if Carrie Bradshaw has no fans I’m dead 🩷

i feel like. theres designing a character with certain themes and motifs in mind, and then theres making a gijinka for the water bottle on my nightstand

every time i see art of boxleitner and wordgirl in an explicitly father-daughter scenario i sit there gritting my teeth and fists clenched like thats not her father thats not her father thats not her father thats not h

i don't think it's one of the official symptoms or anything, but I'm pretty sure that I've heard of "difficulties making friends" as a possible indicator of autism (and some other conditions)

it's always seemed really silly to me? like what on earth does that mean exactly? friendship is a two way street, what if they are perfectly nice but the people around them just happen to be disinterested for benign reasons (or are assholes) that's just not something you control no matter how good your friendship skills are.

does it mean they have a disinterest in making friends? do we account for the reasons they're not making friends? it's such a vague thing to say and I really don't get it

not a fan of people saying Odin and Loki are similar in a moral or decisive sense, particularly when it comes to Thor. that makes it sound like Loki doesn't know Thor or care about him beyond what he symbolises (regarding Asgard/the throne/family/worthiness), when that's a defining part of their relationship

I watched Medea today with Sophie Okonedo and Ben Daniels and basically the ending consisted of him wet, tank-top wearing, blood covered (it's his dead kids', killed by Medea), sobbing and screaming and crawling in a puddle created by water continuously falling onto the stage in a rain effect

and her towering over him, mocking how piteous he is

it was

a lot

(was reminded that I am gay)

he also at one point posed great statue style for a solid 20 seconds in front of where we were seated, RIP to the dialogue during that moment, twasnt heard by me and my friend

neither of them came to stage door for covid reasons, which, very fair (I mean, very fair to not come to stage door anyway also), but hope to one day tell them that it was amazing + that the exorcist deserved better

being homesick and changing as a person so much the place you grew up in isn't your home anymore is such a core part of ati and upon further inspection i think i was projecting a little

When you’re so so tired because it’s either very late or very early but you have to go to the park with your pokemon to get them enrichment because you can’t go to the park with them during the day because they don’t get along well with other pokemon

karen is MY special white woman. my problematic fave. because i understand why she sucks. i think in order to be allowed to be a karen fan you have to actually understand why she sucks. if you don't understand why she sucks then you're a bad karen fan i think.

ok fr last one but there's actually a bootleg of my school's anastasia and i'm linking it bc you all NEED to understand that my infatuation with this one girl's voice which started when i was in the 6th grade and still hasn't really worn off isn't based on nothing

Tried to get my mom interested in watching GDTs Pinocchio (she refuses bc she thinks its “creepy”) and when I tried to explain the plot to it and what happens in the movie all I got out of the deal was “maybe you should lay off of that sort of thing” and it’s taken me a full day to figure out why that fucking bothered me so much

Like these ppl watch movies and shows that have high levels of gore, violence, murder and whatnot without even batting an eye but heaven forbid they come face to face with a literal childrens movie whose main themes involve (among other things) life and the inevitability of death and how each of us should cherish that singular life that we have been given and to to do good whenever we can despite the pressures around us and to enjoy the things that life has to offer, but nooooooo suddenly that’s “too much?”

I AM CONFUSION???

.

.

.

((Bonus: I found out the reason why she never let me finish the Golden Compass:

Me: why did you never let me read that crap?

Her: oh It was because they kill God in it. *this was said in a hushed whisper btw as though my delicate constitution would suddenly crumble away from the mere thought.*

Me:*stares blankly in JRPGS* mom…mom that ship sailed when I was like…ten…I literally haven’t stopped since!

(She was legit shocked when I started telling her about the God of War series lmao) ))

when will the torture end.

i have many thoughts in general but this tidbit from tingyun's voice lines is one of the things i wanna elaborate some more on at some point...

" Every time I head out, I leave a letter behind and lock it in the drawers of my shop. If I come back, then I'll burn it later. If I don't... then it'll be something for others to remember me by."

me in middle school: lmao yeah my mom told me that the school tried to diagnose me as autistic just bc i read book at recess instead of playing with other kids lmao isnt that hilarious me now:

I’ve spent my whole life having people from strangers to acquaintances to friends to family tell me in some way or other I’m a bad person, or being bad, for caring actively about a bunch of minority stuff. I have not ever thought of it that was before, but putting it into perspective yesterday. I have. All the ‘Why can’t you just not engage. They’re family—ignore what they say and change the subject.’ ‘You’re so self-righteous, overbearing, judgemental, critical, harsh, overemotional—why can’t you be unselfish and keep it to yourself?’ ‘If it really mattered more people would complain’ ‘people today care about everything so much they’re too sensitive—why can’t you keep quiet or nod instead of arguing with me? Just let it go.’ Even from ‘liberal’ friends I get ‘I know it’s racist but it’s not a big deal. Quit spoiling people’s fun by talking about flaws with things. People want to have a good time and they’re already sad and tired’ ‘quit making people feel bad for liking bigoted things by talking about the bigotry. It’s selfish and prudish.’

And hearing on the same day a bunch of native people at a creatives meetup lost it & went ‘They did WHAT?’ hearing about the bullshit ND startup game I walked out on for anti-native racism, and my poc doctor say ‘Oh yeah that was the right call. Tbh I don’t even understand why you feel guilty and worry maybe you did not find the best or kindest way to handle it.’ Talking about my experiences with deteriorating relationships over bigotry with some family members, was a really changing experience. Obviously this is and can only be said from a place of extreme personal privilege, and I’m very aware of that, but it was both surreal and nice (and to my shredded mental state I think, necessary) to hear people I’ve stuck up for when they’re not there say it was right and mattered that I did actually, and I’m not somehow a bad person for it.

I often times find myself wondering when interacting with people "am I doing this right?'"

It used to be even more often, I probably was really anxious about it back then. Now... not so much? I still find myself worrying a bit. And especially trying to find the correct "answer" or action to say or do. But. It's not really by any fault of my own. It's just what's expected of me in social situations doesn't always come naturally. So I'm awkward. But idk. While I'll always probably try to find the right answer for things, I'm a bit less worried than I used to be. And I suppose that's something good in a way.