#depression build are the best (:
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The healing and lasting love of a mom
#for Mother's Day 2023#camila noceda#hunter noceda#toh hunter#older hunter#toh waffles#the owl house#toh edits#loz's edits#loz's art#he's her lil' wolf cub forever#in the last pic he's fetching her to go for dinner at Dell and Gwen's house#like listen: she would've played a huge role in his recovery. after the Collector Palace scene he would've sunk into the darkest depression#in the weeks and many months to follow#she'd check his therapy progress. accompany him to therapy at times and fetch him from therapy too#he needed her warmth and guiding light as foundational building blocks. to be who he was after the timeskip#they'd both always remember that night where he drowned and she pulled him out of the water#she'd make sure he had the best possible Grom Night#and he'd be eternally grateful. they'd also work together throughout the years to follow since her expertise and his can overlap nicely#he keeps visiting the Human Realm now and then. to have movie nights..dinners..road trips etc with her and Luz and Vee#1k#2k#3k#4k#5k#8k#9k#10k#15k#20k
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we need to defend a protagonist’s right to suck ass and be boring and do everything wrong
#LISTEN.#i once saw a post claiming that [redacted] isn’t the protagonist because ??????? Who knows????#he’s not the most charming i guess??#and it’s like. that is LITERALLY not how that works…#you can’t just Decide that someone isn’t the protagonist because you don’t like them#HE’S LITERALLY THE POV CHARACTER LIKE WHAT THE FUCK#LET THIS MAN SUCK AND FAIL AND CRY AND BE THE PROTAGONIST#(also for the record - those are his best features imo - everyone else is just mean)#people will really see a depressed and traumatized man and go ‘wow he’s so boring’#because they are fools and understand nothing#anyway.#[redacted] is my lame ass boyfriend and if everybody doesn’t clap i’m blowing the whole building up
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When in depression doubt, build temples (ft. what I've built so far for Zeus, Hermes, Aphrodite, Hera, and Poseidon)
#ghost mumbles#the worse my depression's got the more i've added to the build#i plan to make temples for as many gods as i fancy#Hermes was the most important to build#and Zeus and Hera too who share the biggest temple on the hill#idk man i'm doing my best lol#pop magic#pop culture paganism#mc#minecraft#Hermes#Zeus#Hera#Aphrodite#Poseidon#Hermes deity#Hermes devotee#gods this is a lot of tags
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love is truly the dumb fuck juice of all time because a man can literally tell you 'i have violent thoughts of harming you' and your ass will be twirling hair and kicking feet like 'but would we kiss after that or?' like
#life#nothing recent lmao just been thinking about my younger self#and how utterly in love i was with someone who didn't have their best intentions with my goofy ass#and i was EATING. IT. ALL. UP.#like sure i was in the absolute depths of depression and ping ponged from one suicidal thought to another#and at times those feelings were about the only thing keeping me from jumping off the 16th floor of my dorm building#but then again when he abandoned me like a wet dog on the side of the road#i uh.. almost killed myself yaknow.. maybe it was NOT worth it in the long run lmao#i lived bitch.jpg#but yeah nah just looking back at all that in retrospect and it's truly truly wild as shit how utterly in love my ass was#talking about that suicidio attempt i actually ended up writing about it because it was almost comical how i survived#when your darkest demons crawl out of the shower drain to roast you into living mi amore <3#it helped me process the whole thing when i was in a much better place mentally#and i read it to my writing group with a bunch of people different ages different walks of life it was a great experience#suicide mention cw
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i fuck with the people of termina because their disrespect towards the goddesses is very valid esp since they have THE GIANTS actively protecting them when push comes to shove. the only time the goddesses help was when they drown everyone's asses to stop one man from taking over the world.
#LIKE DAMN OK ACTUALLY TERMINA PEOPLE YOU ARE SO RIGHT WITH BUILDING THE STONE TEMPLE#that was very iconic how that temple is just a giant middle finger to the goddesses if you#remember. man i'm thinking about best game mm again don't mind me#| shut up amber.#i DEADASS CAN'T THINK OF ANY OTHER TIMES THE GODDESSES HELPED THEIR OWN PEOPLE#hy.lia is like on thin ice#but like they just leave everything to one green boi and a depressed princess like hm
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having one of those nights where i'm just. extremely frustrated about fatphobia's existence and the fact that whatever i do to try and change it will be a drop in the ocean and there'll always be people who think i'm just saying this because i'm lazy
#and by night i mean its 5am but shhhhh#what sucks is i was actually building my acting confidence back up quite a bit with my delirium stuff#and i still do wanna do more of that!#but i got reminded that regardless of how good an actor i am i don't meet the 'must be this skinny to have emotions' bar#so i could only ever play her over the internet where people can't see my body#which is especially dumb bc she has like 60% of a physical form at best and yet its always a skinny one#and like i love sandman but it has a fatphobia problem. and the show has not exactly rectified it#kinda wanna draw despair skinny and the other endless not to turn the whole depression = overweight thing on its head#bc hell depression also = underweight and frankly i'd rather have no fat characters at all than her be the only one#but i fear that would get misconstrued and i don't wanna bring down that kinda hate on my head#and like i know i can't change what i look like i've tried i gotta be happy with this eventually#but i see no difference between comic despair and myself in the mirror#and sometimes it makes me feel like im two minutes away from growing tusks#so whoooooo oversharing on the internet#just. i wanna punch something but the something is society so unfortunately that's not really possible#okay to rb if you want i give zero fucks about this being shared im just keeping it in the tags bc that's polite
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Cass should take over Batman and Tim should take over WE send tweet
#this sounds like a shitpost but listen#when bruce retires or passes he leaves a massive legacy#dick doesn’t want batman#he grew into something right for him#and taking that away just so gotham doesn’t explode is tragic at best#jason has a fundamental but understandable disagreement with bruce’s stance on killing#and he’s created something for himself based on his experiences too#batman cannot kill#and jason moulding himself into the bat would also be sad for more reasons than I can list here#tim doesn’t want batman and needs to continue building his own vigilante mantle#plus he’s way too prone to depressive episodes (he’s not alone in that regard) and taking over the bat wouldn’t be good for him#he’d lose himself in it too easily and needs to put more focus on his civilian life#oh also didn’t a future version of him become batman and end up killing damian#steph would hate it and also she’s built something incredibly valuable already I don’t need to elaborate#duke could do a good job but wouldn’t like it#and oh damian#damian deserves to be free of both legacies that were forced on him as a child#he can be a vigilante but he deserves to persue what makes him happy#and allow himself to do so#personally I see him becoming a veterinarian#and staying as robin unless he takes up nightwing when dick retires#being pulled into batman wouldn’t be good for damian in the long run#but cass!!! cass could do it and simultaneously fully live#she’s adamant in her stance on killing and wouldn’t need a child to pull her out of the darkness that the bat can become#plus her fighting skill is unparalleled#her knocking bruce on his ass is one of my favorite comic panels lmao#as for WE#dick and jason would hate all the fake smiles and bullshit#cass and duke would hate the tediousness of it and damian deserves to be free from what he believes he’s supposed to do#but tim thrives amongst snakes and would need an outlet for ruthlessness as long as he’s reminded that there are genuine people who love him
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oh btw i get even more why brennan (like me) clocked sophomore year fabian as fucked up and sad even if some of the other pcs were like "what are you talking about dude" . it's because the basic core theses of fabian and leiland eftbk as characters are actually pretty similar
#AND matt mercer was like 'yes absolutely. my character has so many issues' meanwhile b4 lou could even say anything siobhan/adaine#went 'fabian isnt depressed his life rules.'#which like. 1) deeply incorrect statement. 2) fairly in character for adaine to say. 3) unfortunately this caused#a pretty big shift in tone w regards to how seriously fabian's arc ended up being executed#2.5) i could write a whole other post on how point 2 could be a super interesting thing to explore w adaine#she starts off so aware of there being no love from her parents towards her. so she sees love between a parent and a child#and cant conceptualize their relationship being ultimately harmful. like she learned long ago that there was no point seeking approval from#her parents meanwhile fabian made it his whole entire life's goal to do just that thing. both of them are fucked up in opposite directions.#crunchy concept yet very unexplored. and i'm not expecting this to happen in a potential s3 im just throwing ideas around like basebal#d20#eftbk#fantasy high#sorry wrote all those tags then forgot to elaborate on how fabian and leiland are similar anyway it's this whole idea of#having this unhealthy dependency on the approval of someone you admire to the ends of the earth despite them being#fully and clearly a toxic influence on you. The whole illusion of inflated self worth howthat all crumbles when you Realize how fragile you#whole entire worldview was. and THEN you have an embarrassing breakdown in front of ur friends#and this is SO terrifying because you have really tried your best to look really cool and put-together in front of them#it's the 'getting knocked down SO hard and having to build yourself up by recognizing the love from your friends#+finding something completely different from the person you hinged your entire being on in order to find your way to the surface' of it all#also galfast/whitclaw are surprisingly similar narrative wise it's so funny to me. th storytelling series of nat 1s against an op enemy </3#i think it WAS easier to execute leiland's character arc in the way it was bc a) he was played to be so CLEARLY insecure from minute 1#and b) it is very easy to condemn ripoff sauron and say 'yeah this guy sucked and we're glad that leiland and maggie are free from him'#meanwhile for fabian. a) he has convinced himself that nothing is wrong with him even though there so clearly is#and b) you have to acknowledge that bill loved his son so deeply yet was such a bad influence on him#it's such a bittersweet-bitter complexity and i imagine it would be super hard to pull off esp when bill and fabian's dynamic is#played as fairly comedic most of the time. in this vein of 'this evil guy is so evil but he cares about his son this hard and it's funny'#and also just the fact this kind of bitter complicated parent-child dynamic is very rarely portrayed and pulled off well.#WHY the fuck are these tags so long if you read all this i'm so sorry
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Was out being a Dumpster Vigilante (read: removing mis-sorted trash from the recycling dumpster and breaking down boxes so my recycling will fit) and noticed the upstairs neighbor kiddos peeking through the blinds so good news I'm the building cryptid now.
#they've also witnessed me having a Winter Depression Dart in the snow so i think that adds up to me being a neutral influence at best#also someone in this building must've hit it big on the scratchers or won a lawsuit or something#bc there were boxes for a tv an Xbox and a few medium fancy home goods in the dumpster#friendly neighborhood cryptid
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I want everyone to have lots of good food, a warm place to call home, lots of family, complete comfort watching or reading their favorite stuff, watching the sunset, pissing rainbows and snacking on unicorns and sewing the flying pigs pants and we all live happily ever after
I’m sorry my ideal world and my ideas about fixing it aren’t dystopian enough for you
#can you tell i’m frustrated by how intensely depressed it makes me feel sometimes reading what people want to happen?#like yes#things need to change. i agree. are you gonna give your best friends hugd and snacks??? are you going to help the little old lady cross#the street?#it CANNOT just be molotiv the walmart that probably has people inside#you have to have a plan to support people but also to build communities#fucking hell why do you want everyone to act grundgy#this isnt YA this is the real world#i get it but fuck man#free hawaii#free palestine#free gaza#free haiti#free everyone
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Rynny’s Favourite Ben & Jerry’s Flavours With Explanations(?)
I have a list with this for every character so get ready y’all.
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Ryan’s favourites:
Because he doesn’t drink enough coffee during the day at all.
Idk, he just strikes me as a guy who’d like cherry ice cream.
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Johnny’s favourites (yes, one of these is just for the name):
Chocolate and banana mainly because I read a fic where Johnny likes banana bread and I found it adorable.
Essentially the same as the last one but, y’all knew I had to. Y’all knew this would occur.
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Shared ice cream:
Because 1. chocolate, and 2. both those boys need all the therapy they can get, even if it’s just ice cream it’s better than nothing.
#sing#sing 2#sing johnny#sing ryan#rynny if you squint and turn your screen upside down#as in it's in the title#they're depressed and traumatized teenagers#they're gonna be downing ice cream like there's no tomorrow#y'all knew i had to with johnny#it was just too funny not too#I like chocolate ice cream btw#what about y'all?#has my love of world building ever come up before?#because if not...#world building is the best thing fucking ever
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me: actually have free time! where i don't have to worry about time constraints! can actually be active again!
life: potentially moving, apartment hunting hell, tendonitis flare up
me: :')
#trashy yells#yeah i a lot has happened since sunday#the new owners of the building i live in suck#been two months and my rent is already increasing#the building manager is not the best#been three weeks of trying to get something fixed#so yeah looking to move#got slapped in the face with disappointment three times today#and the thought of splitting my kitties up after one person asked sent me into a depression spiral#but we have potential apartments so. holding onto hope#and yeah my left arm has been fucked the past few days so that's nice#having a time oof
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Now I l'm gonna explain a set of things I would do if I ever get asked for 3 wishes
1-everything I wish for must not form any sort of harm or changes against my will
2-the power to shapeshift into anything, anywhere, anytime without hurting or changing my own consciousness, ego and mind.
The process will be painless and without any restrictions
3-optional wish that I would possibly use if the one who gave me the wishes goes against me
#wishes#planning#Plan#list#shapeshifter#shape shifting#Best power#I can literally turn into God#Or turn into a version of myself who can know how to build a nuclear bomb from scratch#Make a country#NOT HAVE DEPRESSION
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happy points (more will be added probably)
i feel much more connected to a friend of mine bc of a rlly good conversation we had (so lucky to have them)
I SPAMMED FRIENDS ABT PRECURE! the tism trauma is healing watch me become unhinged abt the things i love
im feeling good abt myself today
#mine#happy points#the spams and the interests are extremely sensitive to me#like im still pretty terrible at launching on tirades abt the shit i deeply love#i still have a lot of shame abt engaging in my own interests - how fucked up is that?#and i dont think mr man helped#a lot of my issues were heightened after that#but im really trying#im not letting that shit hold me back anymore#im tired of being depressed#i finally found friends who care abt me#who are like family to me#i want to trust them so bad#and ill do my absolute best to do so#funny thing is im sorta falling in love with one of them#clown behavior i know - neither of us are ready in any way or shape for sth like that#but i can wait and dream#and relish in the connection we are building as friends
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So I may have done a thing.
That thing being getting myself my own Valentine’s Day gift.
The gift of making my own Eddie Munson bear.
Can’t wait to show it you when I get all the parts and get it all done up. 🥰
#ooc#depression purchases at their best lol#I have an unhealthy love for build a bear alright#I regret nothing#you’ll see it in a few weeks!#should take photos with him in my Eddie costume?
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.
#having a bit of a ‘your degree is useless and you don’t know how to do anything’ moment tonight which is actually#a crisis I’ve been putting off for two years now so abt time I guess lol#like I know this isn’t true like ok on the scale of very practical immediately applicable degrees engineering is… up there.#somebody’s gotta build the gotdamned bridges#except all my experience is in software and idk what to do with that#like without getting into the working is hell and might make me physically I’ll (won’t know until I try I guessl#(except that the four month internships pretty much put me in a depressive spiral that made me miss /school/ of all things )#what the hell is software even good for like the forward motion of the tech industry is just. evil#Would rather die than contribute to that no offense to my friends & classmates#Who I really do wish all the best but clearly do not care about like. Well. Stuff.#Like the answer is obviously capitalism but how the hell is it that new grads are getting paid 200k a year#‘How the hell am I an essential worker’ bourgeoisie edition#Research is like. It rlly helps w a lot of my Problems as a job the flexibility + allowance for hyperfixation#But the stuff I’m doing feels so far removed from what ppl urgently need#Also I will start screaming in frustration if I’m stuck doing theory I need to get hands on I don’t want to write grant apps or whatever#I just want to make stuff that helps ppl#and like I KNOW I’m not stupid I’m /good/ at that I could be good at it but Where The Hell Am I Supposed to Go#it feels like the stuff I should be working on is like. policy or infrastructure or you know. other things that require soft skills#What the hell is an app update gonna do. But also I’m bad at/don’t care abt those things I don’t wanna do math I wanna make stuff.#the math is necessary but if my job was mostly that I wouldn’t b able to take it. More built to be a craftsman than an engineer I guess.#I just want to do the equivalent of fixing ppls engines and heaters and coming up w a new sewage system around a small town. I can’t even#do that though :/ I don’t have the knowledge for it#Was leaning towards going back to assistive tech but I really…… I really don’t think throwing more tech at things is the best answer#for any of these problems#bytebun rambles#also like fuck part of me DOES want the stability 2 years at a big company would give#like yeah I DO want money and I know I could have it for an endurable price#This is just normal young adult shit tho whatever<= trying to calm the beast
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