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velvetcloxds · 1 year

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if you're too shy- dbf!derek morgan where he's secretly dating rossi's daughter and when she's in trouble the team goes in to help her and instead of running to rossi she runs to derek

BRAVE | D.M.

word count: 1k (I'm really trying to keep these short, I swear ksjc)

warnings: I'm in love with him, your honor (also the reader being in danger obvs)

Derek wasn't sure how no one had realized just how absolutely shattered he'd been from the second they got that tape of you tied up and wounded, begging for help. He was sure it was obvious just how mad he was with worry, how on edge he was, how terrified he was- he blamed it on everyone else's worry, especially your father, if your father was even the tiniest bit focused on anything other than finding you he'd have put the pieces together immediately. He didn't care for it now, trying to hide how he felt, he wanted to find you, wanted to know you were safe and if he got his ass handed to him by Rossi in the process then so be it.

Truth be told, Rossi had noticed, everyone was worried, and everyone was on edge but it wasn't the first time they had lost someone on the team and though you weren't on the team, you were definitely part of the family. Derek, however, wasn't acting like he lost a team member, not close. Rossi would've had to be blind not to see the look on his face every time a lead fell through, the balled fists as he rewatched the video of you as if looking at it one more time would show him something new the team had missed, tell him something he hadn't heard, or the way his face showed such genuine fear when he first heard your voice- Derek was about as easy to read as the Sunday paper and Rossi, though not pleased at all with what that meant, had a feeling you'd be acting the very same if the roles were reversed.

Which is why, despite everything in him, Rossi was the one who volunteered to go first, check the rooms first, look for the unsub first, why he'd let Derek lead the team to look for you, why he'd let him go after the sound of your voice instead of the sound of a gun- if Derek's behaviour was anything to go by, you'd probably be wanting him anyway, it'd be him you'd be calling for from beneath your restrictions- and he was right.

You were crying, fighting against the restraints, fighting to feel him, to be free in a way that only his arms could free you and he was trying, gun discarded and knees on the bare concrete, cooing all the while as his tremored hands attempted to undo the knots.

"I'm trying, baby," he breathed, voice nearly as unsteady as his movements, barely keeping hold of his sanity as your crying intensified. "I know, sweet thing, I know, just one more second," and that's all it took before you were loose, the way you reached for each other was messy, reckless, senseless, you weren't sure how you'd tangled yourselves so quickly but you were on his lap, not a care for a single one of your injuries as you grabbed at his neck. "You're safe," he sighed, finally allowing the relive to find him, not concerned in the slightest for what the team would think as they rushed into the room behind him.

"I asked for you," you admitted, your voice a broken sound, hoarse from the shouting, trembling from the crying, not at all controlled. "In the video, it was stupid," you wanted to see him, pulling away with hands not delicate in the slightest as you cupped his cheeks. "Didn't want you to worry," you weren't thinking at all about who was listening, watching, trying to climb onto him even more, lean into him even more, eliminate the concept of space completely because you didn't want to be out of his arms for even a second ever again.

"You weren't stupid," he argued, his own hand mimicking yours as he brushed a thumb over your cheek, avoiding the scar that hid under dried blood, fuming at the sight, the only thing keeping him from beating the life out of the bastard who did this to you was the impossible grip you had on him. "You were brave, baby girl, so damn brave," he insisted and you nodded without thinking, entranced, exhausted, with the adrenaline leaving your system the ordeal was starting to catch up with you.

"Is my dad here too?"

"Right here," you looked over Derek's shoulder to find the pair of eyes that had been taking in your whole interaction, not at all expecting him to move forward and place a lingering kiss on the top of your hand, hand squeezing Derek's shoulder as he did so. "You think I'd let your guy over here take all the credit for saving you?" he mused and you managed a small smile, syncing into Derek's arms, body too heavy to stay upright any longer and of course, Derek was expecting the sudden slump and the nuzzle of your head into his neck as he lifted the pair of you up from the ground.

"We wanted to tell you," Derek noted as the medics moved you onto the gurney, connecting you to all the wires and machines, ignoring your whispered pleas for the time being. "She was scared."

"For you?" Rossi quipped, already knowing the answer, shrugging when your partner nodded guiltily, already moving to join you on the ambulance, instinct kicking in when he heard you begging for him, saw you reaching for him. "Don't think facing the father could be as terrifying as this," he tried a lighthearted comment, but it had a bite to it, tension still thick, nerves still soaring. Derek nodded again, looking down at you with eyes so full of love it was sickening.

"No sir," he agreed and smiled as you looked up at him with a big, dazed stare, a dreamlike look matching his own as you forced your entwined hands to your mouth to brush a light kiss to his knuckles. "Nothing could be as scary as losing her."

#dbf!derek morgan #derek morgan #derek morgan x fem!reader #derek morgan x reader #derek morgan x you #derek morgan x yn #derek morgan x y/n #derek morgan fluff #derek morgan fanfiction #derek morgan fanfic #derek morgan fic #derek morgan blurb #derek morgan drabble #derek morgan one shot #monique's event days #right where queue left me #monique's writing events

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astrophileous · 1 year

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Love Bugs (Pt. 05)

Pairing: Derek Morgan x Female Reader

Synopsis: You and Derek Morgan have an arrangement. At work, your relationship is strictly business. Under the sheets, it's all about pleasure. Nothing more, nothing less. Until, of course, your feelings start to get involved. Your situation is complicated enough without the unexpexted predicament that suddenly befalls upon you. But with a maniac serial killer on the loose, will you ever get the chance to make everything right?

Warning(s): psychopathic behaviors, kidnapping, captive situation, verbal and physical threats, threatening use of knife, curse words

Word Count: 2300-ish

Tag(s): @camilaheroine @crazyunsexycool @whateverrrrrrrrs @wifeyofeveryone @louderfortheback @marvelousgoldroses

Author's Note: HI I'M SORRY FOR THE DELAY, YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT A CRAZY-FUCK-LOAD DAY I JUST HAD 😭 in summary: my sister had a breakdown, I almost succumbed to the hellhole of road rage, and someone in my life is possibly trying to get a divorce :) so yeah :) it was fcking crazy :)))) buuUUTT I managed to quickly revise and edit this (heavy emphasis on quickly in case there's any mistake found). as usual, you know the drill: LIKE+REBLOG+COMMENT pls pretty pls and thank you 🌹

Love Bugs Masterlist / Criminal Minds Masterlist

For a whole minute, the silence that conquered the entire bullpen would make a pin drop sound like an exploded grenade.

Everyone was scared to even breathe, let alone to say anything, to make any kinds of noise that would solidify the reality they were facing.

Not a single pair of eyes could jerk their gaze away from the screen as they watched the UnSub closing in on you. Pulling out a dagger and pressing it against your jaw before tilting your head just right so that you would look straight into the camera.

Derek flinched.

"Garcia," Hotch's voice was the first rip into the silence. When the tech analyst failed to answer his call, he tried again, "Garcia."

"Yes?" Penelope's eyes were watery. Her voice was wavering as she answered, "I-I'm sorry. Yes, sir?"

"I want you to start tracking down his location."

"I-I tried to do that, sir. Earlier. I couldn't... the signal, they kept being bounced around and I don't--

"Garcia." Hotch's voice was colder this time. "Try again."

Penelope immediately sprung into action, reaching for her laptop where the projector was connected.

"I'm sending units to her place," Hotch informed before making a quick call. As he waited for the line to connect, he turned to the others in the room. "Emily, (Y/L/N) said she was going to a hospital yesterday, try finding out which one she went to. Reid, JJ, start tracking her past movements, I want to know about every person she's had any contact with recently."

"How far back do you want us to go?" JJ asked.

"The day of the press conference," Hotch answered. "This must be why he's been lying low for a while. He's got his eyes on her since that day. If we can find out where she's been, we can find him."

Hotch pocketed his phone back after sending units to your home. The other three agents had all scurried away to fulfill Hotch's requests.

Derek, however, hadn't even moved an inch.

"Derek?" Hotch called out. When Derek didn't make a single gesture of acknowledgment, Hotch began to approach him. "Derek, do you--"

Hotch didn't manage to reach Derek's side before he was interrupted by the sound of the telephone ringing.

Penelope's eyes were frantic as they darted to the remaining people in the room. "I-Is that--"

"Garcia, get ready to trace the call," Hotch demanded. He moved swiftly to where the phone was located, glancing at Rossi who gave him a single nod of encouragement.

Taking a deep breath, Hotch put the phone on speaker. "FBI Behavioral Analysis Unit."

"Agent Aaron Hotchner?"

"This is he." Hotch waited for the other person to answer, but it never came. "Can I ask to whom am I speaking?"

"You know who I am, Agent."

"Do I?"

"Well, we have a very important mutual person in our lives. I know you. So you must also know who I am."

Hotch's eyes flickered towards Rossi, exchanging a conversation in the silent language which only those two could seem to understand.

"Are you talking about (Y/L/N)?"

"You know I do," the person answered. "You're watching right now, aren't you?"

"Yes, we are," Hotch confirmed. "We need to know if she's safe."

"Of course she's safe. I would never hurt her."

"Yes, I'm sure you wouldn't. But we still need confirmation, alright? It's just how this works," Hotch explained. "Please, can you pass the phone to Agent (Y/L/N)?"

A beat of silence passed. Hotch glanced back at the projector to make sure that the UnSub hadn't done anything untoward. Finally, after what felt like hours, he pressed the phone to your ear.

"Tell them you're okay, Darling," he commanded.

"H-Hotch?"

Derek stood straighter at the sound of your voice.

"(Y/L/N)." Your name almost sounded like a breath of relief out of Hotch's mouth. "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine, Hotch."

Before you nor Hotch could say more, the UnSub tore the phone away and brought it back to himself.

"See? I told you she's fine."

Everyone's eyes were directed back to the screen, seeing your assailant unglue the dagger from your neck and walk straight towards the camera. Even in the darkness, his eyes were provoking. Arrogant. He never broke eye contact as he spoke his next words to the phone in his hand.

"I should thank you, Agent Hotchner."

"Thank me?"

"For giving me the opportunity to know such a beautiful creature in the first place."

The UnSub walked away from the camera, refocusing his attention back towards you. Your determined eyes never so much as faltered, even when he brought the tip of his blade on your skin, dragging it across your collarbones, neck, and back. Forceful enough for you to know not to cause any scene if you didn't want the blade to be plunged into your flesh, but sickeningly gentle as to prevent it from drawing blood.

"I know it was your idea to set up that press conference with Agent (Y/L/N) for me, Agent Hotchner. Wasn't it?"

Hotch gritted his teeth at the UnSub's taunt.

"So, really, I owe it all to you. If only you hadn't made that call--" the UnSub paused, touching your shoulder and leaning down until his lips brushed your temple, "--we would've never had the chance to be together like this."

Then, to everyone's horror, the UnSub's hand trailed away from your shoulder, down and down until it rested upon your belly.

"The theee of us," he sneered.

In that moment, Derek's entire world shifted under his feet.

Every cell in Derek's body went erratic once the true implications of the UnSub's words registered in his brain. His heart plunged into a void before restarting instantly into a sequence of thunders. Inch by inch, his body and soul were consumed by a fog filled with the worst snippet of dread and the darkest terror he had ever encountered in life.

"What is he talking about?" Derek questioned as soon as he had found his voice again. "Hotch?"

But the older man remained stoic in his place by the phone. On the other line, a booming laughter sounded.

"Oh? Did no one know about this?" the UnSub cooed. "Have you not told anyone about the good news yet, Darling?"

The clear panic in your face, along with the whimper that slipped past your lips, was the scissor to Derek's final resolve.

In big strides, he marched over to the phone, voice raw and splintered as he cried, "You sick son of a bitch."

The room stood still at the magnitude of fury laced within Derek's words.

Your voice was muffled when it came through the phone, but Derek heard every fiber of emotions in it all the same.

"Derek..."

"Derek?" Your captor tilted his head. "Ah. Agent Morgan?"

"You're a dead meat, do you hear me?"

"Morgan," Hotch warned sternly.

"So much rage," The UnSub suddenly mused. "I told you, Agent Morgan. There's no reason to worry here. I'm going to take care of them. They're in very good hands."

"Fucking bastard! You get your filthy hands off her," Derek fumed. "Get your fucking hands off my child."

Derek's admission was a butcher knife in the thick silence.

"My child?" the UnSub's voice broke through from the other end of the line. "Darling, what is he talking about?"

Your captor's question managed to lift some of the fog from Derek's head. Before he could begin to form any more words, Hotch pushed him to the side before pressing the mute button to block the noises inside the bullpen from filtering into the telephone line.

"Rossi, can you take over for a second?" Hotch asked before turning towards Derek, "Morgan, my office. Now."

Every one of Derek's movement was robotic as he followed Hotch away from the bullpen. As soon as the door to the office closed behind them, Hotch wasted no breath before stating his order, "I need you off the case, Morgan."

"Absolutely not."

"Morgan--"

"Hotch," Derek cut him off, eyes blazing with a ferosity matching that of a thunderstorm. "I'm not going to stand around and do nothing while she... while he still has her."

"The team and I will never let anything happen to her. To both of them," Hotch promised. "You need to trust us."

"I trusted you, too, last time, Hotch. Look where that got us."

He knew it wasn't fair. Derek realized it as soon as the last syllable had passed his lips. But Derek wasn't himself right at that moment, and Hotch understood it all too well.

Closing his eyes, Derek leaned back against the desk in Hotch's office. Exhaustion was the fruit of fright as it diverged in his bones. It raced along his bloodstream, reaching the deepest points of his entire being until there was no corner left for hope to fill.

"Would you have done it?" Derek asked eventually. "If any of us had told you to stand down when Foyet was holding Haley and Jack--if I told you to trust us--would you?"

"No," Hotch replied truthfully. "But this is different."

"How the fuck is this different?!"

"It's different because your personal feelings almost cost us (Y/N)'s life."

There was nothing Derek could say to counter Hotch's accusation.

Flashing scenes of the earlier phone conversation sped through Derek's mind. For a second there, right after the UnSub unknowingly declared your condition, Derek almost thought that he was on the brink of losing his complete sanity. All Derek remembered was red in his vision as he stalked towards the phone, shouting the first threats he could think of towards the UnSub, all the while failing to deduct how his rash behaviors could affect you later on.

The breath that Derek let out quivered in the air as he tried to stop thinking about what the UnSub might have planned to do to you in the wake of his action.

"She's pregnant, Hotch," Derek cried quietly. "He has them both. She's carrying my child and I... I didn't even know."

Derek didn't even realize he was crying until the burning ache inside his chest started to expand. The room around him was spinning. The only memory echoing in Derek's head was of the very last night the two of you had ever spent together--the night where he screwed up--and how you had kicked him straight to the curb because of his own idiocy.

"I fucked up, Hotch," Derek managed to croak out between his wretched sobs. "The last thing I said to her... God, what if I never get the chance to make it right again? What if the last memory I have of her is of the night I broke her fucking heart?"

Hotch didn't think he had ever seen Derek in such a state before. Gone was the capable and confident man that Hotch had the pleasure of knowing for the last few years. In his place was a broken shell of a man who looked like Derek, talked like Derek, but void of any semblance of life and spirit that Hotch always associated with the man.

The life and spirit that were gone in the absence of you in Derek's arms.

"Morgan, everything's going to be fine," Hotch tried again. "JJ and Reid are scouring everything to figure out her movements over the last couple of weeks. I've assigned Emily to find the hospital (Y/N) went to yesterday. We'll figure out who took her. End this for good."

Derek's gaze never strayed away off the ground. Hotch took a long breath before adding, "Morgan, we will find her--"

"How did you know she went to the hospital?"

The question came as a shock to either of them. Derek's eyes were more curious than incriminating, but the accusation behind them seemed to inflate with every second that passed by in Hotch's silence.

"You didn't seem surprised when the UnSub told us about her condition. Why?"

"Morgan--"

People liked to say that anger was the ultimate fuel for human beings.

And for Derek Morgan, anger was exactly the propulsion he needed to throw himself right off the edge, where the line between flaming vengeance and common sense had blurred together into one another.

It was the propulsion that, somehow, rationalized his instinct to surge forward and slammed Hotch back against the hard surface of the office wall.

The harsh impact knocked the air entirely out of Hotch's lungs, but the choked sound was stifled in Derek's ears by his own roaring wrath. Hotch almost didn't recognize the man beneath all of that hostility. The only thing left of Derek Morgan, in that moment, was his name.

"You knew?"

Each syllable not welded with rage in Derek's question was fused with betrayal instead.

"Morgan--"

"Answer me, goddammit!"

Hotch's resolve remained steadfast as he answered, "Yes."

That one simple word managed to drain every last bit of energy from Derek's body. He fell back a step, then twice, before the choking hold he had of Hotch was finally released.

"How long?"

"I only found out yesterday."

Derek pinched the bridge of his nose.

"She told you, but not me." He chuckled dryly. "Why the hell didn't you tell me, Hotch?!"

"I didn't know you were the father," Hotch said. "She never told me it was you."

Before his legs could give out, Derek sank on the chair in front of Hotch's desk. A million different thoughts were going haywire in the neurons of his brain. He wanted to scream. To flip the earth upside down and find the location where you were being held hostage. He just wanted the universe to stop messing with him and started giving him answers.

And then, five seconds later, the door to the office swung open.

Emily stood in the doorway, unassuming of the palpable tension lingering in the air. When she finally uttered her next words, Derek thought he could finally start to breathe again.

"We may have something," Emily announced to the room. "We think we know where (Y/N) is."

Derek flew out of the chair before anyone had the chance to say anything else.

He was coming to get you.

And this time, Derek had no intention of letting you go.

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reidsaurora · 6 months

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"Trick, No Treat" ~ D. Morgan

Summary: When Derek and Reader get stuck on the haunted house ride at the fair, they play a game of Twenty Questions to calm Reader down. Little do they know… they were the answer to Derek's question all along.

Pairing: Derek Morgan x GN!Reader

Word Count: 1,129

Content Warning: very mild swearing, mentions of haunted house related things, mentions of food, lmk if i missed anything!

Extra Notes: i think i forgot how to write Derek fics because this lowkey sucks akshshddhh

Originally Written: 10/29/2023 through 10/31/2023

Criminal Minds masterlist can be found here!

Halloweek masterlist can be found here!

Your heart raced as you assessed the situation, panic running rampant through your veins.

It was dark and cold, and the smell of carnival food, while once pleasant, was overwhelming your senses and making you nauseous. The thumping in your chest sped up with every passing second that the ride didn't move again.

As if he could read your thoughts, Derek reached over to your side of the cart, nudging your fingers with his own. "You can hold onto me if it'll make you feel better," he said, the words never judgemental, but instead sympathetic. "I don't bite," he chuckled.

If you weren't already embarrassed from your apparent scaredy-cat behavior, you might've taken him up on the offer. "I'm okay, just… just talk to me?"

You might fight serial killers and terrorists for a living, but dammit if you weren't afraid of the dark. It didn't help that he'd somehow convinced you to go on the 'The Creep Show,' where a demon had jump-scared you moments before the lights went out and the ride froze.

"About what?" he asked, fingers still brushing yours in the dark.

"Anything not related to clowns, demons, dolls, or Jason Voorhees," you said, the words meant to be lighthearted but still managing to come out shaky.

Derek's breath was warm against your skin as he settled in closer to you. Chatter had begun to pick up in the dark area, everyone no doubt discussing what had happened mid-ride. If it hadn't been for the circumstances, you might've felt his presence unnerving, given your long standing crush on the man, but tonight, the heat of his words and the sound of his breathing managed to bring you a tad bit of comfort in all the chaos.

"Okay… uh, tell me your favorite color."

The question caught you off guard, and while it wasn't visible in the pitch-black space, you shot a confused look in the direction of his voice. "What?"

"You said to talk. So I'm asking you a question. Favorite color?" he asked again, this time stating it almost as a command.

"Um… purple," you answered, curious to know where he was going with this.

He paused for a moment, as if to think about his response. After a few seconds, he spoke again. "Okay, I'm thinking of something that reminds me of the color purple. Now you have to guess."

Derek's game seemed a bit childish to you, but you supposed it was a distraction regardless. "Um, is it alive?" A strategy you'd picked up as a child, to weed out the animals and humans from the inanimate objects.

"Yes," he answered, a chuckle settling on the tip of his tongue.

Your minds raced to think of all the things it could be. "Okay, is it a person?"

"Yes."

A small wave of jealousy came over you, despite your lack of confessing the crush you had on him. Still, you managed to take a deep breath, reminding yourself that it could be any number of persons. "Are they a celebrity?"

"Depends on your definition of famous."

A confused crease formed between your brows, though it was invisible in the non-existent light of the broken ride. "Okay… are they pretty?"

"The most beautiful person on planet earth."

A pang shot through your heart, a poisoned arrow hitting a bullseye. You wondered why he'd bother to bring up someone like a supermodel or an actress or anyone else for that matter when you were right there in front of him. After all, regardless of if Derek had knowledge of your crush on him, it was just common courtesy not to, given one's self esteem.

Just as your next question started to leave your mouth, the ride started up again, the loud music drowning out any words you might've attempted to say. Your eyes stayed straight ahead of you as the ride continued, focusing not on the clowns and demons jumping out at you, but rather on the tears that you willed not to fall.

Soon enough, Derek was holding out his hand and helping you out of the cart. He acted as though nothing was wrong, as if he hadn't just crushed what little hope you did have of ever asking him out.

"You never gave me a final guess, by the way," he mentioned as the two of you started to walk toward one of the concession booths.

You shook off your thoughts, meeting his gaze as he stepped into the line. "I'm not sure you gave me enough information," you jested in an attempt to act natural.

"Oh, I think I gave you plenty of information," he chuckled back, his eyes soft as they returned your gaze.

A soft huff of fake annoyance fell off your lips. "Well then, your hints suck because I truly have no clue who you were talking about."

Derek flashed you that signature smile of his, and your heart screamed in anger at your brain for falling desperately in love with it. "Okay…" he started to say, "How's this for a hint?"

The world felt as though it was moving in slow motion when one of his hands cupped your cheek, glancing between your eyes and lips as he waited for an answer. Your sadness quickly turned to a wave of anxious excitement as you nodded, nearly fainting when he planted his lips on yours. A rush of joy and anticipation and exhilaration coursed through your veins, and you truly couldn't believe this was happening.

His lips parted from yours, and already, you wished he'd never leave. Still, he met you with another one of those beautiful toothy smiles, butterflies floating around in your belly at the sight. "Think you know the answer now?"

Never one to back away from your friendly banter, and despite the anxiety flowing through you from head to toe, you managed to joke, "I think you were referring to Megan Fox."

A light snicker tumbled out of him at your comment. "Trust me, she's got nothing on you."

"You promise you aren't pulling my leg? This isn't some Halloween prank?"

He met you with a look of honesty, lips pulling together for a closed-lip smile. "I promise, this is all treat, no trick. Besides, if it was a Halloween prank, would I offer to do it again?"

You shook your head. "I suppose not." You thought for a moment, meeting him with slightly confused eyes. "Are you? Offering again, I mean?"

"If you're accepting."

Suddenly, a wave of confidence came over you. Flashing the man a smile, you placed both hands on his cheeks and pulled him down for another kiss, electricity shooting through you at the feeling of your lips on his. "I'm always accepting when it comes to you, Derek Morgan."

Happy Halloweek Finale, my dearest auroras! 🥹

As previously stated, I totally meant to have this up sooner, but life kicked my butt the past few days and it took me so long to get a chance to edit these last few fics for you guys.

I really hope you guys have enjoyed this week as much as I did! I had so much fun writing all these fics for y'all and getting to celebrate the holiday with you guys. If all goes according to plan, I'm hoping to do something similar to this near Christmas as well so stay tuned for that!

I hope you all had a very happy Halloween and a wonderful Halloweek! Thank you all so much for the love on these fics 🥰

-> taglist: @1234-angelika @lowsodiumfreaks67 @drayshadow @alexxavicry @leigh70 @darkloverfox @sammyrenae68 @cherrycandle @asgardprincess97 @gh0stgurl @esposadomd @randomwriter1021 @eddieharrington @danielle143 @topguncultleader @ah-blossom @reidselle @dungeons-are-too-cold @louderfortheback @reidsbookclub @cwritesforfun @maelartasch

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supercriminalbean · 1 year

Text

Mercy. Derek Morgan x GN!Reader

Okay so this is my first Derek Morgan fic, I wrote this ages ago just finished editing again. I tried a different writing style, not sure how I feel about it yet. Anyway, I hope you like it.

Summary: Taking a bullet for Derek, how badly hurt do you get, only time will tell if you live. Gender neutral reader (they/them pronouns) Based on the song Mercy by Shawn Mendes

Warnings: Guns, blood, weapons, swearing, angst, fluff, talk of death, hospitals, doctors, ambulances. (If I have forgotten anything let me know)

Words: 1.6K

Heart pounding in your chest, as you come to a standstill. After chasing the unsub into the barn, your weapon is drawn at him. Morgan standing slightly in front of you to the left, his gun trained on the unsub. Mike facing towards you and Morgan, his gun pointed at Morgan, his face pale, realising there was no escape.

“Mike there is no way out, put the gun down” Morgan voice breaking the silence, the firm order startling Mike.

“No, I am not going back to jail, Not after everything I've been through” His anger making his body shake. Your hand gripping the gun harder waiting to see if you need to take the shot.

“Mike, you have had a rough life, we get that man, if you help us, we may be able to cut you a deal” Morgan glances at the door behind Mike, as JJ and Reid make their way quietly behind him, their guns pointed at him.

“Help you, how am I supposed to help you?” The anger flowing through Mike, his eyes bouncing between you and Morgan, hatred and fear, present in his eyes.

“If you help us catch your Brother, we can tell the court you were cooperative with us, you won’t get Life in prison if you help us” Your voice softer than Morgan’s, giving him a small reassuring smile.

“No, I will never turn on my family” Mike's body tense up at the mention of his brother, his finger moving to the trigger a little hesitant to press it. Morgan lifts his hand up higher ready to shoot if it comes to it. Eyes widen as you see a red laser dot, appearing on Morgan's head. Glancing behind you, spotting a guy laying low though the window, a gun pointed at Morgan.

“Get down” Yelling loud as you jump towards Morgan. Shutting your eyes as you hit the ground. Hearing five echoing bangs.

Breathing heavily, as your side starts throbbing. Feeling dizzy, ears ringing loudly, unable to hear anything else. Feeling something wet sliding down your side. Someone rolls you onto your back, your eyes slowly open, taking a few seconds for them to focus due to the light. Seeing Morgan leaning over you, his shocked face staring down at you. His hands pressing hard into your side. Your hearing comes back steadily, hearing voices, your eyes shoot over to Reid. Seeing him standing there talking into his ear piece, fear across his face. Your eyelids feel heavy again, you let them close as you grow tired.

“Open your eyes, (Y/n) look at me” Morgan's sharp voice. Making you focus, fluttering your eyes open.

“Tired Derek, wanna sleep” Your voice comes out weakly, your brain feeling foggy trying to force on Morgan's face.

“I know, but you can’t not yet” The worry leaking into his voice, as he sees the blood leaking from your side. Reid drops to his knees beside Morgan.

“Medic five minutes out” The panic invading Reid's voice. He notices blood coming out from your thigh as well, his hands quick to find the other wound, putting pressure on it.

“Your hurt” Your voice comes out weak, almost hoarsely like. Your eyes are fluttering, feeling too heavy to keep them open. Moving your hands move towards Morgan, noticing blood on his shirt.

“No (Y/n) Im fine, I need you to hold on okay, we are going to get you help” He begs as tears spring to his eyes, noticing you growing paler as the seconds go by. The fog in your brain starts to lift slightly. Realsion of what happened setting in. Your body grows colder, as reality starts slipping from you, everything starts to go darker. Hearing voices calling out your name, trying your hardest to force on Morgan. Using all the strength you have left, to whisper out.

“I would gladly do it twice”

As darkness fully takes over.

Morgan sits in the waiting room, staring at the floor. His body is fully shaking as he waits for his team to arrive. He rode in the ambulance with you, watching as they tried to bring you back.

“Morgan” Hearing someone call out to him, making him look up. Seeing Hotch and Rossi rapidly race towards him. Morgan stands up slowly, his body feeling weak. Legs shaking, finding it hard to stand, his shirt was soaked in blood.

“What the hell happened, are they okay?” Rossi questions him carefully, his heart skipping beats. The amount of blood on Morgan was alarming, it's almost impossible to survive with that amount of blood lost.

“I.. they're in surgery, they struggled to bring them back” Morgan's voice was breaking, everything starts spinning, his legs buckling underneath him. Hotch and Rossi manage to grab his arms, gently lowering him into a chair.

“Morgan you're going into shock I need you to focus on me” Hotch’s calmly firm voice, making Morgan look up at him. Tears sliding down his face, his breathing seems to speed up. His hands gripping his own legs, as they continually shake uncontrollably. Hotch kneels in front of him grabbing his hands, which are covered in dried blood.

“Derek you're safe now, (Y/N) is in the best place they can be” He nods as he takes in Hotch's words, his mind playing over the last words they said to him.

“I would gladly do it twice”

Hours upon hours had passed, Garcia turned up to the hospital, hoping for some good news as she arrived, but you are still in surgery. Morgan had cleaned himself up when Reid turned up with a change of clothes for him. The team is just waiting in silence. JJ had arrested the other unsub, making the case officially closed. Now all they have to do is wait and hope you pull through. It's been about 12 hours when Hotch goes and talks to the doctors, walking back to the team, taking a breath as he breaks the silence, everyone staring up at him, praying for some good news.

“The doctors said the surgery could still be a couple hours, there seem to be a few issues but (Y/n) is still fighting” Hotch lets out a sigh as everyone's hope seems to drop even more. “I want you all to head back to the hotel and get some rest, there is no point all of us just waiting around” Hotch tries keeping his voice strong, he's the unit chef he needs to be strong for his team.

“No i'm not leaving them here” Morgans the first to reply, shaking his head. Garcias sitting beside him holding his hand, her head resting on his shoulder.

“We can’t leave them alone” Garcia speaks weakly, tears fresh on her face again.

“They won’t be alone, I will stay here, and I will ring with any news” The calmness of Hotch's words bring little to no comfort to the team.

“Hotch is right, It does no good us being here” Rossi sighs standing up, “We can go back to the hotel rest and be stronger for when (Y/n) needs us in the morning”

In good time the team soon agree, with the promise of Hotch staying in contact when news comes available. As the team follows Rossi out, Morgan doesn't move from his seat looking up at Hotch, a determined look in his bloodshot eyes.

“I'm not leaving”

“I know”

Groaning softly, trying to move your hand to turn your alarm off, the annoying buzzing waking you up from a deep sleep.

“(Y/n), Moring” A soft calming voice, makes you open your eyes slowly. They feel heavy, blinking a few times as you adjust to the bright lights. Looking over, seeing Morgan sitting beside you smiling weakly, looking exhausted. Taking your time to look around, taking a few seconds to realise where you are. Your eyes soon settle back on Morgan.

“You look like shit Morgs” Smiling weakly at him, earning a soft laugh from him.

“You should look in the mirror (Y/n/n)” Sighing softly as he leans back in his seat. “How are you feeling?”

“Drugged up, tired” Chuckling slightly, wincing as you sit up straighter, “what happened?” rubbing your head lightly.

“You don’t remember?”

“I remember a little, there was red light on your head, then after that it's just blurry” Groaning quietly as the light from the window shines at you, seeing the sun rising. Morgan gets up, moving to close the blind, earning a weak smile from you.

“You pushed me out of the way, You got shot twice, one bullet piercing through an artery, you're lucky you didn’t die” He huffs annoyed as he sits back down. Relaxing into the chair, tiredness now capturing him, knowing you're safe.

“Derek, I didn't die, I'm right here” Leaning forward, taking his hand gently.

“The thing is (Y/N) You did die, and they barely got you back, you were in surgery for 15 hours, 15 fucking hours” Morgan tries sounding angry. But he's too tired to hide how relieved he is to hear you speak again.

“Im sorry Derek, but I saved your life and I would —”

“You would gladly do it twice?” Morgan smirks, shaking his head.

“How do you know I was going to say that?” Raising an eyebrow staring at him, confused.

“It was the last thing you said before you blacked out,” Morgan smiles softly, kissing your hand gently pulling away. When Garcia runs in followed by the rest of the team, their faces filled with joy, seeing you alive.

#criminal minds #derek morgan one shot #derek morgan x gender neutral reader #derek morgan x reader #derek morgan fluff #BAU x team #criminal minds fluff #criminal minds death

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cafeacademia · 2 years

Text

𝐃𝐨𝐰𝐧𝐩𝐨𝐮𝐫

𝐃𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐤 𝐌𝐨𝐫𝐠𝐚𝐧 𝐱 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

𝐒𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: After getting caught in a sudden torrential downpour on a case, Derek insists on getting you some clean, dry clothes only what he doesn't anticipate is the way it would make him feel to see you in his clothes...

𝐂𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭: Flirty, a little suggestive but still sfw, fluff.

𝐖𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐂𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: Approx 900

𝐌𝐲 𝐖𝐨𝐫𝐤𝐬 | 𝐓𝐚𝐠𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭

𝐀𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫'𝐬 𝐍𝐨𝐭𝐞: Here's a little fic for my lovely @megantje123! I loved your request and it was so fun to write!! I hope you enjoy it!

“I’ll just walk there, it’s only down the street.” Were your famous last words before the downpour happened. The way down the street to talk to a witness had been fine, but it was your way back that made you regret your decision.

As soon as you had walked out of the witness’ workplace and began your walk back, the rain came down unexpectedly in torrential sheets. You weren’t interested in going back to the witness to wait it out, the awnings over buildings were quickly filling up with people and the information you had gotten was important enough that you felt the innate need to brave the rain storm and run back to the station.

By the time you arrived, only a few minutes later, you were completely soaked through. There was not a single part of you that wasn’t drenched and Morgan looked up from the desk he was using with a sympathetic look on his face when he saw the state of you.

“Whoa, hold up.” He approached you. “I gotta tell Hotch about the witness statement.” “Hotch isn’t here, it can wait. I ain’t risking you catching a cold sweetheart. C’mon.” And without any argument, Derek put his hand on your soaked back and steered you out to his car. “Where are we going?” You asked as you climbed in, all too aware that you were going to get the seat very wet. “Back to the hotel, I’ve got some spare clothes you can borrow.” Thank fuck for Derek, because today was the day that you had asked that the hotel staff wash your clothes since the case was going to go on for much longer than you had all expected and you were fast running out of clean clothes.

Walking you up to his room after you arrived at the hotel, Derek let you into his room. “Go take a warm shower, there’s a spare towel in the cupboard for you. I’ll get you some clean clothes.” “Thank you Derek.” You breathed out in relief. “No problem baby girl.” He winked. “I’ll wait for you, we got time.”

You showered and washed your hair with the hotel provided gel and shampoo and it felt good to be out of clingy, sodden clothes under warm water until you were out and wrapped in a huge fluffy towel. True to his word, Derek had indeed waited and when you cracked the bathroom door open to get some clothes, he was perched on the side of his bed, scrolling through his phone.

“Derek?” You asked softly, stepping out in your towel. He couldn’t help the smirk that worked its way onto his lips when he saw you, but he made no comments. “Here you go, sweetheart.” He said, standing up and grabbing the clothes he’d picked out for you, handing them to you. With a rushed thank you, you slipped back into the bathroom, a little flustered from the way he’d just looked at you. Pulling on the clothes he’d given you, you were embraced by a thick, warm black hoodie. He’d gone to the courtesy of taking your key from your bag and going to your room to get you a pair of leggings that you used to sleep in and some underwear. The fact that he had gone to your room didn’t worry you, you trusted Derek with your life and him seeing your frilly Snoopy themed underwear was the least of your worries.

“Damn.” He breathed the word out heavily as you left the bathroom. “My hoodie on you.” He trailed off, not finishing his sentence properly as he stared. You were used to him playfully flirting with you or making slightly forward comments towards you, but this was different.

He wasn’t playing. For so long you had played off his playful advances as something that didn’t mean much, but now you were reconsidering your earlier evaluation. Derek Morgan, resident hot boy of the BAU, was actually flirting with you.

“So I wear pretty low cut tops and fancy blouses I bought for way too much money and this is what gets you speechless?” You teased. Derek only grinned at you, eyes trailing down your figure. “Nah, you just look so damn cute in my hoodie baby girl.” He purred and you almost melted on the spot.

Derek could’ve told you to stay, he could have done something right then and there and you would have happily obliged, but his phone interrupted with a call from Hotch. “Yeah Hotch? Alright, we’re just coming now.” And with that, Derek let out a sigh as he hung up and pocketed his phone. “Let’s go before Hotch sends a search party for us.” He winked, approaching you and getting so close that you thought he might kiss you. His lips were only a breath away from yours, fingers gripping your shoulder, gentle but firm in a way that told you he didn’t want to let go. You looked up at him through half lidded eyes, almost a little dazed from the tension that hung between you. “Later, baby girl.” And it took all of Morgan’s strength to pull away from you without kissing you right there. But he knew that if he had, he wouldn’t have been able to stop so easily and Hotch really would have sent a search party then.

There was going to be some serious unfinished business between you two when you returned from the case, especially if he had to spend his entire day looking at you in his clothes.

𝐃𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐤 𝐌𝐨𝐫𝐠𝐚𝐧 𝐓𝐚𝐠𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭:

@hallecarey1 @deanhisbaby @alexxavicry @iheartspence

#derek morgan x reader #derek morgan x you #derek morgan one shot #derek morgan x y/n #derek morgan fic #derek morgan fluff #derek morgan fanfiction

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whereireid · 10 months

Text

˚ · . 𝐃𝐄𝐑𝐄𝐊 𝐌𝐎𝐑𝐆𝐀𝐍

request here ! ⭑ smut | ♡ fluff | ✄ angst

𝐎𝐍𝐄𝐒𝐇𝐎𝐓𝐒 ˗ˏˋ ♡ ˎˊ˗

⭑ — size differences. (coming soon)

synopsis... derek is just so much bigger than you, and he never lets you forget it.

#derek morgan #derek morgan x reader #derek morgan imagine #derek morgan scenario #derek morgan oneshot #derek morgan one-shot #derek morgan one shot #derek morgan headcanons #derek morgan headcanon #derek morgan hc #derek morgan hcs #derek morgan fanfiction #derek morgan fanfic #derek morgan fic #derek morgan blurb #derek morgan drabble #derek morgan dialogue #derek morgan fluff #derek morgan x reader fanfiction

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samstersv · 2 years

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SPECIAL VISIT; spencer reid

•spencer’s wife and their child come and visit him at work

•doesn’t follow criminal minds timeline

y/n was nervous to call hotch. she was even nervous to talk with him. but hotch was like a father to her so she sucked it up and did so. diana sat next to her and played with her toys as y/n let the phone ring. “y/n” she heard the familiar voice of aaron hotchner as he picked up the phone “hi hotch..uh is anyone busy right now?”

she could hear a soft and short chuckle “you can call me aaron, y/n. and no, why? do you need me to get reid?” he asked y/n shook her head even though hotch couldn’t see her doing so “no, no. it’s just that diana has been whining and telling me she wants her daddy for the past two hours now and she didn’t get to see spencer last night cause he came back late and—“ she sighed and chuckled awkwardly “i don’t know i guess i’m kinda stressed out and thought ‘maybe we can go surprise him when he takes his usual break’”

it was quiet on the other side of the call for a second and y/n internally groaned. she heard another chuckle from hotch as if he could feel her stress from the other side of the phone “yeah sure y/n. just come in 30 minutes. that’s when reid gets on break.”

“thank you again aaron. bye.”

—

y/n got both diana and herself ready then headed out in her car to meet spencer. it was around a 20 minute drive which wasn’t bad. after finding parking, she held her 5 year old’s hand and began walking to the front door’s when a voice called her name.

“hey y/n what are you doing here?” derek morgan smiled as he walked over to her. “uncle derek!” diana yelled as she ran into his arms. “hey sweetheart.” he smiled at the little girl.

“she’s been missing her daddy and was very upset about it all day so i asked aaron if i could bring her over cause it was stressing me out.” she smiled. derek nodded, understanding the stress she felt of her daughter crying over wanting her daddy.

“mommy! i wanna see daddy.” diana threw her hands in the air, almost hitting derek in the process. y/n laughed at his scared face and the fact that he mumbled “she got some strong arms.” derek then let diana down and the baby reid immediately held y/n’s hand again before they walked over to the doors.

“hey pretty boy, you have visitors.” when spencer heard his infamous nickname he spun in his chair with a salad in one hand and his fork in the other. he was mid bite when he saw his wife and baby girl standing there. with a smile he took the bite and put his salad down. diana ran to spencer, saying “daddy!” all excited.

y/n chuckled awkwardly at the looks people around them were giving her daughter but she thought it was adorable. spencer picked up diana with a large surprised smile “hey pumpkin, what are you doing here?”

“surprise!” diana smiled and gave spencer another hug as he held her. y/n walked over and spencer smiled, giving his wife a kiss. she said quietly to spencer “she really missed you. a lot.”

“i called aaron and asked him if we could stay here for 45 minutes or so and he said it was fine.” spencer nodded and gave y/n another kiss. “this is a wonderful surprise.”

diana looked over her dad’s shoulder to see emily and she gave her a big wave. y/n walked over to emily and hugged her “he’s been kind of down today so this visit is good.” y/n quirked an eyebrow “spence was feeling down?” emily nodded “he said he missed his wife and kid.” she said honestly. y/n smiled and excused herself so she could walk over to spencer who had diana sitting on his lap as he ate lunch.

“daddy look,” diana showed off her hands “mommy painted my nails.” she had the biggest smile on her face as she showed spencer her purple nails and y/n smiled as spence acted amazed by her beautiful nails.

spencer enjoyed the little surprise to say the least. and he enjoyed hanging out with his daughter and wife even more.

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hornyhornyhimbos · 11 months

Note

derek morgan with smut starters, 5, 19, and 25. loss of virginity fic

"Thank You" ~ D. Morgan

Summary: Just a fun lil short story about Reader losing her V-card to Derek

Pairing: Derek Morgan x AFAB!BAU!Reader

Word Count: 1,521

Content Warning: MINORS DNI (18+ content) protected piv sex, use of lube and a condom, praise out the wazoo, nicknames out the wazoo, mentions of toys (no use), thoughts about edging, thoughts about creampie, fingering f!receiving for like a second, Reader has watched porn in the past, Derek Morgan has a massive shlong because I said so

Extra Notes: this might be my favorite smut i've ever written, i love this sm

Originally Written: between 05/15/2023 and 05/23/2023

Smut Starters can be found here!

Criminal Minds masterlist can be found here!

hornyhornyhimbos ask box can be found here!

Despite trying your hardest, it was no small secret that you were a virgin.

Your coworkers at the BAU had acted fairly normal about this fact, which was a huge relief. Ever since a previous group of friends had teased you for it—made you the butt of their jokes, even—you'd been afraid to let anyone know about your "problem."

At some point, you started to wonder if there was something wrong with you. Every time you'd find someone who made you comfortable enough to finally try, you'd pull back. Try to find a new way to say, "Maybe next time."

That was, until Derek Morgan finally asked you to be his girlfriend.

Derek had been an absolute sweetheart about the whole thing. Taking things at your pace, never pressuring you into anything you didn't want, finding ways to make sure you felt nothing short of loved and comfortable.

The night had started out romantically, Derek taking you out to your favorite restaurant, buying a bottle of your favorite wine, all in honor of it being your six month anniversary.

His hands had been on you all night to some capacity. His hand holding yours for the majority of dinner, his arm around your shoulders as you took an after dinner walk, his palm settling on your leg as he drove you home. Subtle touches, nothing overly sexual, but somehow managing to stir your sex drive wide awake.

Still, you willed yourself to stay calm as he walked you to the door, forcing away the urge to jump his bones right there in the stairwell. He pressed the softest kiss imaginable to the top of your head, a kind smile meeting you as you unlocked the front door.

"I had a wonderful time tonight," he said for probably the hundredth time since picking you up earlier in the night.

An ear-to-ear grin flashed across your face as you stepped inside your apartment. "Me too, Derek."

For the first time that night, an uncomfortable silence fell over the both of you. He stood there quietly, waiting for either a signal to leave or one to let him know that he could follow you inside. When you stayed silent for another fifteen seconds, he took that as his cue to leave, placing a delicate kiss on your lips before stepping toward the stairs. "Happy six months," he said, an almost sad look coming over his face.

It took even yourself by surprise when your hand reached out, wrapping around his bicep to stop him from walking away. "Derek, wait."

He turned to face you, a hopeful glint in his coffee colored eyes. "Yeah?"

You willed yourself to get the words out, knowing your body was ready even if your mouth wasn't ready to admit it. "I think I'm ready."

A confused crease formed between his brows. "Ready for?" his voice trailed as he tried to piece together your statement.

"If you would like," you started, "I am ready for you to take my virginity."

Derek's tongue swiped over his lips as he stepped into your apartment. He nodded softly, his hands settling on your waist and his foot managing to kick the door shut. "I would like that. But I think there's something we need to establish first."

The playful tone on the edge of his tongue indicated that he was already dedicated to making you feel as comfortable as he could. "What's that?"

His lips hovered near your ear, a hand reaching behind him to lock the door. "Virginity is a social construct, baby. I'm not taking anything. Just hoping to give you a hell of a good time."

You already started to feel wet just from the sexy tone on his lips. Your breath hitched when his mouth connected to your neck, sucking tenderly beneath your ear.

He led you toward the hall, hands entangling around each other and breath hot against both of your bodies. Two digits fumbled with the zipper of your dress, Derek already craving to see what you hid underneath. Your own fingers fumbled with the button of his slacks, a moan threatening to tumble off your lips as your hand accidentally met the tent in his boxers.

"You're so pretty," he sighed as finally pulled off your dress, his lips melding to the dip of your breasts once he gained access to them. "Can you tell me what you want?"

You finished stripping him down to his underwear before answering his question. "Touch me."

A smirk appeared on his face before he leaned in, his breath warm against the shell of your ear. "Where?"

Much in the same fashion as earlier, your hand wrapped tight around his wrist, pulling his hand to your front, placing his palm against your covered clit. "Right there."

"Your wish is my command, princess," Derek smirked, driving a finger over the pretty black fabric you'd worn underneath that dress he simultaneously loved and hated.

You stumbled back onto the bed, his thumb rubbing mesmerizing circles over your sensitive bud. It hadn't been the first time your clit had been touched, but it was the first time Derek had touched it, and you hoped to god it wouldn't be the last. Your folds practically swallowed the fabric as you pulsed around nothing, eager for his cock to be buried deep inside you.

"How am I doing so far?" he asked, that sexy smirk still not having retreated.

Your hips bucked as he finally slipped his hand into your soaked panties, one of his long fingers teasing your entrance. "Please, Derek, I need you."

His finger slipped inside you with ease, flexing at the perfect pace. Whimpers fell from your tongue as you tossed your head back against the headboard. "How's this?"

"Derek," you called out, your eyes squeezing shut. "Need you. Your cock."

He pulled his hand away, and you groaned at the loss of contact. "So needy," he teased, fingers hooking around your panties and bringing them down your legs.

In swift motions, he tossed his boxers aside, grabbed the condom he kept in his wallet, and tugged it on. While you didn't have much hands-on experience with dicks, you'd seen them enough in porn and pictures to know that he was big.

Your eyes glassed over as you reached for the lube you kept on the nightstand, secretly grateful for buying yourself a vibrator a few months prior. A small thought of Derek edging you with the toy flooded your mind, a moan coming from your lips as you lubed yourself to the thought.

"What're you thinking about?" he asked as he finished rolling on the latex, moving up onto the bed and hovering above you.

"All the things I want you to do to me," you answered truthfully, rubbing the excess lube over his dick. Derek sucked in a breath at your touch, nearly pushing your hand away.

His hand wrapped around his cock, nudging the head of it against your folds. "Gonna be a big stretch, okay? Just gotta trust me."

You nodded, taking his opposite hand in yours and entwining your fingers through his. "I trust you."

The stretch was massive compared to your toy, though you were glad for the previous experience having prepared you in a way. Derek's hips began to sway, filling you up deliciously. He was barely halfway in before you started to mutter profanities from the painful pleasure he was providing you with.

"That's it, babygirl," he whispered with one particularly hard thrust. "Doing so well. Taking me so well."

Your hips rutted against his, your pussy swallowing him even deeper inside you until his cockhead brushed your g-spot, your head falling against the pillow behind you. "Derek, please," you whimpered, "don't stop."

"Wasn't planning on it," he reminded you, hips bucking faster as he chased your releases.

Your orgasm built like it never had before, your hips meeting Derek's in a frenzied but perfect rhythm. You fluttered around him, pulling him even further into you as the coil in your stomach began to tighten. "I'm gonna-" your words were cut short by a moan as his hand met your clit, soft figure-eights bringing you closer to the edge.

"You can cum. Go ahead, sweetheart," he whispered, and as if on cue, your orgasm washed over you in euphoric relief, white spots blurring your vision as your eyes locked with Derek's.

His own release followed soon after, and while you were sure you didn't want kids any time soon, you secretly wondered what it would've felt like had his seed filled you up rather than the condom. His body rested softly atop yours, making sure not to squish you with his giant frame. Your fingers swiped tiredly at the sweat that had formed on his forehead, your own hair sticking to your face as well.

"Thank you," you sighed, connecting your lips to the soft hair that prickled the top of his head.

His thumb swiped gentle strokes over one of your love handles, his heart beating in a way that only you could make it beat. "No, thank you, sweetheart."

-> taglist: @hotchandspencearedilfs @1234-angelika @leigh70 @ah-blossom @alexxavicry @topguncultleader @sammyrenae68 @raeluvshammett @esposadomd

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storiesofsvu · 1 year

Text

Start of Something New

Derek Morgan x reader (kinda…it’ll make sense i promise) Warnings: language, mentions of loss of a parent, comfort all the way through otherwise. Covers the "holiday movies" for my bingo and the "neighbors" square of @resanoona 3k bingo!

You were slumped on your couch, doom scrolling through your phone in a feeble attempt to distract yourself when you heard a festive playlist burst to life on the other side of the wall. It wasn’t that the walls were paper thin but your living room shared a wall with Derek’s living room and you could often hear anything over certain volume going either way. It was one of the way the two of you had become friends. You’d exchanged phone numbers pretty early on after moving in, just to make sure if there ever were problems you could shoot off a text instead of having to climb off the sofa and wander down the hall to knock on the door. Then there was one night of TV binging where the same theme song could be heard through the wall at the same time, after hour three your phone buzzed with a text, Derek teasing you about your obsession and you shot back that he was doing the exact same. The next text that came through was him inviting you over for a few episodes and a beer and your friendship was born.

You couldn’t help but roll your eyes at the sound of the Christmas music flowing through the air, you used to love the holiday, but it was really all a sham that you could finally see through. You figured Derek was setting up for some stupid Christmas date night, which made you grumble, pulling the blanket tighter around your body as you turned up the volume on your phone. About twenty minutes later you heard the tell tale knock on the wall separating your apartments and you let out an audible groan.

“What?!” You called from your spot on the couch and the knock just repeated itself, louder this time.

Letting out a huff you got off the couch, leaving the blanket wrapped around you, phone clutched in hand you scooped up your keys and wandered out of your apartment, locking the door behind you. Derek’s door was unlocked, but you still knocked before letting yourself in.

“Jesus, someone’s feeling festive.” You greeted as your eyes swept through the space. His tree was up the last time you were over but it had still been bare. Today it was covered in glittering lights, sparkling garland and a ton of ornaments, there were Christmas lights illuminating over the balcony doors.

“Figured it might help brighten up the place, make the mood a little better, ya know?”

“Hmm.” You replied, tugging the blanket tighter around your shoulders.

“What’s going on with you?” He asked with a small laugh and you huffed.

“I’m sad and I demand cuddles.” You pouted and he chuckled.

“Okay sweetheart, you’ll get them. I figured we could watch a couple of movies anyways?” He crossed through the space to the open kitchen, “you want some eggnog? Spiked hot chocolate?”

“The second please.” You moved to the couch, dropping down onto it and tucking your blanket in, knowing that Derek would say no to help if you asked. A few moments later he returned with two large mugs of boozy hot chocolate and a plate of pastries, sinking down onto the couch beside you, his free arm naturally coming to lay across the back of the couch.

“So, what’s first? What’s your favourite?”

“Grinch.” You replied with a sigh, sinking into his side, “but I don’t wanna watch it.” Derek could feel the melancholy wafting off you and his head tilted down to look at you instead of the TV.

“Hey…” he nudged at you gently, “what’s eating you? You were all about Christmas last year. You were the one who insisted I needed a tree.”

“I used to watch it with my mom…. It’s my first Christmas without her.”

“Oh fuck…” he muttered, “sweetheart I should’ve realized. I’m so sorry.”

“No, it’s fine.” You muttered, taking a hefty swig of your drink, “just no Grinch.”

“We could start with one of those ridiculously cheesy Hallmark movies? Take a drink every time something cringey or very stereotypical happens?”

“I’d like that.” You cast him a small smile before snuggling back into his shoulder.

Derek picked up the remote and scrolled through a couple of options until you found one that you agreed had to be absolutely terrible and clicked play. His idea to brighten your mood and help you relax into the idea of celebrating the holiday worked even better than both of you had thought, you rolled right into a second ridiculous movie and halfway through it were all laughter and smiles. You pointed out all the stupid things, the over the top tropes and couldn’t help but laugh at the cheesy, terrible writing and how real life was never anything like these.

After the second movie you protested, saying you couldn’t handle anymore of it and Derek suggested swapping to the Home Alone trilogy and you were more than okay with that. He made sure to refill your drinks, and definitely made sure to give you all the cuddles you desired. The credits were rolling on movie number two and he glanced down at you, chuckling at the sight of your eyes fluttering, fully relaxed into him.

“You asleep there princess?” He teased and you scoffed.

“No.” You let out a sigh, pushing up to sitting properly and stretched out your body. Unlike when you’d first arrived, you were full of warmth, a happy smile on your face that Derek couldn’t help but smile at. “I should get going though, your couch is comfortable, but not comfortable enough to sleep on.”

“Alright.” He squeezed at your shoulder, guiding you back through the apartment to the door. He expected just a quick goodnight, surprised at the way you suddenly turned back to him, wrapping your arms around him in a tight hug as you let out a small sigh.

“Thank you.” You murmured after a moment, “for all this. Even if it’s not what you intended in the first place.”

“Hey… anytime.” He pressed a light kiss to the top of your head and you let out a happy hum before pulling away, “and I don’t want you to be alone on Christmas. You’re coming over here, okay?”

“Don’t you already have that whole found family thing to be with?”

“So?” He shrugged, “what’s one more member of that?”

“You sure?”

“Absolutely.” He flashed you a wicked grin and you couldn’t help but smile back at him.

“Alright. But only if you promise those butterscotch marshmallow squares.”

“Oh that’s a guarantee baby.” He pulled you to him for another tight hug, “now go get some beauty rest.”

“Night Derek.” You smiled once more before turning and wandering back to your apartment.

True to his word, Derek encouraged you to join in on as many festivities as you wanted, making sure not to push too hard and joining you on the couch for movie nights instead of dealing with so many people on the days you didn’t want to. You got to meet a bunch of his friends, and he got to meet a couple of yours, a Christmas that you thought was going to be miserable and lonely ended up being filled with so much joy and love you never would have noticed what was bothering you.

It was on New Year’s Eve that it finally happened, years of friendship morphing into something more when the clock struck twelve and Derek pulled you to him for a gentle kiss, his hand cupping your cheek. You relaxed instantly into it, smiling when he pulled back to murmur a quiet ‘Happy New Year’ you returned the sentiment, but rather than step away you stepped closer, kissing him once more and truly was the start of something new.

________________

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#storiesofsvuholidaybingo2022 #resa.3kfiestabingo #criminal minds #derek morgan #derek morgan x reader #derek morgan one shot #derek morgan fluff #criminal minds fanfiction #criminal minds fanfic #derek morgan fanfic #derek morgan fanfiction #derek morgan fic #writing bingo

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ddejavvu · 5 months

Text

m.list - derek morgan

blurbs:

coworkers to lovers with derek

derek falling for hotch's daughter

hooking up with derek while drunk

derek visits you in the hospital

losing your virginity to derek

meeting derek's team

telling derek you're a virgin

getting stuck in a cell with derek

derek gets you ice cream

soulmate au with derek

derek finds out his girlfriend is rossi's daughter

derek spoils you on valentine's day

dilf!morgan x plus size!reader

derek would still love you if you were a worm

derek x ghost!reader

derek likes your perfume

moreid make you nervous in the interrogation room

you and derek have the same last name

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thedelusionalbitchgianna · 4 months

Text

Derek: So you're bisexual and still single?

Spencer: No I'm just bi myself

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velvetcloxds · 1 year

Note

be my mistake- send me a character and a dialogue prompt and I'll write a little baby blurb for it- dbf derek morgan with "I'm not going anywhere" please

I WOULD | D.M.

word count: 0.9k

warnings: haven't done this in a while, little unsure about it, age gap

summary: something goes bump in the night and derek insists on coming over to check it out and make sure you're safe, but he can't get himself to leave even after he knows that it is

Derek didn't even hover before picking up your call, excusing himself from the table where the team was sat for dinner, your father included as he made his way outside, smiling to himself at the ringtone you insisted on putting on his phone so he'd know it was you calling blared loudly in his hand. His smile, one he was sure would make you a giggling mess if you were there to see it, slipped right off his lips when he heard your voice, shaking, soft, not at all like it would be when you saw something interesting while studying and simply had to tell him.

"Do you want me to come over and check it out?" Derek asked after you'd very quickly explained to him in a rush what happened, convinced someone was trying to open your window and come into your place.

"No," he wasn't convinced, you didn't think he was. "Just tell me it's nothing."

"It's nothing," he sounded very sure of himself and you nodded, feeling just a little better simply at the sound of his voice but you knew you'd feel just as scared again after his voice was gone. "Baby, it's nothing, I'm sure of it, just lock your door and your windows and go to bed, okay, I'm just a phone call away if you hear anything else."

He calmed you down as much as he could, knowing that for the most part whatever you heard outside your window wasn't anything to be scared of and that's what he told you and you pretended it was enough as you hung up, but he knew you'd not let it go, probably propped up on the stairs of your little condo, looking around at every sound, you'd probably not get much sleep and he knew you didn't need another reason to be skipping out of bed without shutting an eye.

He sent Garcia a quick text before taking a car to your place and he found you right where he thought he would, a little breath of surprise leaving his lips when you skipped over the stairs and right into his arms, gripping his hand tightly as he led you through every room and every corner, checking and double checking and finding nothing.

"You didn't have to come over, Der," you breathed softly, embarrassed as the two of you ended up right back in front of your door, hesitantly letting go of his hand now that there was no sign of anything wanting to harm you. "I didn't want to ruin your night," you pulled your sleeves over your hands, looking over his fancy suit, all dressed up for a fun night but standing in your place fighting imaginary monsters instead.

"You didn't ruin my night, sweetheart, and of course, I was going to come over," he raised a brow at you, reaching over to gently brush a fallen eyelash from your cheek, not at all surprised when you leaned into the touch, skin warming under his soft hold. "You were scared," he explained and you scoffed lightly.

"Doesn't take much to scare me, you know," you took a little step toward him, smiling lightly when he moved his hand to your neck, keeping you close just because he could. "You going to come running every time I'm scared?"

"I would," he shrugged, and it was addicting the way you melted into him, another little step leading you right into his arms, free hand settling on your waist and allowing his eyes to drag over your face, it was a selfish thing really, a curiosity, he could feel your heart beating against his palm, could see you trying to swallow your breaths. "There's nothing out there," he promised but you weren't convinced, the very sound you'd heard earlier skipping through the room, a shiver running right up your spine as you faked a small smile.

"I know," you nodded, bringing a hand up to squeeze his arm, fingers crawling up until they were tangled with his. "Thank you for coming to my rescue," you were trying to guide yourself around him, gripping his hand as you tried looking for the key to the front door. "Now that I know there's no boogie man waiting to get me, you can go back to listening to all my dad's horrendous jokes," he stopped you before you could reach for the door, shaking his head as he shook off his blazer jacket, winking as he let you go to throw it over the banister.

"You don't have to thank me," he was kicking off his shoes next, already trying to figure out which movie he was going to watch while you fell asleep next to him. "Did you eat something yet?" he knew the answer and even though he knew there were better options, he slid past you toward the kitchen, rummaging around before pulling out a tub of ice cream.

"Derek?" you watched him with curious eyes as he grabbed two spoons from the drawer and then moved all the way to the other side of the room where he sank down on the couch, free hand patting the spot next to him. "You're staying?" it was a silly question, one clearly already answered but he smiled still, nodding as you slowly walked over to him. "For the night?" he nodded again and you couldn't help but giggle, a soft sound, one that had the same impact on him that his smile had on you, his heart soaring at the little smile paired with it.

"Someone has to protect you from the boogie man, you know, just in case," he told you once you'd sat down next to him, not wasting a second before scootching into his side, placing the gentlest of kisses to his shoulder before he snaked his arm around you, guiding your head into his neck in the process and when the sound came through again it wasn't even slightly as terrifying as it should be, a kiss placed to your forehead as you stole a glance up at Derek. "I'm not going anywhere."

And he didn't, not when he realized it was really just the wind playing around with your trees, or when you started losing interest in the ice cream and the movie to look up at him every chance you got, or even when you fell asleep on his chest, snoring lightly, something he'd surely have to tease you about later and when he tried to move to the other chair to give you room and you gripped his shirt in your sleep, he knew that leaving you alone just about ever again would be all but impossible.

#derek morgan #dbf!derek morgan #derek morgan x reader #derek morgan x you #derek morgan x yn #derek morgan x y/n #derek morgan fluff #derek morgan drabble #derek morgan blurb #derek morgan imagine #derek morgan one shot #derek morgan fic #derek morgan fanfic #derek morgan fanfiction #monique's writing events #right where queue left me

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astrophileous · 1 year

Text

Love Bugs (Pt. 04)

Pairing: Derek Mogran x Female Reader

Warning(s): kidnapping, stalker/psychopathic behaviors, reader is being held captive, curse words (? - idk if there are any in this part but just in case), violent use of knife, tell me if I miss anything xx

Word Count: 1900-ish

Tag(s): @camilaheroine

Author's Note: I KNOW it seems like the chapters are getting shorter and shorter but I promise you it's because these last two ones are essentially mood-setters for the next big, prominent parts in the series. Sooo hang in there and I promise you'll get some juicy stuff on the new part on Thursday ;) meanwhile, don't forget to LIKE+COMMENT+REBLOG to fuel me into making more chapters (especially if you reblog or comment 💞)

Love Bugs Masterlist / Criminal Minds Masterlist

Last night, Derek was finally able to sleep for the first time in what felt like an eternity.

He had lost count of the many nights he spent tossing and turning, reaching for his phone with the intention of calling your number just to fling the device across the room before his thumb could press the call button. He would trick himself into thinking that whatever he needed to say could wait until the next day at work, only to be tongue-tied any time both of your paths would cross.

Derek Morgan had always been a courageous man. He had even proven that he would gladly give his life to hold the hand of someone sitting on top of a bomb if it meant that person wouldn't leave this world alone.

But when it came to you, Derek was an utterly, foolishly, shameful piece of coward.

"Good morning, everyone." Hotch's greeting broke Derek out of his stupor. "Let's start the day, shall we?"

"(Y/N) isn't here yet," Emily spoke up from beside him. At the mention of your name, Derek's ears instantly perked up. "Should I call her?"

Hotch stared at the empty chair where you were supposed to sit, seemingly deep in his thoughts before answering, "It's alright, I'll catch her up later myself. Shall we begin?"

The first to present their findings were JJ and Emily.

"We found something interesting while talking to the second victim's roommate yesterday," JJ began. "Apparently, the victim had been seeing some guy for the past few weeks before she disappeared."

"Why wasn't this information in our files?" Hotch frowned.

"Because our victim only disclosed this once to one of her friends at school that we didn't get to interview the first time around," Emily answered. "The roommate only just found out after they bumped into each other a couple of weeks ago."

"That's good. It's definitely a start. Gather everything you know about the date and send the information to Garcia. Maybe she can give us a list of potential suspects from there," Hotch ordered.

"Already done." JJ nodded.

"Okay, next. Reid, did you--"

"Sir?"

The sound from the doorway interrupted Hotch before he could even begin to voice his question out loud. Every head in that room turned towards Penelope standing in the doorway, a panic-stricken expression decorating her usually cheery face.

"What's up, Garcia?" Hotch questioned.

"Another package just arrived, sir," she informed nervously. "It's our UnSub."

Hotch abruptly got up from his seat. "Did you get a chance to take a look at the video yet?"

"I-It's not a video tape, sir."

"What is it, Garcia?" Rossi asked.

"It's a flashdrive." She cleared her throat. "I, uh, did a routine check to make sure that it didn't contain any viruses. Not like it matters. I probably could still access the files if he had used the common accessible viruses in the market. Thankfully, though, there wasn't a single virus in it. Which, of course, made my job a whole lot easier--"

"Garcia," Hotch warned.

"Yes? Right, right. I'm sorry, sir. What I meant to say is that the flashdrive didn't have any kinds of virus." Garcia started playing with her fingers, a physical tell which Derek knew could only mean that she was feeling anxious. "But I think you guys should see this."

Everyone scrambled from their seats to follow Garcia out of the conference room. In the middle of the bullpen, a large projector had been set up, its large screen covering the vast area of one of the walls.

"Garcia," Hotch called in confusion. "You said that it wasn't a video tape."

"It's not, sir," Garcia choked out. Her glasses-rimmed eyes taking in the sight of the hunched figure on the screen, seated on a chair in what looked like an abandoned building similar to the one they found in the first video. "This is streaming live."

"What?" Emily muttered in shock.

"This is right now?" Hotch asked, to which Garcia answered with a series of rapid nods.

"He's finally chosen his next victim," Reid commented under his breath.

"Wait, look. She's waking up," JJ pointed out.

Every pair of eyes in the room watched as the figure started to stir. When she finally lifted her head, the entire universe seemed to stand still.

Somewhere in the room, Derek heard somebody gasp.

"No."

Derek shook his head in denial. His eyes blinking rapidly to clear the fog that had started to gather in his vision. For a second there, Derek had hoped that maybe he was just seeing things. Maybe the guilt he had continuously hoarded over the past few weeks had at last caught up to him, playing cruel tricks to his mind that made him believe he was seeing things that weren't real.

When he managed to open his eyes again, Derek realized that the scene in front of him was not the product of his overly heinous imagination.

Because the figure being tied down on the chair in that video was, in fact, you.

"That's... That's not--"

"That's (Y/N)," Reid uttered in disbelief, finishing the sentence that Derek couldn't get out due to the strangled air in his throat.

Derek's legs gave out underneath him. Before he could fall helplessly to the ground, the desk behind him caught most of his body weight, ensuring that he would stay standing despite the paralysis that had begun attacking his entire limbs.

His worst nightmare had just come true.

And Derek, for the first time in his life, finally knew what a pure, unadulterated terror felt like.

The insufferable pain was the first thing you registered when you opened your eyes.

Chronic migraines were a condition that had always run in your family. Your mother had them when she was alive. You started having them when you were in high school. At their worst, the migraines you had to endure were unbearable. They became insanely painful at times that you didn't even have the capacity to get out of bed.

But this headache was definitely worse. So much worse.

You blinked your eyes once, twice, three times in an attempt to clear the white threads in your vision. When your eyes had refocused enough for you to see without feeling like you were about to topple over, you began to take in your surroundings.

The room was humid and dark. The small ventilations to your right told you that the sun was already up, meaning that you were passed out all night long. With a few hours had passed since you were last conscious to the moment you woke up, there was no way to estimate the exact location to which your captor had taken you.

As your eyes swept over the large expanse of moldy dark concrete, they caught sight of a device being mounted on the wall.

A camera.

He was watching you.

The dread was quick to sink in your stomach. The camera meant that your captor had been watching your every move. And if he truly had, it was only a matter of time before he would pay a visit after learning that you had regained your consciousness.

As if he had been rummaging through your mind himself, you heard the sound of a metal door opening barely a few minutes later.

His presence reeked of atrocity. The sound of his heavy footsteps echoed to the background sound of malice, promising all things devilish to anyone who ever caught a wind of it. You watched him appear from the darkness. All black attire--complete with a black ski mask--to cover his true identity. But even with nearly his whole face hidden, the cruel promise in his eyes alone was enough to make you shiver in place.

"Good morning, Agent (Y/L/N). You were asleep a lot longer than I thought you'd be."

You unconsciously tugged at the restrains that bound you to the chair.

"I saw your message for me, Agent. Did you like my gift?"

"The video tape. That was you?"

His eyes crinkled in the corner as if he was elated at the idea of you receiving the so-called gift he had prepared.

"You liked it?" he almost purred. "I knew you would. I knew you were different from the others. I saw you up there and I just knew that you were the one I was looking for."

"Of course. Thank you so much for such a special gift."

You knew the profile had stated that the UnSub loved attention, meaning that he also seeked validation and compliance from his victims. Trying to fight him would only result in catastrophe. Especially after considering that the video tape he sent showed apparent signs of unpredictable devolving from his organized self. He was intelligent enough to know if you ever tried to trick him, so your best bet at that moment was to play along with his fantasy and hoped that it would give you additional time to figure out a more elaborated plan of action.

"You already know my name, but I still don't know yours. What should I call you?"

The UnSub pondered your curiosity in the silence. "You don't remember me?"

His question baffled you.

His reaction implied that you must have crossed paths with him, somewhere, somehow, during the weeks that had passed since the press conference.

That knowledge alone had dread stirring higher in your gut.

"I'm sorry." You quickly tried to rectify the situation. "It's dark in here, and you're wearing that mask. A-and my head, it's throbbing really bad. Kinda makes it difficult to see or recognize anything. Or anyone."

Thankfully, he seemed to find your excuse acceptable. "You can call me Darling."

"Darling?" You hid the instant repulsion in your voice at the nickname. "Is that really your name?"

Booming laughter filled the room, chilling your bones and activating every fight or flight response in your body. The mirth in his eyes caused you to feel as if you had just delivered the biggest joke of the century by asking him that last question.

"No, it's not my real name," he let out after seemingly pleased by your accidental jab in humor. "Darling is what we are to each other. You'll be my Darling and I'll be yours. Forever."

Forever.

You ignored how that one single word ignited a massive turbulence in your bloodstream.

"Is that why you took all of those women?" you asked cautiously. "You were looking for your Darling?"

"Yes. But let's not worry about that anymore. I've got you, now." He stalked over to you then, taking your chin between his fingers and forcing you to stare into his eyes. "None of the others are as worthy as you, Darling. We are going to have so much fun together."

You inwardly cringed while imagining what exactly the type of "fun" he might have meant.

"I have a surprise waiting for us to commemorate our first day together," he suddenly told you.

"A surprise? What kind of surprise?"

He reached around his back before pulling out a dagger that he began to twirl in his hand. The sharp point of its metallic blade blinded you as your captor moved around your tied up body, stalking at every angle as if you were a prey he wanted to shred to pieces.

Eventually, his steps halted behind the chair you were tied to, rooting you in place with one hand on your shoulder while the other pressed the tip of the dagger to your jaw.

"Smile at the camera, Darling," he whispered behind your ear. "We have an audience."

"What are you talking about?"

"Your team is watching," he informed between his dark snickers. "Let's make sure the show is worth their time, shall we?"

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marie-swriting · 9 months

Text

Beautiful - Derek Morgan

Masterlist

Summary : you're struggling with the way your body look.

Warnings : body image issue (⚠️please do not read if it's a sensitive topic), implied eating disorder (⚠️please do not read if it's a sensitive topic), angst, hurt/comfort, whump, maybe some grammatical mistakes as English is not my first language, tell me if you see some or if I missed any warnings.

Word count : 3k

French version

Song inspiration : Body by Julia Michaels

In a dressing room, you look at your body’s reflection in a red dress. You look at yourself from every angle and you only see flaws. For you, this dress doesn’t flatter your shape even though Derek promised you it would. You don’t like the neckline, it doesn’t highlight your chest properly. You don’t like the way your belly is showing through the fabric. And finally, you don’t like the way your legs can be seen because of the dress’ shortness. You pull the dress down a bit, hoping it’d make it longer while a sentence from an ex is resonating inside your head. You keep examining every inch of your body in the mirror to the point you’re twisting yourself. You end up sighing, understanding your body is not made for this dress. You feel like your body isn’t made for a lot of clothes and it has the knack for making you suffer.

“You’re ready, sweet girl ?” Derek questions, outside of the changing room.

“Huh, yes.”

With apprehension, you open the curtain and Derek doesn’t say a word for a second, looking at you up and down. His silence makes you a bit more nervous and convinces you you should get out of this dress right now.

“You’re beautiful, Y/N.” he compliments you with a smile.

“I don’t think so.” you shake your head, staring at your reflection again.

“You’re joking ? You’re stunning.”

“I don’t know. Look at my stomach !” you exclaim, showing your body part. “And my legs don’t look good in this dress either. Besides, I find it too short.”

“It’s barely mid-tight. And, it looks perfectly good on you.”

“I don’t know…”

As a way to reassure you, Derek puts his hands on your shoulders and kisses your forehead.

“I promise you you’re breathtaking in this dress.” he promises you and you force a smile. “You should take it and if you still think you don’t look good in it, you can always return it. Come on, I’ll buy it for you.” Derek announces, happy.

“Derek, you don’t have to-”

“Ha, ha,” he cuts you, moving his forefinger left to right, “I’ll buy it for you, it’ll be for our date at the restaurant next week. Besides, recently, we didn’t see each other a lot, I owe it to you.”

“You know you don’t have to make up for your job.” you affirm, taking his hand.

“Take it as a gift because I love you then. Want to try something else ?”

“No.” you state without wasting a second. “I’m going to change.”

You close the curtain and start undressing yourself without lingering on your reflection. Once you’re ready, you get out of the dressing room and see another woman a bit younger than you in the same dress. In spite of yourself, you think it looks better on her. The dress fits her curves perfectly and you think she is beautiful ; looking at her, you wish you could be like her.

After paying for the dress, you go back to your apartment. All the way home, you stayed silent, lost in your own thoughts made by the several remarks you’ve ever heard. Derek notices your mutism right away. He doesn’t question you, knowing you’ll dig your heels in. Despite the fact you’ve been together for a year, you still struggle to confide in him when you need it. It’s one of the things you’re working on. You’ve been making efforts since you met, but sometimes, you still isolate yourself.

When you’re at your place, you put your stuff down and inform Derek you want to get into more comfortable clothes. Derek lays down on your bed while you’re changing. In your bathroom, you look at your reflection while you’re in your underwear. When you feel your negative thoughts are becoming too strong, you turn your back from the mirror and keep changing. Even when you take your makeup off, you don’t look at yourself. The second you’re done, you lay down next to Derek. Instantly, he takes you in his arms before kissing the crown of your head.

“You’re feeling okay ?”

“Yes. I’m just a bit tired.” you lie, hearing his heartbeats.

“You’re sure ?”

“Promised.” you affirm, pecking his lips. “Can you sleep here tonight ? I’d like to stay in your arms.”

“Sure.”

Your proposal is all Derek needed to know you’re not okay. Derek might not be aware of the reason why yet but it's only a matter of time until he finds out. He knows you enough to recognise your tell when you're not doing fine without you uttering a word. Nevertheless, at this instant, he prefers to hold you close to him, wanting to give you the comfort you secretly need.

You thought in a few days you’d feel better. You often have those phases where you hate your body more than usual, this one is just more tenacious. You don’t feel good in any of your clothes, you feel ugly and you can’t enjoy anything you’re eating. Everything is awful and you just want to stay in bed and never get out of it.

Unfortunately for you, you have to go on a date with Derek. With the small amount of strength you have, you manage to get out of the bed.

After taking a shower, you open your closet. You go through your clothes without will. When you find the dress Derek bought you, you hesitate between wearing it or burning it. You know it’d make him happy to see you in it but you’re still not convinced. Reluctantly, you grab the hanger before putting the dress on, hoping this time, you’ll see what Derek saw.

You adjust the dress and you look at yourself in your bedroom mirror. You still have the same vision : only flaws. Keeping your eyes on your body, your eyes get teary while in your mind, sentences like : ‘you’re not pretty’, ‘you look like nothing’ and other awful words are echoing.

There are more and more tears in your eyes and you refuse to cry. You can’t have a breakdown tonight. You have to spend the evening with Derek. Your demons will have to wait for later. You take deep breaths and when you’re sure you’re not on the verge of crying anymore, you take your makeup. You hope making your face more beautiful will help you. Maybe it’ll remedy your outfit. Furthermore, when you doll yourself up, it sometimes helps you to feel better - even if it’s not a magical remedy. However, this time, your mood gets worse. The dark circles under your eyes are making fun of you while you try to cover them up and some pimples on your face don’t make the situation any better.

You try to hide things as best as you can while thinking, at least you can get rid of these imperfections for a few hours. When you’re more or less satisfied with the result, you go back to your mirror to check if you look a bit presentable.

Despite your makeup, you don’t think you look better. Your dress is still looking ridiculous on you and no matter how many accessories you try to add, you still think you’re not pretty. Annoyed, you end up removing the dress and go back to your closet. You’re in the same situation as the beginning. Looking at your dresses again, you realise your white one is missing. It’s a simple dress but you feel good in it. You have an idea where it might be so you go to your laundry, cursing at yourself. When you find your dress is, indeed, in your washing machine who is currently working, you sit down on the floor, muffling a scream. You don’t have a fallback solution anymore and it’s out of question to wear your new one. Feeling like you’re in an impasse, your tears come back in an instant. This time, you don’t have the strength to hold them back. They run down your cheeks freely, ruining your makeup on the same occasion. You cry for approximately ten minutes, you don’t even want to think about what you look like right now. Once you’re calmer, even if some tears keep flowing, you go back to your bedroom and take your phone.

Message from you to Derek, 6:58 P.M. :

I just got my periods, I don’t feel like going to the restaurant. Do you mind if we cancel ?

Message from Derek to you, 6:59 P.M. :

No problem. Do you need anything ? I can stay with you if you want.

Message from you to Derek, 7:01 P.M. :

No need. I have everything I need. Sorry for the last minute cancellation.

Message from Derek to you, 7:02 P.M. :

Don’t apologise, get some rest. I love you ❤️

You answer to his ‘I love you’ before setting your phone back on your nightstand. You quickly put on some sweatpants and your favourite sweatshirt then you leave your bedroom.

In your kitchen, you take several snacks and go to your living room, you start the first show Netflix recommended to you. You watch the episode without paying no mind to it while eating potato chips. Unsurprisingly, you feel yourself falling down even more in your downward spiral. You could be at a fancy restaurant with your boyfriend and you’re in your living room in a sweatshirt snacking.

Guilt is eating you alive when you think of Derek. You feel bad for lying to him, in particular when he pays that much attention to you but you don’t have the moral strength to leave your apartment.

You burst into sobs again, hating the phase you’re currently in. You can feel yourself drowning and instead of trying to get back to the surface, you let yourself go down in this feeling of emptiness.

Three weeks later, you’re still miserable and you still haven’t talked about it with Derek. A part of you wants to tell him everything you’re feeling and the other part wants to be able to get through it without his help. You can do it, you could do it before you met him. You can do it again. Therefore, when Derek comes back from a case, you do everything to hide your uneasiness. You know it’s a risky game, his profiler skills will see right through you in a heartbeat, yet you don’t want to burden him with your demons.

Of course, Derek knows what’s going on. He’s been on his toes since the moment he bought the dress and he doesn’t need to be a profiler to know you’re not fine. He knows you by heart. He’s just waiting for the perfect moment to bring up the subject, unfortunately with his job, this moment has been delayed several times.

However, that evening, he’s determined : he’s going to talk with you. He can’t keep staying silent when he knows you’re not coming to him. Before inviting you to open up to him, he wants to make sure you’re at ease by proposing a nice night out. He’s planned a movie then a take away at your place. He wants to finish the evening at yours, wanting you to be in a safe space.

When Derek arrives at your home, you’re putting your makeup on. He gives you a compliment which you don’t take seriously. He looks at you from your bed. He sees your hesitant gestures when you’re looking at yourself in the mirror. Besides, your silence gives him another clue. Normally, you two don’t stop talking, especially when you haven’t seen each other for more than a week because of a case.

You open your closet and start going through your stuff. When you still haven’t decided anything five minutes later, Derek stands and comes to you.

“Why don’t you wear the red dress ?” he asks, pointing at the cloth in question.

“Isn’t it a bit fancy for a movie ?”

“Not necessarily.”

“I was thinking of wearing the white one.” you tell him, taking it.

“Sweet girl, you’re beautiful in this dress but you wear it often. You have a lot of clothes that look good on you. You should change.”

You quickly weigh pros and cons, remembering all too well your last reaction when you wanted to wear your new dress. You end up forcing a smile and take it.

“You’re right. I’ll wear the red one.”

You’re about to change when Derek’s phone rings. He leaves your bedroom to take it in the entrance. Meanwhile, you take the dress out of the hanger and slip it on. You smooth the dress with your hands then, take a quick look in the mirror. Instantly, tears are back again in your eyes.

Contrary to last time, you hold them back. Derek is in the room next door, he can’t see you like this. However, you don’t have the time to calm down your emotions that Derek is already back in your room. Seeing you crying, Derek takes you in his arms right away. You sob for a few minutes whilst Derek strokes your back, hoping it’ll calm your cries. When he thinks you’re able to talk, he puts his hands on both sides of your face to look at you.

“Talk to me. What’s wrong ?”

“I…,” you stutter, shaking your head, “it’s stupid.”

“You know pretty well it’s not stupid if you’re in this state. Talk to me.” Derek repeats with a soft tone and you sigh.

“It’s just that I don't like my outfit. I told you, it’s stupid to cry for that.” you complain when he frowns. “I don’t feel good in this ugly dress. I look ugly in this dress.” you admit, averting his eyes.

“Why do you talk about yourself like that ?”

“I don’t know why. I just can’t feel good in this dress.” you repeat with a weaker voice. “I don’t understand how you can find me pretty in it.”

“It’s not just about the dress, isn’t it ?” he inquiries, knowing the answer.

“My relationship with my body has always been complicated, you know it, but lately, I’ve been feeling like shit.” you confess, your lips trembling, “I don’t feel good in my body, none of my clothes look good, I can hardly look at myself in the mirror and I feel ugly.”

As you talk, your breath becomes more jerky. Derek wipes the tears that have rolled down your cheeks. You didn’t even know you had started crying again. Derek is about to talk when you beat him to it :

“I know you’re gonna tell me the opposite, you’re gonna say all of these things are just in my mind but I can’t help it. I swear to you I want to look in the mirror and say it’s beautiful like you do but I don’t see what you see. I want to love my body like you love my body, I swear, I really want to love it, it just seems impossible. I can’t think of one single positive thing about me.” you mumble, your voice breaking. “Everytime I think I’m finally doing a bit better, I remember every word people have told me, whether it’s an ex, a friend or even my family and it’s back to square one.” you inform, trying to dry your tears, in vain. “And no matter how much you compliment me, I can’t believe you. I know you’re genuine but I can’t believe you. I just feel like every word you’re telling me is a lie to make me feel better. It’s not the truth and in one way, I know it but I can’t help it. I feel like I’m doomed to forever hate my body and…”, you keep saying, taking a deep breath, “it scares me. I don’t want to keep going like this. I don’t know what to do.”

Gestures being stronger than words, Derek holds you again. It’s not the first time you break down in front of him but it doesn’t mean it doesn’t break his heart hearing your angst. You hide your face in the crook of his neck, feeling ashamed to be this vulnerable.

“I’m sorry, we’re late for the movie because of me.” you articulate against his torso.

“We can always go another day. It’s okay.” Derek assures you, kissing your forehead.

“The fact is, it’s not the evening you had in mind. Sorry.”

“You don’t have to apologise for feeling bad.”

“I know but it’s the second time we cancelled our plans because of me.”

“You’re talking about the restaurant ? You had your periods, it wasn’t your fault.”

Following Derek’s sentence, guilt finds its way with your other emotions. You break the embrace and set your gaze on your hands, fidgeting with your fingers nervously.

“I lied to you, actually. I had put on this dress to make you happy and I ended up in the exact same state. I preferred to cancel everything instead of talking to you. I’m sorry, I promised you I’d make an effort.” you say, raising your eyes to him. “I’m just so scared to be a burden to you. I don’t want you to grow weary of me because I’m not good mentally. I still don’t know how I got you and I don’t want to lose you for that. Besides, I want to handle it on my own… I mean, it works clearly so well !” you exclaim, rolling your eyes. “I’d understand if you wanted to leave me.”

“Hey, I’m not going to leave you when you need me.” Derek affirms, his hand on your cheek. “Look, I can’t imagine everything you’re feeling, but I will always be by your side, especially when you’re feeling bad. And if I have to repeat every second of every day you’re beautiful for you to believe me, I will. However, I think talking with a therapist could help you.”

“Probably.” you admit. “Would you come with me ? At least for the first session, I’ll need support.”

“Of course. I’ll come with you to as many sessions as you want.” Derek accepts with a comforting smile.

You know you still have a long way to go before loving yourself yet, you’ve already taken the first step.

For the first time in weeks, you let go of a sigh of relief. You peck Derek’s lips then you press yourself against his body again, his arms protecting you from your demons.

Masterlist

{This is my side blog so I'll be answering comments under the username @marie-sworld}

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