 months. When they pulled apart he’d kissed her lips, just a peck that was over just as it started, but it was enough for the moment.

“I love you,” He whispered, again and again like a mantra for only her to hear.

He wished they had more time, more time to be together and love one another, but right now they had bigger problems. Later he would kiss her for hours and hold her to his hearts content, but his mind was plagued with worry for his mother, his only focus was making sure she was safe. Spencer didn’t stop touching Y/N the whole ride to the BAU building, always touching her in some way. He’d been so starved of touch in that prison and being able to hold her was something he would never take for granted again. His arm was around her shoulders and he held her hand as they rode in the back of the SUV. She tried desperately to calm him, as she could see how panicky he was getting at the thought of losing his mother. She just kissed his hand reassuringly, and he was thankful for the gesture, kissing her forehead in return.

After they saved Diana and won Cat Adams little game, Spencer finally felt at home when he stepped through the front door of their home, Y/N by his side. It was late, but he didn’t want to sleep. He wanted to just be with her. He insisted they lay together in bed, and she told him everything he missed in prison that she couldn’t talk about during her visits. He just wanted to listen to her talk, to engrain the sound of her voice into his brain and hope he never had to go without it ever again. They laid there, her head on his shoulder and his arms around her as she rambled about nothing in particular. He didn’t pay much attention, instead watching her face. He reacquainted himself with the features he’d missed, the blush of her cheeks and the curve of her Cupid’s bow, her beautiful eyes and perfect smile. Spencer was convinced he’d never seen anything more beautiful in his life and before he could even think about it-

“Marry me.”

Y/N had stopped rambling mid-sentence, shock covering her face. Her mouth dropped open, her eyes wide.

“W-what?” She asked, her voice a tiny whisper.

He smiled, moving himself from underneath her. He turned to the side, and began rummaging around his bedside drawer.

She sat up, hands coming up to cover her mouth when she saw him. Spencer was on the floor beside the bed on one knee, red velvet box open in hand, showcasing the most beautiful diamond ring Y/N had ever seen.

“Y/N. I love you. I’ve loved you for a long time now. I’ve been sure I wanted to marry you for a long time as well, ask the team, they’ll tell you I’ve carried this ring with me every day for nearly a year, waiting for the right moment.” He chuckled to himself. How stupid of him was that? “If prison taught me anything, it’s that time is so precious. In that cell I replayed every moment with you, every time I wish I’d got down on one knee and asked you then instead of waiting. I was so scared I would never get the chance. Which is why now that I have it, I’m taking it.” He finished, and tears were beginning to well in his own eyes.

“So, Y/N Y/L/N, Will you marry me?”

“Yes.” She whispered, nodding frantically, and only once he’d slipped the ring on her finger did he realise he’d been holding his breath. He stood up as she moved to the edge of the bed to hug him. Her arms went around his neck and he held her securely at her waist. He lifted her from the bed, spinning her as they laughed. He noted that this was the most happiness he’d felt in months now. They pulled back as he set her down and she had tears running down her cheeks but he knew they were happy because of the smile on her face. She looked up at him, and he slowly leaned down, capturing her lips with his.

He realised that it was the first proper kiss they’d had in months, and in response his hands gripped tighter on her waist as the kiss got more passionate, her hands coming to trail down his chest. She could tell that he wanted to go further and so she pulled away.

He pouted, and she smiled at him but he could see the concern on her face.

“What’s wrong?” He asked quietly.

“As happy as I am right now, Spence..” She trailed off, trying to figure out how to phrase what she wanted to say. “You just got out of prison. I know how difficult it was for you in there, and we’re going to have to talk about it sometime. I wouldn’t want to take advantage of you right now, it’s all still so fresh.”

He nodded his head. “I know we have to talk about it, just not tonight please.” His voice was tired and pleading. “But you’re not taking advantage of me, I promise. I missed you so much in there. Let me show you how much.” He murmured as he began to place kisses down her neck.

“Are you sure you feel up to doing.. this?” She asked one more time, she had to be absoloutley sure. She’d missed him too, of course. Though the last three months of his life had been downright horrific and she needed him to be certain.

He smiled against her neck at her concern, pulling back to look her in the eyes. “Yes, I’m sure. I know you’re worried and I’m so grateful that you’re so concerned but right now, I just want to make love to my fiancée. ” He mumbled, kissing her forehead in a sweet, reassuring gesture.

She smiled, satisfied with his answer. Detatching herself from him, she sat on the bed again, moving backwards. “Well then, Dr.Reid. Get on with it.” She smirked, laughing a little as she laid on her back. He shook his head with a chuckle, moving to hover over her.

“Anything for you, future Mrs Reid.” He smiled at the name.

“Oh, ‘Mrs Reid’, I like the sound of that.” She giggled, placing her arms around his neck.

As Spencer looked down at her, his heart swelled with pride and happiness. He was finally getting his happy ending, and it was a well deserved one. He’d go through all the pain and suffering all over again if it would lead him to that moment.

“So do I.”

#spencer reid x reader #spencer reid #spencer reid one shot #matthew gray gubler x reader #Matthew Gray Gubler #mgg x reader #mgg #criminal minds #criminal minds x reader #bau

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mollygetssherlockcoffee · 4 years

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Five Minutes

Pairing: Spencer x Fem!Reader

Summary: Five minutes is all it takes for Y/N to disappear

Warning: Kidnapping

Word Count: 1,717

A/N: I’m back! This is only part one!

Part Two HERE! Part Three HERE! Part Four HERE! Part Five HERE! Part Six HERE!

Master List HERE Permanent Tag List HERE

“Where are you?” he questioned. You could imagine him sitting on his couch, popcorn and drinks laid out on the coffee table. He’d be bouncing his leg, fighting the urge to go check out his window to see if he could spot you. He was usually a patient man, but you’d both been looking forward to this evening.

You’d been travelling from state-to-state with little downtime for the past two months but finally, Hotch had given the team a complete weekend off. You and Spencer had quickly made plans to spend Saturday evening together at his apartment, he’d brought the latest Marvel film which you’d both been dying to watch.

It was something which had bonded you both when you had first joined the team. As the newest, and youngest, member of the team, you had felt like the odd-one-out for a time. However, two months into your new job, Spencer had caught sight of a Marvel trailer on your phone which you were watching on the jet home. It had opened up a conversation which had led to you both find out that your interests were very similar.

Through your growing connection with Spencer, you had become to feel more comfortable with the team. You’d started speaking to the other members more, even Derek, who had made you nervous at the beginning because of his muscles. He gave off the impression that he could crush you like a bug but once you got to know him, he was a sweetheart.

While you had grown extremely close with the girls of the team, you still considered Spencer as one of your closest friends. Okay, that was a lie. Though you would never tell anyone, you harboured a crush of the resident ‘Pretty Boy’. It hadn’t formed straight away. You’d been friends for years, but then slowly, butterflies started to form in your stomach.

When he would smile at you, your sides would tingle. When he’d laugh at something stupid that you had said, your insides would warm. On the occasion where he sought comfort and you hug you, you would feel like you could breathe – but in a good way.

“I’m almost there, I’m just outside Little Istanbul” you told him, your eyes peaking into the little restaurant.

“Istanbul actually isn’t that small. It spans five-thousand three hundred and forty-three square kilometres and has a population of approximately fifteen million people. Of those approximately fifteen million people, sixty-four-point nine percent live on the European side of the city, with thirty-five point one living on the Asian side” Spencer tells you.

“Nerd” you snort playfully, rolling your eyes.

“It’s general knowledge, Y/N, unlike the knowledge you hold about The Little Mermaid” he counters, and you can hear the smile in his voice.

“That film is a classic and the songs are a gift” you are quick to defend with a small laugh. “Anyway, I’m nearly there. I’ll see you in a few.”

You quickly say your goodbyes before tucking your phone into your pocket. It was nearing half-six and the streetlights were just turning on, casting a hazy orange glaze over the sidewalk. It was a nice night, a cool breeze blowing through the early autumn night. The streets were mostly bare, which was odd but not all-together strange. It was peaceful.

You turned right, onto a small side road which acted as a short cut to Spencer’s apartment. The street was only about one-hundred yards, with two streetlights which lit nearly the whole road, apart from the small section in the middle.

The little street is almost empty, little laying in a small pile off to the side. A person walks down the road towards you, headphones in their eyes as their head bops to their music, their hands in their pockets. He doesn’t acknowledge you as you pass, just continues pass and you continue on your way.

Your just about to exit the little street when an arm wraps around your waist, a cloth covering your mouth and nose as your pulled backwards.

Spencer looked at his watch again. It had been nearly ten minutes since he had gotten off the phone with Y/N and she still hadn’t arrived. Little Istanbul was only five minutes from his apartment, so she should have been here by now.

He pulled out his phone, quickly selecting Y/N’s contact and calling her. He went to the window, pulling back the curtain to look outside. The street was clear, apart from a single car which drove a little two quickly. Spencer turned away, letting the curtain full closed as he focused on the phone call.

The phone continued to ring but Y/N didn’t answer, and the phone went to voicemail. He tried again, and again, but still, there was no answer. Why wasn’t she answering. Maybe she had dropped her phone, she always kept it in her jeans pocket. Surely she would have noticed though, right? And if she hadn’t noticed, she would still already be here by now.

Spencer wasn’t sure what he should do. Y/N hadn’t arrived, and she wasn’t answering her phone. should he go and look for her? But what if she turned up just as he left? Well, he said to himself, she would just wait at the door or let herself in, I did give her an emergency key.

Spencer strode towards the door, bending at the waist to pull his shoes on. Shrugging on a light jacket, he grabbed his keys and his phone, and left the apartment.

It didn’t take long for Spencer to reach the side road near his apartment but when he did, he stopped. There on the floor, was Y/N phone. She had made it this far. As he looked up from the floor, turning to look behind him and towards his apartment, he froze. There, on the wall under a eerie glow, was a smidge of blood.

Normally, Spencer wouldn’t have been worried seeing that. It was a street, sometimes people would knock into the wall or get into fights. However, he had walked down this road earlier and the blood hadn’t been there. Y/N’s phone was also on the floor, though there was no sign of her. His eyes scanned the floor again and caught sight of a piece of cloth caught of a small bush.

Something wasn’t right. Separately, these things wouldn’t be concerning. However, Spencer had a feeling that something had happened, that something had gone wrong. Y/N was missing, that was all there is to it. He had walked to the street, taking the path she would have had to in order to get to his apartment, but hadn’t passed her. She was gone.

He quickly pulled out his phone, pressing number three on the speed dial. It rang for a moment before connecting and Spencer didn’t allow the other person to talk. “I think somethings happened to Y/N.” “Reid?” Hotch asks. “What happened, what do you mean?”

“She was meant to come watch a movie but didn’t turn up, I spoke to her when she was five minutes away. I waited, to see if she was running late but she didn’t turn up” Spencer began to explain. “I traced the same path she would have used, and I found her phone in an alley. There’s a blood on the wall and a cloth nearby… I think maybe she was taken… something just doesn’t feel right.”

Spencer sat at the conference table, his leg bouncing as the rest of the team came into the room. Each member took their seats, none of them looking particularly happy to have been called back to work early.

“Where’s Y/N?” Emily asked, looking around the table.

Hotch glanced at Spencer before addressing the team, “Y/N’s missing. She was meant to visit Spencer but never turned up, instead, her phone was found in a side road, along with blood. A cloth was found near by and we’ve put a rush on that. The lab has made an early guess of it being chloroform…”

“What? When was this?” Derek asked, sitting up straight in his chair.

“Two hours ago,” Hotch replied.

“And you’ve only just called us, what the hell, Hotch?” Derek said, pushing to his feet in anger.

Hotch ignored Derek, turning to address the other members of the team, “Prentiss, take JJ and check Y/N’s flat. We don’t know if someone’s been following her. There might be something there if someone was. Derek, I want you and Rossi to go back to the side road, see if you can see anything we missed. Reid and I will start mapping out Y/N friends and family, anyone she could have come into contact with lately. Garcia’s already started looking through security cameras.”

The team separated, each member going to complete their separate tasks.

You woke up feeling dizzy and your stomach rolled. You groaned, fighting off the wave of nausea. You laid still for a few more minutes, waiting for your stomach to calm down. The dizziness passed but your stomach still felt off, you ignored it though as you blinked your eyes open.

You blinked a few times, your surroundings slowly starting to come into focus. The room you’re in is dark and damp, you can feel the moisture in the air as you breathe. The walls are solid concrete, the floor a matching grey and it take a moment for your brain to catch up and for you to realise you’re in a basement.

In front of you are bars and when you look to your left, then right, there are bars there too. You don’t have the energy in you to turn over, but you would guess that there are bars behind you too. You were in a cage, like an animal.

Your brain struggled to make sense of what was going on around you, still foggy from whatever had knocked you out. You laid on the floor of the cage, willing your brain to clear but the fog continued to cloud your brain, making it feel like it was full of cotton wall.

Your eyes closed as you were unable to fight to keep them open. You felt yourself drifting away but as you went, you could have sworn you heard a lock turn…

Permanent Tag List: @sskhair @sammypotato67

#spencer #spencer reid #spencer x reader #spencer x you #spencer x y/n #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x y/n #spencer reid x you #spencer reid fanfic #spencer reid fanfiction #cm #criminal minds #criminal minds fanfic #criminal minds fanfiction

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snarkythewoecrow · 4 years

Text

hanging on while the world crashes in

by: Snarkymuch

Word count: 5.2k

*TRIGGER WARNING for SELF HARM*

I tried to approach this subject with sensitivity but it is still triggering. There are discussions of the guilt and shame around self-harm.This was written for an anon on Tumblr, who wanted more Peter coping with self-harm, using a rubber band. I hope you like it.

AN: Big thank you to @justme--emily and @thelostweasley77 for checking the ending out and making sure it sounded good. I appreciate it!

Summary: Peter is struggling after coming back from the snap. He starts to fall into old habits, ones he thought he was over. He uses a rubber band on his wrist to cope, but eventually those close to him notice. Tony misses nothing.

READ ON AO3

The battle fell silent, and Peter saw Tony collapse against a piece of rubble. He fought invisible hands as he tried to reach his side. It was like he was moving through molasses. When he reached Tony, he fell to his knees, reaching out unbelieving as his mentor, his friend, laid dying. Empty eyes looked off into nothingness, glazed and unseeing. A scream built in Peter’s chest as he reached for Tony, but he couldn’t touch him, his hands passed right through …

He woke himself, panting and clutching the sheets. It was just a dream. Tony was alive and well in his lake house with Pepper and Morgan. It was the same dream he’d had nearly every night. Instead of Captain Marvel using the gauntlet, Tony had, and he’d died in the process.

A thin sheen of sweat coated his skin, and his clothes clung to him. He tried to steady his breathing. It has felt so real.

To the outside world, he’d done his best to put on a good face and pretend that he was okay, but he was far from it. It was all too much to lose five years, having people who were younger than him now older. He felt lost in a sea of emotion, drifting in the currents and struggling not to drown.

It had been a long time since he felt so lost, without a tether. Like when Ben had died, and he’d fought hard against the waves of grief. Nothing had felt stable then, just as nothing did now.

In those times, he’d turned to less than acceptable means to ground himself and find control. A blade offered solace where nothing else could. He knew it was wrong, but the pain was like a lifeline in a stormy sea, stopping the choppy waters long enough to catch his breath.

Like everything, though, May had found out. Maybe Peter wasn’t hiding it well on purpose. Maybe he wanted to be discovered. Part of him had known if he didn’t stop, he’d keep falling down the slippery slope.

Therapy had become a thing, and he’d learned skills to cope. Holding ice cubes in his hands until they burned, drawing on his arms, but the one that stuck and worked the most was the rubber band. It couldn’t be a thin one. It needed to be one with weight and strength. He’d wear it like a bracelet, drawing it back and snapping it hard whenever the storm inside him became too rough, and he felt the urge to cut.

At first, he’d seen the pain in May’s eyes when she saw him snapping it, but eventually, it just became part of them. When he fingered the band, May would ask if he was okay. He didn’t open up at first, but he soon found himself snapping it less and talking more. The churning sea of emotion became more settled, and he moved on, but he kept his bands in a drawer, just in case he ever needed them again, which now, maybe he did.

So much grief and hurt swirled in him, mixing with loss. He should be happy everyone was okay, that the vanished were returned and Thanos was stopped, but he couldn’t change the twisting emotions that wrenched at his heart.

For the first time in a long time, Peter wanted to cut. It wasn’t a pretty feeling, and it wasn’t okay. He wasn’t okay, though. He was spiraling and needed something to stop his fall. He couldn’t focus, and everything felt like too much. He craved the feeling of it all being driven down to a sharp point, real physical pain he could control.

With clumsy movements, he pushed himself up, throwing back the covers. His heart was still beating a bit too fast, and his breaths a touch too shallow. The walls felt like they were pressing in, and his chest ached selfishly for everything he’d lost.

He plunked down in his desk chair and pulled the drawer open with single-minded focus. The little pile of rubber bands gave him pause, and he brushed over them with his fingertips, but that wouldn’t be enough, and he knew it. Or maybe it could have been, but he was weak and wanted the real thing.

Pens and paperclips rattled around as he dug to the very back of the drawer, his bottom lip between his teeth. His fingers brushed the plastic outside, and his prize shifted out of reach, but Peter doubled his efforts. His nail caught it, and he dragged it, scrapping, toward the front of the drawer.

The small yellow utility knife sat amongst the clutter with a power that it shouldn’t hold. Like a siren call, it drew Peter closer, never taking his eyes off it. His fingers brushed over it before picking it up, turning it in his hand, weighing it, and finding it worthy of the task.

A piece of him knew he shouldn’t be doing this, but it was suffocated by the need for an anchor, for something grounding. He told himself that as he looked at the blade that it would be just once, he would use the bands after, but even as he told himself that, he knew it was a lie.

He felt alive as he held it to his skin, and the storm raging inside him quieted as he pressed the blade to the surface of his arm. He drew a stuttering breath through his teeth at the initial sting and then breathed out a sigh. He didn’t feel like he was drowning anymore. He felt in control for this first time since Titan.

Blood bubbled up from the cut and dribbled down the side of his arm, weaving a haphazard path until it reached the pale underside and beaded there, ready to drip onto the floor.

He watched it with fascination, grabbed a dirty sock on the floor, and dabbed up the blood with the cleaner looking end. The immediate rush he felt was already fading, and the line the blade had drawn was already sealing over, no match for his super-powered healing.

Adjusting his grip on the knife, he licked his lips, glancing once at the open drawer and nest of rubber bands. He shoved it closed, not wanting to see evidence of his failings staring him in the eye.

With more pressure than the last, he carved a deeper line into his arm, a cut that, unlike the previous, bled free and fast. The blood did drip onto the floor this time, hitting it with tiny splatters. Some landed on his leg and more on his barefoot, running down under his heel.

The only thing he could feel was the burn of the wound. It muted all the emotions that threatened to overwhelm him. For a moment, he could just breathe. Sitting in his room, the world made a little more sense, and everything he couldn’t understand before was in focus.

The flow of blood had slowed, but it was still running in rivulets down his arm. He pressed the soiled sock to the wound, relishing the stab of pain that came with the action. It would heal in a few hours if it even took that long.

Peeling back the sock, he examined his work. The skin was neatly split, but the blood had stopped.

There was no point in bandaging it, so he cleaned up the blood on the floor and changed his pajama pants. Then, he went into the bathroom and washed the blood from his arm. When he got back to his room, he slipped the knife back into its hiding spot.

The next morning, he hesitated by his desk, eyeing the drawer. Two very different but connected things were in there. The rubber bands and the knife. He wondered what it said about him that he couldn’t decide which to take. Maybe he should take both.

Part of him began to reason that healing his factor protected from real harm, so where was the danger? The small piece of plastic and metal had given him more peace than anything else had in months. After giving in and letting himself have that moment, he’d been able to sleep without dreams of turning to dust.

But then he thought of May and the look she had in her eyes the first time she saw the cuts healing on his arms after Ben, and it felt like the air was sucked from his lungs. She’d trusted him not to cut, and he’d broken that unsaid promise.

Guilt crashed over him at what he’d done, eating him alive like a thousand flesh-eating beetles. There was no going back, though, no pretending he hadn’t done it. Even if he didn’t tell her, he’d know, and that was enough.

He needed to do better—for himself and for May. He yanked the drawer open and grabbed one of the bands, still unsure what he’d say when May saw it. He stretched it over his hand and let it circle his wrist. He gave a small snap and then shut the drawer and went about getting ready.

May was in the kitchen when he went to grab something to eat before school. She greeted him with a warm smile, grabbing the back of his neck and pulling him down to kiss his cheek.

“Morning, sleepyhead,” she said, turning to refill her abandoned cup on the counter. “How’d you sleep?”

“Good,” Peter lied, the word tasting chalky in his mouth. Unconsciously, he rubbed the band that circled his left wrist. “How was work last night?”

“You know, a nurse’s job is never done. It was busy, but I guess it could have been worse. At least the AC was working.” She leaned against the counter, taking a sip of her coffee, but paused and lowered the cup, her eyes locked on Peter’s wrist. “Do we need to talk?”

Peter dropped his arm, like that would somehow hide what he’d done. “It’s—I’m okay.”

May’s brows drew together, and she studied him for a moment before setting down her cup and crossing the short distance to Peter. She took his hands in hers, warm and dry against his cold and clammy. She squeezed them, and he did it back.

“You’d tell me if it was getting bad again, right?”

He nodded as the guilt over what he’d done filled his lungs, stopping his breath. He didn’t want to lie, but he couldn’t tell the whole truth either.

“It can’t be easy for you. You’ve been through a lot. There’s no shame in struggling.”

He couldn’t move his head to nod, so he stared at a point to the side of her face and tried to swallow some of the emotion he was drowning in.

She stayed silent, holding his hands, and after a moment, he chanced a look at her face. The understanding he saw in her eyes just made the pain all that much worse.

“I’m sorry, May.” His voice trembled. “I’m so sorry.”

“Whatever happened, it’s okay. It’ll be okay. I know you didn’t mean it. And this here”—her thumb touched the band—“this tells me that you want to do better, and that’s enough for me.”

xXx

The rubber band became part of his very existence again, just like it had years ago. He found himself constantly touching it and reminding himself that it was there. When the world became too much, and he felt like he was drifting away, he would snap it and let the sting ground him, reminding him where he was.

It wasn’t what he craved, though. It was a cheap replacement for the real thing, but the guilt over what he’d done was enough to keep him from cutting again. Almost.

Over a month had passed since the incident as he called it, where he fell back and reset his count to zero. May asked him every day how he was. Sometimes she would ask him to rate it, the need, from one to ten. Some days were lower than others. Most days, he hovered near a six. A few times after waking up from a nightmare, he’d been higher, but the band brought it back down to a reasonable number, if there ever was such a thing. What was reasonable about wanting to cut your own skin, to watch yourself bleed?

Tony had invited him to spend the weekend at the lake house, and May didn’t let him say no. She thought it might be good to get out of the city. If he was honest, it scared him a little, thinking about going. Tony was perceptive, his eyes were sharp, and he rarely missed the details, no matter how hard Peter tried to hide them. Tony didn’t know about the cutting or the band. It was the one thing he’d kept from the man. Maybe he was a coward, but he didn’t want to see the disappointment in Tony’s eyes when he told him. Even though it hurt to lie, it was a necessary evil, a small price to pay for peace of mind.

Peter began to pack a bag, and he paused at the desk, his eyes locked on the drawer, and it wasn’t the bands that were calling him. Swallowing a lump of guilt, he opened it and reached into the back, finding the knife. Wrapping it in a sock, he tucked it into his bag, feeling a sickening twist of relief.

The ride to the lake house went quickly, and soon Happy was pulling into the secluded driveway. The weather was hot, so he was wearing short sleeves. Thankfully, there was no scarring from what he’d done before, and to anyone looking, it seemed like he’d collected a random rubber band. There was no hint that it was something more profound.

Morgan greeted him with a hug around his legs when he got out of the car, and Tony stood from the rocking chair on the porch and smiled. He had a glass of something that looked like lemonade in his hand.

Peter grabbed his bag and then let Morgan lead him into the house. The few times he’d stayed over, he was given the guest room near Tony’s and Peppers. He wiggled out of Morgan’s hold long enough to drop his bag and then followed her as she showed him her bug collection, something that he imagined Pepper wasn’t too excited about.

Pepper swept in with a smile and greeted Peter and collected a very disagreeable child for a bath. In all the chaos that was Morgan, he hadn’t thought of the band on his wrist, and maybe that was a good thing. He liked to think it was.

The sun was casting long shadows as it set against the trees at the end of the lake. Peter hadn’t seen Tony yet, other than to say hi as Morgan dragged him past. He thumbed the band on his wrist and walked out toward the garage, where Tony was probably hiding.

He knocked on the door to the garage, and Tony’s voice came from inside. “It’s open.”

Peter opened the door and blinked a few times at the dimmer lit room. His eyes didn’t really need to adjust much—spider powers and all. Tony wiped his hands on a shop towel, draping it over his shoulder after.

Peter might not have been avoiding him, but maybe he was scared to be around him. Between his memories of his nightmares, and fear Tony would somehow see through him, see how broken he was. He shouldn’t be depressed or struggling. He should be thankful and happy that he’d been given another chance and saved, but the only thing he felt was wrong. He didn’t feel like he fit like he used to. The world felt like it moved on without him. Perhaps it had.

Without thinking, his index finger hooked the band and snapped it. The little jolt brought him back into the moment, and the sting grounded him there, pushing away a bit of the storm that was brewing inside him.

When Peter blinked, he noticed Tony looking at his wrist, and Peter dropped his arms. He rubbed his palms against his jeans and tried not to shirt under Tony’s scrutiny.

“So, what you working on?” Peter asked, hoping to break the tension.

Tony seemed to shake himself out of whatever was on his mind and motioned to the workbench where Pepper’s Rescue armor lay. “Just upgrading a few things. Never can be too careful. Could come in useful again someday, though let’s hope not.”

Peter tried to hide the flinch at the mention of the final battle. “That’s cool. Do you need any help?”

Tony’s mouth twitched into a smile. “Yeah, of course. I can show you what I’ve done.”

They worked together in silence, Peter more watching that helping. He hadn’t been sleeping well, and it was finally wearing him down. He tried hard not to touch the band. It was already stupid to snap it once in front of Tony. It showed too much of his hand. He knew the man would begin looking for answers where Peter didn’t want to give them. He reassured himself, though, that at least he wasn’t cutting. He’d been doing well.

But not using the band in front of Tony or the rest of the family put him in a bad position. He couldn’t keep the urge in check and keep himself grounded. He felt a little like he was floating away. Tony’s words drifted past him, not really connecting. Maybe it was tiredness, or perhaps it was something more. Either way, he was having trouble pretending that he was okay and that his world wasn’t tilted and off-balanced. He knew the smile on his face rang hollow, and it scared him that Tony was too perceptive to miss it.

“Why don’t we go see what Pepper’s wrangled up for dinner?” Tony’s voice pulled him from his head.

He hadn’t noticed it, but he was thumbing the band again, so he stuffed his hand into his pocket.

“Yeah, yeah, that sounds great. Morgan’s probably looking for me again by now.”

Tony smiled, crinkling the corners of his eyes. “You’re a good brother, Peter. Thank you for that.”

Peter shook his head. “I should be thanking you.”

And he really felt he should. Tony had created time travel to bring them all back. It wasn’t his fault that Peter was broken and didn’t come back right.

Tony clapped a hand on Peter’s back. “I guess we should just call it even.”

Dinner went well. It was lasagna with garlic bread and a salad. Morgan ate the soft part of the bread but refused to eat the crust, she nibbled the lettuce like a rabbit, and spread her lasagna across her plate. He wasn’t really sure she ate much, but her giggling and chatter eased some of his nerves.

Every time he looked down at his wrist, though, he saw the band and thought of what he’d done, then looked at Morgan and felt a wave of shame and guilt. She deserved better than a brother who hurt himself because he couldn’t cope any other way. And he was scared, too, worried that his darkness would somehow rub off on her, contaminating her. What if she learned what he did and followed down the same path?

Dinner sat heavy in his stomach after that thought, and he excused himself from the table, earning a concerned look from Tony. Peter tried to give him a weak smile and reassure him, but he knew it fell flat.

“Are you sure you’re feeling okay, honey?” Pepper asked, looking ready to stand and press a hand to his forehead. He appreciated the kindness.

Peter nodded, his lips stretched in a thin smile. “I’m just drained. I haven’t been able to sleep the last few nights—no, it’s nothing to worry about—just been up studying. My own fault.”

Tony’s eyes searched his face for something, but then he let out a breath and nodded. “Get some rest, kid. We can go swimming tomorrow.”

“I can do a cannonball!” Morgan announced.

Peter’s smile got a little warmer. “That’s great, Mo. I can’t wait to see.”

“You sure you don’t want to stay up with me? We’re gonna watch the Lion King again.”

Peter ruffled her hair. “I’ll watch something with you tomorrow. I promise.” He waved at the table and excused himself.

When he got to his room, he closed the door, leaning back against it as his shoulders fell. He sagged against the wood, running a hand over his face. Coming to the lake house had been a bad idea. He should have stayed home, where he couldn’t spread his disease. He didn’t need to infect others.

The worst of it was that he wanted to cut, and his day hadn’t been that bad. Maybe that made him even weaker. He couldn’t even handle day to day life without feeling like he had to hurt himself. It wasn’t how healthy people reacted. He was a freak.

He didn’t want to snap the band, he just wanted to be better, but what else could he do? He glanced across the room at his backpack, and the knife he knew was wrapped up inside. Tony would never know. If he was careful, he could hide it. They weren’t expecting him to leave him room until morning, and by then, everything would be healed.

No, he couldn’t. He crossed the room to his bed and laid down. He would sleep through the urge. He needed to be better.

Peter kneeled on the ground, his knife in his hand, pressing to his arm, blood dribbled down his wrist, and dripping on the grass. He was at the lake house, in front of the porch, and Morgan was watching him, a knife of her own held in her small hands. She watched his movements, then looked at her arm and began to cut like Peter. He wanted to stop her, to scream no, but he couldn’t find his voice.

Peter woke with a start, clutching the sheets and panting for breath. It was dark except for the crisp moonlight cutting through the window. His stomach churned of the memory of Morgan’s chubby little fingers wrapped around the knife. The edges of his vision began to darken as he struggled to breathe, spots dancing. Bile rose in his throat, bitter-tasting on the back of his tongue.

He blindly felt around his wrist for the band and began snapping it, but the sting wasn’t enough to ground him, though it did help a little. The skin started to get sore, but he kept going, finding a steady rhythm.

His heart began to slow, and his breathing settled, but he needed air. The walls still felt too close, too confining. If he were back home, he’d go to the roof. Tossing back his blanket, he slipped from the bed and walked barefoot out of his room and down the stairs. He was careful to walk quietly so as not to wake anyone up. He went out the back door and onto the porch, sitting down on the bench and looking out over the water. The moon’s light reflected over the surface, causing ripples of light that stretched across the lake.

Instead of snapping the band, he began to dig his thumbnail into his arm. He needed it, just for a minute. It would stop the spiral and let him breathe. The pain grew, the harder he pushed, and blood started to bubble up. It looked black in the moonlight and oddly satisfying.

His eyes fell closed only to snap open when he heard the door.

“Pete?” It was Tony. He was dressed in sweats with a tank.

Peter tried to shift his arm and hide the blood trail that marked his arm, but it only made it that more obvious. Shame crashed over him, and his heart began beating out of his chest.

“It’s not what it looks like.” Peter’s voice broke over the words.

Tony’s eyes were on the small river of blood leading toward his wrist. His gaze broke away from it to meet Peter’s, and it took everything Peter had not to shrink under the intensity. He didn’t look angry. That would have been easier. No, Tony looked worried and hurt, which was so much worse.

Maybe seeing Peter struggling, Tony’s expression softened even more, and he sat down beside Peter, looking out over the lake.

“You did it to yourself.” And it wasn’t really a question. Tony was telling him.

Peter looked at the water, frowning. The blood on his arm was drying, and the small wound was already closing. There was no point in lying, and if Peter was honest, he didn’t want to lie. He carried enough—he didn’t have room for lies, too.

“Yeah,” Peter breathed, feeling a weight lift.

He could see Tony nod beside him, and they sat in silence for a little longer, the water lapping the shore the only sound.

“How long?”

That wasn’t an easy question. Had he ever gotten better, or had he just tricked himself into believing he had? Was this something he would ever heal from?

“After Ben.” Peter’s voice was a hoarse whisper. “And then after the battle, after coming back. I—I don’t think I came back right, ya know?”

Tony looked at him, and Peter dared a quick glance. Tony’s eyes dropped to the blood, and then he looked out over the water again, so Peter did, too.

“Why didn’t you come to me? I should’ve—I knew something was going on. The rubber band, right?”

“Yeah, uh, it’s a coping thing?” It came out like a question, and he wasn’t sure why. Maybe because it failed to work when he needed it. “May knows,” he added, not really sure why.

“Do you we—what do we do here? Do you need to talk? I feel like I should be angry, but I don’t want to be, kid. I just want you to be okay. I feel like I dropped the ball. Can I ask—can I ask why?”

Peter sucked in a breath, fisting his hands in his lap. “I don’t know, I guess. It wasn’t something I set out to do. It just happened one day, and then I couldn’t stop, but it’s not like before. I used to be worse, I guess. I’ve only really done it once since coming back, for real anyway.”

Tony sucked in a breath. “Is it always just scratching? That’s what you did tonight, right? It looked like you did it yourself.”

Something inside Peter tightened. He didn’t like talking about this, but he didn’t want to lie. Maybe it would help to talk about it. “Um, no, I mean, sometimes—I have a knife.”

Peter chanced a look at Tony and saw he had gone still.

“Did you bring it with you?” There was something Peter couldn’t place in his tone, and it made his stomach knot.

“I, uh … It’s in my bag. I wasn’t going to use it here.” He felt like he should explain. “I wouldn’t do that. I just—it made me feel better having it. Just in case.”

Toy made a noise of acknowledgment, then sucked in another breath. “Okay, well. I’m going to need that.”

Peter swallowed; his palms were sweaty now. “Yeah, I understand.”

“And I’m talking to May about this. We are going to get you some therapy, something. I lost you once. I can’t—I won’t lose you again.” There was a finality to his tone, and Peter knew better than to argue.

“I really am sorry.”

Tony looked at him, then wrapped his arm around his shoulders, pulling him into his side. “Don’t apologize for this. Yeah, I don’t want you hurting yourself, and I don’t really understand, or maybe I do. I don’t know. I just—it’s not your fault. We’ll figure this out. You’re not alone.”

Tears blurred Peter’s vision, and he slipped his arms around Tony’s waist, burying his face in his chest. “I don’t want to be like this.”

“I know, kiddo. I know. I promise we’ll figure this out. We just need to take this one day at a time.”

Tony rubbed a hand up and down Peter’s back, and they stayed huddled together until the sky began to lighten, and Peter’s neck started to ache. He rubbed his eyes, sitting up and looking out over the lake.

Red and orange painted the horizon as the sun crested the mountains in the distance. Morgan and Pepper would be up soon, and he needed to clean himself up. The dried blood on his arm was still there, flaking away, but the crescent-shaped cut from his nail was gone.

Tony rubbed his back a little more and took his arm from around Peter and rubbed his eyes. Peter couldn’t help but notice how tired he looked now.

“I think we know what we need,” Tony said, looking away from the sunrise to Peter. “Waffles. Iron Man waffles. They’re like magic, can fix anything.”

Peter knew waffles weren’t going to fix anything, but he still found a smile tugging at his lips. “I can’t believe you buy your own merch.”

“I’ll have you know, Rhodey bought the waffle maker.” He tipped his head to the side. “Now the shower curtain, that’s another thing. I can’t help it. I like how I look.”

Peter huffed a laugh, absently fingering the band. “I should probably go get washed up before Morgan wakes up.”

“You okay?” Tony’s eyes were full of concern.

He looked at the blood on his arm. “You know, I don’t think I am, but I’d like to be.”

Tony nodded, nudging his shoulder into Peter. “It’s okay not to be, but, Pete, I need you to bring the knife down.”

He looked out at the water and then at Tony. “Yeah, that’s probably for the best. Do I really need to talk to someone? What about, you know, Spider-Man?”

“Let me take care of that. I’ll find someone we can trust. You’ll tell me if it gets bad, right? Until we find someone, I need to know you’re safe.”

“Yeah, the, uh, the band helps, but if it gets bad, I’ll try to tell you. I just—it’s not always the easiest thing. I don’t always think things through.”

Tony drew a deep breath. “Okay, I guess I’ll take what I can get. Enough with the heavy stuff. Why don’t you go clean up and get the thing we talked about, and I’ll go warm up the waffle iron.”

Peter nodded. “Yeah, that sounds good.”

He knew things wouldn’t be instantly better, and he knew waffles wouldn’t fix the pain, but maybe it was the first step to making things better, a soothing balm over a raw wound. He didn’t need to hide anymore, and he wasn’t alone. Help was waiting. He just needed to reach out and take it.

#tw:self harm #irondad #peter parker #tony stark #marvel #hurt/comfort #snark writes

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aperrywilliams · 4 years

Text

A Normal Conversation Ch19 (Spencer Reid x Maxine Brenner)

(Not my gif!)

Masterlist - Requests

Ch01 Ch02 Ch03 Ch04 Ch05 Ch06 Ch07 Ch08 Ch09 Ch10 Ch11 Ch12 Ch13 Ch14 Ch15 Ch16 Ch17 Ch18 Ch19

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Summary: Spencer woke up from his unconscious condition. Max and the team take rounds to check his recovery process. Max is still confused about the dream she had and something that Spencer said when he woke up. Spencer noticed Max behavior is not the same and started to worry about.

Word Count: 4392.

Rating: Teen and Up Audience. Some angst. Some fluff too.

Warnings: Not really. Some angst feelings. Too much overthinking.

A/N: Even though I don't like the Maeve’s Arc, I couldn't help included it in the story. This should make more sense in the next chapters.

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Chapter 19: Hospital bed

When Diana left the room, Spencer felt exhausted and closed his eyes to nap a while. Penelope, who was sitting in one of the chairs, saw him and thought indeed he would go back to sleep. After a few minutes Spencer suddenly opened his eyes again and asking for Penelope.

"Garcia...?" he asked in a weak voice. "I need my phone..." he added.

“No sir, how is that you need your phone? No way. You are in no condition... "

"I need to call her..." Spencer tried to say before Garcia interrupted him.

"She is here," Garcia hastened to reply. “She went to the cafeteria when your mom came to see you. Through the surgery she was with us and before you woke up she went out to talk on the phone. She said she would come back in a little while to see how you were doing. Poor girl, you would have seen her when she got here. She will be very happy to know that you are awake. You almost killed her with this!..."

"I didn't mean to..." Spencer tried to say in a tired voice.

“Yes, she knows it too. But I think you'll have to return her well. So you can go thinking of something good!”. Spencer managed to draw a faint smile on his face. He felt weak. Still dizzy. Reid just realized that he was on this side of the world and not the other. Despite that, he didn't want to fall asleep without seeing Max first. He needed even to be able to say something to her.

Penelope saw Max approach the room. Garcia got up without saying anything to Spencer and went out into the hall to talk to her. Max looked at her with worried eyes.

"No, no, don't panic. It's okay. He's fine. He woke up recently”. Max breathed a sigh of relief.

"And his mother? What did the doctors say?" Max asked.

“Diana returned to the residence. Will be back tomorrow. The doctors said they will continue the tests, but it is a good sign he has woken up." Garcia put her hand on Max's shoulder to calm her down. "Max, our boy genius returned... and wants to see you."

"Is he conscious?" Max asked nervously.

“Oh yes, he is. Boy Genius was asking me for his phone to call you”. Max breathed a sigh of relief as she shook her head. She wanted to get in, but she wanted to compose herself first. Max didn't want to look a nervous wreck to Spencer.

“Come in, I'll go make some calls and find the rest of the team. Take your time”. Max nodded, took a deep breath, and walked into the room. Max didn't know how she was going to react when she saw him again. She approached slowly and saw that Spencer's eyes were closed. Max leaned a little closer and took his hand. He opened his eyes and saw her. A faint smile spread across his face. Max felt like his heart was going to jump out of her chest.

"Hey..." Spencer said in a tired voice. Max smiled back at him and leaned down and placed a soft kiss on his forehead.

"Hey... how are you feeling?" He squeezed her hand.

"Still dizzy... I don't know... my head hurts..." Spencer replied.

"It's natural, you just woke up from your surgery" Max said softly.

"Internal bleeding…?" he asked to confirm his theory about what was happening to him.

"Yes, that's what the doctors said." Max stroked Spencer's hand she was holding and with the other she touched his forehead and hair. “But the important thing is that you must relax. That will make everything work better."

"Max… I wanted…" Spencer said in a whisper.

"Don’t. Better not speak yet, you have to regain your energy first.” Max tried to stop him but Spencer ignored her.

"I came back. I decided… to come back…” Spencer mumbled in a low, almost imperceptible voice. With eyes shut. Max stopped breathing for a second. Wasn't it a dream?

"Spencer... please...". Max was confused.

"Let me... say just one thing... please...". Reid insisted.

"I don’t know what you're talking about…". Spencer swallowed with a bit of difficulty.

“You went looking for me and I rejected you. Forgive me… I don't know why I hesitated… I… I…”. Spencer said visibly shocked and dizzy without knowing much else to say. Could he tell her the real reason? Still his mind was confusing him between what he saw or dreamed. He could well be rambling on about things that were only in his imagination. But what was real for him was feeling guilty for making Max suffer.

“Spencer, please… you are still affected by the anesthesia. Take it easy. You were very bad, that scared us all. But we have you back…”. She hesitated a bit before continuing. "... I have you back." Spencer smiled and watched as tears rolled down her cheeks. She noticed and saw that he wanted to say something. "Don’t say anything, they are tears of happiness. Blame it on my nerves."

"Will you stay with me until I fall asleep?"

"Of course. I'll be here" she said smiling.

"Thank you ..." Spencer replied almost in a whisper. Without letting go of Max's hand, he closed his eyes and began to fall asleep. Max without letting go either, took the chair that was next to the bed and pulled it closer. She sat there while stroking Spencer's hand. It was a short time before she realized Reid was completely asleep.

Max could notice how Spencer's breathing deepened and slowed as he slept. Without releasing his hand, she leaned back in the chair and dropped her head back, staring at the ceiling. She really felt relieved, but she still felt her body shaking. The last time she was in a hospital it was with her mother dying. That memory made her eyes fill with tears again. She tried to control her breathing to calm herself. This time it was different and Spencer would be fine... at least she hoped. At least that was what mattered now. Her mother had also told her in the dream. After all this passed she would think about whether an "us" was still possible for them.

She had fallen asleep with Spencer's hand taken and her head resting on the mattress of the bed. Max startled when Penelope touched her shoulder to wake her up. It was already morning and Garcia had returned with the team to see how Reid was. Max managed to open her eyes and getting up from the chair, she slowly released Spencer's hand to prevent him from waking up. She and Penelope went out into the hall to meet the team.

"Max, how is Spence?" JJ was the first to speak.

“He had a good night. He is sleep now... at midnight a nurse came to check on him. They injected him with some medicine and he didn't realize it. Then at about 4:00 am another nurse came and repeated the same procedure. The doctor will come around 10:00 am… what time is it…? It was obvious that Max was still sleepy.

"It's already 8:00... a little more" said Matt.

"I see you stayed all night… have you eaten something?" Emily asked.

"No... since yesterday ..." Max mused.

"No, that's not right ..." Tara stated.

"I have an idea..." Emily said again. “With Tara and Penelope we join to you so you can eat something and the rest can stay with Spencer while the doctor comes to see him. Then you could go home for a while to rest. You need to sleep. Then you can come back a little more recovered”. Max nodded.

"Okay. I'm going to get my things. She went back into the room to take her purse. With one hand she stroked Spencer's forehead and hair, unaware that he was waking up.

"Max…?" Spencer asked.

"Yes, here I am... relax, you must rest" she whispered in his ear.

"Are you leaving?"

"Just a few hours. Your team came to see you and I'm a mess, I need to eat something, take a bath, those things..."

"You will come back?"

"Silly, of course I do. But don't worry, you're not going to be alone, you won't be able to miss me," she said trying to joke. Spencer smiled.

"I feel like I miss you already... and you haven't left" Spencer murmured between awake and asleep at the same time.

"Dr. Reid, don't get romantic now." Max reached over and gave him a soft kiss on the lips. "I come back soon. I promise".

Max left the room and went with Tara and Emily to the cafeteria. JJ and Luke stepped in the room and Matt stayed outside. Upon entering, JJ approached Spencer and spoke in a soft voice so as not to disturb him.

"Hello Spence. We came with the team to see how you felt. You don't need to speak... "

"Uhm ..." Spencer muttered who was still asleep. JJ sat in the same chair where Max had been during the night and guard his sleep for at least an hour until Spencer was suddenly fully awake and conscious.

"JJ!... Lynch..." he said trying to get up so he could speak better. JJ stopped him by getting up from her chair.

“We know it, we knew it. But now it's over. Lynch is dead,” she assured him.

"How…?"

"That does not matter now. The important thing is that it’s over and that you are better…”. Spencer calmed down again and laid his head back on the pillows.

"Did you talk to Max? ..." Spencer said softly.

“Yes, she told us how you had spent the night and the nurses' rounds. The poor thing stayed here all night ”.

"JJ, is it true that I almost…?" Spencer wasn't able to finish the question.

"Oh Spence... I don't know, but the scare you gave us was terror."

"Who found me ...?"

"Penelope and I..."

"How long was I ...?" JJ covered her face with both hands trying not to cry.

"Spencer, I’m so sorry. We found you the next morning when we found out you hadn't come to work and Lynch was still alive. You were alone all night. I'm never going to forgive myself for that…”. Spencer swallowed hard. That he was alive was apparently a… miracle? But he did not believe in miracles.

"It's my fault ... I didn't want to be checked" he said to try to make JJ feel better although a bitter feeling stuck in his chest. He thought he remembered Foyet sympathizing with him at his impending loneliness.

He tried to sit up to be a little more comfortable. JJ arranged some pillows behind his head.

“Even so I should have insisted. Lastly, having told Max to come see you…”. There was a silence in which you could still hear some sobs from JJ

"JJ... I saw them..." Spencer said at one point. She looked up at him.

"Who... did you see ...?" she asked fearfully.

"Guideon ... Strauss ... Foyet ... and...". A little sigh tore his chest. "Maeve... and... JJ I was about to go with her." Tears welled up in Spencer's eyes as JJ was in shock.

“Spence, stop it. Don't go on, this is not doing you any good…" said JJ

"I have to tell someone, please." She nodded and took his hand.

"Okay, but please don't be disturbed..." begged JJ

“I don't know what happened… at first… when I saw her, I was so convinced that I wanted to go with her… but I think her own words dissuaded me…”

"What did she say?"

"That the world was a place worth being..." Spencer recalled with a blank look.

"Did you believe her?"

“I think so… I thought about my mom, about the team, about Max. I suppose that is why I am here now…”. There was a silence that was broken when the doctor entered the room.

"Good morning Dr. Reid, how are you feeling today?" She walked over to the medical chart hanging on the bed and checked it.

"I'm dizzy and my head hurts a little..." Spencer replied.

“Yes, that is normal and it should decrease with the hours and days. Anyway now we are going to do some additional scans to monitor your progress. Spencer nodded. Two orderlies entered and moved his bed into the hallway and took Reid to his medical tests. When the bed left the hallway, Luke, Matt, Tara and Emily approached, who had eaten with Max and then sent her in a taxi home.

"How did you find him?" Emily asked JJ

"Physically he looks a lot better... but..."

"But…?" Prentiss questioned.

"Emily, I think we really came within minutes of losing him." JJ almost broke her voice saying that. Tara held her for a few seconds. Prentiss made her worried face.

"What do you mean with that?" Luke asked.

"I'm not sure... but I think he had 'an experience'...". Prentiss knew exactly what JJ was referring to so he set her aside for a second.

"Who did he see?" Emily asked once they were out of the ears of the rest.

“Guideon, Strauss… Foyet. It must have been awful..."

"Someone else?" Prentiss inquired. JJ nodded.

"Maeve. Emily... he told me that he was about to go with her…"

"Our poor Spence and his ghosts coming back for him..." Emily wailed. “Do you think Max knows this?”

"I don’t think so. You already know Spencer"

"Well, he will have to tell her sooner or later"

"I hope it's sooner rather than later" JJ replied.

When Spencer returned to his room, the rotating visits started. He looked better than in the morning. This is how Luke and Matt hung out with him for a while. Then Tara and Penelope. Then it was Emily and JJ's turn.

"Where is Rossi?" Spencer asked.

With Kristal. He has a leg injury thanks to Lynch” Prentiss confirmed.

"What happened?"

Emily told Spencer about the events of that fateful day. Kristal's abduction and how Rossi had to finally confront Lynch.

"Did you blow up the jet???!!!..." Spencer expressed in disbelief.

"Don't remind me, in the next bureau meeting I'll have to give a lot of explanations" grumbled Emily.

"Wow, why do I miss these things..." Spencer thought still surprised.

"Because you're a stubborn Spencer," Emily claimed. "If you had let yourself be checked, you would not have flown with us." Spencer just sighed.

"Okay. I know. Are you going to suspend me?" Spencer asked.

“Me? No sir, not at all. But I will force you to take a long leave and I hope this time you will listen to me”. Spencer just shrugged. He knew he deserved that scolding. JJ was behind Emily and seconded all her words.

"Are you on her side now?" Spencer asked looking at JJ

“It's the most prudent thing to do. Spence, a leave won't hurt you. On the contrary”.

It was after 4:00 p.m. and Max had returned to the hospital. She peeked into Spencer's room and saw him sitting on the bed. That lit up her face. He looked clearly more refreshed. He saw her arrive and gave her a welcoming smile.

"You really came back..." Spencer said.

"I promised you," replied Max smiling. "And I told you that you were not going to have time to miss me."

"You don't know that..." Spencer declared, shaking his head. Prentiss looked at JJ and motioned for they leave the room.

“Well, we are leaving… we still have federal bureaucracy to close this case. Take care, Spence. Tomorrow we will come to see you again” Prentiss pointed out. Emily and JJ gave Spencer a hug and then Max before they left the room completely.

“You look much better than in the morning. What did your doctor say?" Max asked as she walked over to Spencer's side.

"We have to wait for the tests, but she told me that she saw an improvement and in a few more days I should feel better and I could go home". Spencer affirmed, reaching out one of his arms to take Max's hand.

"Does your head still hurt?" Max with his free hand tried to sort Spencer's hair that was on his face.

"No, not now…" Spencer muttered, shaking his head.

"I'm glad to hear that…". Max's voice sounded serious and her eyes looked worried. Spencer noticed it immediately.

"Max, what's wrong? Why do you have that face?"

"I don't know... I think I still have my stomach stuck in my throat... I really was very scared." Spencer started stroking Max’s hand with the pad of his thumb.

“Hey… everything's fine now. I just have to take care of myself, but everything is fine... okay? I don't want to see you like this..."

“Spencer, I am the worst girlfriend you could have. I still don't know how I didn't realize that something was wrong…”. Max protested with visible anger towards herself.

"You had no way of knowing... I was not prudent either..."

"And what does that leave us?... Now I have to believe in miracles?... No Spencer. That is not right".

"I would believe in anything just to be grateful for having this opportunity to be here with you again...". Spencer lifted his linked hand and kissed it softly.

"Please don't do this to me again..." Max begged.

"I promise. Really Max, I never wanted to scare you like that"

"I know. I know. It's just my stomach clenches thinking about all the hours of waiting without any news…"

"I’m sorry. I know you don't like hospitals..."

“I was not going to stop being here for that. Although now I think that with the amount of visits you have received today, I should let you rest" Max pointed out.

"Are you going to leave?... you just arrived". Spencer complained.

“No, I won’t leave. I just think you should sleep. I brought some books to keep you company"

"I'm glad you brought reading, but that's not what you will do now...". Spencer assured.

"Oh no? And what will I do now?" Max asked curiously.

“You will sit next to me in this uncomfortable hospital bed and cuddle with me. I miss your cuddles…”. Spencer said pouting.

"Do you really want me to do that?... what happened to the aversion to displays of affection in public?" Max jested.

"Are you going to argue with your ill boyfriend?... too bad Miss Brenner" Spencer said teasing Max.

"I could go right now so we wouldn't have to argue…" Max mused jokingly as well.

"If you do that I am able to get up and run after you in this hospital gown," Reid warned.

" Uhmm, sexy" Max replied with a wicked smile.

"Come here…". Reid pulled Max's hand he was holding and caused her body to collapse onto the hospital bed next to him, dropping her back onto his lap.

"What are you doing?... Spencer, stop..." Max said giggling. Spencer leaned down and with one of his arms under her neck lifted her to meet her lips with his. Thus they began an intense kiss. Reid pulled Max closer to his body, taking her hips with one of his hands. When they pulled away to breathe, they both opened their eyes and looked at each other with a smile that neither could erase from their faces.

"Uhm ... much better" Reid said satisfied with his accomplishment.

"I can't believe what you just did…" Max said, feigning annoyance.

“Don't be offended… but you threw me on the grass with a running watering sprinkles the day we met. That was not nice of you." Max started laughing.

"Okay, okay. So you don't say that I don't do anything for you”. Max got up from the bed for a moment to sit down again but now next to Spencer, pulling him towards her body. He without protesting rested his head on Max's chest as she wrapped her arms around his torso. Spencer hummed in complete satisfaction. "Better this way?" Max asked.

"Perfect," Spencer replied. They fell silent, Spencer could hear Max's heartbeat and that relaxed him. Max came to think he had fallen asleep.

"I'm sorry" came out of Reid's mouth from one moment to the next.

"And why is that?" Max asked as she stroked Spencer's back with her fingers.

"I had been distant these last days…" he mumbled.

“You don't have to apologize for that. You were working…”. Max pointed out in matter-of-fact tone.

“Even so, we haven’t be together so much in the last couple of weeks. I missed you”. Spencer whispered muffling his words in Max’s chest.

"Someone is in need of affection today," Max joked.

"Have you not missed me?" Spencer questioned.

"Of course I do! And even more so if you were about to scare us to death!" Max complained.

"I promise to make it up to you for that," Reid assured.

"Uhm ..." was Max's reply. She didn't seem very convinced about it.

"And what was that?" Spencer asked curiously.

"Nothing" answered Max. Spencer knew Max wasn't saying something.

"I don't think it's 'nothing'. I would like to know”. Spencer tried to push Max to say what she was thinking.

“No. You don’t… and really, it’s doesn’t matter”. Max didn't want to talk about the waiting hours or the dream she had. Nor about Spencer's words when he first woke up.

“Max. I know is something bothering you…”. Spencer insisted as he kissed her collarbone.

“It’s not a big deal, really Spencer. Now we have more important issues to care of”

"Yeah?”

“Yeah. We need to get you out of here. To improve your condition. To take you home for a full recovering”

“I’m feeling okay...”

“Sure you do. But is not enough. You know... your body needs a break time to time”. Max pointed out while still rubbing Spencer's back and from time to time playing with the curls of his hair.

“Hey, I’m the doctor here...” Spencer joked.

“I’m serious Spencer...” Max frowned.

“I know. I’m sorry. I just wanted light the mood”

“We worry for you... I worry about you”

“That’s what you don’t want to tell me?”

“What?”

“I know you worry about me. But there is something else… I know there is something else”

“Are you going to keep pushing?” Max complained.

“Stubborn, remember?”

“We are going to talk about it, but not now. Do you trust me?” asked Max kissing the top of his head.

“I do” Spencer stated confidently.

“So, trust me. Nothing important to talk about in this moment”

“Okay. I guess when you will be ready you will tell me...”. Spencer sighed defeated. If he was stubborn, Max was too.

They were silent again. Now it was Max who might have fallen asleep at that moment. But Reid was apparently was eager to talk.

“So... you met my mom”. Spencer started the conversation again.

“Yeah, I did” Max replied.

“Did you guys talked?”

“Sort of”... “Well. The mood was not so chatty you know? But she seemed a great woman. She loves you so much. She was devastated seeing you in this bed”

“Yeah, I could guess she did. What did she say when you told her who you are?”

“Ehm... nothing particular”. Max began to feel uncomfortable. Would she have to tell him that she didn't even introduce herself 'properly' to his mother?

“Non?... you sure?”. Reid was puzzled.

“Yeah... why do you ask?”

“I’m sorry... maybe she forgot”. That was the most logical reason he could think of why his mom hadn't recognized Max.

“What?”. Now it was Max who was confused.

“I told her about you but she must forgot…” Spencer mumbled.

“Did you?... did you talk about me to her?”

“Of course I did. You thought I didn’t because she didn’t recognize you?”... “Max, I’m sorry, you know she has Alzheimer…”

“I know. That’s not my point. Just I couldn’t tell if she really didn’t recognize me...”

“Why is that?”

“Ahm... well... maybe I didn’t tell her exactly who I’m. Let’s say I didn’t tell her any at all” Max said with a grimace.

“But… why not?”. Spencer didn't understand why Max had done that.

“I don’t know. Maybe I thought you didn’t mention about me to her...”

“But Max... you’re my girlfriend, why could I keep hide that from my mom?”

“I... I don’t know. You are always busy, you see her no so frequently... it’s not that important anyway”. Max shrugged.

“It’s to me. You’re right I don’t see her that much but I write her letters, you know? Always I do that, and of course I wrote about you to her. She knows...”. Spencer raised his head to meet Max's eyes.

“Now I feel stupid. I didn’t even say my name to her…”. Max tried to avoid eye contact with Reid.

“I don’t understand why you did that... what is it Max?...”

Max couldn’t reply because at that moment, Spencer's doctor entered the room.

“Good afternoon Dr. Reid. I see you’re feeling better”. Max jumped off the bed.

“Yeah. I really do. Thank...thank you”.

“Good to hear it. Now we need to take some blood tests and another scanner”. Doctor said nonchalantly.

“Oh... okay”. Reid replied.

“Your girlfriend could stay here meanwhile. It’s not a problem”

“Thank you” Max mumbled.

“You’ll stay? Right?” Reid asked to Max.

“I promise, I’ll do”

Spencer started to worry. Not for the blood tests nor the scanner. He worried for Max’s last behavior. She looks more distant about some topics. There is something bother her and she won’t tell him about. She met his mother and didn’t tell her who she was. What changed? He in the hospital could be a trigger for strange behavior? Maybe. Even so for the time they knew each other he could tell something happened. He is not going to push her right now but he made a mental note about it. They need to talk about it sooner than later.

As the stretcher pulled away he gave Max a smile. She handed him another. Were they in this together? Apparently yes, but something Spencer was missing and it began to haunt his head. Had he done something wrong without knowing it?

———————

#spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid #maxine brenner #maxcer #criminal minds #spencer reid angst #spencer reid fluff #dr. spencer reid

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cheemerthelizard · 4 years

Text

Crusader of Life 2: Chapter 10

Jotaro had called Kakyoin over to help him give the news to Josuke that his father, Joseph Joestar, was going all the way to Morioh to help them with the Stand user crisis. Of course, Red Hot Chili Pepper still has a couple of tricks up his sleeve, and one of them is sure to work.

Walking on Sunshine was carefully watching over her sleeping user. She felt awful, since she was the reason Emily was like this, and she wanted to do everything in her power to make her feel better.

“Sunshine?” Kakyoin gently opened the door, holding a glass of water. “Here. Drink this. It’s important Emily drinks water, and whatever you do will affect her, as well. If you drink it, Emily can stay hydrated without having to wake up.”

“Okay,” Sunshine said, taking the water and drinking some of it.

“Now, I’m going to be away for a few hours. Mommy will still be here, though. Take care of Emily while I’m gone, okay?”

“Okay,” Sunshine nodded.

“I love you.”

“Love you, too.”

As Kakyoin closed the door again, Walking on Sunshine went back to caring for Emily. She was doing better, now that it had been about a week, but was still slightly feverish and more tired than usual. She could do things around the town, though, so that was good, but not for long before she was drained of energy. She was still not allowed to activate Sunshine’s power.

Emily started slowly opening her eyes, allowing her Stand to leave its manifested form. The memory of her dad hugging Sunshine and saying goodbye was made her own, so she knew where he was.

“Hey, kid.”

Emily turned to the sound of an unknown voice. There, she saw a bird-like thing emerging from an electric socket. It looked like it was made of electricity, too, with its yellow sparks all around its body.

“Hey,” it said again. “I can cure your sickness, you know. Just let me see your hands.”

“Mommy said not to talk to strangers,” Emily told it, backing away.

“I’m not a stranger, your mom knows me. That’s why I’m in your hotel room.”

“Let me ask her.”

“No, no, she’s busy right now!” the bird thing exclaimed, then quickly regained composure. “You don’t want to interrupt her, do you?”

If Red Hot Chili Pepper could take out the child, the most gullible of them all, then her parents would be stricken with grief, and might actually take his threats seriously. All he needed to do was get that little girl close enough to him, and take her into the power lines where she could be burned to a crisp.

“Okay,” Emily agreed. She slowly approached the bird thing, outstretching her hand. Closer. Closer…

“Emily, no! Get away from him!” Lily shouted. When did she open the door? “He’s dangerous!”

If Chili Pepper was going to act, it had to be now. He grabbed Emily’s hand, and pulled the rest of her body close to his.

“Mommy!” Emily cried. “Help me!”

Before Lily had time to reach him, Chili Pepper dived back into the power socket. Little Emily was screaming in pain. He had no time to stick around to see Lily’s reaction, though. After all, Okuyasu was going to be leaving soon. He had to make it to the bike’s battery. Once he could get there, everything would fall into place.

***

“Jotaro!” Kakyoin called. He ran to catch up to his old friend.

“I can’t believe that old geezer is still trying to travel at his age,” Jotaro grumbled. “I only came here in his place, and now he’s coming anyway.”

“He probably wants to see his son for the first time,” Kakyoin said. “Plus, this search for Chili Pepper’s user has gone on long enough. Hermit Purple will definitely help us find him.”

“I guess you’re right. How’s Emily been?”

“She’s steadily getting better. She should be completely fine by the time we leave.”

“That’s good.”

“Anyway, how do you think Josuke will take the news? You know, the fact that his dad is coming all the way down here, and he’ll finally get to meet him?”

“I’m hoping he takes it well.”

“Josuke! Why didn’t you tell me that he appeared? You know how I feel about Red Hot Chili Pepper!” Okuyasu yelled.

“Looks like they’ve already arrived,” Kakyoin observed.

“I asked him not to say anything,” Jotaro answered Okuyasu’s question. “Chili Pepper has been hiding in the power lines, and if we were to say anything, he might have been able to hear us.”

Meanwhile, hiding in Okuyasu’s bike battery, Chili Pepper was hearing everything. He heard Kakyoin’s voice, which meant his plan could play out, he heard about how they figured out that he was spying on them, which Josuke already knew, but most importantly, he heard about an old geezer who had the ability to find out who he was. Even better, it sounded like it was Josuke’s father.

“That’s why I asked all of you to come out here instead of discussing it in the city,” Jotaro told the three of them. “So that Chili Pepper couldn’t hear us.”

“Oh, I’ve heard quite enough,” Chili Pepper emerged from Okuyasu’s bike, holding a dead girl in his arms.

“He heard the whole thing?” Kakyoin exclaimed.

“I sure did,” Chili Pepper chuckled. “Oh, and Kakyoin, I think this belongs to you.” He tossed the girl’s body to Kakyoin, revealing a face the man knew all too well.

“Emily!” Kakyoin’s heart shattered in that moment. His daughter’s body was charred from electricity, with a face that matched the agony she must have been through. His knees buckled from beneath him, leaving him kneeling on the ground, sobbing into the burnt shirt that Emily died in.

Jotaro couldn’t imagine what that must have been like. Even if he hadn’t seen her that often, if his own daughter were to die such a horrific death, he would never forgive himself for what happened. He watched as his friend continued crying, taking in some of the extra sadness that just wouldn’t fit in Kakyoin’s body.

However, he was not prepared for that immense grief to be suddenly replaced with a burning rage. Any ounce of sadness that was left was replaced with anger. Pure, raw anger.

“You…”

Hierophant’s strings started going wild, whipping around Kakyoin before finally shooting out to catch up with the runaway bike, along with Okuyasu.

“You’ll pay for what you did!”

Jotaro had been through a lot with Kakyoin. In that moment, he remembered everything that his friend had experienced: an intense headache in a burning sun, the sheer pain of being punched through the abdomen, even the brink of insanity telling him to kill a baby. But never, not once in his life, had he seen Kakyoin so enraged. Red Hot Chili Pepper made a grave mistake.

Kakyoin gently laid down his daughter’s dead body, then shot forward from Hierophant grabbing on to the bike. He slowly reeled himself in, and before Chili Pepper knew it, Kakyoin was standing right beside Okuyasu, his face carrying the same fiery expression.

“I’ll scrape you away!” Okuyasu exclaimed. He summoned The Hand, swiping down and taking a little bit of the world with it. Unfortunately, he wasn’t fast enough to take down Chili Pepper, who zipped away just in time.

“You think your hand is faster than me?” Chili Pepper cackled. “With that speed, you’ll never get anywhere close to me!”

“I wasn’t aiming for you,” Okuyasu scoffed. “I was aiming for the bike!”

Suddenly, the bike stopped rolling, and it pummeled into the ground, leaving Chili Pepper with nowhere to run, a dying power source, and two furious Stand users.

“I’ll hold him down, and you beat him to a pulp!” Kakyoin shouted as Hierophant’s strings wrapped around Chili Pepper.

“Kakyoin! Okuyasu!” Jotaro called. “Wait for us to get down there before you do anything rash!”

“Did you really think your Hierophant Green could stop me?” Chili Pepper chuckled. Suddenly, it let out a burst of electricity, making Hierophant instantly let go. Kakyoin had burn marks in various places, mostly in a striped pattern.

“Okuyasu, I know you want to kill me,” Chili Pepper smirked. “Why don’t you just take my life, here and now, so that you can finally get revenge for your brother?”

“There’s no need for my brother’s revenge,” Okuyasu sighed. “He did lots of bad things, and those come back to bite you later on. He deserved to die.”

“But my Emily didn’t!” Kakyoin interrupted. “She had a life ahead of her, and you took it!” He ran forward, and tried to punch Chili Pepper, who dodged right in time. He swung again, but missed. This went on for a couple of seconds, until Kakyoin landed one clean punch on Chili Pepper, then stepped away from his range, breathing heavily.

“I feel better now,” Kakyoin heaved. “Not good, but better.” He dusted himself off, and sighed heavily. “I apologize for how I acted. That was completely uncharacteristic of me,” he told Okuyasu. “But we can’t kill him yet. We need to interrogate him on the bow and arrow, as well as who his user is.”

“Don’t either of you want to kill me?” Chili Pepper taunted. “Come on, your family members are dead because of me! Shouldn’t you want to beat me to death?”

“The only thing I want is to see your smug face get smashed into the ground!” Okuyasu bellowed. “My brother was my only family, aside from my dad, who can’t even remember my face, and you took him from me! I want to scrape you away into oblivion!” When he was done ranting, he took a deep breath in. “But because you have vital information to the Speedwagon Foundation, I can’t kill you.”

“I knew it!” Chili Pepper laughed. “You try to keep a calm exterior, but inside, you’re boiling to kill me! So just come at me! Don’t you have the guts to kill the man who killed your brother? Or are you still trying to do what’s ‘best for your friends’? This is a matter of revenge!”

“Okuyasu, don’t listen to him,” Kakyoin tried to calm him down, but the boy was already charging at Chili Pepper, The Hand summoned, starting to scrape down on the Stand.

“I’ll kill you!” he shouted. He scraped away lots of the dirt and air around him, but Chili Pepper was still avoiding him. However, he wasn’t attacking him, only dodging.

“It looks like he’s losing his power,” Kakyoin thought out loud. “Okuyasu, can I trust you to not kill him while I go back to the hotel? Lily needs to know about this if she doesn’t already.”

“You sure can, Mr. Kakyoin!” Okuyasu beamed. “I won’t let this guy die before he gives us our answers.”

“You’re a lifesaver, Okuyasu,” Kakyoin patted him on the back, and sprinted towards the streets again. Now that his rage was gone, grief was starting to take hold in his heart again. As he ran, he blinked tears out of his eyes, and the image of his daughter’s charred, frightened face burned into his mind. It had to have been an illusion. No, he felt her limp form in his arms, it was far from an illusion. It was real. Emily’s dead body was real, and it was staring at him, asking why he didn’t save her, why he wasn’t there to stop Red Hot Chili Pepper.

“I would have if I had known,” Kakyoin whispered to himself. “I really would have.”

On the bus, he tried his very best to keep a calm exterior, but an occasional tear would slip out from time to time. Sometimes even a choked breath. It was hard to keep his composure when his daughter’s life was taken before his, and he didn’t even get to be there for her.

“What seems to be the matter, young man?” an old woman asked him. “You look very shaken up.”

“My daughter,” Kakyoin answered with a wavering voice. “She… she was killed.” Once he said it, the tears reached their breaking point, and he broke down again. “She was only two. I couldn’t even be there when she needed me most.”

“Oh, I’m sorry,” the old woman consoled. “I know it’s hard to go through that. I lost my firstborn to a murderer when she was only fifteen. Well, all I can say is that the first few months, even years, are tough. But you have to keep going. It’ll get better with time.”

“Thank you, ma’am,” Kakyoin sniffled. “I think this is my stop.”

“Take care, young man,” she smiled.

Surely Lily already knew. Surely she had checked up on Emily, only to find an empty bed. Maybe she called the police and reported a missing body. Maybe Chili Pepper left a note, and she knew that there was no need to report a missing body.

“Hey, you’re back!” Lily chimed. She was just as happy as ever. Had she not checked on Emily at all? Was she still under the impression that their daughter was asleep, and just fine? “Oh, you don’t look very happy. And you have some burns on your cheeks. Did Red Hot Chili Pepper come and ruin your secret?”

“Lily,” Kakyoin said as his lip trembled, “it’s about Emily. She’s… she’s…”

“Daddy!” A young body wrapped its arms around Kakyoin’s legs.

“Alive?”

He looked down, and almost broke down in tears again. This time, with joy. Staring right at him was the smiling face of Emily, perfectly fine.

“She’s alive!” Kakyoin exclaimed, picking the little girl up and spinning her around. “Emily’s alive!”

“I’m guessing Chili Pepper showed you Emily’s original copy,” Lily asked. “You see, I arrived in the nick of time, and before he could drag Emily into the power lines, I duplicated her. However, she has a burn on her hand from where Chili Pepper grabbed her.”

“A burn on her hand is better than a burn on her entire body,” Kakyoin placed Emily down, then embraced Lily in a hug that he intended to be for consolation, but instead was one of pure joy. “What would I do without you?”

After a solid thirty seconds of crying with joy, Kakyoin sniffled once more, sighed, then got back to business.

“So,” he started, “Chili Pepper figured out the time and location that we were going to pick up Mr. Joestar, which is a huge problem. He said he’d be there, and he’d kill him before the boat even docks.”

“That is a huge problem,” Lily muttered.

“What we really need to know for this to go smoothly is who will be staying with Emily, and who will be going out and keeping Mr. Joestar safe.”

“If anything happens, Josuke can probably take care of it,” Lily thought out loud. “And Hierophant will be good for alerting Mr. Joestar of the danger.”

“But we would need a healer on both teams.”

“Both teams?”

“The fighting off Chili Pepper team and the retrieving Mr. Joestar team.”

“But we absolutely have to have a Stand like yours.”

“Lily, you’ve been cooped up in this hotel long enough. Plus, I’ve fought Chili Pepper a little bit, as shown by my burns. He’s powerful.”

“But you’ve fought him. You know what he can do. And you know this isn’t about who’s been cooped up longer. Noriaki.” Lily stood on her tiptoes and kissed Kakyoin’s chin. “You know that you’re the best one for the job.”

“Okay, fine,” Kakyoin admitted. “I’m the best one for the job.”

“And I’ll be rooting you on from the ice cream store,” Lily joked. “Go get that Stand user.”

“I will,” Kakyoin promised. “And this time, we won’t come up empty-handed.”

#oc #crusader of life #diamond is unbreakable #jojo's bizarre adventure #fanficiton #my fanfiction

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littleliv1 · 5 years

Text

39’- Brian May One Shot

A/n: a new series I’m starting y’all. It’s going to be in this type of format, I’ll figure out a way to post all of the stories in this series. I worked really hard on this so I really really hope you guys enjoy! Let me know what other songs I should do this with! Much love<3

WC: 2.4k

Summary: Earth is dying. And Brian takes the opportunity to help try to save you and his now growing family.

Warnings: it’s real sad ngl. Contains suicide, so please if that triggers you, don’t read!

The year was 2238. Earth was dying, and it was inevitable. The air was unbearably hot and sticky. The last clear sky was recorded in the 2100s. There are records from hundreds of years ago where kids got out of school for snow, something kids nowadays only read about. They could never imagine it. They got out of school for things like if the temperature was over 50°C, even then, you never missed a day of school. Not after the newly designed school head set. Sick? Put it on and enjoy your day at school. Heat day? Even teachers had one.

In 2200, the government in nearly all countries had failed. The world leaders came together to creat the SSA; the Synchronized Settlement Act. From then on, the world wasn't split into countries. It was one, though physically separated, everyone was one. The Earth was labeled by direction.

You had married the love of your life, Brian May in 2330. Every couple was allowed one child, due to over population. You and Brian decided to wait as long as you could to have the child, especially with the rumors of a newly born world that was possibly near. Alas, those were only but rumors. With Brian's musical talent and his knowledge of space, he had scored you all a nice shack on the beach. It was small, but nicer than most of the southern homes.

This night, you were sitting on the beach, looking at the cloudy sunset. You were surrounded by trash, and the ocean was black is was so dirty. But you were used to it. You all were. Your thoughts were interrupted by a body sitting close to you. You could tell it was Brian by the shadow. "Doing what you do best," He stated, sitting next to you. "And what's that?" You asked, looking over to him. He smiled, pushing your hair behind your ear. "Looking absolutely breath taking. Looks like tonight is clearer than most nights, that's good," He said, pointing out to the coast. You nodded your head disappointingly. "Yeah, I only wish I could see a real sunset. I read once that people used to see the sun, and it wasn't just a mush of colors." You said. He pressed his hand against your neck, rubbing it slightly. "I know, my love," he whispered to you. It absolutely killed him how much he could see you hurt when you talked about how the way things used to be. "I come with good news and bad news," He said, wrapping his hand around yours. You smiled. "I could use some good news." He smiled back, showing his perfect teeth. "The newly born world is real, and they leave to find it in ten months," you smiled so wide, you had never been so happy, besides your wedding day. "Oh Brian! That's fantastic! How could that ever have something bad?" You said, hugging him. "Well, they asked for volunteers, preferably ones with knowledge of space," he quietly spoke. Your heart sank, as did your arm that had been resting on his shoulder. "And, you volunteered?" You asked, your face flushing from the sadness. And he nodded.

A few months had gone by, and it was months full of fun, crying, and passionate love making. On this particular night, you had been feeling weird for the last few months, so you went to the doctor while Brian was away at training. You find out that you're four months pregnant. You sat in your car crying for hours. You couldn't tell if it was out of the happiness that you'd have a part of Brian with you while he was gone, or sad because you'd have to do this alone. Once you returned home, you found Brian at the table reading a book about space. He looked up at you to smile, taking a second before noticing your tear stained eyes. "My love, what's wrong?" He said, pulling himself up and hugging you. "Bri, I'm," you started, unable to find the words to finish. So you showed him the paper work. "You're pregnant," he stated, you nodding your head in response. He hugged you tightly, and you couldn't help but to sob in his chest.

In the year of 39' assembled here the volunteers, in the days when the lands were few

The day he was to leave finally arrived. They were together, holding each other for what felt like hours. He pulled back, holding your left hand. “This ring binds us. And it will for as long as we will,” he said, kissing your hand. “When you wear it, look at the sky and close your eyes. You’ll know what I mean soon,” he continued.

Here the ship sailed out, into the blue and sunny mourn, sweetest sight ever seen.

Your moment was interrupted by someone yelling that it was time to leave. He grabbed your face and kissed you for as long as he possibly could. “I love you Brian Harold May!” You yelled as he was being forced into the rocket. “I love you too (y/f/n)!” His muffled voice yelled. Within an hour, the rocket was gone and had taken off.

That was the loneliest night of your life. You laid there, looking at his side of the bed. You vowed that never in your life for as long as you live, no one, not even you, will lay there. You looked at your wedding band, remembering what he said. You got out of bed, your feet hitting the cold floor, and walked to the front porch. You saw the silhouette of the moon, but you could tell it was full. You closed your eyes and did everything you could to feel him.

And the night followed day, and the story tellers say, that the score Brave Souls inside,

6 months had passed and your baby was born. You birthed a beautiful baby boy, who you named Brian Harold May Jr., Harry for short. Harry was only a few weeks old. One the media, they name the volunteers the Brave Souls.

For a many lonely day, sailed across the milky sea, ne’er looked back, never feared, never cried.

A year had passed. They had very little contact with the volunteers, at this point they could only receive messages. But, the Brave Souls, as their name implies, they were brave. Strong. Not one wanted to turn around. They weren’t afraid. They wanted to fix the mess that the past had made, and restart for their families. Even though they so dearly missed them.

Don’t you hear my call? Though you’re many years away, don’t you hear me calling you?

It’s been five years since the volunteers left. You began to question when they will return. Harry was turning five in a few weeks, and for his present he wants his daddy. It broke your heart. At night, after you had your dinner, washed up your son, and put him to bed, you’d spend your nights out side looking at the sky. You began to feel his longing for you, you felt it at first in your stomach, the same warm feeling he gave you, but as time went on, you felt it in your head, then your heart. You knew he was calling for you. And you called for him.

He could feel it, too. As he looked out of the window, he held his wedding band, closed his eyes, and focused on you. They had been gone for a few weeks now, and man did he miss you.

Write your letters in the sand, for the day I take your hand, in the land that our grandchildren knew.

Harry was ten years old. It had been ten years since you’d seen Brian. You were close to loosing hope that he was still alive, but you wrote him letters every night. Every night for ten years, not to mention the ones Harry wrote when he started to write. You all glued and pasted them to pages in a scrap book for his return, waiting patiently for him.

Harry wrote about how he wants to meet his daddy. You and he watched the news together, looking at the group picture that the Brave Souls took. You always pointed Brian out. “There’s daddy,” you’d say, holding your child. At night, you always looked towards his side of the bed. You hadn’t kissed, slept with, or even touched another man that wasn’t your son. His side of the bed had gone untouched for ten years. Harry liked to draw pictures of space, he’d show his friends at school. Only they weren’t his friends. He had come home with a black eye one day, they had teased him mercilessly that his dad was dead and that he should just face it. That was the last time you sent him away.

You home schooled him for the remainder of his school years.

Many many years had passed, and you had to face the fact that you may never see Brian again. You were old. You were dying. You were at the age of 65 when you were old you had cancer, it was at stage two and spreading fast. But you fought for 20 more years. Harry was 58, with a child of his own, and she with a child of her own. Harry’s wife died at child birth. His daughter was in her 30s, her daughter was almost 9. You adored your grandchild and your great grandchild. Soon, at the age of 89, you passed away peacefully.

Harry was devastated over your death. He lost his wife, Emily, when she had Aliyah. All he had was his daughter and his grandchild, Millie. Aliyah and Millie took care of him. He told them the stories of his father, Brian Harold May Senior. Millie loved the stories. He showed the girls the notes you and he wrote together, it always brought Aliyah to tears.

40 years later, Harry is 98. He’s getting older, and he can feel his body giving out. Aliyah is in her 70s, Millie is in her 40s with a son of her own who is 18 and expecting. The story’s of yours and Brian’s love never once left the family line, each new generation swearing to give it to Brian if the day ever came. Harry died at 100, one of the eldest men to have lived in the south side. Brian’s

In the year of 39’ came the ship in from the blue, the volunteers came home that day.

The family titled the book of letters you and Harry wrote ‘The Book of Love’. It was now in possession of his great great great grandson, Brian Harold May III. On a cold, September morning, their favorite show, The Moonies, was interrupted. “Damnit! I want to see what happens to Jill! What is this shit?” Millie said, angrily. She was visiting Harold was and his pregnant wife. Aliyah died in a plane crash a few months back. Harold was adding to the Book of Love, when he heard Millie shouting. “Mum, what is it?” He asked. He looked at her with a gaping mouth. “They-they’re-“ She started, standing to her feet as Harold realized what was happening. “They’re home,” he whispered. “Janet! Janet! They’re home! They’re home!” He said, shouting to his wife, now 7 months pregnant. “That’s great love! Go! Go meet him!” She said, kissing him deeply.

They went to the launching pad where they could meet Brian May Senior for the first time. They had a sign with his name on it. The door opened, to only six men. “I thought 16 had left?” Janet whispered to Harold. “No, yeah, 16. But there’s only six,” He said back. They were welcomed with applause. The captain of the ship came and took ahold of the microphone.

And they bring good news, of a world so newly. Though their hearts so heavily weighed.

“Greetings, friends and family. We thank you for this amazing greeting.” He started. The year was 2339. It had been 100 years since they left. “It’s been a long, hard few month, but we are glad to be home at last.” He spoke his words slowly, but everyone knew it was no few short months. A few hours later, they were released to be with their family. Brian found the family, with his name on the sign. “Brian May?” Harold said, look up at the tall man. He nodded his head. Brian just wanted to see you, though you had been dead for quite sometime now. They figured he would have known that by now. They greeted him with wonderful gifts, foods, everything. “My my, this is all so wonderful, but I’d like to see my wife, (y/n). She should be a few months pregnant, maybe 8 or 9 months?” He said. Harold and Millie looked at each other, sadness filled their eyes. “Come home with us, will get everything sorted out there,” Millie said, quietly. He nodded.

For the earth is old and grey, little darling well away. But my love this cannot be!

As they entered the house, Harold ran to get the book, sitting Brian down at a chair. Over the many years of its existence, it was filled of pictures from previous generations. “I don’t know how to tell you this, so here,” Millie said, handing him the book. “It’s from (y/n). She and her son Harry made this for you before they,” she paused looking down. Brian looked up at them, smiling. “What on earth are you talking about, who’s Harry?” He said. He opened the book, seeing all of the letter you and Harry had written to him. He was quite confused. “I don’t, I don’t understand. These are dated 20, 30, 40 years from now? I’ve only been gone a few months,” he said, looking over the dates. “Oh dear,” Janet said. Everyone looked at him in sorrow. “It’s the year ‘39, 2239, correct?” He said, failing faster through the pages, as he got to the family tree with dates. They were birth and death dates. “‘M afraid not, it’s 2339,” Millie said, holding his hand, trying to calm him. He started to panic as he saw your name.

(Y/f/n)-May: Born 2208-2297

“Oh, God, no,” he whispered. He gently ran his finger over the picture of you and Harry when he was 7.

For so many years are gone, though I’m older but a year, your mothers eyes from your eyes, cry to me.

Brian locked himself in his old bedroom for 3 weeks, reading all of your letters. And then rereading them, taking in all of the pictures that they gave to him. You made it a point to take plenty of pictures of Harry while he was a child, at his wedding, with his first born. Brian was too sad to cry. He only ate once a week, and they were a few crackers. Depressed was an understatement of the way he truly felt.

Don’t you hear my call? Though you’re many years away, don’t you hear me calling you. Write your letters in the sand, for the day I take your hand, in the land that our grandchildren knew.

It had been a month since he got home, and he hadn’t spoken more than a few sentences to anyone. He laid in bed at night, staring at the ceiling. He couldn’t handle it anymore. The sadness he felt.

He grabbed a case, and went to the beach. The same beach you two sat on, 100 years ago. Even though his entire line of family was promised a spot in the newly born world, as was he, he didn’t want it if it weren’t with you. He didn’t want any life without you. He opened the case, and pulled out a gun.

“Brian Harold My Senior took his life in 2339 due to grief of his lost wife, (y/n) May. Loving husband, father, along with many generations of life. Rest easy, Brave Soul.” His tombstone read. His family was heart broken for him. They wished that they could have gotten to know him, but they understood why that couldn’t happen. He didn’t belong here.

Don’t you hear my call, though you’re many years away, don’t you hear me calling you? All your letter in the sand, cannot heal my like your hand, for my life, still ahead, pity me.

In the distance of the sunset funeral, you could see Brian watching from afar. You approach him, taking his hand in yours. He could be shocked, but he knows it’s you. He turns to face you, taking in the same beautiful face that said her goodbyes too soon. “My love,” He said, resting his forehead into yours. “Together at last,” you replied, smiling. A single tear rolled down his face. “There’s no life I would want to live if it meant I couldn’t see you,” He said. You kissed him once more, deepening the kiss. “Would you like to meet your son?” You asked him. He nodded smiling. “You can meet him, if you’re ready,” you said, holding his hand. He nodded his head again. You both knew you mean if he was ready to cross over and be with you and your all’s child again. You smiled again, walking towards the sky, the clouds seeming to part for the two of you.

Millie, Harold, Janet, and Harold’s new daughter looked up. “To the most beautiful love story anyone will ever know,” Harold said, Brian forever resting next to you underneath a tree.

#brian may #brian may fanfic #brian may x reader #brian may x you #holy shit now im sad #brian may angst #bruan may fluff

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cheemers-writing-archive · 3 years